-==http://www.1000fr.com==- 謦灵风软影视论坛荣誉出品 本字幕仅供学习交流，严禁用于商业用途
-=风软FRM字幕组=- 翻译: 絮絮 校对: 梅斯云度
主演: 罗温·阿特金森 --- 黑爵士上尉 休·劳瑞 --- 乔治中尉 托尼·罗宾逊 --- 二等兵包里克 史蒂芬·弗莱 --- 梅棋将军 提姆·麦克纳尼 --- 宝贝儿上尉
编剧: 理查德·柯蒂斯 本·埃尔顿
黑爵士 第4季第1集 黑爵士大导演
You a bit cheesed off, sir?
有人动了你的奶酪吗
George, the day this war began
乔治 打从战争开始
I was cheesed off.
我就一直郁闷
Within ten minutes of you turning up,
你出现后不到10分钟
I finished the cheese
我已经吃完了奶酪
and moved on to the coffee and cigars.
开始享受咖啡和雪茄了
And at this late stage,
到了现在这个时候
I'm in a cab with two lady companions
我已经和两位女伴坐在出租车里
on my way to the Pink Pussycat in Lower Regency.
要去摄政街的粉猫咪夜总会
Oh, because if you are cheesed off,
长官 要是你真的郁闷
you know what would cheer you up?
知道什么能让你开心起来吗
And that's a Charlie Chaplin film.
卓别林的电影
Oh, I love old Chappers,
啊 我真喜欢卓别林
don't you, Cap?
你呢 上尉
Unfortunately, no, I don't.
很遗憾 我不喜欢
I find his films about as funny
看他的电影
as getting an arrow through the neck
就像颈部中箭
and then discovering there's a gas bill tied to it.
接着再看到箭上绑着煤气账单
Ah, beg pardon, sir, but come off!
我说长官 你这话太过了
His films are ball-bouncingly funny.
他的电影真是滑稽死了
Rubbish!
胡说
All right, let's consult the men for a casting vote.
好吧 那咱们让士兵们投票决定
- Baldrick? - Sir!
- 包里克 - 长官
Charlie Chaplin, Baldrick. What do you make of him?
包里克 你喜欢卓别林吗
Oh sir, he's as funny as a vegetable
哦 长官 他就像一个长得
that's grown into a rude and amusing shape, sir.
奇形怪状的蔬菜一样滑稽
So you agree with me.
这么说你跟我一样
Not at all funny.
一点也不觉得他滑稽
Oh come on, Skipper, play fair.
上尉 不要不讲理
In that last film of his,
在他最新的电影里
when he kicked that fellow in the backside,
他踢那个家伙屁股的时候
I thought I'd die!
我简直都快笑死了
Well, if that's your idea of comedy,
哦 要是你喜欢那种东西
we can provide our own without expending
我们不用花一分钱
a ha'penny for the privilege.
就可以让你笑个够
There, did you find that funny?
看见了 你觉得这样滑稽吗
Well, no of course not, sir,
当然不滑稽
but you see, Chaplin is a genius.
不过卓别林是个天才
He certainly is a genius, George.
他当然是个天才 乔治
He invented a way of getting paid
他发明了能让自己
a million dollars a year
因为穿了一条傻裤子
for wearing a pair of stupid trousers.
就每年能赚百万美元的方法
Did you find that funny, Baldrick?
你觉得刚才那幕滑稽吗 包里克
What funny, sir?
什么滑稽 长官
That funny.
这个滑稽
No sir, and you mustn't do that to me sir,
不滑稽 长官 再说你不能这样对待我
because that is a bourgeois act of repression, sir.
因为这是资产阶级压迫行为
What?
什么
Haven't you smelt it sir?
你还没有闻到吗 长官
There's something afoot in the wind.
空气中有什么东西在蔓延
The huddled masses yearning to be free.
蜷缩的大众渴望得到自由
Baldrick, have you been to the diesel oil again?
包里克 你是不是又去闻柴油了
No, sir, I've been supping the milk of freedom.
不是 长官 我是吸吮到了自由的乳汁
Already our Russian comrades
我们的俄罗斯同志们
are poised on the brink of revolution.
已经做好发动革命的准备
And here too, sir,
这里也是一样 长官
the huddled what's-names, such as myself, sir,
像我这样蜷缩着那个啥
are ready to throw off the hated oppressors
也准备推翻我们所痛恨的压迫者
like you and the lieutenant.
就比如你和中尉
Present company excepted, sir.
我说的不是你们俩 长官
Go and clean out the latrines.
去洗小便池
Yes sir, right away, sir.
是 长官 我这就去
Now, the reason why Chaplin is so funny
卓别林之所以滑稽
is because he's part of
是因为他的来自
the great British music hall tradition.
了不起的英国综艺表演
Oh yes, the great British music hall tradition.
哦 对 了不起的英国综艺表演
Two men with incredibly unconvincing cockney accents,
两个操着假假的伦敦口音的家伙
going, "What's up with you, then?"
说"你怎么了"
What's up with me, then?
我怎么了
Yeah, what's up with you, then?
对啊 你怎么了
I'll tell you what's up with me...
我跟你说说我怎么了
我怎么了 我生气着呢
I'm right round off, that's what's up with me.
生气呢 对
Get on with it!!!
干脆点
Now, sir, that was funny!
长官 你真是滑稽
You should go on the boards yourself!
你也应该上台演出
Thank you, George, but if you don't mind,
多谢夸奖了乔治 不过
I'd rather have my tongue beaten wafer-thin
我宁愿被人用砸肉的木槌
by a steak tenderizer
把我的舌头砸成纸片那么薄
and then stapled to the floor
再把舌头用槌球的圈钉在地上
with a croquet hoop.
Sir, sir, it's all over the trenches!
长官 长官 大伙都知道了
Well, mop it up then.
那就快点清理干净吧
No, sir, the news!
不是 我说的是新闻
The Russian Revolution has started.
俄国革命开始了
The masses have risen up and shuttled their nobs!
大众终于翻身作主人了
Well, hurrah!
太好了
Oh, no, the bloody Russians have pulled out of the war.
惨了 该死的俄国人退出战争了
Well, we soon saw them off, didn't we sir?
他们这下知道我们的厉害了吧 长官
Miserable slant-eyed,
那些吃香肠的斜眼猪
sausage-eating swine.
The Russians are on "our" side, George.
俄国人跟咱们是一伙的 乔治
Are they?
是吗
And they've abandoned the eastern front.
他们放弃了东部战线
And they've overthrown Nicholas II
他们还推翻了尼古拉斯二世
who used to be bizarre.
那个傻王
Who used to be "the" czar, Baldrick.
是沙皇 包里克
The point is that now the Russians
问题是 现在俄国人
have made peace with the Kaiser,
和德国停战了
at this very moment,
目前
over three quarters of a million Germans
超过75万德军
are leaving the Russian front
正离开俄国战场
and coming over here with the express purpose
向这边开进 他们的目的
of using my nipples for target practice.
就是用我的乳头做打靶演习的目标
There's only one thing for it,
只能一个出路了
I'm going to have to desert,
我只能当逃兵了
and I'm going to do it right now.
现在就走
Are you leaving us, Blackadder?
要离开我们吗 黑爵士
No, sir.
不是 长官
Well, I'm relieved to hear it, because I need you
那我就放心了 因为我待会儿
to help me shoot some deserters later on.
还想让你帮我枪毙几个逃兵呢
There have been subversive mutterings
有些士兵在嘀咕颠覆性的言论
amongst the men.
You'll recall the French army last year at Verdun
你还记得去年在凡尔登吧
where the top echelons suffered
法国军队的军官们
from horrendous uprisings from the bottom.
受到底层起义的严重打击
Yes sir, but surely that was traced
是 长官 不过起因据说
to a shipment of garlic eclairs.
是一批蒜味奶油蛋糕条
Nonsense, Blackadder!
你胡说什么呢 黑爵士
It was bolshiness... plain bolshiness!
是反逆 纯粹的反逆
And now that the Ruskies have followed suit,
现在俄国佬也这么干了
I'm damned if I'm gonna let the same thing happen here.
我死也不会放任这种事情在这里发生
Oh, and what are you going to do about it, sir?
哦 那你想怎么做 长官
We're going to have a concert party
我们来开个音乐会
to boost the men's morale.
鼓舞一下士气
A concert party. Well, hurrah!
音乐会 真太好了
You fancy an evening at a concert party, Blackadder?
你也喜欢音乐会吧 黑爵士
Well, frankly sir, I'd rather spend an evening
说实话 长官 我晚上宁愿
on top of a stepladder in No-Man's Land
在无人地带站在梯子上
smoking endless cigarettes
一根接一根地抽烟
through a luminous balaclava.
还要戴着能发光的面罩
Yes, I didn't think it would be quite your cup of tea.
是啊 我想你也不太喜欢这种东西
But I do need someone
不过我确实需要人
to help me organize it, you know.
帮我组织一下
Obviously not a tough, grizzled soldier like yourself,
当然不是像你这样宁愿血战沙场的军人
but some kind of damp-eyed nancy-boy
我需要一个娘娘腔的小子
who'd be prepared to spend
那样的人才不介意
the rest of the war in the London Palladium.
在伦敦大剧院工作到战争结束
The show's going to the London Palladium, sir?
演出要在伦敦大剧院上演吗
Oh, yes, of course.
那是当然
It's no good crushing a revolution over here
要不咱们在这里镇压了革命
only to get back home to Blighty
回到英国反而看到
and find that everyone's wearing overalls
人人都穿着工装裤
and breaking wind in the palaces of the mighty.
在豪门大院里面到处放屁
Good point, sir.
很有道理 长官
Now, the thing is, Blackadder,
黑爵士 问题是
finding a man to organize a concert party
要找到一个能组织音乐会
is going to be damn difficult.
的人才肯定不容易
So, I've come up with rather a cunning set of questions
所以我想出了一套巧妙的问题
with which to test the candidate's suitability for the job.
可以帮助我们找到合适的人选
And what sort of questions would these be, sir?
都是什么问题呢 长官
Well, the first question is,
啊 第一个问题是
Do you like Charlie Chaplin?
你是否喜欢卓别林
Ah.
啊
Dismissed, Lieutenant.
你出去吧 中尉
Do you like Charlie Chaplin?
你是否喜欢卓别林
Yes, that is a good question for a candidate,
这的确是个好问题
to which my answer would of course be
我的答案当然是
Yes, I love him.
是 我非常喜欢卓别林
Love him, sir,
非常喜欢 长官
particularly the amusing kicks.
特别是那些滑稽的踢人镜头
But, sir, I thought you said...
长官 我以为你说...
Goodbye, George.
再见 乔治
And the second question is,
第二个问题是
Do you like music hall?
你是否喜欢综艺表演
Ah, yes, another good question, sir.
又一个好问题 长官
Again, my answer would have to be
我的答案还是
Yes, absolutely love it.
对 简直爱死了
# Oops, Mr. Rothschild, 'ows yer apples and pears #
# 哦 罗斯柴尔德先生 你的苹果和梨还好吗#
Umm, yes.
嗯 对
Well, it's my view, Blackadder, that the kind
黑爵士 我认为
of person who would answer "yes" to both questions
对这两个问题会给出肯定回答的人
would be ideal for the jo...
就是最理想的人...
Wait a minute!
等等
What, sir?
怎么了 长官
Why, without knowing it, Blackadder,
黑爵士 你怎么
you've inadvertently shown me
不经意间让我发现
that "you" could do the job.
原来你可以做这项工作
Have I, sir?
是吗 长官
Yes, sir! You have, sir!
是的 没错
And I want you to start work straightaway.
我要你马上开始工作
A couple of shows over the weekend,
这个周末就演一两场
and if all goes well,
如果一切顺利的话
we'll start you off in London next Monday.
你下周一就去伦敦吧
Oh, damn.
哦 真糟糕
If you need any help fetching and carrying,
要是你需要人帮你跑腿拿东西
backstage and so on,
还有后台什么的
I'll lend you my driver if you like.
我可以把司机借给你
Bob!
鲍勃
Driver Parkhurst reporting for duty, sir!
司机帕克赫斯特报道 长官
All right, at ease, Bob, stand easy.
好了 鲍勃 稍息
Captain Blackadder, this is Bob.
黑爵士上尉 这是鲍勃
Bob?
鲍勃
Good morning, sir.
早上好 长官
Unusual name for a girl.
女孩子很少有叫这个名字的
Well, yes, it would be an unusual name for a girl,
哦 对 女孩子要叫 这个名字就奇怪了
but it's a perfectly straightforward name
不过你这样的小伙子
for a young chap like you, eh, Bob?
叫这个名字很合理 对吧 鲍勃
Now, Bob, I want you to bunk up with Captain Blackadder
鲍勃 我想让你跟黑爵士上尉
for a couple of days, all right?
在一起混两天 没问题吧
Yes, sir.
遵命 长官
I think you'll find Bob
我知道你会发现鲍勃
just the man for this job, Blackadder.
是最合适的人选 黑爵士
He has a splendid sense of humour.
他很有幽默感
He, sir? He? He?
他 长官 是他吗 他
You see, you're laughing already!
看啊 你这就被逗乐了
Well, Bob, I'll leave you two together.
好了 鲍勃 我走了
Why don't you get to know each other,
你们两个互相了解一下
play a game of cribbage,
打打扑克
have a smoke, something like that.
一起抽抽烟什么的
They tell me that Captain Blackadder
我听说黑爵士上尉
has rather a good line in rough shag.
有不错的粗烟丝 (俚语也是性交之意)
I'm sure he'd be happy to fill your pipe. Carry on.
他肯定愿意填满你的烟头
So you're a "chap," are you, Bob?
你是个小伙子对吧 鲍勃
Oh, yes, sir.
没错 长官
You wouldn't say you were a girl at all?
你不会承认自己是个女孩子
Oh, definitely not, sir.
当然不会 长官
I understand cricket, I fart in bed, everything.
我懂板球规则 我还在床上放屁呢
Let me put it another way, Bob.
我换个说法吧 鲍勃
You are a girl,
你是个女孩子
and you're a girl with as much talent for disguise
你女扮男装的技巧就像一只
as a giraffe in dark glasses
只戴上墨镜就想混进
trying to get into a "Polar Bears Only" golf club.
只收北极熊会员的高尔夫球 俱乐部的长颈鹿一样拙劣
Oh, sir, please don't give me away, sir.
长官 求你别揭穿我
I just wanted to be like my brothers and join up.
我就想象我哥哥们一样参军
I want to see how a war is fought,
我想亲眼看到战争
so badly.
特别想
Well, you've come to the right place, Bob.
那你是来对地方了 鲍勃
A war hasn't been fought this badly
这场战争是自从
since Olaf the Hairy, high chief of all the Vikings,
维京大酋长 长毛奥拉夫
accidentally ordered 80,000 battle helmets
错订了8万顶长角装反了的头盔以来
with the horns on the "inside"
打得最激烈的一场
I want to do my bit for the boys, sir.
我想为战友们出力 长官
Oh, really?
是吗
I'll do anything, sir!
让我做什么都行 长官
Yes, I'd keep that to yourself, if I was you.
要我是你 我可不会跟谁都这么说
All right Bob, the second half starts with
好了鲍勃 下半场第一个节目是
Corporals Smith and Johnson as the three silly twerps.
史密斯和约翰逊两位军士 表演三个和尚
All right, sir.
好的 长官
The big joke being there's only two of them.
最可笑的地方在于他们只有两个人
Ha ha! I love that! That always cracks me up, sir.
哈哈 我喜欢 每次都能把我逗乐
Followed by Baldrick's impersonation of Charlie Chaplin.
接着是包里克的表演 模仿卓别林
Yes. Bob, take a telegram.
- 鲍勃 帮我发份电报 - 是 长官
Mr. C. Chaplin, Sennett Studios, Hollywood, California.
卓别林先生 美国加州好莱坞 小喇叭制片厂
Congrats. Stop.
祝贺 句号
Have discovered only person in world
终于发现世界上唯一
less funny than you. Stop.
一个比你更不可笑的人 句号
Name, Baldrick. Stop.
名字是包里克 句号
Yours, E . Blackadder. Stop.
此致 黑爵士 句号
Oh, and put a P.S.
哦 再后面加一句
Please, please, "please" stop.
求求你停止
And then after that we have, ladies and gentlemen,
接下来 女士们先生们
the highlight of our show...
就是我们整场演出的高潮
Da-daaa...
I feel fantastic!
我感觉好极了
Gorgeous Georgina,
美丽的乔治娜
the traditional soldier's drag act.
传统的士兵男扮女装表演
You look absolutely lovely, sir.
长官 你真是可爱极了
Baldrick, you are either lying, blind or mad.
包里克 你要不是撒谎 就是瞎子 要不就是疯了
The lieutenant looks like all soldiers look on these occasions,
中尉和所有男扮女装的军人没有两样
about as feminine as W.G. Grace.
典型的张飞穿裙子
What are you gonna give 'em, George?
你要表演什么 乔治
Well, I thought one or two cheeky gags,
我打算讲一两个黄色笑话
followed by "She Was Only The Ironmonger's Daughter,
然后唱一首歌 就是那个 "她只是铁匠的女儿
"But She Knew A Surprising Amount About Fish, As Well"
不过她也很了解鱼"
Inspired.
很好
Well, at least you made an effort with the dress.
起码你在服装上还下了功夫
What about your costume, Baldrick?
你的服装呢 包里克
I'm in it, sir.
我现在正穿着呢 长官
I see.
是吗
So your Charlie Chaplin costume
这么说 你模仿卓别林时的服装
consists of that hat.
也包括那顶帽子
Yes, sir, except that in this box,
是的 长官 另外在这个盒子里
I have a dead slug
还有一只死了的鼻涕虫
as a brilliant false moustache.
这将是我绝妙的假小胡子
Yes, only "quite" brilliant, I fear.
我觉得只是"有点"妙而已
How, for instance, are you to attach it to your face?
你打算怎么把它固定在你脸上
Well, I was hoping to
哦 我打算劝说这条
persuade the slug to cling on, sir.
虫子自愿贴在我脸上
Baldrick, the slug is dead.
包里克 这条鼻涕虫已经死了
If it failed to cling on to life,
如果它都没能贴住这个世界
I see no reason why it should wish
我实在看不出它怎么能愿意
to cling on to your upper lip.
贴在你的人中上
Baldrick, Baldrick, come over here.
包里克 包里克 过来
Slugs are always a problem.
鼻涕虫总是很麻烦
What you've got to do is
你得这么做
screw your face up like this, you see,
把嘴唇翘起来 看见了吗
and then you can clamp it between your top lip and your nose.
然后把它夹在你上嘴唇和鼻子中间
What? Like this, sir?
是吗 就这样吗 长官
That's it. Splendid!
没错 太棒了
Sir, sir, there's a visitor to see you.
长官 长官 有客人要见你
Good Lord... Mr. Chaplin!
天啊 卓别林先生
This is indeed an honor.
我真是荣幸之至
Why, it calls for some sort of celebration.
我们该庆祝一下
Baldrick, Baldrick!
包里克 包里克
Sir, that is extraordinary, because...
长官 这真是妙极了 因为...
Because, you see, this isn't Chaplin at all...
因为 你看 这根本不是卓别林
this "is" Baldrick!
这就是包里克
Yes, it's me, sir!
是啊 就是我 长官
I know, I know.
我知道 我早知道
I was, in fact, being sarcastic.
我其实是在讽刺你们
Oh, I see.
哦 我明白了
Everything goes above your head, doesn't it, George?
你懂的东西实在不多 乔治
You should go to Jamaica and become a limbo dancer.
真该去做政客
They love him, sir. We're a hit!
他们喜欢他的表演 咱们成功了
Yes, in one short evening, I've become
是啊 只凭这短暂的一晚演出
我就成为继罗马大斗兽场的经理
the most successful impresario
since the manager of the Roman Coliseum thought of putting
想到让基督徒和狮子同场演出以来
the Christians and the lions on the same bill.
最成功的剧院经理
Sir, some people seem to think that I was best!
长官 好像有人认为 我的表演才是今晚最好的
Would you agree?
你同意吗
Baldrick, in the Amazonian rain forests,
包里克 在亚马逊流域的雨林中
there are tribes of Indians as yet untouched by civilization
那些尚未接触过现代文明的印第安人
who have developed
他们模仿的卓别林也比你更逼真
more convincing Charlie Chaplin impressions than yours.
Thank you very much, sir.
多谢夸奖 长官
He's coming off.
他下来了
What do you think, Bob, one more?
怎么样 鲍勃 再谢幕一次
God, I love the theatre!
天啊 我真热爱表演
It's in my blood and in my soul!
我的血液和灵魂都被它占据
Baldrick, put those in some water, will you?
包里克 把这些花插水里
Yes, sir.
是 长官
I need that applause in the same way
我需要观众的掌声
that an ostler needs his... ostle.
就像马夫需要...马副一样
Well done, sir!
精彩极了 长官
No, really, I was hopeless. I mean, tell me honestly, sir,
哦 我的表演没那么好 我说 长官 说真的
- I was, wasn't I? - Well...
- 我不怎么样 对吧 - 呃...
Come on, sir, out with it, I was hopeless, wasn't I?
说吧 长官 坦率点 我不怎么样吧
You're trying to be nice and that's very sweet of you,
- 不... - 你想安慰我 太客气了
but sir, please, I can take it, I was hopeless.
不过长官 我受得了 我的确不怎么样
George, you were bloody awful.
乔治 你的表演糟糕透顶
But you can't argue with the box office.
不过票房才是最有力的声音
Personally, I thought you were the least convincing female impressionist
我本人认为你比偷吃了
since Tarzan went through Jane's handbag
老婆口红的人猿泰山
and ate her lipstick.
还更没有女人味
But I'm clearly in a minority.
不过我显然是孤掌难鸣
Look out London, here we come!
伦敦小心 我们来了
Ah, Captain Darling.
啊 宝贝儿上尉
Ah, Captain Blackadder.
啊 黑爵士上尉
I must say, I had an absolutely splendid evening.
老实讲 我度过了愉快的一晚
Oh, glad you enjoyed the show.
哦 你这么喜欢我们的演出真太好了
The show?
演出
I didn't go to the show.
我没去看演出
Important regimental business.
我有紧要军务必须处理
A lorry load of paper clips arrive?
来了一车曲别针对吗
Two lorry loads, actually.
其实是两车
Ah...
啊
Welcome to the great director...
大导演来了 欢迎欢迎
Maestro!
大师
You enjoyed it, sir?
你喜欢表演吗 长官
Well, it was mostly awful,
多数表演都很烂
but I enjoyed the slug balancer.
不过那个表演平衡鼻涕虫的不错
Ah! Private Baldrick, sir.
那是列兵包里克 长官
That's right, yes.
没错
The slug fell off a couple of times,
鼻涕虫掉了一两次
but you can't have everything, can you?
不过金无足赤 对吧
I'd just suggest a bit more practice
我觉得他应该多练习
and perhaps a little sparkly costume for the slug.
也许再给那鼻涕虫 穿件亮晶晶的小衣服
I'll pass that on, sir.
我会转达你的建议 长官
But I do have certain other reasons
我还有其他的理由
for believing the show to be
认定你的这场演出
nothing but a triumph.
是一场成功的演出
Captain Darling has your travel arrangements,
宝贝儿上尉都给你安排好了
ticket to Dover, rooms at the Ritz and so forth.
去多佛尔的船票 丽姿大酒店的房间等等
Thank you, sir.
多谢长官
However, there is one small thing you might do for me.
不过 我需要你为我做件小事
Yes?
是
Captain Blackadder, I should esteem it
黑爵士上尉
a signal honor if you would allow me
如果你能允许我护送你的
to escort your leading lady
女主角参加今晚的军营舞会
to the regimental ball this evening.
我将感到不胜荣幸
My leading lady?
我的女主角
The fair Georgina.
美丽的乔治娜
Ah, ha-ha, very amusing.
啊 哈哈 真好笑
You think she'd laugh in my face?
你认为她会笑话我吗
I'm too old, too crusty?
觉得我太老 太不解风情
Uh, no, no.
呃 不是 不是
It's just that as her director, I'm afraid I could not allow it.
不过作为她的导演 抱歉我不能允许您这样做
I could always find another director who "would" allow it.
我可以再找一个肯 允许我这样做的导演
Quite.
的确
I'll see what I can do,
我尽力而为吧
but I must insist that she be home by midnight
不过我必须坚持她在午夜前回家
and that there be no hanky-panky, sir, whatsoever.
而且你绝对不能对她动手动脚
I shall, of course, respect your wishes, Blackadder.
我当然会尊重你的愿望 黑爵士
However I don't think you need to be quite so protective.
不过我真觉得你没有必要这么小心
I'm sure she's a girl with a great deal more spunk
我敢肯定这个姑娘
than most women you'll find.
比其他的都更有精气
Oh, dear me.
哦 天啊
Absolutely not, sir.
绝对不行 长官
It's profoundly immoral, and utterly wrong.
这样做不仅不道德 而且错误
I will not do it.
我不干
We can always find another leading lady.
我们总可以再找个女主角
Well, the dress will need a clean.
这裙子得重新洗过才行
Excellent.
好极了
Now, the important thing is
重要的是
that Melchett should, under no circumstances,
无论如何 别让梅琪
realize that you're a man.
发现你是个男人
Yes, yes, I understand that.
知道了 我明白
In order to ensure this, there are three basic rules.
要保证这个结果 你一定要遵守三条基本规则
One, you must never... I repeat, never...
第一 你绝不能 我再说一遍 决不能
remove your wig.
摘下你的假发
All right.
好的
Second, never say anything.
第二 别说话
I'll tell him at the beginning of the evening
我会在一开始就告诉他
that you're saving your voice for the opening night in London.
你要为伦敦的首场演出保护嗓子
Excellent, sir. And what's the third?
好主意 长官 第三条是什么
The third is most important...
第三条也是最重要的一条
Don't get drunk and let him shag you on the veranda.
别喝醉了结果让他 在阳台上把你给干了
How do I look, Darling?
我看起来怎么样 宝贝儿
Girl-bait, sir.
万人迷 长官
Pure bloody girl-bait.
百分之百的万人迷
Moustache bushy enough?
胡子够大吗
Like a private hedge, sir.
树丛那么大 长官
Good, because I want to catch
好 我今晚想要在这树丛中
a particularly beautiful creature
捉到一个真正的美女
in this bush tonight.
I'm sure you'll be combing women
长官 你今后几个星期梳胡子
out of your moustache for weeks, sir.
都肯定会梳出女人来
God, it's a spankingly beautiful world,
上帝啊 世界真美好
and tonight's my night.
时不我待
I know exactly what I'll say to her.
我知道我该对她说什么
Darling...
宝贝
Yes, sir?
我在 长官
What?
什么
Um, I don't know, sir.
呃 我不知道 长官
- Well, don't butt in! - Sorry, sir.
- 别打断我 - 对不起 长官
I want to make you happy, darling.
我想让你开心 宝贝
Well, that's very kind of you, sir.
您真是太客气了 长官
Will you kindly stop interrupting!
你能不能别再打断我
If you don't listen,
要是你不好好听着
how can you tell me what you think?
怎么能告诉我你怎么想
I want to make you happy, darling.
我想让你开心 宝贝
I want to build a nest for your ten tiny toes.
我想为你10只小巧的 脚趾建筑一个小巢
I want to cover every inch of your gorgeous body in pepper,
我想把你全身撒满胡椒
and then sneeze all over you.
然后对着你打喷嚏
Really, sir, I must protest!
长官 我必须提出抗议
What is the "matter" with you, Darling?
你到底怎么了 宝贝儿
Well, it's all so sudden,
这一切都太突然了
I mean, the nest bit's fine,
我是说 巢的那部分还可以
but the pepper business is definitely out!
可胡椒那事绝对不行
How dare you tell me
你怎么胆敢跟我说
how I may or may not treat my beloved Georgina!
我该怎么对待我可爱的乔治娜
Georgina?
乔治娜
Yes, I'm working on what I want to say to her this evening.
对 我在练习今晚想跟她说的话
Oh, yes. Of course.
哦 对 当然了
Thank God.
谢天谢地
All right?
怎么样
Yes, I'm listening, sir.
是的 长官 我听着呢
Honestly darling, you really are
说真的宝贝儿 你真是我见过的人中
the most graceless, dimwitted bumpkin I ever met.
最没有风度和脑子的乡巴佬
I don't think you should say that to her.
我觉得你不该这么跟她讲话
Where the hell's that George?
乔治到底跑哪儿去了
It's three o'clock in the morning,
已经凌晨三点了
he should be careful wandering the trench at night
他三更半夜在战壕里得小心点
with nothing to protect his honor but a cricket box.
毕竟能保护他贞节的只有 一个护小弟弟的盖子
Hello, Captain.
你好 上尉
About time! Where the hell have you been?
可回来了 你究竟去哪儿了
Well I don't know, it's all been like a dream,
我不知道 今晚就像一个梦
my very first ball.
我的第一个舞会
The music, the dancing, the champagne...
音乐 舞蹈 香槟
My mind is a mad whirl of half-whispered conversations,
我整个人处于一团漩涡 他的窃窃私语
with a promise of indiscretion ever hanging in the air.
偷情的可能性时刻在我们脑海
Oh, did that old stoat Melchett try for a snog behind the fruit cup?
哦 老色鬼梅琪想偷着亲你了是吗
Certainly not!
当然没有
The general behaved like a perfect gentleman.
将军是位完美的绅士
We tired the moon with our talking
我们彻夜长谈
about everything and nothing.
什么都讲了又什么都没说
The war, marriage,
战争 婚姻
proposed changes to the LBW rule.
板球规则的改革
Melchett isn't married, is he?
梅琪还没结婚 对吧
No, no, all his life,
没有 他一辈子
he's been waiting to meet the perfect woman.
都在等待那个完美的女性的出现
And at last, tonight, he did.
今晚 他终于见到她了
Some poor unfortunate had old walrus-face
某个可怜的女人整晚都要忍受
dribbling in her ear all evening, did she?
老胡子在她耳边没完没了流口水吗
Well yes, as a matter of fact I did have
呃 对 我是得把
to drape a napkin over my shoulder.
餐巾搭在肩膀上
George, are you trying to tell me
乔治 你的意思难道是
that "you" are the general's perfect woman?
你就是将军的"完美女性"
Well, yes, I rather think I am.
没错 我想我就是
Well, thank God the horny old blighter
谢天谢地 那个老色鬼
didn't ask you to marry him.
没有向你求婚
He did?!
他求婚了
Well, how did you get out of that one?
那你是怎么拒绝他的
Well, to be honest, sir, I'm not absolutely certain that I did.
说实话 长官 我好像没有拒绝他
What?!
什么
You don't understand what it was like, sir.
你不知道当时的情形
You know, the candles, the music... the huge moustache.
要知道 那烛光 那音乐 还有那蓬松的胡子
I don't know what came over me.
我不知道我究竟中了什么邪
You said "yes?!"
你答应了
After all, sir, he is a general,
他到底是个将军
I didn't really feel I could refuse.
我觉得自己无法拒绝他
He might have had me court-martialed.
他可能会把我送交军事法庭
Whereas on the other hand, of course,
当然了 现在你答应了他
he's going to give you the Victoria Cross
他在你们新婚之夜掀开你裙子后
when he lifts up your frock on the wedding night
会给你颁发维多利亚十字勋章
and finds himself looking at
因为他会发现自己正盯着
the last turkey in the shop!
商店里最后一只火鸡
Yes, I-I-I know it's a mess,
是 我...我知道现在事情很糟糕
but, you see, it got me scriffy,
可是我当时感觉好奇怪
and then when he looked into my eyes
然后他看着我的眼睛
and said, "Chipmunk, I love you"...
说"花栗鼠 我爱你"
Chipmunk?!!
花栗鼠
It's his special name for me, you see.
这是他对我的爱称
He says my nose looks just like a chipmunk's.
他说我的鼻子和花栗鼠的一模一样
Oh, God!
天啊
We're in serious, serious trouble here.
咱们麻烦可大了
If the general ever finds out that Gorgeous Georgina
要是将军发现美丽的乔治娜
is, in fact, a strapping six-footer
其实是个1米80多高的壮小伙
from the rough end of the trench,
而且还是个大兵
it could precipitate the fastest execution
结果可能是自从有人问了
since someone said,
This Guy Fawkes bloke, do we let him off, or wot?
"咱们该把这个盖伊·福克斯放了还是别的" 以来最快的死刑处决（1605年英国一位反叛者）
Hello?
喂
Yes, sir.
是 长官
Straightaway, sir.
马上到 长官
That was your fianc?..
那是你的未婚夫
Chipmunk.
花栗鼠
He wants to see me.
他要见我
If I should die, think only this of me...
要是我不能活着回来 记住
I'll be back to get you.
我做鬼也会来跟你算账的
Sir, I can explain everything.
长官 所有问题我都有解释
Can you, Blackadder, can you?
你能吗 黑爵士 能吗
Well...
呃...
No, sir, not really.
不能 长官 其实不行
I thought not, I thought not.
我想也是 我想也是
Who can explain the mysteries of love?
谁能解释爱情的奥秘
I'm in love with Georgina, Blackadder.
我爱上乔治娜了 黑爵士
I'm going to marry her on Saturday
我星期六就要跟她结婚
and I want you to be my best man.
我想让你作我的伴郎
I don't think that would be a very good idea, sir.
这不是个好主意 长官
And why not?
为什么
Because there's something wrong with your fianc閑, sir.
因为你的未婚妻有点问题
Oh, my God, she's not Welsh, is she?
噢 天啊 她不是威尔士人吧
No, sir.
不是
Um, it's a terrible story, but true.
呃 这是个悲惨的故事 但却是真事
Just a few minutes ago
就在几分钟前
Georgina arrived unexpectedly in my trench.
乔治娜意外地来到我的战壕
She was literally dancing with joy
她当时欢欣雀跃
as though something wonderful had happened to her.
似乎经历了什么绝妙的好事
Makes sense.
应该如此
Unfortunately, she was in such a daze,
不幸的是 她兴奋过头
she danced straight through the trench
结果跳着舞出了战壕
and out into No Man's Land.
进入了无人地带
I tried to stop her, but before I could say,
我试图阻止她 可我还来不及说
Don't tread on a mine,
"别踩着地雷"
she trod on a mine.
她就踩到了一颗地雷
Well, I say "a mine," it was more a cluster of mines,
我说一颗地雷 其实是一堆地雷
and she was blown to smithereens,
她被炸得粉身碎骨
and as she rocketed up into the air,
当她被地雷炸飞的那一刻
she said something I couldn't quite catch,
她说了一句话 我没太听清楚
something totally incomprehensible to me,
我不太明白她说的究竟是什么
something like, "Tell him his little chipmunk will love him forever!"
好像是"告诉他 他的小花栗鼠会永远爱他"
It's heartbreaking, sir.
简直令人心碎 长官
I'm sorry, sir.
我很抱歉 长官
Oh, well, can't be helped, can't be helped.
哦 好了 没办法 没办法
It's jolly bad luck, sir.
真是不走运啊 长官
Hey ho.
Of course, on top of everything else,
当然了 除了这些之外
without your leading lady,
现在你没有了女主角
you won't be able to put on a show.
你的演出也无法继续了
So, no show, no London Palladium.
没有演出 没有伦敦大剧院
On the contrary.
正相反
I'm simply intending to rename it
我打算把演出重新命名为
The Georgina Melchett Memorial Show.
乔治娜·梅琪纪念演出
Oh no, Georgina was the only thing
噢 不行 乔治娜
that made the show come alive.
是整场演出的灵魂
Apart from her, it was all awful!
除了她之外 其他都糟糕透顶
Awful!
糟糕透顶
You'll never find another girl like Georgina by tomorrow.
你在明天之前根本不可能再找到 一个乔治娜那样的女孩子
Well, it's funny you should say that, sir,
哦 你这话说得真巧
because I think I already have.
因为我已经找到了
- Who is she? - Who is she?
- 是谁 - 是谁
So, come on, sir, who is she?
快说 长官 是谁啊
Well, that's the problem. I haven't a bloody clue!
问题就在这儿了 我根本不知道
The only attractive woman around here is carved out of stone, called "Venus,"
这一带唯一的漂亮女人是个石雕 叫做维纳斯
and is standing in a fountain in the middle of the town square
她站在镇中心喷泉里
with water coming out of her armpits.
还有水从她腋窝里喷出来
So we're a bit stuck.
那咱们麻烦了
Morning, chaps.
早上好 爷们
Morning, Bob.
- 早上好 鲍勃 - 早上好 鲍勃
You can say that again, George.
你说的一点没错 乔治
We're in the stickiest situation
咱们现在的处境
since Sticky the Stick Insect
比一只叫做棘手人
got stuck on a sticky bun.
被荆棘扎了手还要棘手
We are in trouble.
咱们麻烦大了
Not any longer, sir!
问题解决了 长官
May I present my cunning plan.
请允许我介绍一条妙计
Don't be ridiculous, Baldrick!
别逗了 包里克
Can you sing, can you dance?
你是能唱歌还是能跳舞
Or are you offering to be sawn in half?
也许你自愿被锯成两段
I don't think those things are important
我认为在现代婚姻中
in a modern marriage, sir.
以上那些都不重要 长官
I offer simple home cooking.
我可以做家常菜
Baldrick, our plan is to find
包里克 我们的计划是
a new leading lady for our show.
为我们的演出找一个新的女主角
What is your plan?
你的计划是什么
My plan is that I will marry General Melchett.
我的计划是由我跟梅琪将军结婚
I am "The Other Woman."
我就是那"第二个女人"
Well, congratulations, Baldrick.
祝贺你 包里克
I hope you'll be very happy.
我希望你幸福
I will, sir, 'cos when I get back from honeymoon,
我会的 长官 因为等我度完蜜月回来的时候
I will be a member of the aristocracy
我就会是贵族阶层的一员了
and you will have to call me "M'Lady."
你到时必须称呼我"夫人"
What happened to your revolutionary principles?
你的革命原则哪儿去了 包里克
I thought you hated the aristocracy.
我以为你憎恨贵族阶层
I'm working to bring down the system from within, sir.
我打算从内部打垮敌人 长官
I'm a sort of a frozen horse.
我要做锅底
Trojan horse, Baldrick.
是卧底 包里克
Anyway, I can't see what's so stupid about
反正我不觉得
marrying into wealth and money
嫁入豪门有什么不好
and not having to sleep in a puddle.
起码不用在水坑里睡觉
Baldrick, no!
包里克 不行
It's the worst plan since Abraham Lincoln said,
这算是继美国总统林肯说
Oh, I'm sick of kicking around the house tonight,
"哦 我在家里待烦了
let's go take in a show.
咱们去看戏吧"以来 最糟糕的一个计划
For a start, General Melchett is in mourning
首先 梅琪将军仍在悼念
for the woman of his dreams.
他的梦中情人
He's unlikely to be in the mood to marry
他不太可能有心情娶一个
a two-legged badger wrapped in a curtain.
裹着窗帘的两条腿的獾子
Secondly, we are looking for a great entertainer,
其次 我们需要一个优秀的演员
and you're the worst entertainer since
你简直是自从
St. Paul the Evangelist toured Palestine
传道者圣保罗在巴勒斯坦各地演出
with his trampoline act.
蹦床跳高以来最糟糕的演员了
No, we'll have to find somebody else.
不行 咱们得找个别人
What about Corporal Cartwright, sir?
列兵卡特莱特怎么样 长官
Corporal Cartwright looks like an orang-utan.
列兵卡特莱特长得像个红毛猩猩
I've heard of The Bearded Lady,
我听说过有长胡子的女人
but the All-Over Body Hair Lady
不过浑身都长毛的女人
frankly just isn't on.
坦率讲 根本不行
- Willis? - Too short.
- 威利斯？ - 太矮
- Petheridge? - Too old.
- 伯瑟里奇？ - 太老
Taplow?
塔普罗？
Too dead.
太死了
Oh, this is hopeless.
噢 没戏了
There just isn't anyone!
根本没有人
# Goodbyeee, goodbyeee #
#再见 再见#
# Wipe the tear, baby dear, from your eye #
# 亲爱的宝贝 擦去眼中的泪水#
What am I doing?
我简直是犯傻了
Bob!
鲍勃
Sir?
长官
What a brilliant idea!
这主意太好了
Bob, can you think of anyone who can be our leading lady?
鲍勃 你想想谁能当我们的女主角
What do you think, Bob, one more?
怎么样 鲍勃 再谢幕一次
No, George, always leave them hungry.
不 乔治 不能让他们太满足了
Congratulations, Bob.
祝贺你 鲍勃
I have to admit, I thought you were bloody marvellous.
我必须承认 我认为你的表演棒极了
Permission to slip into something more uncomfortable, sir.
谢谢你 长官 请允许我换上不舒服的衣服
Permission granted.
批准
Oh sir, it's going to be wonderful.
噢 长官 真是太好了
Not just for me, but for my little partner, Graham.
我和我的小搭档格拉汉姆
Doing our Charlie Chaplin all 'round the world.
到世界各地表演模仿卓别林
Yes, from Shaftsbury Avenue
从伦敦到法国蓝色海岸
to the Cote d'Azur,
they'll be saying,
人人都会说
I like the little black one,
"我喜欢那个黑小个
but who's that berk he's sitting on?
可那个被它坐在脸上的蠢货是谁"
I'm not with you, sir.
我不明白你的意思 长官
No, of course not.
不奇怪
But don't worry, we'll have years
不过别担心 未来几年我
In luxury hotels for me to explain.
可以在咱们下榻的 豪华酒店里慢慢给你解释
Now you two get packing, get packing.
你们两个去整理行李
The boat-train leaves at six,
去渡轮的火车6点开
and we're going to be on it.
咱们到时就会在车上
Blackadder.
黑爵士
Ah, Darling, everything all right?
啊 宝贝儿 一切都好吗
Oh, yes.
噢 是的
Got the tickets?
你带来票了吗
Oh, yes.
噢 是的
Blackadder?
黑爵士
Oh, hi, General. Enjoy the show?
哦 你好 将军 喜欢这场演出吗
Don't be ridiculous,
别犯傻了
the worst evening I've ever spent in my life!
简直是我这辈子最糟糕的一晚
I'm sorry?
您说什么
Will you stand still when I'm talking to you!
我跟你说话的时候站稳了
If by a man's works shall ye know him,
都说从人的工作结果可以 看出他是个什么样的人
then you are a steaming pile of horse manure!
你简直就是一堆臭马粪
But surely, sir, the show was a triumph.
可是 长官 这场演出真的是相当成功
A triumph?!
成功
The three twerps were one twerp short...
三个和尚少了一个
gin! ...
跟上次一样
the slug balancer seems now
那个平衡鼻涕虫的家伙
to be doing some feeble impression of Buster Keaton...
好像在拙劣地模仿巴斯特·基顿
And worst of all...
最糟糕的
the crowning turd in the water pipe...
堵住下水道的最后一坨屎
that revolting drag act at the end!
就是最后那个令人作呕的男扮女装表演
Drag act?
男扮女装
Yes, poor Bob Parkhurst's being made to look a total ass!
对 可怜的鲍勃·帕克赫斯特 被你打扮得像个傻子
With that thin, reedy voice
还要把声音挤得那么细
and that stupid effeminate dancing!
还跳那种娘娘腔的舞
Ahhh
啊
So the show's cancelled... permanently.
所以演出取消了...永久性的
But what about the men's morale, sir,
那士气问题怎么办 长官
with the Russians out of the war and everything?
现在俄国人退出战争了 还有其他问题
Oh for goodness sake, Blackadder,
天啊 黑爵士
have you been living in a cave?
你难道是住在山洞里吗
The Americans joined the war yesterday.
美国人昨天参战了
So how is that going to improve the men's morale, sir?
这跟提高士气有什么关系
Ohhh, because, you jibbering imbecile,
噢 因为 你这个蠢货
they've brought with them the largest collection
他们带来了史上最全
Of Charlie Chaplin films in existence!
的卓别林电影
Oh, I've lost patience with you. Fill him in, Darling.
我真是没耐心跟你讲了 你跟他说吧 宝贝儿
Yes, sir.
是 长官
We received a telegram this morning
我们今早收到一封电报
From Mr. Chaplin himself, at Sennett Studios.
是卓别林亲自从小喇叭制片厂发来的
Twice-nightly screening of my films in trenches,
"每晚在战壕里播放两次我的电影
excellent idea. Stop.
好主意 句号
But must insist E. Blackadder be projectionist. Stop.
必须由黑爵士担任放映员 句号
Oh, P.S., don't let him ever... stop.
又及 别让他停下 句号"
Oh, great.
哦 好极了
No hard feelings, eh, Blackadder?
别不开心 黑爵士
Not at all, Darling.
当然不会 宝贝儿
Uh, care for a liquorice alsort?
想吃块甘草糖吗
Well, thank you.
好啊 谢谢
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