我喜欢海滩 I love the beach.
现在是不是比在家为柜子吵架好多了 Now, isn't this better than arguing about a hutch?
是 如果你喜欢待在 Yeah, if you like hanging out
巨大的鱼粑粑排泄场旁边的话 on the rim of a giant fish toilet.
杰茜 真不敢相信你居然带我来这里 Jess, I can't believe you brought me down here.
这地方挺适合谈你的问题 This is a great place to talk about your problems.
杰茜 这里真没劲 我想回家 Jess, this sucks-- I just want to go home.
施密特 到这来 Schmidt, come here.
看 鸟儿在蓝天翱翔 Look. You got the birds in the sky.
大海和沙滩 Sea and sand.
清风拂过我们的发丝 The wind in our hair.
你风筝废了 You've lost your kite!
放绳子玩去吧 Have fun flying your string all day!
抱歉我没带钱包 Sorry I forgot my wallet.
多谢请客哈 真好吃 Thank you for paying, it's delicious.
是啊 不过真的好奇怪 Yeah, which is weird,
我记得我明明说过 because I clearly remember saying,
"伙计 别忘带钱包啊" "Hey, man, don't forget your wallet."
但是我还是忘带了 And then I still forgot it.
-你还是忘带了 -真奇怪啊 - You still forget it. - Wow, it's weird.
是 你说过 Yeah, you said that.
-是 我说过 -我们老了 - Yeah, I said that. - We're getting older.
行 这话题开场还不错 Okay, this is a good segue.
我能跟你说点比较严肃的话题吗 Um... can I talk to you about something that's kind of tough?
行 伙计 说吧 Yeah, man, shoot.
"本次谈话的目的 "The subject of this talk
是讨论我们你我之间的债务问题 is the debt of money between us.
-我感觉" -我晕 - I feel that..." - Oh, man!
我还以为是什么严肃的话题呢 I thought this was about something serious.
你搞成这样我以为是要聊什么别的呢 You set that up like it was about something different.
是关于赌债吗 This is about the poker?
钱我会还你的 别担心 Oh, I'll pay you your money. Relax.
"如果我正在朗读此项内容 只能说明 "If I am reading this section, then I can only assume
你刚才让我别担心 "You have told me to relax.
你还写了这么一条 You wrote that?
"我向你保证我很放松 "Let me assure you I am very relaxed,
尽管我很有理由担心 although I have good reason not to be,
因为你欠我一大笔钱" as you owe me a very large sum."
得了吧小气鬼 我又不是不还你 I will pay you the money, you clown.
"我意识到咱俩都会破产 "I am aware that we're both broke,
其中一个显然已经破产了 此处指尼克 one of us embarrassingly so. Points to Nick.
我最近的财务状况急转直下 I have recently tumbled down the socioeconomic ladder
已经跌至谷底了 and have hit rock bottom,
而你 尼克·米勒 where you, Nick Miller,
已经为此等待了十五年之久 have been waiting patiently for the past 15 years.
但是我要那笔钱 But I want that money.
还我钱 我是说真的 Give me my money. I really mean it.
那是我的钱 你欠我的 It's my money. You owe me that money,
所以赶紧还钱 真的" So give me my money. Seriously."
-说完了吗 -钱呢 老兄 - Are you finished? - "Where is the money, dude?
-你还写了老兄 -"我是公事公办 - You wrote "Dude"? - "But I am not without pity.
我同意你只还我两百块就行" I am willing to just call it an even $200."
两百块扯平 Everything let go with just $200?
-对 -行啊 两百块我还得起 - Right. - All right, I can do $200.
-就两百 两百块咱就两清了 -没错 - $200? Two hundo clean? - Yep.
好 All right.
油钱是我付的吧 I did pay for gas here, though.
咱们就算它十块 So that's, let's say, ten bucks.
那就剩一百九了吧 So we're at $190.
就一百九十块 We'll say clean $190.
我不想纠结这些 I hate to be this guy...
但周五的架是我打的吧 but I got the fights on Friday,
那就算三十块吧 所以就剩一百六了吧 so that's $30. So let's call it $160
还清就行 and be done with it.
二十块的酒钱是我付的 就剩一百四了 $20 for beer that night, so $160 takes us to $140.
这可是公平起见 我可没写发言稿 Just to be fair. And I didn't write a stupid letter about it.
那现在就剩一百四了吧 But let's say right now $140.
你还吃了很多玉米片呢 You ate a lot of the nachos!
乱扔垃圾 这得算十五块吧 Littering! $15 for littering!
这样多有意思啊 How fun is this!
我不好这一口 It's not my cup of tea.
不要 No!
不要 杰茜 不 No! No, Jess, no!
我以前竟然没有发现 施密特 I can't believe I never noticed this before, but, Schmidt,
你真算得上有点神经质啊 you are legitimately crazy.
每个人都有点神经质 不是吗 杰茜 I think we're all a little bit crazy, don't you think, Jess?
不 你是属于那种 年老的芭蕾舞女 No, I mean, you're like aging- ballerina,
国际象棋神童 资深魔术师的神经质 child-chess-prodigy, professional-magician crazy.
是我娘的错 我出身犹太家庭 It's my mom's fault-- you know, I come from a Jewish family,
我妈以前告诉我圣诞老人不来我家 but she used to tell me the reason Santa didn't come to our house
是因为我的房间太脏了 was because my room was dirty.
我唯一能自主选择的就是饮食了 The only thing I ever controlled was what I ate.
-所以我才那么胖 -我胖是因为经常 - That's why I got fat. - Yeah, I got fat 'cause I used to eat
吃葡萄果冻拿棒棒糖当叉子 concord grape jelly from the jar using a candy bar as a fork.
那是因为你这人一点规矩都没有 It's because you didn't have any structure.
你懂我的意思吗 没有规矩放任自流 You know what I mean? That's what happens
最后就你这个下场 when you don't have any rules.
这儿每个人都没规矩 特别是那位 None of these people have rules. Especially that guy.
他穿着女式比基尼底裤 He's wearing ladies' bikini bottoms.
杰茜 我跟他们可不是一类人 好吗 Jess, I'm not like these people, okay?
我不留长毛 我也不拿蛇当宠物 I don't have dreadlocks. I don't own a snake.
我真搞不懂这些为啥以这种方式放松 And I don't understand how these people think that they're relaxed,
明显不是啊 他们只是无所事事而已 because they're not-- they just have nothing to do.
我可不是这样的人 我没这么容易就能放松下来的 That's not me. It's not that easy for me.
我觉得你就是在找借口 施密特 Sounds to me like a lot of excuses, Schmidt.
随性点儿吧 Just be spontaneous.
尼克 Hey, Nick.
很抱歉打扰你 因为你明显 Look, man, I'm sorry to bother you while you're clearly
正坐在这儿赚钱呢 sitting here working hard making lots of money.
-说得好 -请原谅我耽误你一会儿 - All right. - But if you'd kindly just pause that for one second,
我这儿有些账要跟你算一下 I have a few accounts that I'd like to settle.
账目一 Account number one:
一张15块的唐人街箱龟收据 a $15 receipt for a Chinatown box turtle.
-你可瞧好了 -亲兄弟明算账是吧 - Bam. Here we go. - We're doing this, huh?
亲兄弟可不就要明算账 账目二 Yeah, we are doing this. Item number two:
一张35块的已作废的域名注册支票 Cancelled $35 check for registration of a domain name--
"尼克·米勒时光网" "It's Nick Miller Time.Com."
"伙计们 温斯顿 我有个好点子 "Hey, guys, Winston, I got a good idea, man.
我要成为一个顶尖的博客写手" I'm gonna be a big-time blogger."
我要去工作了 I have to go to work...
在一个让你蹭吃蹭喝的酒吧 ...at a bar, where you drink for free.
400毫升白兰地兑可乐是多少钱 How much does 400 cognac and colas add up to, Winston?
你要纠结这个吗 行 You want to go there? Okay. Sure.
那时我整天在你身边听你发牢骚怨念 How about all the times I sat around listening to you bitch and moan
卡洛琳是如何蹂躏你那珍贵的小心灵 about how Caroline broke your precious little heart?
-八年级时... -扯八年级去了 - Okay, in eighth grade... - Eighth grade.
你"一不小心"就看我妈裸着 ...you "accidentally" Saw my mom naked.
还是在她停止运动身材走样之前 Before she stopped exercising and let herself get chubby.
这伤害如果能用钱来衡量 你欠我多少 So how much is that, in terms of money?
因为我可一直深受其扰啊 'Cause I haven't gotten over that.
-怎么也要四五千块吧 -各位 - And I would say four to $5,000. - Hey, guys. Hey, guys.
施密特 温斯顿八年级时 Schmidt, Winston saw my mother
看到我妈裸着 这要用... naked in eighth grade; in terms of...
我没穿户外鞋就直接在大海里涉水了 I waded into the ocean without my aqua socks.
他的确做到了 Mm, he did it.
-我做到了 -他放松了 - I did it. - He let go.
他在公共卫生间里洗了手 He washed his hands in a public restroom.
当时还有个男人在那儿 And there was a man in there.
他在上厕所 还用的敞开式蹲式马桶 And he was using the toilet, full sit, no door.
我就一直盯着他看 And I didn't break eye contact.
目不转睛 Not once.
这不叫放松 这叫暗送秋波 That's not letting go, that's cruising.
施密特 Hey, Schmidt.
-他吐到桌子上了 -我看到了 - There's a spill. - I know.
练习一下 你懂的 Do your exercise. You know.
对 好的 练习 Yeah, okay, the exercise.
一 二 三 四 五 六 One, two, three, four, five, six,
七 八 九 十 seven, eight, nine, ten.
我感觉好极了 I feel great.
我要去用尼克的肥皂洗个澡 I'm gonna go take a shower with Nick's bar soap,
像普通的农场工人那样 like a common ranch hand.
不 不 不 No, no, no, no, no, no, no,
-不 不 不 -这什么情况 - no, no, no, no, no, no, no! -What is going on?
你打乱了这里的生态平衡 You messed with the ecosystem.
而你们说我做不到的 And you guys said it couldn't be done.
你可不知道你捅了多大篓子 You have no idea what you're getting into.
不用谢我 You're welcome.
施密特 你这鼓声真要命 Schmidt, you're killing me with that drumming!
要人命啊 You're killing me!
乱成这样了 怎么搞的啊 Look at this mess. How did this happen?
都是你的错 So, this is your fault.
不 才不是 No. No.
我是为了施密特好 This is good for Schmidt.
你俩占他的便宜不是一天两天了 'Cause you guys have been taking advantage of him for years.
让他做饭 让他打扫 You make him cook, you make him clean...
欠我的钱呢 伙计 Where's my money, dude?
老实说 你们这么做是...性别歧视 Frankly, it's... sexist.
天哪 真恶心 Oh, my God. Ew@
怎么会是性别歧视 How's it sexist?
谁来打扫 Who's cleaning up?
-我早上收拾过了 -好吧 - I cleaned this morning. - All right, fine.
我来收拾 你俩去买东西 I'll clean, you guys go to the store.
我才不要和他一起去 I'm not going to the store with him.
-不许扔东西 -还我钱 伙计 - Stop throwing things at each other. - Where's my money, dude...?
-都别闹了 -还我钱 - Oh, come on. - Where is the money?
-你真幼稚 -还有我的车 - You're a child. ...- my car, too, while you...
安静 朋友们 Silence, friends!
我给大家做了项链 I made you necklaces.
想去商店转转吗 Hey, do you want to go to the store?
快点吧 走吧 Please, God, yes.
一百块 $100?
施密特是怎么只花一百块就买到这堆东西的 How did Schmidt buy all these groceries with 100 bucks?
-只有一百块 -一百块 - It's only $100? - $100.
你早说嘛 我们买的东西太多了 You should've told... we have way too much stuff, man.
比如鸡尾冷虾 Yeah, like shrimp cocktail.
我们不需要烤火腿 We don't need a baked ham.
-好吧 -温斯顿 - All right. - Winston?
-真抱歉 -是吗 - Sorry about that. - Really?
两份蛋糕粉 Two cake mixes?
我晕 还有这些汤 披萨 冻披萨 Really? All these soups? Pizza? Frozen pizza?
-你个死胖子 -你想干嘛 想死啊 - You fat ass. - What are you trying to do, die?
闭嘴 Shut up, dude.
家里的番茄酱够了 We have enough ketchup.
-我们有足够的番茄酱 -拜托 - We have enough ketchup! - Come on, really?
下一个 Next, please.
你好吗 先生 Oh, hey, how you doing, sir?
我们只有一百块 盖瑞 We only have $100, Gary,
满一百块的时候就别刷了好吗 so could you stop checking us out when we hit $100?
对 还要把税算在里面 Yeah, you got to include tax, too,
-就只买九十三块的东西 好吗 -对 就这样 -so, like, $93, just... cool? - Yeah, just that'll do.
好吧 Okay, guys.
谢了 我要把我的东西放在前面 Thanks. I'm gonna put my stuff at the front,
因为你根本不知道什么该买 'cause you obviously don't know how to shop.
你太可笑了 You're being ridiculous.
你听到我说的话没 Are you getting me?
我们的番茄酱够多了 We have enough ketchup.
泻盐 Epsom salt?
你就不能用普通盐么 What, are you too good for regular salt?
你明知道我要用它来泡脚 You know damn well I got to soak my trick foot.
温尼 对哦 你那双折腾人的脚 Oh, Winnie, your little trick foot.
对 我的脚是很折腾人 不许再叫我温尼 Yeah, my trick foot, and don't ever call me Winnie.
-温尼 -好吧 - Aw, Winnie... - Fine.
你什么都不欠我了 You don't owe me anything.
咱俩一笔勾销 扯平了 The slate is clean. We're good, we're even.
很好 我也这么觉得 Oh, good, that's how I feel, too.
因为我觉得 你娘的咪咪是最美的 Because in my mind, your mom will always be the winner of Best Boobs
是吗 最美的咪咪 Really, Best Boobs?
-专家级的 -你居然敢谈论我妈 - Yeah. Master's Division. - You're gonna talk about my mother?
你敢谈论我妈的胸 You're gonna talk about my mom's boobs?
你真想这么干吗 Is that... you gonna go there?
别在超市里推我 Don't push me in a supermarket, man.
你挑起来的 You started this.
-你刚扇了我一巴掌吗 -我没有 - Did you just slap me in the face? - No, I did not.
我不知道你在说啥 I don't know what you're talking about.
我不怕你 I'm not afraid of you, man.
别跟个... Don't act your...
成熟点 伙计 Grow up, dude!
施密特 Hey, Schmidt.
你好啊 杰茜 Oh, hello, Jess.
你在这儿干啥 Hey. What are you doing out here?
来看看你在不在 Oh, just checking up on you.
你在吃路边摊的肉卷啊 Oh, I see you're eating street meat wrapped in street meat.
这是我兄弟 戈登 This is my man, Gordon.
你又一次超常发挥了 戈登 You've outdone yourself once again, Gordon.
真棒 Excellent.
-你今天去上班了吗 -没 没工作 - Did you go to work today? - No, no. No work.
我有一阵子没去了 I haven't been there in a while.
-一阵子是多久 -不知道 三天吧 - How long is a while? - I don't know. Three days?
施密特 带你来这里是个错误 Schmidt, I made a mistake in bringing you down here.
我不该这么做 I shouldn't have done that.
回家吧 Please come home.
为啥 Why?
回家做饭打扫卫生么 So I can cook and clean?
告诉你真空吸尘器在哪儿么 So I can show you where the vacuum is?
来吧 All right.
好吧 是的 我不知道真空吸尘器在哪儿 Okay, fine, I don't know where the vacuum is.
这是我来这儿找你的一部分原因 That is one reason why I came here,
但我真的想让你回家 but I really want you to come home.
没有你一切都乱了套 Everything's falling apart without you.
尼克和温斯顿一直在打架 Nick and Winston are fighting all the time.
我们都弄丢了邮箱钥匙 And all of us lost our keys to the mailbox.
施密特 听我说 Schmidt, just listen to me, because you
你压根不属于这里 真的 don't belong here, like, really.
你还记得你不喜欢看 Do you remember when you got yourself off to
《难以忽视的真相》的时候吗 An Inconvenient Truth?
你还记不记得万圣节时 How about when you dress up
你穿得像《华尔街2》里的希安·拉博夫[美国演员] like Shia Labeouf from Wall Street Two for Halloween?
你记不记得你说过 Do you remember when you said
爵士乐是美国最大的错误 jazz music was America's greatest mistake?
伴着鼓声说吧 杰茜卡·戴 Say it in drums, Jessica Day.
伴着鼓声 Me hablo drums.
伙计 Hey, man.
最后一个冰的东西被我拿了 I got the last frozen thing.
我本想敷下手腕的 但是 I was gonna ice my wrist, but...
这样吧 How about this?
咱平半分 伙计 Take half, pal.
你真好 So kind of you.
疼死我了 That hurts, man.
我好饿 I am so hungry.
还记得以前施密特给我们用 Remember those things that Schmidt used to make us
花生酱拌芹菜加葡萄干吗 with the peanut butter and the raisins on the celery?
叫啥来着 What were those called?
蚂蚁上树 Ants on a log.
我知道为啥要叫蚂蚁上树了 I just got why they're called ants on a log.
因为看着像蚂蚁在书上 Looks like ants on a log.
我饿了 I'm hungry, man.
施密特 是你吗伙计 Hey, Schmidt, is that you, buddy?
不是 是我 No, it's me.
你咋了 What the hell happened to you?
我去了沙滩 I went down to the beach,
我试着和施密特谈谈 and I tried to talk to Schmidt,
可他不理我 but he just ignored me,
只顾着玩他的火棍 and he went back to twirling his fire baton.
他技术太差了 烧到了好多人 He's really bad. He burned a lot of people.
我觉得应该在点着火之前 I feel like they should let you twirl it around a few times
先把棍子转几圈 before they actually light it on fire.
杰茜 和施密特做朋友就是很纠结 Well, look, Jess, being friends with Schmidt is really complicated.
因为你很想改变他 'Cause you want to change him so badly,
可你不能 因为他只会越变越糟 but you can't 'cause he'll just get worse.
你们说的对 我打乱了这个生态平衡 You guys were right, I upset the ecosystem.
我本意不是这样的 This is not what I wanted.
我只是想把贮藏柜摆在这里 I just wanted to put my hutch here.
让这儿印上我的印记 融入这个家庭而已 Make the place my own, be a part of the family.
什么家庭 跟这些二货吗 What family? With these clowns?
是呀 你们这几个二货呗 Yeah, you clowns.
没问题 我批准你加入了 Well, look, you want in, you're in.
恭喜 欢迎来到这个家 杰茜 Congratulations, welcome to the family, Jess.
咱家不这么表达 Yeah, we don't "aww" in this family.
伙计们 Hey, guys.
施密特 Hey, Schmidt.
我们得谈谈 Um, we need to talk.
有啥不对劲吗 Something not cool?
施密特 我们想你 Schmidt, we miss you.
你们只是想让我打扫屋子 You just want me to clean.
不是的 完全不是 No, that's not true.
好吧 有一点点啦 Well, it's a little bit true. There's truth to that.
好吧 我想让你打扫屋子 Okay, look. I want you to clean.
听着 我们为你能放松下来而骄傲 Look, we're so proud of you for letting go, and relaxing.
但你并不是这种人 But this isn't like you.
你逃避得了现在的问题 You can run away from your problems,
但没准又会遇到新的麻烦 比如肝炎之类的 but you're just gonna find new ones that pop up like hepatitis.
尼克和温斯顿 And Nick and Winston
想对你说 他们真的很想你 want to say to you that they really miss you.
伙计 你快让我抓狂了 You're freaking me out, man.
你干嘛在脖子上戴个水晶项链 Why are you wearing that crystal around your neck?
尼克 水晶代表能量 Nick, the crystal symbolizes energy.
它也就是块石头而已 施密特 All a crystal is is rock poo, Schmidt.
我需要你 施密特 Look, I need you, Schmidt.
懂吗 我需要你来告诉我哪条裤子不能穿 Okay, I need you to tell me what pants not to wear
还有提醒我多做运动 and to exercise more often.
我需要你在我把铁板三明治 I need you to make fun of me
叫成热三明治时笑话我 when I call a Panini a hot sandwich;
不然我怎么会懂这些呢 how am I ever gonna learn?
我还想你润发乳的味道 I even miss your hair chutney.
伙计 如果没有你 我们只是三个住一起的傻瓜 Without you, man, we're just three idiots who live together.
是你让我们成为一家人 You make us a family.
我就像是个反叛的大哥 Well, I'm the cool rebel brother.
-你就像个老妈 -老妈 -妈 - You're the mom. - The mother. - Mom.
施密特 如果你回到我们身边 Look, Schmidt, if you come back to us,
我让你打扫我的房间 I'll let you clean my room.
处理那只大白鲸也行吗 The white whale?
想想我床下有多少积尘 Think about how many dust bunnies are under my bed.
多少臭烘烘的袜子 How many stray socks.
施密特 Hey, Schmidt,
我有东西送你 I got you something.
是个礼品盒吗 Is that a boutique box?
是一条闪瞎你眼的灰色斜纹 平直款的裤子 A pair of gray, shiny, twill, flat-front trousers
由一个叫卡尔文的人设计的哟 designed by a man named Calvin. 美国着名设计师 CK品牌创始人
崭新无痕 Never been tried on.
口袋还缝着呢 Pockets are sewn shut.
难道你不想把拇指塞进去撕开它吗 Don't you just want to get your thumbs in there and rip?
好吧 我就把它搁在你的手鼓上 Okay, so, I'm just gonna leave this on your bongo drum,
如果你喜欢 and you can, you know,
可以试一试哦 give them a whirl if you feel like it.
要做好选择哟 Just make the right decision.
回家来吧 Come home.
穿上那裤子 Take the pants.
好吧 Oh, come here.
卡尔文 Calvin.
你真是个无与伦比的巫师 You magnificent wizard.
小施 Scmidtty.
尼克 你的发型怎么又这么挫 Nick, your hair is doing that thing that I just... I just hate.
杰茜 你让温斯顿帮你 And Jess, can you please ask Winston to help you
挪挪家具吧 他得锻炼一下了 move the furniture out? He could use the exercise.
你看起来有点儿... You're looking a little, you know...
-他回来了 -尼克 温斯顿 我们有夜壶的 - He's back. - And Nick, Winston, we have a urinal.
你们怎么还会忘 How are you still missing?
施密特 Schmidt
施密特 醒醒 Schmidt, wake up.
你 What...
你在这儿干吗 are you doing here?
你觉得我能干嘛 来吧 What do you think I'm doing here? Come on!
-好了 等等 等等 -怎么了 - Okay, wait, wait, wait. - What?
希希 Cece,
在我们继续之前 before we continue,
我在这段关系中毫无控制权 I clearly have no control in this relationship,
我也不介意 and... I'm fine with it.
-好 -但你要知道 - Good. - But know this,
你半夜三点破门而入 you're the one who broke into this apartment at 3:00 a.M.
来找小施密特尝点甜头 for a little bit of this Schmidt,
所以 谁是真正掌控全局的呢 so who's really in control?
闭嘴 Shut up!
等等 你睡觉还穿着正装裤子 Wait, oh, are you sleeping in dress pants?
咋了 这裤子很宽松的 What? They're slacks.
没啥大不了的 淡定 What's the big deal? Calm down.
看我老二见了你得有多兴奋 Look how excited Hector J. is to see you.
我看到了 Yeah, I've already met Hector J., so...
看 他在给你加官进爵 Ooh, look, he's knighting you.
不 停下来 不要 Oh, no, please stop knighting me. Don't...
希希莉亚小姐 Lady Cecelia...
别 施密特 不然我走了 No, Schmidt, I'm gonna leave.
你已进入圆桌会议的流程 You have entered the order of the round table.
我这就去拿包 我这就去... I'm getting my bag, okay, I'm gonna get my...
-我还是留下吧 - 性感的希希夫人 - Oh, I want to stay. - Dame Nasty Cece.