Hey everybody and welcome back.
Now here's a great technique.
Learn to say yes to life.
Enjoy all the great things in life.
And start with acceptance.
So the goal here is to learn how to accept and how to act so the first stage is acceptance what is is
is an old Zen philosophy.
We simply accept the reality of a situation.
We don't get excited about it.
We don't get overemotional lied about it.
It's kind of like it's saying it's just business.
Business people get that what is is.
As humans we need to accept what is is.
People will say things like traffic is going to slow.
Is that true.
No that's an opinion.
Traffic is always moving at the exact purpose.
Perfect rate.
Based on what cars in front of you are doing what it couldn't possibly go any faster.
It couldn't possibly go any slower.
It's perfect.
You say well I had to get to my meeting and this traffic is slowing me down.
That means you didn't leave early enough for your meeting has nothing to do with the traffic.
What is is except it you're going to be late.
Don't go through a hundred different thoughts about why that's horrible.
Say I'm going to be late and that should be the first and the last thought about so within acceptance.
Let me give you two powerful tools.
The first one is the serenity prayer to literally print this out and put this over your desk.
You can usually find a nice copy online simply states.
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change courage to change the things I can and wisdom
to know the difference.
And I've seen people do hold trainings just on this one concept the Serenity Prayer.
But basically it says grant me the serenity to accept that's the acceptance peace to accept the things
I cannot change.
I actually like the things I cannot change you know why.
Because there's nothing for me to do it's instantly over.
If I get a tax bill in the mail and I can't do anything about it I either got to pay it or make up a
payment plan but I not to spend a lot of time worrying about it or thinking about it because there's
nothing I can do about it.
The next part is courage to change the things that I can't.
Now I get that tax bill.
I don't get all excited about and say why they cheat me there's money and you know this isn't fair and
why are these things happening to me.
I simply need to say hey on Monday Palu posted on it.
I need to call and check in with the IRS and see what I can do to make a payment plan or maybe this
bill is erroneous it's not even really mine and that happens a lot of times and see what I can do to
fix this a little bit.
The last passes with no difference.
Don't try to change the things you can't change but also don't not change the things that you can.
That's the wisdom to know the difference and to have acceptance through the entire process.
Now that is a favorite preference in the 12 step programs especially a In n a.
Now here's a little bit on acceptance.
It's actually from the Big Book of AA.
It says acceptance is the answer to all my problems today when I am disturbed.
It is because I find some person place thing or situation some fact of my life unacceptable to me and
I could find no serenity until I accept that person place thing or situation as being exactly the way
it's supposed to be.
At this moment nothing absolutely nothing happens in this world by mistake unless I accept life completely
on life's terms.
I cannot be happy.
I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as a what needs to be changed
in me and in my attitudes.
So that's the acceptance quo.
Another great one attack up on the wall.
You can find that easily online.
Acceptance is so powerful it takes you out of pain and puts you into acceptance which means you're OK
with how things are.
You're no longer torturing yourself about a things that you can't change anyways or b things that you're
going to change and it's going to go away.
Those are the two things that you don't need to worry about things you can't do anything about and the
things that you can take care of.
Either way you don't need to focus on it.
So just accept them and take action
now I'm going to say something to you.
It's going to sound really really strange.
I'll just preface it that way you can't actually solve your problems with your mind.
Why.
Because your mind is the problem.
So what I mean by that I don't mean that you can have a simple problem like you know I have to figure
out how to solve a overhear and use a little bit of logic and solve the problem.
That's not what I mean.
I mean that your problems are inside your mind your anxiety or depression your phobias your relationship
issues your self-esteem you know your negativity.
These are all things that are happening in your mind which means your mind is the problem.
So your mind can't solve the very problem that it's causing so the challenge becomes how do I solve
the problems of me thinking negatively in my mind but without really utilizing my mind.
Well let me give you an answer
here's an interesting philosophy.
You have to lose your mind to gain your sanity.
What does that mean.
A lot of times what you need to do is just get outside of your own head stop thinking all those negative
thoughts.
Like we talked about earlier do the thoughts stoppage and move on to something else.
Stop using your mind as a way to beat up on yourself.
Think about this way.
Depression is thinking one depressive thought after another after another after another after another.
That's happening with your mind.
So if that's the problem what's the solution.
Captain Obvious says don't think one depressing thought after another after another after another.
Let these thoughts go see them notice them release them.
This is what we're talking about when we say lose our mind.
Don't let the mind run away with you.
Don't let your depression your anxiety year low self-esteem your relationship issues.
Don't let them run away with you.
You control them by deciding what you let into your mind how you deal with what's in your mind and let
you eliminate from your mind what you let go by.
Think of it this way if I have a depressing thought the way to get rid of it is to lose my mind.
Stop using my mind to try to solve it a lot of people will focus on how do I get rid of my depression.
How do I get rid of my depression when you're doing that what are you focusing on your depression.
What are you thinking about your depression.
What are you giving all your mental energy to your depression.
See how you can't solve it that way you could only intensify it.
Remember your depression is one depressive thought after another simply losing your mind letting it
go is the absolute perfect way to do it.
We think if we have a problem we have to focus on it and hopefully if we focus on it long enough will
come up with a solution.
Not necessarily a lot of times that very focus on it is the problem.
Hope that makes sense to you.
Now I want to teach you a very unique concept.
This is kind of fascinating to people you actually don't have a single mind you have what I call multiple
minds.
And I'm going to describe this to you in a way that hopefully you can understand it.
Think of it this way.
Are you one way when you're by yourself another way when you're with friends.
Another way when you're with family in another way when you're with your significant other.
And then maybe even a completely other way when you're at work or when you have to get up on and give
a presentation in all these different circumstances.
We think differently and we are different.
We have multiple personalities for each situation.
So you may have a thousand or more different what I call sub personalities.
So there is this primary personality that you think of as you.
And then you have these sub personalities.
Think of it this way too.
There's one party view that's absolutely positively completely lazy just wants to sit on the couch and
eat tasty snacks and watch TV all day long.
That's all it wants to do.
There's another part of you that wants to go out there kick butt Take names take on the world make a
fortune.
Run your own business whatever it is you are massively goal oriented you're focused on this one area
and you just love it.
You want to go for it 110 percent could be anything.
That's also a part of you.
Now whether you end up kicking butt and taking names focusing on that goal or sitting on the couch depends
on upon what which one of those multiple minds you get the most attention the most energy in the most
time to so understand that you have multiple minds.
Now your depression or your anxiety if you're having challenges with those those are one of your minds.
If you lose your mind by switching it to one of your other minds not your depressive mindset not your
anxious mindset but maybe the way you are when you're happy or when your ambitious or even when you're
just relaxing if you switch to one of those other mindsets then your mind instantly change.
So having multiple minds is great because it allows us to select a mind that best deals with that situation.
Think of it this way if you're a lawyer and that's one mindset and you do that at work that's perfect
when you're in a court of law.
Now if you go home you start cross examining your family and your spouse and your kids you're gonna
get a lot of trouble.
You want to use your family mindset when you get home so we can pick from different mindsets to match
the situation to match the mood or a specific skill.
So understand they have multiple minds in picking the right one knowing that this is one of the tools
in your toolbox can be a great way to deal with a lot of different situations
now we want to talk a little bit about what causes anxiety and depression.
A lot of people have had anxiety and depression for years and they don't even know what it is.
Let me ask you a question.
How many problems can you solve that you don't even know what they are.
You can't.
So to be able to solve anxiety or depression you have to know what causes it.
Literally how it works.
So let's take a look at that.
So here's how anxiety and depression works.
First you have an anxious or depressed thought that creates an anxious or depressed feeling and then
those feelings go into the body and they're represented as emotions as stresses.
All these negative neuro chemicals that happen and cortisol and all those horrible things muscular tension
fatigue headaches insomnia blah blah blah blah blah.
All the different representations that you see in the body.
So look at the chain everything flows from the thoughts the thoughts create the feelings create the
problems inside the body.
So if you want to stop the cycle don't do it like most therapists do it.
Most therapists try to get you to talk through your feelings.
Well that's step number two.
This is the horse has already left the barn.
You're already anxious you're already depressed and talking about the feelings get you to understand
the feelings which aren't your problem.
The problem is the thought that created the feelings so you always start at the thought What am I thinking
that is so effectively making me anxious depressed feeling bad about myself made me feel bad about my
life is making me worry is keeping me up at night and then simply stop thinking those thoughts or replace
them.
And it also helps as we've talked about to refocus in another area.
So that's what caused the anxiety.
That's what causes depression.
Matter of fact anxiety and depression are the same system.
You think an anxious thought over and over again.
They call that anxiety.
You think a depressive thought over and over again.
They call it depression.
We get low self-esteem.
You think about how bad do I suck.
Over and over again is the same thing the same system negative thought creates negative feelings has
negative impact on the body.
Kill it at the thought level.
Now this is also the same process that causes somatic disorders.
You have these negative thoughts over and over again.
They create negative feelings.
Now these negative thoughts and feelings slowly sink from the conscious mind into the unconscious mind.
Now the unconscious mind controls your autonomic nervous system here the word auto which means it's
on autopilot runs your stomach runs your muscles your heart your breathing all the things that you don't
think about and starts generating things like back pain and stomach problems and irritable bowel and
you know all these different challenges that you have in the body.
Headaches and those types of things
somatic comes from the root word Soma which means body about all the Greek I know.
So a somatic disorder means it went from the mind into the body.
Again how do you defeat this.
You defeated the level of thought when you stop thinking the negative thoughts you stop having the negative
feelings.
Eventually the unconscious mind will let go of the back pain the stomach pain etc. If it doesn't then
I highly recommend that you try to get into the unconscious processes in the best way to do that is
simply use some kind of self hypnosis and there's lots of great self hypnosis tapes that kind of get
you into state then you can do your own programming so it's very specific or you can buy a self hypnosis
tape that's based on almost any problem you can ever have these ones for headaches and back pain and
stomach pains and weight loss and relationship issues and self-esteem and anxiety and depression and
phobias and every problem you can ever think of they've got one for that.
But like I said if you have an odd one go ahead and get the one that just gets you into state allows
you to program yourself.
I have one like that that I use and then takes you back at a state.
So I got a great self hypnosis tape like that.
These that a self hypnosis book.
It was written in like the late I think around nineteen ninety seven it came out.
It's great puts you in the state gives you a few minutes to go ahead and do your own programming and
then says Now we're going to return and it takes you back out.
Perfect
so habits of thought.
Think of it this way we are what we think about most of the time.
Great I'll quote habits of thought is habitual patterns of thinking.
I think thought number one and thought number two and thought number three.
And once you get on a thought like a theme like the Depression it just goes one thought after another
thought after another thought after another thought.
The weird thing is is we are very much creatures of habit we do the same things over and over and over
again.
This is also known as practice and if you practice something you get really good at it.
That's why I want you practicing the positive thoughts as opposed to the negative thoughts.
The same way you create happiness is the same way you create depression What's happiness.
I think one happy thought after another happy thought after another happy thought What's depression.
I think one depressive thought after another depressive thought after another depressive thought so
the problem isn't the system it's the fuel that you put in.
Do you put in thoughts that you want positive thoughts or do you put in negative thoughts that you don't
want either one will become a habit so whatever you're putting into the system over time it'll become
habitual it'll become a habit and start to take over then it'll be automatic you'll start going on autopilot.
So notice your habitual thoughts the thoughts you think over and over again if they're negative.
Let them go interrupt them replace the ones you do want and then start practicing those
now.
Very important they say where your attention goes your energy flows you want to be very careful about
what you focus on in life what ever you focus on is going to grow if you focus on your successes those
will grow if you focus on your problems on your failures those will grow you even have something in
your brain called your particular activated Little Shrimp it shoved up in the underside in the middle
of your brain between the folds your brain and anything that you focus on it starts scanning the environment
to find things that match with what you're focusing on.
So if you're focusing on how to grow your business you will notice different things that you need for
your business maybe in advertising and about marketing or about finance or about executive coaching
or whatever it is that you need to grow your business.
Now if you're focused on being depressed it'll suck things out of the environment you will find things
to help support your feeling of depression you know the news is great for this I realize that CNN is
different constantly negative news right and a half hour loop they would present all the negativity
for the day and if you didn't get the first time you wanted to practice it they would go back over it
again every half hour on the hour there's some places that run CNN in the background now I'm not picking
on CNN.
Virtually every news program is negative at least in the 98 percentile right.
So your negative mindset your negative focus will pull in negative thing.
So be very careful what you focus on.
This is one of the ways that you create those habitual ways of thinking.
Not by just watching every single thought but watching where your focus is watching where your focus
is to get the right habitual thought patterns is actually easier than watching every single thought.
Just focus on the things you want to have in your life.
Focus on the things that make you happy.
Focus on the direction you want to go not in the direction that you don't.
Now we were just talking about somatic disorders and your unconscious mind.
You've got to be very careful.
Remember thoughts repeated sink into the unconscious mind and then run on autopilot.
If you're focusing on all your problems that's what's going to grow in your mind and your unconscious
will say all if they're focusing on this.
This must be a goal of theirs.
That's how the unconscious mind works that thinks if you're focusing on it you're picturing it you're
spending this much time on it it must be very important and it must be a goal.
So when you focus on everything that's wrong in your life your unconscious mind says I'll try to make
more that for you.
It must be a goal so I'm going to help you succeed in this goal.
I'm going to help you make all these horrible things happen.
This is why it's so important to focus on what you do want instead of what you don't want.
Just make sure there's nothing wrong with the formula.
Just make sure you're using it the way you want it to be used.
Working for you not against you.