直到今天...
When I was a kid, 小时候
I used to think that pork chops and karate chops were the same thing. 我总以为 空手道和猪排是同一种东西 (发音相似)
I thought they were both pork chops. 我以为"空手道"就是猪排
And because my grandmother thought it was cute 因为奶奶觉得我这样叫很可爱
and because they were my favourite, 又因为我喜欢猪排
she let me keep doing it. 她每次都让我错着叫
Not really a big deal. 这本来没什么
One day, before I realized fat kids are not designed to climb trees, 可有一天 因为不懂得自己这样的小胖子不适合爬树
I fell out of a tree 我从树上跌了下来
and bruised the right side of my body. 身体右侧摔得满是淤青
I didn't want to tell my grandmother about it, 我不敢把这件事告诉奶奶
because I was scared I'd get in trouble 因为我害怕自己因为爬树挨骂
for playing somewhere that I shouldn't have been. 因为我害怕自己因为爬树挨骂
A few days later the gym teacher noticed the bruise, 几天以后 体育老师发现了我的瘀伤
and I got sent to the principal's office. 于是我被送到校长办公室
From there I was sent to another small room 然后 我又被送进另一个小房间
with a really nice lady 在那里一位和蔼可亲的女士
who asked me all kinds of questions about my life at home. 问了我各种关于家庭生活的问题
I saw no reason to lie. 我挺诚实
As far as I was concerned life was pretty good. 我当时想 我的家非常好啊
I told her, "Whenever I'm sad 我告诉她 "每次我不开心
my grandmother gives me karate chops." 奶奶都给我来个"空手道"
This led to a full scale investigation, 结果学校开始对我家进行全面调查
and I was removed from my house for three days... 我和家人被分开询问了三天
until they finally decided to ask how I got the bruises. 最后他们终于问我究竟是怎么受伤的
News of this silly little story quickly spread through the school, 这件糗事很快传遍校园
and I earned my first nickname: 于是我得到了人生中第一个外号
Pork Chop. 猪排
To this day... 直到今天
I hate pork chops. 我仍恨这个外号
I'm not the only kid who grew up this way. 我并不是唯一有这种成长经历的孩子
Surrounded by people who used to say 周围的人们常念着"石头棍棒可以让我受伤..."
that rhyme... about sticks and stones "可别人的嘲笑不会让我害怕"的歌谣
As if broken bones 好像被起个外号
hurt more than the names we got called, 不会有撕心裂肺那样痛
and we got called them all. 于是我们就都被起了外号
So we grew up believing no one 于是我们自卑地长大
would ever fall in love with us. 觉得没有人会爱我们
That we'd be lonely forever. 觉得自己永远孤独
That we'd never meet someone to make us feel like the sun 觉得我们永远不会遇到一个
was something they built for us in their tool shed. 能带给我们温暖的人
So broken heart strings bled the blues 残破的心弦渗出悲伤的音乐
as we tried to empty ourselves 于是我们试图麻木自己
so we would feel nothing. 以此来减轻痛苦
Don't tell me that hurts less than a broken bone. 别告诉我这没有撕心裂肺那样痛
That an ingrown life 别告诉我自闭的生活
is something surgeons can cut away. 可以被医生治愈
That there's no way for it to metastasize. 别告诉我自卑不会像癌症一样蔓延全身
It does. 其实真的会
She was eight years old... 那年她八岁
Our first day of grade three 三年级开学第一天
when she got called "ugly". 她被人叫作"丑鬼"
We both got moved to the back of the class 我们一起挪到教室的最后一排
so we would stop getting bombarded by spit balls. 才躲开了他们投过来的废纸团
But the school halls were a battleground 但学校如战场
where we found ourselves outnumbered day after wretched day. 每天我们都被攻击和唾弃
We used to stay inside for recess 我们曾封闭自己
because outside was worse. 因为外面的世界令我们恐惧
Outside we'd have to rehearse running away 在外面 我们必须随时准备逃离
or learn to stay still like statues giving no clues that we were there. 或是一声不吭地隐藏自己
In grade five they taped a sign to her desk 五年级时 她的桌子被人贴了纸条
that read "Beware of Dog." 上面写着 "小心这只狗"
To this day, 直到今天
despite a loving husband, 尽管有着一位深爱她的丈夫
she doesn't think she's beautiful, 她仍不觉得自己美丽
because of a birthmark 只因为那一小块胎记
that takes up a little less than half of her face. 占据了她的半边脸
Kids used to say she looks like a wrong answer 她曾被嘲笑长得像考卷上的错答案
that someone tried to erase 被人使劲擦拭
but couldn't quite get the job done. 却总留有痕迹
And they'll never understand 可这些人永远也无法理解
that she's raising two kids 她抚养了两个孩子
whose definition of beauty 而孩子们心中美丽的定义
begins with the word "Mom." 即是"母亲"这个词
Because they see her heart 因为孩子们先看到母亲的心灵
before they see her skin. 才看到外貌
That she's only ever always been amazing. 她只是总让人惊讶罢
He... 他
was a broken branch grafted onto a different family tree. 他是嫁接到另一棵树上的残枝败叶
Adopted, 被领养的孤儿
but not because his parents opted for a different destiny. 并不是因为父母的抛弃
He was three when he became a mixed drink 三岁的时候 生活的道路已经开始变得不平坦
of one part left alone 孤身一人
and two parts tragedy. 父母离他而去
Started therapy in 8th grade. 八年级的时候开始接受治疗
Had a personality made up of tests and pills. 他被医疗化验和药品吞没
Lived like the uphills were mountains 生活如上临绝壁
and the downhills were cliffs. 脚下是万丈悬崖
Four fifths suicidal, 尝试自杀
a tidal wave of anti-depressants, 海啸般袭来的抗抑郁药物
and an adolescence of being called "Popper", 和被叫作“用药成瘾”的青春期
one part because of the pills 这一切悲剧 百分之一是因为药物
and ninety nine parts because of the cruelty. 百分之九十九因为现实的残酷
He tried to kill himself in grade ten 高一时他尝试自杀
when a kid who could still go home to mom and dad 因为有个还能感受家庭的温暖的孩子
had the audacity to tell him "get over it." 鲁莽地对他说了句 "你还能熬过去"
As if depression is something that can be remedied 好像抑郁可以被药物医治
by any of the contents found in a first aid kit. 急救箱里的物品可以治好悲痛
To this day, 直到今天
he is a stick of TNT lit from both ends, 他如两端被同时点燃的炸药
could describe to you in detail the way the sky bends 清楚地告诉你天空将怎样扭曲塌陷
in the moments before it's about to fall, 清楚地告诉你天空将怎样扭曲塌陷
and despite an army of friends 尽管有一群朋友
who all call him an inspiration, 把他当作励志的典范
he remains a conversation piece between people 他依然摆脱不了被议论的命运
who can't understand 而人们无法明白
sometimes becoming drug free 有时候预防毒品
has less to do with addiction 不在于控制毒瘾
and more to do with sanity. 而在于理智
We weren't the only kids who grew up this way. 我们不是唯一有这样经历的孩子
To this day 直到今天
kids are still being called names. 仍有孩子被取外号
The classics were 最典型的有
"Hey stupid" "嗨 傻逼"
"Hey spaz" "嘿 弱智"
Seems like each school has an arsenal of names getting updated every year, 每一所学校里 每年都会流行新的叫法
and if a kid breaks in a school 即使有孩子在沉默中爆发
and no one around chooses to hear. 也不会有人会在意
Do they make a sound? 有人为他们站起来过吗?
Are they just the background noise 他们的呼喊
of a soundtrack stuck on repeat 也只像音轨卡住时的背景噪音吧?
when people say things like 人们只会说
"kids can be cruel"? "有时候孩子的世界也挺残酷"
Every school was a big top circus tent, 每所学校都像马戏团
and the pecking order went 学生优劣等级分明
from acrobats to lion tamers, 从杂技演员到驯兽师
from clowns to carnies. 从小丑到巡回演员
All of these were miles ahead of who we were. 而所有人都远比我们有尊严得多
We were freaks, 我们是怪物
lobster claw boys and bearded ladies... 我们是残疾的男孩和长胡须的女孩
oddities, 我们是怪胎
juggling depression and loneliness, playing Solitaire, spin the bottle, 我们蔑视抑郁和孤独 喝酒耍牌
trying to kiss the wounded parts of ourselves and heal. 拥抱受伤的自己 试图自愈
But at night, 而深夜来临
while the others slept 当他人都进入了梦乡
we kept walking the tightrope. 我们却仍走在钢丝上
It was practice 一切都习以为常
And yeah, some of us fell. 哦 没错 有些人会跌落
But I want to tell them 但我想告诉他们
that all of this 这一切
is just debris, 不过都是碎片
leftover when we finally decide to smash 当我们决定打破曾经的阴影时
all the things we thought we used to be. 它们不过是些碎片
And if you can't see anything beautiful about yourself, 如果你看不到自己美丽的一面
get a better mirror. 换一面镜子
Look a little closer. 靠得近一点
Stare a little longer. 看得再仔细些
Because there's something inside you 因为在你心底总会有一股力量
that made you keep trying 支撑着你前进
despite everyone who told you to quit. 即使所有人都叫你放弃
You built a cast around your broken heart 你为自己破碎的心打上石膏
and signed it yourself. 你在上面写下
You signed it, "they were wrong." 你写下 "他们都错了"
Because maybe you didn't belong to a group or clique. 因为你从未被众人所接受
Maybe they decided to pick you last for basketball or everything. 因为所有人都排挤你 打篮球不带你玩
Maybe you used to bring bruises and broken teeth 因为即使你为了证明自己而努力拼得鼻青脸肿
to show and tell but never told. 也从未被认可
because how can you hold your ground 因为如果所有人试图把你埋没
if everyone around you wants to bury you beneath it. 你就无法相信自己
You have to believe that they were wrong. 因此你必须坚信他们都错了
They have to be wrong. Why else would we still be here? 他们一定都错了 不然为什么我们还能站在这里?
We grew up learning to cheer on the underdog, 成长中我们学会了鼓励弱者
because we see ourselves in them. 因为在他们身上 我们看到自己的影子
We stem from a root planted in the belief 我们在坚信中扎根而长
that we are not what we were called. 我们坚信 我们不是他们所叫的那样
We are not abandoned cars stalled out and sitting empty on a highway. 我们不是高速公路上耗尽汽油后被遗弃的车辆
And if in some way we are, 即使从某个角度讲我们是这样
don't worry. 不要害怕
We only got out to walk and get gas. 我们只需要走两步 拿来汽油给自己加满
We are graduating members from the class. 最终我们从学校毕业了
"we made it." "我们做到了"
Not the faded echoes of voices crying out 我们不是自我安慰着 逐渐褪去的回音
"names will never hurt me." "别人的嘲笑不会让我受伤"
Of course, 当然
they did. 嘲笑当然会伤人
But our lives will only ever always continue to be a balancing act 而生命中我们必须不断地追寻
that has less to do with pain... 不停地战胜困苦
and more to do with beauty. 追寻更多美好
翻译 小狗 SceneryJuly