机器人 踢他们的膝盖 Now, Robot, kick 'em in the knees.
熊的膝盖是弱点 Bears have weak knees.
你们要震动下 因为机器人有辐射 And you should vibrate, 'cause the robot's full of radiation.
对 就这样 Yeah, that's it.
Frank Frank.
我告诉你找几只熊的 How many bears did I say you could have?
一只 One.
这里有几只 And how many do you see here?
四只? Um, four?
经费省着点花 Frank Save a little money for the rest of us, Frank.
你不能花大把银子在熊的服装上 You can't spend a bunch of money on bear suits
他们只会出场大概25秒 that are only gonna be seen for, like, 25 seconds.
Liz 没人相信杀手机器人 Liz, nobody's gonna believe that a killer robot
会被一只熊打败 can get his ass kicked by one bear.
这毫无道理 It doesn't make any sense.
你想让机器人大战狗熊符合逻辑? You're trying to bring logic to the robot-bear sketch?
不要四只那么多 You can't have four bears.
那能留几只? Well, how many can I keep?
一只! One!
抱歉 伙计们 Sorry, guys.
谁动了我的数独? Uh, who did my Sudoku puzzle?
这个早上我指着它过活的 I have been looking forward to this puzzle all morning.
嘿 Liz 等你有空的时候 Hey, Liz, could you come up to my office
能来下我的办公室吗? when you have a free moment?
我没有空闲的时间 Jack I never have a free moment, Jack.
从不 永不 Never, ever.
用力打他 像抬拳道那样 Really punch him. Like karate.
你知道日本文化的“灵气”吗? Are you familiar with the Japanese art of Reiki?
不 No.
就是用手疗法改善你的生活 It is the laying-on of hands in order to improve one's life.
什么是手疗法 Hm, how does your life improve?
手上拿着钱治疗吗？ Do the hands have money in them?
人与人之间的接触很重要 Lemon Human contact is important, Lemon.
从你遭受的巨大压力 I can tell from your stress level
可以看出你已经很久没跟其他人接触了 that you have not been touched in any way in quite some time.
没有爱抚 没有按摩 Not caress?? Not massaged.
甚至没有在地铁被骚扰过 Not even groped on the subway.
你怎么会联想到这些 Where are you headed with this?
这些情绪会影响到工作 Your mood affects the quality of your work,
相应的 就会影响到我 which, in turn, affects me.
我很乐意来给你提供些帮助 I would like to become a resource to you
以改善你的生活 for improving your personal life.
你同意你的生活中需要一个伴侣吗 Lemon？ Do you agree that you need someone in your life, Lemon?
不同意 我还有比私人生活更重要的事 No, I have bigger things to worry about than my personal life.
我觉得一个单身女人最需要担心的 I would think that a single woman's biggest worry
就是别噎死在家里 would be choking to death alone in her apartment.
我有个朋友在城里 我想介绍你们认识 I have a friend in town I'd like to set you up with.
用不着 谢谢 No, thank you.
Thomas不但聪明 还很幽默 Thomas is very bright, has a wonderful sense of humor.
你们会很合得来的 I think it's a good match.
周四有空吗? Are you free on Thursday?
没 周四是扑克之夜 No, Thursday is poker night.
重点是 你干涉我的私生活 And by the way, it is completely inappropriate
在完全不了解我的情况下 for you to be questioning me about my private life,
把我介绍给另一个人 and then trying to set me up with someone
是完全不适宜的 when you don't even know anything about me.
扑克之夜 都有谁？ Poker night? Who plays?
真的? Really?
玩话题转移？ That's all you got out of that?
我喜欢玩扑克 I enjoy poker, and I'd be interested
而且我想看看我的新员工在压力之下表现怎样 in seeing my new employees under that kind of pressure.
你不会跑来我们的蹩脚扑克游戏吧？ You're not gonna come to our crappy poker game, are you?
不 不会的 No, I'm not.
很好 Good.
骗你的 我当然会去 I bluffed. Yes, I am coming.
这里不能放3 这里也不能放3 Three can't go here. Three can't go here.
这里也不行 It can go here.
好啦 我想见见你的朋友 Fine, I'll meet your friend.
源字幕：YDY
双语制作：IASI
onesome_7@hotmail.com
这个叫Thomas的是谁? So who is this Thomas guy?
我不知道 他是Jack的朋友 Oh, I don't know. He's one of Jack's friends.
天哪 Jack不是Tom DeLay的朋友吗? Oh, my God, isn't Jack friends with Tom DeLay?
难道是和Tom DeLay约会? Am I going on a date with Tom DeLay?
我怎么会答应的? Ugh, why did I say I would do this?
自从和Dennis分手后我就没约会过 I haven't been on a date since Dennis and I broke up,
那已经是一年前的事了 and that was almost a year ago.
这肯定会是场灾难 It's gonna be a complete disaster.
只不过一次约会而已 It's just one date.
不过如果真是Tom DeLay 你要是跟他回家 But if it is Tom DeLay and you do go home with him,
小心他的奇怪嗜好 be prepared for it to get weird.
Josh 你和我 周四晚 Josh, you and me. Thursday night.
我认识一个在地铁里斗鸟的家伙 I know this guy that runs an underground bird fight.
是吗 我不能去 Oh, yeah. I can't do that.
周四是扑克之夜 Thursday's poker night here.
你们要在绿屏前再彩排一次 Guys, we just need to try the green screen stuff one more time.
扑克之夜? 我喜欢扑克 Poker night? I love poker.
我跟我姨妈什么扑克都玩过 I used to play all kinds of poker with my aunt.
Crazy Seven Albuquerque Freakout Crazy Seven. Albuquerque Freakout.
One Card Stud One Card Stud.
我觉得这些都不是扑克游戏 Yeah, I don't think those are real games.
随便啦 Whatever.
尽兴就好了 Get ready to get took.
不 妈妈 我周五前做不了 我还要工作 No, Mom, I can't make it Friday. I gotta work.
Frank Hey, Frank?
等一下 Hold on. Yeah.
男人喜欢什么？ What do guys like?
A片 Uh, porn.
不是啦 如果你要和一个女人约会 No, I mean, if you were gonna go on a date with a woman,
你希望她表现的怎么样？ how would you want her to act?
希望她表现的跟A片里一样 Like she was in a porn.
Lemon Hey, Lemon.
你的晚餐订在8点 Cafdes Artistes You're on for 8:00 for dinner at Cafdes Artistes.
真的吗？ 怎么了? Really? Wow. What?
你打算穿什么? What are you gonna wear?
大概就这样了 我没时间回家 This, probably. I don't have time to go home.
不 这样不行 No, that won't do.
我要你午休时间出去 I want you to go out on your lunch hour,
找间女装店 and find something.
买点能穿出来见人的 At a women's clothing store.
告诉我哪个更大 Remind me what's better.
一对黑桃A还是红桃A? A pair of black Aces or a pair of red Aces?
伙计们 我要离开了 You guys, I'm leaving.
好了 好了 All right. All right.
居然是深V装 有料啊 Check out the valley. Look at that.
瞧瞧你! Hey, look at you!
你看起来就像高级妓女 You look like a fancy prostitute.
椅子有了 啤酒有了 Okay, I got my chair. I got my beer.
幸运甜甜圈也有了 I got my lucky donut.
还有空位吗? Oh, is there room for one more?
当然了 Yeah, sure. Really?
真是太好了 That's fantastic.
我们能不能... 就是这样 Could we just, uh-- Yes, yes, yes.
Donaghy 还好吗？ Donaghy, what up?
还好吗 Tray? What up, Tray?
这一轮 Texas Doozy 花牌最大 This round, Texas Doozy. Face cards are wild.
三最小 四跟二一样大 Threes are jinx. Fives are twos.
Tray 你介意我来洗牌吗? Tray, do you mind if I deal this hand?
请便 让我好好瞧瞧 Be my guest. Show me love.
女士们先生们 最小赌注25块 Ladies and gentlemen, the minimum bet in this game is $25.
Jack 我们一般只赌几毛钱 Oh, Jack, we usually just play for quarters.
那你最好回家喝奶去 孩子 Well, then you best go home and put on your daddy's shoes, boy.
因为这是男人的游戏 'Cause this is a man's game.
我跟 I call.
那我也跟... 用这个 And I'll see that with... This thing.
跟了 I call.
一对J Pair of Jacks.
A最大 Ace high.
3个K Three cowboys.
天哪 我的结婚戒指 Oh, my God. My wedding ring.
天哪 天哪 Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
你们都从Pete身上得到教训了吧 Now, you should all learn from Pete's mistake.
我妻子会杀了我的! My wife's gonna kill me!
打牌就像做生意 You see, in poker as in business,
成功的关键在于 the key to success is to determine
发掘对手的优点 还有弱点 your opponent's strength and, more importantly, his weaknesses.
每个人都有弱点 Everyone has a tell-- a weakness of character
而且会通过肢体语言表现出来 that manifests itself physically.
哦 Oh.
比如Lutz如果有一手好牌 他就会停止吃东西 Like when Lutz here has a good hand, he stops eating.
Frank如果是在虚张声势 就会用蠢问题来掩盖他的紧张 When Frank is bluffing, he asks a series of insane questions to hide his nervousness.
真的吗? Oh, really?
你真的这么肯定 我真的是这么表现的？ Is that what you think? Is that what I do?
我现在表现怎样？我退出 Am I doing that right now? Yeah, I'm out.
雨人 你知道我有什么牌吗? Okay, Rainman, tell me what I got.
你有两张牌放反了 Well, you have two of your cards backwards actually.
我不玩了 I'm out.
来杯Pinot grigio 谢谢 Hi. Pinot grigio, please.
有点玩过头了 Donaghy赢了我200块 This is beyond the pale. Donaghy took me for $200.
我还把房租都压上了 Yeah, well I bet my rent money.
如果10号前不交房租 我妈会把我赶出去的 And if I don't pay by the tenth, my mom's gonna throw me out.
我全压了 有人跟吗? I'm all in. Anybody else?
我跟你 Donaghy先生 Oh, I'll play with you, Mr. Donaghy.
Kenneth 你坐这里多久了? Kenneth, how long you been sitting there?
我代替Pete 因为他正在洗手间 I'm taking Pete's place, 'cause he's busy in the bathroom,
抽风 laying in his own sick.
天哪 Oh, my God.
他看不透Kenneth Kenneth就是块白板 He can't read Kenneth. He's a blank slate.
好 你什么牌？ Okay, what do you got?
我想我有人们常说的同花顺 I think I have what they refer to as a royal flush.
看来我是最后的赢家 Looks like I'm the big winner.
谢谢 Thank you.
Liz 嗨 Liz, hi.
我是Gretchen Thomas Jack的朋友 I'm Gretchen Thomas. Jack's friend.
很高兴见到你 Hey. Great to meet you.
嗨 Hi.
为什么Jack会认为我们是拉拉? Why would Jack just assume that we're lesbians?
我就是拉拉 I am a lesbian.
真是太好了 Mm, that's awesome.
这是第一次你被人这么误解吗? Is this the first time somebody's made that assumption about you?
Lemon 别让这些女孩因为你的身份欺负你 Lemon, don't let these girls give you a hard time about who you are.
你要多刷刷牙了 年轻人(young man) You know, you need to brush your teeth more, young man.
天啊 多么可爱的小拉拉啊 Oh, my. What an adorable little lesbian.
什么？ 我怎么知道 What? I don't know.
谁会记得这种事? Who remembers that kind of thing?
显然这是一个误会 Well, look, obviously this is a miscommunication.
我完全没兴趣追直女 I mean, I'm certainly not interested in chasing a straight girl.
当然了 Of course, yeah.
如果你想回家的话也没关系 I completely understand if you just want to go home.
不 不用 我会留下来 No, it's fine. I'll stay.
Jack简直不可理喻 Jack is ridiculous.
我跟Jack做过塑料制品的生意 Oh, I worked with Jack in Plastics.
他解决每件事情的方法都一样 He tends to approach everything the same way.
找出问题 分离问题 Locate the problem. Isolate the problem.
把问题丢给拉拉 Set the problem up with a lesbian.
很难相信做塑料制品的人能说出这么好的笑话 That's a pretty good joke for somebody from Plastics.
我也不是总做塑料制品 Well, I wasn't always in Plastics.
我还研究水处理技术 I used to work in Water and Process Technologies.
主要是初级金属 Working mainly in primary metals.
所有说你还有喜剧的背景 Oh, so you have a comedy background.
和Thomas的约会怎么样? How was your evening with Thomas?
你指Gretchen Thomas? 那个聪明的拉拉工程师? You mean, Gretchen Thomas? The brilliant plastics engineer/lesbian?
你怎么会认为我是同性恋? What made you think I was gay?
你的鞋子 Your shoes.
我是直的 Well, I'm straight.
你的鞋子可有点弯哦 Those shoes are definitely bi-curious.
不管怎么样 我是直的 100%直的 Regardless, I am straight. 100% completely straight.
如果冒犯到你了我感到很抱歉 Well, I'm sorry if I offended you.
我没有被冒犯到 No, I'm not offended--
很好 Good.
你了解听差Kenneth吗？ What do you know about Kenneth the page?
不太清楚 他是个不错的家伙 I don't know. He's a sweet kid.
恩 Yes.
还出人意料的是个扑克好手 And a surprisingly good poker player.
你知道他中间名是Ellen吗? Did you know that his middle name is Ellen?
不知道 好怪的名字 No, that's weird.
他的梅尔斯布里格斯心理测试显示他 And that his Myers-Briggs-psychological testing shows shows a rare combination
性格外向 有敏锐的直觉而且有上进心 of extroverted, intuitive and aggressive?
真的? Really?
跟我很像 The same as mine.
他可能是个难缠的家伙 He could be trouble down the line.
Kenneth Kenneth.
Kenneth Ellen Kenneth Ellen.
就这样吧 All right then.
你不是拉拉 记住了 You're not a lesbian. Duly noted.
我会修正你的档案的 I'll correct that on your file.
不过太可惜了 Thomas觉得你很不错 It's too bad, though. Thomas thought you were great.
- 真的吗? - 没错 - She did? - Yes.
她觉得你像Jennifer Jason Leigh She said she thought you looked like Jennifer Jason Leigh.
真的 她这么说的? Really? She said that?
我还重新确认了一遍 我真的觉得她说的是Jason Lee (男的) Yes, I made her repeat it. I was sure she meant Jason Lee.
Lemon小姐 Miss Lemon.
什么事 Yeah.
这是Pete的结婚戒指 This is Pete's wedding ring.
我昨晚赢的 我觉得还是物归原主好些 I won it last night, but I don't think I should keep it.
你能帮我交给给他吗? Could you give it back to him for me?
当然 Yeah, okay.
这也是你赢的? Did you win this, too?
没错 I did.
我喜欢它钻石一样的光泽 I love how the light catches it like diamonds.
Kenneth 这就是钻石 Kenneth, it is diamonds.
啊 Ah.
嗨 Donaghy先生 Hi, Mr. Donaghy.
有什么能为您效劳的吗? Can I help you with something?
你是道难题.. Kenneth Ellen You are a puzzle... Kenneth Ellen.
但是我会解开你的 我会的 And I'm going to solve you. Yes, I am.
不敢相信你赌上了你的结婚戒指 I can't believe you bet your wedding ring.
我知道 I know.
奇怪的是我的钱还没输光 The weird thing is I had money left.
你觉得我像哪个名人? Hey, um, what famous person would you say I look like?
46年出生
现在的Linda Ronstadt Uh, present day Linda Ronstadt.
不 像Ruth Bader Ginsburg No, Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
男扮女装
Tootsie Tootsie.
当我没说过 Never mind.
约会怎么样? So how was your date?
我们不太适合 It wasn't a good match.
怎么了? What happened?
-他发现了你的面肌抽搐? -不是 - Did he notice your facial tic? - No.
你穿凉鞋了? Did you wear sandals?
-他看到你的脚趾了? -不是 - Did he see your toes? - No.
你搞砸了 对吧? You blew it, didn't you?
真了不起 Liz Good job, Liz.
干得好 Way to go.
看看你的脸 Ah, look at your little face.
是个女的 It was a lady.
你说真的? Are you serious?
我的艾美奖杯呢? Where is my Emmy?
你好? Hello?
Gretchen 我是Liz Lemon Hi, Gretchen. It's Liz Lemon.
哦 嗨 Oh, hi.
这听起来有点奇怪 不过... Look, thiss gonna sound really weird, but, um,
你有没有担心会一个人 do you every worry about choking to death
噎死在家里? alone in your apartment?
你居然也这么想 Oh, it's so weird you would say that.
我一直担心来着 I think about it all the time.
你死了 但是没人知道 I mean, you'd die, and they wouldn't find you
直到邻居家的狗闻到味道 until your neighbor's dog smelled you from the hallway.
就是这样 然后你的照片会上NY1台 Ugh, yes, and they'd show a picture of you on New York One.
不单单是噎着 And it's not just choking.
自从我过了30 每当我进出浴缸 Ever since I turned 30, every time I get in or out
我都会心中默念 "当心点 当心点" of the bathtub, I think in my head, "Careful, careful."
没错! Yes!
啊 Agh.
每件事都糟糕透了 Everything's the worst.
你想一起吃晚饭吗? Do you want to get some dinner?
好啊 Sure.
20分钟后Neptune见 See you in 20 at Neptune.
好的 非常好 Yeah, okay. Perfect, yeah.
哦! 喔 喔 喔! Oh! Ow, ow, ow!
我还没死 I did not die.
这简直令人惊叹 嘿 Jack Man, this is amazing. Oh, hey, Jack.
欢迎 欢迎大家 Welcome. Welcome, everybody.
Jack 你真是太尽心了 这么大的虾 Damn, Jack, you went all out. That's a giant shrimp.
Made out of shrimp and diving into a bowl of shrimp Made out of shrimp and diving into a bowl of shrimp.
吃好点 Tracy，Pete 很高兴见到你 Please, enjoy it, Tracy. Hey, Pete, good to see you.
Jack Jack.
Kenneth在这里吗? Is Kenneth here?
我...我去找找 I--I will check.
我已经玩了两个小时了 I've been playing for two hours.
我讨厌老是输 I'm tired of losing.
我的伙计Dotcom帮我玩一把 I'm gonna let my boy, Dotcom, play a hand for me.
嘿 Dotcom 我们今晚去那三家俱乐部吗? So, hey, Dotcom, are we going to those three clubs tonight?
医生说我身体里有四个心脏 You know the doctor said I have four hearts in my body?
好 非常好 All right. Great.
他还真做的出 得了吧 真是的 Of course he did. Come on. Damn it.
各位 这是Gretchen Hey, everybody, this is Gretchen.
哦 嗨 Oh, hey.
哦 Thomas Oh, Thomas.
Jack Jack.
Pittsfield的伙计们还好吗? How's everybody up there in Pittsfield?
哦 我们想你 Oh, we miss you.
我喜欢这个女人 I love this woman.
我们来玩扑克吧 Let's play some poker.
我跟 I call.
你是什么牌 Kenneth? What have you got, Kenneth?
All Clovers All clovers.
我赢了 I win.
真有一手 Kenneth Very clever boy, Kenneth.
不过帷幕即将拉开 我已经读懂你了 But the curtain has been drawn back now, and I know the real you.
我觉得他把我跟其他人搞混了 I think he's confusing me with someone else.
Liz 你确定你不是拉拉吗? Liz, are you sure you're not gay?
那小妞真的很正 'Cause that chick is hot.
我们只是朋友 就像Oprah和Gayle We're just friends, like Oprah and Gayle.
你们怎么就不相信呢? Why is that so hard for everybody to believe?
她很不错 你应该跟她结婚 She's great. You should marry that girl.
只有一个问题 我不是拉拉 One problem. I'm not gay.
Lemon 我认识你的十年里 Oh, Lemon, in the ten years that I've known you,
你交过不少糟糕的男朋友 you've had some really terrible boyfriends.
的确 I have.
那个迷恋卓别林的 There was the guy who was obsessed with Charlie Chaplin.
Neil Neil.
那个玩光晕用Slutbanger起名的 There was the guy who played Halo under the name Slutbanger.
Dennis Dennis.
那个高瘦个 红头发 There was a tall, gangly, red-haired guy
总是弹吉他的家伙 who played guitar all the time.
柯南 Conan.
你和Gretcheni在一起时放松多了 You're more relaxed with Gretchen than you were with any of those guys.
你想说什么 Pete? So what are you saying, Pete?
我应该变成拉拉? I should just be a lesbian?
我没说这很容易实现 Well, I'm not saying it'll be easy.
不过你可以试试把自己灌醉 You know, get drunk first.
为什么男人都觉得女人能那么容易就改变性向? Why do guys think women can just flip a switch like that?
如果我对你说"和Frank在一起吧"? What if I said to you, "Go be with Frank now"?
我会对此非常荣幸的 Ah, I would be honored.
Frank是个温柔的英俊男人 Frank is a very tender, beautiful man.
他太厉害了 He's awesome.
你无法知道他在想什么 因为他脑子里什么都没有 You can't read his thoughts, 'cause he doesn't have any.
大你200 I raise you 200.
跟你200 再大你300 And I see your 200 and raise you 300.
从佐治亚州小石山来的小Kenneth Ellen Parcell 你行吗? Will you, little Kenneth Ellen Parcell from Stone Mountain, Georgia?
在妈妈的小房子里成长 梦想着进入电视业 Growing up in your momma's tract house, dreaming of working on a TV show?
终于如愿进了NBC Dreaming of making it all the way to the NBC.
你吓着我了 Donaghy先生 You're scaring me, Mr. Donaghy.
你为此付出了很多 对吗 Kenneth Ellen? You've come a long way, haven't you, Kenneth Ellen?
为了廉价的小册子和那身制服 With your cheap loafers and your page jacket,
但你还是那个农村来的小子 but you'll always be a pig farmer's son, boy.
因为你身上永远散发这那股香肠味 'Cause I smell fried bologna all over you.
我全押上 I'm all in.
我没筹码了 Donaghy先生 I'm out of chips, Mr. Donaghy.
我有个好想法 Hey, I got a fun idea.
你可以押上你的制服 You put your page jacket on the table,
如果你赢了 你就能把它拿回去 and if you win, you can get it back.
如果你输了 你就回家 If you lose, you go on home.
回你老家去 小Kenneth Ellen You go on home, little Kenneth Ellen.
回你的小石山去 All the way to Stone Mountain.
他在虚张声势 别怕 He's bluffing. Go for it.
他骗你的 相信你自己 He's bluffing. Come on, trust yourself.
-相信你自己 -别这样做 Trust yourself. Don't do it.
不! No!
你行的 You can do it.
好吧 好吧 Okay, okay.
来吧 Come on.
靠直觉 Use your instincts.
你的直觉很准 You've got good instincts.
上吧 Kenneth Do it, Kenneth.
我有一对2 I've got a pair of twos.
看我的牌 Well, let's just see-weeby here.
我有一个2 一个4 一个9 一个6和一个K I've got a two, a four, a nine, a six, and a King.
那就是我赢了 That means I win.
Kenneth Kenneth.
为什么这么烂的牌你都要赌 Why did you bet that terrible hand?
为什么? Why?
因为... 我相信活着是为了生活 Because...I believe that life is for the living.
我相信冒险精神 我会吞下比我嘴里能放的还多的东西 I believe in taking risks and biting off more than you can chew.
而且 人们总是在那喊 And also, people were yelling,
我根本就没搞懂打牌的规则 and I got confused about the rules.
Kenneth Kenneth.
我不是真的要解雇你 I wasn't really going to fire you.
我只是想要你知道我能那么做 I just wanted to remind you that I could.
你明天早上6点来这里 I want you back here at 6:00 in the morning sharp
把这些虾清理掉 so you can sweep up these shrimp tails.
好的 Donaghy先生 Yes, sir, Mr. Donaghy.
我会监督你的 Kenneth Uh, I'm gonna have my eye on you, Kenneth.
你不会失望的 先生 You will not be disappointed, sir.
你真好 让他保住了工作 Well, it was nice of you to let him keep his job.
意大利人有句俗语 Lemon The Italians have a saying, Lemon.
"亲近你的朋友 但要更亲近你的敌人" "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer."
尽管他们从没赢过什么战争 And although they've never won a war,
或者大规模生产过什么好车 不过这句话 他们说对了 or mass-produced a decent car, in this area, they are correct.
5年后 我们都会在他手下干活 In five years, we'll all either be working for him...
或者被他弄死 or be dead by his hand.
明天逛完宜家之后 你想去看Margaret Cho吗? Hey, after Ikea tomorrow, you wanna go see Margaret Cho at the Beacon?
天呐 Oprah? Oh, boy. Um, Oprah?
什么事 Gayle Yes, Gayle.
我觉得我们应该缓一缓 I think we need to take a break.
是不是因为我说我们应该报名参加急速前进 Is this because I waused to submit us for The Amazing Race?
我是开玩笑的 Because I was 80% joking about that.
不 是因为 No, it's--
我说过我不追直女的 You know, I said I'm not into chasing straight girls.
我感觉现在好象就是这种状况 And I kinda think that's what's starting to happen here.
除非你想要做出重大改变 So... unless you're ready to make a big life change,
否则我就要向前看 去寻找我的真命天子 I need to move on, find my Steadman.
我还以为我们之间我才是Oprah I thought I was Oprah in this metaphor.
而你又是拉拉 就有点搞不清楚 Also, you're gay, so that's a little confusing.
你应该说 我的真命天女 You should say, like, "My lady Steadman."
好了 Okay.
我们不能这么下去了 I'm going out on a limb here.
好吧 抱歉 Okay, sorry.
只是 Um, it's just--
当我脑海里想象我们在一切 If I try to imagine us being together,
我会觉得 其实还挺不错的 I think, "Yeah, okay, this could be fun, you know?
一起去买家具换床单 "Picking out furniture and making flower beds out of old railroad ties."
但是事实就是 如果我真的要跟一个人在一起 But the thing is, if I'm gonna be with someone,
那个人最好是个男的 it has to be a guy.
你还真是肯定呢 You sound pretty sure about that.
我有什么好说的 What can I say?
我就是喜欢秃头和长满毛的背 I love a bald spot and a hairy back.
保重 You're alone there.
我该走了 I should go.
回头见 I'll see you around.
等一下 Okay, wait.
我们弄个约定怎么样? Um, what if we made a pact?
比如说 如果25年后 What if we say that in, like, 25 years,
我们俩都没找到那个人 if neither of us has someone,
我们就搬到一起当室友 we'll move in together and be roommates.
不过当然 性生活嘛 我就算了 And even though I am not into the sex stuff,
如果对你有帮助的话 我可以让你 那个什么我 if it helps you... I would let you... do stuff to me.
我真的待不下去了 I can't be around you anymore.
再见 Liz Bye, Liz.
真有意思 因为这话通常是男人说的 That's funny. That's what the guys always say.
下周末谁愿意和我一起去上烹饪课? Who's gonna go with me to cooking class next weekend?
如果烹饪课指的是你的床 Well, if by "cooking class" you mean your bed,
而下周末是指今晚的话 and by "next weekend" you mean tonight--
闭嘴 Oh, shut up.
我都看见你的结婚戒指了 I can see your wedding ring.
笨蛋 Idiot.