Downloaded from YTS.MX
Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX
All right, you ready?
Yeah. Do it.
You really ready?
Do it, do it.
I don't know. Is it a duck?
Yes, it's a duck!
That's excellent!
Do you feel like you're lakeside?
It actually looks a lot like your hand.
Oh, no, no, it's a great duck, it's a great duck.
Come on, that's ultrarealistic.
I don't know if I can do this one.
Okay, this is...
What is that?
Guess.
Uh, a princess with a crown riding...
What? -...out into the sunset?
Why would I make a princess?
That's the most unsexy thing that I could possibly make.
And the duck is real sexy.
Is that, is that your plan for pulling in the ladies?
No. No, I usually do a tiger, but tonight's special.
Look. I'm Prince.
You're Prince?
I am. - Oh, you're a prince.
You know, my horse is riding the wrong way.
That's lame. Don't you want me to save you, darling?
Come on, save me. Come on, bring it!
Do I, do I get something for it?
Yeah, I got something for you.
Come on, princey.
Is he eating her?
I don't know.
Uh... Well...
- Okay.
Hey.
Do you want to come lock the door?
- Hmm? - Do you want to... Do you want to lock the door behind me?
Uh... No, it... It locks automatically.
Okay.
- ♪ Hey
♪ What's that on your collar?
♪ Don't you know you ought to
♪ You ought to, you ought to Ought to be ashamed Of yourself? ♪
♪ You ought to
♪ Hey
♪ What's that on your sleeve?
♪ Don't you know you need to You need to, you need to ♪
♪ Really need to keep yourself A little cleaner? ♪
♪ I think I need to play More shows ♪
♪ So I can buy more clothes
♪ So I can look like them folks Who buys clothes ♪
♪ You know I would if I could ♪
♪ 'Cause rock Is just worthless ♪
♪ You look real good Looking down your nose ♪
♪ Hey
♪ A horse is a horse Of course, of course ♪
♪ A horse is a horse Of course ♪
♪ A horse is a horse Of course, of course... ♪
...has much to discuss.
Saturday, I went to the park
and had a picnic with my mother-in-law, who is a widow.
I can't believe we're doing this again.
What?
Chauffeuring.
What, you were already going this direction.
Uh, now I'm going this direction
'cause I circled back two miles to get you.
Well... Thank you.
It's painful to me, Max.
Are you always this nasal?
Are you always this "cocksuckity"?
How about a bus? Could take one of those home. How does that grab you?
How about a bike? You could get a bike. You ever think about that?
Okay, for one, it's raining.
For two, um, there's some really steep and hilly terrain in this city,
if you haven't noticed, and, uh, have you seen my quads?
I have seen your quads, man... regrettably.
I've seen them in your shiny short shorts that you like to wear.
Okay, well, that's not true, because they stopped making Umbros before I met you.
- What the fuck does that mean? - They stopped selling 'em in '98, I'm serious.
Did they, did they recall them? What does that mean?
I don't know what happened. It was a mystery.
- What happened to yours? - There was a great Umbro fire in 1998.
No, I'm just saying my, my quads are limited... okay?
So, you put me on a bike and you get me up one of these hills,
and just picture me flying backwards on a bicycle into,
like, I don't know, like a field trip of, uh, schoolchildren,
and there's-- and you know, dead children.
Just imagine that. It's sad.
You're a sad character.
I'm thinking about dead schoolchildren now, which is nice.
- Sorry. - That's a nice way to start the day for me. I'm sensitive.
You are taking the bus home, I'm sorry. That is the way it is.
Fuck, if I had a car, I would totally drive you places.
I look forward to that day.
- Get out of my car. - Fine, whatever.
Thanks.
Have a good day.
Look, I don't, I don't want to, you know,
rain on your parade or hurt, you know, hurt your idealism.
I think it's really noble. I know you guys are probably here for a good reason.
Um, I'm just giving it to you straight.
Job in four easy parts, as I've come to know it.
First step, I want you to admit
that you're a person of compromised ideals, right?
Second step, uh... reconcile that with your inner idealist.
You know, let 'em shake hands with one another.
And then three, you know, watch that inner idealist die.
Um, step four is easy.
That's the, the easy part.
Just do the job, which is mostly
just answering the phone, right,
and, um, filing stuff.
Really simple.
Um...
Um, also... Oh, good.
This helps me sometimes.
Uh... If you take a notebook...
Use 'em to write stuff down.
I also like to draw occasionally.
You know, I... I find it helps quench the rage.
Most of the time. I like to draw criminally conservative republicans,
you know, with crazier-than- normal eyes, and also, you know,
you make their hairlines recede five or ten inches.
- It's my thing. Yeah? - Max.
There's still an issue with coffee.
Okay, uh, could Kathy maybe take a look at it since she's right next to it?
Kathy's still on honeymoon.
Congratulations, Kathy.
Um, I'll get right on it after I deal with the new hires.
And so, absolutely.
I'll take care of that.
- Okay. - Thank you.
Um, I guess do either of you guys have any questions so far?
Uh, is there a certain way you want us to answer the phones?
Answering phones, the way you do it, yes, bravo, excellent.
Uh, when you answer the phone, do it when it, you know, rings,
and just say "Thank you for calling Senator Walker's office,"
and they'll start talking, and then you just sort of match the issue, you know,
whatever they're trying to persuade you about,
to one of our categories that we've got.
So you're gonna categorize everything.
Like if they're calling about
the Lagunitas Watershed Initiative,
that would go in "county issues."
- Okay. - Any other questions or...?
Yeah, are you gonna be here when we get here,
or do you always come in at, like, noon?
Um, I'm in between cars right now, so my commute is kind of in flux.
But, um, I'll get back to you with a solid answer
once I've got a car again, which will be very soon.
Um... Yeah, so you know what? Since the phone's not ringing right now,
let's just go through a simulated phone call, right?
- So, uh, Stephanie? - Mm-hmm.
Right? I want you to ring.
- Okay. - Like a phone.
Um, ring.
Ring.
- Okay, why aren't you answering the phone? - Oh.
- Go ahead and answer. - Uh, yes, thank you for calling Senator Walker's office.
- How may I help you? Uh... Yes,
I'm a poorly informed but very active voter
with shitloads of free time on her hands, and...
I'm calling to complain about the fact
that my taxpayer dollars are being used
to save some stupid bird
instead of making me richer and richer and richer.
Okay, uh, yes, ma'am.
Thank you for calling.
We'll get on that and, uh,
we'll get the senator informed.
Okay. Pretty good.
But during the course of that, also get her full name
and her district and her phone number,
and you guys are pros!
Welcome to the team, guys.
I'd give you a group hug, but it's prohibited.
Pixies.
Um...
Actually...
- That's it? - There you go. Yeah.
Are you doing some new stuff? That's really nice.
No, that's, that's not mine. That's, uh, that's my friend April's.
- Oh, okay. - Yeah. I'm still just doing the same thing.
- It's cool. - Mm-hmm.
You want to get this, uh,
this other stuff out of the closet and whatnot?
- This, this sleeping bag? - No, that's not mine.
- That's not you? - The tent. The tent's mine.
Oh.
- A little heavy. - I got it.
Um... And, yeah, I don't know about these, these clothes right here.
I don't know if they're going to, going to Goodwill or what.
- Mm... - I wasn't, I wasn't sure what you want to do with those.
Well, I don't really need any of this stuff.
Mm...
Aww.
I drew that.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'll take it.
All right.
Oh, you know... I wanted to look at these books.
All right.
Mm...
I think this is my Pattern Recognition.
- Really? - Yeah.
- I don't think so. Uh-uh. - Mm...
I don't know. I think I let you borrow my copy
when you were reading it. I don't know.
Uh, I don't know. I'm not sure.
I... I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
Yeah, I'm gonna take it.
- Shot and a beer.
- Winner buys a shot and a beer for the other, okay? - That's fine. That works.
Um, before I do this, do you maybe want to step outside
and... smoke a little cigarette?
I don't have my cigarettes.
- You don't have your cigarettes? - No, I don't.
I left them with my yoga mat.
You... You left your cigarettes with your yoga mat?
Yup. It's really good. You should try it sometime.
Like, right after yoga, where you're just, your body's available.
That makes sense. I get it. Yeah.
Did you, um, did you end up going to that place over by the...
I did go to the place by Revolution. It's great. I like it.
No, yeah, it's really good.
Did you happen to see a kind of a controlling, uh,
Asian woman with piercings in her face?
No, but I really wasn't looking for one.
Any reason in particular?
That would be my ex-girlfriend.
Also known as the reason I no longer go to the mission.
- The ex? - It's like the valley of my exes.
Every little store contains an ex.
- Around every corner. - So, I mean, you do know
we're... currently in the mission, right?
- This is not the mission. - This is outer mission.
We are so in the mission. So, what do you do?
I don't understand. Like... You're missing out on a lot.
Well, you know the formula? Like, it's been twice, it's been almost twice as long
as we were together, so I'm probably getting pretty close
- to where I can go back. - Oh, the formula.
I don't know... Twice as long.
No, it's definitely half the time, for sure.
- Half the time? - Half the time, totally. Half the time.
Well, I guess I'm all good then.
-'Cause I'm set. - Well... Yeah, I don't know, I'm pretty fucked.
Means I have like another three and a half years or something.
Before you're-- you think you have three and a half years before you're over it?
- Yeah, it's half the time. - I guess that's right.
That was a seven-year relationship.
- It's ridiculous. - That's absolutely ridiculous.
I think that you should just completely forget about the formula
and go get with people.
Well, I actually had
a little bit of an adventure the other night.
- Adventure? - A little adventure.
So it was kind of a, you know, hook-up thing.
- It was a little weird. - A little one of those "whatever" things?
It was weird. It was like my first time doing that.
- Your first time ever? - It was my first time.
- It was really... - Well, welcome to the club.
- Right, thank you. - It's a disgusting place.
No, I mean, it was nice. I mean, I had to wake up at seven in the morning.
- I was a little weirded out. - Little walk of shame, wake-up, kind of?
Little, like, creeping out. Not like...
Usually those things are pretty gross, in my experience,
and I have a lot of, uh, experience with stuff like that, so...
- Well, I don't-- gross and... - Just, you know, awkward.
I'm getting into my thing.
It's not every... Hi, guys.
Hey! - Hey!
- What's up, Simon? - Hey, dudes.
- Hey! We're taking off.
- Okay. You need a ride?
You know...
We just started.
Think I'm gonna stay.
- All right. - Okay.
- Then we'll see you soon. - Bye-bye!
- Okay, man, good seeing you. - Keep it real, homes.
- It was great to see you. - You too.
- All right, break it already. - All right.
- I'm gonna break it, all right. - Or "begin losing" would be another way to put it.
I don't think you really know about my skills.
- You're not... Not really ready for me. - Let's see.
- Uh... - That was one of the best breaks I've ever seen.
Well, Kira, your copy editing test was great and your resume is very impressive, obviously.
Um, I noticed that you moved around a lot as a kid.
Are you an army brat, or did you...?
- No, my parents are, uh, professors. - Oh, professors, that's great.
And it looks like you traveled a lot for your last job in sales and marketing.
You know, this being an editorial job, there's a lot of differences
but a lot of similarities, so can you kind of fill me in
on what kind of skills you could bring from your past job?
Yeah, well, traveling has given me a lot, and, and,
clearly, you know, I have a pretty great grasp on the metric system.
So that's, you know, cool.
But, um, I am detail-oriented,
very meticulous, and can think outside of the box, so...
Okay. - That all sounds really good.
This is a very "nuts and bolts" position.
I see from your resume that you've had a lot of breadth
and depth in your work and a lot of creativity.
Um, would you be comfortable with something as regimented as copy editing?
I mean, it's got some flexibility-- there's style guides and stuff-- but...
Yeah, it's a, it's a departure from the work that I do now,
but you know, juggling a bunch of different clients
as well as traveling to different locales
leaves something to be desired as far as the amount of work, um, quality that you get,
so I see this as kind of like an expansion of things.
I mean, you're literally taking text and figuring out
if the "T" in the abbreviation for "tablespoon" is uppercase or lowercase.
Yeah, but we should be clear. It's not--
- We're talking about commas... - It's not completely uncreative, though,
you know, and I do think that--
I mean, I think that the point really is, though,
that, you know, there is not a lot of creativity in this job,
and this can't be a situation where someone comes in
and uses this position as a stepping stone to be in this company,
and, and I-- you know, a more creative position
that they perhaps, um, hope to move on to later.
It's really something where the person needs to have a passion for copy editing,
and that's kind of where it begins and ends.
Well, I, I... You know, having been at Zaslaw-Dugan for five years, um...
I, I'm definitely... I put a hundred percent into anything I do,
and, and really, this is something
that I'm, I'm very dedicated and, and passionate about, so...
Great.
Hey. - Hey, Rach.
What are you up to?
Yeah, I didn't, uh, forgot to respond. Sorry.
- Was it any good? - It was lame anyway.
- Um, so-- - What are you up to?
Nothing. Um, just wanted to see what you were doing.
Are you busy?
Yeah, let's meet up.
Um, where you want to, where you want to meet?
Yeah. Anywhere close is good,
so, yeah, The Attic is great.
I just... Just don't want to be home.
All right.
All right, let me just grab some stuff.
Bye.
- No, I mean... - Come on, give me the juice, give me the juice.
I dunno... Jamie's actually supposed to be hooking me up
with a friend of his.
- Which one? - Marcus.
- I love Marcus. - Really?
He's so sweet, he's totally sweet.
That's great. It'll be really fun.
All right, because I'm a little nervous, you know?
It's been... Well... It's my first date ever.
I was gonna say it's been a long time, but...
Actually I've never really been on a date.
You haven't?
- No. - Like, ever?
- Ever. No. - Wow. How cute.
Is it really? I should say that during the date?
No, you definitely, definitely, don't want to say that during the date.
Okay, all right. I won't say it.
Um... What was I gonna say?
- The other day I talked to Shawnlee... - Really?
Yeah, I called her up and... I haven't talked to her in a long time.
She was telling me that she's, um, working on this radio show,
- and she has a new love interest, of course. Always. - Always.
What happened to that guy from Berkeley?
- You know, I don't remember...
Oh, I'm sorry, hold on, it's Jamie.
Um, hey, love, what's up?
Um, just hanging out at The Attic with Kira.
Yeah... What's going on with you?
Oh, you should come by. Who are you with?
All right, well, we're gonna be here for... an hour?
More than an hour. You guys should come by.
All right... See you later. Bye. Um, he said he might come by
with some people from the training that he was at in a little bit.
They're out in Oakland, so, I don't know-- probably take BART.
- Um, what were we saying? - About Shawnlee.
You know, I actually really like this scarf-- it's really pretty.
Oh, thank you. It was my little attempt at, like, being a classy person.
I got it in Barcelona and I was like, "All right, I'm gonna wear scarves,"
but then, being the klutz that I am, I, like, tore a hole in it.
- It's all, like, delicate. - If you're, like, a juvenile, it works, but I don't know.
As an adult, it's kind of weird, don't you think?
No, totally, I totally know what you mean. - Yeah.
The main character just kind of lacked a moral center for me.
I mean, I just thought it got kind of boring after a while.
- I don't know, I kinda thought it was pretty funny. - You did?
To me, it was kind of hysterical.
- So, what do you do? - Uh, well, I, I work with heroin-addicted schizophrenics.
Wow, that's... I don't know, what is it? I don't know.
It's cool-- I mean, some are just one or the other,
sometimes they're both, and that's when it gets kinda interesting.
- Yeah. - It's cool, it's good.
It's pretty intense, no?
Yeah, no, it can be. Yeah. Definitely, for sure.
- I think I want another drink. Hang on. - Okay.
Hey, buddy. Hey. Do you want another drink?
Yeah.
Hey.
You guys know each other?
- Yeah, actually. - Yeah... Yeah.
Uh, we met at Anika's...
- Anika's birthday party. - Yeah, birthday party.
- Anika's? - Yeah.
Oh, I was out of town.
I wanted to go to that.
Good party, it was good.
Cool... So, what do you want?
Uh, I think I want tequila, but I can't,
because I've already been to Russia, so...
You can't do two countries that if they had a war with one another...
Okay, like, vodka is from Russia and tequila is from Mexico,
so imagine a war between Mexico and Russia.
Total devastation.
You can always have beer, though, beer is fine,
- I'll have a beer. - Beer is fine.
Actually, no, I want tequila.
- Are you sure? - Yeah.
- Okay, tequila. - Yeah.
Would you like anything?
Yeah, actually, could I get a Stella?
- Yeah, no problem. - Yeah, all right.
Oh, don't worry about it. I got it.
Oh, thank you.
That's really nice.
- Hey. - Hey.
You totally just made my girlfriend buy you a drink.
She offered and...
Small world, huh?
Pretty small... and it's getting smaller and smaller.
Actually, no, I think most scientists are saying that the universe is expanding.
Right, right.
So you do have a girlfriend?
Yeah, I have a girlfriend.
Yeah, you do, okay.
I was just... I don't know, I just kind of thought that maybe,
you know, you didn't.
Okay. Yeah, it's-- of course...
Hey, you have my wallet.
Oh, uh, okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, sorry...
- Here you go. - Thank you, be back.
Okay. - Actually, I'm gonna, uh, help you carry.
Wait, whose turn is it?
I think it's me, and I have a question.
This is a ten of spades, so I could put down a spade,
I could put down a ten, and I could put down anything over a ten.
- Jack, king... - No, no...
Have you been playing like that?
You can put down the same number, the same suit,
or you can put down an eight-- what have you been doing so far?
Wait, what game have you been playing?
'Cause we... This is, like, the third game...
This looks okay, but it sounds like you've been cheating.
- No, I don't cheat-- let's go. - You don't cheat now.
- Now that we're watching you. - Mason cheats.
What was the name of that girl that you had the shenanigans...
- Who are you talking to? - You.
Me? I don't cheat.
I made a pact with myself when I was 18...
To selectively forget bad things that he's done.
Remember she was super cute and she had some weird thing about me... for some reason.
- That's Natalie. - Yeah, she said I was holding you back.
That was a very complicated situation, and...
Natalie ultimately determined that I did not... have her heart,
and so, as a result, I was cuckolded, but thanks for remembering it wrong.
I guess I just assume when anything bad happens, it's probably your fault.
That's sweet of you.
It's your turn.
- Is it? - Yeah.
Clubs. That's a "crazy eight."
Ooh, I like the way you think...
Do you think I'm a...
Would you say I'm generally a, a good person, Mason?
Do you think I'm a good guy?
Do, do you think you're a good person?
Why don't you lay out the argument for me?
Oh, that's brilliant, yeah.
Lay down the argument, like, pro and against.
Bullet points. What's your first bullet point?
I think... Honestly, I think you're kind of an asshole, Max.
- What are you talking about?
I'm not an asshole.
You're not?
I'm an asshole?
A little bit.
Am... Is my...
Am I not trying hard enough?
- I mean, is my general effort bad? - With Sara?
No, not, not with Sara--
I'm just talking about my life, you know?
- Am I not...? - Do you want to have this conversation?
I think you're an asshole. I think you're backsliding pretty significantly and it's...
somewhat appalling, and, you know, like... Sara is a...
I'm not talking about Sara.
I'm talking about...
Applying myself or...
- Being more... - More what?
Improvement.
Well, maybe you should become a big brother or something.
- Do they still do that? - I don't know. Feel free to play at any time.
Maybe you should become a little brother.
Adopt a puppy? What level of responsibility do you think you can handle, Max?
Do you wanna... Do you wanna save a kitten from the tracks?
- Could I... - Maybe you can harbor a stick insect.
Could I go with you to, like, a, a meeting,
like, an AA meeting, maybe?
Are you an alcoholic?
I'm pretty sure I'm not.
Do you understand why that's offensive?
Sorry.
Okay.
So...
I'm sleeping with Mark again.
- Your ex? - Yeah.
The bad one? - Mm-hmm.
I'm a moron. Oh, God...
Ryan, you just don't understand the rules again.
- It's just like with this game. - I know. I keep bending them.
- So with the ex, I'm supposed to...? - I couldn't help it, though.
- I really couldn't help it. - No? Why? What happened?
I was burglarized.
He burglarized you?!
No... Dude, you don't know this?
I came home Sunday night, all my shit's everywhere,
the window's open the full night.
And I'm like, "I can't sleep here tonight,
where can I sleep, where can I sleep? I know."
- Don't... A] don't point at me...
b] that doesn't make any sense...
Um, yeah, so I was, you know, DJing raves and house parties
- And stuff like that when I was younger. - Right.
Late teens, early 20s, and...
- Cool. -...spinning, like,
break beats and some hip hop,
and some ambient, psy trance,
minimal techno, and, you know...
Uh... you're familiar with...
No, what is minimal techno?
Um, minimal techno is like regular techno.
- Okay. - But it's really small.
- It's, like, shrunk down... - Right.
on little turntables and little mixers.
Right, right. It's minimal, I get it, yeah, yeah.
- It's, yeah... - Okay, funny.
- So when you're not...
When you're not minimalizing,
- techno-sizing... - Yeah?
...what do you, what do you enjoy?
- Like, what do you do? - I'm actually a journalist.
- I don't play music at all anymore, I... - Okay.
...write, uh, for magazines and do music reviews.
I was... Just in the last few months,
started to, uh, be able to give it a little more...
Given a little more leeway, and so, yeah, I'm pretty stoked.
I'm... Feel like I'm kind of making it.
What about you? You were telling me that you, um...
travel a lot for your job, and...
- Sorry. - You okay?
- Yeah, I'm good. No, I was just... - Bad?
- I thought it was tuna. It wasn't. - You okay?
- No, no, I'm good, I'm good. - It's okay.
Yeah, no, I... Traveling, I love it. I travel a lot for my job and...
Um, it's actually, you know, kinda the part of it that I really love. So it's good. Um...
Have you become fluent in any languages, or have you learned to speak any?
Yeah... Not really, um...
- I mean... - Not so much.
I should be better at it, you know, but there's...
- Because you travel a lot of the time. - Right, but there's, you know,
at least I know how to say "bathroom"
in a million different languages,
which is really all you need, right?
- Yeah. Wo ist die badezimmer bitte? - You speak German!
- I know that one. Oh, yeah? - I speak a little bit.
I mean, I, I learned...
I took four years in high school, so...
I don't ever get a chance to use it.
-Du sprichts deutsch? - Um... So-so.
Nicht so gut?
Yeah, not so much.
But, uh, you know, my ex-boyfriend,
he speaks German.
- He studied it. - Oh, yeah?
Yeah, and we've been to Germany a few times, and...
- Really, a nice place. Yeah. - Yeah?
A couple of times, yeah. It was good.
- Hey. - How's everything tonight?
Oh, yeah, everything was great.
Everything was really good, yeah.
T-hank you very much. Thank you.
Awesome, thank you.
So... You wanna just go halves?
Yeah, that's... No, that's fine-- let's go halves.
- 50/50? - Yeah. All right.
- That sounds good. - Halves it is, halves is good.
You know what? I don't have any cash, though.
- What's the total? - It's $53.62.
- Okay, so what is that? Like, 30 bucks apiece? - Yeah.
- You don't have any cash? - No, but, um, if I could put it on my card
and then you could maybe spot me the cash, that would be good?
- Yeah, totally. There you go. - Thanks.
- Uh... Right, okay. - Does that cover it?
You know, actually, there, there was, uh, the beer you got, which, I mean...
- Oh... -...is a little more than, than what you gave me.
Yeah, what was it? Like, five bucks?
- Yeah, I think five. - I'm sorry about that.
- I... I didn't even think about it. - Actually I had more...
A lot more sushi. Don't worry about it, it's okay.
- Well, cool. - It's okay.
Thank you, that's sweet.
Well... Ich denke, ich muss mich kurz entschuldigen.
- Thanks. - You're welcome.
- So, it was nice. - Yeah, no, it was nice.
- Yeah. - Food was good.
It was good.
So, what are you up to?
Um, I'm gonna go, I'm just gonna head home.
- Okay. - Go to bed, hit the sack.
- Got a long day tomorrow. - Okay.
Okay, um, do you need a ride?
- I drove here, so... - No, I...
- You live far or...? - Just up the hill.
- You sure? - Yeah, it's good. I'll walk, walk off the sushi.
- I had extra, remember? - Oh, that's right.
- You did have extra sushi. - I did, I had extra.
All right. Well, I guess...
- Hug each other now? - Yeah, okay, all right.
- Okay. All right. - Okay.
Hi.
You still up?
Hey. I didn't know you were coming over.
What?
Mouth full of meringue.
Meringue?
Chocolate chip meringues.
They were on the counter.
I put them in the fridge 'cause the ant problem in here
- is kind of getting severe. - Oh, yeah, sorry.
I need to, I need to put some... stuff down.
What do you do for that? I don't know.
- Meringues? - Yeah.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Mmm...
I had, like, two of them.
Well, like, five. Seven.
But they're really small.
They're really good.
My neck has been killing me lately.
- I feel, like, geriatric or something. - I'm sorry.
It's okay.
What are you gonna do?
Do you, you want, like, a back rub or something?
You kind of suck at those.
I do not! I give excellent back rubs.
All right.
Sit up straight.
Okay.
Um, wait, is it on the left or the... Okay.
Left, right there.
Like here?
Yeah. A little lower.
Okay.
- Ow! - Oh, sorry.
Here, wait, come back.
Okay.
Hey, that's good.
Yes, great.
- Yeah? - Yes, perfect. Thank you.
- See, I told you.
These are really sweet. - Yeah.
So, hey, sex copter?
Uh... Please don't call me that.
I noticed you painted a lion on the wall here.
Yeah, it's actually a tiger.
- It's a lion. - It's a tiger.
- It's got stripes. - Eh.
You've totally changed your hair.
- Yeah. A couple of days ago. - Yeah, you put...
- Yeah... Oh... Really? - Yeah.
- Huh... Well, it looks awesome. - Thank you.
Yeah, it's like a straight, kind of a straight, swoopy...
- Yeah. - Yeah, I got shorter bangs.
That's hot. You look like a model.
- Thanks. Thank you. - You look really hot.
It really suits you. You look great.
Thanks.
Ah, shit! We gotta go. Let's go.
Where?
Oh, fuck, dinner. I'm sorry, um...
It's really impressive. I don't know how to braid hair.
Boys don't learn stuff like that.
And it's too bad, too, because it's a useful skill.
You could make ropes, you could braid things together.
I don't know...
You could act like Rapunzel, let your hair down.
That's right.
I'd have to grow a bunch of hair first, though.
My aunt wants to take a picture of us.
Be right back.
Okay. So let's clean you up a little bit.
- I'll help you clean up. - No, I'll help you clean up.
You've got pie on your forehead.
- Oh, shit.
- Fuck. - How did you do that?
- Um... - Jesus.
Enthusiasm for pie?
Okay, Max, honey.
I don't have any picture of you guys together.
Well, let's get a picture.
Si.
Okay, you smile, get together.
I don't feel like you're smiling enough.
- I am smiling-- stop it. Okay.
- Let's see how it comes out. - Let me see.
So do we look totally adorable or absolutely totally adorable?
I think maybe absolutely totally...
- Oh, wow! - Absolutely totally adorable.
Oh... Yeah... This is cute.
- That's so cute. - It's pretty cute.
We don't have any cute pictures of us like that.
Ah... Yeah...
The food was amazing.
- It was really amazing. - It was delicious.
It's probably the best food I've ever had in my entire life.
- What you got? It's a shell.
Oh, that's beautiful.
- Yup. - From a big snail or something.
- Could have been a crab, too. - Really? Okay.
- Okay, listen to it really closely. - Okay.
Tell me what you hear.
A... multi-level parking garage?
- No...
- What am I supposed to hear? - You can hear whales, the ocean, fish, dolphins...
Yeah. Yeah, I can actually.
Kind of like magic.
It's just like magic.
- Thank you.
So, Max, how long have you been...
Meet you... Since I met you?
- Three... three years. - Three years.
And you still live, uh, separate? You live together?
Oh, yeah, yeah, we still live separately.
- Keeps him charming. - It keeps me charming.
That's good. So you are working, you studying?
I work. I still work at the same senator's office I used to.
Oh... Is that what you like to do?
Yeah. Yeah, I guess.
Yeah, you happy doing that?
Yeah, I think so.
Yeah.
Um, no plans? No?
Well... Yeah, I guess...
La gente no se casa ahora tan joven,
las mujeres tienen mas opciones.
Mm-hmm. - Yeah, well...
- What did she say? - Well, she... Um...
She was saying how women today have just more options.
They don't really...
They don't get into marriage
right away like they used to.
- Like I did. - Yeah, that's great.
That's good.
You have options now...
Special for womans, so... it's good.
Yeah. Yeah.
I like it that way.
Yeah...
Me too.
That's good.
I like that, by the way. "Animal companion" is great.
It's better than "pet."
Yeah, they are our companions, yes.
So, I'm noticing you haven't put down, uh, your preference
for what kind of pet you'd like to have.
I mean, I guess I thought that you guys were gonna do that.
Well, do you, do you want a dog or a cat?
Um... See, I guess the problem is I don't really have
a whole lot of pet experience yet.
- Uh-huh. - So, I don't really know.
I mean, what do you...
What do you think would be best?
Well... Sorry, sir, but I don't... I don't know you,
- so, um... - I guess, um, what I'm saying
is, like, I guess dogs need a lot of, uh, exercise
- and Frisbees and, you know, park time...? - They...
Dogs need, you know, they have to be walked
a couple times a day. You have to walk them, yeah.
Yeah, I don't think that would work super great for me
because I don't really have a super active lifestyle.
I'm kind of more...
You know, so... I wouldn't want to mesh badly
with an active animal's temperament.
So maybe, like, an old dog?
A slow dog? Or a cat? I think a cat.
- Actually, go ahead and...
- I'm sorry... Um, put, put "cat." - Okay.
I think a cat would actually probably be best...
- All right. -...for my lifestyle.
So if it's gonna be a cat,
there are still some more questions.
I like you.
To be completely honest, though, I, uh...
You're not quite as cute as I thought you were gonna be.
Mmm... This feels good.
Let's have sex in the bathroom.
No.
It's a bathroom.
I know.
It'd be hot.
I just...
I don't want things to change, okay?
- So you're Amy's friend or David's friend? - I know Amy.
- Oh, yeah? - I know David.
- Oh, okay, - How do you know Amy?
I know her from a class from a really long time ago.
- Do you remember me from class? - What class?
Black glasses class?
- Oh, right.
- What's your prescription?
- I... Bad? - We should see if we're the same.
Oh!
Oh, hey... Kira!
Hi, how are you?
Hi! When did you get here?
And it's Simon.
- Wow. - Hi. How are you?
Good. What's up, man?
How's the, uh, future senator
from the great state of California doing?
- I'm this close. Oh, yeah.
- How are you? - Very well, thank you.
- Working on it. And you? - Hey, yeah.
Hey, I'm gonna go say hi to Amy-- you want to come?
Okay. No, you know, I'm gonna... Let's get a beer?
- Okay. Oh. - Let's get a beer.
- Okay, I'll see you. - We'll catch up.
I'm not trying to daddy you right now...
You're getting a little speechy.
You know me, I'm speechy.
- Because...
- Okay. No, we're done. But one more thing. - Yeah.
- Uh-huh. - We're done, but one more thing.
- Okay. - Be careful with Simon, please.
Oh, now you're getting serious.
No, I am serious, 'cause I really think...
I... He likes you.
Did he say... Wait a minute.
What... He did not say anything to you.
- No, he didn't say anything, he just... - No...
- I know him, he's my friend and... - Right, right.
...he likes you and just be careful with him, okay?
Okay, I'm listening. I am-- serious.
- All right. - Okay.
How's work?
Mmm... It's over.
Did you get the incredibly pathetic job
that you're overqualified for yet?
Mmm... Fuck you.
I am perfectly qualified.
- You are! You're... Yes. - You know what I'm saying?
Yes, they could hire a high school student for that, so, yeah.
- Dude! Come on. - No, I...
- I am enjoying, you know... - Doing copy editing.
- Working towards my goal. - Which is what?
- Head copy editor? - Which is checking people's information for copying errors.
- That's fun. - Well, that's something else.
Yeah, I know-- this is the thing, like...
- Hey. - I'm going on a beer run.
- Oh. Okay. - I'll be back. Hold down the fort.
Man on a mission. Do your thing.
- All right. Be right back. - Bye.
- Get beer, get beer. - He's serious-- you see that?
That's... You're drinking.
That guy's getting beer.
- He is. - Beer it up.
Yeah. All right.
- Your work is now copy editing. - No.
You know what, though? Seriously...
I think you should have stayed with the other place
you have the world miles or whatever,
- the Visa thing... - No. No, no, no.
- Didn't they give you...
Five seconds-- shut up.
- All right. - Let me just tell you, all right?
I've been at that place for five years...
You had your serious moment, I'm having mine.
I'm fucking tired of it, you know?
Last week someone mistook me as the other Black girl.
For real, this shit is fucked up.
I don't want to be there anymore, all right?
- That is pretty fucked up. - Yeah, it is.
- Thank you. - Well, fuck it.
- Copy editor! That's... I'm in! - Yeah. Yeah.
I support... Yes. Salud.
Salud. Yeah. So what's up, you know?
- What's up with you? - What's up with me?
You want to take a little bathroom action in there?
- Man, I already did. - I got... No!
First of all, no, you didn't...
Is it wet? Uh, usually.
Often, yeah. Often.
Does it fit inside of a toaster?
A toaster oven or a bread slice toaster?
Uh, toaster oven.
- Toaster oven, yes. What's up?
Uh... okay, cool.
Would it burn if I had it in there at, like, 350 degrees?
For how long? Thank you, Sara.
- For how long? - Yeah.
No, I mean, like, could it ever possibly burn?
- Anything can burn. - Oh, my gosh...
All objects can burn if you apply enough heat.
What are you guys talking about?
Uh, it's 20 questions. It's not a vegetable...
- We're at 18. - Right, but it might be produce.
- Is it a frog? - Boom! I love this man!
What?! - I'm sorry, I didn't mean to mess up your game.
- No, it is not a frog! - I don't know how he does it on one question.
No, it cannot be a frog. That's not allowed.
It's green, it's organic and it grows...
- You really want to get physical? - That is not a frog.
You don't know how to play this game.
You don't know how to play... I'm the guy who knows...
- We're so late.
It was not us, it was all this woman.
Sorry. - She couldn't find her pants anywhere.
It's true. I couldn't find my pants.
I don't know-- it wasn't that big of a deal, but... I'm Kira.
I'm Ryan, nice to meet you.
- Rachel. - Jamie.
- Nice to meet you. Yeah, I forgot.
I thought they were at the cleaners or the laundromat.
- I couldn't really tell. Actually, I think I know you from the cleaners.
From, um, Ming Family Cleaners, right?
Oh, yeah, they're on my, my corner.
Oh, no, shit. Where do you live?
- 22nd and Church. - Oh, Christ, you live on
- that really steep block? - Yeah, it is steep, it is.
Oh, your block is totally terrifying.
- Oh, I like my block. - Oh...
Excuse me.
So, where'd you find your pants?
You know, I don't normally hang them in the closet
and that's exactly where they were, so...
Next time we convene the pants society,
- I want to... nominate you... Thank you.
-...to join.
You guys want to stand out here and talk about pants?
No, I'm sorry. Not really.
Let's go, let's go.
Medium popcorn with the nutritional yeast.
- It's right here. - I've been thinking about it all day.
- Three dollars. - Yeah, I know.
Hey.
Thanks, guys. Thank you.
Hey, what can I get for you?
Sorry, I'm just trying to decide.
Red Vines or Junior Mints?
- Are you asking me? - Yeah.
Um, I think Raisinets.
No, my sixth-grade boyfriend, I don't know...
He used to get Raisinets and, I don't know...
He left me for a girl with a hyper color t-shirt.
It's really traumatic. So, Red Vines or Junior Mints?
Ah-uh... Junior mints?
Mmm, okay...
Can I get the Red Vines?
And a medium popcorn and...
- Water's good. - Six dollars.
Um, I was just thinking,
you actually left some earrings at my house.
- Oh, yeah? Okay. - A earring.
- And it's silver. - Oh, okay.
I don't need it, it's okay.
- You sure? - Yeah, it's a cheap pair.
I'm, you know, semi-allergic and I'm...
thinking of working on being more classy.
- Oh... - Yeah, yeah-- I'm gonna do real gold, real silver.
Pants all the time.
Wow, okay, man...
All the time? I say 75% of the time.
I know, I haven't really thought it through,
but pants a lot of the time.
If you say so. Well, I like the earrings that you've got on now.
- The new ones. - Oh, these? Oh, yeah...
I got them from some stoners on Telegraph.
- Really? - Mm-hmm.
Well... Excellent choice.
They, uh, really bring out your facial features.
Your cheekbones...
You got great cheekbones.
- Is that weird? I'm sorry. - No... I don't know.
You trying to turn this into, like, a skeezy candy line thing?
- No, absolutely not. - No?
- I don't know what you're talking about. - Okay.
Here you go. - Thank you.
Thank you.
What can I get for you?
I will have two boxes of Dots.
Okay, that's, uh, three dollars.
I'm exhausted.
I shouldn't even have gone to that movie tonight.
I think I can brush faster than you.
I think I'm faster than you.
Ow... Kind of hurts.
Yeah, don't hurt yourself.
Is that bad if your gums bleed when you brush your teeth?
It means you need to floss more.
It doesn't mean I'm dying or anything?
No, it means you might be getting gingivitis.
I don't think I like the sound of that.
When's the last time you went to the dentist?
- I don't know. - You don't know?
- I don't remember. - That's kind of a bad sign.
My teeth are pretty yellow, though.
Did you have, uh, braces when you were a kid?
- Mm-mm. - Me either.
Lucky us.
Wow... Mad dog!
Can you do this?
Um... No.
- Oh, my God. - What?
I don't think I can go out with you anymore.
Why? Because I can't do that?
- Yeah. - I can go like this.
How about the other way?
- Oh, man, I used to be able to. - Can you do your...
How about the eyebrows?
You're way better at it than I am.
You want to see my frog face?
That's pretty good.
You wanna see my monkey face?
I don't know if I can do it.
I'm not looking at it right now?
- Thanks.
What's your monkey face?
I'm not showing you now.
- Oh... - You lose.
Morning. I'm gonna get out of here, okay?
- Okay. - All right.
Are you, are you wearing my shirt?
I am... And your pants, too.
- Those are my pants? - They are.
I don't understand how they fit you so well.
- You're pretty skinny. - You think so?
- Yeah, I do. - I'm kind of skinny-fat.
Uh-huh... Like?
Well, like I'm skinny in some places and fat in others.
Okay.
Like, muffin top?
Oh, that's cute.
Well... Why don't we just not paint it?
Okay, first of all, you have to love the place you live in.
- I guess so. Yeah, yeah, I guess so. - Right?
And also, you know, I kinda got my landlord to agree
that if he likes the color, then I don't have to paint it back.
- I like that. - See, I'm smart.
- You have a way with men. - I do.
Speaking of which, have you, uh, have you talked to Zach lately?
Oh... Yeah, I had to get some stuff at the house.
- I picked up my tent. - Was that weird for him?
I don't know-- everything about us is weird for me, you know?
I don't know.
I... It just... Like, I realized that we probably just can't
ever, like, communicate anymore, you know?
- It's really fucked up, but... - It's not really fucked up.
- It is-- I mean... - You shouldn't be in touch!
You shouldn't be in touch with your ex!
Do you know that I looked in my inbox the other day and I realize...
I realize, like, 90% of the people in my inbox,
emailing me, are ex-girlfriends.
- Wow, that's... - This means to me, that I spend all of my time
trying to maintain relationships with people
who, at some point in the past, I realized, you know,
I can't maintain a relationship with this person.
- That's fucked up, right? - I mean, this is the thing, like, you know,
I love his family and really, like, next time I have a boyfriend, just...
remind me not to get close to the family, you know?
Have you decided there's gonna be a next time?
'Cause I thought most recently your proclamation was,
"I'm never gonna be in a relationship again--
I've loved one too many times."
You know what?
I... You're right. No boyfriends for me?
- No boyfriends for you. - Nope, no boyfriends for me.
- Except for the fact that you have a boyfriend. - What?
Except the relationship you're currently in with my friend.
I'm not currently in any relationship.
- Yes, yes. - No, no.
Basically, when you're having sex with somebody for weeks at a time, uh, that is a boyfriend.
- What else is it? - See, that's why Granny needs to mind her business, because...
- Am I Granny in this situation? - You're Granny, you are so Granny right now, okay?
- I'm Granny... - I don't have a boyfriend
if what you say is true, 'cause we're not having sex, so...
- You aren't having sex? Oh, you're kidding, right? - Ooh...
We are doing other creative and, um, adult things.
Well, you think that that somehow makes a difference?
I think it completely makes a difference.
- What's the difference? - The difference is...
- Are you kissing? - Yeah, we're kissing.
Do you take your clothes off? Do you give each other orgasms?
I'm sorry, do you really need to be all up in my business...
- No, I mean... -...about the clothes and the orgasms?
I'm sorry, I just think it's a little ridiculous
that you think because the "P" doesn't go in the "V"
that that somehow you guys aren't sleeping together.
You're so sleeping together.
I think you'd make a great grade school teacher.
I think you would make a great grade school student,
- with your small ideas of sex. - You know what, though? I'm dating. Okay?
- That's true, you're dating. - I'm dating other people,
so... I don't even know...
So, it's not, you know... - That's fine.
- Oh, yeah, you're... - It's just not as serious.
...maintaining an ongoing flirtation with that one-night stand
who has a girlfriend as well, so...
- I remember that, too. - It's really harmless emailing,
so I... don't wanna hear your shit, okay?
Look, I have this publishing thing-- do you want to come with me tonight?
- Wow, yeah, that sounds really fun. - Stop!
I can't. I've got a fundraiser I have to go to.
You should come with me to my fundraiser, though, 'cause that...
that's gonna be a party.
I don't want to come to your fundraiser.
You come to my fundraiser. - Fine.
- Are you gonna shake on it? Shake on it. - Uh...
Shake on it. Okay, okay...
And you should bring Simon...
Your boyfriend.
But they must be enchanted rubies.
Only if you bring the Scepter of Sorrow...
The Scepter of Sorrow was left in my apartment, unfortunately.
I demand that you bring the scepter!
Well, we'll see, we'll see what can be done.
Maybe I can bring a conjuring spell, maybe I can
get the Mor-Lorc to come and conjure.
- Participate, participate! - I don't want to.
Simon here used to play football. High school football.
Now he is a revolutionary, but he used to be a quarterback.
I was on the football team to, kind of,
freak everybody out, whatever. They all hated me.
- It wasn't like a real thing. - They all hate you now...
Here's the man I came to be seen with. Wade! How are you?
- Glad you could make it. - Wade, this is my friend Simon.
- Hi, Simon, Wade. - Hi, Wade, nice to meet you.
- Wade. - Kira.
- Hi, nice to meet you. - Yeah, good to meet you.
And you guys have to help us out here
for the initiative for the bike lanes.
- Wade... Not them. - No, they live in San Francisco...
What are you talking about? I ride a bike.
No, I'm here to support it. We're gonna, like, sign and all that stuff.
Speaking of which, not to break up the party, but we do have
some deep pockets we need to hit, so...
You can watch from a distance as he works his magic
and I'll have him back in one piece in 45 minutes max, all right?
- Okay. - Right, you guys have fun.
- No offense, guppies. - All right, see ya.
Later.
Yeah, but I mean, if you look at it a little bit closer,
there's kind of this ordered chaos. Yeah, lean in, really.
There's the colors at the top and the bottom that anchor it,
- you know... - I, I don't... I don't see it.
And the white lines for symmetry?
I don't see it-- I'll take your word for it, though.
I think it's pretty interesting. I mean, there's a lot of depth to it, looks...
Oh, hey, do you want to come to Santa Cruz with me this weekend?
- This weekend? Um... - Yeah.
'Cause I'm going anyways to see my friends and I thought,
you know, we'd have a place to crash and everything.
It'll be great. It'd be really fun.
Maybe... You know where I really want to go? Italy.
- Italy. Okay, sure. - Yeah, Italy.
I was thinking maybe, like, for a year--
what if I went to Italy for a year?
Oh, you, you mean, like... Like, move to Italy?
- Yeah. Move to Italy. - Oh.
Why not, you know? I think that's amazing.
Like, there's all sorts of stuff
drinking wine, riding around the countryside,
you know, gelato...
You can do all that stuff in North Beach, really, honestly.
You could, but Italy's a completely different...
You know, like, there's nothing really keeping me here, like,
yeah, North Beach is great, but Italy is Italy.
I don't know-- I think it's a great idea.
Well, I could just pack my bags up.
There's... not a lot going on-- it would be great.
Well, hey, if you don't go to Italy, um... I don't know,
I'd be kind of curious to see, you know, where this is going, me and you.
I don't know, I think we have kind of a good thing.
Want to take me with you?
I would totally go. I, you know, I got nothing else going on, be honest with you.
I don't know. I think... you're a little big.
You might not fit in my suitcase.
- You raise a good point. - Yeah.
Kind of...
Just a second.
- Are you stalking me? - No, I'm not stalking you!
My friend does this kind of work.
- What are you doing here? - Uh, well, I do too, I guess.
- Sorry. - That's okay.
I work in Senator Walker's office.
Yeah, yeah. Like an intern coordinator.
Sorry, need to get through.
Wow. - Hi.
- Hey.
- Is that a dimple?
No, it's not a dimple.
Fake dimple.
You have real dimples.
Got a lot of hair in your face.
It's intentional.
That's better.
Sorry.
So... kind of hungry.
- You have any... - Oh, yeah, I've got food.
I've got, um... What have I got?
I've got eggs.
Um, cereal's good,
if you just have cereal.
Cereal's not great right now.
I'm usually a cereal eater.
Um, it's a problem right now
because I was ordering Count Chocula from Vancouver
because they discontinued it in the States,
and I love Count Chocula.
I love the character. I love the flavor. I'm a big fan.
So I was ordering it, and it was a lot of trouble--
- You have a cat?
- No. - No, you don't have a cat.
Yeah, I have a cat.
Um, this is not my cat.
I need to start sleeping with the windows closed.
So...
So, yeah, so no, no cereal right now.
But usually I'm Mr. Cereal.
I think I might have a potato.
Hey, I've actually got a...
No, never mind.
♪ Pass me a pacifier
♪ All that I was Is winding down ♪
♪ All around
♪ Out in a field of mines
♪ Apples are hard to find
♪ Walking around
♪ Red on the ground
Poor baby doll ♪
♪ I've told you before
♪ The more you don't want
♪ The more I want more
If heartache is love ♪
♪ Heaven is war
Maximillian?
What?
What is this door doing here?
Why are you fucking my stuff up?
- I don't have a cassette player. - Ah, motherfucker...
- This is what? - Oh, hey, it's a cassette player.
That's right. Okay. This is good news because you know what I have?
- It's not a mix tape, is it? - No, well... It, it, no.
- Um... - What the fuck is that?
This was given to me a year ago as like a... joke gift,
but for you, not so much a joke, you know?
- Uh, we can get paper... - Fuck you.
...pencil.
- Take a seat. - No.
Come on! Come on! You were gonna sit down anyway.
You're not gonna eat standing up, giraffe.
- Why are you such a dick? - Fine.
Fine, play your fucking tape.
I'm really glad you decided to press on
and turn the tape over.
Let's start with a simple checklist.
I think it'll help us make a beeline to the root
of your problematic thinking.
And this is the part to write down.
How many of these have you heard in your head?
"If I don't easily meet every moral
and ethical benchmark I make, I'm a bad person."
No, I'm okay with messing up. I'm not a perfectionist, Mason.
- This isn't... - Will you listen for one second?
"...and failure is the most unbearable result of all."
That part is more me than you, but the next one
- is super you, super you. - You're failing right now.
- Shh. -"I'm not willing to say 'oops' and move on.
I am worthless if I don't learn how to do it perfectly after my first mess-up."
That's... You got to, you got to admit
that that's so fucking applicable to you!
- You don't hear that at all? - No, Mason, I'm not a perfectionist.
- This is really stupid and... - None of that registers with you?
Where's your new bike?
It's in the hallway closet.
Don't mess it up.
Can't hear you.
Please don't ride it inside my fucking apartment, Mason.
Mason, if you break something, I'm gonna charge you for it.
This is trash. I'm putting it away.
It's also kind of beat up.
Looks like there's a face in the seat.
Um... There's one thing I want to say to you, though.
- Hey! Um, seriously, don't throw shit in my kitchen.
Why don't you get a fucking dartboard so I don't have to?
What do you think about that?
Uh, because I don't want darts in my face.
Hi. That's what the board is for.
- How are you guys? - Good. Good.
- Hi, Mason. How are you? - Hi.
- Good. How are you? - Good.
- Have you seen my flats? - Your what?
My flats. You know?
I don't know what flats are.
- I'm sorry. - Flat shoes.
Oh, um... I don't know. Did you look under the bed?
Maybe. Yeah, okay.
I'm sorry that, uh...
That I threw silverware in your house.
Flats.
Bye. Love you.
Taste like peanut butter.
Sorry.
Hello?
Kira. Hey, it's Max.
- Hey, Max. - Hey.
- What are you doing?
Mm, Max, can you hold on a second?
- Uh, yeah, I can hold on for many seconds. - Thanks.
Hey, this is Kira.
Hey.
Yeah, no, it's not pork.
It's page 36, dumplings.
Um... Oh, the first line.
Uh, I think it reads "The recipe's pedigree informs its flavor."
So just make sure that they're not putting an apostrophe on "its,"
'cause they kind of seem to keep forgetting.
Okay? Thanks. Bye.
Hey. Sorry about that.
Yeah, yeah, pork.
I love pork.
Pork's kind of heinous for me.
No, no, it's okay. What's going on?
Um, Margot asked for some title ideas for the flambe book.
- Yeah. - So I wrote up a couple.
- Okay. - Wait. Hello?
Little Flame, Big Heart.
Romantic Glow.
Hey, Kira, can you hear me?
I think my phone's messing up.
Simply Flambe, Flambe Simply.
And number four is You're Fired! A Guide to Flambe.
I'm gonna, um, I'm gonna try and maybe switch sides or... angles.
Maybe the... I'm not pointing at the satellite or...
Number five is actually not so great, but I came up with the four.
I'll give it to Margot. Thank you, Penny.
Sure.
Hey, you still there?
Yes, yes, I'm absolutely still here.
- Are you at work? - No, no.
Uh, national holiday. I work for the government, so I get everything off.
Somebody sneezes, I get to go home.
Mm, I don't... I don't know, do we want to be, you know, talking on the phone?
Um... Yeah, I don't know.
I guess, guess maybe you're right.
No, I mean, I'm not saying, you know... I, I...
You know what? Forget it.
Um... It's stupid.
No, it's okay. I'm, I'm sorry.
I get, I get confused.
It happens sometimes.
It's a good start. It's a good start.
- Should I be concerned? - Should be inspired.
I got a... I discovered my shower rod works
as like a chin-up bar, pull-up bar.
Pretty cool. Just trying to tone up a little.
Your shower bar? That sounds really dangerous.
- You notice the difference at all? - No.
Why are you all fired up about getting healthy all of a sudden?
Well... I don't know.
I feel like intellectuals too often think of the muscle of the mind
and then kind of lose track of the fact that it's all connected and...
You got to build a house for that to live in.
Do we know some intellectuals?
What's going on with, uh, you and Sara?
Sara's doing really good.
She just got a haircut.
She got her bangs cut.
It looks really good.
See that cloud over there?
It kind of looks like a bear eating a fish eating a fox.
Looks like a fox eating Michael J. Fox.
I don't think you're right.
I don't think foxes eat their own.
They're not like that.
The, uh, bench is free, man. Let's take the bench.
How's your kitty cat? Kevin or whatever.
Tiger. I don't know.
I, I think he's taking a hiatus from me or something.
I haven't seen him since like Tuesday or Wednesday.
Oh, man. Is he underwhelmed by your caretaking skills?
Your cat is lost. Did you put up a sign or...?
- No. - Just haven't seen him?
- No. - Cats get run over by cars, for starters.
All right, and Sara?
I don't really have a plan.
You know, I'm just kind of hoping that if I wait,
things are gonna work themselves out.
Mm-hmm.
That's, that'll probably happen.
That's probably exactly what'll happen.
Uh, my cell phone is broken, uh, probably forever.
Uh... It was kind of a piece of crap anyway.
Um, so, got a landline plugged in right now, so just, uh...
If you call that old number, that's why it's not working.
Um, all right, well, I hope to hear from you soon, and, all right, take it easy.
All right, bye.
Hey, this is Kira.
Leave me a message and I'll give you a call back.
At the tone, please record your message.
When you've finished recording, you may hang up or press 1 for more options.
To leave a callback number, press 5.
Hey, Kira, it's Max again.
Uh, I'm... stupid.
I forgot to give you the... the new number.
Uh, it is... 9-5-7... Uh...
7-8-9-2, so, uh, yeah.
It's a totally antique phone. It's probably older than I am,
so... when you call, it's gonna be like brrring, brrring!
It's kind of awesome. Uh... All right.
Oh, God, you know, I, I just remembered what you said
about us not talking on the phone, so...
Never mind. No big deal.
Uh, I'll talk to you soon. Not on the phone.
All right, bye.
Hey, you know, you don't have to staple those all individually.
I mean, the copier will staple 'em for you.
- No, it won't. - Yeah, yeah.
Uh, it's got like this function on it.
You just take the sheets you want stapled together...
- Is this the third page? All right. - Yeah.
So then you just put 'em together, put 'em in the tray.
All right, then tell it to collate, staple top left...
-...and then run it.
- See?
All stapled for you.
You've got a seriously, uh, bright future here.
Hey, thanks.
Hey, have you gotten to the point yet
where you're trying to file stuff and you forget
what letter comes before what?
Like N before M or O before Q?
Not, not really. I mean,
L-M-N-O-P-Q-R-S.
Yeah, well, you will.
Thank you for calling Senator Walker's office.
How can I help you?
Oh, hey, I'm gonna get started on that second box.
Right.
- What are you working on? - Um, it's not for work.
It's a card for my girlfriend's birthday, which is tomorrow.
Oh, a handmade card? That's a good idea.
- Girls love that kind of thing. - They do.
Are you gonna write a poem or something?
I mean, I don't want to get too personal, but I was a creative writing major,
so if you need me to read over something, I'd be happy to.
Um, no, Jon, I really don't think that's necessary.
I don't know that my girlfriend would necessarily respond to rhymes.
Oh, oh, come on, it's easy. Just give me a word that describes her.
- You know, anything. - Hey, Max, here's those letters we were talking about.
- Mm-hmm. - Just need you to make sure you go through each of 'em
and make sure they're all signed before you send 'em out, okay?
- Okay - All right, thanks.
Uh, how 'bout "pretty"?
Pretty, pretty...
Man, I can't think of anything that rhymes with "pretty."
Yeah, me neither.
Max? - Hey!
- Hi! - Hey.
I hurt myself.
What happened?
It hurts.
Oh, my God, baby, what happened?
Fell off my bike.
- You fell off your bike? - Uh-huh.
- You actually rode it? - Well, yeah, you know, that's why I got it.
And I'm getting older. Got to work out so I don't get fat.
Well, it looks kinda bad now,
but I think you're gonna be okay.
- Okay. - Did you break anything?
Um... don't think so.
Cute.
We are still in full possession
- of our faculties.
Your subjects will be pleased.
- We hope so.
Aw... Do you have Band-Aids?
I don't know. - You don't know?
- I don't know. - You should always have Band-Aids on hand
- for emergencies like this. - Okay.
- You're ridiculous. - Okay.
- Go to the kitchen, please. - Okay.
Go on.
Is this lavender soap?
Uh... I don't know.
Hey, we haven't had sex in the shower in a long time.
How did you fall?
I don't know.
I got bad night vision.
I think I hit a crack or something
and the bicycle kinda started rocking,
and then it just jackknifed real fast.
We should really get plane tickets for Ohio tonight.
The prices go up after the two-week mark.
It's kind of pretty, actually, if you look at it.
I mean, it's gross, but it's kind of strangely beautiful.
It sort of looks like ribbing.
Hey, you think, uh, if the eventual scab
looks like the Virgin Mary that we might be able
to make a profit off of it?
I'm a lucky fucker.
I could have broken my neck or something.
What?
I was just thinking about the time...
that we met at the airport last year.
I was so happy... to see you.
I was happy to see you too.
And you had to drive us home in your parents' ridiculous truck.
I fucking hate that truck.
And your mom was screaming the whole time.
She was like, "Sharp corners! Cornfields! No moon!"
Like it all meant we were gonna die.
And you were yelling back at her, very... undiplomatically.
You were kind of a dick, actually.
But it was kind of cute.
It was really cute.
I took a little camera video of the whole thing.
Did I ever show it to you?
I don't know, I don't think so.
It's really funny.
I'm sure it is.
♪ Show me The best that you got ♪
♪ And I'll show you One better ♪
♪ Show me your reddest rose
♪ And I'll show you One redder ♪
♪ Tell me a dirty joke
♪ And I'll laugh it off Lightly ♪
♪ If I tell you A dirty joke ♪
♪ You might not like me
♪ Everyone gets to make
♪ One big mistake
♪ And if you're waitin' on me
♪ Well, I guess you're gonna Have to wait ♪
♪ Ti-time-timing Is everything ♪
♪ If you've got nothin' But time ♪
♪ I got nothin' but time
♪ And a lie Don't mean nothin' ♪
♪ If nobody knows When you're lyin' ♪
♪ Lie when you lie
♪ So lie when you do
♪ Lie when you don't
♪ Lie when you didn't Lie till you lie ♪
♪ Lie, lie, lie
♪ They're wonderin'
♪ If anybody else is lyin'
♪ Everyone gets to make
♪ One big mistake
♪ And if you're waitin' on me
♪ Well, I guess you're gonna Have to wait ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm savin' mine up
♪ For a very Very special day ♪
♪ When I can fuck it all up
♪ In the most spectacular way
♪ Everyone gets to make
♪ One big mistake
♪ And if you're waitin' on me
♪ Well, I guess you're gonna Have to wait ♪
♪ And wait, and wait And wait, and wait, and wait ♪
♪ Everyone gets to make
♪ One big mistake
♪ Mistake, mistake, mistake
Mistake, mistake ♪
♪ And if you're waitin' on me Well, I guess you're gonna Have to wait-ait-ait-ait ♪
♪ You're gonna have to wait
♪ 'Cause I'm savin' mine up
♪ For a very Very special day ♪
♪ It doesn't even matter If it don't even matter ♪
♪ When I can fuck it all up
♪ In the most spectacular way
♪ Show me The best that you got ♪
♪ And I'll show you One better ♪
♪ Show me your reddest rose
♪ And I'll show you One redder ♪
♪ Tell me a dirty joke
♪ And I'll laugh it off Lightly ♪
♪ If I tell you A dirty joke ♪
♪ You might not like me