♪ ("IS IT MY IMAGINATION"BY THE JAYNETTS ) ♪
♪ (SINGER VOCALIZING) ♪
♪ My lovely baby ♪
♪ Something has happened to me ♪
♪ It's something strange And new ♪
♪ I wonder what could it be ♪
♪ Or is this my imagination ♪
♪ Ooh, that keeps on causing ♪
♪ This sweet sensation, oh... ♪
- What are you doing? - Nothing.
(DISTANT CHATTER)
Why are you in here?
Maddie said the seventh-grade boys
are sneaking over for a kissing party.
- I know. I'm so nervous. - Then don't do it.
I'm calling my mom to pick me up.
You can't. Maddie said we all have to kiss them.
I don't want to kiss or wear thong underpants.
I hate thong underpants.
But I'm worried if I wear normal underpants
and don't kiss and stuff,
then Maddie won't invite me to sleepovers anymore.
Well, you could sleepover at mine.
- ♪ ("OFF THE RAILS" BY WALLICE PLAYING) ♪ - Tonight?
Yeah. I mean, we're not allowed to watch TV, which sucks,
but we could do braids. And I have a trundle bed.
I love trundle beds.
Do you have a best friend?
No. You?
No.
♪ Take me downtown I don't know where to go... ♪
Hello, today, we're braiding Katie's hair.
- YOUNG KATIE: Yeah! - ♪ But I don't give a shit ♪
♪ I never try my best I learn to live with it ♪
♪ I'm doing fine Stop asking me what's wrong ♪
♪ I live my life Like I'm the only one... ♪
YOUNG KATIE: Yeah, so that's Delaney's future.
You are going to be a doctor.
I don't want to be a doctor.
YOUNG DELANEY: This is Katie's future.
You are going to marry Daniel.
Daniel is so annoying.
♪ I borrowed your car and Barely made it back ♪
♪ The gas tank was empty It always had that scratch ♪
♪ I'm doing my best here But that's not good enough ♪
♪ I'll try harder next year Don't call my bluff ♪
- (TV STATIC) - (BOTH CHUCKLING)
DELANEY: Okay. Read another post.
- Give me a hard one. - KATIE: Uh... Okay.
"From Seattle to Savannah,
what a long, strange trip it's been.
Hashtag van life."
- DELANEY: Tom Briar? - KATIE: How did you know that?
DELANEY: 'Cause Tom Briar needs to get a job.
- Another one. Get a good one. - Lemme find a good one. Okay.
Um...
KATIE: (CHUCKLES) Okay, this one's hard.
DELANEY: Okay.
"Here's to adulting forever with this one.
He put a ring on it!" Singular exclamation.
- Sarah Casper. - You're cheating.
I'm not cheating. I'm that good.
- She's engaged? - Yeah.
- She's a child. - She's 32 years old.
Sarah Casper wouldn't throw it all away for, like,
- some random guy. - I don't think it's random.
They've been dating since college.
Do you have any snacks?
- Did you not eat dinner? - I had peanut butter.
- And what? - A spoon?
Oh my God, let me make you something.
I'll just have Saltines when I get home.
Oh my God, no, I'll make you, um...
make you a turkey burger.
- I can put poblanos on top. - What's poblanos?
Oh, it's a giant Mexican pepper.
It's actually our favorite pepper,
second only to the jalapeño. You'll love it, I promise.
- It's really good. - JOHN: Mm.
Mm, I'm fine, thank you.
Well, if you're not hungry,
maybe you want a joke that I heard today.
- Made me think of you instantly. - Okay, this is very good.
Okay, so there are two pigs in a pit of mud.
And... and the wife pig turns to the husband and says...
No, no, the husband says to the wife.
You're right. You're right, um,
the... the husband pig says to the wife,
- "Hey, did you see Farmer..." - Should we get going?
Party started at nine o'clock, so...
Oh, you wanna go to that?
- Yeah. - Really?
My throat feels kind of weird. I... I feel like...
I don't know, if I got everyone sick, I...
- You don't feel warm. - No?
- You're good. No. - You feel cold.
Do you not want to go?
Is it crazy to stay here?
I mean, we have food here, blankets here.
I'm comfortable. You're comfortable.
- We can watch a movie. - Yeah, but hey, if Katie
doesn't want to go out, Delaney, I'd love to go out with you.
Please don't make me go alone.
I'm nervous and I'll get too fucked up.
No, you will not.
- (SNIFFS) - ♪ (EDM MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Like, she doesn't even come out anymore
because she's always with her boyfriend, "John."
I don't know why I did that. His name is John.
(SOFTLY) John.
John, you think she's okay, right?
(INHALES DEEPLY) Mm-hmm.
(INHALES) Hmm.
No, I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go meet her.
I don't like him. Is that wrong to say, you know?
Like, if you don't like your best friend's boyfriend...
It's the way he makes her. If that makes sense?
- (KNOCKING ON DOOR) - Occupied.
(INHALES) Uh, you know what, though?
My... My contacts are already out.
And that's like a whole thing. (SIGHS)
Only a year, and she moves in with him.
Kinda fast, if you ask me. (SNIFFS)
But nobody asked me.
(WHISPERS) I'm gonna go meet her for a little.
Okay?
John.
Yes, he's hot. I get it. I see it.
But he's boring.
- (BANGING ON DOOR) - Occupied.
- (WHISPERS) I think she's fine. - (JOHN GROANS)
Yeah. I'll come have sex.
- (BIRDS CHIRPING) - (DOGS BARKING IN DISTANCE)
KATIE: How do you have the patience?
Well, we actually had an agreement
that if I set up his Wi-Fi,
he promised to wear boxers under his shorts
during our PT sessions.
Oh, well, that could be worth it.
- It's a give and a take, but... - Yeah. (CHUCKLES)
- This looks nice, right? - Yeah, I like it. In the shade.
- Okay, perfect. - It's good.
- (CELL PHONE RINGING) - Ah, oh... (SIGHS)
Don't suppose I could get you to call her back, maybe?
She gets so anxious
-when she's hungover. -Yeah. No, she does. I just, um..
(CLEARS THROAT)
- I just wanted to ask you... - How was it?
(GROANS) No, my Uber's now 27 minutes away.
(CHUCKLES) Where are you?
I answered a 2:00 a.m. text from this guy.
The drunker he got, the more he talked about Julia.
Not an ex, just a female friend who he's clearly in love with.
- (LAUGHS) Did you hook up? - Yes, he asked me to role play.
Wow, like, be a cheerleader or something? That's...
Oh, I wish.
More like we're best friends
and I suddenly see him in a new light.
(SNIFFLES) Oh, my God.
I'm gonna order a pizza to my apartment.
- What do you want? - Ah, that sounds good.
No, John and I are doing a... a picnic.
Do you wanna come?
You know what? No. I'll... I'll just try you later.
- KATIE: Okay. Bye. - All right. Bye.
Well, she's fine, but she met a new guy and...
♪ (MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- KATIE: Oh, my God. - It's okay.
- KATIE: No, no, no. - It's okay. It's okay.
As long as I have your undivided attention now.
- Yeah. - Yeah?
When I first moved here,
it took me a while to get adjusted.
Yeah, you were mugged, like, three times that first week.
Right. Well, I thought everyone needed directions, but then...
then I met you, and you actually needed directions.
And I'm so, so glad...
that I walked you into that coffee shop
because you have made my life so much better
than I ever thought that I deserved.
- Will you marry me? - (KATIE SIGHS)
- Yeah? - Yeah. (GIGGLES)
- Yeah. - Yeah.
ROXY: I hate the art Katie left here.
- It's so gross. - DELANEY: It's sentimental.
ROXY: Okay, well, I live here now,
and I like actual art.
Let me just ask Katie if she wants it
before we throw it away.
Where is Katie?
I feel like she's usually here by now, like,
complaining about some ugly house she can't sell.
She's doing a picnic with John.
Like, eating on the ground?
Yeah. I feel so bad for her.
You know, it's like she misses the party last night,
and now she has to waste her entire Sunday doing a picnic
- with her boyfriend. - Can I say something?
I really don't buy John's whole "I'm such a nice guy" thing.
Like, you're a pervert.
You literally touch old ladies all day.
That's his job.
He's a physical therapist for old people.
(SCOFFS) Katie would fall for a pervert.
I mean, she's clueless.
Remember that time she got you, like, a briefcase
filled with old papers for your birthday?
Those are my great-grandparents' birth certificates.
- Why would you want that? - She likes thoughtful surprises.
She's exactly like my sister. (SCOFFS)
She's nothing like your sister. Mary had one kid,
and now she won't shut up about her pelvic floor.
Yeah, Mary's the worst. And her baby isn't even cute.
I can't imagine having a baby right now.
It's actually disgusting to have a baby.
- Or getting married. - Kill me.
(SIGHS) But we're pretty far from that.
"We", like you and me?
No. Me and Katie.
Delaney, what?
You and Katie are on totally different paths.
I mean, Katie lives with her boyfriend.
They're very serious. And you literally still, like,
fuck the first guy who shares a cigarette with you.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER ON TV)
- (SQUEALS, CHUCKLES) - JOHN'S RELATIVE: We love you...
- so much. - We love you. Thank you.
- Oh, thank you. We love... - JOHN'S RELATIVE: Congratulations.
- you so much. Thank you. - We cannot wait
to celebrate with you guys.
- JOHN'S RELATIVE: So excited. - Yeah.
Bye.
I love your family. I love them.
Did you see your sister was crying?
Yeah. No, it's funny. She's known for months.
How did I not find this ring?
Oh, the ring was in a box, in a bin,
in an air vent, in my office.
- You were never finding this. - Wow.
- That was never... - And how about Delaney
playing it so cool.
Yeah, no, I didn't tell Delaney.
- (CHUCKLES) - What?
Oh, well, I figured you wanted to tell her, right?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
So, Delaney has no idea.
No, but we can call her. Right now, maybe.
Yeah! Um, let's do... Let's call her later, though,
'cause I think she's probably asleep.
No, It's fine. We'll just call her from my phone.
It'll be a big surprise, I promise.
- Yeah. - (DIAL TONE RINGING)
- DELANEY: Hey. - Hello?
DELANEY: You can just leave the pizza
at the door and I'll grab it. Thank you.
(DISCONNECT TONE RINGS)
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
Does she not have my number saved?
No, she does.
I think she does.
I thought you'd be pretty excited to tell her.
I am.
I really am. I just wanna...
- tell her later. - Right.
I know I'm... I'm not her favorite person.
That is not true, John. She loves you.
It's just that she has a hard time with change.
You know, when she was younger,
her parents sold the family minivan,
and she asked if she could go visit it at its new house.
Okay. Yeah, that's really sweet of her to wanna check in on it.
And then remember
when I told her I was moving out?
She didn't talk to me for, like,
- two weeks. - JOHN: Mm-hmm.
And whenever I passed her door,
she'd be muttering "Benedict Arnold."
(SIGHS) Right, but this, this is a good change.
I know, and I'm so excited, and I love you so much,
and I... and I cannot wait to get married.
But I just want to make sure I tell her in the...
just in the right way for her.
Okay?
ALEX: So, let's parking lot the holiday campaign
and dig into the meat and taters
of our Spring-Into-Content campaign.
So this campaign is... It's going to be a big lift.
So, we really need to stop the scroll.
We need some big ideas. We need some blue-sky ideas.
And like, we just like really need everybody on this.
But I was kind of thinking, Delaney,
maybe you could run point for us.
Hmm, I don't... I don't really have the bandwidth
- for that right now. - Copy that.
Luca, it's all yours.
Uh, okay! Uh, wow. Yeah, that is just... that's amazing.
I do just wanna flag that I'm working overtime
on two major campaigns right now
since Delaney didn't have the bandwidth last month.
So, it's just kind of all fallen on my shoulders.
So that's... that's totally fine.
I just do just want to flag that.
No, and thank you for flagging that.
Delaney, do you think you could maybe, like, carve out
some time to kind of tag-team it?
Yeah, I gotta flag
that I'm spread pretty thin over here.
What are you working on, Delaney?
- Putting out fires. - What kind of fires?
Big ones with employees that you don't know.
Right, and is that why your camera's always off?
Mm, no, my camera's off, Luca, because it's allowed to be off.
Okay, guys, I think we should finish up
with a round of Peaks and Valleys.
So, my valley was missing last week's happy hour.
ALEX: Never has someone been so missed.
LUCA: But my peak is that it's on the books for next week.
Popcorn to Delaney.
I guess my valley was editing Luca's Q4 pitch.
And then my peak was, it's done now.
- Popcorn to Alex. - You know...
my valley was that Ryan and I hit a speed bump.
Wow!
So, he... he wants to open up the relationship,
and I just, I don't think that I have
the sexual confidence to withstand it.
So, we're taking some time apart to kind of ideate on next steps.
But, Alex, are you okay? How are you feeling?
- You know, like I was upset, obviously. - Of course.
ALEX: I was really upset for a beat.
But then I had a one-on-one with my best friend.
You know, we went out, we got some drinks,
we blew off steam, just like old times,
just the two of us.
And that like really, really helped.
Best friends just get it.
Oh, we're so aligned on that, Luca.
(DOGS BARKING IN DISTANCE)
HENRY: So, what was Dad's reaction?
We facetimed him quickly.
Yeah, he was really happy
- for us. Hmm, yeah. - Yeah!
♪ (JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- I mean, not that happy. - DARIA: Oh, uh...
Come on. He was really excited, it seemed.
Yeah, or you knew to call him after five.
Speaking of alcoholics, how did Delaney take the news?
Um, she was happy, fine, good.
Delaney doesn't know yet.
Katie wanted to tell her in her own way
- before we told anybody else. - That is so classic. I, uh..
Do you know that Delaney knew that our parents
were getting divorced before I did?
- Is that true? - HENRY: Yeah.
I mean, uh, she's my best friend, so...
I think you'd get it if you had a best friend.
Well, my wife is my best friend.
So, Daria, who's your best friend?
No, I'd rather not say.
- We're each other's best friends. - We're each other's...
Yeah. Like normal adults.
- (MUMBLES) - Delaney loves Katie.
She'll be really happy
- once we tell her. - John, have you ever heard
of expectation recalibration therapy?
I was reading an article about it,
- and I think... - Excuse me, what article?
- It's an article. - Where was this article?
In the journals for doctor being doctors.
Henry, have you been listening again
to my sessions with my patients?
Anyway, expectation recalibration
is basically a therapy where you work to accept
that someone will never change, right?
Like, they suck, like, medically.
And in your case, that's Delaney.
And in our case, it's our dad.
So, I mean, Daria confirmed that he's a narcissist...
(SCOFFS) I have never treated your father.
And I've never made any medical claims about him.
- Excuse me. - HENRY: But you have.
- I mean, we've talked about it. - What are you talking about?
- HENRY: You know... - What are you...
I sent him 20 of my poems in the past year.
Twenty.
And he never once told me that I was talented.
Right?
I mean, how hard is it to reply with a compliment?
How hard is it to like, you know, just say like a simple.
"Henry, you are a brilliant artist." Right?
"And it is a crime that you have to edit other people's
much weaker novels instead of traveling the world
"on your own book tour." Right?
He is selfish, Katie, and so is Delaney.
Yeah, I hear you, um...
I don't think Delaney's selfish.
I think she has a hard time with change.
Daria was treating our neighbor the other day...
- Henry! - HENRY: No, he's a total freak, Daria.
- I mean, he gets off on lizards. - Oh my God.
Wait. Did he say blizzards or it was lizards?
- It was lizards, right? - He said lizards.
He gets off on lizards,
and his wife wants to divorce him, clearly.
And Daria said something that I think applies here.
Tell them the thing about the change.
Oh, well, you know, uh, people's nerves
about change, they can be calmed by the familiar.
So, you take them to a comfortable environment
and you break the news.
It's kind of like you take your kids
to their favorite ice cream shop
and tell them you're getting a divorce.
I mean, I think that's something
that you should consider with Delaney.
I mean, she's about as mature as an eight-year-old,
so... (CHUCKLES)
I've seen her hork down a pint of Chubby Hubby in one sitting,
- so we know she likes ice cream. - (DARIA SIGHS)
Yeah.
ANNOUNCER: (ON TV) In our latest episode of...
That's not a real basketball.
Third from the left is cake.
You know, I decided I don't even want cake
at my birthday this year.
I actually think it's really weird to, like,
bring out food and then make people eat it.
- Did you find a bar yet? - I think I'm gonna do it here.
I'm going for a very specific aesthetic,
- so if you could not invite... - Oh, no!
I thought you'd be asleep.
Katie, I didn't know you still had a key.
KATIE: Uh, Delaney said I could keep one for emergencies.
What's the emergency?
Um, well, this time it's not so much an emergency,
really, as it is, um, a surprise for my best friend.
Uh, man, I had actually had this whole thing planned.
That I was gonna sneak in and like
put clues around the apartment, but, okay, whatever.
Since you're awake, I'll just show you now.
(EXCLAIMS, CHUCKLES)
What the fuck is that?
I planned us a mini beach vacation.
You don't seem excited.
What's there to be excited about, Katie?
- It's the beach. - I'm excited. I really am, um...
And that poster is, that's your most thoughtful gift yet.
- Do you see the umbrella? - DELANEY: I see the umbrella.
You know these trips can be kind of weird for me.
Is John at least bringing a friend?
No, no, John's not coming.
- Why? - Yeah, why?
No reason. I just thought it would be great
for the two of us to go on a trip, connect,
- have some quality time. - Like old times?
Yes, yes, just like old times.
ROXY: Ew.
♪ ("LOVE ME FOREVER" BY JOHN MATARAZZO PLAYING) ♪
♪ Kiss me once, girl Kiss me twice, girl ♪
♪ You're sugar and spice, girl And everything nice, girl ♪
♪ Love me forever ♪
♪ And I'll be ♪
♪ True to you, girl... ♪
- All right, there we go. - Nice.
We're here.
What time is check-in at the Pelican Palace?
Surprise.
We aren't staying at the Pelican Palace.
What?
Yeah, I got us a... I got us a rental house, actually,
- on Wonder Weekend. - Mm-hmm.
Wonder Weekend rentals kind of creep me out.
I don't like the idea of using
other people's kitchen appliances.
But you're okay sleeping in a bed
where a bunch of high-schoolers just rounded the bases?
But the Pelican Palace is where all the parties end up.
I know. Imagine that noise. Wouldn't sleep a frickin' wink.
Is there a bar?
What, at the rental house?
Is it a shared space or private?
Private.
And there's a lockbox,
so we don't even have to meet the guy.
- You found it! - (SIGHS)
Gosh, GPS can be a little wonky here,
so I'm so glad you guys figured it out.
How we doing?
Are you, uh...
Are you, uh, Douglas?
Are you my fifth-grade teacher? Just Dougie's fine. Yeah.
I... I just asked because the listing had said
that there was a lockbox,
so I didn't think we'd get to meet.
Here she is.
Yeah. I love to walk everyone through the space first,
only 'cause,
it's a really important place to me.
- Aw! - DOUGIE: It was my mom's.
She, uh, she died here.
Oh, gosh. No. Not in the front yard.
- Oh! (CHUCKLES) - DOUGIE: She died inside.
Katie, right? So you must be Delaney.
- Yeah. - Love that name. Family name?
- It was my grandfather's. - Oh my gosh.
I was named after my mom's brother.
(SIGHS) We don't talk to him anymore. He's a...
He's a pedophile, so...
- Oh, I'm sorry. - Oh, no, no, no.
He was always cool with me, yeah. (CHUCKLES)
But, uh, called a lot, you know, when he was doing time.
Yeah. I guess inmates are, like, really hard on child predators.
I didn't mind saying hi then, but once he got out
and started coming here unannounced... Oh my God.
I keep talking and talking.
You guys probably just want to see inside, right?
- Pretty cute, huh? - I love it.
Yeah, Mom left the place to me and my sister,
but Lauren has a family now,
so she let me keep it all to myself.
- Ah, score. - Yeah.
Oh, all the art on the wall is for sale.
KATIE: Oh.
(SIGHS)
- What little munchkin did these? - I am an artist.
Yeah, well, technically my day job is medical sales,
but I've been working my tush off and...
Is there a Wi-Fi password?
Uh, yeah.
It was in the welcome pamphlet that I sent over.
'Cause guests are really supposed to read
the pamphlet before they check in.
- So... But it's okay. - Oh!
I have a spare set of rules, right here.
Oh, perfect.
Oh, I also threw in my favorite local spots.
- You girls hot dog fans? - Dingo's dogs.
- Yeah. - Yeah, um, we know it.
We used to come here when we were little.
- Fun. - Yeah.
- Sisters? - Best friends.
DOUGIE: I love best friends.
Any big plans for best friends night?
Um, I think we'll probably hang here, make a cheese plate.
You get plenty of cheese at home.
Um, I thought we could go to a bar.
I mean, I brought a lot of orange wine
- for us to drink here. - DOUGIE: Oh!
That's a no.
- What is? - No alcohol on the premises.
That's ridiculous.
Um, what she means is we were really just
gonna have a glass or two?
Yeah, no exception to the rules.
Was it just a quick skim of the welcome email?
'Cause no shoes is also a big one.
I can't sleep with the sound of stomping.
I thought this was a private space.
Yeah, the upstairs is your private domain.
(CHUCKLES) I hang my hat in the subterranean domicile.
I live in the basement.
- What are you doing? - A pedophile has this address.
Okay, well, it's a good thing we're adults.
I look young.
(UTENSILS CLATTERING)
This is what happens
when you stray from places you know and love.
Your mom got staph at the Pelican Palace.
(SIGHS) The Pelican Palace is fun.
They keep beers in the ice machine.
- You prefer dirty ice? - Over a literal death bed? Yeah.
Okay. I put a lot of effort into planning this trip,
and I would like if we could at least relax
and try to connect, enjoy ourselves,
appreciate where we are.
- (DOOR CLOSES) - KATIE: (CHUCKLING) Ow!
(SHUSHES)
(WATER RUNNING)
- Cameras? What the hell? - What?
Remember when I worked at Urban Outfitters?
All right, those cameras aren't even on.
People just see 'em and are less likely to steal.
Do you see any ironic coffee table books
for sale here? 'Cause I don't.
Dougie isn't warding off shoplifters.
He's watching us to get his rocks off.
He is not camped out in front of the monitor
with his hands down his pants.
He's nice.
No, no.
I'm not staying here all night and being one of Dougie's
cheese-eating cam girls, okay?
I'm going to a bar.
- All night at a bar? - Yeah.
(SHUSHES)
The thing is, though, if it's loud,
we won't really be able to talk.
We talk all day.
I know, that's a good point.
Yeah, let's go to a bar.
♪ (SOFT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Man, this place has really changed. (CHUCKLES)
It used to get packed.
I saw this pottery place in town and they have a morning class
that teaches you how to make little bowls for your keys.
I kind of was hoping we'd sleep in.
Yeah, it's not until seven.
Okay.
- Cheers to this weekend. - Thank you for planning it.
Um...
As you know, we've had so many great memories here as friends,
and we've crossed so many milestones together.
And I thought it would be the perfect place to come
to cross one more.
And I think that it's the most important thing
we do if we are able to flourish together,
like two roses, two best friend, I guess, roses, who um...
- Uh, can I get a beer, please? - BARTENDER: Yeah.
That guy? Real hot.
- Who? - The helmet guy.
- Can I get a double whiskey. - Uh, okay, not why we're here.
Um, okay, so I was saying,
we... we have crossed so many milestones together
- here as friends... - He looks like Dennis Fuller.
Ugh, Dennis Fuller, another loser.
Should I go talk to him?
I'm... I'm in the middle of saying something, okay?
- Um... - (CELL PHONE VIBRATING)
- You gonna pick that up? - I'm gonna call him back.
(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)
Uh, I'm gonna be quick. Don't move.
(SLURPING)
Sorry, uh, had to get to a quiet place.
- Delaney dragged me to a bar. - JOHN: You out celebrating?
- Celebrating? - JOHN: The proposal.
- Katie. - Uh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It cut out for a sec, um...
Not yet, not yet.
JOHN: You said that you would tell her by tonight.
No, no, I know.
I was just about to when you called.
JOHN: Well, Daria sent over some invitation samples,
and she said we should pick one by next week.
Okay, yeah, sounds good.
JOHN: I'll send you some photos, and then you can decide.
Or I can decide and you can send me photos, as well.
- Ah, whichever. - CHARLIE: Okay.
- I'll text you later. - I'll text you later.
- CHARLIE: Love you. Bye. - Love you. Bye.
♪ (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- Checking in? - Uh, you've gotta check in.
KYLE: I'm the social chair for Sigma Nu.
So, I got to plan this bachelor party
for my almost bro-in-law.
And I always go big.
Last month, we had a Naughty Nuns
and a Frisky Friars party.
- Friars are like bald priests. - Tommy, what do you do?
- Uh, finance. - (SCOFFS) Okay, humble.
Do you follow crypto? 'Cause he created Apex Coin.
Uh, GQ did vote it
one of their up-and-coming coins of the year
this year, but it's not a big deal.
Oh my God. "Anybody can make this little itty-bitty coin."
Nobody's... "Oh, I'm so sorry."
- Sorry. Hey. - Hi. Um, I'm Katie.
- PHIL: Hey, Kaylee. Oh my God. - Should we...
You look exactly like my twins. Look at this.
(PHIL CHUCKLES)
Is Apex Coin funding any strippers this weekend?
I don't pay for intimate experiences.
I do. I wanted one real bad.
I found one online that's so mean to you.
CHARLIE: Sorry about him.
The legend himself. It's Charlie.
- DELANEY: Delaney, Katie. - Nice to meet you. Katie. Again.
Do you think it was a bad idea
to have a college junior plan my bachelor party?
Uh, we're actually probably going to head out.
(BOTTLES CLINKING)
Oh, would you actually mind opening these for us?
All good. I got it.
- CHARLIE: Oh! Nope. - P-p-p-p-p-p-p party flops!
- Go. - (LAUGHS) Yep.
You... you didn't want to use your party flop?
KYLE: You.
- Thank you. - One beer and we go?
One beer and we go.
(GULPING)
- Let's go. - Yeah, let's fucking go.
I'm gonna fire up some tunes. (BEATBOXES, CHUCKLES)
- That smells fucking awful. - Oh my God, that smells so bad.
Wait, I didn't smell anything. I didn't... what's it smell like?
(SNIFFS, GROANS)
Yo, did anybody see a dog walk through here?
Bottle opener on the bottom of a shoe?
Stop smiling. Stop.
I don't know what kind of moron
walks through dog shit and has no idea.
He didn't even know how to get strippers
for a bachelor party.
Well, not all guys like strippers.
- That one I get. - Yeah, totally.
- John really doesn't. - Okay.
John actually doesn't 'cause he has a sister.
He does?
You've hung out with her, like, three times.
DELANEY: Oh, right.
Will you open the door?
- You have the key. - You have the key.
- No. - I have the key?
- You wanted to carry it. - I have the key.
I don't have the key.
KATIE: Wh... where'd it go?
It might have fallen out of my pockets.
- Why can't you carry a purse? - I'm sorry.
I need to brush my teeth.
We can go back to the bar and look for them?
No.
- You know what we have to do? - No.
Yeah.
Sorry again, Dougie.
Uh, It's fine. I was only asleep for an hour.
- Okay, good. Have a good... - Oh! (CHUCKLES) Sorry!
Just pop those off for me.
- Oh! Sorry. - Yeah.
It's just the rules. (CHUCKLES)
Thank you.
- Almost forgot. - That's fine. Love those flats.
Oops! Sorry.
(SIGHS) Before you go back down to the basement,
what's the deal with the cameras?
Oh my gosh.
I had to up my security after a nightmare renter.
Ever heard of a home birth?
But the cameras don't actually record.
Oh, no. They're the real deal, yeah.
No audio, of course,
'cause you need a permit for that,
and no cameras in the bedrooms or bathrooms.
- This was all in the... - In the welcome email, yeah.
Was it just a quick skim? 'Cause we can pop a squat
and look things over if you want.
- Uh... - No, we should not pop any squats.
We'd like to go to bed, and we'd like to watch TV alone.
Do you guys know how to work the Roku?
Yes, yes. I saw that in the binder.
She saw the... (CHUCKLES) I crack myself up.
(SIGHS) I don't have a Roku.
It was a trick question. You fell right into my trap.
I'm really gonna need you to do a refresher
on the rules after I leave.
'Kay?
Gonna need a verbal 'kay from both of you.
(SIGHS) 'Kay.
DOUGIE: Mm?
Okay.
And while I'm at it,
why don't I throw us all in a group text?
Just in case of emergencies.
Katie, I have your digits, but, um...
Delaney? (MIMICS CELL PHONE KEYS CLACKING)
- (NOTIFICATION TONE CHIMES) - (BIRD CHIRPS)
(YAWNS)
(GROANS)
♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- DELANEY: What time is it? - It's early. Um...
It's really early. Go back to bed.
DELANEY: Hmm.
I'm gonna, uh... I'm gonna go get us coffees.
DELANEY: Hmm.
KATIE: It's a matter of privacy. I don't...
I think it's a little weird for your friend's wife
to post something before I, the bride,
have posted anything, you know? I mean...
JOHN: But you told Delaney, right?
Yes. Yes, I...
I told her we were engaged. I...
JOHN: Okay. I will ask them to take it down.
- Okay, yeah. - JOHN: Yeah.
I just don't want it up there. Okay.
JOHN: I gotta go.
Yeah. All right. I love you. Bye.
Hey.
Hi... Hi.
I almost didn't recognize you
without the dog shit on your cup.
- Oh! - ♪ (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- That's funny. (CHUCKLES) - CHARLIE: Too soon?
I am sorry. I overheard you on the phone.
I didn't realize you were a bride.
Yeah. Yeah.
- CHARLIE: Congratulations. - Thank you.
Thank you. It's, um... It's really recent. Um, and...
I'm really, really excited. I just need to figure out a...
I haven't told, uh, my best friend yet.
Uh, Delaney, who you met last night.
So, I just need to, you know, figure stuff out, so...
What, she doesn't like him?
Uh, you know, I mean, she's not the most emotive person,
so it can be... it can be...
It was hard to tell in the beginning,
but yeah, she likes him.
She does. Yeah, she does like him.
Yeah. Now say it one more time, but I want you
- to really mean it. - She... she does like him, so...
Look, a few of my friends weren't that happy
for me when I got engaged.
I think they're just freaked out that they think your fiancé
is going to hijack your life
and they're never going to see you again.
I know, which is crazy.
One of them just straight up stopped inviting me places
'cause he said I don't know how to "hang" anymore.
- Right. - CHARLIE: Not that that's going to happen to you. I think...
No, no, I know, um...
- Yeah. - Okay. Good luck with, you know.
Enjoy your coffee.
- Yeah. - Bye.
- You're up! - What time is it?
Time to get up. Cold brew. There you go.
- It's beautiful out, by the way. - Where's my phone?
Our phones are tucked away safely
in the kitchen drawer.
- Why? - Because today is about
having fun without distractions.
We're gonna float around untethered to technology,
- just like when we were little. - What happened to pottery?
We're not going to pottery.
We're gonna be wild, crazy, spontaneous.
We are going off the grid.
(MIMICKING BIRD CHIRPING)
- Think it was a left back there? - I was following you.
- I'm following you. - Why? I'm left-brained.
No, I'm left-brained.
Which one's the one that's bad at math?
- 'Cause you're that one. - That's very rude.
DELANEY: You know what's rude is those are my sneakers
and you're wearing them and you didn't ask me.
- GWEN: Katie? - (GASPS)
- (BABY FUSSING) - Gwen! Oh my God. Hi.
GWEN: And Delaney.
- Hey, Gwen! - Oh my God. Wow!
You two hanging out.
It's like stepping back into 2008 again. (LAUGHS)
- I love it... Mm... - (BABY CRIES)
You have a baby.
- Mm-hmm. - KATIE: Congratulations.
Yeah, Max, but she's a girl. (SIGHS) She's amazing.
She's such a great eater. She sleeps eight to eight.
Wow, that's awesome. Are you here for the weekend?
Oh, no, my partner and I, we live here full time.
Yeah, we moved away from the city,
which was super scary, but, you know, I love it.
Wait, did I see that you got married?
Uh, no. No. (MUMBLES)
GWEN: Oh, you know what? I'm thinking about the other Katie
in your grade. Yeah, the other Katie.
She had her wedding featured on Nautical Nuptials.
- Amazing. (CHUCKLES) - KATIE: Wow.
Well, what are you up to today?
We're probably just gonna grab some food
at the deli, actually, in town.
(GASPS) Oh my God, their lox is what got me
through my second trimester.
Just the craziest cravings with this little one.
You know, pistachios, fish,
cottage cheese, butt stuff, whatever.
You name it, I had it. Oh, crazy idea alert,
but we're actually having a BBQ at mine today.
- You should come. - Is it a party?
It's a BBQ. Yeah. Come.
(BABY CRYING)
GWEN: Mm...
(CHUCKLES) Sorry, we just, we get a little crazy
- on the weekends. - (ALL CHUCKLE)
Well, I mean, as you know crazy as we can with a little one.
(LAUGHS, SIGHS)
- Um, so what is it you do, Theo? - I'm a filmmaker.
- (BOTH CHUCKLE) - THEO: Yeah, um, commercials.
Yeah, he just got back from Tokyo.
DELANEY: Oh, wow.
You know, I hear Japan's amazing.
What commercial were you shooting?
Um, it's nothing.
- Sweetie, just tell them. - No. It's just a small thing.
He's being so modest. He's being modest.
He was shooting a watch commercial
with Brad Pitt and Natalie Portman.
- DELANEY: Oh, wow. - Uh, that's... that's so cool.
Did you get to meet them, the celebrities?
Yeah, that's not really why I do it, though.
- Hmm. - THEO: Hmm.
No, of course not.
- KATIE: Yeah. - DELANEY: Oh, hello.
- THEO: Oh! - Oh, hi.
- Oh, no, careful. She can bite. - KATIE: She does?
Uh! Well, yeah, I guess she really likes you.
(KATIE AND GWEN CHUCKLE)
I've never seen her do that with anyone but me.
Noodle, why don't you come here? Come here.
Come to Papa. Hey, come on. Nood...
- (BABY CRYING) - Mm! (SIGHS)
I think, um... Yeah, I think it's your turn, Daddy.
You know, I'm pretty sure I read in a book
that it's better to let 'em cry it out, right?
No, that's for when we're putting her to sleep, babe.
- Yes. Well, and nappies. - No, no, not just nappies.
THEO: Oh, now she wants to... she wants to come here.
Come on. Yeah, you want your Daddy.
- Okay. Here we go. - (DOG WHIMPERING)
- Oh! - THEO: (CHUCKLES) Oh!
We're gonna look after the child as well.
Come on.
- (ALL CHUCKLE) - Yeah.
- Just excuse me, okay? - No, that's okay.
(BABY CONTINUES CRYING)
I'm very worried about the dog.
GWEN: I'm sorry, okay? I felt bad.
I saw them wandering the neighborhood,
looking longingly at all these families.
What was I supposed to do?
You always invite strangers into this house.
First, it was the kittens in the garage.
Now, it's these spinsters from your past.
- Baby, we have a child. - We do?
Wow, I just forgot about the 46 hours of labor
- and my torn anus. - (THEO GROANS)
THEO: The chatty one is hiding something,
and I know that you don't care,
but the mute keeps on fiddling with Noodle.
- I want them gone. - I want my life back.
Ladies, I couldn't find any weed but I have some ketamine.
Fuck.
(LAUGHING)
- (LOUDLY) Ow! - KATIE: (CHUCKLING) Ow! Ow!
(GROANS) It hit my spine.
(CONTINUES GROANING)
Oh my God. Since when is petting a dog weird?
It's not like I was only petting tail.
I'm serious.
Okay, well, I'm not "hiding" anything.
They're just frickin' nuts.
Whatever. That's the most excitement
- they've seen in months, so. - Yeah?
Her partner just shot a commercial
with Brad Pitt, but I hear you.
Yeah, they clearly hate each other, though.
Hate each other? Maybe they're a little tired.
Just had a baby.
Or maybe they were in love, and then they had the baby,
and now they hate each other.
- That's real nice. - I'm... I'm sorry.
That's the reason I don't want kids.
All right, I know you want kids.
I mean it, I don't want kids.
Okay, you don't mean that, don't say that.
♪ (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
DELANEY: Um, I do mean it. I don't want kids.
Delaney, you don't mean that. Stop.
Can we not have this conversation?
Because that'd really put a damper on my entire day.
Yes, okay, sorry, um...
Okay, what do you wanna do?
- Follow me. - Okay?
♪ ("DO SI DO" BY JENNY LEWIS PLAYING) ♪
♪ Turn up the stereo ♪
♪ 'Til everything rattles, ooh ♪
♪ Life is a disco, a mambo... ♪
I'm gonna get this with my name on it,
and she's gonna get this with her name on it.
♪ Put on your day glow Do-si-do ♪
DELANEY: What's the other two percent?
Um, paralegal?
(BANG SNAPS EXPLODING)
- (BOTH LAUGH) - ♪ Do-si-do ♪
♪ Open the window ♪
(BANG SNAPS EXPLODING)
♪ Get back in the saddle Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ This ain't no ghetto, Joe ♪
♪ You're on the payroll ♪
Hi!
♪ Do-si-do Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
- DELANEY: Yeah! - KATIE: Ooh!
DELANEY: Oh my God!
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER) - ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Do-si-do ♪
KATIE: Oh my God, they're very nimble.
♪ Let the grown man cry ♪
♪ Powerful minds ♪
- ♪ Oh my ♪ - ♪ (SONG CONCLUDES) ♪
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- KATIE: Really? - Yes.
He cuts his toenails in the car.
- KATIE: That's a good thing. - No.
Shots! Keep it going, all-nighter.
Oh, hi, Kyle. You sure you're allowed back in here?
- (CHUCKLES) - (LAUGHS)
- Dude, I'm so embarrassed. - How can we make this up to you?
Um, I guess one of you could eat some dog shit.
(LAUGHS)
- Shit, I'll do it. - No, I'll do it.
- I'll do it. - I am so sorry
that we keep subjecting you to this.
Let's just do a round of Fireball shots for everyone.
You like Fireball?
I love Fireball.
Let's fucking go.
- (PHIL GROANS) - KATIE: What is with Phil?
What's up, Kaylee?
Oh my God, dude. I gotta go to the bathroom.
Well, we've been having so much fun,
it's been hard to find the right time to tell her.
Right.
But, more importantly, as soon as you tell her,
it's gonna be weird.
Uh, yeah, that too.
All right, then don't think about it and just have fun.
I can't not think about it.
- She is going to find out. - Mm-hmm.
- Oh my God. You're so stressed. - (LAUGHS) I know.
- I know. - I can feel your heart
- beating in your chest. - I know.
Well, my fiancée wants to try for kids
- as soon as we get married. - Aw!
So this will be the last time I see my friends
for the next... (EXHALES) ...18 years.
(CHUCKLING)
That's so sad.
- I know. - Don't say that.
I agree. The fact is that we're getting older,
and we're not gonna have a lot more weekends like this.
We're not 80 years old. This is not your last "hurrah."
Do you know what a bachelor party is?
By definition, it is a last hurrah.
- I think you're being dramatic. - I don't think so.
(SIGHS)
Maybe we get another drink?
- Yes. - Is... is that an awful idea?
- No, it's a good idea. - Okay, twist your arm?
(LAUGHS) Twist my arm.
I don't really do the whole American idealization
of excess supersizing thing.
Well, except when it comes to real estate
because tiny homes scare me.
(DART THUDS)
- Oh! - (CELL PHONE VIBRATING)
Beijing. Hold those. Thank you.
- What's his deal? - Oh, he's a good dude.
And he's like low-key rich now, too.
But he only dates models. Sorry. Hey, um...
- Are... are you single? - Yeah, I'm single.
Same. I mean, me and my boys
have like a strict no-dating policy for junior year.
I love that. I wish my friends got that.
Could you maybe put in a good word with, uh, Tommy?
- Like, to date? - No.
- Oh, like, to smash? - Yeah, like, to smash.
Yeah, I'll ask him.
Less of an ask and more of a temperature check.
Just check it out for me.
It's my mission to get you kissing.
- (DART THUDS) - (GRUNTS)
Phil! Tommy! Family Fireball shots!
(SOFTLY) Oh, fuck.
- ♪ But now I think about The good times ♪ - Cheers!
♪ Down in The Caribbean sunshine ♪
♪ In my younger days I was so bad ♪
♪ Laughin' about All the fun we had ♪
♪ I seen enough To feel the world spin ♪
♪ Mixin' different oceans Meetin' cousins ♪
♪ Listen to the drummers And the night sounds ♪
♪ Listen to the singers make The world go... ♪
- ♪ (SONG ENDS ABRUPTLY) ♪ - Oh, fuck. I forgot to vote.
- (CHUCKLES) - Guys, there's nothing open.
We really don't need to force the night.
No, no, no. We said all-nighter.
- We did. - I feel like Tommy and Delaney
still need to clap cheeks.
What are you talking about?
Nothing. He's drunk. Ignore him.
Well, we would invite you back to the Pelican Palace bar.
But it is, I've been told,
an out-of-order vending machine in the parking lot.
- Mm! - So...
-That's correct. -They can't host. They can't host.
(BOTH CHUCKING)
You guys, should we just call it?
- Yes. - No. No, let's go to ours.
♪ (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- What about Dougie? - Uh, I dunno...
- We'll be quiet. - (CHARLIE SNICKERS)
Sorry, this is the only room in the house without cameras.
- I have cash. - Yeah, I think, uh...
I think I should probably take Phil home.
No. No. You should stay here.
Charlie and Katie, they'll be back any second.
-PHIL: Chill. I'm friends with Danny. -Or we could play a game.
You guys ever heard of Twister?
Oh, man. (SIGHS)
The Beta Phis brought it to the hockey house last spring.
No, uh, seriously, I told Phil's wife I'd watch him.
I think it's time for us to go, Phil.
I'm good. Chill.
Come on, we'll go back to the hotel.
I think we should get Phil coffee.
- Phil, do you want a coffee? - Don't fucking touch me.
All right, yeah, let's get Phil coffee.
Is that okay?
Yeah, go get me fucking coffee and get out of here.
- Great, let's get Phil coffee. - Bye.
This guy fucking thinks he knows what it's like
to fucking live in a house with three women.
No offense, you're awesome.
CHARLIE: Ooh, a smooth banana IPA.
(CHARLIE AND KATIE CHUCKLE)
That could be... that could be your wedding drink,
like your bride signature cocktail.
I'm not doing any of that stuff.
Right, 'cause you're, like, a cool bride.
KATIE: Yes, yes, that's right.
What's your signature cocktail?
Well, I'm a cool groom, so I can't do that.
Oh, you mean, you might actually be too cool of a groom
if it takes you seven years to propose.
Look, love happens in its own time.
- Oh, right. - I don't make the timetable.
- Love makes the timetable. - And that's what you told her?
- Yeah. - Yes, that's what I told her.
And how much time did that buy you?
- Seven years. - (BOTH CHUCKLE)
Ah, ah, ah, I see.
- ♪ (PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ - What made you wait so long?
I just wasn't sure.
About your fiancée?
About any of it. I just...
I just didn't know if that's what I wanted.
You know, I just think it's this thing
that we all think we're supposed to do
'cause everybody else does it, but we never stop
and ask ourselves if it's what we actually want.
And then I realized that I did want it,
and I do want kids,
and that, eventually, I just had to get out of my own way
and find somebody that I liked, and use good judgment,
and be smart and just, you know, pick them and...
be happy.
So romantic.
I don't care if you don't think it's romantic.
It's honest, and honesty is what sustains a marriage.
It's not romance.
I mean, you actually don't think
that there's one person for everyone?
(SCOFFS) I'm sorry, you can't be serious.
- KATIE: What? - One person for everyone?
No, of course not. I think there are millions of people
that we can connect with.
It's just a matter of when you meet them.
We're not marrying these people because of timing.
Don't say we're marrying them because of soulmates,
'cause I'll leave you here with those beers.
We are marrying them because we love them.
Yes.
KATIE: I mean, right?
I said yes.
KATIE: I... You're not selling me.
- Do you know? (CHUCKLES) - That's not my job.
This coffee expired six years ago.
- Coffee doesn't expire. - I got cash money, baby girl.
PHIL: Remember that stuff from the '90s?
Don't worry about Phil. We'll give him some tap water, okay?
Or like Windex or something.
Would you like to share a glass of wine?
What?
Someone found a speaker.
- Connect. - TOMMY: No.
I have to conserve my battery for the Uber so we can leave.
You remember leaving?
You can use my phone for the... the music.
No offense, but you probably don't have my kind of music
- on your phone, so... - Why?
- What kind of music do you like? - House,
but a very specific kind of house.
- I like specific house. - TOMMY: Oh my God.
Just listen to your music, okay?
- Are you... - Put it on your phone.
- I'm fine. - Are you...
Put on your phone. I'm fine.
KYLE: Oh, Tommy.
I'm coming, Tommy.
I'm gonna make two glasses of wine still for...
if anyone wants to stay and... and drink it with me.
♪ (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Delaney, could you fire up some pizzas, hon?
For the guys, at least.
I mean, I'm happy to host. I'm just...
Yeah, you don't seem anxious about it at all.
What? Well, I'm a little worried.
If I get a bad review, that is on you.
Oh, my... What is with you and this review?
- Are you in some sort of legal bind? - What?
- (LAUGHS) No, no, but... - I will write you a comment
- if they give you a shitty review. - Oh!
- Oh! Thank you. - You know, um,
we could just go back to my hotel, if you want.
I mean, just say the word.
(EXHALES) Charlie, I can't.
I'm engaged, you know? I...
Trust me. (SIGHS)
I feel it too, but there's not...
(STAMMERS) I'm sorry, I meant like...
I meant all of us would go back to my hotel, like,
instead of you hosting here, just 'cause you seemed
- anxious about it. - Yeah, no, I'm...
I'm so sorry.
Um, just 'cause we'd been flirting,
- so I thought that you were... - I wasn't suggesting
that you and I would go back alone to my hotel.
I hope I wasn't giving off that impression.
I mean, did you think the friendly banter meant
that I was going to, like, cheat on my fiancée?
No. No.
- Here, I'll... Okay. - I got it.
- KYLE: That's a fatty, dude. - (DOOR OPENS)
- ♪ (TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ - (SNIFFS)
Delaney, what the fuck are you doing?
We said we'd stay in the bedroom. Delaney!
CHARLIE: Phil, buddy, time to go.
- Finally, yeah, let's go. - DELANEY: No, stay.
We can go to my room.
- I'll make it fun. - No.
- No, thanks. - Is it 'cause I'm not a model?
No, because I don't share a genuine connection with you,
and it feels weird to lead you on.
- Oh, fuck you. - You know, I came here
to celebrate an important time in Charlie's life.
I tried to politely keep my distance
so I could spend time with my friends,
who I never see.
But you inserted yourself into our plans
and put us all in a very weird situation.
So, honestly, fuck you, Delaney.
No.
No. No, no, no. Fuck you, Tommy.
Fuck you.
Because that, that's the dopest girl
that I've ever met.
And you may not get her...
but I do.
I think I love you.
- (CHUCKLES) - (CHUCKLES)
(CHUCKLES) What... What?
What are you talking about?
- (FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING) - ♪ (MUSIC STOPS) ♪
What? No, no, no, no, no. What... What is going on here?
Who are these people? Mom's house!
- Can you not on the art? - KATIE: I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- They are about to leave. - Additional guests?
Shoes inside? Alcohol?
You agreed to the rules.
I know. I know. I'm sorry. There were a lot of rules.
And, honestly, no alcohol is crazy.
- So... - Yeah.
'Cause I don't want to relapse again.
I'm two years sober.
What is wrong with you people? This is my house.
It kills me that I have to rent this out.
But with my mom's leftover medical bills,
- I don't really have... - (PHIL SNORTING)
Really?
I'm not gonna not do the coke.
- (DOORBELL RINGING) - (DOOR OPENS)
- (DOOR CLOSES) - Hi.
Hi.
- We're here for Big Dick Phil. - ♪ ("GO OFF" BY DAI BURGER PLAYING) ♪
- What? - Oh my God. I'm him.
Phil, please tell me that you didn't hire...
Delaney said I could.
I said he could. 'Cause guess what?
All guys like strippers, Katie, even your lover, Charlie.
Okay, well, he's not my lover.
I mean, you have been eye-fucking her all week, dude.
- See? - Whoa!
What about my sister?
- That's not chill. - What are you talking about?
She's engaged.
You knew?
Charlie knew.
Hey, we're drunk, okay?
Let's not talk about this right now.
You don't want to talk about how you hid
your engagement from me for an entire weekend?
KATIE: Can you stop?
DELANEY: How you put our phones in a kitchen drawer?
- Stop. - You're a psycho!
And you're a fucking bitch!
- ♪ (MUSIC STOPS) ♪ - Okay, this is just sad.
- I can't dance here. - Same.
Friendship stuff is super triggering.
Yeah.
(DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)
(SNIFFLES) Okay, I got another girl,
but it'll take her 45 minutes to get here.
Get out!
You get out.
You're a pervert. You filmed us.
Pervert.
- Pervert. - DELANEY: Pervert.
- Pervert. Pervert. - PHIL: Pervert. Pervert.
- Pervert. - Pervert.
- Pervert. You're creepy!
You don't treat guests this way!
(DIAL TONE RINGING)
- Everywhere's closed, Delaney. - I'm not talking to you.
- Okay, but nowhere's open. - You don't know everything.
(DIAL TONE CONTINUES RINGING)
Ugh.
OPERATOR: If you'd like to make a call...
- Oh, hello. - please hang up
and try again...
I'll have one pizza for one person.
(DISCONNECT TONE RINGS)
DELANEY: I can hold.
- (MUFFLED MOANING) - (RHYTHMIC BANGING ON WALL)
He says it's gonna be five minutes, so...
KATIE: He didn't want to know what type of pizza?
I always get pepperoni and they always know, so...
Yeah? I didn't hear a credit card number.
- I'm paying cash and stuff. - Mm.
- (BANGING INTENSIFIES) - (MOANING CONTINUES)
- (CELL PHONE VIBRATING) - ♪ (SOFY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(KATIE SCOFFS)
(SIGHS)
(CELL PHONE THUDS)
Tommy took my charger into his room and...
I know, but...
All right, well,
Kyle's also not exactly the most reliable narrator.
I can't.
Look, I'm gonna be home in a few hours.
No, I'm here.
No, my service is fine. I'm gonna...
I'll be home in a few hours and then we can talk, okay?
(SUITCASE CLATTERING)
- Ready. - Great.
AUTOMATED VOICE: Four hours and 37 minutes to destination.
♪ (SOFT MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪
(LEVER CLICKS)
(KEYS JANGLING)
Can we please talk about last night?
About what?
All of it. I mean...
Do you remember any of it?
I know you can black out big chunks
when you drink like that.
I remember that you lied to me about getting engaged.
- I remember that. - I tried to tell you.
That first night, I had this whole thing planned.
It's the... the whole reason we did the trip.
You lied to me all weekend.
No, I... I tried to tell you all weekend.
Another lie. That's great.
Why do you always lie?
Honestly, you lie to me all the time.
I'm not a liar.
It's just really hard to be honest with you.
I mean, you hate everything. You hate everyone.
- I don't hate everyone. - Admit you hate John.
Admit it.
You've never liked him. You roll your eyes when he talks.
You don't laugh at his jokes.
I don't know why, he's so sweet, but you have always hated him.
- I hate how boring he makes you. - KATIE: Boring?
Why? 'Cause I don't want to babysit your fucking benders.
At least I'm not stuck in some sad routine.
I'm not sad. I'm happy.
(SCOFFS) You look happy.
Why don't you call it?
I'm serious. Why don't you leave the city?
Go drown your personality in white wine with Gwen.
That sounds better than staying here
and wasting it with you one weekend at a time.
Why don't you try caring about something?
Why don't you try making a fucking effort?
- Why don't you grow up? - I am grown up!
- You still do cocaine! - Doing cocaine is fun, Katie!
Okay. Yeah, well, maybe we're too different now.
Yeah. Maybe we are.
♪ ("ABSENCE" BY DYAN PLAYING) ♪
Get out.
Hey! There she is.
How you doing? You feeling okay?
- Yeah, just going in the shower. - Okay.
(SNIFFS)
♪ The day you ride away From me ♪
♪ Taking light And leaving grief ♪
(SOBS)
(ALEX SPEAKING ON LAPTOP)
♪ I keep the hurt I'd rather feel ♪
♪ And watch the shadow From my knees ♪
♪ (SINGER HUMMING) ♪
There were two pigs, okay,
and they're in the same pit of mud.
And the wife pig turns over to the husband pig,
and she says, "Have you seen Farmer Joe's pants lately?"
Why would you cancel?
The husband goes, "Oh, that's so funny.
I thought he said pork chop."
♪ Remind me of that place We know... ♪
Thank you so much. I had a really nice time.
♪ (SONG ENDS ABRUPTLY) ♪
(SIGHS)
KATIE: "Oops. Did a thing.
Officially secured series B fundy for my startup."
- Who do you think posted that? - What? Oh, oh, oh, um...
Elon Musk.
Uh, no, no. It's someone we know.
Oh, oh, uh, some...
I give up. (CHUCKLES)
Uh, okay. Um, no, it was Diane's date
- from, uh, New Year's. - Oh.
(STUTTERS) No, I don't even think I met her.
Oh, is she friends with Delaney?
Speaking of which,
is Delaney coming to dinner this weekend?
I don't think so.
- Why? - Well, we're in a fight.
The two of you are fighting.
- Yeah. - That's
- maybe never happened in the history of the world. - Yeah.
- What happened? - Um, it's very dumb.
Uh, it was about the engagement.
- Oh. - I...
So, I never actually told her.
She found out on my phone and went ballistic
- and got wasted. - Wait, wait, what do you mean?
You didn't tell her that...
I mean, remember I tried and you called,
so I couldn't really.
And then I tried later that night
- and it got extremely weird. - No.
No, no, no, don't, don't do that.
I let you wait until the perfect moment
to tell her how you wanted to tell her.
And you said you would do that on the trip.
You told me you would handle that on the trip
so we could start planning our wedding.
I mean, you're a little obsessed with planning the wedding.
Well, yeah, I want to celebrate our marriage
with our family and our friends.
No offense, I don't think you really get it.
You know, I don't think you get me and Delaney exactly.
- I don't think you could. - JOHN: See how do you...
How do you say that?
I've been nothing but accommodating to you
and your friend. She has a drawer in our dresser.
- You said that was fun. - It... it was.
It is.
But I just wanna know when you're gonna choose us.
Right? When you will stop bending our lives together
- for Delaney. - KATIE: It's not just Delaney.
- JOHN: Hold on. What... No. - No, no, no.
What do you... what do you... What do you mean?
KATIE: You know, marriage can really change your life.
And... and a lot of times for the better,
which I think will be, you know, our case.
And I'm very excited, of course.
But there's just a lot of changes.
Like, for example, you know,
eventually, we will probably want to move out of the city.
And that's fine. And I'm... You know, we'll do that for you.
And you go out there and then all of a sudden,
all your friends are married couples
that moved out there too and... and nobody knew you before
you were a married couple,
so it's actually a bit like you didn't exist
before you were part of a married couple,
- so that's the new you. - JOHN: Uh, I'm just gonna...
I'm just gonna... I'm just gonna stop you.
I don't even know what to believe anymore.
- John! - (DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)
LUCA: So, anyways, popcorn to Delaney.
I didn't have any peaks this week.
Well, a week of valleys
finds time in our cal eventually.
Everything okay?
Yeah, it's... Everything's okay.
Delaney, we're here if you ever want to share, obviously.
But you seem to hate Peaks and Valleys, so...
- I don't hate Peaks and Valleys. - LUCA: Really?
Once you thought you were muted and you screamed
"fuck" when we started playing the game.
Okay, fine. Um...
My valley was...
my best friend lied to me about getting engaged.
- What? - Wow.
Wow. That is a deep valley. Very deep.
Okay. Let's dive into this. Let's dive into this.
Come on. We're here for you.
Wow. Your hair.
I always picture... pictured you as a blonde.
ALEX: Look at you. Okay, so, wait.
Tell me everything. Who is this fiancé?
- What's his name? - Yeah.
- John. - ALEX: Where's John from?
- LUCA: Yep, John. - The Midwest.
- What state? - Minneapolis.
Michigan or Minnesota. It's an M. I just...
I can't remember right now.
You seem like you must hate him.
I don't hate him.
- I don't hate John. - That's very nice.
It's your best friend, so you're trying to be nice,
but, like, what did he do? He obviously cheated.
- He obviously... - He cheated.
He did cheat, Alex. He cheated...
John did not cheat. John's not a cheater.
He's totally obsessed with her.
But too obsessed, probably.
No.
- No. - No, to where it's like,
- true crime. - No.
He treats her really well. He's a very good guy.
So, he treats her well?
Yeah, he treats her well.
Wait, and she... is she, like, happy with him?
Yeah.
Okay, wait. Sorry for the disconnect here,
but what's the problem?
And the toy guy said
that that's the most popular thing he sells.
Yeah, no, the kids wanted one of these.
- (HENRY GRUNTS) - I... I just got them
a new globe, but never enough.
- Where's John? - Uh, he has a work thing.
DARIA: Oh, did he decide if he wanted the chicken
or lamb skewers for the cocktail hour?
Shoot! Uh, I... I'll ask him. I'm... I'm not sure.
Oh, if you get that thing wet, it turns blue.
So, he's rehabbing brittle hips after sundown?
He's really burning the midnight oil.
And, um, if you want it to go back to red again,
- you just put it in the sun. - Is there trouble in paradise?
You can't hide from an empath, little sister.
Um...
Delaney and I got into a fight. And now,
John and I are in a bit of a fight about that fight.
Of course. No, no, no. We all saw this coming.
You know, you guys are emotionally stunted.
Daria says you both have arrested development.
(SCOFFS) I never said that. Thank you very much.
Oh, so, you just happened to leave your notebook open
to a page that said,
"Never individuated into adulthood?"
Did you find the key to my office again?
It doesn't matter. Look.
The medical fact is you guys are basically still kids
who are clinging on to each other
in the cafeteria of life. You're emotionally stunted.
Oh, that's a very mature response, Katie.
Do you see what I'm saying? You're stunted.
- That's so rich coming from you. - Look, I'm sorry.
I really hate to be the one to have to tell you this,
but it might actually be time for you to grow up.
- We have all had to. - Did we?
I mean, did we all have to? You're, like, 40 years old
and you still blame everything on our parents.
You're emotionally stunted, not me.
- Tell him, Daria. - No, no, no, Daria.
Tell her that she's narcissistic like Dad.
Do you know that the DSM-5
defines narcissism as a personality disorder?
Right, Daria? A cluster B personality disorder,
which I think we can both agree you have.
- I have a personality disorder? - HENRY: Yeah.
- Obviously. - Oh my God, you're delusional.
You're... you're literally medically delusional.
You're... you're certifiable. Daria, tell him.
You have every symptom. Tell him. Tell him. He lit...
Shut up! Just shut the fuck up!
(SOBS)
Today I listened to a man
detail an intense reptilian fetish
that's ruining his marriage.
And I had to tell him, "No, that's not weird.
Do you want an iguana to act as a third?"
A girl ate rocks in front of me.
And I had to tell a mother,
who told me that she lost her pregnancy,
I had to promise her
that she would get over it one day.
Do you guys want a medical diagnosis?
You are both ungrateful shits!
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
- (DOOR SLAMS CLOSE) - I can't believe she said
all that stuff about her patients.
I mean, isn't that supposed to be, like, really private?
Okay.
I know we didn't have the ideal childhood.
But you cannot keep using it as an excuse.
I mean, come on. Can you be the adult for once?
♪ (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Can you help me for once?
Things are gonna be okay with John.
I don't know, actually.
Yeah, he's...
- He's really mad. - People get mad, Katie.
It's a part of life, and it's gonna be a long road
if you walk around trying to make everything nice
for everybody all the time. You've gotta be honest.
I know
what Delaney means to you.
And I know how much she was there for you when you were kids.
And, yes, I maybe thought that you were freaks...
But what you had was special.
You guys had a great run.
So, maybe it's okay that it's over.
Sometimes the past can't last.
♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪
Pass me my poem journal. Hurry up.
Quick, quick, quick, quick.
ROXY: Okay, I made a guest list.
Pretty much everyone who's coming is cool
except for, like, one other assistant from my office.
Have I shown you her grid before?
She posts so much emo shit.
It's like, we get that you have cancer.
- Maybe she wants support. - What? (SCOFFS)
Or seeing it helps other people.
Well, it doesn't help me.
- I meant other sick people. - Right.
Wait, how much do we hate Katie?
Like, we haven't talked about this at all.
Yeah, what she did wasn't great.
You know what I always say, "Hate motivates."
Liking stuff, that can motivate too.
No, liking stuff is for sheep.
Plus, hating stuff is like our thing.
We both know the whole world sucks.
- The whole world sucks? - ROXY: Yeah.
♪ (MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(SIGHS)
I think I need to leave.
I mean, same. This place is a shithole.
Like, it's obviously a temporary situation.
No.
I just don't want to be around you anymore.
I hate that we love to hate people.
It makes me feel sick.
And I want to feel good.
I want to be happy.
I want to be happy for other people.
I want to be happy for my family.
I want to be happy for my friends.
(SIGHS) But I don't know how to do that.
I don't know how to be happy
for people.
- ♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪ - (SIGHS)
Did you, like, write that in your notes app
to say to me? That's so fucking lame, Delaney.
DELANEY: Okay, bye.
-JOHN: All right. Just keep breathing. -PATIENT: Ow, ow.
JOHN: Okay. Other side.
- (KNOCKING ON DOOR) - JOHN: One second. Sorry.
♪ (SERENE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Delaney.
- Hi. - JOHN: What happened?
Is everyone okay?
- What? Yeah. - (EXHALES) Um...
then, um, why are you here?
Where are you from?
Uh,
Illinois.
- I knew that. (CHUCKLES) - (JOHN CHUCKLES)
Did you like it there in Illinois?
Do you mind?
- Sure. - Okay.
PATIENT: Who is it?
- (DOOR CLOSES) - PATIENT: Who is this?
Yeah. (CHUCKLES)
Yeah, I lived in Illinois pretty much my whole life.
High school, college.
"Go Phoenixes." It was our college mascot.
Yeah, my whole family went there.
And I am so sorry that I didn't tell you
that I was gonna propose to Katie.
It's okay.
Probably made you hate me even more.
I never hated you. I hated you existed.
- That was, I... (CHUCKLES) - Right. (CHUCKLES)
You never did anything wrong.
I did everything to make it incredibly weird for you.
And I'm... I'm really sorry.
I'm really happy it's you.
I will, uh, let you back
- to work. - Yeah, yeah. (CHUCKLES)
We're... We're actually in a fight.
Um, she lied to me about telling you.
And I just don't understand why she can't be
honest with me.
I don't know.
Maybe she's afraid of losing us.
Or maybe it's...
trying to protect us? I really don't know.
I do know that...
getting older is...
really scary.
PATIENT: I'm not paying for this.
- I got his card on file. - (CHUCKLES)
KATIE: So, can we talk?
I mean, what... what are we doing?
I... I can't take more silent treatment.
That's my client, Jerry.
Uh, uh, Yeah, I know Jerry.
Do you know his wife, Marlene?
You know, they've been married for years.
Lived in four states, three countries.
They got divorced, got back together,
lived in next-door houses just for their own space.
Until they built this place.
Together.
I don't know what the rest of our lives will look like,
but it can be whatever we want it to be.
I love you. I love you.
- JOHN: I love you too. - I'm sorry.
I'm sorry...
I'm sorry I lied.
And I'm gonna do better.
I know. I know. She told me.
- Who? - Delaney.
Um, when... when did you see Delaney?
Today. She came by the office.
Why? She's, like, what?
Like, returning the stuff I had in her apartment, or...
She wanted to know where I was from.
Yeah?
Actually?
Go get your girl.
- Go on. - Yeah. (CHUCKLES)
Yeah.
Open up your gait. There you go.
♪ (UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
♪ (UPBEAT TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Katie, no.
There's a list, and you're not the aesthetic.
And honestly, even if you were,
there's already a Jennifer here, and we can't, like,
have a Jennifer and a Katie, you know?
Yeah, okay. Um, Roxy, I know you think I'm lame,
but I know that you're miserable,
and that's why you're so mean. I feel bad for you. Okay?
Yeah.
- Same. - Yeah. Uh, where's Delaney?
Where do you think?
Fuck.
DELANEY: Occupied.
- DELANEY: Occupied. - Delaney, drop the drugs.
- I said occupied. - (TOILET FLUSHING)
- So, I was gonna... - Sorry, um, can I go first?
'Cause I'm feeling brave and that might go away.
Go ahead.
I look at you and I feel like we are still 12 years old.
And I really love that. (CHUCKLES)
But we're not 12 years old anymore.
And we can't spend every second together anymore.
♪ (MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
And we don't like all the same things anymore,
as much as I try to fight that. (CHUCKLES)
And I want to get married.
And I want to have kids.
And I want to save pictures of bathroom renovations I like.
And I want to make little dishes for my keys.
And I want to move out of the city.
And I know you don't want that stuff.
You don't even like that stuff,
actually, and you don't even really like people who do.
Which is scary.
And I didn't tell you about the engagement
because I was afraid you wouldn't be happy for me.
And that would just break my heart beyond repair.
(SNIFFLES)
And I'm so happy about this next chapter of my life,
but I'm terrified
that you don't want to be a part of it.
And I know I really messed up by lying.
And I'm really, really sorry.
And if things are different now, I understand.
And if we end up parting ways...
I just wanted to say thank you.
Being your best friend has just been
the highlight of my life.
(DELANEY SNIFFLES)
And I think we're really lucky...
to have lasted as long as we did.
- ♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪ - (INSECTS CHIRPING)
Well, it's not every day your kid sister gets married.
Um, I'm incredibly honored to be here.
And I was asked to put a couple words together
and to try to capture the spirit of marriage
and, um, what it means to our civilization
and, particularly, what it means
to these two very special people.
So, I've done my best...
and I think you'll agree.
- ♪ (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ - "Love's passion
always in fashion.
French kissing
sad to be missing.
Willows swaying, children playing.
Love will find a way.
Today.
Forevermore.
Into dawn, Katie and John.
You have truly won
"the game."
(SOFTLY) Thank you.
Thank you for that beautiful poem, Henry.
Okay. Let's do this.
"Dearly beloved..."
♪ ("JUST SAY A FOUR LETTER WORD (LOVE)" PLAYING) ♪
It's so crazy you spend more time with like,
a hairdresser than you do with, like, your best friends.
One hundred percent.
My eyebrow woman is... is... is closer to me. I text her.
- We're on a texting basis. - Yeah.
♪ Girl I got what you desire Yeah ♪
♪ I got a love heat To light your fire ♪
♪ Oh, girl ♪
♪ And if If there's something... ♪
It's like, really fun just to like, sleep, right?
To be in bed for a full 24 hours,
- people say that's depression. - It is like a luxury.
I say that's a luxury. Exactly, yeah.
A hundred percent. A hundred percent.
♪ You are the love of my life ♪
♪ Just use me for something ♪
♪ Oh, baby, yeah ♪
- ♪ 'Cause I've seen in you ♪ - ♪ 'Cause I've seen in you ♪
- ♪ What I love ♪ - ♪ What I love, love, love ♪
It's kind of depressing.
It is. Well, that's... that's what they tell you
in school and you never listen, you know?
- That like... - You're like,
"That won't be me."
- ♪ Do me no good ♪ - ♪ No good ♪
♪ Ever cheat on you, baby No, no, no ♪
♪ Just say a four... ♪
So, I'm fostering a Basset Hound this week.
Puppy dog.
I know. So running around. I need it.
I... honestly,I cannot even stand it.
I need it here.
♪ Just say a four-letter word ♪
♪ Love ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
- ♪ 'Cause I've seen in you ♪ - ♪ 'Cause I've seen in you ♪
♪ What I love What I love, love, love ♪
♪ (SONG CONCLUDES) ♪