Huo先生,如你所知 So,Mr.Huo,as you know
凡是新员工进入我们公司都需要进行一个测谎测试 如果你不介意 下面我就要问一些问题来调试一下测谎仪 So,Mr.Huo,as you know wehave all prospective employees take a lie detector test prior to join our firm. If you don't mind, now we are going to begin with couple of contorl questions
我需要插上电线吗？ Should I be hooked up to something?
如果是老版本 那么是 但我们这是全新的测谎仪3000 人型儿的 你要是说谎他会发出声音 With the old system yes,but with the new LIE DETECTOR 3000,a human-like program, it will go off as long as it hears you tell a lie.
那么 说几个谎话试一试 For example, go ahead ,tell a piece of lie.
草是蓝的 Grass is blue.
我是个凶猛的东北黑人大汉 I'm a tall black (Dongbei) man.
我讨厌苍老师 I hate @#￥%……
我很喜欢，每天十集~ Well, I like it very much , I see it ten times a day.
我看过的东西多着呢 I have heard of good things.
那么请继续 说一些真话 这样我们可以更好地调试测谎仪 Now go ahead,say something true so we can probably calibrate the machine
我有12块如狼似虎血淋淋的大腹肌 I have twelve abdominal muscle.
(.......)
奇怪了 It's kind of weird.
它应该响了的 It should go off.
为什么它应该响？ Why should it?
你怎么可能有....@#$% Because there is no way you....
我就是有12块.噢，也可能是13块？或者14？ I just have twelve. Oh it maybe thirteen or fourteen?
(我数数数)没错就是12块 Seven eight nine......Oh it is just twelve.
那么凶？ Seriously?
Mike ,你发给我那份文档了吗？ Hey Mike, have you sent the document to me?
啊 啊 是的 昨天晚上就给你了 Ahh,Yeah,I did it last night.
今天早上 I did it this morning.
行吧 All right
我还没写呢 I didn't write it.
Mike，你最棒了！ MIKE ,you the best!
你烂透了，我现在正要回我的办公桌工作。 You suck.I'm going back to my desk working.
我其实要回去打小鸟... OK,I'm going to my desk playing angry birds on my phone.
请告诉我你的全名 So,please let me take your full name.
大爷你就叫我雷锋吧 Yeah, Leifeng.Huo Leifeng.
你真的住在@#￥%吗？ Is that true that you reside at $%^?
是的 我有有一间公寓 三号 Yes I have an apartment,number 3.
可是。。你怎么做到的？ But how did you do that?
到这之后我上了租房网 为了找到最便宜的房子 When I went here I went to the westside Renta to find the cheapist house in this area
我用了一个十二元线性函数规划方程和1024进制设计了一个程序 涉及了披头士和乔布斯定理 它帮助我..... I use a linear functional equaltion,use decimal to write a program and the law of BEATLES and Jobs,it helps me...
你怎么能有12块腹肌？我是说...这怎么可能呢？ How could you have 12 pieces of abdominal muscle?I mean... how it is possible?
你这个问题让我有些困扰...(不好意思 对不起） This question makes me a little bit uncomfortable...(I'm sorry ,I’m sorry)
但是你有12块！这跟长在牛身上一样！摸起来是要有多舒服啊！ But it is twelve pieces! It is like ah..on a freaking beef box...HOW HARD COULD it feels?
怎么你这么关心我血淋淋的腹肌？你不是gay吧？ Why you are so concerned about my muscle? Aren't you are gay or something?
什么？不可能！ WHAT?NO!
没人会比我我更喜欢女人了！ Hey,nobody loves woman more than I do!
好吧我是个超大的同性恋，不过别告诉别人 他们都不知道 All right I'm a @#$% . But don't tell anyone. Nobody knows.
是个人都知道了 Everybody knows.
所以要我告诉别人？ So tell others?
才不是！ NO!
你之前被炒过鱿鱼吗？ Have you ever been fired a job before?
没有 no.
三次 Three times.
你曾经偷过你老板的钱吗？ Have you ever stolen your boss's money before?
没有 好啦！真是的！ No. All right! Damn it!
你之前偷过多少？ How much have you stolen before?
100块 ￥100
500块 ￥500
太多了记不过来 Too much to remember.
好了..五十五万一千两百九十八 Ok....fifty five thousand , twelve hundred and ninety-eight.
这可是不少钱啊 雷锋叔叔 Well that's a lot of money.
那个... Well
实话实说，这次面试非常不错 To be honest,this meeting is going very well
真的吗？ Really？
假的！这是我参加过最烂的面试！你早就该卷铺盖死球！ NO!It is the worst interview I have ever been part of! Normally you will be gone!
但是公司制度要求我问你最后一个问题 Our company indicate me to ask you one final question.
你会为了得到这份工作和男人上床吗？ Will you tend to have sex with a man in order to get this job?
不！ NO!
欢迎加入我们公司！ WELCOME to our company!