字幕制作 lyfe123
我跟你说 所有事都不能只看表面 I'm telling you, everything means something.
不 不是每件事都这样 No, everything does not mean something, okay?
有时候 一部电影就是是一部电影 Sometimes a movie is just a movie.
一首歌就是一首歌 一个笑话就仅仅是一个笑话而己 Sometimes a song is just a song, sometimes a joke is just a joke.
== 还记笑话是什么吗？ == 是的 我记得 - Remember those, jokes? - Yeah, I remember 'em.
高兴点 我们现在有黑人总统了 Okay. So lighten up. We have a black President now.
== 该兴奋吧 == 只是半黑 - Be excited. - Half black.
= 你就不能有点点兴奋？ = 半黑 半个黑人而已 - A little bit. Just a little excited. - Half black! Half black!
还有 如果国家发展得还可以 And whenever something goes well in the country,
白人们就会说 我们的总统把国家治理的很好 the white people go, "The President's doing such a great job."
而要是出了啥问题 他们就会说 And then whenever there's a problem, it's like,
这个黑鬼把国家搞的一团糟 "That nigga's ruining everything!"
放屁 我们未来还会有女性当总统 Nope. We are going to have a woman president next
== 她还会是个拉美裔 == 是么 - and she is going to be Latina. - Yeah? Okay.
说不定还是个同性恋 And she might even be gay.
= 我们还会有亚裔来当总统 = 不错 会管钱 - And we'll have an Asian president. - A balanced budget.
说不定还会有另一个残疾人当总统 And we will have another handicapped president.
等等 不会有残疾人当总统的 Okay, hold on. We're not gonna have a handicapped president.
肯定会 我们曾经就有一个了 Yes. Yes, we will. We already had one. （罗斯福）
不 我是说 No, no. I'm talking about
公开了残疾的总统 out-the-closet handicapped president.
他公开过啊 你这个人咋回事 He was out of the closet. What is wrong...
嘿 别误解我的意思 Okay. That... - Hey, hey. Don't get me wrong.
大家是都知道他是残疾 People knew that he was handicapped.
我对残疾没有意见 No, I got nothing against the handicapped,
但不是每个人都像我这么开放 好吧 but everybody's not as liberal as me, okay?
大众媒体的确不咋的 The media wasn't better then.
我的意思是 只有站着选举总统的 没有坐着选的 I mean, you "run" for president, you don't "roll" for president.
你是走着去竞选 不是滚着去竞选 Like, you'll "run" a campaign, you don't "roll" a campaign.
== 你太恶毒了 == 我才不恶毒 - You are horrible. - I'm not horrible.
你有病吧 你什么毛病啊 That is sick. What is wrong with you?
== 我有病？ == 对 - I'm sick? - Yes.
我可是要给残疾墨西哥拉拉总统投票的人哦 I'm the one voting for the Mexican lesbian handicapped president.
晕 你知道不 现在的人都越来越接受多元文化了 Oh, my God. You know what? People are more accepting now.
谢天谢地 这对女性来说很不容易 And thank God for that because it is literally rough for women, okay?
对啊 Yeah.
我还是有信心的 因为人们在改变 But I am hopeful, because people are changing, okay?
== 是么？ == 环境已经变了 - Really? - Things are changing.
你该醒醒了 感受当下氛围 You need to wake up and smell the progress.
不不不 你才该醒醒了 No, no, no, no. You need to wake up, okay?
你应该好好感受下 Wake up and smell the progress.
变个鬼！ - Nothing's changed. - Yes!
有些事根本没变 Some things never change.
= 谢天谢地 = 看这儿 - Thank God things change! - Hey, look at this.
一个在纽约准备招出租车的黑人 Black man trying to get a cab in New York City.
看看会发生什么 - Watch this bullshit. - What's up, Hammy!
准备招出租的黑人 Black man trying to get a cab.
你看仔细了 出租车 出租车 Look at this! Taxi, taxi!
出租车 出租车 Taxi, taxi! Yeah.
非常感谢您收看我们这一期 Thank you for joining me at this special edition of my program
大学特别专场节目 at this great university.
2005年 他是时代杂志投票选出 In 2005, Time magazine
的“全美国最搞笑的人” voted today's guest "The Funniest Man in America."
2010年 这位前单口喜剧演员参演了 By 2010, the former stand-up had hit it big
一系列超级卖座电影 包括傻大熊的一二三部 with a string of blockbuster movies, including Hammy the Bear 1, 2 and 3.
嘿 Sanchez 计划是这样的 All right, Sanchez, here's the plan.
我要你拿穿过街道 把那一箱枪拿到手 I need you to get that box of guns across the street.
我没时间啊 We don't got time for that.
Sanchez你有大把时间 傻大熊给你时间 冲冲冲 Sanchez, you got plenty of time. You got Hammy Time! Now go!
现在是傻大熊时间 It's Hammy Time! It's Hammy Time! It's Hammy Time!
傻大熊时间 It's Hammy Time!
你读书的时候是班里的逗比吗 When you were in school, were you the class clown?
下一部傻大熊什么拍啊 When's the next Hammy movie?
在几次醉驾与警察发生追逐 然后开始戒酒 And after some run-ins with the law due to a battle with alcoholism...
那天我在餐馆里 I mean, I was at this restaurant the other day,
看到那个人喝了半瓶啤酒 and I saw this guy drink half a beer.
我当时就想着他喝那些干嘛？ And I was like, wow, how the hell he do that?
你觉得你还会做单口喜剧吗？ Do you think you're ever gonna go back to stand-up?
做单口曾经带给我快乐 不过我已经过了那个阶段了 I am past stand-up. I've done it. I had fun with it.
现在对我来说 Here's the thing.
最棒的就是 To me, there's nothing better
在自己电影首映的时候悄悄的从后排溜进影厅 than the first day your movie comes out, and sneaking into the back of a theater,
看到观众乐在其中 and just watching people enjoy themselves.
你是不是已经丢了你的幽默细胞啦？ Did you lose your taste though for comedy?
我想要做一些更高级的东西 I want to make uplifting entertainment.
== 我想要做 == 像起义吗？ - I wanna make... - Like Uprize?
对 起义 我想要做一些带来思考的东西 Like Uprize. I want to make thought-provoking entertainment.
这个周末热闹了
This weekend is big.
今天首映 大家可以看到他扮演的海地革命家 Opening today, you can see him play the Haitian revolutionary
Dutty Boukman 就在他的新电影 起义 Dutty Boukman in his new movie, Uprize.
你还可以看到他和真人秀的明星Erica Long的婚礼直播 And you can also see him getting married to reality star Erica Long
就在Brovo台 on Bravo.
嗨 Hi!
看看谁来了 Look who's here.
== 你好 小可爱 == 你好 美女 - Hi, doll. - Hey, beautiful.
Dre 兄弟 Dre, my man.
你介不介意重新进车的另一边 Hey, would you mind getting in on the other side of the car
然后从这边门出来吗 行吗 为了节目效果 and then exiting this side? Please, it's for the show.
去你的Benny我又不是你节目组的人 Fuck you, Benny. I'm not on your show.
不 你是在我的节目里 只是我不用给你钱 No, you are on the show, you're just not getting paid.
你们两个态度好点行不 Guys, play nice, please.
我一直态度很好 I always play nice.
不怪我 It's not me.
我亲爱的新郎 我们已经走到这一步了 Mr. Groom, baby, we are almost there.
还有三天我们就结婚了 We've got three more days and then we're married.
你高兴吗？ We've got three more days and then we're married.
你高兴吗？ You happy?
我高兴啊 只是这部电影让我有点点紧张而已 I'm happy. I'm just a little stressed out from this movie. That's all.
为什么要紧张 你的表现棒极了 Why are you stressed? Baby, you did great work.
== 我知道 == 你把那个角色演活了 - I know. I know. - You murdered that role.
谢谢 - Thank you. Thank you. - Okay?
你的吻在哪里 Where's my kiss?
我们非得在镜头前亲吗？ Do we have to do this on camera?
要不我们回到车上去吧 Let's just get off camera. Let's go back in the car.
没在镜头中亲 就等于没亲 If it's not on camera, it doesn't exist.
谢谢Andre Allen来我们的节目 Our thanks to Andre Allen!
Hammy! Hammy! Hammy! Hammy!
今天是那种感觉可以整点小酒的日子啊 You know, today's one of those days I feel like having a drink.
别这么说 一点也不搞笑 Not funny. Don't talk like that.
我可不想听到你又开始喝酒 I don't want to hear about you drinking
然后我又去看守所捞你出来 and I don't feel like getting you out of jail.
不用担心 我舔都不会舔一下酒 Don't worry, no slip-ups.
== 你好 == 谢谢 - Hey. - Thanks.
我已经等不及看我的电影公映了 You know, I can't wait to see the movie play in a theater later!
应该会场场爆满 It's gonna be packed.
这会是一部特别的电影 我等不及了 It's gonna be something else. I can't wait.
嘿 大宝贝儿 I love me a big girl.
你走路的姿势都充满魅力 You moving with confidence.
顺便告诉你 By the way,
Erica要你在飞机上穿红色的衬衫 Erica wants you to wear a red shirt on the plane,
你下飞机的时候 她会和摄像组在那等着你 and when you get off, she will have a camera crew waiting for you.
摄像组？ 红衬衫？ Camera crew, red shirt.
他们是有多担心找不到我 What, are they scared they're not gonna be able to find me
难道现在是个黑娃就能坐私人飞机了 amongst the sea of niggas getting off of private jets?
我不想穿那衬衫 I'm not wearing the shirt.
好吧 随你 我们去下一个采访 Okay, whatever, man. Let's move on to the next interview.
还有采访吗 我以为只剩电台采访了 Next interview? I thought I was done until XM and the junket.
Charles才发的信息 说需要花你点时间 Well, Charles just texted me this one. They need you for a few hours.
拍个海地人的电影不容易啊 A Wyclef movie is hard to sell. （Wyclef 海地歌手 后来参政）
所有老乡都想看你演傻大熊 Everybody in the barber shop wants to see you in that bear costume.
大家爱死你扮演的傻大熊的样子了 你一定要再拍一部 They love you in that bear costume. You gotta wear it, baby.
但是那样连我的脸都看不到 Yeah, but they can't even see my face.
但是他们知道那是你啊 你就是傻大熊 But they feeling you, son. That's who you are! You Hammy!
我告诉过你 我不想再演搞笑电影了 I told you, I don't feel like doing funny movies anymore.
我不想搞笑了 我们讨论过的 I don't feel funny. We talked about this.
这个你还是留到在纽约时报采访里说吧 Save some of that stuff for your Times interview.
纽约时报？滚开吧 Times? Fuck the Times.
整的好像你以前从来没遇到过差评一样 You act like you've never had a bad review before.
只是一次还好吧 但次次都是啊？ I could take one, but every one?
次次都是 不会吧 "Every one," really?
来吧 看这个 Come on, man. Look at this shit.
Andre Allen 是当今影坛最可悲的人物 "Andre Allen is the most pathetic character in cinema today.
如果他以后再演电影 "If he ever put out another movie,
就算那个电影在我眼镜里面放我都不会睁眼看 "I would not see it if it was playing in my glasses."
为什么有人会说这种鬼话 Why the fuck would somebody say some shit like that?
那是 James Nielson 他就靠这个卖钱 That's James Nielson. That's what he does.
到处批评人家 反正又不用露脸 He's a critic. And he won't show his face.
去他的James Nielson No, fuck James Nielson.
这些年他一直黑我黑成精了 He's been ripping my shit apart for years.
这回采访你的是个美女 The next one's a chick.
她只是做个简单的访问 She just wants to do a profile piece on you.
她好像是你的忠实粉丝 And I think she's a big fan of yours.
去他的纽约时报 Fuck the Times.
你必须做这个采访 知道吗 You're gonna do this, okay?
不要让我又一遍遍的跟你重复 I'm not going to go back and forth with you about this.
我说过 这是纽约时报啊 We talked about it. It's The New York Times.
听清楚了没有 纽约时报啊 Do you hear me? The New York Times!
我问你 Let me ask you a question.
你给我说你想演 When you told me that you wanted to do
那个十字战队电影的时候 我给你说的啥 that movie Crossbusters, what'd I say to you, Andre?
感觉不咋行 "Not a good idea."
你给我说你想演 When you tell me that you wanted to do
那个棒球电影得时候 我给你说的啥 that little baseball movie, what I say to you, Andre?
你说那个感觉不咋行 You said it wasn't a good idea.
你给我说你你想演 Now, when you tell me you wanted to do that movie
海地革命的电影的时候 我给你说的啥 about the Haitian revolution, Andre, what'd I say to you?
你说那个感觉不咋行 是么 You said it wasn't a good idea, okay?
不对 你说错了 No. No, no, no, no, you're wrong, Andre.
我不是那样说的 我说 傻黑娃 你疯啦？ That's not what I said. I said, "Nigga, is you crazy?"
我发的还是电子邮件 I emailed it! I sent the email out
还说了一堆种族歧视的粗话 with a bunch of racial slurs and bad English
用的还是我公司的账号 to my own company account!
因为我想有个记录 The reason why I did it, Andre, was 'cause I wanted to be on file
让人家知道我是反对这件事的 to show people that I was against this!
我反对你拍这个电影 不怕影响我的工作 I was against this project! I jeopardized my job.
知道不 我差点毁了我的工作 You know that? I almost ruined my job.
你在说什么啊 What are you talking about?
一个黑娃不会因为说黑娃这个词而丢了工作 A nigga can't get fired for saying "nigga" to a nigga.
你懂个屁 黑娃绝对 You've never been more wrong. A nigga can...
一个黑娃绝对可能因为说了黑娃这个词而丢工作的 A nigga can get fired for saying "nigga" to a nigga.
这个公司又不是黑娃开的 A nigga don't run this damn company.
事实上 假如另一个在这公司上班的黑娃 Matter of fact, if niggas at this company
发现我在说黑娃这个词 found out that I was using the word nigga in here,
我就只有马上滚蛋 my black ass would be on the street.
懂了不？黑娃 So you're wrong, nigga.
可能你是对的吧 黑娃 但是我真的不喜欢这个采访 I guess you're right, nigga, but I don't want to do this.
我讨厌James Nielson I hate James Nielson.
我讨厌纽约时报 他们贬低我所有东西 I hate the Times. Everything I do, they trash.
除了搞笑的东西哈 Not the funny stuff.
Andre 反正他们肯定要写你 Look, Andre, they're gonna write the story anyway.
说实话 你给你接活都不容易了 And I mean, it's hard enough getting you a job as it is.
我的意思是 现在很少人会主动上门找你了 I mean, it's not like everybody's knocking on your door for work.
你我都知道现在不容易给你接活了 It's really hard to get you work. You know that, I know that.
是因为我结婚的原因？ Do you think the wedding is hurting me?
搞笑吗？听清楚 Andre Are you kidding me? Listen, Andre,
结婚是你现在最博眼球的事了 the wedding is the best thing that you got going right now.
跟你说实话吧 And let's be honest.
Andre 这要是黄了 Andre, if this thing flops,
你就只能去上与星共舞了 we could be talking Dancing With The Stars, man.
我擦 与星共舞？ Dancing With the Fucking Stars?
没错 与星共舞就是你现在的档次了 Yes. Dancing With The Stars. That's where you're at right now.
Andre 大家想关注下你花边 Andre, all these people want to do is follow you around for one day.
那就随他们的心愿吧 Let them follow you around!
假如我要是能宣传到位 这部电影会很卖座 You know, if I get the word out, this movie could still be a big hit.
说不定就成海地Django了 It could be like a Haitian Django. (解放的姜戈)
你说是就是吧 等一下 If you say so, Andre, then yes. Hold on. Hold on. (解放的姜戈)
你说是就是吧 等一下 If you say so, Andre, then yes. Hold on. Hold on.
嘿 嘿 嘿 Hey! Hey! Hey!
出啥事了？ 大家都在往哪跑？ What is going on? Where's everyone running to?
（超级名模角色）
Zoolander在会议室呢 Zoolander's in the conference room! （超级名模角色）
Ben Stiller来了？ 这些白佬啥都不告诉我 Ben Stiller's in the conference... These white people don't tell me shit!
嘿 Silk 车呢 Yo, Silk! Where's the car?
就快来了 It's in range.
嘿 Charlie Rose节目做的怎么样 Hey, how'd it go with Charlie Rose?
Chelsea Brown. Chelsea Brown.
纽约时报的 From the Times.
纽约时报哦 Yes, from the Times.
你问我 你不是应该看了吗 How'd it go? I thought you were supposed to be watching.
你真是个记者还是选美小姐啊？ You a real journalist, or like Miss Detroit?
呵呵 Funny.
他们刚刚才告诉我给你做这个采访 Look, they just told me that you're gonna be doing this.
如果我迟到的话很抱歉 I'm sorry if I'm late.
恭喜你要结婚了 Congratulations on the wedding.
还有电影 And the movie.
我和我的一些朋友几年前看过你的表演 You know, some friends and I saw you a few years back at Purchase.
简直太棒了 You were really great.
太感谢你做这个采访了 Thank you very much for doing this interview.
为啥？你同事 James Nielson不是说要是我的电影在他眼镜里面放 Why, 'cause your boy James Nielson said he wouldn't watch my next movie
他连眼睛都不会睁开 if it was playing in his glasses?
James. James.
谁知道谷歌真的会生产出那样的眼镜啊？ Hey, who would have thought Google would have made that possible, right?
你已经迟了半个小时了 我要是你我就开始采访了 Look, you're about a half hour late. If I were you, I would get started.
好的 只是我要先回家一趟 Okay. I just need to go home first.
我才知道我要做这个采访 They just told me that we were doing this.
我没带我的录音机 I don't have my recorder.
录音机？ 你以为你是Lois Lane吗 Recorder? What are you, Lois Lane? （超人女友 记者）
== 就用你手机嘛 == 不行 你不懂 - Just use your phone. - No, you don't understand.
没有录音机我无法做采访 算是个强迫症吧 抱歉 I can't do an interview without it. It's kind of my thing. I'm sorry.
这些照片是你拍的吗 You take these?
是的 Yes.
还不错 They're good.
我有时候兼职做摄影 I do photography on the side.
还兼职写点诗 还搞些音乐 I do a little poetry on the side, I do a little music on the side.
可以啊 That's nice.
什么都会点比只精通一件事要好 It's always good to make sure you never get too good at any one thing.
我就快准备好了 我很快的换件衣服 Okay, I'm almost done. I just need to change really quickly.
我想给我男朋友一个生日惊喜 I'm gonna surprise my boyfriend for his birthday.
给你个忠告 A word of advice.
永远别给任何人惊喜 Never surprise anyone.
为什么 Why?
我去我妈那都会提前打个电话 Hey, I call my mother before I go over,
因为我不想到她家的时候 'cause I don't want to walk in there one day
看到她正抱着其他孩子亲 and catch her hugging up on some other kid!
你是要跟Erica公主在电视直播中结婚吗？ Hi. Are you going to marry Princess Erica on TV?
我能看一下你的手机吗？ Can I see your phone?
你是10岁就生的娃吗？ Did you have a baby when you were 10?
不要玩别人手机 妈 去管一下 Don't take his phone. Mom?
你拿我手机做什么啊？ Okay, what are you doing with my phone?
玩愤怒的小鸟 Playing Angry Birds.
可是我手机上没有愤怒的小鸟啊 But I don't have Angry Birds.
现在有了啊 You do now.
Grace 小女子 快去写作业 把手机还给人家 Grace? Go finish your work, mamita. And give the man back his phone.
嗨 嗨 - Hi. - Hi.
我叫Gladys Chelsea的妈妈 I'm Gladys, Chelsea's mother.
你的大喜日子准备得咋样啊？ Are you ready for the big day?
你是说婚礼吗 差不多吧 The wedding. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
你真是幸运找到了你要娶的人 You're so lucky you found someone.
我听说辣妈现在挺抢手的 I hear that being a cougar is a big thing,
可我就遇不到有人想被我辣一下 but I can't find anybody that wants to be couged.
于是我读这些东西来多了解下男人 So, I read this stuff to try to better understand men.
听这段 Listen to this.
男人喜欢你温柔的 "Men love it when you gently..."
你在读什么鬼 What are you talking about?
= 舔他们的。。。 = 够了 少看点歪杂志 - "...lick their..." - Okay, no more Cosmo.
等等 这些不是你写的吗？ Wait a minute. I thought you wrote this one.
等等 还能这么嗨 你还真是个记者哦 Wait, wait, get out of here. So you are a real journalist.
对不起 我不知道这还是个小秘密哦 I'm sorry, I didn't know it was a secret.
Shakira Simmons？ 什么鬼？ 你的花名？ Shakira Simmons? What's that? Your stripper name?
Shakara Simmons. Shakara Simmons.
我不会在这些花边文章用我的真名的 I don't use my real name for the fluffy stuff.
我找到录音机了 我们可以走了 Okay, I found my Flip, and we can go now.
那一堆灰姑娘的东西是怎么回事 So what's up with all this Cinderella stuff?
那是我女儿的东西 Those are my daughter's.
一个小姑娘会读灰姑娘效应 A little girl's reading The Cinderella Effect.
哦 那是我的 - Okay, that one's mine. - Okay.
那么大的人了还喜欢灰姑娘 你不觉得有点奇怪啊？ Don't you think it's kinda odd that a grown woman is still into Cinderella?
那么大的人了还喜欢扬基队 难道不也很奇怪吗？ Don't you think that it's kinda odd that a grown man is still into the Yankees?
是啊 不过扬基队起码是实实在在的队啊 Yes, but the Yankees are a real team.
A-Rod是实实在在的吗？ 好吧 你赢了 - A-Rod is real? - Okay, you got me on that one. （在效力洋基队期间因药物问题被禁赛）
那是我女儿的一个学校作业 And for your information, my daughter is working on a school project.
就是要她们改写经典故事 You know, where they have to rewrite a classical story
她准备写一个现实版的灰姑娘 and she's doing one on the real Cinderella.
按我女儿的说法 According to my child,
灰姑娘出生于1995年的Bronx 生来就是个佣人 Cinderella was born a nanny in the Bronx in 1995, okay?
她妈妈就是个佣人 她是个私生女 她爸爸是个刻薄的白人房东 Her mama was a nanny and her secret father was the mean white landlord,
还有另外三个女儿 who had three daughters.
灰姑娘要做所有的家务活 Cinderella had to do all the things that a nanny has to do,
烧饭啊打扫啊 还要服侍她的姐妹们 she had to cook and clean, and do everything for her sisters.
然后有一天 王子了来到了城里 And then one day, Prince came into town
要举办演唱会 每个人都想参加 and was doing a concert that everyone wanted to attend.
可是房东不允许她去 所以她一直等到她的姐妹们都走了之后 But the landlord forbid her to go, so she waited until her sisters left,
偷偷的溜进了演唱会 她是里面最美的那个姑娘 and then snuck into the concert and was the prettiest girl there.
王子眼里再容不下其他人 Prince didn't want to hang with anyone else,
不久灰姑娘发现她的姐妹们要离开了 and then she noticed that her sisters were leaving
她知道她必须要走了 and she knew she had to go.
可是她还想再见到王子 But she also knew that she wanted to see Prince again.
所以她做了每个女孩想再见自己心上人时都会做的事情 So, she did what girls do when they want to see a guy again.
给他打飞机？ Hand job?
她留下了一样东西 She left something.
距盛大的婚礼还剩两天的时间 Only two days until the Wedding Spectacular.
狗仔队还在找Erica会在婚礼上穿什么鞋 The jury's still out on which shoes Erica will wear.
你读书的时候一直是班里的逗比吗？ So were you the class clown growing up?
逗比？ Class clown?
这就是你一定要回去拿录音机的原因吗 Is that why we went back to get this recorder,
就为了问我以前是不是班里的逗比？ so you can ask me if I was the class clown?
很抱歉这样问你 Look, I am really sorry to break it to you,
不是每个人都了解你的成长经历 but not everybody knows your origin story.
我觉得 You know what?
你要不跳过这些傻逼问题 Why don't you just skip the hack questions
直接问我些有意义的 and go right to something good?
好 有意义的 是吧？ All right. Good questions, huh?
为什么你现在都不搞笑了啊？ How come you're not funny anymore?
还有你的婚礼是咋回事啊？ And what's up with this wedding?
感觉演的有点过了啊 I mean, it seems really out of control.
你是什么鬼 Who the fuck are you?
你都不了解我 你是我的经纪人吗？ You don't know me. Are you my agent?
你那么小就生娃娃了 娃娃都可以和你一起上数学课了 You had your kid so young you guys share math class,
你还来评判我 and you're judging me?
你还来问我 You're asking me if my relationship
我和未婚妻的感情是不是真的 是的 - with my fiancee is real. - Yes.
等一下 Wait, hold on a second.
这是关键时刻 It's my career move.
你先 Go on.
嘿 宝贝 Hey, honey.
宝贝 一切还好吗 - Hey, baby. - What's going on?
我在婚礼的地方 看着太棒了 Yeah, no. I'm here at the place. And it looks sick.
简直是完美 就像童话故事一样 It's like epic, babe, it's epic. It's a story.
我们正在装扮场地 Yeah, we're doing the blocking
我在看花童的照片 and I'm looking at head shots of flower girls.
她有一口龅牙 She's got buck teeth.
我的替身跟我一样紧张吗 Is my stand-in as nervous as I am?
别说笑了 一切都很好放心吧 Stop it. Everything looks just great, okay?
真希望你现在跟我在一起 I just wish you were here to see it.
你电影得宣传怎么样啊？ How's your press going?
还可以吧 It's going okay when they ask about the movie.
宝贝 别担心他们怎么说 Baby, don't worry about what they're saying.
你的电影绝对超乎他们想象 你去取你的礼服没有 Your movie is way over their heads. Did you pick up your tux?
还没呢 我搞的有点迟了 No, not yet. I'm running a little late.
我不好 你也不会好 I look bad, you look bad.
香槟 Allen先生 Champagne, Mr. Allen?
好的 Yeah, sure.
你真要喝吗？带检测脚环的先生 Are you gonna drink that, Mr. Ankle Bracelet?
我只是从不拒绝 I always say yes.
因为当你说不的时候 别人就会想问你原因 'Cause whenever you say no, people want an explanation.
是啊 别人给我毒品的时候我也一样 先接着 Yeah, I'm the same way with meth. I just take it.
听说是Erica帮你戒酒的 是真的吗 Is it true that Erica helped you get clean?
你到底知不知道我电影的内容是讲什么 Do you even know what my movie's about?
是讲Dutty Boukman It's about Dutty Boukman,
海地的一个自学成材的奴隶 a self-educated slave who, once in Haiti,
成为革命的领袖 became one of the leaders of the revolution
带领海地的奴隶杀了5万多个白人 where Haitian slaves killed over 50,000 whites.
棒棒哒 白人死光光 Yay, dead white people.
Dutty 没有沉默没有妥协 Dutty did not shut up and play nice.
一般来说当别人说他看过你的电影之后 You know, normally, after someone says they saw your movie,
他们会告诉你一些他们的观后感 they give you some sort of opinion, you know...
就像 我看了你的电影 很不错 They go, "I saw your movie and I thought it was good."
当他们不喜欢你的电影的时候他们会说 And you know, sometimes they don't like your movie and they go,
我看了你的电影 有点意思 "I saw your movie and I thought it was interesting."
对 你的结尾有点意思 Yeah, it was interesting how you ended the movie before you showed
都没拍最后他被法国人把头砍了 还拿他的头全国游行 how the French had cut his head off and paraded it around the country.
不过我想先问个问题 But I'd like to ask you this question first.
你觉得戒酒影响了你的事业吗？ How do you think being sober has affected your career?
没有 It hasn't.
我觉得有影响 我确定 I think it has. I know it has.
是吗 你知道戒酒的感受吗？ I mean, really. What do you know about sobriety?
我知道戒酒的感受吗？我怎么会不知道 What do I know about sobriety? What don't I know?
上帝 请赐给我宁静去接受我所不能改变的 "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...
给我勇气去改变我所能改变的 "...the courage to change the things I can
并给我智慧不要去吸粉儿了 "and the wisdom to not smoke crack."
- Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah.
这是你做的调查 还是你也是在恢复期 Is that more research, or are you in recovery?
四年了 Four years.
4年？我也戒了四年了 Four years? I'm four years.
我以前是什么都敢喝 I drank everything, it didn't matter.
我病得不轻连洗手液都喝过 It got really bad when I started guzzling hand sanitizer.
洗手液？ Hand sanitizer?
= 你喝过固体酒精吗？ = 那是个什么鬼？ - Did you ever drink Sterno? - What the fuck is Sterno?
就是那个放在自助餐下面保持食物不会变凉的东西 Yeah, Sterno, you know those little cans they put at the buffet to keep food warm.
感觉像是Amy Winehouse才搞的东西 That's some Amy Winehouse shit.
（已故女歌手 因滥用药物病逝）
我们能再回到戒酒对你的工作的影响这个问题吗？ Can we get back to this idea that your sobriety hasn't affected your work?
真的是花边新闻说的那样是Erica帮你戒了酒瘾吗 Did Erica actually get you clean, as rumor has it?
是我自己戒掉的 你应该少听点花边新闻 No, I got myself clean. You need to stop listening to rumors.
傻大熊 Hammy!
那是什么让你戒掉的呢 固体酒精小姐？ What got you clean, Miss Sterno?
大概是我妈妈和女儿吧 I don't know. My mother. My kid.
还有可能是我不想在我每次醒来都是陌生人的JJ在我头上吧 Maybe I just got tired of waking up with strange dicks in my face.
太多内涵了吧 Too much info. What...
该轮到你了 我自己戒酒先生 Okay, your turn Mr. "I Got Myself Clean."
绝对的诚实？ 是的 - Rigorous honesty? - Yes.
你们这些人一逮到机会就黑我 You guys rip me apart every chance you get.
我干嘛要告诉你 Why should I talk to you?
我从来没有对你干过那样的事 I've got nothing to do with that.
但你们这行的都这样 Yeah, but that's your people.
听着 如果你准备把我头砍了 Look, if you're gonna just cut my head off
还拿着去游行 我可不想自己坑自己 and parade it around the square, I don't need to help you with that.
我不是专程来坑你的 我只是想写篇真实的报道 I'm not here to hurt you. I just want a decent story.
你给我一些你的真实的故事 You give me a couple of really great honest things,
一些你从来没有在其他采访中说过的事 stuff you haven't told everybody else,
真正的内幕 绝对的诚实 some real inside stuff, rigorous honesty stuff,
我保证 我一定会好好写你 and I promise you... I will be more than fair.
你保证？ 我保证 - On the record. - On the record.
好 Deal.
很高兴认识你Andre Allen Nice to meet you, Andre Allen.
我很期待采访你哦 Andre Allen I look forward to interviewing you, Andre Allen.
好的 让我们重新来过 第一个诚实的问题 Okay, let's try this again. First truthful question.
你最糟糕的经历是什么 What was your bottom?
第一个诚实的回答 休斯敦 First truthful answer. Houston.
当我在休斯顿刚下飞机的时候 So I get off the plane in Houston.
我以为单口俱乐部会派个年轻人来接我 Now, I'm expecting the comedy club to send some kid to pick me up.
可是当我到门口让我很惊讶 我看到 But I get to the gate and to my surprise, I'm met by...
嘿 好么？你是来接我的吗 Hey, wassup? You came to pick me up?
是的 兄弟 很抱歉我没带个他们那种小牌牌 Yeah, man. Hey, sorry I didn't have one of them little signs, man.
我是Jazzy Dee 代号J公司的ceo I'm Jazzy Dee, CEO at the Code J Enterprises, man.
欢迎来到休斯敦 谢谢 - Welcome to Houston. - Thanks a lot.
我们负责你表演的宣传 懂我的意思吗？ We promoting your show, man. You know what I'm saying?
= 你这一路飞的怎么样 还好吧？ = 是 还不错 - How was your flight? Good? - Yeah, it was pretty good.
那就好 兄弟 That's great. Great, man.
票卖的不怎么好 因为这里正在开发型展 You know, tickets are a little slow 'cause of the hair show in town,
但不用担心 我们会包个大套房 老弟 but don't worry, we're gonna have a big walk-up, dawg.
好好好 嗯 酒店离这里多远 我饿死了 Okay. Okay. So about... How far is the hotel? I'm starving.
大概45分钟到 Bruce Bruce已经在那了 About 45 minute. Bruce Bruce is already there.
我说吧 这是我的地盘 Like I say, this my town.
你有任何需要尽管跟兄弟我说 Anything you need, you let a brother know.
我在休斯敦是个特么的人物哦 老弟 I'm the motherfuckin' man in Houston, dawg.
任何东西都有 粉儿 大麻 酒 Anything you need, coke, weed, drank.
还有特殊的饮料 你整点不？ You know, syrup. You want some of that syrup?
= 算了吧 = 好吧 - No, no, I'm good. - That's good.
我特么在休斯敦是个特么的人物哦 'Cause I'm the motherfuckin' man in Houston, man.
你可听好了哦 I'm gonna tell you that right now.
我在休斯敦是个特么的大人物 宝贝儿 I'm the motherfuckin' man in Houston, baby!
看到没 Hey, you see how I do it, right?
手续都免了 No check-in or nothing.
直接就可以进来 兄弟 I just walk through the door, through the lobby, man.
他们直接把钥匙给我 我说什么来着 They just giving me the key. You know what I'm saying?
我说吧 我在休斯敦是特么个大人物 老弟 I told you, I'm the motherfuckin' man in Houston, dawg.
这是个套间 I got you a suite.
设施齐备 样样都有 Everything. All the amenities, everything good.
按摩浴缸 小客厅 床上还有羽绒被 Jacuzzi tub, a little living room. Bed got a duvet on it.
你可以舒舒服服的躺上面 没问题吧 You can lay down all over that, man. So you straight?
没问题 没问题 我跟你说 I'm straight. I'm straight. Yo, check this out.
我要换衣服了 So, I gotta get dressed, right?
然后等一会过来找我 But a little later, why don't you come by, scoop me up,
我们一起去找些夜店 宣传下表演 then we hit some clubs, and you know, promote the show?
好 很好 小伙子懂得咋挣票子 I like that. I like that. You're about your paper, boy.
我就喜欢你这样的 I'm about it, baby. I'm about it 'bout it.
那我11点左右来找你 I'm gonna see you about 11:00.
11点正 好的 没问题 - By 11:00. By 11:00. - Okay. All right, cool.
Hey... Hey...
Dre 介意我拿几个衣架子吗 Dre, you mind if I get some of them hangers, man?
我需要些木头衣架 晕 I need some wooden hang... Damn it.
他们竟然 They got the...
他们把衣架给上锁了 They got the lock on 'em! They got the lock on 'em!
让我听听 谁是休斯敦的大人物 They hip to your boy. Who the man in Houston?
Jay Dizzle！ 牛逼人物 - Jay Dizzle! - Motherfuckin' man!
我是Andre Allen This is Andre Allen.
明天晚上出来 Come on out tomorrow night,
来看我和我兄弟Bruce Bruce的表演 在欢乐屋 to see me and my man, Bruce Bruce, at the Laugh Shack!
欢乐屋 Laugh Shack.
我就是这么洋气 活的这么潇洒 This is how I do it every day. It's how I live.
永远vip待遇给我和我兄弟 Strictly V.I.P. for me and my nigs.
我说吧 You know, I told you,
我在休斯敦是个特么的大人物 小弟 I'm the motherfuckin' man in Houston, dawg!
你可能都不知道什么情况 兄弟 You don't even know what it's like out there, man.
那些外面的黑娃问 Nigga be on the other side of the ropes talkin' about,
嘿 Jazz 我怎么才能进vip包厢 "Hey, Jazz, how can I get in V.I.P.?"
我说 黑娃 重新投胎吧 I'm like, "Nigga, get a better life!"
太疯狂了 Jazzy 但是我们要走了 You crazy, Jazzy. But, look, we got to make a run.
- Bye, Andre. Bye-bye, Bruce. - Bye. - Bye, Andre. Bye-bye, Bruce. - Bye.
回头见 给我打电话Jazz 别忘了 See you all later. Hey, beep me, Jazz. Don't forget.
别跑远了 Don't run too far.
好 给你打电话 - Yeah. - Beep you, all right.
- Bye. - Yeah. - Bye. - Yeah.
玩好 女士们 Take care, ladies.
再给我们来一瓶 Could we get another bottle over here?
谢了 Thank you!
Yes. Yes.
Yeah. Yeah.
兄弟 你看见那两个女孩没 Hey, man, like I said, dawg, them two girls right there?
她们等下会到酒店来 They gonna come by the hotel later.
真的么 Get out of here!
我可是特么的人物哦 老弟 I'm the motherfuckin' man, dawg!
Oh, man! Oh, man!
Yo, yo, Jazz, Jazz, Jazz! Yo, yo, Jazz, Jazz, Jazz!
我老婆娘家就是休斯敦的 兄弟 My wife's family's from Houston, man!
有个小妹儿可能认识她的亲戚 老兄 One of those bitches might know her cousins or something, playa!
好吧 Bruce 我理解 No doubt, no doubt, Bruce, I respect that.
我给你个官方长暂停 你可以回去了 I'll give you a full, official time-out on that, nigga.
但是你 - But you! - Yo.
我的兄弟 我知道你可以搞定两个妹子 You, my nigga! I know you can handle two bitches!
如果我那天没喝多 If I hadn't been drinking all night,
我就该清楚这不可能是真的 但是 I would have known this was too good to be true. But...
带四个妞过来 4个 Bring four, nigga! Bring four.
4个妹子？ 4个 4个 - Four bitches? - Four. Four. Four.
给你说 假如给我四个妹子 I tell you, if I had four bitches,
我会让其中一个帮我编小辫儿 I'd have one of 'em braiding my motherfuckin' hair,
另一个帮我算账单 and the other motherfuckin' doing my taxes!
太爽了 兄弟 太爽了 Goddamn, nigga! Goddamn.
那有聪明点的妹儿 Is some smart hos out here.
有几个妹儿还是很聪明的 给你说 Some of these hos are smart, nigga, that's what I'm saying.
我看上去自信满满 但我那是说的醉话 I seemed confident, but that was the liquor talking.
休城 谁是特么的大人物？ H-town! Who the motherfuckin' man?
你要知道 I mean, what you gotta understand is
哪怕是你有一点点名气 就像我当时 有一点点名气 even when you're a little famous, and that's all I was, a little famous,
大家就成天奉承你还有骗你 people lie and exaggerate to you all the time.
我需要借一万美金 好吧？ 绝对没有下次 I need to borrow $10,000, man, okay? I'll never ask you for money again.
嘿 老兄 只需要5万美元 Dude, for only 50 grand,
我们就可以掌握网上的水军 we can control all the water on the Internet.
别担心 我不会怀孕的 我下面都坏了 Don't worry, I won't get pregnant. My pussy's broken.
反正 我回到酒店 Anyway, I get back to the hotel
睡了个我所谓的“等妹觉” and get what I used to call some "ho sleep."
那种睡也睡不好 That's that horrible sleep you get
当你觉得妹子有可能要来的觉 when you think there's a chance a ho might come over.
嘿 Andre Hey, Andre.
好么 我把你们两个都忘了 Hey, wassup? I forgot about you two.
你这有什么 What you got poppin' up in here?
我等不及看你的表演了 I can't wait for your show.
Bruce Bruce很搞笑 我是她老婆表弟的朋友 Bruce Bruce is so funny. I'm friends with his wife's cousin.
这里有小酒柜么 Do you got a minibar?
有啊 小酒柜 Yeah, yeah, I got a minibar.
你们想吃点什么 鸡块还是早餐 What y'all want? Chicken fingers? Breakfast?
墨西哥辣椒卷 Jalapeno poppers?
墨西哥辣椒卷 好吧 我打个电话问问 Jalapeno poppers? Okay, just let me call and see...
鸡肉 Chicken.
不错 This is good.
你们走的时候大家还嗨得很哦 They were wildin' at the club when you left.
干杯 - Cheers. - Cheers.
你来点吗 You want some?
客房服务是我的最爱 Room service is my jam.
我们有这个 什么 我 - We got some more. - What? I'm a...
我们什么都有 We got whatever you need.
Okay. Okay.
Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
老实说 我真不敢相信 I mean, honestly, I couldn't believe
老天赐两个天使来宠幸我 God had blessed me with these two angels.
请勿打扰 Hey, do not disturb!
走吧 我什么也不需要 - Beat it. - I don't need anything!
清洁工真讨厌 Fucking maids.
Well, well, well. Well, well, well.
看看你们在干什么 - What do we have here? - Hey, hey.
你们来了个枕头大战吗 Are you all doing a pillow fight?
我喜欢 That's my shit right there.
天哪 你害怕了吗 Oh, my God. Were you scared?
是的我害怕了 我还光着屁股 Yes, I was scared. I'm naked
一个男的就这样走进来开始脱衣服 and a man walks in the room and starts undressing.
不错啊 兄弟 That look good, man.
让我来搞搞 Hey, let me get some of that.
- Hi, Jazzy. - Hey, Jazzy. - Hi, Jazzy. - Hey, Jazzy.
我JJ都软了 就像貂皮大衣上面的扣子 My dick was gone, it looked like a button on a mink coat.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Dee大爷来了 Yeah, daddy Dee's getting it!
谁特么的是休斯敦的大人物 Who the motherfuckin' man in Houston?
你特么的是 You're the motherfuckin' man!
你是大人物 我们爱你 You're the man. We love you.
看我这个大卡车 看看这个大卡车 Look at that tow truck. Look at that tow truck.
把屁股翘起来 Back that thing up on it.
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
用力 用力 - Harder. Harder. - Yeah.
Jazzy Dizzle. 大显神威. Jazzy Dizzle. Gettin' it.
我超级想跑 可是我还光着屁股 I wanted to run away, but I was naked.
Yeah. Yeah.
你当时什么感觉 How did you feel?
我觉得很害怕 I was terrified.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
嘿 你 给我过来 Hey, bitch. Get your ass over here.
我？ Me?
来了 大爷 Coming, Daddy.
几秒钟之前我还认为这两个小妞是上帝送给我的天使 These girls that I thought were angels two seconds ago,
这时候我觉得她们是我见过的最恶心的东西了 are now the most disgusting things I've ever seen.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
当时房间里是什么味道 What'd the room smell like?
房间里是什么味道？什么鬼问题？ What did the room smell like? What kind of question is that?
说说啊 Come on.
太特么恐怖了 臭屁和烧焦排骨的味道 Scared motherfucker, ass and smoked ribs.
但是最最恶心的一幕 But the most disgusting part...
- No! - Yes! - No! - Yes!
我快了 我快了 I think, I think I'm coming!
就像是喷泉一样 It was like Old Faithful.
喷的到处都是 It was just everywhere.
恶心得像生化污染 要叫消防车来 Like the garbage truck had to come and lay salt to get rid of it.
最后他们终于走了 So finally, they leave.
我还以为是粉嗨多了的原因 I assume it's to do coke.
有时候人嗨了就小气得很 You know, people get real stingy with their coke.
怎么了 Hey, wassup?
Jazzy在哪 Where's Jazzy?
我不知道 我以为你们一起走了 I don't know. I thought you all went somewhere.
鬼才信 Yeah, right.
你不知道你好朋友Jazzy在哪 You don't know where your best friend Jazzy's at?
好朋友？ Best friend?
我今天刚认识他 他可不算是我的好朋友 Hey, I just met him today. He's not really my best friend.
怎么 出了什么事吗？ I mean, is something wrong? Is there a problem?
是的 出大事了 Yeah, there's a fucking problem.
你的好朋友说假如我们到这来跟你搞 Your best friend said if we came over here and fucked you,
我们就能赚1000美元 we'd get $1,000.
1000？ 晕！！ $1,000? What the... Hey, hey, hey...
现在我们找不到他了 And now I cannot find his ass.
他可什么也没跟我说 就算是 Hey, he ain't tell me shit, and even if he did,
你们搞的是他 我为什么要付钱 why would I pay you to fuck him?
是 我有点小坏 但我不是个变态 I mean, I'm nasty, but I'm not a freak!
我才不管 I don't care!
你最好赶紧把钱给我们 You better get us our money and soon,
要不我就喊强奸了啊 or I'm gonna yell "rape" up in this bitch
然后你就滚去看守所了 清楚不? and your ass is gonna go to jail! Do you hear me?
我才不会 你听见我说的了吗 - I ain't givin' y'all... - Do you hear me?
我跟Jazzy跟本没任何关系 I got nothing to do with Jazzy!
强奸 Rape!
我跟你说过我我是休斯敦的大人物 是啊 I told you I'm the motherfuckin' man in Houston, right?
要不是我认识法官 你是出不来的 If I didn't know that judge, you might still be in there.
我先把Dede送去学校 Look, I'm gonna drop Dede off at practice,
然后把你送回酒店 你好好休息一下 then get you back to the hotel, you get some rest.
从休斯敦回来之后 I mean, after Houston,
我就不碰酒了 I totally quit drinking.
因为那件事 我再也没喝过酒 From that point on, I never had a drink again.
不要甜甜圈 等等 等等 No donuts! Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
哦 让我当你爱的囚徒吧 There it is, let me be your prisoner of love.
怎么样？ 你注意一点啊 - How about that? - You know you need to back up.
把我铐上吧 把钥匙放在你的胸罩里 Lock me up! Put the key in your bra!
让我用牙齿把它叼出来 Let me come and get it with my teeth!
是的 Charles Yeah, Charles.
只是个日场演出 It's just the matinees.
大家都在上班 我晚上补上 Hey, people are still at work. It'll pick up tonight.
我刚刚到首饰店 我过会儿再跟你确认好吗 Look, I just walked in the jewelry store, and I will check in with you later, okay?
你看看吧 Here you go.
这不是戒指 怎么会呢 - These aren't the rings. - They're not?
我的意思 这两个是戒指 但是这个夸张的东西是啥？ I mean, those are the rings, but there's an extra ring there.
我马上叫Michele来 我想这是她弄的 Let me go get Michele. I think she dealt with it.
很抱歉 先生 我只是 - Hey, excuse me, sir. No, no, no. - I just wanted...
你好 Allen先生 Mr. Allen, hi.
你的戒指有什么问题吗 Is there a problem with your ring?
这怎么多了个大戒指 Well, there's another ring there.
是的 You're right.
我们只是结个婚 不是赢了超级碗 I mean, we're just getting married, we're not winning the Super Bowl.
Long小姐之前来过 Miss Long came by earlier this week and
把这个加到订单中的 added onto the order.
她加的？ Added to the order?
Hammy! Hammy!
Hey, yo, Hammy! Hey, yo, Hammy!
Hey, Hammy! Hey, Hammy!
走吧 Let's go.
这是你的稿子 So, here are your lines.
后台准备好了会提示你 The engineer will cue you when he is ready.
准备好没？要来点咖啡什么的吗 You good? You need a coffee or anything?
不用了 好的 - No, I'm good. - All right, great.
那 So,
你现在好点了吗 are you okay now?
我刚刚看见你对着电话发火 I saw you yelling on the phone earlier.
我好了 No, I'm fine.
你现在在想什么呢 What's on your mind?
问我些问题 采访我 问些关于我的问题 Ask me a question. Interview me. Get in my business.
这正是我在做的啊 刚刚怎么回事 That's what I'm trying to do. What happened?
好吧 我来问你 Okay. Let me ask you a question.
假如你爱的人给你的结婚戒指 If a guy you loved gave you a wedding ring,
一个你一直想要的戒指 a ring you said you've always wanted,
你会因为你的老板一句话就去换了这个戒指吗 would you exchange it because your boss told you to?
为什么你没跟我讲就把戒指给换了 Why'd you change the rings without talking to me?
糟了 对不起啊 我本来想告诉你的 Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry. I meant to tell you.
但是我太忙 把这事给忘了 I've been so busy, I just forgot.
你是怎么想的？ How does that make you feel?
我可没说我 我是说你爱的人这么做 I didn't say it was me, I just said if a guy you loved...
我爱的人 So this guy I love...
他给我买了什么样的戒指呢 Which ring did he get me?
都是电视台的混蛋 The network, those jerks,
他们觉得之前的戒指不够上镜 they just thought they weren't camera-friendly enough,
我真不该同意他们换的 and I would have never allowed them to do it
我真不该同意他们换的 if I thought there was gonna be a problem.
要是我知道你这么在意 if I thought there was gonna be a problem.
她是真人秀明星 一切为了流量嘛 She's a reality star. Everything's for sale.
不是什么都能拿来赚流量的 Everything's not for sale.
好 准备好了吗 Okay! You ready?
大家好 我是 Andre Allen 我听广播 What's up? This is Andre Allen and when I listen to satellite radio,
我只听Sirius Hits One I listen to Sirius Hits One.
你说的不错 不过 That's... That's good, just...
再搞笑一点更好 Just make it a little funnier.
搞笑一点？ 对啊 你是个喜剧演员啊 - Funnier? - You're a funny guy.
再搞笑一点 Make it more funny.
Okay. Okay.
大家好 我是Andre Allen 我听广播 Hey, wassup, this is Andre Allen and when I listen to satellite radio,
只听Sirius Hits One I listen to Sirius Hits One!
那什么 来点 Just, you know, say... Just put a little...
来点臭屁的感觉 Put a little stank on it.
臭屁？ Stank?
就是臭屁的 Stank. Stank.
臭屁？ 来点臭屁的感觉 - Stank? - Give it stank.
我都不知道你说的什么意思 Okay, I don't really know what you mean.
你能示范给我看吗 Could you show me?
你是搞笑的 我又不 好吧 就像 You're the funny... I'm not... Okay, all right. It's like...
大家好 我是Andre Allen Hey! This is Andre Allen,
我听广播 and when I listen to satellite radio...
只听Sirius Hits One I listen to Sirius Hits One!
这是个全新的电影 It's a brand new movie.
== 起义？ == 起义 - Uprize? - Uprize. Uprize.
今天开画 It's in theaters today.
你演的海地个革命家 You're playin' a Haitian revolutionary?
== 这是一。。 == 同性恋的 - This is a... - Homosexuals.
同性恋电台 - ...homosexual radio station. - Yeah.
我想对我的海地粉丝说你们好 I just want to say, "What's up?" to all my Haitian fans
收听Opie和Anthony that listen to Opie and Anthony.
首先 谁会相信 First of all, who's going to believe
傻大熊是海地来的革命家？ that Hammy the Bear is a revolutionary out of Haiti?
里面没有傻大熊 Hammy's not in the movie.
他们应该让学生下课来看这部电影 They should let children out of school to see this movie.
他们就该在学校里放映 They should show it in school.
前一百个去电影院看的同志可以打折 First hundred gay people get three dollars off their tickets.
如果你看过我的喜剧电影 其实都是很有深度的 If you look at my comedy, it was always serious.
为了证明你是纯基佬 Just prove your gayness...
我们怎么证明我们是纯基啊？ - How do we prove we're gay? - ...and we...
我带了一些羊肉 I have some... Some goat meat.
我给你带了些海地食物 I brought you some Haitian food.
== 羊肉 == 羊肉？ - Goat meat. - Goat meat?
番茄酱意大利面 - Spaghetti with ketchup... - What is...
海地人通常早餐就吃这个 ...which Haitians actually eat for breakfast.
== 真的吗？ == 是 这。。 - Really? - Yes. This... This...
感觉不好 Sounds awful.
番茄酱意大利面就是海地的麦片 Yes, spaghetti with ketchup is the Cheerios of Haiti.
傻大熊会拍第四部吗 Now, is there going to be a Hammy the Bear 4?
我讨厌傻大熊 我已经拍了三部给你们看了 I hate Hammy the Bear. I gave you three Hammy the Bears.
我希望能演点严肃的角色 I want people to take me serious.
我不想走在大街上的时候 I want people to stop walking up to me on the street
人们对着我发出熊的叫声 and making bear sounds.
Andre 你该对白人观众怎么解释 Andre, what do you have to say to the white audience here
他们感到的冒犯和恶心 that is insulted, disgusted,
因为你在电影里杀了5万个他们的同种 by your movie, watching 50,000 of their people being killed?
小布什杀了很多的棕色人种 也没听说谁有意见啊 George Bush kills a lot of brown people. Nobody had a problem with that.
那个不是电影 It wasn't a movie.
他杀了。。 是真的杀了那么多人 He killed some... Like, really killed them!
我只是在电影里杀了些白人就有问题了 I fake-kill white people and it's a problem.
有情绪啊 There's outrage.
有多少白人在银幕中死了 How many of these white people actually die on screen?
大概两三千吧 Probably two, three thousand.
是吗老弟 That's it, dawg?
== 臭屁 == 臭屁 - Stank. - Stank.
幽默随和 开始 Nice and funny. Go!
特么的大家好 这特么的是Andre Allen Wassup, motherfuckers? This is motherfucking Andre Allen!
我听广播或者想撸撸的时候 And when I listen to satellite radio, or scratch my nuts, that is,
我就收听特么的Sirius 101 I listen to Sirius motherfucking 101,
我擦 biatch!
还是用第一段吧 First take was good.
我臭屁理解错了吗 I was wrong on the stank note.
还是第一段比较正面点 First take had a lot of wonderful stuff in there.
我希望你把我写的好点 I hope you're writing nice things about me.
走吧 Let's go.
== 你好啊老弟 == 傻大熊 - What's up, dawg? - Hammy!
傻大熊 别拍其他电影了 Hammy, don't get brand new.
好莱坞巨星！！ Hollywood. Hollywood!
看这儿 好莱坞巨星 Holly, hey, Holly! Hollywood! Get...
给我过来 Get your ass over here!
看看这是谁这么洋气 Look at who's... Look who's slummin'!
过来 过来 Come here. Come here, boy!
好莱坞巨星 Hollywood! Hollywood!
红毯给你铺上 好莱坞巨星 过来 Roll out the red carpet. There it is. Hollywood, come on, boy.
我以为你在洛杉矶 What you... I thought you'd be in L.A.,
准备着你的盛大婚礼呢 you know, getting ready for that big wedding.
广告里不停的放着喃 I see commercials for it all the time.
我在这里为电影做些宣传 Yeah, yeah, I'm in town just doing some press for this movie.
我今晚就走 I leave tonight.
Chelsea在为我写一篇采访稿子 Chelsea here is doing a story on me.
你好 Hello.
我明白了 So I see.
这就是你在这里的原因 That's why you bring your ass around here.
你在给她说你以前有多苦吗 What, you telling her how bad you had it?
是这样么？ Is that what it is?
别这样 你会来单身派对吧？ Come on, man. You're coming to the party, right?
有人还得上班啊 Some people got to work.
告诉你吧 你的下一个单身派对我肯定参加 I'll tell you what. I'll come to your next bachelor party.
= 别开玩笑 == 我想问你 - It's not funny, man. - Hey, tell me something.
你的下一个老婆 Your next wife,
会是个白人还是个亚洲人呢 is she going to be white or she gonna be Asian?
这不好笑 Still not funny, man.
是吗 只有你说的笑话才好笑是吗 It's only funny when you say mean shit, right?
== 那什么 == 什么 - You know what? - What?
我要走了 下次再见吧 Imma get out of here. I'll catch you later, okay?
等一下 等等 等等 Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
过来 过来 Come here, come here. Come here.
你能帮我个小忙吗 Look, can you break me off a little something?
我 I...
我还没收到支票 没什么现金 I haven't got my check... Haven't cashed it yet.
给你 Here.
真的？ Really?
谢谢了 Thanks.
给你记账上 好吧 I'll put it on your tab, okay?
谢谢了 大明星 Thanks, Hollywood.
谢谢 好莱坞巨星 Thank you, Hollywood!
见到你太好了 Hey, nice meeting you.
不要相信他说的话 好吧 Hey, don't you believe a thing he says, okay?
好莱坞明星 靠 Hollywood! Damn!
他是谁 Who was that?
我老爸 My father.
- Hammy! - Yo, Hammy! - Hammy! - Yo, Hammy!
你连celibacy啥意思都不知道 You don't even know what celibacy mean!
天啊 Andre Oh, my gosh! Hi! Andre!
看看是谁来了 Yo! Look what the cat dragged in!
Yes! Yes!
== Akil快给你叔叔个拥抱 == 你们好么 - Akil, give your uncle a hug. - Hey, man, what's up?
靠 把酒藏起来 我晕 Shit, hide the liquor. God damn it!
把酒藏起来？ Hide the liquor?
你好意思说 该把粉儿藏起来才是 Look who's talking. Hide the crack.
老乡 喂 没必要这么说吧 Yo, homeboy, well, that wasn't necessary, man.
那都是80年代的事了 That was the '80s.
那时候 你不是在吸就是在卖 没办法啊 Either you was using or you was selling. Either way, you got swept up in it.
兄弟 我很客气了 都没提你欠我五千块钱的事 Hey, man, I'm being nice. I didn't mention that five grand you owe me.
等我拿到所得税支票 第一个就把钱还你 When I get my income tax check, you're gonna get yours off top, my man.
你不知道先要有收入才会有所得税吗 You know what, you gotta have a income first
没有收入 你交空气税啊 before you get a check. You can't tax zero.
今天是专门来贬损我Fred的吗？ Is this Come Down On Fred Day?
他是对上班过敏 Yeah, he's allergic to jobs.
得有人给他发明抗上班过敏药 He takes job Benadryl. Just take it.
要不他一看见工作来了 撒腿就跑 When he feel a job coming on, he just take a Benadryl.
大家听好 她是Chelsea Brown Hey, everybody, this is Chelsea Brown.
她在为纽约时报写一篇我的文章 She's doing a story on me for The New York Times.
她会问你们每个人一些问题 尽管回答 Now, she's gonna ask a few of y'all some questions. Feel free to answer.
记住 不许揭我的短 But remember, no snitching!
你别做梦了 You must be out your mind!
我们要把他的屁事说个底朝天 We're gonna tell all his shit.
想让我不说 那五千块得一笔勾销 兄弟 You want me to be quiet, you gotta clear the five thousand, my man.
我只说了五千块已经很客气了 I said five thousand to be nice.
美女 你来问我吧 我太多要说的了 感觉今天终于翻身了 When it come to me, baby girl, I'm gonna turn over like a apple pie.
你特么还翻得动身吗 你这个肥猪 闭嘴吧 You know what, you just ate a apple pie, you fat motherfucker. Shut up!
我就没资格说话么？ Can I say something?
你们就是赤裸裸的妒嫉 Jealousy will get y'all nowhere!
Erica的真人秀我每周都看 我已经等不及看你们的婚礼了 I watch Erica's show every week. I can't wait to see the wedding.
你什么时候把她带来看看啊 When you gonna bring her around here?
很快 Soon.
你上次也是这么说 That's what you said last time.
还有 我还等着我的婚礼请柬呢 And you know what, I'm still waiting on my invitation.
来宾的名单不是我说了算啊 Hey. I'm not in charge of the guest list. Okay?
我只是新郎 我什么都插不上话啊 I'm just the groom. I'm not in charge of all this stuff.
你就坦白了吧 那小婊砸不喜欢我 Tell the truth. Tell the truth. That bitch don't like me.
没有 她喜欢你 她还问起你呢 No, she likes you. She asks about you.
她问起我？ She asks about me?
她经常提起你 She asks about you all the time.
她都说我什么了 What does she say?
她说 你那胖子朋友过得咋样啊？ She say, "How your big friend doing?"
胖子 My big...
那小婊砸这么说的？我有多胖？ Is that what that bitch think about me? I'm big like that? For real?
也就说说嘛 I'm just saying.
你们这些明星有多了不起 Andre 有多了不起啊 That's that Hollywood shit, Andre! That's that Hollywood shit!
我只是开个玩笑 开玩笑啦 I'm just playing. I'm just playing.
那为什么还不给我请柬 Why I ain't got my invitation?
这个嘛 Well, 'cause...
他们说呃 这个 酒店嘛。。。 'Cause they figure we could, you know... The hotel...
Andre 你在满嘴跑火车 Andre, you're full of shit right now.
飞机票这些 And the airfare.
大家都会去我的单身派对 对吗 Everybody's coming to the bachelor party, right?
我想去的 但是有个母老虎在这。。 I want to, but General Tao over here...
不准去 因为他根本不重视我们 I said no, 'cause he don't know how to come home and shit, making it rain...
我们要请柬 We need our fucking ones.
把它放在这 滚去坐下 Put that down and have a fucking seat.
说真的 整个摄制组都会在那儿 I mean, come on, there's gonna be a TV crew there.
Erica把什么都订好了 Erica picked out everything.
还要送礼品袋哦 They're even giving out gift bags.
Gift bags? Nigga, kill yourself.
礼品袋 黑娃 傻喃 Gift bags? Nigga, kill yourself.
怎么了 礼品袋有啥不对 What's wrong, man? What's wrong with a gift bag?
袋子里的东西好着喃 They got lots of cool shit in there.
黑娃送礼品袋 Nigga and gift bags.
== 真是个装逼黑娃 == 好吧 - He's a corny-ass nigga. - All right.
好像有人还多欠五千美元吧 某人？ I got another five grand. What you got?
我其实挺喜欢礼品袋的 Can I get one of them gift bags?
嘿 伙计 看这个 Hey, bro-bro, check this out.
我装了个新环 2016款的 I got the new jawn. The 2016 jawn.
特别轻 关键是把它脱下来完全不费力 It's real light. Matter of fact, if you take it off, you won't even sweat.
我可以帮你也拿下来 想不想 I can take yours off, too, if you want me to.
不用了 谢谢 Nah, that's okay, but thanks.
黑娃 把你的脚环戴回去 我可不想警察找上门 Nigga, put your bracelet back on! I don't want the cops running in here!
我吗？ 他第一次表演我在啊 Me? I was there first time he got on stage.
== 他当时的表现如何 == 糟糕透了 - How was he? - He sucked.
简直一点都不搞笑 就像只死猫 Nothing about him was funny. He was like a bag of dead kittens.
小朋友 当Nas认真起来 他比Jay-z强多了 Son, when Nas focus, he better than Jay, man, I'm sorry. （下面人名都是老一辈说唱歌手）
这确实是真的 That's some real shit. （下面人名都是老一辈说唱歌手）
因为2Pac是要冲击奥斯卡的 'Cause Tupac was headed for the Oscar.
说不定2Pac会是我们的政治领袖 Or Tupac would be one of our political leaders.
如果2Pac还活着 他也许会成为政治领袖 Tupac might be a political leader, if he was alive.
也说不准2Pac会演Tyler Perry电影 But then again, Tupac might be in a Tyler Perry movie right now. （导演 专拍黑人爆米花电影）
谁知道呢 So you don't know.
没人知道 - You don't know. - You never know.
2Pac他可能会是 He might be... Tupac might be
Tyler Perry电影里的坏黑人男友 the bad dark-skinned boyfriend in a Tyler Perry movie.
我觉得也是 I gotta agree with that shit right there.
我希望他演参议员 I would hope he's a senator.
但多半还是混蛋角色适合他 But he might be kicking Jill Scott down a flight of stairs.
Yo. Dre. Yo, Dre! Yo. Dre. Yo, Dre!
谁最搞笑 Who was the funniest?
我想我是最搞笑的 我超级搞笑 I think I was the funniest. I'm tight funny. Yeah.
是么？ 你讲过单口吗？ Yeah? You ever do any stand-up?
没有 我是那种 Nah, nah, I'm like, you know...
我不适合上台表演 我就是个开心果 I'm not stand-up funny, I'm just, like, the funny dude.
我要是来感觉了 简直是嗨到爆 Like, you know, put me in a scenario, and I'll go buck wild.
我一直都比Dre搞笑 I always been funnier than Dre!
从我妈生我那天我就开始搞笑了 When my ma's water broke, I was funny.
我妈生我的时候 她没哭也没叫 She went into labor, she wasn't crying, she wasn't screaming.
她就不停在笑 She was laughing!
连医生都问 这女人怎么了 The doctor said, "What's wrong with her?"
她说 我生的Fred太搞笑了 She said, "I'm having Fred."
我的意思是说 I'm just saying... I'm just saying,
假如我和这个死鬼过不下去了 if it don't work out with me and this nigga,
我就去找个大白佬 I'm gonna get me a white man.
你有没有想过如果你们还是在一起 Do you ever think about how different your life would be
你的生活会有什么不一样吗
had you stayed together?
我们还是不合适 It just didn't work out.
是我甩了他 I broke up with him.
我对现状挺满意的 Yeah. I'm happy where I'm at.
你真的从来没想过？ But you must think about it sometimes.
尼玛的每天都在想 Every fucking day.
靠 I mean, girl,
我以前因为他爱打游戏跟他发火 I used to get mad at him for playing PlayStation.
那有什么好玩的 What kind of shit was that?
如果我知道他后来会那么有出息 If I'd have known how successful he was gonna be,
我自己就变成游戏机 I woulda built him my own PlayStation.
Dre哪里搞笑 你知道谁更搞笑吗 Dre ain't funny. You know who's funnier than Dre?
Nick Cannon 那家伙超滑稽的 （呵呵） Nick Cannon. That motherfucker hilarious.
前五 你觉得谁排前五？ Put your top five... Who's your top five?
Slick Rick，Kane，Rakim, KRS-One 然后Biggie第五 Slick Rick, Kane, Rakim, KRS-One, and Biggie is my fifth man.
Jay-Z排第六 And Jay Z is my sixth man.
你会给他写段子吗？ Would you write any jokes for him?
我会的 你看啊都在脑子里了 Yeah, I would, I would, but, see, everything up here with mine.
我的前五是Jay-z, Nas, Scarface My top five is Jay, Nas, Scarface...
嗯 Okay, okay.
Scarface 每个人都从他那得到过灵感 Scarface, 'cause everybody got their shit from Scarface.
- Rakim. - Rakim.
Rakim 然后我会考虑把Biggie加进来 Rakim, and then I might let Biggie get in there.
自从他母亲去世之后 他变了很多 Once his mother died, man, it changed a lot.
他都不想走搞笑路线了 他看上去像个不同的人了 He ain't even wanna be funny anymore. He was like... He was a different Dre.
我的前五是Ice-T My top five. Ice-T...
== Ice-T？ == 对 特么的Ice-T - Ice-T? - Ice motherfucking T!
Six in the mornin' police at my door Six in the mornin' police at my door
Fresh Adidas squeak across the bathroom floor Fresh Adidas squeak across the bathroom floor
我们很早就开始喝酒了 大概12岁吧 We started drinking young, man, we was like 12 years old.
我们以前买罐装的 然后下面划个口 We used to get O.E. cans, and cut 'em out
从下面喝 and make gold teeth out of 'em.
我的第六是LL Cool J My sixth man's LL Cool J.
在他演电视之前 在他演电视之前 Before the show! Before the show!
他喝多了之后会更搞笑 每个人喝多了都搞笑 He was funnier drunk. Everybody's funnier drunk.
你见过Oprah喝多了吗 她简直太疯狂了 You ever see Oprah drunk? She's hysterical. （奥普拉·温弗瑞）
他戒酒之后 Once he stopped drinking,
他连啤酒都不喝了之后 once the nigga stopped getting oddy with the 40s,
灵感都没了 大概95%的灵感都没了 something was gone, like, 95% was gone.
他莫搞了 This nigga was bugged out.
你要是觉得他现在好笑吗？ You think he funny now?
你应该看看他喝醉了在楼梯撒尿的时候 You should've seen him in the pissy staircases.
那才真是超级搞笑 This nigga was hilarious.
Dre 假如我结婚了 兄弟 Dre, if I get married, man,
（Death Row幕后老板）
我会在婚礼上像Suge Knight那样讲 I'm gonna do the Suge Knight speech at my wedding. （Death Row幕后老板）
"If y'all don't want the preacher all up in the wedding "If y'all don't want the preacher all up in the wedding,
"the ring boy all up in the wedding, come to Death Row!" "the ring boy all up in the wedding, come to Death Row!"
早上好啊 布法洛 Good morning, Buffalo!
你好 圣安东尼奥 Wassup, San Antonio!
这不是傻大熊续集 This is not another Hammy movie.
这是讲海地革命的 And it's about the Haitian revolution.
一个伟大的奴隶起义的故事 The greatest slave rebellion of all time.
奴隶起义 Slave rebellion.
是奴隶反抗压迫 It's when slaves rebel.
Taraji P. Henson Taraji P. Henson,
Gabby Sidibe Gabby Sidibe,
Anthony Anderson Anthony Anderson.
我扮演的角色叫Dutty Boukman I play a guy named Dutty Boukman.
是的 Yeah.
我之前读到了他 Well, I've been... I read up on him,
我想拍这部影片很久了 and I've been wanting to do this movie for a long time.
我觉得这个故事很有吸引力 Yeah, I just found the story fascinating.
这是我现在想做的东西 Yeah, well, this is the kind of stuff I'm trying to get into now,
一些有深度的东西 more serious stuff.
这对适合全家来看 很有教育意义 Yes, it's fun for the whole family. It's educational.
看着这扣篮 Watch this dunk.
他躲过了防守人 He splits the defenders...
大力扣篮 And jams it home!
是的 是讲海地革命 Yeah, yeah. It's about the Haitian revolution.
没错 海地革命 Yeah, the Haitian revolution
曾经是西半球最大规模的奴隶起义 was the largest slave uprising in the Western Hemisphere.
Andre 我知道这是个疯狂的派对 Andre, I know this party's gonna be crazy,
假如我们没来得及说话 记得一定要给我打电话 so if we don't get to talk to each other, make sure you call me back.
我会打的 I'll call you.
好 如果是我老公接了 All right, now, if my husband answers the phone,
别挂电话 因为他知道到时候了 don't hang up, 'cause he knows what time it is.
过来让我抱一下 Now come here, give me a hug.
Dre 你别忘本 记清楚了 Hey, Dre, stay black, nigga! Keep it one hundred!
听到没 别忘了你从哪里来的 You heard? Don't forget where you came from, son!
看你的表情就知道你在给你的男朋友发信息 You got that "I'm texting my boyfriend" look on your face.
他叫什么名字 What's his name?
Brad. Brad.
这个Brad是做什么的 So what's he do, Brad?
他是个DJ 星期一晚上在Greenhouse打碟 He's a D.J. He spins at Greenhouse on Monday nights.
他今天满多少岁啊 So, how old's he turning again?
== 30岁 == 30 - Thirty. - Thirty.
30岁的生日哦 Hey, man, 30's that birthday.
我还记得我满30的时候 30太吓人了 I remember when I turned 30. 30's scary.
那个年龄的你会觉得 You know, 30's that age where you realize,
我该加把劲了 "I gotta get my shit together.
要不我可能会无家可归 "I could actually become homeless."
不是“当幸福来敲门”那种无家可归 I mean, not Will-Smith- Pursuit-of-Happyness homeless.
是那窝在汽车站角落打飞机那种无家可归 I mean, like blow-job- in-the-bus-station homeless.
你的意思是 So, that's what you think?
他现在最关注的应该是不要无家可归 He's deep in thought right now about not being homeless?
只要他不傻 If he's smart.
如果傻的话 他40岁的都不会去想 If he's not, he won't think about it till he's 40.
那就太晚了 Then it'll be too late.
你们没事吧？ 车上人都没事吧？ - You okay? - Is everybody okay?
很抱歉 My apologies.
走 下车吧 Out! Let's get out.
= 快离开这 = 赶快走 - Let's get out of here. - Gotta go.
不会吧 我们不能这样就走吧 What the hell? We can't just leave.
= 快走 快 = 为啥？ - Let's go, go, go. - What are you doing?
走吧 = 快 - Let's go! - Come on.
你就这样离开车祸现场吗？ So, what, you're just leaving the scene of an accident now?
我又没发生车祸 是我司机发生了车祸 I didn't have an accident. My driver had an accident.
如果那追尾的司机发现 我在车里 他反而会起诉我 But if the person that hits us finds out I was in the car, then they will sue me.
他就在我面前 He's right in front of me.
=现在不行 = 祝你JJ早点断 - Not now... Not now, ma'am. - I hope your dick falls off!
Ralph在哪 让他赶紧来这里 Where's Ralph at? Get him over here right now.
其实 要是他不这么夸张的在前面给你开路 You know, if he wasn't clearing a path for you,
那女的还比一定认出你喃 I'm sure she wouldn't even have noticed you.
他总是这样保镖你吗 Is he always so bodyguardy?
保镖还能当动词了？ "Bodyguardy"? That's a word?
你懂的 You know what I mean.
Jay-Z都经常自己在街上转悠 Jay-Z is seen walking around by himself all the time.
是啊 Jay-Z还随身带把枪啊 Yeah, but Jay-Z's got a fucking gun, okay.
Silk是我发小 That's Silk. That's my boy.
我们3年级就认识了 他什么都知道 We've been together for, you know, since third grade. He's seen a lot.
你以为是闹着玩儿吗？ You think it's a game?
我要杀了你 你以为是闹着玩儿的？ I'll kill you, motherfucker! You think it's a game?
我不是叫你炒他鱿鱼 I'm not talking about firing him.
我的意思是 这里是纽约 I'm just saying, this is New York,
只有希望吸引狗仔队的人 and only people who wanna get paparazzi
才会随时都带个保镖 roll with their bodyguard all the time.
但是你跟我单独一起 But if you're too scared to talk to me one-on-one
没有保镖 没有保护伞 就怕怕的话 without your bodyguard, your little security blanket,
我完全理解 I completely understand.
等一下 Hold on a second.
我联系了另一辆车 不过一个小时左右才能过来 Okay, I got a new car coming. It's gonna be about an hour, though.
我们招个出租车回广播公司吧 We should hop on a cab and head back over to XM,
然后吧西海岸电台的采访做完 and finish up all our West Coast satellite stuff.
这样吧 You know what?
我自己走 I'm good.
你去我通告的地方等我 好吧 Just meet me over at the junket, all right?
你自己走什么意思？ What do you mean you're good?
嘿Brad 是我 Hey, Brad. It's me...
我走着去 I'm gonna walk.
光天化日之下吗 Outside?
是的 Yeah.
这边乱得很哎 你就自己这么走？ It's a rough neighborhood, you're gonna walk around by yourself?
你的采访还有20分钟了 You got an interview in 20 minutes.
我自己走可以的 你把具体内容发给我就好 Hey, man, I'm good. Just text me the information, okay?
= 你确定？ = 我确定 没问题 - You sure? - Yeah, I'm sure. I'm good.
一会儿会下雨哦 我还带了伞喃 It's supposed to rain. I got an umbrella right here.
我没事的 兄弟 I'm all right, man.
Silk 别装作你不认识我似的 Silk, don't act like you don't know me.
= 如果需要我就给我说 = 我会的 - If you need me, text me! - I'll text you!
= 咋了？ = 我是Angie - What's up? - It's Angie.
他担心我会需要他 He's scared I'm gonna need him.
不 他是担心你不需要他 No. He's scared you're not going to need him.
这是很显而易见的 好吧 It's staring you right in the face, all right.
人猿猩球这个电影就是讲种族的 每一部都是 Every Planet of the Apes movie is about race. Every one.
我猜你讲的是那个 Okay, I'm assuming you're talking about the trilogy
Charlton Heston主演的三部曲吧 that starts off with Charlton Heston frolicking naked with a black astronaut.
那个典型的科幻电影 That typical sci-fi movie that's about the future
讲未来人类失去主导地位 and about how the human race is out of control.
对 确实是关于种族的 是关于整个人类种族的 Yeah, it's about race, but the human race.
才不是 是讲白人是如何害怕黑色猩球的 No, no, no. It's about the white man's fear of a black planet.
深色的猩猩更大而且更强壮 The darker apes are bigger and stronger.
而浅色的猩猩更聪明 这就是种族岐视 The lighter apes are smarter. That's racist bullshit.
你还记得最早的第一部 Do you realize that the original Planet of the Apes
是在1968年的4月3号公映的吗？ came out on April 3, 1968?
我们都知道第二天发生了什么 Now, we both know what happened the next day.
马丁路德金被杀害了 Martin Luther King was killed.
快跳进去啊 Why don't you just jump in?
你是说James Earl Ray看了人猿猩球之后 You're telling me that James Earl Ray saw Planet of the Apes
就想去杀马丁路德金吗？ and decided to shoot Martin Luther King?
有可能啊 Perhaps.
不是因为他正在组织 It wasn't the fact that he was organizing
穷人们去华盛顿游行 the Poor People's March on Washington...
= 也有这个原因 = 不是因为他批评 - That, too. - ...or criticizing
战争和我们的外交政策 the war or our foreign policy.
让他被杀的是因为会说话的猩猩！ What got him shot was talking apes!
Go, Hammy! Go, Hammy! Go, Hammy! Go, Hammy!
进去啊 Go in!
快跳进去 Jump in already!
我的意思那并不是个巧合 What I'm saying is, it's not a coincidence
那个讲世界被黑人控制的电影上映后的第二天 that a movie about niggas taking over the world comes out the day before
那个世界上最伟大的黑人就被刺杀了 the most powerful black man on earth is assassinated.
这不是个巧合 肯定不是 It's not a coincidence. It's not.
你还真的相信这个 You actually believe that.
好吧 我同意一点 Okay, you know what? I will give it to you.
那部电影里有点隐晦的含义 There are some subliminal messages in that movie.
肯定有啊 Yes, there are.
但是 那只是一部电影而已 But you know what? It's just a movie.
它不仅仅只是一部电影 It's never... It's never just a movie.
就是一部电影而已 Yes, sometimes it's just a movie.
（接影片开头）
不 歌曲 书籍 都不是表面这么简单 It's never just a song! It's never just a book. （接影片开头）
我不管Michelle Obama的什么健康饮食 I don't care what Michelle Obama says. （接影片开头）
我不管Michelle Obama的什么健康饮食 I don't care what Michelle Obama says.
我是薯条万岁 I'm like, fry or die.
给我点薯条 Give me some fries.
我以为你不吃这个 I thought you didn't want none.
薯条万岁 Fry or die.
你随时还把辣酱带包里？ Now, do you always keep hot sauce in your bag?
是的 我喜欢吃辣 Yeah, I like my shit hot.
在我家里 我每个房间都放一瓶 In my apartment, I keep a bottle in every room, like smoke detectors.
Hammy! Hammy! Hammy! Hammy! Hammy! Hammy! Hammy! Hammy!
你倒是跳啊 Jump in already!
搞什么 快点 Come on, hurry up!
Hey! Hey!
（接下来都是老一辈喜剧演员）
Bill Murray? Bill Murray? （接下来都是老一辈喜剧演员）
Bill Murray 是 Bill Murray's like, （接下来都是老一辈喜剧演员）
也许是三个 you know, perhaps top three （接下来都是老一辈喜剧演员）
地球上最搞笑的人之一 （接下来都是老一辈喜剧演员）
地球上最搞笑的人之一 funniest human beings to ever walk the earth. （接下来都是老一辈喜剧演员）
地球上最搞笑的人之一 funniest human beings to ever walk the earth.
也许是你最想要认识的人 And the guy you most likely want to hang out with
然后你就可以和别人说 “嘿 我认识Bill Murray” and drop his name, like, "Yeah, I know Bill Murray.
“我前几天刚跟Bill Murray聊过天” "I was just talking to Bill Murray the other day."
Charlie Chaplin? - Charlie Chaplin? - Charlie Chaplin.
是他发明的喜剧 他就像喜剧届的KRS-One He started this shit. He's the KRS-One of comedy. （说唱鼻祖）
独一无二的KRS-One. The KRS-One. （说唱鼻祖）
他就是讲笑话的Grandmaster Flash He's the Grandmaster Flash of ha-ha. （DJ 说唱革新者）
我没觉得真有多少人看过卡波特的书 I don't think people actually read Capote.
这是我对很多人的感觉 That's one of my tests to people.
每当我提起很多人就会说 I say that and they're like, "Yeah,
每当我提起很多人就会说 "you know, I really loved Breakfast at Tiffany's."
“我非常喜欢蒂凡尼的早餐” "you know, I really loved Breakfast at Tiffany's." （原著作者卡波特 后拍成著名电影）
我会说 “这不算你读过卡波特的书” And I'm like, "You haven't read Truman Capote. Stop." （原著作者卡波特 后拍成著名电影）
Bill Cosby是最会讲故事的人 Bill Cosby is the greatest storyteller.
Richard Pryor? - Richard Pryor? - Richard Pryor is like
他是个最诚实的人 the most honest human being.
就算耶稣也不会告诉他的随从所有真相 Even Jesus didn't tell his followers everything.
而Rich会 Like Rich...
Eddie Murphy Eddie Murphy.
我之前见过Eddie Murphy和Michael Jackson 相隔没几天 I once saw Murphy and Michael Jackson within two months of each other,
Eddie Murphy更酷 and Eddie was better.
= 爱在瘟疫蔓延时 = 不错 - Love in the Time of Cholera - Yes Yes
当男主角说“太多的爱情和没有爱情一样糟糕” And he says, "Too much love is as bad for this as no love at all."
这让人心碎 That kind of broke my heart.
是啊 想上自己崇拜的人下不去手啊 Yeah, I mean, it's hard to fuck somebody on a pedestal.
= 很好 Taraji = Andre - Beautiful. Taraji! - Andre!
Gabby 看这 Gabby, over here! Gabby, over here!
看这 Gabby Hammy 看这 - This way, Gabby! - Hammy, this way!
Andre 看右边 Andre, over to the right.
给点笑容 Gabby Big smile, Gabby.
结婚了 Married.
你居然结婚了 呵呵 You're getting married, huh?
你都不告诉我吗 You couldn't tell me?
你们两个能笑一笑吗 Can I get you two to smile?
非常感谢 Thank you. Thank you very much.
Taraji 看这 Taraji, this way.
你怎样把你的私生活和聚光灯下的生活区分开呢 How can you keep your private life separate from your public life
特别是这周末的婚礼 when you're going through something this weekend
算是两者合一 which combines the two?
人们对你的婚礼关注度比对这部电影的关注度高多了 Your upcoming marriage is getting more press than this movie.
据我所知 电视上 I mean, I'm watching, like, television...
每个人都在谈论婚礼而没人谈论这部电影 Everybody's talking about that. Nobody's talking about this.
我们能聊电影吗？ Can we talk about the movie?
你觉得你的电影会归为哪一级 What kind of ratings do you think you're gonna get?
我还希望聊点喜剧喃 I was hoping for a little more comedy.
你们还有2分钟的时间 Okay, you got two minutes, everybody. Two minutes.
你觉得大家只是想看你 Do you think they only wanna see you...
继续以前的喜剧角色 You maybe stereotyped yourself and, you know,
而不能接受你拍严肃电影吗？ that people don't wanna accept you in a serious role?
我们想看你演喜剧 We want to see you funny.
我早就告诉过你了 我没时间听你废话 Silk I already told you. I ain't got time for your bullshit, Silk.
我在跟别人约会 I'm seeing somebody.
这完全不是问题 Hey, no problem. Come on.
如果你还不滚 If you don't get the fuck out my face...
你觉得他们会写些什么 How do you think it went?
今天那么多媒体 我很高兴他们能来 The press was all over the place. I'm just glad they showed up.
老实说现在最重要的是 I mean, honestly, the most important thing right now
大家能来看这部电影 is that people come out and see the movie.
是么 最重要的不是 You mean, the most important thing isn't
那万众瞩目盛大无比的婚礼吗？ the "Wedding Spectacular Spectacular"?
我不是这个意思 I did not say that.
你不想再搞笑了吗？ Okay, so you don't wanna be funny.
打扰一下 Excuse me.
你不想再做喜剧电影了 So, you don't wanna make funny movies anymore.
可观众并不待见你的严肃电影 And they don't want to take your "serious" seriously.
对不起 I'm sorry.
那你干嘛不全身心投入到那盛大婚礼当中去 So why not embrace the wedding spectacle?
得了吧 我是个男的 我不是做着婚姻童话梦长大的 I'm a guy, come on. I didn't grow up dreaming of a wedding.
而且只有新娘的杂志 没听过给新郎看的杂志 There's no Grooms magazine. They don't have a groomal registry.
婚礼不是给男人准备得 Weddings aren't for guys.
我没说其他男人 我在说你 I'm not talking about guys. I'm talking about you.
如果你对你的婚礼都不投入啊 Why don't you embrace it?
你这么不喜欢 为什么你还要办啊 If you hate it so much, why are you even doing it?
因为Erica帮我戒掉了酒瘾 Erica helped me get clean.
我可没时间整这出啊 Dre I don't have time for this, Dre.
我可不想听你废话 I'm not gonna be your audience.
我可不想听你废话？ "I'm not gonna be your audience"?
我喝多了话多 Audience to my bullshit.
要是没人听 也就没什么可说了 If you don't have an audience, it's hard to put on a show.
Brad Brad?
Hey Hey.
= 天哪 生日快乐 = 谢谢 - Happy birthday. Oh, my God. - Thank you.
你还好吗 我一整天都在给你电话 我很担心 How are you? I tried calling you all day. I was so worried.
额 没事 我很好 我刚刚在开会 Yeah, yeah... No, I'm fine, I'm fine. I was just in meetings.
嗨 Andre Allen Hey, Andre Allen!
嘿 白皮肤Brad Hey! White Brad!
生日快乐 Happy birthday.
谢谢 我等不及去看你的电影了 Thank you, man. I cannot wait to see the movie.
我非常高兴终于有人把Boukman的故事拍成电影了 I'm so glad somebody's finally telling Boukman's story.
没人拍过棕色人种奴隶的故事 I mean, no one talks about the Maroon slaves.
对 他们被忽略了 I know, they're so overlooked.
太不应该了 - It's crazy. - It's crazy.
你一整天都干嘛去了 Okay, so what have you been doing all day?
今天是我生日 我要对我自己好一点啊 Well, it's my birthday. You know, I've been treating myself.
想去市中心血拼一下 可没发现中意的 Went uptown, did a little shopping, didn't find anything.
你怎么跑这里来了 What are you doing here?
我 额 就是来看看 I just was, like, going to check out
礼品店 因为也不 the gift shop. 'Cause you never know...
那不是Ryan？ Is that Ryan?
是的 是他 Yeah, Ryan's here.
Hey, Ryan Hey, Ryan!
Ryan看看我碰到谁了 Ryan, look who I ran into.
嗨Chelsea 咋样啊 你们 Hey, Chelsea. How's it going, guys?
我在这是因为瑞安 I'm also here because Ryan,
带我来看看这里的酒吧 was just showing me the lounge here
他认识这酒店的经理 because he knows the manager of the hotel
让我以后来这里玩玩什么的 and he's thinking maybe I could be spinning here soon, so...
这就是你不回我电话的原因？ And that's why you couldn't contact me?
我的手机 额 最近老是死机 My phone is, like, going nuts lately.
我也不知道怎么回事 我想换个试试 I don't know what's going on. I'm changing plans.
他怎么穿着我给你买的衬衫？ Is he wearing the shirt that I bought you?
我先走了 I have to go.
我正要给你电话的好吧？ Look, I was gonna call you, okay?
你们还要弄多久啊？ How much longer are you guys gonna be doing this thing?
我觉得你还是跟他走吧 I think you should go after him.
Look, it's Hammy! Look, it's Hammy!
Hey! Hey, hey, hey! Hey! Hey, hey, hey!
你没事吧 Hey, you okay?
没事 Yeah. No.
我 I'm...
我要给我的互助对象打电话 不好意思 I'm going to call my sponsor, okay? I'm sorry.
就算他手里拿着房间钥匙 Just because he had a room key
穿着你给Brad买的衬衫 and was wearing a shirt you bought Brad,
也说明不了什么啊 that doesn't mean anything.
男人就喜欢在酒店互换个衬衫什么的 I mean, guys trade clothes in hotel rooms all the time.
也许是有点冷 明白吗？ Maybe it was chilly, you know what I mean?
他们就打个电话给对方说 嘿兄弟 我太冷了 Maybe they called up each other... "Hey, man, I'm freezing."
我也是 "Me, too.
那要不我们去酒店互相换件衣服穿？ "Why don't you meet me at a hotel so we can switch clothes?"
Kelly吗？ 我需要和你谈谈 谢谢你 Kelly? Can I... I need to talk to you. Please. Thank you.
太棒了 Great.
我差不多跟每种肤色的人都约会过 现在连基佬都约过 I can say I've dated every race, and now I've dated gay.
约过亚洲人？ Asian?
是的 Yes, Asian.
会功夫的亚洲人还是会考试的亚洲人 Karate Asian or nerdy Asian?
亚洲的亚洲人 中国人口这么多 Asian-Asian. You know, there's a billion Chinese.
这证明他们的JJ很管用 好吧 I think it's proven that their dicks work. Yeah.
我交往过已婚的 还交往过女的 I've dated married. I've had a girlfriend.
两个 Two girlfriends.
你可以搞女的 你男友和男的搞过就成基佬了 Okay, so you can go all k.d. lang, but if he's with one guy, he's gay. （k.d. lang 女同歌手）
随便吧 规矩也不是我定的 管他呢 Whatever, I don't make up the rules. Who cares?
这不是重点 It's not about that. That's not the point.
这种事肯定不会凭空出现 You know, stuff like this doesn't come out of the blue.
你之前不会没发现不对劲的地方吧 There must have been some sort of sign.
我不想给你说 I'm not gonna tell you.
= 来吧 说一点点 = 我不想说 - Come on, tell me something. - I'm not telling you.
说嘛 小妈妈 说出来 Come on, Teen Mom. Let it out.
好吧 我们有过正常的性生活 Okay, so we had a normal sex life.
然后有一天 他突然的跟我说 Then one day, out of the blue...
把手指插进我的菊花里面 Put a finger in my ass.
这 我从来没弄过 You know, I'd never done that before.
我不想这么做 这 我完全下不去手 I didn't want to do it. Like, this was not my thing,
之前从没有人让我这样做 and luckily, no one had ever asked me before,
我都不知道还可以这样 so it never really came up.
但是Brad提出来了 But he asked me.
突然我奶奶出现在我脑海中 And then my grandmamma popped into my brain.
他让你插他 Whatever he wants you to do
你就插他 you better do it.
要不其他小婊砸就会给他插 Or some other bitch will.
我喜欢你奶奶 I like your grandma.
所以我插了他 他非常享受 So I did it and he liked it.
天个撸 太酸爽了 Oh, yes. That's it.
= 你喜欢吗？ = 是的 - Like that? - Yeah, yeah.
奇怪的是 我还有点高兴能让他高兴 In a weird way, I was happy to be doing something he liked.
后来他不管什么地方随时都想要 But then he wanted it all the time. Everywhere.
在飞机上 On a plane.
美女 用力 加把劲 Go another knuck. Knuck it up, girl.
加油 - Knuck it up. - Yeah? Yeah?
在我朋友的派对上 At my friend's party.
Yes, yes, yes! Yes, yes, yes!
我叫特么什么名字？Jigga（Jay-z？？？） What's my motherfuckin' name? Jigga!
很快 他就只喜欢这样搞了 Pretty soon, that's all he wanted.
有天晚上 我们跟瑞安和他的“女朋友”一起吃晚餐 So one night, we're at dinner with Ryan and his "girlfriend."
Chels 你最近是在找房子吗？ So, Chels, you've been looking for a place, right?
怎么样了？ What's been going on with that?
是啊 我是打算买房子 可房价还是太贵了 Yeah. I'd like to buy a house, you know, but everything's still so expensive.
我以为房价在下跌呢 I thought the market was down.
宝贝儿 你开玩笑吧 Babe, are you kidding?
以你的征信 比尔盖茨给你做担保都贷不到款 With your credit, you couldn't get a loan if Bill Gates cosigned it.
经典！ Good one!
Alexa你在哥斯达黎加的房子怎么样 Hey, Alexa, how's your place down in Costa Rica doing?
哎哟 你居然在哥斯达黎加有房子？ Wait a second. You got a place in Costa Rica?
我觉得特丢人 但是吧 也就算了 I felt completely humiliated, but it was, you know, just let it go.
也没啥大不了 应该大度点 It's not a big deal. You know, you're bigger than that.
都请了保姆带孩子了 You got a babysitter.
我们可以去他家搞一个和好啪 就没事了 We can have make-up sex. It's gonna be fine.
怎么了 What? What?
我要去一下卫生间 I have to go to the bathroom.
去吧 快快快 Okay. All right, go, go, go. Go.
今晚可是舞蹈之夜哦 准备好了吗？ I think it's dance night, baby. You ready?
你懂我的 You know I am.
快来给哥哥插一插 Come give Papa what he needs.
我看着他屁股 快翘到房顶了 I looked at his ass, just stuck up in the air.
想着他刚才嘲笑我 And I thought about what he did.
经典！ Good one!
就算比尔盖茨担保你 If Bill Gates cosigned you.
突然一闪念 I don't know, something just snapped.
我从皮包里拿出根卫生棉条 I reached into my purse and pulled out a tampon.
又道了点辣椒酱上去 Then I pulled out my hot sauce.
不会吧 No, no!
别说了 Don't say it!
然后我 And I...
别说了 Don't say it!
我把那插进他屁眼 I shoved it up his ass.
什么东西啊 What is that?
对 Yup.
为什么？ 为什么？ Why? Why?
为什么这样对我？ 快把它拿出来 Why are you doing this to me? Take it out of here now!
机灵鬼 再抖个机灵啊 Hey, smartass, I don't hear you laughing now!
他真是个混蛋 He's such an asshole!
我们来干嘛 What are we doing?
我女儿很喜欢他 真的很喜欢 You know, Grace really loves him. Like, a lot.
可是我就要跟他分手 And then he's just gonna be gone.
我应该怎么跟她说呢？ What am I supposed to tell her?
告诉她真相呗 Just tell her the truth.
你总不会要让她也因为某种不必要的义务感 I mean, you don't want her to think she's supposed to stay with some guy
就和个男的一直在一起吧 out of some false sense of obligation.
她会看见自己的妈妈消沉几天 She's gonna see her mom fall down
然后再振作起来的 and then she's gonna see her mom pick herself back up.
不 她会看见她妈妈 No, what she's going to see is her mom
再带另一个渣男回家 having paraded yet another dude through the house who's a loser!
我的最爱啊 Oh, my God. My favorite.
最爱 My favorite.
你是对的 You're right.
我就重新来过吧 I'm just going to have to start the process again
找个用JJ的 of vetting another dick.
再找一个对你来说太简单了 You're not gonna have a hard time meeting anybody, come on.
你聪明又漂亮 I mean, you're smart, you're beautiful.
我现在没想要奉承话 I'm really not fishing for compliments right now.
不 我是认真的 No, no. I'm serious.
我也是 I am, too.
你很漂亮 You're beautiful.
这是真的 好吧？ You know that, right?
现在我们可以走了吗 Can we get out of here?
刚刚那事还没说完 然后喃 难道你们就像没事儿人一样去吃早餐吗？ What happened after that? What, you just went to brunch after that?
差不多 我们都没提那事了 Yes, as a matter of fact. We didn't even talk about it.
我以为就分手了 显然并没有 I thought we were breaking up, but apparently not, you know.
所以我觉得很内疚 And that's why I've been feeling so guilty,
所以今天不停给他发信息打电话 and texting him and calling him all day
想要在生日这天好好补偿他 and trying to figure out what to do with his birthday.
得了吧 他才不会因为那事儿分手呢 Come on, he's not gonna break up over that.
为什么不？因为他要怎么跟别人说呢？ Why not? 'Cause what's he supposed to tell people?
我跟我女票分手是因为她 "Yeah, we broke up 'cause my girlfriend
把辣椒酱插进了我的屁眼里 "shoved a red hot chili pepper up my ass."
不会的 No, no, no.
他会等到他劈腿或者打你 He's gonna wait to do something like cheat on you or hit you.
这种说得过去的分手理由 You know, like, a nice respectable break-up.
打我 - Hit me? Hit me? - Not...
劈腿或者打我 是说的过去的理由吗 Something respectable like cheat on me or hit me.
你是为他说话啊？ So basically, what you're saying is that you're taking his side.
= 我没有为他说话 = 很好 - I'm not taking his side. I mean... - Awesome.
= 你明明就是 = 别啊 别啊 - Clearly you are. - Come on. Come on.
你意思是我的错 You're saying it's my fault.
我简直不相信你是这样想的 I can't believe you didn't see this shit.
我的意思是他的错 肯定的 I mean, he was wrong, okay? He was wrong.
但没错到辣屁股的程度嘛 But he wasn't burning-ass wrong.
所以说我就不该给你说的 See, that's why I didn't want to tell you.
我给你说了你却取笑我 I open up to you and you laugh at me.
= 是有点好笑啊 = 这根本不好笑 - It's funny. - It's not funny!
被劈腿有什么可笑的 What's funny about being cheated on?
不会吧 假如你觉得仅仅是劈腿 Come on. If you think this is just about cheating,
那你太天真了 then you're very naive.
天真？ 我太天真？ Naive? I'm naive?
是谁说 电视台换了我的戒指 Mr. "The network picks out my rings."
是谁说 我欠某人一个婚礼 Mr. "I owe somebody a wedding."
你才天真吧 I'm naive?
首先 你都不了解我 Okay, first of all, you don't know me...
把男朋友屁股当成木偶插的小姐 Miss "I used my boyfriend's ass as a hand puppet." Yeah, yeah.
我不需要去了解你都知道你有问题 I don't need to know you to know that something is wrong.
你关心这么多干嘛？ Why do you even care, okay?
那你为啥关心？ Why don't you care?
我们能不能只谈我的电影 Can we just talk about my movie?
去你的狗屁电影 Fuck your shitty movie!
我们不应该这样 We should stop.
我们这是在干嘛 What the fuck are we doing?
我们应该离开这 We gotta get out of here.
对 Yes.
= 不过 = 怎么？ - But first... - What?
你要先把手从我的裤子里拿出来 You gotta get your hands out my pants.
你也要先把手从我的裤子里拿出来 You gotta get your hands out of my pants.
= 你先 = 你先 - You first. - You first.
我数三下 Okay, on three.
一起 Okay. At the same time.
一起 - Same time. - Okay.
一起 Same time, motherfucker.
一 One,
二 two,
三 three.
天哪 Goddamn.
Okay Okay.
我们出去吗 We should get out of here?
好 你走先 Yeah, yeah, but you go first.
我们不能同时出去 We can't get out of here at the same time.
好的 不过 Okay, I mean, you know...
我们什么都没做 好吧？ Remember, nothing happened, right?
是的 额 我们什么都没做 Yeah, like, just because we didn't fuck
但是被看到还是不好吧 it doesn't mean that we didn't fuck around.
所以你先出去我随后就出来 So you go first and then I'll come out in a couple seconds. A couple minutes.
好 那我出去了 Okay, so I'm going to get out of here.
我正要打个电话 - Okay. - I gotta make a call anyway.
晕 手机没电了 我怎么打电话 Shit, my phone's dead. I gotta call fucking London.
用我的吧 Here, use mine.
Okay Okay.
密码是1999 Code, 1999.
谢谢了 Thanks.
Yo, yo, Silk. Yo, yo, Silk.
You're Hammy the Bear! You're Hammy the Bear!
让司机到咖啡店接我 Yeah, yeah, have him pick me up at the Coffee Shop.
联合广场这里
Yeah, Union Square.
两杯冰咖啡 Two iced coffees!
Hammy! Hammy
Hammy, I love you, man! Hammy, I love you, man!
我靠 What the fuck?
她是James Nielson? Chelsea is James Nielson?
你同事James Nielson说要是我要是我的电影在他眼镜里面放 Why, 'cause your boy James Nielson said he wouldn't watch my next movie
他连眼睛都不会睁开 if it was playing in his glasses?
James James.
我爱你 Andre I love you, Andre!
Andre Andre!
天哪 是Andre Allen! Oh, my God, it's Andre Allen!
你什么时候拍下一部傻大熊电影 When are you gonna do another Hammy movie?
你老大找你 Your boss is looking for you.
Okay. Okay
= 你没事吧 = 我很好 - Are you okay? - Yeah, I'm fine.
你就是 James Nielson You're James Nielson.
你偷看我的手机吗？ Were you going through my phone?
我只是想看看手机里有没有裸照？ I went through your phone looking for naked pictures.
那就是偷看我手机啊 That's going through my phone.
那不重要 你就是James Nielson. That's beside the point. You're James Nielson.
事情不像你想的那样 It's not what you think.
你坑了我那么多年 You trashed me for years.
竟然还来装模作样的好像是我朋友 And then you hang around me like you're my friend?
对不起 I'm sorry.
我今天一直想说清楚 只是不知道怎么开口 I've been wanting to say something all day, I just didn't know how.
闭嘴吧 你简直谎话连篇 Shut the fuck up. Now you're lying on top of your lies.
= 我没撒谎 = 你就是在撒谎 - I'm not lying. - You're lying.
我记得你在一篇评论里说 I remember in one of your reviews, you go,
OJ已经得到他应得的惩罚 "O.J.'s been brought to justice.
本拉登也得到了他应得的惩罚 "Bin Laden's been brought to justice.
Andre Allen什么时候才会得到他的惩罚 "When will Andre Allen be brought to justice
因为他的反人性的罪过 "for his crimes against humanity?"
我妈妈看了那篇评论 My mother read that shit.
Andre Allen. Andre Allen.
Andre? Andre?
Hammy! Hammy!
Andre. Andre
是 也许我是太过份了 Okay, maybe I took it too far.
是吗 You think?
是 Yeah.
十分钟之前我还很开心 I was so happy 10 minutes ago.
我也是 Me, too.
= 你说你参加了戒酒互助会 = 我是的 - You told me you were in the program. - I am.
你才不是 You're not in the program.
我是的 这是真的 I am. That's the truth.
互助会上怎么跟你说的 What do they tell you in the program?
他们告诉我们什么？ 绝对的诚实 What do they tell us? "Rigorous honesty."
我知道 I know.
绝对的诚实 - Rigorous fucking honesty. - I know.
你想知道我为什么不演喜剧了吗 You wanna know why I won't make any funny movies?
因为我没有完全的戒掉酒瘾 'Cause I never did it clean.
每次大家觉得我搞笑的时候 我要么醉了要么嗨了 或者又醉又嗨 Every time you ever seen me be funny, I was drunk or high, or both.
每一次 每个节目 我都醉的一塌糊涂 Every time. Every show. I was fucked up.
现在大家想看我搞笑 And now people want me to be funny.
我自己都不知道我能不能做到 And you know what? I don't know if I can do it.
我很害怕 And I'm scared.
我非常害怕 I am scared.
绝对的诚实 Rigorous honesty.
婚礼的报道铺天盖地 广告位都买光了 The wedding is tracking like crazy. There are no more ads to buy.
你确定你不能跟他说说再加个招待会什么的？ You sure you can't talk him into doing a few more receptions?
应该不行了 No, I don't think so.
但我可以说服他在我们度蜜月的时候加点内容 But I'm pretty sure I can sell him on more honeymoon stuff.
别担心 我会说服他的 Don't worry. I'll get him on board.
电影卖得咋样啊？ How's the movie tracking?
= 这些人排队看什么 = Boo - So, what's the line for? - Boo.
那是什么 What's that?
Tyler Perry的新电影 It's the new Tyler Perry movie.
是讲Madea被困在一个鬼屋里 It's where Madea gets trapped in a haunted house.
卖得很好 - It's doing great. - Yo, Hammy!
他可以哦 那我的电影喃？ Good for him. So, how am I doing?
在别的厅上座率怎么样 So how's it playing on the other screens?
只有这一个厅在放映 This is the only screen it's playing on.
这停一下 Stop here.
Yeah Yeah.
兄弟 我能跟你合个影吗 很快的 Hey, yo, man, you mind if I get a picture with you real quick, man?
我是你的超级粉丝 我喜欢你的所有电影 I'm a big fan of your movies. I love all of it, man.
现在不行 现在不行 Not right now, man, not right now.
别啊 就拍一张 Come on, let me get one picture with you.
那是什么 Hey, what's that?
Hey Hey!
我操它个傻大熊 Hammy the fucking beer?
去死 Fuck you, Hammy!
我操它个傻大熊 Hammy the fucking beer?
不 No!
= 你冷静点 = 放开我 - I need you to relax. - Get away from me!
Come on! Come on!
Hammy Hammy!
你好啊 熊 Wassup, Ham?
你看到了吗 听到了吗 You saw me, man. You heard me.
他在曼哈顿的一个商店里突然发狂 Hammy! ...when he flew into a wild rage at a grocery store in Manhattan.
请出去吧 谢谢 Out, please. Thank you.
能清场吗？快点 谢谢 Can we clear the room, please? Quickly, thank you.
谢谢 走吧 - Thank you. - All right, let's go.
Dre？ Dre?
Hey, hey. Hey, hey.
我简直不能相信你这样对我 I cannot believe you did this to me.
你是在开玩笑吗？明天就是婚礼了 Are you kidding me? Right before our wedding? Really?
现在CNN, Fox, TMZ都在播你这破事 媒体都疯了 It is on CNN, Fox, TMZ, Media fucking TakeOut!
我一出来马上就去找你 As soon as I get out of here, I'm gonna come right to you.
不不不 你别过来找我 No, no, no. You're not gonna come to me.
你要去你的单身派对 You're gonna go to your fucking bachelor party!
你还可以补救一下 Dre You can still make this right, Dre.
我有酒瘾 我还才喝多了 I'm an alcoholic. I'm a fucking drunk.
你真的认为我应该去派对吗？ Do you really think I need to go to a party?
你必须去 You have to do this.
你特么的忘了我是做什么的了吗？ Did you forget who the fuck I am?
我拒绝了Bradley Cooper I turned down Bradley Cooper!
Matt Kemp 特么的Matt Kemp Matt Kemp! Matt fucking Kemp!
（棒球明星）
Matt Kemp 特么的Matt Kemp Matt Kemp! Matt fucking Kemp!
多少人追我啊 I could have had anybody!
可是我选择了你 Dre I chose you, Dre.
每个人都想娶我 而我选择了你 Everybody wanted to wife me, and I chose you.
Dre 我是怎么做的 Dre, what do I do?
每次分开再见到你 我是怎么做的？ Every time I see you after we've been separated, what do I do?
我们啪啪啪 We have sex?
不 不仅是啪啪啪 No, no, no. Not just sex.
每一次我们分开后 After every time we have been separated,
我一见到你 the moment I see you,
你一走进门 the second you walk through the door,
我就含你JJ 每一次 I suck your dick! Every time!
你觉得我喜欢那样做吗？ Do you think I wanted to do that? Dre?
我不知道你还把口交记账上的 I didn't know you were keeping a blowjob tab.
这不是重点 我要说的是 That's not what I'm saying. What I am saying, Dre,
我是为了我们才含你JJ的 is that I sucked your dick for us!
我这么做是因为我知道迟早 I sucked it for us because I knew, sooner or later,
我需要你为我做些牺牲 I was gonna need you to do something for me
做些你不想做的事 that you didn't want to do.
你欠我的 You owe me.
听听你自己说些什么 Do you hear yourself?
你对这真人秀已经中毒不清了 You're addicted to this shit.
好吧 你不了解 See, what you're not understanding,
这节目就是我的全部了 this is all I have.
你懂吗 我没有其他才华 Okay? I don't have a talent.
我不会唱歌 Right? I don't sing.
我不会跳舞 我不会表演 我也不会讲笑话 I don't dance. I don't act. I don't tell jokes.
我不是你 Dre I'm not you, Dre.
你必须要 必须要帮我 You have to... You have to choose me.
Erica？ Erica?
每个人都必须要看见你选择了我 Okay? Everyone needs to see you choose me.
= Erica =我终于成了名人 - Erica. - I am finally famous.
别毁了我的一切 Don't ruin this for me!
把电话给我 把电话给我 Give me the phone. Give me the phone.
什么都别说 Don't say nothin'.
看看你 你看上去好极了 Look at you. You look great.
我说什么来着 街上很危险的 Didn't I tell you? These streets are dangerous. I said it.
这让我又想起8年级的时候 This reminds me of eighth grade.
我们因为逃学而被关起来 还记得么？ We got locked up for playing hooky. Remember that?
别说我们 Don't say "we."
警察只抓住了我 The cops grabbed me.
你故意让他们抓住你的 You let 'em catch you.
那我应该怎么办 让你一个人被关吗？ What was I supposed to do, let you get locked up by yourself?
Dre 下次如果他们让你打电话 Dre, next time they give you one call,
打给我 call me.
下面你要这么做 Here's what you are going to do.
去参加你的单身派对 You are going to attend your bachelor party.
然后爬上你的私人飞机 And then you're going to climb up on that jet
最后赶紧去结婚 and you, my man, are going to get married.
然后 如果你照做的话 And then, and only then,
我会保证你的这次小插曲 I will make sure that your little incident
宣传成真人秀的一部分 plays into the press like it was part of the show.
我会跟媒体 警察 还有你的保释官说 I will tell the media, the cops, your parole officer,
我们本来以为那酒是假的 that we all thought the alcohol was fake.
所有人都知道这真人秀都是演的 Everybody knows that these shows aren't real.
但是如果你准备再搞些台子 But if you decide to do something drastic,
我就不会帮你了 you are on your own.
听清楚没 Your own.
没事的 It's okay.
小美女 你的睡觉时间早过了 Hey, young lady, it is way past your bedtime.
再给我两分钟 还有几只猪要杀 Come on, two more minutes? I got some more pigs to kill.
把外婆的手机关了 Turn off Grandma's phone.
这不是外婆的 是我的 It's not Grandma's. It's mine.
你的 Yours.
谁给你的呢 Who gave you a phone?
白马王子寄给我的 The Prince sent it.
我得到命令要在45分钟之后把你带走 I got strict orders to have you out of here in 45 minutes.
电影得事很抱歉 Sorry about the movie.
只要口碑好 还是会大卖的 There's always word of mouth. It could still be a hit!
你说是就是吧 If you say so.
你们以前来过这地方吗 You guys ever been here?
我没来 I have not been here.
没有 我妻子给我20分钟 让我去了就走 No. My wife gave me 20 minutes and said, "Get in, get out."
我们现在都不在这 We're not here now.
小心你的钱包 她们会偷的 Watch your pockets, too, they will pick it.
绝对会的 不是种族岐视 That's a guarantee. Not being racist.
= 只是妓女歧视 = 谁偷？ - That's being ho-ist. - Who?
有些小妹儿需要钱 你们知道的 Some of these chicks need money and you fuckin' know it. Relax.
你以前来过这吗Whoopi？ You been here before, Whoopi?
Hey, Whoopi Hey, Whoopi.
Hi, Jasmine Hi, Jasmine.
Hi, Jerry Hi, Jerry.
我侄女 My niece.
我们寺院认识的 She goes to my temple.
你再怎么乱搞 都千万别养小三 Whatever you do, don't get a mistress.
千万别养 肯定会被抓 Can't do it. You'll get caught.
做个好老公 你可以的 Just be a good person. You can handle that. Just be good.
对她好点 Stay good to her.
跟她坦诚相待 实在不行自己打飞机吧 Stay true to her. Whack off.
打飞机 打飞机 - Whack off. - Whack off.
打飞机 Whack off.
如果养小三被发现了 千万别承认 And if it does happen, do not confess.
肯定会被抓 因为 You will get caught. Just because...
不管怎样 就算她把你捉奸在床 No matter what, even if she finds an actual vagina in your pocket.
= 也别承认 = 我也不知道怎么就在这床上了 - Don't confess. - "I don't know how it got there."
我老婆发现我和两个女的在房间里 My wife found two pussies in my glove compartment.
我给她说我们是在对剧本 And I had to convince her, you know, it's a standard option on a Mercedes.
不管你怎么撒谎 她还是会知道的 You can lie as much as you want, she's going to know.
谎越圆越大 It takes a village.
别劈腿 Don't cheat.
我没打算劈腿 I have no plans to cheat.
没人会打算劈腿 I know, no one does.
就像没人打算超速 No one plans to speed.
Biggie, Jay, Nas, Ghostface, Jadakiss. Biggie, Jay, Nas, Ghostface, Jadakiss.
如果你要说Gang Starr好 If you gonna say Gang Starr,
那你得先问问C.L. Smooth和Pete Rock then you need to say C.L. Smooth, Pete Rock.
是你把The Scenario排在 You the one that picked The Scenario over...
那谁前面的？ What's the other one?
- The Symphony. - The Symphony. - The Symphony. - The Symphony.
特么的Scenario本来就比Symphony强 Fucking Scenario is better than Symphony, nigga!
我能说完么？ Can I finish?
你还好吗 So how you doing?
还好 那些电视上的事 I'm all right. I mean, all that stuff that's on TV, that was...
只是为了做节目而已 我并没有真的喝酒 That was just for the show. I'm not really drinking.
好吧 我结过无数次婚了 你都参加过好几次我的婚礼 Okay, I got married a lot of times. You've been at several of my weddings.
但我一直知道我不喜欢婚礼 But I always knew that wasn't what I was into.
我不喜欢婚礼 大家都知道 I wasn't into the wedding and everyone knew it.
我喜欢的是那个男的 就好像你结婚是因为你喜欢那个女的 I should have been into the guy. As you should be into the girl.
= 让她签婚前协议 = 婚前协议 - Make her sign the prenup. - Prenup.
确实不好开口 但你必须那么做 It's a hard conversation, but just do it.
你以后就会知道好处了 You will be happy in the long run.
= 我的钱 = 是谁的钱？ - My money. - Whose money is it?
我的钱 My money!
= 是谁写的段子 = 我写的段子 - Who wrote the jokes? - I wrote the jokes.
管好你的钱 一定要签那协议 Keep that fucking cash. Sign that shit.
你签了吗？ Did you get one?
我没有 I did not.
我靠 Fuck!
我要出去开车了 还要赶飞机啊 Gonna go outside and check on the car. Got a plane to catch.
好 快点 我们该走了 All right, hurry up. We gotta get out of here.
快着喃 我快得很 I'm on it! You know I'm on it.
嘿Andre她真的喜欢那手机 Hey, Andre, she really loved the phone.
James Nielson James Nielson!
我能跟你说几句吗 Can I talk to you for a second?
我不想跟James Nielson说话 - I don't want to talk to you, James. - Please?
不 我不想说 大家注意了 No! I don't want to talk. Hey, everybody!
这个男的是个记者 This man right here is a journalist!
别相信他 He is not to be trusted!
对不起 Okay. I'm sorry.
James是我很久之前虚构的一个角色 Okay, James is a character I created a very long time ago,
不幸的是他一直很受欢迎 and unfortunately, he's still a very popular character.
虚构角色？ 你以为你是碧昂丝啊，咋不叫Sasha Fierce？ Character? What are you, Sasha Fierce?
懂了 很像Shakira Simmons I got it. Shakira Simmons.
- Shakara. - Shakara Simmons - Shakara. - Shakara Simmons.
=对 = 管我屁事 - Yeah. - Who gives a fuck?
= 你全是在说谎吗？ = 当然不是 - Was it all a lie? - Of course not.
你一直在角色扮演吗？ Were you in character the whole time?
不是的 No!
有真的吗？ Any of it?
你妈妈 你女儿 你那灰姑娘的鬼话 Your mother, your kid. Your Cinderella bullshit.
非常抱歉 确实是我不对 这样做确实很糟糕 很奇怪 I'm really sorry. What I did was wrong and it was creepy and it was weird.
我知道你不会相信我 And I know you won't believe me,
但是我确实是因为喜欢你才这样做的 but I actually did it because I like you. All right?
做为你的粉丝我只是想知道 The fan in me just wanted to know
那个我曾经在舞台上看到的人怎么了 what happened to that guy that I saw at Purchase.
你喜欢我？ You liked me?
是的 你既让我笑又让我哭 Yes, that made me laugh and cry.
你不能碰她 You can't touch the girls.
她拿了我钱包 我不知道她放哪儿了 但她拿了 She took my wallet. I don't know where it is, but she has it.
我衣服都没穿 我能把它藏在哪儿啊 I don't have any clothes on. Where am I gonna put it?
非要逼我说出来吗 Do I have to say it?
那边在闹腾 快 我们走吧 We got drama. Come on. We gotta go.
= 我们快走 =快快快 - Let's get out of here. - Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.
Hey, Andre? Hey, Andre?
你能顺路载我一程吗？ Are you going my way?
你还好吗 酒仙？ So are you okay, alky?
我很好 没有电视上放的那么糟糕 Yeah, I'm real good. It's not as bad as it looks.
我看谷歌推送说商店闹事只是为真人秀的表演 I got a Google alert that said that the incident was part of the show.
但是我能看出来你当时是真喝了酒 But I could tell that you were really drinking.
你的演技还没到那么好 You're not that good of an actor.
说的真好 James Nice one, James.
我们去哪啊 Hey, where are we going?
我以为只是顺路送她一段 I thought we were just dropping her off.
我们只是在这里停一下 We're just making a little stop first.
在哪儿 Stop where?
Yo, come on. Yo, come on.
Thank you Thank you.
我们就看几段演出 I thought we'd just see a couple,
然后我们就走 and then, you know, we can just get out of here.
Yo, Hammy Yo, Hammy!
Wassup, Hammy Wassup, Hammy!
你怎么来了 What's happenin', man?
= 你要上吗？ = 不 - You going on? - No, no.
好的 All right.
看看你周围 看看你周围 Look around the room, look around the room,
哪个男的要是没笑 look around the room, any guy not laughing at that right now,
肯定是带了妹子来的 is on a date.
现在这男的和妹子之间正在进行明争暗斗 There is a battle going on at the table between the man and the woman.
男人想占点优势 - What's up, man? - The man wants leverage.
女人也想占点优势 - How's it going? - The woman wants leverage.
等账单来了 要是女的掏钱出来 See, when the check comes, if the girl puts money on the table,
这钱就叫“你没戏”定金 that's called the "no pussy deposit."
她把定金交了 She just put a deposit down
就注定待会儿晚上没你什么事了 on not having to do shit with you later on that night.
你看过女的放下那20块时候的样子吗？ You ever see how the girl, when she drops the twenty,
她拽拽得抬起手像在投三分球一样 she holds her hand up like she shot a three-pointer,
然后后退防守 Bam then gets back on defense? Bam!
天哪 看看我穿的这身 已经是我最好的打扮了 Oh, my gosh, look at this outfit. This is me trying.
当你感觉人生无望的时候就像我这样 This is what you look like when you start giving up.
记住 大家不停的问我 是不是从密歇根来的 Take a note. People keep asking me if I'm from Michigan.
我说 好吧 反正也差不多 I'm like, "No, I'm done. It looks the same."
真的看上去差不多 It looks exactly the fucking same.
我穿的衣服都像睡衣 I don't wear anything that doesn't transition well
方便直接上床 to bed from now on.
任何不够宽松到能把胸罩从袖子里取出来的衣服 我都不感兴趣 If I can't pull the bra out the sleeve, I'm not interested in you.
完全没兴趣 I'm not interested.
为什么每部关于奴隶的电影都会有这样的场面 Yeah, how come every movie with slaves always has that one scene?
这就像是奴隶专属音效 It's like... It's like Slave Idol.
你们不会相信谁来了 You guys ain't going to believe this.
独一无二的Andre Allen The one, the only, Andre Allen!
说啥来着？ What can I say?
请降低你们的期望 Please lower your expectations.
不会有什么精彩的 It's not gonna be that good.
我干嘛上台来啊 我很久没有做这个了了 What the hell am I doing up here? I haven't done this in a long time.
很多人不喜欢约会 经常听人说 我讨厌约会 我讨厌约会 A lot of people don't like dates. It's like, "I hate dating. I hate dating."
我喜欢约会 约会很棒 I like dates. Dates are cool.
约会意味着起码有人会考虑和你上床 'Cause a date means someone is considering fucking you.
他们必须得琢磨一下 They have to, like, ponder it. It's just...
任何人只要愿意和你吃饭 你都多少有点机会和她搞一手 Anybody you can eat with, you might have a chance of fucking.
当然 他们得仔细琢磨一下 So, and they're just pondering fucking you.
他们会在脑子里打量着 想着 They're weighing it in their head. They're going...
女的会想 他的JJ 我的嘴 考虑考虑 Girls are going, "His dick, my mouth. I wonder."
即使什么也没发生 我也感觉很好 And even if it doesn't happen, you just feel... I feel good.
只要有人能考虑和你上床 就是个美好的一天 I mean, any day somebody thinks about fucking you is a good day.
对女人来说 如果不 That's the thing with women. Like... They don't...
就是不以结婚为目的 不管你做什么 No matter what you do for a woman, if it doesn't end in marriage,
都是在浪费她们的时间 this was a waste of time.
不管你为她做了什么 比如 帮她找了个工作 I don't care what you do for her. You could... Got her a job,
比如 帮她治好了糖尿病 you know, cured her diabetes,
甚至 教会她认字 taught her how to read.
但如果最终你没跟她结婚 But if it's over and you don't marry her,
她们就会说 真不敢相信你浪费我的那么多时间 it's like, "I can't believe I wasted my time with you."
去你的吧 我不需要认字 "Fuck you and your letters."
早知道我还不如和糖尿病结婚算了 "I could have been married with diabetes by now."
我还能说什么呢 What can I say?
我想说的是 在你刚爽歪歪之后千万不要做重大决定 All I can say is, don't make any major decisions after a blowjob.
等那爽劲儿消散之后 You know, let the blowjob wear off.
再认真想想自己要干什么 Then you figure out what you want to do, you know.
这是我个人的建议 That's just my advice to you.
这说不定就是肯尼迪遇刺的原因 I'm sure that's what happened to J.F.K, you know.
玛丽莲梦露让他欲仙欲死之后 Marilyn Monroe gave him a blowjob and,
他马上就想“我得搞辆敞篷车” you know, he was, like, "I'm gonna get me a convertible."
再来一段Andre Allen One more time! Andre Allen!
= 快点 快 = 简直太棒了 - Come on. Hurry up! - That was incredible!
Hammy Hammy!
= 你还有料 我说过的 = 对 - You still got it! I told you! - Yes.
= 不可思议 太棒了 = 快上车 - Amazing. Oh, my God. - Get in there, get in there.
Hammy, 加油 Hammy, keep it real.
Yo, Hammy Yo, Hammy.
快 走走走 Come on, go, go, go, go!
太精彩了 That was incredible!
= 一如既往的精彩 = 超级精彩 - Amazing. As always. - Wasn't he amazing?
你太棒了 超级棒 You were amazing. You were so great.
你现在什么感觉 How do you feel?
我感觉 I feel...
太疯狂了 就像 Insane, man! I feel like,
就像吃了那片药进入了黑客帝国一样 you know, it's like I took the pill and I'm in the Matrix.
真不敢相信我又面对台下观众 Like, I can't believe it. I'm just watching the people.
听见他们的笑声 我能感受他们的开心 And I can hear them laugh, and I could feel the laughter.
那是什么让你愿意上台的？ Okay, what got you up there? What did it?
今天早上遇到你的时候 When I met you this morning,
你提到那场十五年前在你们学校的演出 you mentioned this show that I did at your school like 15 years ago.
我想起来了 And I remembered it.
那是场精彩的演出 It was a good show.
是的 It was.
你让我想到了在台上的那种感觉 You just got me thinking about being on stage.
就因为这个吗 So, that's all it took, huh?
这个 That...
还有看守所 ...and jail.
= 看守所 = 你都没在里面呆多久 - Jail. - You were barely in there.
在接完Erica电话之后 After I got off the phone with Erica,
我心情很差 I thought I was at bottom.
我当时想 这下好了 我把一切都搞砸了 I was like, "This is it, I have fucked up everything."
就在那一刻 我听到一个疯狂的声音 And at that moment, I heard this crazy sound.
DMX DMX.
你怎么会在这里啊 What are you doing here?
我怎么不能在这里呀 Really? What am I doing here?
我是DMX 我特么就是这的常客 兄弟 I'm X, man. I live in this motherfucker, man.
你不看新闻吗 Don't you watch the news?
靠 老兄 Damn, homie.
我太欣赏你的作品了 起义 I respect the fuck out of your shit, man. Uprize?
我从这里一出去就会去看的 I'm gonna see that as soon as I get out, man.
兄弟 太感谢了 我也是你的超级粉啊 Yo, man, thanks a lot, man. I'm a big fan of yours, too.
有一点我特别佩服你 也是我真正欣赏你的原因 One thing I really respect about you, why I fuck with you for real, son,
是你没有让这个娱乐产业限制住你 is that you won't let the industry box you in.
我们两个这点很像 We're pretty much on some same shit, yo.
我对说唱也厌倦了 兄弟 I'm kind of tired of rapping, man.
特别是我还有其他很多才能 Plus, I got so much more to offer.
我经常说我身上还有其他很多才能 That's what I always say, man. I got so much more to offer.
= 你现在有空吗 = 当然 - You got a minute? - Yeah.
听听看 Check this out.
Smile, though your heart is aching Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it's breaking Smile, even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by You'll get by
Smile through the pain and sorrow Smile through the pain and sorrow
What? What?
Smile and maybe tomorrow Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through You'll see the sun come shining through
For you For you
快闭嘴吧 Shut the fuck up!
我正在表达自我 傻黑娃 I'm expressing myself over here, nigga.
Light up your face with gladness Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness Hide every trace of sadness
And although a tear is ever so near And although a tear is ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying? Smile, what's the use of crying?
唱得太撇了 You suck!
You'll find that life is still worthwhile You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile Motherfucker! If you just smile Motherfucker
受不鸟了 Shut the fuck up!
Smile, though your heart is aching... Smile, though your heart is aching...
您老还是说唱吧 Rap, you motherfucker!
你多保重 Take care of yourself.
你也是 You, too.
好吧 Well,
东西都拿了吧 you got everything?
是的 手机 Yep. Got my cell phone.
都拿了 Everything.
很好 That's good.
一路平安 Have a safe flight.
谢谢 Thanks.
十月份我会去洛杉矶 Listen, I'm going to be in L.A. in October.
有个艺术馆想要展出我的摄影作品 This gallery wants to showcase my photos.
我会寄给你邀请函 Send you an invite.
你可以带上你妻子一起来 You can bring your wife.
你知道我去不了 好吧 You know I can't go, right?
很高兴认识你Andre Allen It's very nice to meet you, Andre Allen.
很高兴我们最终见面了 It's great to finally meet you,
Chelsea Brown Chelsea Brown.
薯条万岁 Fry or die.
嘿 Chels Yo, Chels!
你的前五是谁？ What's your top five?
Salt-N-Pepa Salt-N-Pepa,
Tribe Called Quest Tribe Called Quest,
The Roots The Roots,
Public Enemy Public Enemy,
Kanye Kanye.
我还有个第六 Slick Rick超棒 And I get six, man. Slick Rick the Ruler!
Slick Rick Slick Rick.
保重 Take care.
你也是 You, too.
她太瘦了不是我的菜 She's a little skinny for my taste.
假如我是你 我已经在她楼上了 But if it was me, I would be up there right now.
我不会管Erica I wouldn't worry about Erica.
不管怎么样 她都会得到她想要的 One way or another, she's going to end up on top.
不是什么都能得到的 Can't have 'em all, man.
我不是说什么都得到 I'm not talking about having 'em all.
我是说得到她 I'm talking about having her.
你的礼品袋里有什么 What you got in that gift bag, man?
我看一下 Let me check.
有几瓶伏特加 Got some vodka. Okay.
居然在我的礼品袋里 In my gift bag.
某人一点也不为我考虑啊 Somebody wasn't thinking about me.
我会把它拿走的 I'll take that off your hands.
还有什么 What else you got, man?
茉莉花香味的蜡烛 Got a jasmine-scented candle.
这也绝对太适合送给男人了 Definitely something I would give a man.
我认识个墨西哥小妞儿 她超爱蜡烛 蜡烛妞 I got a Mexican chica. She loves candles. She's a candle bitch.
还有什么呢 What else you got?
坚果 Gourmet nuts.
你知道我最喜欢坚果 这是我的 给我吧 You know I love some nuts. That's for me. Give me those.
拿去吧 There you go.
希望是裹上蜂蜜的 Hopefully honey-roasted.
当坚果裹上蜂蜜 When they put the honey on the nuts?
简直是太美味了 That's a whole different world right there.
我再看看 And let's see.
一个绝对是给 A gift certificate for...
那简直不是一般的好吃 That's when they took it to a new level.
你知道我太喜欢吃零食了 You know me, I'm a snacker.
如果他们能把蜂蜜注到里面 Now, if they could find a way to put the honey inside the...
某种克隆技术 额 是克隆吧？ Some kind of cloning shit, I don't know. Is that cloning?
Yo, Silk Yo, Silk.
你想知道前五？ - You want the top five? - Yes!
是的 Yes.
告诉你 Here it is.
Sugarhill Gang Sugarhill Gang,
Eminem - Eminem... - Right.
Wale Wale,
Ice Cube Ice Cube...
还有Sir Mix-A-Lot ...and Sir Mix-A-Lot!
Yes Yes!
"Put 'em on the glass"! "Put 'em on the glass"!