* Jingle Bells *
Garfield, wake up!
Good morning, Jon.
No time for small talk, Garfield.
It's Christmas morning, and you know what that means.
Of course I do!
Christmas means presents! Lots and lots of presents!
First things first, Garfield.
You can't open presents on an empty stomach.
(Jon's bells on his shoes jingling)
Here are your breakfast lasagnas.
You may eat your way to the tree.
(Jon's bells on his shoes jingling)
Ohhh-kay, Garfield.
You wait right here while I get your gift.
(Jon's bells on his shoes jingling)
(Fanfare)
Now that's what I call a Christmas gift!
It's the gift that keeps on giving, Garfield.
Here... let me show you.
(Jon's bells on his shoes jingling)
Now watch this...
This gift-giving machine can read your mind.
Whatever you think of, it will give you!
Observe.
(Machine chirping)
(Ding!)
Neat, huh?
Let me try that!
(Jon thuds to the floor)
(Machine chirping)
(Ding!)
And that's just for starters.
Now this is what Christmas is all about.
* Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme *
* Gimme, gimme *
* Just when you think *
* All your friends are all accounted for *
* That's the time you gotta ask for more *
* Christmas is my favorite time of year *
* That's the time I get my Christmas cheer *
* Come on *
* Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme *
* Gimme *
* Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme *
* Gonna shake all the goodies *
* Right off the tree *
* Come on *
* Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme *
* Yeah *
Things! Stuff! Gadgets!
Toys! Greed! Avarice!
I love it!
Hey, Garfield.
Garfield, wake up.
Huh? Oh, it's you.
Leave your number, I'll get back to ya.
Hey, Garfield. Guess what today is?
Listen carefully, Jon,
I don't do pop quizzes before breakfast, 'k?
Are you ready for this, Garfield?
It's Christmas Eve morning.
We're gonna pack up our presents and go to the farm for Christmas.
Won't that be fun?
You've got a real sick sense of humor, Jon.
You know that, don't you?
The whole family's going to be there.
Dad, Mom, and Grandma, and Doc Boy...
And good boy, and bad boy, and oh boy, and atta boy...
Come on, Garfield. We have a busy day ahead of us.
Why is it every Christmas
I get drug outta my warm bed, just to see
some stupid ol' relatives?
And why is it I always have to
go to the stupid ol' farm?
Why can't they come here where my warm bed is?
And why... am I whispering?
(Lively music)
We're almost back on the farm now, boys.
I can almost smell Mom's chestnut dressing
baking in the oven right now.
(Garfield sniffing)
It's not what I smell.
There's no doubt about it.
Christmas is my favorite holiday.
The air is crisp,
homes are brightly decorated,
and everybody is walking around with big smiles on their faces.
(Odie panting)
Almost everybody.
I think the best part is
watching the faces of children
sharing memories of being a child at Christmas.
I remember when my brother, Doc Boy, and I were little.
Oh brother, here we go again.
* Dad would chop down the tree *
* Chores *
* Mom would fix up a meal *
* Work *
* Doc Boy would get in the way *
* The fighting *
* Big fat hairy deal *
Arf!
* Decorating the tree *
* Gardening *
* Wiring all of the lights *
* Electrical contracting *
* Wrapping boxes and writing out cards *
* Office work *
* Outta sight *
Arf! Arf! Arf!
*Then we'd take those presents *
* And pile them under the tree *
* We'd barely get a wink of sleep *
* Wondering what they could be *
(Odie barking along)
* The special gifts of Christmas *
* Christmas *
* That really make it great *
* So great *
* Are the insomnia-ahhh *
* And the anxietyyyy *
* Kids get from having to wait *
* Can't wait till Christmas *
* There's so much to do *
(Odie barking along)
* Can't wait till Chistmas *
* Wake me when it's through *
Arf!
Now, behave yourself this Christmas, Garfield.
No problem. I'll wait in the car.
* Deck the Halls *
(Knock on door)
Ho, ho, ho. Merry Christmas, Mom!
Oh! Merry Christmas to you too, honey!
Oh, it's so nice to see ya.
Here, let me take those packages.
(Odie panting)
Hi, Dad, Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas, City Slicker!
Doc Boy! How's my favorite brother?
Don't call me Doc Boy.
And you've probably forgotten, I'm your only brother.
Oh! You're right.
-Don't mind me.
-You can visit till your lips fall off, for all I care.
I'll just sit here in the dark... alone...
until you decide to come over and pay your respects.
Nobody gives a hoot about an old woman like me anyway.
How could I ignore my favorite girl?
Merry Christmas, Grandma.
Oh-ho-ho! Merry Christmas, Jon!
How've you been?
Aw, I've been doing ok... considerin'.
What's this, Jon?
I see you're puttin' on a little belly.
Is that city life makin' you soft?
Ooof!
(Grandma guffawing)
Ooo, you're gettin' soft, boy!
You need to get more physical.
Take me. I do 100 situps every mornin'.
My belly is hard as a rock.
C'mon, hit me right here!
Gimme your best shot!
Uh... uh... Grandma!
You remember Garfield, don't you?
Well, I'll be.
I remember back when all we had were wood burnin' cats.
But, what'll they think of next?
Bizzare.
Isn't this wonderful?
The whole family is together again for the holidays.
Oh, we are going to have such a splendid Christmas.
Oh, I'm so happy I could just burst!
Oh, put a sock in it, dearie.
Let's go finish dinner.
I can see Grandma and I are gonna get along just fine.
* We Wish You A Merry Christmas *
This is what it's all about, right boys?
Hard work, brisk weather, and beautiful scenery!
What scenery?
I think somebody turned the lights out.
In fact, I'd go so far as to say things can't get much worse than...
(Clang!)
Oof!
I gotta quit saying that.
By any chance, you're not thinking of putting
chili powder in my sausage gravy,
are you Grandma?
Why, no!
(Chuckling)
Heavens to betsy, child, what would give you such a notion?
(Lowering voice)
Just cos my chili gravy won a blue ribbon at the county fair
and your gravy didn't even place.
Who am I to tell you how to make gravy?
The Green County gravy Champion, that's who!
Hey Garfield, where's Odie?
In the barn, let's eat.
(Odie sniffing)
(Odie panting)
(Clattering)
(Odie guffawing)
Hello, what's this?
Why, it's sausage gravy!
Perfect.
Mmm, this smells...
(Overlapping voices)
(Odie whistling)
Doc Boy? Will you say grace please?
Awww, Mom.
(In a sing-song voice) Doc Boy.
I never know what to...
(Boing!)
Lord,... we just... want to tell you...
how grateful we are for this food...
and um...
for letting us all be here together...
on Christmas Eve.
Amen.
And as surely as the waters of the streams
and the rivers find the sea...
let each of us find happiness
and wisdom in this hour...
(Boink!)
Thanks, Lord.
Let's eat.
Hey, Mom, pass the potatoes please.
Scalloped, whipped, fried, baked or boiled?
Mom, you always fix too much food.
I know, honey, I know.
Now what would you like?
I can't decide.
Just gimme a piece of pie.
Apple, peach, pumpkin, blueberry, cherry or banana cream?
Mmmm. Attentive service, excellent cuisine...
however, the decor leaves something to be desired.
I give this place... 2 stars.
Arf!
You sure are packin' the food away tonight, Grandma.
I'm eatin' for two now, dear.
Uhhh...
That was a great meal, Mom.
Ahem!
And you too, Grandma.
(Laughing)
Thank you, Jon.
Well, it wasn't much, but I was hoping you like it.
Hey, Garfield, there's plenty of leftovers.
Would you like something to eat?
Oh, no thank you Jon.
I've opted to watch my waistline this holiday season.
Ok, everybody, it's time to trim the tree!
(Odie panting)
(Overlapping voices)
Just listen to 'em, Garfield.
All jawin' at once like a buncha banshees.
Crazy, isn't it?
Of course, to make it through this whole life,
you have to be a little crazy.
You said it, Grandma.
Why, just look at me.
I talk to cats.
(Laughing)
Careful, Dad, don't hurt yourself.
Why is it we always put the stupid star on last?
Why don't we put the star on the top of the tree,
and then put the tree up?
Well, it just wouldn't be Christmas if we put the star on first, honey.
Hey, Garfield, come over here.
Garfield, I have a very important job for you.
It's a dangerous assignment, but if you succeed,
you'll be a hero.
A hero. I like that.
I want you to take this star up the tree and put it on the top.
Climbing trees is my life, sir.
If I'm not back in an hour, send a banana cream pie after me.
This is gonna be a piece of cake.
Never send a man to do a cat's job.
* O Christmas Tree *
(Cheering)
Whoever invented Christmas trees should be
drug out into the street and shot.
(Boink!)
Is everybody ready?
Here we go!
Ooooooo!
Nice touch!
And now, everyone,
my little boy is going to favor us
with a Christmas song.
I don't know about this, Mom.
Boy, you doggone better well play!
Those 24 years of 'pie-a-no' lessons better be worth somethin'.
Ahem.
(Singing and playing off-key, voice cracking)
* O Christmas tree *
* How lovely are thy... *
-Scoot over, Sonny boy,
let ol' Grandma take a whack at that.
(Playing a jazzy tune)
* O Christmas tree *
* How lovely are thy branches *
Whoo-boop-be-doop
be-doop-be-doop!
Well, what d'ya think, Dearie?
That was interesting.
Well, you better not touch those ivorys,
till they've had a chance to cool down for a while.
(Laughing)
Get on down! Uh, uh!
Chik-um, chik-um!
Why don't you play for us, Mom?
(Playing sweetly)
(All singing)
* Christmas is here *
* Mistletoe and laughter *
* Caroles and bells *
* Ringing to the rafters *
* Lights on the tree *
* Candles all a-glow *
* And all who pass by say 'Hello!' *
(Rocking chair creaking)
Why hello, Garfield.
How did you know I needed a kitty in my lap?
Wild guess.
Since Grandpa passed on,
I whiled away many a lonely hour
rockin' and strokin' my cats.
I envy those cats.
Grandpa was a proud man.
A strong man.
He was a good provider.
We never had much money,
but we always had plenty of food on the table.
And he always made somethin' special for me
and each of the children at Christmas.
Men like him didn't feel like they could
show much affection outwardly to the children
but on Christmas it was ok.
He always pretended not to be excited on Christmas mornin',
but his eyes gave him away.
I think... I think it was his favorite day of the year.
Sometimes I wake up in the night,
and I can still feel his strong arms around me.
(Chair creaking)
(Grandma sighs)
This... is the night I miss him the most.
* Keep Christmas here *
* In your heart *
(Playing a flourish on the piano)
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
it is time for...
(Playing a flourish on piano)
...Dad, to read us our Christmas story.
-Yeah! -Yeah!
Which is entitled...
(Piano flourish)
"Binky, the Clown who saved Christmas"!
Do I have to do this?
Here's the book, dear.
Now, go over to your favorite chair
and we'll all listen to you read the story.
I'm beginning to feel a little silly
reading this book year after year.
Oh, but think of the children, dear.
Yeah!
They so look forward to it.
Right, Dad!
Yeah, let's see if Binky saves Christmas again this year.
(Both laughing)
Ahem.
"Once upon a time,"
"there was a clown named Binky who loved children."
"Everytime Binky saw children, he would say"
"'Hey, kids!'"
Oh no no no no no, Dad!
Read it with more emotion!
Yeah, yeah!
And and and why don't you say it like Binky says it?
Ahem.
"Everytime Binky saw children he would say..."
"'Heee-eeey ki-ahhhds!"
Cut that out.
"...and once again, Binky the clown"
"saved Christmas for children all over the world."
"The End."
I don't know about you, Jon, but for a couple of minutes there
I was getting pretty worried.
Oooo, me too.
Alright, boys, it's time to get ready for bed.
-Alright! -Yeah!
Odie?
Now where did he go?
(Song begins)
* You can never find an elf when you need one *
* When you got to get that toy beneath the tree *
* Yeah, when an elf is whatcha need *
* His energy is speed *
* There never seems to be one who's free *
* Then comes that magical moment *
* So the story goes on Christmas Eve *
* When elves and other weirdos *
* Think it's better to give, than receive! *
* See, did you never find an elf when you need one *
* And you don't know whatcha gonna do *
* But if you believe *
* The magic of Christmas Eve *
* Well then, one *
* Finds *
* You! *
I don't believe it.
These letters must be... 50 years old.
(Whispering)
Hey... Dad...
Psst!
Hey, Dad.
You awake?
Daa-aad.
Dad! You awake?!
Well, I'm awake now.
What do you boys want?
Is it time to open our presents yet?
It's 1:30 in the morning.
No, it's not time to open presents yet.
It is Christmas morning now, ya know.
Doc Boy has a point there, Dad.
Anytime after midnight is technically Christmas morning, ya know.
Go-- to bed!
Alright, alright.
(Saying sarcastically)
Pleasant dreams, Dad.
(Mumbling)
-It is Christmas morning. -I know that and you know that.
(Closes door)
(Rooster crowing)
Well, whaddya boys wanna do first?
Do you wanna do chores?
Do you wanna eat breakfast?
Or do you wanna open presents?!
(Both yelling)
Presents!
(Exclaiming over gifts)
Oh, Mom and Dad, thank you.
You're welcome, honey.
Well, that was a very nice Christmas.
It's not over yet. One minute.
Why, thank you, Garfield.
What's this?
Oh, my.
Ohhh, my.
What are they, Grandma?
Jon, these are love letters your Grandpa sent me
when we were courtin' a long, long time ago.
(Reading)
"My Darling,"
"If the sea were of ink and the sky of parchment,"
"I could not begin to write my love for you."
(Chuckling)
"When next we meet, ..."
Oh...
Oh-ho-ho-ho-my.
(Chuckling)
Well, what does he say, Grandma?
It is inappropriate for a lady to talk about her romances, my dear.
Garfield, I don't know how you managed to find these letters.
I think they are the nicest presents I could've received.
Thank you very, very much.
Yeah, you might say I just kinda...
fell into 'em.
(Odie panting and barking)
What is it, Odie?
Bark!
Ok, I'm coming.
Ruff! Ruh-ruh-ruff!
Ok, whaddya want?
Tah-dah!
Okaaaay... what is it?
(Scratching sound)
Whoa-ho-ho-ho, let me try that!
(Scratching sound)
Odie? Sometimes you amaze me.
This is the best present a cat could ever get.
Now and then, you're somethin' special.
(All going "Awwww")
Alright you guys, just permit me one sentimental moment here, will ya?
I have something to say.
Christmas...
it's not the giving...
it's not the getting...
it's the loving.
There, I said it.
Now get outta here.
(Country banjo music)
* Let's have a good old fashioned Christmas *
* Down on the farm *
* A little overeatin' never did you any harm *
* Let's open up the presents *
* Eat a turkey or two *
* It's a good old fashioned Christmas *
* Yodel-leh-eh-leh-he-hoo *
* Oooooooo-oo-oooooo *
* It's a good old fashioned Christmas *
* Down on the farm *
* Let's go down to the fire *
* To keep our tootsies warm *
* Let's kick off the rooftop *
* And sing a song or two *
* Let's do this again next year *
* Yodel-leh-eh-leh-he-hoo *
* Oooooooo-oo-oooooo *
Thanks so much for watching...
Hope you enjoyed the subs...
Made with much laughter by...
~*~ WordFaery ~*~