You must remember this
A kiss is still a kiss
A sigh is just a sigh
The fundamental things apply
As time goes by...
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£4.50. Sorry we got held up.
Students demonstrate more than study nowadays.
At least they care.
About the world. Every bit of it except their bit.
What about their own people?
Old people like us sleeping rough. They don't care about them.
Keep the change.
- Morning, Sandy. - Morning.
Sandy, do me a favour.
Go over to the hotel, find Mr Hardcastle
and help him with his book revisions.
Why me? I'm YOUR secretary.
We sent him a dud one last time. You are the best.
You don't expect I'll fall for a line like that?
Yes.
OK, so I'm gullible. What's he like?
- Challenging. - Oh, thanks
- Any messages? - Oh, yes. 'Age Concern' rang.
- Are you being funny? - No!
Can they put a collection-box here?
Yes.
- Well, I'll get off to the trenches. - Thanks for helping out, Sandy.
Well, I'm "concerned", aren't I?
- Morning, Sandy. - Morning.
- Well? - I've sent Sandy.
No. Well, how did you get on yesterday?
Oh!
He bought me a cider as that's what I used to drink when we used to...
see each other long ago.
That's sweet!
Can't stand it now.
- You didn't say. - Sort of.
Mum, that won't rekindle a romance.
If there WAS a fire, the ashes have vanished by now.
- I wonder. - I don't.
But you are going to see him again?
- Well, he said he'd phone. - When?
When the cider made me ill. I don't know. Whenever.
- What will you say? - Hello.
Oh, Mum!
Lionel knows he won't phone. I know that. He knows I know that.
Hello. Jean Pargeter.
Oh. Oh, yes. Excellent. I'd love to.
Yes. Tomorrow afternoon at 2.30? Yes, that would be fine. OK. Bye.
- "- Lionel knows he won't phone. - I know that. He knows I know that"
- Wasn't Lionel. - Oh.
Estate agents. They've a place for me to look at.
- You could phone him. - Oh, will you leave it?
- You're both lonely. - I'm not!
- You're not un-lonely. - You're unproductive.
I bet he's sitting in the hotel thinking of you.
Sitting by a telephone.
May I help, sir?
- Would you make up my bill, please? - Leaving us, sir?
- Your bill. - Can I phone out on this?
Dial 9 for an outside line, sir.
Would you like me to get the number?
I am capable of dialling a number. I've changed my mind.
Your bill.
- What does "Misc Conf" mean? - Miscellaneous Confectionery, sir.
I haven't eaten any confectionery.
Perhaps something from the mini-bar in your room.
- I had some peanuts. - That'd be it.
Peanuts are not confectionery.
Not strictly speaking, no.
- Not even loosely speaking. - No.
We find itemisation less complicated under broad headings.
I see.
If I'm unlucky enough to eat here again,
I won't order mixed veg in case I get Mars bars as well
Thank you, sir. Your receipt.
I do hope we'll have the pleasure of welcoming you again - sometime.
Lionel! Hello, mate!
- Hello, Alistair. - You're not leaving us?
No, I'm just taking my suitcase out for a walk
Nice one! Listen though, I need to talk to you ASAP.
- Oh. All right. Let's have a COC. - Sorry?
A cup of coffee.
Nice one.
- May I help you, madam? - I'm looking for Mr Hardcastle.
I'm from a secretarial agency.
- He's just checked out. - Are you sure?
I wouldn't mistake Mr Hardcastle for anybody else.
He knew I was coming. That's downright rude.
Your word, madam. My sentiment.
I'm afraid there's been some complications.
Happens to us all.
I've got my Aston Martin off the road for a week.
- How awful for you - Thanks.
I need the revisions like yesterday. I want it in our autumn launch.
Good day. Thought we'd lost you.
Wishful thinking. Two coffees.
- How will you be paying? - I've settled my bill.
You can't have, sir.
- I mean cash! - Thank you.
I'll have to move back in.
- So bad? - Worse.
Why not work from home?
I need secretarial assistance
and the agencies aren't keen to send them to single men's flats.
Quite.
- But surely a man of your age...? - So I'll stay here a few more days.
Brilliant. Now the up side.
- The what? - On a lighter note.
Party tonight at mine.
Thanks, but parties and I aren't compatible.
You don't think you're too old?
No. I don't like parties.
Think of it as fallow ground.
There will be faces there.
Attached to bodies, presumably.
People you should meet. We publish. They push.
Contacts make the public want to buy a book.
Hype is what we're talking!
Are we?
- Do come, mate. - All right.
- Only do me a favour. - What?
- Stop calling me mate. - No problem.
Two coffees.
Uh-uh. Let me get these... Li.
Sandy's back.
What?
- Sandy's back. - I know.
I thought she was doing some work for Lionel.
- He's checked out of the hotel. - What did he say?
- "I'm checking out" presumably. - No. To you.
- Surely he phoned? - No.
- You mean he's just disappeared? - In a puff of smoke for all I know.
- Oh, Mum, I am sorry. - Don't be.
When he and I knew each other, we could vault five-bar gates.
Now we realise we'd need a step-ladder.
- Did you vault five-bar gates? - A metaphor.
You loved each other?
What'd happen if you bumped into both your ex-husbands 38 years later?
Not much. They'd be in their 70s.
I told you he wouldn't phone.
- You didn't say he'd disappear. - No real difference.
Not phoning is acceptable
and disappearing the act of a cowardly rat.
See you tonight then. Wow! Bring somebody if you like.
- Cheers, Li. - Cheers, Al.
I'd like to move back in.
But you've just booked out, sir.
- I'm fickle. - As you say, sir.
Would you like the same room, sir?
Does it matter? They're identical.
The paintings are different.
I'm humbled
How long will you stay this time?
You want me to say "forever", don't you?
A few days at the most, I hope.
- I'm expecting a girl. - Really, sir?
- From a secretarial agency. - She came about an hour ago.
Damn!
- What did you tell her? - That you'd checked out.
Why?
Because, at the time, you HAD, sir.
Damn!
Does this mean you'll be checking out again, sir?
It's the Scarlet Pimpernel to see you.
I must go. Bye.
Is she trained to be rude or does it come naturally?
- She wasted her time at the hotel. - Ah.
Why do you want to see me?
- I came to see your mother. - To apologise?
No. To explain.
- She's out. - Might I know where?
Are you playing games?
Yes, I ask questions and don't get answers.
- She's gone for a walk in the park. - Why?
Well, not to throw herself in the Serpentine.
- It's an odd time to go for a walk. - Don't you call my mother "odd".
You're the only odd thing in this set-up.
Could I have a secretary at the hotel tomorrow?
- No. - Thank you.
Why do we do it?
- I don't. - Lucky you.
- Are you married? - No. I was.
That explains it.
You're torturing yourself for your husband?
- He calls me "Chunky". - Oh, sweet.
He only says it in fun.
- And he's as thin as a rake? - No. But men can carry it off.
That idea has passed into folklore without a shred of evidence.
Here, talking of men - there's one watching us.
Well, well.
D'you think he's one of the peculiar ones?
I guarantee it.
- Want to jog with me? - Wrong heels.
- He's coming. - I'll be OK.
You sure?
I can deal with the peculiar ones.
It's a big park, this.
I'd have sent up a flare if I'd known.
I thought I'd explain the mix-up about me booking out.
Well... do.
Well, the first thing to say is that I never did book out.
That assumes you've a doppelganger with the same name.
It does not.
- Your girl was wrong. - Oh!
You know what they're like.
- Who? - Girls.
Probably dreaming of Australian pop stars.
Kylie Minogue or whatever his name is.
- Jason Donovan. - Who?
- Kylie Minogue's a girl. - Cliff Richard, then.
Sandy has her feet on the ground, is as bright as a button
and has excellent hearing.
When the clerk tells her that Mr Hardcastle has checked out,
she realises in a flash that he has.
- There may be another Mr Hardcastle. - He described you as unmistakable.
- I did book out. - I know you did.
- I was going to tell you. - Oh, no, you weren't.
No, I wasn't.
- It's your daughter. - What about her?
All this Alice in Wonderland stuff.
That, after 38 years apart, we should pick up where we left off.
- She's a romantic. - That's absurd. She married twice.
You have to be a romantic for that.
- I just said I'd phone. - So you disappeared.
- Did you intend to phone me? - Yes!
- ..Probably. - Not...?
- You? - Not.
- No. Thank you. - Thank you.
- I've booked back into the hotel. - Do you have a home?
- Yes! I must do the book revisions. - Can you only write in a hotel?
You don't send secretaries to men's flats,
though knowing me as you do...
We don't know each other at all any more.
Do I look like a man who'd jump on a secretary?
I don't know what such a man looks like.
Not like me.
The thing is, I do need a secretary because... Am I boring you?
Look.
It's us, 38 years ago.
- This is where we first met. - I know.
Do you think we're in some sort of time-warp?
We may be hallucinating.
You said, "Could you direct me to Curzon St?"
Steamy opening gambit!
- Why'd you want to go to Curzon St? - I didn't. First one I thought of.
My parents had a thousand fits.
- Road to hell? - Something like that.
- We didn't do that on our first date. - We didn't do anything on our first date.
- You swung from a branch of a tree. - God, so I did! Were you impressed?
I tried not to laugh.
Thanks
Of course, it may not be their first date at all.
I hope it is.
- Why? - I just do.
Well, now that we've established we're not going to see each other any more,
I must get back to work.
I'd better get started on those revisions.
May I have a secretary at the hotel tomorrow?
- You will be there? - Yes.
- Very well. Goodbye. - ..Goodbye.
Will you stop running?
- I thought you were a mugger. - I couldn't mug a little old lady.
- You're a funny colour. - That's what I mean.
Why didn't you call out?
I can run or I can call out, but I can't do both at the same time.
- Want to sit down? - I'd better.
- I haven't run for ages. - I see that.
Why were you running after me?
I wondered if you'd like to come to a party this evening.
- We just said goodbye. - Yes, I know.
- Now you ask me to a party. - Nothing odd about that.
- It's not generally the way round of things. - No.
- Would you like to come? - Why?
- Something to do. It'd get you out. - What do you mean?!
I don't knit all evening with a shawl round my shoulders.
- Get ME out then. - Well, you're going anyway.
I don't see what the fuss is about. You just have to say yes or no.
Oh, all right... No.
It would do you good.
Why this concern for my well-being? Why do you want me to come?
I don't want to go alone.
My boy publisher is giving it. He wants me to meet some "faces".
- I'm not good at meeting people. - Why should I be?
You must meet lots of people in business.
- In business. - Well then?
I'm no good at chit-chat.
I'm not even good at chit.
- We can always talk to each other. - We needn't go to a party for that.
It's not the greatest book ever. I know that. My Life in Kenya.
Not really heart-stopping. Anything I can do to push up sales...
- That's blackmail! - Yes, I know.
Next one, I hope.
We made it.
Balloons.
Wait... Wait.
Get your breath back first.
- You're not breathing well yourself. - I'm just being companionable.
- Do I look all right? - Very smart.
- Smart? - Nice.
No need to gush
- If we don't like it, we won't stay. - Right.
Oh, come on.
- You used to like parties. - I used to like cider.
Yes.
Look, what if we just...?
Li!
Hello, mate. Sorry about the lift being on the blink.
Oh, I always use the stairs. Alistair, meet Jean Pargeter.
Brilliant.
- Hi! - Hi!
Come in, come in. Meet some faces.
Right, listen up, everybody! Lionel and Joan.
- Jean. - Jean.
Do mingle, mingle. I'll get you a wet.
God, they're all twelve years old.
- Hi, I'm Tanya. I'm in aromatherapy. - Are you really?
Are you Alistair's parents?
- No! - No!
What are you in?
- I'm a writer. - Fantastic!
- And I run a secretarial agency. - Fantastic!
- Have you tried the dip? - The dip?!
Marcus is troughing it.
I'd get stuck in. It's fantastic.
Fantastic
- There you go. - Oh, thanks.
It's a sort of punch.
Marcus picked up the recipe in Zaire.
- Cheers! - Cheers!
Brilliant, eh?
It's very, um...
I think it's the most awful drink I've had in the whole of my life!
Brilliant!
Li, there's a chap I think you should meet - Chas.
Chas! Chas is in book jackets. He'll probably do yours.
In crayon, presumably.
Author for you. Throw some stuff at him.
I know who I want you to meet.
What does he want us to throw about?
- Ideas for the cover. - Ah!
- What's your book called? - My Life In Kenya.
- What's it about? - My life in Kenya.
Mmm.
I suppose lions are rather passe.
Not if you're a lion.
- What about women? - What about women?!
High-necked silk jobs slit to the thigh. Eyecatching on a bookshelf.
- Cheong-sams. - Sorry?
They're cheong-sams and you've got the wrong continent.
- You sure? - Yes.
- What about Zulus? - Wrong country.
- Are you sure? - Positive.
- Any ideas of your own? - Several!
- You're not drinking. - I'm savouring.
- You wanted me to meet someone? - Yes, I did... Me!
- Where's Lionel been hiding you? - In a rosewood pencil box. Why?
Of all the women here, YOU stand out.
Well, I know. I'm twice their age.
- Tosh! What are you? Forty-five? - Oh, well...
No age at all.
- Are you single? - I'm a widow.
- Are you though? - Why do you say that?
- Well... - There you are.
- Oh. - Hello, Lionel.
- Did you and Chas mesh? - Mesh?
You know.
Well, not so much... as...
Pity. Still, he's not the only grape in the bunch.
I've been wondering if he's not becoming barren ideas-wise.
Getting a bit long in the tooth. Have you met Sean?
- Not the one lying under the table? - No, that'll be Marcus.
Sean's an outlet. I'll find him.
Probably in short trousers.
- I've been chatted up. - Who by?
- Alistair. - That's absurd!
- Why? - Well...
Say I'm old enough to be his mother and I'll spit in your eye.
- I wasn't going to. - Why "absurd"?
- Ambitious. - Better.
Lionel.
Sean. Sean - Lionel.
- Hello. - You're not fiction?
No I'm a real person.
- I meant your book. - Oh did you?
That's you two chatting. Jean, over here.
Non-fiction, especially in hardback, isn't always that easy to shift.
Heavier, I suppose.
- I'm talking market, Lionel. - Market.
I do speak from experience.
- Work in a bookshop? - I'm an outlet.
Yes, but do you work in a bookshop?
I own a few.
- Own?! - Yeah.
Any idea who's doing the jacket?
We were thinking of Chas, but his best days may be behind him.
- Some truth in that. He's thirty-two. - Good God, is he
Let's face it.
If you're not running something by the time you're 30 these days -
- well. - Well.
It's such a pressure. Does one breed or not?
- It is a responsibility. - Heavy.
One has to consider placing the puppies.
Puppies?! I was talking about kids.
- I haven't heard it called breeding. - What did they call it in your day?
Having children.
Fantastic! There's so much to think about.
Breast-feeding, global warming, nannies, school fees,
the rainforest, genetic engineering, whether to have an epidural.
It's quite a wide range.
I'm Green. That's half the problem.
It makes you feel good with yourself but it's awfully depressing.
Yes.
What can the Green child look forward to?
Tanya wants to know what the Green child can look forward to.
Blending in nicely with the lawn.
- I'll catch you later. - Fantastic.
- Was I rude? - Yes, but very welcome.
- Who did Alistair want you to meet? - Him!
What have you been doing?
I was asked whether Lloyd George was a great orator.
They assumed that you knew about Lloyd George?
They assumed I knew him personally.
- Now why do you keep moving about? - I must keep the circulation going.
I like a woman who's into self-mockery.
I keep myself in stitches.
Touche! Come on, Li. Where have you been hiding her?
- In a rosewood pencil box. - That's what Jean said.
So I did.
- You didn't mind leaving? - No.
Another hour and I'd be changing nappies.
Not so much the generation gap as the generation chasm.
- Thanks for coming. - It was an experience.
What made you think of the rosewood pencil box?
- It just came to me. You? - Yes, the same.
You bought it for me in an antique shop in... where?
- Chalfont St Giles. Near the camp. - That's right.
If I was off and you had a 36-hour pass, I used to come up by train.
Funny thing to buy a girl you were in love with.
Were you?
You know damn well I was.
I must have been. 3/6d it cost.
I've still got it.
- Have you? - Must be worth millions now.
At least.
Ghosts. Everywhere you look - ghosts.
- Maybe we're the ghosts. - Maybe we are.
You must remember this
A kiss is still a kiss
A sigh is just a sigh
The fundamental things apply
As time goes by
And when two lovers woo
They still say "I love you"
On that you can rely
The world will always welcome lovers
As time goes by.
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