La FabriqueNwww.sous-titres.eu
My God!NIsn’t it awesome, having an iPad?
Where’s your iPad?NRight, you’re not cool enough.
You see my iPad?
Funny, you don’t seem to have one.NI thought your family was rich!
You dumbasses play four square,N’cause you don’t have iPads!
What should I do on my iPad next?NI’ll email some of my friends.
Wait, maybe I’ll downloadNsome more cool apps.
This is so awesome!
Tom Saltzman saysNyou don’t really have an iPad.
What?
Tom Saltzman says you gluedNa piece of glass to an iPad cover,
and you’re faking it.
Tom Saltzman’s dad is an alcoholicNwho drinks and drives!
Let me see your iPad.
Seriously!NTom’s dad is a drunk driver.
He ran over Joey Potts’ dog,
because JoeyNcan’t take care of his animals,
which is why he gets beat by his mom!
– Let us see your iPad.N– No, because it just ran out of power!
– So, plug it in.N– I left my charger at home!
Fine! I’m gonna charge my iPadNand bring it tomorrow,
and you guysNare gonna feel really stupid!
Good going!NYou’ve completely screwed me over!
What happened?
You said I had to waitNtill my birthday to get an iPad.
So, the one I rubbedNin everyone’s faces today isn’t real,
and tomorrow,Neveryone’s gonna call me a liar.
Would you mind loaning meNsome of your lipstick?
Because I wanna at least look prettyNthe next time you decide to fuck me!
You see?NI can take my homework on my iPad,
and swipe it over to my iPhone.
Apple stuff’s pretty neat, all right.
I just don’t want any big companyNtracking where I am at all times.
That’s just a rumor.NThey don’t really track you.
Here he is!
We’re from Apple.NWe’re all ready for you.
– Ready for what?N– To fulfill the agreement.
– Can we get a weight?N– 83 pounds.
What agreement?
83 pounds, good.NLet’s get the blood work.
– You can’t do that!N– You agreed we could.
– What are you talking about?N– When you updated iTunes,
a window asked if you agreedNto our conditions, you clicked “Agree.”
Let’s get him to the water tank.
The water tank?NI’m not going with you!
You’ve agreed to all of this!
You guys!NYou gotta help me.
These business casual g-menNare trying to kidnap me!
It’s crazy!
They’re saying it’s because I agreedNto the latest conditions on iTunes.
What did the conditionsNfor the last update say?
I don’t know.NI didn’t read them!
You didn’t read them?
Who the hell reads that entire thingNevery time it pops up?
– I do.N– Me too.
You’re telling me that every timeNyou download an update for iTunes,
you read the entireNterms and conditions?
– Of course.N– How do you agree to something
if you don’t read it?
I turned off my Apple stuff.
They can’t locate youNif you don’t have your stuff on, right?
There he is!
– Dad, I need a lawyer!N– What are you doing here?
If you agree to somethingNyou didn’t mean to, what do you do?
It’s the agreeing party’s responsibilityNto know what they are signing.
It’s eight pages long, and they send meNa new one every three weeks…
Calm down.NYou’re safe with daddy.
Here he is.
– Come on, you.N– What is going on?
Your son has madeNa binding agreement with Apple.
An agreement to do what?
Apple’s inner workings are top secret.NYou know how it is.
I don’t know how it is.NI use a PC!
You what?
– Come on, let’s go.N– Let him go!
– Dad! You tasered my dad!N– You said we could.
WiFi + 3G, 64-gig.NThis one!
Sweetie, $900?
I can’t wait to seeNKyle’s stupid face
when he sees mineNhas more memory than his!
We can’t afford that one.
You don’t expect meNto get the WiFi only 16-gig version?
We need to get you a different brand.NThey’re a little cheaper.
Everyone knowsNthat everything but Apple is stupid!
Here, look at this one.NToshiba Handibook.
Toshiba Handibook?
This says it does everythingNthe iPad does at half the price.
Do not screw me over again!
If I take that, everyone will thinkNI’m a poverty stricken asshole!
Stop acting like a spoiled brat.
You can have the Toshiba Handibook,Nor you can have nothing at all.
I’ve got a better idea.
Why don’t you go across the streetNand buy some condoms?
Because we should at least be safeNif you’re gonna fuck me!
You might as well buy cigarettes too,
because I like to have a smokeNafter I get fucked.
You wanna fuck me, just say so!
Go ahead, here!
Go ahead, fuck me,Nright here in the Best Buy!
You wanna fuck your son, go on!NFuck me!
Stop crying.
I told you if you kept acting up,Nyou weren’t getting anything.
But I told you I was sorry.
You made me look like a child molesterNin front of all those people!
I wasn’t tryingNto get you in trouble.
Then why did you go outsideNto a police officer
and say, “Help, help,Nmy mom is trying to fuck me”?
Wait, I get it now.
The f-word is a no-no word,Nand I shouldn’t say it around people.
I’m sorry.
If you’re really sorry,Nyou’ll understand
why you aren’t getting anything.
That doesn’t really haveNany logical sense,
because I’m already being punishedNby not getting the iPad.
Please, can we go backNand get the Toshiba Handibook?
Then could we at leastNpull up here and get some dinner?
I like to be wined and dinedNafter I’ve been fucked!
What are you gonna do to us?
What is this?NWhat’s going on?
You agreed to the iTunesNterms and conditions too?
What?
I just clicked “Agree.”NI didn’t read it.
I was in a hurry…
I didn’t know what I was agreeing to.
I can’t even read Engrish!
Shut up in there!NYou all agreed to stay quiet.
Let me out!
This is a mistake.NI agreed by accident!
You can’t agree by accident.NThere’s a fail-safe built in.
Even if you click on “Agree,”Nanother little window pops up
that says “Are you sure,”Nand you have to click again.
What are you going to do to us?
Everything that you agreed toNin the iTunes conditions.
We didn’t read them!
Right!
Who just agreesNto something they don’t read?
And now, the president of Apple:NSteve Jobs.
Hello, everyone.
I’m here to announce a new productNthat will once again revolutionize
the way we useNour phones and tablet devices.
Let’s hear it for our volunteers!
These three people have agreed
to be brought here,Nhandcuffed to these beds,
and become the prototypeNof our first truly interfaced device.
What?
They have actually agreedNto be surgically altered.
Their lips will be removed,
and they will be sown together,Nmouth to anus.
What?
You agreed to this.NMouth to anus.
So that the fecesNfrom the gastral tract from one
will enter the mouthNof the little boy.
And he agreed this was okay.
Enter the mouth of the little boy,
leading through his anusNto the mouth of the female,
who completely agreed,Nthey all agreed,
which will then go to a tablet device
making a productNthat is part human and part centipede
and part web browserNand part emailing device!
I give you… the HumanCentiPad.
I should have never updated iTunes!
“You agree that Apple may chargeNyour credit card or PayPal account
“for any productsNpurchased in iTunes.”
Can somebody please explain to meNwhat is going on?
We’re trying to find outNwhat Kyle agreed to.
There can’t be anything
that allows a companyNto do what they’re talking about.
Here it is.
“By clicking ‘Agree,’Nyou are also acknowledging
“that Apple may sew your mouthNto the butthole of another user.”
“Apple and its subsidiariesNmay also, if necessary,
“sew yet another person’s mouthNonto your butthole,
“making you a beingNthat shares one gastral tract.”
I’m gonna click on… “Decline.”
That does it!NI’m going to the police.
– For what?N– To find out where Apple
is keeping my son!
When the police want to knowNwhere somebody is, they ask Apple.
The only way to fix all this is by goingNto the highest authority on the planet.
You guys,Nwe’ll have to ask help from…
the Geniuses.
The Geniuses.
All right, good.
Looks good.NGreat work.
Really nice.
I remember when the first versionNof the iPad came out.
People couldn’t believeNhow easy it was
to take their videos, music and photosNand all their shit,
and share it with other people,
who could do the sameNwith all their shit.
The only thing the iPad couldn’t doNwas walk or read.
Until now.
What’s that you’re saying?
You want out?NAre you saying you want out?
Fine, you don’t wanna be part of this,Nthen sign right here.
You didn’t read it!
This says we don’t have to let you outNand we can do whatever we want.
Dammit, why won’t it read?
It’s probably low on power.NWe should feed it.
All right, here you go.
I will not eat,
if they are forced to eat my poo!
Perhaps I didn’t mention,
it’s a bean and cheese burritoNfrom Paco’s.
Sorry, Kyle.
I tried to resist,Nbut burrito is too delicious.
We have to unveil this thing tomorrow.NIt better be reading by then.
Feel sick.
Today on Dr. Phil,
the tragic story of a little boy
whose motherNconstantly tries to fuck him.
I want you to meet Eric Cartman,
who is a very special boyNwith a very hard life.
You say that your mom fucks you?
She fucks me so hard.
Does this happen often?NDoes she fuck you a lot?
Filipino hookersNdon’t get fucked the way I do.
I know this is difficult for youNto talk about,
but where was the last timeNyour mother fucked you?
At Best Buy.
Your mother fucked you at Best Buy?
And people saw her doing this?
And they didn’t do anything?
Stop it!
There she is!
You come home right now!
Why do you think it’s okayNto fuck your son?
I don’t!
She does it all the time!
She fucked me on Christmas.NShe fucked me on my birthday.
The least you could doNis kiss me first.
I like to be kissedNbefore I get fucked!
You fuck your son,Nand you won’t even give him a kiss?
If I was gonna fuck my son,NI’d kiss him first.
We have a very special giftNwe wanna give you.
An iPad?
Gerald Broflovski.
The Geniuses will see us now.
When you speak to the Geniuses,Nkeep your questions to the point.
The Geniuses do not likeNthose who waste their time.
My name is Leslie.NI’ll be your Genius.
Genius Leslie, we have a problem,Nand we seek your wisdom.
What problems are you experiencing?
My son was kidnapped by Apple,
and they’re holding himNagainst his will!
I’m sorryNyou’re having trouble with that.
Could I have his Apple ID?
Sixtyniningchipmunks@me.com.
What the heck is this for?
I see.
I might need to bringNanother Genius in on this.
This guy’s son was abducted by us.
Should I run a stock check,Nor just give him store credit?
I don’t want store credit.NI want my son back!
This says he agreed to be taken
and made part of any experimentsNApple wants to perform.
But it’s all a mistake.NHe actually didn’t read the agreement.
He didn’t read it?
We know.NIt’s preposterous.
So, just give them store credit?
So sorry, Kyle, but I am starving.
Which would you rather I eat?
Should I eatNa cuttlefish and asparagus,
or the vanilla paste?
Cuttlefish and asparagus?
Very well, I will eat the cuttlefish.
Come on, guys, go!
We’re here to help you.
Thank you!
Come on, hurry!NWe have an ambulance outside.
Try to stay calm.NWe’ll get you separated right away.
Please hurry.
That cuttlefish and asparagusNis not sitting well.
We got it.
Can you take this apart?
To perform surgery,NI need permission.
Sign this release, so we can operate.
Dammit!NIt didn’t read it!
End the simulation!
What is wrong with you?
Why can’t you getNthe HumanCentiPad to read?
Sorry, we really thoughtNwe’d get it to read, this time.
Cuttlefish is about to come outNof my asshole!
Here it comes.NIt’s going to be a lot.
Hold on, Kyle.
I believe in you!
And you should be able to doNa customer check.
That should do it.
Sorry Apple kidnapped your friend.
– But we have it all cleared up.N– You do?
We got you a replacement friend.NYou should be all good to go.
Hi, guys!
We don’t want a replacement friend!
We’re gonna haveNto bring more Geniuses in on this.
We should have a QuickeningNwith all the Geniuses.
I’ll summon the counsel.
If you guys just wait here a sec.NWe’re gonna have a Quickening.
See what we can do for you.
Do you know if your friendNhas a Verizon or AT&T mobile number
associated with his .me account?
Verizon.
It’s a big exciting dayNfor Mac Apple users,
the unveilingNof the first HumanCentiPad.
As part of a clear PR stunt,
Apple has joined upNwith Best Buy and Dr. Phil
to donate the first CentiPad
to a needy boyNwho was raped by his mother.
In all my years,NI’ve never heard a more tragic story
than that of Eric Cartman.
And I want to thank the Apple company
for helping us make todayNa very special day for him.
And as president of Best Buy,
I want to assure youNthat a child will never get fucked
in one of our stores again.
When Dr. Phil contacted usNat Apple with Eric’s story,
we knew we had to get on board.
And so,
here is your very own HumanCentiPad!
Cool!
No way!
It does email and web browsingNand it shits in Kyle’s mouth?
This is the greatest thingNthat has ever been invented!
But, can it read?
Don’t worry.
It took a while, but I’m pretty sureNit has finally learned to read.
Hasn’t it?
What the hell are they doing now?
They’re performing the Toran Ra.NIt’s future stuff.
That’s it!
I’ve had about enoughNwith iCrap and me clouds
and a counsel of GeniusesNwith all their future…
It’s OK, the Toran RaNhas revealed the answer.
We can retroactivelyNmake your son’s agreement invalid.
Finally!NHow do we do that?
It’s very easy.NYou’ll simply need to join Apple.
I don’t want to join Apple,NI like my PC.
But if you join, we can makeNhis account into a family account,
then you haveNto iApprove all his agreements.
It’s not that dig a deal.
Will you stop resistingNand join the rest of us in the future?
All right, fine!NI’ll sign up with Apple.
Do you agree to let AppleNtrack your location at all times?
I agree.
Do you agree to give AppleNaccess to your personal information,
including your favorite movies,Nsongs and books?
I agree.
Do you agreeNto care about your membership,
and prove that you careNbuy purchasing AppleCare?
Dude, HumanCentiPad is awesome!
We have a problem.
We have to take it apart?NThe boy’s agreement isn’t valid?
Sorry, we have to recall this.
What?NThat’s mine!
I don’t care what the Geniuses say.NI’m trying to create the future, here!
We are all tryingNto create the future.
I’m part of the future now too.
I have satNwith the counsel of Geniuses,
performed the Toran Ra,Nand I’ve even been to me.
You’ve done so much for the world.
You have helpedNconnect everyone to each other.
Clearly this is the future.
But can’t we just slow downNand enjoy the present,
a little longer?
You know something?
I agree.
Come on,Nwe’ll get you separated, little boy.
You won’t be eatingNJapanese food for a while, huh?
What is this,Nsome kind of sick prank?
I get the greatest thing everNto have it taken away?
Why did you do this to me, God?
Next time you get my hopes up,Ntake me to a grease monkey, please.
I like to get lubed upNbefore I get fucked!
Some lube would be nice.NOr at least a courtesy lick.
How about a little courtesy lick,Nnext time you decide to fuck me?