ALL RIGHT, THEN I COME DOWN HERE.
FAKE. THIS SIDE.
FAKE. THAT SIDE.
OKAY.
SCHOOL'S IN SESSION.
LET'S GET YOU READY FOR YOUR BIG GAME.
READY? I'VE BEEN READY. I WAS BORN READY.
WATCH THIS.
WHAT'S ALL THAT JAZZ?
THAT'S TOO MUCH ENERGY YOU'RE EXPENDING.
ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS DRIBBLE TWICE
AND THEN SHOOT.
SET SHOT. SEE THAT? THAT WORKS.
DAD, THAT'S OLD SCHOOL. TWO DRIBBLES AND A SHOT
DOESN'T GET YOU ON "SPORTSCENTER."
NO, BUT IT MAKES IT ON THE SCOREBOARD.
COME ON, LET'S PLAY A GAME.
YOU REALLY WANT TO PLAY ME IN THAT OUTFIT?
WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT?
DAD, LOOK AT YOUR SHIRT. I CAN SEE YOUR HEART BEATING.
WHERE'D YOU GET THE SHORTS FROM, KADY?
HA HA HA.
I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT BUCKWHEAT JACKSON
WORE A PAIR OF SHORTS JUST LIKE THIS.
WHO'S BUCKWHEAT JACKSON?
HA! YOU DON'T REMEMBER. THAT'S OLD SCHOOL.
BACK IN '75, HE PERFECTED THE OTAY SHOT.
SEE, HE WOULD SHOOT THE BALL --
KOOM! -- AND THEN THE CROWD,
INSTEAD OF DOING THE WAVE, THEY'D ALL GO LIKE THIS...
"O...TAY!"
DAD, YOU DON'T WANT NONE OF THIS,
SO WHY DON'T YOU TAKE YOUR SAGGY BUTT CHEEKS,
SIT DOWN, AND WATCH ME GO TO WORK?
JUST PLAY. COME ON. JUST PLAY A GAME.
IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT, OTAY.
LET'S SEE WHAT YOU GOT, BUCKWHEAT.
WHAT YOU GONNA DO?
O...TAY!
THAT'S ONE FOR ME, ZERO FOR YOU.
YOU MIGHT WANT TO CHECK YOUR PANTIES,
'CAUSE I'M ABOUT TO TAKE YOU TO THE RACK.
COME ON, JUST STOP TRASH TALKING
AND LET'S GO PLAY THIS GAME.
WHOO-HOO-HOO!
THAT'S 2 FOR JUNIOR, ZERO FOR HUGGY BOY.
SURE YOU WANT TO DO THIS? JUST PLAY THE GAME.
I'M TELLING YOU, JUST PLAY THE GAME.
AH, YOU AIN'T GONNA GET BY -- HEY!
THAT'S CHEATING!
GET THE BALL, OLD MAN!
THAT'S CHEATING.
COME ON.
OH!
MOM, CAN YOU HELP ME?
WHAT'S UP?
WELL, I AM GOING TO TRINITY'S PARTY TOMORROW,
AND I NEED SOME UNDERWEAR --
LIKE SOME PANTIES AND SOME BRAS.
OKAY, I'LL TAKE YOU TO THE MALL TOMORROW.
GREAT.
HEY, MOM, WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG,
DID YOU EVER NOTICE THAT THE GUYS WOULD ALWAYS
DANCE WITH THE GIRLS WHO HAD THE BIGGEST BREASTS?
YEAH, FOR A WHILE, BUT I FOUND A SOLUTION.
AND WHAT'S THAT?
DANCE WITH YOUR GIRLFRIENDS.
MOM, THAT IS SO GROSS.
GIRLS DO NOT DANCE WITH GIRLS.
I DANCE WITH MY GIRLFRIENDS.
THAT'S BECAUSE YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE OLD AND GROSS.
WHAT IS ALL THIS TALK ABOUT BODY PARTS?
ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT SOMETHING SPECIFIC?
NO, I JUST DON'T WANT TO HAVE SMALL BREASTS
FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE LIKE SOME FREAK.
[ GASPS ]
SORRY, MOM.
WHOO-HOO-HOO!
GUESS WHAT -- I JUST BEAT DAD.
OH, I GOT TO TELL EVERYBODY I KNOW.
YOU BEAT HIM?
I BEAT HIM LIKE A DRUM, MOM.
CONGRATULATIONS. YOUR FATHER USED TO BE THE BOMB
BACK IN THE DAY.
YEAH, HE LET ME IN ON ALL THAT --
AND BUCKWHEAT AND ALFALFA AND SPANKY.
HE EVEN TOLD ME ABOUT SHOWTIME.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? IT'S JUNIOR TIME NOW.
JUNIOR! JUNIOR!
WHERE ARE MY CHEERLEADERS?
All: JUNIOR! JUNIOR! JUNIOR!
JUN--
MICHAEL! MICHAEL!
MI-- MICHAEL! WHOO!
WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL? IT WAS JUST ONE GAME,
AND THAT WAS LUCK.
DON'T FEEL BAD.
I DON'T FEEL BAD OVER NO STUPID GAME.
IT'S HIS ATTITUDE I DON'T LIKE.
HE'S ACTING LIKE A LITTLE THUG OUT THERE,
SHOWBOATING AND TRASH TALKING.
I'M TRYING TO TEACH THE BOY THE FUNDAMENTALS OF THE GAME,
AND ALL HE CAN DO IS MAKE JOKES ABOUT MY SHORTS.
UM, BABY, THEY ARE A LITTLE TIGHT.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
THEY ARE. THEY'RE A LITTLE --
I THINK HE GAVE YOU A WEDGIE, SWEETIE.
YOU KNOW WHAT THE PROBLEM IS?
IT'S THAT WHOLE HIP-HOP MENTALITY, YOU KNOW?
THEY THINK THEY KNOW IT ALL.
YOU CAN'T TELL THEM NOTHING.
THAT'S WHY THERE'S NO HEROES LEFT IN THE GAME.
THERE'S NOBODY IN THE NBA
WHO YOU WANT TO SEE ON A BOX OF CEREAL.
ALLEN IVERSON? GOOD PLAYER,
BUT YOU GOT CORNROWS IN YOUR CORN FLAKES.
LATRELL SPREWELL --
HE ON THE BOX CHOKING HIS COACH.
PATRICK EWING -- WHAT ABOUT PATRICK EWING?
OH, YEAH.
TRY EATING YOUR WHEATIES LOOKING AT THIS.
YOU SAW THE MILK AD.
HE GOT MILK, AND I GOT SICK
WATCHING HIM GET MILK.
YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY GOT TO ME?
IS JUNIOR TRYING TO INSINUATE
THAT I LOST A STEP, LIKE I'M GETTING OLD.
I'M JUST AS QUICK AS I WAS IN COLLEGE.
MICHAEL, I THINK IT'S TIME THAT YOU ACKNOWLEDGE
THAT A FEW THINGS HAVE CHANGED SINCE COLLEGE, BABY.
GEE, DAD, ARE YOU OTAY?
HA HA HA HA.
ALL RIGHT, ENOUGH OF THAT.
ALL RIGHT...GYM TEACHER.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
OUT ON THE COURT, YOU CAN TALK TRASH,
BUT IN THIS HOUSE, YOU TAKE OUT TRASH.
AND THEN GO CLEAN YOUR ROOM.
WHAT?
YOU HEARD ME. AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU'RE GOING TO QUESTION MY AUTHORITY,
WASH ALL THE WINDOWS AROUND THE HOUSE.
YEAH, WELL, I STILL BEAT YOU, OLD MAN.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
I WANT YOU TO CUT THE GRASS
WITH SCISSORS, ONE BLADE AT A TIME.
WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR BREAKFAST?
AN ADVIL OMELET AND A SIDE OF BEN-GAY.
I'M SO SORE,
I CAN'T EVEN LIFT MY ARMS UP.
THAT'S BECAUSE YOU SPENT ALL YESTERDAY
PLAYING BASKETBALL WITH JUNIOR.
BUT I USED TO PLAY ALL THE TIME.
I NEVER GOT SORE. I WAS A GYM RAT.
WHAT HAPPENED?
BABY, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO FACE THE FACT
THAT YOU'RE GETTING A LITTLE OLDER.
LIFE IS DIFFERENT NOW.
I'M NOT GETTING OLDER.
ALL I NEED TO DO IS SOME CONDITIONING,
GET BACK IN SHAPE... AND STAY AWAY FROM YOU.
ME? WHAT DID I DO?
YOU KEEP ME IN THE BED
AND ROB ME OF MY NATURAL MANLY NITROGLYCERIN.
YEAH, WELL, I STILL SAY YOU'RE A SORE LOSER.
YEAH? WELL, NO NITRO FOR YOU TONIGHT.
FINISH YOUR ROOM? YES, SIR!
FINISH WASHING ALL THE WINDOWS AROUND THE HOUSE? YES, SIR!
IS HE MESSING WITH ME?
YES, SIR!
OKAY, SO NOW I WANT YOU TO, UM...
VACUUM UP THAT WOOD OUT THERE.
YOU KNOW WHAT, DAD?
I'M DONE.
NO, YOU'RE DONE WHEN I SAY YOU'RE DONE.
NO, YOU'RE PUNISHING ME FOR BEATING YOU,
AND IT'S NOT RIGHT. I'M NOT GOING TO DO IT.
OH, REALLY? AND WHERE YOU GOING TO BE STAYING
WHILE YOU'RE NOT DOING IT? WHAT'S THE NEW ADDRESS?
YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO ANYMORE.
OH, YOU A MAN NOW?
YOU GOT THREE HAIRS IN YOUR DRAWERS,
AND YOU THINK YOU'RE TOUGH?
I'M MAN ENOUGH TO BEAT YOU ONE-ON-ONE.
YOU BETTER BE TALKING ABOUT BASKETBALL.
MAYBE I AM, MAYBE I'M NOT.
WHY DON'T YOU PICK WHICH DIRECTION YOU WANT TO FALL?
'CAUSE I'M ABOUT TO KNOCK YOU ON YOUR LITTLE BEHIND.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!
THERE WILL BE NO FIGHTING IN THIS HOUSE!
THAT'S NOT HOW WE SETTLE ARGUMENTS AROUND HERE.
NOW, Y'ALL WANT TO WORK THIS OUT,
WORK IT OUT ON THE COURT, 'CAUSE THAT'S WHERE IT STARTED.
THAT'S WHERE IT'S GOING TO END.
FINE. LET THE COURTS DECIDE.
I DON'T CARE WHAT COURT -- BASKETBALL COURT,
TENNIS COURT, SUPREME COURT --
NEVER MIND. WE WANT A DECISION.
WHATEVER YOU WANT TO DO.
NO, LET'S MAKE IT INTERESTING.
LET'S PLAY FOR SOMETHING THIS TIME.
YOU NAME IT.
ALL RIGHT, WE'LL PLAY FOR MY CHORES.
IF I WIN, YOU DO THEM. IF YOU WIN, I DO THEM,
AND I DON'T COMPLAIN FOR ONE YEAR.
HA. IT'S GOING TO BE REAL QUIET AROUND THIS HOUSE.
IT'S ON.
WELL, I'LL MEET YOU OUT THERE...OLD MAN.
SEE, THAT "OLD MAN" THING AIN'T WORKING FOR ME.
MICHAEL, I NEED YOU.
OH, DAD. HUH?
YOU MISSED A SPOT.
WHERE?
GOT IT.
DID HE REALLY BEAT YOU 15-ZIP?
NO. IT WAS 15 TO 2 1/2.
BALL WENT IN AND CAME OUT FIVE TIMES --
THAT'S A HALF POINT.
LOOK, THAT IS NOT WHY I CALLED YOU.
I FORGOT THAT I HAD TO TAKE KADY
TO TUMBLE TOTS TODAY.
SHE'S LEARNING HOW TO ROLL BACKWARDS
AND I DIDN'T WANT HER TO MISS IT.
OHH. ROLLING BACKWARDS IS A VERY IMPORTANT MOMENT.
YOU KNOW WHAT? WHEN YOU'RE ROLLING BACKWARDS,
DO ME A FAVOR -- DON'T EMBARRASS YOUR MOMMY
BY TRYING TO SNIFF YOUR OWN BUTT, OKAY?
HA HA.
THE REASON WHY I CALLED YOU
IS BECAUSE I ALSO FORGOT THAT I WAS GOING TO TAKE
CLAIRE TO THE MALL. SHE HAS SOME SHOPPING TO DO.
I'LL TAKE HER.
NO! MOTHER, PLEASE, NO. NOT HIM.
CAN WE PLEASE FIND SOMEBODY ELSE?
HE ALWAYS EMBARRASSES ME.
HONEY, THERE IS NOBODY ELSE.
MICHAEL, SHE HAS TO SHOP FOR SOME BRAS.
FOR WHAT?
OH, THE MOSQUITO BITES.
MOTHER!
GET SOME THIMBLES OR SOMETHING?
MICHAEL! WILL YOU BE A LITTLE SENSITIVE HERE?
CLAIRE, IT'S GOING TO BE FINE.
KADY, BABY, LET'S GO.
DADDY, BUY ME A BRA, TOO.
OKAY, I'LL SEE IF THEY SELL DENTAL FLOSS
AND SOME PISTACHIO NUT SHELLS.
OKAY.
BYE. BYE, DADDY. I LOVE YOU.
I LOVE YOU, TOO.
WHAT'S THE MATTER? IT'S GOING TO BE GREAT.
IT'S GOING TO BE FUN.
DADDY! WHAT?
THE SPORTS BARN IS RIGHT OVER THERE.
BYE. WHO NEEDS THE SPORTS BARN
WHEN THEY GOT ALL THIS EQUIPMENT?
LOOK AT THIS -- THEY GOT SLINGSHOTS.
[ MAKES SLINGSHOT NOISE ]
HEY, HOW ABOUT A HEADBAND?
SERVE.
DADDY!
EYE PATCH.
DADDY! PLEASE, DADDY, PLEASE.
SHIVER ME TIMBERS. DAD, PLEASE.
DANG. REMIND ME TO BUY YOU
A SENSE OF HUMOR WHEN WE LEAVE, ALL RIGHT?
MM-HMM.
OH, CLAIRE.
HEY, YOU GUYS. WHAT'S UP?
HI. OH, MY GOD.
[ BLOWING AIR KISSES ]
THIS IS SO WEIRD.
I JUST SAW YOU AT SCHOOL TODAY.
IT'S LIKE DéJà VU.
HA HA HA.
AND IT'S LIKE IT ALREADY HAPPENED.
I KNOW. IT'S WEIRD.
TOTALLY WEIRD.
HA HA HA.
SO, UM, WHO ARE YOU GUYS HERE WITH?
WE CAME TOGETHER. WHO ARE YOU WITH?
GIRL, I AM BY MYSELF.
AND THE COLOR OF SNOW IS...
WHITE. WHITE.
[ BUZZER ]
WHO'S DOING LAUNDRY?
DAD'S WASHING MY GYM CLOTHES.
REALLY? IN THAT CASE,
CAN YOU GET HIM TO HAND-WASH MY NYLONS?
HEY, BENSON!
I'VE GOT A STACK OF NYLONS FOR YOU NEXT.
YASSUH, MR. JUNIOR, SUH.
CLAIRE, WE WANT TO SEE YOU RIGHT NOW!
YEAH, ALL THREE OF YOU.
OKAY. SO, WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
I SEE TWO BIG PROBLEMS.
WHAT IS GOING ON UNDERNEATH THE SHIRT?
MOM, IT'S CALLED THE BOSOM BUDDY.
DAD SAID I COULD JUST KNOCK MYSELF OUT.
I SAID KNOCK YOURSELF OUT, NOT INSTALL AIR BAGS.
[ HORN HONKS ] THAT IS TIFFANY'S MOM. I GOT TO GO.
I THOUGHT THEY WERE HONKING. HEY, HEY, HEY.
YOU CAN GO,
BUT THE WONDER TWINS ARE STAYING RIGHT HERE.
MOM.
DON'T "MOM" ME. I AGREE WITH YOUR FATHER.
CLAIRE, THAT IS WAY TOO MUCH.
FINE.
HEY, TIFFANY! I CAN'T GO!
HAPPY NOW?
I WANT YOU PUTTING YOUR BREASTS ON MY DRESSER.
KADY, CLEAN UP YOUR TOYS.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. BELVEDERE WILL DO IT.
KADY, UPSTAIRS.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'VE TAKEN ENOUGH FROM YOU.
HEY, I BEAT YOU FAIR AND SQUARE.
I'M LIVING UP TO MY END OF THE DEAL,
YOU LIVE UP TO YOURS.
I WANT TO PROPOSE A NEW DEAL.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
WE PLAY ONE MORE GAME,
AND IF YOU WIN, I'LL INCREASE YOUR ALLOWANCE,
I'LL EXTEND YOUR CURFEW FOR ONE HOUR,
AND I'LL EVEN CLEAN UP YOUR ROOM FOR A WHOLE YEAR.
WHOA. ALL RIGHT.
BUT IF YOU LOSE --
HEY, WHATEVER IT IS, I'LL DO IT,
BECAUSE I'M NOT GOING TO LOSE TO YOU.
LET'S GO.
NO, NO, NO, NO. I WANT SOME PRACTICE TIME.
I'M GOING TO GO OUT THERE AND WORK ON MY GAME,
GET BACK IN SHAPE. YOU JUST GIVE ME TWO DAYS.
I'LL GIVE YOU THREE.
IN THE MEANTIME, I'M GONNA RELAX
AND VISUALIZE HOW I'M GOING TO SPEND
ALL THAT EXTRA MONEY.
NO, NO. NO.
HMM.
WOW.
YOU KNOW, IF YOU HOLD THESE UP TO YOUR EAR,
YOU CAN HEAR THE ENTIRE CAST OF "BAYWATCH."
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
WHAT WERE YOU THINKING, BUYING THIS THING?
ALL I KNOW IS IF YOU WANT TO BE POPULAR NOWADAYS,
YOU JUST GOTTA HAVE SOMETHING GOING ON UP TOP.
YEAH, UP TOP.
DADDY, COME ON.
EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK,
ALL YOU SEE ARE WOMEN WITH PERFECT BODIES --
TV, MOVIES, MAGAZINES, BILLBOARDS, EVERYWHERE.
YEAH, WELL, I DON'T CARE ABOUT ANY OF THEM.
THEY'RE JUST SELLING PRODUCTS TO INSECURE PEOPLE.
SO THE SOONER YOU GET COMFORTABLE
LIVING IN YOUR OWN SKIN, THE HAPPIER YOU'RE GONNA BE.
AND THE HAPPIER YOU ARE, THE HAPPIER I'M GONNA BE.
YOU KNOW, IT BROKE MY HEART
WHEN YOU DISSED ME IN FRONT OF YOUR FRIENDS TODAY.
DADDY...
IT'S NOT LIKE I DON'T WANT TO BE WITH YOU.
I DO.
JUST...NOT ALL THE TIME.
LIKE BRA SHOPPING.
DADDY, I'M GROWING UP.
YES, YOU ARE, AND I UNDERSTAND THAT,
BUT YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND THIS --
YOU'RE ALWAYS GOING TO BE MY LITTLE GIRL.
WHEN YOU WERE BORN, I CAUGHT YOU.
YOU KNOW, YOU LOOKED UP AT ME AND YOU SMILED.
AND I TOLD MYSELF, "THIS IS MY JOB
"FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.
"EVERY TIME THIS LITTLE GIRL IS ABOUT TO FALL,
I'M GOING TO CATCH HER AND MAKE HER SMILE."
TAKE YOU SHOPPING FOR PANTIES?
DADDY! I'M KIDDING.
Kady: 13, 14, 15,
16, 17...
1, 2...
HEY, WHAT IS THAT?
I CAN ONLY COUNT TO 17.
OKAY. WELL, WE'RE DONE.
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING?
HELPING DADDY GET SOME MUSCLES.
I WANT YOU TO GO PUT YOUR WINTER COAT ON.
I'M GOING TO USE YOU AS A HEAVY BAG NEXT.
WHEN ARE YOU COMING TO BED?
IF I MAKE THIS SHOT, I'M COMING TO BED.
WATCH THIS, BABY -- EYES CLOSED, LIKE JORDAN.
DID I MAKE IT?
I'LL BE TO BED IN AN HOUR. ABOUT AN HOUR.
COUNT 'EM. HOW MANY IS THAT, JUNIOR? HUH?
YOU HAVE 14.
YES. AND HOW MANY DO YOU GOT, JUNIOR? 13.
AND HOW MANY DO I NEED TO WIN, JUNIOR? ONE MORE POINT.
THAT'S RIGHT. THAT'S RIGHT.
NOT ONLY IS THIS A BASKETBALL CLINIC,
BUT IT'S A MATH LESSON.
NOW, IN THE WORDS OF MAGIC JOHNSON,
I'M ABOUT TO TAKE YOU DOWNTOWN.
WHAT I'M GOING TO DO IS SHOW YOU
THE TURNAROUND SKYHOOK
THAT KAREEM ABADABADU-JABBAR
HAD PERFE--
PERFEC-- WELL, HE MADE IT FAMOUS
BACK IN 1984.
THE TRICK TO THIS SHOT, SON,
IS YOU WANT TO RIDE YOUR OPPONENT DOWN TO THE RIM
LIKE THIS WITH YOUR BUTT MUSCLES,
AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO IS YOU WANT TO FAKE RIGHT
AND THEN YOU WANT TO GO LEFT,
AND BAM! SWISH!
SWISH! IT'S SHOW TIME.
IT'S MAGIC.
COME ON, LET'S PLAY, ONE MORE GAME.
NO, THAT'S IT.
I'M GOING TO TAKE THIS VICTORY.
HEY, HEY, HEY, YOU COME BACK HERE.
WHAT'S THAT? DON'T BE A SORE LOSER.
THIS IS YOUR FAULT.
YOU DIDN'T TAKE ME SERIOUS. I WORKED HARD.
THIS IS A GAME OF FUNDAMENTALS, NOT FLASH.
YOU LOOK AT ALL THE GREAT ONES --
MICHAEL JORDAN, FIRST ONE IN THE GYM,
LAST ONE TO LEAVE THE GYM. LARRY BIRD USED TO SHOOT
100 3-POINTERS IN ONE NIGHT JUST TO GET READY.
WHAT ABOUT SHAQ?
HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE A FREE THROW.
WELL, WHEN YOU'RE TALL ENOUGH TO DUNK WITHOUT JUMPING,
YOU DON'T HAVE TO MAKE FREE THROWS, EITHER.
BUT YOU GOT TO RESPECT THE GAME, SON.
YOU'RE A GOOD PLAYER.
YOU HAVE POTENTIAL TO BE A GREAT PLAYER,
BUT THAT'S UP TO YOU.
ALL RIGHT. I LOST THE BET FAIR AND SQUARE.
WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO?
HA! HA HA!
WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO DO, HUH? HA HA.
IT'S GOING TO BE OTAY.
HEY, JUNIOR, COME ON, HURRY UP.
YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE FOR YOUR GAME.
THERE HE IS.
LOOK AT THE SUPERSTAR.
HA HA.
WELL, YOU GOT YOUR MOTHER'S LEGS.
DO I REALLY HAVE TO WEAR THIS?
YES. THAT WAS THE DEAL. A DEAL'S A DEAL.
BUT HALF MY BUTT'S HANGING OUT.
I KNOW. THAT'S WHY THEY CALL IT SHOW TIME.
HEY, BABY, YOU SEE OUR SON OUT THERE
IN THOSE TIGHT LITTLE SHORTS? HE SCORED A TRIPLE DOUBLE.
HAD 22 POINTS, 11 ASSISTS,
AND 10 NUMBERS FROM SOME GUYS IN THE GLEE CLUB.
SO HOW DO YOU FEEL?
I DON'T KNOW, BABY, I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT.
I'M GETTING OLDER.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT'S FUNNY? BECAUSE OF MY MIND,
I FEEL LIKE I'M MICHAEL JORDAN
AND I CAN FLOAT ABOVE THE RIM.
BUT WHEN I TRY TO DO IT, I'M MICHAEL BOLTON
AND I CAN'T EVEN GET OFF THE GROUND.
I LET MY EGO GET IN THE WAY. I FEEL STUPID.
I'M TRYING TO COMPETE AGAINST MY OWN SON.
THAT'S JUST NOT A FIGHT I'M GOING TO WIN.
TIME IS ON HIS SIDE.
HEY, MICHAEL, DO YOU HAVE ANY ENERGY LEFT?
FOR WHAT?
WHOA!
ANNA NICOLE JAY. HELLO.
SO WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MY NEW LOOK?
WELL, THE TRUTH IS I LOVE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.
OH, BABY, YOU WANT ME TO TAKE THESE OFF?
MM-HMM. AS SOON AS WE'RE FINISHED.
HA HA HA.
AAH!
THAT WAS UNCALLED FOR!