字幕 What a night. I think I might've
字幕 over-celebrated Mike's engagement.
字幕 Last time I drank like that,
字幕 I was hitting on sorority girls.
字幕 So... Tuesday.
字幕 Why did I have that second pi帽a colada?
字幕 Damn my weakness for sweetened coconut.
字幕 So, this is what it's like to be the sober one.
字幕 No wonder I was so unproductive in the '90s.
字幕 I got to warn you, boss.
字幕 I don't think I'm going to be very helpful today.
字幕 The streak continues.
字幕 All right, let's get the morning meeting started.
字幕 We need to talk.
昨晚 在迈克宣布他订婚的消息前 Last night, before Mike announced his engagement,
我们是准备接吻的 we were about to kiss.
查理 我现在没精神谈那么严肃的事 Charlie, I'm in no condition for a serious conversation.
晚点再说好吗 Can we do it later?
字幕 Okay. I'm the sober one and the one who wants to talk?
字幕 If I was still clinging to my virginity,
字幕 I'd be my college girlfriend.
字幕 Seeing as you're all hung over,
字幕 I'll try to keep this short and quiet.
大家好 Hello, everyone!
从今天开始 我想在每个早晨 Starting today, I want to take time each morning
都花点时间来讨论下我们的私生活 to discuss our personal lives.
字幕 So come on, people, let's dish.
字幕 Well, actually, I've been feeling
字幕 a little melancholy lately, and I've been...
字幕 super. Now me.
字幕 Claire has really been bringing out my romantic side.
字幕 This morning, I had the tree outside of my bedroom window
字幕 cut down so that we could watch the sun rise
字幕 over the east river.
那棵大橡树吗 The big oak tree?
先生 那棵树是历史地标呢 Sir, that tree was a historical landmark.
乔治华盛顿在1796年亲手种的 It was planted in 1796 by George Washington.
好消息 他已经死了 Well, the good news is, he's dead.
而且 这有什么关系 Besides, what's the big deal?
字幕 I'm sure he planted other trees.
字幕 I don't know.
字幕 He was probably too busy with the whole
字幕 "Giving birth to a nation" Thing.
字幕 I'm sorry. I make a hundred decisions a day,
字幕 and it's hard for me to keep track
字幕 of who planted what tree.
字幕 Besides, my gardener took it down.
字幕 Well, your gardener's not running for mayor.
希望不会吧 他是个非法移民 Well, I should hope not. He's an illegal immigrant.
大家 这是Allison Hey, everybody, I want you to meet Allison.
字幕 Hi, Allison. I'm Caitlin.
迈克说到你就停不下来 Mike cannot stop talking about you.
字幕 And I cannot stop looking at you.
你一定是Stuart吧 You must be Stuart.
请原谅他 You'll have to forgive him.
字幕 At times, he can be quite puerile and fatuous.
你一定是Carter吧 You must be Carter.
Oh, Mike told you I was well-spoken.
不 他说你是个秃头的黑人 No, he said you were a bald black guy.
字幕 Allison, I've never seen Mike happier,
字幕 and I should know, 'cause we're best friends.
字幕 Ahem. Paul.
字幕 Oh. Paul, of course... Mike's best friend.
字幕 So, I have been dying to know. How did you guys meet?
字幕 Well, you know, I was in the water
字幕 at this beautiful secluded beach
字幕 and, uh, started waving at her.
字幕 The next thing I know,
字幕 I'm lying in her arms on the sand.
这就是一见钟情 So it was love at first sight.
其实 我溺水了 Actually, I was drowning.
她游泳可好了 She is a hell of a swimmer.
我得给迈克人工呼吸 I had to give Mike mouth-to-mouth
将近五分钟 for nearly five minutes.
You know, to be honest, I wasn't actually unconscious.
嗯 我知道 Yeah, I knew that.
很少有不清醒的人会想解开比基尼带子的 Unconscious people rarely try to untie a bikini top.
字幕 Well, it was great meeting you guys.
字幕 I'll see you all later.
字幕 Come here.
字幕 Bye-bye.
她是不是很棒 Oh, is she great or what?
字幕 So, now all I have to do is buy the ring.
字幕 So, Carter, your first job as my best man
字幕 is to pick one out. I'm on it.
字幕 Oh, and, Carter, no male strippers at the bachelor party.
字幕 No problem. Ha.
字幕 Damn it.
好了 查理 你想谈谈吗 谈吧 Okay, Charlie, you wanna talk? Let's talk.
太好了 Excellent.
字幕 I've been thinking about where I am in my life.
这句话一点都不好笑 That sentence never leads to fun.
我知道我们昨晚差点就亲了 I know we almost kissed last night,
但然后迈克订婚了 我就意识到 but then Mike got engaged, and I realized
我想要的不只是一时的享乐 I want more than just a fling.
一开始你想要我 然后你又不想了 First you want me, then you don't.
我们差一点亲了 然后你又走了 We almost kiss, then you leave.
我受够了 I'm through playing this game.
字幕 I wouldn't go home with you now
字幕 unless you asked me.
查理 我两个前男友刚订婚 Charlie, my last two boyfriends just got engaged.
我下一个男朋友一定是 The next guy I'm with needs to have long-term potential,
字幕 and we both know that's not you.
字幕 That doesn't sound like me.
你有烟吗 Do you have a cigarette?
有的 Yes, I do.
谢了 Thanks.
你看 你到哪都要勾搭妹子 Look at that. You can't stop hitting on women.
我没有勾搭她 I wasn't hitting on her.
查理 你都不抽烟的 Charlie, you don't even smoke.
我喜欢帮助他人 I like to help people.
字幕 Hey, buddy, could I bum a smoke?
我是自动售货机吗 What am I... A vending machine?
查理 我们是朋友 Charlie, we're friends.
字幕 I think that's what we're meant to be.
Caitlin 我们之前有点什么 Caitlin, there's something going on here.
给个机会吧 Let's give it a chance.
我得走了 I got to go.
字幕 How about I pay you back for the cigarette
字幕 by buying you a drink?
字幕 I don't know. I'm pretty down.
字幕 Trouble with your girlfriend?
不不 她不是我女朋友 Oh, no, no. She's not my girlfriend.
这事很复杂 It's kind of complicated.
你想我走吗 So you want me to leave?
没那么复杂 Not that complicated.
字幕 I had a great time last night.
字幕 You were amazing.
字幕 You too.
字幕 That thing with the ice cream was a first.
字幕 Well, I am the "Good humor" Man.
字幕 You were really intense.
字幕 At one point, you actually screamed.
字幕 It was so primal.
字幕 To be honest, I think I pulled a hamstring.
詹妮弗 Look, Jennifer,
我觉得你很棒 但我真的不准备 I think you're great, but I'm really not ready for...
字幕 I'll take this one. Last night was fun,
字幕 but I'm not ready to be in a relationship right now,
为什么不接受事实呢 so why don't we accept it for what it was?
字幕 One evening of pure uncomplicated passion.
哇 你拒绝了我 Wow. You rejected me,
字幕 yet my self-esteem is completely intact.
字幕 It's designed that way.
字幕 I'll call you.
字幕 Yeah. Thanks.
字幕 I can use that.
字幕 Last night was fun but...
字幕 Something about pure passion.
字幕 Oh, great, I need you to say that thing again.
字幕 Aah!
字幕 What?
没事 见到你很开心 Nothing. I'm happy to see you.
字幕 Caitlin... Aah!
字幕 I feel bad about the way we left things last night.
真的吗 You do?
是啊 Yes.
字幕 I mean, clearly,
我们之间是有些什么的 there's something between us,
但我没有给你机会 but instead of taking a chance,
反而回家吃冰激凌来让自己开心 I was home trying to cheer myself up with ice cream.
我也是 Me too.
Why don't we stop over-thinking everything
字幕 and just see where this leads?
你愿意和我去约会吗 Do you want to go on a date with me?
好的 我愿意 Yes. I would love that.
字幕 Great. I mean, it's obvious
字幕 neither one of us will be
字幕 able to move on until we resolve this thing.
字幕 Totally obvious.
这是什么 What's this?
哦这个啊 这是我的山羊绒围巾 Oh, that... that's my pashmina scarf.
你戴山羊绒围巾吗 You wear a pashmina scarf?
干嘛 男的就不能打扮了吗 What... A man can't feel pretty?
字幕 Do you see? I told you you'd like the c茅zanne exhibit.
字幕 I could never have gotten Mike to go to that museum.
字幕 What is your secret?
看到吗 Carter 你和Allison的区别 See, Carter, the difference between you and Allison
就在于 is what happens after we see the paintings.
字幕 Gotcha. I don't put out.
字幕 No, you don't shut up.
字幕 I've got to get to the airport.
字幕 I'll call you in a few days.
字幕 Stay a little while longer, okay?
字幕 If you miss your flight, I'll drive you.
我要去巴西 I'm going to Brazil.
字幕 I know a shortcut through Honduras.
如果那里没有叛乱 You know, if there's no rebel activity,
我们明早就能到那儿 we're there in the morning.
字幕 I'll call you as soon as I land.
我会想你的 I'll miss you.
我会更想你的 I'll miss you more.
字幕 She will miss me more.
Mike 如果Allison一直在旅行 Mike, if Allison always travels this much,
你永远都见不了她了 you're never going to see her.
是啊我知道 所以我准备辞职了 Yeah, I know. That's why I'm going to quit work.
我要和她一起旅游 I'm just going to travel around with her.
下个月 我们要去非洲 Next month, we're going to Africa.
等下 等下 Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Mike Flaherty不工作了吗 Mike Flaherty is going to stop working?
不可能 Impossible.
字幕 Seeing Allison helped me put everything in perspective.
字幕 I mean, I love politics, but it became an obsession.
字幕 My seven years at city hall... I saw one movie.
《市政厅》 "City hall."
我想要结婚 我想要生孩子 I want to get married. I want to have kids,
字幕 and, you know, this is the only way it's going to happen.
我真不敢相信你会说这些 佩服 Can't believe I'm hearing you say that. I am impressed.
好吧 失陪一下 All right, well, if you'll excuse me,
Allison told me about a great exhibit of botticelli nudes.
字幕 Botticelli... his models were...
字幕 Chicks. I'm in.
字幕 Julian Wheeler's live on New York one.
字幕 I think he's going to announce his candidacy for mayor.
字幕 Another billionaire politician
字幕 who thinks he can buy the election.
字幕 That bastard. That was our plan.
这曾经是棵 This was once a beautiful tree
华盛顿亲手种的树 planted by George Washington.
但是Winston市长不小心 But mayor Winston has carelessly destroyed
毁了这个国家宝藏 this national treasure,
就像她在破坏这座美丽的城市一样 just like he's destroying this great city.
字幕 How did he find out about the tree?
字幕 That's all for today.
字幕 Mr. Wheeler will be...
查理 这是酒吧里的那个女的 Charlie, that's the woman from the bar.
她戴着你的山羊绒围巾 And she's wearing your pashmina scarf.
字幕 Tomorrow, you can ask him any question you want.
字幕 Thank you.
你带她回家了 是吗 You took her home, didn't you?
额 Well, uh...
字幕 Charlie, did you tell her about the tree?
字幕 Ha ha. No.
字幕 Yes. That tree stands for 200 years,
字幕 he's seeing this woman for two weeks, and then...
字幕 Ya! Ya! Ya!
字幕 It's all gone! Ha ha ha!
字幕 It might've come up.
字幕 I had no idea that woman was his campaign manager.
字幕 I'm sorry.
不不 这是我们的错 从现在开始 No, no, it's our fault. From now on,
我们会让Stuart在你一夜情之前 we'll have Stuart run background checks
帮你做背景调查的 before your one-night stands.
字幕 Yes, because if a girl can live up
字幕 to Stuart's lofty moral standards,
那就没什么问题了 there should be no problem.
字幕 I cannot believe she manipulated me like that.
字幕 I feel so used.
闭嘴 Oh, shut up.
当查理被占便宜了 So when Charlie gets taken advantage of,
他还是和一个性感女人上床了 he still has sex with a hot woman.
字幕 Yeah, when I get taken advantage of,
字幕 I pay 200 bucks for a romex watch.
字幕 For the last time, Paul, a deal's a deal.
伙计们 我听说了你的工作危机 Hey, guys. I heard about your work crisis.
我只是想说祝你好运 I just wanted to say good luck.
字幕 I mean, obviously it's not my thing anymore,
字幕 so there's no reason for me to get involved.
字幕 Good for you.
字幕 If I were to get involved...
字幕 I say you take the wood from the tree,
字幕 and you make something of value to the city.
字幕 That's good, that's good.
同时 我们得让你到 In the meantime, we got to get you
字幕 in front of the cameras, making a sincere apology.
字幕 Apologizing is my least favorite part of the job.
真讽刺 这是我做的最多的事 Ironically, it's what I do the most.
字幕 We'll need someone to draft a statement. I'll do it.
字幕 And someone's got to deal with the environmental groups.
字幕 I'll do it.
字幕 And someone should find that devious woman,
字幕 feed her phony information, and sleep with her.
字幕 I'll do it.
字幕 Hey, Carter,
字幕 I'm just going to help out. I'll make a couple of calls.
字幕 Yeah, hi, this is Mike Flaherty.
字幕 Get me the parks commissioner on the phone, please.
字幕 What are you doing? You said you were done with work.
字幕 Carter, come on, this is fun.
什么叫他很忙 Now, what do you mean he's busy?
不 你叫他给我死到电话前来 No, you tell him to get his butt to the phone,
否则我就拖着华盛顿的树过来 or I will drag Washington's tree down there,
用它抽他屁股 and I will beat his ass with it.
字幕 See, this is fun.
字幕 The revolutionary war society is planning
字幕 to picket city hall.
字幕 Find out if we can make a deal.
字幕 I need this asap. Go, go, go.
我们得谈一下 We need to talk.
字幕 Stay.
Caitlin 我很愿意现在就谈 Caitlin, I'd love to talk right now,
但是我和Stuart现在有点事 but Stuart and I are in the middle of something,
字幕 and I wouldn't want you to feel uncomfortable
字幕 expressing yourself.
字幕 You are a huge ass.
字幕 She seems comfortable.
你怎么能和那女的上床 How could you sleep with that woman?
我们经历了那么多事了 After everything we've been through,
你一个小时都忍不了 you couldn't make it one
一定要和别人上床吗 hour without jumping into bed with someone?
字幕 The rule is, you wait 30 minutes.
字幕 That's for going swimming after you eat.
是你想要做朋友的 You're the one that wanted to be friends.
字幕 What did I do wrong?
如果你在乎我 If you cared about me,
你就会花些时间来缓缓 you would've taken some time before moving on.
Caitlin 我们生活在一个摩登世界 Caitlin, we live in a modern world
一切都发生的很快 where things happen so quickly.
以前跨过大西洋需要六个星期 It used to take six weeks to cross the Atlantic,
现在飞五个小时就到了 and now you can fly in five hours.
所以呢 So?
字幕 So let's talk about that.
字幕 And I felt guilty about leaving you at the bar.
字幕 Oh, I can't believe I was up half the night thinking about you.
Caitlin 我和她在一起 Listen, Caitlin, just because I was with her
不代表我没有想着你 doesn't mean you weren't on my mind.
恶心 Ew.
字幕 That's not what I...
当你说我不可能谈长期恋爱 look, I was really upset when you said
我真的很难过 I didn't have long-term potential.
我需要一个能说话的人 I needed someone to talk to.
你真的说了吗 You actually talked?
一点点 A little.
之后说了 After.
我希望你们能知道我们很重视你们 I want you gentlemen to know we take you very seriously.
乔治华盛顿的树被杀了 George Washington's tree has been killed,
这让我们非常难过 和 and it's as upsetting to us as it is to...
字幕 Thee.
你的提议是什么 What are you proposing?
为什么不以他的名字命名一座桥呢 Well, why don't we name a bridge after him?
已经有一座了 We already have one.
嘘 Shh.
我告诉你们吧 我们会在中央公园 I'll tell you what... we'll give you a statue
建一个雕像 在总统日组织一个游行 in central park and a parade on presidents' day.
我们来投票吧 Let us take a vote.
字幕 Yea.
字幕 Yea. Nay.
字幕 Come on, Stan, you're always so negative.
字幕 No wonder none of the Betsy rosses like you.
字幕 Uh, gentlemen,
字幕 we've got a lot of fires to put out here.
我们下个礼拜二再计划好吗 Maybe we could reschedule this for next Tuesday?
我们有自己的生活 Hey. We have lives.
字幕 Clearly.
字幕 The "Post" Is going to print our side of the story.
字幕 Okay, Paul, draft a press release.
字幕 I want it on the 10:00 news.
字幕 Stuart, find the mayor, bring him up to speed,
字幕 tell him we go live in an hour.
你 你是干嘛的 You, what do you do?
我只是个大学生 I'm just a college student.
毕业 找工作 退休 搬去博卡 Graduate, find a job, retire, move to Boca.
字幕 Go, go, go, go, go!
字幕 Carter, what do you got for me?
字幕 I, uh, made an appointment with the jeweler,
字幕 and I jotted down some romantic notes
字幕 for you to use when you give the ring to Allison.
字幕 "My dearest..."
很好 That's nice.
字幕 "I've loved you from the moment I saw you...
字幕 "Your beautiful brown eyes, your silky hair,
字幕 your... Powerful biceps."
字幕 Sorry. Wrong notes.
我在努力和Brad重修旧好 I'm trying to patch things up with Brad.
字幕 I think I can actually use this.
字幕 See, I just change "Rugged beard"
字幕 to "Porcelain skin"
字幕 and "Firm buttocks" To... no, actually, that works.
字幕 Hey, we just caught a break.
字幕 Turns out Wheeler made millions destroying low-income housing
字幕 building luxury condos.
字幕 Great. That's it. That's our fix.
字幕 Let's go map out the mayor's response.
迈克 戒指怎么办 Mike. What about the ring?
字幕 If you want to surprise her with a ring tomorrow,
字幕 we've got to leave right now.
你为什么不帮我买呢 Why don't you buy it for me?
字幕 And, hey, buy a little something for Brad...
字幕 something that will go
字幕 with his sculpted chest and his winning smile.
字幕 Carter, nice work. This guy is a fox.
我不能说谎 I cannot tell a lie.
我砍了乔治华盛顿的树 I chopped down George Washington's tree.
字幕 It's a regrettable accident, but we are using the wood
字幕 to create a shelter for the needy.
我的对手喜欢拆穷人的房子 While my opponent likes to destroy homes for the poor,
而我想要造房子 I intend to build them.
字幕 Thanks, everyone. We dodged a bullet.
字幕 You do this job day after day,
字幕 and you feel like you never make a difference.
But today, we stepped up, and we accomplished something.
你们知道吗 And you know what?
字幕 It really wasn't that satisfying.
字幕 Well, I'm inspired. Let's go have another round.
字幕 Come on! Drinks are on...
字幕 Coasters.
这几天真疯狂 Well, it's been a crazy couple of days.
很难想起谁做了什么 Hard to keep track of who did what,
谁和谁睡了 who slept with who...
好消息 所有事都回归正轨了 Good news is, everything's back to normal.
我要走了 I got to go.
等等 你不会生我气了吧 Wait. You can't be mad at me.
为什么不会 Why not? Because you know me.
字幕 When it comes to women, I'm a screwup.
我就是这样的人 It's who I am.
我会因为太阳升起或风在吹 Do you get mad at the sun for rising
或公鸡叫生气吗 or the wind for blowing or a rooster for...
别说了 Please stop talking.
我能再说一件事吗 Can I say one more thing?
什么事 What?
对不起 I'm sorry.
我从没想让你觉得你对我不重要 I never meant to make you feel like you weren't important to me.
我知道 你不用道歉 I know. You don't have to apologize.
字幕 Just because I was home obsessing about our relationship
字幕 doesn't mean you shouldn't have fun.
字幕 Well, to be honest,
字幕 I would rather have hung out with you.
谢谢 Thanks.
那 做朋友吗 So, friends?
朋友吧 Friends.
你知道吗 有时候我很佩服你 You know, sometimes I admire the way
能享受生活不用多想 you can just have a good time without even thinking twice.
告诉你个秘密吧 I'll let you in on a secret.
我一次都不用想 I don't even think once.
晚安 查理 Good night, Charlie.
晚安 Good night.
你好 Hi.
我们能谈谈吗 Can we talk?
字幕 Well, if it isn't
字幕 Ms. "Pick me up, take me home,
字幕 and get information about a tree" Lady.
字幕 That sounded better in my head.
查理 我们刚认识时 Look, Charlie, when we met,
我不知道你在哪上班 I didn't know where you worked.
我只是单纯的喜欢你 I just liked you.
然后你告诉我 And then you told me that story
关于市长的故事 about the mayor...
字幕 Ya! Ya! Ya!
字幕 I had to use it.
字幕 Come on, you would've done the same thing.
字幕 You can't go by me.
我的坏决定可是个传奇 I'm legendary for my bad judgment.
字幕 So, what do we do?
字幕 How about if we get out of here?
字幕 Well, actually, I'm still getting over that friend
字幕 from before,
字幕 so I think I'd rather just talk.
字幕 Okay.
字幕 Talk.
字幕 That pretty much covers it.
迈克今天来过吗 Is Mike stopping by today?
字幕 No. I finally got through to him.
我们在说话的时候 他在给Allison戒指呢 As we speak, he's giving Allison the ring.
那真好 Good for him.
字幕 And me. Mike was wise
字幕 to all my best slacking techniques...
字幕 reissuing old memos,
字幕 taking a nap in the janitor's closet,
字幕 putting a cardboard cutout of myself at my desk
字幕 and then leaving early.
字幕 Ha ha. Not that I would ever try that on you, boss.
字幕 I mean, you're so...
字幕 save it. I know all about flat Paul.
你知道吗 你什么时候发现的 You do? When did you find out?
字幕 The day I was talking to you
字幕 and it was... Interesting.
你能想象吗 Can you picture it?
在我们现在说话时 迈克在中央公园 As we speak, Mike is in central park,
站在一座桥上 像Allison求婚 standing on a bridge, proposing to Allison.
嘿 伙计们 Hey, guys.
迈克 你在这里干嘛 说好的求婚呢 Mike, what are you doing here? What happened to the proposal?
订婚取消 Oh. The engagement is off.
什么叫取消 What do you mean off?
取消 就是没有了 Off. You know, not on.
字幕 Come on, guys, I was kidding myself.
这是我的归宿 This is where I belong.
好了 我们还有个城市要管呢 Now, come on, let's go. We got a city to run.
"We"? Yeah. I'm back.
字幕 Sit, ubu, sit. Good dog.
字幕 Moo.