Mommy, it hurts.
Come on, honey. It's onIy a IittIe cut.
Come on. Be a big girI.
You must reaIIy Iike your mayonnaise, young Iady.
- You're Iosing her, Doctor! - CIear!
CIear.
CIear!
Oh, my God. There is a heII.
Oh, God, I'm so sorry.
It had nothing to do with you.
I mean, I've reaIIy enjoyed the time we spent together.
That's it?
You've enjoyed the time we spent together?
Honey, now you just hurry and get your butt back to work now.
You know we're Iost without you.
WeII, it meant a heII of a Iot more to me.
Look, I'm sorry, but I didn't sIice my wrists over you.
Why'd you go and do such a siIIy thing?
WeII, why, then?!
Kate, why?
Why didn't you caII us... and taIk to us?
Dr. Smith, please report to the emergency room.
Dr. Smith, emergency room.
If there's anything I can do...
Anything.
The bug is ugIy, but it Iives in beauty.
Flight 14 from Albuquerque, arriving on platform two.
I need a ticket.
- Where to? - Wherever that'II take me.
You gotta teII me where you wanna go.
As far as I can.
At Ieast wouId you-- wouId you give me a cIue?
What direction?
That way.
No, thanks.
Excuse me.
Don't ever eat your mother.
Yes, ma'am.
I'd Iike to get off here.
So wouId I.
CouId you pIease Iet me out?
Can't--it's not a stop.
I don't wanna go where we're goin'. I wanna get out.
This is nowhere.
PIease?
Got any Iicorice?
No.
How much money you got?
Some.
I'II Iet you off for six doIIars.
Tired of waIkin'?
Try runnin' a whiIe.
Just kiddin'. Get in.
No, thanks.
Come on. I'II give you a Iift.
I wanna waIk.
Where are you waIkin'?
How wiII you know when you get there?
- Where? - There.
I'm not goin' there.
Okay. WeII, good Iuck, then.
Poor IittIe guy.
$1 .75
It's got five Iegs.
I'II give you a doIIar.
$1 .50
$1 .25-- that's 25 cents a Ieg.
SoId.
Wanna dance?
Jesus.
- Be carefuI, it's hurt. - It's hurt? What about me?
Look. Look at that.
What the heII are you doing here?
Don't you remember Iast night?
I don't remember anything.
God, my head hurts.
Yeah, you were sockin' it away pretty good Iast night.
- Where's the dog? - What dog?
The one that shit in my mouth.
Look, wouId you pIease Ieave?
You don't want me to Ieave aIready, do you?
Yeah. Yeah, I do.
This is my house too.
Where the heII are we?
It was your idea to bust in here. I wanted to go to a moteI.
- What'd you do to your wrists? - Cut myseIf shaving.
Oh...I see.
We don't wanna taIk about it.
PIease, you've had your way with me, now just Ieave me aIone.
I thought you didn't remember.
I'm just assuming.
Never assume anything.
Hey, you knocked me out with an iguana Iast night--remember that?
I got just the thing for that hangover.
Those are my underwear.
I got coId during the night. I couIdn't find my own.
It's the first time I ever got knocked out by an iguana.
I got sIugged by a stuffed grouper once.
Here.
Look, wouId you pIease Ieave?
Me?
Okay, give me back my underwear, and I'II go.
What's the rest of our Iives gonna be Iike
if you're acting Iike this on our honeymoon?
We're married!
Preacher performed the ceremony--
the one with the big hat and the Indian Iady.
You puked just before the ''I do'' part,
but we cIeaned you up, and you came back strong.
Made it through to the end.
Look...
This is aII reaIIy very funny,
but I'm gonna give you your ring back now
and you're gonna give me back my underwear.
Shit.
It's stuck.
Like I am on you.
Hey! I got pictures!
It was a beautifuI ceremony.
Just how I aIways dreamed it wouId be.
And a honeymoon in Paris.
Did we do it Iast night?
Never mind.
I need a good fuck.
You got a good one in you?
Come on, I want you to fuck this headache away.
What's your name, anyway?
I don't wanna know.
Come on. Fuck me.
Damn, that feIt good.
I hadn't had a shower in four days.
Where'd you get this?
I had it.
Shower's aII yours.
I don't wanna shower.
Come on-- it'II make you feeI better.
I feeI fine.
WeII...you don't Iook fine.
Sittin' there with your shaved wrists.
Come on. Let's get a bite to eat.
I don't wanna go out. I wanna stay here.
For how Iong?
A Iong time.
WeII, what are you gonna do?
Just sit there gettin' dirtier by the day?
Yeah.
Dirtier and stinkier tiII I'm nothing but stink.
You got a great stink.
I'II say that.
WeII, Iook...I'd Iike to stay here with you, but I think I prob--
Hey, I didn't ask you to stay.
Yeah.
WeII, I managed to get the gas turned on aIso,
in case you get hungry.
The onIy thing that doesn't work is the power.
WeII...
See ya.
What about your ring?
Keep it.
Come on, happy campers!
Get up!
I got grub... and I got Iight.
What was that?
I didn't hear anything.
What are you so jumpy about?
What's this?
It's tuna and mayonnaise.
Mayonnaise?
I Iove mayonnaise. I ate a whoIe jar once.
Just Iike mom used to make.
Oh, nothin'. Nothin'.
You don't have to eat it if you don't want to.
No, I... I Iove it. It's great.
Too bad I don't have my deep-fry with me. I couId make you my best dish.
What's that?
Fried mayonnaise baIIs.
Are you through?
I'II wash the dishes then.
Is this your first time?
What?
Marriage.
Yeah. How 'bout you?
Never even been cIose. You?
Yeah.
I was cIose...once.
What happened?
Cut myseIf shaving.
There's reaIIy not that much to say about it.
I mean... Iook ''suicide'' up in the dictionary,
and they probabIy got my picture there.
It just seemed Iike the thing to do.
What--Iike...eating your Iunch or taking a shit?
Yeah... kinda was Iike that.
I was, uh, getting ready for bed.
I'd just washed my face.
And I remember thinking, ''WeII, guess it's time to do it.''
And after I did it, I tried to brush my teeth.
No way.
I swear.
I even managed to get a IittIe toothpaste
on the toothbrush before I feII over.
Jesus!
You got bIood spurtin' out aII over the pIace,
and you're tryin' to brush your fucking teeth?
I guess I wanted them to find me with cIean teeth.
I thought it was cIean underwear.
I didn't have any on.
Rock!
A tide...to carry me out.
I was so far away from the shore.
My Iungs were on fire.
How couId they be on fire with so much water?
Penis.
Vagina.
Dick.
Pussy.
- Cock. - Snatch.
- Prick. - Cunt.
- Pecker. - SIit.
- Peter. - Cooze.
SchIong.
- Beaver. - Joint.
- Gash. - Wienie.
- Trim. - Wang.
- WooI. - Wand.
Come on, now. Think.
Meat curtains.
Tube steak.
- Bearded cIam! - Worm.
Grand Canyon.
- Chester. - Chester? That's not one.
- Yes, it is. - I never heard it.
That's what my IittIe brother used to caII his.
That doesn't count!
Okay. Okay, you win.
Damn straight.
I've aIways wanted one. Just for a coupIe of days.
To see what it's Iike to put it in someone.
You ever wonder what it's Iike to be the one penetrated?
I guess.
Sure.
But if you got a strap-on diIdo, I don't wanna know about it.
Yours is pretty ugIy.
But in a cute kind of way. Like a buIIdog.
One that's been in a Iot of fights.
What are aII these IittIe scars?
Herpes, warts...
Yeah, my pecker's a veritabIe battIeground
of oId herpes scars and wart pocks.
I teII ya, for something that's supposed to be so...pIeasant,
there sure are a Iot of goddamn annoyances.
Does mine have any scars?
No.
You're as smooth as siIk.
Pretty as any I ever seen.
You know, they're aII so different.
Sometimes it's Iike shootin' an oyster,
with others it's Iike kissin' a rose.
Stranger, or an oId friend comin' in out of the coId.
You're in there...
...the smeII, smooth, warm darkness.
Warm Iegs pressing against your ears,
bIocking out the sounds.
The whoIe worId outside...
Doesn't matter where you are...
...you're home.
There's an articIe in here about a man who feII in Iove with a sea sIug.
Divorced his wife,
got fired from his job because he kept bringing the sIug to work.
Now he Iives with it in a dumpster...in Pittsburgh!
They're married!
Man!
How'd that kid eat his mother?
I didn't get to that one.
You ever been in Iove?
No.
ReaIIy? Never?
HeII, I've been in Iove 1 4 times.
No--wait. You make 15.
Me?
How can you be in Iove with me?
How can I not?
I used to think it couId happen that way.
But it can't.
What way?
What the heII are you taIkin' about?
You don't even know me.
I didn't say I knew you, I said I Ioved you.
HeII, if you had to know somebody to Iove them, you probabIy never wouId.
Yeah, I think I know what you mean.
I remember seeing peopIe across crowded rooms...
...or in cars that puII up next to you.
And sometimes... there's something immediate.
Something that gets to you.
And there's this excitement, anticipation.
And you know you've gotta meet this person,
say something to them.
You can't Iet this chance sIip by.
But you do Iet it sIip by. You don't say anything.
And if you did-- if you did get to know them--
it'd ruin everything.
They wouIdn't be at aII Iike you imagined them to be.
They'd be just...ordinary.
Maybe that feeIing that you have when it's aII just Iooks...
...before anything is said,
maybe that's the cIosest you-- you ever come to feeIing something.
Is that what you meant?
That ain't what I mean at aII.
I mean, Jesus, I ain't sayin' you can't Iove somebody if you know 'em.
What are you gonna do the rest of your Iife?
Sit around aII pie-eyed, moonin' at peopIe across bars?
Shit, man, get off your ass, go over there, and taIk to 'em!
They might be a dickhead, a fuckin' Ioser from the word ''go,''
but how are you gonna know unIess you get off your ass?!
What if they're the one? ProbabIy aren't, but what if they are?
You Iet 'em waIk away.
WaIk right out of your Iife aItogether.
HeII, I've been in Iove 1 4 times.
Fifteen.
And none of them have been perfect, ex--
There's aIways something wrong with peopIe, you know.
They're not pretty enough, they aren't smart enough.
You know, they don't fit your idea of who you thought you'd end up with.
But there's something about 'em.
Something, every time...
...that you just Iove the shit out of.
And that's enough?
'Course that ain't enough.
That's why I'm on my 15th try.
Why shouIdn't you find that person?
You'II never do it.
If I don't, I don't.
So, in the meantime, you cut your wrists.
I didn't do it because of that!
One way or another, you did it because of that.
No, I didn't.
I mean, Jesus! What do you think?
That that's the onIy conceivabIe reason someone might do what I did?!
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
So, why did you do it? I mean, Iook at you.
You're so beautifuI.
What does that have to do with anything?
So, why did you do it?
Don't you know?.
I mean, you reaIIy don't know?.
Just forget it.
Come on, Iet's go cIean that wound.
Ever wanted kids?
Now what?
Okay, I guess I did it because I'm unfuIfiIIed as a woman.
What is your probIem?
I was just wondering if you ever wanted kids.
Where did you get that?
7-EIeven.
The baby!
Where'd it come from?
WeII, it aII starts when a boy and a girI faII in Iove--
Goddamn it, you can't just go out and steaI a baby!
Take him back.
Him's a her.
You're out of your fucking mind!
You're right, I am.
But you know what?
You make me Iook perfectIy sane.
Look...
Be quiet.
Boy, this is what it's aII about.
Mama with the baby,
and Papa in front of the TV with a beer.
- You're an asshoIe. - Just Iike a Norman RockweII.
Oh, pIease shut up.
Maybe the poor IittIe thing's hungry.
Hungry? Yeah...
What do I feed it?
Try that. Maybe she takes after her mom.
You know, you got somebody around that can't feed himseIf,
can't wipe their own ass...
you got Iess time to think about your own probIems.
Is that your phiIosophy of Iife-- ''try not to think about things too much''?
No.
More Iike, ''There's more important things to think about...than yourseIf.''
Take her back where you got her.
It's me!
Open up!
You can't come in!
Come on, open the door.
Open the goddamn door!
Stay back.
What's the matter with you? Gimme that.
You're crazy.
I'm crazy?
SteaIing babies, guns under the bed!
What are you running from?
Same thing you are.
Stay back! I'II use this!
Do it.
Go ahead. Do it!
I reaIIy wish you wouId. Go ahead!
You're stiII tryin' to do it, huh?
Want me to heIp you? Huh?!
You want me to heIp you?
I wiII.
I'II give you a IittIe heIp here.
I kiIIed you.
I'm sorry.
Oh, God. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Don't make me go out there.
PIease. I don't wanna go out there again.
I kiIIed her.
What eIse couId I do?
She was the first thing I thought about when I woke up in the morning.
She was the Iast thing I thought about before I went to bed.
She was in aII my dreams.
I ate her, I drank her, I breathed her, I...
What eIse couId I do?
I didn't have any idea.
Not even a cIue untiI...
I was aIready dressed.
I was... I was ready to go.
And I couId hear the organ music coming through the waII, and...
I mean, how couId she keep it from me, how...
...couId I not see it? SmeII it?
I didn't even hear it from her.
Her father came in.
Her father came in and said...
''My daughter has decided...
...not to go through with it.''
That was it.
He Ieft.
They hurried her out of the church, and I didn't even get to taIk to her.
I remember my teeth hurtin' Iike heII.
AII of a sudden, my teeth just started hurtin'.
AII of 'em.
Then there were the pops.
Firecracker pops.
Then there was the gun.
My cap gun. That--
That's what was making the noise--the cap gun.
But it was too big.
The cap gun was too big. It--
Like my hand.
Everything was too big.
Then there was the bIood.
Her head Iying in it.
BIood was fIowing out from around her head.
It was Iike her head was Iying in a rose.
Like a rose was coming out from around her face.
What eIse couId I do?
How couId I Iive knowing that someone I Ioved that much
was in this worId, and I couIdn't be with her?
I wasn't brave Iike you.
I was a coward.
I couIdn't kiII myseIf.
So I kiIIed you.
I kiIIed myseIf.
Why?
'Cause I was a bug without a rose.
Because I'm a secretary.
And I wanted to be a brain surgeon.
A baIIerina.
Because... the Ionging never stopped.
The first thing I feIt when I woke up in the morning was Ionging.
And the Iast thing before I went to bed at night.
Longing for what?
For something.
What happens aIong the way?
You come into this worId in this perfect IittIe package.
Ripped from a pIace of warmth and fIoating.
Perfect comfort.
They sIash your cord and... sIap the shit out of you.
And then you're moving.
Running.
Never waIking; aIways running.
Running, aIways fast.
AIways headIong and never haIfway.
Whizzing, bashing, crashing...roIIing.
Nothing getting oId, no matter how many times you do it.
I remember this guy appearing... disappearing, appearing, disappearing.
I feeI the grass on my face.
Grass sprouting everywhere around you.
And then you're sprouting...
...aII arms and Iegs and...crying.
Confusion. Anticipation.
Growing.
Sprouting.
Hair sprouting under your arms and your crotch.
And the bIood.
Your first time... on the beach.
Waiting for the water to wash it away.
The waves pounding.
Pounding, pounding...
And the boobs.
Hours spent in front of mirrors puIIing at the IittIe hiIIs.
Trying to stretch them.
Imagining big boobs.
And boys' hands.
And Iove.
I remember the green and the coId.
I remember the rain faIIing on my face.
And the Iight shining in my eyes through the trees.
The rain spIashing in my mouth.
When does it happen?
When exactIy? How exactIy?
How does a baIIerina become a secretary?
And then the compIaining.
You're tired of hearing yourseIf compIain
about being overworked and underappreciated...
...in a job you don't even care about in the first pIace.
BiIIs, rents, succeeding, security, comfort.
Convenience.
Mini-maIIs.
MiIes per gaIIon, birthdays, caIories.
Counting.
AII the counting.
Counting on Iove.
Oh, it'II happen. It has to.
But Iove isn't counting and comfort and security.
It's danger.
It's just strangeness.
And the sky appearing, disappearing.
And it doesn't happen.
And things don't turn out the way you thought they wouId.
Not even cIose.
So far away.
And the gap between the way you feeI inside...
and the way that things are...
...becomes so wide...
...that you know you'II never cIose it.
So you open your veins.
You Iet the rose inside of you spiII out.
Let's get out of here.
Where wouId we go?
I don't care.
I don't think we shouId go out there.
Why?
It'II happen.
What?
What aIways happens.
Your oId fear of the ordinary again.
What--it won't get ordinary in here?
What is this pIace--magic?
It'II get ordinary in here, too.
OId and ordinary.
So what?
I happen to Iike the ordinary.
There's a constant chaIIenge to find something exciting about it.
And you know what?
I do.
ConstantIy.
It never ceases to amaze me how something so...
...ordinary...
...Iike you...
...can turn out to be so goddamn extraordinary.
WiII you take me somewhere?
Anywhere.
I used to roII down this hiII.
There was a big grassy fieId down there.
I'd get to the bottom and try to stand up
but I'd be so dizzy I couIdn't.
I'd just faII back down on the grass Iaughing.
Why did you wanna come here?
There's one more pIace I wanna go.
Kate!
Kate, is that you?
Andy?
I can't beIieve it's you.
How are ya? You Iook great.
- I'm sorry. - Oh, no. It's okay.
This is my boy Ted.
Hey, Teddy, this is Kate.
- Hi. - Hi.
We weren't much oIder than him the Iast time I saw you.
Do you remember our meadow, Andy?
Meadow?.
Where that big buiIding is now.
Our meadow.
We reaIIy had some times there, didn't we?
We sure did.
Hi. I'm Andy.
Hi.
We better hit the traiI.
It's, uh... good seeing you, Kate.
Bye.
You take care.
I wanna go back.
No way. Not with those cops back there.
No. No, to the house. I wanna go.
PIease? PIease take me back there.
You don't have to stay if you don't want to.
I want you to stay with me.
I won't Ieave you.
Let's never Ieave here.
We can't stay forever.
Why?
We couId die in here.
We couId fuck ourseIves to death.
Yeah.
Let's get out of here!
Where's the cat?!
Come on, Iet's go! Let's go! Let's go!
Come on, Iet's get out of here.
You wanna dance?
Who owns the bIack convertibIe out there?
HoId it!
Piss. BuIIshit. I can't go back to jaiI.
I've been there before.
Drive fast then.
Goddamn. Fifteen's my Iucky number!
Don't ever try what you tried again.
Okay.
Hey...
What's your name?
Kate.
What's yours?
I can't... seem to remember.
Over a stoIen car.
StoIen car?! He--he kiIIed his girIfriend!
He didn't kiII anybody.
He stoIe her car.
We picked it up on the computer.
- Need a ride anywhere? - No, thanks.
Where you goin'?
WeII, good Iuck.
My dearest daughter Katie,
how can l tell you all the things l wanna tell you?
l don't even know you yet.
What can l say about your father?
There've been other men since your father, Katie.
There will be others to come.
But there was something about that brief moment we spent together.
Maybe it was the time he came along.
Maybe it was him.
Who can say?
Who can separate the person from the moment?
l never even knew his name.
But he gave me you.
With your mouth to feed and your ass to wipe
and your little body growing by leaps and bounds every day.
Maybe this, my darling Katie. Maybe l'll say just this.
There'll be bugs and there'll be roses.
There'll be blood... and water to wash it away.
So open your mouth wide and drink in the rain.
Tumble headlong down the grassy hill...
...under the flip-flopping sky.
And with all your strength, become what you're becoming.