Sever Studio with Russia 1 TV Channel
Producers: R. NASIBULIN, V. IZVEKOV Production Manager: M. DOVLADBEGYAN
Based on "Hard to Be a God", a novel by ARKADY and BORIS STRUGATSKY
This is not the Earth. It's another planet, about 800 years behind.
There were a few similar planets. This one was smaller and closer.
Its local grey castles were reminiscent of the early Renaissance.
So about 30 scientists were sent here.
But a Renaissance didn't happen here.
Just a reaction to something that almost didn't happen.
In the capital, Arkanar, it started with destroying the University.
As well as a hunt for thinkers, wisemen, bookworms and talented artisans.
So they fled to the neighboring Irukan. It was better there.
Others... they were subdued or executed
by the death squads of Don Reba, the Crown Security Minister.
The squads' members - drovers and shopkeepers - wore grey.
Grey were the troops, grey was the Minister.
All in the color of the local construction stone, of crappy quality, by the way.
The Royal Guard was pushed aside.
Nothing hit, not even pinched.
Screenplay by S. KARMALITA A. GERMAN
Poverty, poverty. Screenplay by S. KARMALITA A. GERMAN
Director: ALEKSEI GERMAN
- Ryaba. - It's enough.
Ryaba was diving. Ryaba.
Poking around.
Here you are.
The stones were white and flat.
Cinematography by V.llyin Yu. Klimenko
Where's Fika the Redhead, the butcher? Cinematography by V.llyin Yu. Klimenko
Production design by S. KOKOVKIN G. KROPACHEV E. ZHUKOVA
Where's Fika the Redhead, the butcher? Production design by S. KOKOVKIN G. KROPACHEV E. ZHUKOVA
I'm afraid of the stars. Is it a sin?
Rains here were short and sticky. Fogs, on the other hand, were long.
HARD TO BE A GOD Rains here were short and sticky. Fogs, on the other hand, were long.
HARD TO BE A GOD They came from the gulf and returned there.
He often cried in his sleep. That meant he killed.
In his sleep, of course. He wasn't allowed to kill, ever.
Then he heard his grandma's voice. From his childhood, on the Earth.
"The infant is crying. "
She inhaled cigarette smoke and said,
"Children's tears are like water... It's all in your head, boy... "
The noble Don Rumata - LEONID YARMOLNIK "Children's tears are like water... It's all in your head, boy... "
Then grandma blew on his forehead, but in reality it was a draught.
He tried clinging to the bedsheet, but still woke up.
A stove was smoking downstairs in his huge castle.
The slaves were talking loudly even though it was forbidden.
He was not on the Earth, but on a different planet.
Here he was, a 17th generation noble Don.
And an illegitimate son of Goran, a local pagan God,
born from the God's mouth. Not everyone believed this,
but everyone feared.
Have you fed the turtle, idiot?
Today. Mice are licking off the fat.
They are.
Are you wearing my boots again?
I didn't mean to.
You're doing it all the time.
Costumes: Ye. SHAPKAITS Makeup by O. IZVEKOVA N.RATKEVICH
Boots are on the table...
Music by V.LEBEDEV Sound by N.ASTAKHOV
I'll hang myself.
What?
I'll hang myself!
- Again... - What?
Why are you screaming when I'm sleeping? I'd sell you all at the port.
Including you. It's a pity slaves have fallen in price.
That's the way the cookie crumbles.
Die, you fool!
You die!
It's autumn, there are no mice.
Special thanks to A. GERMAN-Jr.
My whole life. My whole life.
A goose drowned here.
I broke a tooth.
- A painting... - Go, go, go!
To go...
I lost my teeth and without teeth is somehow...
It's a bit shallow. Let's do head first.
He wanted to fuck the goose...
Where did you get the egg?
Look!
It's buzzing.
He bites like a ferret.
Found this under the pig.
The letters are so even.
What is it?
Great.
Let's go. Let's go.
Wait, wait!
You, stinker! Remember, 40 years ago...
You called my book the poop of the Siou bird.
I don't remember. You called my book the poop of the Siou bird.
I don't remember. I don't.
Hey, what are you doing?
40 years of my life. My whole life.
It's OK, you made it in time.
Went for a walk?
Let me go, Soanian. This is our spyglass.
They stuck a wise guy into the shithouse down there.
His feet did like this, then he went "glub-glub".
I was standing beside him. Now there's a leg sticking out. Funny.
Give the spyglass back to the Don.
You boar! Money loves to be counted.
Bring it back yourself, or I'll sell you at the port.
Freak! Thief! Take it.
Hush!
It's the same every fall.
What can I say?
This is for you.
Giddyup, you dead animal!
Goran the mighty, have pity on the poor slave.
I didn't take the shiny awl.
And urine...
Me too.
Noble Don, give me a coin!
I will, I will!
The wind has changed, now it smells of rot.
The city was surrounded by fetid bottomless Pitanian swamps.
Still, people like this drowned bookworm crept to Irukan during the nights.
They'd be met there by one-eyed Arata the Hunchback's rebel peasants.
Or by the refugee slaves from tin mines, transparent like moths.
Or by Colonel Kusis's grey soldiers. You pay or you die.
All because they used stone or paint to create a second nature
to decorate the life of the people who knew no beauty.
Or because they made glass, allowing the half-blind to see
and the sighted to bring the sky closer.
In places like this, Don Rumata hid mysteries of wise guys.
What is all this?
We're learning to fly, mostly downwards.
Noble Don, take me from here.
What joy!
Our angel is here!
Budakh the Doctor was to be brought here from Irukan.
He was a sober and logical mind, formed by this civilization.
And just an interlocutor for Rumata during long Arkanar's evenings.
But Budakh disappeared.
Here's Pekh, beast with an iron tail...
You're lying, there's no such beast.
I'm falling.
Rutabaga. Rutabaga.
Except I... I am now...
Exhale!
- Huh? What? - He's lying, all lies!
You even got the birds drunk!
Bite!
I'll kill you!
Hit him! Hit him!
Destroy that monster!
If you ever brew that slop again...
Why is it so depressing?
Because it's fall.
Fall again? Ha.
So white. Unbearable!
Can you believe that idiot synthesized alcohol.
Toad! The first on this planet!
He's a Leonardo! A real Da Vinci.
Earthlings gathered here too, but more and more rarely.
They drank more and more and got mad at each other.
I love you, but you don't love me.
- Fools. - Do not listen, do not smell.
Noble Dons, to hell with... all those presidents, kings...
get out of the way... or I'll hurt you!
I adopted a boy, you know.
He's alone, I'm alone...
The boy is a thief.
He's an orphan, bastard.
Now there are two of us.
I saw the Earth again in my sleep.
- Ah, dreams. - It's wonderful.
Your guy Budakh disappeared. And the officer, too. Now, they'll...
- I'll get Budakh. - I'm good at that.
Give me the shovel.
The boy volunteered to snitch.
Tell him to keep quiet.
- Do you understand? - Understood.
This fool quenches even righteous anger.
They are calling me to the Earth.
Hey, you old fart! Give me a kiss!
You've got ants in your mouth. Here, eat that!
A trap, I said.
How many times...
Pashka got caught in a trap!
Everyone knows that...
Do not poke your foot!
A boar trap. Comes off together with the foot.
Give me a knife. I'll cut it off.
It hurts, you jerks!
I'll cut it off. It hurts, you jerks!
You want some poison? It has good feedback.
Listen! 20 years ago...
20 years ago one fucker back home
announced an outbreak of art here.
- He called it a Renaissance. - On this shitty planet.
Hey you.
I laughed. And you wrote that I'm an ass.
I am an ass.
Maybe, but where is the art?
And a Renaissance? Not here. And the whole life, eh?
Sorry, my bad. I was wrong.
OK. Listen, everyone.
I came here without guards.
I was attacked by a naked runaway slave from the mine.
He tried to strangle me, look.
It's just a zit.
I have to go back alone. An arrow in the eye - and I'm dead.
And you don't want to forgive me before I die. Come on, let's kiss!
Zurab, this scumbag has a whole crew of guards.
What a liar. Zurab, this scumbag has a whole crew of guards.
Zurab, this scumbag has a whole crew of guards.
I'm not a liar. I'm Munchhausen. What'd you do without me?
Strange fools on a strange planet?
Where's the leather bag?
- There's the Siou bird screaming there. - That which has not been seen?
Your fucking Renaissance is the most vile age in the world's history!
Zurab, this is better.
It's dark and quiet.
Not to me, to someone else. Well?
Not to me, to someone else. A wet umbrella rustled.
- Want one? - To hell with it.
Just look at this... Are you completely brain-fucked?
You're a creep.
The Siou bird, never seen, steals silver.
And the servants get punished. Is that fair?
That bird doesn't exist, you fool!
Muga was standing over the barrel and saw its shadow.
Seriously?
Nobody saw it but Muga.
Wonderful, only there's no happiness yet.
Slave, like this or this?
The rope noise scares the birds... Slave, like this or this?
and they fly to the swamp.
If you put squama on the head,
they peck the eyes out.
One tobacconist, a very smart man, he...
Slave, like this or this?
You!
Rain.
Master, I'm not going any further...
it's too hard.
You'll keep going, or I'll flog you.
Master, you won't. You're kind, because you're a God.
I sure will flog you.
So hard, you couldn't imagine in your wildest dreams.
When I die, don't throw me into the gulf.
Bury me in the ground.
Even if it's in the barn.
The Don's head is ouch.
Hey, vermin!
This Don Arata the Hunchback turned out to be just a clot of swamp fog.
I've always known.
No sooner had they taken out the relics of your divine grandfather...
Old fart! No sooner had they taken out the relics of your divine grandfather...
No sooner had they taken out the relics of your divine grandfather...
than he and all his drunk peasants melted, too.
- So why am I a bad poet? - An awful one!
"Falls on my soul like an autumn leaf. "
"Prince and Barbarian Girl", right? I have the book.
I burned mine.
How stupid of you.
Let me blow.
The shooter's drunk. Take away the shooter!
What shit. The shooter's drunk. Take away the shooter!
What shit. And I say to the nun, "Come on, show me your beautiful ass. "
And I say to the nun, "Come on, show me your beautiful ass. "
We're the young aristocracy. The country's reverse breath.
Leave me alone. I'm not from around here. We're the young aristocracy. The country's reverse breath.
They did right, drowning Bota in the crap-house for such poetry. Not me!
You think his poetry's bad?
Has the Prince cried today?
Buxom...
- Lots, of course, me too... - What balls!
Don Rumata cuts through double Soanian armor. This one survived!
- No. - What are you doing?
- Marksman, you... - Freak!
- Let me go, you bastard! - Give me the stick.
Budakh didn't go through my office. The Colonel Kusis left the army.
He and Don Reba are in the lilac chambers.
Speaking that lousy language. Incredible!
Show him the holy relics of my father.
Maybe he'll disappear.
Nobody disappears. I thought you were interested.
I am very interested.
Captain of Crown Guard. He has blood on his hands. On his whole body!
It always has been and always will be.
This is our Primar upon Gabaris.
Vystrebans.
Noble Don, my whole body stinks.
- Am I going to die? - You are.
Charming. Fear of death is heresy, Captain.
Here, take it.
Great Bota also stank because he drank so much
that he shit under himself.
So what? that he shit under himself.
Do you seriously think you're a son of God?
The murmurs ebb; onto the stage I enter I am trying, standing in the dark (Poem by Pasternak)
to discover the distant echoes...
You're a redhead! He's a redhead!
The murmurs ebb... You're a redhead! He's a redhead!
The murmurs ebb; onto the stage I enter I am trying, standing in the dark
to discover the distant echoes... Of what the coming years may hold in store.
Natural darkness with a thousand...
Who wrote that?
I did!
Nocturnal darkness is an evening. I can teach you something. For money.
Hey, tall man!
Crown Security Minister, Don Reba!
- Allow me... - Get out of here.
Don Reba, our eagle. Crown Security.
He delivered ice for my Dad. Barefoot.
Wow.
And you are whose son, Rumata?
Let me have a sip.
Ask your dad to keep my wine from going sour.
You dog. Damn dog.
Your Majesty.
- Has it got smaller? - No, it hasn't.
A nice head.
Who are you? A butcher?
Don Reba told... You...
I'm a Colonel, a financier.
They've stuffed the castle with grey thugs.
Where is Arata the Hunchback? Is he a mirage now?
So great and glorious like eternity, the king whose name...
Shoo!
Everybody down! I'll hit in the nostril!
Redhead.
Now I'll hang myself. Will you really? No way!
Wow, what a stench.
Don Reba, you should come by for a while, to bathe.
I have these comfortable huge iron barrels.
No, you come over! I have great barrels in the Tower of Joy.
On coals, with lids. Only without water.
Great barrels.
Rumata?
You really are a redhead.
Reba, you've been promising to strangle him for a long time.
You're such a liar, and good for nothing.
- He has royal blood. - Precisely!
That needs to be checked.
He's good enough. He's strangled half of your subjects.
I summoned this doctor, Budakh. For my knee ache.
What did he do to him?
You have knee ache, too?
What? Come on, come on.
You see! Marshal Tots! What? Come on, come on.
You see! Marshal Tots!
Never.
It says here: Knight Don Reba, our eagle.
They sell it all over Arkanar.
Damn! So is he really a knight?
They say no matter what. I don't know.
Show me your boot.
A spur! Take it off.
- God have mercy. - Yuck!
So where's your doctor?
The knight's got him! Not in a barrel, I hope.
Bring him here!
- Only without inquest, alright? - Do it, now!
He'll answer for "without inquest. " You'll have a laugh!
It's night. Bloodsuckers are falling from the ceiling.
And she's slippery. Keeps slipping off. No good.
Try a barbarian girl.
No way! She'll bite it off.
Like she did with one of them. He'd had a big one.
Take her as a gift. You'll tell me later.
There's Budakh.
You always find fault with everything.
Budakh isn't be Budakh. And I'm good for nothing!
It wasn't Budakh. It was a quack from the pestilential port.
You're not Budakh. And not a doctor!
He has your letter, too, Don Rumata. With your signet.
Why drink? Everyone's rubbing themselves.
Who drink? Everyone's rubbing themselves.
Rumata, drink!
These redheads sold a Saint into slavery.
Shoo!
He should be strangled.
The shooter's drunk!
Redhead, you say?
The King got sick last night.
Remember, tonight you're on watch by the Prince's chamber.
The crossbow's broken. How can I go on now?
Play what I taught you.
Donkeys are raising their tails.
Autumn.
The cart of firewood and some fish.
Pick up the lard.
The dog sprouted. It keeps raining.
Don, buy this for your sword.
Look, you know who that is...
What do you want, eh?
There. Hold it like that.
Have your donkey fuck you.
- Have your donkey fuck you. - It is sinful.
- Go on, sing! - Naff off!
Carrion.
Wife for tobacco.
Stand back, everyone! I'll chop you all up.
I like you.
Hello.
Like a swan! It'd be nice in the morning!
Yours is right there.
The greys live here now! Brave guys.
- Buy me some bacon. - Hey!
Well what do you want?
You've smelled enough! Well what do you want?
Come on.
- Let me smell it too. - Fucking wolf.
- Noble Don. - As a token of peace.
No jokes in the face of holiness.
He's a redhead, come on.
Where are the monks coming from? What's in the bags?
I am the most righteous here.
Take a bite.
You'll know suffering, Muga.
Stop yelling! I'll flog you at home!
This is the third family leaving.
- Shut up. - This is the third family leaving.
- Let's go already! - I'll take it for a ride.
I'll strangle you!
It's all mine! No peeing in the carriage!
They keep peeing, in the carriage.
Who made it up?
They say there'll be a massacre tonight. They'll be killing wise guys.
They left the old man behind.
A tobacconist from Tobacco street. A very smart man.
Hey carrion, gather chickens, or this bitch will devour them.
- Hey Master! - Ryaba... Ryaba...
Water. Saint Mika drowned in water.
A tobacconist from Tobacco street. A very smart man.
- What? - You want to go into the cholera-pit?
Who did I tell about germs? I'll show you.
Can't wash sins away with water. I prayed three times last night. Who did I tell about germs? I'll show you.
I'll drown you in the barrel, you stinker.
Do not meddle.
Give me the water.
Fie on you.
- What a fool. You're a fool! - That fish is in love with you.
It's funny!
Double dinner?
What are you doing? Here! It's his fault, he opened it.
So the tobacconist from Tobacco street is a very wise man. He said...
- Did anyone else see it? - Everyone saw.
Someone knocked and I opened it.
It's his fault. He opened it.
- Prove it! - What?
Master, sell the toad!
Actually, the greys are coming.
Great! Actually, the greys are coming.
Go bathe, everyone!
And no laughing.
A turtle.
Yes.
What's all this crap for?
How's that?
Like that.
It wasn't my idea.
- Sit down. - It's raining outside.
Or do not.
Everything is wet.
Rain.
- What's wrong? - Sit down.
Touch my ear.
Squeeze it hard. Harder!
Harder. Harder!
If it hurts, I won't think and I'll tell you.
Brother came from the barracks yesterday. He saw my armpits.
Started yelling that I have red hair. Then he lifted my dress
and showed the soldiers what it's like down there.
He yelled that my mom is a redhead. And so am I,
and he'll send me to the Tower of Joy. Brother is Commander of a pack of greys.
No, it's uncomfortable.
Any food is good.
- And what will happen tomorrow? - Nothing!
With form or without?
They didn't do anything. Brother was drunk too, he couldn't.
They brought in a wise guy at night. And kept beating him all night.
He was screaming. Dad and I cried in the back.
Back off.
- Your bag was like this. And now? - Go away, you stinker!
I see, but it feels like I can't see.
Why are you wearing my boots?
They'll take you to the port and sell.
Stop!
Bend over!
Don't beat me! Ah, you slashed me!
Stop screaming, you idiot. Here's a coin for you. Don't beat me! Ah, you slashed me!
Stop screaming, you idiot. Here's a coin for you.
I'm dying. Stop screaming, you idiot. Here's a coin for you.
Stop screaming, you idiot. Here's a coin for you.
Who's beating you? I've never laid a finger on them.
And I beat them regularly.
I've never laid a finger on them.
And he's screaming, the idiot. Just listen to him screaming!
I've never laid a finger on them.
- He's a cunning idiot. - Just look at that.
What do you want from me?
Take it. What a smell.
I've been crying.
This is what the soldiers have done. Kiss my ass!
- Who stuck this here? Why? - Okay, I'm leaving.
Where are you going?
I've stolen enough..
You've stolen...
If you leave... If you leave...
If you leave... then my friend Don Reba...
I'll be all alone.
Excluding you, handsome.
For me here...
Nobody's a match for me here. I can break anyone.
I've never told you about the fangs.
If only I could give you the fangs.
Nobody would hurt you then. You'd tear anyone to pieces.
Ouch. You idiot!
There!
Eyelet.
I was afraid you didn't have one, like Saint Goran.
Here.
Wonderful. Wonderful.
Shut up.
I have Goran's grandson in my womb. Here are my fangs.
Mom's key!
There you go!
Goran fell. My mom wants Goran too. You almost did it.
Yeah, keep lying!
Goran fell! Yeah, keep lying!
Goran fell! What? You think it's funny?
You're too played out. Go play in the barn! What? Where is the latch?
Your Grace, someone saw a dude with gills in the creek. What's that?
What?
It's not for you.
- See that? - I don't.
Like a holiday.
They have clean lives. Everyone thinks about them.
Just look at that.
Baron? What's wrong?
I don't drink anymore. I only sniff now.
Baron, are you sick or mad at me?
Get out. Baron, are you sick or mad at me?
It's really hard!
- The greys are like bedbugs. - Bollocks!
Baron! What is it?
Shithouse of Saint Guy.
I invited the neighbors, we got drunk.
Come here, my friend.
No, Baron. I'm a foreigner. I can't do that.
There's a young one. Come here.
The neighbors are all over the place now. They crap everywhere, mutilate dogs.
And keep talking about you cutting through the double Soanian armor.
That's just rumors. Don't believe that nonsense, Baron.
It's so hard! That's just rumors. Don't believe that nonsense, Baron.
- Maybe take it home? - Get out! That's just rumors. Don't believe that nonsense, Baron.
Soanians are little. They have very fragile armors.
It's all about sharpening the swords. I'll teach you.
I'm the Empire's best swordsman! You're better than me.
Where would I get... Besides, you've never killed anyone!
You've never killed anyone! Where would I get a Soanian one?
I got the Baroness's grandfather's armor. It's very thick.
I tried everything. Even with a two-handed sword.
Then the Baroness came in.
All hell broke loose.
A day went by like in a fog.
It's all about sharpening.
I'll show you. Look.
It's not rocket science. Just find the middle.
You swing from your wrist.
And I add the shoulder, and body weight. That's it!
It's just the swing.
- Come on! - Baroness!
She thinks I'll rot from all the water here.
You won't.
What is it? Wow!
I didn't see it yesterday.
That's a nice size, eh?
The wind blew it away.
That's funny!
Here are clean tablecloths for puking on.
Shoo, stinker!
Can you fight with this?
No, it won't work.
It's thick enough. No, it won't work.
It's thick enough.
Baron, I beg you, let's do it.
Twist your wrist, and add the shoulder and the back. And you squat, see.
Noble Don, it's a very expensive chair. It's also grandfather's!
Wow.
- Now it's clean. No, two. - Here. Take it.
He won't cut through it. No way.
First it seemed like...
Really?
Oops.
Get out of here.
Sorry my friend. Duty calls!
The Baroness didn't see this.
You'll crush me, Baron.
What is that?
Pah, the grey thugs. They're everywhere, like fleas.
Get out of here, you beer gut!
Milk.
The port's closed. There's meat rotting on the galleys.
I don't know why!
I have a secret to tell you.
That doctor, in the King's castle. He's not Budakh.
He actually worked in the port, by the cholera pit.
And Budakh...
Fish like milk.
No, noble Don, fish don't like milk.
Fish like milk.
I'm telling you, fish don't like milk.
Fish like milk.
Let's just agree that fish like milk.
I'm the Captain of the Crown Guard.
It doesn't matter what your Baron, that beer gut, says...
I have a troop of haberdashers for him!
So you'll be bringing haberdashers from the colonies until the end of time.
Fuck it. So you'll be bringing haberdashers from the colonies until the end of time.
So you'll be bringing haberdashers from the colonies until the end of time.
That's all?
Fish like milk.
Yes, they do. They like it. Milk.
Quiet. Shhh!
Where's Fika the Redhead, the butcher?
Go away, boy.
You're a God!
And if I am a God...
You have fish up your ass!
If I'm a God, then why am I on your arrest list?
Shame on you!
You're a God because you're a God!
Where's Fika the Redhead, the butcher?
There's a soul, or there's no soul...
I stole some ham, I said, it's for you. A great piece.
Listen, "An impotent and inept one"... Go away!
"An impotent and inept one will give up without knowing where
the monster's heart is, and if the monster even has one". Is that bad?
No, it's not bad!
What makes you better? Because they gave you the cook?
Go buy me a barrel of wine.
Don't come near me. Or you'll end up in the Tower of Joy.
And you'll die on the way there because you're a coward!
- Get out of the city! - Thanks!
- I'll go stay with my mother. - Get out already.
I'll twist! I'll twist my sword for a year!
I will... I will block!
Baron! Step out of the way!
You've broken the 3rd commandment! Quiet!
Really? What commandment?
Don't draw a sword in a tavern!
But I have no other sword! Don't draw a sword in a tavern!
But I have no other sword!
Go home now!
It's too bad the Baroness can't see me now!
- Victory. - Yes.
Write her. I can't. She's all alone there.
Estorian wine for everyone. And the best whores.
I'll have an elderly... venerable woman serve me.
It's so hard for me!
Write her so she can feel it.
Arata!
Yes. A very strict officer! Very.
Very. A very strict officer!
Get out of here! Nobody comes here.
He's going to beat us.
Hey! He's a very, very strict officer!
It's cold.
What are you thinking?
A dog with spurs! l’ll rip your balls off!...
What's wrong with you?
Just a little. I'll puke!
Why didn't you come?
The Prince is nibbling on her tits. Creepy.
Let me do it, eh? And Rumata will purr...
What have you got?
Why did the flower wither in the mysterious garden?
His wife ran away. Freak.
Why is my ass bleeding? Second day in a row now!
A nobleman should be clean and smell good!
I'll finish sleeping in the attic.
Mice, mice.
...and smell good.
Shit.
More shit.
I swear...
Well?
Don Rumata of Estor! You're under arrest! Hand over your swords!
- Really? - Yes.
What?
Don't fart.
Hey, your swords!
- Take whatever you want! - Rumata can cut the double Soanian armor!
- It's sharp! - Give up your swords!
What's up, rednecks?
Give up your swords! What's up, rednecks?
I recognize this one. He stole a fur coat from me!
You give me the fur coat, and I'll give you my swords. Deal?
- Who stole a fur coat? - Soldiers! Spears!
There, in the chest! Like this!
Now, everyone look at the tip of my nose!
Go fuck yourselves!
Hold it.
What now?
I said cut it!
The Lieutenant got caught in the net!
I'm a Lieutenant of the guards! Let me go! I'll stab all of you!
I'm a Lieutenant of the guard. You put me in a net?!
I'll stab all ofyou! Where are the swords?
Careful, or this one will get out. And then he'll start lashing at us.
You toothless jerk, I'll cut your balls off!
You fat ass, come on, drag me somewhere!
What, Don, you're not having fun?
Lieutenant, you haven't peed yourself in vain.
I'm a Lieutenant of the Royal Guard!
The net's accidental...
Go for a drive, go for a drive...
This way.
Here's Don Rumata. Our old arch enemy.
It smells like shit.
The King's poisoner! Hang him, what else?
You're an idiot, Kusis. And a walking dead man!
That's an interesting idea.
That's it, gentlemen!
I'm Colonel Kusis!
Good.
Get the stamp.
That's sap from Kusis!
Now that's really it, gentlemen!
The hat of sorrow.
You know what's bad? Not that you're a Lieutenant.
- Don't! - But that you're a grey.
But it doesn't hurt. It doesn't.
Don Rumata, what are you doing?
And what?
Cloth.
Give me your hand.
Soldiers.
Tenth.
That's enough.
- Noble Don Rumata... - It stinks.
Noble Don Rumata...
Maybe not a Don?
My trophy.
Maybe not noble?
Old man, you're out of our mind!
Straight from Irukan.
Who's that?
That's you! Actually, the last Rumata of Estor died of a bad disease.
He was 85, and we've had you for 20 years...
Wow. He was 85, and we've had you for 20 years...
- The grandson is a redhead! - He's allowed.
OK. Right now.
That's mine too. All your papers.
Rumata, you're 105 years old.
- 105? - He's 105!
Really? 40, and carry 5 over. It doesn't add up.
Hey, knight, come here!
What?
What difference does it make, plus or minus one legend?
Never! Not in the new state!
Never.
Why is there crap on the floor? The cleaners need a flogging.
Damn. And that duck...
Don Rumata, the empire's best swordsman.
186 duels and not a single dead body. Only ears.
A total of 372 ears.
Hello!
Ears really hurt, you should believe me! Ouch.
Right out of your ass.
Hey, come here.
If you swing the sword from the right, the hair gets in the way, and then...
Let me go. Why do you keep doing that? That's horrible.
I know where you got your combat technique.
Nobody can escape from you.
You shouldn't, old man.
Inhuman technique!
You're a fool. Show me your ears.
You're scared.
I'm not scared of anyone. You're scared.
Help him.
Humble children of the Order landed last night at the Arkanar port. 30,000 of them!
No more conceited greys.
Arata the Hunchback's men are being hung by the tracts.
Let me introduce myself, I'm the Vicar of the Order.
Combat Master of Lands Beyond the Strait. Of the islands, etc. How's that?
Great.
- What? - The Master's boot.
You can't even imagine.
You are on the edge of such a fiery abyss.
Look.
Come on, that's a boot.
Does it stink?
It's such a trifle matter. You have to understand.
A man comes to you every night. For 7 years now!
It's a lie! A man comes to you every night. For 7 years now!
You even called for a witch doctor to get rid of him, but it's impossible!
You'll grow horns if you keep lying.
You wrapped your head in a hide. You'll grow horns if you keep lying.
But that's heresy! You wrapped your head in a hide. You'll grow horns if you keep lying.
When a man opens his eyes and looks at you. Right?
- Bullcrap. - Right?
So, when a man opens his eyes,
he says... Raise my eyelids.
You can not hide! he says... Raise my eyelids.
he says... Raise my eyelids.
And you scream so loudly that your old lady pees her pants.
Am I right? Come here.
Your old lady pees her pants.
That man with the eyes... that's me!
That's me.
Get out.
A larger pan. Some rags.
Boots. The spur's bent.
Maybe the abyss belched you out. Maybe you're a God's son.
I'm having trouble too. There's a mouse there.
- Go away. - There's a mouse.
What?
- There too? - Great.
I can't take it anymore. My head will explode.
Ugh, go away!
I'm lapsing into heresy.
The mouse is wet and scared too.
I'm a broad-minded man. I could.
Then why don't you?
Then why don't you? But learn to jump out of my way first.
I said, get out of here. Leave me alone!
That's right.
Give it to me.
A nice, big enema, Don Reba.
Excuse me. The highest decoration of the Order. For you.
- This is for you. - Good.
That's all I can do. And take your Budakh.
You go, too.
Me too?
Sure.
Yes.
3 pounds of crap!
Can you explain why you need these miserable people,so that I can fall asleep?
They are useless and bad for any state.
The bookworms?
You see, the fact that I'm talking to you
doesn't necessarily mean we're having a conversation.
Why did you serve such rotten food?
Don, your stuff...
Good fish...
One of the flies...
It was an Order. And humble were its children.
200 or so years ago the Order owned the Lands Beyond the Strait.
Luckily, a plague broke out, sucking the Order dry.
It was now rotting away in the south, over the mountains.
But then it recovered. And then it got here, ruthless like Brazilian ants.
Rumata thought about sending at least Muga there.
But never got around to it.
You have so much stuff.
Hey, hold this. Only wipe your hands!
Naughty.
Have some milk, Don.
Gur, weren't you the smartest?
Sod off.
Right.
No longer a wheel.
What did you say?
Fuck off!
Are you insane?
Great.
Like autumn leaves.
Your autumn leaves clutter the scaffold.
Yes. Oh, boots... the leather is bent.
Eh, doesn't matter if they get pecked out.
Rustling all the time. Wind.
Nice place. do you want me to hang the poet over here?
Don, I recognized you right away.
I've been branded by the monks.
I belong to you now.
Don't be mad, Don. Have a potato.
Haven't you heard how many ears I've cut off?
- Yes, we have... - That hurts.
Give me that little umbrella.
Ears, ears... It's just ridiculous.
Here's a suitable ear.
You're a grown man, after all.
- I'll wipe my hands and give it back. - Let me go. On the grass.
It's wrong. Don't do that.
Close it.
He's been chained like this since he was 3.
Why? Why?
If you let him go, he'll die.
See?
I'll...
Stop! I said, stop!
Churchly youngsters.
What about the bags?
- Don't you need your fingers? Wanna chop them? - Hang him.
Say that you fell. Don't say you were born with your lip like that.
You fell. Remember that.
Take this.
Don't hide anything. Blame the redheads.
Don't argue with anyone. Listen to me!
You think you're the only one.
Learn this!
A scholar is not an enemy. The enemy is a scholar in doubt.
Don't!
Learn this!
In the name of the Order!
In its name!
You'll kill him, Don.
In the name of the Order.
In its name.
What?
That's all.
Come here, bastards. We allow you to go inside as guests.
Gee up!
You said...
We're killing whores.
She spreads her legs, and this thing is on a spring.
Rips them to pieces!
The girl didn't even cough.
The Order!
Flowed out a lot from her...
With spurs.
Noble Don!
Where did you get your hands..? On this thing!
It rips...
What joy for everyone. Wipe off my temple.
- What? - What?
- Fuck off.
A thought entered his head and settled there for good.
Don Reba must be killed!
Just kill him and not think about the consequences.
What's going on here?
We're being flogged here, Rumata!
Where's your sword? Did you hand it in, noble Don?
I see.
I have this shrub. It's in blossom, so beautiful! It's a sign!
When I was little, Don Reba used to give me ripe rides on a shovel, in the winter.
See how much more freely one can breathe in the new, free Arkanar.
And wine's cheaper now, too!
Leave me alone!
- Come on, chew. - They put salt on the flogging rods.
So are you breathing freely in the new, free Arkanar?
Why? What's the salt for? So are you breathing freely in the new, free Arkanar?
So are you breathing freely in the new, free Arkanar?
- Here. - I lost the tablet.
Here. Stick it up your ass. Your ass, not this one!
Try to make sure the hangman sees it.
- Okay, okay, I said! - Until the day I die, Rumata.
Take off your hat.
The Keu barons have always had privileges!
The Order accepts no privileges.
7 heavy rod whips!
- Why heavy ones? - For thoughts without enthusiasm.
Give me Budakh.
I'll do it. Here's your doctor.
Attaboy. You remember about the ears, right?
Yeah. Berry.
Leave it to me. They'll steal everything.
It is not necessary at all.
The Dons have funny asses. Like toads!
Like your face!
It has be like this, yes.
- Don, I'll pay for the balls. - Go to hell!
Baron, but it's me who found you! Why are you so...
So good that I found you... Baron, but it's me who found you! Why are you so...
Baron, but it's me who found you! Why are you so...
Doubled up.
A courtier must be clean and fragrant. Right?
What's wrong, Baron?
My nose has burst.
I'm so glad I found you.
When you were arrested, I ran here.
There were 1,000 blacks here. I beat them until...
Oh my God...
Then they threw a cow on me. From the bridge.
- Watch your leg, Baron. - Wait, I'll press on the door...
How their crummy skulls will crack under our baronial swords!
Attack, Barons!
Here's Budakh, not Rudakh. Alive and well. Eating for the road.
He looks fine and his teeth are intact.
Are you Budakh from Irukan?
Baron, this is Budakh.
- It was me who turned him in. - Why?
Baron.
Firstly, because he has a dog's name.
- Secondly... wait. - Secondly what, Baron?
I did something wrong. - Secondly... wait. - Secondly what, Baron?
- Secondly... wait. - Secondly what, Baron?
I made all of this, every little piece, with my own two hands.
20 years. My whole life.
Now I come here to eat.
To hell with you!
Baron, I need a nail file...
The stuff is right there, on the left.
Go be a soldier, son.
Don't you dare look...
Baron or noble Don who let them flog himself...
Baron, the stuff!
- Celestial fire. - Do not fart, you...
Smelly bastard.
Little by little...
My noble friend, are my legs really skinny and white now?
Nice, nice legs.
Why are you sniffing me?
- Got lost in thought. - And here I am.
And the forehead is wonderful.
Do you know what kind of Baron I am? And you're just a wise guy.
He'll teach me to read. Then I'll be wise, too.
But you'll never become a Baron.
If you catch a cold, I'll get in trouble.
Forgive me, Bow-wow.
My friend, give him money. A lot of it.
- My ribs haven't healed yet. - I'll be gentle...
They'll close the gates, then we're dead. We'll have to go back.
They'll open it right back. They'll close the gates, then we're dead. We'll have to go back.
I beg you... Don't... Baron...
What if you catch a cold?
Introduce me to this Lieutenant who is so worried about my health.
Got it? Now go.
Such a turkey.
Buy an eye. It reflects light.
- I got a knife as a gift. - A knife as a gift, you say?
By the way, I saw your Baga recently.
Where are the asshole archers? Eating turnip?
Freeze!
They’ll all be whipped.
Such fun again. The sword, my friend!
Where are the archers?
Hey, Baron... you won't learn to read now.
I can't teach you, bow-wow. How can I do it? No way now.
Baron Pampa del Bao-no of Arkanar wasn't tried by the Big Royal Court.
Neither was he killed by the poison of the mountain bee or executed on the square.
He was just pierced with a dozen of arrows and thrown on a pile of trash.
Rotten turnips and sour cinnamon were dumped on top of him.
At night, paupers will rip everything off his huge, strong white body.
- Let me go! - He's pulling the rope on purpose.
Where did we stop, Budakh? It's impossible to talk like this.
Let me go! Where did we stop, Budakh? It's impossible to talk like this.
Where did we stop, Budakh? It's impossible to talk like this.
I asked questions, you didn't answer. I asked you,
what would you do if you were a God?
I wouldn't have any problems urinating.
Damn it, they won't let us talk. I wouldn't have any problems urinating.
Damn it, they won't let us talk. But that's heresy... More, more.
Pee as long as you need, and then we'll talk. But that's heresy... More, more.
Pee as long as you need, and then we'll talk.
I can't.
The main thing - is not to think about it. Relax.
You have to beat him on the ass.
And if you could give advice to a God? If he asked for it?
He peed on the rope.
That wouldn't be heresy, would it?
I'd say, "Creator... "
Why pee on my boots?
You've come, and we're leaving.
Someone killed two slaves over there. It wasn't us.
We're officers of the Order.
We're off to sleep.
Got it, wise guy?
He goes on peeing.
Come on.
I'd say... "Creator! Give people everything that separates them. "
How much longer? No, that wouldn't do them any good. I'd say... "Creator! Give people everything that separates them. "
Finally. Thank God. That wouldn't do them any good.
Because the strong will take everything from the weak.
Why are you giving me an empty flask?
I'd say, "Punish the cruel, so that the strong restrain from being cruel. "
As soon as the strong and cruel are punished,
the stronger ones of the weak will take their place.
You know that yourself... You're a fool, Budakh.
Get out of here. I don't need you.
Why are you yelling at me?
Get out of here!
One splash...
One splash and your face is gone.
I'd say, "Creator, if you exist, blow us away. Like dust or puss.
Or leave us rot like we are. Destroy all of us.
- Everyone. " - Here.
It's easy to destroy.
The lice-ridden, the sick, and even the children.
My heart is full of pity.
I can't do that.
Well...
Let's go home.
Rain showers...
There were a lot of greys. Uno was wearing your shirt.
It was too loose on him. He was shooting from the stairs.
The greys put a noose around his neck and strangled him.
And then the blacks came and started killing the greys.
One black gave me this. See? Don't touch it.
Why? One black gave me this. See? Don't touch it.
Don't touch. They gave me this sign.
Told me to come to the Tower of Joy tomorrow.
- Why did you take it? - Look what they gave me.
They told me to come tomorrow.
Give it to me. Don’t touch it, give it back!
He was sitting there. All the cucumbers are now in shit.
He got in the barrel with pickles!
It smells...
I had a mare, and now all I have is this collar.
Throw it out.
Everyone, get out. I'm going to wash my ass.
Let him lie over there.
All this anguish...
I thought you were hanged by the neck.
How could I have come if I had been?
Indeed. How have you come, Arata, if you were hanged?
Arata The Hunchback!
My back. Goran likes cripples.
- You're a cripple! - He sees everything.
First my guys trusted this virgin.
Old whore...
Don. The Don of peasants!
Higher!
- You don't know how to make sausage. - I thought he was bigger.
Then they trusted the monks.
Those are now hanging them by the balls on the same trees.
I almost forgot you're a God!
That's too bad.
Your water is cold...
Boil some water!
Once I was being hanged on an old galley.
I caught the chicken. Once I was being hanged on an old galley.
I jumped off just in time.
There was a captain.
Very courteous.
Come here, angel!
Don't stare.
Come on.
One's too much for you.
I knew a while back that the God died!
Did he really?!
He used to pull this load like a horse.
Then he got snotty and died.
There's no other way!
There's no other way.
It's hard for a God.
I saw you getting snotty today.
- You... - These are wasps.
Wasps...
It's a joke.
I have bad news for you.
Today you'll give us your fiery chariot and these shirts.
And in the morning you'll lead us!
- Or else?... - Or else what?
Or else...
you have a soft white belly and a bellybutton.
If you poke it, there'll be a wind.
Burst.
My belly button.
Come on.
- I'm afraid it won't be easy. - It will. Very easy.
That was a bird.
That's an omen. For money.
You'll fly to your Daddy.
Everyone will one day. You'll fly to your Daddy.
Like birds.
Get out of here.
Will we have enough water? Somebody, hold my wallet. Arata!
That's the way it is, cow.
Leave the ring.
Give it to me.
No, not this.
I wouldn't kill you.
Really?
You don't know that yourself.
You're so dressed up.
- How was the trip here? - Fine.
I'm not going to get you the throne. That's the truth.
That was right.
I'd burn this gold and black vermin as far as 12 generations back.
That, you're good at!
That, you're good at.
And you'd give the land to your men. Right?
Yeah.
Who's there?
A wise guy. I know him well. He's a fool.
Pour some more water.
It happens.
Pour the water!
A man's skin is made up of tiny holes, which he also uses to breathe.
If you cover a man with tar... that'll be it.
That's for you.
That's it?
Good boy, Arata. Without it, they won't let you out of the city.
Tell me...
Tell me, Arata. So you have given the land to your men.
Who needs land without slaves?
Tell me, who needs land without slaves?
There'll be new slaves. New scaffolds.
New golds. New blacks.
Everything will start again.
And a new Arata. And a God won't be able to do anything.
That's sad.
I'd never allow that, you louse.
Sure. Quiet now. Quiet.
You wouldn't be able to do anything.
You'd allow it, like everyone else has and always will.
For thousands of years.
What do we do then?
The same as always.
The same as always...
One, two...
You're a redheaded bastard.
Muga,
introduce him to your tobacconist!
They'll be good friends!
Chase him with sticks through the barnyard.
Hey Don!
Alright then. So what happens to me?
You'll remain in songs.
That's it?
It's not really that little, believe me.
A goose! Come here!
Master, the blacks are asking for the girl with the sign.
I knew it. That's it!
Let's cut some ears!
Stop shaking. Let me eat.
My arm hurts.
Want some?
Fuck off, old man!
You'll go with me. You'll confirm there's a boy in my belly. Goran's grandson.
Seriously? Already?
I won't go without my pants. My pants are wet now.
You will. I won't go without my pants. My pants are wet now.
Eighteen generations of noble ancestors. Royal blood and no pants!
I won't go without them. Give me dry pants and I'll go to war. I want silver pants.
I don't want to be covered with fat and burned. I won't go without them. Give me dry pants and I'll go to war. I want silver pants.
I don't want to be covered with fat and burned.
Like a chicken.
Don't go if you don't want to. Ferret!
Fine.
I'll chase them into the gulf. Up to their asses. I promise.
I'm sorry you didn't know Baron Pampa.
Forget it! Forget it, I said.
You could at least clean the house!
- Have you found any? - No.
Yes, these.
You fool!
The turtle was eating mice in the pants.
I found some. And the turtle, too.
- Laces. - What? Laces?
You said something about laces?
Have you brought my swords, silly girl?
Blood is sticky.
Okay. There.
God, if you exist, stop me.
Run... God decided to start killing.
Let him give us his swords and that's all!
Where? Where are you going? He's leaving!
Go away! Where? Where are you going? He's leaving!
Where? Where are you going? He's leaving!
Goran! I'm the God! Where? Where are you going? He's leaving!
Stop! No, not Arima!
There he is. See, he eats monkeys.
Arima.
My name is Arima.
My name is Arima!
That's not a problem.
- Well, well... - Silver bones...
It wasn't me who brought all of them. Some strange monk did.
They'll all be punished. It wasn't me who brought all of them. Some strange monk did.
It wasn't me who brought all of them. Some strange monk did.
These people are like kids. It wasn't me who brought all of them. Some strange monk did.
These people are like kids.
He was standing there, calling. These people are like kids.
I saw him. He had a wall-eye.
...like kids... I saw him. He had a wall-eye.
A crippled hunchback monk. He brought all these fools!
Start looking, or I'll flog you to death! A crippled hunchback monk. He brought all these fools!
Start looking, or I'll flog you to death!
I'm the Eye of the Order. That's my job.
It's a mistake. I'm the Eye of the Order. That's my job.
It's a mistake. It was some strange monk.
Is this blood or what?
It stinks.
What?
The Creator gave us pain. I went to university too.
Arima...
I'm the Eye of the Order.
My hands are slippery.
Slippery...
I'll kill everyone here.
And you too, student!
There.
Heresy!
- Heresy! - Get out of here!
Remove it! - Heresy! - Get out of here!
- Heresy! - Get out of here!
- Quiet! What are you looking at? - Heresy!
- Out of my way, rot! - What?
I didn't take anything!
The hat of sorrow!
No one steals from the Order.
Everyone.
God, stop me. It's as if it's wasn't me.
Not everyone's destined. I can't either.
I feel nauseous. It's just... why? Here's a gift for you.
It's from the court martial. Summons to the office.
The Tower of Joy. Not funny. He's here too.
Already? What did I do? I never left the house.
Get out! Already? What did I do? I never left the house.
That's death. And that's life.
Life. And life again.
Here. Your destiny. Kiun from Tin Street. Defamation of the Order.
That's serious. Nothing good about you either.
And we... hah.
You can pardon all these ones, Don.
We'll fuck you like a woman.
Why don’t you give me, the stupid Don, 200 more street luvvies.
You'll find someone else instead.
It makes no difference to you who to burn.
Isn't that right, student?
Master!
Stop.
Put the boards down.
Water, anyone?
Up!
- Ribs! - I'm lower than everyone.
Another chain.
Henroost.
Rock him so that the shit drips off.
Student.
An impotent and inept one will give up without knowing
where the monster's heart is, and if the monster even has one.
Don, I think I've gone blind!
It's an officer.
It squelches.
It has always been like this here.
Ugh! You're so...
- Let me go! I'll stab you! - Yeah.
It's slippery.
Hello then.
What might be... nothing might be.
You'll pee your pants! What might be... nothing might be.
I'll show you something. With a wall-eye.
Again! Didn't I...
You'll pee your pants! Again! Didn't I...
Okay, nevermind.
An egg.
Shush. Flies.
Look.
This is Arata the Hunchback.
So, wall-eyed man... You rotten?
Why didn't you spare the young girl?
- You bastard. - That's bovine...
The arrow is marked!
- You idiot! It's a boar. - This is bovine...
- It's a boar! - This is bovine...
It's a boar.
I'll tear it off! It's a boar.
- Get out! - Shut up!
Leave him, he's suffered enough.
It was Arata who killed the girl!
The mark on the arrow is the same.
He wanted to draw Rumata out against the blacks.
But instead drew him against himself.
One more egg.
I challenge you!
Witch.
It squelches.
The coins, Condor!
I saw it first!
Condor, there's something shiny over there.
Where?
I'm not flying to the Earth with you!
No, nothing. I'm not flying to the Earth with you!
I'm not flying to the Earth!
That's stupid, Pashka. You'll be sorry if you go behind my back.
Fine.
See what I learned here?
If you say no - then no.
Actually, you know what...
Well, you old ass?
This is not my work, it's yours.
You fucking theorist.
You're a pice of shit! You fucking theorist.
- You're a pice of shit! - What are you doing here?
The shit of the Siou bird.
You're all set for life in a nuthouse on the Earth.
Or maybe in jail.
And you are a thief. Or maybe in jail.
Or maybe you even have a brain tumor.
And you are a thief. Or maybe you even have a brain tumor.
The shit of the Siou bird!
Remember!
You'll go to the nuthouse!
There are snakes there! You'll go to the nuthouse!
Here, take this.
He's a thief, and you keep throwing gloves.
Pashka, we're dueling. It has come to this!
A God can get tired, too.
You fucking practician.
Get out of here. I'm sleepy. Get out.
Well, well...
They say...
You write books, but you have no thoughts.
Here's one for you.
Where greys triumph... there's always...
Wait.
Where greys triumph, blacks inevitably come eventually.
There's no other way. Remember. Now leave.
Leave now.
Hey, if you write about me, and you'll probably have to...
Write that it's...
hard to be a God!
I'm going to get some sleep.
God, spit on me, so that I'm never sick.
I won't be sick. Spit on me!
Spit in my hand, too. I'll take it to my brother.
Let me go, you freak!
Don't you dare call him a God! Let me go, you freak!
Don't you dare call him a God!
Shoo! We'll be punished!
Come on, a kid won't speak in vain.
He's not looking at me. Why won't you look at me?
Shut up. He's not looking at me. Why won't you look at me?
Shut up. Come on, look at me!
Stop hovering. These university guys.
They kept running around the tower, screaming.
The fat one didn't want to fly.
Stronger than beer.
Don Leonardo and Don Fatso.
They killed each other. Here.
Why?
You bastards!
It's Don Leonardo.
They drank away the round glass and the boards.
So what? They drank away the round glass and the boards.
They drank away the round glass and the boards.
- So what? - Nothing.
Muga, what does your tobacconist say? Where is he?
He left his house and never came back. It happens.
Will you find him? I told you to take the tights off.
Why don't you take them off?
I'll take them off right now.
The fact is that... painfully...
You're fucking nuts!
Once I also left my house, like him, and never came back.
What?
Out of the way, noble Don!
Or the wheel will get on your boot.
Hey, you forgot the chair, fools!
Do you like the music?
I don't know...
It makes my tummy hurt. Yes.
A special thanks for assistance in creating this film goes to
Aleksei Kudrin Mikhail Prokhorov
The film features the poem "Hamlet" by Boris Pasternak