1 00:00:01,284 --> 00:00:04,067 Okay, how about this? If you let me have Jake this Easter, 2 00:00:04,068 --> 00:00:06,467 you can have him the Fourth of July and Labor Day. 3 00:00:06,468 --> 00:00:08,226 No. That doesn't work for me at all. 4 00:00:08,227 --> 00:00:10,306 How about I give you all the Jewish holidays? 5 00:00:10,307 --> 00:00:12,641 When did we become Jewish, Alan? 6 00:00:12,642 --> 00:00:15,039 It's still holidays. 7 00:00:20,128 --> 00:00:22,525 Your brother's a schmuck. 8 00:00:23,552 --> 00:00:26,271 What are they arguing about now? 9 00:00:26,272 --> 00:00:27,806 It's actually kind of ironic. 10 00:00:27,807 --> 00:00:30,398 They're arguing about who gets you on what days. 11 00:00:30,399 --> 00:00:32,796 That is ironic. 12 00:00:32,862 --> 00:00:34,876 You know what "ironic" means? 13 00:00:34,877 --> 00:00:37,274 No, but I trust you. 14 00:00:38,556 --> 00:00:42,555 What's ironic is while they're arguing about who gets you, I get you. 15 00:00:42,556 --> 00:00:46,583 And you know what? It's not such a big deal. 16 00:00:47,643 --> 00:00:50,266 No offense, but let's face it, you're 10. 17 00:00:50,267 --> 00:00:52,665 I can't take you to Vegas, we can't double-date. 18 00:00:52,666 --> 00:00:56,344 And when was the last time you picked up a check, you mooch? 19 00:00:56,345 --> 00:00:58,742 I'm almost 1 1. 20 00:00:59,545 --> 00:01:01,016 Okay, I think we've got it. 21 00:01:01,017 --> 00:01:03,351 I get him Thanksgiving, you get him Halloween. 22 00:01:03,352 --> 00:01:05,750 You get him Christmas Eve, I get him Christmas Day. 23 00:01:05,751 --> 00:01:09,429 -I get him Yom Kippur. -And I get Hanukkah. 24 00:01:09,430 --> 00:01:12,147 Hey, guys, I just found out. 25 00:01:12,406 --> 00:01:15,599 Jake's birthday is, like, in a week. 26 00:01:16,501 --> 00:01:18,898 Shouldn't we make plans? 27 00:01:19,605 --> 00:01:21,715 You're right, he's a schmuck. 28 00:01:21,716 --> 00:01:22,963 What? 29 00:01:22,964 --> 00:01:25,523 We know when his birthday is, Charlie. We were there. 30 00:01:25,524 --> 00:01:28,658 But only one of us got a needle shoved in their spine. 31 00:01:28,659 --> 00:01:31,056 You begged for that. 32 00:01:31,602 --> 00:01:35,025 Anyway, you, me, and Mom are taking Jake to a show at the Magic Castle. 33 00:01:35,026 --> 00:01:36,112 You invited Mom? 34 00:01:36,113 --> 00:01:39,216 You want to tell her she can't come to her grandchild's birthday? 35 00:01:39,217 --> 00:01:41,551 'Cause believe me, I tried. 36 00:01:41,552 --> 00:01:42,895 Oh, man. 37 00:01:42,896 --> 00:01:44,303 Look at the bright side. 38 00:01:44,304 --> 00:01:47,470 Maybe we can bribe one of the magicians to get her sawed in half. 39 00:01:47,471 --> 00:01:51,117 Or better still, thrown in a wood chipper. 40 00:01:51,118 --> 00:01:55,213 Judith and her sister are going to join us as well. 41 00:01:55,214 --> 00:01:57,292 Which sister, the brunette or the blonde? 42 00:01:57,293 --> 00:01:59,179 The brunette. Why? 43 00:01:59,180 --> 00:02:02,412 Just curious. I never slept with the blonde. 44 00:02:02,413 --> 00:02:05,227 And you're not gonna sleep with the brunette again, either. 45 00:02:05,228 --> 00:02:07,114 Relax, that was 12 years ago. 46 00:02:07,115 --> 00:02:08,330 Well, thank you. 47 00:02:08,331 --> 00:02:12,559 Let's just wait till we get a look at her now. 48 00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:23,655 Happy birthday! 49 00:02:23,656 --> 00:02:25,862 A magic set? Awesome. 50 00:02:25,863 --> 00:02:30,197 How lovely. Perhaps he'll grow up to be a carny. 51 00:02:31,495 --> 00:02:36,005 It includes 14 different illusions that will amaze and astound your friends. 52 00:02:36,006 --> 00:02:39,300 But, of course, your friends may be smarter than mine. 53 00:02:39,301 --> 00:02:41,923 -Cool! -Have fun at the Magic Castle. 54 00:02:41,924 --> 00:02:43,491 Aren't you coming with us? 55 00:02:43,492 --> 00:02:46,626 I wish I could, but I gotta go to some clown's wedding. 56 00:02:46,627 --> 00:02:48,418 I'll try and come back for cake, okay? 57 00:02:48,419 --> 00:02:50,850 -Thanks a lot, Rose. -You're welcome. Bye, Evelyn. 58 00:02:50,851 --> 00:02:53,258 Bye-bye. Thank you so much. 59 00:02:53,666 --> 00:02:55,329 Poor soul. 60 00:02:55,330 --> 00:02:57,727 I'm sure she meant well. 61 00:02:58,082 --> 00:02:59,360 Now. 62 00:02:59,361 --> 00:03:01,758 Open Grandmommy's present. 63 00:03:03,936 --> 00:03:06,207 -Clothes? -Happy birthday. 64 00:03:06,208 --> 00:03:08,605 Thanks a lot, but clothes? 65 00:03:08,895 --> 00:03:11,198 Not clothes, darling. 66 00:03:11,199 --> 00:03:13,596 It's Calvin Klein. 67 00:03:14,653 --> 00:03:16,892 No, it's clothes. 68 00:03:16,893 --> 00:03:20,220 Believe me, sweetheart, the girls are gonna love you in this. 69 00:03:20,221 --> 00:03:21,916 What girls? 70 00:03:21,917 --> 00:03:25,051 All right, the other boys will be envious. 71 00:03:25,052 --> 00:03:27,814 The other boys will beat me up. 72 00:03:28,219 --> 00:03:32,227 Well, there's just no pleasing you, is there? 73 00:03:33,978 --> 00:03:36,153 Almost ready? Judith and Liz will be here soon. 74 00:03:36,154 --> 00:03:38,551 Liz. Thank you. 75 00:03:40,568 --> 00:03:42,839 Boy, that would have been embarrassing. 76 00:03:42,840 --> 00:03:45,335 Charlie, please don't make a bad situation worse. 77 00:03:45,336 --> 00:03:47,958 Judith and Liz have been at each other's throats for years. 78 00:03:47,959 --> 00:03:49,110 -Why's that? -I don't know. 79 00:03:49,111 --> 00:03:51,893 Maybe it's because Liz was always more popular. 80 00:03:51,894 --> 00:03:53,813 Maybe because Judith was smarter. 81 00:03:53,814 --> 00:03:56,565 Maybe, and this is just a theory on my part, 82 00:03:56,566 --> 00:03:58,645 it had something to do with the fact that 83 00:03:58,645 --> 00:04:03,283 Liz did my brother in the coatroom at our wedding reception. 84 00:04:03,284 --> 00:04:06,429 Well, no secret why she was popular. 85 00:04:09,747 --> 00:04:12,561 At our wedding reception, Charlie. 86 00:04:12,562 --> 00:04:14,033 In the coatroom. 87 00:04:14,034 --> 00:04:16,671 You were louder than the band. 88 00:04:18,257 --> 00:04:21,072 Hey, you make it sound so sleazy. 89 00:04:21,073 --> 00:04:23,806 I'm sorry. Class it up for me. 90 00:04:24,848 --> 00:04:27,310 Okay, to begin with, we were on a mink coat. 91 00:04:27,311 --> 00:04:29,708 Goodbye. 92 00:04:31,311 --> 00:04:33,717 And I was wearing a tuxedo. 93 00:04:34,350 --> 00:04:36,525 It's an 1 1-year-old's birthday party. 94 00:04:36,526 --> 00:04:39,690 You could've at least put on a bra. 95 00:04:39,789 --> 00:04:42,243 Some of us don't need bras. 96 00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:45,515 Some of us have had husbands and children. 97 00:04:45,516 --> 00:04:47,913 I've had husbands. 98 00:04:50,155 --> 00:04:52,650 And please, would you behave yourself with Charlie? 99 00:04:52,651 --> 00:04:53,929 -What do you mean? -I mean, 100 00:04:53,930 --> 00:04:58,792 I don't want a repeat of what happened in the coatroom at my wedding reception. 101 00:04:58,793 --> 00:05:01,190 That was Charlie? 102 00:05:02,601 --> 00:05:05,223 Hey, soul sisters. Come on in. 103 00:05:05,224 --> 00:05:06,406 Hello, Alan. 104 00:05:06,407 --> 00:05:08,518 Alan, you look fantastic. 105 00:05:08,519 --> 00:05:10,982 I guess single life really agrees with you. 106 00:05:10,983 --> 00:05:12,581 You know, 107 00:05:12,582 --> 00:05:13,797 doing okay. 108 00:05:13,798 --> 00:05:16,165 Starting over, landed on my feet. 109 00:05:16,166 --> 00:05:18,468 Like a cat. 110 00:05:18,469 --> 00:05:19,716 Hey, Mom. 111 00:05:19,717 --> 00:05:21,924 Hey, sweetie. Hi. 112 00:05:21,924 --> 00:05:24,419 -Hey, Aunt Liz. -There's my favorite nephew. 113 00:05:24,420 --> 00:05:26,402 Happy birthday, sweetie. 114 00:05:26,403 --> 00:05:28,800 It isn't clothes, is it? 115 00:05:29,443 --> 00:05:31,297 This is a surprise. 116 00:05:31,298 --> 00:05:32,513 Hello, Evelyn. 117 00:05:32,514 --> 00:05:35,400 It's not a surprise. I told her. 118 00:05:35,618 --> 00:05:39,731 You're looking very well. Slimming down nicely. 119 00:05:40,353 --> 00:05:43,603 Thanks. I recently dropped 160 pounds. 120 00:05:46,655 --> 00:05:49,052 152. 121 00:05:50,399 --> 00:05:52,796 I take Pilates. 122 00:05:56,542 --> 00:05:57,724 Hey, everybody. 123 00:05:57,725 --> 00:05:59,996 Uncle Charlie, look what Aunt Liz got me. 124 00:05:59,997 --> 00:06:01,628 Awesome. 125 00:06:01,629 --> 00:06:04,187 I don't suppose you thought to buy him a safety helmet. 126 00:06:04,188 --> 00:06:09,289 You ride with Aunt Liz, you take your chances. Right, Liz? 127 00:06:11,995 --> 00:06:14,392 This guy? Are you sure? 128 00:06:19,065 --> 00:06:20,920 -Alan? -Yeah, Mom. 129 00:06:20,921 --> 00:06:24,119 Now that we've seen the dove disappear up the greasy man's sleeve, 130 00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:27,030 how about we stop for a little drinkie-poo? 131 00:06:27,031 --> 00:06:30,614 Mom, it's still Jake's birthday. We're going home for cake. 132 00:06:30,615 --> 00:06:32,054 Okay. 133 00:06:32,055 --> 00:06:34,452 But first a drinkie-poo. 134 00:06:34,774 --> 00:06:37,621 Don't you think you had enough to drink at the magic show? 135 00:06:37,622 --> 00:06:40,692 Excuse me, but some of us deal with our boredom and depression 136 00:06:40,693 --> 00:06:44,097 the old-fashioned, non-prescription way. 137 00:06:45,396 --> 00:06:48,146 -That's telling her, Evelyn. -Now, see. 138 00:06:48,147 --> 00:06:52,466 This one gets me. Alan, you married the wrong sister. 139 00:06:52,467 --> 00:06:55,249 Why don't you lie down back there, take a little nap? 140 00:06:55,250 --> 00:06:57,647 Okey-dokey. 141 00:07:01,713 --> 00:07:03,855 How can you not remember the coatroom? 142 00:07:03,856 --> 00:07:05,711 I remember the coatroom. 143 00:07:05,712 --> 00:07:07,886 I just don't remember you. 144 00:07:07,887 --> 00:07:09,806 How can you not remember me? 145 00:07:09,807 --> 00:07:12,493 Do you remember everyone you've had sex with? 146 00:07:12,494 --> 00:07:13,742 Of course not. 147 00:07:13,743 --> 00:07:17,041 But come on, we're practically family. 148 00:07:17,710 --> 00:07:20,044 Okay, Dad, see this ring? 149 00:07:20,045 --> 00:07:22,476 It's made of one unbroken piece of stainless steel. 150 00:07:22,477 --> 00:07:23,948 I can see that. 151 00:07:23,949 --> 00:07:27,147 And this one is just the same. I swear. 152 00:07:27,147 --> 00:07:29,578 -I believe you. -Now watch. 153 00:07:29,579 --> 00:07:31,976 One, two, three. 154 00:07:32,746 --> 00:07:34,858 Hold on. 155 00:07:34,859 --> 00:07:37,256 One, two, three. 156 00:07:38,090 --> 00:07:40,487 Ironic. 157 00:07:41,609 --> 00:07:43,751 Wait, don't look. 158 00:07:43,752 --> 00:07:46,630 Alan, how are those magic fingers of yours? 159 00:07:46,631 --> 00:07:47,815 I'm sorry? 160 00:07:47,815 --> 00:07:50,982 I have this kink in my back and I was hoping you could give me 161 00:07:50,983 --> 00:07:55,451 one of your fantastic adjustments when we get home. 162 00:07:55,974 --> 00:07:57,285 Sure, I suppose. 163 00:07:57,286 --> 00:07:59,806 Thank you. I can't wait. 164 00:08:01,125 --> 00:08:04,227 Wait a minute. His magic fingers you remember? 165 00:08:04,228 --> 00:08:06,625 Ta-da! 166 00:08:10,435 --> 00:08:11,874 This is really weird. 167 00:08:11,875 --> 00:08:15,020 Yeah. How could she not remember me? 168 00:08:16,930 --> 00:08:19,617 -What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? 169 00:08:19,618 --> 00:08:21,856 Judith's sister's hitting on me. 170 00:08:21,857 --> 00:08:25,120 She's not hitting on you. She's hitting on her sister's ex-husband. 171 00:08:25,121 --> 00:08:27,135 But that's me. 172 00:08:27,136 --> 00:08:28,990 Stop taking it personally. 173 00:08:28,991 --> 00:08:32,030 You said it yourself. They've been going at each other for years. 174 00:08:32,031 --> 00:08:34,493 And let's examine the current situation. 175 00:08:34,494 --> 00:08:38,077 Nothing Liz does with me is gonna make Judith any madder. 176 00:08:38,077 --> 00:08:40,714 I've already flown my mission. 177 00:08:42,429 --> 00:08:45,243 The only play she has left is to sleep with you. 178 00:08:45,244 --> 00:08:47,387 Well, that's not gonna happen. 179 00:08:47,388 --> 00:08:50,715 Well, certainly not with that attitude. 180 00:08:51,867 --> 00:08:54,681 Now, come on, you can't say you've never thought about it. 181 00:08:54,682 --> 00:08:56,409 Liz? No. 182 00:08:56,410 --> 00:08:57,881 Alan. 183 00:08:57,882 --> 00:09:00,152 Look me in the eye. 184 00:09:00,153 --> 00:09:02,488 Okay, I'm looking. 185 00:09:02,489 --> 00:09:05,527 Tell me you've never thought about being with Liz. 186 00:09:05,528 --> 00:09:08,980 You know, you have very curly eyelashes. 187 00:09:09,495 --> 00:09:12,086 -Answer the question. -Come on, Charlie. 188 00:09:12,087 --> 00:09:14,166 -It's my ex-wife's sister. -Exactly. 189 00:09:14,167 --> 00:09:18,712 Sisters are like the Holy Grail of recreational sex. 190 00:09:18,966 --> 00:09:22,163 Technically, it'd be twins, but that's such a biological oddity, 191 00:09:22,164 --> 00:09:24,562 it's hardly worth pursuing. 192 00:09:24,692 --> 00:09:26,771 Dad, pick a card. 193 00:09:26,772 --> 00:09:29,169 Okay. 194 00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:30,643 Seven of diamonds? 195 00:09:30,644 --> 00:09:33,041 No. 196 00:09:33,555 --> 00:09:35,089 Eight of spades? 197 00:09:35,090 --> 00:09:37,008 No. 198 00:09:37,009 --> 00:09:39,406 -Ace of clubs? -No. 199 00:09:39,986 --> 00:09:42,383 Is it black or red? 200 00:09:47,248 --> 00:09:49,550 We'll just have the cake, and then we'll go. 201 00:09:49,551 --> 00:09:50,766 You can go if you want. 202 00:09:50,767 --> 00:09:53,837 I'll have Alan drive me home after he adjusts me. 203 00:09:53,838 --> 00:09:55,309 Why are you doing this? 204 00:09:55,310 --> 00:09:56,461 Doing what? 205 00:09:56,462 --> 00:09:58,188 Alan. 206 00:09:58,189 --> 00:10:01,004 -You want him back, don't you? -No, I don't want him back. 207 00:10:01,005 --> 00:10:03,756 Then why do you care what I do with him? 208 00:10:03,756 --> 00:10:06,347 If you're determined to do something stupid today, 209 00:10:06,348 --> 00:10:09,417 I'd actually prefer you do Charlie. 210 00:10:09,707 --> 00:10:13,866 So would Charlie, but we can't always get what we want. 211 00:10:13,867 --> 00:10:16,932 Wow! That's a lot of candles. 212 00:10:17,034 --> 00:10:18,344 He's still 1 1, right? 213 00:10:18,345 --> 00:10:20,936 You want to deal with the candles? Is that what you want? 214 00:10:20,937 --> 00:10:23,079 -No, I'm fine. -So, Alan. 215 00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:25,831 When do you think you'll be ready for me? 216 00:10:25,832 --> 00:10:27,303 Maybe after the cake. 217 00:10:27,304 --> 00:10:28,455 -Okay. -Okay. 218 00:10:28,456 --> 00:10:31,974 You just say the word, and we'll do it. 219 00:10:32,615 --> 00:10:35,837 In high school, the word was "hello." 220 00:10:36,134 --> 00:10:38,373 Don't pretend you don't know what she's doing. 221 00:10:38,374 --> 00:10:40,676 Her back hurts, Judith. She wants an adjustment. 222 00:10:40,677 --> 00:10:42,308 She doesn't want an adjustment. 223 00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:45,187 And why do you think her back hurts in the first place? 224 00:10:45,188 --> 00:10:46,755 So, she does need an adjustment. 225 00:10:46,756 --> 00:10:49,187 I forbid you to have anything to do with my sister. 226 00:10:49,188 --> 00:10:51,138 Really? You forbid me? I've got news for you. 227 00:10:51,139 --> 00:10:53,538 We're not married anymore. You don't get to forbid me. 228 00:10:53,539 --> 00:10:55,265 -I'm warning you. -What warning? 229 00:10:55,266 --> 00:10:57,473 -What happened to forbidding? -Just listen to me. 230 00:10:57,474 --> 00:10:59,712 If you lay one magic little finger on Liz, 231 00:10:59,713 --> 00:11:03,104 -you and I will have a big problem. -What are you gonna do? Divorce me? 232 00:11:03,105 --> 00:11:04,736 Marry me again and then divorce me? 233 00:11:04,736 --> 00:11:05,983 You want to see a trick? 234 00:11:05,984 --> 00:11:08,381 -Sure. -Yeah, sure, honey. 235 00:11:08,416 --> 00:11:10,928 "Good evening, sir or madame. 236 00:11:11,167 --> 00:11:13,565 "Have we ever met before?" 237 00:11:15,390 --> 00:11:17,053 So, Liz. 238 00:11:17,054 --> 00:11:20,103 The wedding reception, the coatroom. 239 00:11:20,414 --> 00:11:22,811 Did I ever say thank you? 240 00:11:23,293 --> 00:11:26,160 I don't really remember, Charlie. 241 00:11:26,268 --> 00:11:29,466 Well, let me just say, long overdue then, 242 00:11:29,467 --> 00:11:31,864 thank you. 243 00:11:32,923 --> 00:11:35,320 Okay. 244 00:11:35,482 --> 00:11:37,785 And not just for the one time. 245 00:11:37,786 --> 00:11:41,656 Over the years, I've actually used the mental picture of that night as 246 00:11:41,657 --> 00:11:44,054 Iighter fluid when I'm, 247 00:11:45,336 --> 00:11:47,733 you know, barbecuing alone. 248 00:11:50,583 --> 00:11:53,575 Hey, come on, that's a compliment. 249 00:11:56,694 --> 00:11:59,091 -Hey, Grandma? -What? 250 00:12:00,533 --> 00:12:03,252 Now, madame, keep your eye on the magic ball. 251 00:12:03,253 --> 00:12:04,883 Watch closely. 252 00:12:04,884 --> 00:12:07,123 No, wait. 253 00:12:07,124 --> 00:12:12,466 Okay, now I'll take the magic ball from my left hand and put it into my right. 254 00:12:12,467 --> 00:12:17,232 See? Now I'll throw the magic ball back into the cup. 255 00:12:17,234 --> 00:12:19,665 You think it's under the cup? 256 00:12:19,666 --> 00:12:21,680 Do I think what's under the cup? 257 00:12:21,681 --> 00:12:23,567 The magic ball. 258 00:12:23,568 --> 00:12:26,121 Very good, dear. 259 00:12:39,502 --> 00:12:42,636 Good Lord, how long have I been asleep? 260 00:12:42,637 --> 00:12:45,034 Make a wish, buddy. 261 00:12:48,908 --> 00:12:50,698 I've already made my wish. 262 00:12:50,699 --> 00:12:53,258 -Don't you dare. -Now we're daring? 263 00:12:53,259 --> 00:12:55,401 Warning, forbidding, and daring? 264 00:12:55,402 --> 00:12:57,193 I want to talk to you. 265 00:12:57,194 --> 00:13:00,339 -Are you hearing this? -I'm trying. 266 00:13:01,417 --> 00:13:03,879 -What is your problem? -You are my problem. 267 00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:07,015 -Why are they fighting? -They're not fighting. They're discussing. 268 00:13:07,016 --> 00:13:10,279 I'm a child of divorce, Dad. I know the difference. 269 00:13:10,280 --> 00:13:13,638 -You're a selfish, hateful person. -Maybe you should go to your room. 270 00:13:13,639 --> 00:13:16,506 -It's my birthday. -lronic, huh? 271 00:13:17,478 --> 00:13:19,875 Hi, everybody. 272 00:13:20,390 --> 00:13:21,476 Sorry I'm late. 273 00:13:21,477 --> 00:13:24,739 Actually, you're right on time. Here's $50. Take Jake to the arcade, 274 00:13:24,740 --> 00:13:26,819 and don't come back till you're out of quarters. 275 00:13:26,820 --> 00:13:28,867 Okay. Come on, Jake. 276 00:13:28,868 --> 00:13:30,947 Cool. So, how was the wedding? 277 00:13:30,948 --> 00:13:32,930 It was a circus. 278 00:13:32,931 --> 00:13:35,074 Bye, honey. Have fun. 279 00:13:35,075 --> 00:13:38,017 You were always a cheap slut and you haven't changed. 280 00:13:38,018 --> 00:13:41,632 I was the slut? Miss Technically-I'm-Still-A-Virgin. 281 00:13:41,633 --> 00:13:44,241 Girls, that's no way to talk. 282 00:13:48,704 --> 00:13:52,414 Ever since we were kids, anytime I loved something, you took it away from me. 283 00:13:52,415 --> 00:13:54,493 But you will not take away my ex-husband. 284 00:13:54,494 --> 00:13:56,254 -You love me? -What? No! 285 00:13:56,255 --> 00:13:58,429 I'm trying to make a point here. 286 00:13:58,430 --> 00:14:01,468 Judith, if I wanted Alan, I could've had him a long time ago. 287 00:14:01,469 --> 00:14:03,004 What the hell does that mean? 288 00:14:03,005 --> 00:14:06,150 -You never told her? -Told me what? 289 00:14:06,524 --> 00:14:09,242 Well, I mean, it's no big deal. 290 00:14:09,243 --> 00:14:10,939 Really. 291 00:14:10,939 --> 00:14:12,602 It's just that 292 00:14:12,603 --> 00:14:15,000 before I asked you out, 293 00:14:15,131 --> 00:14:17,528 I asked Liz out. 294 00:14:20,442 --> 00:14:22,839 You lied to me? 295 00:14:23,705 --> 00:14:26,839 If I had said yes, you never would have dated him. 296 00:14:26,840 --> 00:14:28,823 So, I was your second choice? 297 00:14:28,824 --> 00:14:31,221 No. 298 00:14:31,927 --> 00:14:34,262 Chronologically, yes. 299 00:14:34,263 --> 00:14:36,757 But in my heart, you were always first. 300 00:14:36,758 --> 00:14:39,549 But in reality, you were second. 301 00:14:40,117 --> 00:14:42,292 And you never told me this? 302 00:14:42,293 --> 00:14:44,978 Well, you can kind of see why. 303 00:14:45,557 --> 00:14:47,315 You know, this 304 00:14:47,316 --> 00:14:50,893 wouldn't have happened if you were twins. 305 00:14:51,316 --> 00:14:53,010 Okay. Fine. 306 00:14:53,011 --> 00:14:56,401 You always wanted Liz? Go ahead, here's your chance. 307 00:14:56,402 --> 00:14:58,257 Give her your little adjustment. 308 00:14:58,258 --> 00:15:00,497 While you're having a good time with my sister, 309 00:15:00,498 --> 00:15:03,472 I'll have a good time with your brother. 310 00:15:03,473 --> 00:15:05,712 Beg pardon? 311 00:15:05,713 --> 00:15:09,391 Don't be coy with me. You know we've always had sexual tension between us. 312 00:15:09,392 --> 00:15:12,846 Really? I thought it was just regular tension. 313 00:15:12,847 --> 00:15:14,990 Come on, I've seen you looking at my chest. 314 00:15:14,991 --> 00:15:17,293 You looked at my wife's chest? 315 00:15:17,294 --> 00:15:19,149 Hey, I'm a guy. 316 00:15:19,150 --> 00:15:21,644 I will rock his world, Alan, I swear. 317 00:15:21,645 --> 00:15:23,852 -You're bluffing. -Am l? Watch me. 318 00:15:23,853 --> 00:15:25,548 -Come on, Charlie. -Alan? 319 00:15:25,549 --> 00:15:27,595 -She's bluffing, Charlie. -Are you sure? 320 00:15:27,596 --> 00:15:29,227 Trust me, she hates you. 321 00:15:29,228 --> 00:15:31,946 Trust me. That doesn't always stop them. 322 00:15:31,947 --> 00:15:35,114 Come on, Alan, I'll show you where it hurts. 323 00:15:35,115 --> 00:15:36,649 Clear something up for me. 324 00:15:36,650 --> 00:15:38,953 Chiropractic adjustment, that's just a euphemism? 325 00:15:38,954 --> 00:15:42,120 -Right. -So, we're really gonna do this? 326 00:15:42,121 --> 00:15:44,912 Wow, I thought we were bluffing. 327 00:15:55,750 --> 00:15:58,771 -Okay, we were bluffing. -Us, too. 328 00:17:06,585 --> 00:17:09,346 My God, that clown has no legs! 329 00:17:14,967 --> 00:17:17,046 Okay, you see the coin? 330 00:17:17,047 --> 00:17:21,486 You're supposed to say, "Have we ever met before?" 331 00:17:22,325 --> 00:17:25,972 Just watch the trick, okay? We'll work on the patter later. 332 00:17:25,972 --> 00:17:27,603 You see the coin? 333 00:17:27,604 --> 00:17:30,213 Now, I grab it with this hand 334 00:17:30,228 --> 00:17:32,530 and I blow, 335 00:17:32,531 --> 00:17:34,450 and it's gone. 336 00:17:34,451 --> 00:17:36,848 Where do you think it is? 337 00:17:37,011 --> 00:17:39,408 It's right here. 338 00:17:47,984 --> 00:17:50,592 How the hell did you do that? 339 00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:53,197 Ironic, huh?