- It's the butcher. - Everyone's here but Hitler.
Gentlemen, excuse me for being late.
- There was a matter I had to eliminate. - As must we.
He is a danger to the party and the German people and must be eliminated.
Only you and Himmler are allowed to get near him.
If you hadn't blundered the first time, we wouldn't be in this position now.
If it could be done, it should be done by you, mein Herr GeneraI.
- You are the only one. - Do not worry.
I will save Germany.
Better make the green, partner. We need it for the money.
You can take this one to the bank.
Fine shot, Worden.
Sure be glad when this war has ended.
So we can putt without being blown up.
Well, that could be a while coming.
A few more months, it'll all be over.
Not if the Heinies kill Hitler.
What are you talking about?
We are not certain, but our intelligence reports...
...there's going to be another assassination attempt on Hitler.
Again? They can't do that.
- Kill their own F�hrer? That's cheating. - Quite right, old boy.
Nevertheless, it seems that's precisely what Jerry has in mind.
- Who's heading it? - Dietrich.
Well, he's the only possible assassin allowed near Hitler's inner circle.
You can jolly well wager he'll make a mess.
The way RommeI did with the Wehrmacht.
But Hitler's our best ally. We need him alive, he's valuable to us.
Exactly, he's paralyzing his own army.
In the hands of capable commanders, the war could go on for years.
Chew up a lot of Allied lives.
Well, if it is true, the only way we can stop Dietrich...
...is to send a speciaI unit behind enemy lines on a suicide mission.
Someone disposable.
So? Send some commandos.
Send some Yanks.
Whoever is sent, the people of France will assist in every possible way.
Well, we've gotta get somebody to check it.
We can't ask anyone to die just for rumors.
Since when? The Army's been doing it for years.
I say, Worden, what about your golf ball?
I'll find it. It's around here somewhere.
Well, time's up, you know.
I know, Bardsley.
I found it. Here it is.
Must have hit a tree and kicked off.
- My word, this is really embarrassing. - What is?
- The American is cheating. - An officer cheating? Never, monsieur.
Perhaps on his wife, but in the game of honor, never.
I'm afraid so. That ball Words is about to play is not his ball.
How do you know?
Because I've got his ball in my pocket.
Great shot, partner.
How'd you like that, your lordship?
You know, I think I've got someone we can send into France.
Who?
Just the man.
Major Reisman, it is my duty as president of this court...
...to inform you that the court, in closed session...
...and upon secret written ballot, finds you guilty of all specifications...
...and charges in violation of Articles 108, 121 and 123...
...of the Uniform Code of Military Justice.
Now, we hereby sentence you to-
The court will recess for 15 minutes before passing sentence.
Major Reisman, will you please accompany the officer.
Come in, Reisman.
Sit down, sit down.
- Have a cigar? - Oh, thank you.
I'll save this for dinner.
Speaking of dinner...
...how was that great dinner party you threw in the field?
It was all right. The men liked it.
The generaI didn't.
Now he knows what K rations taste like.
Damn it, Reisman, you don't go around hijacking truckloads...
...of steaks and whiskey that are on their way to a dinner party for the brass.
Well, he didn't invite us.
Well, you've got your invitation now.
Right to prison.
You know what, generaI?
You go to all that trouble, and the Army cooks louse it up anyway.
These are serious charges you're facing, major.
- Three years' hard labor. - New friends.
Forfeiture of all pay and allowances.
Reduction of grade, dismissaI from service.
Now we're getting there.
The trouble with you, Reisman, is you've never had respect for military authority.
Yes, I do, sir.
I just don't agree with who they give that authority to sometimes.
Major, I have speciaI authorization...
...that can have these charges dismissed.
I can keep you from prison.
It seems to me I've heard this song before...
...but let me guess...
...I'll have to do you a little favor in return.
Well, you were so good at it last time.
Good? Eleven of the men I trained get their heads blown off...
...and you call that good?
This one's a piece of cake. In and out.
Nobody gets hurt. We've got it all worked out.
Correct me if I'm mistaken, but isn't that what the generaI said last mission?
A soldier's job is to wear his uniform and kill the enemy.
I know you've heard all this before...
...but it says, "You will take 12 generaI prisoners...
...convicted and sentenced to death or to long terms of imprisonment...
...you will train and qualify these prisoners...
...and you will attack and destroy your assigned target. "
Any questions, mister?
One. What's the deaI with the men?
None whatsoever.
It's an amnesty. A temporary postponement...
...with no promises.
I've heard that before too, generaI. It stinks and you know it.
Those men are incapable of taking orders or discipline.
And since my personaI survivaI depends upon...
...their cooperation and performance...
...they have to have the hope of remission of sentence...
...otherwise they won't budge and neither will I.
You can hang us all.
All right, major.
If any of these men really distinguish themselves...
...then I will give serious consideration to commutation or remission.
But any breach of security, any failure in discipline...
...and those prisoners go back where they came from.
I understand.
What are we supposed to do?
Kill a German generaI.
May I be so forward as to ask why?
Because he's gonna kill Hitler.
Army mentality never ceases to amaze me.
- It's good to see you again. - Thank you, sir.
- Just waiting to serve with the major. - I'll bet.
Who's our first hero, sergeant?
Sixkiller, Sam, sir.
- Death by hanging. - No, him.
You've got a record like a roll of toilet paper.
AWOL, desertion of post...
...striking an NCO, refusing to take orders, drunk on duty...
...assaulting a superior officer resulting in his death.
And yet you managed to get yourself...
...the Silver Star, Purple Heart, Bronze Star.
You've got a lot of talent.
You just don't know how to use it, but I do.
I'm putting together a speciaI outfit and you're part of it.
I'm gonna take you out of here. Work you and train you.
Then you'll go in where I tell you. You'll probably get killed anyway.
But if you come out, you go free.
But get this, you slip up once...
...anywhere along the line, just once...
...and I'll have you back here at the end of a rope. Do you follow me, soldier?
Okay, chief.
Major.
Deutsch, Otto, sir. Death by hanging.
- Private Deutsch, sir. - At ease, Deutsch.
Thank you, major.
Tell me, son, what happened between you and the sergeant?
We were in a bar. I'd been drinking. He was calling me names.
- That a reason to kill him? - I was born in Germany...
...but I'm an American.
Nobody calls me "fat kraut. "
The reason I got drunk was I had just had a letter from my mother.
My parents have a little bakery shop in Milwaukee.
They blew it up.
Set it on fire.
My little sister was killed.
My sister was born in the United States of America.
We are not krauts, we are Americans.
I apologize for killing the sergeant, but he should have not teased me.
- No. - Major...
...I would like to die like an American soldier.
You've got a good chance of doing just that.
Dregors, Arlen, sir. Death by hanging.
Recruiting new victims, major? I heard all about your last mission.
- Have you? - Yeah, 12 go out.
Only one comes home.
- Those are lousy odds. - It's a lousy war.
And this is a lousy prison and you have a lousy future.
- You ain't offering me nothing better. - Come on, Dregors.
It'll be more fun than you've had in years.
Hand grenade and hookers? That ain't my style.
Shooting an officer in the back of the head is?
We were on patroI in this village.
There were five men, officers.
They had this young girI trapped.
They each took their turns with her.
None of us did nothing to stop them.
You see, they were white officers. We were Negro soldiers.
When they finished, they got into their jeep...
...and just drove away.
Something just happened inside me.
You hit a lieutenant in the back of the head at 220 yards.
That's a nice shot.
The Army didn't think so.
But they're prejudiced.
- I'm not. - Right.
The Army didn't teach you to handle a weapon like that.
- Where did you learn? - Philadelphia Police Department.
- You a cop? - Was.
Now you've got the badge and I'm in the cell.
A cop?
Rosen, Gary. Twenty years' hard labor.
Step back, soldier.
Major Reisman. It's a pleasure to meet you, sir.
Come on in. Sit down. Make yourself comfortable.
I've heard a lot about you.
Have you?
Cigarette?
No, thanks.
So, major, tell me about this all-star team you're putting together.
First, why don't you tell me why you deserted your unit in combat.
Major, I got plans.
So did the men you were supporting.
Valentine, Louis. Thirty years' hard labor.
Busted up a bar, assaulted a stripper.
She was queer.
- Female impersonator. - What about the soldier?
Her boyfriend. It was self-defense. He came at me with a knife.
Why?
I'm a drummer, a musician. I attract weirdos.
So do I, Valentine.
Good.
You're reaI popular, Le Clair.
After we hang you for robbery...
...the French wanna cut your head off for desertion.
C'est la vie.
Yeah, but you don't have too many vies left, paI.
Then it's adios.
But I happen to sell life insurance.
Who's next, sergeant?
It's Perkins, sir. Conrad E.
Well, what's he in for?
Thirty years at hard labor for robbery, sir.
- What'd he rob? - American soldiers, sir. Dead ones.
You let me in there, sergeant. I'll kill him myself.
Well, it didn't seem like that much at the time.
Just some...
- Just some souvenirs. - I know, I've done it myself.
- Yeah, I knew you had. - Only the Army calls it "looting. "
Yes, sir. See, that's why you gotta get me out of here.
I'm not used to being caged up. I joined the Army to be a soldier.
I'll do anything you say. I mean, I can fight. I can fight!
I can kill too. I can blow those Nazis to hell.
I want to go home with a chest full of medals. You know what I mean?
- I hope you do. - Yeah. Yeah.
Wright, Robert E. Death by hanging.
You a four-star generaI? You're a stinking major, not a generaI.
Only a generaI can get me out.
And I really don't know why he'd want to.
All we're gonna do is kill Germans?
Yeah, that won't be as much fun for you as killing the girI was.
She loved it.
Not as much as you.
Sergeant.
Well, lover boy, shall I ask the generaI for another volunteer?
Sir.
No, sir.
Thank you, sir.
It's something, isn't it, major?
I had the Engineer Corps build it.
Very constructive.
Would the generaI mind stop playing with his choo-choo...
...and tell me what I'm supposed to do?
- Sir. - I understand you've picked your men.
Yes, sir. As diseased a bunch of twisted, psychopathic...
- ... misfits as the Army has to offer. - Another Dirty Dozen?
- Baker's dozen, sir, 13. - It'll look good on your record, major.
Volunteering like this.
It's about time something looked good on your record.
Though I must admit, in Italy you did an outstanding-
My military career is gonna last just as long as this war, sir.
Anything I can do to facilitate and expedite...
...the union of those two historic dates is both my duty and pleasure, sir.
However, I must say, I find it difficult to visualize what kind of a mission...
...would make men more suitable to think the Army is their enemy and not-
No, no, no, major. Not more suitable. More expendable.
Including their commanding officer, sir?
Well, let's just say you're the best man for the job.
Now, major, to be quite honest...
...I must admit the G-2 isn't really certain...
...about GeneraI Dietrich assassinating Hitler...
...but they do know that he will be getting on a train and soon.
Now, you and your men...
...will assault that train and kill the generaI.
Because he can't kill Hitler if he's dead himself.
No, sir. Not even in the Army.
Now...
...the train will come through the tunneI...
...stop to take on water for the grade.
You and your men will assault the train and kill the generaI.
Then what?
And then he's dead.
Yes, I mean, how do we get out?
Oh, that.
By riding the train...
...10 kilometers to the next crossing.
The French Underground will be waiting with a truck.
They will take you to an airfield where a British bomber will land.
You will get in and get out.
I would lead the assault myself...
...except I'd be needed here at headquarters.
An SS lunatic generaI as important as Dietrich...
...riding on a train.
What's on the train, generaI?
That doesn't concern you, major.
- The French will handle it. - Why don't we just hit it from the air?
Your mission is to assault that train and kill that generaI!
Do you understand that, mister?
Thoroughly, sir.
Come on, sarge. Where we going?
Yeah, sarge, we going by boat or airplane?
You get nothing, right, lips?
You call me that again, you ain't going nowhere but under.
What's the matter with you two? That major's gonna get us killed anyway.
Yeah, you better sleep with your eyes open. He's after you.
Talk to us, sarge. Talk to us.
Shut up.
Follow the corporaI. Column of twos.
Move! Move!
Snap it up!
- Snap it up! - What is this, Grand CentraI Station?
- We missed the train to Chicago. - Where's the girI?
- Heard you were coming and got off. - Where's the bar?
Halt!
Single file.
Left face.
Count off!
For those of you who forgot...
...my name is Reisman.
You have all volunteered...
...for a mission that gives you three ways to go.
You can fouI up during training. You can fouI up in action...
...in which case I will blow your brains out.
Or you can do as you're told...
...in which case you may just get by.
This is your new home.
You will not try to escape.
There will be no excuse, no appeaI.
Any attempt by one of you...
...and you will all be sent directly back to prison...
...for execution of sentence.
You are therefore dependent upon each other.
Any one of you try anything smart...
...and you all get it right in the neck.
Am I clear?
Let's go back to DeviI's Island. At least we'll be warm untiI we get killed.
Take that man out of here.
I said get his butt out!
Hey, come on, I was only joking. Hey, what is this? I don't wanna go.
Hey, major, give me a break. You can't do this to me.
Let me go. Damn you, Reisman.
Let me go! Hey, major. Damn you, Reisman.
Close up ranks.
Close it up!
Any other comment?
Hit the deck!
Sixkiller, someone's trying to steaI home base.
Everybody on the floor!
Move it!
On the floor, and get those mattresses on top of you.
- You okay? - Yes, sir.
- Sergeant! - Yes, sir.
Let's go.
- He's got a dangerous habit, sir. - He walks in his sleep, sir.
This, for those of you who are wondering, is a train.
It is a heavily armored, fortified train.
It's the reason for our being here.
Our mission is to attack this train, capture it...
...and kill its principaI passenger, in that car.
Now, in order to do this...
...there are certain skills that you must learn.
So I suggest that you listen to Sergeant Bowren and listen to him carefully...
...as your very lives will depend upon it.
All right, sergeant, mount them up.
Yes, sir. Onto that flatcar. Move it!
Come on. Move it.
This is an MP40.
It's an air-cooled, magazine-fed, recoiI-operated...
...fully automatic 9 mm weapon.
Its cyclic rate of fire is 500 rounds per minute.
Now, you will keep this weapon with you at all times.
You will eat with it. You will sleep with it.
You will go to the latrine with it.
You will familiarize yourself totally with this weapon.
Its stoppages, its nomenclature.
And you will keep it spotlessly clean at all times.
- Am I clear? - Yes, sir.
Sergeant, have the volunteers move out, and issue them their weapons.
Yes, sir. Form a single line to receive weapons. Follow me.
- Machine guns. Now you're talking. - Things is looking up.
Reisman isn't as smart as he thinks he is.
Next.
We gonna get any reaI bullets?
Move it, Wells.
- Only if we try and get away. - Next.
Sergeant, give Valentine the MP34.
Yes, sir.
- I thought we were getting German guns. - Keep moving, Valentine.
Gee, thanks, sarge.
Today, you're going to learn how to board a train.
This is the ladder and the handles, down there is the footplate.
Grabbing both, you will work your way to the top of the boxcar...
...without falling off.
And using firepower, move back to the flatcar...
...knocking out the two gun emplacements.
- Am I clear? - Yes, sir.
- Question, sir. What if they see us? - You're dead.
- What if we fall off? - You're dead.
Will the train be moving?
Not more than 30 miles an hour.
- Only 30-? - Thirty miles an hour?
- We're gonna get killed by a train. - That's a possibility.
Or maybe the Germans will shoot you. Or maybe I'll shoot you.
But either way, you must work back there...
...and knock out that flatcar.
Sgt. Bowren will show you how, so listen and pay attention. Sergeant?
- Sir. - Carry on.
Oh, I need a volunteer.
Somebody with a high IQ.
Oh, that's me, sir.
Use your feet, lock it with your legs.
Come on. Snap it up.
Next! Come on, let's go, let's go.
That rope burns, major.
Burn more around your neck.
Up again. Move, move.
Next! Keep it moving! Let's go. Move, move.
Okay, spade, you ought to be pretty good at this.
Big mouth, huh?
Next. Come on, move it!
Come on. Let's go, let's go.
Keep it moving. Again, again. Come on, snap it up. Again.
Hey, man.
Let me go! Let me go!
Come on! Hit him again!
- Come on! - Let's go, huh?
All right, next.
I want combat pay, hazardous-duty pay, Ranger pay.
I think I've jumped more trains than Jesse James.
That damn Reisman's gonna get us killed.
The harder we train, the better our chance of surviving.
You think Reisman give a damn about us? He don't care.
Even if we do get out of this alive, he gonna stick us right back in prison.
- Trust him, you're dead. - What are you doing here anyway?
- I don't plan on staying here very long. - Think again.
You have been issued rubber grenades.
On command, fall back across the bridge...
...then, by the numbers, advance...
...and throw your grenades at that white circle...
...which represents a machine gun.
Fall back!
One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
Five.
I need 50 of them.
Come on, get it together.
Well, what do you think, sergeant?
I think the first chance they get, they're gonna shoot the major in the back, sir.
Oh, come now, sergeant.
Some of them would shoot me right to my face.
How many times we gonna have to do this, major?
UntiI you get it right. Come on.
On your feet! Fall in fully dressed with all of your gear! Move it!
On your feet, let's go. Move it.
- Come on, let's go. - Time to get up?
- Snap it up. Snap it up. - Come, Wells. Wells, wake up.
- Let's go. - Get up. Must be 2 in the morning.
Snap it up. Get out of that sack, Deutsch.
Move it. Let's go. Let's go.
It's not human.
That figures, neither are you.
Shut up, all right?
Where are my boots?
- I'm gonna get that damn major. - Snap it up. Let's go. Move it.
Get out of those sacks. Come on, move it. Move it. On the doubles.
Snap it up, snap it up. Let's go. Move it.
Move it out of those sacks.
Let's move it. Snap it up.
Fall in. Let's go, ladies.
On the double. Move it.
Come on, move it. Move, move.
Get in there.
Double, on the double, hurry. Snap it up.
This is a dream, I know it.
I wanna go back to prison.
One of you go back, you all go back.
- What's this all about? - Knock it off, soldier. Night exercises.
You will now follow Le Clair out the door, single file, double time.
Forward, harch. Move, move.
What are you waiting for? Get moving.
Hurry up, man.
That's the double run now.
Major.
Just what I need.
Oh, man, they come to take us back.
- They're pulling the plug on us. - I ain't going back.
I ain't fall off that train 100 times for nothing.
That's what you think, pea brain.
- Morning, generaI. - Morning, major.
You've done a fine job. They look pretty good.
- I didn't think it was possible. - A little rough around the edges.
- We're getting there. Another week. - You don't have another week.
The whole timetable's been pushed up.
You leave tomorrow at 0800.
You send the men in now, it's a suicide mission.
Little more time, I can bring some back.
- We're not ready. - You're not ready?
Well, perhaps I should phone GeneraI Dietrich...
...and ask him to postpone his trip...
...untiI you are ready.
Give them the reaI weapons and get rid of those damn wooden guns.
Yes, sir!
Hey, sarge.
- They did all right, didn't they? - Yes, sir.
Because of you, sergeant. You did it again.
- I thank you. - Thank you, sir.
They wash these things before they give them to us.
German people are very hygienic.
You're always stepping in it, aren't you, Dregors?
Where are we going, riding or what?
I hope this guy didn't have nothing contagious.
I'll probably get shot by some dumb GI.
Make that a Nazi firing squad, paI.
We get caught in this getup, they'll shoot us as spies.
Of course, nobody told us about that, have they, major?
- Is that right, major? - Could be.
Where we going, sir?
- You'll find out when we get there. - This is dumb.
- Why didn't we just parachute in? - The reason we're not parachuting in...
...is none of you have had any jump training, and you would all die.
He's right. I've heard guys' chutes don't open...
...they get caught in plane propellers, strangled in trees, drowned in streams...
...shot on the way down. All kind of stuff.
If God had meant men to fall out of the sky...
...he would have given them big feet.
Hey, look at all those buttons and things.
All we had back home was a temperature gauge and a throttle.
Was that on your girlfriend?
It was on my uncle's crop-duster, and I used to fly it.
All right, the fun and games are over.
From here on in, it's up to us now. It's the reaI thing.
And we've got a damn good chance of pulling this off.
Do it and you will have earned the amnesty...
...that this operation was all about in the first place. FouI it up...
...and none of you will play the violin again.
Now, I know that some of you have entertained the thought...
...that one little squeeze of the trigger...
...and it's goodbye, Reisman.
But before you do that, think about this one question:
How long do you think that an American prisoner...
...impersonating a German soldier would last in a foreign country...
...occupied by the enemy where you don't even speak the language?
So realize that your best chance for freedom...
...is to pull this mission off...
...and come back with me.
The first bullet I fire is gonna be right in the back of his head.
You're a scheduled German flight. They expect you.
You'll be on flight plan in touch with ground control all the way.
Well, if it's so simple, how come it's never been done before?
Always a first time, major.
Yes, sir, but why always me?
All right, one.
Sixkiller and Otto hop in the freight, the rest of us in position and wait.
- Two. - The choo-choo stops for a brew...
...lowers the spout and Sanders comes out.
- Three. - The engineer has life to fear.
Otto and Sanders have their guns in the air.
- Four. - The major and Dregors...
...are at the front door. Valentine and Le Clair support the rear.
- Five. - We catch the krauts by surprise.
- We do our job and get out alive. - Six.
The Germans are caught in a bad fix.
- Seven. - Demolition of the car by grenades.
- Baxley and Wells blow them to hell. - Eight.
The generaI and the deviI keep their date.
Wright and Anderson make sure they're dead.
Everyone gets a bullet in the head.
- Nine. - We board the train...
...and take it down the line.
- Ten. - Kilometers more for The Dirty Dozen.
- Eleven. - We turn the train over...
...to our French friends. We're flown out and home again.
And the Army lets us out of the pen.
All right, now let's do it.
- The place is crawling with krauts. - Where are we, major? Berlin?
No, somewhere in France.
- But those are German soldiers. - There's a war going on.
We'll just get off the plane and walk past them.
Why didn't we train for this part, major?
You don't need acting classes to walk through an airport.
Keep your mouth shut, follow me to the bus.
What? We're taking the bus?
- I thought we were taking the train. - Everything's a surprise.
It'll be a reaI surprise if we live.
Say, major, you wanna tell me what I'm supposed to do?
Or are you planning on making some kind of human sacrifice out of me?
Quick march.
Head for that bus.
Ask the driver if he goes to New Orleans.
If he says no, he goes to New York, that's us.
Sir.
- Open up! - What's he so mad about?
- He missed his bus. - Open the door!
Open the door! Open!
- That sure went smooth, major. - Yeah, any other bright ideas?
Yeah, like how to outrun motorcycles.
Two. No, no, make that three, and a squad car.
- Right here. - You heard the man.
Get in the back of the bus.
Get down!
Here you go, major.
Watch out.
Wells, grab the wheeI.
Just like the Army motor pooI.
I haven't been on a ride like that since Coney Island.
- Well, where's Anderson? - Dead.
There may be more following. We've lost our transportation.
- Next we'll lose our lives. - Unless we move out of here, and now.
- Where do we go? - Eighty-five miles by morning.
- Major, I cut my head. - Yeah, that's too bad, Otto.
- Wells, Sixkiller, take up the rear. - Yes, sir.
- Rest of you follow me in twos. - You mean we're gonna walk?
Yeah, you probably didn't do that when you were in the Army.
Tell him we're taking the truck.
- He says he needs it. - So do we.
He says, haven't we taken enough already?
We're wasting time.
He wants to know why a German officer speaks English.
- Okay, get in the truck. - No, no, please, sir, not my truck.
I have something else.
Will you look at this thing.
Jeez, yeah. Looks like a Swiss-cheese car.
But this is a Mercedes-Benz. It's a wonderfully engineered car.
- Not anymore. - Yeah, sure.
I can have it running in 20 minutes, major.
Yeah.
Sure, you can.
Yeah, this is what life's all about, being chauffeured around and everything.
Much better than the bus.
Can this thing make it as far as Paris?
Paris. Be on the Champs Elysees with all the beautifuI women.
Kind of reminds me of northern Kansas.
Hey, major, you think we'll make our train?
Yeah, it looks that way.
Good, I'm counting on being a free man.
Step on it, driver.
Hey, slow down. You are driving like a crazy man.
You fooI.
Come on, Otto, we can make it.
Yeah, go for it. That's it.
That's right. You got it.
For this car, the war is over.
I thought you said this was a good car.
- It's not the car's fault. - No, it's yours.
All right, shut up and listen up.
We got about 18 miles to go and three hours to do it in.
But we can make it because the train could have been stalled too.
We're gonna move out, and on the double.
Now, wait a minute. Nobody said nothing about chasing all over France.
- Right. - We know the rules, Reisman.
Condemned men don't have to run.
They don't have to live either.
- Neither do you. - Wells.
All right, we're moving out single file, on the double.
Go. Come on. Now, move.
Come on.
Major Reisman, gentlemen, s 'il vous plait.
Is that the guy we're supposed to kill?
You knew we couldn't get here on time, major.
You knew it and you just ran us into the ground for no damn reason at all.
Satisfied, major?
Now, shut up and get on.
Stop.
Come on. Get on it.
You all right?
All right, we're going after the train.
What do you mean, "We're going after the train"?
After you're finished, the Frenchies are gonna move us to a new location.
Not us, major. You.
- Come again? - We're done, major. We're going home.
Not till we kill the generaI. That's our deaI.
The deaI was to get him at the tower.
Don't be a dummy. The generaI goes up in a balloon, we go up in a balloon.
If we mess up there, we go after him again and we get him.
We didn't mess up, major, the Army did.
Mission's up, Jack. We fulfilled our end of the bargain.
The Army should have had us there on time.
Should have, could have, didn't.
We get the generaI or you don't get amnesty. That's the way it works.
I told you it was lies. Now you believe me?
Nobody lied to you. You get amnesty when the generaI is dead.
- We're not going, major. - It's only fair to let us go.
Don't take it personaI, but we did our part.
Dummy, if the krauts get you, they'll kill you.
Nice knowing you. You're a hell of an officer.
- Our best chance is the countryside. - Right, Dregors.
I'd surrender to the Germans before I'd let the French Underground get me.
Of course, the Allies get you, it's automatic execution in the field.
Which brings us back to where we were before.
I'm your best chance to get out of here.
Goodbye. Good luck.
You'll never make it.
And so what? You'll never make generaI.
Hurry up, farmer boy.
There's a million gold reichsmarks on that train.
You give me the generaI...
...I'll give you the gold.
- It's a trick. He's Iying to us. - Why would I lie to you, dummy?
What do you think the generaI's doing on the train?
Dietrich is the SS district commander, Southern France.
That train...
...is a treasure train.
What do you mean, "treasure train"?
Treasure, you know, gold, silver, jewels.
There's nothing on that train but that Nazi officer.
Then why is it so heavily guarded?
Why didn't we just hit it from the air? You know, bomb strafe it?
- I don't know, what do you think? - I don't believe him.
- Do you believe him? - Wait a minute, fellas.
The Nazis have been cleaning out churches and jewelry stores.
That's right.
A million gold reichsmarks.
- Otto, what's that in dollars? - Let me get this straight.
We got your word that we can keep anything we find on the train, huh?
You heard me.
I believe him.
After we kill the generaI...
...I'll give you the boxcar. You can have the whole damn train.
And I don't know what happened to you. You're gone.
And I couldn't care less.
That train's got two days' head start on us.
- We'll have to sprout wings to catch it. - Hey.
You're catching on.
It's this way or no way.
Thank the French if we make the train on time.
Hey, you told us before, if we jump we're gonna get killed.
You misunderstood me.
I said if you don't jump you're gonna get killed.
All I ever jumped was bail.
I'll follow you, major. You jump first.
And try to make it without falling on top of anyone else's chute, okay?
- It's a miracle. - We're gonna have to bury the chutes.
I suggest you get out of yours.
You okay?
Still on.
This is for you.
Not me. I'm not gonna do your dirty work for you.
You do what I tell you. You're gonna carry this.
Get yourself another caddie.
I've had about enough of you.
You've done nothing but moan and groan since we started.
Conditions have changed, but I got an idea...
...that this little goody is gonna be our savior.
Unless you wanna go back to that rat hole of a cell you call home...
...you're gonna do what I tell you to do.
Come on.
Let's get this chute down and out. Come on, move.
What about Otto?
What are you gonna do with your share of the treasure?
I'm going to open a German restaurant.
It's a good idea, Otto, but I suggest you make it French.
Nobody's gonna wanna come to a German restaurant after this war.
I'll keep it simple. I'll spend mine till there ain't nothing left.
I'm gonna open a jazz club. The fanciest place in Chicago.
Whites only.
Of course, the door is always open to my Army buddies.
Of course.
Hey, how about you, major?
What you gonna do, open a shooting gallery, torture chamber?
Well, I'll tell you, fellas. Being that you're working so hard...
...and you've done such a good job, I think that I should give you my share.
Ain't that nice?
Uncle Sam gives me all the pleasures and niceties in life that I need.
And the only silver I want...
...are coloneI's eagles perched right here on my shoulder.
Merci, major. We appreciate that.
What are you doing here?
Who are you?
Look at your uniforms.
You are a disgrace.
What is going on here?
You.
Who are you? What is your unit?
Come here.
We've been in combat, sir. We got separated-
You, shut up!
I'm talking to him.
What is your unit? Who is your commanding officer?
What is your unit?
- ColoneI, are these your men? - Are these your men?
Sir, I must know what you are doing here.
You, shut up!
ColoneI, I must know what you are doing here.
- Drink? - I do not drink on duty.
- Think there's any more, major? - No, just a patroI.
- Will they come looking for them? - Probably after missing for 24 hours.
Time to go to work. Get your gear together. We got a train to catch.
Check.
- Checkmate. - Congratulations, Herr GeneraI.
Nothing has changed, my dear Schmidt. All the years you have been with me...
...I cannot remember the last time you won a game.
You must realize by now that I am a master of strategy.
There's no one in the fatherland who has furthered the cause...
...furthered the war, more than I have.
Our F�hrer depends on me. Together we will go down in history...
...as the greatest military brain trust of all time.
So, my dear Herr ColoneI...
...don't feeI badly that I have beaten you at chess.
Consider it an honor.
Something you can relate with reverence to your grandchildren.
Herr GeneraI, I have never doubted what you have been telling me.
But lately, if you will forgive me...
...I have been experiencing this strange feeling...
...about you, Herr GeneraI.
About your motives, Herr GeneraI.
About you and the F�hrer, Herr GeneraI.
I am almost afraid to tell you what has been going through my mind.
These thoughts have caused me much anxiety.
Not only for you...
...but for me.
My dear, trusted friend...
...you should be thankfuI that you are with me...
...in this great moment of triumph for the fatherland.
But please, continue.
But as I think of it...
...I noticed your Luger the other day.
A speciaI modeI, isn't it?
May I see it?
I thought we were gonna meet a train.
Look at them all. What are they doing here?
- Great spot you picked, major. - Thank me later.
Whatever's on that train must be something good.
- Forget it. There's too many Germans. - Not too many for us.
We'll surprise them, major. It'll be their PearI Harbor.
Dregors pops the generaI, then we fall back as a unit.
We marry up with the French Resistance, then come back for the train.
- It'll be gone, major. - That wasn't our deaI.
I know it wasn't. Neither was a company of German soldiers.
- We're gonna take it, Reisman. - Yeah.
I gotta tell you something.
There's nothing on that train.
- What? - Are you kidding?
- No jewels, no gold, I lied. - What are you talking about?
I couldn't do this job without your help. I had to make up that story.
Forget the train, there's nothing on it.
He lied to us then and he's Iying to us now.
- Just make up your mind. - I'm telling you the truth.
- There's no treasure, believe me. - Sure, Reisman.
Officers, troops of soldiers...
...and you want us to believe there's nothing on that train?
We've come this far, we're taking the train.
Now, here she comes. Number nine.
Now arriving at track number one, the bullion express.
You wanna die for an empty boxcar, you're on your own.
What do you make of it, 70 yards?
Yeah, something like that.
Well, this is what it's been all about, you know.
This moment.
And now it's up to you.
Assassinations, train heists.
I'm picking up some pretty bad habits hanging around you.
Yeah.
That's him.
Come on, Dregors.
Get this guy so we can get to the train.
- I can't get a shot. He's not open. - Just wait. He'll be in the clear.
- Let's just shoot them all. - Just shut up before I shoot you.
What's gonna show up around here next, a battleship?
Hey, what is this?
Where's he gonna land? I don't see no field.
You never said nothing about him.
- It doesn't change a thing. - Who's him?
You don't want to know.
Reisman...
...what have you done to us?
- Why, what's he done? - Hey, I know that guy.
It can't be.
Yes, it can.
- It's Hitler. - You mean Hitler?
Oh, man, President Hitler.
- The freaking F�hrer. - He's come to get our treasure.
- There is no treasure. - Yeah, like hell.
Listen to me, Dregors. Listen to me.
Remember, our orders are to kill the generaI.
To hell with our orders.
Do what I'm telling you.
- Traitors. - Do you realize who that is?
I shoot him, the war is over.
- Now, right here. - No. No, you couldn't.
You'd make it last longer and longer.
You are crazy, major.
It's Hitler.
- I shoot Hitler, the war is over. - Go on, do it, Dregors. Go ahead, do it.
Hurry up. He's gonna pull out of here with our gold.
Shoot the generaI now.
It doesn't make any sense.
Don't listen to him, Dregors, come on.
Just do it, Dregors.
Go on, shoot the paperhanger, Dregors. Do it, man.
Blow his brains out.
The generaI.
Yeah.
Well, dummy, you got them into it.
This ain't no train. It's gonna have to do.
Go for it!
Hey, look, come on.
Krauts.
Hey, there's nothing here, man.
Hey, Reisman, there's nothing here but junk.
No wonder they wouldn't bomb the train.
I thought you said there was treasure here.
This is treasure.
Where? AII I see is a piano and drawings.
Because you're dumb. This stuff is history, priceless.
What's so good about an old piano?
Maybe it was Beethoven's. We gotta get out of here.
Beethoven's piano? This was Beethoven's piano?
Who's Beethoven?
A German songwriter. Come on, let's go.
Hey, Reisman, you promised us gold.
Shut up. Wells, come on down.
Yes, sir!
Think you can fly that thing?
- If it's got wings, I can fly it. - All right, wind it up, we'll climb on.
All right, let's go.
- Sixkiller. - Go, chief!
Come on, hurry up!
Come on! Get him on!
Come on.
Come on, let's get out of here.
- Come on, hang on, hang on. - Take it easy, Dregors.
Flying all the way home?
I left a lot of good troops back there.
I hope it was worth it.
Hey. Anybody lose a briefcase?
With our luck, there's liable to be a bomb in it.
- Our new orders, sir? - Anything important, major?
I'm sure the boys in Army intelligence will think so.
What's this?
Hey.
Look at those rocks.
They gotta be worth a million.
Hey, we're rich.
Yeah, we're rich.
They were supposed to be in the piano.
Would I lie to you?
What are we gonna do with all this stuff?
What do you think we're gonna do?
Captured enemy documents taken in combat...
...are the property of the United States Army.
Failure to surrender those to a superior officer...
...is a breach of the Uniform Code of Military Justice...
...punishable by court-martiaI and prison.
However, other non-military items taken in the course of duty...
...come under the all-inclusive category of...
...finders, keepers.
- Hey, all right. - Hey.
- Hey, hold on to them. - Yeah, yeah.
Dregors, I think we ought to take a trip after the war...
...go see the Brooklyn Dodgers.
Dreg?
Oh, man.
Damn!
He was okay.
Major!
What's wrong? How bad?
Rudder-trim wire's gone.
Air pressure's going fast.
We might enough oiI pressure to feather the prop.
Otherwise we're gonna windmill and it's gonna drag us right down.
I need your help on that left rudder, sir.
Push in the left rudder with your left foot.
Push her in!
It's better.
Nice work, kid. Thank you.
Yeah.
Pressure's gone.
OiI pressure gone, sir. She's going down.
Are we gonna make it over the cliffs?
It's duck soup. We'll clear about 10 or 15 feet.
How's 2 feet?
"I just got word. "
"From a guy who heard. "
Come on, you krauts. Every one of you, outside.
Come on.
- Come on, every one of you. - All right.
I've got you covered.
- Come on. - What do we got here?
- Come on right out. - Oh, no.
Come on, put your hands up. Come out.
Put your hands right up and surrender in the name of the king.
- Don't you move or you're bloody dead. - All right.
Don't move. Don't move.
Good job, coloneI. Now you gotta take us in.
Yanks.
You got a pub in that town of yours?
Well, we do, but they ain't open yet.
Well, it will be when we get there.
Come on, pops, and I'll buy you a pint.
Come on, fellas.
We hereby recommend...
...those members of the group known as The Dirty Dozen...
...who survived this mission...
...should have their service records amended...
...to indicate they are being returned to active duty at their former ranks.
And that the next of kin of those who were killed be advised...
...that they lost their lives as American soldiers in the line of duty.
Major Reisman is still Major Reisman, doing things his way...
...not quite the Army way.
Subtitles Boris J.