片名：女性瘾者 第二部
这就是芝诺悖论 This is nothing less than "Zeno's paradox."
你是阿基里斯 追的乌龟叫高潮 You are Achilles and the tortoise is the orgasm.
- 得了吧 - 不 不 听好 - Oh, come on. - No, no, no. Listen.
阿基里斯和乌龟赛跑 Achilles and the tortoise are going to race,
阿基里斯很自信 and Achilles is confident,
所以他让乌龟先跑100米 so he gives the tortoise a hundred meters head start.
那么问题来了 Now the mathematical problem is that
阿基里斯要超过乌龟的话 before Achilles can pass the tortoise,
他得先跑到 he has to reach the point
乌龟在100米开始的那个点 where the tortoise started after a hundred meters.
但当阿基里斯到那个点后 乌龟已经往前跑了 But when Achilles gets there,the tortoise has already moved on,
当他跑到下一个点 and then he has to reach the next point,
乌龟又往前跑了 and the tortoise has moved on again
就这样不断循环 and so on and so on and so on.
所以阿基里斯永远追不上乌龟 更不可能超过它 So Achilles can never reach the tortoise and never pass him.
同样 你一直在追寻 And in the same way,because you were giving chase,
却得不到满足 这就是悖论 you couldn't reach satisfaction.That's the paradox.
不好意思 你好像没把这当回事 I'm sorry, but it seems as if you're not taking this very seriously.
我在告诉你我最糟糕的经历 I'm telling you about the worst thing that's happened to me,
我在那几秒之后 没了性趣 that I at that point, within seconds,lost all sexual sensation.
我的下边麻木了 My cunt simply went numb.
可是你却给我讲起 And immediately we have to hear about
什么蠢货数学问题 this ridiculous mathematical problem.
说实话 我都怀疑你究竟听没听 In fact, I'm in doubt whether you're even listening.
为什么怀疑 Why do you doubt that?
这个故事我以前没完整讲过 This is not a story I've told in its entirety before,
但我跟别的男人讲起我的经历 but whenever I've told other men about experiences,
我的性生活史 episodes in my sex life,
他们变得很兴奋 it was easy to see that they became quite excited.
我也兴奋了 I got excited.
是对数学问题兴奋 不是对我的故事 Yes, about the mathematical crap,not about the story.
你究竟是什么人 What kind of a person are you, actually?
我 I...
你不理解的 You wouldn't know.
但我可以猜 No, but I can guess.
我怎么早没想到 Why didn't I get that earlier?
你之所以听了我的故事 The fact you don't get excited over my dirty stories
却不性奋 is because you can't relate to them.
是因为你没有过女人 You've never been with a woman.
说的没错 That's quite accurate.
也没有过男人 Not with a man, either.
你觉得遗憾吗 Are you sorry about that?
有点遗憾 不过只是少了新鲜感 Well, yeah, out of curiosity...
而不是欲望得不到满足 not out of lust,as you would think.
我觉得自己没有性别 I consider myself asexual.
我年轻时 当然也自娱自乐过 Of course, I experimented with masturbation when I was a teenager,
不过没什么效果 but it didn't do much for me.
我没有性趣 So, there's nothing sexual about me.
不过也没你想的那么不寻常 It's not as uncommon as you would think.
我当然也读过性方面的读物 And of course, I've read a lot about sexual subjects...
《坎特伯雷童话集》 《十日谈》 《一千零一夜》 "Canterbury Tales"," Decameron","Thousand and One Nights".
我全读过 都是带着极大的 You name it and I've read it with great interest
兴趣和快乐 and enjoyment,
可只是阅读文字的快乐 but only literary enjoyment.
不过这点也让我 But... but I think maybe it makes me
更好地倾听你的故事 a better listener to your story, and...
我没有先入为主的观点或是偏见 I have no preconceived notions or preferences.
我是你的故事最好的评判者 I'm actually the best judge you could give your story to.
至于判断你是不是坏人这件事 And when it comes to deciding whether you're a bad human being or not,
我也没有问题 I'm... I've no problems with that.
因为我不会戴着有色眼镜看你 Because I don't look at you through the glasses
歧视性别或是歧视你的性经历 colored by sexuality or sexual experience.
我是处子 I'm a virgin.
我很单纯 I'm innocent.
她在看着我 She's looking at me.
是的 Yes.
是幅画像 那是俄国的吗 It's an icon.Is it Russian?
是 Yes, it's, uh...
是精仿品 也许是仿的卢布列夫[画家]吧 It's a skilled copy,maybe in the manner of Rublev.
画像一般都与东正教会有关 Icons are usually connected to the Eastern Church.
东正教会 The Eastern Church?
我可能要讲很多理论 I might become a bit theoretical.
讲吧 给我讲讲这幅画 You may. I'd like you to tell me about your picture.
虽然公元1054年 由于意见分歧 Although the Christian church was split up in 1054
基督教会分割为了 because of differences in opinion
东方教会和西方教会 between the Eastern Church and the Western Church,
也就是今天的东正教会和罗马天主教会 what we today call the Orthodox Church and the Roman Catholic Church,
这是典型的东正教画像 this is a typical Eastern Church icon.
通常表现圣母玛丽 It usually depicts the Virgin Mary
婴儿时期的耶稣 而很少表现 and the infant Jesus and more rarely,
基督受难 for instance, the crucifixion,
而受难在天主教会很常见 which in the Western Church was much more prevalent.
总结起来 可以说天主教会 If you generalize, you could say that the Western Church
是受难的教会 is the church of suffering,
而东正教会是愉悦的教会 and the Eastern Church is the church of happiness.
怎么感觉她在看着我 Why is she looking right at me?
她在向你诉说 Well, she's telling a story.
画像最初是给文盲看的 Icons were originally a kind of
一种图示版的圣经 pictorial Bibles for the illiterate.
有人说你 There are some who say you...
可以看懂画像 甚至记录下来 you read an icon, even write it.
有各种不同的画像 这是赫得戈利亚 There are different types of icons.This is a Hodegetria.
目光很重要 The directions are very important.
她像是在看你 其实她在看着小耶稣 She's looking at you, but she's pointing at the baby Jesus.
而小耶稣同时看着你和圣母 And he's looking at you and pointing at her.
你看到画像是平面的 没有立体感 Do you see how flat it is?There's no... no perspective.
因为它是永恒的象征 It's because it's an image of eternity.
永恒不是三维的 And eternity isn't in 3-D.
但你说东方教会是愉悦的教会 But you said the Eastern Church was the church of joy?
没错 东方教会表现的是 Yeah, the sanctities of the Eastern Church
愉悦的信仰 were all about the joy of faith
而西方教会则沉浸于苦难及死亡 while the Western Church wallowed in... in suffering and death.
想象你从罗马一路东行 If you imagine a... a mental journey from Rome eastward,
你会觉得自己从愧疚和痛苦 you feel how you move away from guilt and pain
走向了快乐和光明 towards joy and light.
可你说不信上帝 But you say you didn't believe in God.
是不信 可宗教概念很有趣 No, but the concept of religion is interesting.
像性概念一样 Like the concept of sex.
可我不会崇拜 But you won't find me on my knees
任何一个 with regards to either.
这章就叫 Let's call this chapter,
《东正教会与天主教会》 "The Eastern Church and the Western Church."
不过 不过不要讲 But it won't be...
从罗马东行 it won't be a story about traveling east from Rome
走向光明 而是反过来讲 towards the light,but rather the opposite.
为了不表现得过于忧伤 So, in order not to make it too sad,
我给这章加了个副标题 I've pepped up the name of the chapter with an extra title.
[第六章 东正教会与天主教会] （无声的鸭子）
倒退一下 I have to go back a bit.
我十二岁 学校野游 去山上 I was 12 years old and on a school trip in the hills.
- 你在逗我吗 - 什么意思 - Are you making fun of me? - What do you mean?
你不仅有了高潮 You have this orgasm,not only an orgasm
- 还是自发的高潮 - 是高潮 - but a spontaneous orgasm. - Yes, it was an orgasm,
但是医生认为是癫痫发作 though the doctor described it as an epileptic seizure.
高潮的时候 你有了幻觉 And during that orgasm,you had this vision?
左右各有一个女人 Of these two women on each side of you.
我右边的女人好像穿着 The woman on my right side seemed to be dressed
紫色和深红色的衣服 in purple and scarlet
戴着很多黄金珠宝 with a lot of gold and pearls.
她手里拿着金色酒杯 She was carrying a golden goblet in her hand.
她骑着某种奇怪的动物 She was sitting on some strange animal.
另一个女人穿着罗马衣服 And then the other woman was dressed in Roman clothes,
怀里抱着孩子 a baby on her arm
她的头发在面纱下飘动 and her hair lay in tight waves beneath a veil.
她是不是这样捏着面纱 Was she holding the veil with two fingers like this?
至于另一个女人 And the other woman,
她骑的动物是不是有七个头和十只角 was she sitting on an animal with seven heads and ten horns?
只有一个头 应该是某种公牛 The animal only had one head.It was kind of a bull.
怎么了 What's the matter?
你在瞎编 You're making this up.
没有 我在说我的第一次高潮 No, I'm not. I'm telling you about my first orgasm,
跟我在山上莫名其妙地 which came upon me without the slightest touch
受到的那些轻微的触碰没有关系 in some strange ways up in the mountains.
我以前从没有过高潮 I never had achieved an orgasm before,
哪怕是自慰都没达到过 even though I masturbated
那时我整个人感觉飘飘欲仙 as if my life depended on it during that time.
你的故事像是亵渎版的 Your story is like a...blasphemous retelling
耶稣山上显圣 of the Transfiguration of Jesus on the Mount,
是东正教会的一条圣路 which is one of the Eastern Church's holiest passages.
那时耶稣的人性 It's when the humanity of Christ is illuminated
被永恒的神之光点化 by the divine light of eternity.
耶稣 彼得和两个信徒登上了山顶 Jesus, Peter and two disciples had climbed a mountain.
突然间 信徒看到 And suddenly,the disciples see this light
耶稣头顶发出一道光 emanating from Jesus' head.
摩西和以利亚在他身旁显灵 And Moses and Elijah appear by his side.
他们听见了上帝的声音 在呼唤他的儿子 And they hear the voice of God,calling him his son.
那两个女人和你的关系 The relationship between...between the two women and you
就跟摩西 以利亚和耶稣的 would be the same as the relation
关系一样 between Moses and Elijah and Jesus.
只不过是亵渎版的 And that's where it becomes blasphemous.
我懂了 I see.
你都不 You don't even...
你都不认识那俩女人吧 you don't even know who these women were, do you?
不认识 不过有一个像圣母玛利亚 No, but one of them did look like the Virgin Mary,
你这么一说 now that you mention it.
肯定不是她 我保证 Well, it wasn't the Virgin Mary,I can tell you that.
从你的描述来看 From your description,
是瓦蕾利亚·马萨琳娜 it must've been Valeria Messalina,
克劳迪亚斯国王的妻子 the wife of Emperor Claudius,
历史上著名的性瘾者[也是黑寡妇] the most notorious nymphomaniac in history.
我认为他很像画像里的那个女人 I thought she looked like your icon.
那是按卢浮宫里的雕像画的 We have that image from a statue in the Louvre.
像是赫得戈利亚 但不是宗教人士 差得远呢 It's made like a Hodegetria, but it's not a religious person, far from it.
另一个 骑着动物的那个 And the other woman,the one astride the creature,
肯定是巴比伦时代著名的妓女 that was no one else but the great Whore of Babylon,
骑着公牛形态的尼姆罗德 riding on Nimrod in the form of a bull.
要是别人跟我讲起来 If anyone else would've told me that story,
我肯定当成是渎神的笑话 I would've seen it as a blasphemous joke,
把你自发的高潮 spiced up with a Biblical light
跟基督联系在一起 emanating from nothing less than a spontaneous orgasm.
仁慈的主啊 Goodness gracious.
你对听者要求太高了 You demand a lot of your listener.
我发誓我对宗教一无所知 I promise you I'm as innocent in regards to the religious
当谈到性的时候 as you are when it comes to sex.
耶稣在维纳斯山的显灵 The Transfiguration on the Venus Mount.
然后 你又得不到高潮了 And then later,you lost your orgasm altogether.
瓦格纳 《莱茵河黄金》 Wagner. "Das Rheingold".
深入尼伯海姆 那么糟糕吗 The descent into Nibelheim.Was it that bad?
想象突然之间 Try to imagine that in one fell swoop,
你没了阅读的欲望 you lost all desire to read
你对书信的爱和激情也都消散了 and all your love and passion for books and letters.
我也不知道能不能想象出来 I don't even know if I can imagine that.
需要帮忙吗 Can I help you?
在我之前的生命里 But as so often before in my life,
经常有希望在神秘事件中萌生 a bit of hope sprang from a mystical event.
比如 Which was?
三片枯叶跳着奇怪的芭蕾 Three dead leaves performing a strange ballet.
那给了你希望？为什么 That gave you hope?For what?
- 使我恢复了性欲 - 怎么恢复 - For regaining my sexuality. - How?
使用力量 To claim it by force.
虽然我不断尝试 In spite of my tireless efforts,
我的下体始终没有感觉 my cunt totally failed to respond.
实际上 我开始占据主动 But the fact that the initiative had shifted
对杰罗姆鼓舞很大 seemed to encourage Jerome greatly.
我承认 有一段时间 And I have to admit there came a time
我们在一起很快乐 when we had fun together.
我给你五块钱 I'll give you a fiver.
嗯哼 Uh-huh.
只要你能把这个 If you can put this...
塞进你下面 up inside your cunt.
- 五块钱 - 没错 - A fiver? - Right.
该死 Shit.
- 谢谢 - 不客气 - Thank you. - You're welcome.
- 没勺子吗 - 没有 - Didn't you get any spoons? - No, we didn't.
所以这故事的意义是什么 So what does this tell us?
爱和性彼此没有关系 That love and sex have nothing to do with each other, or...
甚至相互排斥 or that they decidedly work against one another?
最奇怪的是 那段时间 The most grotesque thing was that it was during that period,
我完全没有性致 where every sexual sensation was denied me, a period,
与此同时 我也最有安全感和归属感 I must admit, of secure and restful domestic comfort.
我们还搬到一起住了 We had moved in together and so on,
就在那段时间 我怀孕了 that I became pregnant,
因为我没及时吃药 because I was careless about my birth control pills.
不管有意无意 Consciously or unconsciously,
我觉得做剖腹产很重要 it was important for me to have a Caesarean.
我还希望 自己的阴道能再活跃起来 I mean, I was hoping that my cunt was going to fucking work again,
而且我还觉得自然分娩 and I had a feeling that a haphazard birth
没有作用 wouldn't make things better.
可能是我的幻觉 I may have been imagining things,
不过我躺在那 器械的声音 but as I lay there,the noise from the instruments
在我听来 像是小羊的叫声 rang out in a chord like the one from the Little Flock.
就是那样 我没有恐惧 Yes. And it wasn't fear.
更像是恶心 More like a kind of disgust.
我发誓看到他笑了 I could've sworn I saw him laughing.
笑了吗 A laughing son.
在《浮士德博士》中托马斯·马恩 In "Doctor Faustus",Thomas Mann describes
描述了诺亚之子汉姆 the birth of Noah's son Ham,
笑着降生的场景 who was laughing when he was born.
又一个恶魔的预兆 Another satanic omen.
我刚好给那无辜的孩子曲名马塞尔 Incidentally, the innocent child was named Marcel after Mars,
基于罗马战神马尔斯的名字 the Roman God of War.
做母亲呢 And motherhood?
是不是母爱没你想得那么好 I assume maternal love didn't quite live up to its expectations.
我什么都没想 No, I didn't have any expectations.
母爱不是问题 And maternal love wasn't a problem.
只是每次我看着他的眼睛 It was just that each time I looked into the child's eyes,
都有一种被发现的失措感 I had this unsettling feeling of having been found out.
我知道说我的爱没有回报很奇怪 It's probably a strange thing to say about a child...
因为他只是个婴儿 that my love wasn't being returned.
可我就是这感觉 But it was my perception.
如果杰罗姆想从这繁重无比的体力活中 If Jerome had hoped for a break from what was for him
偷得一丝空闲 那是他痴心妄想 now mostly strenuous work,he could forget about it.
阿基里斯又要追逐乌龟了 Achilles was again chasing the tortoise.
- 填满我所有的洞 - 我不行 乔 - Fill all my holes. - I can't, Joe.
抱歉 I'm sorry.
我会努力的 I'm trying.
- 能谈谈吗 - 可以 - Can we talk a bit? - Of course.
我爱你 爱你的狂野 爱你的欲望 我爱你 I love you. I love your wildness and your desire. I love you, Joe.
当时我好像 At the moment,I don't seem to satisfy you
没法满足你的需求 in the way that I'd like to.
别沮丧 乔 Don't get upset, Joe.
我们还可以继续性生活 It doesn't mean we won't continue with our sex life,
这对我很重要 which is very important to me.
非常重要 Very important to me.
你买了只老虎 When you buy a tiger, right,
就要喂它 you also have to feed it.
还要满足它 对吗 Um, satisfy it, right?
长话短说 Long story short.
我也有只小老虎 I have a tiger on my hands.
- 你是说你承受不起 - 不是 - You mean I'm too much for you. - No.
你做自己就好 You're just the way you should be.
我只是想你是不是 I was just thinking if you would consider
可以自己满足一下需求呢 that I get a little help with the feeding, that's all.
你是说我该找别人上床 You're saying I should have sex with others as well.
这么说有点残酷 乔 不过 That's a rather cruel way of putting it, Joe, but...
- 没错 - 没错 - But exact. - Exact.
我一直觉得 For a long time I'd been playing around with the idea
勾引男人用的打扮 that the concept of the fuck-me-now clothes
可以改进一下 could be improved.
你真美 You look nice.
于是就打扮成了钢琴教师 And became the piano teacher.
- 你还好吧 - 不好 - You okay? - No.
- 什么问题 - 我弄不明白车 - What's the matter? - Well, I'm such an idiot with cars.
根本不知道怎么办 帮帮我好吗 I don't really know what to do.Do you mind helping me?
这怎么能启动 火花塞帽都没了 Of course it won't work. The spark plug caps have been removed.
我拿掉的 不该这么做吗 Yes, I did that.Was that wrong?
这是我第一次 For the first time I had the pleasure
有了一辆八缸车 of having an eight-cylinder car.
八个火花塞帽 The possible combinations
和八个火花塞 of eight spark plug caps on eight spark plugs
有40320种组合 are 40,320,
如果我没算错的话 if I remember my math correctly.
可只有一种组合能发动汽车 And only one of these will make the car run,
这给了我充足的时间 which gave me all the time I needed.
贝多芬 他是不错 Beethoven, huh?He was certainly very good,
可是 他写不了赋格曲 but, you know,he couldn't write a fugue.
- 是吗 - 那个 应该不能吧 - You think so? - Well, yeah, I think so.
应该说贝多芬 It would be more precise to say that Beethoven
革新了赋格曲 renewed the fugue.
但他十分有远见 导致巴赫的死忠 That he was such a visionary that the old Bach purists,
都说他创作能力不行 they accused him of not mastering it.
怎么样 Good day?
关于钢琴课 Not one word was ever spoken
我和杰罗姆一个字都没谈 between me and Jerome about my piano lessons.
我第一次收到 The first time the mysterious letters
神秘信件的时候 addressed to me arrived,
我害怕是那些我都忘记了姓名的人 I, of course, feared that they were love letters
寄来的情书 所以藏了起来 from someone I'd completely forgotten about and hid them,
让杰罗姆看到会伤害他 so as not to hurt Jerome if he should see them.
但我收信的时候杰罗姆总会在场 But as Jerome was always somehow present when I would get the mail,
且信封经常是空的 and as the envelopes were always empty,
我怀疑事实上 I understood that the letters,in fact,
是杰罗姆寄来考验我的 were sent by Jerome himself as a way of testing me.
我决定完全不去理会 My decision not to show them to him
他的担心 was exactly the reaction he had feared,
但却导致了他疯狂的嫉妒 and it reaffirmed his insane jealousy
和无休止的胡思乱想 and his fantasies of the countless times
我想我是真的爱上钢琴老师这个角色了 I would fall in love for real while being the piano teacher.
现在这部受难记 And now to reach the heart
到了核心部分 of your suffering Western Church,
我得向前跳三年 I have to jump ahead three years in the story
讲讲那次会面 我给它取名 and talk about my meeting with what I would call
"危险的人" "The Dangerous Men."
[危险的人]
我那段时间一个人陪着马塞尔 I was alone with Marcel a lot during this period,
杰罗姆一直在外出差 as Jerome was traveling most of the time,
等他终于回了家 就天天数落我 and when he was finally home,he spent most of the time
不关心马塞尔 accusing me of neglecting Marcel,
我觉得那只是借口 which, in my opinion,
他是生气我找了情人 was just a cover for his anger over my lovers.
婉转点说 主动性群交 Despite my, to put it mildly,promiscuous initiatives,
不要说高潮 哪怕是丁点的满足感 any sexual satisfaction,let alone orgasm,
都变得遥不可及了 was further away than ever before.
我一定要改变 I had to make a change.
而改变的关键居然一直 And somehow,the inspiration had been
就在我的窗下 right there beneath my window the whole time.
我打算做我以前从未做过 I'd planned to go where I would never before
只在梦中做过的事情 had dreamt of going.
例如 和跟我说不同语言的人做爱 For instance, to be with a man with whom I shared no spoken language.
想象两人交合 却不能交谈 I could feel that it turned me on enormously
这种场景 to imagine a sexual situation
让我无比性奋 in which verbal communication was impossible.
- 你好 - 你好 - Hello. - Hello.
我是托比亚斯 翻译官 I'm Tobias, the interpreter.
我是乔 进来吧 Hello, I'm Joe. Come in.
听说您精通非洲各国语言 I understand that you mastered the African languages.
有些基础吧 I do have a basis.
需要我为您翻译什么 Who and what needs interpretation?
那个人 穿绿色夹克的 Um, that man.The one with the green jacket.
他说什么语 What language is being spoken?
鬼才知道 Well, God knows. I...
我只知道他不说英语 All I know is that he doesn't speak English.
很有难度 It's quite difficult.
但我们尽力找到了一种方言 But, uh, we did manage to find a dialect,
还好我们都会说 of which we both had some knowledge.
嗯哼 Mm-hm.
你来吗 You coming?
不 我就待这 你帮我传达 No, I'll stay here,and the two of you communicate.
你去请他来和我做爱 You are to ask him if he wants to have sex with me.
- 做爱 - 没错 - Sex? - Mm-hmm.
好的 Yeah, um...
- 可以吗 - 不好说 - Is it a go? - It's hard to say.
时间地点在这里 但是 I've written down the time and place, but, um...
说实话 我也不知道 Honestly, I wouldn't like to take responsibility
该怎么跟他措辞 这方面 for the precise wording in this case, which I think,
刚好算是 uh, accidentally may belong
我知识的一个灰色领域吧 to a grey zone in my profession.
地址是一家便宜的旅店 It was the address of a cheap hotel.
怎么有两个 Why were there two?
我也这么想的 My words exactly.
N带了他弟弟一起 Apparently, N had brought his brother along.
他生什么气 Why was he so angry?
他们之间有点恩怨 Clearly, it was something personal between them,
后来我才知道双管齐下 but later I heard that performing a sandwich
是很敏感的事 requires great sensitivity,since the men apparently
因为他们能互相感觉到 can feel each other through the tissue.
两个黑人在楼梯上 I imagine the quarrel had already started on the stairs
就一直争论 and that one or the other party had laid claim
哪个洞归谁 to one or the other of my holes
但是意见不统一 in conflict with his Negro brother's interests.
你不该那么说 You shouldn't use that word.
这样政治不正确 It's not what you call politically correct.
黑人 Negro.
不好意思 但在我的圈子里 Well, excuse me,but in my circles,
大家都推崇实事求是 it's always been a mark of honor to call a spade a spade.
每禁止一个词 Each time a word becomes prohibited,
都是在动摇民主的基石 you remove a stone from the democratic foundation.
面对难题 使用禁言的方法 Society demonstrates its impotence in the face of a concrete problem
是社会无能的表现 by removing words from the language.
焚烧书籍对于现代社会什么用也没有 The book burners have nothing on modern society.
社会应该宣扬的是 I think society would claim
强调政治正确的表达方式 that politically correctness is a very precise expression
是对少数群体的关注 of democratic concern for minorities.
我觉得社会跟人民一样懦弱 And I say that society is as cowardly as the people in it
而人民太蠢 不配拥有民主 who, in my opinion, are also too stupid for democracy.
我理解 但完全不同意 I understand your point,but I totally disagree.
我不怀疑人类的品质 I have no doubt in the human qualities.
人类的品质只有这一个 The human qualities can be expressed in one word:
虚伪 hypocrisy.
我们推崇阳奉阴违的人 We elevate those who say right but mean wrong,
却嘲笑忠言逆耳的人 and mock those who say wrong but mean right.
社会的基础不该是憎恶 Society is based on hate.
应该是原谅 It should be based on forgiveness.
憎恶是最低级的 Hatred is rudimentary.
人应该学会原谅刽子手 One should be able to forgive one's executioner.
我还可以告诉你 By the way, I can assure you
说黑人没法让自己性奋的女人都在说谎 that women who claim that Negros don't turn them on are lying.
他们满足你了吗 So, did they satisfy you?
那些黑 黑人 Those Ne... Negros.
没有 但他们给我展示了异国风情 No, but they showed me that there was a world far from mine
让我想去探索 I had to explore.
去异国 也许是地球那头 And there, or perhaps on the other side
找回我的生活 get my life back.
你是谁 Who are you?
我知道你是做什么的 I know what you do.
我想成为你的客户 I'd like to be one of the women you see.
我没兴趣 That's of no interest.
女士 Madame.
公主 我特意强调了五天 Princess,I specifically said five days,
现在还不到时候呢 and five days haven't gone yet.
所以 你还是走吧 不好意思 So, you'll have to leave.Sorry.
你怎么还在这 You still here?
我 I, uh...
我觉得你不适合这个 I don't think this is for you.
要不我们做个小测试 Shall we conduct a small test?
站起来吧 Stand up.
请你坐着 Sit down, please.
我只是想让你坐着 完全放松 I just want you to sit completely relaxed
而我要打你的脸 while I hit you in the face.
没别的 Nothing special.
就是 就是扇一巴掌 It's just a...it's just a slap.
准备好了吗 You ready?
好了 I'm ready.
不要 No!
看吧 See?
好神秘 How mysterious.
你要给出个合理的解释吗 Will you give me a reasonable explanation now,
还是接着讲 or shall we wait?
我没法给你解释 I can't give you an explanation
更谈不上合理 and certainly not a reasonable one.
传言他是干什么的 What exactly were the rumors about him?
- 他很暴力 - 这能让人性奋吗 - That he was violent. - How can that be exciting?
想想我的过去 I think the easiest way to understand it
就不难理解了吧 is to refer to my rebellious nature.
K的行当是我极为反对的 This business of K's was something I was completely against.
我求助于他 是走投无路 So, the fact that I was now contacting him
孤注一掷 was a last, desperate attempt
想要唤醒自己的身体 to rehabilitate my sexuality.
K的行当是关键 The system was the overriding factor with K.
暴力的行当吗 A system of violence?
是你选的 Well, you were the one
受难的天主教会 who insisted on the Western Church, right?
而且我记得 And I... I seem to remember
崇尚追求磨难不仅仅是暴力 that the systematic approach to the crucifixion
更有施虐倾向 is of a violent and not to say sadistic nature.
是啊 天主教有着崇尚暴力的系统 Oh yes, the Passion of Christ is full of systematic violence.
悲伤之路 耶稣行刑前走过的路 The Via Dolorosa,the Nine Stations of the Cross,
以及39次鞭笞 and the 39 lashes.
我有点生气了 You are beginning to irritate me.
我来告诉你规矩 Let me tell you the rules, then.
第一条规矩 我不跟你上床 The first rule is that I don't fuck you,
不要跟我乱纠缠 and there isn't any discussions about that.
那你能得到什么 Then, what do you get out of it?
那是我的事 请你别再问了 That's my business, and I don't mean to mention it again.
第二条规矩 没有安全词 The second rule is that we have no safe word,
就是说你跟我进去 meaning that if you,uh, go inside with me,
不管你说什么 there is nothing that you can say
我做的事 都不会停下来 that will make me stop any plan or procedure.
你要自带皮头的马鞭 You must bring a brown,used leather riding crop.
别去成人用品店买 And not one from a shop selling sex toys.
这不是在玩 It's not a masquerade.
第三条 Third rule...
我放你进去前 你都要坐在这 If I choose to let you in,you have to be sitting out here.
也就是说 时间不事先通知你 In other words, you...you won't know when.
只告诉你是在下午两点到六点 Only that it would be some time between 2:00 and 6:00 at night.
我不能待那么晚 I can't stay here that late.
我的保姆靠不住 我不能撇下孩子 My babysitter's not reliable,and I can't leave my child.
你都不知道我叫什么 You don't even know my name!
我不感兴趣 I'm not interested in your name.
你在这就叫 Here, your name is...
费多 Fido.
需要些什么 Can I help you?
我想买马鞭 I'd like to buy a riding crop.
- 做什么用 - 给我的马用 - For what? - For my horse.
我懂 哪种马 Yes, I understand that part.What kind of horse?
不是很大的马 Well, it's not very big.
不 是盛装舞步用还是跳栏用 No, I just meant is the whip for dressage or for jumping?
呃 Um...
我不知道 I don't know.
这个是盛装舞步用的 This is a dressage whip.
那跳栏用的呢 Well, it's probably for jumping, then.
好的 这个 Okay. Like this?
- 这个被用过吗 - 没 - Is it used? - No.
是有用过的马鞭 比这要便宜些 We do have used whips,but these are not that expensive.
我宁愿要用过的 I prefer a used one.
好的 Okay.
马塞尔醒了 Marcel’s awake.
想跟妈妈说再见吗 Do you want to say goodbye to your mom?
再见 Goodbye.
费多 Fido...
大衣给我吧 I'll take your coat.
请把头发盘起来 I'd like you to have your hair up.
用这个吧 You can use this.
以防我突然需要打你耳光 Just in case it becomes necessary for me to hit you in the face.
衣服要脱吗 Should I take my clothes off?
你干什么 什么时候干 要听我的 I'll tell you what to do and when.
坐下吧 You may sit down.
把手给我 Give me your hand.
我想看看这个结打在你手腕上怎么样 I wanna see what this knot looks like on your wrist.
好了 Okay.
站起来吧 You may get up.
- 趴在这 - 怎么趴 - Now you may bend down. - How?
到椅子那 Approach the chair.
弯下腰 Now bend from the hips.
看前面 看前面 头抬起来 Look forward. Look forward.With your head up.
抬起来 一直看前面 Head up.Keep looking forward.
看前面 Keep looking forward.
站起来吧 You may stand up.
还是用沙发吧 We have to use the couch.
这边 Come this way.
放松 放松 Take it easy. Take it easy.
趴下去 Bend over.
胳膊伸直 Lay your arms out straight.
放松 放松 Take it easy. Take it easy.
手伸直 Bring your hands out straight.
合掌 Palms facing each other.
放松 Take it easy.
下次不要穿内裤 Next time, don't wear knickers.
你的屁股不够高 Your ass is not high enough.
今天恐怕不行了 I don't think we can do this today.
什么 What?
你周四再来吧 I'd like to see you again on Thursday.
怎么回事 What's wrong?
周四过来再看看吧 I think we should see how it goes on Thursday.
你好 我现在不方便接电话 Hi, I can't come to the phone right now.
请留言 Please, leave a message.
我是马塞尔的母亲 Yes, this is Marcel’s mother again.
已经一点半了 不是约好了吗 It's now 1:30.We had an agreement.
收到留言赶紧过来 I hope you get this message and come as quickly as you can.
马塞尔在睡觉 Ah, Marcel is sleeping.
我得走了 Uh... I have to go now.
身子抬起来 Raise yourself up.
再抬高点 Even further.
好多了 Better.
也强多了 强多了 Also so much better.So much better.
我要鞭打你12下 I am now going to hit you 12 times,
你怎么喊都不停 no matter how much you scream
因为没人听得到你 'cause no one can hear you down here.
不是 不是这样的 That's, uh, that's not how it goes.
一般我不打下去 客户不会喊 Most people don't scream until I hit them.
好了 That's it.
- 谢谢 - 不客气 - Thank you. - You're very welcome.
喂 你还在听么 Hello? Are you there?
太奇怪了 It's just all so very strange.
没错 实在是太奇怪了 Yes. Very, very strange.
因为第二次我湿了 毫无疑问 Because I was wetter the second time.There's no doubt about it.
我不知道性取向从何而来 I don't know where we get our sexuality from
也不知道施受虐从何而来 or where tendencies of this kind come from.
也许是童年埋下的变态心理 Probably a perversion created in our childhood
一直没显露出来 that never manifested itself before.
巧的是 弗洛伊德认为恰恰相反 Well, oddly enough,Freud says the opposite.
他讨论过童年时期的多种变态心理 He talks about the polymorphic perversion of a child,
即使是孩子 也存在着各种变态心理 meaning that in a child,all kinds of perversions exist.
而我们的童年 就是在磨灭 And then we use the childhood to diminish
和消除这些心理 or remove some of them.
孩子有多种性取向 Basically, a child is sexually polymorphic,
而对婴儿来说 一切皆是性 and everything is sexuality in an infant.
可是我感觉很奇怪 And yet it was deeply bizarre
趴在那里 尤其是有趴在那的欲望 to lie there and especially to want to lie there.
我感觉我无敌了 I felt invincible.
但更像一个盆栽 But mostly,I felt like a potted plant.
盆栽 Potted plant?
没错 因为他不断地检查我下体的爱液 Yes, because he was constantly checking my cunt juice.
就像老妇人检查盆栽需不需要浇水那样 The way old ladies check their potted plant to see if they need watering.
可是面对没体验过的痛苦 It is an interesting point that you actually lubricated
你居然也有了反应 in expectation for a pain that you hadn't experienced.
即使知道不会做爱 Your body prepared itself for an intercourse
你的身体还是做好了准备 that you knew wouldn't happen.
那种情绪只能是性奋 I can only describe the mood as sexual.
尽管K长得不算成熟 Despite K's immature appearance,
但他的手法十分专业 his methods were surprisingly refined.
他鞭打着我 我不断扭动 As I twisted and turned while he was whipping me,
我发现他打的结非常聪明 I could feel how clever his knots were.
越挣扎越紧 If I fought them,they would get tighter,
如果放松 绳结也会松 and as I relaxed,it seemed they did, too.
嗯 Hmm.
就像猫捉老鼠 Like a cat playing with a mouse.
让老鼠天真得以为还有机会逃走 Fooling it to believe it has a chance of escape
实则早已是囊中之物 and then attacking it again.
我不知道K用的是什么结 I don't know what kind of knot K used,
我知道一种结受力之后会变紧 but I know of a knot that tightens when force is exerted
反之则会变松 叫做普鲁斯科结 and vice versa.It's called a Prusik knot.
得名于一个叫普鲁斯科的人 It's after a man called Prusik.
他是一个攀岩爱好者 He was a mountain climber,
他和一个朋友结伴攀岩 and he and a friend were out climbing
结果出事了 他朋友死了 and they had an accident,and his friend died.
他吊在半空中绳子上 And he ended up hanging at the end of a rope
根本爬不上去 with no possibility of getting up.
攀岩用绳是没法用来攀爬的 You know, you can't climb up a mountain climber rope.
因为太细了 It's too thin.
不过他非常聪明 无路可退 But he was an intelligent man,and with his back to the wall,
更是激发了他 he was a genius.
他把鞋带从靴子上取下来 And he took the shoelaces out of his boots
卷了两圈绑到登山绳上 and made two loops and affixed them to the rope.
这样不用力踩的时候 And he could move these up
绳结可以上移 when they weren't under tension.
然后他就可以踩在绳结上往上爬 And then he could step into them
并最终脱困 and climb the rope and save himself.
普鲁斯科 Prusik.
我觉得这是你最无聊的题外话 I think this was one of your weakest digressions.
- 我能继续讲吗 - 讲吧 - May I continue? - Be my guest.
明天同样带15个小硬币来 Tomorrow bring 15 small coins,all the same.
不能多也不能少 No more, no less.
我有时会送出圣诞礼物 I sometimes give a Christmas present.
但这个礼物你得自己完成 But uh, you have to do the work yourself.
我跟你说该怎么做 I'm going to show you how to do it.
这个叫做血结 This is called a blood knot.
你需要在九根绳子上各系三个血结 You have to make nine ropes with three blood knots on each.
来做一个试试 Let me see you do it.
你自己决定每个结是卷四圈 五圈 You decide whether to make four, five, or six turns
还是六圈 on the various knots.
给我看看 Let me see.
没问题 That's fine.
你在绳子顶端 If you... if you start with one knot
打了一个结后 at the top of the rope,
然后隔10公分和20公分 and then you have to put two more knots at a distance of...
再打两个结 Well, between 10 and 20 centimeters to be exact,
但最重要的是 but the most important thing with blood knots
九根绳子上的血结要在不同位置 on the nine ropes is that they are placed differently
并交错排列 and that they are staggered.
九尾鞭在船上经常被称作 The cat-o-nine-tails is often called
“船长的女儿” the "Captain's Daughter"aboard ships.
血结很重要 The blood knot is important
因为是它们在刺激皮肤 because those are the ones that break the skin and not,
而很多人却错误地以为是绳端 as erroneously thought,the end of the rope.
绞刑架的绳结也是血结的一种 有很多圈 A gallows knot is also a kind of a blood knot with many turns.
美国军用标准是15圈 The American military standard demanded five to 15 turns,
绳结绕过罪犯的左耳 as it was the turns placed behind the left ear of the delinquent
当坠下的时候直接能把脖子折断 that would break the neck of the condemned as he fell.
我来拿走 I'll take it from here.
乔 Joe?
在吗 Hello?
马塞尔 Marcel?
马塞尔 Marcel.
- 你还喜欢我吗 - 是的 - Are you fond of me still? - Yes.
比起其他人更喜欢我吗 More fond of me than the others?
- 是吗 - 对 - Yes? - Yes.
你今晚不会又想出去吧 You're not thinking of leaving again tonight, are you?
- 没有 - 没有吗 - No. - No?
- 没有 完全没有 - 你确定吗 - No, no. Not at all. - You sure?
我确定 Yeah.
你在对我撒谎吗 乔 Are you lying to me, Joe?
- 没有 - 诚实点 - No. - Be honest.
没关系的 你他妈的说啊 It's all right.Just fucking say it.
不 我就想呆在这里 No, I... I just want to be here.
为什么 Why?
我不知道 I don't know.
如果你今晚再离开 If you leave tonight,
你这辈子就再也别想见到我或者马塞尔 you'll never see me or Marcel ever again in your life.
你明白了吗 You understand?
这是在说再见吗 Is this goodbye?
你是在说再见吗 Is that what you're saying?
马塞尔 起来 Marcel, get up.
- 别这样 - 你不就想这样吗 - Stop it. - Is that what you want?
现在你能看清他了 看着他 乔 Yeah, so you could see him.Look at him, Joe.
清醒点吧 乔 你不适合做母亲 Let's face it,Joe, you're not a mother.
我们把他叫醒吧 Let's wake him up.
马塞尔 小宝贝 跟我说 "妈妈再见" Marcel, baby boy.Say bye, Mom.
- 请把他放回去 - 你不就想要这样吗 - Please, put him... - Is this what you want?
听到没有 You see?
听到没有 他需要你 You see, he wants you.
过来 Come.
今天是圣诞节 他妈的圣诞节啊 It's Christmas.It's fucking Christmas.
这是怎么回事 What is this?
今天这位女士需要再等一等 Today it's Madame who must wait.
女士 我非常抱歉 Madame, I'm very sorry,
不过有需要先跟费多说几句话 but I have to have a few words with Fido first.
你今天的行为真心让我失望 Your behavior is really upsetting me today.
我觉得应该送你回家 I really ought to send you home.
圣诞快乐 费多 Happy Christmas, Fido.
- 我想要你的鸡巴 - 你说什么 - I want your cock. - What did you say?
我想要你的鸡巴 I want your cock.
不 不 不行 别这样 No, you don't.No, you don't.
你今天到底怎么了 What's the matter with you today?
鉴于今天是节日 再加上你今天的表现 On account of the holidays and your behavior today,
我用罗马的刑罚 给你四十鞭 I'm going to give you the original Roman maximum
准备好了吗 费多 of 40 lashes.Are you ready, Fido?
我准备好了 I'm ready.
一 One.
二 Two.
三 Three.
四 Four.
五 Five.
六 Six.
我看了K系绳结的手法 I'd seen through K's knot technique,
所以我能稍稍挪动身体 so I was able to loosen my position a bit
让阴蒂 to move my pelvis and thereby stimulate
摩擦书的封面 my clitoris against the cover of the book.
四十 Forty.
你回家以后 杰罗姆和孩子都不见了吗 And when you came home,Jerome and the child were gone?
之后我再也没见过马塞尔 I haven't seen Marcel since.
我讨厌多愁善感 This sentimentality...I hate it.
- 为什么 - 因为这是个谎言 - Why? - Because it's a lie.
你确定吗 Are you sure?
杰罗姆知道他自己也不可能 Jerome understood that he couldn't prioritize
为了孩子改变自己的生活 his life according to a child either,
所以他把孩子给人寄养 so he put him in a foster home.
我跟孩子唯一的联系 My only contact to the boy is the thousand pounds
只有我每月存进他账户的一千英镑 I put in his account every month.
匿名的 Anonymously.
作为赎罪 As a penance.
每当我离开时 Every time I leave,
我有种感觉 我回来时你就不见了 I have this feeling that when I return, you'll be gone.
我能听到猫洞的门 And all I can hear is the cat flap,
来回摆动的声音 swinging back and forth.
谢谢 我不知道这里还有猫洞 Thank you. I didn't know you had a cat flap.
我以前养过猫 I used to have a cat,
所以我在朝着楼梯井的门上开了猫洞 so I have a cat flap in the door to the stairwell.
但猫怎么出的去呢 But how did it get outside?
我没考虑过 可能是从地下室吧 I never thought of that.I suppose through the basement.
问题是 The thing is...
每当有人朝街上开门时 Every time someone opens the door to the street,
猫洞就吱吱作响 the cat flap squeaks.
屋里有很多股气流 There's a lot of drafts in the house.
它还没响呢 It hasn't squeaked yet.
不 并不是一直有人进进出出 No, there's not many people coming and going.
有点毛骨悚然 That's a bit creepy.
我喜欢 No, I like it.
能让我平静下来 It's... it's peaceful.
听了这么多伤心事 我能问一下安静的鸭子是怎么回事吗 After all this sadness, may I ask what happened to the silent duck?
该死 安静的鸭子 Oh, shit. The silent duck.
我完全忘记了 I'd forgotten all about it.
有天晚上的K One night K had been in what was for him
心情难得的好 an unusually good mood.
我不知道什么原因 不过他没怎么用力打我 I don't know what caused it,but he didn't hit hard,
还开玩笑说要告诉我 and he joked that he would introduce me
什么是"安静的鸭子" to the concept of the silent duck.
简直不敢想象"吵闹的鸭子"是什么样的 One hardly dare imagine the quacking duck.
内心深处 Well, deep down,
K似乎是一个 little K seems to have been a jolly man
多才多艺的人 with versatile talents.
不过罗马的鞭刑 But he got that bit about Roman punishment
他没有研究明白 and the 40 lashes wrong.
尽管四十鞭确实是最高惩罚 Because it's true that the highest punishment
可需要分三次进行 was 40 lashes, but it had to be delivered in series of three.
这就是为什么耶稣只受了三十九鞭 That's why Jesus only got 39 lashes
因为三十九是三的倍数 四十却不是 because three goes into 39 but not into 40.
我不知道K是不是很享受 Well, I don't know about K being jolly.
他在施虐狂的位置上 His position as a sadist
也许并不是我们想象的那样令人羡慕 wasn't perhaps as enviable as it might first appear.
表面上看 施虐狂是决策者 Superficially, the sadist acts as the decider.
但有一次我和一个妓女聊天 But I once had a conversation with a prostitute,
她尝试过各种花样 who had tried all the variations in her field.
所以对任何方式都不会感到惊喜 She wasn't surprised by anything.
她说只有受虐 And she admitted to have only masochists.
对她来说 受虐 Masochists, for her,
是最让人感到被迫和忘恩负义的 were the most demanding and the most ungrateful.
首先 看透她们的想法 First, she were to deduce their desire
推测她们的欲望 by reading their thoughts,
然后是一成不变地施虐 then perform without any alteration from the norm,
不像其他客户 and after which,unlike other clients
和有涵养的的施虐狂 and the most honorable sadists,for example,
你从未收到过任何感谢 you never received any thanks,
更别说礼物和花了 let alone gifts or flowers.
从此我再也没有去过那里 I never went in that direction again,
也没有找过K或其他受虐狂 neither back to K or masochism.
但我找回了性高潮 But I took the orgasm with me.
你还没有给我展示什么是“恶意” You yet have to show me one single example of maliciousness.
我一直说到现在了 But that's all I'm doing!
如果你想曲解我的意思 It's as if you want to misunderstand me.
那你继续给我卑鄙和自私的行为 You keep inventing complicated and false excuses
编造复杂和虚伪的借口 for my despicable and selfish actions.
那时杰罗姆已经尽了最大努力 During the time when our relationship
但我们的关系还是每况愈下 was going downhill,Jerome really tried his best.
我给你买了礼物 I bought you something.
- 你给我买了礼物 - 我肯定你会喜欢 - You bought me something? - I'm sure you'll love it.
- 哇哦 是戒指 - 没错 - Wow, it's a ring. - Yeah.
太漂亮了 It's beautiful.
我根本不了解杰罗姆的收入来源 It was impossible for me to work out Jerome's income.
他有时腰缠万贯有时又一贫如洗 Sometimes he had lots of money and other times none,
后来我明白也许 which I later thought perhaps
他的工作不是能见天日的那种 meant that his work was not entirely above board.
但是这次他已经全力以赴了 But this time he'd really gone all out.
- 这戒指一定很贵 - 是不便宜 - That must've been so expensive. - Well, it wasn't cheap.
- 真是巧夺天工 - 嗯 - Best craftsmanship. - Hmm.
我向你保证用了最好的工艺 I'll guarantee you that.
我们来玩游戏吧 Let's play a game, then.
- 游戏 - 嗯 起来 - A game? - Mm-hmm. Get up.
好的 Okay.
- 叫“灰姑娘”的游戏 - 我没听过 - It's called "Cinderella". - I don't know it.
- 我教你 - 好的 - You will. - Okay.
- 行了 - 你不能碰它 - Right. - No, you don't touch it.
- 好了 - 你只能看着它 - Okay. - You just look at it.
准备好了吗 Okay? Are you ready?
- 好了 - 预备 - Yes. - Steady.
预备 Steady.
- 开始 - 我操 乔 - Go. - Fuck! Joe!
加油 灰姑娘 Come on, Cinderella.
- 哦了个操 - 加油 继续 - Oh, fuck. - Come on, come on.
乔 我勒个去 Joe! For fuck's sake.
- 快 - 灰姑娘 灰姑娘 - Move! - Cinderella, Cinderella!
我操 乔 你疯了吗 Fuck! Are you mad, Joe?
你他妈有病啊 我操 Are you fucking mad?Fuck! Fuck.
我可是花了7000英镑啊 ￡7,000, Joe!
他找到了没 Did he find it?
找到了 并把钱全部退了回来 Oh yes, and returned it and got all his money back.
这样你还不能把这个游戏称作“恶意”吗 So can you call this game anything other than malicious?
让我再细想一下 Let me chew on that for a while.
你脖子上带的是钻石项链吗 So it wasn't the diamond that you're wearing around your neck?
是的 但也是别人送我的礼物 No. But that was a gift, too.
老实说 But I have to be honest and say
我都不记得是谁送的了 I can't remember the person who gave it to me.
我一直对 I've always been in...in the theoretical way, of course,
钻石和它们的切割工艺很感兴趣 interested in diamonds and their cuts.
"brilliant"这个词指的就是切割 The word "brilliant"refers to the cut.
钻石就是这种石头 Diamond is the stone.
如果我们用“天赐”这个词 If we use the word "divine" in connection
将黄金分割与斐波那契联系起来 with the Golden Section and Fibonacci,
钻石切割简直就是 the brilliant cut is nothing less.
令人可怕的精细切割 It's a frighteningly refined cut.
有57个面 Fifty-seven facets.
光线从顶部平面照进去 The theory is that the light enters through the top plane,
某些语言中叫做“镜面” which is called the table or in some languages the mirror,
通过钻石所有面的折射 and then inside the diamond is refracted in all the facets
光线原路折回 and thrown out the same way,
形成绝对独一无二的光照效应 creating a absolutely unique light effect.
因此被称作镜子 我不是很懂 So, it's called a mirror.I didn't know that.
你也有一面镜子 You have a mirror, too.
没错 Yeah.
能映射出心境 对吗 It's like a thought, isn't it?
[第七章 镜子]
几年以后 Some years later,
受虐的不良后果出现了 the bodily abuse began to have an effect.
一开始阴蒂偶尔出血 First, rare bleedings from my clitoris,
可是之后变得越来越频繁 but then they became more and more frequent.
请进 Come in.
我真的很需要工资 But I really need my salary.
我明白 I know.
我也很乐意帮你 And I'd like to help you.
你听说过关于你自己的流言了吗 Have you heard any of the rumors about yourself?
他们说你每天晚上都会见男人 They say you see men every evening
然后一起过夜 and spend all night with them.
他们说无法信任你 所有人都这么想 They say you can't be trusted,all of them.
他们为什么会这么说 Why do they say that?
我猜他们可能是害怕 I suppose they're afraid that I...
我会对她们的男人下手 I can't keep away from their men.
有道理 你能做到吗 Right. And can you?
不能 No.
我跟一位心理学家聊过了 I've spoken with a psychologist.
他说你是成瘾了 He says you're addicted,
但不是那种可以靠药物戒除的瘾 but that it's not the kind of addiction that can't be treated.
他们有几个小组 They have some groups.
我知道这种小组 I know about these kinds of groups.
我跟心理学家没有什么好说的 I don't have anything to say to a psychologist.
我不是在建议你 我要求你立即治疗 I'm not suggesting therapy.I'm demanding it.
即使你辞职 下份工作一样会这么要求 Even if you leave us,it'll be the same at your next job
下下份工作也一样 and the one after that.
为什么你不愿意和心理学家谈谈 Why didn't you want to speak with a psychologist?
都是陈年往事了 我不喜欢他们 It's an old story.I just don't like them.
如果你坚持让我理解你 Well, if you insist that I try to understand,
你应该把往事告诉我 then you have to tell me that story as well.
陈年往事 The old story.
好吧 Okay. Okay.
其实也不算陈年往事 It's not that old after all.
大约在我离开马歇尔和杰罗姆的一年后 It was about a year after I'd lost Marcel and Jerome.
好了 Okay.
我以前总是忘记吃避孕药 I'd been careless with my birth control pills before,
现在我根本不吃了 and now I just didn't use them.
是与马歇尔的经历 Didn't the whole experience with Marcel
让你确定这辈子都不再要孩子吗 convince you that there was no room for children in your life?
没错 That's right.
听起来有些不可理解 I know it sounds incomprehensible,
实际上 是我对不吃避孕药 but actually, it was because of my crippling fear
而怀孕感到太恐惧了 of becoming pregnant that I didn't take the pills.
你不可能理解的 It's probably impossible to understand.
不 我能理解 No, it makes sense to me.
你如此害怕怀孕 You were so afraid of getting pregnant
是因为你已经抑制了所有的可能性 that you repressed the possibility of it.
你甚至不去看装药的盒子 You couldn't even handle seeing the box of pills.
好了 Okay.
可以关了吗 Would you turn it down?
你可以通过屏幕看到你的孩子 If you look at the screen you can see your child,
但我不能告诉你胎儿性别 but I can't tell you the gender yet.
我才不关心什么性别 I don't give a shit about the gender.
我想堕胎 I want it removed.
好的 你才怀孕十一周 Okay. Uh, you're in week eleven.
堕胎在法律上没有问题 So legally, there are no barriers for an abortion.
我知道了 把孩子打掉吧 Yes, I know that.Just remove it.
好的 我们有一些程序要走 Well, we have some procedures to follow.
没啥好说的 There's nothing more to talk about.
我要把孩子打掉 我想堕胎 I can have it removed.I want it removed.
这事很重大 别这么匆忙决定 It is a very big decision,best not made in haste.
你没听懂我刚才说了什么吗 Didn't you understand what I just said?
在办理堕胎程序之前 Okay, there's an informative consultation
你需要找心理学家咨询 with our psychologist before you can have the procedure.
你还没有填表 You didn't really fill out the form.
也许是你没时间 Maybe you didn't have time,
但我还是要问几个问题 uh, so I will need to ask a few more questions.
目前你生活中最重要的事是什么 What's the most important thing in your life right now?
比如家庭 朋友等等 It could be many things,your family, your friends, your...
目前我最重要的事就是 The most important thing for me right now
去做堕胎手术 is to get an abortion.
没错 这就是我们要一起解决的问题 Yes. Well, that's what we're going to resolve together.
我需要些信息 I need some information.
你爱孩子的父亲吗 Do you love the father?
不关你的事 That's none of your business.
对你的情况有个大致了解 Well, it is my business because I'm here to form
是我的事情 an impression of your circumstances.
这是我的工作 That's my job.
你是想让我回答 Okay, so what would you most like me
孩子父亲的事还是他妈的堕胎手术的事 to answer about the father in order to get the fucking abortion?
我爱不爱他又怎样 That I love him,or that I don't love him?
我甚至不知道孩子父亲是谁 就因为我搞了无数男人 Or that I... I don't know him because I fuck tons of men?
你在医生检查时 I, uh, see that you were emotional
情绪过激了 during the doctor's examination.
我认为你才是过激了 I think you're emotional.
听好 这就是信息咨询 Please, listen. This is what we call an informative consultation.
我为什么要接受这个 What is it I need to be informed of?
你们又不能把流掉的孩子塞回肚子里面 That you can't stuff the kid back inside?
我已经了解了 I already know that.
我需要确认 I just need to be certain
你是否完全坚信你的选择 that you're completely sure about your choice,
根据你的行为 以我专业眼光看来 and my professional opinion based on your behavior
显然你在动摇 is that clearly you're not.
我已经坚定得不能再坚定了 I've never been more sure in my life.
我现在就要堕胎 I want that fetus out right now.
根据目前的对话 出于专业考虑 And as a professional, I cannot defend recommending an abortion
我对堕胎手术持保留意见 based on this conversation.
我已经有过一个孩子了 我知道该怎么做 I've already had a kid!I know what I want!
去你妈的 Fuck you.
有很多方式来堕胎 There were,of course, many ways to do it.
但我还是得遵循通常的医疗程序 But I had chosen to follow the common medical procedure
我以前学医时学过 I had learnt while studying medicine,
对我来说尤为重要 as it was of great importance for me
直接把胎儿取出来 to get the fetus out straight away rather than wait for it
总比几天后等他流出来好 to be expelled a couple of days later.
显然 最痛苦的部分就是 Clearly, the most painful part
将子宫颈逐渐撑开 would be the gradual opening of the cervix,
正常情况下都是麻醉后做的 which otherwise was always done under anesthesia.
说话啊 小丑 Say something, Pierrot.
什么意思 What do you mean?
你总是有很多聪明的理论要说 Well, you always have so many clever things to say.
我为你感到遗憾 Well, I... I feel bad for you
你不得不承受了那么多痛苦 that you had to cause yourself so much pain.
但是对于堕胎我还是完全无法理解 But the... the abortion is completely understandable.
你只是简单地以为 You simply thought the child
孩子的生命毫无意义 wouldn't have a life worth living, so...
没错 但只是针对堕胎本身 Yeah, but the abortion in itself.
- 堕胎不是谋杀 - 得了吧 - Abortion is not murder. - Oh, come on.
不要为我虚假的陈词滥调辩解 Don't fall back on false clichés just for my sake.
我再问一遍 你对堕胎持什么意见 I ask again,what about the abortion?
我没有意见 I have no comment.
我是堕胎权利的支持者 I'm a big proponent for abortion rights,
但这是绝对的女性领域 but this is 100% female territory.
我不相信男人能理解 I don't believe a man can ever comprehend
这种状态或痛苦 the situation or the pain.
说到方法 我想还是尽量少提及为好 And when it comes to the method,I think the less said, the better.
你提到了两种有趣的观点 Those are two very interesting points of view.
第一 你说作为男人 First, you say that as a man,
你无法理解女人堕胎 you can't understand a woman's feelings
所承受的痛苦 with regard to abortion.
这有点类似于你说你不理解 Well, that's a bit like saying that I couldn't understand
地震的受难者 因为他们是中国人 the victims of earthquakes because they were Chinese.
我认为我们应该能在 I thought we agreed that empathy
最基本的人道主义上达成共识 was the foundation of all humanism.
但我明白 男人可以很方便的 But I can see that it's very convenient for men
把堕胎的所有问题抛给女人 to leave all that abortion stuff to women.
包括所有的琐事 That way they don't have to deal with the guilt
他们这样做完全没有内疚感 and all of the small stuff.
但你另一个观点更加惹怒了我 But your other remark provokes me even more.
你认为方法不值得讨论 You think my method is not worth discussing?
不要说我 更别说一个怀孕的年轻女孩 What enjoyment would I,or let alone a young pregnant girl,
在听到关于在诊所或其他方式 have from hearing all the lurid details
堕胎的那些耸人听闻的细节后会有什么感觉 about how a fetus is removed in a clinic or any other way?
好吧 我们回到 Well, then,we're back at the discussion
关于人类吃动物的讨论 about eating something that was once alive.
你真的以为堕胎 Do you really think abortion is so repugnant
和人类要吃动物就必须杀掉它们的理论 if you believe that we should know
互相矛盾吗 how animals are slaughtered in order to eat them?
这是我们必须接受的事实 Well, that's a fact we have to live with,
即使我们选择性忽视 even if we try to repress it.
就像堕胎 Just as we do with abortion.
你听起来就像德克萨斯的反堕胎者 Well, you sound like a pro-lifer from Texas.
我可不这么认为 I don't think so.
首先 我和你一样认为堕胎是合法的 First of all, I'm just as much a pro-choice as you are.
但原则上 But on principle,
我相信摧毁人类生命是禁忌 I believe that taboos are damaging for human beings.
这是你相对容易接受的立场 That's a relatively easy stance for you to take.
人们对终止妊娠有误解 One that can be misconstrued as a...
而形成争论 as an argument against pregnancy termination.
我不想去贬低什么 I don't want to belittle anything,
但我觉得你的堕胎 but I can't see your abortion as anything but a...
是个有趣的问题 luxury problem.
有趣的问题 A luxury problem?
真正严肃的堕胎 The really serious,serious abortions,
可以拯救生命的那种 远离我们的社会领域 the ones that save lives,far from our social spheres,
你不会涉及到它们因为你 you can't endanger them just because you
坚持要展示那些血腥的细节 provocatively insist on showing the gory details.
想想数百万受迫害的女性 Consider all the millions of repressed women,
强奸 乱伦和饥饿的受害者 the victims of rape and incest, hunger.
也许多亏了堕胎 All those who, maybe thanks to an abortion,
才获得了新生 have regained a new life,
也许堕胎避免了一个孩子生下来就饿死 maybe saved a child from starving to death.
你不能去责备他们 因为这是开放性原则 You can't harm them just because of some principle of openness.
幸运的是 我第一次尝试就把胎儿顺着头取了出来 Luckily, I was able to get the head of the fetus out on the first try,
这种概率极低 but it rarely goes like that.
在12周的时候 胎儿头部的直径 In the 12th week,the diameter of the head
只有1.2公分多一点 is a little more than 1.2 centimeters.
因此 一种引人关注的工具 Therefore,a very impressive instrument
在医学界发展开来 has been developed by the medical community.
这种工具叫坚果钳 The nutcracker is an instrument
可以用它把胎儿从子宫中完整地取出来 that we use to get the fetus out of the uterus completely.
我们穿过扩张的宫颈通道 We enter it into and through the dilated cervical channel
找到胎儿头部的位置 and position it around the head of the fetus,
就像夹坚果一样夹住它 and you crack it like a nut,
然后往外拉 胎儿就出来了 and then you pull out the fetus,and there you have it.
这就是所谓的坚果钳 That is the so-called nutcracker.
这不是我要知道的事情 This is not something I need to know.
哦 我希望你在听了这个后 Oh, I hope you're not going
不要开始反对堕胎 to be an opponent of abortion based on that.
没有 但你有没有想过 No, but you have to think of the outrage
这种学科会在社会上激起义愤 this knowledge would create in society.
你是说人们已经蠢到 So, you're saying that people in general are too stupid
在合理的基础上都不知道怎么做决定了吗 to make decisions on an informed basis.
这可是一个小时之前才从某个 And that coming from a man who only an hour ago sermonized
对人性有信仰的男人口中说出来的 about his belief in human qualities.
你把事情简化了 No, you... you're simplifying things.
你不能这么看 You can't look at it like that.
看到你情绪突然激动很有趣 It's funny to see you so emotional suddenly.
现在看来 在和心理学家会面时 Looking back,it rankles me a bit
我没有表现出冷静和镇定 that I didn't just show up all calm and collected
这让我有些后悔 at the appointment with the psychologist
这样我就可以在全身麻醉下做堕胎手术了 and have my abortion under full anesthesia.
事实是 当你在全身麻醉状态下时 The fact is that when you're completely under,
胎儿也没有任何感觉 the fetus doesn't feel anything either,
反之 我的行为 导致了疼痛 whereas my action, of course,caused pain,
这取决于你认为 depending on how much consciousness
12周大的胎儿能有多少意识 you want to ascribe to a fetus about 12 weeks old.
提到这个话题我有点紧张 I'm a bit nervous about bringing that subject up,
就像世界上绝大多数的流产一样 as most of the abortions in the world,
由于药物匮乏 due to lack of resources,
只能局部麻醉 甚至不用麻醉 occur just under local anesthesia or none.
你真是个细心的人 Well, you're a careful man.
不管我们谈不谈论堕胎 你都不能逃离死亡 Whether we talk about abortion or not, you can't escape death,
我的孩子可能会成为一个健康的人 and my fetus could have turned out to be a fine human being,
但最终还是会死亡 but one that would also eventually die.
萦绕在我脑海中具有讽刺意味的细节 What haunts me is the ironic detail
就是父亲和我都是蜗牛收集者 that my father and I were snail-gatherers.
我们对地球上的小生物充满了怜悯之心 We had the deepest compassion,not to say sentimentality,
而不是多愁善感 about the smallest living things on the planet
我们通过拯救蜗牛证明自己 which we demonstrated by saving snails,
顺便说下 它们和我的胎儿大小相似 often, by the way,the same size as my fetus,
都在必然通往死亡的道路上 from certain death on the path.
我们拯救蜗牛的时候最好不被对方看到 We did that only when the other one wasn't watching,
否则会有点尴尬 as it was a bit embarrassing.
你在捡蜗牛吗 Are you picking up snails?
没有 No.
你确定不是在捡蜗牛 Are you sure you weren't picking up snails?
- 没有 - 确定吗 - Yeah. - You're sure?
确定 Yeah.
- 我们能偏离一下主题吗 - 好的 请 - Shall we drop the subject? - Yes, please.
你确定真的不想参观一下 Are you sure you don't want a little tour
器官捐赠者在器官移除后 of the technical details
的技术细节吗 of removal of organs for organ donations?
不 谢谢 不用了 No, thank you. I'm fine.
我们讲到哪了 Where were we?
我想是讲到你的老板把你送去看心理医生 I think something about your boss sending you to see a psychologist.
是的 没错 Yes, that's right.
- 我的名字是乔 - 你好 乔 - My name is Joe. - Hi, Joe.
- 我是一个性瘾者 - 性饥渴 - And I'm a nymphomaniac. - Sex addict.
我的名字叫乔 我是一个性瘾者 My name is Joe,and I'm a nymphomaniac.
我们管那叫性饥渴 这里的所有人都是 We say sex addict.Here, everyone's the same.
芮妮 上次你告诉我们你有个计划 Renée, last time you told us you had a plan.
进展得怎么样了 How did it go?
我想试试新东西 但没什么用 I thought of trying something new,as nothing had helped.
我想如果我加大药量 I thought if I overdosed...
换句话说 如果我的做法 in other words,if I did the exact opposite
跟我来这里的目的截然相反 of what we are trying to do here,
我可能会好过些 then I could get well.
你是指性欲恢复正常 You mean function normally.
我为此进行了精心准备 I had prepared the whole thing very carefully.
每到周末就把丈夫打发走 Sent my husband away for the weekend
专心照顾孩子 and had the children taken care of.
那是在一个周六 It was to happen on the Saturday.
我登记完这一个月的电话号码 I had... I had collected phone numbers for a whole month,
然后回到了煤堆前 and then back in the coal.
他们干了我三个小时 They fucked me for three hours.
你有什么感觉 And how did you feel about that?
在那之后我一直感觉很糟糕 我感到羞耻 Well, I never feel good afterwards.I feel ashamed.
但跟你的性瘾联系起来 But in relation to...to your addiction,
你感觉到症状有所减轻吗 do you feel relieved like you thought you would?
没有 No.
我该怎么办 我已经准备好了必要的一切 What should I do? I'm ready to do what's necessary.
性爱成瘾与毒品或酒精成瘾 Sex addiction is very different from,
截然不同 say, abuse of drugs or alcohol
因为你的身体完全不需要那些东西 because you don't actually need either of those things.
你可以通过戒毒或戒酒 These addictions can be completely removed
把毒瘾或酒瘾完全戒掉 当然这也很不容易 by removing the drug or the alcohol,not that that's easy.
但性瘾的不同之处在于 But the difference with sex addiction
性欲是每个人 is that everyone has a sexuality
与生俱来的 that's an integral part of their personality.
如果一个人想消灭性欲 If one could imagine exterminating sexuality,
那他就得远离人群 then you'd be left with a severely reduced person
因为性欲也包含了 because... because sexuality also includes tenderness,
温柔地接触及团结其他人 contact, solidarity with others,
完全无法想象人能脱离了性欲而活着 which would be hard to imagine anyone living without on some level.
你的意思是 即使性欲毁了一切 What you're saying is that no one can remove their sexuality,
也没人能够克制自己的性欲吗 even though it's destroying everything for them.
我不能说完全没有 I wouldn't say no one,
但是至多百万分之一的可能 but let's say, at most,one in a million
有人可以毫无性欲地活着 manage to live a life without sexuality.
但你的治疗不能建立在这这百万分之一的可能性上 But you can't be basing your therapy on that one in a million.
没错 第一也是最重要的一点 No. The first and most important step
是移除诱惑并减少接触 is to remove incentive and to reduce exposure.
你需要先弄清楚 You have to ask yourself
你容易受到什么的诱惑 what kind of incentives you have and then make it difficult
让接触诱惑变得困难 for yourself to come into contact with them.
排除一切可能让你联想到性的东西 Basically, anything that makes you think about sex.
停下来 Stop it.
乔有些东西想跟大家分享 Joe has something she'd like to share.
- 我的名字叫乔 - 你好 乔 - My name is Joe. - Hi, Joe.
我性饥渴 And I'm a sex addict,
但我已经三个星期零五天没有性交了 but I haven't had sex for three weeks and five days.
告诉我们你是怎么做到的 乔 Tell us how you did it, Joe.
- 你带了笔记吗 - 是的 - You brought notes? - Yes.
亲爱的诸位 不要以为这很容易 Dear everyone,don't think it's been easy,
不过我明白我们是一样的 but I understand now that we are all alike.
- 你没事吧 乔 - 没事 - Are you okay, Joe? - Yes, yes.
你需要喝杯水吗 Would you like a glass of water?
谢谢 Thank you.
要不下次再分享吧 Would you rather share another time?
不 我想这次就说 No, I'd like to speak.
亲爱的诸位 不要以为这很容易 Dear everyone,don't think it's been easy,
不过我现在意识到 but I understand now
我们并不一样 也永远不可能一样 that we're not and never will be alike.
我跟你们不一样 为了存在感而性交 I'm not like you,who fucks to be validated
很容易戒掉性瘾 and might just as well give up putting cocks inside you.
很久以前即使有人随便跟你做爱 You already got your bloody kick a long time ago
你都会得到极大的快感 when it turned out that someone was even bothered to fuck you.
我跟你也不一样 And I'm not like you.
你就一直吃到死吧 Eat yourself to death if you want.
我才不会同情你 I have no pity for you.
你只是想被塞满 All you want is to be filled up,
不管是男人还是成堆恶心的粪便 and whether it's by a man or by tons of disgusting slop
对你来说没有区别 makes no difference,
因为你只是想彻底填满你的空虚 because it's all just a pathetic attempt
隐藏你的自私自利 自我憎恶 at filling out your own resounding emptiness
实在是太可悲了 and hiding your ridiculous egocentric self-loathing.
我当然也跟你不一样 And I'm definitely not like you.
你所谓的感情共鸣完全是谎言 That empathy you claim is a lie
你只不过是这个社会的道德警察 because all you are is society's morality police,
你的工作就是为了把我的淫荡彻彻底底清除掉 whose duty is to erase my obscenity from the surface of the Earth,
这样资产阶级就不会觉得恶心 so that the bourgeoisie won't feel sick.
我跟你们不一样 I'm not like you.
我是个性瘾者 我喜爱作为性瘾者的自己 I am a nymphomaniac,and I love myself for being one,
不过最重要的是 我爱我的阴道 but above all, I love my cunt
以及我肮脏下流的性欲 and my filthy, dirty lust.
刚刚发生了什么事 What just happened?
我没听明白烧车子那部分 I didn't get that,with the car that burned.
不好意思 No, I'm sorry.
我只是太急着开始讲故事的最后一章 I was just in too much of a hurry to get to the last chapter.
天快要亮了 It's dawning.
你怎么知道 How can you tell?
黑夜的颜色已经变淡了 Oh, it's...it's just a slight coloring.
这个时间点我经常站在这里 I know because I've stood here so often at this time.
你可以说我有一种别人都不具备的 You could say I've developed an ability
分辨黎明的能力 to see dawn before everyone else.
这样你就会懂得 Then you understand what I mean when I say
这时候我故事里突然出现的黎明之光了 that twilight suddenly appeared at this point in my story.
我意识到这个社会容不下我 I understood that society had no room for me,
我也容不下这个社会 从来没有 and I had no room for society and never had.
如果我早意识到这一点 It would've been much, much easier
事情就简单多了 to have realized that earlier on,
突然间 but suddenly,
我的认知出现了戏剧性的转折 my senses unfolded dramatically.
从社会的阳光面 To go from the respectable daylight side of society
转向阴暗面 to the shady, nocturnal side
就像在战争中转投敌方 was like changing sides in a war.
你选择忘却旧事 You put your old army behind you,
但下一秒 你就会被新的一切吞噬 and suddenly, the next second,you're swallowed by the new one.
没有中间位置可以选择 There's no in between.
我觉得像和尚一样布置房间 I'm sure it was quite natural for you
对你来说是件非常正常的事 to furnish your room as a monk's cell,
不过这对于我给故事的章节起名 but as an inspiration for this story, chapter headings
很难有什么启发 hasn't been easy.
已经没有什么我能用的东西了 There's simply nothing left for me to use.
我对此感到抱歉 Well, I'm sorry about that.
不过如果可以的话 我能给你个建议 But if I may,I can give you a tip.
请说 Yes, please.
要知道我大部分时间都在跟文字打交道 You know, I occupy myself mostly with texts,
可是有些时候文字显得如此 but sometimes the text can seem so...
如此苍白 如此深不可测的苍白 so empty, so unfathomably empty.
尽管可能是最著名的作家最精彩的一段话 It could be the best text by the most famous author.
这可以通过改变你看问题的角度来解决 The solution might be to change your point of view.
我不懂你的意思 I don't get that.
太熟悉了反而容易视而不见 Things hide when they become familiar.
可是如果你能换个角度看 But if you look at them from another angle,
你有可能会有新的发现 they might take on a new meaning.
你说的没错 You're right.
这个刚刚只是我丢茶杯留下的污迹 Before this was just the stain from the tea I threw.
你觉得它还像什么呢 Can you see what it could be?
一把左轮手枪 A revolver!
不 左轮手枪有一个转轮 No, a revolver has a drum that revolves.
这是一把手枪 It's a pistol.
你能看得出是什么型号吗 Can you see what kind it could be?
我记得文献里没见过这样的东西 No, I don't remember anything like that from my literature.
我倒是读过 Oh, but it's something I can remember from mine.
- 伊安·弗莱明 - 没听说过 - Ian Fleming. - Not familiar.
要是这也没读过 也算是枉读书了 If you haven't read that,you haven't read anything at all.
稍作联想 它可以是 This could be,with a little imagination,
一把瓦尔特PPK自动手枪 a Walther PPK automatic,
就跟在邦德第一把枪"贝雷塔"卡壳后 the same gun that was issued to Bond,
再配给他的那把一样 after his preferred pistol,the Beretta, had jammed.
这东西对你有用吗 Is that something you can use?
是的 Oh, yes, it is.
[第八章 枪]
是我抛弃了社会还是社会抛弃了我 我也说不清 Whether I left society or it left me, I cannot say.
两种说法都有道理 I suppose you could make an argument for both sides.
我准备去找一份 I was on my way to the shady side
帮人追债的工作 讨债的方式 of the debt collecting business,which, among other things,
并不磊落 比如烧掉别人的车 involves stuff like burning people's cars.
我早就知道有L这个人 I had for a long time known about this man, L.
你好 我叫乔 Hi, my name is Joe.
我知道 进来吧 I know that. Come in.
我在找工作 I'm looking for a job.
我之前在办公室里工作 I've been working in an office,
但是一直都做不太好 and I was never really good at it.
我懂 不过 你想说什么 I can understand that.I mean, what's the point?
我不时在想你什么时候会出现 I've thought of you now and then and wondered when you'd show up.
我的生活方式相对有些奢侈 My lifestyle is relatively expensive,
我还需要有点时间做兼职 and I need a fair amount of free time for a sideline.
我明白了 Of course.I already know that.
我相信我拥有一些特质 I believe I possess some qualifications
我做事还不择手段 and that I'm rather unscrupulous.
我了解你的特质都很优秀 I know all about your qualifications and they're excellent.
你来这里已经证明了你很肆意妄为 And you have already proven you are unscrupulous by coming here.
我建议我帮你 I would suggest that you start your own little business
你自己干 with my help.
我知道你阅男人无数 I understand you possess a great deal of insight
一眼就能看穿 about a rather broad spectrum of men.
这点应该好好利用 This could be, or should be,capitalized on.
告诉我该怎么做 What should I do?
我这间小公司 I facilitate certain assignments for my humble firm
做的是债务收缴业务 as part of a debt collection business.
换句话说 我需要一个分包商 In other words,I need subcontractors
在我的客户对人不满时 who can put moderate pressure on individuals,
给那人施加压力 不论客户对错 with whom my clients rightly or wrongly have a bone to pick.
- 明白吗 - 就是敲诈勒索 - Understand? - Extortion.
不 不 不 No. No, no, no, no.
我更喜欢称之为讨债 I always prefer the term "debt collection."
-好的 -我不会去判断 - Yeah. - I refrain from judging
客户的意愿是不是合法 whether my clients' wishes are legitimate or otherwise,
这一准则我建议你也要遵守 a point of view I strongly recommend you follow.
我还是不知道该怎么做 I'm still unsure of what it is I should do.
你需要带两个混混 Well, you'll need two thugs,
我可以帮你挑两个好的 and I can think of two good ones.
他们都经验丰富 可以教你怎么做 They both have a lot of experience and can show you the ropes.
很有趣 That's interesting.
一点都没趣 It's not at all interesting.
最有趣的事就是 Most interesting thing about it was
我就如此轻易地投身于犯罪的泥潭 how easily I dedicated myself to crime.
我最主要的特长 My main qualification, of course,
就是和男人交欢的丰富经验 was my considerable experience with men and sex.
有时还要用到一些更专业的技巧 But even my more specialized skills came in handy.
不 不是这样的 No, now this is not how it goes.
没打下去之前不能喊的 You have to wait until you're hit.
给我推荐的两名帮手还不错 The two helpers that I had recommended were okay,
但他们更倾向于模式化的套路 but they were predisposed to a rather repetitive technique,
就是用铁棍造成 which consisted of creating as much havoc as possible
尽可能多的破坏 with a pair of iron bars.
看来打烂东西对你没什么用 Destroying your things doesn't seem to have much effect on you.
值得一提的是 The only thing worth mentioning
从我成为收藏家第一年起 from my first years as a collector
我的头脑就异常清醒 was the story of an unusually sober-minded,
理由有些牵强 and for that reason vulnerable, man.
我威胁将这些丑事公开 The dirt I threatened to go public with
用的就是我的杀手锏：性 was normally within my core competence: sex.
但有一次 这个男人 我读不懂他的性需求 But for once, here was a man I was unable to read sexually,
于是我变得很执着 so I became persistent.
把他绑到椅子上 Tie him to the chair.
别伤害他 Don't hurt him.
我找不到你的弱点 I can't find a stain on you,
但经验告诉我 人无完人 but my experience tells me that no man is spotless.
幸好你身上有个部位能测谎 Luckily, you're equipped with a very reliable truth detector.
我给你讲几个故事 I'm going to tell you a few stories.
你听着就行 All you have to do is listen.
你正在酒吧里看着一对夫妇… You're in a bar watching a couple...
我给他讲各种虚构的 I now meticulously went through the catalogue
有些变态的故事 of sexual deviations in fictional form.
比如性虐待 Stories about sado-masochism,
恋物癖 同性恋 能讲的我都讲了 fetishism, homosexuality,you name it.
但他还是没反应 But he didn't react.
快要放弃的时候 我说了一句 And I'd almost given up when I said...
回家的路上 你路过一个公园 On your way home,you walk through the park.
忽然你停下了脚步 And something makes you stop.
你听见了什么东西 You hear something.
没错 就是它 Yes, that's it.
你听见孩子们在操场上玩 You can hear the children in the playground.
你找了一张长凳坐下 看他们玩 You sit on a bench nearby and watch them play.
有个穿短裤的小男孩 There's a little boy in shorts.
在沙坑里玩耍 He's playing in the sandpit.
他的蓝眼睛注视着你 He looks at you with his blue eyes.
他对你微笑 He smiles at you.
并向你走了过来 I think he comes to you.
他坐在你的大腿上 抬头看着你 He sits on your lap and looks up at your face.
他说他想跟你回家 He says he'd like to come home with you.
回到家 At home,
你们都没忍住把衣服都脱光了 you can't fight the idea of being naked together.
他爬到你身上 He crawls all over you.
你勃起了 You get an erection.
不要再讲了 Won't you please stop?
他趴在地上 He lies on his stomach.
你脱下了他的裤子 You pull down his pants.
我还钱 I'll pay!
你干了什么 You did what?
我给他口交了 I gave him a blowjob.
- 什么 给那只猪 - 我很同情他 - Why? That pig! - I took pity on him.
同情 Pity?
没错 因为我毁了他的生活 Yes. I had just destroyed his life.
没人知道他的秘密 也许连他自己都不知道 Nobody knew his secret,most probably not even himself.
他满怀羞愧地坐在那里 He sat there with the shame.
给他口交 也算是向他道歉吧 I suppose I sucked him off as a kind of apology.
难以置信 That's unbelievable.
不 这是一个成功抑制了 No, listen to me.This is a man who'd succeeded
自己欲望的男人 in repressing his own desire,
一直没有向欲望屈服 直到我把它逼出来 who had never before given into it,right up until I forced it out.
他的生活充满了克制 He had lived a life full of denial
同时也没有伤害过任何人 and had never hurt a soul.
我觉得这是值得赞赏的 I think that's laudable.
无论怎样 No matter how much I try,
我都觉得恋童癖没什么好赞赏的 I can't find anything laudable in pedophilia.
那是因为你总想着真的伤害了孩子的人 That's because you think about the perhaps five percent
也许只有5% who actually hurt children.
而其余的95%从来没有实践过 The remaining 95 percent never live out their fantasies.
想想他们的痛苦 Think about their suffering.
性欲是人类最强的原动力 Sexuality is the strongest force in human beings.
生来就有不被认可的性向肯定无比痛苦 To be born with a forbidden sexuality must be agonizing.
有恋童癖的人以自己的欲望为耻 The pedophile who manages to get through life
羞愧地度过一生 with the shame of his desire
一生不曾纵欲 这不值得赞赏吗 while never acting on it,deserves a bloody medal.
有位叫托马斯·曼的作家说过 The writer Thomas Mann said somewhere
克制诱惑并不是罪孽 that a temptation resisted
而是道德考验 is not a sin but a test of virtue.
那个作家也有恋童癖？ Wasn't there something about that writer and boys?
有人这么说 Yeah, so they say.
我想他处理的方式就是写出来 I suppose he dealt with it by writing them out.
他还得过诺贝尔文学奖 And he got a medal, a Nobel Prize.
不过你没法同情他们 But there was another reason for my sympathy,
应该还有其他原因 which you find so mysterious.
我看到这个男人跟我承受着同样的痛苦 I saw a man who was carrying the same cross as myself.
是孤独 Loneliness.
我们都是性的弃儿 We were both sexual outcasts.
不管怎样 几年过去了 In any case,some years passed,
生意不断做大 during which my business grew,
我匿名存给马塞尔的钱越来越多 enabling me to step up my anonymous deposits to Marcel.
你做得很好 Your business is doing great.
我交待的任务你都能出色地完成 You complete all the jobs I give you to perfection.
客户也都对你赞不绝口 只是… And I hear only words of praise from your other clients, but...
- 只是什么 - 我们也不年轻了 - But what? - We aren't getting any younger.
那是当然的 No, that's for sure.
你也是时候要考虑 I think you're getting to that age
给自己找个接班人了 where you have to start thinking about a successor.
我他妈不需要接班人 Oh, I don't need a fucking successor.
听我说 Listen.
即使是犯罪 也绝不能含糊 A person should take their crime seriously.
你需要一个得力助手 You need someone to be your right hand,
一个能帮到你的人 一位继承人 someone to help you.A crown princess.
通常的做法是看哪位同行 The normal process is to find out
在吸毒或是在坐牢 what colleagues are in prison,or are drug addicts,
没有办法履行父母的职责 and thereby unable to fulfill their roles as parents.
找到他们孩子打球的地方 Then, you find out where their kids play football,
然后下手 and you get involved.
无论他们干什么坏事 You cheer them on for a couple of years,
你都要鼓励 干的事越坏越好 no matter how bad they are.Actually, the worse, the better.
慢慢的 你就取代了他们父母的角色 That way, gradually, you take on the role of the parent
到最后 他会对你忠心耿耿 until, in the end,you have a loyal helper
为你赴汤蹈火 that will walk through fire for you.
甚至愿意替你坐牢 Even do time for you.
听上去像是个圈套 It sounds like a kind of an entrapment you're suggesting.
- 一个令人厌恶的圈套 - 怎么叫都行 - An unsavory entrapment. - Call it what you want,
相信你也知道 良好的引导很重要 but if you believe at all in the effects of good parenting,
所以有了你陪着 that kid will have much greater opportunities with you
他们肯定能变得更好 as a mentor than without.
我很器重你 And since I like you,
因此一直在帮你物色合适的人选 I've been looking around for a suitable subject.
她今年15岁 来自一个惯犯家庭 She's 15 years old from a family of hardened criminals,
她也经历过许多事 and she's been through a lot.
前几年她进了收容所 Last couple of years she's been institutionalized.
父亲在坐牢 母亲死于吸毒过量 Her father's in prison and her mother died of an overdose.
不过她是个聪明的女孩 She's a smart girl.
她不玩橄榄球 And although she doesn't play football,
她打篮球 非常投入 she does play basketball very badly.
因为孤单 她选择了集体活动 She's chosen a team sport because she's lonely.
最重要的是 I saved the best part for last.
她的右耳有点畸形 Her right ear is slightly deformed,
她感到十分羞愧 which she is very ashamed of,
这也使得她更加孤僻 and of course, this serves to isolate her even more.
因此只要稍微给她一点 It makes her an easy target for even the slightest bit
关注或是同情就能卸下她的心防 of attention or sign of empathy from you.
尽管我很反对 但L还是说服了我 Despite my protests,the clever L somehow talked me
去看一看P into actually having a look at P.
我越看这个畸形耳朵的姑娘 The longer I watched the poor girl with the deformed ear,
就越觉得这个计划恶心 the more repulsive I found the whole plan.
不过L仿佛能预言 But as if L had foreseen this,
见到P使我心生怜悯 感慨万千 the meeting with P filled me with pity and emotion.
我发现自己 And without wanting to,
情不自禁地 每周末 I found myself,weekend after weekend,
都来给她加油 at her games supporting the poor player.
- 谢谢你给我加油 - 不用客气 - Thanks for cheering me on. - You're welcome.
今天你真的打得很好 You played really well today.
- 不 不是的 - 是真的 - No, I didn't. - You did.
最近你确实进步了许多 You really improved yourself lately.
十六岁生日 祝贺 Sixteen years. Congratulations.
- 谢谢 - 不客气 - Thank you. - You're welcome.
我很骄傲地向P介绍了 I was proud to introduce P
我父亲的志趣以及他的世界 to my father's passion and his world.
实际上 It's actually...
在冬天里我们看到的是树的灵魂 the souls of the trees that we see in the winter.
我觉得像人的灵魂 I think they look like human souls.
你说得对 Yeah, you're right.
确实像人的灵魂 They do look like human souls.
扭曲的灵魂 正常的灵魂 Twisted souls, regular souls,
疯狂的灵魂 crazy souls,
全取决于人选择要过怎样的生活 all depending on the kind of lives human beings lead.
那肯定是21号 威廉姆森小姐 Then that must be Miss Williamson from number 21.
这样说威廉姆森小姐可不太好 That's not a very nice thing to say about Miss Williamson.
但她总是生气 她腹部有个怪物 But she's always angry.She has a monster in her belly.
没错 她腹部是有溃疡 Well, she does have an ulcer in her belly
我已经给她治了15年了 that I've been treating for the last 15 years.
我确信接下来几天 And sure enough,one of the following days
父亲还会带我到树林里玩 my dad dragged me into the woods again.
我找到了我的树 我的灵魂之树 I found my tree.My soul tree.
但不是那棵 选那棵我会死的 And no, it's not that one, okay,cause then I would be dead.
这就是我的树 This is my tree.
- 这不是白蜡树 - 没错 这是一棵橡树 - It's not an ash tree. - No, it's an oak tree.
他有两支树干 It has two trunks.
是不是很棒 Yeah, isn't it great?
它分别向湖水及森林展示着它的两个面 It shows itself to both sides,the lake and the forest.
爸爸 树怎么会长两支树干 But, Dad, how does a tree get two trunks?
通常的原因就是当它还是小树的时候 The most common reason is that the top broke
树干顶部被破坏了 when it was very young.
那么爸爸你头上也被打破过 That means that you've been broken once.
是吗 爸爸 Have you, Dad?
看来还是找到你的灵魂树 It seems that it can be rather revealing...
有启示作用 to find your soul tree.
我父亲找到了他的灵魂之树 可是我还没找到我的 My father found his soul tree,but I've never found mine.
"当你看到它的时候 你就会知道了" 他是这么说的 "You will know it when you see it,"is what he said.
厨房和餐厅在这 到这边来 Kitchen and dining room.And in here...
P成年以后 When P reached the age of maturity
我成为了她的导师 and I became her personal adviser,
我让她搬来跟我住 I asked her to move in with me.
我从未见你把头发扎起来 Let me see you with your hair up.
真漂亮 You're so pretty.
我好久以来没有过性生活 All this time all my sexual activity had stopped.
以前的肉虐给我的下体造成了很大伤害 My groin was one big sore from my abuse that wouldn't heal,
连手淫都无法进行 and made even masturbation impossible.
我体验到了脱瘾综合症 I experienced definite abstinence symptoms...
发烧 痉挛 fever and cramps.
乔 你怎么了 Joe, what's going on?
- 小心 - 得把碎玻璃捡起来 - Careful. - We need to clear this up.
有时候我就会这样子 I just get this sometimes.
没事 没事的 It's okay. It's okay.
你想回到床上吗 Do you want to go back to bed?
是的 没错 Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
我爱你 乔 I love you, Joe.
我也爱你 I love you, too.
我指的不是那种意思 I don't mean it in that way.
快点吧 不早了 你也该休息了 Come on, it's late.You should go back to bed.
晚安 Good night.
也许她是真的爱你 Perhaps she really loved you.
他年纪还是太小了 She was so very young.
也许她也在两岁时就开始玩弄自己的阴部 Maybe she, too, discovered her cunt at the age of two.
说不定还更早呢 Maybe earlier.
我没法接受 I couldn't accept it.
也许是因为你也希望这是真的 Perhaps because you really wanted it to be true.
也许吧 Perhaps I hoped it.
跟P的故事真感人 It's very touching,all this about P.
那你就大错特错了 Then you've probably misunderstood the whole thing.
故事要不要就此结束 Shall we get the story over and done with?
别 Don't.
我想要看看你 I wanna see you.
- 不要 - 为什么 - Don't. - Why?
- 不行 - 为什么 - Please, don't. - Why not?
不 不行 我那里有伤口 No. No, I have a wound.
- 我那里有伤口 - 没关系 - I have a wound. - It doesn't matter.
- 不 你不懂 - 我的耳朵也有 - No, you don't understand. - I have that thing with my ear.
我真是无地自容 I'm so ashamed.
你喜欢我吗 Do you like me?
你真美 You're so beautiful.
有件事我不明白 There's one thing I don't understand.
她知道你是做什么的吗 Did she know what you did for a living?
P非常谨慎 是个少言寡语的姑娘 P was very discreet and a girl of few words.
奇怪的是 虽然我工作时间很诡异 Oddly, although I worked strange hours,
她从不过问我的工作 she never asked about my work.
但是有天她问我 But one day she had a question.
乔 Joe.
你为什么来看我的篮球比赛 Why did you start coming to my basketball matches?
这不是巧合 对吗 It wasn't a coincidence, was it?
不 不是巧合 No, it wasn't a coincidence.
我没告诉你 是因为我… I didn't tell you because I...
我以为你会不高兴 I thought you'd be upset...
你会生我的气 and that you'd get angry at me.
我不会生气的 I won't get angry.
我的工作 What I do...
我的工作不同寻常 My job isn't a normal job.
是违法的 It's not legal.
我家就没人干过合法的事 No one in my family does anything legal.
一个照顾过我生意的男人 建议我来看你的比赛 A man that's helped me in my business suggested that I watched you.
原本的计划是 我看你打球 The plan was that I...I should look at you
看看有朝一日 能不能在工作上用到你 to see whether one day I could use you in my work.
我该和你交朋友 I should make friends with you
因为我知道你父母双亡 because I knew you didn't have a mother or a father.
那有什么关系 What's wrong with that?
你没看到这个计划有多邪恶吗 Don't you see how evil that plan was?
- 我觉得自己很讨厌 - 别这么想 - I felt terrible. - You shouldn't have.
为什么不 Why not?
因为如果你没那么做 Because if you hadn't...
我们永远不会相遇 we'd never have met.
下次去工作带上我 I'd like to go with you to work next time.
不行 No.
你会考虑吗 Will you think about it?
- 不会 - 考虑下吧 - No. - Yes.
她不允许别人拒绝她 She didn't take no for an answer.
是的 没错 No, of course not.
海浪怎能停留在沙滩上 How do you keep a wave upon the sand?
在爱的挣扎中 我太弱了 不是她的对手 And in the throes of love,I was weak and no match for her.
我再来自作聪明一回 With the risk of being too clever for myself,
社会遗传是不可辨驳的事实 social inheritance is an irrefutable fact.
要说到街头法则 P肯定非常熟悉 If anyone knew about the laws of the street, it must've been P.
这话说的对极了 You're more right than you know.
- 让我一枪崩了这人渣 - 不 不行 - Let's shoot the fucker. - No, no!
放手 放手 Stop! Stop!
干这行不用枪 We don't use firearms.
- 把枪给我 - 别人也有枪 - I'd like to have the gun. - The others have weapons, too.
这我不知道 Well, I didn't know that,
但无论如何 你不能拿枪 but in any case,you're not to have one.
枪并不危险 But guns aren't dangerous.
关键看你怎么用 It depends on how you use them.
没错 Yes, exactly.
我不会冲他开枪的 I wasn't going to shoot him.
我们这样根本要不到他的钱 We wouldn't have gotten any money out of him that way.
能把枪给我吗 Can I have the gun?
谢谢你 Thank you.
你真讨厌 You're evil.
在那之后 机缘巧合 And now I'm afraid one of those coincidences
我遇到了件麻烦事 遇到了一个特别的人 you have such a hard time with occurred with a very special person.
P负责带我们去找欠债的人 It was P's job to take us to the debtors,
直到我看见门牌 so until I saw the name on the door,
我才知道那是谁家 I had no idea whose house we were at.
这个是银白栖的树叶 This is Acer siccharium.
- 是银白槭 - 银白槭 没错 - Saccharinum. - Saccharinum, yeah, that.
我说的就是那个 I said that.
[杰罗姆·莫里斯]
你确定是这里吗 Are you sure this is the right place?
是的 Yeah.
我在想 也许这次该你自己独自处理了 I was thinking maybe it's time for you to do this one on your own.
真的吗 Yeah?
- 谢谢你 乔 - 我不想弄坏东西 - Thank you, Joe. - I don't want anything destroyed,
也不想任何人受伤 and I don't want anybody hurt.
好吗 你就进去给他提个合理的付款方案 Okay? You just show yourself and offer him a reasonable payment plan.
那好吧 我就按你说的办 If you say so, of course that's how I'll do it.
再见杰罗姆时的感情是不是爱 Whether the feeling when I saw Jerome again was love,
我也说不清 I couldn't say.
但的确有这么种感情 But it was a feeling...
强到我无法控制 and far stronger than I liked.
我穿过小巷走回家 I was actually walking home through the alley here.
两个截然不同的社区 Your two neighborhoods are totally different,
却相隔如此之近 从杰罗姆家 but still so close together that the shortest route
到市中心的捷径就是穿过这条小巷 from Jerome's house towards the center was through the alley.
我回来了 Hello!
- 怎么样 - 棒极了 - How did it go? - Brilliant.
非常好 Yeah, really well.
听你的 我提了个合理的付款方案 I made a reasonable payment plan like you told me to.
- 他什么样 - 很害怕 - How did he look? - Scared.
他看起来多大年纪 How old did he look?
我不知道 挺老的吧 I don't know. Ancient?
杰罗姆要分六次付完欠款 Jerome was to pay off his debt in six payments.
每次P去杰罗姆家收钱 Every time P went to Jerome to collect,
我都烦躁不安的走来走去 直到她回家 I'd pace around restlessly until she was back home again.
我甚至把母亲玩接龙的旧扑克牌找出来 I even had to find my mother's sad old solitaire cards
只为了打发时间 in order to make the hours pass.
每到晚上 我就越来越担心 Each night I was less reassured
她还会不会回家 by her coming home than the night before.
我不愿想是怕她爱上别人 The question of whether jealousy is the fear of sharing
还是怕失去她 才产生的嫉妒情绪 or the fear of losing was of little interest to me.
但没错 这种负面情绪 But yes, it was a fact that this unworthy feeling
我压抑了许久 那时却无法克制 I had managed to suppress for so long was creeping up on me.
她最后一次去收账的那个晚上 The evening she was to collect the final payment,
没有吻我 she didn't kiss me.
我想可能是忘记了 I took it to be forgetfulness,
但几小时过去了 她没回来 but the hours passed,and she didn't return.
每次我看到车灯 都以为是有人开车送P回来 Every time I saw car lights,I thought it was P being driven home.
第二条早晨我出城 So the next morning I took a trip
绕着山坡转了几圈 to the round hills just outside of town
中午12点的时候我回到学校课堂 that I visited with my school class when I was 12,
象征性地说了告别 to say a symbolic goodbye.
我决定远走高飞 I had decided to flee.
我没法和他们俩待在一个镇子上 I couldn't stay in this town with her and him.
我像个懦夫一般 逃去了南方 I had cowardly made a plan to escape and head south.
好像北方太过寒冷 Like from some ice age
我没有勇气面对 I didn't have the guts to turn around and face.
离别很悲伤 又莫名的觉得不满足 But the goodbye was sad and strangely unfulfilling.
有什么东西在召唤我 要我去山里寻找 And something called me on to seek further up the mountain.
独裁者犯了谋杀罪 I understand dictators who commit murder.
比如希特勒 归结起来 What was Hitler,when it all boils down,
绝对不是社会给了他们自由的缰绳 other than a man to whom society gave free reins?
那就是我们都忽视了的一点 Well, that was just what we were missing.
你理解种族主义者 喜欢恋童癖者 You understand racists,you have a soft spot for pedophiles,
当到了终点线 and, of course,now at the finishing line,
你必须对历史上的 you have to sympathize
一大批刽子手表示同情 with the greatest mass murderers of history.
我是说 What I mean is...
都说取人性命很难 It's said to be difficult to take someone's life.
要我说放下屠刀更难 I would've said that it's more difficult not to
作为独裁者或我 when, as a dictator or as me,
你已经一无所有了 you've nothing to lose.
对人类而言 For a human being,
杀戮是最自然不过的本性 killing is the most natural thing in the world.
我们生来如此 We're created for it.
对极了 Wonderful.
别 快下来 No, get off!
拉我起来 Fireman's grip.
请填满我吧 Fill all my holes, please.
我现在也不知道为什么会放空枪 I still don't know why the gun didn't work.
我之前检查过 弹夹里是有子弹的 I did check to make sure that there were bullets in the magazine.
就是出了故障 It simply malfunctioned.
就像邦德的贝瑞塔手枪一样 Just like Bond's Beretta.
我想我知道原因 即使你的 I think I know enough to say that even if you had rounds
瓦尔特PPK弹夹里有子弹 in the magazine of the Walther PPK,
你也得先打开保险栓 if you'd taken off the safety,
不然你怎么扣扳机也开不了火 you cannot shoot until you've racked the gun.
你得先拉开 You pull and release
再松开这个滑动装置 the sliding mechanism.
P没拉开保险是因为 正如她所说 And P hadn't done it because as she said,
她根本没想要那人的命 she had no intention of shooting the man.
我没看过邦德 但我猜有关他的书 I don't know about Bond,but I assume it has to be apparent
或电影里肯定提到过 from his books and his films
半自动手枪都得先拉开保险 that you have to rack an automatic pistol.
原来如此 就是这样 Of course, you're right.
我在电影里见过上千次 I've seen it in films a thousand times.
天亮了 It's morning.
- 雪停了 - 太阳出来了吗 - The snow is gone. - So the sun must be up?
是的 太阳出来了 Yes, there is sun.
你怎么看到的 How can you see it?
阳光直接照不进这条胡同 This alley's located so that you never get direct sunlight here,
我是通过另一边建筑的反光看到的 but I can see a small reflection on the building on the other side.
我一直不知道为什么会有那块光斑 I've never managed to figure out where it comes from.
一定是高塔和大厦上的窗户 It must be some interplay between windows and towers
玩的什么把戏 and high buildings.
面积不大 但我这只有这点阳光 It's not much, but it's the sun you get here at my place.
很美 It's beautiful.
一开始 In the beginning,
你说你唯一的罪 you said that your only sin
就是想看更多的日落 was that you asked more of the sunset.
我想 这意味着 你想从生活中索取更多对你有利的事 Meaning, I suppose, that you wanted more from life than was good for you.
你作为一个人 索求你的权利 You were a human being demanding your right,
不仅如此 and more than that,
你作为一个女人 索求女人的权利 you were a woman demanding her right.
这样一切就能一笔勾销了吗 Does that pardon everything?
你觉得如果是两个男人在火车上寻找艳遇 Do you think if two men were to walk down a train looking for women,
会引人注意吗 do you think anybody would have raised an eyebrow,
或者一个男人过着你这样的生活 or if a man had led the life you had?
如果你是个男人 H夫人的故事 And the story about Mrs. H. would've been extremely banal
变得索然无味 if you'd been a man.
你的战利品就会是女人 And your conquest would have been a woman.
当一个男人因为欲望离开他的孩子们 When a man leaves his children because of desire,
我们耸耸肩不以为然 但你是个女人 we accept it with a shrug,but you as a woman,
你必须承担罪责 you had to take on a guilt,
永远无法释怀的负罪感 a burden of guilt that could never be alleviated.
你的堕胎是合法的 但更重要的 Your abortion was legal,but more than anything else,
是你对自身的一种惩罚 it was a punishment you inflicted upon yourself.
总而言之 所有的责难和罪过 And all in all,all the blame and guilt
积年累月的背负在你身上 that piled up over the years became too much for you,
你终于不堪重负 and you reacted aggressively,
甚至像个男人 奋起反击 almost like a man, I have to say,and you fought back.
你对一直压迫和残害 You fought back against the gender
你和几十亿女性的性别歧视奋起反抗 that had been oppressing and mutilating and killing you
以宗教或者道德的名义 and billions of women in the name of religion or ethics,
或许上帝才知道 or God knows what.
可我想杀人 But I wanted to kill a human being.
但你并没有杀人 But you didn't.
因为突如其来的意外 Because of a chance event.
你所谓的意外 You call it a chance event,
其实是潜意识的抵触 I call it subconscious resistance.
表面上你想杀人 On the surface you wanted to kill,
但内心深处你歌颂人类的价值 but deep down, you celebrated human worth
于是你故意去遗忘 in a veil of forgetfulness
本该知道的如何拉开枪栓 draped itself over your knowledge of how to rack a gun.
虽然你的话像极了 Although all this sounds frighteningly close
这个时代的陈词滥调 to the clichés of our times...
虽然我很想反驳你的观点 and I'm predisposed to knock holes in your arguments...
但我太累了 I'm too tired.
那好吧 Well, that's good.
你为什么不躺下 Why don't you lay down?
好的 Yes.
这样说吧 讲述我的故事 Let me just say that telling my story
不管是你让我讲 还是你允许我讲 as you insisted, or permitted,
都令我如释重负 has put me at ease.
此时此刻 我很清楚我的性瘾 At this moment,my addiction is very clear to me.
我决定好了 And I've come to a decision.
即使一百万人中只有一个 像那个将信将疑的心理医生说的 Even though only one in a million,as my dubious therapist said,
可以成功地从精神上 succeed in mentally,
身体上 bodily,
从内心深处 and in her heart
摆脱性欲 ridding herself of her sexuality...
那就是我的目标 this is now my goal.
但这样的生活值得吗 But is that a life worth living?
只有这样我才能活下去 It's the only way I can live it.
不管路途多么艰险 I will stand up against all odds...
就像山上那棵奇形怪状的树 just like a deformed tree on a hill.
我会用我全部的执着 I will muster all of my stubbornness...
全部的力量 my strength...
像男人一样的攻击性 my masculine aggression.
但最重要的是 我想感谢你 But most of all I want to say thanks
我的新朋友 也许是第一个朋友 to my new and maybe first friend.
谢谢你 塞利格曼 Thank you, Seligman...
把这些事都说出来 我感觉舒畅多了 who perhaps is happy when all is said and done.
无论如何 我很开心 I'm happy at any rate
枪没有响 that the shot didn't go off
我没变成杀人凶手 and made me a murderer.
我现在想睡觉了 If I may, I'd like to sleep now.
保证不会有人打扰你 I'll make sure you won't be disturbed.
当你睡醒的时候 And when you wake up,maybe we could
我们可以讨论下你的未来 discuss your future if you'd like.
在你开始新生活后 In your new life,
你会考虑找寻找的儿子吗 would you consider seeking out your son?
可能吧 It's possible.
晚安 乔 Good night, Joe.
晚安 塞利格曼 Good night, Seligman.
不要 No!
可你睡过成千上万个男人了 But you,you fucked thousands of men.