SNORING
Pat, it's me.
How's it going, you...?
Big Chris. Big Chris, yeah.
Listen, is Chippy Minton ex-directory?
I'm thinking of doing something for Children In Need.
Yeah, I'm getting everybody together.
# Can you feel it?
# If you look around
# The whole world's coming together now
# Every healthy smile
# Is hunger and strife to another child
# Now tell me
# Can you feel it?
# All the children of the world should be
# Loving each other wholeheartedly
# Yeah!
# Yes, it's all right
# Take my message to your brother and tell him twice
# Now tell me
# Can you feel it?
# Yeah, come on!
# Can you feel it?
# If you wake up and don't want to smile
# Like, if it takes just a little while
# Open your eyes and look at the day
# You'll see things in a different way
# Don't stop thinking about tomorrow
# Don't stop, it'll soon be here
# It'll be better than before
# Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone
GUITAR SOLO
# Jai ho
# Don't you look back
# Jai ho
# Don't you look back
# Jai ho
# You are the reason that I breathe
# Jai ho
# You are the reason that I still believe
# Jai ho
# You are my destiny
# Jai ho
# Oh oh oh oh-oh
# Jai ho
# No, there is nothing that can stop us
# Jai ho
# Nothing can ever come between us
# Jai ho
# So come and dance with me
# Jai ho
# I get knocked down, but I get up again
# You're never going to keep me down
# I get knocked down, but I get up again
# You're never going to keep me down
# I get knocked down, but get up again
# You're never going to keep me down
# I get knocked down, but get up again
# You're never going to keep me down
# Never forget where you've come here from
# Never pretend that it's all real
# Someday soon, this will all be someone else's dream
# This will be someone else's dream
# Na, na-na, na-na-na-na
# Na-na-na-na
# Hey, Jude
# Na, na-na, na-na-na-na
# Na-na-na-na
# Hey, Jude
# Jude, Jude, Judey, Judey, Judey, Judey, wow!
# Throw those curtains wide
# One day like this a year would see me right
# Throw those curtains wide
# One day like this a year would see me right
# Throw those curtains wide
# One day like this a year would see me right
# Throw those curtains wide
# One day like this a year would see me right. #
Hooray!
Chippy Minton, you made it!
We've just finished.
Wahey!
RADIO TUNING
..and I think I'm Bob Carolgees...
RADIO TUNING
MUSIC: Let's Hear It For the Boy by Deniece Williams
Right.
Oi, I'm reading that.
Get up. What? Get up!
I'm not a rag doll. I'm not a rag doll, you know.
I'm just going to show you a few simple dance moves, that's all.
You're going to show me how to dance?
Yes.
This I've got to see.
One, two, one, two. One, two, one, two.
That's just line dancing, son, anybody can do that.
Is it?
# I just want to cheer
# Let's hear it for the boy...
Where did you learn that? On the streets.
Look and learn, flower, look and learn. Here we go.
Right, come on.
One, two, one, two. One, two, one, two.
# Maybe he's no Romeo
# But he's my loving one-man show
# Oh, oh, oh, oh
# Let's hear it for the boy
# My baby may not be rich
# He's watching every dime
# But he loves me, loves me, loves me
# We always have a real good time
# And maybe he sings off key
# But that's all right by me, yeah
# But what he does, he does so well
# Makes me want to yell... #
That's it. Is this really necessary? Yes, it is.
Women love a bit of bump and grind, trust me.
You're a man, I'm a woman and you want me.
Yeah, that's right, you want me, I'm a woman!
I'm a woman and you want me!
DUCKS QUACK
# Oh, maybe he's no Romeo
# But he's my loving one-man show
# Oh, oh, oh, oh...
Now, the most important thing to remember is balance.
Balance. Yes. Balance.
Give me a spin. Yeah.
That's it, that's right, you've got it.
Is that it? You're a natural.
I like it, Max, I like it.
Ooh!
HIGH-PITCHED: Ooh, God, go and get help!
My balls have gone up into my stomach!
# I just want to cheer
# Let's hear for the boy
# Ah, let's give the boy a hand
# Let's hear it for my baby
# You know you've got to understand
# Oh, maybe he's no Romeo
# But he's my loving one-man show
# Oh, oh, oh, oh
# Let's hear it for the boy... #
# I think that you're the one
# When every time you call me lady
# I don't know what it is
# That makes me feel like this just lately, yeah
# Those heavenly calls
# You knew I was on my own
# Those heavenly calls
# We stepped into the unknown
# Let me sleep
# So I can dream of you
# Let me sleep
# So I can be with you
# What's a girl to do when she's alone with you
# Don't tell me
# And here we are again
# Yeah, acting like we're friends, Lord, help me
# Those heavenly calls
# You knew I was on my own
# Those heavenly calls
# We stepped into the unknown
# Let me sleep
# So I can dream of you
# Let me sleep
# So I can be with you
# Let me sleep
# So I can dream of you
# Let me sleep
# So I can be with you... #
PANPIPES SOLO
# Hold me close, let me be with you
# At least tonight won't be misunderstood
# Let me sleep
# So I can dream of you
# Let me sleep
# So I can be with you
# Let me sleep
# What's a girl to do when she's alone with you
# Don't tell me So I can dream of you
# Let me sleep
# And here we are again, acting like we're friends
# Lord, help me So I can dream of you
# Let me sleep
# Oh, let me sleep
# Let me sleep
# So I can dream of you
# Let me sleep, yeah
# So I can be with you. #
MUSIC ON RADIO: Getaway by Texas
APPLAUSE
Yes, it's time to welcome Peter Kay into the studio...
CHEERING
This is the moment, Peter Kay fans.
Yes, he's been sitting down all week for Comic Relief,
but now it's finally time for him to stand up.
Get ready, everyone,
let's count him down to the end of his gruelling challenge.
AUDIENCE COUNTS DOWN
..three, two one, zero, come on!
MUSIC: Stand Up by One Direction
I've got you, I've got you, I've got you, I've got you.
Rusty! You've got to help! Rusty, help him!
Rusty!
He's here, everything's all right. Everything's all right.
He's raised some money.
Ladies and gentlemen, give him a round of applause.
Such a big effort, such a massive effort.
CHEERING
That's amazing.
Once again, for a true national hero,
please respectfully remain seated for the hero of the hour,
Peter - surely soon to be Sir Peter - Kay.
Come on! CHEERING
MUSIC: Sit Down by James
# I sing myself to sleep
# A song from the darkest hour
# Secrets I can't keep
# In sight of the day
# Swing from high to deep
# Extremes of sweet and sour
# Hope that God exists
# I hope, I pray
# Drawn by the undertow
# My life is out of control
# I believe this wave will bear my weight
# So let it flow
# Oh, sit down, oh, sit down, oh, sit down
# Sit down next to me
# Sit down, down, down, down, down
# In sympathy... #
GUITAR SOLO
# Now, I'm relieved to hear
# That you've been to some far-out places
# It's hard to carry on When you feel all alone
# Now I've swung back down again It's worse than it was before
# If I hadn't seen such riches I could live with them being poor
# Oh, sit down, oh, sit down Oh, sit down
# Sit down next to me
# Sit down, down, down, down, down
# In sympathy
# Those who feel the breath of sadness
# Sit down next to me
# Those who find they're touched by madness
# Sit down next to me
# Those who find themselves ridiculous
# Sit down next to me
# In love, in fear, in hate In tears
# In love, in fear, in hate
# Down...
# Oh, sit down, oh, sit down Oh, sit down
# Sit down next to me
# Sit down, down, down, down, down
# In sympathy
# Oh, sit down, oh, sit down Oh, sit down
# Sit down next to me
# Sit down, down, down, down, down
# In sympathy
# Down. #
# Nothing is so good It lasts eternally
# Perfect situations must go wrong
# But this has never yet prevented me
# Wanting far too much for far too long
# Looking back I could have played it differently
# Won a few more moments Who can tell?
# But it took time to understand the man
# And now at least I know I know him well
# Wasn't it good? Oh, so good
# Wasn't he fine? Oh, so fine
# Isn't it madness? Madness
BOTH: # He can't be mine
# But in the end he needs a little bit more than me
# More security
# He needs his fantasies and freedom
# I know him so well
# No-one in your life is with you constantly
# No-one is completely on your side
# And though I move my world to be with him... #
PHONE RINGING
# ..Still the gap between us is too wide... #
PHONE STOPS RINGING
# ..Looking back I could have played it differently
# Learned about the man before I fell
# I was just a little careless
# But I was ever so much younger then
# At least I know him well
# Now at least I know I know him well
# I know him well
# Wasn't it good?
# Oh, so good
# Wasn't he fine? Oh, so fine
# Isn't it madness Madness
BOTH: # He won't be mine?
# Didn't I know
# How it would go? If I knew from the start
# Why am I falling apart?
# Wasn't it good?
# Wasn't he fine?
# Isn't it madness?
BOTH: # He won't be mine
# But in the end he needs a little bit more than me
# More security
# He needs his fantasies and freedom
# I know him so well
# It took time to understand him
BOTH: # I know him so well. #
# When the day is dawning
# On a Texas Sunday morning
# How I long to be there
# With Marie who's waiting for me there
# Every lonely city
# Where I hang my hat
# Ain't as half as pretty as where my baby's at
# Is this the way to Amarillo?
# Every night I've been hugging my pillow
# Dreaming dreams of Amarillo
# And sweet Marie who waits for me
# Sha la la la la la la la
# And Marie who waits for me
# There's a church bell ringing
# Hear the song of joy that it's singing
# For the sweet Maria
# And the guy who's coming to see her
# Just beyond the highway
# There's an open plain
# And it keeps me going
# Through the wind and rain
# Is this the way to Amarillo?
# Every night I've been hugging my pillow
# Dreaming dreams of Amarillo
# And sweet Marie who waits for me
# Show me the way to Amarillo
# I've been weeping like a willow
# Crying over Amarillo And sweet Marie who waits for me
# Sha la la la la la la la
# And Marie who waits for me
# Sha la la la la la la la
# And Marie who waits for me
# Sha la la la la la la la
# And Marie who waits for me
# Sha la la la la la la la
# Sha la la la la la la la... #
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
# When I wake up When I wake up
# Well, I know I'm gonna be
# I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to you
# Yeah, I know
# When I go out When I go out
# Well, I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the man
# Who goes along with you Oh
# If I get drunk If I get drunk
# Well, I know I'm gonna be
# I'm gonna be the man who gets drunk next to you
# Yes!
# And when I haver... # What's haver mean?
# Well, I know I'm gonna be
# I'm gonna be the man who's havering to you... #
It's on here.
BOTH: # And I would roll 500 miles And I would roll 500 more
# Just to be the man to roll a thousand miles
# To fall down at your door
# When I'm working When I'm working
# Well, I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the man
# Who's working hard for you Chaka Khan?
# And when the money When the money
# Comes in for the work I do
# I'll pass almost every penny on to you
# When I come home When I come home
# Well, I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be
# The man who's coming home to you
# And when I grow old When I grow old
# Well, I know I'm gonna be
# I'm gonna be the man who's growing old with you... #
Now.
BOTH: # And I would roll 500 miles
# And I would roll 500 more
# Just to be the man who rolls a thousand miles
# To fall down at your door
# Da lat da Da lat da Da lat da Da lat da
# Da-da-da dun-diddle un-diddle un-diddle uh da-da
# Da lat da Da lat da Da lat da Dabby dabby lat da
# Da-da-da dun-diddle un-diddle un-diddle uh da-da... #
Ladies and gentlemen, The Proclaimers!
# ..When I'm lonely
# Well, I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be
# The man who's lonely without you
# And when I'm dreaming
# Well, I know I'm gonna dream
# I'm gonna dream about the time when I'm with you
# When I go out When I go out
# Well, I know I'm gonna be
# I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you
# And when I come home When I come home
# Yes, I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the man
# Who comes back home with you
# I'm gonna be the man who's coming home with you
# But I would walk 500 miles
# And I would walk 500 more
# Just to be the man who walks a thousand miles
# To fall down at your door
# Da lat da, da lat da Da lat da, da lat da
# Da-da-da dun-diddle un-diddle un-diddle uh da-da
# Da lat da, da lat da Da lat da, da lat da
# Da-da-da dun-diddle un-diddle un-diddle uh da-da
# Da lat da, da lat da Da lat da, da lat da
# Da-da-da dun-diddle un-diddle un-diddle uh da-da
# Da lat da, da lat da Da lat da, da lat da
# Da-da-da dun-diddle un-diddle un-diddle uh da-da
# Da lat da, da lat da Da lat da, da lat da
# Da-da-da dun-diddle un-diddle un-diddle uh da-da
# Da lat da Bobby Davro! Da lat da Bobby Davro!
# Da-da-da dun-diddle un-diddle un-diddle uh da-da
# And I would walk 500 miles
# And I would walk 500 more
# Just to be the man who walked a thousand miles
# To fall down at your door. #
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hey? I don't like it. I love the Welsh!