Why don't you, like, ever realize the truth, Vince?
I ate nine pies and a meatball hero in one hour. That's a record.
It wasn't nine pies. It was eight. You left two slices of mushroom on the last tray.
- Violet? - You guys, it was six pies. No hero.
I had to call the paramedics to pump your stomach, and it was three-and-a-half years ago.
- When are you guys gonna talk about something else? - When someone comes through that door...
and breaks the record, then we'll stop talkin' about the subject.
Enjoy your pie, guys.
- It's the last one I'll ever serve. - Aren't you forgetting something?
Quit it, Pete. I'm not doin' that.
It's a tradition. Sign the card.
I got it, folks. I got the first autograph.
- Hey, Violet. All right! - Violet's on her way to the wall.
That's 20 years of girls leaving town.
That wall is jinxed. I won't sit near that wall.
Let's hope you have better luck than they did.
Ladies and gentlemen.
As you all know, my best friend, Violet Sanford...
has decided...
has decided to leave South Amboy tomorrow...
and travel the 42 miles to New York City.
So... Okay, come on. Bring her up here, girls.
- Come on, Violet. You gotta do it. - No.
Come on, Vi. Come on, everyone.
Hey, Violet, come on. Come up here.
- Come on, honey. - You guys!
Now, I think it's only fair that tonight, on her last night here with us in Jersey...
she grace us with a little tune.
No way!
At first I was afraid I was petrified
Kept thinkin'I could never live without you by my side
Then I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong
And I grew strong and I knew how to get along
No, not I I will survive
Oh, as long as I know how to love I know I'll be alive
I got all my life to live I got all my love to give
I'll survive I will survive
Look at this! Four people killed last night in New York.
No reason at all. Police have no leads.
- Tragic. - Dad, what're you doin'?
I guess four out of seven million ain't so bad.
Headlines should read, "Millions Survive Night in New York."
Dad, stop. I get the point. Here. Eat your eggs.
They're not eggs. They're egg whites. And I'd rather eat the carton.
You've already lost six pounds. You're staying on this diet. No fast food. No sausage.
Oh, and I bought you some of those Lean Cuisine meals, and I put 'em in the freezer.
- My mouth is watering already. - And I lined your vitamins up on the counter.
- I don't take vitamins. - You do now. Just take them.
Oh, and I put fresh batteries in the TV remote and set the VCR timer so that you can watch...
Excuse me. Excuse me. Am I missing something here?
I'm the parent. You're the child running away to live by herself.
- I should be tellin' you how to live. - Fine. How should I live?
Simple. Don't go.
I got that Irish Spring you like. Oh. And, Dad, whatever you do...
- Don't do the laundry. - Don't do the laundry.
Just leave it by the dryer, and I'll do it when I come home every Sunday.
Oh, this is interesting. They say the handrails on the subway system...
could one day lead to an outbreak of plague.
Dad. Look.
You said I could be whatever I wanna be.
I never said songwriter in New York City. That's the exception.
You said anything, and I believed you, so...
I'm not leavin' this house without your support.
That's Gloria. What's it gonna be?
Violet, I saw how hard it was for your mother when she didn't make it.
But if she was here, she'd tell me to shut up...
wish you luck and give you a big hug.
I'm not gonna give you a big hug, and I'm not gonna wish you luck, but...
I am gonna shut up, sit here with my coffee and pretend to be mad.
Is that okay?
This is the last of it.
- Honey, are you okay with that? - Yeah, I got it. I got it.
Wait. All right. That's everything.
- Let's hit it. - Good luck.
There, I said it.
- Love you. - I put some pepper spray in your purse.
Even if you're not sure, just start spraying.
You know, you're not alone, Mr. Sanford.
Hey, you know, me and you should have dinner sometime.
I'm lockin' the doors.
At first I was afraid I was petrified
Kept thinkin'I could never live without you by my side
Oh, no, not I I will survive
As long as I have love to give I know I'll be alive
I've got all my life to live I've got all my love to give
I will survive
All right. This is it.
What do you think?
I had a feeling you were gonna need this.
- What are you doing? - What? It's just some emergency cash I saved up.
Honey, from the looks of this place, I'd say this is our emergency.
Well, I'm not takin' it.
Fine, then.
I'm freezing your assets.
So, thanks for everything. I'll call ya.
What is this?
It's just that all our lives, you know, we always had one thing in common, you and me.
What are you talking about?
It's like, you know we said we wouldn't lose our virginity...
until we got married, and that didn't happen.
And then we said we'd go to college or junior college or dental hygienist school, you know.
And that didn't happen.
We've never followed through on a single thing, you know.
And I think that's what makes us so special.
And this is why you're crying?
Well, a long time ago you told me that you were gonna move to New York.
But everyone thought you'd just stay in Jersey and get married like me and Danny are gonna.
You know. And... And look at you.
No matter what, you really did it right...
and I'm so proud of you.
Enough! You hear me?
You be quiet! Enough in there!
I don't like to
Be alone in the night
And I don't like to
Hear I'm wrong when I'm right
And I don't like to
Have the rain on my shoe
Hi. I'm Violet Sanford. I just recently moved to New York...
and I was wondering if you would give my tape to one of your artists.
Violet, that is so cute.
Now, let me tell you about me. My name is Wendy, and I first moved to New York...
when I was 21 to be a dancer, but I broke my big toe.
And then I got knocked up by this actor who dumped me to join the Peace Corps.
So for the last 16 years I been raisin' my daughter all by myself.
And then two weeks ago she tells me that she is a bisexual...
and that she hates me more than any person on this planet.
Now, tell me how I can help you, please...
because I am dying to make your dreams come true.
You don't take the tape unless it comes from an agent...
but I can't get an agent until I get published?
If we were to listen to that tape, that would give you grounds...
for a copyright or plagiarism lawsuit.
It's just a little tape. All I want is someone to sing my songs.
Welcome to the music business.
- Good evening. I.D., please. - Hi. Uh, sure.
Maybe
Find a way to
Make it back someday
- What can I get you? - Let me ask you something.
I'm a songwriter. Is there someone here I could talk to about my songs?
I've been a struggling sax player for 12 years.
- What can I get you from the bar? - Pepsi and some crackers.
Hey. How are you doing?
Then I hope there's someone out there
Excuse me. Who's that guy?
That would be Mr. O'Donnell.
Mr. O'Donnell. He's the manager or something?
Yeah. He's the music manager. He's in charge of, uh, finding bands and...
booking new talent.
Run away with my heart
Run away with my hope
Hey, where the hell were you, O'Donnell?
I got 15 orders stacked up here and nobody to run the grill.
Fifteen orders, Walt. Is that it? Give me ten minutes, I'll catch us up.
Go on. Lie down. Relax.
You look tired. We can talk about my raise later.
You think this is Australia? There's no raise. I'm about to fire you.
Um, excuse me. Mr. O'Donnell?
- Yes. - Mr. O'Donnell. My name is Violet Sanford. I'm a songwriter.
I just wanted to give this to you.
I know it's not the most professional way to submit a tape.
- But this is all pretty new to me. - It's pretty new to me too.
I just figured as the manager of a club like this, you must know every band on the East Coast.
The manager of this club.
- You guys go ahead. I'll catch up. - Sure thing...
Mr. O'Donnell.
I don't usually do this, Violet...
um, but I... I have a feeling about you.
So I'm gonna take your tape, and I'm gonna see what I can do.
Thank you.
I can't believe how easy this was.
Neither can I.
Uh, you wanna go for, uh, some coffee or something?
O'Donnell, who do I look like, your goddamn maid?
That's Mr. O'Donnell, but I'll let it slide this time.
I told you to take your stuff home and wash it. You got cow grease caked on the front.
Walt, I've warned you about your attitude. You're fired.
Oh, you better not push me, kid. I can find a hundred other little punks like you...
who can burn a turkey burger.
Minimum wage punk.
Maybe we should start over.
I'm Kevin O'Donnell and...
I work the grill here at the Fiji Mermaid Club.
I just made a complete fool of myself.
I was gonna tell you.
I'm almost sure I would have told you.
I just want you to know I'm not following you home.
I'm just walking myself 26 blocks in the wrong direction.
- I asked you to leave me alone. - Did I mention how sorry I am?
I mean, not that it's all my fault. You did throw yourself at me.
I didn't throw myself at you. I was pretending to be sweet and innocent so you'd give me a break.
- Can I ask you a question? - What?
Is there a reason we just walked in a circle? Are you lost?
I'm not lost. Somebody just moved my street.
You wanna... You wanna play a game? I bet I can guess where you're from.
I'm about to get out my pepper spray.
I reckon you're from a big city. And there's no sign from here...
of a belly button ring or a tongue piercing.
- I gotta go with Chicago. - Okay.
I've never had anyone stare at my ass for half an hour, so I'm gonna say good night.
And I'm hoping you're gonna say it back.
Okay. I can take a hint.
- I really do know a lot of people in the music business. - You just don't give up, do ya?
Well, it was the sweet and innocent thing. It did me in.
- Good night, Kevin. - Just for the record...
I was only staring at your ass for the first 15 minutes.
- William Morris. - I don't mean to interrupt. I just wanna leave this...
- I'll transfer. William Morris. Please hold. - It's a demo. I'm a songwriter.
William Morris. I'll be right with you.
I just want to leave this for Whitney or Mariah.
- I'm sure they're personal friends of yours. - Look.
I'm sure it sounds great in your shower, but karaoke ended a half hour ago.
So, if you'd like to get your songs heard, you're gonna have to take them to an open mic night...
just like everyone else.
William Morris. I'll transfer. You're not getting validated.
Caught in a mirror
Looking through sympathetic eyes
Can I help you?
Yeah, hi. Um, I'm sure all your spaces are filled for tonight.
I just wanted to come down and check out what this whole open mic thing was about.
I can squeeze you in in ten minutes. A couple of my regulars, they called in sick.
So, uh, I've got some spaces to fill. I need you to sign your name in here and get yourself ready.
Bathroom's around the corner if you want to throw up.
Next up we have a young lady named Violet Sanford.
So let's put our hands together for New Jersey's own Violet Sanford! Come on up, Violet.
Good! There we go. Yeah.
Yea, Violet!
Oh, oops.
- I'm a little nervous. - So are we, honey.
Don't tease me, honey! Sing!
Come on, give her a break.
- I'm sorry. - It's all right.
Hello?
You gotta cheer up. You look like somebody ran over your dog.
Hey, um, how mu... how much is a slice of pie?
Oh, uh...
we happen to have the best French apple in town.
And, uh, it's on the house.
- Shut up. - You just have to pay attention.
- Okay? - Twenty.
- Twenty says it's Pretty Woman. - I will raise you ten because it is Home Alone.
- Oh? - You guys have to read the signs.
I call with Saving Private Ryan.
- What? - Let's flip this over, and Miss Jennifer from Austin...
says her favorite movie is...
No way. There's no way! You already saw this one.
- Oh, you are such a cheater. - Hello.
A naked girl in army boots? Easy play to call.
- Thank you. - Those boots are kind of cute.
I may have to get me some of those.
Wait, wait, wait. Oh, Romero. You gotta turn that up, baby. That is the jam.
- Turn it up! There you go, there you go. - Oh, no.
- Girl, what are you doing? - Remember this? Remember this?
- You better get it, girl. - Watch my belly dancing.
- Do you know those girls? - Oh, yeah. They're here every morning around this time.
- Winding down. - Wait, wait, wait.
- They have to, in their line of work. - Are they hookers?
- I've got the power - No.
- Coyotes. - I've got the power
- All right. - You guys?
You guys wanna see what Al gave me for my birthday?
- This. - You let him brand you?
- Isn't it cute? - She let the man brand her.
Hey, check it out, ladies. We each made 300 bucks tonight.
You sure you wanna be goin' off to law school?
Hmm?
- Let's make a toast. - Yeah.
To Zoe's last week as a Coyote.
- Oh. - She's gonna be impossible to replace.
I just wanna tell you both that I will never, ever forget you.
Who's up there?
- I'm lookin' for the owner. - Hey, come on down. Bring a case with you.
- What are you doin' here? - Uh, l-I'm gonna drop this case. Where do you want me to put it?
- That depends. What do ya want? - Well, I heard you might need a... a new, uh...
That, uh, there might be a job opening.
Put it right there. Let me take a look at ya.
Let me guess. Piedmont, North Dakota.
- South Amboy, New Jersey. - Same thing.
You do any drugs?
Just coffee. That's all I can afford right now.
- Let me see your arms. - Are you kidding?
Do I look like I'm kidding?
Where'd you get that scar on your wrist?
Pizza oven. It's a permanent burn from pulling slices for four years.
That could be the saddest thing I've ever heard.
- Um, what's next? You want a urine sample? - I prefer blood.
Look, are you really the owner? 'Cause I've had a rough couple of days...
and so the last thing I need...
is some waitress on a power trip wastin' my time.
You start Friday night. Be there at 11:00. That's when we get busy.
- You're givin' me a job? - I'm givin' you an audition. Don't be late, Jersey girl.
I don't mean to press my luck, but would you mind telling me why you're hiring me?
Because the, um, average male...
is walking around with a toddler inside of his pants.
A two-year-old, right there inside his Dockers.
Men have two-year-old children in their pants? That's why you're hiring me?
You look like a kindergarten teacher. The kids'll love it.
Sorry I asked.
- I.D., please. - Oh. I'm supposed to start work here tonight.
Go ahead. Hey, you picked a good night to start.
- It's a little slow right now, but it should pick up. - Okay.
Love is like a bomb Baby, come on get it on
Livin'like a lover with a radar phone
- Lookin'like a tramp Like a video vamp - You are hot!
Demolition woman Can I be your man
Is this a church meeting or is this a bar? Make some noise!
- Yeah! - Come on
- Want it? - Take a bottle
Shake it up
Break the bubble Break it up
Pour some sugar on me In the name of love
Poor some sugar on me Come on, fire me up
- Pour your sugar on me - I'm sorry. Sorry!
- I don't think so. - Just in time.
- Where you goin'? - Uh, I was... I was looking for you.
Good. Let's go.
Listen, red light, yellow light green light, go
Crazy little woman in a one-man show
Mirror queen, mannequin rhythm of love
- Really love your top. - Thanks.
- I got it, um, on sale... - Loosen up, uh, loosen up
You gotta squeeze a little squeeze a little, tease a little more
Okay. Hair.
Let's see your moves.
That's Rachel. You can learn a lot from her.
She just cut some guy's ponytail off.
Yeah. The court ordered her to take anger management classes...
after she pummelled a customer for grabbin' her ass.
He pressed charges. I gave her a raise. Cheers.
Pour some sugar on me
- There is only two rules, okay? What do you want? - Two beers.
- Don't date the customers. - Okay.
Second, don't ever bring your boyfriends into my bar.
As of this moment you are to appear available, but never be available.
Break my rules, I fire you on the spot.
- L... I understand. - Jesus.
Hey! Hey, everybody!
Shut up!
I'd like you to meet my new girl...
whose name is...
Violet.
Jersey.
Jersey is an ex-kindergarten teacher...
and a former nun who just escaped from the convent...
and is tired of being the only virgin in New York City.
Would anyone like to buy her a drink? Whoa!
- Come on, move! I'm workin' here. - Sorry.
- Four margaritas with salt. - All right.
Got tequila. No mix, no salt, no blender.
- Okay, how about a black Russian? - Got vodka, no Kahlua.
- White wine. - Never carry the stuff.
- So basically you have... - Jim, Jack, Johnny Red, Johnny Black and Jose.
All my favorite men. You can have it any way you like, as long as it's in a shot glass.
Okay, l-I'll take a beer.
- Four dollars. - I'm Cammie, the Russian tease.
Violet, theJersey nun.
That one's Rachel, the New York bitch.
We all play our little parts, only Rachel really is a bitch.
And I really am a tease.
Cammie, you can only be a tease if you stop sleepin' around, babe.
Yeah. I keep forgetting that part.
I'll have a shot of tequila, and don't forget one for your pretty little self.
Oh, thanks, but ever since I got really drunk on tequila, I never really drink the stuff any more.
Hey, Lil! Your new girl's refusing your good booze.
No! I was... l-I was suggesting this gentleman buy me a double.
That's more like it.
I need eight shots. Four Canadian, four South of the Border...
six-pack MGD and a double-blended back.
- You want eight shots of what? - I got it.
- Forty-six even, honey. - Hey, Lil! Yo!
YourJersey girl can't quite keep up.
Hey, give me a Scotch and water.
- Okay, you got it. - Lil, do we serve water with our whisky?
Only water I serve's got barley and hops in it!
Hey, everybody! Do we serve water in this bar?
Hell no, H2O! Hell no, H2O!
Sink or swim time, Jersey. Get up there!
The devil's in the house of the rising sun
I can't do that dance.
Granny, does your dog bite No, child, no
Okay.
- Here's some cash. You did okay for a nun. - You're firing me?
I told you this was an audition.
Thanks for comin' in. Now, get outta here.
Johnny said, Devil, just come on back if you ever wanna try again
I done told you once, you son of a bitch I'm the best there's ever been
He played fire on the mountain Run, boy, run
Devil's in the house of the risin'sun
Please!
- Back off! - Hey!
Guys, guys, back off, back off! Look, the way I see it, you got two choices.
You can start a fight here, throw some punches, get a bloody nose, make complete fools of yourselves...
or you can take this ten bucks I got right here...
and buy, uh, these two pretty ladies a round at the bar.
- Come on. What do you say? - Let's go to the bar!
Party!
Hold it, Jersey. I'm just dyin' to know where that came from.
Try serving a beer and pizza on Monday nights when the Giants play the Cowboys in November.
I'm giving you a second audition.
There's a store at the corner of Sixth and Hill. Be there at noon tomorrow.
I'm sending my fashion coordinator there to take you shopping.
Now go home before I change my mind.
Hey, and, Jersey. I'd be shocked if you survive another night.
Granny, will your dog bite No, child, no
Here we go!
And left, and right, clog, clog, clog.
Oh, yeah!
So, uh, tell me more about this bar. What kind of place is it?
It's... I don't know. It's just a bar, Dad.
It's no big deal. What are you eating?
One of those Lean Cuisine meals. Rice and vegetables. Delicious.
Oh! See, they're good. Right?
Mmm. Yum.
So, yeah, well, what's going on with your songwriting?
Songwriting. Oh! He still has my tape.
Dance, dance, dance
Dance
I want my tape.
I had a feeling you'd be back to see me.
- No dates in the kitchen, O'Donnell. - I'm not staying.
L... I just want my tape.
Please.
- Thanks. Bye. - Did you really write all those songs?
You listened to my tape?
No, of course not. I mean, that would be invasion of privacy.
Baby, you're the right kind of love
Go ahead. Laugh it up. 'Cause there's nothing you can say that's gonna bother me.
I'm just trying to tell you I like your music.
I mean, do you always take compliments so well?
- I gotta go. - Wait! Uh...
I wanna see you again. Where are you workin'?
- I'm a Coyote. - Good.
- And what the hell is that? - If you want to see me again, you'll figure it out.
That good? Uh-huh.
Sorry I'm late. Al and I had a big fight.
And then we made up, twice.
You're the fashion coordinator?
Lil told me to get you something that would make the kiddies drool.
Trust me, Violet.
I have a serious shopping problem.
- It has a zipper in the crotch. - Yeah.
Who would wear that in public?
- Actually, I have it in blue. - You're unbelievable
Oh
You burden me with your problems
By telling me more about mine
I'm always so concerned
With the way you say you always have to stop
To think of us being one is more than I ever know
The things you say
- You're unbelievable - Oh
Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
Seemingly lastless Don't mean you can ask us
Pushing down the relative Bringing out your higher self
And everything anger to brace yourself with the grace of ease
- I know this world ain't what it seems - It's unbelievable
You burden me with your questions You'd have me tell no lies
- The things you say - Oh, yeah!
- You're unbelievable - Oh
Here I am! Yeah, baby!
You're unbelievable
Come on! Knock it... Hey! Knock it off!
Lil! The ice!
How do you like that, huh?
There's every good reason for hanging around
I don't know how you guys do it. I can't have another drink.
Next time a guy buys you a shot... That's on me, honey.
Chase it with a beer.
- I don't get it. - I don't swallow it.
I just spit the shot back into the beer bottle. They'll never know.
You try it.
Hey, just keep an eye on your spittoon bottle.
Once Rachel served hers to Lou by accident. Huge drama.
Cammie, I think I just fell in love with you.
Oh, Violet! I'm not a lesbian.
I've played in the minors, but never went pro.
- Th-That's not what I meant. - What are you doing?
Lil's starin' straight at you. Come on. Grab this guy. Make yourself look busy.
- Hi. You look like you could use a shot. - No, I'm waiting on Lil.
Sorry. It's a no parking zone. If you wanna sit here, you gotta order a drink.
- Okay. Give me a glass of water. - Okay.
- He just ordered water. - Yeah.
You know what to do.
T-Testing. Um, hey, everybody, this guy just ordered water.
Do we serve water in our bar?
Hell no, H20! Hell no, H2O!
Jersey! No!
It's okay, Lil! Nobody orders water in your bar!
He can order whatever he wants. He's the fire marshal.
- Hey, Mike, I'm so sorry. She's new. - I'm okay. Let's step outside.
- Party - Nice knowing you, Jersey.
- Get naked - Come on, you guys! Let me hear you!
You okay?
- Who am I kidding? I can't do this. - Of course you can.
Now cheer up because there's a really cute guy at the bar asking for you.
Somebody's asking for me?
He says his name is Mr. O'Donnell.
He's hot.
Jersey. The fire marshal threatened to shut me down.
- He let me go with a $250 fine. - Lil, I'm really sorry...
I'll make you a deal. You figure out a way to make me 250 tonight...
I'll let you come back tomorrow.
Great.
So much for sweet and innocent.
- So, you found me. - Some guys at work told me where I could, uh, look for Coyotes.
Well, take a good look, because tonight's my last night. I think I'm gonna get fired.
- Why? - 'Cause I have to make $250 in two hours.
It's completely impossible.
Here's nine dollars, just to get you started. Okay?
I always like to help a friend in need.
Why are you looking at me like that?
Kevin, I don't want your money.
All right, uh, listen up. Ladies.
The bidding will start at $25 for one night only.
You get this purebred, house broken...
fully trained, yowling stud.
- No way. - That's pretty cheap.
- Violet, what are you doing? - You said you wanted to help, so, turn around, sir...
let 'em take a look at ya.
- Why... Why are you doing this to me? - It's payback time, Mr. O'Donnell.
Now, turn around.
- No, God, no. Don't... Don't do this. - Go on. Show 'em what you got.
- Are you in? - Yeah. - Do you wanna do this?
- All right, ladies. What'll you give me? - I've got twenty bucks.
I've got... I've got $25 right here.
Make it 35!
Thirty-five dollars!
- Forty dollars! - Get... What are you doing? - Forty dollars!
- Come on, girls, fifty? - Fifty!
- Sixty-one dollars. - I've got 70.
- Come on, girls. Seventy-five? - Seventy-five dollars!
Eighty dollars! Eighty dollars! Come on, girls. Do I hear 85?
Ninety! Ninety-five dollars!
- One hundred dollars, baby! - One hundred dollars.
That's it. You wanna come home with Mama?
Whoa! Nice!
Oh, yeah!
That's my boy.
- Oh, yeah. Shake it, shake it. - $125 back here!
$140, right here. Come on, come on.
My goodness, girls, come on. One fifty and you'll see the butt.
Come on, girls. You can do better than this.
- One seventy-five. - Yeah!
There we go. Two hundred dollars!
- You've got 215 right here! - Two hundred and fifty dollars.
Sold, for $250!
- No! - Come on up, honey. He's yours.
- Damn you. - The blonde would have gone 275.
- Come with me. - You're gonna owe me big-time for this one.
That's 250 even.
I'm gonna see ya I'm gonna meet ya, meet ya meet ya, meet ya one day
Maybe next week I'm gonna meet ya
I'll meet ya I'll meet ya
Better close out, girls.
- Can I ask you something? - What?
What... What does "Coyote Ugly" mean?
Did you ever wake up sober after a one-night stand...
and the person you're next to is layin' on your arm, and they're so ugly...
you'd rather chew off your arm than risk wakin' them?
- That's coyote ugly. - My God. - Let's go, ladies.
Well, why would you name your bar after something like that?
- Well, because "Cheers" was taken. - All right, come on.
Cabs are out front.
- You're rich, Jersey. - See ya.
Have a good night.
The woman who purchased me is named Sandy Rosenfeld, a divorcee with three grown kids...
a passion for long walks and short-haired hunting dogs and Italian opera.
Her ex-husband is a CPA. Her favorite artist is van Gogh...
and her New Year's resolution is to lose 15 pounds and to see Barbra in concert.
Okay. I owe you. What do you want?
Well, it's, uh, 3:30 in the morning. I want what every man wants.
Breakfast.
And that's it? I go to breakfast with you, and we're even?
No. We're not even close to even, because I danced on a bar...
I took off my shirt, and I unzipped my pants.
Okay. Let's make a deal. Breakfast and lunch.
- Breakfast, lunch and two dinners. - That's four dates!
Yep. Which would make it the second longest relationship I've ever had.
Get in the car.
Oh, I hate to spoil your evening, but it looks like we're not gonna go anywhere.
Oh, my God.
It's hard to find parking in New York.
You ever eaten Turkish? This is the place.
- Hey. How you doin'? - Hi, Kevin. How are you?
- Four of the regular? - Sure, yeah. Hey.
- Hey, Kevin. - How you doin', man? - How are you, buddy? - Good.
Here it is, man. Flown in from Miami.
- Check out the merchandise. - Hey, man, no. I trust you.
All right, all right.
Look, uh, I don't know what you're into, but...
The Amazing Spider-Man, number 129, mint condition.
- Worth a thousand bucks. - A comic book.
No, it's not just a comic book. This is the first appearance of the Punisher.
This is the holy grail of comic books.
- You collect comic books. That's so cute. - Yeah.
It's not cute. It's very rugged and manly.
- It's just a bit geeky. Huh? - I think it's sweet.
So, do you always eat breakfast on the hood of your car?
What can I say? I'm a romantic.
You think this is romantic?
Well, you may not be feeling it now, but I think one day...
you'll be on stage singing a song about this very night.
"When We Were Downwind From a Trash Barge."
Yeah. Catchy title. Hum a few bars.
Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm a songwriter, not a singer.
When I get on stage, I freeze.
What if the fate of the free world rested on your voice?
Okay. If the fate of the free world depended on me singing...
maybe.
All I ever really wanted is to sit in the dark...
and hear someone great singing my songs.
I wanna be the one who writes the music.
I remember the first time my mother played me "Bridge Over Troubled Water"...
by Simon and Garfunkel.
I remember exactly what she was wearing.
I remember exactly how her hair smelled. And I remember exactly how I felt.
And every time I hear that song...
I remember exactly what she was wearing...
and exactly how her hair smelled...
and exactly how I felt.
'Cause the great songs last forever.
- So, what's the problem? - Well...
now they're telling me the only way to get my songs heard...
is to go out there and sing 'em myself.
So we're gonna have to try and fix this little problem straight away.
- And how do you propose we do that? - Well, is there any place you feel comfortable singing?
- The shower. - We'll start there.
I mean, I don't care how long it takes, how many hours we have to spend in that shower.
- Let's get to it. - Okay. Before we hit the showers...
maybe you could tell me a little something about yourself.
Oh, really? What do you wanna know?
What part of Australia are you from?
I'm from all over. My family moved around a lot.
- So the rest of your family doesn't live in New York? - Do you always ask this many questions?
Do you always dodge this many questions?
You can at least tell me where you got all the moves you pulled on the bar tonight.
Well, if I told you, I'd... I'd have to kill you.
- That's original. - Oh.
The sun's coming up. We're gonna be late.
Late? Late for what?
This is incredible.
- Look at that fish! - All right. Put this on. You're gonna need it.
- Why? What are you talking about? - You're gonna help me unload the next bin.
- You're joking, right? - No. It's not that bad, Vi.
- I do it all the time. - Exactly how many jobs do you have?
Tuesday through Saturday, I'm at the club.
Sunday and Monday I park cars at the Plaza.
I've been a telemarketer. Would you like to switch to AT&T?
And for six terrifying hours I delivered phone books in Queens.
Don't forget your extensive work in fish.
This is an expensive city, and these guys pay cash.
I don't care if they pay in lobster. I'm not sticking my hands in that fishy bin.
I was gonna split the money with you.
- A hundred bucks apiece. - A hundred bucks?
- Wait, wait. Why-Why didn't you say so? - Thanks, Dan. - Wait.
- You're not ready, are you? - No. - Fifty bucks. Twenty-five. - Okay.
- Ten. - Okay. Yeah. - Ready? Huh? - Okay. Uh-huh.
That is disgusting!
Hey, you'll hurt their feelings. Okay. Just on top of the other fish. Yeah.
So, I know I just met you a few days ago. There's something I have to tell you.
You smell really bad.
Well, so do you. I mean, I was gonna kiss you goodbye, but, um, I thought I might gag.
You're a real charmer.
- Okay. Good night. - Good morning.
Don't look at me like that.
Spend it.
- What are you doing here? - I changed my mind about this kiss.
I think we should give it a shot.
Well, have a nice day.
"Have a nice day"?
Yeah. I panicked. I didn't know what else to say.
Have a nice day.
I wanna get in. I wanna dance with my friend.
All right. Back of the line over here. Back of the line.
Yeah! Whoa!
Whoo!
- Yeah, I like it! - Yeah!
- Hey, baby! - Make a hole. Make a hole! Lou, nobody...
- Shit, the cops are here. - Nobody else gets in here. Look at this place.
Hey, Lil. I'm sorry. There's nothing we can do here. You're 50 people over max.
Try to shut us down, they'll tear the place apart. Come on.
Let's go outside and talk. I'll take care of it.
Hey! Hey!
This is not a gas pump, son!
Wait your turn!
- Hey, no pictures, man! - Hey, I'm a reporter from The Voice.
Yeah!
Whoo!
What are you doing? Hey!
- Put me down! - Hey!
- Put me down! - Cammie!
- Help! - Come on! Let her go!
Rachel, help!
Come on, boys! Come on! Break it up!
- Lou, where's Rachel and Cammie? - I don't know!
Let me go!
Jersey, they're tearing this place apart!
- Rachel! Rachel! - One way or another I'm gonna find ya
- I'm gonna get ya, get ya get ya, get ya - Let me go!
One way or another I'm gonna get ya
I'm gonna get ya, get ya get ya, get ya
One way or another I'm gonna see ya
I'm gonna meet ya, meet ya meet ya, meet ya, one day
Maybe next week I'm gonna meet ya
I'll meet ya, I'll meet ya
I will
Drive past your house
And if the lights are all out
- I'll see who's around - Ooh!
One way or another
I'm gonna find ya
I'm gonna get ya, get ya get ya, get ya, one way
- I'm talking about that! - Or another I'm gonna win ya
I'm gonna get ya, I'll get ya
One way or another I'm gonna see ya
- Yeah! - I'm gonna meet ya, meet ya meet ya, meet ya
One day, maybe next week
- I'm gonna meet ya, I'll meet ya - Yeah!
- Great. Yeah. - Last call, Lil.
- Start clearin' 'em out. - You got it.
Let's go.
One way or another I'm gonna lose ya
- Yeah. - I'm gonna give you the slip A slip of the hip
Or another, I'm gonna lose ya I'm gonna trick ya
- Ya-hoo! - One way or another
I'm gonna lose ya, I'm gonna trick ya trick ya, trick ya, trick ya
Did you see their faces? I mean, wow.
They all wanted you, honey. Even the girls.
Not a dry seat in the house.
You guys, that was, like, a one-time performance...
- Hmm? - That I have to repeat, like, every night.
Ya-hoo!
She sang along with a jukebox. Let's not start polishing a Grammy.
Oh, come on, Rach. She saved your butt. Admit it.
No. She saved me from kicking the shit out of a couple of drunks.
- That's it. - Ooh. - Ooh, that was good.
- Where you goin'? - I don't know.
I gotta walk or celebrate or...
Ugh, pass out or something.
Hey, ladies and gent...
how about a big round of applause for the singing Coyote from Jersey!
- So I'm a Coyote? - Five nights a week.
Hey, what is it? What's wrong?
Why would anything be wrong?
Um, you called me in the middle of the night and said there was an emergency.
What was that for?
I had a good night. I wanted a good-night kiss.
Well, wait a second. Where are you going?
Have a nice day, Mr. O'Donnell.
"Have a nice day"?
Right kind of wrong
We likes to party La-la-di-da-di
On the East Coast is the place to be
We likes to party La-la-di-da-di
Lovin'you
- We likes to party - Isn't really something I should do
I should try to be strong
Isn't really something I should do
Shouldn't want to spend my time with you
I should try to be strong
But, baby, you're the right kind of wrong
Baby, you're the right kind of wrong
What's going on? Why do we need my guitar?
You'll find out soon enough. No. This way.
Okay, now there's a seat.
Just there. Uh-huh? Okay?
Take a look.
Your fans wanna hear you sing.
I told you. L-I can't sing my own songs. I never could.
Well, that's too bad, because they've requested to hear your songs.
Be gentle on the keyboard. I borrowed it from the club.
You did all this just to help me sing?
I thought maybe we could cure that stage fright I've heard so much about.
Kevin, I wish you could.
Come on. Let me try.
Tell me what it feels like.
You really wanna know?
Yeah.
You asked for it.
What are you doing?
The only way I can show you...
is to make you...
really nervous.
The first thing that happens...
is my heart starts to race.
Good.
Racing heart. Yep.
- Got it. - And then...
my entire body starts shaking.
Shaking body. I'm... I'm getting that. Yeah.
And...
then everything gets a bit...
cloudy.
Clouds are definitely rolling in.
Then I start...
Iosing control.
Well, how long does this usually last?
Oh, it's been known to last all night.
- That must be horrible. - It's excruciating.
I think that audience got more than they paid for, really.
What's "L.M.S." stand for?
Lynn Marie Sanford.
It was my mom's guitar.
She died five years ago.
She moved to New York to be a singer when she was my age.
She came pretty close to the big time.
Well, what happened?
She hated the stage.
She said it was the scariest place in the world.
Sounds familiar.
You really want me to sing?
Just tell me what I have to do.
Disappear.
All right. No problem.
I don't like to
Be alone in the night
I don't like to
Hear I'm wrong when I'm right
And I don't like to
Have the rain on my shoes
But I do love you
But I do love
You
I don't like to
See a sky painted grey
And I don't like when
Nothing's going my way
And I don't like to be the one with the blues but I do...
If you wanna write a song, if you want to be like a serious songwriter...
you simply gotta go with the Mac.
Laptop. You can lay your tracks down on a blank CD, and you're done.
Do you... Do you have a payment plan?
The way you lay your head upon
- Play ball! Let's go! - My shoulder when you sleep
Come on, Cammie!
Oh, I do
And I don't like to
Hear I'm wrong when I'm right
And I don't like to
Have the rain on my shoes
But I do love you
Jeez! What are you doing?
What are you, brain damaged?
You know what kind of maniacs we got driving through here? They don't stop for nothin'.
- Whose boat? - I borrowed it from a friend.
Yeah? Looks like a guy's car to me.
- How can you tell? - I've been staring at cars every day for the last 16 years.
- Who is he? - He's a friend.
Look, I brought you a turkey sandwich, no mayo, extra sprouts.
Thank you. Great.
I'm starvin'. Now tell me about this bar.
Is it a bunch of bankers havin' martinis after work?
I gotta go. Look. I love you.
I love you too. Be careful.
Hey, do I come to your office and honk? Come on!
I got you a gig. There's this club where a lot of music people hang out called The Elbow Room.
My friend's the manager. He owes me a favour, and you're it, next Thursday night.
Are you forgetting about the stage fright?
Uh, what about the bar?
Come on, Kevin. All I do is sing along with the jukebox.
See? You're making progress. A few more nights at my place, and you'll be cured.
I hate to burst your bubble, but I'll never be cured. It's genetic.
Stage fright DNA. Yes, I saw that on ER last week.
Okay. Laugh all you want, but my mom couldn't do it, and neither can I.
So was your mother afraid to try?
Look, I just wanna be a songwriter. Why won't you give up on this?
Because I've been giving up on people my entire life, and it's a nasty little habit.
So, you're gonna sing at the club, or I'll...
Or you'll what?
I'll never kiss you again.
That sounds like a threat, Mr. O'Donnell.
Well, let's just say...
it's gonna be quite a long, cold winter.
That's supposed to convince me?
It's working, isn't it? Your knees are getting weak.
- I'll think about it. - Try again.
Uh, I'll see if I can get off work.
You're gettin' warmer.
All right. You win. I'll do it.
Oh, I love winning.
Pour some sugar on me
- Pour your sugar on me - Hey, we have a special treat...
for you tonight, boys and girls.
- Look who dropped by for a visit. - Pour some sugar on me
- Get up there, Zoe! - No!
I'm a paying customer tonight. I have class in the morning. What are you doing?
- Come on, Zoe! - No!
Zoe! Zoe! Zoe! Zoe!
- Zoe! Zoe! Zoe! - Time to get wet, girls. Whoo!
Well, I'm packin'up my game and I'm gonna head out West
Where real women come equipped with scripts and fake breasts
Find a nest in the hills Chill like Flynt
Buy an old drop top Find a spot to pimp
- Well, I'm Kid Rock and I'm the real McCoy - Who wants some of this?
And I'm headed out West, sucker because I wanna be a cowboy, baby
With the top let back and the sunshine shinin'
Cowboy, baby
Ride at night 'cause I sleep all day
- Excuse me. Does Violet Sanford work here? - Yeah, she's on the bar.
- She's on what? - She's on the bar.
- What do you guys say? - Yeah!
Yeah, Kid Rock You can call me Tex
Rollin'sunset women with a bottle of Beck's
Seen a slimmy in a 'vette Rolled down my glass
And said, "Yeah, this dick's fittin'right in your ass"
I'm flickin'my Bic up and down that coast and
- Keep on truckin' till it falls into motion - Dad! Wait!
- Cowboy - Dad, it's not as bad as it looks.
- And the sunshine shinin' - Daddy, it's not as bad as it looks.
I just sing here every night.
- People come here to see me. - Cowboy!
- Say something! - The guys are putting your picture up in their booths!
- I gotta go, get up early. - Dad, it's just a bar.
- You can trust me. - But you're my daughter.
I can smell a pig from a mile away
Cowboy
With the top let back and the sunshine shinin'
Cowboy
Hi, you've reached Bill Sanford.
Please leave a message when you hear the beep.
Dad, you can't avoid me for the rest of your life.
I have to come over and do your laundry. We both know you're running out of clean shirts.
I bet the one you're wearing stinks pretty bad.
I'm not gonna apologize because...
that would mean I'm doing something wrong.
And I'm not sure I am, so...
I'm playing at a club tonight.
A real club.
Someone important could hear my song...
and next month somebody might be singing it on the radio.
- So wish me good luck. - Good luck.
Anyway, um...
I'll call you and tell you how it goes.
Take care of yourself, old man.
Old man.
All right. You should be dancing on the floor! I wanna see your bras!
Ow!
- Well, my baby and me went out late Saturday night - All right.
I had my hair piled high and my baby she looked so right
Well, pick you up at 10:00 Got to have you home by 2:00
Mama, don't know what I catched off of you
But that's all right 'cause we're looking as cool as can be
Is this the greatest party we've ever been to or what, man?
Lil, I can only stay two hours.
- What are you talking about? - I gotta leave early tonight, remember?
- Bourbon. - Why?
Maybe you haven't noticed all the bodies you had to crawl over to get in here tonight.
- Lil, I told you I gotta leave by 10:30 no matter what. - Four!
- Here. - Got it. I got it.
Seven.
That I love you, yeah
Hit me
- Here you go. - What are you doing?
I gotta go. It's half past. Can you have Lou call me a cab?
Listen, Jersey. You're not going anywhere. Not tonight. This place is out of control.
But, Lil, I told you. I'm only working two hours...
You wanna sing? Sing for them.
These people dragged their asses out here to see us.
This is New York, and there's a line halfway around the block.
That's something, Jersey, whether you believe it or not.
- Last night a little dancer came dancing to my door - And if I go?
- If you were going, you would have left by now. - Last night a little angel
And tonight
- Where are you? - Lil won't let me go.
Violet, just walk out. She doesn't own you. You can still make it here.
I'm... I'm sorry.
- I'll call you tomorrow. - Tomorrow?
Violet.
- What's the story? - She's not coming.
So what am I supposed to do, Kevin? I got a whole spot to fill.
I'm sorry, Richie. I made a mistake.
Whoa, this doesn't change anything with us, Kevin.
A deal's a deal. Am I right?
All she wants to do is dance, dance, dance
Wild-eyed pistol wavers who ain't afraid to die
And all she wants to do is
All she wants to do is dance and make romance
She can't feel the heat Comin'off the street
- She wants to party - Ooh
- She wants to get down - Ooh
All she wants to do is
All she wants to do is dance
And make romance
I'm the guy! Me!
All she wants to do is dance
Zach, who said you could be up here?
You're not supposed to be up here.
All right. Take it easy, Zach.
Zach, take it easy.
- We barely made the airport for the last plane out - Hey! Hey!
- Hey, hey, knock it off! - Kevin!
- Lil! - Hey!
Break it up!
- Kevin, that's enough! - 'Cause all she wants to do is dance
Lou!
Kevin, that's enough! Kevin, that's enough!
- Get off me! - Stop it!
- Kevin, Zach's a regular, and he was just having fun. - Having fun with my girlfriend!
- Lou, get him out of here! - You're gonna chill outside, or I'm calling the cops.
- Out of my way! Move! - Let me go!
- Get the hell out of here! - Hey, everybody, free drinks on the house.
I'm paying. Get up here.
Kevin. Kevin. What is your problem?
Look, I'm sorry about tonight, but look at this. There was no way Lil was gonna let me out.
This is not about Lil. This is about you and this place.
- This is my job. - It's a goddamn sandbox for you to stick your head in.
- What is that supposed to mean? - The place is a joke.
All right? They don't come to watch you sing.
- They come to watch girls shaking it on a bar! - And what would you have me do?
- Sing for quarters in the park? - Well, at least you'd be singing your own songs.
I told you I can't do that, so stop pushing!
I'm just asking you to try, but I guess that's asking a bit too much.
Right. It's so easy to be you, isn't it?
You have no dreams, no hopes, no chance of getting hurt.
When was the last time you took a chance on something?
- Some of us don't have that luxury. - Why is that?
Oh, right. We don't talk about you, right? It's a big secret.
Come on, Kevin. Let's play a game.
I'm gonna guess why you left Australia.
- Doesn't matter. - You were in jail.
No, that's not it. You have a wife and four kids in Sydney.
Come on. Am I getting warm? Come on, Kevin. I don't have a lot of time.
Why'd you run away from home?
I didn't have a home. Is that what you wanted to hear?
I don't have a family.
I mean, that's the big secret. Are you happy?
Huh? Are you gonna feel sorry for me now?
You gonna hold me close while I tell you I had to change homes every two years?
I had a bad childhood. Big deal.
I don't need your sympathy, 'cause I'm here...
and I'm living on my two feet like I wanted to.
That was my dream.
And at least I did it with a little bit of dignity.
And I didn't. That's it?
Well, just unbutton the blouse a little and unzip the pants.
Show a little bit of flesh. I think you can figure it out.
Go on in. Your fans are waitin' for ya to crawl on a bar.
I told you not to break the rules.
What are you talking about?
I'm talking about you and your boyfriend making a scene in my bar.
I'm talking about a friend of mine inside with a broken nose.
The rules were simple, Jersey. I've fired girls for a lot less.
What, so I can't have a boyfriend now? What kind of stupid shit is that?
Hey! This place is my home...
and I'm not willing to risk everything I have on your personal life.
- It's business, plain and simple. - This is not business.
I worked my ass off for you, and you're supposed to be my friend.
I never said I was your friend.
I'm your boss, and you knew the rules like everybody else.
Will you stop with "the rules"? It's a bar, for Christ's sake!
Then what are you so upset about?
Please remember
How we laughed How we cried
How this world was yours and mine
And how no dream was out of reach
I stood by you You stood by me
We took each day and made it shine
We wrote our names across the sky
We ran so fast We ran so free
I had you
You had me
Please remember
- I'm just a love machine - Oh, my God. Give me a bite. I'm starving.
Mmm.
- Mmm, thank you. - How does it feel to be Mrs. Molinaro?
You know, I think he was a perfect choice for my first marriage.
- Mmm. - Hey, Gloria.
- Oh! - Thanks for inviting me, uh...
I gotta go to work. I'm on graveyard tonight.
- Thank you, Mr. Sanford. - Yeah, well, it's not worth a hug, dear.
- It's only 50 bucks. - Aw.
- Your old man's a ten, Vi. - Eleven, some days a twelve.
- Well, it's a beautiful wedding. - No, you can't go.
I just want one picture of you and Violet dancing together. Come on.
Wise men say
- Okay. Come on. Smile. - Only fools
Rush in
But I can't help
Are you really working, or are you leaving because of me?
- Falling in love - You know I don't like to wear a tie.
With you
- Ha-ha. - Shall I...
So this is how it's gonna be? You're not gonna return my phone calls?
If you needed money, you should have come to me.
I would have found a way to take care of you.
Dad, you can't even take care of yourself.
Hey, I am doing just fine on my own, thank you very much.
Oh, really? So how come you're not wearing any socks?
Falling in love
- With you - I had a minor disagreement with the clothes dryer.
Like a river flows
- Just face it, Dad. You need me. - Surely to the sea
- And I moved out, and that's what bothers you. - Darling, so it goes
Some things
- No. No. - Are meant to be
What bothers me...
- Take my hand - is, for the first time in my life...
I was ashamed of you.
- Take my whole - I would have never thought that would ever have been possible.
Life too
For I can't
Help
Falling in love
Hey, it's me. Leave a message after the beep.
Violet? I've just finished work, and in a few hours I'm going...
to unload three disgusting fish trucks.
I thought maybe you'd like to come and give me a hand.
- But you're not in, or... - Okay, okay, okay. I'm coming. I'm coming.
You're not picking up, so...
I'll call back...
because I'm hoping one day you...
will wanna talk.
Kevin? Hello?
Kevin? Hello? It's me.
- I'm here. - Is this Violet Sanford?
- Yes. - I'm calling from Riverview Medical Centre.
We have a patient here by the name of William James Sanford. Is that your father?
Dr. Lee to Pediatrics, please. Dr. Lee to Pediatrics, please.
Violet Sanford?
- Yeah? - Your dad's in recovery right now.
The car struck him on his right side when he was walking to the booth.
His right leg is broken, and there was some arterial damage we had to go in and repair.
But other than that, it's just a lot of bumps and bruises.
I'd say he's a pretty lucky guy.
Violet?
I told you, don't come down here. It's your wedding night.
Oh, are you kidding? Danny's been in my family for five minutes.
You've been in my family my whole life.
I'm sorry.
I love you so much.
I never did thank you for the dance.
That's okay.
That's all right.
My tapes.
Come on. Just call him. Just pick up the phone and call him.
Don't call him.
Told you. This place is a palace.
It's pretty late. Are you sure you wanna do this now?
Well, here's my door. No turning back now. Come on in.
Oh, you're so right. This place is a palace.
- Would I lie to you? - This is a great idea. I'm so glad...
- Nice strong pulse. - Mmm.
Don't look at me like that. I'm a sick man.
You can eat whatever you want now, but when we go back home...
it's egg whites and Lean Cuisines.
- I'll see you later, Bill. - W-Wait a minute.
What do you mean, "until we go home"?
I'm moving back.
I couldn't do it. I couldn't sing my songs.
I was afraid.
Do you know why Mommy quit?
Yeah, she told me. 'Cause she couldn't do it.
No, that's not it.
She wasn't afraid, Vi.
Your mother on stage... Oh, she was amazing.
Then why did she quit?
Because of me.
Right after you were born, she told me she wanted to quit...
and I let her.
See, I knew how good she was, but I never told her.
I loved her...
more than anything.
And I just went on and pretended that there was no other choice.
- Dad, it's okay. - No, it's not okay.
I'm not gonna make the same mistake twice. You're not goin' back to work for Pete.
I don't care what it takes. I don't care how many bars you have to stand on.
You are not comin' home. I'm not letting you back in the house.
Forget it.
- Are you wearing cologne? - Hmm? No!
Oh, well, it's just a splash of Old Spice.
Where did you get Old Spice?
That nice redheaded nurse gave it to me as a gift.
Then she asked me out for coffee.
I'm scared.
Are you gonna go on a date?
God, a date.
I better buy a pair of socks.
Okay. Come on in here. Watch out for the... Okay. Okay.
Try to resist Try to hide from my kiss
Can't fight the moonlight
You'll surrender your heart
But you know But you know that you
Okay if I eat here at the bar?
- Do you have a reservation? - Uh, yeah.
It's under, um, "cast-iron heartless bitch."
Could it be under "stubborn and pigheaded"?
Yes. That's the one.
I'll have a double water on the rocks, please.
- How'd you find me? - Cammie.
She told me about your pop. I'm sorry to hear about that.
He's okay.
Good.
- So am I. - Yeah. Yeah, I can see that.
What's good to eat here?
Lil, you didn't come here to eat. What do you want?
'Kay.
I just wanted to let you know you can come back to the bar whenever you want.
- I appreciate the offer, but I'm okay here. - I figured that.
You were never a lifer.
I'm married to that bar. Hell, I'd, uh...
I'd sleep there if I had the guts to walk around barefoot.
But that's me, you know? I'm the original Coyote.
Just a small-town gal trying to make it in the big bad city.
"Small-town gal"?
Piedmont, North Dakota.
You ever tell anyone that, I'll kill ya.
Take care, Jersey.
You have one new message.
I have one message in eight hours. How pathetic am I?
Violet, this is Lindsay Morgan from the Bowery Ballroom.
Listen, we loved your CD...
and we want you to play in our songwriter's showcase next Sunday night.
You're on at 10:00 sharp. So drop your music by the club...
and the house band can learn your song.
Now if you have any questions, don't be afraid to give me a shout. See ya Sunday.
- Here are the keys to the apartment. It's all yours. - Thank you.
I can't thank you enough for subleasing me this place. You don't know how long I looked.
And when is your boyfriend moving in?
He's actually coming in tomorrow from Boston.
It's historic, guys. This is the first night I've closed early in three years.
Ta-da. Will you hang that outside for me?
- Hey, Lou, you got that number I asked you about? - Yep.
So why are you moving to Chicago?
I'll figure that out when I get there.
Um, oh.
- Hello. - Hey, do yourself a favour and look at page 137 of The Voice.
I can't believe your name is in the paper. I'm gettin' this framed.
Dad, if you're not ready in five minutes, I'm gonna leave without you.
Keep your pants on, will ya? I'm physically challenged.
I only got three rolls of film. I hope that's enough.
Dad, I'm only singing one song.
Right. Better go get another one.
- Hey, Bill. - My kid's singing tonight at some club in the city.
She's a little nervous. Hey, maybe you can give us a one, two, three for luck.
You got it. All right, let's give it up for Bill Sanford's daughter.
Light 'em up. One, two, three.
Oh, look, Vi.
I can't do this.
Jesus!
Did I mention to you that I was recently in a horrific car accident?
L... I can't do this. I gotta go back.
- Violet, listen to me. Are you listening? - Yes.
You have nothing to be afraid of. You're already a star.
- Dad, what are you talking about? I'm a nobody. - If you're such a nobody...
then why did I buy this off Pete for 20 bucks?
- Why do you have that? - I saw it on the wall, decided I wanted the first autograph.
I figured it'd be a damn good investment. Now what are you waiting for?
I didn't spend three months in physical therapy...
just to take a ride to the state line, you got me?
- Yeah, I got ya. - So what do you say, Vi? How about another U-ey?
You guys call that a one, two, three? Now, let's do it again!
This time I wanna feel chills!
There goes Bill again. He's back for seconds.
Come on, now! Let's give him all we got!
Whoo! Let's go!
The only reason why I came down here tonight is to see her fall on her face.
Oh, take it easy, Rachel. It's supposed to be a fun night out.
- Excuse me. - I'm cool. Don't worry about me.
- Hi. Good evening, ladies. Can I help you? - No.
It's packed, Lindsay. The house band has been on for 15 minutes.
If she's not here in five, she's bumped.
- Look out! - Jesus!
Uh, now that we're here, I'm feeling a little nervous.
Thank you, Mr. Sanford.
Oh, oh, probably just carsick.
Forget I mentioned it. I'm fine. Have a great show.
Vi.
Get your butt in there. Come on. We're right behind you.
Break a leg, sweetie.
Ladies and gentlemen, making her Bowery Ballroom debut, Miss Violet Sanford!
I'm sorry.
- Hey. - Hey. - Come on.
Under a lovers'sky
Gonna be with you
And no one's gonna be around
If you think that you won't fall
We'll just wait until
Till the sun goes down
Underneath the starlight, starlight
There's a magical feelin'so right
It will take you in tonight
- You can try to resist - Whoo! Violet!
Try to hide from my kiss but you know
But you know that you can't fight the moonlight
Deep in the dark you'll surrender your heart
But you know, but you know
That you can't fight the moonlight, no
You can't fight it
It's gonna get to your heart
There's no escape from love
Once the gentle breeze
Weaves its spell upon your heart
No matter what you think
It won't be too long till you're in my arms
- Come on, baby. Shake it! - Underneath - Hey, pinhead!
- The starlight, starlight - That's what I'm talking about, baby! Now shake it!
Don't do it, Rach. He's a big guy, and you're still on probation.
Don't worry. Those classes are really paying off.
It'll steal your heart tonight
You can try to resist
Try to hide from my kiss
But you know, but you know
That you can't fight the moonlight
Deep in the dark you'll surrender your heart
But you know, but you know
That you can't fight the moonlight
Okay. Let's give a big Coyote welcome to LeAnn Rimes.
You can try to resist
Try to hide from my kiss
But you know, but you know that you can't...
So tell me, what do you do when you realize that all your dreams have come true?
Pay off old debts.
But you know, but you know that you
- Can't fight the moonlight - Volume 129.
The original appearance of the Punisher... the one I cost you.
- Thank you. - It'll steal your heart tonight
- You can try - You can try to resist
Try to hide from my kiss
But you know, but you know
Lil, don't think your new girl's gonna hack it.
Deep in the dark you'll surrender your heart
- But you know, but you know - Jersey! Jersey! Jersey!
- That you can't fight the moonlight - Jersey! Jersey! Jersey! Jersey!
Jersey! Jersey! Jersey! Jersey!
You can try to resist my kiss
- But you know, but you know - Don't you know
That you can't fight the moonlight
Oh, no You can't fight it
It's gonna get to your heart
Okay. In true Coyote tradition, I'm gonna make every woman's night...
and auction off the most handsome little hottie in the place.
Violet, come on. You can't do this to me again.
Here he is, girls.
- Come on, Dad! - All you got is this moment
Okay, ladies. The bidding will start at $25.
- 21 st century's yesterday - See, nobody wants to do this. What are getting me into, Violet?
Twenty-five dollars!
You said you wanted a more active social life. Come on, girls.
There's a lot of miles left on these tires.
- Fifty dollars! - Come on, Dad. Strut your stuff.
- And give me a moment - Seventy-five!
Your moves are so raw
I've got to let you know
- I've got to let you know - Whoo! - Honey, yeah!
- You're one of my kind - Now, go! Come to me! - Take... Take some of it off!
- 'Cause I'm not sleepin' - Okay, put... put some of it on.
- There's something about you, girl - Yeah, baby!
- That makes me sweat - Ninety! - Ninety-five!
How do you feel
- I'm lonely - Take it off! - All right, Jersey!
- Can't take it all - $98.50!
- What ya gonna do Gonna live my life - A hundred!
So slide over here
- And give me a moment - $150! - Sold!
Your moves are so raw I've got to let you know
- Whoo! - I've got to let you know - Hey, I'm a Coyote!
- So slide over here - Well, your father has no problem with stage fright.
And give me a moment Your moves are so raw
- I've got to let you know - So tell me...
- what do you do when you realize all your dreams have come true? - You're one of my kind
Time
Sometimes the time just slips away
And you're left with yesterday
Left with the memories
I
I'll always think of you and smile
And be happy for the time
I had you with me
Though we go our separate ways
I won't forget so don't forget
The memories we've made
Please remember
I was there for you
And you were there for me
And remember
Please remember
Me
Please remember
I was there for you
And you were there for me
And remember
Please remember me
And how we laughed
And how we smiled
And how this world was yours and mine
And how no dream was out of reach
I stood by you You stood by me
We took each day and made it shine
We wrote our names across the sky
We ran so fast We ran so free
I had you and you had me
Knew all about
Your bad reputation
And now it's bound to be a heartbreak situation
But I can't help it if I'm helpless every time
That I'm where you are
You walk in and my strength walks out the door
Say my name and I can't fight it any more
Oh, I know I should go
But I need your touch just too damn much
Yeah, yeah
Lovin'you, yeah
- Isn't really something I should do - Not something I should do
I shouldn't want to spend my time with you, yeah
Well, I should try to be strong
- I should try to be strong - But, baby, you're the right kind of wrong
Right kind of wrong
Baby, you're the right kind of wrong
Now, baby, you're the right kind of wrong
I don't like to
Be alone at night
And I don't like to
Hear I'm wrong when I'm right
And I don't like to have the rain on my shoes
But I do love you
I don't like to
See the sky painted grey
And I don't like to be the one with the blues
But I do love you
Love everything about
The way you're loving me
The way you lay your head upon my shoulder
When you sleep
And I love to kiss you in the rain
I love everything you do
Oh, I do
And I don't like to
Be alone in the night
And I don't like to
Hear I'm wrong when I'm right
And I don't like to
Have the rain on my shoes
But I do love you
Seemingly lastless Don't mean you can ask us
Pushing down the relative Bringing out your higher self
And everything anger to brace yourself with the grace of ease
- I know this world ain't what it seems - It's unbelievable
You burden me with your questions You'd have me tell no lies
- The things you say - Oh, yeah!
- You're unbelievable - Oh
Here I am! Yeah, baby!
You're unbelievable
Come on! Knock it... Hey! Knock it off!
Lil! The ice!
How do you like that, huh?
There's every good reason for hanging around
I don't know how you guys do it. I can't have another drink.
Next time a guy buys you a shot... That's on me, honey.
Chase it with a beer.
- I don't get it. - I don't swallow it.
I just spit the shot back into the beer bottle. They'll never know.
You try it.
Hey, just keep an eye on your spittoon bottle.
Once Rachel served hers to Lou by accident. Huge drama.
Cammie, I think I just fell in love with you.
Oh, Violet! I'm not a lesbian.
I've played in the minors, but never went pro.
- Th-That's not what I meant. - What are you doing?
Lil's starin' straight at you. Come on. Grab this guy. Make yourself look busy.
- Hi. You look like you could use a shot. - No, I'm waiting on Lil.
Sorry. It's a no parking zone. If you wanna sit here, you gotta order a drink.
- Okay. Give me a glass of water. - Okay.
- He just ordered water. - Yeah.
You know what to do.
T-Testing. Um, hey, everybody, this guy just ordered water.
Do we serve water in our bar?
Hell no, H20! Hell no, H2O!
Jersey! No!
It's okay, Lil! Nobody orders water in your bar!
He can order whatever he wants. He's the fire marshal.
- Hey, Mike, I'm so sorry. She's new. - I'm okay. Let's step outside.
- Party - Nice knowing you, Jersey.
- Get naked - Come on, you guys! Let me hear you!
You okay?
- Who am I kidding? I can't do this. - Of course you can.
Now cheer up because there's a really cute guy at the bar asking for you.
Somebody's asking for me?
He says his name is Mr. O'Donnell.
He's hot.
Jersey. The fire marshal threatened to shut me down.
- He let me go with a $250 fine. - Lil, I'm really sorry...
I'll make you a deal. You figure out a way to make me 250 tonight...
I'll let you come back tomorrow.
Great.
So much for sweet and innocent.
- So, you found me. - Some guys at work told me where I could, uh, look for Coyotes.
Well, take a good look, because tonight's my last night. I think I'm gonna get fired.
- Why? - 'Cause I have to make $250 in two hours.
It's completely impossible.
Here's nine dollars, just to get you started. Okay?
I always like to help a friend in need.
Why are you looking at me like that?
Kevin, I don't want your money.
All right, uh, listen up. Ladies.
The bidding will start at $25 for one night only.
You get this purebred, house broken...
fully trained, yowling stud.
- No way. - That's pretty cheap.
- Violet, what are you doing? - You said you wanted to help, so, turn around, sir...
let 'em take a look at ya.
- Why... Why are you doing this to me? - It's payback time, Mr. O'Donnell.
Now, turn around.
- No, God, no. Don't... Don't do this. - Go on. Show 'em what you got.
- Are you in? - Yeah. - Do you wanna do this?
- All right, ladies. What'll you give me? - I've got twenty bucks.
I've got... I've got $25 right here.
Make it 35!
Thirty-five dollars!
- Forty dollars! - Get... What are you doing? - Forty dollars!
- Come on, girls, fifty? - Fifty!
- Sixty-one dollars. - I've got 70.
- Come on, girls. Seventy-five? - Seventy-five dollars!
Eighty dollars! Eighty dollars! Come on, girls. Do I hear 85?
Ninety! Ninety-five dollars!
- One hundred dollars, baby! - One hundred dollars.
That's it. You wanna come home with Mama?
Whoa! Nice!
Oh, yeah!
That's my boy.
- Oh, yeah. Shake it, shake it. - $125 back here!
$140, right here. Come on, come on.
My goodness, girls, come on. One fifty and you'll see the butt.
Come on, girls. You can do better than this.
- One seventy-five. - Yeah!
There we go. Two hundred dollars!
- You've got 215 right here! - Two hundred and fifty dollars.
Sold, for $250!
- No! - Come on up, honey. He's yours.
- Damn you. - The blonde would have gone 275.
- Come with me. - You're gonna owe me big-time for this one.
That's 250 even.
I'm gonna see ya I'm gonna meet ya, meet ya meet ya, meet ya one day
Maybe next week I'm gonna meet ya
I'll meet ya I'll meet ya
Better close out, girls.
- Can I ask you something? - What?
What... What does "Coyote Ugly" mean?
Did you ever wake up sober after a one-night stand...
and the person you're next to is layin' on your arm, and they're so ugly...
you'd rather chew off your arm than risk wakin' them?
- That's coyote ugly. - My God. - Let's go, ladies.
Well, why would you name your bar after something like that?
- Well, because "Cheers" was taken. - All right, come on.
Cabs are out front.
- You're rich, Jersey. - See ya.
Have a good night.
The woman who purchased me is named Sandy Rosenfeld, a divorcee with three grown kids...
a passion for long walks and short-haired hunting dogs and Italian opera.
Her ex-husband is a CPA. Her favorite artist is van Gogh...
and her New Year's resolution is to lose 15 pounds and to see Barbra in concert.
Okay. I owe you. What do you want?
Well, it's, uh, 3:30 in the morning. I want what every man wants.
Breakfast.
And that's it? I go to breakfast with you, and we're even?
No. We're not even close to even, because I danced on a bar...
I took off my shirt, and I unzipped my pants.
Okay. Let's make a deal. Breakfast and lunch.
- Breakfast, lunch and two dinners. - That's four dates!
Yep. Which would make it the second longest relationship I've ever had.
Get in the car.
Oh, I hate to spoil your evening, but it looks like we're not gonna go anywhere.
Oh, my God.
It's hard to find parking in New York.
You ever eaten Turkish? This is the place.
- Hey. How you doin'? - Hi, Kevin. How are you?
- Four of the regular? - Sure, yeah. Hey.
- Hey, Kevin. - How you doin', man? - How are you, buddy? - Good.
Here it is, man. Flown in from Miami.
- Check out the merchandise. - Hey, man, no. I trust you.
All right, all right.
Look, uh, I don't know what you're into, but...
The Amazing Spider-Man, number 129, mint condition.
- Worth a thousand bucks. - A comic book.
No, it's not just a comic book. This is the first appearance of the Punisher.
This is the holy grail of comic books.
- You collect comic books. That's so cute. - Yeah.
It's not cute. It's very rugged and manly.
- It's just a bit geeky. Huh? - I think it's sweet.
So, do you always eat breakfast on the hood of your car?
What can I say? I'm a romantic.
You think this is romantic?
Well, you may not be feeling it now, but I think one day...
you'll be on stage singing a song about this very night.
"When We Were Downwind From a Trash Barge."
Yeah. Catchy title. Hum a few bars.
Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm a songwriter, not a singer.
When I get on stage, I freeze.
What if the fate of the free world rested on your voice?
Okay. If the fate of the free world depended on me singing...
maybe.
All I ever really wanted is to sit in the dark...
and hear someone great singing my songs.
I wanna be the one who writes the music.
I remember the first time my mother played me "Bridge Over Troubled Water"...
by Simon and Garfunkel.
I remember exactly what she was wearing.
I remember exactly how her hair smelled. And I remember exactly how I felt.
And every time I hear that song...
I remember exactly what she was wearing...
and exactly how her hair smelled...
and exactly how I felt.
'Cause the great songs last forever.
- So, what's the problem? - Well...
now they're telling me the only way to get my songs heard...
is to go out there and sing 'em myself.
So we're gonna have to try and fix this little problem straight away.
- And how do you propose we do that? - Well, is there any place you feel comfortable singing?
- The shower. - We'll start there.
I mean, I don't care how long it takes, how many hours we have to spend in that shower.
- Let's get to it. - Okay. Before we hit the showers...
maybe you could tell me a little something about yourself.
Oh, really? What do you wanna know?
What part of Australia are you from?
I'm from all over. My family moved around a lot.
- So the rest of your family doesn't live in New York? - Do you always ask this many questions?
Do you always dodge this many questions?
You can at least tell me where you got all the moves you pulled on the bar tonight.
Well, if I told you, I'd... I'd have to kill you.
- That's original. - Oh.
The sun's coming up. We're gonna be late.
Late? Late for what?
This is incredible.
- Look at that fish! - All right. Put this on. You're gonna need it.
- Why? What are you talking about? - You're gonna help me unload the next bin.
- You're joking, right? - No. It's not that bad, Vi.
- I do it all the time. - Exactly how many jobs do you have?
Tuesday through Saturday, I'm at the club.
Sunday and Monday I park cars at the Plaza.
I've been a telemarketer. Would you like to switch to AT&T?
And for six terrifying hours I delivered phone books in Queens.
Don't forget your extensive work in fish.
This is an expensive city, and these guys pay cash.
I don't care if they pay in lobster. I'm not sticking my hands in that fishy bin.
I was gonna split the money with you.
- A hundred bucks apiece. - A hundred bucks?
- Wait, wait. Why-Why didn't you say so? - Thanks, Dan. - Wait.
- You're not ready, are you? - No. - Fifty bucks. Twenty-five. - Okay.
- Ten. - Okay. Yeah. - Ready? Huh? - Okay. Uh-huh.
That is disgusting!
Hey, you'll hurt their feelings. Okay. Just on top of the other fish. Yeah.
So, I know I just met you a few days ago. There's something I have to tell you.
You smell really bad.
Well, so do you. I mean, I was gonna kiss you goodbye, but, um, I thought I might gag.
You're a real charmer.
- Okay. Good night. - Good morning.
Don't look at me like that.
Spend it.
- What are you doing here? - I changed my mind about this kiss.
I think we should give it a shot.
Well, have a nice day.
"Have a nice day"?
Yeah. I panicked. I didn't know what else to say.
Have a nice day.
I wanna get in. I wanna dance with my friend.
All right. Back of the line over here. Back of the line.
Yeah! Whoa!
Whoo!
- Yeah, I like it! - Yeah!
- Hey, baby! - Make a hole. Make a hole! Lou, nobody...
- Shit, the cops are here. - Nobody else gets in here. Look at this place.
Hey, Lil. I'm sorry. There's nothing we can do here. You're 50 people over max.
Try to shut us down, they'll tear the place apart. Come on.
Let's go outside and talk. I'll take care of it.
Hey! Hey!
This is not a gas pump, son!
Wait your turn!
- Hey, no pictures, man! - Hey, I'm a reporter from The Voice.
Yeah!
Whoo!
What are you doing? Hey!
- Put me down! - Hey!
- Put me down! - Cammie!
- Help! - Come on! Let her go!
Rachel, help!
Come on, boys! Come on! Break it up!
- Lou, where's Rachel and Cammie? - I don't know!
Let me go!
Jersey, they're tearing this place apart!
- Rachel! Rachel! - One way or another I'm gonna find ya
- I'm gonna get ya, get ya get ya, get ya - Let me go!
One way or another I'm gonna get ya
I'm gonna get ya, get ya get ya, get ya
One way or another I'm gonna see ya
I'm gonna meet ya, meet ya meet ya, meet ya, one day
Maybe next week I'm gonna meet ya
I'll meet ya, I'll meet ya
I will
Drive past your house
And if the lights are all out
- I'll see who's around - Ooh!
One way or another
I'm gonna find ya
I'm gonna get ya, get ya get ya, get ya, one way
- I'm talking about that! - Or another I'm gonna win ya
I'm gonna get ya, I'll get ya
One way or another I'm gonna see ya
- Yeah! - I'm gonna meet ya, meet ya meet ya, meet ya
One day, maybe next week
- I'm gonna meet ya, I'll meet ya - Yeah!
- Great. Yeah. - Last call, Lil.
- Start clearin' 'em out. - You got it.
Let's go.
One way or another I'm gonna lose ya
- Yeah. - I'm gonna give you the slip A slip of the hip
Or another, I'm gonna lose ya I'm gonna trick ya
- Ya-hoo! - One way or another
I'm gonna lose ya, I'm gonna trick ya trick ya, trick ya, trick ya
Did you see their faces? I mean, wow.
They all wanted you, honey. Even the girls.
Not a dry seat in the house.
You guys, that was, like, a one-time performance...
- Hmm? - That I have to repeat, like, every night.
Ya-hoo!
She sang along with a jukebox. Let's not start polishing a Grammy.
Oh, come on, Rach. She saved your butt. Admit it.
No. She saved me from kicking the shit out of a couple of drunks.
- That's it. - Ooh. - Ooh, that was good.
- Where you goin'? - I don't know.
I gotta walk or celebrate or...
Ugh, pass out or something.
Hey, ladies and gent...
how about a big round of applause for the singing Coyote from Jersey!
- So I'm a Coyote? - Five nights a week.
Hey, what is it? What's wrong?
Why would anything be wrong?
Um, you called me in the middle of the night and said there was an emergency.
What was that for?
I had a good night. I wanted a good-night kiss.
Well, wait a second. Where are you going?
Have a nice day, Mr. O'Donnell.
"Have a nice day"?
Right kind of wrong
We likes to party La-la-di-da-di
On the East Coast is the place to be
We likes to party La-la-di-da-di
Lovin'you
- We likes to party - Isn't really something I should do
I should try to be strong
Isn't really something I should do
Shouldn't want to spend my time with you
I should try to be strong
But, baby, you're the right kind of wrong
Baby, you're the right kind of wrong
What's going on? Why do we need my guitar?
You'll find out soon enough. No. This way.
Okay, now there's a seat.
Just there. Uh-huh? Okay?
Take a look.
Your fans wanna hear you sing.
I told you. L-I can't sing my own songs. I never could.
Well, that's too bad, because they've requested to hear your songs.
Be gentle on the keyboard. I borrowed it from the club.
You did all this just to help me sing?
I thought maybe we could cure that stage fright I've heard so much about.
Kevin, I wish you could.
Come on. Let me try.
Tell me what it feels like.
You really wanna know?
Yeah.
You asked for it.
What are you doing?
The only way I can show you...
is to make you...
really nervous.
The first thing that happens...
is my heart starts to race.
Good.
Racing heart. Yep.
- Got it. - And then...
my entire body starts shaking.
Shaking body. I'm... I'm getting that. Yeah.
And...
then everything gets a bit...
cloudy.
Clouds are definitely rolling in.
Then I start...
Iosing control.
Well, how long does this usually last?
Oh, it's been known to last all night.
- That must be horrible. - It's excruciating.
I think that audience got more than they paid for, really.
What's "L.M.S." stand for?
Lynn Marie Sanford.
It was my mom's guitar.
She died five years ago.
She moved to New York to be a singer when she was my age.
She came pretty close to the big time.
Well, what happened?
She hated the stage.
She said it was the scariest place in the world.
Sounds familiar.
You really want me to sing?
Just tell me what I have to do.
Disappear.
All right. No problem.
I don't like to
Be alone in the night
I don't like to
Hear I'm wrong when I'm right
And I don't like to
Have the rain on my shoes
But I do love you
But I do love
You
I don't like to
See a sky painted grey
And I don't like when
Nothing's going my way
And I don't like to be the one with the blues but I do...
If you wanna write a song, if you want to be like a serious songwriter...
you simply gotta go with the Mac.
Laptop. You can lay your tracks down on a blank CD, and you're done.
Do you... Do you have a payment plan?
The way you lay your head upon
- Play ball! Let's go! - My shoulder when you sleep
Come on, Cammie!
Oh, I do
And I don't like to
Hear I'm wrong when I'm right
And I don't like to
Have the rain on my shoes
But I do love you
Jeez! What are you doing?
What are you, brain damaged?
You know what kind of maniacs we got driving through here? They don't stop for nothin'.
- Whose boat? - I borrowed it from a friend.
Yeah? Looks like a guy's car to me.
- How can you tell? - I've been staring at cars every day for the last 16 years.
- Who is he? - He's a friend.
Look, I brought you a turkey sandwich, no mayo, extra sprouts.
Thank you. Great.
I'm starvin'. Now tell me about this bar.
Is it a bunch of bankers havin' martinis after work?
I gotta go. Look. I love you.
I love you too. Be careful.
Hey, do I come to your office and honk? Come on!
I got you a gig. There's this club where a lot of music people hang out called The Elbow Room.
My friend's the manager. He owes me a favour, and you're it, next Thursday night.
Are you forgetting about the stage fright?
Uh, what about the bar?
Come on, Kevin. All I do is sing along with the jukebox.
See? You're making progress. A few more nights at my place, and you'll be cured.
I hate to burst your bubble, but I'll never be cured. It's genetic.
Stage fright DNA. Yes, I saw that on ER last week.
Okay. Laugh all you want, but my mom couldn't do it, and neither can I.
So was your mother afraid to try?
Look, I just wanna be a songwriter. Why won't you give up on this?
Because I've been giving up on people my entire life, and it's a nasty little habit.
So, you're gonna sing at the club, or I'll...
Or you'll what?
I'll never kiss you again.
That sounds like a threat, Mr. O'Donnell.
Well, let's just say...
it's gonna be quite a long, cold winter.
That's supposed to convince me?
It's working, isn't it? Your knees are getting weak.
- I'll think about it. - Try again.
Uh, I'll see if I can get off work.
You're gettin' warmer.
All right. You win. I'll do it.
Oh, I love winning.
Pour some sugar on me
- Pour your sugar on me - Hey, we have a special treat...
for you tonight, boys and girls.
- Look who dropped by for a visit. - Pour some sugar on me
- Get up there, Zoe! - No!
I'm a paying customer tonight. I have class in the morning. What are you doing?
- Come on, Zoe! - No!
Zoe! Zoe! Zoe! Zoe!
- Zoe! Zoe! Zoe! - Time to get wet, girls. Whoo!
Well, I'm packin'up my game and I'm gonna head out West
Where real women come equipped with scripts and fake breasts
Find a nest in the hills Chill like Flynt
Buy an old drop top Find a spot to pimp
- Well, I'm Kid Rock and I'm the real McCoy - Who wants some of this?
And I'm headed out West, sucker because I wanna be a cowboy, baby
With the top let back and the sunshine shinin'
Cowboy, baby
Ride at night 'cause I sleep all day
- Excuse me. Does Violet Sanford work here? - Yeah, she's on the bar.
- She's on what? - She's on the bar.
- What do you guys say? - Yeah!
Yeah, Kid Rock You can call me Tex
Rollin'sunset women with a bottle of Beck's
Seen a slimmy in a 'vette Rolled down my glass
And said, "Yeah, this dick's fittin'right in your ass"
I'm flickin'my Bic up and down that coast and
- Keep on truckin' till it falls into motion - Dad! Wait!
- Cowboy - Dad, it's not as bad as it looks.
- And the sunshine shinin' - Daddy, it's not as bad as it looks.
I just sing here every night.
- People come here to see me. - Cowboy!
- Say something! - The guys are putting your picture up in their booths!
- I gotta go, get up early. - Dad, it's just a bar.
- You can trust me. - But you're my daughter.
I can smell a pig from a mile away
Cowboy
With the top let back and the sunshine shinin'
Cowboy
Hi, you've reached Bill Sanford.
Please leave a message when you hear the beep.
Dad, you can't avoid me for the rest of your life.
I have to come over and do your laundry. We both know you're running out of clean shirts.
I bet the one you're wearing stinks pretty bad.
I'm not gonna apologize because...
that would mean I'm doing something wrong.
And I'm not sure I am, so...
I'm playing at a club tonight.
A real club.
Someone important could hear my song...
and next month somebody might be singing it on the radio.
- So wish me good luck. - Good luck.
Anyway, um...
I'll call you and tell you how it goes.
Take care of yourself, old man.
Old man.
All right. You should be dancing on the floor! I wanna see your bras!
Ow!
- Well, my baby and me went out late Saturday night - All right.
I had my hair piled high and my baby she looked so right
Well, pick you up at 10:00 Got to have you home by 2:00
Mama, don't know what I catched off of you
But that's all right 'cause we're looking as cool as can be
Is this the greatest party we've ever been to or what, man?
Lil, I can only stay two hours.
- What are you talking about? - I gotta leave early tonight, remember?
- Bourbon. - Why?
Maybe you haven't noticed all the bodies you had to crawl over to get in here tonight.
- Lil, I told you I gotta leave by 10:30 no matter what. - Four!
- Here. - Got it. I got it.
Seven.
That I love you, yeah
Hit me
- Here you go. - What are you doing?
I gotta go. It's half past. Can you have Lou call me a cab?
Listen, Jersey. You're not going anywhere. Not tonight. This place is out of control.
But, Lil, I told you. I'm only working two hours...
You wanna sing? Sing for them.
These people dragged their asses out here to see us.
This is New York, and there's a line halfway around the block.
That's something, Jersey, whether you believe it or not.
- Last night a little dancer came dancing to my door - And if I go?
- If you were going, you would have left by now. - Last night a little angel
And tonight
- Where are you? - Lil won't let me go.
Violet, just walk out. She doesn't own you. You can still make it here.
I'm... I'm sorry.
- I'll call you tomorrow. - Tomorrow?
Violet.
- What's the story? - She's not coming.
So what am I supposed to do, Kevin? I got a whole spot to fill.
I'm sorry, Richie. I made a mistake.
Whoa, this doesn't change anything with us, Kevin.
A deal's a deal. Am I right?
All she wants to do is dance, dance, dance
Wild-eyed pistol wavers who ain't afraid to die
And all she wants to do is
All she wants to do is dance and make romance
She can't feel the heat Comin'off the street
- She wants to party - Ooh
- She wants to get down - Ooh
All she wants to do is
All she wants to do is dance
And make romance
I'm the guy! Me!
All she wants to do is dance
Zach, who said you could be up here?
You're not supposed to be up here.
All right. Take it easy, Zach.
Zach, take it easy.
- We barely made the airport for the last plane out - Hey! Hey!
- Hey, hey, knock it off! - Kevin!
- Lil! - Hey!
Break it up!
- Kevin, that's enough! - 'Cause all she wants to do is dance
Lou!
Kevin, that's enough! Kevin, that's enough!
- Get off me! - Stop it!
- Kevin, Zach's a regular, and he was just having fun. - Having fun with my girlfriend!
- Lou, get him out of here! - You're gonna chill outside, or I'm calling the cops.
- Out of my way! Move! - Let me go!
- Get the hell out of here! - Hey, everybody, free drinks on the house.
I'm paying. Get up here.
Kevin. Kevin. What is your problem?
Look, I'm sorry about tonight, but look at this. There was no way Lil was gonna let me out.
This is not about Lil. This is about you and this place.
- This is my job. - It's a goddamn sandbox for you to stick your head in.
- What is that supposed to mean? - The place is a joke.
All right? They don't come to watch you sing.
- They come to watch girls shaking it on a bar! - And what would you have me do?
- Sing for quarters in the park? - Well, at least you'd be singing your own songs.
I told you I can't do that, so stop pushing!
I'm just asking you to try, but I guess that's asking a bit too much.
Right. It's so easy to be you, isn't it?
You have no dreams, no hopes, no chance of getting hurt.
When was the last time you took a chance on something?
- Some of us don't have that luxury. - Why is that?
Oh, right. We don't talk about you, right? It's a big secret.
Come on, Kevin. Let's play a game.
I'm gonna guess why you left Australia.
- Doesn't matter. - You were in jail.
No, that's not it. You have a wife and four kids in Sydney.
Come on. Am I getting warm? Come on, Kevin. I don't have a lot of time.
Why'd you run away from home?
I didn't have a home. Is that what you wanted to hear?
I don't have a family.
I mean, that's the big secret. Are you happy?
Huh? Are you gonna feel sorry for me now?
You gonna hold me close while I tell you I had to change homes every two years?
I had a bad childhood. Big deal.
I don't need your sympathy, 'cause I'm here...
and I'm living on my two feet like I wanted to.
That was my dream.
And at least I did it with a little bit of dignity.
And I didn't. That's it?
Well, just unbutton the blouse a little and unzip the pants.
Show a little bit of flesh. I think you can figure it out.
Go on in. Your fans are waitin' for ya to crawl on a bar.
I told you not to break the rules.
What are you talking about?
I'm talking about you and your boyfriend making a scene in my bar.
I'm talking about a friend of mine inside with a broken nose.
The rules were simple, Jersey. I've fired girls for a lot less.
What, so I can't have a boyfriend now? What kind of stupid shit is that?
Hey! This place is my home...
and I'm not willing to risk everything I have on your personal life.
- It's business, plain and simple. - This is not business.
I worked my ass off for you, and you're supposed to be my friend.
I never said I was your friend.
I'm your boss, and you knew the rules like everybody else.
Will you stop with "the rules"? It's a bar, for Christ's sake!
Then what are you so upset about?
Please remember
How we laughed How we cried
How this world was yours and mine
And how no dream was out of reach
I stood by you You stood by me
We took each day and made it shine
We wrote our names across the sky
We ran so fast We ran so free
I had you
You had me
Please remember
- I'm just a love machine - Oh, my God. Give me a bite. I'm starving.
Mmm.
- Mmm, thank you. - How does it feel to be Mrs. Molinaro?
You know, I think he was a perfect choice for my first marriage.
- Mmm. - Hey, Gloria.
- Oh! - Thanks for inviting me, uh...
I gotta go to work. I'm on graveyard tonight.
- Thank you, Mr. Sanford. - Yeah, well, it's not worth a hug, dear.
- It's only 50 bucks. - Aw.
- Your old man's a ten, Vi. - Eleven, some days a twelve.
- Well, it's a beautiful wedding. - No, you can't go.
I just want one picture of you and Violet dancing together. Come on.
Wise men say
- Okay. Come on. Smile. - Only fools
Rush in
But I can't help
Are you really working, or are you leaving because of me?
- Falling in love - You know I don't like to wear a tie.
With you
- Ha-ha. - Shall I...
So this is how it's gonna be? You're not gonna return my phone calls?
If you needed money, you should have come to me.
I would have found a way to take care of you.
Dad, you can't even take care of yourself.
Hey, I am doing just fine on my own, thank you very much.
Oh, really? So how come you're not wearing any socks?
Falling in love
- With you - I had a minor disagreement with the clothes dryer.
Like a river flows
- Just face it, Dad. You need me. - Surely to the sea
- And I moved out, and that's what bothers you. - Darling, so it goes
Some things
- No. No. - Are meant to be
What bothers me...
- Take my hand - is, for the first time in my life...
I was ashamed of you.
- Take my whole - I would have never thought that would ever have been possible.
Life too
For I can't
Help
Falling in love
Hey, it's me. Leave a message after the beep.
Violet? I've just finished work, and in a few hours I'm going...
to unload three disgusting fish trucks.
I thought maybe you'd like to come and give me a hand.
- But you're not in, or... - Okay, okay, okay. I'm coming. I'm coming.
You're not picking up, so...
I'll call back...
because I'm hoping one day you...
will wanna talk.
Kevin? Hello?
Kevin? Hello? It's me.
- I'm here. - Is this Violet Sanford?
- Yes. - I'm calling from Riverview Medical Centre.
We have a patient here by the name of William James Sanford. Is that your father?
Dr. Lee to Pediatrics, please. Dr. Lee to Pediatrics, please.
Violet Sanford?
- Yeah? - Your dad's in recovery right now.
The car struck him on his right side when he was walking to the booth.
His right leg is broken, and there was some arterial damage we had to go in and repair.
But other than that, it's just a lot of bumps and bruises.
I'd say he's a pretty lucky guy.
Violet?
I told you, don't come down here. It's your wedding night.
Oh, are you kidding? Danny's been in my family for five minutes.
You've been in my family my whole life.
I'm sorry.
I love you so much.
I never did thank you for the dance.
That's okay.
That's all right.
My tapes.
Come on. Just call him. Just pick up the phone and call him.
Don't call him.
Told you. This place is a palace.
It's pretty late. Are you sure you wanna do this now?
Well, here's my door. No turning back now. Come on in.
Oh, you're so right. This place is a palace.
- Would I lie to you? - This is a great idea. I'm so glad...
- Nice strong pulse. - Mmm.
Don't look at me like that. I'm a sick man.
You can eat whatever you want now, but when we go back home...
it's egg whites and Lean Cuisines.
- I'll see you later, Bill. - W-Wait a minute.
What do you mean, "until we go home"?
I'm moving back.
I couldn't do it. I couldn't sing my songs.
I was afraid.
Do you know why Mommy quit?
Yeah, she told me. 'Cause she couldn't do it.
No, that's not it.
She wasn't afraid, Vi.
Your mother on stage... Oh, she was amazing.
Then why did she quit?
Because of me.
Right after you were born, she told me she wanted to quit...
and I let her.
See, I knew how good she was, but I never told her.
I loved her...
more than anything.
And I just went on and pretended that there was no other choice.
- Dad, it's okay. - No, it's not okay.
I'm not gonna make the same mistake twice. You're not goin' back to work for Pete.
I don't care what it takes. I don't care how many bars you have to stand on.
You are not comin' home. I'm not letting you back in the house.
Forget it.
- Are you wearing cologne? - Hmm? No!
Oh, well, it's just a splash of Old Spice.
Where did you get Old Spice?
That nice redheaded nurse gave it to me as a gift.
Then she asked me out for coffee.
I'm scared.
Are you gonna go on a date?
God, a date.
I better buy a pair of socks.
Okay. Come on in here. Watch out for the... Okay. Okay.
Try to resist Try to hide from my kiss
Can't fight the moonlight
You'll surrender your heart
But you know But you know that you
Okay if I eat here at the bar?
- Do you have a reservation? - Uh, yeah.
It's under, um, "cast-iron heartless bitch."
Could it be under "stubborn and pigheaded"?
Yes. That's the one.
I'll have a double water on the rocks, please.
- How'd you find me? - Cammie.
She told me about your pop. I'm sorry to hear about that.
He's okay.
Good.
- So am I. - Yeah. Yeah, I can see that.
What's good to eat here?
Lil, you didn't come here to eat. What do you want?
'Kay.
I just wanted to let you know you can come back to the bar whenever you want.
- I appreciate the offer, but I'm okay here. - I figured that.
You were never a lifer.
I'm married to that bar. Hell, I'd, uh...
I'd sleep there if I had the guts to walk around barefoot.
But that's me, you know? I'm the original Coyote.
Just a small-town gal trying to make it in the big bad city.
"Small-town gal"?
Piedmont, North Dakota.
You ever tell anyone that, I'll kill ya.
Take care, Jersey.
You have one new message.
I have one message in eight hours. How pathetic am I?
Violet, this is Lindsay Morgan from the Bowery Ballroom.
Listen, we loved your CD...
and we want you to play in our songwriter's showcase next Sunday night.
You're on at 10:00 sharp. So drop your music by the club...
and the house band can learn your song.
Now if you have any questions, don't be afraid to give me a shout. See ya Sunday.
- Here are the keys to the apartment. It's all yours. - Thank you.
I can't thank you enough for subleasing me this place. You don't know how long I looked.
And when is your boyfriend moving in?
He's actually coming in tomorrow from Boston.
It's historic, guys. This is the first night I've closed early in three years.
Ta-da. Will you hang that outside for me?
- Hey, Lou, you got that number I asked you about? - Yep.
So why are you moving to Chicago?
I'll figure that out when I get there.
Um, oh.
- Hello. - Hey, do yourself a favour and look at page 137 of The Voice.
I can't believe your name is in the paper. I'm gettin' this framed.
Dad, if you're not ready in five minutes, I'm gonna leave without you.
Keep your pants on, will ya? I'm physically challenged.
I only got three rolls of film. I hope that's enough.
Dad, I'm only singing one song.
Right. Better go get another one.
- Hey, Bill. - My kid's singing tonight at some club in the city.
She's a little nervous. Hey, maybe you can give us a one, two, three for luck.
You got it. All right, let's give it up for Bill Sanford's daughter.
Light 'em up. One, two, three.
Oh, look, Vi.
I can't do this.
Jesus!
Did I mention to you that I was recently in a horrific car accident?
L... I can't do this. I gotta go back.
- Violet, listen to me. Are you listening? - Yes.
You have nothing to be afraid of. You're already a star.
- Dad, what are you talking about? I'm a nobody. - If you're such a nobody...
then why did I buy this off Pete for 20 bucks?
- Why do you have that? - I saw it on the wall, decided I wanted the first autograph.
I figured it'd be a damn good investment. Now what are you waiting for?
I didn't spend three months in physical therapy...
just to take a ride to the state line, you got me?
- Yeah, I got ya. - So what do you say, Vi? How about another U-ey?
You guys call that a one, two, three? Now, let's do it again!
This time I wanna feel chills!
There goes Bill again. He's back for seconds.
Come on, now! Let's give him all we got!
Whoo! Let's go!
The only reason why I came down here tonight is to see her fall on her face.
Oh, take it easy, Rachel. It's supposed to be a fun night out.
- Excuse me. - I'm cool. Don't worry about me.
- Hi. Good evening, ladies. Can I help you? - No.
It's packed, Lindsay. The house band has been on for 15 minutes.
If she's not here in five, she's bumped.
- Look out! - Jesus!
Uh, now that we're here, I'm feeling a little nervous.
Thank you, Mr. Sanford.
Oh, oh, probably just carsick.
Forget I mentioned it. I'm fine. Have a great show.
Vi.
Get your butt in there. Come on. We're right behind you.
Break a leg, sweetie.
Ladies and gentlemen, making her Bowery Ballroom debut, Miss Violet Sanford!
I'm sorry.
- Hey. - Hey. - Come on.
Under a lovers'sky
Gonna be with you
And no one's gonna be around
If you think that you won't fall
We'll just wait until
Till the sun goes down
Underneath the starlight, starlight
There's a magical feelin'so right
It will take you in tonight
- You can try to resist - Whoo! Violet!
Try to hide from my kiss but you know
But you know that you can't fight the moonlight
Deep in the dark you'll surrender your heart
But you know, but you know
That you can't fight the moonlight, no
You can't fight it
It's gonna get to your heart
There's no escape from love
Once the gentle breeze
Weaves its spell upon your heart
No matter what you think
It won't be too long till you're in my arms
- Come on, baby. Shake it! - Underneath - Hey, pinhead!
- The starlight, starlight - That's what I'm talking about, baby! Now shake it!
Don't do it, Rach. He's a big guy, and you're still on probation.
Don't worry. Those classes are really paying off.
It'll steal your heart tonight
You can try to resist
Try to hide from my kiss
But you know, but you know
That you can't fight the moonlight
Deep in the dark you'll surrender your heart
But you know, but you know
That you can't fight the moonlight
Okay. Let's give a big Coyote welcome to LeAnn Rimes.
You can try to resist
Try to hide from my kiss
But you know, but you know that you can't...
So tell me, what do you do when you realize that all your dreams have come true?
Pay off old debts.
But you know, but you know that you
- Can't fight the moonlight - Volume 129.
The original appearance of the Punisher... the one I cost you.
- Thank you. - It'll steal your heart tonight
- You can try - You can try to resist
Try to hide from my kiss
But you know, but you know
Lil, don't think your new girl's gonna hack it.
Deep in the dark you'll surrender your heart
- But you know, but you know - Jersey! Jersey! Jersey!
- That you can't fight the moonlight - Jersey! Jersey! Jersey! Jersey!
Jersey! Jersey! Jersey! Jersey!
You can try to resist my kiss
- But you know, but you know - Don't you know
That you can't fight the moonlight
Oh, no You can't fight it
It's gonna get to your heart
Okay. In true Coyote tradition, I'm gonna make every woman's night...
and auction off the most handsome little hottie in the place.
Violet, come on. You can't do this to me again.
Here he is, girls.
- Come on, Dad! - All you got is this moment
Okay, ladies. The bidding will start at $25.
- 21 st century's yesterday - See, nobody wants to do this. What are getting me into, Violet?
Twenty-five dollars!
You said you wanted a more active social life. Come on, girls.
There's a lot of miles left on these tires.
- Fifty dollars! - Come on, Dad. Strut your stuff.
- And give me a moment - Seventy-five!
Your moves are so raw
I've got to let you know
- I've got to let you know - Whoo! - Honey, yeah!
- You're one of my kind - Now, go! Come to me! - Take... Take some of it off!
- 'Cause I'm not sleepin' - Okay, put... put some of it on.
- There's something about you, girl - Yeah, baby!
- That makes me sweat - Ninety! - Ninety-five!
How do you feel
- I'm lonely - Take it off! - All right, Jersey!
- Can't take it all - $98.50!
- What ya gonna do Gonna live my life - A hundred!
So slide over here
- And give me a moment - $150! - Sold!
Your moves are so raw I've got to let you know
- Whoo! - I've got to let you know - Hey, I'm a Coyote!
- So slide over here - Well, your father has no problem with stage fright.
And give me a moment Your moves are so raw
- I've got to let you know - So tell me...
- what do you do when you realize all your dreams have come true? - You're one of my kind
Time
Sometimes the time just slips away
And you're left with yesterday
Left with the memories
I
I'll always think of you and smile
And be happy for the time
I had you with me
Though we go our separate ways
I won't forget so don't forget
The memories we've made
Please remember
I was there for you
And you were there for me
And remember
Please remember
Me
Please remember
I was there for you
And you were there for me
And remember
Please remember me
And how we laughed
And how we smiled
And how this world was yours and mine
And how no dream was out of reach
I stood by you You stood by me
We took each day and made it shine
We wrote our names across the sky
We ran so fast We ran so free
I had you and you had me
Knew all about
Your bad reputation
And now it's bound to be a heartbreak situation
But I can't help it if I'm helpless every time
That I'm where you are
You walk in and my strength walks out the door
Say my name and I can't fight it any more
Oh, I know I should go
But I need your touch just too damn much
Yeah, yeah
Lovin'you, yeah
- Isn't really something I should do - Not something I should do
I shouldn't want to spend my time with you, yeah
Well, I should try to be strong
- I should try to be strong - But, baby, you're the right kind of wrong
Right kind of wrong
Baby, you're the right kind of wrong
Now, baby, you're the right kind of wrong
I don't like to
Be alone at night
And I don't like to
Hear I'm wrong when I'm right
And I don't like to have the rain on my shoes
But I do love you
I don't like to
See the sky painted grey
And I don't like to be the one with the blues
But I do love you
Love everything about
The way you're loving me
The way you lay your head upon my shoulder
When you sleep
And I love to kiss you in the rain
I love everything you do
Oh, I do
And I don't like to
Be alone in the night
And I don't like to
Hear I'm wrong when I'm right
And I don't like to
Have the rain on my shoes
But I do love you