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Thank you.
Someone better call the police.
I wish they all could be California girls
- The Beach Boys are dope. - I love Beach Boys.
Hey, ladies, how you doin'? Wait a minute.
Where you goin'? Let's get some sushi!
Hey! Hey, cutie!
I wish they all could...
Hey, hey, hey, hey! That was my CD!
Don't you ever touch a Chinese man's CD.
You see the way those girls drove off? They was laughing at us.
Those girls drove off because of you.
All I did was invite them to have a drink.
You invited them to get naked...
and sacrifice a small goat.
Which word was "goat"?
You owe me a copy of The Beach Boys' Greatest Hits.
Don't get no attitude with me, Lee. I've worked your cases for three days.
Reason I'm here in Hong Kong is 'cause you said you'd show me a good time.
I'm on vacation, man, and I want some mu shu.
- Mu shu? You hungry? - No, Lee, not mu shu.
Some mu shu. I wanna see some women, man.
Now stop playin' dumb and show me to the shu.
There was a bombing at the U.S. Embassy.
Two American translators were killed.
Any leads?
We think it's Ricky Tan.
His entire gang of Triads is at the club tonight.
If you don't want to take the case, I'll understand.
No, it's okay.
What was that?
Did you just take another damn case on my vacation, man?
Of course not. My superintendent invited us to a club.
- Big party tonight. - Don't be messin' with me, Lee.
I will slap you so hard, you'll end up in the Ming Dynasty.
I mean it. I'll bitch-slap you back to Bangkok.
- Big party? - Big one.
Okay, well, let's go party then.
Hey, this is nice. Hey, cutie.
They don't like tourists in here, so try to blend in.
What do you mean, blend in? I'm two feet taller than everybody here.
- Wait here. - Where you goin'?
- Bathroom. - Hurry back, 'cause we gonna party.
How you doin'?
Come here a lot? It's a nice place.
Take us through the hours
I won't make you, baby
What in the world is goin' on up in here?
Am I the only one listenin' to this?
The man destroyin' a classic!
With the force, don't stop Don't stop till you get enough
Keep on with the force Don't stop
- Don't stop till you get enough - Boo!
With the force, don't stop Don't stop till you get enough
I can't take no more of this, man.
Get closer Oh, get closer
I'm burnin'now
Just love me
Till you
Don't know how
Keep on till the force starts up
Don't stop till you get enough Keep on
Till the force starts up Ah, don't stop till you get enough
Keep on till the force starts up
Come on, girls!
Come on till the force starts up
Ah, don't stop till you get enough
Come on! Come on!
Come here, girls Don't stop till you...
Come on, girls I can't believe it
Come on, don't stop. You know you feel the force!
Don't stop till you get enough
- I feel the force! - Carter!
Come on! Come on!
- Carter! - Come on, Lee!
- Carter! - Come on!
I'll be right back I'll be right back
Lee, these people love me. Come on out here.
- Get off the stage. - Are you crazy, man?
I'm a star, a god to these people. Check this out.
This is a gangster bar. We are here undercover.
I knew you was lyin'. I knew you was lyin', man.
- I'm sorry, Carter. - You a liar!
We are here to find Ricky Tan. We must tread softly.
Tread softly? What in the world you talkin' about?
Who taught you how to roust a bar? "Tread softly."
These men are Triads, the most deadly gang in China.
You think that scare me? I'm from Los Angeles. We invented gangs.
- Give me that badge. - No! You are civilian!
In Hong Kong, I am Michael Jackson! You are Toto!
You mean Tito! Toto is what we ate last night for dinner.
- Now give me that badge. - No!
Listen up!
Right now!
What did I just say?
You just asked everybody to pick up their samurai swords...
and shave your butt.
- I said that? - Yes.
Come out here and translate this for me. Come on.
All right, listen up!
All the Triads and the ugly women on this side...
and all the fine women on this side right now!
Translate it.
He wants the men on the right. And the women on the left.
Y'all gonna act like y'all don't hear what I'm sayin'.
Who in here know Ricky Tan? Raise your hand.
Translate.
I apologize. My friend is very drunk.
I see what's goin' on here. Okay.
I ain't got time to be playin' no games now.
Hu Li!
Hey, Lee!
Out of the way! L.A.P.D.!
Lee! Hold up!
Hell no.
Lee, I'm takin' the stairs!
Move aside, Kobe.
Sorry.
Sorry for interrupting your meal, sir.
Carter!
Over here!
- Lee! - Help me!
- How you get down there? - Hurry up!
Hold on! Don't let go, man.
- Here. - Watch out behind you!
- Behind you! - What?
Who the hell was that?
Lord Jesus, I don't wanna die!
Lee, help me, man!
Don't worry. Chinese bamboo is very strong.
- You sure, man? - I'm sure.
Let go! Let go!
I can't believe I flew 10,000 miles for this shit!
I can't believe you lied to me, man.
- I'm sorry. - You sorry?
I got somebody's old chopsticks stuck up my ass, and all you say is you sorry?
- There was an explosion. - I don't give a damn!
At the American embassy. Two Americans were killed.
So you think this guy Ricky Tan blew up the embassy?
- I don't know. - Then why the hell you lookin' for him?
- We're gonna find out. - No, you gonna find out.
There's two billion Chinese people here. Let one of them be your partner.
Where the hell we at now?
Massage parlor. Heaven on Earth.
This is more like it.
I'm about to go in here and get a massage and a hot tea bath right now.
Just follow my lead. Act like a tourist.
I am a tourist, fool.
Slow down, Chen! Hell is wrong with you?
My American friend is on vacation. I want to show him a good time.
Oh, you American.
- Yeah. - You bring American money?
- I got it, Lee. - You sure?
I'm sure.
Thank you.
- You're welcome. - Right this way.
Are you ready?
You ready? I'm ready.
Oh, my goodness!
This place is off the hook! I love Hong Kong.
You get massage from Chinese girl before?
No, but I heard it was the bomb.
Come with me.
You pick any girl for you and your friend.
- Any girl? - Any girl.
I don't know where to start.
- I'll take that one. She got to come. - Yes, she's very nice.
She is nice, but I hurt my back and my neck, and I need a little more massage.
So I'm gonna take her in the pink too.
- Oh, yes. - And let me get her.
And let me have her. Can I get her too?
And her right there. She good with feet?
- Oh, yes. - What are you doing?
- She said I could have any girl I want. - Well, hurry up!
What's wrong with you? Don't jump in front of a black man in a buffet line.
Calm down!
Your friend has big appetite.
Please, follow her upstairs into the quiet room.
It ain't gonna be no quiet room no more.
Y'all don't know how good this feels.
I got in a big fight last night with the Triads.
Y'all ever heard of the Triads? I beat down like 20 of 'em.
Y'all should've seen me. It was on.
This is what I'm talkin' about, man. Now I'm on vacation.
I knew you'd come through. I just knew it.
America?
Wanna come to America with me? Ever been to America?
How's your girl?
- Lee, what's wrong? - That's Ricky Tan.
That's Ricky Tan? That's a midget in a bathrobe!
I will call for backup.
He's four feet tall. Let's bust him now.
- He's a very dangerous man. - I'm a very dangerous man.
Look, let's go over there and bust him.
You're not about to mess up my massage, I'm telling you.
Stay here.
You don't need backup. I got your back...
Excuse me for a minute. Just for a minute.
I'll be back. Don't...
I'll be back.
Ricky? Ricky Tan?
Get up, dog. I've been lookin' for you everywhere.
I'm busy at the moment.
You hear what I said? I'm busy too. Now get on your feet.
- Get on your feet! - I know you.
You are Lee's American friend, right?
I'm Lee's new muscle. Don't let this robe fool you.
This is the only color they had. Now I said, get up.
I ain't gonna say it again.
You American are so funny.
And you Asians don't hear that well.
Little Ricky!
Get your little punk ass up...
outta that chair right now!
You're messin' up my vacation. I told you to get up, didn't I?
Now I gotta go off on you.
Let me bust his ass. Come on!
What? Let me take care of this.
Hello, my friend, how are you?
I need to talk to you.
What about?
The two Americans that were killed.
Come to the police station.
The police station?
If you have any questions, ask me here.
Look, little man. You comin' with...
Oh, my Lord.
I would like to pay you for that laptop.
- I think I should do that. - No problem.
I seen it on the Internet, with a DVD player.
- That's an old model. - Now, I must excuse myself.
Inspector.
Have a good day.
I was...
Lee, why didn't you tell me this man rolls like this?
- I told you already! - No, you didn't!
- What you said? - I did this.
What do this mean? Speak English to me!
That means I go this way and you go this way.
- I go that way, you go this way? - Yes.
- Sorry. - Carter!
Y'all look alike! Watch out!
No wonder you mad.
Don't worry. It's okay.
You better get the hell outta here.
- Flip me! - What?
Flip me!
Damn!
Lee!
No, no, no!
Lee!
YAU MA TEl POLICE STATION
Look, you've been ordered by the Ministry of Public Security...
to assist the F.B.I. and Secret Service in our investigation...
to provide us with whatever we need.
You have information, it belongs to us.
This is still Hong Kong.
Two Americans have been killed on United States government property.
Give me two copies of that.
This is our investigation.
Chief Inspector Lee will supervise your people.
No, he will report to me.
Do we understand each other?
What the hell is that?
That is, uh...
Chief Inspector Lee.
I ain't never been humiliated and embarrassed like that...
in my whole entire life.
Got me runnin' around Hong Kong butt-naked, thanks to you.
- Thanks to me? - Yeah, thanks to you.
You needed backup, so I gave you backup.
I was about to kick Ricky Tan's ass, and his bodyguards', till you messed it up.
- Stop. I'm sick of your bullshit. - I'm sick of you!
I'm not the one runnin' up in karaoke bars full of gangsters.
And I'm not the one runnin' up in massage parlors lookin' for crime lords.
- It's my job. - It's yourjob.
You pitiful, man. When are you gonna have some fun?
When are you gonna take a day off? When are you gonna go on a date?
- I have plenty of dates. - When's the last time you had a date?
When's the last time you played "hide the rainbow roll"?
Huh? Let's hear it, Lee. The Year of the Rat?
You will never understand me.
You right, 'cause I didn't even understand what you just said to me.
They got my passport back at that massage parlor.
Good afternoon, sir.
- Lee? - Yes, sir.
This is Special Agent Sterling from the United States Secret Service.
Secret Service? Why?
Have a seat, please.
What I'm about to tell you cannot leave this room.
The men who were killed yesterday were not American translators.
They were undercover United States Customs agents...
trying to break a Triad smuggling ring.
- Smuggling what? - We don't know.
But whatever it is, it got the agents killed.
How can we help you?
You can stay the hell out of our way.
- Thank you. - I can get you Ricky Tan.
No. We know all about Tan.
That's why we're leaving him out there as bait.
This is a lot bigger than Ricky Tan...
and the Fu Cang Long Triads.
Hey, cutie.
Thank you, Lee.
Carter! Carter!
Heaven on Earth massage parlor?
Heaven on Earth?
Hello. Cheap suits.
Cheap suits.
- Cheap suits. Cheap suits. - How cheap?
- Cheap suits. - Cheap as hell?
Excuse me.
Can you direct me to Heaven on Earth massage parlor, please?
- Hello. How are you? - Okay.
No, no. Wait a minute.
I don't want no chicken.
I don't want no chicken! What am I gonna do with a chicken?
I don't like my chickens live, okay?
I like 'em dead and deep-fried. You ever heard of Popeye's?
No, no! No! Don't kill chicken.
Yes.
I'm warning you. I'm a police officer.
Put the blade down and let the bird go right now!
You okay, Lee?
All he wanted was some mu shu.
Damn.
Hey, taxi! Taxi!
Follow that car.
Follow that limo. This is a chase. Wherever he goes, you go.
You're not movin'! This is the opposite of chasin'!
What? I will slap you if you don't move this car.
I'm gonna slap you. I'm gonna slap you.
All right. Okay, look. Here.
You understand that?
- Now you're speaking my language. - Get the hell on then.
Come on, let's go!
We just heard Ricky Tan is throwing a party on his boat tonight.
Did you tell Sterling?
Let him find out on his own. I want the Hong Kong Police handling this.
Wait right here. I'll be right back.
- You understand? - Yes, I understand!
And don't eat my chicken, okay?
Jesus!
How you doin', baby?
Carter, James Carter. Baldwin Hills.
Isabella Molina. From San Juan.
San Juan? I know San Juan.
I've traveled there many times on my private plane.
You must know my friend Pedro Morales Magonzales Marato Molaso Mondustos.
- I don't think so. - You sure?
Well, I'm sorry. I thought you rode in the best circles.
But listen. Make yourself feel at home.
You need anything... champagne, caviar... my yacht is your yacht.
This is your yacht?
That's right. I'm the owner.
The captain. El capitan.
- El capitan? - Yes. Listen.
I'm not gonna play games with you. I want you right now.
I see me and you downstairs in one of those bathrooms...
in about five minutes.
Well, I'm very tempted. It's such a beautiful yacht.
What's it called?
- What's it called? - Mm-hmm. Your yacht.
- The S.S. Minnow Johnson. - The S.S. Minnow Johnson?
Funny. The name on the back was The Red Dragon.
The Red Dragon? Are you sure?
Oh, I'm sure. Because this is my friend's yacht.
- Your friend's yacht? - And this is his party.
I must've got on the wrong yacht. All these yachts look alike these days.
I knew somethin' was wrong when my key didn't work.
- Who's your friend? - Somebody on the wrong yacht.
Wait a second. I know you. Steven Reign, right?
You own half of Los Angeles. What you doin' here in Hong Kong?
I'm here for the weekend, taking in the sights.
You must have your own plane too. It's fun, ain't it?
- Shall we? - Yes.
Well, enjoy the party, Mr. Carter.
I plan to, Ms. Isabella.
See you later, Stevie. Be cool.
- Ricky Tan. Where is he? - I don't know!
He killed a detective today. Where is he?
Who got killed, man?
- Carter! - Who died, Lee?
- You! - Detective Yu?
- Not Yu, you! - Who?
- You! - Who?
Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?
Don't nobody understand the words that are comin' out of your mouth, man.
Ricky Tan is waiting for you.
What the hell is going on here, Lee?
Remember I told you my father was a policeman?
- Ricky Tan was his partner. - What?
Hu Li, you disappoint me.
Have you forgotten where you're from?
Don't forget who you work for.
You think you could ever be a leader?
Lee, I've been expecting you.
Please ask your partner to wait inside.
- I ain't goin' nowhere. - It's okay.
- I'm not leavin' you alone. - I'll be fine.
- You sure? - Yes.
I'll be right upstairs.
I know what everybody's saying.
I did not blow up the American embassy.
I'm not that stupid.
But I believe some of my people did.
My enemies are trying to frame me.
There is a war going on right now within the Triads.
I'm afraid I'm gonna lose this time.
If your father were still alive, I would turn to him for advice.
Please don't.
Lee, I really need your help. I cannot trust anybody else.
Tell me why they killed the customs agents.
I'll give you all the information you need...
but you've gotta get me out of Hong Kong right away.
Lady, what are you doin'?
Get down. I'm L.A.P.D.
You just kick me? You must be outta your mind!
You want some of me? I'm gonna give you an L.A.P.D. Ass-kickin'!
- You okay? - Yeah.
I slipped and I fell. Hey.
- What? - Am I bleedin'?
Quite a night, Inspector.
Ricky Tan was our only bait. Now he's gone.
So you got your revenge, at the expense of a U.S. Government investigation.
What are you talkin' about, revenge?
Now, I don't know if the Triads paid you to get rid of Tan...
or if it was a pure vendetta killing...
or if you're involved in the smuggling yourself, but you're off this case.
I don't ever wanna see you again. Is that clear?
- What's goin' on here? - Carter, you're in enough trouble.
Just shut up. Stay out of it.
You're goin' back to L.A. Right now.
That's fine with me, man. I ain't had fun since I been out here.
Sorry, Lee.
Escort Detective Carter to the airport.
I'll take him.
Get your hands off!
- Carter, you don't understand. - I understand, all right.
I got knocked off a building, I got beat on...
I got stripped butt-naked, and you held out on me, man.
I'm outta here.
Carter, Ricky Tan set up my father.
What?
Five years ago, my father was working a big international smuggling case.
He found out his partner, Tan, was working for the Triads.
But before he could prove it, he was killed.
All the evidence disappeared...
Tan resigned, and the case was never solved.
I get it now. This is all about your daddy's last case.
You gettin' on the plane with me or not?
What?
You know my daddy died on the job too.
If I had a chance to square his death, I'd do whatever it took.
I'd do anything. So you comin' or what?
Why L.A.?
Lee, let me introduce you to Carter's theory of criminal investigation:
Follow the rich white man.
- Follow the rich white man? - Exactly. Now you're learning.
Every big crime has a rich white man behind it waitin' for his cut.
Now in our case, we know who the rich white man is.
- Steven Reign. - Who?
Steven Reign, the hotel billionaire. I saw him on Ricky Tan's boat.
When the shootin' started, he was way too cool.
When people start shootin', white people ain't that cool.
They either runnin' around, hidin' behind tables...
or screamin' like, "aah!"
You sound like that all the time.
Let me tell you somethin' about black people.
When stuff goes down, we keep our cool.
Maybe, but not like Asians. We never panic.
Right. When Godzilla's comin', y'all be trippin'.
I seen the movie. You be, "Gaica, gaica!"
Yellin' everywhere. I seen Chinamen...
Mr. Carter, excuse me.
Thank you so much. It's the kosher meal?
- Yes, that is our kosher meal. - Shalom.
REIGN TOWERS Los Angeles
There he is, right there, Mr. Steven Reign...
livin' large in one of his penthouse suites.
Oh, guess who this is. Yep, that's her.
That's the woman that was on Ricky Tan's boat, right there.
We got 'em.
Told you it'd work out. Know what I'm talkin' about.
All we gotta do now is wait.
They still talkin'?
He's leaving.
- He'll be back. - How do you know?
I know. You see how fine that woman is?
He'll definitely be back.
What's she doing?
What's she doin', man?
She's just standing around, not doing much.
Just don't fall asleep. Sooner or later, something's gonna happen.
Okay, I just try to stay awake. It's just so boring.
Oh. Slow down, baby.
What?
- Nothing. I said nothing. - You said somethin'.
- I said nothing. - I heard you.
No. Nothing.
Lee, what's goin' on? What you talkin' about?
- She's getting undressed. - What?
- She's just getting undressed. - Give me that!
No! It's not right!
- Lord, have mercy! - What?
- She took her skirt off. - I cannot hear this.
Black panties, black bra...
Victoria's Secret, spring catalogue, page 27.
Girl got class.
Let me look a little closer. Oh, look at that.
Got a little tattoo. That's cute.
Looks like Snoopy.
- Snoopy? - Yeah.
- I love Snoopy. - I love Snoopy too. Let me look.
Hold up. Wait a minute.
She's goin' to the door. Wait a minute, wait a minute.
She's openin' the door.
Look like somebody droppin' off a package.
Wait a minute.
Look like the same girl who dropped off the package at your office.
It's a bomb!
Watch out!
It's this one right here. Lady, you got a bomb in there!
Open that door!
Kick the door.
- Damn, you fine. - Carter!
- Come on, Lee! - Where?
- Don't drop it! This way! - Where should we go?
Roof! Roof!
Don't trip! Be careful!
- Throw it, Lee! - Where?
Lee, throw it! Throw the bomb over the edge!
Throw it! Throw it!
- Throw it over the edge! - There's people down there!
- Lee, throw it! - Carter!
- Lee! Throw it! - No!
We about to die!
Okay, get on your feet.
- Enough, all right? - Put that down!
- It's a bomb! - Put that down!
Guys, no bomb. Nothing.
Now stay away before I throw you both in jail for obstruction.
Throw us in jail?
You must be outta your mind. I'm about to bust you right now.
I'm an undercover agent for the United States Secret Service.
How do we know that? Show me a badge right now.
Here you go.
Let me see that again. I didn't get a good look at that.
We can help you. I'm a detective from Hong Kong.
I know who you are, Inspector Lee. I know.
We need to go out of sight, so come down to my suite.
- Why did you say it was a bomb? - No, you said that.
- No, you said it. - You said that in the hotel room.
I said she was the bomb.
She was the bomb?
Look, I've been working this case for months now...
so if I seem a little aggravated, I apologize.
You need to tell us what's goin' on.
The Triads and Reign think I'm a crooked customs agent.
- Is that a payoff? - No. That's a sample.
You guys ever heard of the Superbill?
I heard of it. It's a myth. Some kind of counterfeit.
Honey, it's much more than a counterfeit.
Fourteen out of fifteen world banks can't even tell the difference.
The paper is Crane linen blend...
and the bills are printed on U.S. Intaglio presses.
You wanna tell us how they get into the U.S. Mint to use the presses?
In 1959, the United States was very friendly with the Shah of Iran.
Why? Because we wanted his oil.
Our government gave him a gift...
a U.S. Treasury intaglio printing press.
Now, it's the only one to ever leave the country.
Five years ago, Ricky Tan bought the press on the black market.
Five years ago?
That's right before he left the force.
Ricky Tan got hold of one-of-a-kind Swiss-made hundred-dollar plates...
and he started printing Superbills.
That's why Hu Li killed him... for the plates.
And they've printed and shipped one hundred million dollars.
There's only one way to spot a fake.
They use an optical transfer ink from India that burns red.
You see? Now, the real ink, it burns black.
You know, Carter, I believe you're asking the wrong question.
The real question is, where are the plates?
Because if we can find the plates, we can stop the whole operation.
- Right? - Yeah, you're right.
Maybe this is where you can help us, guys.
Yeah. Carter, this is your city, right?
Yeah, this is my titty. I mean, this is my city.
Great. And Lee, you know Hu Li and the Triads, correct?
- Yes. - Great.
Can you do me a favor? Can you find out where Hu Li's keeping the plates?
- That ain't no problem. - Thank you.
So welcome aboard, gentlemen.
From now on, you're officially working for the United States Secret Service.
Secret Service agent James Carter.
That sounds good. It's got a nice ring to it, don't it?
I'm tellin' you, Lee, give me six months.
Six months and I'll be in Washington, D.C., protectin' the president.
We both know you would never take a bullet for someone else.
Yeah, but they don't know that.
I'm gonna talk to Isabella, see if she can hook somethin' up.
- Seein' how she stared at a brother. - She never even look at you.
Justjealous, Lee, 'cause the girl chose me...
'cause I'm tall, dark and handsome, and you Third-World ugly.
I'm not Third-World ugly. Women like me.
They think I'm cute, like Snoopy.
Lee, Snoopy is six inches taller than you.
Lee and Carter are officially out of the Secret Service's way.
Correct.
This is my informant's place. They got pretty good ribs here too.
I like kosher.
Hey. Hey, wait.
Oh, I know I don't think I see what I see what I'm thinkin'!
I know good and well y'all ain't gamblin' back here!
- This is supposed to be a restaurant! - What you doin' here, James?
You about to go to jail, and all your little friends.
Everybody pack up your stuff and let's get outta here.
- All right, let's talk outside. - You wanna talk outside?
Yes.
Let's go if you wanna talk. As long as you wanna talk.
Where you get that from? I like that.
That's good. What's up, Kenny?
- James Carter. - What's up?
I heard you was gettin' your ass kicked out there in Hong Kong, brother.
- What? - That's right.
- Who told you that? - I got my sources.
- Don't you worry about that. - They tellin' you lies.
Look, I'm about to bust you if you don't give me some information.
How you gonna come up here and jam me up like this, James?
You embarrass me in front of my wife, my kids out there.
Kenny, you embarrassin' yourself.
You a black man with a Chinese restaurant on Crenshaw.
You come up in here, you ain't show me no badge.
You ain't even flashed a warrant.
Know what I'm gonna do for you? I'm gonna whup your ass.
And then I'm gonna whup your ass.
Kenny, we'd love to see that. We would.
- Come on, Kenny! - Come on!
- Do it!
I'll shoot you and say you fell in the kitchen.
- Come on! - You better chill out.
- Kenny, calm down, Kenny! - What...
Twisting Tiger.
Where did you learn that?
Master Ching taught me.
Master Ching from Beijing?
No... Freddy Ching's in Crenshaw.
Oh. They're brothers.
Oh, all right, all right.
Why are you hanging out with 7-11?
7-11?
Because his mouth never closes.
Hey! I heard that. I heard that.
Don't be talkin' about me, man.
- You're here about some funny money? - How you know?
- C-notes, right? - Yeah.
Any of 'em came through here?
One of my regulars came in a few days ago...
dropped about 50 large on the tables in there.
I was about to go down there with my boys and tune his ass up...
but he comes in the next day with the whole thing.
Brand-new one hundred dollar bills, sequential.
I figure they're fake, 'cause this guy's got a regular day job.
So I test 'em, and they checked out.
You still have the bills?
Still got my lunch money from the third grade.
Let me see 'em.
Hold it. What are you doin'?
It's fake.
He got you. Who you say gave that to you?
Cat named Zing. Work down at Reign Plaza.
You better hope you find him before I do.
Excuse me. L.A.P.D.
We're lookin' for a guy named Zing.
Come here! Come back here!
Hey! Hey! You little rascal!
Get back here! Get back here right now!
The great Chief Inspector Lee.
I'll be remembered for getting rid of you.
Know what? I don't even know why the hell I'm here.
I ain't even Chinese.
All right, I'm sorry.
I think there's someone who would like to talk to them first.
What'd you do that for? That was unnecessary!
You knocked out my filling, girl. That's gonna cost you.
I ain't never hit a woman in my life, but your ass is pushin' it!
Okay, all right. I'll go.
Better watch your back.
What happened?
That lady Isabella knock you out. She played you.
- No. - Yes, she did.
- She save our life. - What?
- Hu Li could have killed us. - Are you crazy, man?
Look at us. We good as dead!
- Stop your whining! - What you gonna do if I don't stop?
I will slap the hell outta you right now, Lee.
- I'll bitch-slap you back to Africa! - You will?
Let me see that. I wanna see you do that!
You don't know who you're messin' with, man!
You don't know who you're messin' with, do you?
- I'll bite your damn nose off. - You bite... Come on!
I don't trust her.
It's a mistake having her here.
Our orders are to leave her alone.
I want to slice those pretty lips right off her face
and bury her in the desert with those two cops.
Some apple?
I'd put that knife away, bitch, before you have an accident.
Ain't no use, man.
Just tell me how the Triads are gonna kill us.
They will torture us for three days.
- I can handle that. - Then they'll cut off our egg rolls.
Cut off our egg rolls? Hell, no!
Let's get the hell outta here! Come on, don't give up!
- I don't wanna die! - Be quiet.
- Okay, give me your left leg. - What for?
Left leg!
Like this.
- Hold tight. - Okay.
That's it. Bite that thing.
Bite it like a little monkey!
Bite it! There you go.
Yank it! Use them tiger teeth!
Yeah! Grab it! Pull on it!
You almost got it. That's it.
Oh, shit!
- What the hell? - Wow!
Lee, untie me. Hurry up, man!
All these statues full of money.
Hello, Benjamin!
- What are you doing? - I'm takin' this for evidence.
You feel that?
Yeah. We slowin' down, man.
- What happened? - I'll tell you what happened.
Come on, Lee!
Carter, go up.
- What happened? - You left me.
I didn't leave you. I was waitin' up there for you.
Whoa, man! I ain't goin' in there!
- Come on! - There's rats in there!
- There's no rats! - Look at that rat!
Las Vegas?
What the hell we doin' in Vegas?
Look. Red Dragon.
That's the name of Ricky Tan's boat.
Lee.
- Let's go. - Let's go.
- Sorry. - Damn!
One at a time. What the hell is wrong with you?
- Wait a second, man. - What?
- We can't go in there like this. - Why?
- We got to look fly. - What you mean, "fly"?
We got to mack out. We can't go in like this.
What does it mean, "mack out"?
Follow me, my Asian brother. I'll show you.
Come on.
That's where we're going.
When we get in there, you stay a couple steps behind me.
You smell a little funky. I think you stepped in rat shit.
It was a cowboy hat, and now it's a pith helmet.
Hold on. Talk to you in a bit.
Hi. Can I help you?
Yeah, I'm gonna need black, 42 long...
and nothing touches this body but pure silk.
And get my partner something from the kids' department.
Would your partner like to be wrapped in silk as well?
Some people think it's tacky, but I enjoy it when couples dress alike.
No, this ain't no couple thing, man.
We're police officers on a dangerous case, and we need clothes.
Yes. There are a lot of men chasing us.
As well they should be. You have nothing to worry about, okay?
Because I'm gonna turn you two into the belle of the ball.
- Thank you. - Absolutely. Let's start with you.
You've got a mochaccino face, wonderful skin, and the big, broad shoulders.
Let's put a dead animal on you. Croc skin.
Butter cream, croc skin, butter cream...
What size is the waist? Let's go in.
Hey! Watch it, sweetness!
- He's got some fire to him. - Honey cups!
- I like that. - Go get the clothes! Hurry up!
I'll pull some items. Oh, Jesus. Li'I Kim, I'll be back.
- You see that? - He likes you.
I'm not shopping with you no more.
- Act like you're rich. - Ladies and gentlemen...
Steven Reign...
owner and founder of the Red Dragon Casino.
Thank you.
Good evening.
A thousand years ago, a small, wealthy village in China...
hired a young dragon to guard their treasures in a cave.
The people of the village started sneaking him extra food...
hoping to make him stronger.
The dragon grew so big he got stuck...
and the treasure was trapped behind him...
for all eternity.
Ladies and gentlemen, I have found that lost treasure.
It is here, inside the greatest casino in the world!
Welcome to the Red Dragon...
where everybody is a winner!
Black, 29.
Look at this place, Lee. It's the biggest front in the world.
Yeah, right...
- Would you like a drink? - Cigarettes?
- Put your arms around me. - What?
Hold me close. There are cameras everywhere.
- What's going on? - I think I may be in trouble, Lee.
I really need your help.
Last time you needed my help, I woke up in a truck.
I'm undercover, Lee. I had no choice. You have to trust me.
Look over my right shoulder. That's the soft count room.
We think the plates are in there.
- I need you to go and get them. - Why don't you go get them?
Because if I'm wrong, then my entire cover is blown. You understand?
How do I know I can trust you?
Dip me.
I'm asking for real now.
Will you help the Secret Service?
What are you doing? Thank you, man. Take this.
- Dancing. - Dancing?
Man, I'm up here working, putting my life on the line...
and you're up here, dancing with some bimbo?
- Does she have a friend? - That was Isabella.
She says the plates are in the soft count room.
I know you didn'tjust say Isabella. Are you crazy, man?
- That girl is setting you up again. - No. I'm gonna find out.
No, wait, man.
There's security all over. If you're gonna do this, you need a distraction.
So keep your eye on me, and you'll know when to make your move.
- Good. - Cool.
- Come on, big eight! - Come on, Tex!
Hey, hey, hey! Good roll, man!
This table's hot! I want some of this money. Get me in this game.
Let me have a Diet Pepsi and some hot wings.
- 100,000. Give him the chips. - Let's play! I'm gonna get some!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What's this?
No, sir. I did not. I just assumed that...
- Is that it? - No, I didn't think that at all, sir.
- You a racist? - No, I'm not, sir.
- How did that happen? - Itjust happened. I'm sorry.
This is crazy. You think my people suffered 362 years of slavery...
Do I look like Chicken George to you?
- You do not. - What the hell is that?
- I think you should calm down. - I think you should go count something.
Hurry up. I just want to be treated fairly. Is that too much to ask?
- No. - Is that too much to ask?
I got a problem on table nine.
Why are no black people performing in this hotel? We ain't good enough?
We got Lionel Richie performing here tonight.
Lionel Richie ain't been black since the Commodores, man.
What about Peaches and Herb? Gladys Knight and the Pips?
Ike and Tina? They can get back together. This is crazy.
Sir, why don't you calm down, win some money and have some fun?
I ain't calmin' down no more! I'm sick of you tryin' to calm me down.
We got a problem. Go.
I have a dream...
that white people and black people...
and even Chinese people can gamble together...
without gettin' different chips!
Hallelujah!
Hold it. In the spirit of brotherhood, let's just play craps, man.
Come on. Let's go. Come on!
Oh, shit.
Get him! Stop!
Inspector Lee, this is a ying-tao grenade.
Please follow me.
Or I'll push this detonator,
and blow your 32 teeth into your brain.
Winner.
Yes! Yes, yes, yes!
I feel good. Who put their hand on my butt?
Do it again. Give me that. How much I win?
200,000, sir.
All right.
This seven I'm about to roll...
is for the 27 years Mandela spent in that prison and couldn't getjustice...
and took all that crap.
That's why I ain't gonna crap out. This one is for Mandela!
A winner. Seven.
Out.
Imagine a business where people hand you money...
and you hand them back absolutely nothing.
Now, that's the real American dream.
Thanks to a few pieces of metal...
and a most beautiful U.S. Customs agent...
I'm back in business.
Look at you, Lee.
You look ridiculous.
You know it didn't have to be like this.
It's too bad.
Like father, like son.
He's headed for the penthouse.
Look at this old fool.
What does he think he's doing?
I tell you, it's almost impossible to find a partner...
that is trustworthy and loyal.
Don't you agree, Lee?
Everything stays on the table. Don't nobody touch it. You understand?
Winner, four high.
- Yes! - Come on, sir.
Tell them to get rid of Lee's friend.
- Cash me out. - Sir, get off the table.
Thank you very much.
The trouble with partners is, they die.
As will you.
Have fun.
After I'm through with you you'll be begging me to push this button.
Don't move! U.S. Secret Service! You're under arrest.
These gentlemen will escort you to the cashier.
Good, 'cause I don't want to getjumped by these rich white folks. Let's go.
I appreciate this, fellas. You never can be too safe.
What the...
I'm sorry, man. Did that hurt?
Hey, you! Hold it!
You okay?
Black man get on a roll, y'all start trippin'.
- Y'all get back! - Calm down!
Get back! Get back! Get back!
- Hey, get down. - Drop the stick.
Where you been, Lee? I been on a roll, man!
What happened to you, man?
What's that light in your mouth?
Oh, man, this can't be good.
Move! Would you get out of my way?
What's wrong with you?
What happened to you, man?
Why the hell you didn't tell me you had a bomb in your mouth?
- I did! - No, you didn't!
- I said "Mmm!" - What the hell is "Mmm"?
Ricky Tan's still alive. We have to get to the penthouse.
Ricky Tan dead.
What you talking about?
Lee. Go after Ricky, man. I got this.
- Carter... - Just go, man. I got this.
I'm not gonna hold back on you this time just because you're a woman.
I'm gonna pretend you're a man.
A very beautiful man with a perfect body...
who I'd like to take to the movies.
You don't know nothing about this, do you? Egyptian style, girl.
You want some of this? Come on.
Bring it on!
- Are you okay? - I'm fine.
You need help.
I didn't know which side you were on.
Well, now you know.
What's wrong with you, woman?
Mmm, you smell good.
Thank you, Benjamin. Thank you.
We could have been a good couple. We could have had something special.
But you one crazy-ass bitch!
Americans love to gamble, don't they, Mr. Reign?
I never gamble.
Oh, I'm cutting our deal short.
And my plates?
The plates stay with me. I'm sure you won't have a problem with that.
I enjoyed that little story you told...
about the dragon and the treasure.
My mother used to tell it to me all the time.
Do you know the moral of that story?
Greed will imprison us all.
I hate that fortune-cookie shit.
Just like your father.
I really did try to help him, you know.
To share with him.
To make your life better.
But he was too weak.
- Too afraid of change. - Give me the plates.
- It's over. - I don't think it's over.
There are casinos all over this country.
I can make you a very rich man, Lee.
Don't make the same mistake your father did.
If you reach for that gun, I'll kill you.
Don't you remember? I'm already dead.
Hey, Ricky. How you doin'?
Lee, I see you got everything under control.
I'm gonna go downstairs and... Goddamn!
- What happened to Reign? - Shall I tell you how your father died?
Hey, hey. Wait one second, Lee.
It ain't worth it, man. He tryin' to trick you.
- Don't go too far, now. - He never begged for his life...
- or tried to make a deal. - Put the gun down.
All he asked me, just seconds before I pulled the trigger...
was that I promise not to kill you.
Oh, he was so pathetic.
Oh, hell, no. He went too far. Shoot his ass right now, Lee!
What are you gonna do?
All you got to do is pull that trigger back and bam!
Are you going to spend the rest of your life hiding like your father?
Man, don't let him talk about your daddy like that. Shoot him, Lee.
- You can't do it, can you? - Yes, hell, you can, Lee.
- Ain't nobody up here but us. - Just as I thought.
He tryin' to punk you. Shoot him!
If you ain't gonna shoot him, kung fu his ass or something.
Damn! Good kick, Lee.
It was an accident.
That's okay. We'll just say he tried to catch a cab.
What's that in your... Oh, hell, no.
Lady, you listen to me right now.
- Put that bomb down and turn it off! - Carter, we have to jump!
You crazy. I ain't jumpin'.
- Use your jacket! - Hey, turn that bomb off!
Crazy-ass...
That wasn't so bad.
I cannot believe I flew 10,000 miles for this shit.
Detective Lee, I hate to admit it...
but the United States Secret Service is indebted to you.
- Thank you. - Thank you.
I'll see you on board.
I want to thank you too.
It was nice working with you.
I saw that.
You sly devil, you. She kissed you, didn't she?
You played it cool, too, walking away and not looking back. I like that.
Yeah. I'm a player.
- Where is she headed? - She's going to New York.
- Is that your gate down there? - Yep.
Well, I'm this way.
- Guess that means good-bye. - I guess so.
Thank you, Carter.
Take good care of yourself, Lee.
- Oh, Carter. - Yeah, Lee?
What's up?
There is something I want you to have.
No. This is your daddy's badge. I can't take that, man. No way.
It's okay. No. Finally, I can let it go.
Thank you, man. Hey.
You know what? I got something for you too.
I got it at the tables this morning at Caesar's. I'm still hot.
- I can't take this. - Don't worry. I got a lot more.
- Go ahead. Enjoy yourself. - No, Carter. I can't have this.
Would you stop acting like a cop for one second and live it up?
There got to be something you want. Come on.
Think about it.
This is the final boarding call for Flight 44 to La Guardia.
I always wanted to go to Madison Square Garden, see the Knicks play.
- New York City? - First class.
- The Plaza Hotel? - Maybe a little mu shu?
- Amen to that, brother. - So, what do you say?
You know what, man? I can use another vacation.
- Action! - Let's go!
- You all right? - Is he okay?
- Jackie, you okay? - Jackie always okay.
- Is this the kosher meal? - Yes, sir. That's our kosher meal.
- What's the name of it? - Gefilte.
- Gefilte fish. - "Filk" fish.
Lox and bagels. It's my favorite.
- What's the name of this stuff? - Gefilte fish.
"Gefilke" fish... What's the name of this fish?
You know what this is? What is it?
- Gefilte fish. - It's "filte" fish.
"Filte" fish. You want some of my "filte" fish?
You want any of this... What's the name of the fish?
Gefilte fish! All right. Okay.
- Gefilte fish. I love this stuff. - I really don't.
You have black people all over the world eatin' this.
Who eats lox and bagels? I'll have some "gilte" fish.
Lady! Jackie, kick it.
Okay. Chris Tucker!
- Jackie, kick it. - Jackie again?
We'd love to see that. Wouldn't we love to see that, Jackie?
Jackie, we'd like to see that.
Now, Jackie, wouldn't we love to see that?
- His name is Lee, goddamn it. - Lee, we would love to see that.
We would love to see that, wouldn't we, Lee?
- There's gotta be something you want. - I always want to go to Sw...
I always want to go to Scra...
I always dreamed to "Square Marden."
I always wanted to...
Now I'm gone. Now I'm nervous.
Every "garden," I'm nervous. Madison Square Garden.
I always wanted to go to this Madison...
- There are a lot of men chasing us. - As well there should be.
'Cause you're a very good-looking man. If I didn't have a girlfriend...
I'd take a run at you, put you in a bubble bath...
and put some water wings on you and spank your little bottom.
But listen. Here's what we do, guys. Easy, easy.
Look, you're giggling at me. I'll take you home and just punish you.
I need both of you.
You sly devil, you. She kissed you, didn't she?
- Yeah. - I like that.
Oh. Hold on.
- Who's calling? - Hello?
Hello? I'm filming, man.
Call me back at 7:00. I'm filming.
I'm looking Jackie Chan dead in his eye. Call me back.
- Call me back. - Are you a professional? We are filming.
- You turn on your phone? - No, you can't speak to Jackie Chan.
No! They want to speak to you, Jackie.
- Hello? - I'm sorry about this.
We are filming right now!
You're sorry? You wasted all our film!
Call me back later. 7:00.
Damn! He ain't gonna be in Rush Hour 3.