美天乐工作室 制作 http://friends6.go.3322.org
“已婚者的光环”
住在纽约这种城市 大家最喜欢做的事情之一…
就是逃离它
我的朋友佩萱丝和她先生
邀请我到汉普顿度周末
佩萱丝和彼得是完美的一对
他们风趣、聪明，而且像 杰克鲁服饰目录上的模特儿
若他们不是住在海边的别墅 我一定会讨厌他们
他进了计程车 然后靠过来坐在我身边
然后呢？
我们打得火热
从汉普顿和西百老汇街口 一直到七十二街和麦迪逊大道
来汉普顿做客的人 晚餐前得和主人闲话家常
股票经济人提供理财方案 建筑师则给与设计的意见
单身朋友则将艳遇之类的事 告诉已婚友人
次日早晨我醒来时 觉得神清气爽
等不及到户外欣赏美丽风景
早安
佩萱丝去买果汁和松饼
马上就回来
他下半身一丝不挂站在那里
太好了
他就那样神情自若地站着
我不知所措
只觉得他异常兴奋
-早安 -早
我买了新鲜果汁和可口的松饼
你怎么了？
我在走廊上碰到彼得 他没穿内裤
你真有眼光
天气很好
甜心，凯莉真的在走廊 看到你的小弟弟吗？
当时我正要去厕所
-正要去厕所 -太好了，有好吃的松饼
我们今天有何安排？
最后我只带了一个松饼 就匆匆启程回纽约
他到底居心何在？ 他想勾引你吗？
不知道，感觉不像这么回事
可能他只是想献宝 猴子也会这样
-他的尺寸如何？ -来点新鲜的胡椒吗？
好，谢谢
够了
-你要来点新鲜的胡椒吗？ -宝贝，我求之不得
其实我想 这桌每个人都要加很多胡椒
谢谢
她说我还是单身 所以无法了解她的心情
怎么说？
单身女郎处心积虑 一窥朋友“丈夫”的小弟弟吗
-她和你的关系很好吗？ -这有什么差别？
结了婚，失去身价后 我们就成了她们的敌人
米兰达是律师事务所里 唯一的单身贵族
她仔细思考过这个问题
已婚女子都知道 我们可能和任何人发生关系
是这样吗？
所以怕我们和她们丈夫有染
-我绝不接受已婚的男人 -你确定吗？
结婚戒指还是能拿下来 她们认为未婚者全都不可靠
已婚女性并非全都这么想
夏绿蒂将婚姻视为妇女联谊会 且迫不及待想加入
你说得没错 但那些不担心的人会可怜你
才没有这种事
你真的没见过那种 “单身真可怜”表情吗？
-我很讨厌那种表情 -坦白说，我见过
若在派对中你是唯一单身的人 他们的表情就像在说你…
-没人要？ -异类
-荡妇 -完全正确
已婚者真是我们的大敌
米兰达说对了吗？ 已婚与未婚者真的势不两立？
两者之间正上演一场 秘密的冷战吗？
我很喜欢单身的女性朋友
但因为我结婚了 无法像从前时常见面
我觉得非常痛苦 她们让我想起从前绝望的日子
女性婚后会忘记自我 由“我”变成“我们”
“我们喜欢这部电影 我们讨厌那间餐厅”
我们…
本来我和拍档什么事都一起做
结果他却娶了一个 和我合不来的女孩
现在我只有在 超级杯比赛时才见得到他
这件事取决于 自己想过何种生活
有些人像我一样，选择长大 面对现实乖乖结婚
至于其他人…怎么说？
像长不大的孩子般 过着空虚、脑人的生活
这不是一场冷战 而是激烈的大战
而且参战者不只是一般人
我认识的同性恋者 都跑到夏威夷
穿长袖花衬衫，宣誓结婚 心中想着我比不上他们
-穿长袖花衬衫 -没错，还戴兰花做的花环
“欢迎”
我怀念过去 大家都还是单身的时光
我开始觉得自己像是被放逐…
凯莉？
天啊，乔，是你…
好多年没见了 我一直没遇到你，自从…
-还不是同性恋时？ -我是说“西贡小姐”演出后
-我还在表演 -我很喜欢这部音乐剧
这位是我的朋友，史丹佛
-这是我的亲蜜爱人，卢 -看，是结婚戒指，恭喜你们
-在哪里公证的？ -巴尼百货
我只是在开玩笑
你呢？结婚了吗？
也不算是…我的意思是还没有
-我们想的是同一件事吗？ -好极了
-什么事？ -我们想要一个孩子
我们已经找到人代产了 但还需要一颗健康的蛋
你愿意捐赠吗？
这是我们的名片 考虑一下再联络我们
-若你愿意，我们会付钱 -真高兴见到你
我刚遭受千禧年的第一个打击
朋友已经不把我当人看了 我成了蛋繁殖场
此时，在市中心 另一名单身女子也将遭到羞辱
米兰达被迫参加 公司的年度垒球比赛
律师事务所办的垒球比赛 和一般比赛没什么两样
但若律师盗垒成功 便能获得升迁
-米兰达，我还以为你不会来 -好了，走吧
由于担心被公司同事视为异类
米兰达和刻意安排的对象约会
米兰达，见过席德 席德，这位是米兰达
你们简直是天生一对
我要先走一步
-幸会 -幸会
我要去买杯汽水，你要喝吗？
我现在就去买
杰夫
还不错，对吗？ 我很会看人不是吗？
-没错，但我不是同性恋 -真的吗？
我已经八个月 没见过你交男朋友了
那只是巧合，杰夫 我是单身女郎
天啊 单身怎么会被视为同性恋？
难不成你要我过去…
算了，我自己解决
勇敢的米兰达大步走过去 告诉席德她不是同性恋
她们相觑大笑并决定一起打球
米兰达和席德最后一局 演出双杀成为场中的焦点
-连公司的资深股东都… -真精彩，女士们
-全靠团队合作，查尔斯 -叫我契普
契普
我们夫妻十二号要办一个派对
只邀请了几对夫妻 是个普通的派对
-希望你们也能来 -乐意之至
那天晚上 米兰达对我大吐苦水
你想这是因为 他们以为你们是一对吗？
两年来我们鲜少交谈 他却突然要我叫他“契普”
一个名叫契普的律师 令人不由得喜欢他
他们好不容易了解我以后 好像松了一口气
-你真会赴宴吗？ -没错
在公司里我需要战友 就算得当同性恋也再所不惜
米兰达离去后，我想了一想
或许冷战的起因不是恨 而是恐惧
对于未知的恐惧
已婚者并不恨单身贵族 只是想“弄清楚”我们的想法
该是停止猜忌 渗透敌方阵营的时候了
于是我和我最喜爱的夫妻档 大卫和莉莎共进午餐
与其说婚姻生活 我比较倾向说共同生活
我们结婚了吗？
记得当时你披上白纱 我们还收到很多餐具吗？
记得 或许我不该再和其他男人约会
-你呢？喜欢单身生活吗？ -我觉得还不错
有时候则不然
像家庭聚会时得和小孩坐一桌
或看你们用同一支叉子 吃东西，我…
-那真是太甜蜜了 -别哭出来
他很多愁善感
你将来打算结婚，对吗？
不知道 我觉得自己可能不适合结婚
-真的吗？ -话才刚说完…
我自己已经开始怀疑了
-你们好 -你好，西恩
-好一个惊喜，见过凯莉 -幸会
我们正要吃甜点 要不要一起享用？
好，我真是太意外了
另一个让我讨厌单身的场合…
就是已婚的朋友 “意外”帮你介绍对象
喝了两杯浓咖啡 吃了一个提拉米苏后
我得知西恩是三兄弟中最小的
他有自己的投资公司
而且即将迁入新购置的公寓
你知道这全是安排好的 对吗？
其实你进门前我就闻出来了
我父母是相亲结婚的 下个月是他们结婚41周年纪念
真是美满
这时我才了解，他很期待结婚
结婚是这个魅力十足 曼哈顿男子的最终目标
-我可以再约你出来吗？ -当然可以
接下来一周半的时间… 我和西恩一起看了场电影…
又看了另一部电影
我在威廉斯索诺玛 帮他挑了一个高级起司磨碎器
十二号我要办乔迁派对 请你参加，带朋友一起来
听起来好像很有意思
谢谢你陪我共度美好时光
他就像DKNY服饰活生生的翻版
虽然明知和自己的风格不合 但顺便试穿也无妨
十二号当天晚上…
一对假的女同性恋到纽约东区 出席一名共和党员的晚宴
你们来了
西区则有三个单身女郎 参加一个单身汉的乔迁派对
-他的朋友帅吗？ -不知道，我从没见过他们
你是怎么在一周内 交上新男朋友？
他不是我的男朋友 我只是在试试而已
准备好了吗？
所有宾客都成双成对
这里简直像有房租限制的 诺亚方舟
他们全是夫妻档
莎曼珊瞪了我一眼 好像我将她出卖给敌人
只是为了巧克力棒和尼龙袜
这是给你的，恭喜
-你想必就是夏绿蒂 -幸会
-你一定是莎曼珊 -没错，请问吧台在哪里？
在厨房，你一定找得到 就是有瓦斯炉的那一间
-这里真漂亮 -我花了很多年规划
我带你参观
我们从已婚夫妻旁走过时 我发现一件事…
她们眼中没有恐惧、怜悯 也不会对我品头论足
难不成西恩的朋友 都是善良的反战者吗？
还是因为我已经 被她们“摸清楚了”？
会计师告诉我 最好买低风险的股票
这要视清况而定 你对投资持何种心态？
我也不太确定
-甜心，我要介绍朋友给你 -好
-莎曼珊，莎曼珊，见过伊莲 -我是他太太
-甜心，我们去别的房间 -好，很高兴和你聊，莎曼珊
-这里是书房 -是高级皮椅，我爱死它们了
谢谢，目前我把这里当办公室 但有一天…
这里会变成小孩的房间，看
三年前我在阿斯彭买的 喜欢吗？
这是我的错 我不知道他的朋友全都结婚了
-天啊，你在喝龙舌兰？ -你看那边那个男的
-我上过他 -再看那边那一个
我也上过他
我没想到还会见到他们
你已婚的前男友都该贴上标签 这样你才能追踪他们的动向
-他会向你求婚 -不可能，我们才约会一周
除非慎重考虑结婚的事
否则没人会在上西城区 买这么好的房子
有人会看手相 夏绿蒂却会观察不动产
若你成为那些已婚白痴的一员 我会毙了你
西恩好得没话说 而且又喜欢小孩
他不但有自己的事业 银行里还有三十万元存款
我们都和他有过一腿 他的床上功夫好极了
我在这场乔迁派对 待了一个半小时
从座的贵宾变成了战俘
莎曼珊醉得一蹋糊涂 我得送她回去休息
-我和你们一起走 -凯莉
天啊，又有朋友来了
-惊喜吧 -我的确感到讶异
上回我见到佩萱丝时 她在公车上推我
西恩告诉我们你们在约会 我们也非常高兴
上次在你们家发生的事…
-别提那件事 -我不知道…
别再说下去了
这场派对糟得不像话 你是哪位？
我的朋友佩萱丝 和她的丈夫彼得
久仰大名
-像胡椒碾磨器般的大弟弟 -我们得走了
我们的停火协议刹那间破灭
同时，在纽约的另一端 形势渐趋和缓
非常感谢你的招待 我们都玩得很尽兴
我也一样
她真是个好伴侣 不久后我们会再办一次
先去按电梯，我稍后就来
恐怕我们办不到 席德和我并不是一对
其实我们根本不是同性恋 她是，但我不是
我只是想藉机和你谈 我在公司的工作
很聪明的做法，别放在心上
-谢谢 -我太太会大失所望
她希望为我们的社交圈 增加一对女同性恋
搭电梯时，米兰达心中想着 若她有伴侣，生活会多自在…
姑且不论对方是男是女
我真的不是同性恋
完全正确
抱歉
米兰达为自己 不是同性恋而懊脑
想着这场战争里 自己能撑多久的同时
夏绿蒂把错怪在龙舌兰酒上 硬逼莎曼珊搭上计程车
她认为莎曼珊太醉不能回家 坚持让她睡在沙发上
-到家了 -终于到家了
我帮你开门
-你好 -够了…
-我喜欢他 -再见
她扶莎曼珊上楼，上床睡觉 但事情还没告一段落
几小时后，莎曼珊醒了 依然是酒醉的单身女郎
对她而言 单身代表一个意义
-可以给我一根烟吗？ -没问题
可以给我一个吻吗？
天啊…
我真的不该这么做 或许会被人撞见
你何不到楼上来一下？ 一下就好
莎曼珊？
别害怕，小姐 是我，汤米，我正要离开
是你的朋友请我来的 我知道不该这么做
但是离开家后 我一直觉得很孤独
我渴望得到女人的抚摸慰藉
我要进洗手间 出来时别让我再看到你
这件事就当没发生过
我帮你开门，小姐
我原本希望你留下过夜
听我说，西恩 我认为我们不适合在一起
我们追求的是不同的生活 你想结婚…
而我不知道自己要什么
-你感觉得出我的心急迫切 -不，只是…
我在尝试与你相处，懂吗？ 看看我们合不合适
结果合不来
很抱歉
我真搞不懂你们女人
我总听你们说“我想结婚”…
但却没有一个人答应我 到底是怎么回事？
我再也受不了一个一个试了
我只是想结婚
我或许认识和你一拍即合的人
是谁？
开始时他们很随性 只是吃个早午餐，听场音乐会
但很快他们就开始选购瓷器
正式场合我一直想用这种餐具
真的吗？
夏绿蒂当场决定分手 他们绝不可能在一起
他的风格是美式上流社会 她则属于法式乡村
为何你朋友从没打过电话？
不知道
在婚姻战争的枪林弹雨中 我产生了一个想法
或许已婚与未婚者的冲突 就像北爱尔兰的战争一样
基本上我们是一样的 只是立场截然不同
有另一半陪着走回家是很好
但有时候…
什么也比不过和单身女性朋友 一同看电影享受夜晚时光
美天乐工作室 制作 http://friends6.go.3322.org
One of the best things about living in a city like New York
is leaving it.
My friend, Patience and her husband
invited me to the Hamptons for the weekend.
Patience and Peter were the perfect married couple.
They were fun, smart and looked like they fell out of a J. Crew catalogue.
lf their house wasn't on the beach, l would've hated them.
So, he gets in the cab and slides up next to me.
Yes?
And it is hot.
lt is hot from Houston and West Broadway to 72nd and Madison.
Hampton houseguests have to sing for their supper.
Brokers give investment advice, architects, design advice,
single people give married friends tidbits from their sexual escapades.
The next morning l woke up feeling rested and fabulous.
l wanted to go out and take in the spectacular view.
Morning.
Patience went out to get juice and muffins.
She'll be right back.
There he was, full frontal... friend.
Good!
He just stood there, casual, happy, hanging out.
l didn't know what to say.
l only knew that was too much Peter before coffee.
- Good morning. - Hey.
l've got some fresh juice and the good muffins.
So, what's happening?
Well, l ran into Peter in the hallway, without his underwear on.
PS Congratulations.
Sunny day.
Honey, did Carrie see your dick in the hall?
Yeah, she caught me on the way to the bathroom.
- On the way to the bathroom. - Yeah! The good muffins.
So what are we doing today?
l barely had time for a muffin before returning to New York.
Why would he do that? Did he want to have sex with you?
l don't know, it didn't feel sexual.
Maybe he wanted to show it off, like a monkey.
- So, how big was it? - Fresh pepper?
Yes, please.
That'll do.
- Would you like some fresh pepper? - Honey, l'd love some fresh pepper.
Everyone at this table could use a lot of fresh pepper.
Thanks.
She said l couldn't understand why she was so upset because l'm single.
And what? Single women
prowl houses hoping to glimpse their friends' husbands' dicks?
- How good of a friend was she? - What's the difference?
When someone gets married, all bets are off. We become the enemy.
As the only single lawyer at her law firm,
Miranda had given this topic some thought.
Married women know we can have sex any time, with anyone.
We can?
And they're afraid we're gonna have it with their husbands.
- l'd never sleep with a married man. - Are you sure you haven't?
Wedding rings come off, you know. lf you're single, you can't be trusted.
Not all married women feel that way.
Charlotte treated marriage as a sorority she was hoping to pledge.
You're right, not all. The ones who don't fear you, pity you.
That's not true.
Are you telling me you haven't gotten those 'poor single you' looks?
- l hate those. - OK, yes, l have.
When you're the only single person at a party, they look at you like you're
- A loser? - Leper.
- Whore. - Exactly.
Married people are the enemy!
Was Miranda right? Were we enemies?
ls there a secret cold war between marrieds and singles?
l love my single friends,
but now that l'm married, l don't see them as much as l used to.
lt's too painful. They remind me of how desperate l used to be.
When women get married, they forget who they are. ''l'' becomes ''we''.
''We loved the movie.'' ''We hate that restaurant.''
We, we, we, we, we.
My best buddy and l did everything together.
Then he married this girl who doesn't like me.
Now l only see him on Super Bowl Sunday.
lt's all about what you want. Some people, like me, choose to grow up,
face reality and get married,
and others choose to, what?
Live an empty, haunted life of stunted adolescence.
No, it's not a cold war. lt's an out and out battle.
And it isn't just straight people.
Every gay guy l know is running off to Hawaii,
putting on a caftan, reciting vows, and feeling superior to me.
- Caftans? - Yes, with orchid leis.
Aloha.
l miss the old times when everyone was alone.
l'm starting to feel like l'm an outcast in the...
Carrie?
Oh, my God! Joe! Hi! Wow!
Jeez, it's been years. l haven't seen you since you were...
Straight?
- l was gonna say in Miss Saigon. - Still am.
l love Miss Saigon.
This is my friend, Stanford.
- This is my life partner, Lou. - Look at that. Congratulations.
- Where are you registered? - Barney's.
l was kidding.
So, how about you? Are you married?
Not really, l mean, no!
- Are you thinking what l'm thinking? - Perfect!
- What? - Lou and l want to have a child.
We already have a surrogate, but we need a top-notch egg.
What are your feelings about donating one?
Listen, here's our card. Think about it and give us a call.
- We'll pay. - Great seeing you.
l had just experienced single bashing for the new millennium.
l was no longer considered a person. l was now an egg farm.
Meanwhile, downtown, another single woman was about to be humiliated.
Miranda had to attend her firm's annual softball game.
A law firm softball game is like any other,
but when a lawyer steals a base, he gets promoted.
Miranda!
- l thought you wouldn't come. - Alright, let's get it over with.
Panicked at the idea of spending another firm function as a leper,
Miranda had agreed to be fixed up on a blind date.
Miranda, this is Syd. Syd, Miranda.
Look at you two, perfect match.
Well, l'm gonna excuse myself.
- Nice to meet you. - You too.
l'm gonna get a soda. You want a soda?
l'm gonna get us a soda.
Jeff!
Pretty great, huh? Can l pick 'em or what?
- Yeah, l'm not gay. - Seriously?
ln eight months, l've never seen you with a guy.
Circumstantial, Jeff, l'm single.
Christ, when did being single translate into being gay?
Shit. Do you want me to go over there and...
No, l'll do it.
Brave Miranda marched right over and told Syd she wasn't.
They had a good laugh and decided to stay and play ball.
Miranda and Syd's last inning double play got the attention of everyone,
- even the firm's senior partner. - Quite a play, ladies.
- lt's all about teamwork, Charles. - Chip.
Chip.
My wife and l are having a dinner party on the 1 2th,
just some couples, nothing fancy.
- We'd love it if you both came. - We'd love to.
That night, Miranda gave me the low-down on her day.
You think it's because they think that you're in a couple?
ln two years he's barely spoken to me, all of a sudden, it's ''Chip''.
A lawyer named Chip, gotta love that.
They seemed relieved to have finally figured me out.
- You're actually going to dinner? - Yup.
l want to make partner in this firm, even if l have to be a lesbian.
After Miranda left, l had a thought.
Maybe the cold war isn't about hate, maybe it's about fear,
fear of the unknown.
Married people don't hate singles, they just want us ''figured out''.
lt was time to stop all this speculation and infiltrate the enemy camp.
Lunch with my favorite couple, David and Lisa.
l don't think of us as married so much as together.
Are we married?
Remember when you wore the white dress and we got all the flatware?
Yeah. l guess l should stop seeing other men.
- And you? You like being single? - Most of the time, yeah.
Then there are the other times,
like family functions when they sit you at the kid's table.
Or when you two eat off the same fork, l just...
- Man, that's so sweet. - Don't start crying.
He's such a pussy.
But you do want to get married, right?
l don't know. l'm beginning to think l may not be the marrying kind.
- Really? - As soon as the words came out,
l wondered if they were true.
- Hey! - Hey, Sean!
- What a surprise. This is Carrie. - Hi.
We're about to have dessert, wanna join us?
Sure. This is such a surprise.
Another time l hate being single
is when married friends ''surprise'' fix you up.
Two espressos and a tiramisu later,
l had learned that Sean was the youngest of three brothers,
had his own investment firm
and was about to move into an apartment he had just purchased.
-You know this was a fix-up, right? - Please,
l could smell it before you walked in the door.
My parents met on a fix-up, and they'll be married 41 years next month.
That's great.
lt was then l realized, l was having coffee with the marrying guy.
That illusive and rare Manhattan man whose sights were set on marriage.
- Can l see you again? - Sure.
Over the next week and a half, l met Sean for a movie...
l met him for another movie.
l helped him pick out a top of the line cheese grater at Williams-Sonoma.
My house-warming is on the 1 2th. Come, and bring your friends.
Sounds like fun.
Thanks for a great day.
He was like the flesh and blood equivalent of a DKNY dress.
You know it's not you're style, but it's there, so you try it on anyway.
lt was the night of the 1 2th.
On the East Side, a pseudo lesbian couple went to a Republican dinner.
Hey!
On the West Side, a trio of single gals went to a single guy's house-warming.
- Are his friends cute? - l don't know, l haven't met them.
How did you get a new boyfriend in a week?
He's not my boyfriend. l'm just trying him on.
All right, ready?
Everywhere people were standing in twos.
lt was like Noah's Upper West Side rent controlled ark.
lt's all married couples.
Samantha gave me a look like l had sold her to the enemy
for chocolate bars and nylons.
This is for you. Hi.
- You must be Charlotte. - Hi.
- You must be Samantha. - Yeah, where's the bar?
Kitchen, you can't miss it, room with the stove.
- This place is amazing. - l've been planning it for years.
l'll give you guys the grand tour.
Moving through the married couples, l noticed something was different...
No fear, no pity, no pointing.
Were Sean's friends cold war conscientious objectors?
Or was it just that l was ''figured out''?
My accountant says it's best to go with low risk stocks.
lt depends. What are your expectations?
l'm not sure.
- Honey, l need you to meet someone. - Sure.
- This is Samantha, Samantha, Elaine. - His wife.
- Honey, l need you in the other room. - Sure. Nice talking to you Samantha.
- This is the den. - A leather club chair! l love them.
Thanks. l'm using this room as an office now, but someday...
this is gonna be the kid's room. Look.
l got this three years ago in Aspen. What do you think?
l owe you. l didn't know all his buddies were married.
- My God, you're doing tequila shots? - See that buddy over there?
- l fucked him. - See that buddy over there?
l fucked him too.
l never thought l'd see them again.
We should tag your married men so you can keep track of them.
- He's gonna ask you to marry him. - He's not. We've been dating a week.
No guy buys a classic six on the Upper West Side
unless they're seriously thinking about marriage.
Some people read palms, Charlotte read real estate.
lf you turn into one of those married assholes,
l'll kill you.
Sean is the greatest guy and he loves kids.
Plus, he owns his own business, and he's got 300,000 in the bank.
We both slept with him and he's great in bed.
An hour and a half into this house-warming,
l had gone from party guest to prisoner of war.
Samantha is totally drunk. l've got to get her out of here.
- You're not going without me. - Carrie!
Oh God, more friends.
- Surprise! - lt certainly was.
Last time l saw Patience she was shoving me on a bus.
When Sean told us you two were dating, we were thrilled.
About what happened at your house the other day...
- Don't mention it. - l'm not sure...
l said don't mention it.
This party is terrible. Who are you?
This is my friend Patience and her husband Peter.
l heard about you.
- Big pepper mill dick! - We gotta go!
And suddenly our little cease-fire was over.
Meanwhile, across town, things were winding down.
Thank you so much, we really had a great time.
As did we all.
She is a real find. We'll do it again soon.
l'll meet you at the elevator, OK?
We can't do it again soon. Syd and l aren't really a couple.
We're not even really lesbians. Well, Syd is, l'm not.
l just wanted to bend your ear about my work at the firm.
Shrewd move, counselor. No harm done.
- Thank you, sir. - My wife will be disappointed.
She wanted to add a lesbian couple to our circle.
As they rode between floors,
Miranda considered how much easier life would be if she were in a couple,
any couple.
Yup, definitely straight.
Yeah, you are.
Sorry.
While she cursed her heterosexuality
wondering how much longer she could fight the war,
Charlotte cursed tequila and forced Samantha into a cab.
She thought Samantha was too drunk
and insisted she slept on her couch.
- We're home. - We're home. Oh, boy.
Let me get that door for you.
- Hi. - Alright.
- l like him! - Bye.
She got Samantha upstairs and safely to bed, or so she thought.
A few hours later, Samantha woke up still drunk and single.
And single to Samantha meant one thing.
- Can l have a cigarette? - Sure.
Can l have a kiss?
Jesus...
l really shouldn't, somebody might see.
Why don't you come upstairs for a minute?
Samantha?
Don't be scared, miss. lt's me, Tommy, l'm just leaving.
Your friend invited me up. l know it was wrong,
but l've just been so lonely since l left home.
l wanted the feel of a woman's touch on me.
l'm going into the bathroom now and when l come out you won't be here.
l never want this mentioned again.
Let me get the door for you, miss.
l was hoping you'd stay over.
Look, Sean, l don't think this is gonna work.
We want different things. You want to get married and...
l don't know what l want.
- You can smell my desperation, right? - No, it's just...
l was trying you on, you know? To see if it fits.
lt doesn't.
l'm sorry.
l don't understand you women.
All l hear is, ''l want to get married, l want to get married'',
and none of you says yes. What the fuck?
l'm so tired of going through women.
l just want to get married.
l may know someone who's perfect for you.
Who?
They started out casual, a brunch here, a concert there.
But pretty soon they were visiting china.
l always wanted this pattern for formal dining.
Are you serious?
Charlotte broke it off then and there. lt would never work.
He was American classic, she was French country.
Your friend never called like she promised. Why?
l don't know.
As l sifted through the rubble of my marriage skirmish, l had a thought.
The war between marrieds and singles is like the war in Northern lreland.
We're basically the same, but we wound up on different sides.
lt'd be great to have that one special person to walk home with,
but sometimes there's nothing better
than meeting your single girlfriends for a night at the movies.