Ooh, baby, my wine is on low tide.
Why don't you walk them legs
over to the fridge and get us some more?
Mm, do you really want more wine
or do you want to watch mama walk?
- Ho! - And walk and walk...
and walk and walk.
Ooh, that's all right. Either way, I'll be intoxicated.
I'm a wino [hiccups] for your walk.
[screams] A present?
Since when did you start keeping gift boxes in the fridge?
Since I started dating the hottest mama in Baltimore.
Why don't you go on and open it up?
[screams] Gucci's!
Oh!
Oh, you really do love me.
All my girlfriends were so wrong.
What's this?
Another game of "Pin the Vixen on my Daddy"?
[telephone rings]
Hello.
Oh, hi, Toni.
Yeah, he right here.
Okay, hold on.
Daddy, Toni wants to know what you doing next Friday.
Tell Toni I'll catch him later.
But she wants to talk to you now.
Yeah, Flex. Why don't you talk to her?
Him, her, she...
Why are people so caught up on gender?
People are people, people.
[clears throat] Yo.
[Italian accent] What up, Toni?
Yeah, it's a bad time.
Ah, forget about it.
Hey, you know what?
I'm going to bring you your sausage tomorrow.
All right, then.
You know, Flex, you can be honest with me.
I mean, we haven't said we're exclusive.
If you're seeing other women, just tell me. I won't get mad.
- Okay, I'm seeing other women. - Okay, now I'm mad.
I should just throw these shoes out the window.
But instead, I'm going to use them to walk right out of here!
Dang, Daddy! Gucci's, no smoochie.
Didn't I teach you better than that?
You didn't.
♪ Sometimes in this life ♪
- ♪ You can feel all by yourself ♪ - ♪ Check one, two ♪
♪ But I have a partner ♪
♪ When I can't trust no one else ♪
♪ So don't isolate yourself ♪
♪ When there's nobody around Uh-huh oh yeah ♪
♪ I'll be there through thick and thin ♪
♪ What a true love we have found ♪
♪ Me and you against the world ♪
♪ Living one on one ♪
♪ One on one ♪
♪ Can't nobody break this bond ♪
♪ Living one on one ♪
♪ Life has just begun now we're having fun ♪
♪ Living one on one ♪
♪ Yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪
So... Jennifer, I'd like to start with
the jalepeno poppers
and a dinner with you next week.
How's Tuesday sound?
Sounds like a fiesta. [Trilling]
- Daddy. - Oh, my bad.
For my daughter, I'd like a banana split.
She needs some cheering up.
Tracy likes banana splits.
Listen, I know you shared your first kiss with him.
But that was two weeks ago. You got to move on.
Let it roll off, you know.
But, Daddy, it just hurts so bad
when you like someone so much and he doesn't like you back.
- [sighs] - [whistling]
[chortles]
Whose life is better than mine?
Do you want me to get the phone book, or should I spare you the pain?
For the first time in two decades, I have the entire house to myself.
I just sent my mom on a world class vacation.
Oh, not Midget Town again.
No, no. She got banned from there.
The Blackfoot Indian Casino and Petting Zoo.
Yeah, just dropped Mom off at the bus stop
with 20 pounds of nickels and a fistful of goat pellets.
[bleats]
What are the goats going to eat?
- Ooh. - Look at that.
Ta-dah!
I'm too depressed to eat. I can't stop thinking about Tracy.
Well, I need to celebrate. Let me hit this.
Can you please try to give your goddaughter some advice?
Bre-Bre...
sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs
before you find your prince.
So, when am I going to find my prince?
Girl, I don't have a crystal ball. Maybe never, life ain't fair.
Ooh, this is good. Sprinkles just set it off.
Breanna, in a few minutes, I need you and your little friends
to go in the back and play.
Daddy's got a work meeting.
Daddy, are you having women over again?
No, just one.
Okay, let me finish my letter real quick.
"In closing, Tracy, I can't stand you, I hate you,"
"and the sight of you makes me sick."
"Missing you much, Breanna."
Girl, you baring too much of your soul.
Yeah, especially for a guy who smells like Cheetos.
You know what, you're right.
I ain't going out like that.
"Dear Tracy..."
"I don't want no scrubs."
Breanna, you're vulnerable right now.
The last thing you need is some brother trying to take advantage of your pain.
Bam! Lookie here! Two tickets to see Lenny Kravitz on Saturday.
Me, you and your broken heart.
[knocking on door]
[humming]
Flex, I bust my butt as a producer
to get you a copy of the Laila Ali tape for your interview,
and then somehow, it mysteriously ends up in my briefcase.
- So, I gotta come all the way over here... - I love that top.
Thank you.
- I'll see you in the morning. - Oh, no, no, no!
No, I'd hate to send you all the way home on an empty stomach.
Wine, cheese, oyster?
Flex, how many times I have to tell you you do not seduce the boss!
Me? Trying to seduce you?
No, I would never do that.
Chocolate-covered strawberry?
Mmm...
I know what's going on here, Flex.
A little Merlot, a little Gouda.
Next thing you know I'm being paddled on your pool table
and everybody at work is calling me Spanky.
I don't have a paddle but I can work wonders with a spatula.
Don't mess with me, Flex.
I'm on my way to the gun range, and I'm packing a Glock.
- Well, hello. - [Flex] Oh!
Here I am, unannounced and clearly unexpected.
Hey.
Hi.
Aren't we all here?
Hi, I'm Stacy, Flex's producer.
Hi, I'm Tonya, Flex's... What am I, Flex?
Uh, very pretty. Very pretty. You the bomb.
Well, we all know that.
Bam!
Ooh, he's busted now.
Girl, this is better than Passions.
Yeah, maybe it'll turn into a chick fight.
With any luck, somebody's bra will break off.
Put your tongue back in your mouth, Scooby.
My dad's a master. Watch him work.
Tonya, a woman as beautiful as yourself has no reason to feel threatened by...
Stacy, an equally dynamic woman who happens to be my boss,
which, by the way, is a line I would never cross.
Stop it, Flex.
You're so funny.
I prefer blessed.
You have to be born with that power.
Tonya, you don't have to worry about me.
I'm off men,
and I won't be back on them until I find one
who doesn't talk, doesn't cheat, and won't fun away with my ATM card.
I hear you, girl. You wanna get a drink and talk this out?
Yeah. After we're nice and drunk, let's hit the gun range.
Bang, bang!
Oh, hey, Flex, you want to come, too?
I sure would.
Liquored-up women with guns.
Sounds like my Charlie's Angels fantasy. Come on.
Fla-dapp!
Hey, baby, what are you cooking up?
Tracy.
Oh, baby, are you sure you want to burn all your memories?
Well, Essence magazine said if a man hurts you
then just burn him out of your life.
It's cleansing.
Yeah, but if you let it get out of control, it's arson.
Dad, I wish I could laugh about this, but I'm not a mack like you.
Hold up. You think I'm a mack?
Not a mack. The Mack.
Like the other day when you got that police woman to drop your speeding ticket.
Oh, hold on, listen. I just explained that I should give her the ticket
'cause she had "fine" written all over her.
[chuckles] Mack, mack, mack.
Oh, hey, now, stop it, stop it.
I am not a mack.
I have a Jerry Springer approach to relationships.
So you're saying I should've hit Tracy over the head with a chair?
No, no, no. Look, what I'm saying is
high passion, low emotion equals lots of mindless fun,
and nobody gets hurt.
So, you mean keep everything up front and there'll be no surprises?
That's what I'm saying.
Ba-Baby, Baby...
What did that carrot do to you?
Tell me something, Flex.
I mean, we've been dating for a while,
and it's been fun and all, but what's up?
I mean, I am not the kind of girl
who just keeps messing around without a commitment
so I need to know.
You know, you make a point.
But I'll tell you what, soon as I know, you'll know.
Oh, hi, Daddy.
You remember my new boyfriend, Kelton.
I should give him a ticket 'cause he's oh-so-fine.
[knocking on door]
30 seconds.
Kelton, can you be a sweetheart
and put those heavy books in my room for me?
And later, you can help me with my homework.
You're so smart
'cause you know I'm a blonde when it comes to chemistry.
Well, she's Einstein when it comes to handling boys.
Oh, frappucinos, my favorite!
But, honey, you're so hot, you've melted all the frapp.
All we have is cino.
So cool them off in the fridge for me, okay?
Thank you, Rodney-poo.
Oh, Kelton.
Honey, bad news.
My daddy put me on punishment.
Daddy, you're so strict. Bye, Kelton.
Flex, aren't you going to do something about this?
Oh, it's all right.
She's getting her little baby mack on.
Besides, I think it's cute.
There is nothing cute about it.
This is good for her.
She'll get over that Tracy boy.
Who was that guy?
Uh, that's my cousin.
And who's he?
My second cousin. Twice removed.
In Alabama, we'd be kissing cousins.
Oh, okay.
Well, uh, I returned your books to the library,
and I even paid those late fees. So, uh, you owe me $10.
[giggles]
Okay, we're even.
Look, honey, I need one more thing from you.
I'm in the mood for a blue Slurpee, the big one.
Er, I could pick it up for you, but I spent all my money at the library.
[giggles]
My mom's asleep. Her purse is open.
I'll work it out.
She's no longer a baby mack.
Now she's a dogette.
Uh, Breanna... the boy in the kitchen?
Oh, Rodney, baby, I'm sorry, come here.
Hurry up!
You know what?
Can you just be a hottie and get me my biscotti?
Thank you.
Finally alone.
I'm about to get some rest before my next shift. Ciao, Daddy.
Uh-uh-uh.
Come here, come here.
Breanna, you just macked Arnaz.
He's one of your best friends.
Well, maybe if Arnaz had a little more game,
he wouldn't have got played.
Remember, "High passion plus low emotion equals mindless fun."
What idiot said that?
Thanks for meeting me down here, Pop.
Look, between the two of us, I know we can straighten Breanna out.
Oh, son, it can't be that bad.
Oh, no, you should have seen her the other day.
It was like she was the Pied Piper
and all the little rats were carrying frappucinos.
Well, you know, you and I come from a long line of Casanovas.
I've never known it to affect the female side of the family
except for your Aunt Bertha who used to be your Uncle Joe.
Anyway, the other day,
Breanna accused me of being a mack.
No, no, no, you're not a mack.
A mack is a manipulator of women; not you at all.
My partner. Thank you, Duane.
You a dog.
Feelings be damned. Breaking hearts all over town. [Howls]
Well, you know I've always considered myself to be a player.
A connoisseur of the gentler sex.
See, me, I don't like to limit myself to one category.
I like to think I'm a triple threat. Player, mack and dog.
Sort of a pla-mog.
Oh, hi, Daddy.
Hey, sweetie.
What are all these kids doing here?
Daddy, what's a girl without her entourage?
A "loser."
But anyway, Daddy
can I run a tab for me and my friends?
We're a little parched.
Oh, sure, sweetie, anything you want.
What in the world am I doing? She just macked me.
Somebody better call a doctor
'cause I'm about to wrap you all around my finger.
Damn, that girl is smooth.
Oh, front-row seats to Lenny Kravitz?
You can be my boyfriend, but only for tonight, okay?
Breanna.
I thought we were going to the concert.
See, we are going to be there.
I'm gonna just be in the front. I'll wave to you, okay, sweetie?
So, that's how you're going to play me?
I thought you were my friend.
Breanna, I think you hurt his feelings.
He's young, he'll bounce back.
I did.
I don't believe this.
She's turning into someone I don't know.
Oh no, son. Just look at her.
She's turning into you.
Before she can change, you have to change.
[giggling]
Fla-dapp!
[cackling]
Man, she's got you down with the fla-dapp.
Welcome back to The Flex Files.
We're here with middleweight boxer, Laila Ali.
[audience cheers and whistles]
That's undefeated boxer.
And I'm pretty.
All right, you think your dad Muhammad is watching?
Rumble, young man, rumble.
Ah... What's up, champ?
So, uh... you married now?
Happily married.
Oh, guess I slept on that.
Whatever.
For those of you who don't know, Laila and I are old friends.
We went on one date.
Uh, yeah, but at that one date,
you went pro, and I'd like to think I had something to do with that.
You did.
I saw your face on everybody I stepped into the ring with.
You're a dog.
You took me on a carriage ride in Central Park
and then ran off with an ice-skater.
I had to ride a horse home.
You know, Laila... you just hit home.
I'm afraid to admit it, but you're right.
I was a dog.
Running loose, running wild.
Lifting my leg on every woman in Baltimore,
so to speak.
Ladies... I'm sorry.
And for those of you who want to follow in my footsteps,
including my daughter,
do as I say, not as I do.
This is Flex Washington.
Fla-dapp.
And cut!
What the hell was that all about, Flex?
I was trying to give a more sensitive side to sports.
Oh, isn't that special. Cry on your own damn time, boy.
This ain't Oprah.
This is a legitimate newscast.
Do you understand?
But for the record...
[whispers] I was moved.
Okay, Davy, I would love to roll with you but I'm busy that evening.
Oh, really? A party at Sisqo's? Okay, let me move some things around.
Breanna... where'd you get that cell phone?
Oh, from Eddie or Eric, or...
I don't know. Somebody with an "E."
[cell phone rings]
Hello?
Who?
Oh, Elvin. Elvin, baby, what's up?
Yeah, I was just talking about you.
Breanna, didn't you watch my interview?
Oh, yeah. That sensitive dialogue was smooth.
I'm about to parlay that into my rap right now.
See, that's the consequence for being a player.
It's like a hereditary disease passed on from generation to generation.
You know what? I've been thinking.
It's time to make a change.
This situation isn't working.
Oh, wait a minute. Hold up. Are you dumping me?
'Cause let me tell you something. Tonya doesn't get dumped.
Tonya does the dumping, okay?
Tonya, I'm not dumping you, okay?
Oh. Okay, well, finish what you were saying, baby.
Look, when Breanna's mother ended our marriage, I was hurt.
And I vowed that I would never let another woman
break my heart again.
So, I macked my way across the eastern seaboard.
But now I'm a full-time dad, and my daughter's watching,
and I'm not sure I like what she sees.
What are you saying, Flex?
Yeah, what are you saying, Daddy?
Sweetie, I'm saying that I don't want you to end up like me.
But, Daddy, you have a great life.
But I've hurt some people along the way,
just like you're doing with your friend Arnaz.
But Tracy was my friend, and he hurt me.
Sweetie, do you really want Arnaz to feel what you're feeling?
I got to go.
Thanks, Daddy.
♪ Baltimore woman ♪
♪ Stay away from me ♪
♪ Baltimore woman ♪
♪ In apartment 203 ♪
♪ Pick myself up off the floor ♪
♪ I don't want to see your face no more ♪
♪ Now, woman... ♪
Uh, uh...
I'm in apartment eight.
You ruined our friendship.
Now you're ruining my song.
Is it too late for us to still be friends?
I don't know.
The artist is in a lot of pain right now.
I know that pain.
Sometimes it cuts so deep,
it ends up hurting someone you never meant to hurt.
Now, is this my friend Breanna or the mack Breanna?
The mack Breanna is dead.
But before she died,
she managed to snag this for you at the concert.
Lenny's guitar pick.
From the master himself?
I will cherish you forever.
So, are we cool?
Man, your hair smells good.
Uh, Arnaz... friends.
Oh, yeah, right.
Friends.
By the way, pal,
you owe me $50 for the concert ticket.
Can we just forget about that?
Nope.
Friends.
You know what I was thinking?
It's time to take this relationship to the next level.
Oh! Oh, my God!
[squeals]
Oh, my God! You are proposing to me?
Okay, where is my ring?
Where is my ring? Okay, wait a minute.
Wait, wait, wait, wait... Okay... okay.
I'm ready. I'm ready.
I'm telling you, sweetie, I'm not proposing to you.
Oh.
Well, go ahead and finish what you were saying, baby.
Baby, look, by next level, I mean just seeing you.
That's a big step for me.
Oh... that is so sweet.
But isn't there some kind of ring that goes along with that?
♪ One on one ♪
- ♪ Uh-huh yo ♪ - ♪ Ooh ooh ♪
♪ One on one ♪
♪ One on one with you ♪
♪ One on one ♪
- ♪ Uh-huh yo ♪ - ♪ Ooh ooh ♪
♪ One on one ♪
- I love you, Daddy. - Love you, too, Nellie.