1
00:00:02,130 --> 00:00:05,570
The trick is,
I towel-dry my hair first,
2
00:00:05,570 --> 00:00:08,540
wait about five minutes,
and then I put on the mousse.
3
00:00:08,540 --> 00:00:11,710
Brad, you've been on the phone
for two hours.
4
00:00:11,710 --> 00:00:15,240
Yeah. I've gotta go.
My mom's bugging me again.
5
00:00:15,240 --> 00:00:17,780
All right, see ya. Bye.
6
00:00:17,780 --> 00:00:19,780
You see Ashley all day
at school,
7
00:00:19,780 --> 00:00:22,280
then come home and spend
all afternoon on the phone.
8
00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:24,780
What could you possibly have
to say to each other?
9
00:00:24,790 --> 00:00:26,650
Your life
is not that interesting.
10
00:00:26,660 --> 00:00:28,160
Maybe not to you.
11
00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:31,830
But Ashley can't get enough
of my mousse stories.
12
00:00:31,830 --> 00:00:34,790
Hi, Jill.
Hi.
13
00:00:34,800 --> 00:00:37,660
You won't believe
what I got.
Take it back.
14
00:00:39,070 --> 00:00:41,600
Something
to make your life easier.
15
00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:44,870
Binford's new universal
fan-cooled central
vacuum system.
16
00:00:44,870 --> 00:00:47,110
Ooh, is that
one of those things
17
00:00:47,110 --> 00:00:49,780
where you just stick the hose
right into the wall?
18
00:00:49,780 --> 00:00:52,680
That'd be the one.
I have always wanted
one of those.
19
00:00:52,680 --> 00:00:55,180
It's the biggest and the best.
A Binford demo.
20
00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:58,450
Didn't cost me a cent.
Take it back.
21
00:00:58,450 --> 00:01:01,520
I know what you're thinking,
but this thing - installation
is a breeze.
22
00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:05,230
That's what you always say,
and then the breeze
turns into a tornado.
23
00:01:05,230 --> 00:01:07,730
It won't happen this time.
Come on, Jill.
24
00:01:07,730 --> 00:01:09,230
Come on. (whimpers)
25
00:01:09,230 --> 00:01:12,600
Don't make that face.
26
00:01:12,600 --> 00:01:14,770
I'll keep it simple
and just do one room.
27
00:01:14,770 --> 00:01:17,870
All I gotta do
is run a PVC tube
right down to the basement,
28
00:01:17,870 --> 00:01:19,910
attach it
to the central unit.
29
00:01:19,910 --> 00:01:22,980
You swear
that's all there is to it?
J-Jill...
30
00:01:22,980 --> 00:01:25,480
Just think - no more
carrying a heavy vacuum
31
00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:27,480
upstairs
or back down the stairs.
32
00:01:27,480 --> 00:01:30,150
It's got
a lightweight flexible hose
with hand controls.
33
00:01:30,150 --> 00:01:33,290
Convertible upholstery brush.
34
00:01:33,290 --> 00:01:35,320
Crevice attachment?
35
00:01:35,320 --> 00:01:37,560
(grunts) Oh, yeah.
36
00:01:37,560 --> 00:01:40,590
So long and so narrow,
it'll suck the tonsils
out of a cobra.
37
00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:42,160
(makes sucking noise)
38
00:01:43,670 --> 00:01:46,430
Well, it would be nice to have
a central vacuuming system.
39
00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:50,200
Yeah. Give me a week,
this whole house will suck.
40
00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:54,440
(belch)
41
00:02:42,320 --> 00:02:44,660
Hey, Mark.
Hey, Dad.
What happened?
42
00:02:44,660 --> 00:02:47,960
I'm trying
to dry out the carpet pad.
How'd it get wet?
43
00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:50,000
I made a little hole.
Where?
44
00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:52,670
In a big water pipe.
45
00:02:52,670 --> 00:02:55,000
Holy cow! What happened?
46
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:57,940
I ran into a little snag
trying to run the wiring
back in through here.
47
00:02:57,940 --> 00:02:59,940
I think
I fixed the water pipe.
48
00:02:59,940 --> 00:03:02,780
I think I can
get the floor fixed
before your mom gets home.
49
00:03:02,780 --> 00:03:06,410
(Jill) Hello! I'm home!
Or maybe not.
50
00:03:06,420 --> 00:03:08,520
Hi, honey.
Hi.
51
00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:11,720
Hey, I thought you were
at the college library,
working on your psych paper.
52
00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:14,790
No, I couldn't concentrate.
All these young college boys
kept bothering me.
53
00:03:14,790 --> 00:03:16,360
Were they hitting on you?
54
00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:20,360
No. They thought
I was the librarian.
55
00:03:20,360 --> 00:03:21,700
Where you going?
56
00:03:21,700 --> 00:03:23,700
I have to finish this paper
by Friday.
57
00:03:23,700 --> 00:03:27,470
If I don't get it done by then,
I'm gonna be digging myself
into a big hole.
58
00:03:28,870 --> 00:03:34,170
So you could understand
how that sort of thing
might happen?
59
00:03:34,180 --> 00:03:37,210
Tim, there's a giant hole
in the floor!
60
00:03:37,210 --> 00:03:39,050
Oh, that's not a giant hole.
61
00:03:39,050 --> 00:03:41,150
The Grand Canyon
would be a big hole.
62
00:03:41,150 --> 00:03:43,780
You told me the hole
was gonna be this big.
63
00:03:43,790 --> 00:03:46,050
It is. I had to move
the water pipes over...
64
00:03:46,050 --> 00:03:47,890
The same old story
every time.
65
00:03:47,890 --> 00:03:49,890
You come up with
some idiotic idea,
66
00:03:49,890 --> 00:03:51,890
I say no, you make
a pathetic little face...
67
00:03:51,890 --> 00:03:53,730
...I couldn't get
underneath here...
68
00:03:53,730 --> 00:03:55,560
...you're pulling up
the floor.
69
00:03:55,560 --> 00:03:58,630
That's why
I pulled up the floor.
I can't even use my computer.
70
00:03:58,630 --> 00:04:00,630
Just once,
I'd like to come home
71
00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:02,640
and find the house
in one piece.
72
00:04:02,640 --> 00:04:05,470
It would have been
if you hadn't shown up
two hours early.
73
00:04:05,470 --> 00:04:07,810
So this is my fault?
In a way, yes.
74
00:04:07,810 --> 00:04:09,980
You would have never known
about this
75
00:04:09,980 --> 00:04:12,880
if you had proper study habits.
76
00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:14,950
Tim, please,
just fix the hole...
77
00:04:14,950 --> 00:04:17,720
(doorbell rings)
...and then fix the one
in your head.
78
00:04:20,690 --> 00:04:22,120
(doorbell rings)
79
00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:24,160
I'll get it.
80
00:04:27,660 --> 00:04:29,330
Marty?
Hey, Tim.
81
00:04:29,330 --> 00:04:31,900
Come on in.
What are you doing? Hi.
82
00:04:31,900 --> 00:04:35,900
What are you doing?
I'm in town
on a sales trip. Thanks.
83
00:04:35,900 --> 00:04:37,440
Hey!
84
00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:38,810
Good to see you.
You, too.
85
00:04:38,810 --> 00:04:42,540
Honey!
(Jill) I'm not talking
to you!
86
00:04:42,540 --> 00:04:44,840
Little argument.
Uh, the hole?
87
00:04:44,850 --> 00:04:47,980
The hole, yeah.
88
00:04:47,980 --> 00:04:51,220
Jill,
my brother's here.
Danny?
89
00:04:51,220 --> 00:04:54,890
No, the one that doesn't
owe me money.
Marty?
90
00:04:54,890 --> 00:04:56,390
Marty!
Hey, Jill.
91
00:04:56,390 --> 00:04:58,220
How are you?
Good, good.
92
00:04:58,230 --> 00:05:00,460
How's Nancy?
How are those little babies?
93
00:05:00,460 --> 00:05:02,530
Oh, this is
such a surprise!
94
00:05:02,530 --> 00:05:04,530
Tim, you used
the good towels?
95
00:05:04,530 --> 00:05:08,100
I didn't want
to ruin my shop towels.
96
00:05:08,100 --> 00:05:11,310
Did I, uh, come
at a bad time?
97
00:05:11,310 --> 00:05:14,070
No, it's fine.
Everything's fine.
98
00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:17,640
It is. Fine.
99
00:05:17,650 --> 00:05:21,280
So, since it's fine,
why don't you hop
over the Grand Canyon
100
00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:23,120
and tell us
what's happening.
101
00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:25,950
Hey, look, I'm sorry
for just showing up
like this, you know?
102
00:05:25,950 --> 00:05:28,020
I tried calling,
but the phone was dead.
103
00:05:28,020 --> 00:05:30,120
The phone is dead?
104
00:05:34,230 --> 00:05:37,530
That must have been
that bunch of wires
I sawed through.
105
00:05:42,270 --> 00:05:45,310
Brad, I'll tell you when.
106
00:05:45,310 --> 00:05:47,310
I'm really glad
you showed up.
107
00:05:47,310 --> 00:05:49,310
Yeah,
you missed me, huh?
No.
108
00:05:49,310 --> 00:05:51,980
If you hadn't shown up,
Jill would still be
chewing me out
109
00:05:51,980 --> 00:05:53,510
over this little hole.
110
00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,520
She will not fight
in front of company.
111
00:05:55,520 --> 00:05:57,850
So as long as you're here,
she won't yell at me.
112
00:05:57,850 --> 00:05:59,850
Man, I wish Nancy
was more like that.
113
00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:01,860
She doesn't care
who's around.
114
00:06:01,860 --> 00:06:04,990
Remember she yelled at me
at Uncle Henry's
memorial service?
115
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:09,730
Marty, you lost
the man's ashes.
116
00:06:11,030 --> 00:06:14,300
I didn't lose 'em.
I got into the convertible...
117
00:06:14,300 --> 00:06:16,300
Which was your first mistake.
118
00:06:16,300 --> 00:06:18,300
And you're lucky
I saved your butt.
119
00:06:18,310 --> 00:06:21,510
Do you know how many
cigars I had to smoke
to make one Uncle Henry?
120
00:06:23,810 --> 00:06:26,310
How much longer
till the water's
turned back on?
121
00:06:26,310 --> 00:06:28,310
It'll be on in a minute.
122
00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:30,320
I'm gonna put you up
in Brad's room.
123
00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:32,490
I'll put the kids together
in the other room.
124
00:06:32,490 --> 00:06:35,090
I wish Nancy
and the twins had come.
I'm dying to see 'em.
125
00:06:35,090 --> 00:06:37,090
Yeah, but it's
just a quick trip.
126
00:06:37,090 --> 00:06:40,260
Brad, turn the water on!
127
00:06:46,230 --> 00:06:47,930
OK, Brad.
128
00:06:47,940 --> 00:06:51,410
Brad, you got to shut it off.
129
00:06:51,410 --> 00:06:52,840
Almost there.
130
00:06:52,840 --> 00:06:56,880
Tim, may I, uh,
speak with you privately?
131
00:06:56,880 --> 00:06:59,510
It'd be kind of rude
in front of our company,
wouldn't it?
132
00:07:00,850 --> 00:07:04,320
Sure you can't stay more
than a couple of days?
133
00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:05,990
Maybe a year?
134
00:07:05,990 --> 00:07:08,620
Does everybody know
what time it is?
135
00:07:08,620 --> 00:07:10,320
Tool Time!
136
00:07:10,330 --> 00:07:12,330
That's right. Binford Tools
is proud to present
137
00:07:12,330 --> 00:07:14,960
Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor.
Whoo!
138
00:07:20,300 --> 00:07:22,740
Thank you, Heidi,
and welcome to Tool Time.
139
00:07:22,740 --> 00:07:24,840
I am
Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor.
140
00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:29,180
It's always a pleasure
to share the spotlight
with someone special in my life.
141
00:07:29,180 --> 00:07:31,980
My brother Marty's here.
142
00:07:31,980 --> 00:07:33,980
My youngest brother
Marty's here,
143
00:07:33,980 --> 00:07:36,550
the only brother
I can still beat up,
right, Marty?
144
00:07:36,550 --> 00:07:38,550
Tim, are you gonna
introduce me,
145
00:07:38,550 --> 00:07:41,790
or do I have time
to run to the cleaner's?
146
00:07:41,790 --> 00:07:43,960
OK, Al.
147
00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:47,030
And you all know
my assistant Al Borland.
148
00:07:47,030 --> 00:07:49,430
(cheers, whistles
and applause)
149
00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:56,500
Today, we're gonna be talking
about abrasives.
That's right.
150
00:07:56,510 --> 00:07:59,010
Abrasives can be used
from anything from your car
151
00:07:59,010 --> 00:08:00,510
to family heirlooms.
152
00:08:00,510 --> 00:08:02,540
"To family heirlooms"?
Like silver.
153
00:08:02,540 --> 00:08:03,880
Silver?
Jewelry.
154
00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:06,080
Jewelry?
I can go on.
155
00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:09,680
Well, you spend
all the time you want
polishing your family jewels,
156
00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:11,890
but we're talking
about car finishes.
157
00:08:11,890 --> 00:08:14,390
As you can see, we've got
several hoods out here.
158
00:08:14,390 --> 00:08:17,060
Matter of fact,
there's a couple of hoods
backstage waiting for Al.
159
00:08:19,930 --> 00:08:23,830
He's apparently a little late
on his flannel payment.
160
00:08:26,570 --> 00:08:29,840
You know, one of these days
you're gonna run out
of flannel jokes.
161
00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:31,840
Oh, I don't think so, Al.
162
00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:34,610
Not with my
Complete Flannel Joke Book.
163
00:08:41,180 --> 00:08:43,750
"Why did the flannel
cross the road?
164
00:08:43,750 --> 00:08:45,920
"'Cause Al was over there.
165
00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:48,960
"Hey, waiter,
there's a fly in my flannel.
166
00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:51,860
Please, take my flannel."
167
00:08:51,860 --> 00:08:55,730
There's also
the handy wallet-size version.
168
00:08:55,730 --> 00:08:58,930
"How do you keep an idiot
wearing flannel in suspense?
169
00:08:58,930 --> 00:09:00,200
I'll tell you tomorrow."
170
00:09:04,470 --> 00:09:07,470
If the finish on your car
is like this - it's in
pretty good shape -
171
00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:10,110
what you need
is just a mild abrasive
before you wax.
172
00:09:10,110 --> 00:09:12,780
For that,
we recommend Binford's
2000 Polishing Compound.
173
00:09:12,780 --> 00:09:14,920
That's right.
A dab on a soft cloth,
174
00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:18,380
and you'll have a shine
you can be proud of.
175
00:09:18,390 --> 00:09:22,690
Look, I can see myself.
176
00:09:22,690 --> 00:09:25,030
OK, now, if you want
to remove oxidation
from the surface,
177
00:09:25,030 --> 00:09:27,030
you need something
a bit more abrasive.
178
00:09:27,030 --> 00:09:29,900
Like a can of Tim's personality.
179
00:09:32,270 --> 00:09:35,270
Of course,
a can of your personality
would be empty.
180
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:40,440
What we recommend is Binford's
Super 2000 Rubbing Compound
181
00:09:40,440 --> 00:09:42,440
before you polish or wax.
Right.
182
00:09:42,440 --> 00:09:44,780
This surface
cannot be brought back
with anything.
183
00:09:44,780 --> 00:09:47,280
What we need is
to take the paint off of this.
184
00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:49,720
For that, we need something
a little more abrasive,
185
00:09:49,720 --> 00:09:51,850
maybe an 80-grit
wet/dry sandpaper.
186
00:09:51,850 --> 00:09:55,090
Exactly.
That'll remove your paint,
and you can start from there.
187
00:09:55,090 --> 00:09:59,360
But for even more
abrasive things, we move on
to sandblasters...
188
00:09:59,360 --> 00:10:02,560
(grunts)
189
00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:05,870
...open-shoe grinders
190
00:10:05,870 --> 00:10:08,500
and the most abrasive
of all -
191
00:10:08,500 --> 00:10:10,600
the nagging wife.
192
00:10:18,310 --> 00:10:21,720
So what'd you think
of Tool Time today?
Oh, it was great.
193
00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:26,150
But only in this country
could a goof-off like you
get his own TV show.
194
00:10:26,150 --> 00:10:28,190
God bless America, huh?
195
00:10:28,190 --> 00:10:30,690
Want something
to drink?
Yeah. A beer would be great.
196
00:10:30,690 --> 00:10:32,530
Hey, how's it going,
Tool Man?
197
00:10:32,530 --> 00:10:35,160
Hey, Paul, how you doin'?
Two cold ones.
198
00:10:35,160 --> 00:10:37,660
I'm not sure
Jill's gonna be crazy
about that abrasive bit.
199
00:10:37,670 --> 00:10:39,670
No, no,
that's the beauty of it.
200
00:10:39,670 --> 00:10:42,700
I always save the bits
that'll make her mad
for when she's already mad.
201
00:10:42,700 --> 00:10:45,540
That way, I can't lose.
You're always thinking.
202
00:10:45,540 --> 00:10:47,970
I had that abrasive bit
worked out two weeks ago.
203
00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:50,610
But just my luck -
we're getting along,
I couldn't use it.
204
00:10:50,610 --> 00:10:53,950
So, uh... you and Jill
fight a lot?
205
00:10:53,950 --> 00:10:55,820
Depends what you mean
by "a lot."
206
00:10:55,820 --> 00:10:58,320
How about all day, every day?
207
00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:01,450
That would be a lot.
208
00:11:01,460 --> 00:11:03,720
You talking
about you and Nance?
Yeah.
209
00:11:03,730 --> 00:11:06,760
Seems like ever since
we had the babies,
all we do is fight.
210
00:11:06,760 --> 00:11:09,630
Good shot.
It's only been six months.
Give it a chance.
211
00:11:09,630 --> 00:11:12,400
When Brad was first born,
I had to make a lot
of adjustments.
212
00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:15,430
I had to wait in line
for Jill to give me a bath.
213
00:11:18,510 --> 00:11:21,310
I'm talking about
when I get home,
I don't even get a "Hello."
214
00:11:21,310 --> 00:11:24,380
I didn't care
if she said hello,
I just wanted my bath.
215
00:11:25,780 --> 00:11:28,410
Nice shot.
216
00:11:28,420 --> 00:11:31,650
It's that old dart injury
I have.
Yeah. Old dart injury.
217
00:11:31,650 --> 00:11:33,650
No, I'm serious, you know.
218
00:11:33,660 --> 00:11:35,490
I come in from work,
219
00:11:35,490 --> 00:11:38,490
Nancy practically
throws me the babies
and says she needs a break.
220
00:11:38,490 --> 00:11:40,330
Get used to it, bonehead.
221
00:11:40,330 --> 00:11:42,330
Having twins
is a lot of work.
222
00:11:42,330 --> 00:11:45,300
Just breastfeeding them
has got to leave her
feeling drained.
223
00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:51,470
Remember that Cyclone ride
we used to go on as kids?
Oh, I loved that Cyclone.
224
00:11:51,470 --> 00:11:53,710
I loved it.
You couldn't stand it.
225
00:11:53,710 --> 00:11:55,710
I feel like I'm on it now.
226
00:11:55,710 --> 00:11:59,680
I swear, you know,
my life just feels
totally out of control.
227
00:11:59,680 --> 00:12:01,680
Ever since we had the kids,
228
00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:03,850
it seems like everything's
fallen apart.
229
00:12:03,850 --> 00:12:06,190
You saying you wish
you didn't have the kids?
230
00:12:06,190 --> 00:12:08,020
I don't know what I'm saying.
231
00:12:08,020 --> 00:12:10,520
I just know Nancy and I
got no relationship anymore.
232
00:12:10,530 --> 00:12:13,530
It's not that bad.
It's pretty bad.
233
00:12:13,530 --> 00:12:14,660
How bad?
234
00:12:16,730 --> 00:12:18,970
I'm thinking of leaving her.
235
00:12:18,970 --> 00:12:20,470
What, are you crazy?
236
00:12:20,470 --> 00:12:22,470
It wasn't supposed
to be like this.
237
00:12:22,470 --> 00:12:25,140
Running out on your family -
that's how it's supposed to be?
238
00:12:25,140 --> 00:12:27,640
I've done a lot of thinking
about it, OK?
Think about this.
239
00:12:27,640 --> 00:12:30,040
You're gonna go home,
grow up and act like a man.
240
00:12:30,050 --> 00:12:33,110
Don't tell me what to do.
Somebody's got to.
You're acting like an idiot.
241
00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:36,850
Don't call me an idiot.
What do you call a guy
that runs out on his family?
242
00:12:36,850 --> 00:12:39,850
This is just like you.
You never commit to anything.
Remember Boy Scouts?
243
00:12:39,860 --> 00:12:42,190
You're comparing my marriage
to the Boy Scouts?
244
00:12:42,190 --> 00:12:45,990
I don't need this. I thought
you'd be the one brother
that was gonna understand.
245
00:12:45,990 --> 00:12:48,260
What I understand
is you're being selfish.
246
00:12:48,260 --> 00:12:51,000
The hell with you.
I don't need this. Here.
247
00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:54,470
Thanks. Thanks a lot.
That's not gonna cover
the beers.
248
00:12:54,470 --> 00:12:56,800
Come on, Marty!
249
00:12:56,810 --> 00:13:00,870
You're gonna run out on me
like your family,
you gutless loser?!
250
00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:03,410
And he's the brother I like!
251
00:13:14,820 --> 00:13:17,720
Hey, Mom, when are we gonna eat?
I'm starving.
252
00:13:17,730 --> 00:13:20,230
Your dad and Uncle Marty
are bringing home pizza.
253
00:13:20,230 --> 00:13:22,230
They should be back
any minute.
254
00:13:22,230 --> 00:13:25,530
Ever since
you went back to school,
you've hardly cooked anything.
255
00:13:25,530 --> 00:13:28,270
Yeah, I'm sorry.
It's been really hectic.
256
00:13:28,270 --> 00:13:31,100
Hey, I wasn't complaining.
257
00:13:36,240 --> 00:13:38,080
So, what are you studying?
258
00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:39,910
Randy, I came outside
259
00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:42,150
because I wanted you guys
to stop bothering me.
260
00:13:42,150 --> 00:13:44,880
I gotta get this paper
for my psych class written.
261
00:13:44,890 --> 00:13:47,690
What's it on?
Mood disorders.
262
00:13:49,360 --> 00:13:51,560
You should do very well.
263
00:13:54,560 --> 00:13:57,630
Mom, I thought you said
Dad fixed the telephone.
264
00:13:57,630 --> 00:14:00,070
Honey, I'm working here.
265
00:14:00,070 --> 00:14:02,170
I'm sorry, but I was
talking to Ashley,
266
00:14:02,170 --> 00:14:04,170
and we kept getting
disconnected.
267
00:14:04,170 --> 00:14:06,940
She lives around the corner.
Just go over there.
268
00:14:06,940 --> 00:14:08,980
How long can I stay?
269
00:14:08,980 --> 00:14:12,050
Till one of us graduates.
270
00:14:12,050 --> 00:14:14,510
Cool.
271
00:14:16,950 --> 00:14:18,450
Where's the pizza?
272
00:14:18,450 --> 00:14:22,590
Pizza? Pi-
It's-It's being delivered.
273
00:14:24,490 --> 00:14:26,490
You forgot the pizza.
274
00:14:26,490 --> 00:14:27,990
It's Marty's fault.
275
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:29,500
Where's Marty?
I don't know.
276
00:14:29,500 --> 00:14:31,970
You forgot the pizza
and Marty.
277
00:14:31,970 --> 00:14:33,470
Tell you what happened.
278
00:14:33,470 --> 00:14:35,470
After Tool Time,
went to Big Mike's
to have a beer.
279
00:14:35,470 --> 00:14:36,870
Started talking.
280
00:14:36,870 --> 00:14:39,470
He's thinking
about leaving Nancy.
281
00:14:39,470 --> 00:14:41,010
What?
282
00:14:41,010 --> 00:14:43,510
Said after the kids,
their relationship
kind of deteriorated.
283
00:14:43,510 --> 00:14:46,480
I don't think he knows
whether he's coming or going.
284
00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:49,320
Oh, my God.
Nancy must be devastated.
285
00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:51,120
He hasn't told her yet.
286
00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:53,290
Wait, he told you
before he told her?
287
00:14:53,290 --> 00:14:56,290
I'm the only one that knows.
Me and everyone at Big Mike's.
288
00:14:56,290 --> 00:14:59,230
Put a big crimp in happy hour,
I'll tell you that.
289
00:15:00,700 --> 00:15:03,630
Well, did you try
and talk him out of it?
290
00:15:03,630 --> 00:15:05,800
Of course I tried
to talk him out of it.
291
00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:08,430
Told him you don't bail out
and run away.
That was good.
292
00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:11,740
You just admit your life is over
and take it like a man.
293
00:15:15,010 --> 00:15:16,840
"Your life is over"?
294
00:15:16,840 --> 00:15:19,710
Yeah...
295
00:15:19,710 --> 00:15:21,750
The bad part of it's over,
296
00:15:21,750 --> 00:15:24,280
and the good part of it
is just beginning.
297
00:15:25,950 --> 00:15:27,750
Oh, I hope Marty's OK.
298
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:30,290
He'll be all right.
He just has to cool off.
299
00:15:30,290 --> 00:15:33,130
When he comes home,
you should have him talk to me.
300
00:15:33,130 --> 00:15:35,460
No, he's my brother.
He's my problem.
301
00:15:35,460 --> 00:15:37,960
When you marry somebody,
you marry their whole family.
302
00:15:37,970 --> 00:15:40,700
What would you do
if one of my sisters
was in trouble?
303
00:15:40,700 --> 00:15:43,040
Run like the wind.
304
00:15:49,580 --> 00:15:52,080
(humming)
305
00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:56,850
Hey, Wilson,
what are you doing?
306
00:15:56,850 --> 00:15:58,920
Tim, I'm pondering
my Bonseki.
307
00:16:00,620 --> 00:16:04,620
Isn't it funny how guys
never get tired of doing that?
308
00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:06,030
(chuckles)
309
00:16:06,030 --> 00:16:08,030
No, no, no, no, no, Tim.
310
00:16:08,030 --> 00:16:12,870
A Bonseki is a miniature
Japanese rock garden.
311
00:16:12,870 --> 00:16:15,170
Wow. Let me see.
Don't touch it.
312
00:16:15,170 --> 00:16:17,170
You see, Tim,
the Zen Buddhists believe
313
00:16:17,170 --> 00:16:19,670
that by contemplating
its tiny symbolic landscape,
314
00:16:19,670 --> 00:16:21,870
one can achieve
greater understanding.
315
00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:24,640
Maybe it'll help me understand
what's wrong with my brother.
316
00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:27,450
I had a fight with him today,
and I haven't seen him since.
317
00:16:27,450 --> 00:16:30,250
Really? I thought you two
got along rather well.
318
00:16:30,250 --> 00:16:32,220
Oh, we usually do.
319
00:16:32,220 --> 00:16:35,150
When my dad died,
he was only one, I was 11.
320
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:38,160
Mom went back to work,
so I took care of him a lot.
321
00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:40,930
Hmm. That's a lot
of responsibility.
322
00:16:40,930 --> 00:16:42,960
Yeah. It was a lot
of good times, too.
323
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:45,470
I taught him how
to do all sorts of stuff -
324
00:16:45,470 --> 00:16:48,370
hawk a loogie,
shoot a spit wad.
325
00:16:48,370 --> 00:16:51,640
Boy, no one teaches
spit wad shooting
better than me.
326
00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:55,640
Well, I'm aware of that.
Your boys have launched
a few wet ones over my way.
327
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:59,080
Taught him how to ride his bike,
drive his first car.
328
00:16:59,080 --> 00:17:03,950
So what you're saying
is you were part father,
part brother.
329
00:17:03,950 --> 00:17:06,590
Yeah. Kinda like a "frother."
330
00:17:09,220 --> 00:17:11,890
I'm afraid Marty's about to make
the biggest mistake of his life,
331
00:17:11,890 --> 00:17:14,390
and there's not a darn thing
I can do about it.
332
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:16,400
You wish there was
something you could do.
333
00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:18,560
Yeah. I spent most of my life
taking care of him.
334
00:17:18,570 --> 00:17:22,000
Tim, The Roman orator
Appius Claudius Caecus
once said
335
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:25,570
that every man is the architect
of his own fortune.
336
00:17:25,570 --> 00:17:28,540
Now, Marty is a man.
He's not a boy anymore.
337
00:17:28,540 --> 00:17:31,380
When he was a kid,
he'd listen to me
anytime I wanted.
338
00:17:31,380 --> 00:17:35,380
All I had to do was tie him
to a tree and pour root beer
on his pointed little head.
339
00:17:35,380 --> 00:17:38,050
Tim, I think
what your brother needs
340
00:17:38,050 --> 00:17:41,950
is for you to be a brother
and a friend.
341
00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:46,030
Instead of a "frother,"
more of a "briend."
342
00:17:46,030 --> 00:17:49,260
In a manner of speaking.
Night, Wilson.
343
00:17:49,260 --> 00:17:52,300
Sayonara, Tim.
Uh, marinara to you, too.
344
00:17:56,370 --> 00:17:58,540
Hey, Marty.
I just came
to get my stuff.
345
00:17:58,540 --> 00:17:59,870
Marty, stick around.
346
00:17:59,870 --> 00:18:02,310
Why? You want to
rip into me some more?
347
00:18:02,310 --> 00:18:04,740
Look, I'm sorry I did that
at the bar, OK?
348
00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:07,210
Nah, Tim, you made it
real clear how you feel.
349
00:18:07,220 --> 00:18:10,280
I've had time
to think about it.
I think we should talk.
350
00:18:10,290 --> 00:18:14,190
Stick around,
have something to drink?
What do you want?
351
00:18:14,190 --> 00:18:16,520
Anything but root beer.
352
00:18:18,190 --> 00:18:21,290
I guess there comes a time
in our life where we're past
353
00:18:21,300 --> 00:18:24,530
me tying you up
and pouring root beer
on your head, huh?
354
00:18:24,530 --> 00:18:29,100
It's like the Roman guy
Apricot said -
355
00:18:29,100 --> 00:18:32,740
"If you roam around
with architects, buy rocks,
put 'em in the sand,
356
00:18:32,740 --> 00:18:35,370
and you'll understand."
357
00:18:38,110 --> 00:18:40,280
Let me think about that.
358
00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:43,050
Where'd you go after the bar?
359
00:18:43,050 --> 00:18:46,720
Ah. Waited outside
for you to leave,
then I ducked back in.
360
00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:49,890
You know, had a beer,
ate a sandwich.
361
00:18:49,890 --> 00:18:52,930
Counted the flies
on the pest strip.
362
00:18:52,930 --> 00:18:54,790
(both) 43.
363
00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:57,960
I used to take care
of things for you.
364
00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:59,600
I can't do that anymore.
365
00:18:59,600 --> 00:19:02,340
I wasn't asking you
to take care of anything.
366
00:19:02,340 --> 00:19:05,800
I want...
I just wanted you to listen.
367
00:19:05,810 --> 00:19:07,570
Fair enough. Good.
368
00:19:07,580 --> 00:19:10,080
I'm listening.
Tell me what's going on.
369
00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:15,350
Nancy and I don't have
any time together anymore.
370
00:19:15,350 --> 00:19:17,850
I knew raising the twins
was gonna be hard,
371
00:19:17,850 --> 00:19:20,620
but I didn't know
it was gonna be like this.
372
00:19:20,620 --> 00:19:24,190
She and I used to
reach for each other
in the middle of the night.
373
00:19:24,190 --> 00:19:26,730
Now we're reaching
for the babies.
374
00:19:26,730 --> 00:19:29,730
Little brother,
this is real common.
Everybody goes through this.
375
00:19:29,730 --> 00:19:32,300
When you were first dating her,
when you first got married,
376
00:19:32,300 --> 00:19:34,300
you were grabbing
for each other.
377
00:19:34,300 --> 00:19:37,340
Once you have kids,
it's the end of that tune.
378
00:19:37,340 --> 00:19:40,440
There hasn't been any music
in our house in six months.
379
00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:42,710
Whoa.
380
00:19:42,710 --> 00:19:44,580
Yeah. Tell me about it.
381
00:19:44,580 --> 00:19:47,410
No wonder you're so cranky.
382
00:19:50,050 --> 00:19:53,450
I know it probably feels
like the band packed up
and went on,
383
00:19:53,450 --> 00:19:56,160
but once the kids
grow up a little bit more,
384
00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:58,820
there's - becomes much more time
for you and Nancy.
385
00:19:58,830 --> 00:20:00,660
You're saying
the band will come back?
386
00:20:00,660 --> 00:20:04,160
Maybe not all of the band.
387
00:20:04,170 --> 00:20:07,370
But at this point,
you're probably happy
with a kazoo and a whistle.
388
00:20:12,310 --> 00:20:14,810
You're telling me things
are gonna get better, right?
389
00:20:14,810 --> 00:20:17,880
There's no guarantees.
I just know things got better
for Jill and I.
390
00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:20,580
But - But you're telling me
I shouldn't leave.
391
00:20:20,580 --> 00:20:23,250
I'm not gonna tell you that.
I can't do this.
392
00:20:23,250 --> 00:20:25,950
You gotta make
your own decision here.
393
00:20:25,950 --> 00:20:29,120
I can't imagine my life
without Nancy.
394
00:20:29,120 --> 00:20:33,060
I can't imagine
any other woman havin' ya.
395
00:20:33,060 --> 00:20:35,600
I sure hate the idea
of leaving the kids.
396
00:20:35,600 --> 00:20:39,200
When they're not
puking and pooping,
they're really cute.
397
00:20:40,670 --> 00:20:42,700
They do grow out of that,
you know.
398
00:20:42,700 --> 00:20:45,740
Help me fix the distributor
on the hot rod, will you?
399
00:20:45,740 --> 00:20:48,740
I'm just looking forward
to the day I can pick up
one of the kids
400
00:20:48,740 --> 00:20:51,410
and nothing gooey
shoots out at me.
401
00:20:51,410 --> 00:20:53,980
(laughs)
You gotta wait a while.
402
00:20:53,980 --> 00:20:56,820
But then it gets really fun.
They walk, they talk.
403
00:20:56,820 --> 00:21:00,150
You can roughhouse with 'em,
go to tractor pulls,
teach 'em to be guys like us.
404
00:21:00,150 --> 00:21:02,190
Tim, they're girls.
405
00:21:02,190 --> 00:21:04,060
Are they?
406
00:21:06,890 --> 00:21:10,030
They're awful hairy
for girls.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
407
00:21:10,030 --> 00:21:12,570
Well, then, teach 'em
how to stay away
from guys like us.
408
00:21:12,570 --> 00:21:15,230
(grunting)
Don't want 'em hangi''
around guys like us.
409
00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:17,900
(grunting)
You don't want 'em hangin'
around guys like us.
410
00:21:17,910 --> 00:21:19,570
It'd be no good.
No good.
411
00:21:19,570 --> 00:21:21,770
(normal voice)
You break this thing,
I'll kill you.
412
00:21:24,810 --> 00:21:26,810
Well!
413
00:21:26,810 --> 00:21:29,480
I finally finished my paper
in peace and quiet.
414
00:21:29,480 --> 00:21:32,020
Wilson let me do it
over at his house.
415
00:21:32,020 --> 00:21:36,360
If you were really smart,
you'd have let him write it.
416
00:21:36,360 --> 00:21:40,190
Did Marty call?
Yup. He sounded
pretty good, too.
417
00:21:40,190 --> 00:21:43,130
It's such a struggle
when you're first starting out.
418
00:21:43,130 --> 00:21:44,360
Remember those awful fights
we use to have?
419
00:21:44,370 --> 00:21:46,230
Who could forget yesterday?
420
00:21:46,230 --> 00:21:48,900
Yeah, but no matter
what happens,
421
00:21:48,900 --> 00:21:51,900
we know
that you're not leaving me
and I'm not leaving you.
422
00:21:51,910 --> 00:21:54,070
So you forgive me
for putting a hole in the floor?
423
00:21:54,070 --> 00:21:57,440
That depends.
Does the vacuum work?
424
00:21:57,450 --> 00:22:00,180
(scoffs)
"Does the vacuum work?"
425
00:22:00,180 --> 00:22:01,650
Watch this.
426
00:22:03,120 --> 00:22:04,750
(switches vacuum on)
427
00:22:09,060 --> 00:22:10,660
(switches vacuum off)
428
00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:18,300
(mouths)
429
00:22:27,540 --> 00:22:29,940
You should always
back up your work.
430
00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:36,920
What we recommend
is Binford's Super-Duper...
431
00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:39,750
(both laughing)
432
00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:43,490
Watch this.
433
00:22:43,490 --> 00:22:44,990
(switches vacuum on)