MMM.
[DOOR OPENS]
OH.
, WOULD YOU RELAX?
I'M SURE HILLARY'S CAUGHT AL GORE
DOING THE SAME THING.
JUST LET ME FINISH THE FANTASY.
GO AHEAD.
MISS BABCOCK, YOU'RE FIRED.
BECAUSE...
I'M IN LOVE WITH MISS FINE.
I JUST LOVE PLAYING THIS GAME.
WHERE IS HE ANYWAY,
AT SOME BORING BUSINESS DINNER?
WELL, IF YOU MUST KNOW,
AND I KNOW YOU MUST,
HE'S GONE TO A PARTY.
GET OUT OF HERE.
THAT'S WHAT I TOLD HIM.
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS, DON'T YOU?
YES.
HE'S FINALLY LETTING GO OF THE PAST
AND REJOINING THE WORLD OF THE LIVING.
NO.
HIS JACUZZI TUB IS FREE.
NO. FORGET IT, MISS FINE.
THERE'S A PROBLEM WITH THAT TUB.
OH, WHAT?
IT'S TAKEN.
OH, NO, YOU DON'T.
NO, YOU DON'T.
OOPS. I LOCKED THE DOOR.
LOOK HOW FILTHY THIS KEY IS.
I'D BEER GO WASH IT IN THE JACUZZI.
NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH.
HEY! HEY! HEY!
TOO MANY DOORS IN THIS HOUSE.
IT'S LIKE LAUGH-IN.
HA HA .
[RING]
AR'T YOU GOING TO GET IT?
I CAN LET A PHONE RING. CAN YOU?
IT MIGHT BE THAT MAN
YOU TOLD YOUR MOTHER ABOUT.
NO. HE WOULDN'T CALL.
WHY NOT?
I MADE HIM UP.
IT COULD BE VISA
INCREASING YOUR LIMIT.
OH.
HELLO?
SUCKER.
OH, IT'S YOU, MR. SHEFFIELD.
WELL, WHERE ARE YOU?
HE SOUNDS LIKE HE'S HAD TOO MUCH TO DRINK.
I'LL COME AND GET YO
I'LL GET MY COAT.
DON'T BOTHER.
GOODBYE, MISS FINE.
HELLO, MISS FINE.
WHOO!
SOMEONE' 100-PROOF.
DON'T LIGHT A MATCH.
WHY SO SHOCKED?
YOUR FATHER NEVER CAME HOME INEBRIATED?
NO WE'RE JEWI.
HE CAME HOME GASEOUS.
NEVER LIT A MATCH THEN EITHER.
♪ SHE WAS WORKING IN A BRIDAL SHOP ♪
♪ IN FLUSHING, QUEENS ♪
♪ TILL HER BOYFRIEND KICKED HER OUT ♪
♪ IN ONE OF THOSE CRUSHING SCENES ♪
♪ WHAT WAS SHE TO DO? WHERE WAS SHE TO GO? ♪
♪ SHE WAS OUT ON HER FANNY ♪
♪ SO OVER THE BRIDGE FROM FLUSHING ♪
♪ TO THE SHEFFIELDS' DOOR ♪
♪ SHE WAS THERE TO SELL MAKEUP ♪
♪ BUT THE FATHER SAW MORE ♪
♪ SHE HAD STYLE, SHE HAD FLAIR, SHE WAS THERE ♪
♪ THAT'S HOW SHE BECAME THE NANNY ♪
♪ WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED THAT THE GIRL WE DESCRIBED ♪
♪ WAS JUST EXACTLY WHAT THE DOCTOR PRESCRIBED? ♪
♪ NOW THE FATHER FINDS HER BEGUILING ♪
♪ WATCH OUT, C.C. ♪
♪ AND THE KIDS ARE ACTUALLY SMILING ♪
♪ SUCH JOIE DE VIVRE ♪
♪ SHE'S THE LADY IN RED ♪
♪ WHEN EVERYBODY ELSE IS WEARING TAN ♪
♪ THE FLASHY GIRL FROM FLUSHING ♪
♪ THE NANNY NAMED FRAN ♪
[LOUD CRACKLING]
[LOUD SCRAPING]
[LOUD CLANGING]
NO!
GOOD MORNING, EVERYONE!
UHH.
DAD, ARE YOU SICK?
NO. NO. NO.
I'M FEELING FINE, MARGARET.
THAT'S GRACIE.
HMM?
OH.
WHEN DID WE HAVE HER?
NEVER MIND WHEN WE HAD HER.
WHEN CAN WE START MAKING ANOTHER ONE?
MISS FINE, LEAVE MR. SHEFFIELD ALONE.
HE'S IN A VERY VULNERABLE STATE.
NILES, ISN'T THAT MY WATCH?
OH, YES, SIR.
THANK YOU. I LOVE IT.
I HOPE LAST NIGHT
WAS WORTH THIS MORNING.
YOU KNOW,
YOU REALLY SHOULDN'T DRINLIKE THAT.
MISS FINE,
YOU'RE A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN.
DO YOU FIND ME ATTRACTIVE?
ON THE OTHER HAND,
A LITTLE BOOZE IS GOOD FOR THE HEART.
NOT ONE WOMAN SPOKE TO ME
AT THAT PARTY LAST NIGHT THE WHOLE EVENING.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, THEY AVOIDED ME LIKE THE PLAGUE.
WELL, MAYBIT'S BECAUSE OF THAT.
I BEG YOUR PARDON?
YOUR WEDDING RING.
BELIEVE IT OR NOT,
SOME WOMEN FIND IT A RNOFF.
CONJURES UP IMAGES OF A BEAUTIFULOUSE,
THREE CHILDREN,
A NANNY WITH A 20-INCH WAIST.
YOU KNOW, MISS FINE,
YOU MIGHT THINK THIS FOOLISH,
BUT WEARING THIS RING
HELPS ME TO REMEMBER MY WIFE.
OH, YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO FORGET HER.
JUST LOOK AT MAGGIE'S SMILE
OR GRACIE'S EYES
OR BRIGHTON'S--
DID YOUR WIFE TAKE ANY TRIPS?
LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING.
WHEN YOU FILL OUT YOUR TAXES,
WHAT DO YOU PUT IN MARITAL STATUS-- "S" OR "M"?
"S."
SO YOU TOLD UNCLE SAM YOU'RE SINGLE.
MAYBE IT'S TIME YOU TOLD YOURSELF.
I WANT TO BE AN "M" AGAIN.
I WANT TO BE AN "M," TOO.
FIRST YOU GOT TO GET OUT THERE
AND MAKE AN "S" OUT OF YOURSELF.
TRY THIS, SIR.
IT'S MY FATHER'S HANGOVER REMEDY.
OH, THANK YOU, NILES.
UHH, NILES!
IT'S FAR TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING
FOR ANYTHING THIS REPULSIVE.
HELLO. HELLO.
MR. SHEFFIELD WANTS YOU TO GO HOME
AND COME BACK IN AN HOUR.
IT ISN'T WORKING.
SO SORRY.
FORGOT THE HAIR OF THE DOG.
OW!
MAXWELL, LOOK AT THIS.
ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER'S MADE THE NEW YORK TIMES CROSSWORD PUZZLE.
WHAT?
WHY CAN'T I BE IN THE BLOODY CROSSWORD PUZZLE?
VE PRODUCED MORE PLAYS THAN HE HAS.
YEAH, AND YOUR PLAYS ARE BETTER
'CAUSE YOU CAN ALWAYS GET TICKETS FOR YOURS.
HIS ARE SOLD OUT FOR MONTHS.
WHAT?
GET YOURSELF A PUBLICIST.
I KNOW JUST THE PERSON, SIDNEY MERCER.
HE'S AN OLD COOT,
BUT HE'S THE BEST P.R. MAN
IN THE BUSINESS.
C.C., FORGET IT.
SELF-PROMOTION IS SO TACKY.
NO. NOT IF YOU DO IT RIGHT.
GET THE GUY THAT'S HANDLING HUGH GRANT'S HOOKER.
SHE'S COMING ACROSS VERY CLASSY.
FRAN, WHAT YOU DOING?
OH, WEIGHT WATCHERS IS VERY STRICT.
THEY ONLY ALLOW YOU ONE COOKIE.
[DOORBELL CHIMES]
HELLO.
HI.
I'M SYDNEYERCER.
MISS BABCOCK IS EXPECTING ME.
OH, NO, SHE'S NOT.
I'M GOING TO GO TELL MISS BABCOCK.
NO, NO, NO, NO.
BUTLER'S JOB. BUTLER'S JOB.
COME ON IN.
ARE YOU MRS. SHEFFIELD?
OH, NO. I'M NOT HIS WIFE.
I JUST LIVE WITH HIM,
RUN HIS LIFE, AND RAISE HIS KIDS.
I'M FRAN, THE NANNY.
COME ON IN.
NILES?
NILES, WHAT IS SO DAMN IMPORTANT?
MAY I PRESENT SYDNEY MERCER.
HA HA HA.
I KNOW SIDNEY MERCER.
HE'S A FAT, OLD, WOMANIZING GEEZER.
HE'S MY FATHER.
AND FUNNY.
OH.
LOVE THAT GUY.
MISS MERCER, RIGHT THIS WAY.
MR. SHEFFIELD'S RRY HE'S KEPT YOU.
WE'RE ALL SORRY HE'S KEPT YOU.
MAX, YOU ARE A PUBLICIST'S DREAM.
YOU ARE DEVASTATINGLY HANDSOME,
SEXY, AND INCREDIBLY DEBONAIR.
[GIGGLES]
OH, MAX,
WE ARE GOING TO HAVE SO MUCH FUN TOGETHER.
JUST PUT YOURSELF IN MY HANDS.
WHOA.
BEFORE MAXWELL PUTS ANYTHING IN YOUR HANDS,
HE MUST DISCUSS THIS WITH HIS PARTNER.
WE MAKE ALL OUR IMPORTANT DECISIONS TOGETHER.
YOU'RE HIRED.
MAXWELL, I WANT A MAN.
THE LAST ONE DEFLATED
WHEN SHE NIBBLED HIS EAR.
HA HA HA.
AND TO THINK THIS MORNING I WAS SO RECALCITRANT.
EGGS ALWAYS DO THAT TO HIM.
MISS FINE, WHY ARE YOU HERE?
OH.
WH--
I DON'T KNOW.
EVERYONE WAS WALKING THIS WAY.
OH, LOOK.
SYDNEY GOT MR. SHEFFIELD
ON THE COVER OF PEOPLE MAGAZINE.
YEAH.
THE WORST DRESSED LIST.
MEANWHILE, ONLY THE HIPPEST AND TRENDIEST PEOPLE
END UP ON THAT LIST.
THEY GOT MARCIA CLARK ON THE BEST DRESSED.
CASE CLOSED.
OOH.
MEANWHILE, I THINK HE LOOKS GORGEOUS,
BUT WHO'S THAT CHEAP FLOOZY
SQUEEZING INTO THE PICTURE BEHIND HIM?
OH, I'M IN PEOPLE MAGAZINE!
HELLO, PEOPLE.
ANYONE CATCH ME ON RICKI LAKE?
YES.
AND YOU LOOKED GORGEOUS.
OH, THAT BEA ARTHUR WAS MAKING SUCH EYES FOR YOU.
WHOA.
IF IT ISN'T THE LOST BALDWIN BROTHER, PAPPY.
YOU KNOW, DARLING,
I THINK WE SHOULD CELEBRATE OUR SUCCESS.
HOW DOES THIS SOUND TO YOU--
THE RAINBOW ROOM,
DINNER, DANCING?
FREE TONIGHT?
AS A BIRD!
OH, SO I CAN TAKE CARE OF THE KIDS.
DARLING, THERE IS NO ONE
I WOULD RATHER HAVE DINNER WITH.
SEE YOU AT 8:00.
OH.
DID YOU SEE HOW MANY HOLES
HE HAS IN HIS JEANS?
12. 12.
WELL, I TALKED HIM OUT OF THE LEATHER PANTS.
THEN I SPENT THE NEXT HOUR
GETTING HIM OUT OF THE LEATHER PANTS.
TOOK YOU AN HOUR
TO GET A PAIR OF PANTS OFF OF A MAN?
NEXT TIME, TRY WEARING A LITTLE CHANEL N 5
AND A TUBE TOP.
MISS FINE, THIS IS SERIOUS.
OUR LITTLE BOY IS NOTICING GIRLS.
OH, PLEASE.
HE'S NOT READY TO TAKE THE PLUNGE WITH SYDNEY.
THE MAN IS A SCARED, TIMID, LITTLE PUPPY.
WOOF.
WELL, NIGHT, ALL.
AND, UH, DON'T WAIT UP.
WELL, WAIT A MINUTE. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
THERE'S SOMETHING DIFFERENT ABOUT YOU.
[GASPS] YOU TOOK OFF YOUR WEDDING RING.
MY BLOODY HAND'S IN MY POCKET.
HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY KNOW THAT?
OH, I CAN SPOT A MAN
WITHOUT A WEDDING RING A MILE AWAY.
OOP. THERE'S ONE.
THERE'S ONE.
OOP. THERE'S ANOTHER ONE.
WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING IN HERE?
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE NEW LOOK?
IT'S FANTASTIC, SIR.
I'D TAKE ALL THOSE BROOKS BROTHERS SUITS
AND JUST GIVE THEM AWAY.
OH, GOOD IDEA.
GET RID OF THEM FOR ME, WOULD YOU?
I'LL MAKE ALL THE ALTERATIONS...
UH, ARRANGEMENTS.
WELL, MISS FINE, YOU WERE RIGHT
I THINK I REALLY WAS HIDING BEHIND MY RING.
TRUTH IS, I WAS TERRIFIED OF GETTING HURT.
BUT NOW, THANKS TO YOU,
I THK I'VE REALL MET THE ONE.
AW.
WELL...
THE GUY'S IN LOVE.
I COULDN'T BE HAPPIER FOR HIM.
THINK IT'LL LAST?
MISS FINE, YOU'RE NOT CONCERNED
ABOUT YOUR POSITION?
NILES, YOU DOG.
NO. IN THE HOUSEHOLD, MISS FINE.
WHAT HAVE I GOT TO BE WORRIED ABOUT--
THAT HE'LL BRING HOME A WIFE
WHO'LL CARE FOR THE KIDS,
FEED THEM LUNCH, SEND THEM OFF TO SOOL?
I DON'T DO THAT.
WELL, I'D BETTER GO UPSTAIRS
AND CLEAN OUT A FEW OF HIS DRAWERS.
NILES, SHE'S NOT MOVING IN YET.
I KNOW.
I NEED SOME SHIRTS TO GO WITH MNEW SUITS.
[DOORBELL CHIMES]
I'LL GET IT. I'LL GET IT.
OH.
HELLO, FRAN.
IS MAXWELL READY?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
HE JUST LEFT TO GO TO THE RAINBOW ROOM.
I THOUGHT I WAS SUPPOSED TO MEET HIM HERE.
OH, YOU'D BETTER HURRY UP
BECAUSE IF HE EATS TOO LATE,
HE GETTERRIBLE INDIGESTION.
BUT IF THAT HAPPENS,
DOT LET HIM TAKE ANYTHING
BUT TWO MYLANTA GEL CAPS.
OHWAIT.
I'LL GIVE YOU SOME.
AND I JUST WANT TO WISH YOU
ALL THE HAPPINESS IN THE WORLD.
YOU WILL BE NEEDING A NANNY, WON'T YOU?
WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT?
WELL, 500 A WEEK PLUS DENTAL.
FRAN...
YOU ARE WAY OFF.
O.K.
350 AND A WATER PIC.
NO. I MEAN MAXWELL.
I'M NOT INTERESTED IN HIM THAT WAY.
WELL, WHAT'S THE MATTER--
HE'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?
IT'S HIS GENDER.
OH, BELIEVE ME,
I ACCIDENTALLY SAW HIM IN THE SHOWER,
AND THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH HIS GENDER.
FRAN,
I'M GAY.
[GASPS]
YOU'RE GAY?
OH, THANK GOD!
UH...
UH, M LETTING GO, AND YOU'RE NOT.
WHY?
AREN'T YOU GAY, TOO?
ME?
NO!
I JUST ASSUMED.
YOU'RE OVER 30.
YOU'VE NEVER BEEN MARRIED.
THERE'S NO MAN IN YOUR LIFE.
OH, HONEY, I'M NOT GAY.
I'M JUST PATHETIC.
TOO BAD.
I WOULD'VE ASKED YOU OUT.
OH, GREAT.
A GORGEOUS PROFESSIONAL FINALLY ASKS ME OUT,
AND IT'S A WOMAN.
YOU'RE NOT JEWISH, ARE YOU?
SORRY.
TOBAD.
WE WERE THIS CLOSE TO MAKING MY MOTHER HAPPY.
I FEEL LIKE THIS WHOLE THING IS MY FAULT.
OH, DON'T BLAME YOURSELF.
BUT HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO HIM?
COULDN'T YOU SEE HE WAS FALLING FOR YOU?
YOU'RE NOT ENJOYING THIS, ARE YOU?
FRAN, HOW WAS I TO KNOW?
WE JUST HAD BUSINESS LUNCHES.
I TALKED. HE LISTENED.
DOES THAT MEAN HE WANTS TO HAVEEX WITH ME?
YES!
THAT'S WHY THEY LISTEN.
THAT'S WHY THEY BUY YOU DINNER.
THAT'S WHY THEY SAY THEY LIKE YOUR VOICE.
IT'S NOT TOO NASAL.
OH.
FRAN, I REALLY WANT TO KEEP MAX AS A CLIENT.
HOW CAN I MAKE THIS UP TO HIM?
OH, I DON'T KNOW.
THE POOR MAN'S SITTING ALONE IN A RESTAURANT,
HIS HEART ON HIS SLEEVE,
VULNERABLE, READY TO MAKE A COMMITMENT TO A WOMAN.
TAXI! TAXI!
TAXI!
WAIT! HOLD THE ELEVATOR!
HOLD THE ELEVATOR.
MISS FINE, WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU ING HERE?
UM...
MY EYE DOCTOR'S IN THIS BUILDING.
AND YOU'RE DRESSED LIKE THAT?
OH, WOULD YOU LOOK AT WHAT I PUT ON?
WELL, THANK GOD HE COULD TAKE ME
ON SATURDAY NIGHT.
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF
WHEN A WOMAN IS IN HER THIRTIES,
GORGEOUS, AND NEVER BEEN MARRIED?
OH, DON'T WORRY, MISS FINE.
YOU'LL MEET SOMEONE.
NOT ME.
I WAS TALKING ABOUT--
OH, YOU THINK I'M GORGEOUS?
WHAT'S YOUR POINT?
NEVER MIND.
HOW LONG HAVE YOU THOUGHT I WAS GORGEO?
I HAVE A DATE WITH SYDNEY.
OH, NO, YOU DON'T. SHE'S GAY.
LET'FOCUS ON ME.
WHAT?
WHAT DID YOU SAY?
I SAID, "LET'S FOCUS ON ME."
MISS FINE!
OH, NO. THE ELEVATOR STOPPED.
KEEP CALM.
WE'RE STUCK.
IT'S GOING TO BE O.K., MISS FINE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'M LOOKING FOR THE EMERGENCY PHONE.
THAT'S NOT IT.
OH.
WELL, THEN I'D BETTER STOP TALKING INTO IT.
AHH.
WELL, AT LEAST THE LIGHTS CAME BACK ON.
I CAN'T BELIEVE SYDNEY'S GAY.
OH, GOD.
WHAT AN IDIOT I'VE MADE OF MYSELF.
NO. WAIT A MINUTE.
WHAT AM I SAYING?
SHE DOESN'T KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT HER.
OH, WELL, DON'T BE SO SURE.
WOMEN HAVE A SIXTH SENSE--
YOU TOLD HER!
OH, YEAH.
MY ONE REGRET IS TT THE ELEVATOR CABLE MIGHT SNAP
BEFORE I GET MY HANDS AROUND YOUR THROAT.
THAT'S YOUR ONE REGRET?
NOT THE REVIVAL OF FIDDLER
STARRING LYLE WAGGONER?
MISS FINE!
WOULD YOU JUST CALM DOWN?
RELAX.
LET'S JUST SIT DOWN AND TAKE IT EASY.
EVENTUALLY, SOMEONE WILL COME
AND GET US OUT OF HERE.
OH, WHAT A WASTE.
UPSTAIRS, I HAVE AN INTIMATE TABLE FOR TWO WAITING,
A VIOLINIST,
CHAMPAGNE CHILLING ON ICE,
CRACKED CR.
AW, GIVE ME A BOOST. WE'RE MAKING A BREAK.
LET ME TAKE THIS OFF.
JACKET.
UHH.
OH.
OH. OH.
IT'S ONLY ONE FLOOR AWAY.
OOH. IT'S RIGHT OVER THERE
WHERE THAT RAT JT WENT.
OH, MY GOD!
THERE'S A RAT!
MISS FINE, IT'S ALL RIGHT.
JUST CALM DOWN.
JUST REMEMBER, HE'S MORE AFRAID OF YOU
THAN YOU ARE OF HIM.
OH, I DON'T THINK SO.
RIGHT NOW, HE'S LOOKING AT MY HAIR
THINKING, "IS THAT A ONE-BEDROOM OR A TWO?"
OH, OH.
PULL ME DOWN! PULL ME DOWN!
GOOD NEWS AND BAD NEWS, MISS FINE.
THE BAD NEWS IS YOU'RE STUCK.
OH.
WHAT'S THE GOOD NEWS?
YOU GOT YOUR MONEY'S WORTH
ON THAT THIGH MASTER.
OH.
HELP!
OH, MY GOD.
WHAT-- ANOTHER RAT?
WORSE.
THERE'S AN ECHO IN HERE.
I JUST HEARD MY OWN VOICE.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
OH, THE BAND'S BEGINNING TO PLAY.
OH,
HOW I LOVE THIS SONG.
WANT TO DANCE?
UH, NO.
IF YOU DON'T MIND,
I'D RATHER SIT THIS ONE OUT.
I SHOULD SIT OUT THE NEXT FIVE YEARS,
THEN I WOULDN'T HAVE TO FEEL THIS WAY AGAIN.
OH, MR. SHEFFIELD,
DON'T BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF.
TAKE IT FROM ME.
YOU'RE A REAL CATCH.
AND WHEN THE RIGHT WOMAN COMES ALONG,
BELIEVE ME,
YOU'LL KNOW IT.
THANK YOU, MISS FINE,
BUT I WOULDN'T KNOW THE RIGHT WOMAN FOR ME
IF SHE FELL OUT OF THE SKY.
OH!
CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE, INC.
PUBLIC PERFORMANCE OF CAPTIONS PROHIBITED WITHOUT PERMISSION OF NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE