所以，在尤金一个美丽的早晨，6点59分，我们暂停片刻，为您带来最新的全国新闻。 And so, at 6:59 on a beautiful morning, here in Eugene, we pause for a moment to bring you the latest national news.
对家庭主妇来说，这又是一个好消息。 Good news again for the nation's housewives.
8月份的生活成本指数仅上升了1.2%。 that the cost-of-living index rose only 1.2% in the month of August.
卡特总统的主要经济学家之一芬顿·库珀博士在百慕大度假时表示，如果这种趋势继续下去，我们可能会看到今年的通货膨胀率保持在18%以下。 Dr. Fenton Cooper, one of President Carter's leading economists, vacationing in Bermuda, stated that if this trend continues we may see inflation held to less than 18% this year.
18%。 18%.
与此同时，今天在华盛顿……芬顿，真是个好消息。 Meanwhile, in Washington today... Oh, Fenton, that is wonderful news.
国防预算增加了25亿美元现在我知道我可以在一月份去西夫韦超市买到不到5美元的面包。 ...$2.5 billion increase in the defense budget... Now I know I can go to the Safeway in January and still get bread for under $5 a loaf.
华尔街股市下跌6点… On Wall Street the stock market is down six points...
来吧，亲爱的，该起床了。 Come on, honey, time to get up.
嗨。 Hi.
嗯。嗨。 Mmm. Hi.
你感觉如何? How do you feel?
像这样。 Like this.
嗯。 Mmm.
罗伯特，我有件很蠢的事要告诉你。 Robert, I've got something really dumb to tell you.
知道吗，自从我有劳丽和比利之后，我第一次迟到了。 Do you know, for the first time since I've had Laurie and Billy, I'm late.
我也是，都快七点了。 So am I. It's almost 7:00.
罗伯特。嗯? Robert. Mmm?
罗伯特。是吗? Robert. Yes?
你爱我吗? Do you love me?
“不，简，我不爱你。” No, Jane, I don't love you.
我喜欢你的车，我喜欢你的车库我喜欢每周在这里住三个晚上因为我们住不起汽车旅馆。保姆。 I love your car and I love your garage and I love going to sleep here three nights a week 'cause we can't afford a motel. Babysitter.
,太。 That, too.
因为如果你的孩子半夜醒来看到他们离婚的妈妈和一个可爱的陌生人躺在床上，他们可能会疯掉 And because your children might go bananas if they were to wake up in the middle of the night and see their divorced mommy lying in bed with some lovable stranger
他们给罗伯特叔叔打电话已经两年了。 they've been calling Uncle Robert for two years.
罗伯特，我也不想一大早就咄咄逼人，但我们得结婚了。 Robert, uh, I hate to be pushy first thing in the morning, but we've gotta get married.
等惠勒老头退休让我当店长，我们就结婚。 We'll get married as soon as old man Wheeler retires and makes me manager of the store.
亲爱的，你都说了快一年了。 Honey, you've been telling me that for nearly a year.
这是不公平的。 It's not fair.
我爱你。 I love you.
别麻烦了夏洛特我会找到他的 Don't bother, Charlotte, I'll find him.
您不能把支票再存进去吗? Can't you redeposit the check?
已经两次退回资金不足了，贝利夫人。 It's already been returned insufficient funds twice, Mrs. Bailey.
阿尔伯特! Albert!
艾伯特，我得跟你谈谈。 Albert, I have to talk to you.
首先脱掉你的衣服，跳上桌子。 First take off your clothes and hop on the table.
艾伯特，这是你妻子，不是护士。 Albert, this is your wife, not your nurse.
跟南俄勒冈州最幽默的兽医结婚九年之后，你应该会有幽默感吧。 You know, you'd think after being married for nine years to the funniest vet in southern Oregon, you'd have developed a sense of humor.
哦,主耶稣!天啊，你真好吃! Oh, Jesus! Jesus, you taste good!
你怎么总是这么好吃? Why do you always taste so good?
是你包里那些该死的薄荷糖，对吧? It's those damn mints you carry in your purse, isn't it?
好了，锁上门，然后我们就把你的不期而遇变成一个限制级的证书广告。 Okay, lock the door, and we shall proceed to turn your unexpected visit into an X-rated commercial for Certs.
艾伯特，我还没吃早饭呢。 Albert, I haven't even had breakfast yet.
别舔我的脸，你这条蠢狗。 Stop licking my face, you dumb dog.
天啊，连这里的动物都性欲过剩了。 My God, even the animals here are oversexed.
是的,他们是。 Yeah, they are.
记住，露易丝，好男人是很难找到的，好男人是好的，好找。 Remember, Louise, a good man is hard to find, and a hard man is good, good to find.
阿尔伯特?唔? Albert? Mmm-hmm?
我需要1000美元。 I need $1,000.
我昨天开了几张支票购买商品。 I wrote some checks for merchandise yesterday.
是的，耶古玩店，嗯。 Yes, Ye Olde Antique Shoppe, mmm-hmm.
你那愚蠢的商店什么时候开始盈利? When's that silly store of yours gonna start showing a profit?
今年，我保证。 This year, I promise.
你去年也是这么说的，露易丝。 That's what you said last year, Louise.
艾伯特，给我开张支票。 Albert, just write me a check.
露易丝，我们被国税局审计了。你知道! Louise, we're being audited by the IRS. You know that!
会计说两周内不要再开任何支票了。螺丝的会计。 The accountant says no more checks for anything, for two weeks. Screw the accountant.
不是我喜欢的类型。 Not my type.
艾伯特，你是个医生。 Albert, you're a doctor.
你一定把钱藏在什么地方了。 You must have cash hidden somewhere.
我做到了。还记得吗? I did. Remember?
我上个月给你的。 I gave it to you last month.
借给。给了。 Lent. Gave.
露易丝，你是不是该承认了? Louise, isn't it about time you admitted it?
承认什么?你是个糟糕的女商人。 Admitted what? You're a terrible businesswoman.
艾伯特，我需要一千块。 Albert, I need $1,000.
求你了，别逼我求你。 Please don't make me beg for it.
我们今晚再谈。以后。 We'll talk about it tonight. Later.
晚饭后。喝着唐·培里侬香槟王。 After dinner. Over a bottle of Dom Perignon.
在幕后。 Under the covers.
亲爱的，你不用把我灌醉才能和你上床。 Darling, you don't have to get me drunk to sleep with you.
我喜欢和你睡觉。 I love sleeping with you.
有时我想这可能是唯一的不，露易丝。我们还有别的共同点。钱。 Sometimes I think it might be the only thing No, Louise. We have something else in common. Money.
我有赚钱的能力，你有花钱的能力。 My ability to make it and yours to spend it.
70年代半自由的美国女性的完美典范。 the perfect example of the half-liberated American woman of the '70s.
"我想做我自己的事，只要我丈夫出钱" "I wanna do my own thing, "as long as my husband pays for it."
艾伯特，我不是什么完美的榜样。 Albert, I am not a perfect example of anything.
我也不是你以为你娶的那个芭比娃娃。 I am also not the Barbie doll you think you married.
我是一个成熟的，人类的妻子我应该被当作一个成年人对待。 I'm a grown-up, human being wife and I deserve to be treated like one.
你明白吗? Do you understand?
好吧,退出失速。来吧，我们开始吧! Okay, quit stalling. Come on, let's do it!
天啊，我喜欢你说法语。 Jesus, I love it when you talk French.
伊莱恩，这是娜塔莉·波肯弗。 Elaine, this is Natalie Pokempher.
我们要为河谷河中心的一周年纪念做一场表演，我需要你在后台帮忙。 We're gonna be doing a show for the first anniversary of the Valley River Center, and I need you to help out backstage.
我是说，你做事井井有条我绝对不会拒绝你的。 I mean, you're just so organized and I absolutely won't take no for an answer.
考虑一下，好吗，伊莱恩?再见。 Think about it, okay, Elaine? Goodbye.
亲爱的，这是我。 Hi, honey, this is me.
听着，今晚不用费心做晚饭了。 Look, uh, don't bother to make dinner tonight.
我不在家。呃,伊莲……这是……听着，这——这不是你做的事……这是你干的好事，你个自私的婊子! I won't be home. Uh, Elaine... This is... Well, look, it's-- it's nothing you've done... It is so something you've done, you selfish bitch!
你从不关心或欣赏米勒德。 You never cared for or appreciated Millard.
苏珊,停!把电话还给我! Susan, stop! Give--Give me back the phone!
伊莱恩，请你理解我。 Elaine, look, please try to understand.
我知道你会为此难过一段时间。 I--I know you're going to be upset about this for a little while.
但是，你还是个很有魅力的女人，而且海里还有很多其他的鱼。哦……你这个混蛋! But, you're still a--a damn attractive woman, and--and there's a lot of other fish out there in the ocean. Oh... You bastard!
然后，在他打开支票账户和储蓄账户之后，他把你所有的珠宝都从保险箱里拿了出来，把钥匙交给了我。 And then, after he did in the checking and savings account, he emptied all of your jewelry out of the safety-deposit box and handed me the key.
还剩什么吗? Is there anything left?
嗯,是的,嗯…圣诞俱乐部还剩480美元。 Uh, yes, uh... There's $480 left in the Christmas club.
我要现金。 I'll take it in cash.
你不能。 You can't.
直到12月10日。 Not until December 10.
哦,狗屎。 Oh, shit.
伊莱恩，他会回来的。 Elaine, he'll be back.
一旦他们用完了干净的袜子和内衣，他们总是回来。 As soon as they run out of clean socks and underwear, they always come back.
我不想让他回来。 I don't want him back.
你凭什么认为我想要那个混蛋回来? What makes you think I want the rotten son of a bitch back?
我想让你去找这个讨厌的银行借点钱给我，或者至少延长我的信用卡透支限额。 I want you to get this lousy bank to lend me some money, or at least extend my MasterCharge limit.
芭蒂，你得帮帮我。 Oh, Patty, you've got to help me.
我破产了。我flat-busted打破了! I'm broke. I'm flat-busted broke!
房屋和汽车的付款将于星期一到期。 The house and car payments are due on Monday.
我需要钱。 I need money.
你知道银行是怎么运作的。 You know how banks operate.
他们只把钱借给不需要的人。 They only lend money to people who don't need it.
伊莱恩，放开我的手好吗? Elaine, would you let go of my hands?
人盯着。 People are staring.
我很抱歉。 I'm sorry.
一切都证实了，崔维斯医生。 Well, everything checks out, Dr. Travis.
事实上，根据我的计算，美国政府欠你11.19美元。 In fact, by my calculations, the United States government owes you $11.19.
你可以带我们出去吃午饭。 You can take us out to lunch.
除了一件小事。 Except for one small item.
那是什么? What's that?
你对你妻子的爱好的推断。 The deductions you took on your wife's hobby.
我妻子没有爱好。 My wife doesn't have a hobby.
她当然知道，那个古董什么的。 Oh, sure she does, the, uh, the antique thing.
哦,是的。 Oh, yes.
叶老古玩店。 Ye Olde Antique Shoppe.
这是生意，派克先生。 That's a business, Mr. Pike.
我不这么认为，崔维斯博士。 I don't think so, Dr. Travis.
过去三年你总共给了特拉维斯太太三万六千五百三十二美元。 You gave Mrs. Travis a total of $36,532 in the last three years.
租借。他什么也没给她。 Loaned. He didn't give her anything.
这是一笔商业贷款。 It was a business loan.
根据我在这里看到的，不是很好。 Well, according to what I see here, not a very good one.
不幸的是，在我们看来，特拉维斯博士，当一个丈夫给他的妻子一笔钱去创业，而这个生意并没有在合理的时间内盈利， Unfortunately, as we look at it, Dr. Travis, when a husband gives his wife money to start up a business, and that said business doesn't show a profit within a reasonable time,
这不是合法的生意。 it is not a legitimate business.
这是生意，派克先生。我发誓。 It's a business, Mr. Pike. I swear it.
露易丝一周工作六天，一天工作15个小时。 Louise works at it six days a week, 15 hours a day.
今年1月，她得了流感，冒着104华氏度的大雪去上班。 This January, when she had the flu, she went to work with a 104-degree temperature in the snow.
我肯定。但这不是惯例吗…我将告诉你。 I'm sure. Uh, but isn't it customary... I'll tell you.
当你在…1968. 1968年7月11日。 When you built your animal hospital in, uh... 1968. July 11, 1968.
好。你哪来的钱? Good. Where'd you get the money?
城里的银行借给我首付。10000美元。 The bank here in town loaned me the initial down payment. $10,000.
嗯。你都还了吗? Mmm. Did you pay it all back?
很准时，是的，长官! Right on schedule, yes, sir!
加上利息吗?7%。 Plus interest? 7%.
你向你妻子收取多少利息，特拉维斯医生? How much interest are you charging your wife, Dr. Travis?
这只是个爱好，崔维斯博士。 It's a hobby, Dr. Travis.
这意味着你欠美国政府36532美元的税款，外加罚款和利息。 And that means that you owe the United States government taxes on $36,532, plus penalties and interest.
哦,我的上帝! Oh, my God!
除非我们能证明，那是一笔合法的商业贷款。 Unless we can prove otherwise, that it was a legitimate business loan.
哦,当然。除非你能证明。很快。 Oh, sure. Unless you can prove otherwise. Quickly.
她是丑,埃迪。 She's ugly, Eddie.
我见过她。 I've seen her.
他怎么可以这样呢?我是说，她才19岁。 How could he? I mean, she's only 19 years old.
忘了辛纳屈吧，她都不记得披头士了。 Forget about Sinatra, she doesn't even remember The Beatles.
男人是傻瓜。 Men are fools.
好吧，我承认。所以也许我厨艺不佳，也许我在他的衣服上花了太多钱，而且我从来没有说过我喜欢他设计的建筑。 Okay, I-- I'll admit it. So maybe I was a lousy cook, and I probably spent too much of his money on clothes, and I never really said I liked the buildings he designed.
我以前叫他弗兰克·劳埃德·错误。 I used to call him Frank Lloyd Wrong.
上个月他和我做爱的时候我睡着了两次。 Twice last month I fell asleep when he was making love to me.
但这是我们离开的理由吗? But is that any reason to leave?
看在上帝的份上，人无完人。 Nobody's perfect, for God's sakes.
你爱他吗? Did you love him?
九年前我爱他。 Nine years ago I loved him.
我嫁给他时就爱他了。 I loved him when I married him.
但最近，这就像把牙膏放回管子里一样，你知道吗? But lately, it's been like trying put toothpaste back into a tube, you know?
我想在星期天晚饭前把它们送回来。 I'd like 'em back right before dinner on Sunday.
晚饭后。 After dinner.
如果你不练习击球你是赢不了少年棒球联盟冠军的。 You're not gonna win the Little League championship without some batting practice.
问妈妈。 Ask Mom.
棒球破了，掩护被掀开了。 Baseball broke, cover came off.
那就再给他买一个吧。我买不起。 Well, buy him another one. I can't afford it.
买下它，我会还你钱的。 Buy it, I'll pay you back.
不，还我钱。付给我更多。 No, pay me back. Pay me more.
听着，我不想在孩子们面前说这些，但是…那就不要。来吧。 Look, I--I don't wanna talk about this in front of the kids but... Then don't. Come on.
听着，汤姆，我需要更多的钱。 Lookit, Tom, I need more money.
我不能再靠每月200美元的儿童抚养费了。 I cannot swing it on $200 a month child support anymore.
哇!这是你离开我时我们说好的。 Whoa! That's the deal we made when you left me.
法院命令是这么说的。 That's what the court order says.
你跟我离婚了，记得吗? You divorced me, remember?
四年前，每月200美元让我的孩子每天喝两次Kool-Aid而不是牛奶。 $200 a month four years ago has my kids drinking Kool-Aid instead of milk twice a day.
好了，我不想听这些废话，简。我是认真的! All right, I don't wanna hear this bullshit, Jane. Now, I mean it!
现在，我也受到了伤害! Now, I got it rough, too!
来吧，伙计们，都到后座来。 Come on, guys, in the back seat, everybody.
你知道靠一个高中橄榄球教练的薪水生活有多难吗?你为什么不要求加薪呢? Do you know how hard it is to survive on a high school football coach's salary? Why don't you ask for a raise?
去年的记录是1加9吗? Whoa, with a one-and-nine record last year?
别疯了。 Don't be insane.
让莎莉去工作吧。 Let Sally go to work.
我妻子已经有工作了。 My wife already has a job.
噢,是吗?是啊! Oh, yeah? Yeah!
她照顾我。 She takes care of me.
你知道吗，你真的很幸运我还在你身边帮你。 You know, you're really lucky that I'm still around to help you at all.
你听说你的朋友伊莱恩发生什么事了吗? Did you hear what happened to your friend Elaine?
晚安,埃迪。 Good night, Eddie.
小心开车，霍顿夫人。 Drive carefully, Mrs. Houghton.
哦,完美。 Oh, perfect.
晚上好。 Good evening.
你想告诉我一个我从未听过的故事吗。 How would you like to tell me one I've never heard before.
那个仿生人弄不下来。 The bionic man can't get it down.
请下车好吗，女士? Wanna step out of the car, please, ma'am?
你以前听过。 You've heard it before.
您今晚喝了多少酒，女士? How many drinks you have this evening, ma'am?
你为什么认为我喝酒了，警官? What makes you think I've been drinking, Officer?
你带驾照了吗? Do you have your license with you?
是的，在我的钱包里。 Yeah, it's in my wallet.
能帮我拿一下吗? Wanna get it for me, please?
请帮我把它拿出来。 Take it out for me, please.
霍顿小姐，你现在的住址是柳溪巷17号吗?是它吗? Miss Houghton, is your present address, this 17 Willowbrook Lane? Is that it?
啊哈。 Uh-huh.
霍顿小姐，你知不知道你在主街闯过了停车标志? Miss Houghton, are you aware that you, uh, ran a stop sign back there on, uh, Main Street?
你会给我开罚单吗?不。 Are you gonna give me a ticket? No.
首先，我要你帮我做个小测试。 First, I'm just gonna ask you to do a little test for me.
一个测试吗?我要让你吹个气球。 A test? I'm gonna ask you to blow up a balloon.
我真的不想吹气球。 Oh, I really don't wanna blow up any balloons.
我是说，派对结束了。 I mean, the party's over.
你叫什么名字? What's your name?
什么?你的名字吗? What? Your name?
约翰Heintzel。 John Heintzel.
你的朋友叫你什么? What do your friends call you?
杰克。 Jack.
杰克，我真的很想和一个能说说话的人喝杯咖啡。 Jack, I really wanna have a cup of coffee with someone I can talk to.
你想做什么? What do you wanna do?
我想喝杯咖啡。 I could use a cup of coffee.
不如我跟你去你家吧。 Why don't I follow you to your place.
不，那不好。 No, that's no good.
什么? What?
我妻子在那里。 My wife is there.
你结婚了吗? You're married?
是的,不是每个人? Yeah, isn't everybody?
不。 No.
不，有些人单身，有些人分居了。 No, some people are single, some people are--are separated.
有些人就是被该死的抛弃了! Some people are just damned abandoned!
所以你为什么不回到你的车里，回家去，你该去的地方。 So why don't you get back into your car and go home, where you belong.
你这个狗娘养的!嘿，嘿，嘿，嘿，女士，女士。嘿,嘿。 You goddamn son of a bitch! Hey, hey, hey, hey, ma'am, ma'am. Hey, hey.
该死的，劈腿的狗娘养的!嘿,嘿! Lousy, cheating son of a bitch! Hey, hey!
听我说!哦! Listen to me! Oh!
你再动一次钱包，我就把你抓起来，你明白吗? You swing that purse one more time, I'm gonna put you under arrest, do you understand that?
逮捕我。我要你逮捕我。 Arrest me. I want you to arrest me.
因为当你逮捕我的时候，我知道我有权打一个电话你知道那通电话是打给谁的，对吧? Because when you arrest me, I know I'm entitled to one phone call and you know who that phone call's gonna be to, don't you?
你不? Don't you?
霍顿小姐，祝你今晚愉快，好吗? Miss Houghton, you--you have a good evening, okay?
以后，我希望你开车要小心一点。 In the future, I want you to try to drive a little more carefully.
晚安，各位。 Good night.
天啊，这么快。 My God, so soon.
.．.十速自行车。我只能承受这么多，抱歉。 ...ten-speed bike. That's about all I can handle, sorry.
你想喝点咖啡吗? Would you like some coffee?
谢谢你！ Thank you.
这是25美分。 It's 25 cents.
嗨。这就跟你问声好！ Hi. Hi!
业务怎么样? How's business?
他的Right Guard除臭剂卖了39美分。 Got 39 cents for his Right Guard deodorant.
你见过律师了吗? Have you seen a lawyer yet?
我看到了一个律师。他说什么? I saw a lawyer. What'd he say?
你想知道细节还是只知道底线? You want it in detail or just the bottom line?
你能把房子卖了吗? Well, can you sell the house?
夫妻共同财产，车也一样。 Community property, the same with the car.
你想再来点咖啡吗? Would you like some more coffee?
哦,当然,谢谢。 Oh, sure, thanks.
你能拿米勒德的人寿保险做抵押吗? Can you borrow against Millard's life insurance?
没有他的签名就不行。 Not without his signature.
你能给米勒德发工资吗? Can you attach Millard's salary?
米勒德没有薪水。 Millard doesn't get a salary.
他设计的每一栋建筑都能得到佣金。 He gets a commission on every building he designs.
我很高兴你能处理掉它。 You're getting rid of it, I'm glad.
你会做什么? What can you do?
我可以搬进他的公寓。 I can move into his apartment.
米勒德有公寓? Millard has an apartment?
不,律师。他给了我一个提议。 No, the lawyer. He made me an offer.
你说什么? What did you say?
他挺可爱的，所以我答应了，直到我意识到他的意思是做他的女佣。 Well, he's kind of cute, so I said yes, until I realized he meant as his maid.
帮助很难得到。 Help is hard to get.
我知道。 I know.
来吧，伊莱恩，别放弃。还记得吗? Come on, Elaine, don't give up. Remember?
尤金·海知道怎么打架，即使要花上一整夜! Eugene High knows how to fight, even if it takes all night!
来吧，露易丝，你记得的!哦,上帝。 Come on, Louise, you remember! Oh, Lord.
所以我们要抓啊，咬啊，直到把他们打得无影无踪! So we'll scratch and bite till we knock 'em out of sight!
耶,团队! Yay, team!
难怪我们一场比赛都没赢过。哦。 No wonder we never won a game. Oh.
我们仍然没有。哦,上帝。 We still haven't. Oh, God.
天啊，那是什么? Jesus, what the hell was that?
哦,我很抱歉。 Oh, I'm sorry.
保存鱼! Save the fish!
你好,娜塔莉。看，有一只小的。 Hello, Natalie. Look, there's a little one.
伊莱恩，我来看看你是否改变主意了帮我们参加购物中心的周年纪念秀然后我发现了这个。多少钱? Elaine, I dropped by to see if you changed your mind about helping us for the shopping center anniversary show and I found this. How much?
你不会真的想那样的，娜塔莉。 You don't really want that, Natalie.
噢，我需要它来保护我。 Oh, I need it for protection.
每周我从艺术学校开车回家，都有个性欲过度的大动物开着车跟着我。 Every week I drive home from art school, and this big oversexed animal follows me in his car.
昨晚他差点抓住我。 Last night he almost caught me.
如果你是我，你会怎么做? What would you do if you were me?
开车慢一些。 Drive slower.
-我有四个。——别人? - I've got four of them. - Anybody else?
我有一个。 I've got one.
伊莱恩，周年庆典怎么样? Elaine, how about the anniversary pageant?
我们周一早上在我家开会。 We're all meeting at my house Monday morning.
我会给你打电话的，娜塔莉。我保证。 I'll call you, Natalie. I promise.
我出10块钱买你的球拍，伊莱恩。 I'll give you 10 bucks for this racquet, Elaine.
一言为定，杰瑞。 It's a deal, Jerry.
米勒德有蛋蛋吗? Say, did Millard have any balls?
不,我不能。它太容易了。 No, I can't. It's too easy.
在那里，冰箱旁边，黄色的罐子，你能找到的，就拿球拍吧，好吗? Uh, in there, next to the freezer, the yellow can, all you can find, go with the racquet, okay?
-那是什么?-一个装满真钱的球? - Well, what is it? - A ball filled with real money?
上面写着"在河谷河购物中心"周年促销第一天的"总销售额"将被放进去，"猜得最接近的人 It says, "The entire gross "of the first day of the anniversary sale "here at Valley River Shopping Center "is going to be put inside, "and the person who guesses closest to the amount
"将赢得为期两周的夏威夷全家免费之旅" "will win a two-week all-expenses-paid trip to Hawaii for the entire family."
天啊，如果我参加了那个比赛，赢了四张和八张去夏威夷的往返机票，我把它兑现了，我就有将近2000美元了。 Gosh, if I entered that contest, and I won four and an eighth round-trip tickets to Hawaii, and I cashed it in, I'd have nearly $2000.
为什么我们不去当妓女然后租个汽车旅馆? Why don't we just become hookers and rent a motel room?
我们会饿死的。这镇上有一万两千名大学女生在出卖它。 We'd starve to death. There's 12,000 college girls in this town giving it away.
我知道。我们可以绑架娜塔莉她丈夫愿意付我们十万美元不把她送回去。 I know. We could kidnap Natalie and her husband would pay us $100,000 not to send her back.
这是个好主意。 That's a good idea.
我请客。 My treat.
噢,谢谢你。 Oh, thank you.
谢谢你,露易丝。 Thank you, Louise.
哦，我不知道。 Oh, I don't know.
总有办法让我们赚钱的。 There's just got to be some way we can make money.
我们可以拍色情片，戴上面具。 We could make porno flicks and all wear masks.
不，罗伯特和我有天晚上喝醉了。 No, Robert and I got bombed out one night.
我们在脚踝上纹了个"我爱你"的纹身。 We put a little "I love you" tattoo on my ankle.
好吧，我们戴面具，你穿袜子。 Okay, we'll wear masks, you wear socks.
来吧，我们离开这里。 Come on, let's get out of here.
你觉得用打包袋装黄油怎么样? What do you think about a doggie bag for the butter?
去他的吧。 Aw, the hell with it.
不，艾伯特，我没心情。 No, Albert, I'm not in the mood.
你什么时候有心情? When will you be in the mood?
可能不会持续很长时间。 Probably not for a long time.
我很沮丧。 I'm very depressed.
艾伯特，我觉得我的店要倒闭了。 Albert, I think I'm going to lose the store.
露易丝，我发誓，我没有钱。 Louise, I swear to you, there is no money.
如果你知道医院里发生了什么。 If you only knew what is going on in that hospital.
不仅仅是国税局。 It's not only the IRS.
我陷入了严重的经济困境，我需要你抱着我，拥抱我，亲吻我。 I'm in deep financial trouble, and I need you to hold me, to hug me, to kiss me.
让我相信一切并不像看上去那么无望。 To reassure me that everything isn't as hopeless as it looks.
唯一没有希望的是，阿尔伯特，你一天24小时都很饥渴。 The only thing that's hopeless, Albert, is that you're horny 24 hours a day.
你知道，油价不仅仅是在加油站和超市里涨得很高。 Prices aren't just going sky-high at gasoline stations and supermarkets, you know.
在过去的五年中，仅药品的成本就增加了两倍。 The cost of medicine alone has tripled in the last five years.
你知道我今天做了什么吗，露易丝? Do you know what I did today, Louise?
你呢? Do you?
我把一个用过的跳蚤项圈卖给了一只可卡犬。是的! I sold a used flea collar to a cocker spaniel. Yes!
明天，我可能会切除一只猫的阑尾，不管他愿不愿意! And tomorrow, I may remove a cat's appendix, whether he wants me to remove it or not!
为什么?因为我需要钱! Why? Because I need the money!
不，宝贝，我不饥渴。 No, baby, I'm not horny.
我很害怕。 I'm scared.
我害怕自己会变成这样。 I'm scared of what I'm turning into.
我需要我爱的女人的抚摸让我重新感到干净和体面。 And I need the touch of the woman I love to make me feel clean and decent again.
艾伯特，你真是个混蛋，但我爱你。 Albert, you're so full of shit, but I love you.
到这里来。 Come here.
会是谁呢? Who could that be?
如果我们把灯关掉，也许它们就会消失。 If we turn out the light, maybe they'll go away.
不，艾伯特，我最好去接。 No, Albert, I better get it.
好吧。嗯… All right. Uh...
在你去开门之前，露易丝，我有件事忘了告诉你! Before you answer the door, Louise, there's something I forgot to tell you!
是吗? Yes?
露易丝特拉维斯夫人? Mrs. Louise Travis?
那就是我。在这里。 That's me. Here.
这是什么? What's this?
这是一个召唤。 It's a summons.
为了什么? For what?
我想你被起诉了。 I think you're being sued.
由谁? By whom?
你的丈夫。 Your husband.
你不是说你想要个家庭吗。 I thought you said you wanted to have a family.
我没想到会这么快。 Well, I didn't figure it would be so soon.
天啊，要是我有两万五千美元，我就能自己把惠勒买下来了。 God, if only I had $25,000, I could buy old man Wheeler out myself.
这就是他想要的，25000美元。 That's all he wants, $25,000.
那可能是我们的店。 That could be our store.
都是我父亲的错。 It's all my father's fault.
我可以为他在二战中的所作所为杀了他。 I could kill him for what he did in World War II.
谁,马克斯?前海军陆战队吗? Who, Max? The ex-Marine?
我以为他是个大英雄，单枪匹马打败了坏人。 I thought he was a big hero, helped, uh, beat the bad guys single-handedly.
这就是他做错的事! That's what he did wrong!
如果我们输了这场愚蠢的战争，那么日本人和德国人就可以借给我们6000亿美元来重建我们的经济就像我们借给他们重建他们的经济一样。 If we'd lost the dumb war, then the Japanese and the Germans could've lent us the $600 billion to rebuild our economy the way we lent it to them to rebuild theirs.
那样的话，我们会有索尼，我们会有丰田，我们会有奔驰，他们会有dc -10, Edsels和Lawrence Welk。 That way, we would have the Sonys, we would have the Toyotas, and we would have the Mercedes, and they could have the DC-10s and the Edsels and Lawrence Welk.
你说你需要多少钱? How much money did you say you needed?
250美元。 $250.
你银行里有24750美元吗? You have $24,750 in the bank?
我银行里有57美元。 I've got $57 in the bank.
我,嗯…我需要250美元。 I, uh... I need $250 for you.
对什么? What for?
哦。 Oh.
你为什么不告诉我你要告我? Why didn't you tell me you were going to sue me?
我正要告诉你。我正要告诉你。 I was going to tell you. I was going to tell you.
我正要去，这时门铃响了。 I was just about to when the doorbell rang.
对不起，宝贝，我别无选择。我真的没有! I'm sorry, baby, but I had no choice. I really didn't!
别生我的气，露易丝! Please, don't be angry at me, Louise!
你带我上法庭还敢道歉! How dare you apologize when you're taking me to court!
那你想让我做什么? Well, what do you want me to do?
跳上跳下，尖叫，大喊! Jump up and down and scream, yell!
这会让你感觉好点吗? Would that make you feel better?
是的，因为我讨厌打懦夫。 Yes, 'cause I hate punching a coward.
露易丝，他们说我借给你的三万六千美元…给我,艾伯特。我要告诉你多少次，你给了我? Louise, they say the $36,000 I loaned you... Gave me, Albert. How many times do I have to tell you, gave me?
借给你!给了我! Loaned you! Gave me!
贷!给了! Loaned! Gave!
刘易斯 Louise.
露易莎,住手! Louise, stop it!
不是我的错，是政府的错! It's not me, it the rotten government!
如果我不起诉你，他们就会让我交几千美元的税我根本就没交! If I don't sue you, they're gonna nail me for thousands of dollars in taxes I don't have!
我爱你。你爱我吗? I love you. You love me?
是的。我知道你的感受，但别往心里去。 Yes. And I know how you must feel, but try not to take it personally.
这只是生意。你还不明白吗? It's only business. Can't you understand that?
我当然理解。 Of course I understand that.
这只是私人恩怨! And this is only personal!
下次你想和我做生意，就敲我房间的门因为那是我住的地方。 Next time you wanna go in business with me, just knock on the door to the den 'cause that's where I'll be living.
刘易斯你太小题大做了。 Louise. You're making too much out of this.
这一切都很简单。 It's all very simple.
我告你，你破产，我们扯平了。 I sue you, you go bankrupt, we're even.
即使是吗?我们甚至,阿尔伯特?是的。 Even? We're even, Albert? Yeah.
你把我的生意搞砸了还在我店里摆了个破产的牌子让全城的人都看到，然后我们扯平了? You put me out of business with a bankruptcy sign in the window of my store for everybody in town to see and we're even?
不，艾伯特，我们不扯平。我们永远不可能扯平! No, Albert, we're not even. We'll never be even!
露易丝，记住林肯说过的话。 Louise, remember what Lincoln said.
“一个内部分裂的家庭是不会长久存在的。” "A house divided against itself cannot long stand."
他还说:“你可以在一段时间里欺骗一些人，但你不可能在所有的时间里欺骗所有的人。” He also said, "You can fool some of the people some of the time, "but you can't fool all of the people all of the time."
他又说:“不怀恶意，爱众人。” He also said, "With malice toward none, and charity to all."
他对艾伯特说的最后一句话是:“亲爱的，我为今晚的剧院弄到了两个很棒的座位。” And the last thing he said, Albert, was, "Look, honey, I've got these two great seats for the theater tonight."
我为什么要提林肯? Why did I bring up Lincoln?
露易莎,回来。我爱你! Louise, come back. I love you!
吻我的屁股! Kiss my ass!
没错!我想和好! Right! I wanna make up!
你好吗，霍顿小姐?嗨,迈克。 How you doing, Miss Houghton? Hi, Mike.
天啊，上周又多了9美分。那是难以置信的! Jesus, nine cents more from last week. That's incredible!
好吧，不是我们。 Well, it's not us.
我在一加仑汽油上赚的钱仍然和1958年一样多。 I'm still making the same amount of money on a gallon of gasoline as I did in 1958.
你58年一定赚了一大笔。 You must've made a bundle in '58.
我要换成普通的。 I'll switch to regular.
不，抱歉，女士，你不能这么做。 No, I'm sorry, ma'am, you can't do that.
你的车是无铅的。 See, your car takes lead-free.
普通汽油，喷嘴太大了。它装不下你的水箱。 The regular gas, the nozzle's too big. It won't fit in your tank.
好吧，把它塞进去。必要时使用凡士林。 Well, shove it in. Use Vaseline if you have to.
不，你看，这个想法是为了让你的车不受污染。 No, you see, the idea is to keep your car free from pollutants.
很抱歉，霍顿夫人，你的信用卡被注销了。 I'm sorry, Mrs. Houghton, but, your, uh, card's been cancelled.
什么?对，新书里有写。 What? Yeah, it-- it's in the new book.
好吧，这里，让我看看……哦,哦,哦! Well, here, let me see... Oh, oh, oh!
我不能让你拥有。这是25美元的奖励。 I can't let you have it. It's a $25 reward.
迈克，我说过我丈夫出城了吗? Mike, did I mention that my husband's out of town?
我听说他和他的秘书私奔了。 I heard he ran away with his secretary.
是的。 Yeah.
你知道这会对女人的自信造成什么影响吗? Do you know what that does to a woman's confidence?
不，但这确实给她的声誉带来了负面影响。 No, but it sure does lousy things to her credit.
一个女孩需要一个强壮，有男子气概的男人帮她重新回到秋千上，你知道吗? A girl needs a strong, virile man to help her get back into the swing, you know?
你知道吗，霍顿夫人，我不尊重一个为了钱而做这些的女人。 You know, Mrs. Houghton, I have no respect for a woman who does it for money.
更不用说汽油。 Let alone gasoline.
我该付你多少钱?73美分。 How much do I owe you? 73 cents.
我给你开张支票。 I'll write you a check.
我真不敢相信! I don't believe it!
妈妈把你赶出去，让朋友住进来? Mom threw you out and moved a friend in?
什么时候? When?
今天下午13点20分。 This afternoon, 1320 hours.
他叫什么名字? What's his name?
他的名字吗? His name?
他的名字叫雪莉。 His name is Shirley.
没错，你的母亲，64岁，加入了太阳城同性恋解放运动。 That's right, your mother, age 64, has joined the Sun City Gay Liberation Movement.
但这是不可能的。 But that's impossible.
我只记得妈妈告诉过我她有多爱你还有她永远不会再看别的男人一眼。 All I ever remember Mom telling me was how much she loved you and--and that she would never look at another man.
当然，她从没提过别的女人。 Of course, she never did mention another woman.
你呢，爸爸? What about you, Dad?
你一直都是忠诚的吗? Have you always been faithful?
哦，宝贝，永远忠诚。 Oh, baby, Semper Fidelis, ever faithful.
无论是在海军陆战队还是在卧室，都要36年。 In the Marines or in the bedroom, 36 years.
在这个疯婆子决定改邪归正之前我能在哪里住宿呢? Well, now, where can I bunk till this crazy broad decides to go straight again?
拐角处有家可爱的小假日酒店。 There's a lovely little Holiday Inn right around the corner.
亲爱的，来吧，现在，给…给老警长一个第二选择?嗯? Oh, honey, come on, now, give... Give the old sarge a--a second choice? Hmm?
也许你可以留下来陪我和孩子们。 Maybe you could stay here with me and the kids.
嘿，这是个好主意! Hey, that's a great idea!
是啊，我会像父亲一样。 Yeah, I'd be like a father.
我会把我知道的一切都教给他们。 I'll teach 'em everything I know.
作战计划是什么? What's-- What's the battle plan?
爸爸，你还记得彭德尔顿营的那张旧沙发吗我们结婚时你和妈妈送给我和汤姆的? Dad, do you remember that old couch from Camp Pendleton that you and Mom gave me and Tom when we got married?
它还在书房里。 It's still in the den.
哦,彭德尔顿,…哦,是的。 Oh, Pendleton, the... Oh, yeah.
哦，我还记得。毯子和床单在哪里? Oh, do I remember that. Where are the blankets and the sheets?
走廊的壁橱，最上面的架子。 The hall closet, top shelf.
大厅壁橱，最上面的架子。是,是,船长。 Hall closet, top shelf. Aye, aye, Captain.
嘿，别那么担心。 Hey, don't look so worried.
只要一会儿就好。 It'll only be a little while.
我…我就不打扰你了。 I... I'll stay out of your way.
你甚至不会知道我在这里。 You won't even know I'm here.
嗯,嗯…我会守口如瓶。 And, uh, uh... I'll keep my mouth shut.
好的,爸爸。 Okay, Dad.
嗨,弗雷德。有什么我可以帮你的吗? Hi, Fred. Is there something I can help you with?
等等，别告诉我，这周日是Aggie的生日，对吧? Wait, don't tell me, it's Aggie's birthday this Sunday, isn't it?
我得从你这里拿走这些，特拉维斯夫人。 I'm gonna have to take these from you, Mrs. Travis.
弗雷德，我是说，你不能拿走任何东西。 Oh, Fred, I mean, you can't take anything.
你必须为此付出代价。 You have to pay for it.
这是一枚真正的19世纪英国狱卒戒指。 You know, this is an authentic 19th-century English jailer's ring.
我这附近还有一个。 I got another one around here somewhere.
对不起,露易丝。 I'm sorry, Louise.
根据俄勒冈州尤金市第九区地方法院的命令，"在"叶老古董店"的场所内不得进行任何商业交易，直到案件发生 "By order of the Ninth District Municipal Court of Eugene, Oregon, "no business transactions can occur on the premises known as "Ye Olde Antique Shoppe, "until such time as the case of
“特拉维斯诉特拉维斯案被裁决了。 "Travis v. Travis is adjudicated.
“签署,法官塔。” "Signed, Judge Towers."
抱歉，露易丝，但法院命令说我必须带钥匙去商店。 I'm sorry, Louise, but this court order says I have to take the keys to the store.
哦,我的上帝。我要把前门锁上，等待进一步通知。 Oh, my God. I'm locking the front door until further notice.
嗨,妈妈。 Hi, Mom.
不要对我说“嗨，妈妈”。 Don't "Hi, Mom" me.
你在这里做什么?这是近四点半! What are you doing here? It's nearly 4:30!
你应该去看牙医的!我已经去了。 You're supposed to be at the dentist! I went already.
别跟我胡扯。 Don't give me that.
听着，我可不会让我的孩子长着一副歪牙就因为他害怕固位器拉紧时有点疼。妈妈，那是我的投球手! Lookit, I'm not gonna have one of my kids growing up with crooked teeth because he's afraid of a little pain when his retainer is tightened. Mom, that's my pitching arm!
没错!现在，听着，骑上你的自行车去看牙医，马上! Right! Now, listen, get on your bike and go to the dentist, right now!
我不能!你说不能是什么意思? I can't! What do you mean, you can't?
好吧，我带你去，你个小懦夫。 Okay, I'll take you, you little coward.
我不是懦夫! I'm not a coward!
在这里。牙医让我给你的。 Here. The dentist told me to give you that.
他说你不付帐就不要回来。 He said not to come back till you paid the bill.
该死，我没油了。 Damn, I'm out of gas.
大便。 Shit.
汽车俱乐部。 Automobile Club.
对不起，我们所有的探员都很忙。 I'm sorry, but all our agents are busy.
请不要挂断，欣赏来自俄克拉荷马州的精彩节目! Please stay on the line and enjoy highlights from Oklahoma!
哦,耶稣基督!来吧! Oh, Jesus Christ! Come on!
你好,路易斯。 Hello, Louise.
我知道你在电话里说了什么，伊莱恩，但没用的。 I know what you said on the phone, Elaine, but it won't work.
我们必须让它起作用。我们还有什么选择? We've got to make it work. What choice do we have?
我们有一个选择。 We have a choice.
我们现在都可以回家睡觉了。 We can all go back home now and go to sleep.
听着，我不知道能不能做到。七天后还不行。 Look, I don't know if it can be done. Not in seven days.
这件事必须仔细考虑。 This thing has to be carefully thought out.
我们又有什么损失呢?我是说，如果我们被抓了最糟糕的情况就是我们会进监狱，对吧? What have we got to lose? I mean, the worse that can happen to us if we get caught is that we'll go to jail, right?
是的，简，很长时间了。 Yes, Jane, for a very long time.
四号入口的保安。 Security to entrance four.
好吧，这是底线。 Okay, here it is, bottom line.
在七天内，我们得想办法去钱舞会，怎么进去，怎么把钱拿出来，怎么不被抓到。 In seven days, we've got to figure out how to get to the Money Ball, how to get into it, how to get the money out of it and how to get away without being caught.
来吧，露易丝，想想。肯定有办法拿到那笔钱的。 Come on, Louise, think. There's got to be some way to get to that money.
-只有一条路。——从下面。 - Only one way. - From underneath.
我们得挖一条从河岸到这里的隧道。 We'd have to dig a tunnel from the bank of the river to under here.
等我们到了这里，我们还得想办法在地板上挖个洞把钱弄出来。 Then once we got here, we'd still have to figure out a way to cut a hole up through the floor and get the money out of it.
天啊，会很艰难的。 God, it's gonna be tough.
我们出去走走，好吗? Let's take a walk, okay?
你为什么这么消极，露易丝? Why are you being so negative, Louise?
我不是消极，我是现实的。 I'm not being negative, I'm being realistic.
我是说，第一，我们怎么做? I mean, one, how do we do it?
我是说，我们得计划好，一步一步来。 I mean, we've gotta plan this out, step by step.
二、如果有办法，我们能做到吗? Two, if there is a way, can we do it?
我是说，我们有足够的勇气去做吗? I mean, are we gutty enough to do it?
哦，听着，如果男人有足够的勇气这么做，我不明白为什么……电影里的男人都够勇敢的，伊莱恩。在看电影。 Oh, look, if men are gutty enough to do it, I don't see why... Men are gutty enough in the movies, Elaine. In the movies.
我的意思是，在现实生活中你在哪见过，听说过或读到过有人能逃脱惩罚? I mean, where in real life did you ever see, hear or read about anybody getting away with it?
迈阿密海滩的布林克斯抢劫案! The Brinks Robbery, Miami Beach!
那是波士顿，一旦他们抓住其中一个，他五分钟内就招供了。 It was Boston, and once they caught one of 'em, he confessed in five minutes.
另外七个人要被判十年到终身监禁。 The other seven are doing 10 years-to-life.
它会很艰难。 It'll be tough.
我负责行动的第一阶段，伊莱恩，你负责第二阶段，执行，如果我们能走到那一步的话。 I'll be in charge of phase one of the operation, Elaine, you be in charge of phase two, execution, if we ever get that far.
我该怎么办? What should I do?
我——我不知道。除了搞大肚子，你的专长是什么? I--I don't know. Besides getting knocked up, what's your specialty?
我，我在某方面是专家。 Hey, I--I am an expert in one area.
我的意思是，我不知道这对我们有什么好处，但附近有条河，谁知道呢。 I mean, I don't know if it'll do us any good, but you never know with the river nearby.
那是什么?我会划独木舟。 What's that? I can row a canoe.
那是我的专长。我是独木舟训练营的辅导员。 That is my specialty. I was canoe counselor at camp.
我们常常在晚上上这些独木舟，唱古老的印第安歌曲。 We used to get into these canoes at night and sing old Indian songs.
哦，月亮照在美丽的红翅膀上，微风在叹息，红鸟在哭泣…… Oh, the moon shines on the pretty red wing The breezes sighing The red birds cry...
我划独木舟比唱歌好。 I canoe better than I sing.
我是说，它就在那里。 I mean, there it was.
这是令人难以置信的吗? Is that incredible?
等等，伊莱恩，再说一遍。 Wait a minute, Elaine, say that again.
我们不用挖隧道吗? We don't have to dig a tunnel?
我刚发现米勒德关于购物中心的计划，你猜怎么着? I just found Millard's plans for the shopping center and guess what?
他们为我们挖了一个。 They done dug one for us.
我知道。 I know.
接线员，如果他不在奥马哈的豪生汽车旅馆，那就打圣地亚哥的，如果他不在，那就打丹佛的。 Uh, operator, if he's not at the Howard Johnson's Motor Lodge in Omaha, try the one in San Diego, and if he's not there, try the one in Denver.
米勒德喜欢他们的冰淇淋。 Millard loves their ice cream.
谢谢你！ Thank you.
理查德，你是他的搭档。他去哪里来的? Richard, you're his partner. Where'd he go?
哦，我希望我知道。 Oh, I wish I knew.
你知道吗，那个狗娘养的上周六俄勒冈州立大学和南卡罗来纳州的比赛还欠我20块呢? You know, that son of a bitch still owes me $20 on the Oregon State- S.C. game last Saturday?
什么风把你吹来了? And what brings you here?
真相? The truth?
事实是我想把这个抽屉打开。 The truth is I'm trying to get this drawer unlocked.
米勒德总是在这里留一些硬币做停车计时器。 Millard always kept some dimes in here for the parking meter.
伊莱恩，那个抽屉里到底有什么? Elaine, what's really in that drawer?
我不知道，但锁上了，肯定是什么有趣的东西。 I don't know, but it's locked, so it must be something interesting.
噢,是吗?让我试试。 Oh, yeah? Let me try.
好吧。 Okay.
让我们来看看。让我们来看看。 Let's see. Let's see.
好的，这是传送带。 Okay, this is the conveyor belt.
垃圾沿着传送带输送。 The garbage runs along the conveyor belt.
从商店后面一直运到河里然后用驳船运走。 It goes all the way behind the stores down here to the river where it's picked up by a barge.
这就是隧道。一直到这里。 This is the tunnel. It goes all the way to there.
哦，这太可怕了。 Oh, this is gonna be scary.
我这辈子都没偷过东西。 I've never stolen anything in my entire life.
你偷了我拉丁语决赛的笔记。 You stole my notes for the Latin final.
那不算!我得了个D。 That doesn't count. I got a D on that.
简，这次我们一定要得A，好吗? Jane, this time, we've got to get an A, all right?
我知道。一个一个。 I know. An A.
你知道这可是将近一百万美元吗? You realize that we're talking about nearly a million dollars here?
好,看。这就是钱球的位置，就在中央空调的上方。 Okay, look. Here's where the Money Ball is, right above the central air conditioning unit.
那是最近的商店。 That's the closest store there.
我想知道这是什么。 I wonder what it is.
我不知道，但我明天一定会知道的。 I don't know, but I'll sure find out tomorrow.
我把这些都扔了。 I'll just throw these away.
你疯了吗?给他的小弟弟。 Are you crazy? Give 'em to his little brother.
小混混有两只不同大小的脚。 Little bummer's got two different-sized feet.
我发誓，左边的比右边的大一个尺码。 I swear, the left one's a whole size bigger than the right.
必须继承。你看到他妈妈的胸部了吗? Must be inherited. Did you see his mother's boobs?
那辆79年蓝色平托的车主能把车挪一下吗? Will the owner of a blue '79 Pinto please move your car?
你堵住了出口。 You're blocking the exit.
我等不及让你见见大家了。 I can't wait for you to meet everybody.
我们要在一小时内录完俄勒冈州的历史。 We are doing the entire history of Oregon in one hour.
我可以在15分钟内完成。 I can do it in 15 minutes.
一步,联系。一步在一起。一步,联系。一步在一起。 - Step, touch. Step together. - Step, touch. Step together.
南希,武器。一步在一起。的一步。 Nancy, arms. Step together. Step.
步,转。一步,触摸,一步。嗨,大家好。 Turn, step, turn. Step, touch, step. Hi, everybody.
嗨。 Hi.
我的朋友伊莱恩·霍顿。 My friend, Elaine Houghton.
我们合作得很好。 We work very well together.
我是蒂姆·蓝迪。您好! This is Tim Lundy. How do you do?
他代表购物中心的业主。 He represents the owners of the shopping mall.
这是整个演出的舞台监督，亚伦。 And this is the stage manager of the entire production, Aaron.
你好,亚伦。莱昂。 Hello, Aaron. Leon.
莱昂,我很抱歉。 Leon, I'm sorry.
莱昂。我就是这么说的。莱昂。 Leon. That's what I said. Leon.
请坐，霍顿夫人?谢谢你！ Won't you sit down, Mrs. Houghton? Thank you.
一步，触碰，一起走。 Step, touch, step together.
女孩们，微笑，一起走。 Girls, smile, step together.
一步,转。 Step, turn.
来吧,女士们。三行，三行。 Come on, ladies. Three lines, three lines, please.
等一下。三条绳子。 Hold it. Three tight lines.
好了，从头开始。五，六，七，八。 All right, from the top. Five, six, seven, eight.
然后我们去看印第安人的戏，他们撕毁了协议。他们破坏了协议? And then we go to the big Indian scene, uh, where they break the treaty. They break the treaty?
是的，接着是印第安战争，然后是内战，紧接着是美西战争，第一次世界大战和第二次世界大战，然后是1959年的玫瑰碗比赛 Yeah, followed by the Indian wars, then the Civil War, followed quickly by the Spanish-American War, World War I and World War II, and then to the Rose Bowl game of 1959
我们在最后70秒用一球击败了密歇根大学。 where we beat Michigan in the last 70 seconds with a field goal.
里昂，你能不能把那架该死的钢琴扔进坑里…对不起……然后把该死的吉他插上? Leon, will you get that goddamn piano into the pit... Excuse me. ...and plug in the goddamn guitar?
出去! Out!
弄坏! Batter up!
比利! Billy!
嗨,爷爷。 Hi, Grandpa.
闭嘴打吧! Shut up and hit!
主灯熔断在主保险丝盒上。 The major lights are fused to the master fuse box.
这意味着头顶的剧院灯，商场和金钱球。 That means the overhead theater lights, the mall and the Money Ball.
只要按一下开关，我就能让整个购物中心陷入一片黑暗。 I can plunge the entire shopping center into total darkness with one flip of the switch.
干得好,比利!又有两分被击出! Attaboy, Billy! Two more runs batted in!
现在我们要做的就是想办法把钱从钱球里拿出来。 Now all we have to do is figure out how to get the money out of the Money Ball.
是的。 Yeah.
停在第三!停在三垒，笨蛋! Stop at third! Stop at third, you dummy!
得到它!是的,得到它!来吧!是啊! Get it! Yeah, get it! Come on! Yeah!
你出去! You're out!
没门!我滑到了标签下面! No way! I slid under the tag!
你这个狗娘养的瞎子! You blind son of a bitch!
他打中了他的大腿，你个白痴! He tagged him in the thigh, you friggin' idiot!
我看了《坏消息熊》。 I saw Bad News Bears.
我以为那是孩子们说话的方式。 I thought that was the way the kids talked.
当我儿子再有一次本垒打就能赢得联赛冠军的时候，没有人敢叫他出来! Nobody calls my son out when he has only one more home run to win for the League Championship!
你明白我的意思吗，你这个老家伙?你呢? Do you understand me, you old fart? Do you?
马哈尼，过去五年我一直想这么做。 MaHaney, I have been wanting to do this for the past five years.
这是碰裁判的犯规! That's for touching an umpire!
这是你离开我女儿的报应! And that's for leaving my daughter!
这是你害我在这些孩子面前发脾气，你个胆小鬼! And that's for making me lose my temper in front of these sweet kids, you chicken-shit wimp!
你说你需要给罗伯特多少钱? How much did you say you needed for Robert?
25000美元。 $25,000.
再加上马克斯·希特勒在太阳城公寓的首付。 Plus a down payment for an apartment in Sun City for Max Hitler.
10000多美元。35000美元。 $10,000 more. $35,000.
36000美元。 $36,000.
汤姆的桥梁工程需要一千块。 You'll need $1,000 for Tom's bridgework.
他一定会起诉。 He'll definitely sue.
第二阶段已经开始。 Phase two is now in effect.
既然我们知道我们在生理上有可能成为小偷，我们就得弄清楚心理上是否也有可能。 Now that we know that it's physically possible for us to be thieves, we've gotta find out if it's psychologically possible.
首先,简。我吗? You first, Jane. Me?
一个人去塞夫韦? Stick up a Safeway alone?
为什么不呢?我的意思是，每个人都认识我，跳棋员，经理，甚至当我进来的时候，盒子男孩都向我招手。 Why not? I mean, everybody knows me, the checkers, the managers, even the box boys wave at me when I come in.
“嘿，老券皇后又来了!” "Hey, here comes the old coupon queen again!"
我是说在梅德福的那个。 I meant the one in Medford.
别说话，指指点点。 Don't say anything, just point.
这是真的吗? Is that real?
不，这是米勒德15年前做的模型当时他还是鹰级童子军。 No, it's a model Millard made 15 years ago when he was an Eagle Scout.
用真枪，你可以做5到10次。 With a real gun, you do 5-to-10.
1比5。 With that one, 1-to-5.
谢谢你,伊莱恩。 Thanks, Elaine.
你至少该说声对不起吧。 The least you could do is say you're sorry.
已经15分钟了。我告诉她只买几样东西。 It's been 15 minutes. I told her to only get a few things.
她怎么还没回来? What the hell is keeping her?
牛排,8.95美元。 Steak, $8.95.
坚果,1.29美元。 Nuts, $1.29.
葡萄坚果，1.26美元，饼干，1.43美元，纸巾，0.35美元，纸巾，0.35美元，水枪，1.09美元，袜子，2.25美元，卫生纸，0.79美元…… Grape-Nuts, $1.26, cookies, $1.43, paper towels, $0.35, paper towels, $0.35, water pistol, $1.09, socks, $2.25, toilet paper, $0.79...
至少你没被逮捕。 Well, at least you didn't get arrested.
不，直到我开了张285美元的餐费支票。 No, not until the $285 check I wrote for the food bounces.
那是昨晚。今天我负责。 That was last night. I'm in charge today.
哦!天啊，我很抱歉。 Oh! God, I'm so sorry.
我很抱歉。 I'm so sorry.
我真是笨手笨脚。我不相信。 I'm such a klutz. I don't believe it.
来，让我帮你。在这里。 Here, let me help you. Here.
在那里。 There.
噢,谢谢你。我很抱歉。 Oh, thank you. I'm so sorry.
哦，我真不敢相信! Oh, I can't believe this!
我很……哦! I'm so... Oh!
你的独木舟玩得很好。 You were great with that canoe.
我很惊讶。 I was surprised.
我也是，那条河的水流太湍急了! So was I. The current in that river is a bitch!
我们怎么才能把这大球倒空呢? How the hell are we gonna empty that big ball?
我知道怎么把钱从钱球里拿出来。 I know how to get the money out of the Money Ball.
如何?吸! How? Suck!
注意，商场将在十分钟后关门。 Attention, the mall will be closing in 10 minutes.
请10分钟。 10 minutes, please.
我知道我们只剩两天了，但我不知道你们为什么生我的气。 I know we've only got two days to go, but I don't know why you guys are so mad at me.
你知道我请不起保姆，麦克斯今晚要去参加里根的老年公民会议。 You know I can't afford a babysitter, and Max is at a Senior Citizens for Reagan meeting tonight.
天啊，简，这真是个大麻烦。 Jesus, Jane, this is a royal pain the ass.
我是说，今晚很重要。 I mean, tonight's important.
我们在通过抢劫维勒家来测试自己的心理，而你却带着你的孩子。 We're psychologically testing ourselves by robbing Wheeler's, and you bring your kids along.
你就不能把他们留在家里一次吗? Can't you leave them home just once?
你是认真的吗? Are you serious?
上次我让他们俩单独在一起的时候，比利用他的宝丽来拍了劳里的裸照，寄给了《花花公子》杂志。 The last time that I left those two alone, Billy took nude pictures of Laurie with his Polaroid and sent them in to Playboy magazine.
这是危险的。哦,我明白了。 It's dangerous. Oh, I see.
你把他们带到安全的地方去抢劫。 You bring 'em along on a robbery where they'll be safe.
我们只是从罗伯特的店里偷东西。 Well, we're only stealing from Robert's store.
-没错。-我是说，这是家人。 - Well, that's right. - I mean, it's family.
你什么时候拿到罗伯特的钥匙的? When did you get Robert's keys?
昨晚。你是怎么做到的? Last night. How did you do that?
他们在他裤子里，他不在。 They were in his pants, he wasn't.
车库里那辆车的旧后座? Ah, the old backseat of the car in the garage, eh?
不，自从我父亲搬进来后我们就放弃了。 No, we had to give that up ever since my father moved in.
还记得老磨坊路吗? Remember Old Mill Road?
前戏天堂。 Foreplay heaven.
还是比汽车旅馆便宜。 It's still cheaper than a motel.
更有创造力。 More creative.
你想玩埃维尔·克尼维尔吗? Do you wanna play Evel Knievel?
确定。好吧。 Sure. Okay.
你玩等级游戏，我玩摩托车。 You play Evel and I'll play the motorcycle.
来吧。好吧。 Come on. Okay.
好了，露易丝，你去拿电锯。 Okay, Louise, you go get the power saw.
正确的。 Right.
电锯在哪里?哦，在那个架子上。 Where's the power saw? Oh, over on that shelf.
好吧。我们去拿吸尘器。 Okay. We'll go get the vacuum cleaner.
对。 Right.
吸尘器在哪儿? Where's the vacuum cleaner?
在那边。好吧。 It's over there. Okay.
比利和劳里，你们马上回到车里去! Billy and Laurie, you get back in that car this minute!
耶稣基督! Jesus Christ!
下来! Get down!
我们该怎么办?我们为什么不从后门出去? What do we do? Why don't we go out the back door?
没错!后门在哪里? Right! Where's the back door?
来，我带你去。这里 Come on, I'll show you. This way.
快点。 Hurry up.
抓住它! Hold it!
这是怎么回事? What's goin' on here?
听着，这很难解释清楚。 Uh, listen, it's not gonna be easy to explain.
你试试吧，小姐。 Suppose you try, little lady.
啊,是的。 Ah, yes.
也许我们都应该试一试。 Maybe we all better give it a try.
为什么我们不说出真相呢? Why don't we just tell the truth?
伊莱恩，告诉警官真相。 Elaine, tell the officer the truth.
正确的。 Right.
嗯… Uh...
这是一个游戏。这是一场慈善寻宝游戏。 It's a game. It's a scavenger hunt for charity.
哦，天哪，又不是你。 Oh, God, not you again.
杰克，你还记得我真是太好了。 Jack, how sweet of you to remember.
抓住它! Hold it!
杰克，我已经一周没喝酒了。 Jack, I haven't had a drink in a week.
也许今晚我就不会被人用钱包打脑袋了? Maybe tonight I don't get slugged in the head with a purse, huh?
我得上报这件事。 You know, I've gotta report this.
杰克，你就不能通融一下吗? Jack, can't you bend the rules a little?
我是说，我们又不是在偷东西。 I mean, it's not like we were stealing.
这些东西都来自于…来自简未婚夫的五金店。 All this stuff came from... Came from Jane's fiance's hardware store.
他的经理。是吗，简? He's the manager. Isn't that right, Jane?
哦,对,当然。 Oh, right, absolutely.
罗伯特·洛根。看，这是他的钥匙。 Robert Logan. See, these are his keys.
惠勒的五金店。惠勒。这是关键。 Wheeler's Hardware Store. Wheeler's. This is the key.
看，她甚至带了她的孩子来。 Look, she even brought her kids.
正常人会带孩子去抢劫吗? Would anybody in their right minds bring their kids to a robbery?
真的。 Really.
杰克，如果你告发我们，我们就像傻瓜一样。 Jack, if you turn us in, we'll look like imbeciles.
罗伯特会对简大吼大叫，露易丝会被阿尔伯特骂个半死，而我会……我,嗯……你呢? Robert will yell at Jane, Louise will catch hell from Albert, and I'll... I'll, um... How about you?
再也没有人跟我嚷嚷了，再也没有了。 Well, I don't have anybody to holler at me, not anymore.
忘了你见过我们，好吗? Forget you ever saw us, okay?
我不知道这个。 I don't know about this.
我欠你一个人情。 I'll owe you one.
你欠我两个。 You'll owe me two.
无论什么。 Whatever.
听着，那天晚上我喝醉了，我丈夫离开了我。我是疯狂的。 Look, I was drunk the other night, my husband just walked out on me. I was crazed.
我不知道我在说什么。我现在知道我在说什么了。 I didn't know what I was saying. I know what I'm saying now.
问露易丝。我从高中就认识她了。 Ask Louise. I've-- I've known her since high school.
露易丝，我有食言吗? Louise, do I ever go back on my word?
她曾经食言过吗? Does she ever go back on her word?
从来没有。 Never.
谢谢你！ Thank you.
天啊，三杯马提尼酒也没用。 God, three martinis and it doesn't help.
我还是觉得自己像个流浪汉。 I still feel like a tramp.
你看到我在街上强奸那个警察了吗? Did you see me practically rape that policeman on the street?
兰妮，防盗警报器的事我很抱歉。 Lainie, I'm sorry about the burglar alarm.
我是说，当我看到比利跳起来的时候，我有点惊慌…就是这样，简。专业人士不要恐慌。 I mean, I just sort of panicked when I saw Billy bouncing... That's just it, Jane. Professionals don't panic.
别闹了，伊莱恩。 Oh, cut it out, Elaine.
如果今晚有一件事我们可以不做，那就是你的优越感，恶毒的态度。 If there's one thing we can do without tonight, it's your superior, bitchy attitude.
请露易丝。没有骂人。 Louise, please. No name-calling.
我不能忍受我的朋友吵架。 I can't stand it when my friends fight.
我没有叫她名字。“贱人”不是名字吗? I didn't call her a name. "Bitch" is not a name?
我说，“恶毒的态度。” I said, "bitchy attitude."
别想道歉，露易丝。 Oh, don't try and apologize, Louise.
我把它从它来的地方带走。 I take it from where it comes.
伊莱恩，你到底在烦什么? Elaine, what's really bothering you?
我很害怕。 I'm scared.
简,我很抱歉。 Jane, I'm sorry.
天啊，我不知道我是怎么了。 Oh, Jesus, I don't know what's the matter with me.
是的,我喜欢。 Yes, I do.
我快要崩溃了。 I'm coming apart at the seams.
我是一个完全不被爱，不受待见，完全被抛弃的废物。 I'm a totally unloved, unglued, totally rejected basket case.
晚安，各位。 Good night.
嗨。 Hi.
我想可能是你。 I thought it might be you.
我只是想确保你安全到家了。 I just, uh, wanted to make sure you got home safely.
你的妻子怎么样? How's your wife?
你可能不会相信。 Well, uh, you may not believe this.
我是说，一个像我这样有魅力又敏感的男人，但是，她离开了我。 I mean, a man of my charm and, uh, sensitivity, but, uh, she left me.
我能请你喝杯咖啡吗? Can I buy you a cup of coffee?
不。 No.
但你可以进来，我给你做一杯。 But you, uh, can come in and I'll make you one.
这是一个交易。 That's a deal.
我不知道。 I don't know.
你穿上"女人需要男人就像鱼需要自行车"的t恤，年复一年地戳他，狠狠地戳他。 You put on your "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle" T-shirt, and you poke away at him year after year, needling him with a vengeance.
然后有一天他把你换成了一个声音和皮肤都很柔软的人。 And then one day he trades you in on someone with a softer voice and skin.
所以我来了。 So here I am.
每天早上一个人醒来感觉糟透了，杰克，真的。 Waking up alone every morning and it's the pits, Jack, it really is.
来吧，我们走。 Come on, let's go.
在哪里? Where?
卧室。 The bedroom.
不，我不这么认为。 No, I don't think so.
为什么不呢? Why not?
嗯… Well...
你知道,我……我不太擅长解释我的感受， You know, I'm... I'm not real good at explaining how I feel,
但当我今晚看到你 but when I saw you tonight,
我的喉咙很干。我，我几乎不能呼吸。 my--my throat was dry. I--I could barely breathe.
我——我以为你觉得…… I--I thought you felt...
嗯,现在……你到底想要什么? Well, what now... What is it you want, anyway?
神经外科医生或股票经纪人之类的? A neurosurgeon or a stockbroker or something like that?
不，杰克，这和经济无关。 No, Jack, it has nothing to do with economics.
如果他说得对，我宁愿和一个垃圾清理工上床。 I'd go to bed with a garbage collector if he said the right thing.
我只知道我为你疯狂。 All--All I know is that I'm crazy about you.
我想拥你入怀，我想和你缠绵一整夜。 I would like to hold you in my arms, I'd like to make love to you all night.
明天早上，趁你还在睡觉，我想下楼去厨房，做橙汁和咖啡给你端来。 And in the morning, while you're still asleep, I'd like to go down to the kitchen, make the orange juice and coffee and bring it to you.
你说得对。 You said the right thing.
你不会失望的。 And you won't be disappointed.
哪条路? Which way?
不在这里。 Not here.
为什么不呢? Why not?
很多邻居都想知道为什么一辆警车整晚停在我家车道上。 Well, a lot of neighbors wondering why there's a police car parked in my driveway all night.
聪明的女士。 Smart lady.
一个私人。 A private one.
这不是你的错，艾伯特。 It's not your fault, Albert.
在一个家庭中同时从事两种职业几乎是不可能的。 Two careers in a family are almost impossible.
除非这个女人和她丈夫是做同一行业的。 Unless the woman is in the same business as her husband.
就像医生和护士。 Like a doctor and his nurse.
跟露易丝结婚真不容易。 It's not easy to be married to Louise.
我在大学认识她的时候，辣热狗和可乐让她很开心。 When I met her in college, a chili dog and a coke made her happy.
做她自己的事情意味着在我们周五晚上和周六一整天都在床上之后，每个周日早上都要给我烤巧克力饼干。 Doing her own thing meant baking me chocolate chip cookies every Sunday morning after we spent Friday night and all day Saturday in the sack.
你知道我和康拉德结婚的头几年我都在做什么吗? You know what I used to do during the first years of my marriage to Conrad?
不。 No.
在我们做爱之后，我会下床，走进浴室，用温水泡一条毛巾，然后回到床上，给他洗澡。 After we'd make love, I'd get out of bed, go into the bathroom, soak a towel in warm water, come back to bed and wash him off.
这就是欧洲女人和美国女人的区别，艾伯特。 That's the difference between a European and an American woman, Albert.
艾伯特，你可以在超市里买到巧克力脆饼。 You can buy chocolate chip cookies in a supermarket, Albert.
不，不像这些。 No, not like these.
她过去常在里面放坚果和葡萄干。 She used to put nuts and raisins into them.
现在她走了。 And now she's gone.
永远搬进了书房。 Moved into the den forever.
我哪里做错了? Where did I go wrong?
这不是你的错，艾伯特。 It's not your fault, Albert.
但今晚别再提她了。 But let's not talk about her anymore tonight.
我花了七年时间才把你弄到这一步。 It's taken me seven years just to get you up here.
不,不喜欢。 No, don't.
这对你不公平。我仍然爱她。 It wouldn't be fair to you. I still love her.
你是个很有魅力的女人。 You're a very attractive woman.
我承认，我变得非常兴奋。 And I'm getting, I admit, very turned on.
但到了早上我们会恨自己的。 But we'll hate ourselves in the morning.
我永远不会为此恨自己。 Oh, I could never hate myself for this.
你真的半夜起床，拿了一条温暖的湿毛巾吗? Did you really get out of bed in the middle of the night and get a warm, wet towel?
是的。 Yes.
我想我会喜欢的。 I think I'd like that.
我知道你会的。 Mmm, I know you would.
但这山上没有湿毛巾，夏洛特。 But there are no wet, warm towels up on this hill, Charlotte.
我们会有办法的，艾伯特。 Oh, we'll work something out, Albert.
我还有四天就要失业了，而你还在说要孩子的事。 I'm four days away from losing my job, and you're still talking about having a baby.
简，我爱你，但是……罗伯特，你不会丢掉工作的。 Jane, I love you, but... Robert, you're not gonna lose your job.
我会给你两万五千美元。 I'm gonna get you the $25,000.
我们要结婚，然后我要…在哪里? We're gonna get married, and then I'm gonna... Where?
你从哪弄到这么多钱? Where are you gonna get that kind of money?
从我的家庭。 From my family.
简，昨晚我来接你的时候你父亲向我借了10美元。 Jane, your father borrowed $10 from me when I came to pick you up last night.
好吧,不是他。从我的母亲。 Well, not him. From my mother.
你妈妈和一个叫雪莉的女人住在一起。 Your mother is living with a lady named Shirley.
他们收养了一个黑人婴儿。 They've adopted a black baby.
上周她典当了结婚戒指买了个婴儿床。 Last week she hocked her wedding ring to buy a crib.
为什么这种事会发生在我身上? Why did this have to happen to me?
你的脚怎么会卡在汽车仪表板上的小柜里? How did you get your foot caught in the glove compartment?
我不知道。 I don't know.
我们得给该死的消防局打电话。 We'll have to call the damn Fire Department.
哦，忘了消防部门吧。 Oh, forget the Fire Department.
我需要一根撬棍。 I need a crowbar.
撬棍。这是个好主意。 Crowbar. That's a good idea.
你在这儿等着。嗯… You wait here. Well...
哎呦。对不起。 Whoops. Sorry.
对不起,先生。 Excuse me, sir.
你不会碰巧有撬棍或者一把重型螺丝刀吧? Uh, you wouldn't happen to have a crowbar or maybe a little heavy-duty, uh, screwdriver?
罗伯特，那是艾伯特吗? Robert, is that Albert?
不可能是阿尔伯特。 It can't be Albert.
如果是你的狗脚，我知道该怎么做。 I mean, if it were your dog's foot, I'd know what to do.
是啊，但我带着狗在这里干什么呢? Yeah, but what would I be doin' up here with a dog?
这太像阿尔伯特了。 It is too Albert.
但那不是露易丝。 But that's not Louise.
来吧。 Come on.
我找到了一个兽医。 I found a vet.
嗨,嗨,艾伯特。 Hi--Hi, Albert.
伊莱恩? Elaine?
嗨,简。哦,我的上帝。 Hi, Jane. Oh, my God.
是你吗，简? Is that you, Jane?
我在试着把你最好的朋友的脚从杂物箱里拿出来我只希望你们俩下次见到那个人的时候记住这一点。 I'm trying to get your best friend's foot out of this glove compartment I only hope the two of you remember that the next time you see you-know-who.
他指的是他的妻子。闭嘴,夏洛特。 He means his wife. Shut up, Charlotte.
它不会出来。你怎么把它弄成这样的? It won't come out. How did you get it in there like that?
看《爱经》第62页。 Look on page 62 of the Kama Sutra.
放松点，宝贝。不要着急。 Take it easy, baby. Take it easy.
杰克?嗨。 Jack? Hi.
简?你们认识吗? Jane? You two know each other?
他怎么知道你的名字? How does he know your name?
谁能把我的脚从该死的储物箱里拿出来? Will someone please get my foot out of the goddamn glove compartment?
来，我把它拿出来。 Here, I'll get it out.
我的孩子每五分钟就会惹上比这更大的麻烦。 My children get in more trouble than this every five minutes.
稍微转一下。 Just turn a little there.
就是这样。放松。 That's it. Easy.
滑出来。她来了。 Slipping it out. Here she comes.
谢谢你,简。 Thank you, Jane.
欢迎你,伊莱恩。 You're welcome, Elaine.
金钱舞会的抽签仪式九点开始。 The drawing at the Money Ball is at 9:00.
10分钟后，餐厅就关门了。 10 minutes later, the place is closed.
也就是说8:40，我得在这里，在汤姆·麦肯的密室里。 That means at 8:40, I have to here, in the backroom at Thom McAn.
伊莱恩，你得待在这里，在后台的电灯开关前。 Elaine, you have to be here, backstage at the light switch.
简，希望你能坐在独木舟里。 And, Jane, hopefully you'll be here in the canoe.
现在，一切都必须在瞬间完成因为在9点10分的时候，我们必须离开那里，在回家的路上。 Now, it all has to be done with split-second timing because at 9:10 on the nose, we gotta be out of there and on our way home.
用赚来的钱。或者警察。 With the money. Or the police.
好了，现在我们从头再来一遍，确保我们做对了。 All right, now let's run it down again from the top, make sure we got it right.
5点10分，我穿着卡尔文·克莱因(Calvin Klein)的黑色灯芯绒牛仔裤和我最喜欢的伊夫·圣·洛朗(Yves Saint Laurent)的衬衫离开家，沿着蓝鸟巷(Bluebird Lane)向东走。 At 5:10, wearing my black corduroy Calvin Klein jeans and my favorite Yves Saint Laurent shirt, I leave home, walking east on Bluebird Lane.
5点33分，我用汽车后座上的吸尘器来接你。 Where at 5:33, I pick you up with the vacuum cleaner in the backseat of my car.
我们前往河谷河中心。 We head for Valley River Center.
与此同时，6点15分，我喂完孩子们。 Uh, meanwhile, at 6:15, I finish feeding the children.
我上了车，上了9号公路。 I get into my car and I head up Highway 9.
我在马自达路下车。下一站，河流。 I get off at Mazda Lane. Next stop, the river.
你忘了提垃圾袋和独木舟了。 You forgot to mention the garbage bags and the canoe.
你以为我是傻子吗? What do you think I am, stupid?
当然，我有垃圾袋和独木舟。 Naturally, I have the garbage bags and the canoe.
7点10分，我把独木舟放进水里，开始向南划去。 At exactly 7:10, I put the canoe into the water and I start paddling south.
好。 Good.
与此同时，Elaine和我已经在6:05到达Valley River Center，并将车停在停车场的东北角。 Meanwhile, Elaine and I have arrived at Valley River Center at 6:05, and parked in the northeast corner of the parking lot.
这很简单。 This is going to be easy.
他们也是这么告诉尼克松的。 That's what they told Nixon.
我让你下车的地方。 Where I let you out of the car.
你负责电锯，我负责吸尘器。检查。 You take care of the power saw, I'll take care of the vacuum cleaner. Check.
检查。检查。 Check. Check.
明天! Tomorrow!
他们就在这儿! Here they are!
你这么早就走吗? You going so early?
我想在演出前先去逛逛。 I thought I'd do some window shopping before the show.
你的晚餐在烤箱里。 Your dinner's in the oven.
好好看看。会是谁呢? Take a good look. Who's it gonna be?
你还在生我的气，是吗? You're still mad at me, aren't you?
艾伯特，如果你担心吃不下去，别担心。 If you're worried about eating the food, Albert, don't.
我两天前就不给它下毒了。 I stopped poisoning it two days ago.
去他的食物! The hell with the food!
为什么你那张大床晚上还空着，露易丝?为什么? Why is your half of the big bed still empty at night, Louise? Why?
以后记得提醒我告诉你。 Remind me to tell you about it sometime.
不，不是以后，是现在! No, not sometime, now!
你现在告诉我，否则这段婚姻就结束了! You tell me now or this marriage is over!
你离开那扇门却不告诉我我们之间到底发生了什么事，等你回来我就不会在这里了! You walk out that door without telling me what the hell is going on between the two of us, and you won't find me here when you get back!
你想知道吗，艾伯特?我是说，你真的想知道吗? You wanna know, Albert? I mean, you really wanna know?
是的，我真的很想知道! Yes, I really wanna know!
说来话长。哦，我喜欢讲长故事! It's a long story. Oh, I like long stories!
他们通常会有圆满的结局。 They usually have happy endings.
好了，坐下。 All right, sit down.
我坐着。 I'm sitting.
没有抓住!坐着。没有抓住。 No grabbing! Sitting. No grabbing.
我从小就被教育要相信，女人应该爱上她们能忍受的最好的提供者。 I was brought up to believe that women should fall in love with the best possible good provider available that they could stomach.
我错了。我不想知道。 I was wrong. I don't wanna know.
不，让我说完。 No, let me finish.
那就这样吧。 There you go.
这是正确的。 That's right.
可能的冲洗。噢! Possible flush. Ooh!
这边没人帮忙，那边没人帮忙，一对j，那边没人帮忙。杰克的坏。 No help there, no help there, pair of Jacks, no help there. Jack's bad.
哦，比利，9点上床。 Oh, Billy, in bed, 9:00.
由你决定，比利。 Up to you, Billy.
看你的硬币，再加一半。 See your quarter, raise you a half.
嘿!该死的啤酒哪去了? Hey! Where the hell's the damn beer?
住嘴，老头!它来了! Hold your water, old man! It's coming!
好悲伤! Good grief!
我看看你的硬币，再加一美元给你，大个子! I'll see your quarter and raise you a dollar here, big feller!
你在虚张声势,混蛋。你什么狗屁都没有! You're bluffing, asshole. You don't have jackshit!
你会听我孩子的话吗? Will you listen to my kids?
他们说话就像你的第三排。 They talk like your third platoon.
总比他上学的学校里那些娘娘腔说话强。 Well, it's better than talkin' like those sissies in the school he goes to in the neighborhood.
让我在三叶草里翻滚 Roll me over in the clover
好的,就是这样。结束了。最后。 Okay, that's it. Over. The end.
听着，我很爱你，爸爸，但我很抱歉，你不能再待在这里了。 Lookit, I love you very much, Dad, but I'm sorry, it's just not gonna work out with you being here any more.
我做了什么嘛?我想说什么呢? What'd I do? What'd I say?
我不是说到做到了吗? Hey, didn't I do everything I said I was gonna do?
我不是守口如瓶吗? Didn't I keep my mouth shut?
难道我不是这些孩子的父亲吗?我教会了他们一切。 Wasn't I like a father to these... I taught them everything.
我教他怎么玩扑克。 I taught him how to play poker.
爸爸，你得走了! Dad, you're just gonna have to leave!
我会给你钱，我会帮你找个住处，但是…我会的，我保证。但我警告你。 I will find you money, I will help you find a place to live, but... I will, I promise. But I'm warning you.
如果这个国家再次受到攻击而我们又要经过硫磺岛，瓜达尔卡纳尔岛和塔拉瓦岛，这些孩子可没准备好。 If this country is ever attacked again and we gotta go through Iwo and Guadalcanal and Tarawa, these kids are not gonna be ready.
我们明天再讨论这个。 We're gonna have to discuss this tomorrow.
正确的。今晚的最后一只手。 Right. Last hand of the evening.
现在所有。给你。 All right now. Here you go.
劳里，你上床去。 Laurie, you get in bed.
好吧。没关系。冷静下来。 Okay. It's okay. Calm down.
冷静下来。没关系。 Calm down. It's okay.
该死的电力公司! Friggin' electric company!
电力和照明公司。 Power and Light Company.
谢谢你！ Thank you.
是吗?我刚刚停电了。 Yeah? My--My power just went out.
你们能马上派个修理工来吗? Could you send a repairman over here right away?
哦，你叫什么名字? Oh, what's your name?
伊莱恩·霍顿夫人。 Mrs. Elaine Houghton.
呃,伊莱恩·霍顿。 Uh, Elaine Houghton.
17 Willowbrook车道?是的。 17 Willowbrook Lane? Yes.
等一下。等一下。 Uh, wait a minute. Wait a minute.
不，你的灯没有问题，女士，你没付账单。29.18美元。 Nope, nothing's wrong with your lights, lady, you didn't pay your bill. $29.18.
我丈夫刚去尼日利亚打猎去了。 Oh, my husband just left on a hunting trip to Nigeria.
他一定是忘了把支票寄给你。 He must've forgotten to send you the check.
我明天早上把它寄出去。 I'll put it in the mail tomorrow morning.
现在，你能把灯打开吗? Now, would you please turn the lights back on?
女士，你得和商务办公室谈谈这件事。 Uh, lady, you're gonna have to talk to the business office about that.
我没有权力…的号码是多少? Uh, I don't have the authority to... What's the number?
953-3000，但他们周一9点才开门。 953-3000, but they don't open till Monday at 9:00.
这是紧急情况!它总是。 This is an emergency! It always is.
不,我是认真的! No, I'm serious!
我妈妈病得很重。 Um, my mother is a very sick woman.
她就在我隔壁的卧室里用她的肾机，靠电运转，这让她活了七年! She's in the bedroom next to me with her kidney machine, which runs on electricity, which has kept her alive for seven years!
这位了不起的84岁老妇人。 This wonderful, 84-year-old woman.
妈妈,那是什么? What's that, Mama?
这机器不再是"托帕卡塔，托帕卡塔，托帕卡塔"了吗? The machine isn't going "topacata, topacata, topacata" anymore?
哦,我的上帝! Oh, my God!
不，不，我不跟奥罗尔·罗伯茨通电话，妈妈。 No, no, I'm not talking to Oral Roberts on the phone, Mama.
那已经太迟了。 It's too late for that.
但电话那头的人很在乎。 But the man on the other end of the phone cares.
你在乎，不是吗? You do care, don't you?
你会恢复供电的，对吧? You will turn the power back on, won't you?
女士，太漂亮了。 Lady, that was beautiful.
真的很棒。 Really terrific.
我是说，我在这里待了七年，这是我听过的最好的一次了。 I mean, I've been here seven years, and that's the best I've heard yet.
伟大的表现。 Great performance.
但是，你看，一切还没有失去。 But, look, all is not lost.
平价超市24小时营业。 Thrifty Mart is open 24 hours.
那有什么好处呢? What good will that do?
他们卖漂亮的蜡烛。 They sell beautiful candles.
我在等一辆旅行车，因为有独木舟。 I'm waiting for a station wagon, on account of the canoe.
为了修好比利的固位器我不得不把它弄掉了。 Well, I had to get rid of it in order to fix Billy's retainer.
我知道那晚你和夏洛特在山上的事。 I know all about you and Charlotte up on the hill that night.
什么也没发生,路易丝。我发誓。 Nothing happened, Louise. I swear it.
你和护士小姐连一点前戏都没有吗? Not even a little foreplay between you and Fraulein Nurse?
腰部以下没有，而我却一直想着你。 Nothing below the waist, and I was thinking about you all the time.
别那样看我，露易丝。 Don't look at me that way, Louise.
我以医生的身份向你保证自从你搬进书房我就一直是无性恋。 You have my word of honor as a doctor that I have been completely asexual since you moved into the den.
除了一个小小的春梦，你是其中的明星。 Except for one small wet dream which you were the star of.
嗯。我愿意相信。这是事实。 Mmm. I'd like to believe that. It's the truth.
这也是事实，我们的问题和这个国家十分之九的已婚夫妇有同样的问题，不是性问题，而是经济问题。 It's also the truth that our problem is the same one that nine-tenths of the married couples in this country are having, and it's not sexual, it's financial.
不,这是心理上的。 No, it's psychological.
你们都想让我们继续做你们的女儿，唯一的办法就是控制资金。 You all want us to remain your little girls, and the only way you can do that is by controlling the purse strings.
国税局对我施压的时候你很高兴，艾伯特。 You were happy when the IRS put the squeeze on me, Albert.
承认。我不是。 Admit it. I was not.
你想让我失败! You wanted me to fail!
露易丝，看在上帝的份上，我爱你! Louise, for Christ sake, I love you!
你也爱我。 And you love me.
你怎么能让一场关于钱的争吵毁了我们的婚姻? How can you let an argument over money destroy our marriage?
艾伯特，我说的不是钱! Albert, it's not the money I'm talking about!
而是你对待……钱。天啊，钱! It's the way you treat... Money. Oh, my God, the money!
该死的钱! The goddamn money!
你不能和他们说话。 You can't talk to them.
伊莲! Elaine!
我们晚了多久?还不错，不到一小时。 How late are we? Not bad, less than an hour.
Oregon!
俄勒冈州，我们来做个节目吧! Let's have a show about it, Oregon!
我想你应该知道这是一个非常精彩的故事 Think you should know about it Here is a story in all of its glory
你的注意力。请您注意。 Your attention. Your attention, please.
如果您来到商场中心的金钱舞会，您将见证下一个河谷河中心的沉淀。 If you will come to the Money Ball in the center of the mall, you will witness the next Valley River Center's deposit.
伙计们，我们希望超过50万美元! We're expecting over a half a million dollars, folks!
女士们先生们，再一次，河谷中心想让你们知道这是你们的钱! Once again, ladies and gentlemen, the Valley River Center wants you to know that this is your money!
所有的钱，你将清楚地看到，在这个金钱球将立即注入到您的社区。 All the money that you'll clearly see in this Money Ball will be pumped right back into your community.
没错，女士们先生们。 That's right, ladies and gentlemen.
这就是河谷河对抗通货膨胀的方法! This is Valley River's way to fight inflation!
好吧,好吧。 Okay, okay.
伊莱恩，你去哪了? Elaine, where the hell have you been?
很抱歉我迟到了，娜塔莉。晚吗? I'm sorry I'm late, Natalie. Late?
我们只是在解放奴隶。 We're just freeing the slaves.
现在是1841年了。我们几乎是一个国家。 It's 1841 already. We're almost a state.
俄勒冈州没有奴隶。你从哪儿弄来的奴隶? Oregon didn't have any slaves. Where did you get the slaves?
你确定吗?我是积极的。 Are you sure? I'm positive.
现在太迟了。给，我一直在帮你处理你的灯光提示。 Well, it's too late now. Here, I've been handling all your light cues for you.
嘿,那里。嘿。 Hey, there. Hey.
在忙什么?什么，我吓到你了? Up to? What, I scare you?
我什么都没做。 I'm not up to anything.
你的朋友今晚去哪了? Where, uh, where's your friend tonight?
伊莲……呃,霍顿夫人。 Elaine... Uh, Mrs. Houghton.
她今晚过来吗? Is she coming over tonight?
她很忙。呃，她参加了演出。 She's very busy. Uh, she's in the show.
这个节目吗?是吗?真的吗?是的。 This show here? Yeah? Really? Yeah.
哦,太棒了。也许演出结束后我可以去见她。 Oh, great. Maybe I'll, uh, see her after the show.
是的。 Yeah.
我整晚都得在这晃悠，以防有人在上面花了那么多钱。 I gotta hang around all night in case somebody gets cute with all that money flying around up there.
天啊，我认为没有人会蠢到去尝试那样的事情。 Gee, I don't think anybody would be foolish enough to try something like that.
官Heintzel。Heintzel,是的。杰克Heintzel。 Officer, uh, Heintzel. Heintzel, yeah. Jack Heintzel.
还记得我吗?嗯?那天晚上的吗? Remember me? Huh? From the other night?
惠勒的硬件?我差点逮捕你和你的两个朋友，对吧?还记得吗? Wheeler's Hardware? I nearly arrested you and your two friends, right? Remember?
是的，我记得。 Yes, I do remember that.
你应该记住，你这个坏女孩。 You should remember, you bad girl.
哦,哎呀。 Well, gee.
我得赶紧走了。 I've gotta really be running.
好吧，再见。 Okay, well, see you.
哦!哇,有你! Oh! Whoa, got you!
不,你没有。 No, you don't.
嗯,有点。我的意思是……嗯…我的意思是,谢谢。 Well, kind of. I mean... Well... I mean, thanks.
是的。待会儿见。 Yeah. I'll see you later.
该死的! Damn it!
飞翔着，祈祷着 Coming in on a wing and a prayer
虽然有一个马达没了 我们还可以继续用翅膀和祈祷 Though there's one motor gone We can still carry on Coming in on a wing and a prayer
第三，女士们先生们!这是第三笔存款。 Number three, ladies and gentlemen! This is deposit number three.
女士们先生们，别忘了，你们要继续前进。 Don't forget, ladies and gentlemen, you gotta keep coming.
你要继续来，因为我们还有一个要走! You gotta keep coming, because we have one more to go!
还有一笔存款要存。别忘了，伙计们，你们要继续来! One more deposit to go. Don't forget, folks, you gotta keep coming!
-快点，露易丝。-我们快没历史了。 - Oh, hurry up, Louise. - We're running out of history.
当波尼人看到她勇敢地睡着，红鸟在哭泣，红鸟… The red birds cry As the Pawnee saw her brave a-sleeping The red birds...
我们要建一个新的保龄球馆! We're going to build a new bowling alley!
呀。 Jeez.
还有一个900万美元的新足球场! And a new nine million dollar football stadium!
在原来的医院里再增加10张床位。 And put 10 more beds in the old hospital.
狗娘养的! Son of a bitch!
天啊，我要迟到了。 Oh, my God, I'm gonna be late.
看看这些漂亮的战利品! Look at all that beautiful loot!
看看这些漂亮的奖品，女士们先生们。 Look at all of those beautiful prizes, ladies and gentlemen.
这是你的财富。战胜高昂的生活成本。 It's your fortune. Beat the high cost of living.
女士们先生们，这是最后的存款。 That's the final deposit, ladies and gentlemen.
钱球已经填满了! The Money Ball is now filled!
各位，你们觉得里面有多少钱? Well, folks, how much money do you think is in there?
随便猜一猜，你可能就是我们幸运的中奖者之一。 Take a free guess, and you may be one of our lucky prize winners.
女士们先生们，别忘了。 Don't forget, ladies and gentlemen.
现在是你猜的时候了。 This is the time to make your guess.
钱都在里面。 The money is all in there.
别忘了我们还有很棒的奖品。 Don't forget the wonderful prizes we have.
女士们先生们，这真是千载难逢的机会，所以现在是你们猜测的时候了。 Ladies and gentlemen, this is a really once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, so now's the time to make your guesses.
他们要怎么把钱弄出来? How're they going to get that money out of there?
我猜是把它颠倒过来。 Turn it upside down, I guess.
那是什么鬼东西? What the hell was that?
我说了动起来。来吧! I said move it. Come on!
天啊，他们没出去。 Oh, my God, they didn't go out.
大家等一下!演出还没结束呢! Wait a minute, everybody! The show isn't over yet!
嗯… Uh...
发生了什么事?灯灭了。 What happened? The lights went out.
只有舞台灯光。 Just the stage lights.
女士们先生们，嗯…请不要离开。 Ladies and gentlemen, uh... Please, don't leave.
我们为你准备了精彩的终曲。 We have this wonderful finale for you.
国家孤儿院的孩子们对未来充满希望。 Children from the state orphanage with hope for the future.
与他们交谈。我去拿点灯。 Talk to them. I'll get us some light.
这就跟你问声好！ Hi!
露易丝! Louise!
下次再这样，我们要先偷一个印度人。 The next time we do this, we're going to steal an Indian first.
然后他就可以划了。 Then he can do the paddling.
你记得把包带来了吗? Did you remember to bring the bags?
你以为我是傻子吗? What do you think I am, stupid?
有人拿着手电筒吗? Is there anybody out there with a flashlight?
啊，如果有人有手电筒，我会让你们看看这个小镇的未来会是什么样子。 Ah, if anybody has a flashlight out there, I'll show you what the future of this town's going to be like.
谢谢你！嗯… Thank you. Uh...
这是1980年，呃…我们到了。失业，欠了债。 Well, here it is 1980, and, uh... Here we are. Out of work, in hock.
价格极高。 Prices going sky-high.
我们唯一剩下的就是身上的衣服了。 About the only thing we have left are the clothes on our backs.
你觉得他们还能撑多久? And how long do you think they're going to last, huh?
那是1980年。嗯…1981年怎么样? That was 1980. Uh... How about 1981, huh?
你准备好迎接1982年了吗? Are you ready for 1982?
把另一端插进去。 Plug in the other end.
你准备好迎接1984年了吗? Are you ready for 1984?
那是1984年。你想看到1986年，还是直接跳到1990年? That was 1984. Do you want to see 1986, or should we skip right to 1990?
好了，把它关掉。 Okay, turn it off.
好吧。 Okay.
上面到底发生了什么事? What the hell's going on up there?
你!你，那个又大又帅的后卫，在金钱舞会旁边。 You! You, the big good-looking guard, next to the Money Ball.
上来帮帮我。 Come on up here and help me.
她的意思我!该死的她! She meant me! The hell she did!
嘿! Hey!
呀!你看到了什么? Jeez! What do you see?
娜塔莉·波肯弗的屁股。发生了什么事? Natalie Pokempher's rear end. What happened?
我不知道，但我觉得我们最好赶紧离开这里。 I don't know, but I think we better get the hell out of here.
停止,停止,停止!停! Stop, stop, stop! Stop!
停止? Stop?
好吧。我们走吧。 Okay. Let's go.
好了，上车把我们推下去。好吧。 Okay, get in and shove us off. Okay.
哦! Oh!
我们成功了，露易丝!我们做到了! We did it, Louise! We did it!
我知道，我知道! I know it, I know it!
露易丝!嗯，座位是湿的。 Louise! Well, the seat's wet.
你会……露易丝，你不能站在独木舟上! Will you... Oh, Louise, you never stand up in a canoe!
我不会游泳! I can't swim!
别担心，我有钱。 Don't worry, I've got the money.
我说，我不会游泳! I said, I can't swim!
哦,我的上帝! Oh, my God!
我马上就来，露易丝。我来了! I'll be right there, Louise. I'm coming!
简! Jane!
哦! Oh!
你们俩到底去哪了? Where the hell have you two been?
我找了你好几个小时了! I've been looking for you for hours!
嗨,伊莱恩。嗨,伊莱恩。 Hi, Elaine. Hi, Elaine.
“嗨,伊莲。” "Hi, Elaine."
你就只能说这些吗，伊莱恩? Is that all you can say, "Hi Elaine"?
看着我。 Look at me.
我们拿到了多少钱?两袋。 How much money did we get? Two bags.
但它们还是飘走了。你看，独木舟翻了。 But they floated away. You see, the canoe overturned.
我不会游泳。我是说，不是露易丝就是钱。 And I can't swim. I mean, it was Louise or the money.
那么钱在哪里? So where's the money?
上面发生了什么?我是说，我们已经在这里坐了好几个小时想弄明白了。 What was going on up there? I mean, we've been sitting here for hours trying to figure it out.
你想知道上面发生了什么吗? You wanna know what was going on up there?
我给你看看上面发生了什么。21美元。 I'll show you what was going on up there. $21.
这还不是全部。他们甚至不知道自己被抢劫了。 And that's not all. They don't even know they were robbed.
我们没拿到钱已经够糟的了，连荣誉都没有! I mean, it's bad enough we didn't get the money, we don't even get the glory!
他们认为这是个意外。这是有保险的。 They think it was an accident. It's covered by insurance.
我们经历了那么多。 And after all we went through.
你经历了那么多? After all you went through?
为了保护你的身份，我把自己暴露在镇上一半的男人面前，而我只得到区区21块。 I exposed myself to half the men in this town to protect your cover, and all I get is a lousy $21.
7美元。我们分了，伊莱恩。 $7. We divide it, Elaine.
记住，这是我们最初的协议。 Remember, that was our original agreement.
所有的东西，分成三份。 Everything we get, we divide three ways.
三分之一,三分之一,三分之一。 One-third, one-third, one-third.
阻止我，露易丝，我要杀了她。 Stop me, Louise, I'm going to kill her.
说真的，简，你只有一件讨厌的事要做! Honest to God, Jane, you just had one lousy thing to do!
你为什么不冷静一下? Why don't you calm down?
你搞砸了!每个人都做了他们的工作。 You blew it! Everybody else did their part.
你他妈的把钱丢了! You lost the goddamn money!
其他人……闭嘴! Everybody else... Shut up!
看,这个袋子!一定是卡在灌木丛里了! Look, the bag! It must've got stuck in the bushes!
这是钱! It's the money!
你不是说你不会游泳吗? I thought you said you couldn't swim?
我忘记了。 I forgot.
简，你去拿钱。我来救那个天才。 Jane, you go get the money. I'll save the genius.
我们能把钱分了吗，伊莱恩? Could we divide the money right up, Elaine?
“简，你现在就去游泳!”因为那样我就能买条新裙子了。 Jane, you swim, now! Because that way I could get a new dress.
我现在就去拿钱。 I'll get the money right now.
22140美元,22160美元,22180美元…… $22,140, $22,160, $22,180...
哦,我的上帝。 Oh, my God.
早....谢天谢地，只有你一个人。 Morning. Oh, thank God it's only you.
你是什么意思?怎么了?什么都没有,什么都没有。 What do you mean? What's wrong? Nothing, nothing.
我就在附近，想过来看看你昨晚过得怎么样了。 I was just in the neighborhood, and I thought I'd come by and see how you were after last night.
哦,我很好。你好吗? Oh, I'm fine. How are you?
作为一个在过去12小时内洗了5次冷水澡的人，我过得还不错。 Well, uh, for a man who's taken five cold showers in the last 12 hours, I'm doing pretty good.
我可以…我能进来一下吗? Can I, uh... Can I come in for a minute?
整整一分钟吗?20吗? A whole minute? 20?
对什么? What for?
是关于你昨晚跳的脱衣舞。 Well, it's about that striptease you did last night.
我没能看到终点。 I didn't get to see the finish.
事实上，我们从来没有完成过任何事情，对吧? Matter of fact, we never finish anything, do we?
不。 No.
我觉得我们也不会去了。 I don't think we're going to, either.
你是什么意思? What do you mean?
因为我对和一个只想和我在一起20分钟的人在一起不感兴趣。 Well, because I'm not really interested in spending time with someone who only wants to spend 20 minutes with me.
这一带到处都是不快乐，性欲不满足的女人。 the neighborhood is filled with unhappy, sexually unfulfilled ladies.
等等，你在说什么? Wait, what are you talking about?
我那天晚上说的话是认真的。 Now, I meant what I said the other night.
我为你疯狂。我想一直和你在一起。 I'm crazy about you. I want to be with you all the time.
那么我的电话号码是375-1096。 Then my phone number is 375-1096.
既然你的车里有手机，它甚至不会花你一分钱。 And seeing as how you have a phone in your car, it won't even cost you a dime.
好吧。 Okay.
再见,杰克。 Bye, Jack.
22200美元,22220美元,22240美元…… $22,200, $22,220, $22,240...
22260美元。 $22,260.
喂? Hello?
嗨。 Hi.
星期五晚上就好了。 Friday night would be terrific.
8点就好。 8:00 is fine.
是的，我也要盛装打扮。 Yes, I'll dress up, too.
不，我喜欢中国菜。 No, I love Chinese food.
露易丝!你在哪里? Louise! Where are you?
我在卧室里，艾伯特。 I'm in the bedroom, Albert.
天啊，真高兴你又回来了。 Oh, God, it's nice to see you back in here.
你打算在这里待一段时间吗?这是一个可能性。 Are you planning to stay here for a little while? It's a possibility.
看,露易丝。我口袋里有个惊喜给你。 Look, Louise. I have a surprise for you in my pocket.
我以前见过这种惊喜，艾伯特。 I've seen that surprise before, Albert.
不是这个，你没有。 Not this one, you haven't.
它是什么?是国税局的。 What is it? It's from the IRS.
我说服他们，古董店不是爱好，而是生意。 I convinced them Ye Olde Antique Shoppe is not a hobby, it's a business.
你明天早上开门。 You open that store tomorrow morning.
艾伯特。哦，艾伯特，谢谢你! Albert. Oh, Albert, thank you!
等待,等待。我们得先谈谈。 Wait, wait. We have to talk first.
在性交前谈谈吗?艾伯特,多么美丽。 Talk before sex? Albert, how beautiful.
一件事。叶老古玩店每月都有盈利。 One thing. Ye Olde Antique Shoppe has to show a profit every month.
它将。艾伯特，我保证会的，会的。 It will. Albert, I promise it will, it will.
脱掉你的衣服。不。 Take your clothes off. No.
没有?用法语问我吧。 No? Ask me in French.
上帝，我爱你! God, I love you!
让我把这条领带弄掉。 Let me get rid of this tie.
把它关掉! Pull it off!
这是真的，所有的新娘都很漂亮。谢谢你！ It's true, all brides are beautiful. Thank you.
罗伯特，你为什么锁门? Robert, why are you locking the door?
我们结婚了,记得吗? We're married, remember?
我知道，但你的小怪物离你只有20英尺远。 I know, but your little monsters are only 20 feet away.
我们的小怪物。 Our little monsters.
但还是比我父亲好多了。 Still, it's a lot better than my father.
是的。天啊，我只希望他在他的新公寓里幸福。 Yeah. God, I only hope he'll be happy in his new apartment.
是的。我只希望他在五金店为你工作你会开心。 Yeah. I only hope that you'll be happy with him working for you at the hardware store.
简，有个小问题。 Jane, one small question.
是的。医生说只要你不太有激情，我们可以在第六个月中旬做爱。 Yes. The doctor says that as long as you're not too passionate, we can make love through the middle of the sixth month.
只要我不太有激情，到第七季的中间。 And as long as I'm not too passionate, through the middle of the seventh.
但这不是问题所在。 But that wasn't the question.
哦。宝贝，你哪来的钱? Oh. Baby, where did you get that money?
哦,,。我们偷了它。 Oh, that. We stole it.
露易丝，伊莱恩和我从河谷中心偷来的。 Louise and Elaine and I stole it from the Valley River Center.
露易丝需要它去古董店，伊莱恩需要它给米勒德……好吧,好吧,好吧。 You know, Louise needed it for the antique store, and Elaine needed it for Millard... Okay, okay, okay.
但你知道吗，总有一天你得告诉我真相。 But you know, someday you're going to have to tell me the truth.
感觉真好。 Oh, that feels really good.
我什么都没做。 I haven't done anything yet.
我知道。过去两年不坐在汽车后座的感觉真好。 I know. It feels good not to be in the back seat of a car for the last two years.
你从哪儿弄来的钱，简? Where in the hell did you get the money, Jane?
我说过了，是我们偷的。 I already told you, we stole it.
露易丝在平台下面钻了个洞。 Louise drilled a hole underneath the platform.
把吸尘器塞进洞里，然后…把钱都吸走了。好吧,好吧。 Stuck a vacuum up in that hole and just... Sucked that money out. Okay, okay.
我们在河边的传送带上找到了一艘独木舟。 We took it out a conveyor belt by the river where I came up with a canoe.
嗯。但是露易丝站在独木舟上，所以独木舟沉没了。 Mmm-hmm. But Louise stood up in the canoe, so it sunk.
一切都没了，伊莱恩来了，非常生气。 Everything was lost, and Elaine came up, really pissed off.
开始冲我们大吼大叫，露易丝发现了钱!嗯。 Starts yelling at us, and Louise spots the money! Mmm-hmm.
所以我们把所有的钱… So we put all the money in...