1
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{\pos(316.983,126)}單 身 公 寓

2
00:03:51,870 --> 00:03:54,500
{\pos(315.986,224)}第一季  第一集

3
00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:41,000
{\an4}翻譯  別扭大菜來看小錢錢

4
00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:44,000
{\an4}時間軸  花花

5
00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:47,000
{\an4}校對  別扭大菜來看莫妮卡   后期  拉圖

6
00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:50,000
{\an4}總監  別扭大菜沒找到莫妮卡

7
00:00:04,620 --> 00:00:07,030
你真以為大都會今年有機會贏

8
00:00:07,030 --> 00:00:08,930
-你這個大傻帽  麥迪遜  -我是傻帽

9
00:00:08,930 --> 00:00:11,300
你等了一小時十分鐘的電話

10
00:00:11,300 --> 00:00:13,570
就為了讓我在你說半截的時候掛掉

11
00:00:13,570 --> 00:00:15,770
你說什么呢  你...

12
00:00:16,770 --> 00:00:17,970
百玩不厭

13
00:00:17,970 --> 00:00:20,310
又到了結束的時間

14
00:00:20,310 --> 00:00:21,370
我是奧斯卡·麥迪遜

15
00:00:21,370 --> 00:00:23,120
感謝收聽

16
00:00:23,810 --> 00:00:25,480
又一期精彩的節目

17
00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:28,210
是啊  又一期節目

18
00:00:28,210 --> 00:00:31,950
老天爺  我可真愛在家里干活 

19
00:00:31,950 --> 00:00:34,180
對  皆大歡喜

20
00:00:35,450 --> 00:00:38,220
已經確認了科比跟你做采訪

21
00:00:38,220 --> 00:00:40,290
請

22
00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:43,500
也跟你前妻說了支票要等一天才能兌現

23
00:00:43,500 --> 00:00:46,660
跟你賭馬經紀人說你已經死了

24
00:00:46,670 --> 00:00:48,970
謝謝丹尼  你是世界上最棒的助手

25
00:00:48,970 --> 00:00:50,440
現在可以滾了

26
00:00:50,440 --> 00:00:53,740
樓下的性感凱西可能會來

27
00:00:53,740 --> 00:00:55,470
看來你是要把電梯艷遇

28
00:00:55,470 --> 00:00:56,860
-變成真約會了  -差不多吧

29
00:00:56,860 --> 00:00:59,080
我把幾封給我的信偷偷塞她家郵箱里了

30
00:00:59,080 --> 00:01:00,850
讓她不得不來我這

31
00:01:00,850 --> 00:01:02,650
所有偉大的浪漫故事開端

32
00:01:02,650 --> 00:01:04,880
都離不開"偷偷"和"不得不"

33
00:01:05,450 --> 00:01:06,720
明天見

34
00:01:22,070 --> 00:01:24,440
-你好  奧斯卡·麥迪遜  -凱西

35
00:01:24,440 --> 00:01:25,700
什么風把你吹來了

36
00:01:25,700 --> 00:01:27,310
有你的郵件

37
00:01:27,310 --> 00:01:29,740
神秘地出現在我的郵箱里了

38
00:01:29,740 --> 00:01:31,280
-什么  -什么

39
00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:32,940
對  體育解說名人堂

40
00:01:32,950 --> 00:01:34,310
就是在下

41
00:01:34,310 --> 00:01:36,350
我不太愛說這事兒

42
00:01:36,350 --> 00:01:38,580
因為我就是體育解說名人堂里的名人

43
00:01:38,580 --> 00:01:41,720
玩完這個郵件小花招下一步干嘛

44
00:01:41,720 --> 00:01:44,160
不知道啊  我從來沒進行的這么深入過

45
00:01:44,160 --> 00:01:45,820
能請你喝一杯嗎

46
00:01:45,820 --> 00:01:47,990
可以  有何不可

47
00:01:49,230 --> 00:01:51,660
看來垃圾滑槽是直通這里的

48
00:01:52,670 --> 00:01:53,930
我猜猜

49
00:01:53,930 --> 00:01:55,800
另一個拿著你的信的鄰居

50
00:01:55,800 --> 00:01:57,970
不是  你是這棟大樓里

51
00:01:57,970 --> 00:01:59,300
我唯一跟蹤的女人  我保證

52
00:01:59,310 --> 00:02:00,700
感人

53
00:02:02,440 --> 00:02:03,940
你好  奧斯卡

54
00:02:03,940 --> 00:02:05,240
費里斯  稀客啊

55
00:02:05,240 --> 00:02:07,350
凱西  這位是我的老朋友費里斯·昂格爾

56
00:02:07,350 --> 00:02:08,880
-你好  -抱歉

57
00:02:08,880 --> 00:02:10,220
我這...來的不是時候嗎

58
00:02:10,220 --> 00:02:12,420
哪有  好時候  馬上就要變成爽時候

59
00:02:12,420 --> 00:02:13,690
沒錯  你來的不是時候

60
00:02:13,690 --> 00:02:16,620
除非是有大危機了

61
00:02:17,420 --> 00:02:19,220
艾世麗把我攆出家門了

62
00:02:19,230 --> 00:02:20,560
她想跟我離婚

63
00:02:20,560 --> 00:02:23,830
結婚二十年  現在我一無所有

64
00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:28,440
你覺得這算個大危機嗎

65
00:02:28,700 --> 00:02:29,930
我應該先打電話的

66
00:02:29,940 --> 00:02:31,820
不  不用  別傻了  

67
00:02:31,820 --> 00:02:33,940
凱西  我們改天再喝吧

68
00:02:33,940 --> 00:02:34,470
當然

69
00:02:34,470 --> 00:02:37,410
太遺憾了  費里斯

70
00:02:37,410 --> 00:02:38,980
堅強點

71
00:02:38,980 --> 00:02:40,550
我努力中

72
00:02:40,550 --> 00:02:43,110
但痛苦如波浪一波未平一波又起

73
00:02:43,120 --> 00:02:44,920
浪來了

74
00:02:50,060 --> 00:02:51,060
奧斯卡

75
00:02:51,060 --> 00:02:52,490
對不起把你的約會給攪了

76
00:02:52,490 --> 00:02:54,290
只是...我真不知道還能去找誰

77
00:02:54,290 --> 00:02:56,490
沒事  沒關系的  我理解離婚很痛苦

78
00:02:56,500 --> 00:02:59,070
但總會好起來的  兄弟  相信我

79
00:02:59,070 --> 00:03:00,710
好成這樣了嗎

80
00:03:01,670 --> 00:03:03,970
蓋碧走的時候  把女仆帶走了

81
00:03:03,970 --> 00:03:06,070
你確定嗎  我好像看到

82
00:03:06,070 --> 00:03:07,610
那堆東西下面在動

83
00:03:07,610 --> 00:03:09,110
這樣吧  我們出去

84
00:03:09,110 --> 00:03:11,380
一邊吃東西一邊聽你把事情給我講完

85
00:03:11,380 --> 00:03:13,610
我都說不出這對我的意義...

86
00:03:18,820 --> 00:03:20,150
你這干嘛呢

87
00:03:21,590 --> 00:03:23,350
抱歉  我有鼻竇炎  我...

88
00:03:25,060 --> 00:03:27,490
一定是對什么東西過敏了

89
00:03:27,490 --> 00:03:29,260
我鄰居家養只貓

90
00:03:29,260 --> 00:03:31,630
沒錯  肯定就是因為這個

91
00:03:52,020 --> 00:03:54,580
《單身公寓》
第一季  第一集

92
00:04:09,100 --> 00:04:10,600
能看出來我哭過嗎

93
00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:12,800
看不出來  看得出來你正哭著呢

94
00:04:13,850 --> 00:04:15,740
你說的對  我需要堅強的鼓起勇氣

95
00:04:15,740 --> 00:04:18,070
撐過這段暫時分居

96
00:04:18,070 --> 00:04:18,800
還暫時分居  

97
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:20,580
你們都做了八年的夫妻心理輔導了

98
00:04:20,580 --> 00:04:24,050
去年只有你一個人還去上課

99
00:04:28,650 --> 00:04:30,690
這樣挺好的  奧斯卡  我也很想你

100
00:04:30,690 --> 00:04:32,820
對不起去年沒有多來陪你

101
00:04:32,820 --> 00:04:35,190
但我們的妻子是好朋友這事讓我很難辦

102
00:04:35,190 --> 00:04:36,160
沒有啦  我懂  

103
00:04:36,160 --> 00:04:37,560
離婚以后你老婆恨著我呢

104
00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:40,290
不是  你離婚前她就恨你了

105
00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:43,300
以后...小心吧

106
00:04:45,070 --> 00:04:46,690
但還是  我本來應該陪著你

107
00:04:46,690 --> 00:04:47,570
渡過那段痛苦的

108
00:04:47,570 --> 00:04:49,270
什么痛苦  我們簽字離婚那天

109
00:04:49,270 --> 00:04:50,710
我就直接辦了個兩天趴體

110
00:04:50,710 --> 00:04:52,540
纏著滿身泡泡膜醒來的

111
00:04:52,540 --> 00:04:55,310
脫衣舞女戳破泡泡我才出來的

112
00:04:55,310 --> 00:04:58,110
一次一個泡

113
00:04:58,110 --> 00:05:00,150
你嘴上沾到吃的了

114
00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:02,520
現在到手上了

115
00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:05,150
接下來它會去哪里

116
00:05:05,160 --> 00:05:07,690
費里斯我想說的是離婚不是世界末日

117
00:05:07,690 --> 00:05:10,160
奧斯卡  我說了這是暫時分居

118
00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:12,130
現在這部手機  隨時都可能響

119
00:05:12,130 --> 00:05:13,200
肯定是...

120
00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:16,630
艾世麗打來的

121
00:05:16,630 --> 00:05:18,470
不是

122
00:05:18,470 --> 00:05:20,000
只是過敏提醒

123
00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:21,940
但好消息是

124
00:05:21,940 --> 00:05:24,840
花粉濃度降到了2.3  所以口罩...

125
00:05:24,840 --> 00:05:26,540
可以揣回兜里了

126
00:05:26,540 --> 00:05:29,710
她居然不要你了

127
00:05:31,280 --> 00:05:33,080
我跟你說兄弟  單身聚在一起

128
00:05:33,080 --> 00:05:35,020
簡直就是大學重現

129
00:05:35,020 --> 00:05:36,990
記得在兄弟會開的瘋狂趴體嗎

130
00:05:36,990 --> 00:05:38,060
我就是在那晚  

131
00:05:38,060 --> 00:05:39,620
確定我們能成為好朋友

132
00:05:39,620 --> 00:05:40,570
那幾個人欺負我

133
00:05:40,570 --> 00:05:42,120
嘲笑我的打氣隊隊服  是你喊道

134
00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:44,790
別煩他  他是我們的人

135
00:05:44,790 --> 00:05:47,300
事實上我好像說的是"他是我們的車"

136
00:05:47,300 --> 00:05:49,030
不過我們那晚過得很開心

137
00:05:49,030 --> 00:05:51,170
以后可以過得更開心  因為我們自由了

138
00:05:51,170 --> 00:05:52,570
我又不想自由

139
00:05:52,570 --> 00:05:53,870
慢慢來

140
00:05:53,870 --> 00:05:54,840
看看這里  

141
00:05:54,840 --> 00:05:57,570
你現在是世界最偉大城市里的單身

142
00:05:57,570 --> 00:05:59,040
女人扎堆的城市

143
00:06:00,210 --> 00:06:02,880
傻逼  滾開

144
00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:04,380
看到沒  這就一個

145
00:06:04,380 --> 00:06:06,120
也不是你要的那個

146
00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:07,950
謝謝你今晚陪我  奧斯卡

147
00:06:07,950 --> 00:06:10,090
但天色已晚  我得去找個酒店住了

148
00:06:10,090 --> 00:06:12,020
別說傻話  你住我那

149
00:06:12,020 --> 00:06:13,890
真的嗎  你可別勉強

150
00:06:13,890 --> 00:06:15,620
開玩笑嗎  我們一起找樂子

151
00:06:15,630 --> 00:06:17,160
謝謝你  奧斯卡

152
00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:18,860
你真是個好朋友

153
00:06:18,860 --> 00:06:22,200
我保證  你都不會發現我住在那的

154
00:06:36,610 --> 00:06:39,050
奧斯卡  歡迎回家  好消息

155
00:06:39,050 --> 00:06:40,950
我拯救了你家陽臺外的榕樹

156
00:06:40,950 --> 00:06:42,550
可惜的是臟衣籃下

157
00:06:42,550 --> 00:06:45,190
暗自生長的某種生物我無力回天了

158
00:06:45,190 --> 00:06:46,720
現在  脫下球鞋

159
00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:48,320
從短靴籃里挑雙短靴換上

160
00:06:48,330 --> 00:06:49,340
洗手準備吃晚飯

161
00:06:49,340 --> 00:06:51,580
我才不會告訴你晚飯吃什么...

162
00:06:51,580 --> 00:06:55,530
但臟手指可不允許[奶酪火鍋諧音]

163
00:06:56,300 --> 00:06:58,970
我還有臟衣籃呢

164
00:07:06,820 --> 00:07:08,320
好  不錯   

165
00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:09,960
我再拍拍這里...

166
00:07:11,700 --> 00:07:14,880
泰迪  你拍我的運動跑馬燈呢

167
00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:16,830
還有你的十臺電視

168
00:07:16,830 --> 00:07:18,750
下次我老婆再嘮叨我瞎花錢

169
00:07:18,750 --> 00:07:22,420
我就給她看這視頻

170
00:07:22,420 --> 00:07:24,360
那你也應該弄個運動墻

171
00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:26,630
你是我的經紀人  跟戴安說是為了工作

172
00:07:26,630 --> 00:07:28,400
奧斯卡

173
00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:31,700
媳婦兒和運動墻  男人不可兼得

174
00:07:36,270 --> 00:07:38,270
羅伊  把短靴換上

175
00:07:38,270 --> 00:07:39,370
什么

176
00:07:41,640 --> 00:07:42,810
這里發生什么事了

177
00:07:42,810 --> 00:07:44,580
這里發生的是費里斯

178
00:07:44,580 --> 00:07:46,410
還記得費里斯吧  那次他來玩撲克

179
00:07:46,410 --> 00:07:48,040
洗撲克牌

180
00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:50,050
我們當時還在玩

181
00:07:50,050 --> 00:07:51,610
想起來了

182
00:07:51,620 --> 00:07:53,280
我一手的消毒水味

183
00:07:53,280 --> 00:07:55,990
害我老婆以為我跟女仆有一腿

184
00:07:55,990 --> 00:07:57,890
說的好像我能泡到她似的

185
00:07:58,920 --> 00:08:00,520
餓死了

186
00:08:00,520 --> 00:08:01,790
披薩什么時候能到

187
00:08:01,790 --> 00:08:03,730
沒有披薩  費里斯堅持要下廚

188
00:08:03,730 --> 00:08:05,800
費里斯  飯做的怎么樣了

189
00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:08,030
我在擺盤呢

190
00:08:08,030 --> 00:08:10,130
羅伊  見到你很高興  泰迪

191
00:08:10,130 --> 00:08:10,850
你要是抽雪茄   

192
00:08:10,850 --> 00:08:13,540
請打開空氣凈化器

193
00:08:13,540 --> 00:08:15,040
先生們

194
00:08:15,040 --> 00:08:17,740
打開你們的味蕾吧

195
00:08:19,980 --> 00:08:20,760
關于他老婆為何不幸福  

196
00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:24,780
我想到原因了

197
00:08:24,780 --> 00:08:25,950
他不是基佬

198
00:08:25,950 --> 00:08:27,750
你確定嗎  他看上去有點基啊

199
00:08:27,750 --> 00:08:29,890
不  他是基出泡了  但他不是基佬

200
00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:34,660
真可惜  我一直想交個基佬朋友

201
00:08:35,490 --> 00:08:37,890
你知道的  顯得我比較開化

202
00:08:37,890 --> 00:08:38,770
你都有我這黑人朋友了  

203
00:08:38,770 --> 00:08:41,760
還想證明什么

204
00:08:41,770 --> 00:08:44,070
泰迪  我沒聽到空氣凈化器的聲音

205
00:08:44,070 --> 00:08:46,500
奧斯卡  你之前把這人藏哪個柜子里的

206
00:08:46,500 --> 00:08:48,740
我們再給他塞回去吧

207
00:08:48,740 --> 00:08:49,830
我也想  那么多年的朋友了 

208
00:08:49,830 --> 00:08:52,010
我也沒想到跟他住一起會這樣

209
00:08:52,010 --> 00:08:54,410
開始覺得我犯了個錯誤

210
00:08:55,210 --> 00:08:57,380
西班牙涼菜湯時間到

211
00:08:58,110 --> 00:09:00,450
一個大大的錯誤

212
00:09:00,450 --> 00:09:02,620
快吃  男孩子們  這是素食盛宴

213
00:09:02,620 --> 00:09:03,950
嘗嘗這個無肉雞翅

214
00:09:03,950 --> 00:09:05,290
如果雞沒肉

215
00:09:05,290 --> 00:09:07,560
會直接倒在地上的

216
00:09:07,560 --> 00:09:09,960
這里的菜都沒肉嗎  連肉丸也沒肉嗎

217
00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:11,530
沒肉  沒有

218
00:09:13,660 --> 00:09:16,100
我只是考慮到奧斯卡有高膽固醇

219
00:09:16,100 --> 00:09:17,570
你怎么知道我膽固醇高

220
00:09:17,570 --> 00:09:19,270
根據你藥柜里的藥推斷出的

221
00:09:19,270 --> 00:09:21,500
你還看我藥柜了

222
00:09:21,510 --> 00:09:24,140
不然墊紙我要怎么鋪

223
00:09:25,140 --> 00:09:27,480
泰迪  事不過三

224
00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:28,940
那是我的啤酒

225
00:09:28,950 --> 00:09:30,910
你放西班牙涼菜湯里也好啊

226
00:09:30,910 --> 00:09:33,550
走  羅伊  去我家看球去

227
00:09:33,550 --> 00:09:35,180
再見  奧斯卡

228
00:09:35,190 --> 00:09:36,820
同志們  別走啊

229
00:09:36,820 --> 00:09:38,330
一晚沒有雪茄也死不了  

230
00:09:38,330 --> 00:09:39,460
還能多活久點

231
00:09:39,460 --> 00:09:41,110
你見過我老婆  

232
00:09:41,110 --> 00:09:43,260
你怎么可能覺得我想活久點

233
00:09:47,730 --> 00:09:50,170
人都哪去了  他們走了嗎

234
00:09:50,170 --> 00:09:51,200
他們不是走  是逃走  

235
00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:54,740
逃到無費里斯之地

236
00:09:54,740 --> 00:09:56,770
這是最后一次給你的朋友做飯

237
00:09:56,770 --> 00:09:58,610
謝天謝地我買了特百惠

238
00:10:02,180 --> 00:10:04,580
費里斯  我努力保持冷靜

239
00:10:04,580 --> 00:10:06,720
因為我知道你是情不自禁

240
00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:10,920
顯然你是從外星被派來打掃地球的

241
00:10:12,220 --> 00:10:14,490
-可你必須停下了  -停什么

242
00:10:14,490 --> 00:10:16,290
一切  嘮叨  打掃

243
00:10:16,290 --> 00:10:17,690
無食物的食物和...

244
00:10:17,690 --> 00:10:20,130
西班牙涼菜湯時間到

245
00:10:20,130 --> 00:10:23,230
所以換句話說是  我讓你討厭了

246
00:10:23,230 --> 00:10:27,070
不用換句話了  這句話剛剛好

247
00:10:27,070 --> 00:10:29,170
看看你把我的運動跑馬燈變成啥樣了

248
00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:31,170
我們沒有玉米片了  F.U.[粗口Fuck you]

249
00:10:31,170 --> 00:10:34,580
把襪子撿起來  F.U.

250
00:10:34,580 --> 00:10:39,310
我花了兩天才想明白F.U.是費里斯·安格

251
00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:43,820
好吧  我心中也有話不吐不快

252
00:10:43,820 --> 00:10:45,620
當我在人生的最低點時  

253
00:10:45,620 --> 00:10:46,820
是你收留了我

254
00:10:46,820 --> 00:10:48,660
讓我見識到了友情的光輝

255
00:10:48,660 --> 00:10:50,690
我終身不忘

256
00:10:50,690 --> 00:10:51,430
什么玩意兒  

257
00:10:51,430 --> 00:10:53,860
你連吵架都不會吵

258
00:10:53,860 --> 00:10:55,500
也就是說和一個

259
00:10:55,500 --> 00:10:58,600
不顧他人感受的懶漢住在一起也不用慌

260
00:10:58,600 --> 00:11:00,970
就算他懶到認為多任務處理 

261
00:11:00,970 --> 00:11:02,970
就是邊洗澡邊撒尿 

262
00:11:02,970 --> 00:11:04,810
你監視我了

263
00:11:04,810 --> 00:11:07,340
對  我監視你了  知道我看到什么了嗎

264
00:11:07,340 --> 00:11:10,710
一個把自己沉浸在性愛酒精和臟亂差之中的人

265
00:11:10,710 --> 00:11:13,050
就因為他不肯承認自己非常想念妻子

266
00:11:13,050 --> 00:11:14,980
先生你不肯接受現實

267
00:11:14,990 --> 00:11:17,250
我不肯接受現實  暫時分居先生

268
00:11:17,250 --> 00:11:19,590
至少我承認了蓋碧不會回來了

269
00:11:19,590 --> 00:11:21,190
而不是想著艾世麗

270
00:11:21,190 --> 00:11:23,390
會神奇地回心轉意 

271
00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:28,330
抱歉  看看是誰給我發的

272
00:11:28,330 --> 00:11:30,900
是寫著艾世麗還是神奇魔法

273
00:11:30,900 --> 00:11:33,570
拜托你告訴我  她是讓你回家

274
00:11:33,570 --> 00:11:36,210
是電話號碼

275
00:11:36,210 --> 00:11:38,540
律師的

276
00:11:38,540 --> 00:11:41,340
將在離婚期間代表她

277
00:11:41,340 --> 00:11:44,880
對不起  兄弟

278
00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:47,720
看看我

279
00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:50,320
就算在最低谷  也依舊屹立不倒

280
00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:55,460
不  陷阱開了  我要掉下萬丈深淵了

281
00:12:01,030 --> 00:12:02,300
凱西  怎么了

282
00:12:02,300 --> 00:12:03,500
我收到你的信息了

283
00:12:03,500 --> 00:12:04,600
明晚的晚飯我去不成了

284
00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:05,970
答應了陪我姐姐

285
00:12:05,970 --> 00:12:07,140
帶她一起來

286
00:12:07,140 --> 00:12:08,570
我帶費里斯  來個四人約會

287
00:12:08,570 --> 00:12:09,870
對費里斯不公平

288
00:12:09,870 --> 00:12:11,110
艾米麗現在很難過

289
00:12:11,110 --> 00:12:13,240
情緒非常不穩定又敏感

290
00:12:14,910 --> 00:12:18,010
為什么

291
00:12:18,010 --> 00:12:21,050
為什么

292
00:12:22,180 --> 00:12:24,090
-七點見  -說好了

293
00:12:24,090 --> 00:12:26,220
很好

294
00:12:36,970 --> 00:12:39,270
抱歉  打擾到你了嗎

295
00:12:39,270 --> 00:12:40,770
我也想拉點你喜歡的

296
00:12:40,770 --> 00:12:42,970
可惜大提琴拉不出色情片的效果

297
00:12:42,970 --> 00:12:45,770
費里斯  昨晚的事對不起

298
00:12:45,780 --> 00:12:48,140
我們重頭來過  晚上我請你吃飯

299
00:12:48,140 --> 00:12:49,710
-真的嗎  -真的  只有你和我

300
00:12:49,710 --> 00:12:51,650
還有凱西和她姐姐

301
00:12:51,650 --> 00:12:53,420
約會嗎  我沒準備去約會呢

302
00:12:53,420 --> 00:12:55,450
那就快準備好  她們馬上就到了

303
00:12:55,450 --> 00:12:57,220
你現在要是不去了  很失禮的

304
00:12:57,220 --> 00:12:59,520
我可了解費里斯·昂格爾從來不失禮的

305
00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:01,590
該死的你

306
00:13:01,590 --> 00:13:04,590
算幫我個忙  別在凱西面前哭出來

307
00:13:04,590 --> 00:13:06,860
破壞氣氛

308
00:13:11,430 --> 00:13:13,940
凱西  歡迎光臨  你姐姐呢

309
00:13:13,940 --> 00:13:17,110
她就在...  過來

310
00:13:17,110 --> 00:13:18,610
你好  你一定就是艾米麗吧

311
00:13:18,610 --> 00:13:21,640
我是艾米麗  對  我倆是一個爹媽生的

312
00:13:21,650 --> 00:13:23,580
謝謝你丫大自然

313
00:13:24,180 --> 00:13:27,680
你好  你是費里斯吧

314
00:13:27,680 --> 00:13:28,680
見到你很高興

315
00:13:28,690 --> 00:13:30,650
你看上去是個好人

316
00:13:30,650 --> 00:13:32,490
但我之所以來  只是因為

317
00:13:32,490 --> 00:13:34,990
我姐姐讓我多出來

318
00:13:34,990 --> 00:13:36,180
我在這的唯一原因  

319
00:13:36,180 --> 00:13:39,090
是我老婆讓我滾出

320
00:13:41,500 --> 00:13:43,230
瞧瞧你們倆多合拍啊  

321
00:13:43,230 --> 00:13:44,170
我們去弄點喝的

322
00:13:44,170 --> 00:13:45,870
好主意  我去幫你

323
00:13:45,870 --> 00:13:47,640
太好了

324
00:13:48,010 --> 00:13:49,470
我不能待得太晚

325
00:13:49,470 --> 00:13:51,570
我昨天因為耳朵感染整夜沒睡  

326
00:13:51,570 --> 00:13:52,940
理解

327
00:13:52,940 --> 00:13:54,780
鼻竇炎

328
00:13:54,780 --> 00:13:56,250
你要是想看專家

329
00:13:56,250 --> 00:13:58,710
我認識一位不錯的  在西58街

330
00:13:58,720 --> 00:14:00,780
馬邵醫生

331
00:14:00,780 --> 00:14:02,750
天啊  你也是在他那治

332
00:14:02,750 --> 00:14:03,980
開什么玩笑  

333
00:14:03,990 --> 00:14:05,920
治這鼻子掙的錢他買了度假房

334
00:14:07,720 --> 00:14:09,560
聽著  奧斯卡  我真的很喜歡你...

335
00:14:09,560 --> 00:14:12,190
這句話開頭從來不是好話

336
00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:13,430
這樣...

337
00:14:13,430 --> 00:14:14,730
我跟你說實話吧

338
00:14:14,730 --> 00:14:15,830
更糟了

339
00:14:15,830 --> 00:14:17,770
我的工作很忙

340
00:14:17,770 --> 00:14:19,000
剛剛和一個非常粘人

341
00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:20,370
又敏感的男友分手

342
00:14:20,370 --> 00:14:21,620
現在我跟姐姐一起住  

343
00:14:21,620 --> 00:14:22,640
她也非常粘人又敏感

344
00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:24,110
我又不能跟她分手

345
00:14:24,110 --> 00:14:26,580
所以我現在只想要...

346
00:14:26,580 --> 00:14:28,210
-友情  -性愛

347
00:14:31,880 --> 00:14:35,020
容我把答案重改一下

348
00:14:35,020 --> 00:14:37,820
只是我現在只能接受這點

349
00:14:37,820 --> 00:14:40,120
我絕對不會勉強你接受你不能接受的

350
00:14:42,690 --> 00:14:45,560
容我再改一遍答案  謝謝

351
00:14:47,700 --> 00:14:49,510
費里斯剛剛跟我說了

352
00:14:49,510 --> 00:14:51,000
他的婚姻怎么結束的

353
00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:52,700
真有意思

354
00:14:52,700 --> 00:14:55,270
你干嘛呢

355
00:14:55,270 --> 00:14:57,670
她讓我說的  她也離婚了

356
00:14:57,670 --> 00:14:59,310
是  離婚六個月了

357
00:14:59,310 --> 00:15:03,250
這位就是我前夫  布蘭登

358
00:15:03,250 --> 00:15:06,180
看得出來你愛他們雄性的粗狂和俊美

359
00:15:06,180 --> 00:15:09,420
結果發現  布蘭登也愛

360
00:15:11,650 --> 00:15:13,490
你有艾世麗的照片嗎

361
00:15:13,490 --> 00:15:14,270
我有照片嗎  

362
00:15:14,270 --> 00:15:15,390
開什么玩笑  我可是攝影師

363
00:15:15,390 --> 00:15:17,660
我還有整套配恩雅音樂的幻燈片呢

364
00:15:21,250 --> 00:15:22,880
艾世麗的照片  你瘋了

365
00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:24,240
你是找哭嗎

366
00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:25,670
拜托了  相信我一下

367
00:15:25,670 --> 00:15:27,570
你膽敢毀了我和那美麗的...

368
00:15:27,570 --> 00:15:28,570
她哪去了

369
00:15:28,570 --> 00:15:30,670
我就知道沒這么好的事

370
00:15:30,670 --> 00:15:32,340
凱西人呢

371
00:15:32,340 --> 00:15:35,780
她去廁所吐去了

372
00:15:35,780 --> 00:15:37,450
開玩笑的

373
00:15:37,450 --> 00:15:38,950
她去廁所了

374
00:15:38,950 --> 00:15:41,750
她吃的不少可是身材卻很好  所以...

375
00:15:41,750 --> 00:15:45,190
大膽推測  小心求證

376
00:15:46,620 --> 00:15:49,320
這就是艾世麗  很漂亮吧

377
00:15:49,330 --> 00:15:51,190
她很美

378
00:15:51,190 --> 00:15:54,060
看看你們倆  沙灘漫步多開心

379
00:15:54,060 --> 00:15:55,330
是啊  踢掉鞋子

380
00:15:55,330 --> 00:15:56,630
挽起我的夏季休閑褲

381
00:15:56,630 --> 00:15:58,370
留下該死的褶皺

382
00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:00,670
這是誰

383
00:16:00,670 --> 00:16:01,900
這是奧斯卡的前妻蓋碧

384
00:16:01,910 --> 00:16:03,740
我們四個一起去的夏威夷

385
00:16:03,740 --> 00:16:05,480
-這些照片你看過了嗎  -沒看過

386
00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:06,830
我現在也不想看

387
00:16:06,830 --> 00:16:07,940
請拿遠點

388
00:16:07,940 --> 00:16:09,770
我還可以把他們同步到電視上

389
00:16:09,770 --> 00:16:12,010
不要同步  不同步

390
00:16:12,020 --> 00:16:14,780
不許同...我滴個老天爺啊

391
00:16:16,020 --> 00:16:18,120
奧斯卡你和你妻子看起來很幸福

392
00:16:18,120 --> 00:16:20,390
看  奧斯卡  就是那些貝殼

393
00:16:20,390 --> 00:16:21,980
奧斯卡就是這么跟蓋碧求婚的  

394
00:16:21,980 --> 00:16:22,830
跟艾米麗說說

395
00:16:22,830 --> 00:16:24,190
沒什么可說的

396
00:16:24,190 --> 00:16:25,730
太浪漫了

397
00:16:25,730 --> 00:16:28,200
他在貝殼上寫了"愿意嫁給我嗎"

398
00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:28,530
不對  我寫的是

399
00:16:28,530 --> 00:16:31,430
"請給我讓你一生一世幸福的機會" 

400
00:16:31,430 --> 00:16:33,430
然后藏在沙灘上

401
00:16:33,430 --> 00:16:36,940
這張是奧斯卡告訴我們他們訂婚了

402
00:16:36,940 --> 00:16:39,480
我肯定是走過那貝殼20多次

403
00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:40,600
最后她看到的時候  

404
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:41,610
已經面目全非了

405
00:16:41,610 --> 00:16:43,710
還是我念給她聽的

406
00:16:44,520 --> 00:16:48,880
她張開雙手抱著我然后...

407
00:16:48,890 --> 00:16:52,050
那是美好的一天

408
00:16:52,060 --> 00:16:54,490
奧斯卡  看看你

409
00:16:54,490 --> 00:16:55,820
你哭了

410
00:16:55,830 --> 00:16:59,160
我才沒哭

411
00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:00,630
奧斯卡

412
00:17:00,630 --> 00:17:01,930
怎么了

413
00:17:01,930 --> 00:17:04,000
奧斯卡有點傷感

414
00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:05,800
想到他前妻了

415
00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:07,270
沒有  沒有  我才沒有

416
00:17:07,270 --> 00:17:09,840
我得再喝一杯去

417
00:17:09,840 --> 00:17:12,140
小艾  過來幫忙

418
00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:16,040
你坑我呢嗎

419
00:17:16,050 --> 00:17:18,150
她只想要毫無情感的性愛

420
00:17:18,150 --> 00:17:20,120
那就是我的技能點啊

421
00:17:20,120 --> 00:17:22,120
你看不出來嗎  這是好事

422
00:17:22,120 --> 00:17:24,490
你終于面對你對蓋碧的感情了

423
00:17:24,490 --> 00:17:26,220
你體內充盈著一個美好的人

424
00:17:26,220 --> 00:17:29,320
我本來馬上就要去充盈一個美人了

425
00:17:29,330 --> 00:17:31,730
你現在有突破性的進展

426
00:17:31,730 --> 00:17:33,260
別停  釋放出來

427
00:17:33,260 --> 00:17:35,360
這樣  我把你們婚禮視頻調出來

428
00:17:35,370 --> 00:17:36,170
不行  把它給我

429
00:17:36,170 --> 00:17:37,030
不  你會把自己的照片刪掉的

430
00:17:37,030 --> 00:17:37,900
不行  絕對不行  先生  

431
00:17:37,900 --> 00:17:38,650
給我  給我  給我

432
00:17:38,650 --> 00:17:41,710
天啊  那個男人一邊看著前妻的照片

433
00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:43,010
一邊抹眼淚 

434
00:17:43,010 --> 00:17:45,640
沒有比這更尷尬的約會了吧

435
00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:47,710
我結婚三周年的時候  

436
00:17:47,710 --> 00:17:49,610
布蘭登和一個男打雜工親熱

437
00:17:49,610 --> 00:17:52,410
所以...有

438
00:17:58,150 --> 00:17:59,790
天啊  怎么了

439
00:17:59,790 --> 00:18:01,760
他讓我放手  我就放手了

440
00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:04,290
都不告訴我一聲  害我腦袋撞上咖啡桌了

441
00:18:04,290 --> 00:18:05,560
你怎么能這樣呢

442
00:18:05,560 --> 00:18:06,560
費里斯  你還好嗎

443
00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:08,200
我腦震蕩了

444
00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:10,070
我肯定腦震蕩了

445
00:18:10,070 --> 00:18:12,270
你沒事呀  起來走兩步

446
00:18:12,270 --> 00:18:15,670
我會走  直接走到賓館去

447
00:18:15,670 --> 00:18:17,440
不  你不用去賓館

448
00:18:17,440 --> 00:18:19,340
對  你今晚和我們住

449
00:18:19,340 --> 00:18:20,990
什么  你跟我約會  

450
00:18:20,990 --> 00:18:22,780
結果他可以和你一起住

451
00:18:22,780 --> 00:18:25,450
對  我們只和費里斯在一起更高興

452
00:18:27,250 --> 00:18:30,920
你要是以為那動靜等他睡著了就沒有了

453
00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:32,450
你們就錯了

454
00:18:42,190 --> 00:18:46,600
{\an8}記得吃維他命  F.U.

455
00:18:47,100 --> 00:18:49,570
你好  奧斯卡  我來那我的行李的

456
00:18:49,570 --> 00:18:51,410
你看起來很糟糕

457
00:18:52,940 --> 00:18:56,080
我昨晚在這睡的

458
00:18:56,080 --> 00:18:57,860
聽著  我喜歡開玩笑

459
00:18:57,860 --> 00:18:59,350
假裝自己離婚了很開心

460
00:18:59,350 --> 00:19:01,320
但你說的對

461
00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:03,920
過去這半年我只是在讓自己分心

462
00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:07,190
不想面對事實  其實是...

463
00:19:07,190 --> 00:19:09,090
我想蓋碧

464
00:19:09,930 --> 00:19:11,560
然后你來了...

465
00:19:11,560 --> 00:19:15,400
我想要個關心我吃不吃維他命的人

467
00:19:20,700 --> 00:19:22,710
昨晚我喝了兩支夏頓埃酒

468
00:19:22,710 --> 00:19:24,170
和一支櫻桃奈奎爾

469
00:19:24,170 --> 00:19:26,770
所以我也算自毀了一下

470
00:19:27,940 --> 00:19:31,310
但我想到這是本周第二次有人告訴我

471
00:19:31,310 --> 00:19:34,150
無法和我住在一起

472
00:19:34,150 --> 00:19:38,050
所以如果我不想孤獨終老  

473
00:19:38,050 --> 00:19:42,290
我需要一個人來教我怎么放松一點

474
00:19:43,390 --> 00:19:46,330
費里斯  我們來看看你還好嗎

475
00:19:46,330 --> 00:19:48,330
還有你收拾完廚房以后

476
00:19:48,330 --> 00:19:50,630
我們什么東西都找不到了

477
00:19:52,270 --> 00:19:54,600
不是按字母排的  按區域

478
00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:57,110
我沒事

479
00:19:57,110 --> 00:20:00,540
事實上  我要在這里和奧斯卡一起住

480
00:20:00,540 --> 00:20:01,940
是嗎

481
00:20:01,940 --> 00:20:04,150
是的  從此這里就是他家

482
00:20:04,150 --> 00:20:06,420
為你們倆個高興

483
00:20:06,420 --> 00:20:10,090
你要是被逼的就眨眨眼

484
00:20:10,090 --> 00:20:12,590
我有個好主意  我何不彌補一下昨夜

485
00:20:12,590 --> 00:20:14,290
請你們去吃早餐

486
00:20:14,290 --> 00:20:15,560
謝謝  奧斯卡

487
00:20:15,560 --> 00:20:18,490
我知道有個好地方  做的蛋卷本市一絕

488
00:20:18,490 --> 00:20:20,600
你好  好像有人把你的信塞進...

489
00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:22,330
不是時候  不是時候

490
00:20:35,380 --> 00:20:38,840
萊卡面料好多

491
00:20:39,810 --> 00:20:41,610
擋得不夠多但也夠多了

492
00:20:42,410 --> 00:20:43,650
做我日常瑜伽訓練

493
00:20:43,650 --> 00:20:45,050
發現它真的很適合我

494
00:20:45,050 --> 00:20:47,680
否則我就是緊張的三等殘廢

495
00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:49,550
想一起來嗎

496
00:20:49,550 --> 00:20:50,950
不了  我要出去跑

497
00:20:50,950 --> 00:20:53,420
-真的嗎  -跑去買啤酒

498
00:20:53,420 --> 00:20:55,060
但我會走去打出租車的

499
00:20:55,060 --> 00:20:57,560
奧斯卡  作為室友  我要通知你

500
00:20:57,560 --> 00:20:59,990
我不僅會凈化你的公寓

501
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:03,260
還有你的身體  你的心靈

502
00:21:03,270 --> 00:21:06,330
和你的靈魂

503
00:21:06,340 --> 00:21:10,070
謝了兄弟

504
00:21:10,070 --> 00:21:11,810
給  舉著

505
00:21:13,810 --> 00:21:15,780
奧斯卡  那是咖啡嗎  墊子是我新洗的

506
00:21:15,780 --> 00:21:17,510
那最好別動