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片名: 婚禮大聯矇/盛大婚禮
There's an old expression that a marrage like 人們常常把婚姻比作
a phone call in the night. 深夜的電話
First comes the ring, and then you wake up. 先是聽到電話鈴聲 然後就醒了
My wife, Ellie, and I were married 我太太 愛麗 和我
for 20 years before we woke up. Or fell asleep. 是在結婚20年後才醒過來 也許又睡著了
Or whichever it was that ultimately led to our divorce. 不管怎樣 最後我們還是離婚了
But we never stopped loving each other. 但是 我們依然愛著對方
How could we, after three beautiful children? 我們怎麼就離婚了呢? 我們有三個可愛的孩子
Jared, Lyla, and our adopted son, Alejandro. 賈裏德 萊拉 和養子 亞歷山德羅
We had built a home, and a history, 我們有自己的房子 有我們的回憶
and a family together, 一家人生活在一起
and that stuff just doesn't evaporate 在法庭宣判離婚後和贍養費的壓力下
with the stroke of a pen and some lawyer's fees. 我們的親情並沒有受到傷害
At least I hope it doesn't. 至少 我希望我們的關係沒有變
Hello? 有人在嗎?
Oh, wow. 啊哦
Ugh! 媽呀!
Oh. 哦
Yep. 耶
Look at them. 看看他們
Oh. 哦
Oof. 唔
I mean, you can't be serious. 我說 你不用這麼緊張
I mean, it's really that gargantuan of a deal? 沒那麼嚴重吧?
It's blasphemy. 太褻瀆了
Which do you think came first? 你說先來哪個?
The Catholic Church, or cunnilingus? 教堂還是舔舔?
Oh. Please do not use that language. 哦 拜託別說那個
What do you mean, I can't say "Catholic Church"? 什麼意思 不能說"天主教"?
No. The other thing. 不 是另一個詞
Hercules, be quiet. 大力神 別叫了
What do I use in its place? 那我應該說什麼?
You know, when it comes up in conversation. 你懂的 這是我的日常用語嘛
Well, that is the point. 問題就在這裏
It's not supposed to come up in conversation. 這種詞不該出現在日常用語裏面
How about chowing box? 那改成口交怎麼樣?
Stop it, Donald. 別說了 唐納德
- Muff diving? Huh? - Stop. You're so bad. - 毛毛潛水? 怎麼樣? - 別說了 你真壞
Poon jab? 用戳的?
Poon job? 用桌的?
Well, I just had lunch, but if you insist. 好吧 我已經吃過午飯 但是如果你堅持
Oh, Donny! 哦 唐尼!
Oh, my... 哦 天吶...
Cunnilingus. 舔舔
You are such a slut. 你真是個色鬼
Lucky girl. 幸運的女孩
Ohh! 哦哦!
- Sorry. Oh, my... - Oh, jeez! - 對不起 我... - 哦 天吶!
- Eleanor? - Oh! - 愛麗諾? - 哦!
- Hi. - Hi. - 嗨 - 嗨
Oh, my God. I don't... Really, I'm so terribly sorry. 哦 天吶 我不是... 真的 我真的非常抱歉
He told me that nobody was here. 他告訴我這兒沒人
And I don't know why he did. The key was over... 我不知道他為什麼這麼做 鑰匙在...
Anyway, I'm just... 不過 我只是...
I'm gonna... You know what I'm gonna do? 我是來... 你知道的吧?
Oh, my goodness. Ellie? 哦 天吶 愛麗?
- Hi, Bebe. - Hi. - 嗨 碧碧 - 嗨
You look, um... You look wonderful. 你看上去 嗯... 你看上去很好
Thanks. But, um... 謝謝 但是 嗯...
Gosh, it's been such a long time. 天吶 已經這麼久了
It's great to see you. I hardly... 見到你太好了 我快...
I hardly recognize you. 我快認不出你了
I mean, you look so... 我是說 你看上去這麼...
- So? - So... So... - 怎麼? - 這麼... 這麼...
- Unexpected. - Unexpected. - 出人意料 -出人意料
- No, that's not... - Hey, there's Donald. - 不 並不是... - 嘿 唐納德
Ellie. You look like a summer day. 愛麗 你像夏天一樣火熱
Oh, well, that's because you're on the floor. 哦 是嘛 那是因為你在冰涼的地上
Hey, what else is new? 嘿 不說這個了行嗎?
Oh, Oh. 哦 哦
Yeah. Thanks. 哦 謝謝
- Oh... - Oh. - 哦... - 哦
How long's it been? 這都多久了?
- Ooh, ten years. - Impossible. Oh! - 唔 10年了 - 不可能吧 哦!
- Oh, you're not, I'm... - Ooh! Oh, no, that's okay. - 哦 你不是 我... - 哦! 哦 不 好吧
- No, that's just... - The little blue helper. - 不 只是... - 藍色藥丸的緣故
What goes up doesn't always come down. 一旦起來就沒那麼容易消退
It's like a blue thing, like that. 就像一些不開心的事情 像剛剛一樣
I thought you weren't getting in till around 5:00. 我以為你5點才到
6:30. 應該是6點半
You didn't tell me that. 你沒告訴我
Well, that's fine. 好吧
I just took a little stroll through the village, 我剛剛在小鎮上散了會兒步
and it's just so amazing how little things have changed. 才發現好多地方都變了
Oh, God. 哦 天吶
Honey, why don't you take her up to the Embroidery Room. 親愛的 為什麼你不帶她去刺繡房呢
I'm gonna round up some sheets. 我去準備下床單
At your service, madame. 樂意效勞 女士
- Right this way. - Oh, thank you. - 這邊 - 哦 謝謝
The Embroidery Room? 刺繡房?
Oh, your old office. I don't go in there. 哦 你以前的書房 我從不進去
She's got you on the wagon? 你們在旅行車上搞上的?
I ain't had a steak or a drink in three years. 我三年沒吃過牛排 沒喝過酒了
I can't sculpt worth a fart, 我的雕像一文不值
but they give me a lollipop 但每次從心臟病科出來
every time I leave the cardiologist. 他們都給我一個棒棒糖
Where are the kids? 孩子們去哪兒了?
Jared's at work and AI's enjoying Pre-Cana with Missy. 賈裏德在上班 艾爾和米西在教堂
Pre-Cana, oh, no. 教堂 哦 不
You mean the Catholic thing with the priest? 你是說天主教的那些事兒?
Yeah, you know the O'Connors. 是的 你知道奧康納家的毛病
Matrimony is God's greatest gift to his children. 婚姻是上帝賜予眾生最好的禮物
To be sanctified, nurtured and protected 是希望他們聖潔 有教養
against the seeds of dissent, 不被異教徒所污染
we're told too often lead to the chasms of discord, 而如今 夫妻間結合的過程
from which too often many of today's unions 總有無法修復的缺憾
are unable to recover. 以至於我們不得不進行勸導
It all too often leads to divorce, 這種缺憾常會導致離異
which is a sin in the eyes of God. 在上帝的眼中這被視為罪惡
But no pressure. 但是 不要有壓力
Melissa, how long have you and this young man been courting? 米莉薩 你和這位小伙子在一起多久了?
Just over a year. 一年多了
But we've known each other since middle school. 但是我們從中學就認識了
Alejandro, is it? 是這樣嗎 亞歷山德羅?
You do speak English, don't you? 你會講英語 不是嗎?
No. No, actually, I don't. 不 我一點也不會
Oh, I see. 哦 瞭解
He just graduated from Harvard. 他剛從哈佛畢業
Him and half of China. 那沒什麼 中國有一半人口都在哈佛
He also speaks five languages, 他會說5種語言
English being very much one of them. 英語顯然是其中之一
Really? 真的嗎?
So, tell me this, Alejandro. 好吧 告訴我 亞歷山德羅
Have you been successful thus far at being intimate with young Mellissa? 你和米莉薩發生過性關係嗎?
Excuse me, sir? 你說什麼 先生?
Father Moinighan's just fine, son. 請稱呼我莫尼漢神父 孩子
What I'm asking is, 我說的是
is Miss O'Connor's virginity still intact? 奧康納小姐還是不是處女?
I see. 我明白了
And, uh, did we partake of birth control? 那麼有沒有採取安全措施呢?
- Of course. - Ah, of course. - 當然 -啊 當然
Birth control. 安全措施
Relationships between consenting adults 成年人之間嘛
shall remain privately betwixt themselves, 彼此間應當有所保留
and the Church, of course. 當然與教會也可以有所保留
I guess we're going to Hell, then. 我以為我們要下地獄呢
In God's good time, my son. 上帝會安排的 孩子
I'm kidding. 開玩笑 別介意
So, tell me, young man. 好吧 告訴我 年輕人
I know your adoptive parents, Don and Ellie, 我知道你的養父母 唐和愛麗
are other than Catholic. 並不是天主教徒
Yeah. Yeah. My mom is Je-Buddhist. 是 是的 我媽是"猶佛教徒"
That's Jewish/Buddhist. 就是信佛的猶太人
And my father thinks that organized religion is for... 我爸對宗教的看法嘛 有點...
His biological mother is very much a Catholic. 他的生母是地道的天主教徒
She works for a bishop in Colombia. 她為哥倫比亞的某個主教工作
- Good for her. - And we're very excited - 那很不錯啊 - 我們非常高興
because we just found out that she's coming to the wedding. 因為他媽媽馬上就要來參加我們的婚禮了
- She is. - Oh, wonderful. - 沒錯 - 哦 很好
- Oh, God. - Yes? - 哦 天吶 - 怎麼了?
What? 什麼?
Sorry. Nothing. It's fine. 不好意思 沒事兒
I'm assuming that your mother will be very encouraging 我假設一下 你媽媽會非常願意
of her grandchildren being raised in the Church. 讓她的孫子也皈依天主的光輝
Uh, actually, we decided to wait until they're old enough 實際上 我們想等他們長大了
and then just let them decide. 讓他們自己做決定
Hell it is, then. 那就下地獄吧
Hi. Is Jared in? 嗨 賈裏德在嗎?
- Are you a patient? - Sister. - 你是他的病人? - 他姐姐
Oh. Oh. Right. 哦 哦 好
- Hi, I'm Jane. - Hi. - 嗨 我是簡 - 嗨
He's in a delivery, so you can wait over in the Daddy's Room 他在產房 你可以在父親等候室稍等
and I'll let him know that you're here. 我會通知他你在等他
Okay. 好的
Hello. 你好
No, I mean she literally pulled it out of the socket. 不 我是說她就那樣從插座上拔下來了
- I figured I'd be a lot safer here. - Thank Christ. - 我想我在這兒更安全 - 謝天謝地
Are you freaking kidding me? 你是在開玩笑嗎?
We're in a hospital. 這是在醫院
Right. Sorry. 是的 對不起
Just practicing. 我沒打算抽
I don't even smoke. I quit a month ago. 我早就不吸煙了 我一個月前就戒煙了
It's a girl. 是個女孩
Oh, my God. I gotta call you back. Is she... 哦 我的天吶 我一會兒打給你 她...
They're both doing just fine. 母女平安
Would you like to meet her? 你想看看她嗎?
There you are. 你醒了
Am I dead? 我死了嗎?
Sorry. Jared'll be in in a sec. 對不起 賈裏德馬上就來
My hero. 太好了
He's a sweetie, huh? 他很貼心 對吧?
Hmm. 嗯
I hope this isn't too inappropriate to ask, 我問一下 請別介意哈
but is it true that he's never really had... 那是真的嗎? 他從來沒有...
It's true. 是真的
Oh. 哦
Okay. What kind of a doily 好啦 是誰被從父親等候室
passes out in the Daddy's Room? 推出去了?
- I hope you feel better. - Thank you. - 希望你現在好點了 - 謝謝
- Doctor. - Thank you. - 醫生 - 謝謝
Thank you. 謝謝
She's perky. 她很活潑
Who, Jane? Yeah, she's great. 誰 簡嗎? 是 她很好
She's screaming for a shot at the title. 說到那個話題她還尖叫了一下
Nice. 很好
What could possibly be wrong with her? 她哪裏有問題?
I am so over this whole fresh-faced, Ivy League, 這種面帶稚氣 充滿活力 頭紮馬尾的
preppie, bouncy, ponytail-y type. 常春藤畢業生我見得多了
Don't you have to be under one first? 卻還沒拿下過任何一個?
Good one. 說到痛處了
She knows, by the way. 順便說下 她知道了
Yeah. A bunch of us went out 是的 上個月 我和一群人出去
for too many margaritas last month. 喝了幾杯
Now they have, like, an un-virgin pool going. 現在她們組成了一個破處聯盟了
What? 什麼?
A bevy of hot nurses are conspiring to bang your brains out? 一群辣妹護士密謀怎麼破你的處?
You should press charges. 你應該收錢啊
No, not my brother. He's gotta wait for love. 不 這不是我弟弟 他在等待真愛
Yeah, well... 恩 是的...
It seemed like a really noble idea when I was 15. 15歲的時候有這個想法應該是挺高尚的
Anyway, I'm starting to waver. 不過現在我開始動搖了
Shut up. 別說了
No, I'm gonna be 30 soon. 不 我馬上就30歲了
But then that would mean that I've wasted the last 那意味著我已經浪費了
15-plus years. 15年了
You're fine. 你沒事了
Well, call what's-her-name back in here. 好吧 叫她回來
Come on. You can use my bed. 來吧 你可以用這張床
I'll wait in the hall. I can laugh really quietly. 我可以在大廳等著 我可以偷偷笑
Or I could just put you back in there with the babies. 還是我把你放到嬰兒室去吧
No. 不
Oh. 哦
Whoa, whoa. You okay? 你還好嗎?
I want you to... 我想你應該...
Look right at me. Right at my nose. 看著我 看我的鼻子
Yeah, you might have a concussion. 好了 你可能有點腦震盪
How will I know? 怎麼知道的?
Headaches, vomiting. 頭疼 想吐
Hmm. And I haven't even seen Dad yet. 還沒見老爹就這樣了
Hey. Where's Andrew? 嘿 安德魯呢?
I don't know. Can we bookmark it? 不知道 先不談這個好嗎?
I want to keep the whole "Lyla's desiccating her life" lectures down to one a day. 關於"萊拉的乾癟生活"我打算回頭再做解釋
I can't wait. 拭目以待
See you, Jared. 再見 賈裏德
Neither can they. 他們都不行
He's huge. 很大的喲
I remember. 我記得
Look at Jared. 看看小賈裏德
Lyla. Oh, look how tiny Alejandro was. 萊拉 哦 還有小不點亞歷山德羅
One of the workers almost painted over that 我們裝修的時候
while we were redecorating. 一個油漆工都快把這個刷沒了
I had my knitting needle to his throat when Donald pulled me off of him. 要不是唐納德推開我 我就拿著針刺穿他的喉嚨了
Yeah. And now they're all grown. 是啊 現在他們都長大了
Yeah. 是啊
You were so wonderful to them. 你對他們來說太重要了
Well, they're not officially my kids, but, you know... 恩 他們畢竟不是我的孩子 但是 你知道...
God, you look stunning. 上帝 你看上去還是那麼驚艷
Cut the crap, Bebes. I look a decade older and so do you. 少來了 碧碧 我們都老了
Said the one of us not wearing control tops. 不用穿塑身衣的還說這種話啊
Wait until you see Muffin. Oh, my God. 等見到瑪芬再說吧 你會吃驚的
I heard she had work done. 我聽說她拉過皮啦
Really, like, somebody said it was scary. 按某人的話說 嚇死人了
Well, let's just say most of her face is now behind her ears. 可以說她大部分臉現在都在耳朵後面了
And she's completely mental. 而且她簡直是個瘋子
She's driving me crazy about the details of the wedding, 糾結於婚禮的細節 讓我抓狂
which is ironic because we're hosting it here. 真是諷刺 我們在這裏舉行婚禮
- Right. - Right? - 是的 - 是的?
And I'm catering it. Organic, of course. 我準備食物 理所應當
Oh, God, I was just so terrified to see you. 哦 上帝 見到你真是讓我吃驚
Oh, don't be. I mean, look, it was a long time ago. 哦 別介意 我是說 那都是很久以前的事兒了
So... 所以...
Yeah. Well, now that you're here, I realize how much I missed you. 是的 現在你在這兒 我才知道我有多想念你
Well. Hey, I want to say something. 好吧 嘿 我想說
- This house? - Yeah? - 關於這所房子? - 什麼?
It looks absolutely incredible. 真是太難以置信了
When were you two married, anyway? 你們什麼時候結婚?
Oh, we weren't. I don't need a ring. 哦 我們不會結婚 我不需要戒指
I mean, maybe I'd like to have a ring some time, but... 我是說 我也想要戒指 但是...
You should tell him. 你應該告訴他
He knows. He knows. 他知道 他知道
Doesn't exactly back stroke through the deep end of the sensitivity pool. 可能還沒到那個分上吧
Hey. Look at you two. 嘿 看看你們兩個人
Haven't seen this much tail around here 從最後一條狗死後
since the last poochie died. 我可再沒這麼尾行過了
Oh, Well. 哦 好了
Welcome to the jungle. 歡迎來到叢林
I truly loathe this place. 我真不喜歡這個地方
Oh. Is that because you've hooked up with, like, half the staff? 哦 是因為在這裏認識了那個鐘點工嗎?
It was high school. And hand jobs don't count. 那是高中 再說手活不能算的
Oh, thank God. 哦 天吶
Hi. Oh, look at you. You look gorgeous. 嗨 哦 看看你啊 真漂亮
Oh, so do you. Oh, my God, your hair, I love it. 你也是 天啊 我真喜歡你的髮型
- Thanks. - I'm so glad you're here. - 謝謝 - 你能來太好了
- Sister. - Immigrant. - 姐姐 - 外來戶
- Ambulance chaser. - Partner. - 唯利是圖的律師 - 小夥伴
Hey, good for you. Where's Andrew? 嘿 不錯嘛 安德魯呢?
- Oh, God. - Are you okay? - 我的天啊 - 你還好吧?
- I gotta sit down. - Come. Come. - 我得坐下 - 來 來
She's drunk already? 她都已經醉了?
Mild concussion. This should be fun. 輕微腦震盪 這會很有趣的
It's, like, as soon as we got engaged, 好像我們一訂婚
it suddenly dawned on them that he's not Caucasian. 突然他們就覺得他不是白人了
Wait, you're not Caucasian? 等等 你不是白人嗎?
Not at the moment. 現在不是
Well, that's upsetting. 那真讓人心煩
They're, like, putting on this whole dinner theater, 他們表面上好像在參加盛大的晚宴
PC act, pretending to be really cool, 演戲給別人看 裝得很酷
but really they're freaking out 但其實他們很崩潰
that they're gonna have beige grandkids. 因為他們會有棕色皮膚的外孫
Isn't that a little hypocritical, 那樣不是有點虛偽嗎
considering your father's being investigated for... 鑒於你父親被依法追究 因為...
There's my little princess! 我的小公主在這啊!
Darling. A wisp. 親愛的 縷縷頭髮
No, it's fine. 沒關係
Sweetheart, you know the Corns. 親愛的 你還記得科恩斯夫婦吧
- Hi. - Hi. Good to see you. - 嗨 - 嗨 見到你太好了
And this is her friend Alejandro. 這是她朋友亞歷山德羅
- Hi. Nice to meet you. - Hey. - 嗨 很高興見到你 - 嘿
- AI is fine. - Good. AI. - 叫我愛爾就好 - 好的 愛爾
- Well, hello, Lyla. - Muffin. - 你好 萊拉 - 瑪芬
How's Chicago? 芝加哥怎麼樣?
Crawling with spics and Jews. 到處都是美籍西班牙人和猶太人
Mazel tov. 恭喜
I'm shaking, I mean, it's been so long. 我在發抖 我是說這麼長時間了
What the hell am I gonna say to her? 我要跟她說些什麼?
Don, you're gonna do fine. 唐 你會沒事的
I need, uh, a drink. 我要喝一杯
Babe, hey. 寶貝 嘿
Thanks, babe. 謝謝 寶貝
- There she is. - Okay. - 她來了 - 好的
Hello, sweetheart. 你好 親愛的
How are you? 你好嗎?
Donald. 唐納德
You look breathtaking. 你看起來真美啊
You've packed on a few. 你又胖了點
You know, only in the good spots. But... 不過肉長在了該長的地方 但是...
Do you... Well, is it okay if I... 你... 我能不能...
Actually, I'm just... I'm not feeling so hot right now. 其實 我只是... 我現在感覺不太舒服
Oh, hey. I miss you so much. 嘿 我想死你了
Oh, hey. 噢 嘿
I wasn't actually kidding. I really don't feel well. 我真沒開玩笑 我確實感覺不舒服
I really wish we could spend some time, 我真希望我們有時間聊聊
- you know, just the three... - Dad! - 你知道 就我們三個... - 爸爸!
Oh, my God. Is she... 我的天啊 她...
You all right? Oh, my God. 你沒事吧? 我的天
Okay. So much better. 好了 感覺好多了
So give us the lowdown. 告訴我們點內幕吧
Rehearsal dinner tomorrow. 明天綵排晚宴
Saturday wedding at the house. 週六在家裏舉行婚禮
And where are we going on our honeymoon? 那去哪裏度蜜月呢?
Vietnam and Cambodia. 越南和柬埔寨
Yeah. We suggested Venice, but we don't count. 是啊 我們建議去威尼斯 但是我們說了又不算
Because it's safer. 因為那裏更安全
But also, of course, because Venice is Alejandro's native language. 還有就是 因為亞歷山德羅的母語是威尼斯語
Your name is Muffin. 你的名字叫瑪芬(鬆餅)
Yes. 是的
I love Cambodia. 我很喜歡柬埔寨
And it's perfectly safe. 而且很安全
I know, because I lived there for three months. 我知道是因為我在那住了三個月
Mom found herself in Asia. 媽在亞洲找到了自我
What? 什麼?
That's absurd. 真是荒謬
- What'd I miss? - Mom. - 我錯過了什麼? - 媽
Don't you know Tantra? 你瞭解印度密教嗎?
Is that how you say it? 你是那麼說的嗎?
You had a nine-hour orgasm once? 有一次 你持續九個小時高潮?
Seriously? 真的嗎?
That's gross. 太可怕了
A little self-exploration wouldn't kill you, young man. 小小的自我探索死不了人的 年輕人
Okay. 好吧
Or maybe a little less self-exploration, in your case. 你這情況 還是少點自我探索吧
- Oh. - Right, virgy? - 噢 - 對吧 小處?
- So it's on. - Oh, yeah. - 要開戰嗎 - 是的
One-nothing. 一比零
- Nine hours? - Okay. - 九個小時? - 好啦
Doesn't that hurt? 都不疼嗎?
Wait a second. Lyla. 等下 萊拉
Why isn't Andrew here? 安德魯為什麼沒來?
Trouble in paradise? 遇到什麼麻煩了嗎?
You're a peach. 就你話多
And they're all tied up. 他們都沒空嘛
Okay, I don't understand. What's he talking about? 好吧 我不明白 他在說什麼?
Andrew's moved out. 安德魯搬出去了
He's moved out? 他搬出去了?
Is he fooling around? 他是不是去鬼混?
Because I'll tweeze his balls off. 如果是 我閹了他
Oh, great idea. 真是個好主意
Yeah, 'cause karmically that would make a ton of sense. 因為那樣做真是太有用了
What happened? 發生什麼事了?
We can talk about this later. 我們可以稍後再談這個
Uh, you know what? 你們知道嗎?
As long as it's come up, let's just get it over with. 既然說到這了 那就說開了吧
Because I'm sure Barry and Muffin here 因為我肯定巴瑞和瑪芬
are just dying to hear all about 迫不及待想聽聽
the tests, and the injections, 關於測驗 注射
and humiliation I've so enjoyed the last four years. 以及過去四年我所受的屈辱
- No, we really don't... - Shh! - 不 我們真的不... - 噓!
Honey... 親愛的...
We were fighting. All the time. 我們無時無刻不在吵架
And it just... 而且...
It just got really hard, and he couldn't take it. 然後越來越艱難 他受不了
And I knew that, so I cut him loose before he did it to me. 我也明白 所以在他提出之前 我先放了他
Amen. So... 阿門 所以...
Who do you have to lynch for a cosmo around here? 有沒有人想來杯大都會?
- Okay. - I don't get it. - 好吧 - 我不明白
She can't have children. 她不能生孩子
Okay, could you please excuse me, just... 抱歉我失陪一下 去...
- No, no. No. I've got it. - No, no. Don. - 不 不 不 我去吧 - 不 不 唐
I don't think it's a good idea. 我覺得你去不好
Before you end it all, you should know they filled in the kiddy pond last summer. 在你跳下去之前 你應該知道小孩用的游泳池的水是去年夏天灌滿的
So? 所以呢?
Let's just say, the grown-up pool 可以這麼說 成人游泳池
is a few degrees warmer this year. 今年溫度高一些
Where are you? 你在哪兒呢?
Right behind you. Same place I've always been. 你後面 一如既往
Is it okay if I... 這樣行嗎 我...
Yeah. Thought you were afraid of heights. 行 恐高癥沒事嗎
The heights are fine. 高點沒關係
It's the lows I'm not in love with. 我不喜歡太低
How's it coming? 怎麼會?
Uh, spectacular. I'll get there well before Christmas. 站得高看得遠 聖誕節之前我會到那的
I know we're supposed to do this whole 我知道我們應該
father-daughter Kumbaya on a stick thing, 父女在一起好好聊聊
but it just doesn't work that way. 但是那樣行不通
I'm gonna sit down. 我要坐下了
Okay. 好
I know. 我知道
Mom wasn't the only one you cheated on. 你不止對媽媽不忠
I know. 我知道
I still don't know how Bebe sleeps at night in a house you and Mom built together. 我還是不明白碧碧在你跟媽媽一起建造的房子裏怎麼睡得著
And the decent thing would have been to just sell it, 正確的做法應該是賣掉它
or burn the place down. 或者燒了它
I'm sorry. 抱歉
For what? 抱歉什麼呢?
That things rarely turn out the way we want them to. 大多情況下會是事與願違
Yeah. 是啊
Listen, honey. You know, this thing with Andrew... 聽我說 親愛的 安德魯的事...
Don. 唐
Want my cosmo? 想喝點嗎?
Down to my toenails. 聞起來不好
No, thanks. 不了 謝謝
Mother-pisser. 奶奶的
My God, you must be so excited. 天啊 你肯定很激動
It's been, what, like four years since you've seen them? 多久了 好像四年沒見到他們了吧?
Here, sweetie, have some vegetables. 給 親愛的 吃點蔬菜
I'm kind of nervous, actually. 我有點緊張 其實
Yeah. What? You don't have to be. Why? 什麼? 你不必緊張啊 為什麼啊?
Well, because my sister's never even left Colombia. 因為我妹妹從來沒離開過哥倫比亞
That's plenty. 太多了
Oh, really? Is she as traditional as your mother? 真的嗎? 她跟你媽媽一樣傳統嗎?
I think so. She's extremely shy. So... 我想是 她非常靦腆
Well, listen to me. We are going to make them feel 聽我說 我們會竭盡全力
as welcome and at home as we possibly can. 讓她們有賓至如歸的感覺
Did you know that I have to promise 我是不是必須承諾
to raise our kids Catholic 以天主教方式撫養孩子
or the priest won't even perform the ceremony? 否則牧師不肯為我們舉行儀式?
Oh, come on. That's very 14th-century of him. 拜託 那都是14世紀老掉牙的思想了
- Right? - Just, listen to me, - 對吧? - 聽我的
cross your fingers behind your back, and just say, "Hallelujah, Jesus." 在背後交叉手指 然後說"哈利路亞 耶穌保佑"
That's what Missy keeps saying. 米西一直都這樣說
But it's the principle of the whole thing, isn't it? 但這不是整個事情的原則嗎?
No, it's not. It's marriage. 不 不是 這是婚姻
One compromise down, 2.999 million to go. 一次妥協了 還有2999000次妥協
Speaking of compromises, 說起妥協
I have something that I need to ask you guys. 我有點事求你們幫忙
Anything. 儘管說吧
It's just, it's... It's kind of a big one. 只是 這... 這忙不小
Don? Oh, my God! 唐? 我的天!
Do you know what your son just told me? 你知道你兒子剛跟我說什麼嗎?
- Huh? - Oh, my God. - 哈? - 天
You know how the Catholics have this thing about divorce? 你知道天主教怎麼看待離婚這事嗎?
Well, it turns out that Madonna 我剛剛才知道
is under some sort of ridiculous impression 麥當娜對離婚這事的怪異看法
that divorce is a great big, fat sin. 她覺得離婚是窮兇惡極的罪惡
Who's Madonna? 麥當娜是誰?
AI's biological mother! What are you, nuts? 愛爾的生母啊! 你瘋了還是怎麼的?
I'm not listening. 我沒在聽
And she's also under the impression 她還覺得
that of all the big, fat divorce sinners in this whole big, wide world, 這偌大的世界上 罪大惡極的離婚者之中
you and I are not among them. 不包括咱倆啊
- Uh... - Don? - 呃... - 唐?
Can you even hear what I'm saying? 你有在聽我說嗎?
- Not remotely. - We're not divorced! - 沒聽 - 咱倆沒離婚啊!
- Got it? - What? - 懂嗎? - 你說什麼?
For the next three days, you and I are husband and wife. 接下來的三天 你我還要假裝夫妻
- What? - Yes! - 你說什麼? - 就是!
Shit! 糟糕!
Don! 唐啊!
I feel terrible. 我很不爽
They're just letting anyone into Harvard these days, huh? 這年頭誰都能上哈佛了 是吧?
And you never told her about them because... 你沒告訴她 就因為...
I mean, there was no way she was ever gonna come here. 我以為她不可能來這兒啊
It never even occurred to me until that Pre-Cana. 婚前咨詢之後我才知道這事
- Well, wait a minute. - Oh. - 等下 - 噢
What would happen if she knew the truth? 萬一她知道了真相怎麼辦?
You told me what she put you through during the adoption. 你說過領養後 她給你帶來多大的折磨
She gave up her only son so that I could have a chance at a better life. 她拋棄了唯一的兒子 只為了讓我能有機會過上好日子
And now, she left Colombia, 事到如今 她跑出哥倫比亞
which she swore she would never do. On an airplane, 她可是發過誓永遠不踏出那裏一步啊 還坐著飛機
which she's petrified of, 她最怕坐飛機啊
only to find out that I've been lying to her 來到這兒 發現我一直對她撒謊
about being raised by heathens 原來過去15年來
for the past 15 years. 養育我的竟然是異教徒
- No offense. - None taken. - 無意冒犯 - 沒關係
It'd break her poor little heart. 會傷透她柔弱的小心臟啊
Why don't we just fake it for a of couple days? No big deal. 乾脆冒牌幾天吧 又不是什麼大事
And what makes either of you think you could pull this off? 你怎麼知道自己能裝的跟真的一樣?
Sweetie, there's just one little part that I'm stuck on. 寶貝 我只有一小點細節搞不明白
If those two are still married, 如果你倆還是夫妻
then what does that make me? 那我算什麼?
My concubine? 妾?
I hadn't really gotten there yet. 我還沒想到這一步
I see. 看出來了
All right. 好啦
More tea, anyone? 還有誰要喝茶?
I thought my life was a shit storm. 看來某人的日子比我過得還爛啊
I feel awful. 我覺得不對勁
Well, then what the hell are you waiting for? 那你到底還在等什麼?
This is gonna go great. 有好戲看了
Before we start shitting kittens, why don't we just sit the old gal down 何不在露餡之前 把她安撫下來
and lay it all out for her? You and I are divorced. 告訴她真相? 咱倆就是離婚了啊
It's not like we moved to a fucking petting zoo or something. 又不是搬到動物園去住之類的大事
She's from another country. 她來自另一個國家
A very different country. 一個文化迥異的國家
And her values aren't the same as ours. 她的價值觀跟我們的不一樣
So just pretend to be married for the weekend. 所以還是在週末的時候假裝夫妻吧
What's the big deal? 又不是什麼大事
Where would you like me to start? 你想讓我怎麼做?
Hey, listen. You were no Mardi Gras, toots. 嘿 聽著 這可不是狂歡節 女人
What did you call me? 你剛叫我什麼來著?
Let's get that straight. Oh. 咱們說白了啊 噢
And it's an expression. It's an expression. 是個說法而已 說法而已
Of endearment. So don't get all Jane Fonda about it. 表示愛慕 別太追根究底了
Uh-huh. Well, you know, the Tibetans 這樣啊 西藏人
have a wonderful expression 對於這樣的時刻
for moments like these as well. 也有一個不錯的說法
Yeah? 是什麼?
Loosely translated, it means, "Go fuck a yak, Don." 大意就是 "滾你的吧 唐"
That's the moment. I finally feel home. 經典時刻 我終於有回家的感覺了
So, she's leaving. 她要走了
Some apology. What is the matter with you? Why can't... 道歉 你有病啊? 為何不...
She won't listen to me. 她不肯聽我說啊
She's not going anywhere. 她哪兒都不會去
Honey, this is all very dramatic. 寶貝 別鬧了
- Can't we just... - Put a sock in it, Donald. - 能不能... - 閉嘴 唐納德
Let me help you with this. 我幫你拿
Let's go in the kitchen, let's have some tea... 咱去廚房 喝點茶...
- You hate my tea. - I love your tea. - 你討厭我沏的茶 - 我喜歡你沏的茶
Really? Okay, okay. 真的嗎? 好吧
I do hate your tea. But the rest of you is pure perfection. 我討厭你沏的茶 可別的都很好啊
- Just take the suitcase. - Honey, please. Look... - 拿著行李箱吧 - 寶貝 求求你 聽著...
Bebe? 碧碧啊?
Jesus. 耶穌大帝
I'll call Holly and have her oversee the catering. 我打電話給霍莉 讓她管著酒席
I promise, we can figure this out. 我保證 咱們何必這樣呢
This weekend should be about you and Missy, 這週末是屬於你和米西
and your happiness. 還有你的幸福的日子
And if my presence means that that doesn't happen... 若我的存在意味著幸福不能實現...
But, Bebe, you're a big part of that happiness. 可是 碧碧 你是這幸福的重要組成部分啊
I'll just... 我還是...
No. Because then every time 不行 若我留在這兒
you look back on your wedding day, 你每次回顧結婚當天
it's gonna be with pain and regret. 就會充滿痛苦和悔恨
And I can't allow that to happen. 我不能讓你有這種感覺
I love you, sweetie. 我愛你 寶貝
Oh. 噢
Ciao, baby. Just consider this my wedding present, okay? 再見 寶貝 把這當做我送的結婚禮物 行吧?
Oh, God, help your father before he blows his bypass. 去幫你爸爸 免得他心臟病發作
Pop, I got it. 爸 我來搬
That's it. 這才對嘛
There. You be brave, and elegant. 好了 勇敢點 優雅點
Okay? Don't take shit from any of the old people. 記住了嗎? 別聽老混蛋們胡扯
Bebe. Bebe! 碧碧 碧碧啊!
Please, you don't have to do this. 拜託 幹嘛要走啊
Oh, pishposh. 哦得了吧你
I'm gonna go to The Plaza, use Donald's platinum card. 我這就帶上唐納德的白金卡去購物
Listen. Look, I need you this weekend. 聽我說 這個週末我需要你
I can't get through this without you. I can't... 沒你我這關可過不去 我沒法...
Back off, Donald. You're already on thin ice. 邊兒去 唐納德 你有大麻煩了
What the hell did I do? 我到底幹了什麼?
It's not what you did. 問題不在於你做了什麼
Okay. Okay, what didn't I do? 好 行 那我沒做什麼?
Why don't you ask your wife? 你怎麼不去問問你老婆?
Maybe she'll explain it to you. 或許她樂意解釋給你聽
Bebe. 碧碧
- My fault. - Yep. - 錯在我 - 千真萬確
My fault! Un-fucking-believable. 錯在我! 真他媽不可理喻
Piece of wedding advice, kid, stay single as long as you can. 孩子給你條婚前建議 結婚前 能單身多久就單身多久
- Will do. - Trust me. - 一定做到 - 相信我
As long as you possibly can. 能多久 就多久
Hey, I'm sorry, but may I just say something here? 咳 打擾了 我能插句話嗎?
The woman that you supposedly love is devastated, 你所謂愛的那個女人剛剛氣壞了
and all you've got, Don, is "stay single." 結果你就憋出來一句"保持單身"
It was a joke. 就開個玩笑
Right, I forgot, you haven't laughed since the '60s. 對哦 我都忘了 你從60年代開始就沒笑過
Yeah. Not since I married you. 是啊 自從跟你結婚以來就沒
Yeah, well, promise to never do that again. 是 是 肯定不會重蹈覆轍了
Oh, believe me, not in a million years. 噢 相信我 100萬年也不會了
Well, but let's not bring your mother into this. 行 可千萬別把令堂扯進來
Um, guys. 呃 你們兩個
Ki-yai! 嘿呀!
You just punched me in the face! What are you doing? 你剛往我臉上揍了一拳! 你幹什麼啊?
I could tell you something, I earned my green belt, 你給我聽著 我可是拿到了跆拳道綠帶
and you talk shit about my mother again, I swear, Don... 唐 你要是再敢對我母親出言不遜的話 我...
- Guys! - What? - 你們兩個! - 怎麼了啊?
I thought she wasn't coming until tomorrow. 我怎麼記得她明天才來
That was yesterday. For God's sake. 那已經是昨天了 老天爺
You just punched me in the fucking face. 你他媽剛往我臉上揍了一拳
I'm sorry. Here we go, dear. 我錯了 來吧 親愛的
What are you doing? 你這是幹什麼?
What do you mean, what am I doing? 什麼叫我在幹什麼?
I don't know. After what you just did? 我哪知道 你剛還揍了我
- You're gonna hold my hand. - It's okay. - 你得握著我的手 -不會有事的
Thank you for inviting me to your home. 感謝你們邀請我來你們家
Oh... 哦...
I pray that Alejandro and Melissa 我希望亞歷山德羅和米莉薩
are as wonderful together as you've been. 在一起時能和你們倆一樣幸福
Mmm! 嗯!
- Gracias. Gracias. - Yeah. - 多謝 多謝 - 是啊
有件事我們...
有件事我得告訴您
No, no. 不 不
Whatever. Just whatever... 隨便隨便 反正就是那個意思...
No, I've got it. I've got it, honey. 不 我知道 我知道怎麼說了 老伴兒
Oh, dear. 哦 天啊
Thank you. Welcome. 謝謝你 歡迎
Anyway. 就這樣吧
Oh, she wants to know why your nose is bleeding. 哦 她想知道您的鼻子怎麼在流血
Oh, this? Well, no, it's... No English, right? 哦 這個? 呃 不 只是... 她不懂英語吧?
No. 不懂
Because my wife is one of the great cunts of the 19th century. 因為我老婆是19世紀出了名的婊子
Uh... 呃...
Yeah. There you go. 行 算你狠
我的孩子們終於團聚了
Mama. Here we go. 媽媽 進來吧
Hi. Hello. 嗨 你們好啊
This is my sister Lyla. 這是我的姐姐萊拉
- Hi. - And this is Jared. - 嗨 - 這是賈裏德
Uh, the lawyer and the doctor. 呃 一個律師一個醫生
Yes. 是啊
She said my son is lucky to have such role models. 她說我兒子能有這樣的榜樣很幸運
Aww, we're your role models. 霍 我們是你的榜樣哦
That's a mistranslation. 那個是翻譯問題
- No, it's not. - Yes, it is. This is Nuria. - 才不是 - 就是 這是努麗雅
Hi. 嗨
Hey. Really nice to meet you. 嘿 很高興認識你
這房子漂亮極了
Oh, you see, it's not... 咳 您看 也沒...
Excuse me. Sorry. 借過一下 抱歉
Sorry. It's not... We're in between interior decorators. 抱歉啊 只是... 我們還沒找到新的內飾裝修工
Yes, and there's a statue, too. 是啊 那兒還有座雕塑
And oh, my goodness, I have such wonderful taste. 哦天吶 我的品位還真不錯
Yeah. Don, darling. 是啊 唐 親愛的
I think it would be a wonderful idea 我覺得你要是帶她去你的工作室看看
if you showed her your studio, dear. 會很有意思的
I don't think that's such a good idea. 的確會相當"有意思"的
Hey, you know, I think that's a really good idea. 嘿 我覺得 這是個超棒的主意
Right. There you go. 好 跟我來
Thank you, sweetie. 謝謝你 老伴兒
Right this way. 就這邊兒
That's a commission. 那是別人委託我做的
Birthday present for some fat cat's wife. 給某個闊佬的婆姨的生日禮物
It's... 這玩意兒...
Yeah. Sucks being sober. 是啊 清醒的感覺糟透了
You like? 您喜歡嗎?
Well, that's weird that Al's got a sister, right? 艾爾有個妹妹 這種感覺怪怪的 是不是?
Yeah. And a mother. 是啊 還有個媽
Are you jealous? 你嫉妒了?
Don't be ridiculous. 別搞笑了
I mean, it's just, I never thought I'd actually meet her. 只是 我是覺得 從沒想過真會見到她
You really think you and Dad can pull this off? 你真覺得你跟老爸能搞定這事兒?
We're adults. 我們可是成年人
Since when? 什麼時候的事兒?
Oh, no. How many pictures can one woman have? 哦 不 一個女人能有多少照片?
Oh. 哦
- Oh, my God. - Oh, yeah. - 哦 天吶 - 哦 是啊
Oh. That is so not okay. Oh, no, no, no. 哦 這可不好辦 哦 不不不
Amor. 寶貝兒
Alejandro? 是亞歷山德羅?
Looks just like him, right? 看起來可像他呢 對吧?
Y Melissa. 還有米莉薩
Yeah, if I ever finish. 是啊 如果我完成得了的話
What's that? I don't understand. 說的什麼? 我沒聽懂
Oh, oh. She asked if you know Missy well. 哦 哦 她問你了不瞭解米西
Oh, si, si. Since... 哦 是 是 自從...
Her parents are friends of ours. 她父母是我們的朋友
Do you think that Missy and I love each other enough 你認為我跟米西是否足夠愛對方
to have happiness forever? 然後永遠幸福呢?
Si. 是的
She thinks you are a serpent. 她覺得你很狡猾
Oh. 噢
Well, flattery will get you everywhere. 學好恭維話 走遍天下都不怕
It's a symbol of duality, the struggle between spirit and matter. 這個是二元性的象徵 代表靈與肉之間的抗爭
I know she's not saying something good about me. 我知道她沒說我什麼好話
Perverse thrill of a man competing 一個男人與藝術表達的純粹性抗爭時的
with the purity of artistic expression. 執拗的震顫
So, she's calling me a pervert. 這下 她說我強了
- Essentially. - Yeah. - 差不多吧 - 是啊
I think it was a compliment. 我覺得這算是恭維
How refreshing. 多新鮮啊
Now she would like to meet Father Moinighan. 她現在想去見莫尼漢神父
- Really? - Mmm. - 真的? - 嗯
Well. It's possible his hangover's worn off by now. 他昨夜的酒現在也該醒了吧
You have no new messages 您的收件箱裏
in your mailbox. Please... 沒有新消息 請您...
Careful. We've had shark problems in the past. 要小心啊 我們這裏曾經出過鯊魚
Freshwater sharks? 淡水裏也有鯊魚?
Touche. Uh, may I? 真是一針見血啊 呃 我能坐下嗎?
So, it must have been wonderful to grow up here. 在這兒長大一定很棒
Yeah. Yeah, some of us are still working on it. 是啊 是啊 我們當中有些人還沒長大呢
You went to Harvard with Alejandro? 你跟亞歷山德羅一起去的哈佛?
I did. Yeah. 我去了 是啊
In that I just drove him there. 不過我只是開車送他過去
But I think I definitely would have enrolled 不過我覺得要是我遺傳的不是我父母的DNA
had I not got my parents' DNA. 我當初肯定會報名的
You... You are funny. 你... 你好幽默
Thank you. And you're... You are... 謝了 你也... 你...
We are permitted to swimming? 我們可以游泳吧?
Why? 怎麼想起問這個?
No, I mean, yeah. Totally. Let's, um... 不 我是說 可以 當然可以 咱們 呃...
My sister got a ton of swimsuits in her room. 我姐姐她房間裏有一堆泳衣
I'll... Let me grab one, I'll be one sec. 我就... 我就去拿一件 一會兒就回來
- Holy shit. - What? - 我靠 - 怎麼了?
Holy shit. 我靠
Are you coming? 你不來嗎?
Yeah. I should probably just... Yeah. 是啊 我大概是應該就... 對
So, bathing suits, 看來 泳衣
it's not really that big a deal in Colombia, huh? 在哥倫比亞不那麼重要 嗯?
Well, I am only here for a few days, 我才來這裏幾天
and I would like to see as much of America as I can. 我想盡可能地多看看美國
That's only fair. 這才公平
Since we're seeing so much of you. 因為看你我們已經看到不少內容了
You will show me around? 你能帶我看看周圍嗎?
Yeah. I can... Wouldn't be, you know... Yeah. 是啊 可以... 不會... 嗯
I got the rehearsal dinner tonight, but then I could... 我今天晚上要綵排晚餐 不過然後我就能...
And you will make love to me also? 然後你也會和我做愛嗎?
Hmm... 呃...
Just so we're clear, you're 說清楚了 瞧著
from the will. 遺囑上沒你的名字了
Bebe's been trying to rope him in here for years. 碧碧想把他綁過來已經想了好多年了
Anyone comes at me with a ring or a crown, 要是有誰拿著一枚戒指或者一座王冠來找我
or any other legally binding bullshit, 或者任何其它有法定約束力的垃圾
I take out their kneecaps. That's it. 我就抽了他們的膝蓋骨 就這麼簡單
A crown? 一座王冠?
But you're a happily married man, darling. 但你是個婚姻幸福的人 親愛的
Remember that tonight when we're in bed together. 今晚咱倆睡一起的時候你再記著
I will, right after the pigs fly out of my ass, sweetie. 我會的 豬從我屁股裏飛出來就行 老伴兒
- That's a nice image. - Oh, would you... - 好一幅畫面 - 哦 你就不能...
Good morning, Father. 早上好 神父
Oh, I thought my eyes deceived me, 啊 我還以為我的雙眼欺騙了我
but my ears bespoke the truth. 不過我的耳朵還是說了實話
There are Griffins in my humble church. 寒舍來了格裏芬一家啊
Bill. How goes the war? 比爾 仗打得怎麼樣了?
Well, being on the wagon's not entirely bad. 這個嘛 房車出遊挺好的
If only the wheels didn't squeak so perniciously. 只要那輪子別呻吟得那麼刺耳
Padre and I did AA together. Twice. Padre和我一起為汽車協會做過事兒 兩次
No, three times. And third time's the charm. 不 三次 事不過三嘛
Father, I would like you to meet my biological mother. 神父 我想讓您見見我的生母
Madonna Soto. 叫麥當娜·索托
It's a great privilege to meet you, madam. 能認識你很榮幸 女士
Your mother's a little old school. 你媽媽有點老派呢
I'm sorry, but my Latin's a bit rusty. 很抱歉 不過我的拉丁語有些生疏了
My mother would like to give confession. 我媽媽想來告解
Right. 好的
My mother would like all of us to give confession. 我媽媽想讓我們所有人都告解
- Nope. Sod off. Screw that. - Like hell I will. - 不要 起開 去他的 - 我才不幹
Guess what? No. 什麼? 不要
Forgive me, Father, for this is bullshit. 原諒我 神父 因為這簡直是扯淡
Don, it's a lovely gesture to make to your guest. 唐 這對你那位客人來說是個不錯的表示
How's sobriety working for you? 你情緒控制得怎麼樣了?
Sucks a dick. You know that. Shit. 糟透了 你也是知道的 媽的
It's wonderful to see you and Donny together again. 看到你又和唐尼在一起棒極了
Oh, yeah. We got "remarried" this morning. 哦 是啊 我們倆今天早上"復婚"了
You're kidding. 你開玩笑吧
- Can you keep a secret? - It's confession. - 你能保密嗎? - 這可是告解
I thought you were against organized religion. 我以為你反對宗教組織
Well, after this weekend, I may need all the help I can get. 過了這週末 我估計什麼樣的幫助都會需要
Go on, my son. 說吧 孩子
Is it wrong to lie to someone you love 如果你欺騙你愛的人的唯一原因
if the only reason that you're deceiving them is to protect their happiness? 是這樣就可以維護他們的幸福 對還是不對呢?
Well, that depends. 這個嘛 得看情況
Are you disrupting the lives of anyone else by enacting your deception? 在進行你的欺騙的時候你是否有打擾了別人的生活
What's a ring gonna prove after eight years of love and companionship? 在八年的愛和陪伴之後 一枚戒指又能代表什麼呢?
I mean, she's my girl. What else does she want from me? 我是說 她是我女兒 她還想讓我怎麼樣?
Oscar Wilde once said that marriage 奧斯卡·王爾德曾經說過
is a triumph of imagination over intelligence. 婚姻是臆想對理智的勝利
Oscar·Wilde? 還奧斯卡·王爾德呢?
Oscar Wilde used to make whoopsie with altar boys. 奧斯卡·王爾德當時還和祭壇男孩調情呢
That's true. Forget what I just said. 還真是這樣 無視我剛才說的吧
This place, I miss it. 這地方 我想念啊
- Mmm. - It's like... - 嗯 - 這裏就像...
It's like home. 這裏就像家
Even he's like home. Even Don is like home to me. 即使唐也是 就連他也給我家的感覺
It's so strange. 感覺多奇怪啊
Does that frighten you? 這種感覺讓你恐懼嗎?
Well, I mean, obviously, that part of my life is over, 我是說 很明顯 我生活的那部分已經覆水難收了
and I do think that that's a good thing. 而且我的確認為那是件好事
Well, there's different kinds of love. 有不同種的愛
- There are? - Yeah. - 有嗎? - 有啊
You know, just because you're divorced 僅僅因為你離婚了
doesn't mean you're legally required to hate him. 並不意味你必須恨他
You know, you're not as dumb as Don says you are. 誒 你也沒有唐說得那麼蠢嘛
Thank you. 謝謝謝
I'm outta here. 我不呆這兒了
- Nice chatting with you. - Bullshit. - 跟你聊天很高興 - 扯淡
Griffin, table for 50. 我是格裏芬 50號桌
Uh, actually, the O'Connors requested 呃 其實 奧康納一家要求
a private table on the Rose Terrace. 在玫瑰露台的一張比較隱秘的桌子
Outside? 在室外?
Isn't it supposed to rain? 不是要下雨了嗎?
That was communicated to them, yes. 他們知道的 是的
Uh, right this way. 呃 跟我走
Barry, what's with the alfresco? 巴瑞啊 這露天是怎麼回事?
- It's gonna piss all over us. - No, it's fine. - 會把咱們都給淋成個落湯雞 - 不 不會的
We just thought it would be more private. 我們只是覺得這樣更隱秘一些
She insisted. 她堅持的
The thought that anyone would see us eating with a bunch of, 一想到誰都能看到我們跟一幫... 一起用餐
what was the expression you used, Mom? 媽你那個詞兒怎麼說的來著?
Uh, Barry O'Connor. It's very, very nice to meet you. 呃 我是巴瑞·奧康納 能認識你非常非常榮幸
Nice to meet you. This is my wife, Muffin. 很高興認識你 這是我妻子瑪芬
We're delighted to make your acquaintance. 能認識你我們很高興
她說話怎麼嘴唇沒動
And of course our daughter, Melissa. 當然還有我們的女兒米莉薩
Hi. 嗨
亞歷山德羅一直向我說起你
就是沒說您這麼漂亮
Mama? 媽媽?
It's okay. 沒事的
今夜結束前
我很希望能獲得您的祝福
不過不管您給不給
都要知道只要我還活著
我每一天都會愛他
What the fuck did she just say? 她剛他媽的說了什麼?
Shh! Please. 噓! 拜託
I don't know what she's saying. 沒聽懂她說的什麼
You have my blessing. 我祝福你
All right. 好極了
- Come sit. - Yeah. - 來坐 - 好
You know, contemplate, place to put it. 深思熟慮 就該這樣
Hey, Don. Where's Bebe? 嘿 唐 碧碧哪兒去了?
We were supposed to go over the crudites presentation together. 我們本該一起看看生菜沙拉的展示的
Yeah. Well, her aunt just passed, 是啊 她姨媽剛去世
so she had to go back to Poughkeepsie. 所以她得回波基普西市去
Nuria! 努麗雅!
快把那玩意兒再穿上
我們什麼都看到了
- But her aunt's dead. - That's what I said. - 但是她姨媽死了 - 我是這麼說的啊
我20歲了 我身材很好 而且我在度假
再說了 瞧那木偶臉的假木瓜
God knows I hate a boring dinner. 誰都知道我最厭惡無趣的晚餐了
Everybody have enough ice water? 大家冰水喝夠了沒?
Good evening, and welcome to Weeblewog Country Club. 晚上好 歡迎來到微薄沃格鄉村俱樂部
My name is Yvette. 我叫伊維特
And I will be your captain this evening. 今晚我是你們的領班
Bebe? 碧碧?
Ow! 噢喔!
Tonight our soup is a lobster bisque, 今晚我們的湯是龍蝦濃湯
flavored with twice the recommended daily dose of sodium. 放了建議日攝入量兩倍的鈉
We also have a filet mignon. 我們還有嫩牛腰肉排
Not organic, stuffed with blue cheese, sour cream, 非有機 放滿了藍奶酪 酸奶油
bacon, and a defibrillator. 培根 還有一個心臟除顫器
I'll have the filet mignon. 我要點嫩牛腰肉排
Don't think so. 我可不這麼覺得
Excuse me, miss. 抱歉 小姐
Our guests really aren't used to American food. 我們的客人確實不怎麼習慣美國食物
Do you think that Chef Claude 你覺得克勞德大廚
could whip up some chimichangi thingy? 能搞出些玉米餅什麼的嗎?
No. Stop it. 不 別說了
What, I didn't say it right? 怎麼 我沒說對?
No, you said it fine. 不 你該說沒錯
Just fine. 說沒錯就是了
Are you okay? 你還好吧?
Just fucking with him. 耍耍他而已
Fine. 好
Mama. 媽媽
What's the rumpus? 怎麼了?
Oh, um, she was wondering why the wedding 她在問為什麼婚禮
is being held at our house, 在咱家舉行
and not at the O'Connors'. 而不是在奧康納的家裏
Um... 嗯...
Well, we thought we'd shake it up a little. 我們家在重新收拾
Uh, besides, our house... 而且 我們的房子...
Is in foreclosure? 要被拍賣了?
- Okay, that's... - That's right. - 好了 夠... - 沒錯
He has to plead poverty 他是在以貧困為借口
because he's being investigated for stock fraud. 因為證券欺詐 他正接受調查呢
Spectacular fork. 這叉子真漂亮
It's more complicated than that, I think. 這事沒那麼簡單
But we still have money. We do. 但我們還是有錢的
- Really. It's just... - Okay. - 真的 只是... - 好吧
It's overseas for the time being. 暫時存在海外
That's enough! 夠了!
I'm gonna check on the soup. 我去看看湯好了沒
I wanted to tell you that your house is the most 我想說的是 你們家是我見過
amazing place that I have ever seen. 最漂亮的地方了
You built it yourselves, yes? 你們自己建的 是嗎?
We did, actually. 沒錯
Tell her the story. 和她說說吧
Yeah, it's really romantic. 是啊 確實很浪漫
It is. It is romantic. 沒錯 很有情調
It's fine. Tell her. Tell the story. 沒事 和她說說吧
Don and I, we were living in the city separately. 那時 我和唐還不是住在一起
She wouldn't shack up with me 她不願意和我同居
because we weren't in matrimony. 因為咱倆還沒結婚
So Don's latest exhibition 那時唐的新作品
had sold out completely. 大受歡迎 全賣光了
Third in a row. 連續三次
It did well. Awash in humility. As always. 大展宏圖 洋洋得意起來 一直這樣
One of the many things she loves about me. 她就喜歡我這一點
That's our Donny. Yes. 唐尼真本色 是的
Can we please just skip to the happy ending? 直接說結尾吧?(Happy ending有性交的意思)
So Don and I, 我和唐
we decided we'd take a drive to the country, 我們決定去鄉下玩玩
and we came to this open field. Remember? 然後來到這片曠野 記得嗎?
We parked there, we went for a walk. 我們停車歇息 散散步
And it was so wonderful. 那時景色特別迷人
It was sunset. 適逢日落
Do you remember that, Don? Sweet. 你還記得嗎 唐? 真好
And we came across this gorgeous pond. 當我們經過那池塘的時候
And he proposed to me as the sun kind of went down. 夕陽西下時 他向我求婚了
I was... I was sneaking out here on Saturday 我... 星期六的時候溜過來察看地形
while she was spending time with her folks, and... 那時她和她的閨蜜在一起...
Yeah, but I knew what you were up to. 對 但我知道你想向我求婚
Believe me, I knew what he was up to. 相信我 女人的直覺
- Oh, you? - I did. - 真的? - 我知道
You didn't have a clue. 你絕不可能知道
- What are you talking about? - You were clueless. - 你說什麼呢? - 你看起來根本不知道
He spent three months 他花了三個月時間
searching the entire New England countryside 把周邊所有的鄉村都走遍了
for the most beautiful spot, 就為了找到最美的景色
and when he found it, he took her back there. 找到這兒後 他就把她騙過來了
And then when he proposed... 他求婚成功後...
He planted... 他在...
他在求婚的地方種下了一顆橡子
And then they built a house over the years 然後就在這兒建了這座房子
under the shade of the tree, and added on to it 建在這顆橡子樹的周圍 每當唐賣了
every time Don sold another sculpture, until, well... 一件雕塑 他都會在樹上標記 直到他們...
You are very lucky to find a man like that. 能找到這樣的伴侶真是您的幸運
Oh, yes, of course. 是啊 當然
I'm just... I'm terribly lucky. 是啊... 我真是很幸運
Thank you. Thank you. 謝謝
Uh, Yvette? 伊維特?
Will you please excuse me, just for... 不好意思 離開一下...
Jared! 賈裏德!
May I please speak with you? 我有話要和你說
Yeah, sure. 好啊
You know what? I got... Give me, like, one sec. 這個 你得... 你得等一下
I got, like, a terrible leg cramp. 我的腳抽筋了
Uh-huh. Nuria, dear. Please. Yes. 努麗雅 親愛的 過來下
Please. May I take you to the restroom, 我帶你去洗手間
please, the ladies' room. 去女洗手間
Where we can wash your beautiful hands. 好好洗下你的手
Well, 那麼
here's to a wonderful dinner. 為了這頓美好的晚餐
And a really 以及這場
neat wedding. 盛大的婚禮
- Huh? Okay. - Indeed. - 好嗎? - 確實
Cheers. 乾杯
Madonna, 麥當娜
how is your bisque? 那湯味道如何?
Huh? 嗯?
Oh, for Pete's sake. 真倒霉
Oh, my God. 天哪
So, the thing to remember is that men are like pumpkins, 你得知道 男人就像南瓜一樣
the good ones are either taken 好的早就被摘了
or they've had everything scraped 要不然就是挖去
out of their heads with a spoon. 做南瓜燈了
I'm melting! Oh, my God! 淋了我一身! 真是的!
- My face! - What's happened? - 我的臉! - 怎麼了?
What's happening in here? 你倆這是?
Well, Nuria and I have become very close friends. 我和努麗雅剛成了好朋友
Yes. She was just explaining to me. 嗯 她在開導我
- Really? - Mmm-hmm. - 真的? - 嗯
Wish I had been adopted. 我也想被收養
Can we please just elope now? 我們乾脆私奔算了?
Seems like the lesser of two evils at this point. 這樣也許痛苦會少一些
Really? Because I'm pretty sure Vegas is just back that way. 你也想? 可我們剛錯過去拉斯維加斯的路
I'm pretty sure that you wouldn't survive the trip. 要是私奔了 咱倆就死定了
- What the hell is going on with your family? - Why? - 你家裏人到底是咋了? - 為什麼?
Oh. 嗯
My kingdom, my kingdom, my kingdom for a steakhouse. 好想吃煎牛排啊
What a bust that was. 真是場糟糕的雨
What are you grinning at? 你在傻笑什麼?
Oh, it's just women's lib. 女人的小秘密
You know something, I'm cold. 知道嗎 我有點冷
Are you sure that heat's all the way up? 你確定把暖氣開了嗎?
Well, yeah. We'll take a steam when we get back to the house. 嗯 回去洗個桑拿就好了
Wait a minute, you have a steam in the guest room? 等等 你的客房裏有桑拿室?
Nope. The master bedroom. 沒 主臥房間裏有
Whatever you say. 隨你怎麼說
You have no new messages in your mailbox. 未收到信息
Ridiculous. It's like I ceased to exist. 真荒唐 好像我不復存在一樣
What's that, Lyla? 怎麼了 萊拉?
No texts, no calls. Nothing. 他沒發短信 沒打電話 什麼都沒
Hombres. 男人啊
I know, right? 我懂的 對吧?
No offense, Lyla, but honestly. 我無意冒犯 不過 萊拉
Really, you did leave him. 是你選擇離開他的
Yeah, he doesn't have to make it so easy for me. 對 但是他也不能這麼輕易放棄啊
You think he'll show up at the wedding? 你覺得他會出現在婚禮上嗎?
He does, I'll tell him to fuck the fuck off. 他來了 我會讓他死得遠遠的
- Language. - Oh, Lyla. - 注意言辭 - 萊拉
He said terrible things to me. 他對我說了狠話
- Punch him in the nose? - Of course not. - 打他鼻子了沒? - 當然沒
Because that would be unladylike. 多不淑女啊
What are you looking at me for? 你看著我幹嘛?
You miss him. 你想他了
A little. 有點
That's what I thought. Look, just give him a call. 那就是了 聽著 給他打個電話吧
I can't. 不打
So, I was thinking we could maybe go to my room, 去我房間吧
listen to some music, or you know... 聽聽音樂 或者...
Whatever. 幹啥都行
No, thank you. 不用了 謝謝
But you may read me some poetry, if you wish. 但你可以給我念詩
Poetry? 念詩?
Yes. 是的
Are you serious? 你說真的?
Yes. Your mother was very informative. 沒錯 你母親說的很有道理
I deserve to be treated with respect. 我應該得到尊重
Don't we all. 誰不是呢
Say it louder. 大聲點
- I'm an idiot. - A what? - 我是蠢蛋 - 什麼?
I'm a galactic idiot. My idiocracy knows no bounds. 我是超級大蠢蛋 我的智商沒有底線
You won't tell a tiny white lie to a priest that you'll never see again, 你對一個以後不會再見的牧師都不肯說謊
but make a complete farce of our wedding? 可婚禮上你就敢作假?
- I know. - That's no problem? - 我錯了 - 這難道沒問題?
I know. 我知道
I feel so bad for Bebe. 我對不起碧碧
You know how many months she and my mom have been planning this. 她和我媽媽計劃這場婚禮花了那麼長時間
I know. I know. I'm an idiot. 我知道 我是個蠢蛋
I did talk with Father Moinighan, though. 我和莫尼漢神父談過
For reals? 真的?
I promised that little 我保證 我們的
Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John 小馬太 小馬克 小路克 和小約翰他們
would grow up ravenous for the sweet baby Jesus. 會在洗禮下長大的
Did you? 你保證?
May have had crossies when I said it. 至少我希望是這樣的
Thank you. 謝謝
You really truly love me. 你真的很愛我
I do. 是的
Yeah, you do. 我看得出
And you'll fix all the other stuff? 你會擺平這場婚禮吧?
What's it worth to you? 回報是什麼?
Huh? 嗯?
You honestly think... 你覺得呢...
It's too bad I'm saving myself for marriage. 我要保守貞潔 留到婚禮
I'll see you tomorrow. 明天見
I'm busy tomorrow. 我明天很忙
All I hear is, "Blah, blah, blah." 我什麼都沒聽見
So, you know, call her again. 打個電話給她吧
I tried, but she had the front desk lock me out. 我打了 可是她不接
Tell me again how this is my fault. 你說說為啥錯在我
Don. 唐
in a year. Many of these children... 一年以後 這些孩子們...
Now, where'd you dig that up? 你從哪兒找到的片子?
Oh, my God, I can't believe how tiny he was. 真不敢相信 他那時那麼點大
Yeah. 是啊
Sometimes I wonder 我有時候在想
if we did the right thing. 我們是否做錯了
Ellie, for two people who did a lot of things wrong, 愛麗 兩個人在一起很容易幹傻事
adopting AI wasn't one of them. 但撫養愛爾不是錯誤
Yeah, he's the kindest of us all. 沒錯 他是我們中最善良的
Yeah. 沒錯
We didn't do that many things that were wrong, did we? 我們也沒做過多少傻事 對吧?
Everybody's happy now. 至少大家現在都很好
- Well... - Right? - 可... - 對吧?
Yeah, right. 沒錯
Kids are great. You're having nine-hour orgasms. 孩子們都很好 你還曾經高潮過9個小時
Uh... 別...
No, no, no, just... Yeah, well, give or take. 不 不... 差不多吧
- I'm intrigued. - Yeah, I'm stunned. - 我很想知道 - 我也很驚訝
- Prove it. - You wish. - 來一發吧 - 想得美
- For old time's sake. - Oh, my God. Okay. - 就當重溫過去嘛 - 天哪
You know what, I think the coast must be clear by now. 外面沒人了 我還是出去睡
Ooh. 哦
Good to see you, Ell. 很高興見到你 愛麗
I think you said that already. 這句話說過了
- What the hell? - Oh! - 搞什麼? - 天哪!
- Ow! - What are you doing? - 哦! - 你在幹嘛?
Shoot. You're gonna wake Madonna, for God's sake. 別說話 會吵醒麥當娜
Shh. 噓
Ow! 哦!
I have been reading sonnets. Out loud. 我一直在朗誦十四行詩
Well, that's very romantic. 很有情調啊
So romantic for you, dear. What? 真適合你 親愛的 怎麼了?
I am 29 years old, and I've finally, I mean, I... 我29歲了 我現在終於能...
What? 什麼?
I can't believe I'm getting cock-blocked by my own mother. 不敢相信 是我老媽阻止了我第一次的性福
I merely told her that there are certain things 我只是對她說 女人應該
that women should expect from a man 對男人有所期望
before she just jumps into bed with him. All right? 而不只是和他們上床 懂嗎?
Yeah, I know. Don't you think it's kind of hard to... 我也懂 不過這樣是不是太苛刻了...
What? 什麼?
Send her flowers every day for a year 從她回哥倫比亞起
when she goes back to Colombia on Monday. 每天送一束花 送一年
C'est la guerre. 愛莫能助
Oh... 哦...
So sorry. 真不好意思
Oh, my goodness. Well, anyway, good night, sweetheart. 天 說來說去 還是說晚安了
Sweet dreams, of course. 祝你好夢
- Yeah. - Okay. - 好的 - 好
You suck. Buenas noches. 你真倒霉 晚安
Buenas noches. 晚安
Oh! 哦!
Noches. 晚安
Noches again. 再晚安
Oh! Back so soon? 哦! 回心轉意了?
Oh, yeah. The temptation was more than I could stand. 沒錯 一夜春宵值千金呢
Oh, yeah. 沒錯
Now you're talking. 這才對嘛
- Uh... - Be gentle. - 嗯... - 溫柔點哦
Or don't. 或許不用
Good night. 晚安
- Good night? Says you. - Yup. - 晚安? 你說的 - 沒錯
Oh, please. Come on, you didn't really think 你不會真以為我們
that we'd go through with this, did you? 能一直這樣過下去 對吧?
No one ever died from dabbling. 想想又不會出事
Uh-huh. Just our marriage. 我是說我們的婚姻
- Fair point. - Yeah. - 那倒是不會 -嗯
But, you know, I couldn't stand being ignored. 但是 我不能忍受一直被冷漠忽視
I ignored you? 我冷落你了?
You didn't need a soothsayer to know that you were terrified of being alone with me. 誰都看得出來 你和我在一起很不安
I'm sorry, Don. Really, I am. 很抱歉 唐 真的很抱歉
Just, you know, with the children gone, 你知道 自從孩子們走後
I guess I didn't think we had much in common anymore. 我覺得我們都不再有什麼共同話題了
Yeah, so we picked up another kid to avoid the issue. 是啊 所以為了避免出現問題 我們又領養了一個男孩
You know, I tried to stick it out. I really did. 你要知道 我曾試過努力 真的
I know you did, Don. 唐 我知道
Wanna fool around? 還想要浪費時間嗎?
Oh! 哦!
You need to marry Bebe. 你是要和碧碧結婚的
And that's nothing you don't already know. 你什麼都知道了
And what about you? Anybody special since... 你呢? 有沒有碰到看上眼的...
Me? 我?
Yeah, of course. 當然有了
There have been guys here and there. 我身邊有的是男人
Yeah. And I guess nothing I'd write home about, 對啊 我覺得也沒什麼值得大書特書了
nothing special. 一點都沒有
Well, I did date this local cop 好吧 我確實有出於禮貌
when I lived over on Courtesy. 和一個地方警察有過約會
He was really quite nice. 他人很好
And then in New York City I met this stock broker 在紐約的時候 我遇見一個證券經紀人
who actually proposed to me on the third date. 第三次約會的時候 他就向我求婚了
You know, that should have been my first clue. God. 你要知道 那本應該是我第一次被求婚
But then... 但是後來...
A little more left. Left. Oh! 再往左邊用力 往左 哦!
Oh, yeah! 哦 太爽了!
- In there! That's right! - Right there? - 用力! 就是那裏! - 頂到了嗎?
What happened to you? 你怎麼了?
What time is it? 現在幾點了?
A little after 8:00. I thought you quit? 剛過8點 你不是戒煙了嗎?
Thought I quit a lot of things. 8:00? 我戒過的東西多著呢 8點了是嗎?
So that would make it, hey... 所以我們一共進行了...
Forty minutes. Not bad for starters. 四十分鐘啊 對於久未經沙場的人來說不簡單了
Was that what that... 你的意思是你們...
You didn't. Oh, tell me you didn't. 不會吧 哦 告訴我你沒有
You and Mom for 40, that's... You scumbags. 你和媽媽做了四十分鐘 你們太... 你真卑鄙
Gross. What? 真噁心 怎麼回事?
- What about Bebe? - I know. - 碧碧怎麼辦? - 我知道
God, what is wrong with you? 娘的 你有毛病啊?
Forward, ducklings. 向前走 小鴨子們
We are gonna cater the shit out of this thing whether they like it or not. 不管他們喜不喜歡 都要滿足他們的需求
I know you can't understand me, but now that you're here, 我知道你無法理解我 但既然來了
I want you to know that I've always been intimidated by you. 我想告訴你 你的存在一直威脅著我
Even so, I never tried to take your place with him, 即使是這樣 我也從未想過要取代你在他心中的位置
but I always encouraged the phone calls, and the visits. 我還經常鼓勵他給你打電話 去看你
And meeting you, oh, my God, 見到你之後
I see where so much of what's good in him comes from. 我才知道他的那麼多優點繼承於你
And I just, I'm just so... 而我只是 我只是想...
I'm just so happy you're here. 你能來這兒 我感到很高興
Uh, do you... Uh, oh, um, do you understand me? 呃 你... 呃 你能明白我的意思嗎?
我覺得我能理解你 不用道歉了
我多麼想像那樣來一次性高潮...
你竟然不覺得痛 實在讓人驚異
You working on anything lately? 你最近忙什麼作品嗎?
Haven't touched a chisel in years. 我已經一年多沒動鑿子了
Wow, shame. You have more talent 哇 真可惜 單是你手指的天賦
in your little finger than I have in my whole body. 就比我全身的天賦還要多
I'm a big girl now, Don. 我現在已經長大了 唐
You don't have to say that anymore. 不用再誇我了
It happens to be true. 可這都是真話
Hair of the dog? 要醒酒液嗎?
No. 不用
You sure today's the day you want to fall off the wagon? 你確定你今天又要讓酒癮復發嗎?
Coin flip at this point. 看運氣吧
Pass the riffler. 把沉砂盤遞給我
How is it 我很奇怪
that you can make something so beautiful 你這麼一個人渣
and yet be such a complete douchebag? 竟然能做出這麼美妙的藝術品
I'm a complicated serpent. 我是一個多面獸
Or whatever the hell she said. 管她說得啥意思呢
So is this what happens with men? 這就是男人的本性?
Just a grain of strife in the relationship 夫妻關係中出現一絲不合
and suddenly you're knee-deep in your ex? 就突然和前任纏在一起嗎?
Grandpa? 爺爺?
Grandpa? 爺爺嗎?
Sweetie, I may be on the back nine of life, 親愛的 我現在已經處於人生的暮年
but I just spent the last 40 minutes 但我只花了這最後的40分鐘
laying more pipe than I have in 20 years. 就完成了比我20年還多的工作量
I didn't say no to the scotch 我並沒說不讓你喝酒
'cause I didn't want the drink. 因為我不想你喝酒
So wait a second. 等一下
You're... 你要...
Andrew doesn't know. 安德魯不知情
I'm not one of those women who thinks 我這種人
I deserve to have a child 不會因為子宮功能正常了
just because my uterus suddenly decides to work. 就覺得應該要個小孩
He either loves me or he doesn't. 他要麼愛我 要麼不愛我
I'd hug you, but... 我該抱你一下 但是...
After last time... 上次..
I'll just try one of these. 我想嘗嘗這個
- Delicious. - Good. - 太好吃了 - 謝謝
Happy you're pleased, Mr. Griffin. 很高興你能喜歡 格裏芬先生
You are paying for it. 都是按照你的要求做的
Mmm-hmm. Well, you know, I think I'll have a few more. 嗯嗯 我還想再拿一些
No. 不行
I don't think so. 不能再拿了
You know, if I were talking to you, 若我想跟你說話
I would ask you what happened over there. 我會問剛剛都發生了什麼
- With Lyla? - Yeah. - 和萊拉嗎? - 對啊
- Did you see us? - I did. - 你看見我們了? - 是的
How about that? 你覺得呢?
It must be very comforting to know that 原來不是所有人都討厭你
not everybody hates you. 你很欣慰吧
Eases the burden somewhat. 多少減輕了些負擔
Listen. There's something I need... 聽我說 有些事情我需要...
No. I'm not talking to you. 不行 我不跟你說話
Is she upset about something? 她是不是有心事啊?
Yeah, she is. 沒錯
I'm not sure what to do about it. 我不知道該怎麼做
Well, you love her, don't you? 你愛她 對嗎?
More than anything. 愛她勝於一切
Well, then, 那好
you do whatever it takes to make her happy again. 那就盡全力讓她再開心起來
Si? 什麼事?
- Can I come in? - Uh, okay. - 我能進來嗎? - 呃 可以
Oh, geez. 哦 天啊
Can you help me, please? 你能幫我個忙嗎?
Oh, my God, this is so not fair. 哦 天哪 這太不公平了
All right. 好吧
Sorry. 抱歉
Listen, I... 聽著 我...
No, it's, come here, impolite to interrupt a performance. 先別說 過來 中途打斷表演是很不禮貌的行為
A performance? 表演?
Item one. 第一個節目
Serenade her. 小夜曲彈奏
There's not a lot of words that rhyme with Nuria 沒有很多詞語和努麗雅押韻
But I really want to 但我真的很想
Reassure ya 讓你安心
That I will try not to be 我會努力不讓
Premature-ia 事情發生的過早啊
I... 我...
Look, I decided that I will not make love with you. 聽著 想跟我做愛 沒門啊
Okay. Um... 好吧 呃...
I disagree. Here's why. 我不同意 這就是理由
Look. I did everything on your list. 你看 你列出來的事項 我都做到了
Breakfast in bed. 把早餐送到床邊
And I even did a list of the top 10 而且我還列出了
greatest moments in our relationship. 我們關係中十個絕妙瞬間
"The first moment I saw you." "第一次看到你"
"The first moment I saw you naked." "第一次看到你裸體"
That's... It's very sweet. 這個... 很甜蜜
But 但是
we are brother and sister. 我們是兄妹啊
Yeah, but only a little bit. 沒錯 但只有一點關係而已
Look, you have waited a long time for love. 我知道你等候愛情已經等了很長時間
And I could not forgive myself if I took that away from you. 但若我佔有了你的愛 我會無法原諒自己
No, you're right. 是的 你說得沒錯
The song is nice, though. 不過那首歌很棒
Um, this... Flowers every day, for a year. 呃 這個是... 為你準備了一年的每日一枝花
We have to tell her. 我們必須告訴她
I'm not sure I agree. 我不太同意你的意見
Well, we at least have to invite her to our wedding. 至少得邀請她來參加我們的婚禮吧
I'm... I'm sorry? 你說什麼?
I'm kidding you. I'm kidding you. I'm kidding. 開玩笑的 開個玩笑啦
- Thank Christ. - Yeah. - 嚇死我了 - 是啊
I mean, not that it would be a bad idea, but... 這主意也不是不好 只是...
Yeah. No, it's okay. We're behind each other. 是的 但是沒關係 我們彼此支持著
Finally. 最終
We're still family. 我們還是一家人
Still family. 還是一家人
So, what's going on? 到底怎麼回事?
Um, oh... 呃 哦...
First things first. Thank you. 先說重要的 謝謝
No. 不用
Well, honey, your father and I wanted to give you something. 寶貝兒子 你父親和我想送你一樣東西
- Together? - Crazy, right? - 一起送? - 很瘋狂吧?
We're so proud of you. 我們很為你而自豪
We really are proud of you, of the man you've become, 我們真的很為你已長大成人而驕傲
and of the woman that you love, 為你找到了心愛的女人驕傲
of the wonderful life that you have ahead of you, and so... 為你將擁有的美好生活而驕傲 所以...
We love you, bud. 我們愛你 孩子
You, um... You carved this from the tree? 呃... 你們是按照那棵樹雕的?
Your mother's idea. 你母親的主意
No, actually it wasn't my idea, but I'm speechless at the modesty. 實際上並不是我的主意 你爸的謙虛 讓我無話可說
Oh, wow. 哦 哇
I saved a few just in case the first didn't take. 這一個不行的話 我還有
I don't know what to say. 我不知道該說什麼了
Does this come with a piece of land? Waterfront, if possible. 不送我一處房產嗎? 最好是海濱的
Sure, just click your heels three times. 好啊 你就磕三下鞋後跟試試
源自愛麗絲夢遊僊境 磕三下腳後跟 就能實現夢想
See you on the flip side, kid. 你馬上就是大男人了 孩子
I love you guys. 我愛你們
Thank you. 謝謝你們
It's perfect. 太完美了
Oh, my gosh, look at you! 哦 天啊 看看你!
You're here. 你來了
Of course I'm here. Where would I be? 當然了 我還能去哪兒啊?
You look gorgeous. 你太英俊了
Except this. 除了這個沒戴好
Well. Let me put that, here you go. 我來給你戴上 好了
Which reminds me of the prom fiasco. 這讓我想起了畢業舞會慘痛的回憶
You remember the junior prom? 還記得初中畢業舞會嗎?
White tux and blood everywhere from the pin? 胸針扎破了皮膚 弄得白燕尾服上全是血嗎?
There you go. Perfect. 好了 太完美了
Thank you. 謝謝
Hey. We're family. At least most of the time. 嘿 我們是一家人 至少大多數時候都是
All the time. Mom. 一直都是 媽媽
Oh, my God. Oh, my God! 快看 快看啊!
Hey. 嘿
I know, we were just talking... 我知道 我們剛剛在說...
Hi, Bebe. 嗨 碧碧
Right, Mrs. Griffin. I was just leaving. 好了 格裏芬夫人 我正要走呢
No, no, that's okay. No, it's all right. 不 不 沒事 沒關係
Wait a second. Mom? 等一下 媽媽?
- Yes? - Si? - 怎麼了? - 什麼事?
Uh... 呃...
Hello. 你好
對我來說 她是個非常特別的人
實際上 當我們走上聖壇的時候...
我想讓她和我們走在一起
Um, Bebe? 呃 碧碧?
Have you by any chance seen our boyfriend? 你知道咱的男朋友在哪兒嗎?
- No, not since this morning. My... - Oh, fudge. - 不知道 早上就沒再見他 我... - 胡說
- Well. If it isn't... - Oh, no. - 這 如果這不是... - 哦 不要吧
Uh, one, two, three. It's like a convention. 呃 一 二 三 和開大會一樣
Donald Robert Griffin, what have you done? 唐納德·羅伯特·格裏芬 看看你都做了些什麼?
Oh, my God. He's plastered! 天啊 看他醉醺醺的樣子!
- I'm sorry, sweetheart, I... - No, no. - 很抱歉 親愛的 我... - 不 不要
- I, you know, we... - Oh, my gosh. - 我 你知道 我們... - 哦 天哪
One minute we were sleeping... 上一刻 我倆還在睡覺...
How... 怎麼可以...
The next minute, boom, boom, chi-boom, boom, chicka boom... 接下來就啪啪 啪啪 啪啪啪...
Excuse me? 你說什麼?
We came into the bedroom. 我們一同進了臥室
And what are you gonna do? 然後你們會做什麼呢?
You do what you do in the bedroom. 在臥室裏就只能上床
Don! 唐!
The two... 你們倆...
I'm sorry, Bebe. 很抱歉 碧碧
Wow, you really know how to serve your revenge cold, don't you? 哇 你真的很會冷血復仇啊 是不是?
Come on, honey. 親愛的 別這樣
- All right, I forgive you. - You do? - 好的 我原諒你了 - 真的嗎?
Well, I mean, of course. 當然了
Otherwise I'm a hypocrite, right? 否則我就是偽君子 對吧?
So, all right, I forgive you. 所以 我原諒你了
I'm sorry, too. 我也感到抱歉
Forty minutes, by the way. 順便說一下 足足四十分鐘
Aah! Whoa! 啊! 哇!
Hey. Hey, wait. 嘿 等等
Of course. You look amazing. 當然了 你很漂亮
Thank you. 謝謝
There's no chance that you've... 你肯定不會...
No. No. 不 不是的
Changed your mind? Yeah, I didn't think so. 改變主意吧? 嗯 肯定不會
- Sorry. - That's okay. - 抱歉 - 沒關係
Well, you have to admire the symmetry of it. 人不得不佩服 一報還一報啊
Hey, Donald, sit down. 嘿 唐納德 請坐
Although, I guess if we were really being sticklers, 不過 我覺得真要頑固起來的話
you'd have to put your dick in Muffin. 你就得去跟瑪芬啪啪啪了吧
What? 什麼?
I dig the vulgarity, 我說話很粗俗
but why would I ever want to bang Muffin O'Connor? 但為何我要跟瑪芬·奧康納啪啪啪呢?
Well, I'm just saying, if you want to go for true symmetry. 我不過是說 一報真的還一報
What are you talking about? 你在說什麼呢?
Eleanor? 愛麗諾?
Uh... 呃...
Would somebody just please punch me in the face again? 誰還能再給我來一拳嗎?
Because I don't know... What are we talking about? 因為我不知道... 我們現在在談論什麼話題?
She cheated on you first. 是她先對你不忠
- What? - Oh... - 什麼? - 哦...
I... 我...
What. Wait. Well, wait a second. 等等 等一下
Well, there was... It was like a... 就是... 就像是...
Mistake. Honey... 是誤會 親愛的...
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 等等 等等 等等
If making it even means that I'm supposed to boink Muffin, 如果所謂扯平的意思是我去上瑪芬
that would mean that you boinked... 也就意味著你上了...
Barry. 巴瑞
- What? - What? - 什麼? - 你說什麼?
- Why? - What do you mean, why? - 為什麼? - 你們什麼意思啊?
What's the rumpus? 吵什麼呢?
Wait, wait, wait. You slept with Missy's father today? 等等 等下 你今天和米西的父親睡了?
No, no, no. Not today. 不 不是 不是今天
It was years ago, when we were married. 好幾年前了 那時候我們還沒離婚
He must have read you a ton of poetry, huh? 他肯定給你讀了不少詩吧?
How could you? 你怎麼能那樣做呢?
I was really very unhappy at that time. 我那時真的很不開心
- What about me? - Well, I don't really - 那我呢? - 好吧 我根本
- care about you. - I know you don't! - 不在乎你 - 我就知道!
Listen, I don't know what to say. 聽著 我不知道該怎麼說了
It was practically an accident. 那完全是一場意外
And I never told anyone. Never. Not one person. 而且我從未和任何人說過 誰都沒說過
Except, of course, my very best friend. 當然 除了我最好的朋友
It was a long time ago. it was. 那是很久以前的事了 舊事了
And now you all have a wedding to go to. 而現在你們都要參加婚禮
I'm gonna call the movers. 我要打電話給搬家公司了
No. Wait, no. 不 等等 別走
Just for the record, 我現在鄭重聲明
whatever happens, no way am I ever 不管發生過什麼事 我絕不會
bumping uglies with Muffin O'Connor. 和瑪芬·奧康納發生關係
I beg your pardon? 你說什麼?
What the hell did you just say? 你剛才說什麼?
Just because you porked my wife 你和我老婆上床
doesn't mean I have to return the favor. 並不意味著我要還你一個人情吧
Excuse me? 你說什麼?
All right, that's it. 我受夠了
- Oh, God. - What are you doing? - 哦 天啊 - 你想幹什麼?
You look amazing, by the way. 順便說一句 你今天真漂亮
Please. Okay. 等下 好吧
Look, I... Barry, Barry, it wasn't me. 聽著 我... 巴瑞 不是我
Okay, so I did the thing with you. I mean, I didn't do that. 我是和你做了 可我沒有
I did the... Whatever you do. 我... 隨你怎麼說
I'm sorry about it. It was a mistake. 我很抱歉 那是個誤會
Fuck you. Fuck you, fuck you, and fuck me. 該死 真他媽該死
Where is he going? 他要去哪?
Overseas, I imagine. 我猜是要出國
So you're the one. 原來是你
And I'm so sorry, Muffin. 瑪芬 我很抱歉
You have to understand 你得明白
that it didn't mean one single thing. 根本沒別的意思
I feel so used. 我覺得被利用了
Don't even worry about it. 別擔心
Barry and I have an understanding. 巴瑞和我達成了協議
I occasionally look the other way, and he doesn't harp on my fetishes. 我偶爾會找點新鮮感 而他也不能對我的戀人說三道四
What fetishes? 什麼戀人?
Your wife, for example. 比如說你的夫人
Which one? 哪個夫人?
They're both equally delicious. 她們都很誘人
Oh. 哦
And that's the ballgame. Wow. I did not see that one coming. 好戲開始了 哇哦 真沒想到有這麼一出
- Hi. - Hi. - 嗨 - 嗨
Yeah. You guys might want to step out here. 你們出來看看吧
Good idea. 好主意
Oh. 哦
Hmm. 嗯
- Oh, God. This is humiliating. - Mmm-hmm. - 天啊 太尷尬了 - 是啊
- What? - What do we do? - 什麼? - 我們怎麼辦?
- About which one? - You know, Bebe. - 關於哪件事? - 碧碧 你明知故問
Can't live without her, right? Right? 沒她你就活不了 是嗎? 嗯?
Okay. So, you've gotta think about what you're gonna do. 好吧 你得想明白你該怎麼做
Right. 好
- Where are the children? - I don't know. - 孩子們呢? - 不知道啊
Dying of embarrassment somewhere? 覺得太丟人 找地方躲起來了吧?
You think they might call it off? 你說他們會不會取消婚禮?
Oh, man, Muffin, get over it. 天啊 瑪芬 別瞎想了
Okay. It's okay. 沒事 不會有事的
You're gonna have beige grandkids that are bilingual. 祝你孫輩性別不明 還都是雙性戀
We'll see about that, won't we? 走著瞧
Oh, we will see about that. Yes, we will. 走著瞧就走著瞧
Sure you're okay with this? 你沒事吧?
You kidding me? 開什麼玩笑?
Just get this over with before anybody sees us. 趁沒人看見 趕緊結束這個儀式
- Father? - Everybody ready? - 神父? - 準備好了嗎?
Just give us the Cliff Notes version. 我們用精典薈萃版本就行
I'm sorry, but I have... 對不起 不過我...
Oh, come on, please, before anything else happens. 拜託了 趕快弄完吧
Okey dokey. 好滴
Melissa, do you take... 梅麗莎 你...
Yes, I do. 是的 我願意
Do you, Alejandro Soto Griffin... 亞歷山德羅·索托·格裏芬 你是否願意...
Yes. 我願意
I do. 我願意
On your marks... 各位...
Get set... 我要說件事...
I'm pregnant. 我懷孕了
Surprise. 沒想到吧
Oh! 哦!
Oh, look! Lyla! 哦 看啊! 萊拉!
Oh, God, they're eloping on the dock! 天啊 他們從碼頭上私奔了!
No, no! No! 不! 不要啊!
- Stop! Don't do it! - Holy mother. - 停! 別這麼做! - 天啊
- Oh! - Alejandro... - 哦! - 亞歷山德羅...
You put the ring... Yeah. 你把戒指... 對
The ring on her finger. You put the ring on his finger. 戴在她手上 你也給他戴上戒指
- No, no! Don't! - Blah, blah, blah. - 不 別! 停下來! - 然後 然後 然後
I now pronounce you husband and wife. 我現在宣佈你們正式結為夫妻
- You may... - Please. Stop! - 你可以... - 拜託了 停下!
- kiss the bride. - No! - 親吻新娘了 - 不!
- Now can we elope? - Definitely. - 我們現在可以私奔了嗎? - 當然
- Now, now, Muffin. - How could you do this to me? - 冷靜 瑪芬 - 你怎麼能這樣?
She can't swim. 她不會游泳
Really? 真的?
Hey. 嘿
Look, I know we might never see each other again, so, 聽著 以後可能再也不會見面了 所以
I thought maybe we'd toast to 我覺得應該為我們之間
what was almost a beautiful friendship. 美好的友誼而乾杯
Hmm. 嗯
No, you know, 不 知道嗎
your mother was the one that told me that 是你媽媽告訴我
American women are more reserved when it comes to their sexuality. 美國女性在性問題上更保守
Except for her, of course. 當然 她自己是個例外
I think I will not... 我大概不會...
take her advice anymore. 再聽她的了
The men of Colombia will be thrilled. 哥倫比亞的男人會很激動的
What? 什麼?
Close the door. 關上門
Oh. 哦
Bebe! Bebe! Bebe! 碧碧! 碧碧! 嘿 碧碧!
Is that them? 是他們嗎?
Yeah. They're gonna be spectacular together. 是啊 真是完美的一對兒
They're smarter than we are, huh? 他們比我們聰明 是吧?
It's hard not to be. I mean, what was I thinking? 不比咱們聰明也難啊 我想什麼呢?
What an idiot. I mean, what is wrong with me? 真是個白癡 我到底想什麼呢?
No, there's nothing wrong with you. 不 不是你的錯
At all, Bebe. 真的不是 碧碧
In fact, you know what I've come to believe? 你知道我怎麼想的嗎?
I believe you're the sanest one of all of us. 我覺得你是我們之中最清醒的人
- Oh, no. - Yes. - 才不是 - 真的是
You don't have to say that. That's crazy. 你沒必要這麼說 簡直是瘋了
That doesn't make it any less true. 這話一點不假
You've always been more beautiful. 一直以來 你都比我漂亮
Ellie. And, I mean, I think actually that's 愛麗 而且 我想這真的就是
probably one of the reasons 我覺得唐吸引我的
that I found Don so attractive. 原因之一
Come on. You were in love with Don Griffin 不是吧 從我第一次介紹你們倆
from the first time I introduced you 在瑰珀翠夏日派對上認識的時候
at the Crabtree summer party. 你就愛上他了
Was it that obvious? 有那麼明顯嗎?
Yeah, to me. 我看很明顯啊
Well, then why didn't you hit me with your car or something? 那你為什麼不開車碾死我?
Come on, you were my best friend. 拜託 你那時候是我最好的朋友
Still are, I hope. 希望現在仍然是好朋友
Oh, Bebe. It wasn't him. 哦 碧碧 這不關他的事
Oh, yeah, okay, so he was flirting, 好吧 他確實跟我調情來著
but I made the first move. 不過是我先出擊的
- Why? - Because... - 為什麼? - 因為...
I wanted to make sure I was over him. 我想比他強勢
And you know what? it turns out 你知道嗎? 我發現
I've been over him for such a long time. 很長一段時間以來 我一直都比他強
I want you to know something else. 還有些事 我想讓你知道
I've always been happy 我很高興
that it was you he turned to. 他愛上的人是你
I told you I forgive you. 我說了我已經原諒你了
Then forgive him, too. 那也請你原諒他吧
Oh, my God! 好爽啊!
Oh, my God. 爽死了
Again. 再來一次
Oh, hell yeah. 沒問題
Ah! 啊!
- Excuse me... - No, thank you. - 打擾一下... - 沒事 謝謝你
At least no one will ever forget it. 至少沒人會忘記了
I'm an orphan. 我是個孤兒
No, no. It's not that bad. 不 不至於
My mother's a lesbian, and my father has had his penis in your mom. 我媽媽是女同 而我爸和你媽睡過
Ugh! That's a picture. 啊! 想著就噁心
If it makes you feel any better, I think my brother 要是能讓你好受點的話 我告訴你
is somewhere having sex with my sister. 我弟弟估計正在和我親妹妹滾床單呢
What? 什麼?
They are all coming out of the woodwork. 他們都不見了
Oh, you've gotta be kidding me. 天啊 開什麼玩笑呢
No. No, I'm just saying call me if she gets back to the hotel. 不 不是 我說她回酒店了 給我打個電話
Well, how the hell... Listen, how am I supposed to know? 好吧 到底是... 聽著 我怎麼會知道?
That's why I'm asking you. 所以我才來問你
Ow! 哦!
And that makes a full set. What the hell did I do now? 終於湊齊了兩邊 我幹什麼了啊?
Do you know why I've stayed away from you for all these years? 你知道這麼多年裏 為什麼我和你不親近嗎?
I have some idea. But I... Okay. 我大概知道 不過... 你說
Because like it or not, I'm your daughter. 因為不管你喜不喜歡 我都是你的女兒
Jared got all of Mom's traits, 賈裏德繼承了媽媽所有的特質
and I won the lottery with all of yours. 而我卻很不幸地繼承了你的一切
Yeah. You know, if we're the same, 對啊 要是我們完全一樣的話
how come no one's popping you in the face every five minutes? 怎麼會沒有人每五分鐘就打你一拳?
Huh? 嗯?
You know, when you cheated on Mom 知道嗎 你背叛媽媽的時候
I became terrified that I was gonna ruin my marriage the same way. 我就害怕我會以同樣的方式毀掉自己的婚姻
And I don't want to be like that. 可我不想那樣
I don't want to be like you anymore. 我不想再和你一樣了
- Andrew's here. - Yeah, I know, Dad. - 安德魯來了 - 我知道 老爸
I wonder who called him? 是誰叫他來的?
Yeah, okay, two things. 好吧 聽我我說兩件事
Then if you never speak to me again, so be it. 就算之後你再也不理我了也行
Look. I know you would figure out that I called him. 我知道你會弄明白是我叫他來
And you're right, Lyla, we are alike. 而且你說得對 萊拉 我們很像
Neither of us are particularly close to being stupid. 我們都不傻
And you know what, you can hate me 還有 只要你願意
for the rest of your life, if that's what you need. 你後半輩子可以一直恨我
But I'm gonna tell you what I need as your father. 但是作為父親 我告訴你
I need as your father 作為你的父親
to be able to give my little girl 我應該給我的女兒
the best chance at a happy life. 最好的機會 讓她幸福
Because ultimately, and we're all selfish, that gives me the best chance at a happy life. 我們都很自私 只有你幸福 我才能幸福
Even if you hate me for it. 即使是你因此而恨我
- I don't hate you. - Let me finish. - 我不恨你 - 聽我說完
Let me finish. 聽我說完
I know you love me, sweetheart, even if you don't. 我知道你愛我 寶貝 即使你不這麼想
I do know that. 我真的知道
And I know that when Mom and I split up 我還知道 我和你媽媽分開的時候
you felt that you had to pick a side. 你覺得你必須選擇一方
And I was okay with that. 我也能接受你跟了她
Because, you know, she needed you more than I did. 因為她比我更需要你
And I understand that. 我明白這一點
The day you were born, I went out and I got blasted, 你出生那天 我出門了 高興地不得了
and I left your mom alone. I just drank my face off. 把你媽媽一個人留在家裏 喝得爛醉
You know, you had these swollen little eyes, 知道嗎 你的小眼睛有點浮腫
and these pink little hands. 還有粉色的小手
You were so... 你太...
I couldn't rectify how something 我都不知道 我這麼個老混蛋
so incandescent could come from an old douchebag like me. 怎麼會生出這麼美麗的女兒
Same with the boys. 男孩們也是一樣
You know, but for a few mistakes along the way, 不過為了彌補我犯過的幾個錯誤
I did the best I could to earn my place in all of your lives. 我盡力想要在你的生命中佔得一席之地
You know, you can be mad at me, not mad at me. 你可以隨便衝我發脾氣
It's never gonna change how I feel about you. 但這永遠不會改變我對你的感覺
And, look, I know these are just words to you now. 我知道 你覺得這不過是說說而已
But trust me, you'll understand what I mean 但是相信我 你女兒出生之後
when your daughter is born. 你就明白了
How do you know it's a girl? 你怎麼知道會是個女孩?
I don't. I'm just hoping you'll be that lucky. 我不知道 只是希望你有那份好運
And I'm sorry that I'm so late, by the way. 很抱歉我來晚了
I actually wasn't planning on coming. 其實我並沒打算過來
You didn't miss much. 你沒錯過什麼
My mom's a part-time lesbian. 我媽媽是個兼職的蕾絲
I don't have a response for that. 我沒什麼可說的
That's okay. 沒事
Hi. 嗨
Hey. 嘿
You look beautiful, honey. 你真漂亮 寶貝
I'm not the one who invited you. 我沒叫你來
Okay. He said that you had something to tell me. 好吧 他說你有事要告訴我
We're just gonna go. 我們撤了
No, no, no, no, no. 不 不 不行
You are my sister now. This involves you as well. 你現在是我妹妹了 這件事和你也有關
You never called me. 你從沒給我打過電話
Well, you did say that you never wanted to speak to me again. 你說再也不想理我了
You said terrible things to me. 你也對我說過狠話
I know. 我知道
We were in a... I was... I'm sorry. I am sorry. 我們當時... 我... 我錯了... 很抱歉
I... 我...
I'm pregnant. 我懷孕了
That's why you barfed on Dad. 所以你才吐在爸爸身上
Sorry. 抱歉
Oh. 哦
Are you serious? I don't believe this. 真的嗎? 我真不敢相信
Andrew, I won't bring this baby into an unhappy marriage. 安德魯 我不會讓孩子的家庭不幸福
I agree. I agree. We can work on that. 我同意 非常同意 我們想想辦法
Okay. 好吧
Can I... 我能不能...
Beatrice. I know you're still here 碧亞翠斯 我知道你還在這
because I just threw your car keys in the pond. 因為我剛才把你的車鑰匙扔進池塘裏了
And into the kitty litter. 還扔進貓砂裏了
- Beatrice? - I love it. - 碧亞翠斯? - 我喜歡這樣
- Beatrice. - Oh, my God. - 碧亞翠斯 - 哦 天啊
- Oh. - I think that's for you. - 哦 - 是叫你的吧
Get your tight little ass out here, toute de suite. 不管你在哪 馬上給我出來
Beatrice Martha McBride, you come out here now 碧亞翠斯·瑪莎·麥克布萊德 你馬上給我出來
or I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house... 不然我就真生氣了 還要把你的房子毀了...
And you'll give everybody here a migraine if you don't shut the dilly up. 你再不閉嘴 大家都該被你煩死了
What do you want? 你想幹什麼?
Okay. 好了
Here you go. Sorry for cutting in. 你們繼續 很抱歉打斷了你們
I just want to tell you something. 我只是想告訴你一些事
Well, okay. We're all listening. 好啊 我們都聽著呢
If I've learned anything about life, it's that it's all but a dream. 如果我對生活有所感悟的話 它就像一場夢
- Brilliant. - And there's no wizard - 說得好 - 而且也沒有魔法師
pulling levers behind a curtain, 在幕後操縱我們
which means, as far as I can see, 也就是說 據我所知
the only real use in loving someone 愛上一個人 只有一個作用
is that it makes your life better. 那就是讓你的生活更美好
And my life would suck infinitely more without you in it. 而如果沒有你 我的生活會黯淡得多
Aww! 哦!
That's it? 就說這些?
That's the truth. 這是真心話
Okay. Okay. I just have one answer for you. 好吧 好吧 我給你個答案
No, no, I did not ask you a question. 不 不 我沒問你什麼問題
The answer is yes. 答案是 是的
I did not ask him a question. 我什麼也沒問他
Yes. Yes. Yes, I am a horse's ass. Yes, I will ogle, 沒錯 我就是個混蛋 我總跟女人眉目傳情
but never again, other than perhaps mentally, 不過我再也不會勾搭別的女人了
fondle another woman. 頂多就是想想
And yes, I will embarrass you, 沒錯 我也會讓你難堪
and shock you, and often cause you 讓你吃驚 還總會讓你
to question every last reason in the world 質疑自己
why you would ever love me in the first place. 為什麼要愛上我
- Yes. - You... - 真的 - 你...
- Yeah? - Think that I still love you? - 嗯? - 覺得我還愛你?
Really, you don't? 你不愛我了?
- Keep going. - Right, right. And yes, - 繼續說 - 哦 哦 我繼續
I would rather gouge out my eyeballs with hot spoons than cause you pain again. 我寧可用熱湯勺挖出眼球 也不想讓你再感到痛苦
And yes, I will keep you on an alabaster pedestal. 而且 我會把你供在大理石檯面上
Words. 說說而已
And yes, 而且
I will love you and only you for the rest of my life, 只要你同意
if you will allow me 我成為你的丈夫
the honor of becoming your husband. 我下半輩子都會只愛你一個人
Where the fuck did you get that ring? 你到底從哪拿來的戒指?
I've had it around for a while, six years or so. 我拿這戒指有一陣子了 大概六年左右吧
Six years? 六年?
So, what do you say? 那麼 你怎麼說?
Oh, what the hell. 管他呢
That's the spirit. 這就對了
Okay then. 接下來
By the power still vested in me, 依據我手中仍然被賦予的權利
I now pronounce you husband and wife. 我現在宣佈你們結為夫妻
You may kiss the bride. 你可以親吻新娘了
你讓他們為了你撒謊?
我不想讓你失望
你們這些美國人太瘋狂了 跟看電視一樣...
你覺得我那麼不懂變通嗎?
可... 你就是不懂變通
我十七歲的時候 遇到了一個男人
他比我年紀大 讓人過目不忘
是麥德林市長的代言人
也是第一個和我滾床單的男人
我們在一起了幾年 直到一個女人來到我家...
讓我再也不許和他見面
那是他母親?
遇見他時 我就知道他結了婚 可是...
那老爸呢?
Wait a second. 等一下
所以我老爸不是個種豆子的農民?
你不是唯一一個為了保護家人而撒謊的人
你太容易被騙了 1676
You'll always love me. 你要永遠愛我
May I have this dance? 我能跳這支舞嗎?
Oh! 哦!
Ooh, yeah. 漂亮
Oh! 哦!
Ohh! Oh, Oh. 哦! 哦
Oh, some wedding, huh? 多盛大的婚禮
It's my first two-fer. 我第一次趕上買一送一
Yeah. Congratulations. 是啊 祝賀你
You, too. 也祝賀你
Yeah. You know, you were right. 對啊 你說得對
About what? 關於哪件事?
There are different kinds of love. 世上有各種不同的愛
Which one are you feeling now? 你現在感受到的是哪一種?
All of them. 所有種類的愛
Whoo! 哇!
Welcome to the family, baby Jane. 歡迎加入我們的大家庭 簡寶寶
Lesson one, your grandmothers are all nuts. 第一課 你祖母輩都是瘋子
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