[ THUNDER CRASHE]S
[ THUNDER RUMBLES ]
[ INTRO TO "SCIENCE FICTION/DOUBLE FEATURE" PLAYS ]
¶ MICHAEL RENNIE WAS ILL THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL ¶
¶ BUT HE TOLD US WHERE WE STAND ¶
¶ AND FLASH GORDON WAS THERE IN SILVER UNDERWEAR ¶
¶ CLAUDE RAINS WAS THE INVISIBLE MAN ¶
¶ THEN SOMETHING WENT WRONG ¶
¶ FOR FAY WRAY AND KING KONG ¶
¶ THEY GOT CAUGHT IN A CELLULOID JAM¶ ¶
¶ THEN AT A DEADLY PACE IT CAME FROM ¶
¶ OUTER SPACE ¶
¶ AND THIS IS HOW THE MESSAGE RAN ¶
¶ SCIENCE FICTION ¶
¶ OOH, OOH, OOH ¶
¶ DOUBLE FEATURE ¶
¶ WOW, WOW, WOW ¶
¶ DR. "X" ¶
¶ OOH, OOH, OOH ¶
¶ WILL BUILD A CREATURE ¶
¶ WOW, WOW, WOW ¶
¶ SEE ANDROIDS FIGHTI NG¶
¶ OOH, OOH, OOH ¶
¶ BRAD AND JANET ¶
¶ WOW, WOW, WOW ¶
¶ ANNE FRANCIS STARS IN ¶
¶ OOH, OOH, OOH ¶
¶ "FORBIDDEN PLANET" ¶
¶ WHOA-OH-OH, OH-OH ¶
¶ AT THE LATE-NIGHT DOUBLE-FEATURE ¶
¶ PICTURE SHOW ¶
¶ OOH ¶
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
¶ I KNEW LEO G. CARROLL WAS OVER A BARREL ¶
¶ WHEN TARANTULA TOOK TO THE HILLS ¶
¶ AND I REALLY GOT HOT WHEN I SAW JANETTE SCOTT ¶
¶ FIGHT A TRIFFID THAT SPITS POISON AND KILLS ¶
¶ DANA ANDREWS SAID PRUNES GAVE HIM THE RUNES ¶
¶ AND PASSING THEM USED LOTS OF SKILLS ¶
¶ "AND WHEN WORLDS COLLIDE," SAID GEORGE PAL TO HIS BRIDE ¶
¶ "I'M GONNA GIVE YOU SOME TERRIBLE THRILLS" ¶
¶ LIKE A ¶
¶ SCIENCE FICTION ¶
¶ OOH, OOH, OOH ¶
¶ DOUBLE FEATURE ¶
¶ WOW, WOW, WOW ¶
¶ DR. "X" ¶
¶ OOH, OOH, OOH ¶
¶ WILL BUILD A CREATURE ¶
¶ WOW, WOW, WOW ¶
¶ SEE ANDROIDS FIGHTING ¶
¶ OOH, OOH, OOH ¶
¶ BRAD AND JANET ¶
¶ WOW, WOW, WOW ¶
¶ ANNE FRANCIS STARS IN ¶
¶ OOH, OOH, OOH ¶
¶ "FORBIDDEN PLANET" ¶
¶ WHOA-OH-OH, OH-OH ¶
¶ AT THE LATE-NIGHT DOUBLE-FEATURE ¶
¶ PICTURE SHOW ¶
¶ I WANNA GO ¶
¶ WHOA-OH ¶
¶ TO THE LATE-NIGHT DOUBLE-FEATURE ¶
¶ PICTURE SHOW ¶
¶ BY R.K.O. ¶
¶ WHOA-OH, OH-OH ¶
¶ TO THE LATE-NIGHT DOUBLE-FEATURE ¶
¶ PICTURE SHOW ¶
¶ IN THE BACK ROW ¶
¶ WHOA, OH ¶
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
¶ TO THE LATE-NIGHT ¶
¶ DOUBLE-FEATURE ¶
¶ PICTURE SHOW ¶¶
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
[ SIGHS ]
OH, BRAD, WASN'T IT WONDERFUL?
DIDN'T BETTY LOOK RADIANTLY BEAUTIFUL?
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
JUST AN HOUR AGO, SHE WAS PLAIN BETTY MUNROE,
AND NOW SHE'S MRS. RALPH HAPSCHATT.
[ SIGHS ]
OHH. YES, JANET, RALPH'S A LUCKY GUY.
YES. AND EVERYONE KNOWS
BETTY IS A WONDERFUL LITTLE COOK.
YES. AND RALPH HIMSELF WILL BE
IN LINE FOR PROMOTION IN A YEAR OR TWO.
YES.
HEY, JANET?
YES, BRAD?
I-I-I GOT SOMETHING TO SAY.
YES?
I REALLY LOVED THE SKILLFUL WAY...
YES?
...YOU BEAT THE OTHER GIRLS TO THE BRIDE'S BOUQUET.
OH, BRAD.
¶ THE RIVER WAS DEEP, BUT I SWAM IT ¶
¶ JANET ¶
¶ THE FUTURE IS OURS, SO LET'S PLAN IT ¶
¶ JANET ¶
¶ SO PLEASE, DON'T TELL ME TO CAN IT ¶
¶ JANET ¶
¶ I'VE ONE THING TO SAY, AND THAT'S, "DAMN IT, JANET ¶
¶ I LOVE YOU" ¶
¶ THE ROAD WAS LONG, BUT I RAN IT ¶
¶ JANET ¶
¶ THERE'S A FIRE IN MY HEART, AND YOU FAN IT ¶
¶ JANET ¶
¶ IF THERE'S ONFOE OL FOR YOU, THEN I AM IT ¶
¶ JANET ¶
¶ I'VE ONE THING TO SAY, AND THAT'S, "DAMN IT, JANET ¶
¶ I LOVE YOU" ¶
¶ HERE'S THE RING TO PRE OV¶
¶ THAT I'M NO JOKER ¶
¶ BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM ¶
¶ THERE'S THREE WAYS THAT LOVE ¶
¶ CAN GROW ¶
[ GIGGLES ] ¶ OOH, OOH, OOH ¶
¶ THAT'S GOOD, BAD, OR MEDIOCRE ¶
¶ J-A-N-E-T, I LOVE YOU SO ¶
OH! IT'S NICER THAN BETTY MUNROHAE D!
¶ OH, BRAD ¶
¶ NOW WE'RE ENGAGED, AND I'M SO GLAD ¶
¶ OH, BRAD ¶
¶ THAT YOU MET MOM AND YOU KNOW DAD ¶
¶ OH, BRAD ¶
¶ I'VE ONE THING TO SAY, AND THAT'S, "BRAD, I'M MAD¶¶
¶ FOR YOU, TOO" ¶
¶ OH, BRAD ¶
¶ OH, DAMN IT ¶
¶ I'M MAD ¶
¶ OH, JANET! ¶
¶ FOR YOU¶ ¶
¶ I LOVE YOU, TOO¶ ¶
Both: ¶ THERE'S ONE THING LEFT TO DO-O-O ¶
¶ AND THAT'S GO SEE THE MAN WHO BEGAN IT ¶
¶ JANET ¶
¶ WHEN WE MET IN HIS SCIENCE EXAM, IT ¶
¶ JANET ¶
¶ MADE ME GIVE YOU THE EYE AND THEN PANIC ¶
¶ JANET ¶
¶ I'VE ONE THING TO SAY, AND THAT'S, "DAMN IT, JANET ¶
¶ I LOVE YOU" ¶
¶ DAMN IT, JANET ¶
¶ OH, BRAD, I'M MAD ¶
¶ DAMN IT, JANET ¶
¶ I LOVE YOU ¶
[ CHURCH BELLS RINGING ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
[ CHUCKLES ]
[ SIGHS ]
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOU SMELL.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I WOULD LIKE, IF I MAY...
Audience: YOU MAY!
...TO TAKE YOU...
TAKE ME!
[ LAUGHTER ]
PERHAPS LATER.
[ LAUGHTER ]
...ON A STRANGE JOURNEY...
HOW STRANGE?
[ CHUCKLES ] OH, YOU'D BE SURPRISED.
[ LAUGHTER ]
IT SEEMED A FAIRLY ORDINARY NIGHT...
ORDINARY? MM.
WHEN BRAD MAJORS...
ARSEHOLE!
[ LAUGHTER ] YOU'VE MET.
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND HIS FIANCé -- OR DO YOU PREFER FIANCéE? --
JANET WEISS...
SLUT!
TWO ORDINARY, HEALTHY KIDS...
HEALTHY?
MM, -ISH.
LEFT DENTON THAT LATE "NOMEVER" EVENING...
...LEFT DENTON THAT LATE [MUMBLES] EVENING...
[ LAUGHTER ]
TO VISIT A DR. EVERETT SCOTT.
SIEG HEIL!
EX-SCIENCE TUTOR, AND NOW FRIEND TO BOTH OF THEM.
IT'S TRUE THAT THERE WERE DARK STORM CLOU..DS.
DESCRIBE YOUR BALLS!
[ LAUGHTER ]
HEAVY, BLACK, AND PENDULOUS.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
CURSES UPON YOU.
...TOWARDS WHICH THEY WERE DRIVING.
IT'S TRUE ALSO THAT THE SPARE TIRE THEY WERE CARRYING
WAS BADLY IN NEED OF SOME AIR.
BLOW JOB!
YES, PLEASE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
BUT THEY, BEING NORMAL KIDS AND ON A NIGHT OUT...
IT WAS A NIGHT IN!
THEY WERE NOT GOING TO LET A STORM SPOIL THE EVENTS
OF THEIR EVENING.
CERTAINLY NOT!
NO.
ON A NIGHT OUT...
IT WAS A NIGHT IN!
ON A NIGHT OUT --
IT WAS A NIGHT IN!
AND WE -- OH, HAVE IT YOUR OWN WAY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
...THEY WERE TO REMEMBER...
FOR HOW LONG?!
FOR A VERY, VERY LONG TIME.
[ THUNDER CRASHES ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
HMM.
WHAT'S THE MATTER, BRAD, DARLING?
UH...I THINK WE TOOK THE WRONG FORK A FEW MILES BACK THERE.
WE BETTER GO ON AHEAD UP THE ROAD
AND SEE IF WE CAN FIND OUR WAY BACK.
[ POP, AIR HISSING ]
OH, DARN, JANET! WHAT WAS THAT BANG?
Audience: GANGAN BG!
[ LAUGHTER ]
WE SEEM TO HAVE A BLOWOUT IN THE FRONT LEFT-HAND TIRE.
OHH.
[ THUNDER CRASS HE]
YOU BETTER STAY HERE AND KEEP WARM WHILE I GO FOR HELP.
BUT WHERE WILL YOU GO? WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE.
DIDN'T YOU PASS A CASTLE BACK DOWN THE ROAD A FEW MILES?
[ LAUGHTER ]
HMM.
[ LAUGHTER ]
DIDN'T WE PASS A CASTLE BACK DOWN THE ROAD A FEW MILES?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
MAYBE THEY HAVE A TELEPHONE I MIGHT USE.
I'M COMING WITH YOU.
THAT'LL BE A FIRST!
THERE'S NO POINT IN BOTH OF US GETTING WET.
I'M COMING WITH YOU.
BESIDES, DARLING, THE OWNER OF THE PHONE
MAY BE A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN.
HE IS!
AND YOU MAY NEVER COME BACK.
[ LAUGHS ]
[ MANIACAL LAUGHTER ]
[ THUNDER CRASHES, RUMBLES ]
[ INTRO TO "OVER AT THE FRANKENSTEIN PLACE" PLAYS ]
¶ IN THE VELVET DARKNESS ¶
¶ OF THE BLACKEST NIGHT ¶
¶ BURNING BRIGHT ¶
¶ THERE'S A GUIDING STAR ¶
¶ NO MATTER WHAT ¶
¶ OR ¶
¶ WHO YOU A-A-A-RE ¶
¶ THERE'S A LIGHT ¶
¶ OVER AT THE FRANKENSTEIN PLACE ¶
¶ THERE'S A LIGHT ¶
¶ BURNING IN THE FIREPLACE ¶
¶ THERE'S A LIGHT, LIGHT ¶
¶ IN THE DARKNESS ¶
¶ OF EVERYBODY'S LI FE¶
¶ I CAN SEE THE FLAG FLY ¶
¶ I CAN SEE THE RAIN ¶
¶ JUST THE SAME ¶
¶ WELL, THERE HAS GOT TO BE ¶
¶ SOMETHING BETTER HERE FOR ¶
¶ YOU ANDE M¶
¶ THERE'S A LIGHT ¶
¶ OVER AT THE FRANKENSTEIN PLACE ¶
¶ THERE'S A LIGHT ¶
¶ BURNING IN THE FIREPLACE ¶
¶ THERE'S A LIGHT, LIGHT ¶
¶ IN THE DARKNESS ¶
¶ OF EVERYBODY'S LIFE ¶
¶ THE DARKNESS MUST GO ¶
¶ DOWN THE RIVER OF NIGHT'S DREAMING ¶
¶ FLOW MORPHIUS SLOW ¶
¶ LET THE SUN AND LIGHT COME STREAMING ¶
¶ INTO MY LIFE ¶
¶ INTO MY LI-I-I-I-I-I-FE ¶
¶ LIFE! ¶
¶ THERE'S A LIGHT ¶
¶ OVER AT THE FRANKENSTEIN PLACE ¶
¶ THERE'S A LIGHT ¶
¶ BURNING IN THE FIREPLACE ¶
¶ THERE'S A LIGHT, LIGH¶T ¶
¶ IN THE DARKNESS¶ ¶
¶ OF EVERYBODY'S LIFE ¶¶
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
[ THUNDER CRASHES ]
OH! IT'S ALL RIGHT, JANET.
OH, BRAD, LET'S GO BACK. I'M COLD, AND I'M FRIGHTEDEN.
WELL, JUST A MOMENT, JANET.
THEY MAY HAVE A TELEONPHE.
[ DOORBELL RINGS ]
Audience: ARSEHOLE CALLING!
[ DOOR CREAKS ]
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE LIONEL RICHIE SONG?!
HELLO.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
OH, UH, HI THERE. WE'RE IN A BIT OF A SPOT.
I WONDER, COULD YOU HELP US?
OUR CAR HAS BROKEN DOWN ABOUT TWO MILES BACK.
DO YOU HAVE A TELEPHONE WE MIGHT USE?
YOU'RE WET.
SHE'S ALWAYS WET!
[ LAUGHTER ] YES.
IT'S BEEN RAINING.
YES. YES.
[ THUNDER CRASHES ]
I THINK PERHAPS YOU'D BETTER BOTH [BLEEP] -
- [ THUNDER CRASHES ]
[ LAUGHTER ]
COME INSIDE.
UH...THANK YOU.
YOU'RE TOO KIND.
"YOU'RE TOO KIND."
[ LAUGHS MANIACALLY ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
AND SO...
[ LAUGHTER ]
AFTER BRAVING THE INCLEMENT WEATHER
IN SOME NOT TOO LITTLE TIME,
IT SEEMED THAT FORTUNE HAD SMILED ON BRAD AND JANET,
AND THAT THEY HAD FOUND THE ASSISTANCE
THAT THEIR PLIGHT REQUIRED.
ARE YOU SURE?
I'M NOT QUITE, BUT WE'LL FIND OUT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THERE WAS CERTAINLY SOMETHING ABOUT THIS CASTLE
TO WHICH A FLAT TIRE AND A WET NIGHT HAD BROUGHT THEM,
AND IT MADE THEM BOTH FEEL...
HORNY!
THAT'S NOT WHAT IT SAYS HERE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
...APPREHENSIVE AND UNEASY.
BUT IF THEY WERE TO REACH THEIR DESTINATION THAT NIGHT,
THEY WOULD HAVE TO IGNORE SUCH FEELINGS AND TAKE ADVANTAGE...
OF EACH OTHER!
...OF WHATEVER HELP WAS OFFERED.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
[ DOOR SLAMS ]
WAIT HERE.
HE SAID WAIT THERE!
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
OH... OH, BRAD, WHAT SORT OF A PLACE IS THIS?
IT'S PROBABLY SOME SORT OF A HUNTING LODGE FOR RICH WEIRDOES.
IT'S A CASTLE!
I'LL KEEP A LOOK OUT FOR THE UNDERTAKER.
I'M SCARED.
OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE, KEEP A GRIP ON YOURSELF, JANET.
I'M HERE. THERE'S NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
[ HIGH-PITCHED LAUGHTER ]
IT'S ALL RIGHT, JANET.
EXCUSE ME. HI.
UH, LOOK, IF WE COULD JUST USE YOUR PHONE,
WE'LL MOVE RIGHT ALONG.
I'M SURE YOU GOT LOTS OF THINGS TO DO
AND A GREAT EVENING PLANNED.
OH, YES.
YOU'VE ARRIVED ON A RATHER SPECIAL NIGHT.
HURRY UP, THEN!
THE MASTER IS HAVING ONE OF HIS AFFAIRS.
LUCKY OLD HIM.
YEAH. HE'S LUCKY. I'M LUCKY.
YOU'RE LUCKY.
WE'RE ALL LUCKY!
ALL EXCEPT EDDIE.
SHH! EDDIE?
SHH! THE DELIVERY BOY.
HIS DELIVERY WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH.
THE MASTER ONLY WANTED TO HELP THE BOY BETTER HIS POSITION.
OH, THAT'S VERY COMMENDABLE.
YES. IT SEEMS LIKE ONLY YESTERDAY SINCE HE WENT.
WHERE? TO PCEIES!
[ INTRO TO "THE TIME WARP" PLAYS ]
¶ IT'S ASTOUNDING¶¶
¶ TIME IS FLEETING ¶
¶ MADNESS TAKES ITS TOLL ¶
¶ BUT LISTEN CLOSELY ¶
¶ NOT FOR VERY MUCH LONGER ¶
¶ I'VE GOT TO KEEP CONTROL ¶
¶ I REMEMBER ¶
¶ DOING THE TIME WARP ¶
¶ DRINKING THOSE MOMENTS WHEN ¶
¶ THE BLACKNESS WOULD HIT ME ¶
¶ AND THE VOID WOULD BE CALLING ¶
¶ LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGN AI¶
¶ LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN ¶
IT'S JUST A JUMP TO THE LEFT...
¶ AND THEN A STEP TO THE RI-I-I-I-GHT ¶
WITH YOUR HANDS ON YOUR HIPS...
¶ YOU BRING YOUR KNEES IN TIGHT¶ ¶
¶ BUT IT'S THE PELVIC THRUST ¶
¶ THAT REALLY DRIVES YOU INSA-A-A-A-A-NE ¶
¶ LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN ¶
¶ IT'S SO DREAMY ¶
¶ OH, FANTASY, FREE ME! ¶
¶ SO YOU CAN'T SEE ME ¶
¶ NO, NOT AT ALL ¶
¶ IN ANOTHER DIMENSION ¶
¶ WITH VOYEURISTIC INTENTION ¶
¶ WELL SECLUDED ¶
¶ I SEE ALL¶ ¶
¶ WITH A BIT OF A MIND FLIP ¶
¶ YOU'RE INTO THE TIME SLIP ¶
¶ AND NOTHING ¶
¶ CAN EVER BE THE SAME ¶
¶ YOU'RE SPACED OUT ON SENSATION ¶
¶ LIKE YOU'RE UNDER SEDATION¶ ¶
¶ LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN ¶
¶ WELL, I WAS TAPPING DOWN THE STREET ¶
¶ JUST A-HAVING A THINK ¶
¶ WHEN A SNAKE OF A GUY GAVE ME AN EVIL WINK ¶
¶ IT SHOOK-A ME UP, IT TOOK ME BY SURPRISE ¶
¶ HE HAD A PICKUP TRUCK AND THE DEVIL'S EYES ¶
¶ HE STARED AT ME, AND I FELT A CHANGE ¶
¶ TIME MEANT NOTHING, NEVER WOULD AGAIN ¶
¶ LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN ¶
WHOO!
[ TAPPING ]
[ CHEERING ]
¶ LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN ¶
IT'S JUST A JUMP TO THE LEFT...
¶ AND THEN A STEP TO THE RI-I-I-I-GHT ¶
WITH YOUR HANDS ON YOUR HIPS...
¶ YOU BRING YOUR KNEES IN TIGHT ¶
¶ BUT IT'S THE PELVIC THRUST ¶
¶ THAT REALLY DRIVES YOU INSA-A-A-A-A-NE ¶
¶ LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGN AI¶
¶ LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN ¶
WHOO!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
WOW! WHOO!
SAY SOMETHING, BRAD!
OH! DO YOU GUYS KNOW HOW TO MADISON?
¶¶ OH, BRAD, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
IT SEEMS SO UNHEALTHY!
I'M COLD, AND I'M WET, AND I'M JUST PLAIN SRECAD!
I'M HERE, JANET. THERE'S NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
BRAD, I WANT TO GO!
[ INTRO TO "SWEET TRANSVESTITE" PLAYS ]
¶ HOW D'YOU DO? I ¶
¶ SEE YOU'VE MET MY ¶
¶ FAITHFUL HANDYMAN ¶
¶ HE'S A LITTLE BROUGHT DOWN BECAUSE ¶
¶ WHEN YOU KNOCKED ¶
¶ HE THOUGHT YOU WERE THE CANDY N MA¶
DIDN'T YOU, FRKYEA?
¶ DON'T GET STRUNG OUT ¶
¶ BY THE WAY I LOOK ¶
¶ DON'T JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER ¶
¶ I'M NOT MUCH OF A MAN ¶
¶ BY THE LIGHT OF DAY ¶
¶ BUT BY NIGHT, I'M ONE HELL OF A LOVER ¶
¶ I'M JUST A SWEET TRANSVESTITE¶ ¶
¶ SWEET TRANSVESTITE ¶
¶ FROM TRANSSEXUAL ¶
¶ TRANSYLVANIA ¶
¶ UH-HUH ¶
¶ SO, LET ME SHOW YOU AROUND, MAYBE ¶
¶ PLAY YOU A SOUND ¶
¶ YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE BOTH PRETTY GROOVY ¶
¶ OR IF YOU WANT SOMETHING VISUAL ¶
¶ THAT'S NOT TOO ABYSMAL ¶
¶ WE COULD TAKE IN AN OLD STEVE REEVES MOVIE ¶
I'M GLAD WE CAUGHT YOU AT HOME.
UH, COULD WE USE YOUR PHONE? [ CLEARS THROAT ]
WE'RE BOTH IN A BIT OF A RRHUY.
GHRIT.
WE'LL JUST SAY WHERE WE ARE,
THEN GET BACK TO THE CAR.
WE DON'T WANT TO BE ANY WORRY.
¶ SO, YOU GOT CAUGHT WITH A FLAT, WEL¶L ¶
¶ HOW 'BOUT THAT? ¶
¶ WELL, BABIES, DON'T YOU PANIC ¶
¶ BY THE LIGHT OF THE NIGHT ¶
¶ IT'LL ALL SEEM ALL RIGH¶T ¶
¶ I'LL GET YOU A SATANIC MECHANIC ¶
¶ I'M JUST A SWEET TRANSVESTITE ¶
¶ SWEET TRANSVESTITE ¶
¶ FROM TRANSSEXUAL ¶
¶ TRANSYLVANIA ¶
¶ UH-HUH ¶
¶ WHY DON'T YOU STAY FOR THE NIGHT? ¶
¶ NIGHT ¶ ¶ OR MAYBE A BITE ¶
¶ BITE ¶
¶ I COULD SHOW YOU MY FAVORITE OBSESSION ¶
¶ I'VE BEEN MAKING A MAN ¶
¶ WITH DARK HAIR AND A TAN ¶
¶ AND HE'S GOOD OR RELIEVING MY ¶
¶ TCH, TCH, TCH, TCH, TCH, TCH, TCH ¶
¶ TENSION! ¶
¶ I'M JUST A SWEET TRANSVESTITE ¶
¶ OOH, OOH, OOH ¶
¶ FROM TRANSSEXUAL ¶
¶ TRANSYLVANIA, HA HA ¶
¶ HIT IT, HIT IT!¶ ¶
¶ I'M JUST A SWEET TRANSVESTITE ¶
¶ SWEET, SWEET ¶
¶ FROM TRANSSEXUAL ¶
¶ TRANSYLVANIA ¶
¶ UH-HUH ¶
[ CHEERS AND APPLAE US]
[ SCATTERED CHEERS AND CATCALLS ]
SO...COME UP TO THE LAB...
AND SEE WHAT'S ON THE SLAB.
I SEE YOU SHIVER WITH ANTICI...
All: SAY IT! SAY IT! SAY IT! SAITY !
PATION.
¶ BUT MAYBE THE RAIN ¶
¶ IS REALLY TO BLAME ¶
¶ SO I'LL REMOVE THE CAUSE ¶
[ CHUCKLES ]
¶ BUT NOT THE SYMPTOM ¶
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
[ DOORS SLAM ]
IT'S ALL RIGHT, JANET. IT'S ALL RIGHT.
EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT. WE'LL JUST PLAY ALONG FOR NOW
AND PULL OUT THE ACES WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR CARD TRICKS, BRAD.
ARE YOU SURE WE'LL BE ALL RHTIG?
I'M SURE, JANET.
HI, THERE. I'M BRAD MAJORS.
ARSEHOLE!
AND, UH, THIS IS MY FIANCéE JANET WEISS.
SLUT! YOU ARE?
YOU'RE VERY LUCKY TO BE INVITED UP TO FRANK'S LABORATORY.
A LOT OF PEOPLE WOULD GIVE THEIR RIGHT ARM FOR THE PRIVILEGE.
PEOPLE LIKE YOU, MAYBE.
I'VE SEEN IT.
IS HE -- IS FRANK YOUR HUSBAND?
[ CACKLES ]
THE MASTER IS NOT YET MARRIED.
NOR DO I THINK EVER WILL BE.
WE ARE SIMPLY HIS SERVANTS.
[ ALL CACKLING ]
[ SIGHS ]
[ GASPS ] JANET!
[ GASPS ] BRAD!
JANET!
BRAD...
[ LIQUID BUBBLING ]
[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLING ]
UNLOCK A MIND, UN-MIND A CKLO.
IT'S THE SAME AS THE BEGINNING OF THE END -- DO YOU FOLLOW?
NO. WELL, IT'S AN ANAGRAM, JANET.
I WONDER, MAY I OFFER YOU SOMETHING REFRESHING?
Both: NO.
NO, YOU'RE RIGHT. I N'WOT.
HOW DELIGHTFUL TO HAVE FRESH FACES AROUND!
UH, MAGENTA, COLUMBIA, GO AND ASSIST RIFF RAFF
WHILE I ENTERTAIN, UH...
BRAD MAJORS.
[ CHUCKLES ] BRAD MAJORS.
AND, UH, THIS IS MY FIANCéE, JANET VICE.
WEISS. ISWES.
ENCHANTé.
WHAT'S THAT MEAN?
HOW NICE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND WHAT CHARMING UNDERCLOTHES YOU BOTH HAVE.
BUT, HERE, PUT THESE ON.
IT'LL MAKE YOU FEEL LESS...
NAKED!
...VULNERABLE.
WE DON'T OFTEN RECEIVE VISITORS HERE,
LET ALONE OFFER THEM HOSPITALITY.
HOSPITALITY? MM.
ALL WE WANTED WAS TO USE YOUR PHONE.
A REASONABLE REQUEST WHICH YOU HAVE CHOSEN TO IGNORE!
DON'T BE UNGRATEFUL, BRAD.
UNGRATEFUL?!
HOW FORCEFUL YOU ARE, BRAD!
LIKE MARGARET THATCHER!
WHAT A PERFECT EXAMPLE OF MANHOOD.
SO DOMINANT.
YOU MUST BE VERY PROUD, JANET.
WELL...YES, AMI .
MM. [ BOTH GIGGLE ]
[ LAUGHTER ]
TELL ME, BRAD,
DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS?
[ GASPS ] CERTAINLY NOT.
MNH! OH, WELL.
HOW ABOUT YOU?
OH... STOP, STOP.
[ BOTH LAUGH ]
EVERYTHING IS IN READINESS, MAERST.
WE MERELY WAIT FOR YOU TO GIVE THE WORD.
TONIGHT, BRAD AND JANET,
YOU ARE TO WITNESS A NEW BREAKTOUHRGH
IN BIOCHEMICAL RESEARCH,
AND PARADISE IS TO BE MINE.
WELL, HOW WONDERFUL FOYOR U.
[ LAUGHTER ]
IT'S STRANGE THE WAY IT HAPPENED.
UH, ONE OF THOSE QUIRKS OF FATE, REALLY.
ONE OF THOSE MOMENTS WHEN EVERYTHING LOOKS BLACK.
THE CHIPS ARE DOWN, YOUR BACK'S AGAINST THE LLWA,
YOU PANIC. [ GASPS HYSTERICLYAL ]
YOU'RE TRAPPED! THERE'S NO WAY OUT!
AND EVEN IF THERE WERE,
IT WOULD PROBABLY BE A ONE-WAY TICKET TO THE BOTTOM OF THE BAY.
AND THEN, SUDDENLY, YOU GET A BREAK.
AL OF THE PIECES SEEM TO FIT INTO PLACE.
WHAT A SUCKER YOU'D BEEN.
WHAT A FOOL!
THE ANSWER WAS THERE ALL THE TIME.
IT TOOK A SMALL ACCIDENT TO MAKE IT HAPPEN.
ACCIDENT?
AN ACCIDENT!
IT'S HOW I DISCOVERED THE SECRET.
THAT ELUSIVE INGREDIENT,
THAT SPARK THAT IS THE BREATH OF LIFE.
YES, I HAVE THAT KNOWLEDGE.
I HOLD THE KEY
TO LIFE ITSELF!
[ LAUGHS MANIACALLY ]
[ GUESTS APPLAUD
MM-MRRM!
[ APPLAUSE STOPS ]
SO, YOU SEE, BRAD AND JANET, YOU REALLY ARE QUITE FORTUNATE,
FOR TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT
MY BEAUTIFUL CREATURE IS DESTINED TO BE BORN.
THROW OPEN THE SWITCHES ON THE SONIC OSCILLATOR!
[ DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS ]
AND STEP UP THE REACTOR POWER PUINT!
OH!
THREE MORE POINTS!
[ MACHINE PULSING ]
[ LAUGHING INSANELY ]
OHHH!
¶ THE SWORD OF DAMOCLES IS HANGIN' OVER MY HEAD ¶
[ FRANK LAUGHS ]
¶ AND I'VE GOT A FEELING ¶
¶ SOMEONE'S GONNA BE CUTTIN' THE THREAD ¶
OH! OH, HO!
¶ OH, WOE IS ME ¶
¶ MY LIFE IS A MISERY ¶
¶ AND CAN'T YOU SEE ¶
¶ THAT I'M AT THE START OF A PRETTY BIG DOWNER? ¶
¶ I WOKE UP THIS MORNING WITH A START ¶
¶ AS I FELL OUT OF BED ¶
¶ THAT AIN'T NO CRIME ¶
¶ AND LEFT FROM MY DREAMIN' ¶
¶ WAS A FEELING OF UNNAMEABLE DREAD ¶
¶ THAT AIN'T NO CRIME ¶
¶ MY HIGH IS LOW ¶
¶ I'M DRESSED UP WITH NO PLACE TO GO ¶
¶ AND ALL I KNOW ¶
¶ IS I'M AT THE START OF A PRETTY BIG DOWNER ¶
¶ SHA-LA-LA-LA, THAT AIN'T NO CRIME ¶
¶ WHOA, WHOA, WHOA ¶
¶ SHA-LA-LA-LA, THAT AIN'T NO CRIME ¶
¶ OH, NO, NO ¶
¶ SHA-LA-LA-LA, THAT AIN'T NO CRIME, THAT AIN'T NO CRIME ¶
ROCKY HORROR, YOU NEED PEACE OF MIND.
I WANT TO TELL YOU THAT YOU'RE DOING JUST FINE.
YOU'RE THE PRODUCT OF ANOTHER TIME,
SO FEELING LOW, WELL, THAT'S NO CRIME.
¶ THAT AIN'T NO CRIME ¶
¶ THE SWORD OF DAMOCLES IS HANGIN' OVER MY HEAD ¶
¶ THAT AIN'T NO CRIME ¶
¶ AND I'VE GOT A FEELING ¶
¶ SOMEONE'S GONNA BE CUTTIN' THE THREAD ¶
¶ THAT AIN'T NO CRI ME¶
¶ OH, WOE IS ME¶ ¶
¶ MY LIFE IS A MISERY ¶
¶ AND CAN'T YOU SEE¶ ¶
¶ THAT I'M AT THE START OF A PRETTY BIG DOWNER? ¶
¶ SHA-LA-LA-LA, THAT AIN'T NO CRIME ¶
¶ WHOA, WHOA, WHOA ¶
¶ SHA-LA-LA-LA, THAT AIN'T NO CRIME ¶
¶ NO, NO, NO ¶
¶ SHA-LA-LA-LA, THAT AIN'T NO CRIM¶E ¶
¶ THAT AIN'T NO CRIME ¶
¶ SHA-LA-LA! ¶
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
WELL, NOW, THAT'S NO WAY TO BEHAVE ON YOUR FIRST DAYUT O.
WELL, NOBODY'S PERFECT.
Audience: YOU ARE!
BUT I DO THINK YOU MADE A PRETTY GOOD JOB OF THE BODYWORK.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
OOH! [ GIGGLES ]
YOU ARE THE RESULT OF MANY HOURS OF TOIL.
AND WANKING!
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHUCKLES ] AND NOW,
MY BEAUTIFUL CREATURE, YOU'RE READY FOR THE ULTIMATEES TT.
UH-OH.
HEH, HEH. BUT FIRST, MEET THE FAMILY.
UH, OOH! MAGENTA, ROCKY.
HELLO, ROCKY.
[ As Magenta ] HELLO, MAGENTA.
OH! [ GIGGLES ]
UH, RIFF RAFF, ROCKY.
HELLO, ROCKY.
[ As Riff Raff ] HELLO, RIFF RAFF.
AWW! [ GIGGLES ]
COLUMBIA, ROCKY.
HELLO, ROCKY!
[ As Columbia ] HELLO, COLUMBIA!
A-HA HA! WELL, WHAT DO YOTHU INK?
HE IS A CREDIT TO MY -- [GASPS] YOUR GIUENS.
A-A TRIUMPH OF THE WILL.
HE'S OKAY!
[ AUDIENCE OS OH]
"OKAY"?
[ CHUCKLES ]
"OKAY."
I THINK WE CAN DO BETTER THAN ATTH.
WELL -- [CHUCKLES] UH, BRAD AND JANET,
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
I DON'T LIKE MEN WITH TOO MANY MUSCLES.
JUST ONE BIG ONE!
[ LAUGHTER ]
I DIDN'T MAKE HIM FOR YOU,EA DR.
HE CARRIES THE CHARLES ATLAS SEAL OF APPROVAL.
[ BARKING ]
¶¶
¶ A WEAKLING ¶
BRAD!
[ LAUGHTER ]
¶ WEIGHING 98 POUNDS ¶
¶ WILL GET SAND IN HIS FACE ¶
¶ WHEN KICKED TO THE GROUND ¶
¶ SO SOON, IN THE GYM ¶
¶ WITH A DETERMINED CHIN ¶
¶ THE SWEAT FROM HIS PORES ¶
¶ AS HE WORKS FOR HIS CAU-U-U-SE ¶
¶ WILL MAKE HIM GLISTEN ¶
¶ AND GLEAM ¶
¶ AND WITH MASSAGE ¶
¶ AND JUST A LITTLE BIT OF ¶
¶ STE-E-E-E-E-AM ¶
[ CHUCKLES ]
¶ HE'LL BE FIT ¶
¶ AND QUITE LEAN ¶
¶ HE'LL BE A STRONG MAN ¶
¶ OH, HONEY ¶
¶ BUT THE WRONG M AN¶
¶ HE'LL EAT NUTRITIOUS ¶
¶ HIGH PROTEIN, AND SWALLOW RAW EGGS ¶
¶ TRY TO BUILD UP HIS SHOULDERS ¶
¶ HIS CHEST, ARMS, AND LEGS ¶
¶ SUCH AN EFFORT! IF HE ONLY KNEW OF MY PLAN ¶
¶ WHEN IN JUST SEVEN DAYS ¶
¶ I CAN MAKE YOU ¶
¶ A MA-A-A-A-A-N ¶
¶ HE'LL DO PRESS-UPS AND CHIN-UPS ¶
¶ THE SNATCH, CLEAN AND JERK ¶
¶ THAT DYNAMIC TENSION ¶
¶ MUST BE [GAGS] ¶
¶ MUST BE HARD WORK ¶
¶ SUCH STRENUOUS LIVING, I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND ¶
¶ WHEN, IN JUST SEVEN DAYS, OH, SUGAR ¶
¶ I CAN MAKE YOU ¶
¶ A MA-A-A-A-A-N ¶
EDDIE!
EDDIE?
[ SCREAMING ]
¶ WHATEVER HAPPENED TO SATURDAY NIGHT? ¶
¶ WHEN YOU DRESSED UP SHARP AND YOU FELT ALL RIGHT ¶
¶ IT DON'T SEEM THE SAME SINCE COSMIC LIGHT ¶
¶ CAME INTO MY LIFE, I THOUGHT I WAS DIVINE ¶
¶ I USED TO GO FOR A RIDE WITH A CHICK WHO'D GO¶ ¶
¶ AND LISTEN TO THE MUSIC ON THE RADIO ¶
¶ A SAXOPHONE WAS BLOWING ON A ROCK 'N' ROLL SHO¶W ¶
¶ CLIMB IN THE BACK ¶
¶ YOU REALLY HAD A GOOD TI-I-I-ME ¶
¶ HOT PATOOTIE, BLESS MY SOUL ¶
¶ I REALLY LOVE THAT ROCK 'N' ROLL ¶
¶ HOT PATOOTIE, BLESS MY SOUL ¶
¶ I REALLY LOVE THAT ROCK 'N' ROLL ¶
¶ MY HEAD USED TO SWIM FROM THE PERFUME I SMELT ¶
¶ MY HANDS KIND OF FUMBLED WITH HER WHITE PLASTIC BELT ¶
¶ I'D TASTE HER BABY PINK LIPSTICK¶ ¶
AND THAT'S WHEN I'D MELT ¶
¶ SHE'D WHISPER IN MY EAR TONIGHT SHE REALLY WAS MINE ¶
¶ GET BACK IN FRONT AND PUT SOME HAIR OIL ON ¶
¶ BUDDY HOLLY WAS SINGING HIS VERY LAST SONG ¶
¶ WITH YOUR ARM AROUND YOUR GIRL YOU TRY TO SING ALON¶G ¶
¶ IT FELT PRETTY GOOD, YOU REALLY HAD A GOOD TI-I-I-ME ¶
¶ HOT PATOOTIE, BLESS MY SOUL ¶
¶ I REALLY LOVE THAT ROCK 'N' ROLL ¶
¶ HOT PATOOTIE, BLESS MY SOUL ¶
¶ I REALLY LOVE THAT ROCK 'N' ROLL ¶
¶ HOT PATOOTIE, BLESS MY SOUL ¶
[ CHAINSAW STARTS ] OOWH!
¶ HOT PATOOTIE, BLESS MY SOUL ¶
¶ I REALLY LOVE THAT ROCK 'N' ROLL ¶
¶ HOT PATOOTIE, BLESS MY SOUL ¶
¶ I REALLY LOVE THAT ROCK 'N' ROLL ¶
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
[ COLUMBIA SOBBING ]
[ ALL GASP ]
SHUSH!
HE'S DEAD, THEN?
[ LAUGHTER ]
ONE FROM THE VAULT.
[ LAUGHS ]
HA, HA-HA, HA, HA.
[ LAUGHTER ]
UNH.
OHH!
UGH.
[ GRUNTS ]
[ MUTTERING ]
[ GRUNTS FRUSTRATEDL]Y
UGH!
HOW COULD YOU KEEP HIM AROUND? HE'S SO UGLY.
[ ALL GASP ]
WE HAD A MENTAL RELATIONSHIP.
OH. HE HAD A CERTAIN... NAIVE CHARM.
BUT NO MUSCLE.
OH!
¶ BUT A DELTOID AND A BICEP ¶
¶ OH, OH, OH ¶
¶ A HOT GROIN AND TRICEP ¶
¶ MAKES ME WHOO-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO ¶
¶ SHAKE ¶
¶ MAKES ME WANNA TAKE CHARLES ATLAS ¶
¶ BY THE...HA-A-ND ¶
¶ IN JUST SEVEN DAYS ¶
¶ I CAN MAKE YOU A MA-A-A-A-A-N¶ ¶
¶ I DON'T WANT NO DISSENSION ¶
¶ SENSION, SENSIO¶N¶
¶ JUST DYNAMIC TENSION ¶
¶ TENSION, TENSION ¶
¶ I'M A MUSCLE FA-A-AN ¶
¶ IN JUST SEVEN DAYS ¶
¶ I CAN MAKE YOU A MA-A-A-A-A-N ¶
¶ DIG IT IF YOU CA-A-A-N ¶
¶ IN JUST SEVEN DAYS ¶
¶ I CAN MAKE YOU A MA-A-A-A-A-N ¶
[ WAGNER'S "WEDDING MARCH" PLAYS ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
[ OVERTURE PLAYS ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
OH! OH, BRAD! OH, YES! YES, MY DARLING!
OH, WHAT IF -- IT'S ALL RIGHT, JANET.
EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.
OH, I HOPE SO, MY DARLING. I'M SCARED.
YOU?!
I'M AFRAID SO, JANET.
BUT WASN'T IT NICE?
OH! OH, YOU BEAST!
YOU MONSTER! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH BRAD?
NOTHING. WHY, DO YOU THINK I SHOULD?
OH! YOU TRICKED ME.
I WOULDN'T HAVE. I'VE NEVER.
NEVER. I KNOW.
BUT IT WASN'T ALL BAD, WAS IT?
MM.
NOT REALLY EVEN HALF BAD.
MM.
IN FACT, I THINK PERHAPS YOU FOUND IT QUITE PLEASURABLE.
MM.
OH, SO SOFT, SO SENSUAL...
OH! NO!
STOP...
[ LAUGHTER ] I MEAN...HELP.
I...OH, BRAD!
OH...OH... BRAD!
SHHH! BRAD IS PROBABLY ASLEEP BY NOW.
DO YOU WANT HIM TO SEE YOU LIKEHI TS?
LIKE THIS? LIKE HOW?
IT'S YOUR FAULT. YOU'RE TO BLAME.
I WAS SAVING MYSELF.
WELL, I'M SURE YOU'RE NOT SPENT YET.
AND IT WAS AN ENJOYABLE EXPERIENCE, WAS ITOT N?
OOH, YOU DID LIKE IT, DIDN'T YOU?
THERE'S NO CRIME IN GIVING YOURSELF OVER
TO PLEASURE, IS THERE?
WE COULD TRY FOR AN ACTION REPLAY.
OHH, JANET, YOU'VE WASTED --
[ GASPS ] SO MUCH TIME ALREADY.
BRAD NEEDN'T KNOW.
I WON'T TELL HIM.
ARE YOU SURE YOU WON'T TELL HIM?
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ BOTH MOANING ]
OH, YES! OH!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE CONTINUE ]
THERE ARE THOSE WHO SAY THAT LIFE IS AN ILLUSION...
Audience: LIFE IS AN ILLUSION!
AND THAT REALITY AS WE KNOW IT
IS MERELY A FIGMENT OF OUR IMAGINATIONS.
IF THIS IS SO, THEN BRAD AND JANET ARE QUITE SAFE.
THERE ARE THOSE, HOWEVER, WITH A FAR MORE PHYSICAL PHILOSOPHY.
THOSE WHO WOULD STOP AT NOTHING TO SATISFY THEIR BASE DESIRES.
IT COULD BE THAT BRAD AND JANET ARE AMONGST THOSE
WHO HOLD THE DEVIL'S REINS.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
[ MOANING ] OH, BRAD.
OH, YES! YES, MY DARLING!
[ MOANS ] IT'S ALL RIGHT, JANET.
EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.
OH, I HOPE SO, MY DARLING.
[ GASPS ] YOU!
I'M AFRAID SO, BRAD.
[ LAUGHTER ]
BUT WASN'T IT NICE?
WHY, YOU! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH JANET?
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
[ LAUGHTER ]
NOTHING.
WHY, DO YOU THINK I SHOULD?
YOU TRICKED ME! I-I WOULDN'T HAVE.
I'VE -- I'VE NEVER -- NEVER!
I KNOW. BUT IT WASN'T ALL BAD, WAS IT?
MM. NOT REALLY EVEN HALF BAD.
MM.
IN FACT, I THINK PERHAPS YOU FOUND IT QUITE PLEASURABLE.
MM. SO SOFT, SO SENSUAL.
[ GASPING ] OHHHH! NO, STOP!
OH, JANET! JANET!
SHHH-SHA!
JANET IS...
[ LAUGHTER ]
JANET I--
[ LAUGHTER ]
JANET IS -- [COUGHING]
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
JANET IS PROBABLY ASLEEP BY NOW.
DO YOU WANT HER TO SEE YOU LIKE THIS?
[ GASPS ] LIKE THIS?!
LIKE HOW? IT'S YOUR FAULT!
YOU'RE TO BLAME! I THOUGHT IT WAS THE REAL THING.
OH, COME ON, BRAD. ADMIT IT.
IT WAS ENJOYABLE, WASN'T IT? [ HISSES ]
YOU LIKED IT, DIDN'T YOU?
THERE'S NO CRIME IN --
[ CHUCKLES ]
[ LAUGHTER ] THERE --
[ LAUGHS ]
[ AUDIENCE OOHS ]
THERE... THERE'S NO CRIME...
WHOA.
[ LAUGHTER ]
IN GIVING YOURSELF OVER TO PLEASURE, IS THERE?
WE COULD TRY FOR AN ACTION REPLAY.
[ GASPS ] OH, BRAD.
YOU'VE WASTED SO MUCH TIME ALREADY.
JANET NEEDN'T KNOW. I WON'T TELL HER.
ARE YOU SURE YOU WON'T TELL HER?
[ GRUNTS ] [ HIGH-PITCHED SCREAM ]
Riff Raff: MASTER, THE LABORATORY IS EMPTY.
ROCKY HAS VANISHED.
THE NEW PLAYMATE IS LOOSE AND SOMEWHERE IN THE BUILDING.
[ BOTH MOANING ]
¶ COMING! ¶
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
OH!
WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE?
WHERE'S BRAD?
WHERE'S ANYBODY?
WHOOO!
IF ONLY WE HADN'T MADE THIS JOURNEY.
BUT YOU DID!
IF ONLY THE CAR HADN'T BROKEN DOWN.
BUT IT DID!
IF ONLY WE WERE AMONGST FRIENDS.
BUT YOU'RE NOT!
OR SANE PERSONS.
WHOO!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
"IF" AND "ONLY,"
TWO SMALL WORDS...
[ MAN SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY ]
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
VERY GOOD.
THROW HIM OUT. THROW HIM OUT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
WORDS THAT KEPT REPEATING THEMSELVES
AGAIN AND AGAIN IN JANET'S THOUGHTS.
BUT IT WAS TOO LATE TO GO BACK NOW.
IT WAS AS IF SHE WERE RIDING A GIANT...
COCK!
[ LAUGHTER ]
I HAVE "TIDAL WAVE," BUT COCK IS BETTER.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
IT WOULD BE FOLLY TO FIGHT AGAINST IT.
HER ONLY CHANCE WOULD BE TO RIDE IT OUT, ADAPT, AND PERHAPS...
SWALLOW!
...SURVIVE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THANK YOU. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
OH, IT'S YOU!
LOOK, I'M TRYING TO HIDE FROM MY CREATOR AND HIS MINION.
THEY SCARE ME. I FEEL ALL IS NOT WELL HERE.
I'VE BEEN THINKING A LOT ABOUT...
SEX! EDDIE.
I HAVE A FEELING OF FOREBODING.
IT'S ALL LIKE SOME TERRIBLE DAMRE.
A WET EADRM!
[ LAUGHTER ]
IS IT TRUE YOU DON'T LIKE MEN WITH TOO MANY MUSCLES?
WELL, UH, I'M ENGAGED TORA BD.
JUST THE SAME AS BETTY MUNROE WAS TO RALPH HAPSCHATT.
BUT FRANK'S KISSES OVERWHELMED ME WITH AN ECSTASY
I'D NEVER DREAMED OF BEFORE.
HOT, BURNING KISSES.
I COULD SEE BRAD'S FACE BEFORE ME,
AND MY MIND SCREAMED NO, BUT MY LIPS WERE HUNGRY.
[ LAUGHTER ] TOO HUNGRY.
I WANTED TO BE LOVED, AND LOVED COMPLETELY.
MY BODY THROBBED EXCITEDLY.
OH, BRAD.
BRAD, MY DARLING, HOW COULD I HAVE DONE THIS TO YOU?
THIS ROOM IS A WOMB TO ME.
A WOMB WITH A VIEW!
[ LAUGHTER ] YES. THERE, YOU SEE?
IT'S INSTINCTIVE.
YOU RETURNED HERE FOR ONE THING AND ONE THING ONLY.
SEX!
SECURITY.
OH, WHERE'S BRAD?
WHAT HAVE THEY DONE WITH HIM?
[ BLS IP]
JANET'S FEELINGS RAN WILD...
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
AS SHE FRANTICALLY MANIPULATED
THE SELECTOR SWITCH ON THE TV MONITOR.
THE SCREENS THREW UP IMAGES OF EMPTY ROOMS AND CORRIDORS.
FINALLY, SHE STOPPED -- AT FRANK'S BEDROOM.
OH! YOU CAN'T RELY ON ANYONE.
OH, BRAD! HOW COULD YOU?!
TELL US ABOUT IT, JANET.
¶ I WAS FEELING DONE IN¶ ¶
¶ COULDN'T WIN ¶
¶ I'D ONLY EVER KISSED BEFORE ¶
YOU MEAN SHE'S A -- UHUH-H.
¶ I THOUGHT THERE'S NO USE GETTING ¶
¶ INTO HEAVY PETTING ¶
¶ IT ONLY LEADS TO TROUBL¶E ¶
¶ AND SEAT WETTING ¶
¶ NOW ALL I WANT TO KNOW ¶
¶ IS HOW TO GO ¶
¶ I'VE TASTED BLOOD AND I WANT MORE ¶
¶ MORE, MORE, MORE ¶
¶ I'LL PUT UP NO RESISTANCE ¶
¶ I WANT TO STAY THE DISTANCE ¶
¶ I'VE GOT AN ITCH TO SCRATCH¶ ¶
¶ I NEED ASSISTANCE ¶
¶ TOUCH-A, TOUCH-A, TOUCH-A, TOUCH ME ¶
¶ I WANT TO BE DIRTY ¶
¶ THRILL ME, CHILL ME, FULFILL ME¶ ¶
¶ CREATURE OF THE NIGHT ¶
¶ THEN IF ANYTHING GROW¶S ¶
¶ WHEN YOU POSE ¶
¶ I'LL OIL YOU UP AND RUB YOU DOWN ¶
¶ DOWN, DOWN, DOWN ¶
¶ AND THAT'S JUST ONE SMALL FRACTION ¶
¶ OF THE MAIN ATTRACTION ¶
¶ YOU NEED A FRIENDLY HAND ¶
¶ AND I NEED ACTION ¶
¶ TOUCH-A, TOUCH-A, TOUCH-A, TOUCH ME ¶
¶ I WANT TO BE DIRTY ¶
¶ THRILL ME, CHILL ME, FULFILL ME ¶
¶ CREATURE OF THE NIGHT¶¶
¶ TOUCH-A, TOUCH-A, TOUCH-A, TOUCH ME ¶
¶ I WANT TO BE DIRTY ¶
¶ THRILL ME, CHILL ME, FULFILL ME¶ ¶
¶ CREATURE OF THE NIGHT ¶
¶ TOUCH-A, TOUCH-A, TOUCH-A, TOUCH ME ¶
¶ I WANT TO BE DIRTY ¶
¶ THRILL ME, CHILL ME, FULFILL ME¶ ¶
¶ CREATURE OF THE NIGHT ¶
¶ CREATURE OF THE NIGHT¶¶
¶ CREATURE OF THE NIGHT ¶
¶ CREATURE OF THE NIGHT! ¶
[ BOTH CACKLE ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
[ WHIP CRACKS ] AAH!
[ GASPING ]
OOH! [ WHIP CRACKS ]
MERCY!
HOW DID IT HAPPEN? [ WHIP CRACKS ]
OOH!
I UNDERSTOOD YOU WERE TO BE WATCHING!
I WAS ONLY AWAY FOR A MONTME.
[ GRUNTS, WHIP CRACKS ]
WELL, SEE IF YOU CAN FIND HIM ON THE MONITOR!
VERY WELL.
[ GASPS ]
I'VE LOCATED HIM...
MM? IN THE FEMALE'S QUARTERS.
MASTER!
OH, ROCKY. ROCKY!
ROCKY!
[ LAUGHTER ]
OH, NEJAT.
[ GASPS ]
JANET!
[ GASPING ]
HOW COULD SHE?!
THAT'S IT!
IT'S OVER!
OVER? WHAT WAS OVER?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAE US]
MY CAREER, YES.
ACTUALLY, UM, Y-YOU'RE KIND OF RIGHT.
IT WAS PRETTY MUCH DEAD IN THE WATER.
UNTIL I DISCOVERED...
MINECRAFT!
THANK YOU.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
IT'S GOT A LOVELY RISE, ACTUALLY.
IT'S GOT A LOVELY RISE.
AND A GREAT...
SOGGY BOTTOM!
SHOW US -- YES, MY BOTTOM IS EXTREMELY SOGGY, SIR.
I'M SO SORRY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
[ CHEERING ]
PIECE OF CAKE!
[ Muffled ] NOT THE --
[LAUGHS] THAT WAS SUCH A BAD MISTAKE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
NOT THE NIGHT, THAT WAS CERTAIN --
SORRY ABOUT THE FRONT ROW.
YOU'RE GETTING A LOT OF RED VELVET.
JUST SPAT. I'M SORRY.
BRAD AND JANET'S ENGAGEMENT?
THEIR LOVE FOR ONE ANOTHER?
WHO -- SORRY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
OH, IT'S A VERY RICH ICING
THAT'S GOING DOWN THE THROAT, THERE.
VERY RICH ICING.
LET'S -- LET'S GET BACK. LET'S GET BACK.
THEIR LOVE FOR ONE ANOTHER?
WHO COULD SAY?
TOO PERKY! FOR QUESTIONS SUCH AS THESE...
[ LAUGHTER ]
ARE NOT TO BE ANSWERED BY THE ACADEMIC;
THEY MUST BE LEFT FOR THE HEART TO SOLVE.
AND BRAD, YOU MAY BE SURE, HAD PLENTY OF HEART.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
¶ ONCE IN A WHILE ¶
¶ SHE DON'T WANT TO CALL YOU ¶
¶ SPEAKING ON THE TELEPHONE ¶
¶ AND ONCE IN YOUR LIFE ¶
¶ SHE WON'T WANT TO KNOW YOU ¶
¶ YOU LOOK AROUND ¶
¶ THE ONE YOU'VE FOUND ¶
¶ SHE IS GONE ¶
¶ AND THAT'S ALL THE TIME ¶
¶ THAT IT TAKES ¶
¶ FOR A HEART TO TURN TO STONE ¶
¶ THE SWEETER THE WINE ¶
¶ THE HARDER TO MAKE THE BREAK ¶
¶ YOU HEAR SOMETHING ¶
¶ ABOUT SOMEONE YOU THOUGHT YOU'D KNOWN ¶
¶ SO, BABY DON'T CRY ¶
¶ LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW ¶
¶ AFTER THE NIGHT THERE'S A BRAND-NEW DAY ¶
¶ AND THERE'LL BE NO PAIN ¶
¶ AND NO MORE SORROW ¶
¶ SO WASH YOUR FACE ¶
¶ AND PHONE MY PLACE ¶
¶ IT'LL BE OKAY ¶
¶ AND THAT'S ALL THE TIME¶ ¶
¶ THAT IT TAKES ¶
¶ FOR A HEART TO BEAT AGAIN ¶
¶ SO GIVE ME A SIGN¶ ¶
¶ THAT A LOVER MAKES ¶
¶ YOU LOOK AROUND ¶
¶ THE ONE YOU'VE FOUND ¶
¶ IS BACK AGAIN ¶
¶ IS BACK AGAIN ¶¶
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
HOW MAUDLIN. HOW PATHETIC.
YOUR BAGGAGE HAS DARED TO DEFILE MY BEAUTIFUL CREATURE.
OH, ROCKY, HOW COULD YOU?
MASTER! WE HAVE A VISITOR!
OOH!
[ BLIPS ] [ GASPS ]
GREAT SCOTT, SCOTTIE! DR. EVERETT SCOTT!
SIEG HEIL!
YOU KNOW THIS EARTHLING?
GAH! [ WHIP CRACKS ]
I MEAN, "PERSON."
WHY, YES, I DO. HE'S AN OLD FRIEND OF MINE.
I SEE.
SO, THIS WASN'T SIMPLY A CHANCE MEETING AFTER ALL.
YOU CAME HERE WITH A PURPOSE.
THAT'S NOTRU TE.
MY CAR BROKE DOWN. I TOLD YOU.
I KNOW WHAT YOU TOLD ME, BRAD.
BUT THIS DR. EVERETT SCOTT, HIS NAME IS NOT UNKNOWN TO ME.
WELL, HE WAS A SCIENCE TEACHER AT DENTON GHHI.
AND NOW HE WORKS FOR YOUR GOVERNMENT, DOESN'T HE, BRAD?
HE'S ATTACHED TO THE BUREAU OF THE INVESTIGATION
OF THAT WHICH YOU CALL U.F.O.s!
THAT'S RIGHT, ISN'T IT, BRAD?
WELL, HE MIGHT BE. I DON'T KNOW.
OOH... [ BLIPS ]
THE INTRUDER'S ENTERED THE BUILDING, MASTER.
[ EASTERN STRING MUSIC PLAYS ]
AH, HE'S IN THE ZEN OMRO.
[ LAUGHTER ]
SEAL OFF ALL EXITS AND ALL DOORS EXCEPT FOR THOSE THAT LEAD HERE.
RIFF RAFF, BRING ROCKY AND JANET.
I THINK WE SHOULD MAKE THIS A SOCIAL OCCIOASN.
THE THREE UNEXPECTED GUESTS
SHALL ENTERTAIN US WITH A FLOOR SHOW,
WHICH I SHALL DIRECT.
[ WHIP CRACKS ]
[ JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS ]
DR. SCOTT!
BRAD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
DON'T PLAY GAMES, DR. SCOTT.
IT WAS PART OF YOUR PLAN, WAS IT NOT?
THAT BRAD MAJORS AND HIS FEMALE SHOULD CHECK THE LAYOUT FOR YOU?
HEH. UNFORTUNATELY FOR YOU ALL, THERE IS TO BE A CHANGE OF PLAN.
I'M SURE YOU'RE ADAPTABLE, DR. SCOTT.
I KNOW BRAD IS.
I CAN ASSURE YOU THAT BRAD'S PRESENCE
COMES AS A COMPLETE SURPRISE TO ME.
AS DOES THIS SETUP YOU HAVE HERE.
I DIDN'T EXPECT IT TO BE QUITEO. S..
SOPHISTICATED, DR. SCOTT...
OR SHOULD I SAY
DR. VON SCOTT?
[ German accent ] THEY NEVER PROVED NOTHING!
WHAT EXACTLY ARE YOU IMPLYING?
THAT'S ALL RIGHT, ADBR.
AH, WHAT EXOTIC CONTAINER YOU HAVE THERE?
WHAT DO YOU THINK IT IS, DOC?
[BLEEP].
AT THIS PRECISE MOMENT, IT'S HARD TO TELL.
BUT IT SEEMS TO BE MADE OF A METAL THAT IS NOT OF THIS EARTH.
I WOULD SAY IT CAME FROM ANOTHER...
IKEA!
...PLANET!
[ ALL GASP ] BRAD!
JANET! ROCKY!
DR. SCOTT? BRAD!
JANET! ROCKY!
DR. SCOTT? BRAD!
JANET! ROCKY!
DR. SCOTT? ROCKY!
PISSFF O!
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
LISTEN, YOU -- I MADE YOU, AND I CAN BREAK YOU JUST AS EALYSI.
I'LL PULL YOUR PLUG OUT.
I SUPPOSE YOU INTEND TO DO WITH US AS YOU DID WITH EDDIE?
EDDIE?! SHH!
EDDIE! I'VE SEEN HIM. HE LOOKED TERRIBLE.
UH, WHAT DO YOU KNOW OF EDDIE, DR. SCOTT?
I HAPPEN TO KNOW A GREAT DEAL ABOUT A LOT OF THINGS.
YOU SEE, EDDIE HAPPENED TO BE
MY NEPHEW!
[ ALL GASP ]
DR. SCOTT! YES, BRAD.
MY SISTER'S SON.
I KNEW HE WAS IN WITH A BAD CROWD,
BUT IT WAS WORSE THAN I IMAGINED!
MUTANTS!
ALIENS!
[ ALL GASP ]
ALIENS?!
TELL 'EM, DOC.
¶ FROM THE DAY HE WAS BORN ¶
¶ HE WAS TROUBLE ¶
¶ OOH, AHH ¶
¶ HE WAS THE THORN ¶
¶ IN HIS MOTHER'S SIDE ¶
¶ OOH, AHH ¶
¶ SHE TRIED IN VAIN... ¶
¶ OOH, OOH, OOH ¶
¶ BUT HE NEVER CAUSED HER NOTHING BUT PAIN ¶
¶ HE LEFT HOME THE DAY SHE DIED ¶
EINS, ZWEI, DREI!
¶ FROM THE DAY SHE WAS GONE ¶
¶ ALL HE WANTED ¶
¶ WAS ROCK-'N'-ROLL, PORN ¶
¶ AND A MOTORBIKE ¶
All: VROOM! VROOM!
¶ SHOOTING UP JUNK ¶
¶ HE WAS A LOWDOWN, CHEAP LITTLE PUNK ¶
¶ TAKING EVERYONE FOR A RIDE ¶
¶ WHEN EDDIE SAID HE DIDN'T LIKE HIS TEDDY ¶
¶ YOU KNEW HE WAS A NO-GOOD KID ¶
¶ BUT WHEN HE THREATENED YOUR LIFE WITH A SWITCHBLADE KNIFE ¶
¶ WHAT A GUY ¶ ¶ MAKES YOU CRY ¶
¶ AND I DID ¶
¶ EVERYBODY SHOVED HIM ¶
¶ I VERY NEARLY LOVED HIM ¶
¶ I SAID, "HEY, LISTEN TO ME ¶
¶ STAY SANE INSIDE INSANITY" ¶
¶ BUT HE LOCKED THE DOOR AND THREW AWAY THE KEY ¶
¶ BUT HE MUST HAVE BEEN DRAWN ¶
¶ INTO SOMETHING ¶
¶ MAKING HIM WARN ME IN A NOTE WHICH READS... ¶
All: ¶ WHAT'S IT SAY?! WHAT'S IT SAY?! ¶
¶ "I'M OUT OF MY HEAD, ¶
¶ "HURRY, OR I MAY BE DEAD ¶
¶ THEY MUSTN'T CARRY OUT THEIR EVIL DEEDS!" ¶
¶ WHEN EDDIE SAID HE DIDN'T LIKE HIS TEDDY¶ ¶
¶ YOU KNEW HE WAS A NO-GOOD KID ¶
¶ BUT WHEN HE THREATENED YOUR LIFE WITH A SWITCHBLADE KNIFE ¶
¶ WHAT A GUY ¶ ¶ MAKES YOU C RY¶
¶ AND I DID ¶
¶ WHEN EDDIE SAID HE DIDN'T LIKE HIS TEDDY ¶
¶ YOU KNEW HE WAS A NO-GOOD KID ¶
¶ BUT WHEN HE THREATENED YOUR LIFE WITH A SWITCHBLADE KNIFE ¶
¶ WHAT A GUY ¶ ¶ MAKES YOU CRY ¶
¶ AND I DID ¶ ¶ WHOA, WHOA, WHO¶A ¶
¶ WHAT A GUY ¶ ¶ MAKES YOU CRY ¶
¶ AND I DID ¶ ¶ HEY, HEY, HEY ¶
¶ WHAT A GUY ¶ ¶ MAKES YOU CRY ¶
¶ AND I DID ¶ ¶ YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ¶
¶ WHAT A GU-U-UY ¶
¶ MAKES YOU CRY-Y-Y ¶
[ GLASS SHATTERS ]
[ LAUGHTER ]
¶ AND I DID ¶
¶ AND HE DID, YES, HE DID ¶
¶ EDDIE ¶¶
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
SAY A PRAYER FOR EIEDD.
I JUST DEFROSTED HIM. [ GIGGLES ]
HIS DESTINY IS IN THE BAG.
[ GASPS ] AAH!
AAH!
WAAH!
AAH! AAH!
WAAH!
AAH! AAH!
WAAH!
AAH!
PISS OFF!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
I'LL PUT HIM DOWN THE WASTE DISPOSAL.
CLEVER GIRL.
WHY, YOU --
[ WARBLES ]
THERE. THAT SHOULD RESTRAIN YOU ALL.
MY FEET! I CAN'T MOVE MY FEET!
MY WHEELS! MY GOD, I CAN'T MOVE MY WHEELS!
IT'S AS IF WE WERE GLUED TO THE SPOT.
YOU ARE! SO QUAKE WITFEH AR
YOU TINY FOOLS, OKAY?
IT'S STAR TIME!
RIFF RAFF, SET THE SONIC TRANSDUCER ON PROGRAM EIGHT.
SECURE ALL LEVELS AT ZERO.
YOU WON'T FIND EARTH PEOPLE QUITE THE EASY MARK YOU IMAGINE!
THIS SONIC TRANSJUICER, IT IS, I SUPPOSE, SOME TYPE OF
AUDIO-VIBRATORY PHYSIO-MOLECULAR TRANSPORT DEVICE.
YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT,AB BY.
WHAT? YOU MEAN HE'S GONNA SEND US TO ANOTHER PLANET?
PLANET, SHMANET, JANET.
¶ I'LL TELL YOU ONCE, I WON'T TELL YOU TWICE¶ ¶
¶ YOU'D BETTER WISE UP, JANET WEISS ¶
¶ YOUR APPLE PIE DON'T TASTE TOO NICE ¶
¶ YOU'D BETTER WISE UP, JANET WEISS ¶
UNH!
¶ I'VE LAID THE SEED ¶
¶ IT SHOULD BE ALL YOU NEED ¶
¶ YOU'RE AS SENSUAL AS A PENCIL ¶
¶ WOUND UP LIKE AN "E" ON FIRST STRING¶ ¶
¶ WHEN WE MADE IT, DID YOU HEAR A BELL RING? ¶
¶ YOU GOT A BLOCK? TAKE MY ADVICE ¶
¶ YOU'D BETTER WISE UP, JANET WEISS ¶
¶ THE TRANSDUCER WILL SEDUCE YOU ¶
¶ IT'S SOMETHING YOU'LL GET USED TO ¶
¶ A MENTAL MIND-[BLEEP] CAN BE NICE ¶
¶ YOU'D BETTER WISE UP, JANET WEISS ¶
¶ YOU'D BETTER WISE UP ¶
¶ BUILD YOUR THIGHS UP ¶
¶ YOU'D BETTER WISE UP ¶
ST-O-O-OP!
¶ DON'T GET HOT AND FLUSTERED ¶
¶ USE A BIT OF MUSTARD ¶
All: ¶ YOU'RE A HOT DOG ¶
¶ BUT YOU BETTER NOT TRY TO HURT HER ¶
¶ FRANK FURTER ¶
¶ YOU'RE A HOT DOG ¶
¶ BUT YOU'D BETTER NOT TRY TO HURT HER ¶
¶ FRANK FURTER ¶
¶ YOU'RE A HOT DOG ¶
¶ BUT YOU'D BETTER NOT TRY TO HURT HER ¶
¶ FRANK FURTER ¶
¶ YOU'RE A HOT DOG ¶
¶ BUT YOU'D BETTER NOT TRY TO HURT HER ¶
¶ FRANK FURTER ¶
[Solo] ¶ YOU'RE A HOT DOG ¶
¶ BUT YOU BETTER -- ¶ MAGENTA.
¶ NOT TRY TO HURT HER¶ ¶
¶ FRANK FURTER ¶
¶ YOU'RE A HOT DOG ¶
MAGENTA!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
[ CHUCKLES SOFTLY ] LAREX.
COLUMBIA, THE ARTISTES ARE A MOLECULAR ATSTE
SOMEWHERE BETWEEN ENTRANCE AND EXIT.
WHEN THEY HAVE PULLED THEMSELVES TOGETHER,
SEE TO IT THAT THEY ARE PREPARED FOR THE FLOOR SHOW.
MY GOD!
I CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE OF THIS.
FIRST YOU DITCH ME FOR EDDIE,
AND THEN YOU THROW HIM OFF LIKE AN OLD OVERCOAT FOR ROCKY!
YOU CHEW PEOPLE UP, AND THEN YOU SPIT THEM OUT AIAGN.
I LOVED YOU!
DO YOU HEAR?
I LOVED YOU.
AND WHAT DID I GET? [ SCOFFS ]
[ LAUGHTER ]
I'LL TELL YOU.
A BIG FAT NOTHING!
YOU'RE LIKE A SPONGE -- YOU TAKE, TAKE, TAKE,
AND DRAIN OTHERS OF THEIR AFFECTIONS.
WELL, I'VE HAD IT!
AH !
I'M OUT OF HERE.
[ LAUGHS ] AND I MEAN --
[ HISSES ]
WHOA!
DO THAT AIAGN.
[ HISSES ] WHOO-HOO-HOO!
OH, I DIG THAT!
OH, HO, HO, HO, HO!
IT'S WICKED!
OOOH!
[ SQUEALING ]
ROWR!
OH, IT'S A GAS!
IT'S A GAS, IT'S A GAS, IT'S A GAS, IT'S A GAS, IT'S A GAS!
MMMM!
OH! [ LAUGHS ]
I'M GROOVY. [ LAUGHS ]
OH, I AM HIP, MAN!
POW! PA-POW! PA-POW! PA-POW!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
OHHH.
IT'S LIKE A TRIP.
OHHH, FREAK OUT!
BABY!
PBHT!
DIG YA LATER!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
IT'S NOT EASY HAVING A GOOD TIME.
EVEN SMILING MAKES MY FACE ACHE.
AND MY CHILDREN -- MY CHILDREN TURN ON ME.
ROCKY IS BEHAVING JUST AS EDDIE DID.
UGH. MAYBE I MADE A MISTAKE,
SPLITTING THE ONE BRAIN BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM.
[ Transylvanian accent ] WHEN WILL WE RETURN TO TRANSYLVANIA?
I GROW WEARY OF THIS WORLD.
[ Transylvanian accent ] MAGENTA...
I AM INDEED...
GRATEFUL... TO BOTH YOU AND YOUR BROTHER, RIFFAF RF.
YOU HAVE BOTH SERVED ME WELL.
LOYALTY SUCH AS YOURS MUST BE REWAEDRD.
AND YOU WILL DISCOVER THAT, WHEN THE MOOD TAKES ME,
I CAN BE QUITE GENEROUS.
I ASK FOR NOTHING!
[ LAUGHS ]
MASTER.
AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE IT...
IN ABUNDANCE!
[ GRLSOW ]
MMMMMM!
OHHHH!
[ BOTH LAUGHING ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
AND SO,
BY SOME EXTRAORDINARY COINCIDENCE,
FATE, IT SEEMS, HAD DECIDED THAT BRAD AND JANET
SHOULD KEEP THEIR APPOINTMENT
WITH THEIR FRIEND DR. EVERETT SCOTT.
SIEG HEIL!
GESUNDHEIT.
BUT IT WAS TO BE IN A SITUATION
WHICH NONE OF THEM COULD POSSIBLY HAVE FORESEEN.
AND JUST A FEW HOURS AFTER ANNOUNCING THEIR ENGAGEMENT,
BRAD AND JANET HAD BOTH TASTED...
FRANK'S COCK!
I'M SURE IT WOULD RATTLE IN YOUR MOUTH, DEAR.
...FORBIDDEN FRUIT.
THIS IN ITSELF WAS PROOF THAT
THEIR HOST WAS A MAN OF LITTLE MORALS AND SOME PERSUASION.
WHAT FURTHER INDIGNITIES WERE THEY TO BE SUBJECTED TO?
[ MAN SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY ]
[ LAUGHS DERISIVELY ]
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
AND WHAT OF THE SONIC TRANSDUCER?
AND THE FLOOR SHOW THAT HAD BEEN SPOKEN OF?
WHAT INDEED?
FROM WHAT HAD GONE BEFORE,
IT WAS CLEAR THAT THIS WAS TO BE...
A PICNIC?
I FORGOT MY THERMALS.
...NO PICNIC.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
[ BAND PLAYING OPENING OF "ROSE TINT MY WORLD" ]
¶ IT WAS GREAT WHEN IT ALL BEGA¶N ¶
¶ I WAS A REGULAR FRANKIE FAN ¶
¶ BUT IT WAS OVER WHEN HE HAD THE PLAN ¶
¶ TO START WORKING ON A MUSCLE MAN ¶
¶ NOW THE ONLY THING THAT GIVES ME HOPE ¶
¶ IS MY LOVE OF A CERTAIN DOPE ¶
¶ ROSE TINT MY WORLD ¶
¶ KEEP ME SAFE FROM MY TROUBLE AND PAIN ¶
¶ I AM JUST SEVEN HOURS OLD ¶
¶ TRULY BEAUTIFUL TO BEHOLD ¶
¶ AND SOMEBODY SHOULD BE TOLD ¶
¶ MY LIBIDO HASN'T BEEN CONTROLLED ¶
¶ NOW THE ONLY THING I'VE COME TO TRUST ¶
¶ IS AN ORGASMIC RUSH OF LUST ¶
¶ ROSE TINT MY WORLD ¶
¶ KEEP ME SAFE FROM MY TROUBLE AND PAIN ¶
¶ IT'S BEYOND ME ¶
¶ HELP ME, MOMMY ¶
¶ I'LL BE GOOD -- YOU'LL SEE ¶
¶ TAKE THIS DREAM AWAY ¶
¶ WHAT'S THIS? ¶
¶ LET'S SEE ¶
¶ I FEEL SEXY ¶
¶ WHAT'S COME OVER ME? ¶
¶ HERE IT COMES AGAIN¶ ¶
¶ OH, I FEEL RELEASED ¶
¶ BAD TIMES DECEASED ¶
¶ MY CONFIDENCE HAS INCREASED ¶
¶ REALITY IS HERE ¶
¶ THE GAME HAS BEEN DISBANDED ¶
¶ MY MIND HAS BEEN EXPANDED ¶
¶ IT'S A GAS THAT FRANKIE'S LANDED! ¶
¶ HIS LUST IS SO SINCERE ¶
[ FANFARE PLAYS ]
¶ AHH ¶
¶ AHH, AH-AH AHH, AH-AH AHH ¶
¶ OHHHH ¶
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
¶ WHATEVER HAPPENED ¶
¶ TO FAY WRAY? ¶
¶ THAT DELICATE ¶
¶ SATIN-DRAPED FRAME? ¶
¶ AS IT CLUNG TO HER THIGH ¶
¶ HOW I STARTED TO CRY ¶
¶ 'CAUSE I WANTED TO BE DRESSED ¶
¶ JUST THE SAME ¶
¶ GIVE YOURSELF OVER ¶
¶ TO ABSOLUTE PLEASURE ¶
¶ SWIM THE WARM WATERS ¶
¶ OF SINS OF THE FLESH ¶
¶ EROTIC NIGHTMARES ¶
¶ BEYOND ANY MEASURE ¶
¶ AND SENSUAL DAYDREAMS ¶
¶ TO TREASURE FOREVER ¶
¶ CAN'T YOU JUST SEE IT? ¶
¶ WHOA-HO-HO! ¶
¶ DON'T DREAM IT ¶
¶ BE IT ¶
¶ DON'T DREAM IT ¶
¶ BE IT ¶
All: ¶ DON'T DREAM IT ¶
¶ BE IT ¶
¶ DON'T DREAM IT ¶
¶ BE IT ¶
¶ DON'T DREAM I¶T ¶
¶ BE IT ¶ [ FRANK LAUGHS ]
¶ DON'T DREAM IT ¶
¶ BE IT ¶
WE'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF THIS TRAP,
BEFORE THIS DECADENCE SAPS OUR WILLS!
I'VE GOT TO BE STRONG, AND TRY TO HANG ON,
OR MY MIND MAY WELL SNAP!
AND MY LIFE WILL BE LIVED...
¶ FOR THE THRILLS! ¶
¶ DON'T DREAM IT ¶
¶ BE IT ¶
¶ IT'S BEYOND ME ¶
¶ HELP ME, MOMMY ¶
¶ GOD BLESS LILI SAINT CY¶R ¶
¶ MY, MY, MY, M-M-MY, MY, MY ¶
¶ MY, MY, MY, MY...MY! ¶
¶ I'M A WILD AND AN UNTAMED THING ¶
¶ I'M A BEE WITH A DEADLY STING ¶
¶ YOU GET A HIT, AND YOUR MIND GOES PING ¶
¶ YOUR HEART'LL THUMP, AND YOUR BLOOD WILL SING ¶
¶ SO LET THE PARTY AND THE SOUNDS ROCK ON¶ ¶
¶ WE'RE GONNA SHAKE IT TILL THE LIFE HAS GONE, GONE, GONE ¶
¶ ROSE TINT MY WORLD, KEEP ME SAFE FROM MY TROUBLE AND PAIN ¶
¶ WE'RE A WILD AND AN UNTAMED THING ¶
¶ WE'RE A BEE WITH A DEADLY STING ¶
¶ YOU GET A HIT, AND YOUR MIND GOES PING ¶
¶ YOUR HEART'LL THUMP, AND YOUR BLOOD WILL SING ¶
¶ SO LET THE PARTY AND THE SOUNDS ROCK ON ¶
¶ WE'RE GONNA SHAKE IT TILL THE LIFE HAS GONE ¶
¶ ROSE TINT MY WORLD, KEEP ME SAFE FROM MY TROUBLE AND PAI¶N¶
¶ WE'RE A WILD AND AN UNTAMED THING ¶
¶ WE'RE A BEE WITH A DEADLY STING ¶
¶ YOU GET A HIT, AND YOUR MIND GOES PING ¶
¶ YOUR HEART'LL THUMP, AND YOUR BLOOD WILL SING ¶
¶ SO LET THE PARTY AND THE SOUNDS ROCK ON ¶
¶ WE'RE GONNA SHAKE IT TILL THE LIFE HAS GONE ¶
¶ ROSE TINT MY WORLD, KEEP ME SAFE FROM MY TROUBLE AND PAI¶N¶
¶ FRANK-N-FURTER, IT'S ALL OVE¶R ¶
¶ YOUR MISSION IS A FAILURE ¶
¶ YOUR LIFESTYLE'S TOO EXTREME ¶
¶ I'M YOUR NEW COMMANDER ¶
¶ YOU NOW ARE MY PRISONER ¶
¶ WE RETURN TO TRANSYLVANIA ¶
¶ PREPARE THE TRANSIT BEAM ¶
WAIT!
[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]
I CAN EXPLAIN.
[ TENUOUS PIANO NOTES ]
[ SAXOPHONE PLAYS ]
¶ ON THE DAY I WENT AWAY ¶
¶ GOODBYE ¶
¶ WAS ALL I HAD TO SAY ¶
¶ NOW I ¶
¶ I WANT TO COME AGAIN AND STAY ¶
¶ OH, MY, MY ¶
¶ SMILE AND THAT WILL MEAN I MA-A-AY ¶
¶ 'CAUSE I'VE SEEN BLUE SKIES ¶
¶ THROUGH THE TEARS ¶
¶ IN MY EYES ¶
¶ AND I REALIZE ¶
¶ I'M GOING HOME ¶
¶ EVERYWHERE ¶
¶ IT'S BEEN THE SAME ¶
¶ FEELING ¶
¶ LIKE I'M OUTSIDE IN THE RAIN ¶
¶ WHEELING ¶
¶ FREE TO TRY AND FIND THE GAME ¶
¶ DEALING ¶
¶ CARDS FOR SORROW, CARDS FOR PAIN ¶
¶ OH ¶
¶ 'CAUSE I'VE SEEN BLUE SKIES ¶
¶ THROUGH THE TEARS ¶
¶ IN MY EYES ¶
¶ AND I REALIZE ¶
¶ I'M GOING HOME ¶
¶ I'M GOING ¶
¶ HOME ¶
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
HOW SENTIMENTAL.
AND ALSO PRESUMPTUOUS OF YOU.
YOU SEE, WHEN I SAID "WE" WERE TO RETURN,
I REFERRED ONLY TO MAGENTA AND MYSELF.
I'M SORRY, HOWEVER, IF YOU FOUND MY WORDS MISLEADING,
YOU SEE, YOU ARE TO REMAIN HERE...
IN SPIRIT, ANYWAY.
[ ALL GASP ] GOOD GOD, THAT'S A LASER!
YES, DR. SCOTT.
A LASER CAPABLE OF EMITTING
A BEAM OF PURE ANTIMATTER.
Brad: WHA-- YOU MEAN YOU'RE GOING TO KILL HIM?
YOU SAW WHAT BECAME OF DIEDE.
SOCIETY MUST BE PROTECTED.
EXACTLY, DR. SCOTT.
NOW, FRANK-N-FURTER, YOUR TIME HAS COME.
SAY GOODBYE TO ALL THIS...
AND HELLO TO OBLIOIVN!
[ WOMAN IN AUDIENCE SHOUTING ]
DO YOUR WORST.
DO YOUR WORST, INFERIOR ONE!
NO! NO!
AAH! NO!
[ Crying ] NO...
NO...
[ CRYING ] YES.
[ LAUGHS ]
GET AWAY FROM ME!
AAH! [ LAUGHS ]
HELP ME! SOMEBODY!
HELP ME!
[ LASERS FIRE ]
[ ALL VOCALINGZI ]
[ SCREAMS ]
[ LASER FIRES ]
[ VOCALIZING CONTINUES ]
I THOUGHT YOU LIKED THEM. THEY LIKED YOU.
THEY DIDN'T LIKE ME.
THEY NEVER LIKED ME!
YOU SAW THE WAY THINGS WERE, THE WAY THEY WERE GOING.
YOU DID RIGHT.
YOU SHOULD LEAVE NOW, DR. SCOTT, WHILE IT'S STILL POSSIBLE.
WE'RE ABOUT TO BEAM THE ENTIRE HOUSE
BACK TO THE PLANET OF TRANSSEXUAL
IN THE GALAXY OF TRANSYLVANIA.
GO NOW.
OUR NOBLE MISSION IS ALMOST COMPLETE,
MY MOST BEAUTIFUL SISTER.
AND SOON WE SHALL RETURN TO THE MOON-DRENCHED SHORES
OF OUR BELOVED PLANET.
AHH, SWEET TRANSSEALXU,
LAND OF NIGHT.
TO SING AND DANCE ONCE MORE TO YOUR DARK REFINRA.
ACTIVATE THE TRANSIT CRYALST.
[ WARBLING, ELECTRICITY CRACKLG IN]
FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE.
¶ AHH, AHH, AHH, AHH ¶
¶ AHH, AHH
¶ AHH, AHH, AHH, AHH ¶
[ VOCALIZING CONTINUES ]
¶ I'VE DONE A LOT ¶
¶ GOD KNOWS I'VE TRIED ¶
¶ TO FIND THE TRUTH ¶
¶ I'VE EVEN LIED ¶
¶ BUT ALL I KNOW ¶
¶ IS DOWN INSIDE I'M ¶
¶ BLEEDING ¶
¶ AND SUPERHEROES ¶
¶ COME TO FEAST ¶
¶ TO TASTE THE FLESH NOT YET DECEASED¶ ¶
¶ AND ALL I KNO¶W ¶
¶ IS STILL THE BEAST IS ¶
¶ FEEDING ¶
[ GUITAR SOLO ]
[ VOCALIZING ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
¶ AND CRAWLING ON ¶
¶ THE PLANET'S FACE ¶
¶ SOME INSECTS CALLED THE HUMAN RACE
¶ LOST IN TIME, AND LOST IN SPACE ¶
¶ AND MEANING ¶
¶ MEANING ¶¶
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
¶ SCIENCE FICTION ¶
¶ DOUBLE FEATURE ¶
¶ FRANK HAS BUILT AND ¶
¶ LOST HIS CREATURE ¶
¶ DARKNESS HAS CONQUERED ¶
¶ BRAD AND JANET ¶
¶ THE SERVANTS GONE TO ¶
¶ A DISTANT PLANET ¶
¶ WHOA-OH-OH, OH-OH ¶
¶ AT THE LATE NIGHT¶ ¶
¶ DOUBLE FEATURE ¶
¶ PICTURE SHOW ¶
¶ I WANNA GO ¶
¶ WHOA-OH ¶
¶ TO THE LATE NIGHT¶ ¶
¶ DOUBLE FEATURE ¶
¶ PICTURE SHOW ¶¶
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE CONTINUE ]
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, RICHARD O'BRIEN!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
DAVID BEDELLA!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] SHALWEL ?
OKAY, EVERYBODY, LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!
HIT IT!
[ INTRO TO "THE TIME WARP" PLAYS ]
¶ IT'S ASTOUNDING ¶
¶ TIME IS FLEETING ¶
¶ MADNESS TAKES ITS TOLL ¶
¶ BUT LISTEN CLOSELY ¶
¶ NOT FOR VERY MUCH LONGER ¶
¶ I'VE GOT TO KEEP CONTROL ¶
GO, GO!
¶ I REMEMBER ¶
¶ DOING THE TIME WARP ¶
¶ DRINKING THOSE MOMENTS WHEN ¶
¶ THE BLACKNESS WOULD HIT ME ¶
¶ AND THE VOID WOULD BE CALLING¶ ¶
¶ LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN ¶
IT'S JUST A JUMP TO THE LT.EF..
¶ AND THEN A STEP TO THE RI-I-I-I-GHT ¶
WITH YOUR HANDS ON YOUR HIPS...
¶ YOU BRING YOUR KNEES IN TIGHT ¶
¶ BUT IT'S THE PELVIC THRUST ¶
¶ THAT REALLY DRIVES YOU INSA-A-A-A-A-NE ¶
¶ LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN ¶
IT'S JUST A JUMP TO THE LEFT...
¶ AND THEN A STEP TO THE RI-I-I-I-GHT ¶
WITH YOUR HANDS ON YOUR HIPS...
¶ YOU BRING YOUR KNEES IN TIGHT ¶
¶ BUT IT'S THE PELVIC THRUST ¶
¶ THAT REALLY DRIVES YOU INSA-A-A-A-A-NE ¶
¶ LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN ¶
¶ LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAI¶N ¶
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
[ INTRO TO "SWEET TRANSVESTITE" PLAYS ]
¶ HOW D'YOU DO? I¶ ¶
¶ SEE YOU'VE MET MY ¶
¶ FAITHFUL HANDYMAN ¶
¶ HE'S A LITTLE BROUGHT DOWN BECAUSE ¶
¶ WHEN YOU KNOCKED ¶
¶ HE THOUGHT YOU WERE THE CANDY MAN ¶
DIDN'T YOU, FRKYEA?
¶ DON'T GET STRUNG OUT ¶
¶ BY THE WAY I LOOK ¶
¶ DON'T JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER ¶
¶ I'M NOT MUCH OF A MAN ¶
¶ BY THE LIGHT OF DAY ¶
¶ BUT BY NIGHT, I'M ONE HELL OF A LOVE¶R ¶
¶ I'M JUST A SWEET TRANSVESTITE ¶
¶ SWEET TRANSVESTITE ¶
¶ FROM TRANSSEXUAL ¶
¶ TRANSYLVANIA ¶
¶ UH-HUH ¶
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, OUR GUEST NARRATORS FOR THE EVENING.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
ANTHONY HEAD.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
EMMA BUNTON.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
ADE EDMONDSON.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
AND THE LOVELY MEL GIEDROYC.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
[ LAUGHS ]
RICHARD, SHALL WE?
OH, YES. WHY NOT? ONE MORE TIME?
WE'RE HERE, ANYWAY. ONE MORE TIME.
YES, GO ON THEN.
[ LAUGHS ] HIT IT!
IT'S JUST A JUMP TO THE LEFT...
¶ AND THEN A STEP TO THE RI-I-I-I-GHT ¶
WITH YOUR HANDS ON YOUR HIPS...
¶ YOU BRING YOUR KNEES IN TIGHT ¶
¶ BUT IT'S THE PELVIC THRUST ¶
¶ THAT REALLY DRIVES YOU INSA-A-A-A-A-NE ¶
¶ LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN ¶
WHOOO!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
[ CHUCKLES ] THANK YOU VERYUC MH.
THANK YOU FOR COMING.
THANK YOU FOR JOINING US
ALL OVER EUROPE AND ALL OVER GREAT BRITAIN.
SHALL WE? GOOD NIGHT, YOU ALL!
[ "TIME WARP" PLS AY]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
[ "TIME WARP" CONTINUES ]
[ BAND FINISHES, CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]