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00:00:01,852 --> 00:00:03,519
♪ One, two, three, four ♪
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00:00:03,587 --> 00:00:05,353
♪ Five, six, seven, eight ♪
3
00:00:05,423 --> 00:00:07,122
♪ Schlemiel, Schlemazel ♪
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♪ Hasenpfeffer, Incorporated ♪
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♪ We're gonna do it ♪
6
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♪ Give us any
chance, we'll take it ♪
7
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♪ Read us any
rule, we'll break it ♪
8
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♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪
9
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♪ Doing it our way ♪
10
00:00:23,307 --> 00:00:26,558
♪ Nothing's gonna
turn us back now ♪
11
00:00:26,626 --> 00:00:30,562
♪ Straight ahead
and on the track now ♪
12
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♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪
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♪ Doing it our way ♪
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♪ There is nothing
we won't try ♪
15
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♪ Never heard the
word "impossible" ♪
16
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♪ This time, there's
no stopping us ♪
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♪ We're gonna do it ♪
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♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪
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♪ Got a dream, and
we just know now ♪
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♪ We're gonna make
that dream come true ♪
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♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪
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♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪
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♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪
24
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♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪
25
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♪ For me and you. ♪
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Laverne and Shirley is filmed
before a studio audience.
27
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( whistle blows)
28
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( indistinct voices)
29
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Oops! Sorry.
30
00:01:35,646 --> 00:01:36,912
Hey, Shirley!
31
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( mutters): Hey, Laverne.
32
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I got some hot gossip for you.
33
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Oh, no. They caught Waldo
34
00:01:40,951 --> 00:01:42,584
licking foam off
the racks again?
35
00:01:42,653 --> 00:01:43,685
No, no.
36
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What, Laverne? What?
37
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I found out who that new guy
38
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in the bottle capping
department is.
39
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The tall one with the dark hair?
40
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His name happens
to be Tad Shotz.
41
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His uncle is the
big Shotz... Max.
42
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I know.
43
00:01:58,602 --> 00:01:59,813
How do you know?
44
00:01:59,837 --> 00:02:00,952
He spoke to me.
45
00:02:01,020 --> 00:02:02,487
( gasps)
46
00:02:02,556 --> 00:02:05,402
What for? He says he wants
to spend his break time with us.
47
00:02:05,426 --> 00:02:08,109
Says he has something
very important to ask us.
48
00:02:08,178 --> 00:02:10,111
I also heard through
the grapevine
49
00:02:10,180 --> 00:02:12,881
that his family wants
him to learn the business
50
00:02:12,950 --> 00:02:16,284
from the ground up so he can
take over for when Max dies.
51
00:02:16,353 --> 00:02:18,703
It's not a warm family.
52
00:02:18,772 --> 00:02:20,639
I need a doughnut.
53
00:02:20,707 --> 00:02:22,341
Uh-oh. Here he comes.
54
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Hi, girls. Uh...
doughnut, anyone?
55
00:02:24,845 --> 00:02:26,556
Oh, hi, Tad. Uh...
this is Laverne.
56
00:02:26,580 --> 00:02:27,691
Hi, Tad. Hi, Laverne.
57
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MAN: Hey, Shotz!
58
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During the break, your uncle
wants you to wash his car.
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I only got a minute,
60
00:02:33,186 --> 00:02:35,131
but, uh, my nana's
having a dinner party
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at the Shotz manor
tomorrow evening.
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00:02:37,124 --> 00:02:39,240
He's got a nana. And a manor.
63
00:02:39,309 --> 00:02:41,387
I was wondering if you
two girls would like to attend.
64
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Why us?
65
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Well, you see, my
Uncle Max doesn't think
66
00:02:44,814 --> 00:02:46,376
that I relate well
to the workers.
67
00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:48,900
Oh, you brought us doughnuts!
68
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Not chocolate.
69
00:02:50,954 --> 00:02:53,488
So, I thought that if I
invited a couple of workers
70
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to go to the party, then my
nana would talk to my Uncle Max,
71
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and, uh, say what friends I
was making with the little people,
72
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and, uh, he'd have
me transferred
73
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out of this filthy department.
74
00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:05,545
What a charming invitation.
75
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Thank you.
76
00:03:06,453 --> 00:03:08,086
You got a big mansion, huh?
77
00:03:08,155 --> 00:03:11,668
I'm sorry. I already have a
date with Arthur Fonzarelli.
78
00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:13,152
Well, that's all right.
You can bring him, too.
79
00:03:13,176 --> 00:03:16,778
Fonzie at a society party?
80
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Here's the invitation.
81
00:03:18,081 --> 00:03:20,148
And, uh, all of the
directions are right on it.
82
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You just follow these,
83
00:03:21,318 --> 00:03:23,051
and I'll see you
tomorrow night, right?
84
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Yes, right.
85
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Yeah, we can really
have lots of fun.
86
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Uh-huh.
87
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You get to gussy
up a little bit.
88
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Feel this invitation.
89
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The words have bumps.
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"Formal dress."
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00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:42,298
We ain't got nothing
to wear to this,
92
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and we can't afford
to buy new clothes.
93
00:03:44,024 --> 00:03:45,824
Don't worry. We'll
come up with something.
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00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:48,393
I got a better
idea. Let's not go.
95
00:03:48,461 --> 00:03:50,807
I mean, why should we
go up there to represent
96
00:03:50,831 --> 00:03:52,375
the workers...
the little people?
97
00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:53,810
We're only helping him out.
98
00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:55,433
This is a chance to
help ourselves out.
99
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How?
100
00:03:56,670 --> 00:03:58,170
This is a perfect opportunity
101
00:03:58,238 --> 00:03:59,938
to meet the right
kind of people.
102
00:04:00,007 --> 00:04:01,840
Didn't you always
want to go inside
103
00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:03,709
one of those big,
beautiful homes?
104
00:04:03,777 --> 00:04:05,476
Laverne, the
only kind of parties
105
00:04:05,545 --> 00:04:07,645
we've ever been to
are bring-your-own.
106
00:04:09,382 --> 00:04:10,593
I like bringing my own.
107
00:04:10,617 --> 00:04:12,937
Then I know what I'm getting.
108
00:04:13,570 --> 00:04:14,948
Why don't you go by yourself?
109
00:04:14,972 --> 00:04:15,972
I can't go by myself.
110
00:04:16,039 --> 00:04:17,672
I'd be too scared
to go by myself.
111
00:04:17,741 --> 00:04:19,753
What, scared? You're
as good as they are.
112
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We're as good as anybody.
113
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Oh, that's right, Laverne.
114
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So, please go with
me. Please, please.
115
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I want to go so bad.
116
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Please. You're my best friend
117
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in the whole world.
I'd do it for you.
118
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Please! She gets excited.
119
00:04:29,602 --> 00:04:30,668
Please go with me.
120
00:04:30,737 --> 00:04:32,181
I want to go so
bad... All right!
121
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( sighs)
122
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I'll gussy up.
123
00:04:34,207 --> 00:04:35,290
Ah!
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( rock and roll intro plays)
125
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♪ I'm walking, yes,
indeed, I'm talking... ♪
126
00:04:39,263 --> 00:04:40,674
See? You drove
right off the road.
127
00:04:40,698 --> 00:04:41,630
You totaled it.
128
00:04:41,699 --> 00:04:42,631
I couldn't help it.
129
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She blew in my ear.
130
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I don't care what she did...
131
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( both talking at once)
132
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Hey, Laverne and Shirley!
133
00:04:49,139 --> 00:04:50,772
Oh, Lenny, Squiggy.
134
00:04:50,841 --> 00:04:52,541
My, what a surprise.
135
00:04:52,609 --> 00:04:55,076
Hi, fellas. We didn't see you.
136
00:04:55,145 --> 00:04:56,990
Yeah, that's okay.
137
00:04:57,014 --> 00:04:59,130
Bye. Well, see you around.
138
00:04:59,199 --> 00:05:02,200
Hey, listen, if you're not
doing anything tomorrow night,
139
00:05:02,269 --> 00:05:03,868
we got the truck... the big one.
140
00:05:03,937 --> 00:05:05,937
Yeah. There's a
great make-out picture
141
00:05:06,005 --> 00:05:09,107
playing at the
drive-in, The Robe.
142
00:05:10,477 --> 00:05:11,743
No, thank you.
143
00:05:11,811 --> 00:05:14,212
We're going to a
formal society dinner.
144
00:05:14,281 --> 00:05:16,348
Whoa, pardon me, ladies.
145
00:05:16,416 --> 00:05:19,284
Yeah. I would've worn my tuxedo,
146
00:05:19,353 --> 00:05:21,519
but my polo pony ate it.
147
00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:28,809
I cannot believe we went
through school with those guys.
148
00:05:28,878 --> 00:05:30,918
Where are we going
to find two dresses?
149
00:05:30,947 --> 00:05:33,059
I got it! I'll ask Fat
Sally, the locker lady.
150
00:05:33,083 --> 00:05:34,383
She sees everybody.
151
00:05:34,451 --> 00:05:36,479
She'll know where we
can borrow some dresses.
152
00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:39,387
I don't want to wear
Fat Sally's dress.
153
00:05:39,456 --> 00:05:42,273
We could both wear
Fat Sally's dress.
154
00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:43,925
Let's ask Lenny and Squiggy.
155
00:05:43,994 --> 00:05:45,159
They know everybody.
156
00:05:45,228 --> 00:05:47,073
Yeah, but everybody avoids them.
157
00:05:47,097 --> 00:05:49,364
It's worth a try,
Laverne. Now be nice.
158
00:05:49,433 --> 00:05:50,593
Eh...
159
00:05:51,918 --> 00:05:54,236
Oh, Squiggy? Lenny?
160
00:05:56,306 --> 00:06:00,041
Changed your mind
about The Robe?
161
00:06:00,110 --> 00:06:01,225
It's about dresses.
162
00:06:01,294 --> 00:06:03,405
I heard it was a
religious picture.
163
00:06:03,429 --> 00:06:04,796
Yeah... Egypt...
164
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:06,643
( Lenny and Squiggy
talking) at once)
165
00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:08,082
Stop it!
166
00:06:10,336 --> 00:06:11,870
Squiggy, you and I,
167
00:06:11,938 --> 00:06:14,906
we've been friends
a long time, huh?
168
00:06:14,975 --> 00:06:17,275
So?
169
00:06:17,343 --> 00:06:20,344
Well, Laverne and I
are kind of in a little jam,
170
00:06:20,413 --> 00:06:23,782
and we was wondering if
you fellas could help us out.
171
00:06:23,850 --> 00:06:27,068
Yeah, I guess I get you.
172
00:06:27,137 --> 00:06:28,720
Sorta.
173
00:06:28,789 --> 00:06:32,090
What we need is for you to
help us find some dresses...
174
00:06:32,159 --> 00:06:35,160
Some fancy dresses... You
know, like prom dresses?
175
00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:36,961
One size five, one size ten,
176
00:06:37,030 --> 00:06:39,764
that we can wear to
this fancy party tonight.
177
00:06:39,833 --> 00:06:41,766
You got to ask everyone we know.
178
00:06:41,835 --> 00:06:43,168
What's in it for us?
179
00:06:43,237 --> 00:06:44,352
A buck.
180
00:06:44,421 --> 00:06:46,532
Naw, we want
something we can divide.
181
00:06:46,556 --> 00:06:48,033
Wait a minute. You
can divide a buck.
182
00:06:48,057 --> 00:06:49,768
What are you going
to do, tear it in half?
183
00:06:49,792 --> 00:06:51,659
( both talking at once)
184
00:06:51,728 --> 00:06:53,378
Stop it!
185
00:06:55,566 --> 00:06:58,933
How about... 50 cents apiece?
186
00:06:59,002 --> 00:06:59,951
Okay, that's a deal.
187
00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:00,952
You'll get your gowns.
188
00:07:01,021 --> 00:07:02,319
Don't worry about it.
189
00:07:02,388 --> 00:07:04,299
I'll get the size five.
You get the size ten.
190
00:07:04,323 --> 00:07:05,701
What?! No, I'll
get the size ten.
191
00:07:05,725 --> 00:07:06,969
You get the size five. What?!
192
00:07:06,993 --> 00:07:08,626
( both talking at once)
193
00:07:14,534 --> 00:07:16,434
730 Hampton Street.
194
00:07:16,502 --> 00:07:18,770
Right. Thank you. We're all set.
195
00:07:18,838 --> 00:07:20,650
The cab will be here in an hour.
196
00:07:20,674 --> 00:07:22,952
He promised to have us
to the Shotz Manor by 8:00,
197
00:07:22,976 --> 00:07:24,837
and Fonzie's meeting
us there after work.
198
00:07:24,861 --> 00:07:26,990
Swell. Come on,
Laverne, let's fix your hair.
199
00:07:27,014 --> 00:07:29,480
I do not comb, tease or
spray until I get my dress.
200
00:07:29,549 --> 00:07:30,726
You'll get your dress.
201
00:07:30,750 --> 00:07:32,361
Everyone we know is
out looking for dresses.
202
00:07:32,385 --> 00:07:33,529
Somebody will come through.
203
00:07:33,553 --> 00:07:35,352
Sure, and they're
all just holding back
204
00:07:35,421 --> 00:07:37,655
till the last minute to
make it more exciting.
205
00:07:37,724 --> 00:07:39,341
Then we can get
dressed in the cab.
206
00:07:39,409 --> 00:07:42,543
Laverne, you can drag
your feet all you want to,
207
00:07:42,612 --> 00:07:44,479
but I'm going to this party,
208
00:07:44,547 --> 00:07:47,315
and I'm going to meet
some nice gentleman.
209
00:07:47,384 --> 00:07:48,766
Oh, like Tad Shotz?
210
00:07:48,835 --> 00:07:50,451
He's a conceited dork.
211
00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:52,537
No, not like Tad.
212
00:07:52,606 --> 00:07:55,156
Some other nice
society gentleman.
213
00:07:55,225 --> 00:07:56,841
A society gentleman
214
00:07:56,910 --> 00:07:59,694
would only go out with
you for one reason...
215
00:07:59,762 --> 00:08:01,997
To have a good
time, a few laughs,
216
00:08:02,065 --> 00:08:03,865
and a little vo-de-o-do-do.
217
00:08:03,933 --> 00:08:05,011
( scoffs)
218
00:08:05,035 --> 00:08:07,535
I don't vo-de-o-do-do.
219
00:08:07,603 --> 00:08:10,588
You vo-de-o-do-do.
220
00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:14,659
I don't vo-de-o-do-do.
221
00:08:14,727 --> 00:08:16,594
You vo-de-o.
222
00:08:18,931 --> 00:08:20,632
Once.
223
00:08:20,700 --> 00:08:22,578
I was going steady a whole year.
224
00:08:22,602 --> 00:08:25,036
I have a spotless reputation.
225
00:08:25,105 --> 00:08:26,388
( blows raspberry)
226
00:08:26,456 --> 00:08:29,307
Ooh! Ooh, I hate it when
you make that sound!
227
00:08:29,375 --> 00:08:31,120
You did that on the
bus the other day,
228
00:08:31,144 --> 00:08:33,762
and that poor driver pulled
over, thinking he had a flat.
229
00:08:33,830 --> 00:08:36,347
Yeah.
230
00:08:36,415 --> 00:08:38,583
You make fun of
everything, Laverne.
231
00:08:38,652 --> 00:08:42,737
Okay, say we go to this party,
and you meet this wonderful guy.
232
00:08:42,805 --> 00:08:44,939
Do you think he's
going to marry you?
233
00:08:45,008 --> 00:08:47,475
Stranger things have
been known to happen.
234
00:08:47,543 --> 00:08:49,423
And I can marry anyone I please.
235
00:08:49,479 --> 00:08:52,063
You don't please that
many people, Shirl.
236
00:08:52,132 --> 00:08:55,300
Mr. Right will come along.
237
00:08:55,369 --> 00:08:58,319
But he may not come
to this neighborhood.
238
00:08:58,388 --> 00:09:00,488
Shirl, we work in a brewery.
239
00:09:00,557 --> 00:09:02,924
We date guys
from the Pizza Bowl.
240
00:09:02,992 --> 00:09:05,026
Face it. We found our niche.
241
00:09:05,095 --> 00:09:08,813
But that doesn't necessarily
have to be our niche, Laverne.
242
00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:10,098
It's like that song.
243
00:09:10,166 --> 00:09:11,766
There's a niche song?
244
00:09:11,834 --> 00:09:15,203
No, no, that song that
Frank Sinatra sings.
245
00:09:15,272 --> 00:09:16,537
You know...
246
00:09:16,606 --> 00:09:18,784
♪ Just what makes
that little old ant ♪
247
00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:20,174
♪ Ant ♪
248
00:09:20,243 --> 00:09:22,222
♪ Think he can move
that rubber tree plant? ♪
249
00:09:22,246 --> 00:09:23,378
♪ Plant ♪
250
00:09:23,447 --> 00:09:24,557
♪ Anyone knows ♪
♪ Knows ♪
251
00:09:24,581 --> 00:09:25,658
♪ An ant ♪
♪ Ant ♪
252
00:09:25,682 --> 00:09:27,126
♪ Can't ♪
♪ Can't ♪
253
00:09:27,150 --> 00:09:28,494
♪ Move a rubber tree
plant ♪ ♪ Plant ♪
254
00:09:28,518 --> 00:09:29,962
♪ But he's got... ♪
What, Laverne?
255
00:09:29,986 --> 00:09:32,086
A hernia!
256
00:09:35,675 --> 00:09:37,008
No!
257
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:39,711
He's got high hopes,
and I've got them, too.
258
00:09:39,779 --> 00:09:42,897
And there is no reason on
earth why Prince Charming
259
00:09:42,966 --> 00:09:45,111
cannot walk through
our front door.
260
00:09:45,135 --> 00:09:46,667
Hello.
261
00:09:48,372 --> 00:09:49,949
All right, come on
down. They're here.
262
00:09:49,973 --> 00:09:51,439
We got your dresses.
263
00:09:51,508 --> 00:09:53,602
Oh! Oh, I knew it. I
knew you'd come through!
264
00:09:53,626 --> 00:09:54,692
Yeah, sure.
265
00:09:54,761 --> 00:09:56,305
All right, just
one thing, Shirl.
266
00:09:56,329 --> 00:09:58,274
Shirl, we can only
rent them to you
267
00:09:58,298 --> 00:10:00,076
on account of my
uncle needs them
268
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:02,340
back at the wax
museum by Monday.
269
00:10:03,954 --> 00:10:05,720
Okay, how much to rent?
270
00:10:05,789 --> 00:10:08,255
Well, uh... we had
to take them off
271
00:10:08,324 --> 00:10:10,525
of Ann Blyth and Donna Reed.
272
00:10:10,594 --> 00:10:12,672
Not the real ones...
The wax dummies.
273
00:10:12,696 --> 00:10:13,840
Mm-hmm.
274
00:10:13,864 --> 00:10:15,341
I got that, Lenny. Oh.
275
00:10:15,365 --> 00:10:17,415
How much, Squiggy?
276
00:10:17,483 --> 00:10:20,251
Well, why don't we
say, for you, five...
277
00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:21,320
Hey!
278
00:10:21,354 --> 00:10:22,520
15 dollars.
279
00:10:22,588 --> 00:10:23,966
All right. You
got it. It's a deal.
280
00:10:23,990 --> 00:10:25,534
( squealing) Here's
ten, here's five.
281
00:10:25,558 --> 00:10:27,325
Now get out of here.
We got to try these on.
282
00:10:27,394 --> 00:10:28,326
All right, now remember.
283
00:10:28,395 --> 00:10:30,028
Get them back to me by Monday,
284
00:10:30,096 --> 00:10:32,863
because, uh, nobody
likes to look at naked wax.
285
00:10:39,005 --> 00:10:41,605
( soft piano music playing)
286
00:10:48,765 --> 00:10:55,070
Miss Shirley Feeney and
Miss Laverne DeFazio.
287
00:11:01,744 --> 00:11:03,094
( whispers): No.
288
00:11:05,098 --> 00:11:06,998
Do we tip this guy?
289
00:11:07,066 --> 00:11:08,166
On the way out.
290
00:11:08,234 --> 00:11:09,633
You'll get it later.
291
00:11:11,521 --> 00:11:13,154
Do you see Tad?
292
00:11:13,223 --> 00:11:14,788
No.
293
00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:18,746
Those two people
are staring at us.
294
00:11:18,811 --> 00:11:21,545
They're just admiring
our lovely dresses.
295
00:11:21,614 --> 00:11:22,680
Hello.
296
00:11:22,748 --> 00:11:23,681
Hello.
297
00:11:23,749 --> 00:11:24,682
Hello.
298
00:11:24,750 --> 00:11:26,184
Hello.
299
00:11:26,252 --> 00:11:28,297
We're second
cousins to the Shotzes.
300
00:11:28,321 --> 00:11:29,654
Oh.
301
00:11:29,722 --> 00:11:32,990
I'm Marshall Stewart of
the Palm Beach Stewarts.
302
00:11:33,059 --> 00:11:37,261
My wife, Vivian, formerly
Vivian Bruin of the Boston Bruins.
303
00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:45,553
I'm Laverne DeFazio of
the Milwaukee DeFazios,
304
00:11:45,622 --> 00:11:48,473
formerly of the
Brooklyn DeFazios.
305
00:11:48,542 --> 00:11:50,257
And I'm Shirley Feeney
of the Michael J...
306
00:11:50,326 --> 00:11:52,504
VIVIAN: Oh, those are
lovely dresses you're wearing.
307
00:11:52,528 --> 00:11:53,461
Thanks. Oh, thank you.
308
00:11:53,529 --> 00:11:54,607
Uh, Marshall,
309
00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:56,047
I'd like to speak
to you a moment.
310
00:11:56,115 --> 00:11:58,198
What is it, pumpkin?
311
00:11:58,267 --> 00:11:59,918
What was all that about?
312
00:11:59,986 --> 00:12:02,453
That lady's cruising
for a bruising.
313
00:12:02,522 --> 00:12:04,072
SHIRLEY: Oh, stop it...
314
00:12:04,140 --> 00:12:05,420
Uh, here's Nana, everyone.
315
00:12:05,475 --> 00:12:06,624
Ooh, there's Tad.
316
00:12:06,692 --> 00:12:07,836
Hi, Tad. Hi!
317
00:12:07,860 --> 00:12:08,871
Hi, how are you?
318
00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:10,139
Nana, here's the two girls
319
00:12:10,163 --> 00:12:11,791
from the brewery I
was telling you about.
320
00:12:11,815 --> 00:12:13,080
Hello. Hi.
321
00:12:13,149 --> 00:12:15,215
My, those are lovely dresses.
322
00:12:15,284 --> 00:12:16,924
Thanks. Oh, why, thank you.
323
00:12:16,953 --> 00:12:19,620
Remind me to tell Max
he's overpaying the laborers.
324
00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:22,318
Uh, Laverne,
where's your beau...
325
00:12:22,342 --> 00:12:23,618
That Fonzarelli character?
326
00:12:23,642 --> 00:12:25,454
Oh, he had to work
late at the garage,
327
00:12:25,478 --> 00:12:27,778
but he said he'd get
here in time for the eats.
328
00:12:27,847 --> 00:12:29,347
Oh, that's nice.
329
00:12:29,415 --> 00:12:31,727
Now, why don't you go over
and look at the statue of Nana,
330
00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:33,795
because I really must
mingle with the real guests.
331
00:12:33,819 --> 00:12:35,353
Look at this!
332
00:12:35,421 --> 00:12:37,822
An indoor statue.
333
00:12:37,891 --> 00:12:40,658
It's the first one I ever saw
334
00:12:40,727 --> 00:12:43,094
of a person still living.
335
00:12:43,162 --> 00:12:45,362
Ooh, look at this
chair, Laverne.
336
00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:47,899
Oh, the arms are
little lion's paws.
337
00:12:47,967 --> 00:12:50,001
I can't believe it. ( crackling)
338
00:12:50,070 --> 00:12:53,637
Oh, Laverne, you
got to sit in this chair.
339
00:12:53,707 --> 00:12:56,874
Really, it's just so nice
and so comfortable,
340
00:12:56,943 --> 00:12:59,994
and so pretty...
Oh, I'm... what?
341
00:13:00,062 --> 00:13:02,563
What? What?
342
00:13:02,632 --> 00:13:03,564
( shrieks)
343
00:13:03,633 --> 00:13:05,032
Shh!
344
00:13:05,101 --> 00:13:06,701
It's not mine, it's Nana's.
345
00:13:06,769 --> 00:13:07,835
( shrieks)
346
00:13:07,904 --> 00:13:10,237
Shh... From the statue.
347
00:13:10,306 --> 00:13:12,106
The statue? Oh, no, Laverne.
348
00:13:12,174 --> 00:13:13,240
Put it back.
349
00:13:13,309 --> 00:13:15,590
I tried. It won't stick.
350
00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:19,514
Dinner is served.
351
00:13:19,582 --> 00:13:20,615
Did you hear that?
352
00:13:20,683 --> 00:13:22,850
"Dinner is served."
353
00:13:22,918 --> 00:13:23,929
Of course I heard it.
354
00:13:23,953 --> 00:13:26,220
I got three ears, don't I?
355
00:13:33,496 --> 00:13:35,579
Don't look now, but
Mr. and Mrs. Snoop-face
356
00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:37,765
are staring at us again.
357
00:13:38,934 --> 00:13:41,454
Let them. We're doing just fine.
358
00:13:42,672 --> 00:13:44,205
I'm sorry, Master Tad.
359
00:13:44,273 --> 00:13:46,874
This gentleman made me say this.
360
00:13:46,943 --> 00:13:49,977
Ladies and gentleman, The Fonz.
361
00:14:00,256 --> 00:14:01,872
Your coat?
362
00:14:01,941 --> 00:14:03,474
That's right. It's my coat.
363
00:14:03,542 --> 00:14:04,775
Are those your pants?
364
00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:06,177
Who is this guy?
365
00:14:06,245 --> 00:14:07,411
Come here, Fonz.
366
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:08,646
Hey, how you doing, huh?
367
00:14:08,714 --> 00:14:10,181
Oh, don't get up, don't get up.
368
00:14:10,250 --> 00:14:11,883
You're going to spill your food.
369
00:14:11,951 --> 00:14:13,017
Knock yourselves out.
370
00:14:13,085 --> 00:14:15,019
Um, Arthur Fonzarelli,
371
00:14:15,088 --> 00:14:17,855
this is our hostess, Nana Shotz.
372
00:14:17,923 --> 00:14:19,924
Our hostess Nana Shotz, huh?
373
00:14:19,993 --> 00:14:21,426
Life begins at 80, huh, Nana?
374
00:14:21,494 --> 00:14:23,661
Whoa!
375
00:14:23,729 --> 00:14:26,630
SHIRLEY: This is Tad Shotz.
376
00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:27,581
Hey, how you doing, Tad?
377
00:14:27,650 --> 00:14:28,465
How do you do, Arthur?
378
00:14:28,534 --> 00:14:29,600
Oh, listen everybody,
379
00:14:29,669 --> 00:14:30,901
I'm real sorry that I'm late,
380
00:14:30,970 --> 00:14:33,588
but it was my night to
close up the garage, dig?
381
00:14:35,258 --> 00:14:37,186
Well, perhaps you'd like to, um,
382
00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:38,542
wash your hands.
383
00:14:38,611 --> 00:14:41,078
No, I washed my hands
down at the garage, okay?
384
00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:44,543
Hey, listen, Tad-o,
I'd love to use
385
00:14:44,567 --> 00:14:46,445
your john for another reason,
386
00:14:46,469 --> 00:14:48,013
if you receive my drift.
387
00:14:48,037 --> 00:14:49,932
TAD: Yes, certainly.
388
00:14:49,956 --> 00:14:50,888
Certainly, Arthur.
389
00:14:50,957 --> 00:14:52,556
Uh, Gerald, would you show
390
00:14:52,625 --> 00:14:54,475
Mr. Fonzarelli the facilities?
391
00:14:54,544 --> 00:14:55,609
Facilities.
392
00:14:55,678 --> 00:14:57,412
( laughs)
393
00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:58,524
This way, sir.
394
00:14:58,548 --> 00:15:01,399
You're still after my coat, huh?
395
00:15:01,467 --> 00:15:03,667
Don't look now,
but Miss Snoop-face
396
00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:05,503
is now staring at our backs.
397
00:15:05,571 --> 00:15:08,089
She's just curious about us.
398
00:15:08,158 --> 00:15:09,969
She's going to grab you, Shirl.
399
00:15:09,993 --> 00:15:12,760
( whimpers)
400
00:15:12,829 --> 00:15:14,211
Let go of her dress.
401
00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:16,597
These are my daughters' dresses.
402
00:15:16,666 --> 00:15:20,418
Ann Blyth and Donna
Reed are your daughters?
403
00:15:20,486 --> 00:15:23,021
These are my Allegra
and Binky's dresses.
404
00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:25,473
They were stolen
from our apartment.
405
00:15:35,451 --> 00:15:37,346
We didn't steal these dresses.
406
00:15:37,370 --> 00:15:38,870
We rented them.
407
00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:40,883
I can't stand this
unpleasantness.
408
00:15:40,907 --> 00:15:42,301
Take me to my room, Tad.
409
00:15:42,325 --> 00:15:44,858
If you call the police,
tell them no sirens.
410
00:15:44,927 --> 00:15:46,738
It reminds me of the war.
411
00:15:46,762 --> 00:15:49,897
Marshall, I think we
should call the police.
412
00:15:49,966 --> 00:15:51,643
Oh, no. Please
don't call the police.
413
00:15:51,667 --> 00:15:53,851
( all talking at once)
414
00:15:56,439 --> 00:15:58,039
( clinking glass)
415
00:15:58,107 --> 00:16:00,141
Hold it. Hold it.
416
00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:01,475
I leave the room for a minute,
417
00:16:01,544 --> 00:16:03,089
it looks like you're
rumbling here.
418
00:16:03,113 --> 00:16:05,441
MARSHALL: Your
friends happen to be
419
00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:06,875
wearing stolen gowns.
420
00:16:06,899 --> 00:16:08,149
They're my daughters'.
421
00:16:08,217 --> 00:16:09,817
Hey, my friends don't steal.
422
00:16:09,885 --> 00:16:12,320
There is a good
explanation for this, huh?
423
00:16:12,388 --> 00:16:13,554
Now, come here, girls.
424
00:16:13,622 --> 00:16:15,589
Now, where did you
get these dresses?
425
00:16:15,658 --> 00:16:16,890
We rented them.
426
00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:18,025
All right, you hear that?
427
00:16:18,094 --> 00:16:19,827
They rented them.
You rented them?
428
00:16:19,895 --> 00:16:24,198
Yeah. Squiggy said he got them
from his uncle's wax museum.
429
00:16:24,267 --> 00:16:25,677
Girls, you are in big trouble.
430
00:16:25,701 --> 00:16:28,302
Oh, we didn't know those
finks stole them, honest.
431
00:16:28,371 --> 00:16:29,303
Oh, we're very sorry.
432
00:16:29,372 --> 00:16:31,005
Uh, we'll return the dresses.
433
00:16:31,074 --> 00:16:32,184
From behind bars.
434
00:16:32,208 --> 00:16:33,141
Call the police, Marshall.
435
00:16:33,209 --> 00:16:35,176
( talking at once)
436
00:16:35,245 --> 00:16:37,444
Time out! Hold it.
437
00:16:37,513 --> 00:16:39,947
Now, dig this.
438
00:16:40,016 --> 00:16:42,399
Maybe these dresses are hot,
439
00:16:42,468 --> 00:16:44,602
but these girls rented
them in good faith.
440
00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:46,086
They are nice girls.
441
00:16:46,155 --> 00:16:48,016
They dressed up
because they were excited
442
00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:49,240
about coming to your party.
443
00:16:49,309 --> 00:16:50,386
They dressed up for you.
444
00:16:50,410 --> 00:16:51,609
Now, you got to remember,
445
00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:53,838
they don't have nice
clothes like you and me.
446
00:16:57,383 --> 00:16:59,061
So everything is
settled here, right?
447
00:16:59,085 --> 00:17:00,896
Tomorrow they're going
to return the dresses,
448
00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:02,497
you're going to sit
down, and listen,
449
00:17:02,521 --> 00:17:04,850
let's not carry on in front of
the help. It don't look good.
450
00:17:04,874 --> 00:17:07,958
Now, just plant yourselves, huh?
451
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:10,038
Very well. I won't
call the police.
452
00:17:10,062 --> 00:17:11,940
There's no point
in making an issue.
453
00:17:11,964 --> 00:17:13,564
Thank you, Fonz. Thanks, Fonz.
454
00:17:13,632 --> 00:17:15,299
I'm sure glad you were here.
455
00:17:15,367 --> 00:17:18,819
Try not to get any spots
on the stolen dresses.
456
00:17:18,888 --> 00:17:20,404
Don't worry, lady,
we'll take them
457
00:17:20,473 --> 00:17:22,740
to the cleaners before
we bring them back to you.
458
00:17:22,809 --> 00:17:25,960
Have them dry cleaned,
not the Laundromat.
459
00:17:26,029 --> 00:17:27,722
The dresses are ruined.
460
00:17:27,746 --> 00:17:30,147
They'll have a permanent slouch.
461
00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:31,565
It just galls me
462
00:17:31,634 --> 00:17:33,568
to see Allegra and
Binky's dresses
463
00:17:33,636 --> 00:17:36,003
on those two... people.
464
00:17:36,072 --> 00:17:37,354
People, huh?
465
00:17:37,423 --> 00:17:38,423
That's it.
466
00:17:38,491 --> 00:17:39,757
I'll show you people.
467
00:17:39,826 --> 00:17:41,158
Come on, Shirl.
468
00:17:41,227 --> 00:17:42,605
You know, lady, I got more class
469
00:17:42,629 --> 00:17:45,830
in my little pinky than you
have in your whole thumb.
470
00:17:45,899 --> 00:17:47,114
Follow me.
471
00:17:54,139 --> 00:17:56,140
Our coats, please.
472
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:02,747
Here's my dress.
473
00:18:02,815 --> 00:18:05,832
Thank Binky or Allegra for me.
474
00:18:05,901 --> 00:18:07,861
I just want to say I
came here tonight
475
00:18:07,887 --> 00:18:09,987
because my friend
wanted to see the inside
476
00:18:10,056 --> 00:18:11,767
of one of these
beautiful houses.
477
00:18:11,791 --> 00:18:13,424
Well, believe me,
478
00:18:13,493 --> 00:18:15,893
they look a lot friendlier
from the outside.
479
00:18:15,962 --> 00:18:18,863
We were treated better
by the attack dogs.
480
00:18:18,932 --> 00:18:20,531
Young lady, it's impossible
481
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,700
to take you
seriously in your slip.
482
00:18:22,769 --> 00:18:23,846
Oh, yeah?
483
00:18:23,870 --> 00:18:26,350
Slip through this, huh?
484
00:18:29,992 --> 00:18:32,121
Where is the other dress?
485
00:18:32,145 --> 00:18:33,460
Pull it out, Shirl!
486
00:18:37,449 --> 00:18:39,394
Sorry, here's your dress.
487
00:18:39,418 --> 00:18:40,517
Well, I never.
488
00:18:40,586 --> 00:18:42,553
It shows, honey.
489
00:18:45,308 --> 00:18:47,007
You're making me
wait out here by myself...
490
00:18:47,076 --> 00:18:48,186
I'm sorry.
491
00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:49,521
Come on, Fonz. We're going home.
492
00:18:49,545 --> 00:18:51,123
Yeah, let me just
finish my soup, all right?
493
00:18:51,147 --> 00:18:53,647
LAVERNE: Come on, Shirl.
494
00:18:53,715 --> 00:18:55,728
Uh, I'd just like to apologize
495
00:18:55,752 --> 00:18:57,863
for the little misunderstanding,
496
00:18:57,887 --> 00:19:01,289
and say what a pleasure
it is to meet you all
497
00:19:01,357 --> 00:19:04,291
and... let's do it
again sometime.
498
00:19:08,030 --> 00:19:10,330
My God.
499
00:19:10,399 --> 00:19:11,743
What is it, Marshall?
500
00:19:11,767 --> 00:19:14,701
There's an ear in my cup.
501
00:19:22,044 --> 00:19:23,455
SHIRLEY: Come on, Laverne.
502
00:19:23,479 --> 00:19:25,679
You haven't spoken a
word all the way home.
503
00:19:28,284 --> 00:19:30,985
Aren't you going to
say anything at all?
504
00:19:33,322 --> 00:19:35,567
I mean, we didn't
stay at the party
505
00:19:35,591 --> 00:19:38,137
long enough to meet
any nice gentleman,
506
00:19:38,161 --> 00:19:40,641
but we did all right otherwise.
507
00:19:42,198 --> 00:19:44,765
All in all, it wasn't
such a bad evening.
508
00:19:44,834 --> 00:19:46,399
What?
509
00:19:47,403 --> 00:19:49,403
What did you just say?
510
00:19:49,472 --> 00:19:52,773
Shirl, it was a bad evening.
511
00:19:52,842 --> 00:19:55,342
The next one will be better.
512
00:19:57,030 --> 00:20:01,682
Shirl, I let you talk me
into this whole night, right?
513
00:20:01,750 --> 00:20:04,051
Well, at least learn
something from it.
514
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:06,586
First of all, your
hopes are too high.
515
00:20:06,655 --> 00:20:09,589
An ant can't move
a rubber tree plant.
516
00:20:09,658 --> 00:20:10,991
And, second of all,
517
00:20:11,060 --> 00:20:13,194
Santa Claus is not
going to "Ho, ho, ho"
518
00:20:13,262 --> 00:20:14,528
down our chimney
519
00:20:14,596 --> 00:20:16,430
and give you a
gentleman as a present.
520
00:20:16,498 --> 00:20:19,099
Get it? Got it. Good!
521
00:20:21,637 --> 00:20:23,604
Are you finished now?
522
00:20:23,673 --> 00:20:25,872
Are you through shouting at me?
523
00:20:25,941 --> 00:20:28,509
Because, if you are,
524
00:20:28,578 --> 00:20:30,922
I would like to speak
for a moment here!
525
00:20:30,946 --> 00:20:34,948
Oh, Laverne, tsk, tsk, tsk.
526
00:20:35,018 --> 00:20:38,386
You are a Gloomy Gus.
527
00:20:38,454 --> 00:20:40,299
Of course you're
never going to meet
528
00:20:40,323 --> 00:20:41,633
a high society gentleman.
529
00:20:41,657 --> 00:20:43,735
What's he going to
do, walk up to you
530
00:20:43,759 --> 00:20:45,104
and say, "Hello, Laverne.
531
00:20:45,128 --> 00:20:46,938
Care to go to the
opera, my dear?"
532
00:20:46,962 --> 00:20:49,663
And you'll go... (
blows raspberry)
533
00:20:49,732 --> 00:20:52,066
I never saw you do
that. You do that good.
534
00:20:52,135 --> 00:20:53,375
( laughs):
535
00:20:53,403 --> 00:20:54,880
You see? There you are.
536
00:20:54,904 --> 00:20:56,715
You make fun of everything.
537
00:20:56,739 --> 00:20:59,823
My plans may not
always turn out perfect,
538
00:20:59,892 --> 00:21:02,826
but I try to get us to
go places, do things,
539
00:21:02,895 --> 00:21:05,462
be somebody, and all
you ever do is knock it.
540
00:21:05,531 --> 00:21:08,299
Laverne DeFazio,
you are very negative.
541
00:21:08,367 --> 00:21:10,746
You knock everything,
you're sarcastic,
542
00:21:10,770 --> 00:21:12,781
and you yell much too loud.
543
00:21:12,805 --> 00:21:14,683
And, if Santa Claus
doesn't want to visit here,
544
00:21:14,707 --> 00:21:17,074
it's because he's afraid of you!
545
00:21:19,278 --> 00:21:21,345
Santa's not afraid of me.
546
00:21:23,365 --> 00:21:26,099
I never said I
was a saint, Shirl.
547
00:21:26,168 --> 00:21:29,303
I mean, we grew up together.
548
00:21:29,371 --> 00:21:31,154
We went to school together.
549
00:21:31,223 --> 00:21:33,741
We took gym class together.
550
00:21:33,809 --> 00:21:36,377
You get to know a person.
551
00:21:36,445 --> 00:21:38,579
You knew what I was like,
552
00:21:38,648 --> 00:21:41,899
and I never dreamed...
I never dreamed
553
00:21:41,967 --> 00:21:45,703
I would hear such words
coming out of the girl's mouth
554
00:21:45,771 --> 00:21:49,940
who wrote this in my
high school yearbook.
555
00:21:54,430 --> 00:21:58,966
"To Laverne," If in
heaven we don't meet,
556
00:21:59,034 --> 00:22:02,035
"hand in hand,
we'll bear the heat.
557
00:22:02,104 --> 00:22:05,505
"And if it ever gets too hot,
558
00:22:05,574 --> 00:22:09,042
Pepsi-Cola hits the spot."
559
00:22:13,215 --> 00:22:16,350
Now, that's a beautiful
sentiment, Shirl.
560
00:22:16,418 --> 00:22:18,769
Too bad you didn't mean it.
561
00:22:22,691 --> 00:22:24,658
Aw, gee, Laverne.
562
00:22:24,726 --> 00:22:26,610
I meant it.
563
00:22:26,678 --> 00:22:28,012
I'm sorry.
564
00:22:28,081 --> 00:22:30,559
You and I were good friends.
565
00:22:30,583 --> 00:22:32,627
If I want to have my dreams,
566
00:22:32,651 --> 00:22:34,730
you should let me have them.
567
00:22:34,754 --> 00:22:37,265
You shouldn't want
to tear them down.
568
00:22:37,289 --> 00:22:39,434
Silly as they may be sometimes.
569
00:22:39,458 --> 00:22:41,778
I dream for you, too.
570
00:22:54,874 --> 00:22:58,042
All right, you have your dreams,
571
00:22:58,111 --> 00:22:59,910
and I'll try not to
make fun of them.
572
00:22:59,979 --> 00:23:01,795
But it won't be easy.
573
00:23:01,864 --> 00:23:03,341
Thank you very much.
574
00:23:03,365 --> 00:23:05,432
You're welcome very much.
575
00:23:07,703 --> 00:23:12,339
♪ Just what makes
that little old ant ♪
576
00:23:12,408 --> 00:23:17,144
♪ Think he can move
that rubber tree plant ♪
577
00:23:17,212 --> 00:23:21,181
♪ Anyone knows an ant can't ♪
578
00:23:21,250 --> 00:23:23,611
♪ Move a rubber tree plant ♪
579
00:23:23,635 --> 00:23:24,746
♪ 'Cause he's got... ♪
580
00:23:24,770 --> 00:23:26,203
What, Laverne?
581
00:23:26,272 --> 00:23:27,204
High hopes.
582
00:23:27,273 --> 00:23:28,205
Louder.
583
00:23:28,274 --> 00:23:29,274
High hopes.
584
00:23:29,308 --> 00:23:30,585
That's right.
585
00:23:30,609 --> 00:23:33,210
♪ He's got high hopes ♪
586
00:23:33,279 --> 00:23:34,811
♪ He's got ♪
587
00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:40,584
BOTH: ♪ High apple
pie in the sky hopes ♪
588
00:23:40,653 --> 00:23:43,470
♪ So any time
you're feeling low ♪
589
00:23:43,539 --> 00:23:45,239
♪ Instead of letting go ♪
590
00:23:45,308 --> 00:23:48,475
♪ Just remember that ant... ♪
591
00:23:58,470 --> 00:23:59,631
I'm Laverne DeFazio.
592
00:23:59,655 --> 00:24:00,832
I'm Shirley Feeney.
593
00:24:00,856 --> 00:24:02,756
Right. Now them, me and the cake
594
00:24:02,825 --> 00:24:04,357
all go to a bachelor party
595
00:24:04,426 --> 00:24:06,359
on the Laverne & Shirley show.
596
00:24:06,428 --> 00:24:08,411
This is going to be
one smutty affair.
597
00:24:08,481 --> 00:24:10,542
Whatever they do,
we'll just ignore it.
598
00:24:10,566 --> 00:24:11,793
And who knows?
599
00:24:11,817 --> 00:24:14,284
You may even be
pleasantly surprised.
600
00:24:14,353 --> 00:24:16,870
( whooping, cheering)
601
00:24:16,939 --> 00:24:18,154
Dee Dee was the chick
602
00:24:18,223 --> 00:24:20,068
that was going to
come out of this cake.
603
00:24:20,092 --> 00:24:21,292
What happened to her?
604
00:24:21,360 --> 00:24:25,345
She broke her arm
climbing out of a pie.
605
00:24:25,414 --> 00:24:28,399
Next week on Laverne & Shirley.
606
00:24:30,035 --> 00:24:34,054
( theme music plays)
607
00:24:34,122 --> 00:24:35,555
♪ We're gonna do it ♪
608
00:24:35,624 --> 00:24:38,392
♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪
609
00:24:38,461 --> 00:24:41,061
♪ Got a dream, and
we just know now ♪
610
00:24:41,129 --> 00:24:45,432
♪ We're gonna make
that dream come true ♪
611
00:24:45,501 --> 00:24:49,836
♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪
612
00:24:49,905 --> 00:24:55,008
♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪
613
00:24:55,077 --> 00:24:59,830
♪ For me and you. ♪