♪ Christmas ♪
♪ Well, it's Christmas time, pretty baby ♪
♪ And the snow is falling on the ground ♪
♪ Christmas, Christmas ♪
♪ Well, it's Christmas time, pretty baby ♪
♪ And the snow is on the ground ♪
♪ Christmas, Christmas ♪
♪ Well, you be a real good little girl ♪
♪ Santa Claus is back in town ♪
♪ Christmas, Christmas ♪
♪ Got no sleigh with reindeer No sack on my back ♪
♪ You're gonna see me comin ' In a big black Cadillac ♪
♪ Whoa, it's Christmas time, pretty baby ♪
♪ And the snow is falling on the ground ♪
♪ Christmas, Christmas ♪
♪ Well, you be a real good little baby Santa Claus is back in town ♪
♪ Christmas ♪
搞什么鬼 What the fuck?
♪ Hang up your pretty stockings And turn off the light ♪
♪ Down your chimney tonight Ooh ♪
我会稀罕这破衣服?滚你的 You think I want this piece of shit? Fuck you!
♪ And the snow is falling on the ground ♪
♪ Well, you be a real good little baby ♪
嘿嘿嘿 - Hey, hey, hey!
滚犊子 - 干你丫 Get away! - Fuck you!
色酒鬼! Horny drunk!
♪ Christmas, Christmas, Christmas ♪
♪ Christmas, Christmas ♪
说我的整个人生 Let's just say my whole life
就是一出无尽而悲惨的噩梦 has been one long fucking miserable nightmare most of the time.
跟屎一样 And pure shit on a good day.
妈的 Goddamn it.
本人浑身上下有这样那样的缺点 Yeah, I guess there have been a few dull bright spots here and there.
去他的 Fuck it.
像那个从不正眼看我的贱货 Like a piece of ass who didn't look me in the eye
要么向我晒她各种度假照片 or wanna show me pictures of her fucking vacation.
要么晒美酒 而我差点被自己的呕吐物噎死 Or a good drunk when I didn't choke on my own vomit.
我也算有过一个朋友 Ah! - I even almost had a friend once.
那货用口呼吸 拖黄鼻涕 8岁 Sure, he was a mouth-breathing, snot dripping 8-year-old
肥到双手不能环抱屁屁 who couldn't find his fat ass with both hands,
脑子秀逗 but he was clueless enough to think
我可不是众人以为的一无所成者 I wasn't the worthless piece of shit everybody else thinks I am.
众人也包括我 Including me.
然而我最得意的是撩过正妹 I also found what was the closest thing I ever had to an actual girlfriend.
她喜欢我那时的职业 尤其衣着光鲜穿制服的模样 She liked the job I had at the time, especially while I was in uniform.
听起来大圆满 是不是 Sounds like a happy ending, don't it?
然而 But, you see...
一天到晚在美人跟前吐啊吐的 ...you can only puke in somebody's lap so many times
还有什么浪漫可言 before the romance takes a shit.
驱逐令:五天内付款或走人
这孩子 仍旧被我追赶到 And the kid, he still creeps around every now and then
四处嗷嗷乱爬 and I still chase him off
这是为他好 For his own good.
所以 所谓大圆满都是骗人的 So you see, happy endings are bullshit.
根本没有所谓的大结局 Actually, there aren't such things as endings at all,
事情刚要终止 because when some shit gets over with,
就会有新的轮回 some other whole thing starts that sucks ass.
目录选择: 毛片
账户暂停 费用到期
剩蛋快乐 Merry fucking Christmas.
♪ Oh, there's no place like home For the holidays ♪
♪ 'Cause no matter how far away you roam ♪
器官捐献给SEINCL
♪ When you pine for the sunshine Of a friendly gaze ♪
♪ For the holidays You can't beat home sweet home ♪
除了我的鸡鸡 那玩意放在我手里
♪ I met a man who lives in Tennessee ♪
♪ And he was headin' for Pennsylvania ♪
♪ And some homemade pumpkin pie ♪
♪ From Pennsylvania folks are trav'ling ♪
♪ Down to Dixie's sunny shore ♪
♪ From Atlantic to Pacific ♪
♪ Gee, the traffic is terrific ♪
真要命 Goddamn it.
♪ Oh, there's no place like home For the holidays ♪
♪ For the holidays ♪
♪ You can't beat home sweet home ♪
威利? Willie?
威利? 是我 瑟曼 Willie? It's me, Thurman.
威利 你干嘛呢 你在玩自挂? Willie, what are you doing? Did you get yourself stuck up there?
OK 我就走 但我屋里有你包裹 威利 Okay, I'll go. But this package came to my house for you, Willie.
里面很多钱 附加手机一部 There's a lot of money in it. And a phone.
还有一张纸条 And a note.
什么 椅子 What? Chair!
椅子 - 椅子 Chair? - Chair!
椅子 Chair.
赶紧给我搬椅子 Give me the goddamn chair.
威利 你倒也 Willie, you fell.
妈的 你真的是智障 Goddamn. Are you a complete fucking retard?
没有 饥饿英雄三明治店的人测试过我 我乃顶级老饕 No. The Hungry Hoagies people tested me. I'm top of the spectrum.
他们认我为全职三明治顾问 So they made me a full-time sandwich consultant.
很高兴你还有热情 - 什么味 Well, I'm glad you followed your passion. - What's that smell?
烤箱开着? 你在做热兜兜?(雀巢出品的一种类似热狗的小吃) Is the oven on? Are you making Hot Pockets?
我们在店里做三明治 We do hot sandwiches at Hungry Hoagies now.
开箱的时候 我总是烧伤手 But I always burn my hand getting them out of oven.
达琳建议我手上涂黄油 但那有够蠢 Darlene says I should put butter on my hand, but that's stupid.
只有食物涂黄油 手又不是食物 We only put butter on food. Hand isn't food.
♪ Merry Merry Christmas ♪
♪ Christmas everywhere ♪
♪ Merry Merry Christmas ♪
我们有过节 I know we left on bad terms.
但你应理解 只是公务 But you gotta understand, it was only business.
我们曾是搭档 We were partners.
是我破坏了神圣的纽带 不是我找借口 And I broke that sacred bond. It's not an excuse.
洛伊丝下得厨房 上得卧房 But Lois got all up in my kitchen.
那婊子令我整天惦记她的魔力老挝小穴 Crazy bitch had me all turned around with her magical Laotian pussy.
别转移借口 - 我是女人盲 真可耻 Don't blame it on the snapper. - I was pussy-blind. I'm ashamed.
你打算杀掉我 你个鸡巴 记得吗? You tried to murder me, you little prick. Remember that?
用的不是超小号鸡鸡枪 And not with some little nubbin-dick gun,
而是正常成人尺寸的子弹 but with adult man-sized bullets.
我现在就是来补偿你的 - 你为什么老关键时刻掉链子? And now I'm here to make it up to you. - Why are you even out of the joint anyway?
你这种遗传缺陷令人同情 Some pity case on account of you're a genetic defect?
比如 一般你这种人会被阉掉 You know, they used to sterilize guys like you.
免得全世界变成奥兹黑鬼国 Keep the world from becoming some Negro Land of Oz.
闭嘴 早释 犯人太多 Shut the fuck up! Early release. Overcrowding.
这监狱的生意是有多火爆 Well, it must've been packed to the gills
连你这种三腿怪胎都关不下了 if they couldn't cram your three-foot ass in there.
我们有单子 威利 刚才的2000大元证明我是玩真的 We got a job, Willie. That two grand is just to show I'm serious.
你还能破保险箱吗 Can you still crack a safe?
或者因为你撸管 所以有腕管疼痛症? Or did you get carpal tunnel from jacking off?
我破箱技术好的很 多谢关心 - 我说的是上百万的生意 I can crack just fine, thanks - I'm talking millions this time
在哪 - 唐人街 Where at? - Chi-Town
我还以为你和亚洲佬撇清关系了呢 I thought you were all done with the gooks
在芝加哥 你个种族主义猪 Chicago, you racist moron fuck!
我有门路 搞定幕后大头目 I got an associate out there who has got this thing all lined up
什么门路 - 不方便透露 What associate? - I'm not at liberty to disclose just yet
但他们明白你有技术 But they know your work
他们需要我们入伙 参与一个大项目 And they want to bring us in and put us up in some fine-ass metropolitan digs
且分一杯羹 and finance the whole operation
你脑残了吧 You're outta your fucking skull
你想干啥 再自杀一次? What are you gonna do? Try and kill yourself again?
我干啥管你屁事 That's none of your goddamn business what I do
你丫的出门的时候别被门挤 Don't let the door hit you in the ass
我脑袋可没被门挤过 这破事儿 Or I won't let it hit me in the ass. Whatever the fuck it is
我进局子的时候 你上过一垒没有? Did you even score once while I was away?
我说的是两百万 I'm talking two mil here
那可值老鼻子钱了 甭说女人和酒 That's a lot of fat-ass bitches and whiskey
操你 Fuck you
你为什么这么快走? 我俩才重聚 Why do you have to go so soon? We just got back together
废话少说 我们不是重聚 Cut that shit out. We're not back together
你肯定忘记今天啥日子了 Guess you don't know what today is
我他妈今年是哪年都不记得了 孩子 I don't even know what fucking year it is, kid
今天我生日 It's my birthday
今天你妹的生日? - 嗯哼 Today is your fucking birthday? - Uh-huh
我21岁了 正式成人 I'm 21 . Officially a man
妹的 你都21了 好冷 Goddamn. You're 21 already. That's creepy
你还打算给我破处吗 - 我要干啥? Are you still gonna pop my cherry? - Am I gonna what?
不 滚你丫的 No! Fuck no!
但你答应过 说我21岁 就破我的处 But you said that when I was 21 that you'd pop my cherry
我说的是让别人来破 I said I'd get it done by somebody else
另外 我是男人 你不是来搞笑的吧? Besides that, I'm a fucking guy. You didn't turn funny, did you?
我搞笑? Am I funny?
那你还没有和任何人做过 So you haven't done it with anybody yet
不管男人 女人 动物或其他 Not a man or a woman or an animal or anything
对 我一直等你 No, I waited for you
不过 你有打飞机... - 你指的是手淫吧 But surely, you jerked off or.. - You mean masturbate, don't you?
非要严格来说 就这意思 Well, if you wanna be scientific, yeah, I guess so
我朋友罗妮说 My friend Ronnie says,
玩自己的小香肠的时候 想想自己的妈 it's when you play with your wiener and think about your mother
我弄过一次 感觉怪胎 I did it once, but it felt weird
她已经升仙了 会在天上看着我的 She's in heaven with God, you know. Watching me
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OK 交代一下 他问过我他的小丁丁该放哪里 Okay, so here's how it's gonna go down. He's already asked me where his cherry is
你告诉他 把他的丁丁放进你的裆裆 So you could tell him to put his dick in your purse
他反正也感觉不到啥区别 and he wouldn't know any fucking difference
这是你赚过最容易的20块钱 It's gonna be the easiest 20 bucks you ever made
20块 Twenty bucks?
你喝高了吧 威利 You must be high on some strong shit, Willie
100 否则我立马走人 A hundred. Or I'm gonna carry my ass outta this old piece of a room right now
好吧 50 不然我让你妈做这单 All right. Fifty, or I'll just go get your mother
60块 Sixty
成交 All right
别在背后搞怪 你负全责 威利 And nothing up my ass. You done took all that, Willie
OK Okay
就这么办 等下我还得去接孙子芭蕾舞下课 Well, let's get to it. I gotta pick up my grandson from ballet
你要三明治吗 - 不 Can I fix you a sandwich? - No
我吃过你的三明治 - 威利 三明治 I got your sandwich, baby - Willie, I made you a sandwich
我现在要走 三明治等下给奥帕尔好了 I ain't sticking around. Just give it to Opal after
现在 听好了 接下来 Now, listen, here's how it works
她会脱掉内裤 四肢着地 She's gonna pull her rig off. And she's gonna get on all fours
你站她身后 脱掉内内 Now, you stand behind her and drop your rig
你会看到类似于日本料理的玩意 Then, you're gonna see something that looks like some kind of Japanese food
其实不是 不要去吃 那可不是牛眼 It ain't, so don't eat it. That's the bulls-eye
然后你拨弄你的小老二 Then you just start tugging on your little soldier
让它立正 插入那话儿 Wait till he gets to attention, then poke him in there
一直插到它吐出来 Keep poking it in there till he spits up
你需要套套 You're gonna need a raincoat
她肯定有一个 那不用担心 She'll have one, so don't worry about that
完事之后 去浴室 清洗裆部 As soon as you're done, run to the bathroom, wash your crotch
如此 第二天你醒来的时候才不会发现被子上有燕麦粥 That way, you don't wake up wondering why you got oatmeal in your carpet
用嘴呼吸 那样不会呕吐 Breathe through your mouth so that you don't puke
没问题了吧 明白了吗 Shouldn't be a problem for you. You got it?
你有60块吗 - 没有 You got 60 bucks? - No
你有多少 - 我有20 What you got? - I have $20
小声点 Keep it down
我有20 - 事后给她 I have 20 - Give it to her after
回见 奥帕尔 - 嗯 Later, Opal - Mm-hmm
来吧 宝贝 来 Come on, baby. Come on
咬一口我这粗麦面包 Get a bite of this pumpernickel bread
妈的 威利 赶紧 我们要错过火车了 Damn it, Willie. Hurry up! We're gonna miss our train
没看到我急色匆匆吗 我来了 You see me walking backwards, asshole? I'm coming
孩子 过来脱掉内裤 Kid, get over here and take your pants off
不要 No!
操蛋 Ah, fuck
♪ Sleigh bells ring Are you listening? ♪
♪ In the lane snow is glistening ♪
♪ A beautiful sight We're happy tonight ♪
♪ Walking in a winter wonderland ♪
♪ Gone away is the bluebird In his place is a new bird ♪
你的驾照 Here's your ID
"兰德尔库克"? - 有什么问题吗 "Randall Cook"? - What the fuck wrong with that?
兰德尔像爱尔兰人名 有没有白人常用名 Randall sounds Irish. I want something whiter
我是戴维 你是库克 无解 I'm Davis, you're Cook. End of fucking story
你这次就干一件事 开保险箱 You got one job this time. Open a safe
事成之前 你都给我闭嘴 Till then, just keep your drunken deviant fucking mouth shut
我看你就是个炮 You know what you need? You need some pussy
我去找个"娘"给你加前面 I'll see if I can find you a cat somewhere
别喝了 Put that shit away
感恩之城基金会 "Giving City Foundation
给需者以食物和居所 Bringing food and shelter to those in need."
请即拨打电话 Hold the fucking phone
我他么大老远跑来就抢劫基金会? I traveled all the way across the country to rob a goddamn charity?
怎么?有问题吗 Why? You got a problem with that?
你说对了 我有问题 Yeah, you damn right I got a problem with it
这些家伙哪有200万 No way these assholes have 2 million bucks
收声 兄弟 白痴 Will you keep it down, man. Moron
不解 I don't know
那些椅子是给你预备的 - 滚你丫 I see they made you some chairs already - Fuck you
他是库克 我是戴维 我们来报到 He's Cook. I'm Davis. We're here for the orientation
清空口袋 金属物品放在篮子里 Empty your pockets. Place any metal items in the tray
什么东西 What's that?
咳嗽药 - 让我看 Cough medicine - Let me see that
三级禁运品 此物必须留下 That's a level three contraband. I'm gonna have to compensate that
必须你妹 The fuck you are
好吧 大人物 你要么和你的瓶子呆在一起 All right, big shot. You can stay out here with your GD flask
我们出来的时候再拿 - 吉娜 We'll get it on the way out - Gina!
带他们进去 他们迟到了 Show these boys to the line-up. They're late
接待会10分钟前开始了 Meeting started ten minutes ago
猜可以偷偷潜进去 走吧 But I think I can sneak you guys in. Come on
戴安 又来两个 - 进来 伙计们 Hey, Diane! I got two more - Come on in, fellas
妈的 - 那是戴安哈斯丁 Goddamn - That's Diane Hastings
她和她老公负总责 She and her husband run the joint
如我所说 先填表格 So like I was saying, finish filling out these forms
表格在第一排桌上 and you can drop them off at the front desk, please
填完后 去房间取制服 And then, you can go to the common room and pick up your uniforms
我打赌她的鲍鱼一定像猩猩的 I bet that pussy got lips like an orangutan
不好意思 尊姓... - 库克 兰德尔库克 Excuse me, Mr.. - Um, Cook. Randall Cook
怎么 - 你在喝酒 What's up? - Have you been drinking?
不知道 伏特加... Uh, I don't know. Some vodka...
感恩之城里禁酒禁毒 Because we don't allow alcohol or drugs of any kind at Giving City
为什么 Why's that?
也许你没注意 库克先生 我们是慈善组织 You may not be aware of this, Mr. Cook, but we're a charity
你走进这扇门 就代表我们 When you walk out those doors, you're representing us
让我们的形象更高大吧 - 我们会让形象更伟岸 So please try and make us look good - Oh, we'll make you look great
绝对的 - 耶 Promise - Yeah
呒 Mmm
你升国旗了 A hard-on?
你个变态 You sick fuck
我可是吃了10年牢饭的人 I'm the one that's been in prison for ten years
才升到一半而已 别大发雷霆了 It's just a semi. Don't get all bent out of shape
闭鸟嘴 Shut the fuck up
吼吼吼 怎么样 圣诞老公公 Ho, ho, ho. What's up, Santas?
别忘了提醒路人 Hey, don't forget to remind people,
就算没有现金 短信捐献一样也行 if they don't have cash, they can always text in their donation
来击一下 Give me some. Yeah
戴安 你说侏儒各部位大小协调吗 Hey, Di. Is it the midget that's fully proportional?
或者说是矮人 - 雷金特 Or is it the dwarf? - Regent
干嘛 - 你不能说那个词 What? - You can't say that word
我今晚要晚回家 Hey, I'm gonna be home late again tonight
年终会计事务 End-of-the-year accounting stuff
回见 宝贝 See you, babe
感谢帮助 Thank you for helping us out again
妈的 Goddamn it
先生 这边请 Sir? This way, please
我懂 别碰我 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it. Don't be touching me
圣诞快乐 - 随你便 Merry Christmas - Yeah, whatever
你骗人 Lying little fuck
你没说还要穿这种滑稽套头 You didn't tell me I'd have to get in the fucking suit again
我觉得这是额外奖励 好提醒你 I thought it would be a bonus. And I just wanna remind you of something
现在是圣诞节 宽恕的时间 尤对家庭 It's Christmas. A time for forgiveness. For family
我提醒你可以去自淫了 I'm gonna remind you to fuck yourself
雷纳德 戴维 我有告诉过你我的号码尺寸 Ronald Davis. I was told you have a suit to fit me
对啊 我有 Oh, yes. I have it right here
不 我要圣诞公公装 这是精灵装 No. I need a Santa suit. This is an elf suit
我是要扮圣诞公公 I'm supposed to be a Santa
抱歉了 根据你的尺码只有这种 Oh, sorry about the confusion. That's all we have in your size
我还有套姜饼人的儿童装 如果你要的话 Uh, I do have a gingerbread man costume in a child's large, if you prefer
上帝有眼 I guess there is a God
上前 别害羞 Step right up. Don't be shy
搅屎棍 怎么样 15年了 20.... Shitstick! What's it been? Fifteen years? Twen...
有件事没变 你和你父亲的拳法一样 Well, one thing hasn't changed. You still hit like your fucking father
去你妹的门路 这事没门 Fucking associate. No goddamn way
我才不要和那恶毒女人共事 绝不 Not working with that poison bitch. Never again
你玩我 小坑子 You tricked me, you little shithole!
你早就知道了 You know fucking well you did
我以为你只恨你老爸 But I thought your dad was the one you hated
我恨他胜过一切! 除了她 I hate him more than anything in the goddamn world! Except her
威利 站住! 威利! Willie, stop! Willie!
OK, 搅屎棍 把车票钱退给我 Okay, shitstick, just give me back the money for the train ticket,
我们两清 then we're square
要么在你退出之前 先听我把话讲完 Or you could do your dumb-ass self a favor, at least hear me out before you quit
孩子 你是不是靠卖血来买酒 Boy, you been selling your blood for booze?
你看起来像衣衫褴褛的白化病人 You look like a fucking albino scarecrow
但是能见到你真好 Anyway, still good to see you
没有同感 Uh, I can't say I feel the same
妈的 什么破事儿 Goddamn, what a shit hole
你整我是不是 鸡巴蛋 - 操你 You conned me, you little prick - Fuck you!
请自便 卧室是我的 Make yourselves at home. Bedroom's mine
沙发可打开 你俩随便搞 That sofa folds out, so you guys can fight over that
冰箱里有凤爪 I got chicken feet in the fridge
怪不得有股蛋蛋味 - 孩子 啤酒 So that's what smells like nut sack - Boy, have a beer
侏儒也有份 - 别再这么叫我 I even got minis for the midget - Don't you ever fucking call me that
听好了 小人 我说话比较糙 Hey, listen, little man, I don't speak politically correct,
如果你有意见 尽管去棒棒糖公会投诉(绿野仙踪里的矮人公会) so if you got a problem with that, you take it up with the Lollipop Guild
闭乌鸦嘴 把任务交代给他 Shut the hell up! Just break it down for him, Sunny
我来交代任务 好吧 I'll break it down, all right
感恩之城这个慈善组织每募得1美元 Giving City is a charity at 98 cents every dollar
最多有0.98元被黑掉 goes to this A-hole at the top
雷金特哈斯丁 Regent Hastings
他吞了上万的善款 He takes in tens of thousands in donations,
并将之存入离岸账户内 and he squirrels them away in an offshore account
你想怎么办? - 你是说我们想怎么办? And how are you supposed to get it? - You mean, how are we supposed to get it?
这些小罐子 装满了现金 These little buckets here, they're filled with cash,
每天都快要溢出来 up to the brim, every day
入夜后 他们会将现金存入雷金特办公室的保险箱 And then at night, they store that cash in the safe in Regent's office
我们的目标 在这里 And that's our target. Right here
圣诞夜 他们要举行一场大型慈善音乐会 Christmas Eve, they have a big charity concert
趁孩子们和志愿者唱歌的时候 So while the kids and volunteers are all singing,
钱款就在这里 等候装运转移 the money's just sitting there, waiting for an armored transfer
这是我们的机会 去年运了200万 That's our take window. Last year, the haul was almost 2 mil
你怎么知道的? - 因为我在此间工作 And how do you know all this shit? - Because I work there, dumb-ass
我也是链条上的一份子 已经三个月了 It's a part of my release from the joint. I've been there 3 months
只做了一点挖掘工作 GOOGLE一下 Just did a little digging, a little Googling,
手工稍微核对了一下进出账目 a dry hand job to Isaac in Accounting. Boom
音乐会五天后举行 The concert's in five days
到时候 我们穿上套装 上街 Meantime, we wear the suit, hit the pavement,
敲铃铛 和别的志愿者一样 we ring the bell, just like the rest of the volunteers
很好 All right
听起来你已经算计好了一切 Well, it looks to me like you jackals already got the whole job figured out
你还要我干什么?你自己也会开保险箱 What do you need me for? You can crack a fucking safe
我不得不说 我想你了 我的小天使 Well, I'd like to say it's because I've missed you, my angel
实际上我得了帕金森病 听力也大不如前 But I got a touch of the Parkinson's and my hearing ain't what it used to be,
所以我需要你来开保险箱 so I'm gonna need you on the safe
唔 Mmm
你什么时候再把你的小鸡枪掏出来对着我? And when do you pull your little Roy Rogers pistol out on me again?
我说过抱歉了 往事就随风吧 威利 I said I was sorry. You gotta let that shit go, Willie!
不行 这事我记你一辈子 No, I think I'll hang on to it
老天哪 Oh, Christ
如果我和拿枪对我的人全都断绝关系的话 If I cut ties with every numbnut who tried to shoot me,
我就不会怀上你 I never would've gotten pregnant with you
行了孩子 和过去一样吧 Come on, boy. Be just like old times
过去 - 嗯 Old times? - Mm-hmm
你指的是过去的噩梦? 你之前为什么不说? You mean a living fucking nightmare? Why didn't you say so? I'm in
你别玩我了 祝你们好运 You gotta be shitting me. Good luck with the shakes
威利 得了 来试一次吧 Willie, come on. Just give it a chance
你不信任你妈? What, you don't trust your mother?
信她还不如信你 Yeah, I trust her about as far as I can throw you
信你还不如信她 And I trust you about as far as I can throw her
拜托 威利 我需要这单 Come on, Willie, I need this
你不也是吗 看看你自己 And I know your sorry ass does too. Look at you, man
OK 如果要我参加 必须你我联手对付她 Okay, if you want me in on this, it's you and me against her
明白吗? You got it?
她别想从保险箱拿到一个子儿 听懂我吗? She don't get a fucking nickel of what's in that safe. Get me?
完事后我们甩掉她 - 正确 We'll cut her out after the grab - Damn right
我就知道你不会袖手旁观 孩子永远是妈妈的儿子 I knew you couldn't stay away. You always were your mama's boy
别再啰嗦家里的事 OK? You just pipe down about the family stuff, okay?
是看在钱的面子上 句号 听懂了吗? I'm in this for the dough, period. You get me?
感觉有圣诞节的气氛了 Well, it's starting to feel like Christmas
多余的零钱 Spare some change
想想那些悲惨的别人 Think about somebody besides your fucking selves
我们必须看下保险箱 了解流程 We gotta get eyes on that safe. Need to know the make
你终于问到点子上了 搅屎棍 Now you're asking the right questions, shitstick
垃圾道是最佳进入方式 The trash chute's the best way in
我需要有人帮助我就位 I'm gonna need a hand getting into position
火力侦查 不错 我们今晚就去 Recon. Good. We'll go tonight
看这小脸颊 Look at those cheeks!
这绝对是地球上最丑的婴儿 That's the ugliest fucking baby on the planet
感觉是流产没有成功 I guess the abortion didn't take
保佑你的心灵 你妈的小气鬼 Well, bless your heart. Cheap little fucker
角币?你她妈开什么玩笑? Fucking dimes? Are you shitting me?
这里又不是脱衣俱乐部 - 这丑陋的一家 This ain't no strip joint - What a fucking Sokes family
这就是表兄妹近亲胡搞的结果 This is what happens when you screw your cousins
他所有的一切都是我教会的 I taught this muskrat everything he knows
你还蒙在鼓里吧? - 听好了 在我们有侏儒之前... Well, you don't know shit, then, do you? - Hey, listen, before we had midget...
不好意思...是小人 也就是威利 Excuse me... little people, we had Willie
他是我的快乐精灵 还记得以前吗 威利? He was my original elf. Remember those times, Willie?
喝多少酒都不能忘记 There ain't enough booze to forget it
他患有无端恐惧症 好尴尬 Well, he'd get panic attacks. It was embarrassing
当我去行骗的时候 我只能把他放在外边 I had to make him stay outside when I was turning a trick or bowling
等一下 你还会犯尴尬? Wait a fucking minute, you were embarrassed?
你这不是贼喊捉贼嘛 还是掩耳盗铃什么的? Isn't that kind of like the pot calling the other cot a fuck kettle,
反正就是这意思 - 你特娘说什么? or whatever it was? - What the fuck you say?
他是家里蹲大学毕业的 He's home-schooled
我得去灌点酒 I need a refill
在角落里蹲一会儿 - 住手 威利 And another fucking corner - Stop it, Willie
干嘛?这些钱迟早都是我们的 谁关心啊 What? We're gonna steal this shit any fucking way. Who cares?
我们被炒鱿鱼的话 就无权进屋了 But if we get fired, we got no access to the building
进不了屋的话 就不能接触保险箱 And if we got no access to the building, we got no access to the safe
接触不到保险箱的话 And if we got no access to the safe,
我还有什么必要站在这里 冻得我蛋蛋的忧伤 there's no reason for me to be standing out here, freezing my fucking nuts off
你的蛋还没有被磨掉吗? You mean your nuts haven't been scraped off
据说矮子的蛋离地面比较近 because they're so low to the ground already?
每次你醉的不省人事的时候 You know every time you're passed out,
我都坐在你的前额孵蛋 拍照 I lay them on your forehead and take a picture of it
我在朋友圈里发了一大堆我孵你的照片 I got a whole Instagram of that shit of me tea-bagging you
足足4000个赞 你老母 哈哈 Four thousand followers and counting, motherfucker. Ha-ha!
你们请自便 反正我得离开一下 Well, knock yourselves out. I'm getting the fuck out of here
拜托 现在是家庭团聚时间 Aw, come on, we're having family time here
他总是那么的疲软 也许是因为早产的缘故 He's always been too goddamn soft. Probably because he was born early
乖乖 我被他绊了一跤才意识到我生了个小孩 Hell, I didn't even know I'd given birth until I tripped over him
酒铺
你好 - Hi, 威利 Hello - Hi, Willie
孩子 怎么有我的号码? Kid, how'd you get my number?
破处女狼给我的 The cherry pop lady gave it to me
天啦噜 Oh, Jesus
我替你的公寓打扫卫生 威利 给宠物昆虫喂食 I cleaned your apartment, Willie. And I fed your insects
它们长得好大 They're getting really big
要不要我替你弄棵圣诞树? Do you want me to get you a Christmas tree?
啥?我要树干什么? - 以便我俩一起过圣诞节 What? Why would I want a tree? - So we can spend Christmas together
我在芝加哥 孩子 I'm in fucking Chicago, kid
那你不回来过圣诞节喽? So you're not coming back for Christmas?
对 我不回来过圣诞节 - 芝加哥在美国的中西部 威利 No, I'm not coming home for Christmas - Chicago's in the Midwest, Willie
也有饥饿英雄三明治店 They have Hungry Hoagies there too
那我替你向他们问好 OK? Well, good. I'll tell them you said hello, okay?
那家三明治店我谁都不认识 Except I don't know anyone at that Hungry Hoagies
别没事给我打电话 OK? All right, listen, you gotta quit fucking calling me, okay?
你在燃烧我的时间 - 万一有紧急电话呢 You're burning my minutes - But what if it's an emergency?
好吧 如果是紧急电话才打给我 了解吗? Fine! If it's an emergency, call me, all right?
不然让我的电话保持安静 OK? Otherwise, leave me the fuck alone, okay?
OK 我只在紧急的时候打 Okay. I'll only call if it's an emergency
拜 Bye
♪ It's the most wonderful time of the year ♪
OK 给孩子们食物 给钱吧 Okay, feed the kids. Come on. Give it up
看看那些将军肚的孩子们 You've seen them babies with beer bellies
人在做 天在看 Ho, ho! Come on, you got Jesus and the lambikins watching over you,
再看看他们的购物清单 checking their list twice
说你呢女士 捐赠一点小钱怎么样? Here you go, lady, how about a little money?
你一定不希望孤儿们暴动 You know what, you'd better hope the orphans don't riot
他们饿到要立马啃吃你们的屁股 They'll eat your fat ass right off the bat
很多孩子断手断脚 什么都断 You know, a lot of these kids don't got any arms and legs and shit
真走运 妈咪 你的小孩身体健全 You're lucky. See, ma'am? Yours got all their parts
这就对了 - 这就对了 谢谢 回头见 There you go - There you go. Thank you. See you later
还是做妈的靠谱 Damn. Mama ain't bad - Whoa!
我的地盘 Whoa-ho-ho! My spot
你站在我的地盘上 You are standing on my spot
真的?那就搞笑了 这里也没写你的名字啊 Really? That's funny, I don't see your fucking name on it anywhere
公平起见 我把名字写在隐蔽的地方 Well, in fairness, I did leave it unattended,
因为我必须留足小男孩的地方 but that's only because I had to run off to the little boys' room
你算什么 游戏秀的主持人? What are you, a fucking game show host or something?
你过会儿再来 - 反正我现在回来了 Dial it back a notch - But now I am back
吼吼吼吼吼吼 Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
感恩的季节 'Tis the season of giving!
如果你没有现金 可以短信认捐XMAS到999... And if you don't have cash, you can always text XMAS 999...
狗屎 没门 只收现金 Bullshit. No fucking way. Fucking cash only
十块以上 - OK Ten dollars or more - Okay
百元大钞更好 干嘛 Hundreds are better. What?
我必须提醒你注意语言 I am going to have to ask you to watch your language
你得对得起你穿的套装 when you're representing the suit
我必须提醒你吃个鸡巴 And I'm going to have to ask you to suck my fucking dick
我可警告你 I'm warning you
没有任何人和事物能够阻挡我散播快乐 Nothing and no one is getting in the way of me spreading my joy!
吼吼吼吼吼吼 Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
知道吗 你就是个变态 You know what, I think you're some kind of pervert
你害怕我强占你的敏感地带 and you're afraid I'm muscling in on your fucking fondle territory
我就是这么想的 - 我终于明白了 对 That's what I think - I see what's going on here. Yes, I see
你的内心很崩溃 - 是吗 You are hurting inside - Is that right?
只有一事可改变 And there's only one thing that can change that
是什么? - 抱抱 Yeah? What's that? - A hug
你是不是傻掉了? - 圣诞公公之抱抱 Are you out of your goddamn mind? - A hug from Santa!
我才不要圣诞公公的抱抱 No, I don't need no fucking hug from Santa
放开我 你老母 - 融解所有的压力 Let go of me, motherfucker - Melt all that stress away!
你有没有感觉到寒意 老兄 Would you cool it, pal?
你把小孩子们都吓跑了 知道我是什么意思吧 You're scaring all the kids away. You know what I mean?
你这该死的恋童癖 You are a fucking pedophile!
放开我 Let go of me - Aw!
擦 Fuck!
该死的混蛋 Ooh! - Fucking asshole!
该死的 Fucking shit
该死的混蛋 Fucking asshole
这家伙是个恋童癖 他等着你们所有的孩子 This guy's a pedophiliac, here, and he's after all your kids
你们最好赶紧走 You better get out of here
你这个该死的性变态 You fucking perverted fucking asshole!
干什么 先等一下 What the fuck? Hang on a second
他专门欺骗小孩 不是我 我才是英雄 He's the fucking kid diddler, not me. I'm a hero!
你肯定不会死在上面? - 我钻过更小的空间 相信我 Sure you won't die up there? - I've done smaller spaces, trust me
万一你不成功的话 儿子 我有个雪茄烟盒 替你造个漂亮棺材 Well, if you don't make it, son, I got a cigar box, make a nice casket
你叫谁儿子? Who you calling "son"?
我敢说我的阴户是色盲 这样你就放心了 Well, I'm proud to say that my pussy is color-blind, so you never know
哦 Oh!
哇 成功了 小精子 你进去了 Whoa! You go, little sperm. Get up in there
这种绝活可不是每天都看得到的 Well, you don't see something like that every day
啊 瓶子 不是可回收的吗 Ow! Bottles! Recycle that shit!
啊 干你... 啊 不 Oh! What the fuck is tha... Oh, shit! No!
嘿 Hey
我一直想和圣诞公公来一炮 I always wanted to fuck me a Santa
我一直想对刺青鸟蛋拉泡屎 Well, I always wanted to shit on a tattooed dick
如此我们便各得其所 so we're perfect for each other
库克 走吧 - 梦里见 头儿 Cook, let's go - See you in my dreams, chief
谢谢 Thank you
你不是第一个行为越轨的志愿者 You're not the first volunteer to go off the rails
算你走运 感恩之城在社区很有威严 Lucky for you, Giving City has a high standing in the community,
你不会被指控 so you won't get charged
把自己清理干净后 把套装还掉 You can turn in your suit when you clean yourself up
等一下子 你解雇我了? Now, hang on a second. You're firing me?
我刚铲除了一个性变态 I rooted out a pervert
明显你应该奖励我 You should be throwing me a fucking parade
那事我们很感激 但你浑身散发着威士忌的臭味 And we're very grateful. But you reek of whiskey
你这是明知故犯 You know the rules and you're flouting them
明知故犯? Flouting?
我可没吸过谁的酒精 我指的是用吸管 I never sucked jizz out of nobody's ass. I mean, with a straw
你说的就是吸精大法吧 I believe that's felching
那我可不得而知 Not that I would know
节日快乐 库克先生 你的自由算作是我的礼物吧 Uh, happy holidays, Mr. Cook. Consider your freedom a gift from me
再等一下 等等 我只喝了一口 Well, hang on a second. Hang on! I only had one drink
只是为了帮助我抵御寒冷 我的蛋都冻掉了 And that was just to keep warm out there. I'm freezing my nuts off
开诚布公的话 你们应当给我们提供 And if we're being honest here, you, you guys should be supplying us
类似电热内衣之类的东西 with some kind of electric underwear or some shit
真开诚布公的话 我不喜欢被骗 Oh, well, if we're being honest, I don't like being lied to
拜托 我需要这 - 请不要那么介意嘛 Please. I need this - Why do you care so much?
我为什么要介意? Why do I care? Why do I care
我来告诉你原因 这世界一团糟 I'll tell you why I care. Because the world's a fucking shit hole
然而我穿上了套装 我感觉... But when I put this suit on, I feel like...
就好比麦克阿瑟将军穿上了他的制服 Well, I feel like General MacArthur must have felt when he put his uniform on
杀光所有的菲律宾人 and went and killed all them Filipinos
我非常的容忍孩子们 Look, I, I put up with a lot of shit from kids...
为了孩子们 我绝对不会有辱此套装 绝对不会 For the kids. I won't piss on the suit. I really won't
就给我娘西皮的一次机会吧! I mean, give a broke-dick motherfucker a chance, will you?
好吧 我给你改过自新的机会 但你也得帮我一下 Fine. I'll give you a second chance. If you give me a chance to help you
好的 All right
情况如何 爱丽丝? How we looking, Alice?
根据这份报告 Well, according to this report,
感恩之城今年收入大减 Giving City's gonna lose a record amount of money this year
每次你那么说的时候 我的老二硬如铁 Ugh, every time you say that, my dick gets so hard
OK - 我们现在来一发吗? Okay - Hey, why don't we just do it right now
求你 - 不 Come on - No
我把你的佣金提高5% I'll up your commission to five percent
10% 我就让你干我的破鞋 Make it ten, and I'll let you do that thing with my shoe
要两只破鞋 你必须旁边看着 Both shoes. And you have to watch
成交 Deal
这里不能抽烟 - 去报警啊 You can't smoke here, sir - So call the fucking law
当他们扭着肥臀到场的时候 And while they're rolling their fat asses down here,
我已经抽的云里雾里 像台老别克 I'll be smoking like an old Buick, all right?
拘留? 天那 威利 Arrested? Christ! William
不是拘留 是扣留 - 来发金酒 Not arrested. I was detained - Yeah. Shot of gin
你想什么呢? 差点搞砸了 What were you thinking? You could have fucked this whole thing up
问题解决了 - 唔 I handled it - Mmm
答应和她一起去嗜酒者互诫协会 Told her I'd go to an AA meeting with her
别理他们那套 威利 喝酒有什么大不了的 Don't buy their shit, William. No such thing as an alcoholic
只表示你比较弱而已 Just a sign of a weak liver
我说了自有办法 你怎么 聋了? I said I fucking handled it. What are you, deaf?
你说话舌头打结了 搅屎棍 Well, you talk like you have a cock in your mouth, shitstick
知道他为什么被称作"搅屎棍"? Hey, you know why we call him "shitstick"?
因为他小时候 就喜欢后入 Because even when he was a baby, he tried to butt-fuck everything
妈的 - 玩具猴子 邻居家的狗 Goddamn it - Stuffed monkey, neighbor's dog
告诉你 只要有屁股的 他都会去干 I'm telling you, if it had a butt, he'd try to fuck it
用他的小丁丁 He's with his little nub, going
另外 你可以考虑和性感天使来一发 Anyway, I think you ought to be working the sexual angle with her,
据我了解 她丈夫不能行事 because I know for a fact that that husband isn't getting it done
那货一辈子就没有啪过小蒂蒂 That guy never rocked a clit in his life
这是我慈母般的肺腑之言 希望你用心 And that is one piece of motherly advice I hope you took to heart
你的摩托艇必须保持震动 直到她开始用方言祈祷(类似和尚含糊不清地念经) You motorboat that O-button till she's speaking in tongues
你知道"儿子"二字代表什么吧? - 你什么时候这么娘了? You know what "son" means, right? - When did you turn into such a pussy?
别担心 我好的很 - 我才不担心 Don't worry, I'm fine - I'm not worried
我只是希望你别把肺咳到我酒里去 OK? I just don't want you hacking up your lung in my drink, okay?
没机会了 老娘的身子骨还有的一拼 Not a chance. Nah, this chassis' built to last
我一天两包薄荷香烟 You know, I smoked two packs of menthols a day,
再用一升金酒压压惊 washed it down with a liter of this gin...
我还能再来一发那小伙子的精汁 And I could still fill that shot glass with this man's jizz
我说了关我屁事 OK? - 了解了 你还在生气我 I said I don't give a shit, okay? - Fine. I get it. You're mad at me
你觉我13岁就准备真心当妈了吗 You think I was really ready to be a mom at 13?
我们本打算再过至少一年 Huh? We were gonna wait at least another year
你那个混蛋父亲 I mean, the one time your son of a bitch father
没射在我菊花里 结果我怀孕了 didn't put it in my ass, I had to go and get pregnant
乱心的事 - 美极了 Shit happens - That's fucking beautiful
我不想假装完美老妈 Look, I'm not gonna pretend I was a perfect mother
的确 Yeah, no shit
你让我背黑锅 我当时11岁 You made me take the fall for you when I was 11
我俩没必要同时进局子 Well, there's no sense in us both going down
此外 成就了你男人本性 因为我你才有自我 Besides, it made a man of you. You are who you are because of me
我与你完全没有相似点 No, I'm not anything like you
是吗?你继续自说自话好了 Yeah? Well, you keep telling yourself that
那个侏儒怎么样了 天色已晚 Now where's your fucking midget? It's getting late
♪ Pop that pussy Hey, pop that pussy, baby ♪
什么...什么声音 What... What is that?
妈的 Shit!
那里面有喇叭吗 What, do you have a speaker up there?
多夫曼 上来 Dorfman, get up here
你确定是电话铃声吗? 有可能是排风机的声音 You sure it was a phone ring? Might have just been the fan turning over
多夫曼 根据我的经验 排风机不会发出"顶你个肺"声 Well, Dorfman, last time I checked, fans don't "Pop That Pussy."
对 的确不会 No, I suppose they don't
我觉得是戴安派人监视我 No, I think Diane hired someone to spy on me
戴安? 貌似不是她的风格 - 你盯着点她 Diane? That doesn't sound like her - I want you to watch her
本楼内的一切动静 任何蹊跷都报告我 Anything unusual, I wanna know about it. And cover the whole building
比如麦克风 摄像头 任何玩意 I'm talking microphones, cameras, everything
收到 女洗手间也已被关照 Copy. Ladies' room is already taken care of
他和爱丽丝有一腿 He's fucking Alice
我就说嘛 - 你打我电话干毛? Go figure - Why the fuck would you call me?
就你这种人才才会开铃音模式 Well, you're the genius who left your ringer on
我只认识你们两个 何必打电话? Because you the only two people I know. Why would you call?
她用鞋子干嘛呢? 天 What's she doing with that shoe? Oh, God!
风道的声音被他听见了 有问题吗? He heard a noise in the fucking vent. What's the big deal?
他听到风道里有"顶你个肺" 问题大了 He heard "Pop That Pussy" in the vent, and that is a big fucking deal
她知道情况? Think she knows?
哪个? - 红发女郎 戴安 Who? - You know, the redheaded gal, Diane
知道她男人在鬼混? That her husband's fooling around with the help?
我说的是 她是否知晓她男人 I'm saying, do you think she knows that her fucking husband
在盗窃善款? is ripping off the goddamn charity?
谁鸟啊? 只要她不挡路 Who gives a shit? As long as she doesn't get in the way
你能破保险箱吗? - 当然能破 Can you crack the safe? - Of course I can crack the fucking safe
大约要3分钟 最多3.5分钟 Probably take me about three minutes. Three and a half tops
你最好再减少1分钟 以防万一 Well, you shave a minute off that, you may be good for something
警报系统何解? - 那是半人马2100型 What about the alarm system? - It's a Centaur 2100
先切断电源 它重启需要10分钟 We power it down, we have ten minutes before it reboots
但我首先要有电控室的钥匙 But I'm gonna need a key to the electrical room to access it
那是入内的唯一途径 - 我们怎么办 It's the only way in - Ah, shit, how are we gonna get that?
想都别想 威利 Don't even think about it, Willie
那个大浪蹄子是我的 That big bitch is mine
他得给你放尊重点 He should show you some respect
你才是核心人物 不是他 - 嘿 兰德尔 You're the talent, not him - Hey, Randall!
介意帮我一把吗 Mind giving me a hand over here?
这些东西要搬去礼堂 I've gotta get this stuff to the auditorium
他乐意至极 亲爱的 他是壮男 He'd love to, darling. Strong, strapping man like him
记住小蒂蒂 儿子 为了老妈 Clitoris, son. Do it for Mama
谢了 阳光姐 Thanks, Sunny
她很甜 我希望有几百个她那样的志愿者 She's so sweet. I wish I had a hundred volunteers like her
对 她是个人物 独此一份 Oh, yeah, she's something. I'm sure they only made one of her
你好吗 美女 How you doing, beautiful?
是叫吉娜吗 - 对的 Gina, was it? - That's right
雷纳德 我们还没有正式介绍过 - 那么你好 雷纳德 现在正式了 Ronald. We haven't officially met - Well, hello, Ronald. Officially
我觉得你一定不知道自己有多美 I bet you got no idea how beautiful you really are
不知道 也许多少有些自知 I don't know. I think I've got some idea
哦 是吗 - 至少有一点 Oh, you do, do you? - Maybe a little
我不是那么轻率的人 我可有标准 I don't mean to be indiscreet, but I do pretty well
没有金刚钻 别揽瓷器活 So if you can't bring your A game, don't even try
甜心 我不敢肯定你能承受我的金刚钻 Sweetheart, I'm not sure you could handle my A game
所谓一发就不可收拾 You get one hit of me and you'll be addicted
我喜欢你的自信 - 我会让你生逢七月四 I like your confidence - I'd light you up like the Fourth of July
听好了 雷纳德 咱开门见山吧 Look, Ronald, I'm just gonna cut to the chase here
我只坐头等舱 I am strictly first-class
比如克莱斯勒300 工厂直送 顶配规格 I'm talking Chrysler 300, factory-direct, fully loaded
之后...当然得有龙虾 And after that... lobster
如果你能承受得起 Now if you think you can handle that,
那么或许 仅仅或许 我考虑铅笔插在笔筒里 then maybe, just maybe, I'll pencil you in
拜 Bye
♪ Joy to the world, the Lord is come ♪
他们棒吧 Aren't they great?
雷金特太过关注业务 但我喜欢你 Regent likes to focus on the business, but I'm like you
我全心全意为孩子们 还有圣诞音乐会 I am all about those kids and the Christmas concert
我们欢迎... We all participate
志愿者 雇员 如你有兴趣就加入我们 Volunteers, staff. If you're interested, you could join us
你脑子有问题么 You outta your goddamn mind?
我才不要在一堆糖果拐杖里跳舞 I ain't dancing around with a bunch of candy canes and shit
我纠结的是圣诞之初 Because I'm all about the birth of Christmas
一伙聪明蛋 You know, the wise guys
把他踢出旅馆 一次就怀孕的... kicked him out of the hotel and the ejaculate conception
那个鼓手没有东西可给他 除了一些香水 and the drummer that didn't have shit to give him but some perfume...
迈达斯王威胁要把孩子砍成两半 And the King Midas or one of them threatened to cut the kid in half,
再把他变成金子 我... turn him into gold and but, see, I...
这故事相当的沉重 极其沉重 It's a heavy deal for me. Pretty damn heavy
你说的是圣诞的真正由来吧? Are you talking about the true meaning of Christmas?
正确 - 好吧 Exactly - Right
别忘了明晚7:30的会务 Don't forget about the meeting tomorrow night at 7:30
哦 - 第一次都有些害怕的 Oh, yeah - Hey, it's only scary the first time
这车去芝加哥吗 - 不去 Does this bus go to Chicago? - No
孩子 这车只去箭头奥特莱斯 Son, this bus goes to the Arrowhead Premium Outlets
靠近芝加哥吗 - 不 Is that close to Chicago? - No
OK Okay
我看起来如何 How do I look?
你看起来像巧克力工厂的威利旺卡 You look like one of those trolls that gang-fucked Willy Wonka
好段子 搅屎棍 Good one, shitstick
棍子先生 你打算今晚去插那只嫩鸡么 Hey, Shaft, you ready to stick it to this chick tonight?
贱人 告诉你 Bitch, let me tell you something
当我真的成为那支笔后 众人皆赞我为三脚架 When I was at the pen, everyone called me tripod
好吧 反正你的腿只有6英寸(约15厘米) Well, if your legs are six inches long,
那又有什么了不起的 (正常丁丁尺寸差不多15厘米) that's not that big of a fucking deal, see
等你6.5英尺(约2米)高的时候 如果他们还叫你三脚架 Now, if you're six foot five and they called you tripod,
我就算你狠 then you're talking about something
卑鄙的人 你们两个 - 唔 Miserable fucks, both of you - Mm
妈的 你是吃了自己的屎还是怎么的? - 我就吃了点牛奶硬糖 Goddamn, did you eat your own shit? - No, I've been eating caramels
你还记得牛奶硬糖让妈妈打嗝吗? You know how caramels make Mama belch. Remember?
没有 不记得了 No. No, I don't
得了 你记得的 No, come on. You remember
你还小的时候 Look, when you were a baby,
我嚼了牛奶硬糖喂你 就像母鸟喂雏 I used to chew and feed you caramels, just like a mama bird does
我嚼啊嚼啊 嚼到它们溶化 I'd chew and chew and chew till they were all milky
妈的 Goddamn
然后...吐到你的小嘴里 And then I'd... spit them right in your little mouth
而你 你乜着你的小(眼).... And you'd just, you'd just squint your little...
没看见我正在吞披萨吗 Can't you see I'm trying to eat a fucking pizza here?
我指天发誓 该死的电烤炉 I swear to God, a fucking electric oven
换了全套新牙口 终于重见天日 Anyway, it took this new set of teeth to finally see the light
老天爷 我得赶紧来一杯 Jesus, I already need a fucking drink
有人问我不可惜了真牙吗 People ask me if I miss my old teeth
但是 有舍才有得 But sometimes, you have to lose something to gain something
我重新开始约会 决心找到真命女 Now, I'm dating again, and I'm ready to find The One
谢谢 杰森 Thank you for that, Jason
没有牙口 非常适合深喉 - 可怕 With no teeth, he ought to try dudes - Terrible
还有谁想分享的 Would anyone else care to share?
有人吗 Anyone?
舞台归你了 The stage is yours
大家好 我是戴安 我有酒瘾 - Hi, 戴安 Hi, I'm Diane and I'm an alcoholic - Hi, Diane
也许下次 你会有感觉发言 Maybe next time, you'll feel comfortable speaking
不太清楚 I don't know about that
OK 好吧 Okay. Fine
你不妨先拿我练嘴 Maybe you can just talk to me if that's easier
你有没有经历过人生低谷? Do you ever feel like you hit rock bottom?
开我玩笑 You gotta be shitting me
我有 大约20岁后 I sure did. In my late 20's
有些人很会喝酒 他们就是不醉 You know, some people can have one drink and they're fine
我不是那种人 我撒酒疯 I am not that kind of person. I get wild
我竖着耳朵呢 有多疯? - 什么 I'm all ears. How wild? - What?
你是指性事吗? 就那种事 You mean like sex stuff? That kind of thing?
是的 Yes
酒精让我做出非常不明智的选择 Alcohol led me to make some not-so-good choices
但我已金盆洗手 But I've cleaned up my life
我遇见雷金特... - 稍等一下 I met Regent.. - Wait a minute, hang on
你清醒的时候居然挑了这个讨厌鬼? You picked that douche bag up when you were sober?
他与众不同 当时在美国和平部队 He was different when he was in the Peace Corps
他帮助我找回重心 He helped me find focus
你不明白 真糟糕 三枪 五枪 You don't understand, it was bad. Three-ways, five-ways...
五条枪? 你到底有几个洞? Five-ways? How many holes do you have?
总而言之 必须戒酒 - 对 我也觉得 Anyway, the drinking had to stop - Yeah, I guess so
酒精会让你忘记从前的快乐 It was probably making you forget all the fun you had
我说的是上瘾 库克先生 I'm talking about addiction, Mr. Cook
好比性瘾? 酒瘾? Like sex? Or booze?
听好了 Listen, I'll tell you what,
我很想把你弄到后座 I'd like to get you in that back seat there
扯掉你的胖次 来个热臀贴面 And tear your little panties off and get that ass in my face
超乎想象的插你的穴穴 and just fuck that pussy like you can't imagine
说什么哪 Excuse me?
你个猥亵的 肮脏的 You filthy, dirty...
我还以为我们来此就是谈这个的 Well, I thought that's what we were talking about here
滚出我的车 Get out of my car!
没问题 - 难以相信 Damn, no sweat - Unbelievable
妈的 Goddamn
我是想帮你的 - 抱歉啊 I'm trying to help you - Look, I'm sorry
我会错意了 我只是想... I fucking read you wrong. I was just...
好 谢谢你 雷纳德 Well, thank you, Ronald
那些甲壳类真好吃 - 对 That was some fine crustacean - Yeah
也许我们一起上楼 Maybe we should take this upstairs
唔 - 怎么 Hmm - What?
瓜熟必蒂落 我有感觉 你有感觉吗 When it's right, it's right. I feel it, you feel it?
你真的很有意思 但是 - 我对你不够高 You're really fun, but just.. - I'm not tall enough for you?
什么 - 继续说啊 What? - Go on and say it
不!与你的身高无关 我不看身高的 No! Your height has nothing to do with it. I don't even see height
那到底怎么了? What's the trouble, then, baby?
你不是我的菜 我喜欢年长的 You're just not my type. I'm into older guys
比如 年长的犹太人 年长的爱尔兰人 老爹族 You know, like, older Jewish guys, older Irish guys, dads
不是我爹 其他人的爹 这种最好 Not my dad, other people's dads. They're the best
他们通常喜欢菊花 而他们的老婆不干 You know, they're usually into anal. But their wives won't give it up
但我不介意 我更喜欢成熟的 有经验的男士 But I don't mind. I'm just into, you know, more mature, experienced guys
那些经常旅行 有教养的 爱菊花的男士 Guys who are well-traveled, cultured and into butt stuff
坏男人 不好好从前面干 却喜欢虐人的男士 Bad boys, you know. Guys who don't give a fuck and treat me like shit
还有那些我求他们深喉我 然后越深入越欢乐的那种 A guy who if I asked him to choke me, would enjoy it just a little too much
妹的 姑娘 我绝不会对你干这种事 Damn, girl, I wouldn't pick you out for that kind of shit
圣诞节总是让我冷汗淋漓 Christmas in general gets me so drenched
我的意思是 某个家伙闯进你家里 吃掉你的食物 I mean, a guy breaks into your house, eats your food
惩罚你一通 因为你的淘气 (她指的是北欧版圣诞老人) and then punishes you because you were naughty
我想该上楼去看"生活多美好"了(1946年美国电影) I think I'm gonna go upstairs and watch It's a Wonderful Life
老泪纵横一下(励志片 也是圣诞电影) and rub one out right now
多谢你的龙虾 But thanks for the lobster
婊子总归是婊子 Ain't that but a bitch!
居然吃掉10磅的龙虾(约9斤) Done ate ten pounds of lobster
我连逼味都没有闻到 and I didn't even get a chance to smell that pussy
倒霉 Damn. Shit
好吧 上车 Fine, get in
雷金特和我很久没做爱了 Regent and I haven't had sex in over a decade
我们在一起就是为了慈善 We stay together for the charity
我是个正经女孩 库克先生 但有时也要疯狂一下 I'm a good girl, Mr. Cook, but sometimes I need to be bad
现在把你肮脏的屁屁挪进来 Now get your filthy ass in the car
正是我想的 See, that's what I thought
耶 Oh, yeah!
像操母狗一样的操我 Fuck me like the dirty little slut that I am
叫我圣诞公公 Call me Santa
啥? - 叫我圣诞公公 What? - Call me Santa
别粗鲁 告诉我这是有多肮脏 Don't be weird. Tell me how dirty this is
叫我圣诞公公 - 闭嘴 Call me Santa - Shut up
向我吐唾沫 And spit on me
干 Fuck!
告诉我这是有多肮脏 - OK Tell me how dirty it is - Okay
胡同里 垃圾箱旁 U h, it's a dumpster in an alley
那可是相当的肮脏 It's pretty, pretty fucking dirty, I guess
告诉我这是有多肮脏 - OK 太特么脏了 Tell me it's fucking dirty! - Okay, it's fucking dirty
脏 It's dirty
好脏 Yes, it's dirty
操我 我好脏 - 耶 Oh, oh, fuck me. I'm so dirty - Yeah
只有一次 下不为例 It was a one-time thing. That never happened
好的 All right
搞什么 What the fuck?
我不想错过"亿万未婚夫"的结局 I'm not missing The Bachelor finale
我到底要看看小鲜肉最后把玫瑰赠谁了 I gotta see who the dingleberry gives his last rose to,
肿脸泡还是烂婊子 Goiter Face or Drunk Slut
操 赶紧从我面前消失 Fuck! Oh! Get out of my brain!
嘿 黑密欧 你搞到钥匙了吗? - 我还需要点时间 Hey, Homeo, you got the key? - I'm gonna need a little more time
天那 难道我是今晚唯一劳碌命的人? Christ, am I the only one getting anything done here tonight?
我还以为我自己的家庭够糟的了 And I thought my family was fucked
矬子总是这么没用吗 Is he always this fucking useless?
喔 呼叫120 Ow! - Oh, call the medic!
♪ Frosty the Snowman Was a jolly happy soul ♪
♪ With a corn cob pipe and a button nose And two eyes made of out coal ♪
♪ Frosty the Snowman Is a fairy tale they say ♪
♪ He was made of snow But the children know ♪
♪ How he came to life one day ♪
♪ For Frosty the Snowman Had to hurry on... ♪
你认识威利吗? - 威利? 不 Do you know Willie? - Willie? No
谁是威利? - 我现在可以骑自行车吗 Who the hell is Willie? - Can I ride the bicycle now?
他们去嗜酒者互诫协会干嘛? Why the fuck were they at an AA meeting?
不知道 I don't know
也许他是酒鬼 - 拍的好 多夫曼 Maybe he's an alcoholic - Brilliant insight, Dorfman
不过 我想知道他们为什么在一起 No, I'm wondering why they were together
我得起他的老底 I wanna know who he is
都去查查 学校 警所 银行 医疗 Find out everything. Schools, arrests, financials, meds
随便他什么资料 我都要看 Whatever's out there on this guy, I wanna see it
收到 Copy
还要老娘我出马去色诱那个女女来搞钥匙? Yeah, do I need to seduce that girl myself to get that key?
因为我能 我又不是第一次 Because I can. Wouldn't be the first time
那画面太美我不敢看 我去办 Please don't make me picture that. I'm on it
你最好快点 Well, you better be
不然我去办她 Or else I'll get her done
我需要兰德尔库克的全部档案 I need full dossier on a Randall Cook
对 我说的是"档案" Yes, I said "dossier."
抱歉 我以为那是正规的术语命名法 I'm sorry. I was under the impression that was the correct nomenclature
"术语命名法" "Nomenclature."
好吧 其实就是资料 Fine! A file, then
混蛋 Asshole
♪ Everybody shake your ungh ♪
♪ Shake it to the left Shake it to the right ♪
♪ Shake it to the east, baby Shake it all night ♪
♪ Shake it to the left Shake it to the right ♪
♪ Shake it to the west, baby Shake it all night ♪
♪ Move your feet Come on ♪
搅屎棍!我们走! 我有份临工 就我俩 Shitstick! Let's go! I got a side gig, just the two of us
我忙着 - 我说上车 I'm busy - I said get in the van
我说了我在忙 I said I'm fucking busy!
每次我一乐呵你就搞破坏 One fucking thing I get to enjoy and you shit on that too
我负责外借圣诞公公的单子 So I help field incoming calls for the Santa appearances
还有节目秀等等 我私下为我们揽了一单 and shows and whatnot, so I snagged this one just for us
每年 这些富人们为有需求的孩子办巨型派对 Every year, these rich assholes throw this huge party to benefit the needy kids
今年 他们需要圣诞公公和圣诞婆婆 And this year, they requested Mr. and Mrs. Santa Claus
趁你扮演圣诞公公之际 我去撸些货 So, while you're playing Santa, I'm gonna clean these buggers out
等一下 Hang on a second here
难道要我让那成堆的儿童在我膝盖坐一天? I'm gonna spend my whole day with a bunch of damn kids on my lap?
我早退休不干了 - 给我 I'm retired from that shit anyway - Give me that
给我 你个死酒鬼 Give me that, you fucking lush
你得保持清醒 - 妈的 I need you sharp - Goddamn it
♪ Dashing through the snow In a one-horse open sleigh ♪
♪ O'er the fields we go Laughing all the way ♪
♪ Ha ha ha Bells on bobtails ring ♪
♪ Making spirits bright ♪
♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride And sing these songs tonight ♪
保持酒来酒往好吗? - 嗯哼 Hey, keep those coming, will you? - Mm-hmm
♪ Jingle all the way ♪
OK Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay
说真的 你得把车还给我 现在 Seriously, you need to give my bike back. Now
破处女狼在哪里 Where are the cherry pop ladies?
吉娜! Oh, Gina!
嘿 Oh, hey!
你没生气吧 - 生气? 没有 因为我懂你 You're not mad, are you? - Mad? No. Because I get you
你是个高标准的 You a woman of high standards,
品味高雅的... refined taste...
咋 姑娘? - 你咋的 花花肠子 What's up, girl? - Ooh. You know what's up, playa
抱歉 说什么 I'm sorry, what?
看什么看 很好玩吗 What the hell are you looking at me so funny for?
对不起 圣诞公公 我必须要走 Sorry, Santa. I had to go
是你干的?我还以为是我 Oh, is that you? I thought it was me
嘿 格里塔 能给我找块破布 再来杯真饮料吗 Hey, Greta. Could you, uh, get me a rag and a real drink, please?
当然 我马上来 Of course. I'll be right back
走吧 去穿尿布 Come on. Get out of here. Put a fucking diaper on
你好湿 - 才没有 怎么效劳? Hey, you're wet - No shit. What can I do for you?
你能去大溪城我奶奶家找我吗 Will you be able to find me at my grandma's house in Grand Rapids?
因为我们芝加哥的家里要两星期没有人 Because no one's going to be at our Chicago house for two weeks
好的别担心 我会去找你的 不过请你也帮公公一个忙 好吗 Oh, yeah. Don't worry. I'll find you. But, hey, do Santy a favor, will you?
你有不住的那个家的地址吗 You know the address of where you're not gonna be?
写在纸上 拿来给我 好吗 Write it down on a piece of paper and bring it back to Santy, will you?
对 甜心 好孩子 All right, honey. Good girl
如何效劳 What do you want?
我要我的世界、光环5:守护者、古墓丽影 I want Minecraft, Halo 5 Guardians, Rise of the Tomb Raider,
交叉领域计划2:勇气新世界、刺客信条:编年史三部曲 Project X Zone Two, Assassin's Creed Chronicles Trilogy, As...
耶耶 够了够了 我 我不懂 Yeah, yeah. That's great, that's great. I, I don't know
使命召唤12：黑色行动3 - 我不知道你在说什么鬼 Call of Duty Black Ops III.. - I don't know what you're talking about
完全不懂你在说什么 I have no idea what that shit is
你还不如直接说斯瓦希里语 那样我不懂的更干脆 You could be speaking fucking Swahili and I wouldn't know any better
侠盗猎车手5 - 我才不管 Grand Theft Auto V - Nah, I don't care
如何效劳 What can I get you?
饱牛哞哞不屁屁 A stuffed cow that moos but doesn't poop
皮皮带带造船船 - 啥毛? Some duct tape so I can build a boat - What?
饱牛哞哞不屁屁 皮皮带带造船船 A stuffed cow that moos but doesn't poop. Some duct tape so I can build a boat
OK Okay
请坐 圣诞公公如何效劳 Have a seat. What can Santy Claus get you?
一只企鹅 不一定要活的 A penguin. It doesn't have to be alive
怎么搞 冠军? - 我要手雷 What's up, champ? - I want a hand grenade
我要手放开 Yeah, well, I want a hand release,
没看到我屏住呼吸吗 but you don't see me holding my breath, do you?
什么是手放开? - 一种妥协 What's a hand release? - It's kind of a compromise
总之 圣诞公公没有兵工厂 我帮不了你 Anyway, Santy ain't no arms dealer, so I can't help you out
再见 See you later
我们走 Let's go
喔扑死 Oops!
用走的 不要跑 Walk. Don't run!
你夹的好紧 你干嘛的 伐木工? That's quite a grip you got there. What are you, a lumberjack?
推铅球的 奥运会候补队员 - 好极了 Shot put. Olympic alternate - Nice
你可以只玩棍棍 Hey, listen, can you kind of stay up on the business end
不玩球球吗 and stay away from the nuts?
也许你可用拇指捅菊花? Maybe if you put your thumb up my ass?
我不干 No, I don't do that
孩子 - 妈的 我老妈 Kiddums - Goddamn it. That's my mom
该走了 - 诶 你老妈? Time to get a move on - Ew. Your mom?
对 帮我拉链 Yeah. Help me zip this shit
啥?呃 What? Ugh
戴维! 戴维! Davis! Davis!
你朋友那? - 我没什么朋友 Where's your friend at? - I ain't got any fucking friends!
注意语言 Hey, watch your language
我插你老婆鲍鱼的时候 还盯着本大爷的丁丁出出入入吗 Why don't I watch my dick go in and out of your wife's pussy lips while I'm at it?
是吗? 笑话了 我老婆6个月前仙了 啵 Oh, yeah? Well, joke's on you because my wife died six months ago. Boom!
这样就能阻止我? 死后僵直只会让鲍鱼更紧致 Like that will fucking stop me? Rigor mortis just make the pussy tighter
库克在哪? Oh. Where's Cook?
看见吗 You see that?
赫 Huh? Yeah
大功告成 - 差不多吧 We still got it, kid - Yeah, I guess so
本该就是这样 威利 It was always supposed to be this way, William
你我 只是我搞砸了 You, me. Before I fucked it all up
但我俩联手的时候 我记挂你 But even when I was in the joint, I thought of you
总为了你的生日而喝一杯...1月3日 And I always had a drink on your birthday... January third
第七次了 Seventh
是8月4日 - 4日? August fourth - Fourth?
还有8月 And August. Yeah
日了鸭了 总之 重点是我记挂着 Well, fuck a duck. Anyway, uh, the point is that I miss this
想想我们能造成多大的破坏 就我们俩 从来都是 Just think of the damage we could do. Just the two of us. All the time
知道吗?有礼物给你 Hey. You know what? I got you a gift
我的人生 你从来没给过我礼物 You never got me a gift in my entire fucking life
啵吼 Well, boohoo
我孩子时 为娘的天天菊花下雨你以为全都是礼物雨吗? You think it was raining presents in my backyard when I was a kid?
我想弥补失去的老时光 Look, I'm trying to make up for lost time here
做个更好的... 父母? You know, be a better.. - Parent?
我在边桌找到的 Yeah. I found this in the bedside table
脑子快 Think fast
什么鬼 The fuck?
别乱搞 - 这归我了 Don't do that - Oh, that's for me
闭嘴 Shut up
别用那玩意捅我 Pew-pew - Don't touch me with the fucking thing
说真的 我真有礼物给你 No, seriously. I did get you a gift
你拿去吧 - 干嘛用的 I want you to have this - What the fuck's that for?
对付侏儒 他曾想干掉你 我不会给他第二次机会的 The midget. He tried to kill you once. I'm not gonna give him a second chance
我以为他现在变好了 OK? - 嘿嘿嘿 I think he knows better by now, okay? - Hey, hey, hey
你是我的搅屎棍 谁都别想在我的监视下搞你 You're my shitstick. And nobody's gonna mess with you on my watch
我没事 I'm fine
我们必须扔掉这车 然后分开 We gotta get rid of this van and split up
停在那里 - 干嘛 Hey, pull over right here - What for?
只管停在那里 OK? Just fucking pull over, okay?
OK 等我 别熄火 Okay, just wait right here. Keep it running
马上回来 Be right back
哇 Wow
OK 走人 Okay, go, go, go, go, go!
给我开门 Hey! Hey! Open the door!
干 - 你拿了什么 Fuck! - What you got?
拿去 喝了 Here, drink this
你这个甜蜜小麝鼠 - 别一次喝光了 You sweet little muskrat - Don't get all choked up
我讨厌那个咳嗽 I'm just tired of that fucking coughing
啊 Ahhh
有阵子没喝了 I hadn't gotten 'tussed up in a while - Yeah
只不过是奥尔巴尼城一个没用的地址 Nothing but an old address somewhere outside Albany
没别的了? - 那家伙是个鬼 Nothing else? Shit - The guy's a ghost
OK 呼叫12区的探长欧尼尔 Okay, call Detective O'Neill at Precinct 12
让他进行面部识别 - 擦 面部识别 Have him run a facial rec - Fuck yeah. Facial rec
那可是九级监督 - 对 That's a level-nine surveillance - Yeah
啊 Yes! Oh! Oh!
别忍精了 - 别忍精? Don't hold back - Don't hold back?
你到底想要啥 风炮吗?妈的 我的骨盆都要折了 What do you want, a fucking jackhammer? Goddamn, I nearly broke my fucking pelvis
不是 我要你快点射了 听见有人声 No, I mean hurry up and cum. I can hear someone
叫我"圣诞公公" Call me "Santa."
好吧 Fine
干我 圣诞公公 - 大声点 Fuck me, Santa - Louder
干我 圣诞公公! - 来射了 Fuck me, Santa! - There you go
干我 圣诞公公! 干我 圣诞公公! Fuck me, Santa! Fuck me, Santa!
干我 圣诞公公! 干我 圣诞公公! 干我 圣诞公公! Fuck me, Santa! Fuck me, Santa! Fuck me, Santa!
干我 圣诞公公! Fuck me, Santa!
干我 圣诞公公! 干我 圣诞公公! 干我 圣诞公公! Fuck me, Santa! Fuck me, Santa! Fuck me, Santa!
多叫叫 - 干我 圣诞公公! No, more - Oh, fuck me, Santa!
干我 圣诞公公! 干我 圣诞公公! Fuck me, Santa! Fuck me, Santa!
喔 Oh
生蛋快乐 Merry fucking Christmas
那好 - 还是... All right, then - That also...
我懂你的 下不为例 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, I know, I know! Uh, it never happened. I get it
我不是那种浪漫型的 U m, I ain't exactly what you call the romantic type, you know
我不会死缠烂打 I don't go in for all the sappy shit
但是 我想说 你的奶好大 But, um, I gotta tell you, you got gigantic titties
绝不胡说 - 那么 多谢? And that's no shit - Um... thanks?
不客气 No sweat
回见 See you
干 Fuck
最好是紧急电话 - 威利 你在哪 This better be an emergency - Willie, where are you?
我在芝加哥 但我找不到你 I'm in Chicago, but I can't find you anywhere
等一下 你妹的来芝加哥干嘛 Wait, hang on a second. What are you doing in fucking Chicago?
我想给你来个圣诞惊喜 I wanted to surprise you for Christmas
最好的圣诞礼物总是惊喜 The best Christmas gifts are always a surprise
你脑子秀逗了?是不是? Are you off of your goddamn nut? Is that what you do?
你是不是一直跟踪别人? You follow people all the way across the fucking country?
其他人都没有 就是你 Not everyone. Just you
你惊喜吗? - 不 这种惊喜每天都有 Are you surprised? - No, this shit happens every day
真的吗? - 不 你是哪个星球来的还是...? It does? - No. On what fucking planet...?
算了 你到底来干嘛? Never mind. What the fuck are you doing?
威利 这里真的很冷 我没有带外套 就只有手套 Uh, Willie, it's really cold here. I didn't bring a coat. Only my gloves
妈的 你别玩我 Goddamn it. You gotta be shitting me
你有没有铅笔方便书写的? Do you got a pencil or some shit to write on?
哪个? Who is it?
你是哪个鬼?威利奶奶 Who the fuck are you? - Grandma Willie!
威利急匆匆的给我一头大象 And Willie was in such a hurry to get me my elephant
我猜他他忘记付款 that I guess he forgot to pay for it
这让警察叔叔很生气 他们跟踪他回家 And that made the policemen really mad. So they followed him back to the house
威利跑得很快 就快要进门 And Willie ran really fast and he almost got to the door,
他们对着他的后背开了八枪 but then they shot him like eight times in the back
根据牛仔电影 他们说这样不公平 In the cowboy movies, they say that's not even fair
这是威利给我的第一个圣诞礼物 And this is the first present Willie ever got me for Christmas
上面有他的血迹 With his blood
威利 你到家了 - 妈的 孩子 我的老腰哇 Willie, you're home! - Goddamn, kid. Watch the spine bone
我刚跟你妈说你的英雄事迹 I was just telling your mom how you're a hero
等一下 Yeah, yeah. Hang on a second
你连外套都没有穿 却把大象带来了 You didn't bring a fucking coat, but you brought that elephant?
你又没叫我穿外套 - 我还没叫你来呢 You didn't tell me to bring a coat - I didn't tell you to come
这是你的种? - 像不像我造的? Is this your spawn? - Do I look like I made him?
绝对是胎儿酒精综合征 Well, if this ain't fetal alcohol syndrome,
还能是什么 then what the fuck is it?
他坚持给我做三明治 - 他擅长此项 He keeps trying to make me a sandwich - That's what he does
精灵 Elf!
你搞到钥匙了吗? Hey! You get that key?
你更小了 You got smaller
妈...我在梦游仙境还是咋的 What the... Am I tripping?
还真说不定 因为舔穴... You might be, because, you know, certain pussy
过多也会造成迷幻药后遗症 has hallucinogenic aftereffects if you eat too much of it
我是拿自己做实验才得出这个结论的 I found out the hard way once when I messed with my own kind
有一次 我吃了很多火鸡培根 两个星期没有拉屎 One time, I ate too much turkey bacon, I didn't poop for two weeks
是四个星期 For four weeks
钥匙 矬子 - OK 操你先! The key, shorty - Okay, first of all, fuck you!
看见没有? 我就说 他没搞定钥匙 See that? I told you. I knew he didn't have it in him
其次 这小子在这里干什么? And second of all, what in the fuck is he doing here?
三明治不该这么做 - 威利 That is not how you serve a sandwich - Willie
我正在想办法 OK? I'm working on it, okay?
孩子 听着 Hey, kid, listen
这里真的不是你该呆的地方 OK? This is really not the right place for you to be, okay?
是因为床不够吗?我只看到一个床 外加一个沙发 Because there's not enough beds? I only counted one, plus a couch
没错 - 你们应该买双层床 威利 Exactly - You should get bunk beds, Willie
也许吧 Yeah, maybe we'll do that
借这段时间 我们出去走走吧 But, uh, in the meantime, let's you and me head out, all right?
拜 精灵 拜 威利的老妈 Bye, Elf. Bye, Willie's mom
我妈妈在耶稣天堂里 和玛丽和约瑟夫谈论胡桃木呢 My mom's in Jesus' house with Mary and Joseph and the talking walnut
你100%肯定他不是你的种? - 对 You 100 percent sure he's not yours? - Yeah
赶紧摆脱他 有点节操 老天 Well, then, cut him loose. Set some boundaries, for chrissake
你不能让流浪者像迷失的小狗一样 整天围着你转 You can't have every stray following you around like a lost puppy
老天 - 我说了我搞定 OK? Jesus! - I said I'm going, okay?
我们可以去吃芝加哥比萨吗?号称意大利披萨 但却在芝加哥 Can we get a Chicago pizza? It's like pizza, but in Chicago
我们去吃披萨 没问题 Yeah, we'll get a pizza. No sweat
真的好好玩 威利 我都不知道你还有妈妈 This is really fun, Willie. I didn't even know you had a mom
你想什么呢 难道我是石头里蹦出来的? - 你是哪里出生的? What'd you think? I was just hatched? - Well, where were you born?
我生于普拉斯基县少年犯管教所 阿肯色州的小石城 I was born in the Pulaski County Juvenile Detention Center in Little Rock, Arkansas
听起来很好 - 不好 Oh, that sounds really nice - Well, it wasn't nice
她是个卑鄙的婊子 所以你最好别有任何想法 好吗 And she's a mean fucking bitch, so don't go getting any ideas, all right?
虽然你有时不太好 但你仍就是圣诞公公 Well, sometimes you're not nice. But you're still Santa
听着孩子 说真的 你现在该长大了 OK? Listen kid, seriously. You're all grown-up and shit now, okay?
别再幼稚了 - 你不是真的圣诞公公 You gotta stop that - Well, I know you're not the Santa
你仍就是我的圣诞公公 But you're still my Santa
来吧 我们走 Come on. Let's go
搅屎棍 你还好吗?你死哪里去了
另外 谢谢咳嗽药 很管用
操 Fuck
操 操啊 Fuck! Fucking pussy!
看这些圣诞老公公们 我真的可以待在这里吗? Look at all the Santas! I really get to stay here?
妈的对 Goddamn right
这孩子要待多久? So how long is the kid staying here?
如果我知道 我就不是他的跟班 Hell if I know, I ain't his fucking secretary
这里也该换你负责了 - 库克 你让我笑了 You run the joint - Cook, you crack me up
我啥? I what?
寄宿间楼下往左 任何空床都可以睡 Boarding room's downstairs on the left. Any bed that's not taken
好了 到了 Alrighty, here we go
听好了 不要坐在任何马桶上 Now listen, don't be sitting on any toilet seats
如果你要拉屎 站在马桶圈上 屁股离开点 If you gotta take a shit just stand over it, couple of feet away,
瞄准然后投弹 take aim and blow it in there
我非常确定螃蟹也会跳 好吗 'Cause I'm pretty sure crabs can jump. All right?
洗澡的时候别搭理何人 Don't let anybody muscle up on you in the showers either,
因为他们会使坏 because they'll try
如果开始打架 直接掐蛋或插眼 And if a fight breaks out, go straight for the nuts or gouge an eye out
我不太喜欢这里 威利 I don't think I like it here, Willie
那你应该回家 就像我开始说的 Then you should go home, like I told you to start with
家里没人还能叫家吗? But it's not home if there's nobody there
外婆不算人吗?我肯定她想你了 What about Granny? I'm sure she misses you
她死了 - 什么时候 She died - When?
两年前 Two years ago
总统纪念日那天 蓝山的丰田赛扬汽车店里 Same day as the President's Day sale at Blue Mesa Toyota and Scion
当时轮子里发出"冷冷冷"的刹车声 where they put the "whee" in wheels
外婆好人有好报 Well, Granny had a good run
她至少活了150岁 She was about 150 fucking years old, anyway
这里还不算坏 至少有双层床 Look at this, this is not so bad. Look, you got bunk beds
看啊 Look at that
啊! 妈的, 孩子! 干! Ow! Goddamn, kid! Fuck!
我们还一起过圣诞吗? - 干 我哪里知道 Will we have Christmas together? - Fuck, I don't know
但 威利.. - 别 "但是威利了" 妈的! But, Willie.. - No "but, Willie." Goddamn it!
自从我认识你以来 一直替你擦屁股 I've been chasing your ass off ever since I fucking met you
你听不懂吗?我告诉过你 我不是那个人 Do you not take a hint? I fucking told you that I ain't that guy
生活就是一根大号 巨型鸡巴 孩子 Life sucks a big, giant dick, kid
你现在长大了 必须面对现实 But you're a fucking man now and you gotta face up to it
面对一切吧 Welcome to the shit show
但你是我的家人 - 不 我不是你的家人 But you're my family - No, I'm not your family
OK 我会尝试着长大 为了你 - 不 不为我 为你 Okay. I'll try to be a man. For you - No, not for me. For you
即便我一个人过 - 你不会一个人的 Even though I'm all alone - You're not all alone
别搞我了?看看你的周围 Are you shitting me? I mean, look around here
有这么多好人 You got all these great guys
除了那个打手枪的 还有那个看打手枪的 Except that one jerking off over there. And that one watching him jerk off
好好待在这里 OK? You know what, just kind of stay in this section right here, okay?
你不会有事的 You'll be fine
嘿 Hey
你到底去哪里了? - 你算我老母吗 Where the hell have you been? - What are you, my fucking mother?
我要处理孩子的事情好吗? I've been dealing with the kid, all right?
别忘了重点 我们需要那把钥匙 Oh, well, don't lose your focus. We still need that key
我试过色诱那个女孩 但她是直的 I tried seducing the girl myself but she's strictly dickly
音乐会是明晚 你最好抓紧点 小朋友 Concert's tomorrow night. So you better step up, buddy boy
不是侏儒做这件事吗? I thought the midget was doing it
马库斯那货手无缚鸡鸡之力 Marcus couldn't fuck his way out of a wet paper bag
我去暗示她 你对她来电 I'll make sure she knows you got the hots for her
真的? - 他告诉我的 Really? - That's what he told me
他来了 Oh, here he comes
当然 你得采取主动 Of course you may have to make the first move,
因为他有点害羞 - OK because he seems like the shy type - Okay
我们明天的计划没问题吧 Hey. We still good for tomorrow? The plan
事成之后把她甩掉 是不是? - 对 按照计划 Cutting her out after the grab. Right? - Yeah, yeah. We're good
过来 搅屎棍 把东西带回家给妈妈 Come on, shitstick. Bring it on home to Mama
妈的 Goddamn
♪ I just can't wait till Christmas day ♪
♪ My favorite time of the year ♪
嘿 库克! Hey, Cook!
介意我和你一起吗? Mind if join you?
你随便看都行 我也喜欢我看到的 It's okay to like what you see. I like what I see
嘢 Oh, yes!
哦嘢 哦嘢 哦嘢 还有这边 Oh, oh, yes! Oh, oh, yes! Yes, oh, come get there
天那 给妈妈加点精 Oh, God! Oh, make Mama cum
不许说"妈妈"二字 没妈啥事 Don't say "Mama." No mom stuff!
我没说停 你不许停 You don't stop till I say stop!
OK 反过来 - 很好 来吧 Okay, flip over - Fine. Bring it
你现在要洗手吗? Are you washing your fucking hands right now?
没有 No
等等 那是我的...呼 Oh, wait, wait. That's not my... H uh
老天 Oh, my God!
老天 这感觉好极了 苍天啊 Oh, my God! That feels amazing! Holy shit!
使劲干 Harder!
使劲干 嘢 Harder! Yes!
♪ Holy infant so tender and mild ♪
♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪
♪ Silent night ♪
♪ Holy night ♪ - Oh, my gosh
你们唱的真好听啊! 我特喜欢在浴缸里唱歌 You guys are really good at singing. I like to sing in the bathtub
我是女高音 我朋友罗妮说我的声线像玛丽亚凯莉 I'm a soprano. My friend Ronnie says I sound like Mariah Carey
你好 你叫什么名字?- 我叫瑟曼 瑟曼默尔曼 Hello. What's your name? - I'm Thurman. Thurman Merman
真的吗? For real? Ha!
你想加入我们吗 瑟曼? Would you like to join us, Thurman?
这套看起来合身 This looks like it might fit
我必须穿这套吗? - 当然得穿 I get to wear this? - Of course you do
你现在是圣诞公公了 瑟曼 赶快穿上 You're a Santa now, Thurman. Go ahead, put it on
这里面有很多的纸张垃圾 It's got a lot of paper trash in it,
你俩出来的时候自备光源以便着陆 OK? so I think it should be a light landing for both of you. Okay?
然后... So...
你特么去哪里了?我们必须为明晚做足准备 Where the fuck have you been? We gotta lock everything down for tomorrow
真是我的孩子 That's my boy!
你怎么搞到的? - 他上了女保安 Shit. How'd you get that? - He tapped that security girl
哈哈 真好笑 等等...真的? Ha-ha. Very funny. Wait... for real?
我还没怎么跟她前戏 她已经比密歇根湖还要湿 I didn't exactly have to talk her into it. She was wetter than Lake Michigan
实际上 我感觉是她奸了我 Matter of fact, I think she roofied me
"约会强奸"药 极好的破处装备 Ah, rohypnol. Excellent icebreaker
当然 这药不太适合这个女孩 她喜欢后入 Of course, it's harder for the girl because she's gotta get off
好药物只屁股反面有效 - 对 before the drugs soften the noodle - Yeah
你个杀千刀的 Ya! You no good motherfucker!
搞什么搞? - 你... What the fuck? - You...
天 - 放开他 God! - Get off of him!
放开他 你个小崽子 Hey! Get off of him you little shit!
我杀了你 - 放开我 I'll kill your ass! - Let go of me!
去你妹的 - 放开他 Motherfucker! - Get off of him!
呀 抱歉 Oh, jeez, I'm sorry
嘿 妈的 去死吧! Hey, goddamn pussy! You motherfucker!
赶快放开他 Just get off of him. Hey!
妈的! Goddamn it!
啊噢 Ow!
妈的! Goddamn!
我十年来的第一炮 My first shot at a good piece of ass after nearly ten years
被你抢了 and you gotta go and take a dump on that too
操你! - 只是公务 Fuck you! - It was just business
你毁了一个冰清玉洁的姑娘 You just ruined a perfectly good piece of pussy
用你那身患重疾的老二 with that diseased-ass dick of yours
我很高兴孵你的蛋 你个王八蛋 I'm glad I tea-bagged your drunk ass, you fucking piece-of-shit motherfucker!
还是一起干好吗?明天准时 Would you get it together? Tomorrow is go time
我需要新鲜空气 I need some air
看见没有?他以为他是谁 跟你这样说话? Now, see? Who the fuck does he think he is talking to you that way?
我们扔他出局 - 什么? 不行 That's it. We're cutting him out - What? Fuck no
他只不过想出口气 他会没事的 I mean, he's just steamed a little bit. He'll be fine
OK 你想他分一半的钱? Okay, you wanna share half of your take with him?
随你 - 我真搞不懂你 Be my guest - You know, I don't fucking get you
是你让那个小个子参加进来的 I mean, you're the one that brought that little shit in
不 搅屎棍 我只带你 你才是保险箱专家 No, shitstick. I brought you in. You're the safe cracker
他连自己的屁股都破不了 He can't even crack his own ass. Fuck that
我们之后去墨西哥 We're going to Mexico
已经上膛 可以用 It's loaded now. You're good to go
你搞这一出戏 You did this whole fucking thing
就是为了让我和你一起去墨西哥 just to have me to go to shit-ass Mexico with you?
我就觉得这样和家人一起过圣诞节比较有意思 I just thought it might be fun to spend Christmas with the only family I got left
这算是惊喜吗? - 呃 Why's that such a surprise? - Well...
杀人魔王查尔斯曼森之所以被假释是因为 You know, they'd grant Charles Manson fucking parole if it wasn't for one thing
他是查尔斯曼森 - 懂你意思 He's Charles Manson - I get it
也许我不怪你 船到桥头自然直 Maybe I don't blame you. But things change at the end of the road
威利? Willie?
威利 你在里面吗? - 除掉他 Willie, you in there? - Get rid of him
紧急情况? - 不 Is this an emergency? - No
我想邀请你参加明天的圣诞音乐会 威利 I just wanted to invite you to the Christmas concert tomorrow, Willie
我加入了唱诗班 I'm singing in the choir
一整天都在练习圣诞颂歌 "平安夜" "装饰厅堂" We're doing all the Christmas carols, "Silent Night," "Deck the Halls,"
"铃儿响叮当" "来吧来吧 厄玛奴尔"这首是拉丁语的 "Jingle Bells," "Veni, Veni, Emmanuel ." That one's in Latin
我知道你很忙 但只要一个小时 所有的家长都会来 I know you're busy, but it's only for an hour and all the parents are coming
虽然你不是我真正的家人 And I know you're not my real family,
反正你也没有真正的家 不如自己造一个 but when you don't have real family, then you have to make a new one
这样其实更好 你可以自由选择 And it's actually better because then you get to pick the people
谁作为你的家人 who are in your family
你就是我选择的家人 And you're the family I picked
所以我一直跟你到芝加哥 And that's why I followed you to Chicago
因为我不希望你一个人过圣诞节 Because I didn't want you to spend Christmas alone
你来吗?然后我们可以去圣诞老人专场舞会... So can you come? And then maybe after we can go to SantaCon or...
我 我不行 我来不了 I, I can't. I can't come
我尽量来 OK? - OK 我等你 威利 Look, I'll try to make it. Okay? - Okay. I'll look for you, Willie
我等你 到时候招手见 OK? I'll look for you and I'll wave like this. Okay?
好 OK 说定了 Yeah. Okay, All right. Good deal
好的 回头见 - 拜 威利 All right. I'll see you - Bye, Willie
你装什么逼 FBI吗? 那地方拥挤得很 What are you, the fucking FBI? That place is gonna be crowded
他完全不知道我是否去过 He won't even know I'm not there
很好 晚安 精灵 Good - Good night, Elf!
我还以为你刚才心软了 For a minute there, I thought you were going soft
我痛恨你们两个 但生意就是生意 I hate your guts, motherfucker. But business is business
我们干活吧 Let's do this
Hi, 谢谢光临 - OK? Hi, thank you so much for coming - Okay?
你真是容光焕发 - 好迷人 HI 很高兴见到你 You look gorgeous - Amazing. H I, good to see you
几点了? - 音乐会五分钟后开始 Time? - Concert starts in five
圣诞节是感恩的节日 As you know, Christmas is a time for giving
感谢诸位今晚大驾光临 And we want to thank you all for being here tonight
现在核对程序 7:45断电 All right, let's sync them up, boys. At 7:45, the power goes down
这事我负责 That's on me
你有十分钟去雷金特办公室 破掉保险箱 You got ten minutes to get to Regent's office, crack that safe,
拿走钞票 塞到垃圾槽里 grab the money, throw it down the garbage chute
在没被人发觉之前开溜 and then get the hell out of there before anybody knows what's hit them
现在有请感恩之城儿童唱诗班 Now please join me in welcoming the Giving City Children's Choir
现在立刻有请唱诗班指挥蕾妮 And without further ado, I would like to introduce our choirmaster, Renee
你匹配到了?赶紧发过来 You got a match? Well, send it over!
晚会将从一首流行老歌开始 Now we're gonna get this party started with an old favorite
♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪
♪ Fa la la la la la la la la ♪
♪ Tis the season to be jolly Fa la la la la la la la la ♪
♪ Sing we joyous all together Fa la la la la la la la la ♪
♪ Heedless of the wind and weather Fa la la la la la la la la ♪
♪ Fa la la la la la la la la La la la ♪
这都是你们的功劳 - 嚇 This is all your handiwork - Huh?
你们帮我们筹集的钱款 帮助这些孩子过圣诞节 The money you helped us raise, it gave Christmas to these kids
你现在是大家庭的一份子了 You're part of the family now
唔 Hmm
没劲 Ugh! Boring
没有牙齿的 好辣 Ooh, no teeth. That's hot
哦 Oh
凤凰城警局通缉令:抢劫犯 威利索科
凤凰城警局通缉令:抢劫犯 马库斯
哦耶 看谁笑到最后 你妹的? Oh, yeah. Who's got the pussy lips now, motherfucker?
这不是我给你的 - 谢谢 谢谢 I never gave you this - Thank you. Thank you
523房 Room 523
现在很荣幸地介绍我们的成员 I'd like to call to the stage now
唱诗班的特殊成员 a very special member of our choir
有请瑟曼默尔曼 瑟曼? Please say hello to Thurman Merman. Thurman?
♪Silent night ♪
♪ Holy night ♪
♪ All is calm ♪
♪ All is bright ♪
♪ 'Round yon virgin mother and child ♪
♪ Holy infant so tender and mild ♪
♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪
♪ Silent night ♪
♪ Holy night ♪
♪ Shepherds quake at the sight ♪
♪ Glories stream from heaven afar ♪
♪ Heavenly hosts sing hallelujah ♪
♪ Christ the savior is born ♪
找到他们所有人 Find them. All of them!
去啊 Go! Go, go, go, go!
吉娜 检查保安摄像头 Gina, check the security cameras
收到 马上查 Copy, checking
糟了 Oh, shit!
系统重启
三分钟 威利 快 - 闭嘴 我听不清了 Three minutes, Willie, come on! - Shut the fuck up! I can't hear
快点办事儿 Just hurry your ass!
到底怎么回事? What the hell is this?
调我办公室摄像头 看一下保险箱 Wait, bring up my office, I wanna see the safe
现在不行 还有8分钟才能启动完毕 I can't, sir. It still has eight minutes to reboot
什么?报警 What? Call the police!
我们走 - 我现在报警 Let's go, come on! - I'm on it
没有50万吧 顶多60万 Well, that can't be more than half a million, 600 tops
我们就这么点 Well, fuck, that's all we got
显然够我的那份了 Perfect amount for my cut
开什么玩笑?来真的? 老女人还真说得对 Are you shitting me? Really? You know the old lady's right
现在不用大枪了? Not so big now, are you?
快快快快 Come on, come on, come on, come on
老母 Motherfuckers!
关闭所有出入口 - 十级紧闭 Lock it down. The whole building! - We're on a level-ten lockdown
十级紧闭 Lockdown level ten
进去 - 你进去 Get in! - You get in!
疏散音乐会 检查所有人 Evacuate the concert! And search everyone
哈利妈的路亚 Halle-fucking-lujah!
宝贝 Oh, baby!
喔 Oh!
老天爷 你们成功了 Sweet Jesus, you made it!
你还穿着圣诞服干什么? What's the fucking Santy Claus outfit all about?
现在给我靠后站 Now step the fuck back!
你想干什么 小种鸡? - 这叫自然减员 What are you doing, runt? - It's called thinning the herd
这个世界没有索科一家会更好 World's gonna be a better place without the fucking Sokes in it
这回我会过上帝王般的生活 I'm gonna live like a king this time
苏丹王这种 - 你这辈子别想 吉祥物 A fucking sultan! - Not in this lifetime, Sparky
袋子归我 - 你是说我们吧 The bag goes with me - You mean with us
我是说我 - 你刚才说什么? No, I mean me - What the fuck did you just say?
我之前说过这是我最后一单 是和你的最后一单 When I said this was my last job, I meant it was my last job with you
我就知道我不该来 还看见了你这张令人讨厌的脸 I knew I should've left, second I saw your miserable fucking face
我怎么就改不了记性呢? Why did I forget?
保险箱破的漂亮 真为你骄傲 N ice job on the safe, though. Yeah, I'm real proud of you
知道吗 妈妈 Well, you know something, Mama?
也许你没自己想的那么聪明 Maybe you're not as smart as you think you are
你忘记了吗? Did you forget about this?
我怎么可能忘记? Oh, how could I have forgotten?
开枪打我啊 搅屎棍 Go ahead. Shoot me, shitstick
是空包弹 威利 They're blanks, Willie
你不会傻到以为我把真弹放进去吧 You really think I'd be dumb enough to put real bullets in that gun?
我才不怕你 看我轰你个大洞 Well, I ain't afraid of you, bitch! I'll blow a hole through your ass so...
操 The fuck?
放下武器 举起双手... Drop your weapons! Put your hands in the...
嘿 稍微等一下 她抢了钱 我是清白的 Hey, hang on a second. She's got the money, I'm just a fucking guy!
威利! 嘿 威利! Willie! Hey, Willie!
请出示票据 Ticket please
让我们过去 我们在追赶疑犯 Let us through right now. We're chasing a suspect
过来 Come here
过来 Come on, man
嘿 Hey!
咖啡桌上找到的 - 干得好 威利 Found this on the coffee table - Well, hoo-fucking-rah, William
把该死的袋子给我 还给孩子们 Well, give me the fucking bag. I'm taking this back to the kids
他们比你更需要 I'd rather them have it than your sorry ass
不要考验我 - 你真打算开枪打我? Don't test me, boy - You're gonna shoot me too?
你居然开枪打我 - 我说过我会开枪 你就是不听 You fucking shot me! - I told you I would. You never listen
放开袋子 威利 放开袋子 Let go of the bag, William. Let go of the bag
妈的 放开该死的袋子 Goddamn it, let go of the fucking bag!
钱啊 Money!
下钱雨了 It's raining money!
她有枪 She's got a gun!
威利! Willie!
放下武器 趴下 Drop the weapon! Get down!
怎么回事? 嘿 妈的! The fuck is going on? Hey, goddamn it!
我破了侏儒谋杀案 还有武装抢劫 I caught a fucking midget-murdering fucking armed robber
我是特么的英雄 I'm a goddamn hero
别担心 威利 我没事 只是打到了屁股 Don't worry, Willie. I'm okay. It's just in my butt
威利? Willie?
不 No!
喔 Oh, f...
准备完毕 Stand clear
卧槽 Oh! Fuck me!
圣诞快乐 - 嘢 Merry Christmas - Yeah
我猜这就是所谓的大圆满结局 Well, I guess this is what they call a happy ending
然而随着圣诞节过去 But as far as Christmas miracles go, shit, I don't know
混蛋雷金特被抓个正着 That asshole Regent ended up getting busted
而我则不体面地得以全身而退 分文未得 while I got off clean by ratting out my steaming pile of shit mother
我从那个贱人身上学到一件事 Guess I did learn one thing about family from that crazy bitch
所谓 人生处处有危鸡 除却巫山见云雨 And that is, if yours happens to be a bag of dicks, then fuck them
重新来过吧 Start over - ♪ Oh yeah candles burning low ♪
♪ Lots of mistletoe ♪
♪ Lots of snow and ice ♪
♪ Everywhere we go ♪
♪ Choirs singing carols ♪
♪ Right outside my door ♪
♪ All these things and more ♪
♪ All these things and more, babe ♪
亲爱的圣诞公公 赠给你和圣诞婆婆及其姐妹们 爱你的瑟曼
♪ That's what Christmas means to me My love ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
也许从来就没有什么圣诞奇迹 So maybe there is no such thing as a Christmas miracle, or whatever
我穿烂了圣诞服 才意识到完美的圣诞奇迹就在身边 But I've worn the suit enough to know a perfect Christmas gift when I see one
像孩子所说 "最好的圣诞礼物总是惊喜" And like the kid says, "The best gifts are always a surprise. "
如果圆满大结局开始荡漾在你脸上的时候 So if a happy ending is staring at you right in the fucking face,
请说 "却之不恭也" then just say, "All right, I guess I'll take it. "
♪ And wish you a Merry Christmas, baby ♪
♪ Wish you a Merry Christmas, baby ♪
♪ And such happiness in the coming year ♪
♪ Baby, baby, baby ♪
♪ All these things and more, baby ♪
♪ That's what Christmas means to me My love ♪