>> FROM COMEDY CENTRAL'S WORLD
NEWS HEADQUARTERS IN NEW YORK,
THIS IS "THE DAILY SHOW" WITH
JON STEWART.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: HEY, WELCOME TO
"THE DAILY SHOW."
MY NAME IS JON STEWART.
WE HAVE A GOOD ONE TONIGHT.
OUR GUEST TONIGHT-- MAYBE, MAYBE
MY FAVORITE JUDGE SINCE DREAD.
ANDREW NAPOLITANO IS GOING TO BE
JOINING US ON THE PROGRAM
TONIGHT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
BUT FIRST, IT HAS BEGUN.
THE HORRIBLE ATTACK IN SOUTH
CAROLINA SEEMS TO HAVE CAUSED A
NATIONAL RE-EXAMINATION OF SOME
OF THE MORE VISIBLE SOUTHERN
SYMBOLS HONORING THAT TIME THAT
THEY FOUGHT, UH US. IT'S ACTUALLY
APART OF OUR NEW SEGMENT-- I
GUESS IT IS PRETTY WEIRD WE FLY
A FLAG IN HONOR OF PROSLAVERY
SECESSIONIST ARMY.
MONDAY, SOUTH CAROLINA GOVERNOR
NIKKI HALEY CALLED FOR THE
REMOVAL OF CONFEDERATE FLAG FROM
HER STATE CAPITAL AND THEN IT
WAS ON.
>> THE CITADEL, THE MILITARY
SCHOOL?
CHARLESTON, HAS VOTED TO REMOVE
THE CONFEDERATE FLAG.
>> ALABAMA'S GOVERNOR REMOVED
THE BATTLE FLAG FROM THE CIVIL
WAR MEMORIAL AT THE STATE
CAPITAL GROUNDS.
>> IN MISSISSIPPI, NEW CALLS FOR
THAT STATE'S FLAG TO BE ALTERED.
IT FEATURES THE CONFEDERATE
BATTLE FLAG IN THE CORNER.
>> Jon: I'M FOR THE OTHERS,
BUT MISSISSIPPI?
DON'T, YOU, DARE.
I DON'T LIKE OUTDATED OFFENSIVE
SYMBOLS OF RACE HATRED AS MUCH
AS THE NEXT GUY.
BUT WITHOUT THAT BATTLE FLAG
YOU'RE SIDE WAYS FRANCE.
THAT'S JUST SAD.
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
TAKING DOWN THE FLAG ONLY--
TAKING DOWN THE FLAG ONLY 150
YEARS AFTER THE SOUTH
SURRENDERED AND 20 YEARS AFTER
NASCAR DID IT, CONGRATULATIONS!
SOUTH CAROLINA, FOR COMING IN
JUST TWO DECADES BEHIND
AMERICA'S FAVORITE CRASH-BASED
SPORT.
( LAUGHTER )
WHILE NIKKI HALEY MAY REPRESENT
A NEW GENERATION IN SOUTH
CAROLINA, REMNANTS OF THE OLD
GENERATION ALSO ARE SUPPORTING
THE MOVE.
>> I AM PROUD TO BE ON THE RIGHT
SIDE OF HISTORY REGARDING THE
REMOVAL OF THIS SYMBOL OF RACISM
AND BIGOTRY FROM THE STATE
HOUSE.
>> Jon: TAKE THAT IN.
DRINK THAT IN.
FEEL THAT.
THAT'S PAUL THURMOND, SON OF
ARCH-SEGREGATIONIST STROM
THURMOND.
SPEAKING OUT AGAINST THAT FLAG.
I MEAN, THAT-- THAT'S LIKE IF
KOOL-AID MAN'S SON TOOK TO THE
FLOOR OF THE SENATE TO GIVE A
LECTURE ON THE IMPORTANCE OF
WALL PRESERVATION.
JUST CAME DOWN THERE AND SAID,
"WE CANNOT, WE CAN NO LONGER
KEEP DEMOLISHING THESE INNOCENT
WALLS.
I LOVE MY FATHER, BUT ON THIS
ISSUE, I SAY TO HIM 'OH, NO'."
( LAUGHTER )
YOU THINK WHEN HE WAS A KID HE
WOULD CALL HIS DAD AND BE LIKE,
"DON'T COME TO THE RECITAL.
IT JUST CAUSES A LOT OF
PROBLEMS."
EVEN THE C.E.O. OF THE COMPANY
THAT USED TO LOCK ITS EMPLOYEES
INSIDE OVERNIGHT IS JOINING TEAM
ANTI-SLAVE FLAG AS YOU SEE IN
THIS INTERVIEW FROM I GUESS
"WALMART AFTER DARK."
( LAUGHTER ).
>> WERE YOU SHOCKED TO SEE THAT
KIND OF MERCHANDISE ON WALMART'S
SHELVES?
>> I WAS SURPRISED, YEAH.
>> Jon: I MEAN, LOOK, I
KNEW WE SOLD CHEAP GUNS REALLY
CHEAP YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, TO
ANYBODY.
TREMENDOUS STOPPING POWER.
I MEAN, I TELL YOU YOU COME TO
WALMART AND BUY SOME OF THOSE
GUNS YOU'D HAVE A HELL OF A
STANDOFF.
MY POINT IS THIS-- I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU COULD GET THEM WITH THE
STARS AND BARS HOLSTERS.
THAT SENDS A VERY DANGEROUS
MESSAGE.
AND AS WE KNOW AS
WALMART GOES, SO GO OTHER
WALMART-Y LIKE PLACES.
>> THE DEBATE OVER THE
CONFEDERATE FLAG IS GROWING.
>> SOME OF THE NATION'S BIGGEST
RETAILERS WILL STOP SELLING
MERCHANDISE LIKE WALMART,
TARGET, SEARS, K-MART, AMAZON,
E-BAY, AND ETSY.
>> Jon: HOW THE [BLEEP] DID ETSY GET IN
THERE?
WAIT.
WHAT?
I APOLOGIZE TO THE SOUTH.
THAT ONE IS OUR BAD.
AS NORTHEASTERN LIBERAL
ELITISTS, WE'RE THE ONES WHO
SHOULD HAVE BEEN POLICING ETSY.
I APOLOGIZE.
FROM NOW ON, I PROMISE YOU
THIS NO MORE STEAM PUNK
HAND-CRAFTED CONFEDERATE BEARD
COZIES.
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
ALL APOLOGIES TO THOSE GREAT
REENACTORS OF THE 13th
WILLIAMSBURG REGIMEN.
LISTEN, IT IS BECOMING HARDER
AND HARDER TO FIND PUBLIC
FIGURES WHO AREN'T SUDDENLY ON
BOARD WITH AT LEAST CONSIDERING
DITCHING THIS ARCHAIC SYMBOL OF
RACIST INSURRECTION, HARDER BUT
NOT IMPOSSIBLE.
>> ONE REPUBLICAN STATE SENATOR
LEE BRYCE OF SPARTANBURG IS
COMPLETELY OPPOSED TO THIS,
CALLING THE ATTEMPT TO REMOVE
THE FLAG "A STALINIST PURGE."
>> Jon: A LITTLE BIT OF A
HYPE-- REMOVING A FLAG WOULD NOT
BE STALINIST PURGE STYLE.
STALIN HE WOULD PROBABLY KEEP
THE FLAG BUT WHITEWASH IT WITH
IS ITS ASSOCIATIONS WITH
SLAVERY, AND CONCOCT SOMETHING
SAYING IT REPRESENTS SOMETHING
POSITIVE AND SAYING THE NEW
MEANING JUSTIFIES NOT JUST
KEEPING THE FLAG AROUND BUT
ELEVATING IT, HONORING IT.
FORTUNATELY AMERICANS WOULDN'T
FALL FOR SUCH STALINIST.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
ALL RIGHT.
BUT, AS OF THIS WILL WEEK, AS OF
THIS WEEK, PRO-CONFEDERATE FLAG
PUBLIC FIGURES NO LONGER SEEM TO
BE IN THE MAIN STREAM TO GET AN
ACTUAL OUTRIGHT DEFENDER OF THE
FLAG ON CAMERA, NEWS HAD TO
DIG DEEP.
>> ONCE THE FLAG IS REMOVED IT
WILL START DOWN THE SLIPPERY
SLOPE, AND THEN THERE WILL BE
THE MONUMENT WILL BE CALLED FOR
TO BE REMOVED FROM STATE HOUSE
GROUNDS.
AND THEN THE NEXT THING WILL BE
STREET NAMES, AND BUILDING
NAMES, WHICH IS ALREADY BEGUN.
>> Jon: YEAH, UM, LET ME
EXPLAIN TO YOU HOW THE SLIPPERY
SLOPE ARGUMENT USUALLY WORKS.
USUALLY WHEN YOU DO THE SLIPPERY
SLOPE ARGUMENT YOU LIKE TO END
IT IN SOMETHING BAD.
SO YOU DON'T GO, LIKE, YOU KNOW
THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW THEY'RE
GOING TO TAKE IT OFF THE
BUILDING AND THEN THEY'RE GOING
TO TAKE IT OFF-- AND THE NEXT
THING BLACK CHILDREN WON'T HAVE
TO GO BACK TO SCHOOLS NAMES
AFTER A MAN WHO WOULDN'T LET
THEM LEARN HOW TO READ?
ASK THAT SOUND LIKE A WORLD YOU
WANT TO BE A PART OF?
NOT THAT SOME DEFENDERS OF
STARS AND BARS DON'T FORESEE
SOME OMINOUS OUTCOMES.
>> ONE DAY VERY SOON I PREDICT
THEY WILL COME AFTER ANOTHER
FLAG, THE ONE WITH BROAD STRIPES
AND BRIGHT STARS.
AND DON'T BE TERRIBLY SURPRISED
WHEN EVEN REPUBLICANS STAND IDLY
BY AS THEY BURN THE STAR
SPANGLED BANNER.
>> Jon: I DON'T THINK WE
WILL.
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
BACK TO YOU, TODD.
I'D LIKE TO SAY HE'S BEING
HYPERBOLIC HERE, BUT-- BUT IF
I'M BEING HONEST WITH MYSELF, I
DO REMEMBER THERE BEING A
PRECEDENT FOR A GROUP OF ANGRY
PEOPLE COMING FOR THE AMERICAN
FLAG.
AND THEY HAD, I REMEMBER SOME
MILITARY FORCE BEHIND THEM.
WHO WERE THOSE ANGRY P.C.
LIBERALS AGAIN COMING FOR OUR
FLAGS?
THAT'S RIGHT IT WAS THOSE
( BLEEP ) GUYS.
THAT'S RIGHT.
THERE'S ONE ARGUMENT FLAG
SUPPORTERS TURN TO MORE THAN ANY
OTHER.
>> SOME HAVE SAID FOR YEARS THE
FLAG IS ABOUT SOUTHERN PRIDE,
HERITAGE.
>> I BELIEVE IT REPRESENTS
HISTORY AND HERITAGE.
>> ALL OF MY ANCESTORS FOUGHT
FOR THE SOUTH.
THAT'S NOT GOING TO CHANGE.
>> Jon: NO, THAT'S THE
WHOLE POINT.
THEY FOUGHT FOR THE SOUTH,
AGAINST THE UNITED STATES,
BECAUSE OF SLAVERY.
THAT'S THE HERITAGE YOU'RE
DEFENDING.
LOOK, I'M SURE YOUR SOLDIER
ANCESTORS HAD OTHER REDEEMING
QUALITIES BUT THIS IS THE THING
THEY'RE KNOWN FOR.
IT WOULD BE LIKE SAYING YOU
SUPPORT FLYING THE NAZI FLAG
BECAUSE YOU'RE PROUD OF THEIR
ROBUST ANTISMOKING AGENDA BUT
THAT WASN'T REALLY THEIR THING.
AND I THINK THAT'S THE REAL
PROBLEM HERE.
WHAT SOUTHERN PEOPLE NEED IS A
FLAG THAT REPRESENTS THE ASPECT
OF THEIR HERITAGE THAT WE CAN
ALL CELEBRATE.
FOR EXAMPLE, LET'S TRY THIS ONE.
HERE'S A FLAG COMMEMORATING THE
CREATION OF BARBECUES.
THAT'S HOW BARBECUE WAS PROBABLY
INVENTED, AN INGENIOUS
SOUTHERNER SAW A PIG ON FIRE AND
THOUGHT, I CAN WORK WITH THIS.
( LAUGHTER )
NOW IT'S GREAT THAT THE
CONFEDERATE FLAG SEEMS TO BE
FINALLY FALLING OUT OF FLAVOR--
FAVOR-- FLAVOR.
( LAUGHTER )
I'M SORRY.
I'M STILL THINKING ABOUT
BARBECUE.
( LAUGHTER )
THAT'S A TASTY SAUCE.
BUT THIS IS REALLY SYMBOLIC.
IT'S A SMALL A PART OF A MUCH
LARGER PROBLEM.
IDEALLY, THIS DEBATE IS ONLY THE
START OF A LONGER CONVERSATION,
ADDRESSING THE KIND OF
INSTITUTIONAL AND SYSTEMIC
RACISM THAT WE HAVE YET TO
DISASSEMBLE THAT CONTINUES TO
THIS VERY DAY.
>> ARE THERE INDIVIDUAL RACIST
IN THIS COUNTRY.
>> OF COURSE,.
>> SADLY, YES.
DOES INSTITUTIONAL RACISM EXIST
ANYMORE?
NO, IT DOES NOT?
>> Jon: OH, WELL I GUESS
THE CONVERSATION WAS SHORTER
THAN I EXPECTED.
( LAUGHTER )
WELL, GREAT JOB, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
( APPLAUSE )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
>> Jon: WELCOME BACK.
THE CONFEDERATE FLAG, THAT
BATTLE FLAG IS JUST ONE OF THE
AMERICAN SYMBOLS THAT IS NOW
UNDERGOING A MAJOR RETHINK.
>> GENDER EQUALITY IS COMING TO
THE $10 BILL.
>> MOVE OVER ALEXANDER HAMILTON.
HE'S GETTING THE BUMP TAKEN OFF
THE $10 BILL IN FAVOR OF A TOO BE
DETERMINED WOMAN.
>> OH, A WOMAN T.B.D. ON A $10
BILL.
THAT'S GREAT.
YOU'VE COME A LONG WAY IN
CERTAIN NAME OF BABY HERE.
WE TURN TO OUR OWN JESSICA WILLIAMS IN OUR
NEW SEGMENT.
MEET THE JESS.
THAT WAS IMPRESSIVE.
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH.
>> Jon: THAT WAS A
WONDERFUL OPEN.
JESS, JESS!
THIS IS SO EXCITING.
>> YEAH.
>> Jon: THERE IS GOING TO
BE A WOMAN ON OUR PAPER
CURRENCY.
THIS IS A GIANT LEAP FOR
WOMANKIND, YES?
>> UH, YEAH, SURE.
IF BY GIANT LEAP YOU MEAN
AWKWARD TRIP FORWARD ON JAGGED
SIDEWALK THAT YOU PRETEND YOU
DID ON PURPOSE.
( LAUGHTER )
I MEAN, YOU MEAN THAT?
>> Jon: I JUST HEARD A
LITTLE BIT.
I WAS KIND OF WOUND UP ABOUT IT.
IT SEEMS PRETTY CYNICAL,
JESSICA.
>> DO YOU ACTUALLY THINK A BUNCH
OF PEOPLE IN THE TREASURY
DEPARTMENT GOT TOGETHER AND
SAID, "YOU KNOW WHAT, LET'S DO
SOMETHING FOR WOMEN TODAY."
>> THE GOVERNMENT ROUTINELY
REDESIGNS CURRENCY FOR SECURITY
REASONS.
SO THAT IT'S MORE DIFFICULT TO COUNTERFEIT.
THE $10 BILL WAS NEXT IN LINE
AND SET TO BE UNVEILED IN 2020.
>> THE 10 WAS NEXT IN LINE FOR A
MAKEOVER, AND YOU KNOW WHO LOVES
MAKEOVERS, GIRLS, JON, DAMES.
IT'S INSULTING.
>> GOILS!
ARE YOU MY OLD JEWISH AGENT,
GOILZ?
>> KIND OF.
>> Jon: BUT, JESSICA, A
WOMAN WILL BE FEATURED, YES?
>> YEAH, MOSTLY.
>> HAMILTON IS NOT EXPECTED TO
ACTUALLY DISAPPEAR FROM THE 10
ENTIRELY.
HE'LL PROBABLY GO FROM THE FRONT
TO THE BACK.
>> OH, SERIOUSLY, SO THE LADIES'
BILL HAS A CHAPERONED.
"WE'LL PUT YOU ON THE 10 ,
LADIES, BUT ALEXANDER, GO WITH
THEM TO MAKE SURE THEY DON'T DO
ANY IMPULSE BUYS.
>> Jon: I CAN SEE THAT'S
UNFAIR BUT HERE'S WHAT YOU HAVE
TO ADMIT.
YOU HAVE TO ADMIT THIS TO ME
RIGHT NOW-- IT WILL BE PRETTY
GREAT SEEING A WOMAN'S FACE ON
MONEY.
>> PAPER MONEY WON'T BE A THING
BY THE TIME IT COMES OUT.
THEY PUT OUR FACES ON THINGS
THAT ARE ABOUT TO DISAPPEAR.
THEY DID IT WITH COINS, STAMPS,
AND NOW THE 10.
I'M SURPRISED THEY HAVEN'T PUT
OUR FACES ON PAY PHONES.
>> Jon: WAIT, WE DON'T HAVE
PAY PHONES ANYMORE?
>> WHEN IS THE LAST TIME YOU
SPENT TIME OUTSIDE?
>> RECENT.
>> WHEN?
>> Jon: '97?
POINT TAKEN.
>> AND FACE IT, JON.
PEOPLE LOVE HAVING CASH BIT
NOBODY GIVES A FLYING BUCK ABOUT
WHO IS ACTUALLY ON IT.
JON, WHO IS ON THE 50.
>> Jon: EASY, PRESIDENT
50-INGTON.
>> EXACTLY.
GUYS IF YOU WANT TO MAKE A REAL
STAB AT PROGRESS PUT WOMEN ON
PREOBSOLETE THINGS.
MAKE HARRIET TUBMAN THE FACE OF PAYPAL.
PUT ELEANOR ROOSEVELT ON
APPLE PAY, OR PUT OLIVIA POPE ON
BITCOIN.
>> Jon: YOU WOULD FEEL
BETTER ABOUT ALL THIS, WOULDN'T
YOU?
>> AT THE END OF THE DAY I DON'T
GIVE A DAMN WHO IS ON THE BILL.
WHAT I DO CARE ABOUT IS GETTING
AN EQUAL SHARE OF THE BILL.
I WOULD RATHER HAVE 10 FULL
HAMILTON DOLLARS THAN 8.45 OF
LADY BUCKS.
>> Jon: JESSICA WILLIAMS!
GOILZ?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: WELCOME BACK.
MY GUEST TONIGHT IS THE SENIOR,
SENIOR JUDICIAL ANALYST FOR THE
FOX NEWS CHANNEL.
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO OUR
PROGRAM JUDGE ANDREW NAPOLITANO.
COME ON OUT HERE, YOUNG MAN!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: I DIDN'T KNOW YOU
WERE GOING TO RUN?
>> I'M ANXIOUS TO GET HERE.
>> Jon: I'M DELIGHTED TO
YOU HAVE HERE.
PLEASE SIT, WE'LL TALK.
LAST TIME YOU WERE HERE WE HAD A
WHOLE THING ABOUT CONFEDERACY
AND LINCOLN.
HERE IT IS AGAIN.
>> THE LAST TIME I WAS HERE YOU
HAD A BLACK WOMAN PLAYING
ABRAHAM LINCOLN AND SHE WAS TWO
FEET TALLER THAN I AM.
SHE'S FABULOUS.
>> Jon: SHE'S UNBELIEVABLE
AND STILL TWO FEET TALLER THAN
YOU.
THAT WAS NOT DONE AS A GAG FOR
THE SHOW.
>> I THINK WE'RE ABOUT THE SAME
HEIGHT, JON.
>> Jon: YOU AND I ARE ABOUT
THE SAME HEIGHT BUT NOW YOU'RE
MUCH FITTER THAN I.
LET ME ASK YOU THIS QUESTION.
YOU DEFEND PRINCIPLE.
YOU DON'T DEFEND POLITICS.
YOU DEFEND PRINCIPLE.
YOU SAY FLAG YES, NOT IN THE
STATE HOUSE.
>> I SAY YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO
FLY THAT FLAG ON YOUR PRIVATE
PROPERTY.
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO ANY
OPINION OR THOUGHT YOU WANT,
EVEN ONE MANIFESTED OR ANIMATED
BY HATE.
AND THE GOVERNMENT HAS NO
BUSINESS REGULATING THOUGHT.
IF THE FIRST AMENDMENT PROTECTS
ANYTHING, IT PROTECTS YOUR
ABSOLUTE UNFETTERED RIGHT TO
THINK WHAT YOU WANT AND SAY WHAT
YOU THINK.
>> Jon: OH, MY GOD, WAIT.
THAT WAS SO PERRY MASON.
THAT WAS-- HERE'S WHAT HE DID.
HE WENT, "AND I WOULD SAY THIS
IN THE DAYS AND THE WEEKS..."
BUT WHERE WERE YOU?
>> RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT.
ON THE NOSE.
>> Jon: TREMENDOUS.
>> BUT THE SUPREME COURT DOESN'T
GET THIS RIGHT.
BECAUSE THE SUPREME COURT,
SOME FRIENDS OF MINE,
SAYS THE GOVERNMENT HAS THE
FREEDOM OF SPEECH.
>> Jon: CORRECT.
>> WHO CARES WHAT THE GOVERNMENT
THINKS.
>> Jon: THEY HAVE A RIGHT,
THOUGH, TO FLY-- UNIVERSALLY
ACCEPTED THE UNITED STATES FLAG.
>> YES.
THEY HAVE THE RIGHT TO SPEAK
WHEN IT'S NECESSARY FOR
GOVERNANCE, LIKE THE LIBRARY'S
CLOSED, THE SPEED LIMIT IS 65
MILES PER HOUR.
BUT FOR THEM TO EXPRESS AN
OPINION, TO SAY THAT THE
GOVERNMENT HAS THE FREEDOM OF
SPEECH, IS VERY DANGEROUS.
BECAUSE THE GOVERNMENT HAS
LIMITLESS, LIMITLESS RESOURCES
AND IT WILL DROWN OUT SPEECH IT
HATES AND FEARS IF IT CAN DO SO.
AND THE RIGHT TO SPEAK IS A
NATURAL PERSONAL RIGHT.
IT'S NOT TRANSFERABLE TO AN
ARTIFICIAL INSTITUTION LIKE THE
GOVERNMENT.
>> Jon: BUT IT'S ALSO NOT
THE RIGHT TO SPEAK WITHOUT
CONSEQUENCE OR PUSH-BACK.
AND I'M NOTICING A TREND THAT
SAYS THAT I SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO
SAY WHATEVER I WANT AND YOU
CAN'T CRITICIZE ME.
BECAUSE THAT'S-- THAT'S
THREATENING AND INTIMIDATION BUT
IT'S NOT.
IT'S A CONVERSATION.
>> LET ME TELL YOU WHAT THAT IS.
THAT IS CALLED THE RIGHT NOT TO
BE OFFENDED.
THERE IS NO SUCH RIGHT.
IF YOU'RE GOING TO SAY
SOMETHING, PEOPLE HAVE THE RIGHT
TO CRITICIZE YOU ALL YOU WANT.
>> Jon: CORRECT.
>> IF, IF I WERE GOING TO FLY
THE CONFEDERATE FLAG ON MY
PROPERTY, I SHOULD EXPECT A LOT
OF CRITICISM.
>> Jon: CORRECT.
>> THERE'S NO WAY TO KEEP THAT
CRITICISM AWAY, JUST LIKE
THERE'S NO WAY MRS. CLINTON TO
OUTLAW THE FLYING OF THAT FLAG
ON PRIVATE PROPERTY.
>> Jon: NOW YOU JUST
REFERRED TO ME AS MRS. CLINTON.
AND, AGAIN, AND I SAY THIS WITH
ALL DUE RESPECT, YOU'VE KNOWN ME
FOR YEARS.
>> RIGHT.
>> Jon: AND IT FELT A
LITTLE BIT HURTFUL?
( LAUGHTER )
AND NOT REALLY ON A PAR WITH THE
TIME WE'VE SPENT.
>> YOU KNOW THIS IS MY --
>> DID SHE REALLY SAY, I WANT TO
BAN IT ON PRIVATE PROPERTY."
>> SHE SAID I WANT TO BAN THE
FLAGS.
SHE DOESN'T WANT THEM SOLD, AND
SHE DOESN'T WANT TO SEE THEM.
THEY MAY MEAD-- TO SOME PEOPLE
THEY REPRESENT A SYMBOL OF HATE.
NO QUESTION ABOUT IT.
>> Jon: LIKE AMERICANS.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO HATE
AND YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO
EXPRESS YOUR HATRED.
THE OPPOSITE OF THAT IS THE
GOVERNMENT CONTROLLING OUR
THOUGHTS.
>> Jon: I DON'T THINK
THERE'S ANY-- BUT I THINK THE
DIFFICULTY IS THE GOVERNMENT
SELECTS AND NOW WITH ALL THE
MEDIA CHANNELS AND MONEY BEING
SPEECH, THERE IS NOW MORE
PRESSURE THAN EVER AND I'M
REALLY VERY INTERESTED IN THIS
NEW TREND OF IF SOMEBODY PUSHES
BACK ON YOU, THAT'S P.C. POLICING, AND
I FIND THAT SHOCKING, ESPECIALLY
WHEN THEY SAY, "IT'S ONLY FROM
THE LEFT."
SMOTHERS BROTHERS GOT THROWN OFF
TELEVISION.
NOBODY HAS THE RIGHT TO HAVE A
TELEVISION SHOW.
>> YOU'RE EXACTLY RIGHT.
MY SIXTH TIME ON YOUR SHOW AND
I'M EXHILARATED YOU ARE
EXHILARATED.
WHEN HAVE YOU NOT BEEN
EXHILARATED.
>> Jon: WERE YOU THINKING
ABOUT WHETHER A HOT DOG WAS A
SANDWICH?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
YOU SAID TO ME--
>> I'M A VEGETARIAN!
>> Jon: HE SAID TO ME
BEFORE THE SHOW, I'M GETTING ALL
THESE QUESTIONS.
SATIRE IN MODERN TIMES, WHAT DO
YOU THINK-- TELL ME ABOUT A
LEADER OF GREAT EXPERTISE AND
ARTICULATION THAT YOU MIGHT VOTE
FOR.
KID SAID TO ME, MY FRIEND AND I
WERE HAVING AN ARGUMENT, IS A
HOT DOG A SANDWICH OR SOMETHING
COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.
>> SOMEBODY IN THE AUDIENCE SAID
THAT?
>> Jon: YES.
>> IS THAT PERSON HERE?
>> YES, RIGHT THERE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
SMARTEST KID IN THE CLASS.
>> Jon: THERE THEY ARE
RIGHT THERE.
LET ME ASK YOU, NOW THAT WE'RE
HERE, SANDWICH OR SOMETHING
TOTALLY DIFFERENT?
>> TOTALLY DIFFERENT.
>> Jon: THAT IS THE
OPPOSITE.
ALL RIGHT, JUDGE
>> YOU CAN'T PREDICT
LIBERTARIANS.
REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME I WAS
HERE, I SAID I WAS GOING TO OUT
YOU.
>> Jon: THAT'S SO FUNNY.
>> DON'T WE AGREE ON MORE THINGS
THAN WE DISAGREE ON.
>> Jon: WE GENERALLY DO.
AND WHEN WE DISAGREE, I ALWAYS
ENJOY THE SPIRIT IN WHICH WE DO
IT BECAUSE I RESPECT YOU AS AN
INDIVIDUAL, AND THAT, AGAIN, AS
I SAY BEFORE, I DO FEEL YOU
SPEAK NOT FROM CYNICISM BUT FROM
PRINCIPLE, DEEPLY HELD,
OFTENTIMES WRONGLY.
BUT--
( LAUGHTER )
BUT DEEPLY, AND I RESPECT IT,
AND I'VE ALWAYS ENJOYED OUR
CONVERSATIONS AND I HAVE ALWAYS
LEARNED.
>> IN MY PIECE, JON STEWART AND
ME, I SAID THIS GUY JON STEWART,
SMARTEST PERSON ON TELEVISION.
>> Jon: OH, STOP IT, YOU!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
>> HERE'S WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO.
>> Jon: WHAT DO WE GOT?
>> I WANT YOU TO RUN FOR THE
UNITED STATES SENATE FROM NEW
JERSEY.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: HERE'S THE THING.
I CAN COMMENT ON SOCIETY.
I CAN POKE FUN AT IT, BUT IT
WOULD BE LIKE SAYING TO THE GUY
ON ESPN, TALKING ABOUT THE GREEN
BAY PACKERS, AARON ROGERS SHOULD
HAVE DONE THAT.
AND SAYING, "WHEN YOU'RE DONE
YOU SHOULD BE QUARTERBACK."
IT WOULD NOT WORK OUT.
>> AL FRANKEN IN THE SENATE.
JON STEWART IN THE SENATE.
>> Jon: IF I'M GETTING YOU
CORRECTLY, WE REALLY SHOULD JUST
FILL IT WITH COMEDIANS.
THAT'S THE WHOLE THING.
JUST GIVE UP ANY PRETENSE THAT
THIS IS A LEGISLATIVE BODY.
TURN THE WHOLE DAMN THING INTO
"LAUGH-IN," HAVE JOE ANNE WORLEY
COME OUT OF THE THING.
>> COME ON BUDDY.
YOU.
>> Jon: YES, SIR.
>> JOHNNY BOY.
>> Jon: YES.
>> YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN MORE THAN
HALF THE SENATORS EVER KNEW.
>> Jon: YOU'RE A GOOD MAN.
COME ON BEAUTIFULLY DONE.
JUDGE ANDREW NAPOLITANO,
EVERYBODY!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: THAT'S OUR SHOW.
HERE IT IS YOUR MOMENT OF ZEN.
>> IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME
BEFORE THE CULTURAL
REVOLUTIONARIES DESTROY FILMS
LIKE GONE WITH THE WIND AND
FORREST GUMP.
AND BURN COPIES OF TOM SAWYER
AND HUCKLEBERRY FINN.
STALIN AND LENIN WOULD BE
BURSTING WITH PRIDE.
YOU KNOW WHO ELSE HAS BEEN DOING
SOME CULTURAL CLEANSING THESE
DAYS?
THESE GUYS.
THE ISLAMIC STATE.