The Ice Pirates 1984 Subtitles English
Range is 120.
Closing 785 per second.
Man: Looks like a y-class freighter.
Man #2: Code?
Zp183. She's lined up perfectly.
Laser shields on.
Let's get it over with.
Looks good.
Seal it up.
[ Robots warble ]
[ Grunts ]
Man: Let me get it.
Man #2: I got it.
Will you let me get it?
[ Grunts ]
[ Coughs ]
[ Shouting in alien language ]
[ Farting ]
Uh, take care of him.
Yeah, sure. Take care of him.
Take care of him.
You take care of him.
Take care of him.
Sorry.
[ Farts ]
[ Mechanical whistling ]
[ Beeping ]
Shh! What's going on?!
Got a bad program.
We always have bad programs.
Yeah? 15 gallons says our robots
can beat anything they got on this ship.
Aw, he's coming back.
[ Whirring and beeping ]
[ Whistles ]
What's going on here?!
Who are you people?!
Uh, maintenance, ma'am.
You don't belong on this ship. Guard!
[ Muffled screaming ]
Come on!
Whose quarters are these?
Princess Karina of argon, you pirate ro...
[ Knock on door ]
[ Beeping ]
Everything all right, madam?
[ Mumbles ]
Man: Go on!
[ In feminine voice ] Yes, thank you.
Everything's fine.
I thought I saw a mouse.
Would you like me to check on it for you, madam?
No, thank you. That won't be necessary.
Just the raving imagination of an old woman.
[ Hiccups ]
By the by...
Come on, let's go!
Uh, she's a real Princess.
Good. Let's go.
Well, maybe we should take her with us.
Jason...
For the ransom.
Jason, you promised you wouldn't do this.
It's all clear.
Hmm, I'll say.
She's beautiful.
What a waste.
Farewell, my beauty.
What happened to "we rape, we pillage"?
Tell your highness she just slept through
the finest moment of her life.
Unh-unh.
[ Moaning ]
'Bye.
Spring water. I can smell it from here.
Whoo! Just take a look at that.
I'm retiring, retiring.
Jason: Let's just get the ice first.
He's all yours, maida.
Let him go. Just get down there.
Let's go!
Ha ha!
Pirates!
Sound the alarm!
Unh-unh-unh.
Sorry to interrupt.
Whoops! Thanks very much.
I just stole those!
Ha ha!
Get 'em!
Huh.
I guess we got you pegged.
Everything okay?
Yeah. Come on.
[ Whistles ] Jason, it's in here.
Aah!
Jason: Get him out of here!
Man: My hand! don't forget my hand!
Use the robots! Use 'em!
Get in there!
Attack him!
Get in there!
Come on! You next!
Let's get him!
Hey! I'm on your side, you piece of junk!
Ow! Ooh!
How much do we pay for these things?!
That's a tx40.
It's more money than all ours put together.
I want my money back!
Hey, watch your leg!
Attack!
Not me, you idiot! Him!
Attack! Get in there!
Come on, coward, move!
Get in there!
Get him! Jump him!
Whoa!
Chop him!
Swing! Jump! Kick! 62! 4! Good!
Attack him! Hit him! Work him! Work him!
Get in there!
Oh, yeah!
Take him!
Hit him! Do what i told you to do!
Aha! Yeah!
He tries harder.
Little guys try harder.
Why am I so tired?
Come here.
You, come on.
You see down there?
[ Ringing ]
Power off in "c" section, sir.
Check it on the auxiliary system.
It's a negative.
Jason: Nobody move.
Hands on your heads.
Get 'em up.
Warriors.
Tell them to stop.
Call them off or I'll kill you.
I mean it.
Cease.
Very funny.
It's all yours, laddies.
[ Cheering ]
Come on! Move it! Let's get out of here!
You want a lizard's leg?
Yeah.
Unh-unh-unh.
So...
How long has the Princess been on board?
You'd be well-advised to stay clear of her ladyship.
She didn't look dangerous to me.
[ Growls ]
[ Chuckles ]
[ Warbles ]
Man: They'll blow up the whole damn ship!
I'm not going to blow up the ship.
Time to leave.
248, get him! Go, go!
Doing it by the book again!
Let's just get out of here!
Wait!
[ Beeping ]
You all right?
What the hell are you doing?
Come on. This way.
This way!
We didn't give 'em enough time.
We got 2 million gallons, minimum.
I guarantee it.
Keep going. I'll catch up.
There's a whole fleet out there.
I'll meet you at the interlock.
Come on.
Keep up the good work.
I know you're all "wrapped up,"
but this will only take a second.
[ Beeping and buzzing ]
[ Alarm blaring ]
What the hell's going on?!
Where's Jason?
Guess.
Not the girl?
Oh, god damn it, he's gonna get us all killed.
He's dead. Let's get out of here.
Come on, come on!
They're into the ice hold. Come on.
Oh... nanny?
Sorry.
Nanny?!
Make way. Excuse me. Make way.
Who are you?
Uh, fire drill, ma'am.
Women and humans first.
Man: Stop them, you fools! He's one of them!
Come, this way!
I don't know who you are, sir,
but I demand that you put me down!
[ Speaking alien language ]
Put me down!
I'll bite it off!
I'll cut it off!
Always losing his head over women.
I'll have every ship in the galaxy
after your filthy hides!
They already are.
Put me down!
Alarm from the freighter metterak, sir.
They're reporting pirates on board.
Set converging course. Sound battle stations.
You were given extra ships
to destroy the pirates in this sector, captain.
One extra squadron, sir.
There are thousands of planets in this area alone
where they can hide.
Is it a lack of ships, commander,
or a lack of resolve?
Pirate craft identified on metterak, sir.
Arm all batteries. Prepare to fire.
How's your stump?
Depressing.
Warships closing.
Thank you.
16 seconds.
Reciprocal course.
We're going right at them.
Man: Right at 'em.
That ship looks big enough to survive a collision.
The control room won't, and neither will the commander.
Fire all batteries.
The speed will trap us in the blast.
He's not changing course.
Neither are we.
Collision danger... six seconds.
Five seconds.
Four seconds.
Three seconds.
Alter course to starboard.
Spring water for supper?
Reduce speed to green 4.
Initiate evasive tactics, delta pattern.
They're already on to that pattern.
Is the new one ready?
Better ask our computer expert.
I...Haven't... quite...
I think they've found us.
We better take separate pods.
Good luck.
See you in zagora.
Spin left.
Prepare to break.
Now.
Spin to port.
Spin to port!
It's not happening. The directionals are out.
Why do they always follow our section?
It's up to you, partner.
Templar pigs.
Here they come.
Ready?
Get that one!
Good!
Here comes another one.
Get him! Great!
Quit that!
That one! Get him!
You missed him.
Take her out of here!
If you resist,
we shall kill everyone on board, including...
The wounded.
Call him off.
Back off!
Take them.
Even your robots are insolent.
Fortunately, your days of amusement
are coming to an end.
Killing you would be too easy.
I have something better in mind for you.
More!
Over here!
Give me more!
You missed me!
I didn't get any!
Is that all?! Is that all?!
Power to the people, man.
There you go. Right there.
Hey, Jason, you want your soup?
No.
Hey... give you this gold piece for half the soup.
Food's more important.
Tell you what I'll do.
I'll let you have it
for a quarter of what you got left there.
Well, okay.
Deal.
Hide it well.
[ Laughs ]
What you in for?
Petty theft, grand larceny.
You son of a bitch! Where's my necklace?!
I don't know what you're talking about!
don't you lie to me, you little punk!
Hey, hey, he said he doesn't have it.
Maybe you dropped it or something.
Maybe you took it!
Maybe, but do you want to go ahead and search me?
You want to go ahead and search everyone here?
I'm sure no one would mind.
That's a lot of people to search.
They're not going to let you keep it anyway.
We've all got the same sentence, remember?
Well, if I catch the son of a bitch,
I'll kill him anyway.
[ Growls ]
It's always the same in the slave section.
The closer we get to mithra,
the more everyone gets to thinking about being redesigned.
Redesigned? Redesigned?
Yeah, castrated. Lobotomized.
It's a new process.
They say it doesn't hurt. [ Laughs ]
They do that to everybody in this section?
Everyone except for the monk.
They don't castrate clergy, just in case.
Just in case what?
Just in case there really is a god.
[ Laughs ]
Man: Look! There it is!
Mithra!
It's the water planet!
Look at the lakes!
God, I can smell them from here!
They're not lakes, they're fields.
They keep the water covered so it doesn't evaporate.
There still must be plenty of it
to waste on fields like that.
Not when you consider
it's the only source of water left in the galaxy.
If we get out of this, that's it.
I'm quitting.
There's no way we're getting out of this.
Well, if we do, I'm going to start my own business.
We've already got our own business.
Legitimate.
Doing what?
Making robots.
People are making a fortune with them.
Oh, I know.
What are you going to use for water?
Investors.
People with water don't have to invest.
They already got everything they want.
That's why we're pirates.
I'd rather not talk to you, okay?
Man: Royal scum.
What do you know about her?
She's the daughter of his lordship,
count vasco of argon.
The explorer?
He disappeared three months ago
searching for the seventh world.
Seventh world?
They still chasing that old wives' tale?
She's being honored at the royal court
in memory of her beloved father.
She doesn't know they killed him.
Who killed him?
Templars... may they all end in thirst.
Power to the people!
Stand clear.
Monk.
Good luck, my sons.
Remember, god saves.
With me.
[ Man screams ]
Power to the people!
Walk off your jobs!
Turn off your machines!
Workers unite!
[ Man screams ]
Say, you get your overtime last week?
No. And they cheated me out of two hours.
If they don't pay us soon,
I'm gonna do something drastic.
Uh, not now, please.
[ Man screams ]
Uh, I'll need two of those, please.
Hi, uh, any chance you can help me get out of this?
Sorry.
Well, maybe we can just get together later then, huh?
Oh, I don't think you'll be up for it.
[ Laughter ]
Oh, god.
Turn off your machines!
Walk off your jobs!
Power to the people!
I never thought anything like this was gonna happen!
Relax, be cool, and whatever you do,
don't panic.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
Just pretend that it happened.
[ Laughs ]
Ooh, ooh, eeh, aah, mmm, ohh, waah!
Oh, ah, ee, ah, yaaaah!
Oh, oh, ah, ee, wah!
Do as you're told or it will happen.
What? Ohh!
[ Muzak plays ]
Look alert, there.
Thank you. I'll take over from here.
How does that feel?
[ High-pitched voice ] Perfect, madam, thank you.
Good. Step down and stand over there.
Yes, ma'am.
How does that feel?
[ High-pitched voice ] A little snug.
Good. Step down.
And stand over there.
This is where the completed units are finally inspected
and shipped to the retailers.
Turn around and present yourselves.
Your highness, may I?
Thank you.
They are fine-looking specimens.
Yes. Sometimes I think it's a shame that they, uh,
do all the things that they do to them.
Now, I don't know what your personal preference is,
but this one has excellent form and definition.
May I?
Oh, certainly.
Mmm.
[ Clears throat ]
He also looks a lot younger than that one.
Definitely.
And more intelligent.
They're all the same when it comes to that.
What about the black ones?
Ah, yes.
We found them to be very popular.
So what do you think, then, nanny?
Well, I think we should take the black one, definitely.
He'll go very well with the new wallpaper.
As far as the others are concerned,
I don't think it really matters.
Well, then, I suppose we'll take...
This one.
He's certainly not the biggest or the best,
but that won't matter in the sewage plant.
That's true.
Excellent, then.
I'll give you the service manuals
and the contract forms.
This way, your highness.
The Princess will explain later why she saved you.
In the meanwhile, you will work as her slaves.
Any failure to behave as you're expected,
and I shall take great personal pleasure
in seeing that what remains of your
[clears throat] Masculinity
is removed forever.
Do you understand?
Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am.
[ High-pitched ] Yes, ma'am. [ High-pitched ] Yes, ma'am.
Come along, then.
[ Rock music plays ]
She say anything yet?
Who?
Who? The Princess.
No, no, shh. I got to get back to work.
Bastards!
Man: Hey, ledova, where you been?
Come on up!
You could've waited for me.
Ledova, come on up here!
Ooh!
[ Electricity crackles ]
Ah, you ought to try it. You'll like it.
I'm trying to quit.
Aaah, ooooh, bye-bye.
You're not supposed to care about that anymore,
remember?
[ Giggling ]
A splendid party, my dear.
I congratulate you.
I'm glad you think so.
Isn't that the...
The pirates.
I bought them this morning at the factory.
I couldn't resist when i saw them in the showroom.
I can imagine.
They make fine slaves.
Man: Slave, check this robot.
Yes... yes, sir.
[ Normal voice ] Right here.
Hey, I said over here.
[ Growls ]
[ Robots beeping ]
Okay, don't get tense. That's a good spot.
May I?
And do you think you could get me a sandwich or something?
What are you doing here?
Just spreading the good word and trying to save my ass.
Hey! What's going on?
don't do that!
Hi.
She wants to see us.
She's... planning on leaving or something.
He wants us to bring him a sandwich.
Or some cake. Anything with sugar in it.
[ Rock music continues ]
We have exactly half an hour to get to the launching pad.
Where are we going?
You're taking me to the pirates' moon.
That's not a pretty place for a lady.
Of that I have no doubt,
but I have important business there.
Princess Karina!
Can I speak with you for a moment?
Come on.
Guards!
This way!
Stop them!
Hold it!
Care for a drink?
Stop!
Halt!
This way!
Wait for me!
Coming your way!
Yah!
Let's go!
Hey, wait! Wait for me!
Wh-whoa!
Slow down, jas!
Jason!
Jas! Let me up here!
Jas, don't forget about me, buddy!
[ Mechanical voice ] Baby! Mommy! Baby!
Mommy! Baby! Mommy!
Jas, get me... aaaah!
Let's get out of here!
Come on!
Wait for me! don't go so fast!
Jason! Jas!
Hey, Jackson! Hey, bloods!
Y'all want to pump some kittys?
Yeah!
No.
Hey, it's been a long time.
Finest kittys on mithra.
No. Get the hell out of here.
Transportation and exotic cribs be included.
Yeah, bloods!
Transportation?
Transportation. Transportation.
We take water, gold,
credit cards, and high-priced-type drugs.
[ Laughs ]
Yeah.
I heard that. You gots a deal.
Let's go, bloods.
This be my bad chariot.
Did they at any time say where they were going?
Did you hear... did you hear what they said?
Well? What did they say?
They really must try and teach these things how to speak.
Couldn't you have just...
Range and bearings? 324.
Cross-tracking air? Check.
Corrected velocity?
What the hell is that?
I don't know.
Aah!
Hey, weegie game.
Would you program the course?
Seven seconds.
don't give them an inch.
Two, one, clear.
Anything on radar? No. Why?
It all seemed too easy to me.
Anything? No. All clear. Except for him.
What's "him"?
He's the ship's garbage robot.
Look.
Ah, congratulations, ladies.
You're now bonafide pirates.
Should be in zagora in, uh, about three days.
Do you know this man?
Yeah.
That's an old friend of mine.
What do you know about him?
His name is lanky nibs,
a rabble-rouser from the midsection.
Can you arrange for me to see him?
Why? It's a private matter.
Tough guy to deal with.
He's a pirate. I'm sure he can be bought.
And what do you intend to buy him with?
The water on this ship.
Well, you've got three problems there.
Which are?
Your partners.
I do believe we have the controlling vote.
This ship and everything on it belongs to me.
Uh, not anymore.
Wrong.
You don't think we believe you're going to use that?
You should.
Who's going to fly this ship?
I will.
Find the pirate moon all by yourself?
He's already fed the course into the computer.
I can always find it again.
I still don't think you'll use it.
Is that because you consider yourself so charming
that this galaxy couldn't survive without you?
Or is it simply because you're too stupid to realize
just how close to dying you really are?
I like the first one, don't you?
I think she means it.
Let me make our relationship perfectly clear.
You will do exactly as i say until we reach zagora.
I've taken the precaution of reprogramming the vid
so that if anyone tampers with the water on board,
this ship will self-destruct.
Percy, keep an eye on them.
Yes, ma'am.
What can you do with the vid?
Nothing. Can't touch it.
Percy, huh?
Yes, sir.
Bet you're a real tough guy, aren't you?
Let me demonstrate.
Ow!
[ Alarm beeping ]
[ Growls ]
Identify yourself.
Your humble servant zorn, my lord.
Come closer.
Closer, closer, closer.
They want me to disconnect...
Give up my body.
I can still feel with it.
After all these eons, I still feel.
Give me your hand.
What other news?
Princess Karina escaped in the warship as planned.
[ Chuckles ]
Like father, like daughter.
Genes are a compelling force.
You must be forever vigilant, zorn.
We cannot fail in this matter.
Everything is proceeding as planned, my lord.
Jason: Base one, this is 2pq. Frequency 5jd3.
[ Static crackles ]
Base one, this is 2pq. Frequency 5jd3.
Late of the eagle.
Jd3, I.D.'S correct. How's that?
A little static, but not bad.
How are things in zagora?
You're the first deep spacer in in three months.
Did the eagle return?
What was left of her. Must have been pretty bad.
They went straight to the bar.
Templars have wiped out half the pirate fleet.
Things are getting bad.
If you have any water on board be careful.
Thanks, beak. Any other news?
Another group of pioneers went out to find the seventh world.
And?
They were decimated in the time warp.
Only the kids made it back,
and most of them were too old to even walk.
Po236.
Tuned to beacon z4.
See you in a couple hours.
Thanks, beak.
Aaaah!
What?
You put that on me?
What?
That thing!
What the hell you talking about?!
Something jumped on me when I was sleeping.
What's that on your back?
What's on my back?
There's blood on your back.
What?
Blood! There's blood on your back!
Oh, man.
Help me move this thing.
What was it?
I don't know.
You sure you didn't put that on me?
I didn't put anything on you!
[ Grunts ]
Aah, aah, aaaaah!
What is that?!
It could be dangerous!
It went down the grid.
What the hell was that?!
I don't know!
Must have come out of this thing.
A kind of petrified egg.
Ew!
Where'd this come from?
Ew!!
I remember seeing it fall out of the box in the closet.
Aaah!
The manifest.
Box b28.
28? Okay, here we go.
25, 26, 27, b28.
Oh, no.
What is it?
Space herpe.
Herpe?
Dormant form.
"Keep away from heat and moisture.
"Extremely dangerous when activated.
"Antibody"... oh, boy.
"Unknown."
Oh, great.
Put that down.
Get rid of it!
Hey, hey, you guys, her ladyship wants to see us.
She's decided to give us a third of all the water
if we help her in zagora.
Hey, did you see anything out there?
No. Why? What happened?
The ship just got... herpes.
Aaaah!
No!
Uh, uh, aaahh!
Give it to me!
No! It's mine!
Out of my water!
Woman: Give me that!
Water!
There'll be no more spit with the shine
unless we get a ship with some water in it.
[ Horn honks ]
Woman: This way! This way!
[ Shouting indistinctly ]
Man: Hey! Hey! You promised!
[ Man grunting, woman screams ]
Man: Hey, over here!
Woman: Get out of my way!
Woman ♪2: Come on!
I think it might be better
if we don't mention you're a Princess.
I think you're right.
Jason! You never keep any of your promises!
Uh, well, I will next time. I promise.
Promise?
Just my size, spaceman. How about a good time?
Inside, inside.
[ Caws ]
It'll be coming up in a minute.
Well, don't be a space age.
So, did you get away with everything intact?
Yeah. I had a little help.
Tell you all about it...
Hey, Jason.
Ha!
Your highness.
Roscoe! Zeno!
Oh!
I'm sorry, zeno. I forgot, man.
[ Laughs ]
Works perfectly.
Still the same old zeno.
Killjoy.
[ Knuckles crack ]
Killjoy.
Not a slow one in the batch.
They're fresh from the lower sector this morning.
It's the cute one and the nigger.
I meant the black gentleman.
Black gentleman.
Ha ha ha ha!
So, what happened to the eagle?
We lost the starboard section.
The whole section?
Meteorite. The directionals went out.
Yeah, and we just heard from beak.
They've put a bounty out on your heads.
Jason: $2 million?
$2 million... I might turn myself in.
That's it. I'm going to zaps.
Do you want to go?
Later.
You got any, uh, water?
Is the sun bright?
They're playing my song.
Would you like to come?
Hey, zeno, have you seen lanky nibs?
Oh, he disappeared.
Somebody said he got sick or something.
He's up at Sweetwater.
What's he doing in Sweetwater?
Hiding out.
From what?
No one knows.
Jason! They told me you were dead!
Well, come on over here, darling, and give me a hug.
I knew they wouldn't get you.
So, what have you got today?
We have a special... Solar steamers and live fondue.
Sol... you always have solar steamers.
Uh, what would you like?
Nothing, thank you.
Just bring a couple of drinks.
If you want anything else, just ask me.
You're very beautiful.
Thank you.
[ Sighs ]
Well, he's not here.
Where's Sweetwater?
About 50 miles outside of town.
We'd need a landcraft,
and the only person I know who's got a landcraft
is that guy sitting right over there.
Thank you.
That's a guy?
He works for the city,
so we can't bribe him with water,
but...
Maybe if you were real nice to him...
He'd do us a favor,
if you know what I mean.
Not a chance.
Then I guess we don't go.
You're a bastard.
I've been told that.
Have you any suggestions as to how I should handle this?
Just have a lot of fun.
Thanks.
That wasn't very nice.
Believe me, she had it coming.
Well, she seems to know what she's doing.
So?
Your he is a she,
and she thinks you're wonderful.
She does?
I think you better go over there and see what you can do.
[ Chuckles ]
No way.
No water, then.
You wouldn't.
Try me.
You haven't told me why you need to see lanky nibs.
He knows where my father is.
I'm going to remember this.
I'm sure you will.
[ Sighs ]
Want me to go with you?
Karina: Oh, no, I think he'd do much better on his own.
You're a mighty fine-looking woman, ma'am.
I'd consider it an honor if you'd dance with me.
No, thank you.
I'm afraid you don't understand, ma'am.
I'm insisting.
The lady said no.
Get lost, bitch!
Dogbite.
[ Crowd murmuring ]
Woman: Did you see that?
[ Murmuring continues ]
Sic her.
Aaah ha ha!
[ Crowd gasps ]
[ Barks ]
[ Man laughs ]
Feeling better?
Aaah! Aaah! Aaah!
Man: Hey, call the dog off.
That's my dog.
Woman: Yay!
I think you owe the lady and me an apology.
[ Speaking alien language ]
My apologies.
You didn't sound too Sincere to me.
I'm sorry.
don't believe him. He's lying.
[ Chirping ]
[ Raspy voice ] Do you mind if i ask you something personal?
No, no.
Uh, do you like my blouse?
Do you like the color?
I mean, do you think it suits me?
Oh, I'm being silly.
No, you're not being silly.
I think it's very flattering.
It's exactly the kind of thing that drives men crazy.
Wouldn't you say, Jason?
It's very nice.
Green is definitely your color.
Oh, thank you! Thank you!
[ Croaks like a frog ]
Uh, ha ha. Hands on the wheel, darling.
Plenty of time for that later.
[ Croaks ]
Uh, why don't you wait here?
[ Croaks ] Be careful.
don't worry. I'll keep an eye on him for you.
[ Croaks ]
[ Chirping ]
Lanky?
Ah, missed it.
The buggers are stealing me blind.
Lanky, what happened to you?
You shouldn't have come, Jason.
What are you talking about?
She knows.
They followed you, don't you know that?
Nobody followed.
What the hell happened to you?!
You mean the bod?
Yeah, the bod.
Time warp.
Lost 20 years in 20 seconds.
You're lookin' for your father?
Yes.
You have his manner.
[ Chirping ]
Oh, son of a bitch, missed 'em again.
Those little nippers have hard heads.
What do you know about my father?
He's a good man, fine spacer.
He captured me in the mid-section three months ago.
What happened?
He told me the wars were coming to an end.
The galaxy was getting a second chance.
His entire crew were changed beings.
I've never seen such joy and hope amongst men...
Just from seeing it.
Seeing what?
The seventh world.
They found a way through to the center
and the seventh world.
And you believed them?
I saw the tapes, tasted the water.
It's there, Jason, just like they always said it was.
But what happened after that?
We flew to a base in the tri system.
They were there, waiting for us.
Who?
Templars.
After your father left the ship, they came on board
and massacred the entire crew.
For what?
Power, control.
A planet of water like the seventh world
would destroy their control of the galaxy.
Then my father is still alive.
It's possible.
If he is, he's being held in the tri system by wendon.
Jason: How'd you get away?
Played dead.
After they left, i stole the ship.
I always knew they'd find me.
Who is it?
We're the only ones left who know.
They have to kill us.
Let's get out of here. Come on.
Come on, let's go!
Save yourself.
I'm tired of running, fighting.
What's the matter with you?! Come on, let's go!
What the hell are you doing?
Saving you, you crotchety old fart.
I still walk on my own!
Jason: Come on!
[ Nippers chirping ]
Look out!
[ Engine turns over ]
[ Men cheering ]
Bounty hunters. Come on.
Man: The woman!
Let's get on them!
Stop. Please, stop.
Man: Faster!
[ Cheering continues ]
Man: All right!
Just like old times, huh?
Ha ha! Yeah! Remember the time...
They're coming back!
Man: Come on, guys! Faster!
Oh!
Just get it started!
Go, go, go!
[ Grunts ]
Man: Faster! Faster!
Forward!
Kill him, cahones! Kill him!
Yah!
Jason!
Kill him, cahones!
Kill him!
Cahones?
What... aah!
Aah!
Ohh! Aah!
Ohh... uh... I'm not the boss.
Ohh!
Aaah!
Good luck, and don't forget to write!
Ha ha!
Never thought I'd be dying before you, Jason.
You're not dying, so stop talkin' about it.
You always were the optimist.
That's right. We're gettin' you outta here.
Aaah!
It's his back.
It's broken.
I'll miss all you beautiful women...
Most of all.
Jason...
What can I do?
Find it.
It's there, Jason.
Her father knows.
Go to the tri system.
[ Sighs ]
[ Nippers chirping ]
I'm sorry, Jason.
There never was a seventh world.
But you're still coming, right?
Will someone explain just what a seventh world is?
Didn't they teach you nothin'?
Just how to stomp on little people like you.
The six water planets
were destroyed in the galactic war.
Some people believe a seventh planet
spun out of orbit and survived.
Where?
No one knows.
Except the lady's father.
If there was a seventh world, it would've been discovered.
Not if it's in the center of the galaxy.
It's impossible to go there.
You haven't experienced the time warp at the center.
I don't want to, either.
I've seen ships where healthy men and even young children
who came back aged and senile...
It's past the Princess' tea time, Percy.
Rattle your rivets.
Yes, ma'am.
Put those things over there.
The rest of you guys, keep going.
This is the best you could do?
That's all they had in the town.
These cost 5,000.
I told you robots were a good business.
Beak: Cleared for blastoff. Two minutes and counting.
Take your time, guys.
Hey, isn't that, uh...
Headless? Yeah.
He was sold as scrap.
I haven't figured out his program yet,
but he's doing okay.
Yeah, he looks real good.
Zeno: Prepare for blastoff.
I don't know what we'd do without you.
All right, keep comin'.
Second on the left and save your batteries.
Hey, what do you know about this tri system?
Remember lord axton's son?
Weird wendon?
Yeah. They got fed up with his antics
so they set him up with his own planet.
What are we going there for?
It's the last place lanky saw the Princess' father alive.
[ Chirping ]
Would you keep stirring that, darling?
Let me take a look here at this recipe.
"Half a teaspoon of carrots."
Well, these are big eaters.
May as well... put a few of these things in here.
Yeah! Nice hit, nice hit!
You ever think about playing this game?
No, too rowdy for me.
Yeah, know what you mean. Me too.
That's barbaric!
Oh, yeah.
Oh, man!
Jason: Have you ever been to a club red?
Yes.
And?
It wasn't as good as they advertised.
How disappointing.
That's what I thought.
It says here that the water planet
has so much moisture on its surface that it
continuously creates cycles of clouds and falling rain.
You know what that means.
We'll both be able to take hot, wet baths together.
Zeno: Watch your backs now. Hot stuff coming through.
You wanna move those dishes, honey?
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Whoa!
Bravo.
I call her myron.
Nothing but the finest herbs, my dead mother's stuffing,
and fresh garlic from a real garden.
Okay, okay, now note the juice
which flows from the initial incision.
[ Gurgling ]
Aaaah!
Kill it!
Dead!
Aah! Aaah! Aaaah!
Percy: Oh, my circuits!
Aaah! Aaah!
Where'd it go?
Heating duct, damn it.
What was that?!
Uh, uh, it was a space herpe.
A what?!
Space herpe.
That's disgusting!
How long have you known about this?
A couple of days. It's the first we've heard of it.
It's the first we've heard of it. A couple of days.
And you didn't tell us about it?!
That's unforgivable!
How could you do a thing like that?!
I want the entire ship searched
before we reach the tri system.
Yes, sir. [ Whistles ]
It's really not that dangerous.
That's not what I've been told.
[ Radio frequencies changing ]
Zeno: Range... 257. Closing 850.
Bearing correct.
Jason on monitor: It smells like rotten eggs down here.
Maida: We've got a 1.7 "o" level.
You should be feeling fine.
Zeno: You are moving out of visual contact.
[ Beeping softly ]
[ Beeping ]
Look out!
[ Warbles ]
[ Gun beeping ]
Jason!
[ Shouting ]
[ Hisses ]
Welcome to the playroom.
I was wondering if you'd ever come.
Your father has given up hope.
Where is he?
Probably moping.
I'm afraid he's lost his sense of humor.
He no longer realizes that all of life is but a game.
What have you done to him?
I've coddled him as if he were my own child.
After all, he's responsible for all of this.
I want to see him.
No! You'll make him sick.
And if he dies, they'll stop taking care of me.
You give us her father,
and we'll take you to the seventh world with us.
There'll be, uh, room for everyone.
What for?
We have everything here.
But you still live in fear.
It's stimulating.
Besides, I couldn't exist without servants.
Liquid...
You see, I exist exactly the same way the system exists.
I survive because...
People without water will do anything.
Let me demonstrate.
Zagar, you can kill him now.
Aaaaaaah!
[ Gasps ]
Oh! Ouch!
Oh! Eee! Ohh!
[ Grunting ]
Stop or I'll kill him!
Do as she says!
I mean it!
You need some help?
Got 'em right where I want 'em.
I know the feeling.
All right, girls, let that be a lesson to you.
I have a splitting headache.
Would you happen to have a Tylenol?
You'll need more than a Tylenol
if you don't tell me where my father is.
I can't do that.
Ouch!
We'll see about that, you fat-faced little freak.
You want me to make you?
What are you gonna do, pull out my fingernails?
Chop off my head?
No.
Ha ha.
He's... he's in the oval room!
Ahhh-choo!
Big, macho guy.
Stand back, ladies.
Do as he says, girls.
Daddy?
Oh!
Oh, daddy.
You're not my father.
That's not my father.
[ Voice breaking ] That's not my father!
It's an omega robot.
Jason: We'll find him.
don't worry. We'll find him.
How touching.
It always gets me when people cry.
Oh! Ouch!
[ Karina sobs ]
Karina: How could I have thought that thing was my father?
It's just a straightforward program.
Nothing to indicate he was forced to make it.
There must be something,
some kind of message in the memory bank?
Zeno...
Sync to coordinate 10.
That's the only non sequitur in the whole program.
Jason: What is it?
Some kind of circle.
It's a ring.
Where's my father's ring?
Ring? What ring?
He must have given it to you.
You mean I have value again?
How would you like me to drop-kick you
into the next time zone?
You're so physical.
It really isn't necessary.
It was a gift. He gave it to me!
Jason: What else have you got in there?
Nothing. Would you care to make a deposit?
Please work.
They tell me that you are dead,
that there is no hope,
just our own salvation.
It all seems purposeless without you.
But these are good people,
so I shall take them to the seventh world.
The omega will save wendon in case you still... survive.
My coordinates are 2, 8, 3 on the iona projection.
No deviation is permissible.
If you do,
you will be suspended in time forever.
I love you, Karina.
I can only dream and pretend that you still exist.
God save us.
At least we know he's still alive.
We're going to find him.
Set course for the meridian.
Aye, aye, captain.
Keep a close lookout.
What about me?
What's gonna happen to me?
don't worry, captain, I'll take care of him.
I always wanted to get "ahead."
don't drop me, you palooka! I just got my nose done!
So, what do you think?
I'm beginning to believe it.
What's that?
Beauford.
Beauford?
Beauford. Yeah.
I just rebuilt him.
Ah, looks good.
His motor system is .09 milliseconds faster
than the finest omega built.
[ Warbles ]
I don't mean anything by this,
but is there any particular reason why he's black?
Sure. I wanted him to be perfect.
[ Warbles ]
Oh, hi, guys.
Karina: Oh, that's good.
Oh, a little harder.
Oh, that's perfect. don't stop.
Oh, yeah, a little... Oh, don't stop.
Who is it?
Me... Jason.
Hi.
I just came by to see how you were feeling.
Much better, thank you.
I, uh, brought the tape i was telling you about.
Great.
Thank you, Percy. That was wonderful.
My pleasure, ma'am.
Talented fellow.
I think I overworked him.
That's a lot of body to rub.
How would you know?
I've been observing it for the past four billion miles.
What's it called?
Oh, the tape.
"Passion storm."
[ Sighs ]
Did you just do that?
Force fields.
You had me worried.
Oh, don't worry.
You're in the hands of a professional.
Slip it in there, darling.
Woman: Hello, your environmental chamber is ready.
The program... "Passion storm."
All rights to this material are reserved.
Enjoy yourselves.
[ Thunder crashes ]
[ Sighs ]
I think I should take my saber off.
[ Laughs ]
Let me.
It feels so stiff.
The belt, I mean.
Jason.
[ Gasping ] Shouldn't you be at the controls?
If you insist.
[ Sighing ] Oh, Jason.
[ Alarm blaring ]
What's going on?
I don't know, I just got here myself.
Percy, let's see what's happening.
We've got an unidentified ship on our tail.
This thing is moving five times faster
than anything I've ever seen.
What's the configuration?
Battleship. Just popped out of nowhere.
Maida: Visual scan coming through.
She's a templar.
They don't have anything that moves that fast.
We're entering the time warp. Everything's speeding up.
Starfield's closing at a multiple of seven.
Could we outrun it?
We're already at maximum power.
She's closing fast.
We can't change course.
We'll be lost in the warp forever.
We can't fight them if we don't maneuver.
Roscoe: She's coming right at us.
My congratulations, Karina.
You have succeeded in doing
what the entire galactic command
failed to accomplish.
You've led us to the seventh world.
It's a pity you chose, like your father,
to work against the order.
He planned this from the very beginning.
Kill the "b" system.
Check the laser shields.
We just lost the first bank.
Accelerating at a multiple of 48!
That's a day gone by every half-hour.
Multiple 64, still increasing.
They're gonna try to board us. Get the robots.
Does wendon have a body yet? We need every available hand.
Check the upper decks.
It's all yours, ladies.
Keep it on course, and remember, we're all getting older.
They're onto us.
Check below. I'll take the corridor.
Robots, wait here.
Get the robots down here!
Look out!
Go in there! Get 'em!
You're up, partner! Go!
Get some more help!
Take the control room!
How's it going?
Oh, it's going great.
How's it going with you?
Jeez, what a mess!
10,000... more than a day every second.
Surprise, surprise!
They decided to treat me like a human again.
What do you think?
I think you talk too much, that's what I think.
What is it?
I think I'd better go to my room.
I feel sick.
Her maj does look a bit peaked, doesn't she?
We're all three months older.
Killjoy: They're all worn out.
We gotta get some more parts.
[ Robots growling ]
This one still has a good power system!
Damn it, there's no way we're gonna stop 'em!
Get in there!
Go on! Go! Go! Go!
Oh, god.
Get in there!
Be careful. Watch out, don't...
don't slip.
Zeno: Okay, here's another seven!
Where's the rest of 'em? They're being activated.
Get 'em in there! Go! Go! Come on, let's go!
Take your weapon! Hey, hey!
Aw, jeez.
This is a mess, isn't it?
What are you doing here?
I'm afraid I have some bad news.
Well, maybe it's not that bad.
The Princess is pregnant.
Pregnant? How in the hell did that happen?
You can be sure I had nothing to do with it.
She's asking to see you.
I'll be back in a minute.
A minute's a very long time under the circumstances!
Ah, well done, Percy. You got him!
Is everything okay?
I'm afraid not, sir.
Jason?
Yeah, what's going on?
Big surprise... daddy.
Daddy?
Congratulations!
[ Crying ]
Uh, that's not mine.
Chin up.
No, that's not...
It's mine.
Definitely yours.
Would you like to hold him?
No, I've got some other problems i have to take care of.
Sorry about that.
Hah! Aah!
Ohh!
Aah!
Ohh!
Yah!
Jason: What the hell is going on?
Aaah!
Go back to the ice hold. We'll stop 'em there!
Aah! Aaaaah!
Aaaah!
Charge!
Jason, don't be disturbing nanny.
She's getting very old.
Nanny?
Nanny!
[ Sobbing ] Ohhhh!
Zeno: I don't know about you, but I'm gettin' real tired.
Jason: All right... now!
[ Groaning ]
Man: Advance!
Come on, let's go!
Stop them!
Now, beauford! Now!
Let's get outta here!
Oh, jeez!
Die! Die!
Now!
Let's go!
Whooooa! Whooooa!
Ah ha ha ha!
[ Groans ]
Robots, attack!
Are you all right?
I think... good.
I'm gettin' too old for this.
[ Grunting ]
Ah ha ha ha!
All right! All right, yeah!
[ Grunting ]
Aahhhh! Aah!
[ Groaning ]
I'd have cut him to pieces 10 minutes ago.
Killjoy!
Oh, no, not him again!
You are finished!
The seventh world is mine!
Come on, Roscoe, you're lookin' bad.
You don't look too good yourself.
They're gaining on us.
Well, I guess this is it.
Here I come, dad!
Hit it, Roscoe!
Jason! Jason!
It's him! It's... it's him!
That's our baby!
That is him.
Isn't he beautiful?
Mom, dad, we won!
He's a chip off the old block.
I...Always... hated... kids.
Oh, gee!
Mmm!
Karina: We came through it!
We're back to the exact moment we were at
when we entered the time warp.
Velocity's back to normal.
What happened to the other ship?
Roscoe: It's gone.
They were one degree off when we entered the warp.
Killjoy: Just one degree and they're lost forever?
Will somebody please tell me
that what I think just happened really didn't.
It did. It happened!
[ Cheering, shouting ]
We made it!
All right!
I knew we'd do it!
I don't believe it.
Karina: It's beautiful!
I knew it.
I knew it was out there.
Your father was right.
I can't wait to see him.
Look how beautiful that is!
It's exactly as they always said it was.
All that water.
You know what this means, don't you?
We're out of business.
Zeno: That's right.
[ Warbling ]