（深情的 R&B 音乐播放）
（床吱吱声）
他睡了吗？
是的，我会去哄他睡觉。
（SIGHS）
R. Kelly 总是能做到这一点。
我认为埃文可能会出现皮疹。
你知道，当你在他的嘴上擦 Aquaphor
时，你不能只把它放在他的脸颊上，
你也必须在整个肛门上擦它。
整个肛门，明白了。
我想我要去洗澡了，好吗？
好的，宝贝。 去吧。
（水运行）
这次不行。
好吧，来吧，来吧，来吧，来吧，来吧。 好的。
（轻声发声）
是的。
女人：哦，是的，你喜欢它讨厌，不是吗？
哦，我愿意。 我愿意，我很抱歉。 被指控有罪。 （笑）
天哪，你这么大，好痛。
我知道，我无能为力。
哦耶！
把它给我，爸爸。 哦耶。
把它给我，爸爸。 给我...哦，是的。
伊万：爸爸？
埃文！ 什么...
你现在开门了？ 如何做...
我看到了一个怪物。 一个什么？
女人：把你的手指伸进我的混蛋。
上帝。 （女人呻吟）
他妈的，是的！ 他妈的，是的！
来吧，来吧，来吧。 他妈的，是的！
我要你来遍我的...
（法尔塞托）哦，我的上帝！
（重重地呼吸）
埃文，别碰那个！
别...
爸爸，嘘。
什么...
我的天啊。
好了，别动。 待在这。
爸爸需要创可贴。
（米歇尔呻吟）
米歇尔？
你...
爸爸妈妈，你们还好吗？
（乐观的流行音乐播放）
（电话铃声）
吉姆·莱文斯坦。
他们还没有给你找助理，对吧？
凯夫，对不起，我一直想给你回电话。
我刚刚……很忙？
我知道了。
听着，我会尽快完成的，好吗？
重逢，你在吗？
等等，这真的发生了吗？
但是，你知道，似乎人们真的要走了。
嗯。 晚餐闻起来很香。
嘿，艾莉。
哦，单身女郎结局稍后。
别忘了，我们还得看真正的家庭主妇。
是啊，我怎么会忘记呢？
嘿，Kev，你知道我最喜欢的家庭主妇是谁吗？
你。
很搞笑。
听着，我爱我的妻子，但我需要和他们一起度过一个周末。
来吧，我们会提前几天去。 这次没有Stifler。
只有你、我、奥兹和芬奇。
我听说芬奇的妈妈甚至不知道他在哪里。
那么奥兹呢？
我的意思是，你真的认为他会全力以赴吗？
我们和我的特邀嘉宾 Chad
Ochocinco 一起回到了 Sports View。
乍得，在今年的选秀中，哪个大学橄榄球强队将拥有最多的球员？
我将不得不和我的母校俄勒冈州一起去。
来吧，伙计！ 你在抽什么，奥乔？
你以为我不知道我在说什么？
帮我个忙，看看录像带。
嘿，宝贝，我到家了！
这就是我的特邀嘉宾 Chad Ochocinco 的总结。
这是 Chris Ostreicher 提醒你继续玩，(IN FALSETTO) playa！
嘿，米娅？
（舞蹈音乐播放）
天啊！ 太搞笑了。 （笑）
哦，嘿，宝贝！
一分钟前我还在看你的节目。
哦耶？
一切都好吗？
你告诉我。 你和另一个家伙在热水浴缸里。
你担心德尚？
啊，太可爱了！
Deshaun 是我告诉过你的室内设计师。
嘿，克里斯托弗！
脱掉！ 来加入我们。
也许下一次，德肖恩。
我仍然不明白为什么我们需要室内设计师。
因为这个地方需要看起来非常适合 lnStyle 拍摄。
宝贝，相信我。
还记得一开始你是如何不想参加Celebrity Dance Off的吗？
哦！ 我差点忘了，马里奥·洛佩兹正在举办阵亡将士纪念日派对。
我告诉他我们在。
（笑）事实上，那个周末我正在考虑去参加我的高中同学会。
好吧，如果你要去，我也去。
米娅，爱，电话。 是鲁默。
哦，该死的，让我和她谈谈。
你怎么搞我的风格，婊子？
德肖恩：克里斯托弗，我能为你得到什么吗？
呃...
（电梯铃铛）
早上好，同事和鸡巴！
雷吉，给我一些爱。
看起来不错，斯蒂夫勒。
女士们，最好努力工作，你不是因为你的外表而被录用的。
不是你。 （女人嗤之以鼻）
严重地？
鲍勃，你在这里做什么？
你不知道他们解雇了你吗？
什么？ （笑）
我只是和你他妈的。
（结结巴巴）嘿！
给美女喝咖啡？
当然，谢谢。
（咕噜声）
你好，你。 你好吗？
“哦，我很好，斯蒂夫迈斯特，因为你知道吗？因为你是最棒的。”
“哦，我是最棒的。” “对，你就是……”
“你知道，我非常爱你，所以我只想在这里找点乐子。
“哦，是的，是的……”
你到底在做什么？ 耶稣基督！
妈的，对不起，杜赖斯瓦米先生。 这是……我只是……
嗯？ 很好，一切都很干净。
我告诉过你把早上的数字打印出来放在我的桌子上
不，我只是想……（嘲笑）“我只是想……”
我不付你思考。 你是个临时工。
是的，关于那个。 我觉得我在这里没有得到充分利用。
哦，你知道，是吗？
谢谢你告诉我你的感受。
你介意我告诉你我的感受吗？
我觉得你越早意识到你是婊子，
不是老板，
（耳语）你会过得更好。
（耳语）混蛋。 那是什么？
没有什么！
没什么，杜赖斯瓦米先生。
（大声）混蛋！
（电台播放摇滚乐）
你知道，我们还没有讨论整个
嗯？ 哦这个？ 那是...
那……别担心。
嗯，我的意思是，你知道，很明显，
如果我是那个让你有这种感觉的人，我会更喜欢它，但是......
每次我想在网上购物并开始输入“亚马逊”时
“amazingcollegesluts.com”弹出。
惊人什么？
好吧，看，很明显
我们需要一起玩得更开心。
我向你保证，这个周末，吉姆和米歇尔会有很多时间，好吗？
嘿！
你好，亲爱的。
你好吗？ 哦！
很高兴见到你。 吉姆：嘿，爸爸。
你好，儿子！ 过来。
莱文斯坦：哦，不！ 看看那是谁！
看看这大块头！ 哦，我的天啊！
他长大了。 莱文斯坦：看看他！ 嗯？
有人有一个小便便尿布。
（朋克音乐响起）
（汽车喇叭喇叭）
吉姆?
我不敢相信是你。
你不记得我了，是吗？
呃……还记得周二的天线宝宝吗？
卡拉？
我的天啊。
什么？ 你已经不是小孩子了。
我已经很久没有需要保姆了。
我无法相信你已经长大了多少。
谢谢！
明天实际上是我的18岁生日。
十八，哇。
你应该来参加我的聚会。
哦，呃...
谢谢，没有。 我...是的，这可能很难。
拜托，我希望你这么糟糕。
嘿，卡拉！ 我们要走了。
好吧，放松。
那是AJ。 不要问。
希望明天见。
什么？ AJ：那他妈是谁？
嘿，亲爱的。
嘿。
你在和谁说话？
那只是隔壁的孩子。
（SIGHS）
（笑）
（深吸一口气）
你好，我的老朋友们。
我想过把它们扔掉，
但他们只是有太多的情感价值。
哦，吉姆，吉姆，吉姆。
你知道，我记得你还是个小男孩的时候。
现在你有了自己的小家伙。
我知道。
在你知道之前，他将成为一个少年......
哇。
你会教他手淫，你知道，所有该做的和所有不该做的事
这与小家伙的小屁孩有关。
希望到他十几岁的时候，它会更像是一种多味腊肠……
好的，爸爸，我明白了。 ……但我只是……
嗯，这些都是你必须处理的事情。
我明白。 只是，你知道，他是两个。
嗯，是的，也许你有时间，但是...
所以，你知道，我只是，我宁愿不谈论他的阴茎。
你好吗，爸爸？ 我很好。
是的？ 你在做什么好玩的？ 你最近看过什么电影吗？
嗯，你知道，你妈妈和我确实去看了很多电影。
好...
你知道，她去世已经三年了，爸爸。
镇上一定有人可以和你一起看电影。
我现在有你。 我们今晚看电影，你和我。
（结巴）今晚？
今晚在酒吧和他们见面……哦。
但是……是的，是的……
但我不需要这样做。 我明天可以做到。
不，不，不，不，不。 这就是你在城里的原因，不是吗？
不不不。 你走。 我会没事儿的。
我只是打算今晚留下来，你知道，做一点阅读。
哦，不是这个。 不，不。
虽然，我确实记得读过一篇关于巴西的非常有趣的文章。
男孩，这些页面都粘在一起了。
凯夫。
嘿！
怎么了，伙计？ 吉姆。
大家好！
盎司。 他在那。
你做到了。
嘿，我错过了你的婚礼，我不会错过这个的。
嗨朋友。 怎么了，伙计？
很高兴见到你。 是的，伙计。
嘿，凯夫！
好看，看看你！
哦快停下。 来吧。
（所有笑声）（汽车喇叭声）
（轮胎尖叫）
先生们。
芬奇？ 芬奇！
我的天啊！ 很高兴见到你，詹姆斯。
完全改变了，吉姆。
很高兴见到你，伙计。
我没想到你会成功。
所以，在北京的麻烦之后，我刚搬到迪拜，然后我就陷入了地下百家乐的世界。
09 年剩下的时间和这个非洲部落一起生活。
哦，他们让我成为了一名荣誉部落成员。
哦。
哇，好像很痛啊。
看起来像那样，因为它确实受伤了，凯文。
从那时起，我就一直骑自行车穿越南美。
所以，基本上，你是世界上最有趣的人。
是的。 让我猜猜，
你们是来参加聚会的，嗯？
你说对了。 99级。
我以前没见过你吗？
是的，我在电视上。
不，不是你。 你。
因为，你的脸，你就是那么熟悉。
是的！ 是的，这就是你，对吧？
（所有人都笑了） 凯文：哦！ 伙计，纳迪亚！
更多，更多，你这个坏孩子！
我发誓我把这些都拿下了。 你怎么...
哦耶。 你又预射了多少次？
哦，别管他了。
我敢打赌，那时你们都是绝望的处女。
赛琳娜·维加。
那是我们面前的赛琳娜·维加。 等等，等等，赛琳娜……
等等，米歇尔的乐队朋友？
你说对了。
我的天啊。 对不起，我没有认出你。
你看
不同的。
好吧，下一轮是我，好吗，伙计们？
嘿，那个小妞在乐队里？
这是我有一段时间以来的第一个长周末，所以我想让它变得重要。
我想要这个地方一尘不染，我想要它装满酒。
我想确保周日晚上你不在身边，
因为我打算从重聚中带回一些屁股，我想在没有你的情况下轻拍它。
你说对了？
你知道，首先，史蒂文，这是我的房子。
你很幸运，我让你留在这里。
听着，你想让我找到一份工作，所以我得到了一份。
至少让我有房子过周末。
我的家，我的规矩。
至于今晚，如果你不想冒险回家见你母亲的次数超出你的想象，
我建议你晚点出去。
总的。
（所有人都在笑）
那真是……
嘿，酒吧小妞，我可以买一个百威啤酒吗？
啤酒下来。
你们这些混蛋在这里做什么？
你做到了！ 做了什么？
你在说什么？
你是什​​么意思？ 我们向您发送了一封电子邮件
关于重聚前几天聚在一起。
你知道吗？ 我一定在“Stifmeister”中写了两个 F。
吉姆：什么？ 凯文：对不起。
（笑）
两个F？ 你这个笨蛋！
嘿，凯文，那是你脸上的猫吗？
（颤抖的嘴唇）哦，来吧！
好的。
所以，斯蒂夫勒，你看起来很敏锐。
这些天你在忙什么？
我在 JBH Global 工作。
哇！ 那是一家大公司。
你在那边做什么？
哦，你知道，
人们想知道为什么我们的金融体系会分崩离析。
漂亮的围巾。 我看到你终于出柜了。
你妈妈怎么样，斯蒂夫勒？
你离我妈远点，狗屎。
好吧，孩子们，过去就是过去。
我们可以把斧头埋在这里，对吧？
是的，去他妈的。
嘿，短裤！ 为我和我的孩子们准备了一轮 Jägerbombs！
她怎么知道我的名字？
斯蒂夫勒：（咯咯笑）猪油武器？
吉姆：天哪，斯蒂夫勒。
说丑小鸭变成天鹅吧？
让我看看。
哦！ 用手指抚摸她，多毛的乳头，巨大的胸部。
哦。 （呻吟声）
她在这里！
我的公鸡奶油。
口交利普斯坦。
她的名字是Loni，Stifler。
她以前叫我大僵硬。
她是逃走的那张嘴。
已经？ 在这里等着，伙计们。
哦！ 男人，高级愿望清单。
愿望清单？ 我不记得了。
哦，是的，伙计。
这是年鉴中俗气的一页，我们都必须写下对未来的愿望。
什么，你写了一些俗气的东西吗？ 让我们来看看。
“Chris Ostreicher。希望指导他儿子的曲棍球队。”
哦！ 这不是最甜蜜的事吗？
好，
我想我以为我现在已经有一个家庭了。
好吧，你想听听你写了什么吗，芬奇？
“保罗·芬奇希望找到大爱。”
是的，真爱。
唉，我还没有找到你所说的真正的关系。
对，因为敲打Stifler的妈妈不算数。
OZ：好吧，让我们看看你得到了什么，Kev。
“凯文·迈尔斯。希望还能活下去
“和令人惊叹的 Vicky Lathum 一起。”
我相信你的妻子会很高兴读到它。
什么？ 当时我正在和 Vicky 约会。
让我看看我放了什么。
“吉姆·莱文斯坦
“希望有瑞奇马丁的性生活。”
所以，我假设你当时不知道他是同性恋。
吉姆，你找到了一个有十几个追星族的性欲的女人是件好事。 唔？
我的意思是，你的性生活可能比我们任何人都多。
大概，你知道的。
希望你们口渴。 斯蒂弗勒克​​劳斯来了。
哇！ Stifler，这有点过分了，你不觉得吗？
伙计，找到你的球，然后把它们放回你的袋子里。
我说我们让这个派对继续下去。
我说我们让这个周末成为我们的婊子。
我们可以一起聚会，做我们过去一起做的所有事情。
会像以前一样。
当然好！ 这就是我在这里的原因。
没有单身女郎，没有真正的家庭主妇。
问题是，你在第 13 次重聚时只有一次机会。
我有点希望能花一点时间和妻子在一起。
他妈的！ 老兄！
詹姆士？ 什么？ 来吧！
我的意思是，我加入了。我当然加入了。来吧，什么？
那么，先生们，我希望你们都穿着防护服，因为这个周末，我们要搞砸了！
吉姆：干杯！ 奥兹：是的！ 好的！
（门铃响起）
（轻声呻吟）
什么鬼？
天啊。
（两人都在傻笑）
嘿！
发生了什么？
（结结巴巴）我真的不记得了。
我怪你。 你昨晚让他喝了多少？
赛琳娜：老实说，没那么多。
好吧，在我们去湖边之前，我们得把它清理干净。
什么？ 那个湖？
是的，湖，伙计。 是你的主意。
我们昨晚讨论了这一切。
哦，湖！ 是的，当然，...
嘿，吉姆，请你把那些纸巾递给我好吗？
哦，那些纸巾？ 纸质的。
纸巾，吉姆。
吉姆！ 是的...
纸巾！
（喘气）
真的对不起。
吉姆，你知道盖子是透明的，对吧？
哦，哇。
好眼力。
那是我孩子的父亲。
（呐喊）
哦，来吧！
嘿，注意！ 好的，天哪。
我错了，还是我们年轻时这个地方更有趣？
不，不。 我认为是一样的。 我们现在只是老了。
但是我们和这些孩子一样讨厌吗？
不。
我们，我们这一代，我们更加成熟。
嘿，伙计们，看看吧。
（尖叫）
我收回之前说过的话。
芬奇：哦，天哪。
伙计们，你要盯着看吗？
是的，我们确实需要凝视。
（嘲笑）吉姆还能再明显一点吗？
哦，让他休息一下。
我的意思是，并不是每天你都能看到模特在页面外走来走去。
没有太多的性感时间
为什么不？
我不知道。 我现在是妈妈了。
（嘲笑）哦，拜托！
仅仅因为你是一个妈妈并不意味着你没有另一面。 （笑）
嘿，记得有一次在乐队营地，
当我们舔掉彼此的鲜奶油时...
是的！ 是的！ 我记得。
不过，让我们把它留在过去，好吗？
吉姆：哦，她是……
侧臂。 那里……对不起。 （耳语）侧臂。 奥兹，看！
好的！ 来吧！
你是个幸运的人，奥兹。
哦，来吧，伙计们。 我觉得我们都很漂亮
幸运的。
等等，是希瑟吗？
（模糊）
希瑟。
克里斯！
嘿。
你在这里做什么？
我想我们的想法是一样的吧？
克里斯，这是罗恩，我的男朋友。
克里斯·奥斯特莱歇尔，罗恩·道格拉斯。 很高兴认识你。
罗恩是我医院的心脏病专家。
心脏病专家。 哇。
是的。 而且，嘿，听着，我的朋友叫我罗恩医生、D-Ron 或只是 Dron。
所以你感到自由。
嘿，混蛋！
唱诗班小妞！ 哇！
也很高兴见到你，斯蒂夫勒。
这个混蛋是谁？
我是她的男朋友。
所以，你们两个在敲打，
这对你们所有人来说一定很尴尬。
（女人尖叫）
那个小屁孩抢了我的头！ （笑）
嗯，那是我的女朋友。
这是什么？ 这是什么？ （女性尖叫）
嘿，孩子！ 你觉得你在做什么？
嘿！ 来吧，来吧，我们走吧！
拜托了伙计们。 不酷！
你们这些混蛋会怎么做？ （男孩们窃笑）
（惊呼）
嗯，这很有趣。
好吧，我们应该做点什么吗？
同意。 没有必要屈服于他们的水平。
去他妈的！
我确切地知道他们要去哪里。
（重金属音乐刺耳）
（SIGHS）
伙计们，这是愚蠢的。
我真的不能让米歇尔久等。 我们可以回去吗？
坚持，稍等。 让斯蒂夫勒做他的事。
是的，这就是我害怕的。
小伙伴们看到他们脸上的表情了吗？
BO：他疯了。
我认为其中一个人是卡拉的保姆。
哪一个？
你知道，那个看起来像亚当桑德勒的人。
（男孩们笑）
吉姆：扼杀者最好不要做任何疯狂的事。
他要做的就是告诉他们。
我以为他会切断他们的摩托艇自由。
在他们的防晒霜里撒尿怎么了？
坚持，稍等。 他告诉我他要偷他们的啤酒。
（叹气）窒息。
凯文：哦，等等。 他在那。
奥兹：好的。
吉姆：是的，他在喝他们的啤酒。
好吧，快点，斯蒂夫勒。 来吧。
他在做什么？
奥兹：哦，不，不，不，不，不，不，不。 吉姆：等等。
天啊！ 凯文：哦，天哪。
天啊。
哟，所以你真的认为卡拉今晚会放弃吗？
AJ：她一直等到 18 岁。你来算算。
（咕哝）
我所知道的唯一数学是您将阴茎添加到她的阴道零次。
（溅起）
（SIGHS）
凯尔：詹妮弗不是个骚货。
BO：伙计，是的，她是。
我要吐了
我的天啊。 那太恶心了。
（嘴巴）
赶快。 来吧！
BO：放下吧，伙计！ 就吐吧！ 冲啊！
去做吧。 去做吧！ 不要发泄。
别闹！
走，走。 去去去去。 走，走。
你想要另一个吗？
一定。
什么...
嘿！ 混蛋！
不！
不，不！
（大声崩溃）
耶稣，斯蒂夫勒，偷他们的啤酒怎么了？
我知道，这好多了，对吧？
什么？ （笑）
他们溅了我们。
所以...
拜托了伙计们。 那很有趣。
也许在高中时这很有趣。 现在这只是重罪。
只有当我们被抓住时。
是的，你必须承认，给那些孩子一点回报是件好事。
也许他们会学会尊重他们的长辈是件好事。
确切地！
嘿，等一下，我得找些卫生纸。
那太恶心了。
VICKY：怎么了，99 班的学生？
你好！
嘿！
是的，我昨晚从纽约飞过来的。
我一直和我的父母一起出去玩。
他们实际上只是在早些时候谈论你。
真的吗？ 关于什么？
那个时候他们发现我们在瀑布里亲热。
瀑布。 哇，我从来没有去过那里。
米歇尔曾经喜欢去瀑布。
这个地方是浪漫的化身。
地狱，是的。 我在瀑布得到了我的第一份篮筐工作。
好的。
嗯，亲爱的馅饼！
你好。
所以，伙计们都在谈论前往瀑布。
那么，吉姆和米歇尔的时间呢？
我在想这可能有点浪漫。
好吧，我很乐意，但你爸爸整天都和 Ev 在一起。
是的，不，你是对的。
好的。 是的，我们会，我们会回家。
哦，不，不。 你去玩得开心。
真的吗？ 是的。
只是，当你回到家时，你最好做好准备。
我准备好了。
嗯，斯蒂夫勒，你知道你要去哪里吗？
我对这个地方了如指掌。
（舞蹈音乐响起）
它看起来像一个高中派对。
与高中小鸡。
它开着。
看着它，斯蒂夫勒。 你知道这些女孩的年龄只有你的一半。
我知道。
（欢呼）
好吧，只是我，还是今天的女孩看起来有点放荡？
确实。
青少年性爱、彩虹派对、色情裸照……
我在 Kathie Lee & Hoda 上看到了这一切。
吉姆?
嘿！
对不起。
生日快乐。
嗯嗯。
你让它听起来像我是一个超级英雄。 （笑）
比超速的婴儿车更快，比小型货车更强大。
（所有人都在笑）
我告诉过你他很有趣。
（假装笑声）
嘿，吉姆。 你想把我介绍给你的朋友吗？
不。
那么，你是怎么认识我最好的朋友吉姆的？
吉姆曾经是我的保姆。
嘿，我只是要拍生日照。
是的。 哦，是的，是的，是的。
我不应该。 是的，我们应该，是的，我们应该。
我从来没有在公共场合发生过性行为。
哦，来吧，希瑟。 你一次都没喝过。
你真是个正经的人！
或者也许我只是从未在公共场合发生过性行为。
好吧，我从来没有参加过狂欢。
他们真是好人。
信不信由你，这是我的第一个高中派对。
你并没有错过太多。
我总是更喜欢呆在家里，投掷一点 NPR。
你比我酷多了。
我坐在那里写 X 档案同人小说。
我把卡拉马佐夫兄弟翻译成拉丁文是为了好玩。
这太性感了。
你知道它是。
在过去的几年里，我只是在家里做建筑师。
你已经在同一家公司工作了十多年。
太棒了，听起来一切都适合你。
是的。 我的意思是，一切都很好，尤其是工作方面。
但是现在我们回到镇上，我们看到了，就像，我们所有的老朋友，
每个人都结婚生子，这让我，你知道，思考。
（咳嗽）
你还好吗，凯夫？
是的，我只是平时不这么喝。
你是在告诉我你还没有一点醉意
我看到有人一直在跟踪我的 Facebook 页面。
至少我不给我的饭菜拍照。
现在谁在跟踪谁？
好的，所以我去过你的页面可能一两次。
你和一个叫亚历山德罗的人约会？
你知道，他确实知道他可以穿着衬衫拍照，对吧？
亚历山德罗早已不在。
结束了，嗯？
吉姆。
那边有个火辣辣的 18 岁女孩，你曾经照看她。
你不会对此做任何事情吗？
需要我提醒你我嫁给了米歇尔吗？
确切地。
伙计，这些年轻的小鸡，他们知道卧室里的一些疯狂的东西。
你可以把你从卡拉那里学到的东西带回家，然后应用到米歇尔身上。
你确实关心你的婚姻，不是吗，吉姆？
你在说什么，斯蒂夫勒？
我不会欺骗我的妻子！
为了基督的缘故，我是一个父亲。
是的，那是完美的。
是的，小鸡喜欢父亲的形象。 继续打那张牌，伙计。
这不是一张卡片，这是事实。
嘿。 你好。
你们在说什么？
哦，你知道...只是...
吉姆只是在说他照顾你有多开心。
嘿，女士们，我们为什么不给他们一些时间赶上呢？
嗯嗯。 是的，在你之后。
不，这没有必要。 我们都应该一起出去玩。
为什么我们不都... Stifler，只是...
做她的爸爸。
扼流圈？ 窒息！
所以，听起来你和米娅的生活方式很冒险。
有时有点太冒险了。
哇。 好吧，Heather 更偏保守一些。
但是，呃...
嘿！ 你好。
但是，我得说实话，克里斯，我自己可以冒险。
我只是说通常我不适合交换，但事实上你已经和希瑟在一起了，有点让人觉得没问题。
所以你怎么看？
认为他们会参与其中？
（笑）
说真的，我永远不会那样做！
除非你们愿意。
所以你真的去过南美洲的每一个国家吗？
不，不，不是全部。
我不认为法属圭亚那是一个国家。
我记得，我等不及毕业了，所以我可以离开这个小镇，重塑自我。
你肯定彻底改造了自己。
我不知道。
只有一部分的我仍然希望
我可以探索世界，你知道吗？
成为我打算成为的一切。
你可以成为任何你想成为的人。 你就是这样。
你想认出来吗？ 是的。
你疯了吗？ 我喜欢暮光之城的书。
新月是我的最爱。
我也是！
我的天啊！ 我们有很多共同点！
我知道！ 我知道！
（所有人都在笑）
方法不止一种。
（女人在铃声上呻吟）
（僵住）我不知道这是谁，但我现在很忙。
很抱歉打扰，斯塔夫勒。
没想到特奥会在晚上比赛。
（咳嗽）
那边到底是怎么回事？
什么，你被自己的鸡巴噎住了？
什么都没有，杜赖斯瓦米先生，什么都没有。
先生，我能为您做什么？
来自 Acquisitions 的 Bob 心脏病发作。
某个白痴告诉他，他被解雇了。
听着，我需要有人来完成他的演讲。
我需要你星期天进去，把一切准备好。 是的？
哦，等等，星期天。
我得到了我的高中同学会。
哦，哇，多么有趣！
是的，不，我会打电话给主席，我会让他重新安排时间。
严重地？ 嘿，那太棒了！
那是一个他妈的笑话，你这个白痴。 耶稣基督，我在做什么？
你知道吗，我会自己处理。
不，不，不，不，听着，杜拉斯瓦米先生，
我可以的，好吗？ 我保证，我会完成的。
只是不要搞砸，斯塔夫勒。
这是斯蒂夫勒。 （线路断开）
迪克！ 嘿，女士们...
女士们？ 他们保释了，伙计。
啊，操！
啊! 嗯...
哦！ （笑）
嘿，卡拉，你今晚怎么回家？
AJ 应该把我的车开回去，但他甚至还没有出现。
关于他的摩托艇的一些蹩脚的借口。
你能相信那个混蛋吗？
你会带我吗？
呃……嗯……
来吧！ 我们要去同一个地方。
再说了，让我在这种情况下开车是不负责任的。
对？
（汽车音响播放流行音乐）
好的，卡拉。
嘿！ 哇！ 小心！ 小心。 是的。
哦，我的上帝，我喜欢这首歌。
这是一个很好的。
古典摇滚不是最好的吗？
经典摇滚？ 这是现在的经典摇滚吗？
嘿，你知道，卡拉，你应该多喝点水。
我给你的那个瓶子呢？
哦，就在这里。 好的。
在后面。
（喇叭喇叭）（轮胎尖叫声）
拉屎。 对不起。 对不起。 有一个……（清嗓子）
路上有一只小松鼠宝宝，所以...
哇！ 嘿！ 哇！ 那不是水。 好的。
现在有点过分了。
我喜欢这些年来你仍然照顾我的方式。
嗯，你知道，保姆的工作永远不会结束。
（咯咯笑）你知道我一直很喜欢你，对吧？
（浪漫音乐播放）
（犹豫地）不。
我要你成为我的第一个。
你的第一个？
天啊。 好的。 嗯...
卡拉，听着。 嗯...
一个人的童贞是神圣的，你知道吗？
你应该为某个特别的人拯救自己。
你很特别。
不！ 不特别。
您认为？ 我真的...
你在做什么？
嘿，你在做什么？
来吧。 没有人会发现。
我不知道。 我不这样认为...
我认为我不应该那样做。
那是……不，我不能。 我不会。 我不会。
哇！ 你好！ 好吧好吧。 （咯咯笑）
卡拉，卡拉，那是接吻。 好的，卡拉，你需要停下来。 停止。 停止！
你不觉得我漂亮吗？
嗯？ 不好了！ 你很漂亮，卡拉。 你非常非常...
真的吗？ 是的，非常漂亮。
但是我……很漂亮。 谢谢。
我的天啊！
天啊！ 什么？
来吧。
我想不出比这更好的生日礼物了。
新 iPhone 怎么样？
嗯？ 也许是一个小吊坠？ Nicki Minaj 的新专辑？
不，不？ 鲣鸟。
我要你！ 哇哇哇哇！
你不能……不要那样做。
这不好，别...
来吧，停下来。 （发动机转速）
卡拉！ 卡拉！ 停下来。
（轮胎尖叫）
哇！ （喇叭喇叭）
圣耶稣！ 卡拉？
卡拉！ 卡拉！ 请醒醒，卡拉！
卡拉，醒醒。 卡拉！
你还好吗？
哦，耶稣，上帝！
哦，我的上帝，你还好吗？
哎嗨。
吉姆? 嘿！
什么？ 这太疯狂了！
你没事儿吧？
嗯？ 哦，是的，是的，是的。 我还好。 我只是……嗯……
我伸手去拿东西。
一切都好。 一切安好。
不知道你有没有听说过。 嗯？
你听到了吗？
我负责重聚。
哦！ 是的，不，那是……是的，没错。
计划了一个完整的 90 年代主题。
哦。 那是...
我预订了 Chumbawamba。
是的。 但是昨天取消了刺。
是一个挫折，但你知道我，
“我被撞倒了，但我又爬起来了。” （笑）
（笑）
（呻吟声）
我的天啊！ 好的，我明白发生了什么。
（嘴巴）
是的。
以后再见，伙计。
那好吧，我会见到你的。
耶稣，上帝。 卡拉。 卡拉，醒醒。
我只需要打个盹。 什么？
卡拉，现在不是小睡的时候。 卡拉，醒醒。
这不是午睡时间。 （打鼾）
卡拉？ 拉屎。
哦，上帝，这很糟糕。 这是非常非常糟糕的。
是什么让你们这么久？
我们在找凯文。 找不到他。
另外，奥兹撞的那个热屁股被浪费了，所以我们不得不把她放下。
你带他来的？
他们当然把我带来了。
当你们在高中忙着打球的时候，
我每个周末都在做这个练习。
现在，让我们看看我们正在处理什么。
天啊！
好样的，吉姆。
嘘。 好吧，什么也没发生，斯蒂夫勒。 好的？ 没啥事儿。
别搞了！
对不起。
我不知道。
我不能把她光着身子丢在这里，你知道吗？
我的意思是，如果警察过来发现我参与其中，
我完蛋了。
我们倾倒尸体，或者偷偷溜进去。
好的，请稍等。
我去过她家一百万次来照看孩子。
我完全可以把她从后门偷偷溜进来。
我需要你们分散她父母的注意力。
你觉得你能做到吗？ （嘲笑）
我是专家，吉姆。 相信我。 我得到了这个狗屎。
（门铃）
晚上好，先生。
我朋友的车抛锚了，我们只是想知道是否可以用你的手机给
AAA 打电话。
你的意思是说你们都没有手机？
（喘气）
哦，我的上帝，我认识你。 你参加了名人舞会。
哦耶！
哦耶。
嘿，进来吧。
这非常顺利，Stifler。
闭嘴，破烂。
上次我这样做时，手机不存在。
（关门）
拉屎！
爸爸。
看，妈妈，爸爸！
拉屎！
（SIGHS）
哦，操！
卡拉？
（卡拉咯咯笑）
卡拉？
卡拉：得找我。
（录音信息播放）
谢谢你，雪兰达。 你一直很有帮助。
你在我的书中获得了三A+。
哦，你也保重。 好的，是的，再见。
所以，那是电话上的 AAA，他们应该很快就到了。
这首歌是不是很熟悉？
（舞蹈音乐播放）
你是一个很好的舞者。 当你被否决时，我感觉很糟糕。
谢谢你。
但我不得不说你本人更性感。
好的。 冷静点，苏珊。
伙计，她想他妈的你大时间，伙计。
你必须打那个。 没办法。
为吉姆做这件事，伙计，不要自私。
嘿，你知道吗？ 我想我得去洗手间了。
卡拉，这不好笑。
卡拉，加油！ 卡拉，出来吧。
我的天啊！
好吧，嘿，来吧。
好吧，一个……好吧，好吧……
来吧。 好的。
你永远找不到我。
吉姆，我不是想惊动你，但你没有太多时间。
我喜欢你的围巾。 好的。
我喜欢你的乳房。 门。
如果我得到一张照片就可以了吗？
当然。
我知道它在这里的某个地方。
（嘴巴）
好吧，一瓶发胶...
你们还好吗？
是的。 是的。
你知道一些事情？
我真的很佩服你浴室里的厕所有多干净。
谢谢。
你知道吗？ 我也得上厕所。
不，你没有。
（清嗓子）
我们上床吧。 （咯咯笑）
来和我上床？
不，我不上床……
不，我不是……卡拉，求你了。 天啊。 请。
斯蒂夫勒，你在这里做什么？
我只是想再看一眼。 不。
你得走了。
那是什么？
这听起来像是从外面传来的。
不，那是从卡拉的房间传来的。
卡拉的爸爸：卡拉？
我的天啊。
去！去！去！
嗨，爸爸。
你怎么回来的？
我不记得。
你不记得？
那是什么声音？
我不知道。
你什么意思，你不知道？
我不知道。
你一直在喝酒，不是吗？
不。
卡拉，我告诉过你，这些男孩试图让你喝醉，这样他们就可以利用你。
是的，好吧，我不想因为踢了一些角质孩子的牙齿而入狱
但我会的，相信我。
（牛鸣）
（笑）哦，那是穆先生！
爸爸，你能帮我找到他吗？ 请。
（哞哞）
我不能生我的天使的气。
生日快乐公主。
感谢爸爸。
（关门）
（呼气）
（舞蹈音乐播放）
（咕哝）
你在做什么？
没有什么。
哦，天哪。
（耳语）窒息者？
扼流圈？
我告诉过你我是专家。
现在到底是怎么回事？
嘿。
想去看贾斯汀比伯的演唱会吗？
斯蒂勒，来吧。 来吧！
我们走吧。
你和你，留在这里。
不要逼我。
哇！ 我的天啊。
AJ：卡拉，你到底在哪里？
我正在去你家的路上...
什么...
他妈的！
这到底是怎么回事？
天啊！
（打哈欠）
嘿，伙计。
（打鼾）
（放屁）
（SIGHS）
哦，妈的，妈的。 我们本来应该...
不，没关系。
什么？ 不，上帝，这不好。
射击！ 我很抱歉，米歇尔。 我真的……我想，我只是……
我打算把 Ev 送到我奶奶家，今天下午我会回来。
不，米歇尔，等等。
你在担心什么？
只是我们太不同步了。
我不知道我们还能这样继续多久。
我向你保证，我会尽我所能来弥补你。
好的？
Stifler 今晚有一个派对。
好吧，我知道这听起来并不浪漫，但请记住我们第一次参加
Stifler 派对。
你让我成为你的婊子。
是的。 是的，我做到了。
告诉我什么时候，好吗？
什么鬼？
（喘气）
女：嗯。
（嘴）
所以，米娅。
她是一个自由的灵魂。
她是另外一回事。
是的，她是。
等一下，我是不是感觉到有点嫉妒了？
不，嗯，嗯。 不？
嘿，别忘了，你是在你上医学院之前和我分手的人。
嘿，你要搬到洛杉矶，看不到回来了。
你不能怪我想安定下来。
不，我没有。
我只是不想让你安定下来。
看看现在谁在吃醋。
我不会称与罗恩在一起“安定下来”。
哦，不，他在纸上很漂亮。
那应该是什么意思？
没有什么。 嗯...
对不起。 你说的对。
我有点嫉妒。
你知道，这很有趣。
在某些方面，你已经完全改变了，而在其他方面，你完全一样。
希瑟，你可以相信，一切都没有改变。
我的天啊。
克里斯·奥斯特雷切尔？
嗨，姑娘们。
当然。
爸爸？
哦，嘿，爸爸。 嘿，吉姆。
我只是要跑一秒。
我只是在看你的旧成人礼磁带。
（笑）我拿到了你的犹太围巾！
年轻的吉姆：还给它，斯蒂夫勒。
（笑）
多亏了你，我想我是世界上最幸福的人。
是的，我也想她，爸爸。
(SIGHS) (清喉咙)
爸爸，你一直都在给我建议。
但如果你有什么想谈的，
我是为你而来的。
是的，我不认为有什么
我真的需要谈谈，吉姆。
你认为也许是时候让你
遇见别人？
爸爸，没关系。
你正在经历的事情是完全自然的。
你知道，那里有服务......
一个圆满的结局？ 那是什么？
因为我不会去那里。
我不需要那个……我不需要那种按摩，吉姆。
那不是我本来的样子……
因为，你知道吗，这很危险。
你甚至不想知道你能捡到什么。
那太恶心了。
我说的是（清嗓子）
在线约会服务。
（笑）
不，吉姆。
是的，对，在我这个年纪？ 我不这么认为。
我已经离开游戏这么久了。
那时候连比赛都没有。
爸爸，别担心。 我会勾搭你的。
干得好。
哇。
我们可能需要一些更新的东西。
你认为？
你有什么更性感的东西吗？
明白了。
你是否...
（清嗓子）最喜欢的音乐。
嗯...
赫尔曼的隐士。
哦...
女孩，一次一个，请。
吉姆：兴趣爱好。
数独。
LEVENSTEIN：我们确定我们不会起飞太多吗？
这些毛毛虫是我的商标。
（莱文斯坦咕噜声）
看一看。 我很紧张。
哦，太棒了！
这对我来说太棒了！
嗯？
线条更简洁。 我还有流动性。
看起来不错。
为什么我们今晚不测试一下这个新面貌呢？
问题是，Stifler 今晚要举办派对。
哦！ 嗯，再来一次。
但是你可以和我们一起去。
不过，我必须警告你，
Stifler 的派对可能会有点疯狂。
（大乐队演奏）
（模糊）
这是什么鬼？
到底是谁改变了音乐？
抱歉，我们认为这对婴儿更友好。
我们不是吗？ 是的我们做了。
斯蒂迈斯特！
（两人都在感叹）
（吐口水）哦！
布莱克！
切斯特！
你们这些公鸡吸烟者都在做什么？
什么？ 这他妈太gay了
是的，斯蒂夫勒，我们是同性恋。
曲棍球队的一半是同性恋。
你一定知道，对吧？
伙计，你在淋浴时走进了道格和巴里。
我只是以为他们在摔跤。
他们是。
那天晚上没有失败者。
哦。
我们确定这是 Stifler 的吗？
哦！
开胃小菜！
儿子，你为什么不把这个送给我们的主人？
唔。
我的天啊！ 看看是谁。
对不起，昨晚打扰你们了。
顺便说一句，布拉沃。
大多数妻子在拿到戒指后就不再这样做了。
你在说什么？ 你有没有改变你的头发颜色？
那么，你的朋友，另一个熟女，今晚在吗？
我以为你总是一起来处理这些事情。
让我们说友谊是一条双向的街道。
打扰一下。
嗯。
这个派对能有一点点吗？
这还不错。
不，你为什么有这个？
这里可能没有其他人有。
你确定你不想要一个吗？
是的。
不……是的。
好的。 美好的。 那么对我来说更多。
他们就在那里。
吉姆：芬奇。
你们在那儿。 环视四周。 你能相信这个鬼话吗？
是的，伙计。 不错的作品。
为你。
那叫酒，Stifler。
不，不，不，不，不是在我的聚会上。
我要给我们拍几张照片。
嘿，凯夫。
我可以和你们谈谈吗？
当然可以。 在这里等一下，我马上回来。
就在这儿。
我想看看。
什么...那些混蛋去哪儿了？
莱文斯坦先生。 是的。
你做到了。
很高兴看到你们所有的孩子回到城里。
唔。
今晚你在这里举办的晚会真是太棒了。
太棒了！
你知道吗？ 我要把你搞砸了。
唔？ 试一试。
我不这么认为，史蒂文。 我不太喜欢喝酒。
喝吧！ 喝吧！
（紧张）我不这么认为。
听着，Kev，你不确定是否发生了什么事。
我在她旁边的床上醒来，我们所有的衣服都脱光了。
我的意思是，无论发生什么，我都感到内疚。
凯文，在法国，只有当你的妻子发现你出轨时，才会被认为是出轨。
（笑）
我要走了。
等待它。 等待它！
她来了！
是的！
他妈的是的，莱文斯坦先生！
名字叫诺亚，混蛋。
（所有人欢呼）
感觉沙发。
它是如此光滑。
感觉就像蓝精灵的屁股。
好的。 米娅，你能...
大家好。 对不起，我们迟到了。
你好。
嘿，我得到了大家的款待。 我捡起东西。
名人舞会，第六季。 我的男人，克里斯·奥斯特赖歇尔。
我的天啊。
谁想看到我的宝宝摇晃他的战利品？
（所有人都大声同意）
我知道我知道。
约会？ 你在跟我开玩笑。
如果你想要高质量的阴道，你必须去野外。
“瓦格”？
那是什么，半个阴道？
你知道，在我那个年代，我们称它为海狸。
让我告诉你一件事，我抓到了一两块毛皮。
爸爸？
嘿，吉姆，你爸爸比你酷多了。
不，他只是想给我一些阴道。
是的！ 嘿，嘿。
让男人自己做决定。
我要你掸掉你那老家伙的灰尘，出去，弄个屁。
哦！ 出去吧。
我想我会。
对不起，你今晚喝的有点多，
不，儿子，我几乎没有喝过一杯。
我爱你，但你需要
（打嗝）
辣椒。
你看见他了吗？ 吉姆！ 吉姆！
让他走。 让他玩得开心。
现在我们可以找点乐子了。
来吧。
打扰一下。
这是洗手间吗？
因为你太以自我为中心，而且...
我可以帮你吗？
你可能是谁？
我是斯蒂夫勒的妈妈。
我是吉姆的爸爸。
（舞蹈音乐播放）
哦，我的上帝，这是我见过的最荒谬的事情。
（所有人欢呼）
大家，为 Chris Ostreicher 掀起风浪！
你真的整个赛季都带着它。
但现在是时候了，克里斯，看看美国是否认为你已经做到了。
你准备好了吗？ 我们开始做吧。
让我们看看结果。
（观众失望地喊道）
什么？ 吉尔伯特戈特弗里德而不是你？
克里斯，我很抱歉，伙计。
好吧，我们看到你果酱了。 现在，是时候紧急行动了。
好吧，伙计们，我们大概可以到此为止了。
什么？ 不，你在开玩笑吗？ 我没见过这个。
我想我学到的是做真实的自己，
因为这就是舞蹈，它是真理。
有可能，
如果我们多跳舞一点，就不会再有战争了。
（窃笑）
没有战争了！
嗯，这是对外交政策的深思熟虑。
主持人：坚持。 绿巨人霍根在这之后变得不稳定。
你不想错过这个。 停在附近。
嘿。
如果你想要我的意见，我认为你被骗了。
你还好吗？
你懂，
当你失去对你来说很重要的东西时，感觉不是很好。
奥兹，这只是一场表演。
我不是在谈论节目。
RON：嘿，Heather，你在下面吗？
嗯，来了！
我的天啊。
在这里等一下，我马上回来。
我无法告诉你有多少次我走进史蒂文的房间，在与某个女孩发生性关系时发现他。
至少他和一个真实的，活生生的人类女孩在一起。
有一次我走进厨房，看到吉姆正在做馅饼。
大约两秒钟后，他把这该死的东西变成了碎片。
我可以做到这一点。
有一次我走进我的卧室，我发现史蒂文把我的发刷贴在他的屁股上。
不，也不是把手侧。
哦！
不不不。
像你这样漂亮的女士不应该喝那么多酒。
我也不应该。
那么联合起来呢？
我们不必等待 13 年才能再次相见。
我想我可以参加你的一次冒险。
我是很好的搭档材料吗？
搭档？
我认为你不仅仅是伙伴材料。
一切都好吗？
好的，等等，等等。
我认为我们的穿着不适合这个场合。
穿上它。
等等，你要去哪里？
改变。 马上回来。
伙计们！
两人：怎么了，兄弟？
女人：大僵硬？
口交利普斯坦。
哦，你一定是在开玩笑！
打扰一下？
好的。
你到底在做什么？ 你就指望我打你？
我离开了这里。
等待。 等等！
你对自己的身体有自我意识。
别担心。 反正我是要关灯的。
你还是高中时的那个混蛋。
你只是希望我什么都做，而我一无所获？
（SIGHS）
我们做个交易吧。
我会让你下车，你让我下车。
你说什么？
但我让你工作。
天啊。
周时间！
（呻吟声）
（SIGHS）你来了！
我一直在寻找你。
听着，我们真的需要...
你在做什么？
拿走我的东西。
（呻吟）
不，我只是想听听你的声音。
哦，一切都好吗？ 你看起来很紧张。
压力大？
你在这！
不不不。
我现在得走了，不过我一会儿再给你回电话。
好的。 别担心，没有你我不会看绯闻女孩。
宝贝，我想你。
我也想你。
听着，维姬，昨晚的事，
那不是我。
发生了什么事...
我不知道。 在你的世界里可能很正常。
你认为发生了什么？
好吧，我们所有的衣服都在地板上。
是的，因为当你喝醉并掉进湖里时，它们已经湿透了。
我照顾了你。
所以，我们没有发生性关系？
当然不是。
哦，感谢上帝！
我很高兴你对我的评价如此之高。
不。
维姬，等等。
米娅：哦，是的！ 我的天啊！ （呻吟）
米娅，停下。
哦，我的上帝，是的！
我即将！ 我即将！
（尖叫）
希瑟。
我勒个去？
你这贱人有什么事吗？
你说谁是骚货，你这该死的婊子？
哇！ 哇！ （米娅尖叫）
停下来！
哦！ 什么鬼？
那是我的分机，你这个婊子！
你个混蛋！
不，米娅！ 等一下！
顺便说一句，我操了马里奥·洛佩兹！
（骨头开裂）（呻吟）
哦...
好了，现在轮到我了。
嗯嗯。 这次不行。
现在你知道它是什么感觉了，大僵硬。
总的！
操他妈的！
你真的没想到我会再次入睡，是吗？
耶稣，卡拉。 你在这里做什么？
你那令人毛骨悚然的朋友邀请了我和我所有的女朋友。
顺便说一句，漂亮的衣服。 很淫荡。
别担心。 我把它锁了。
哦，耶稣。
这里到底发生了什么鬼东西？
AJ，你在这里做什么？
我关注你了。 我必须亲眼看到它。
你先操我的摩托艇，然后操我的女朋友？
不！ 天哪，不！ 没啥事儿。
你要倒下了，桑德勒。
耶稣基督！
（吐痰）
AJ：我要杀了你！
吉姆，你他妈的穿什么？
嘿，我可以解释一切！ 耶稣！
来吧！ 拉屎！
来吧，我不和你打架，好吗？
这很愚蠢。 我是一个成年人。
因为对我来说你看起来像个小婊子。
（男孩们笑）
听着，AJ，冷静点，好吗？
是什么让你们这些小混蛋认为你们可以搞砸 Stifmeister 的派对？
你刚刚称自己为“Stifmeister”吗？
因为这是有史以来最蹩脚的名字！
我他妈要杀了你。
来吧。
（人群惊呼）
你觉得你要去哪里？
不要惹99级的，婊子！
芬奇！
不要伤害我的朋友！
（呻吟）
滚开我的丈夫，你这个小混蛋！
（警察电台的隐秘谈话）
哦，废话！ 是绒毛！
我需要一条逃生路线！
妈的！
美好的！ 他都是你的。
来吧，伙计！
吉姆，发生了什么事？
我对这一切感到非常抱歉。 我可以解释。
她醉得不能开车，所以我开车送她回家。
然后她开始脱掉衣服，抚摸我的...
好吧，我知道这听起来不太好，但什么也没发生，好吗？
我一点都不在乎她！
非常感谢。
不，不，卡拉，等等。 我不是说...
这不是你想的，好吗？
我发誓，我只是想做正确的事，而我...
（SIGHS）你必须相信我，米歇尔，拜托。
不管我信不信，
我要和我的祖母住在一起。
嘿，战斗结束了，伙计们。
我们不是来阻止战斗的。
我们在这里讨论那辆被盗的摩托车。
看起来 VIN 号码匹配。
你被捕了。
他在阿根廷世界杯上赢得了那辆自行车。 你犯了某种错误。
保罗，发生了什么事？ 这是关于什么的？
保罗！
STIFLER：嘿，shitbreak，当你今晚被你的狱友撞到时，想想凯文。
米歇尔，我能不能……求你了！
哦！
啊!
爸爸？ 啊!
爸爸？
你没看到我！ 我不在这！
我不在这！
他还好吗？
我不知道。
我们要怎么处理芬奇？
去他妈的芬奇。 让他在监狱里过夜。
你是个朋友。
你不打电话给我，你不发电子邮件，
你们甚至没有让我知道你们要回来参加聚会。
因为我们知道，不知何故，你会想办法把事情搞砸。
哦，对不起，吉姆。
这个周末，就像我们在高中做的那样。
但是我们已经不在高中了。
你什么时候会意识到事情永远不会像过去那样？
（嘲笑）
美好的。
猜猜聚会结束了。
迪克斯。
（SIGHS）
嗯，那是一个很棒的聚会。
老实说，我觉得我玩得很开心。
好吧，这使我们成为其中的一员。
你有收到米歇尔的消息吗？
不，她不想和我说话。
今晚的聚会呢？
她说她可能来也可能不来。
你们两个怎么回事？
吉姆，你有什么想谈的吗？
（清嗓子）
好的。
嗯...
你和妈妈多久...
你懂？
这是关于什么的吗？
你和米歇尔还没...
最近没有，没有。
哦...
是勃起问题吗？
因为有时候你可以买一点时间
拇指放在合适的位置。
天啊。 我只是说。
我不认为是这样。 那不是吗？
哦！ 那是要放在你后兜里的东西，因为那是万无一失的。
好的，让我们完成它。
不，那个部门的事情很好。
然后埃文出生了
我们有点停了下来。
从那以后他们就没有真正开始了，你知道吗？
这不是问题，所以不要担心。
在你出生之前，你妈妈和我，我们每天都会这样做。
有时一天两三次。
这是上世纪 70 年代的事了。 很多实验正在进行。
你妈妈喜欢她称之为“为美元潜水”的东西。
天啊。 对不起，我不需要...
（清嗓子）没关系，我们可以……
我不必继续说下去。
但我的观点是，当你有了孩子时，你就会成为爸爸和妈妈。
但重要的是不要停止做丈夫和妻子。
如果你这样做，性就会来。
这实际上很有意义。
但你不能只等你们两个单独待着。
你必须安排自己的独处时间。
你认为你为什么每周去希伯来学校 3 次？
星期天，中午到三点？ 星期二，四点到七点？
好的，我明白了，爸爸。
如果你明白了，那为什么要问这些问题？
对不起。
你正在经历这个，我很抱歉。 我应该在听。
不，我反应过度了。 对不起。
（SIGHS）谢谢。
再次。 真的。
随时。
欢迎你们。
听着，找到你的名牌，找出你坐在哪张桌子上。
阿什利，很高兴见到你！ 我的天啊。
比利！ 哦，我的上帝，你看起来好苗条。
你以前是病态的肥胖。 我很担心。
凯文：嘿。
嘿，吉姆。 盎司。
米娅在哪里？
哦。 对不起，伙计。
我还不确定。
发生了什么？ 我给警察局打了一千次电话。
我很感激，凯文。 但实际上，我妈妈保释了我。
伙计们，我搞砸了。
那辆自行车是我老板的。
我被承诺加薪，但我没有得到，所以我
事实上，我的生活一点也不有趣。
我是新泽西州巴约讷斯台普斯的助理经理。
我对我最好的朋友撒了谎，我很抱歉。
你知道，芬奇，只是因为你像我们大多数人一样卖光了，得到了一份无聊的工作，
是的，来吧，伙计。 那些狗屎都不重要。
你的胳膊呢？
哦。
我开车时把咖啡洒在自己身上。
不。（笑）
不过，它像个婊子一样疼。
我会打赌。 耶稣，芬奇。
哦，嘿，看看这个，你们。
OZ：很多回忆。
“史蒂夫·斯蒂夫勒。
“希望与他的孩子们一起继续聚会。”
（点击舌头）
有他的迹象吗？
我不认为他会表现出来。
（SIGHS）
扼流圈？
你怎么找到我的？
我们问过你妈妈。
不好了。 我什么也没做。
我们想为我们昨晚所说的话道歉。
（SIGHS）
是的，你做到了。 我明白了，你们认为我是一个鸡巴。
好的。 好，
也许你是个混蛋。
但，
你是我们的家伙。
是的，伙计。 你是高中很棒的最大原因之一。
是的，高中真的很棒。
然后我们毕业了，每个人都开始找工作，结婚生子
和所有其他愚蠢的狗屎。
现在，看看我。 我是这个地方的婊子。
特别是我的。
但是你说我们让这个聚会继续下去，一起举办这次聚会？
这到底是怎么回事？
我的天啊。 这是笨蛋。
你甚至还没有接近完成，你就在这里
“与你的团队一起放松”？
对不起，我们可以解释。
不，凯文。
是的，凯文，允许他。
这是Stifler，混蛋。
（嘲笑）哦，哇。 你以为你是谁？
你在女朋友面前表现的很严厉吗？ 嗯？
因为我们都知道她和你在一起只是为了你的钱。
绝对不是为了你的鸡巴。
因为任何在你旁边撒尿的人都知道它是妖精小指的大小。
那不是真的。
（嘲弄地）“那不是真的。” 哦，是的，是的。
看，仅仅因为你有一个豪华的办公室，而我什至没有一张桌子，并不会改变我们的真实身份。
事实是，你仍然是个笨蛋，我仍然可以踢你的屁股。
但我不会。
你知道为什么？
如果你再看我一眼，
我会在你的公文包里拉屎。
伙计们？
顺便说一句，我不知道我在用这些狗屎做什么，所以你有很多工作要做。
（朋克摇滚音乐播放）
当然。
你对今年的狮子队有什么看法？ 他们中枪了？
我们将看看他们的进攻线能否守住。
您是否打算参加 Celebrity Dance Off：All Stars？
我其实并没有想太多。
你应该考虑一下。
对不起，伙计们，你们将不得不原谅我。
我可以插队吗？
我不知道。 你能保证不穿衬衫吗？
来吧，伙计，我正在破坏球。 嗯？
嗯，当然咯。
我会给我们弄些饮料。
好的。
嘿。
你不应该和你的女朋友跳舞吗？
呃...
米娅和我结束了。
她想让我成为另一个人。
我不想成为的东西。
你想要什么，克里斯？
希瑟，我想要这个。
我希望我们。
你的职业生涯呢？ 洛杉矶？
看，我知道这很疯狂。
我现在还没有所有的答案，但我看到了你，
我只知道
我要你。
我爱你。
所以，我正在滑雪下山。
盖伊心脏病发作了。
救了他的命。 这是一个大故事，你可以谷歌它。
是的，是的。
我打赌。
天啊！ 打扰一下。
嘿，对不起。 这到底是怎么回事？
说真的，这家伙？
我他妈的是个心脏外科医生，这家伙连ESPN都没有。
嘿，放轻松，罗恩。
你会怎样做？ 打我，奥兹？ 嗯？
哦，我有个主意。 舞会怎么样？ 嗯？
这不是真人秀，好吗？ 这是真实的世界。
你对我一拳，我会以你的价值起诉你。
（喘气）
我不值得杰克狗屎，Dron。
我是你的鸡巴。
丢了他！
听着，那天晚上我们玩得很开心。
你有没有想过成为一名派对策划师？
因为我们希望你计划我们的婚礼。
说是。
是啊！ 我喜欢。
谢谢！ 这太棒了，伙计。
太感谢了。 谢啦兄弟。
不客气。 谢谢你。
我得告诉你一件事。
听着，保罗，我不喜欢你，因为你爬过阿尔卑斯山，或者赤手空拳杀死了一头骆驼。
我喜欢你，因为你还是那个在高中时对我很好的好人。
我还是那个人。
我真的是。
你知道，我上次来这里是为了参加舞会。
我没有约会。
我也不。
我得喝一杯。
什么？
凯夫！ 嘿！
嘿，杰斯！
谢谢。 我在开玩笑。
让我们解决这个问题。 （清嗓子）
我现在是女同性恋，这是我的女朋友。 这是英格丽德。
女同性恋者？ （笑）我知道！
你们为什么不弄清楚并证明这一点。
你一定是Stifler。 我听说过很多关于你的事。 哦！
大多是负面的。
很酷的家伙。 什么鬼？
杰西卡，很高兴见到你。
什么...
听着，Kev，我想你应该去和 Vicky 谈谈。
她在那边真的很生气。
是的，谢谢。
很高兴见到你。
做一个真正的男人，你现在有胡子了。
凯文，不要。 我很好。
来吧。 昨晚我是个彻头彻尾的混蛋。
我只是不高兴你会认为我会知道你已经结婚了。
老实说，这更多是因为我很紧张。
再次见到你，所有这些旧情涌现，并且......
我不知道，我想我只是感到内疚。
但我仍然对你有感觉的事实只是意味着我们所拥有的很特别。
不要误会我的意思，好吧。
我爱艾莉胜过一切。
但无论时间流逝多少
你永远是我的初恋。
凯夫。 嘿。
你必须尝尝这些纸杯蛋糕，它们太棒了。
我的天啊！ 维姬？ 凯文已经告诉了我很多关于你的事。
你真是个幸运的女孩。 他是个很棒的人。
来和我们一起跳舞吧。 不，没关系。
是的，来吧，这正在发生。 来吧。
（慢摇滚音乐播放）
嘿。
我叫吉姆。
我们一起上李老师的英语课。
真的吗？
是的，我……对不起，我不记得你了。
好的。
我是每个人都在互联网上看到的孩子。
嗯。
对不起，你将不得不更具体。
我预射了两次。
莱文斯坦。 是的，吉姆·莱文斯坦。
现在我想起来了。 是的。
那么，你从高中到现在过得怎么样？
非常好。 是的，很不错。 让我们来看看。
嗯...
我嫁给了世界上最棒的女人。
我们有有史以来最可爱的孩子。
听起来事情很完美。
我愿意尽一切努力使其完美。
这意味着成为最性感的丈夫。
米歇尔，你看起来很漂亮。
哦谢谢。
你想跳舞吗？
我喜欢。
（舞蹈音乐播放）
哇！
扼流圈。
谢尔曼？ 谢尔曼？
你他妈到底在干什么？
并且离婚了。
哦！ 对不起。
但是，你知道吗，至少我要留住小弗隆。
你以埃迪弗隆的名字命名你的孩子？
是的，我做到了。 你知道为什么？
因为终结者 2 仍然是有史以来最伟大的电影。
伙计，你需要被撞坏。
我会帮你的。
你的鸡巴以后会感谢我的，你说什么？
不，不。 看，我不会再上当了。
来吧。
我知道我当时有点混蛋，但从那以后我长大了很多。
请让我帮助你。
精神！
我只是在跟你开玩笑。
到这里来，你这个小流氓。
嘿，让我们给你找些猫猫。 我们走吧。
好吧，我们必须离开这里。
是时候了。 是的。
这是一个失败的原因。
所有这些女性要么已婚，要么已约会。
女人：嘿，洛尼。
伙计，你想如何让你的世界被炸毁？
（哔哔声）
哈斯塔拉维斯塔，斯蒂夫勒。
（SIGHS）
太好了，除了我，每个人都在上床。
打扰一下。
你好。 你好。
我在找保罗·芬奇。 你在哪里见过他？
你要芬奇做什么？
我是来接他的。 我是他的妈妈。
芬奇有妈妈吗？
我是说，你是芬奇的妈妈？
是的。 你是他的朋友吗？
哦耶。
保罗就像我最好的朋友。
我很爱他。 现在比以往任何时候都多。
事实上，我不敢相信我们还没有见过面。 我是史蒂文·斯蒂夫勒。
我是雷切尔。
什么？ 它是什么？
我只是有这种感觉，好像真的很糟糕的事情要发生了。
别担心。 我会像教堂的老鼠一样安静。
（钟声）
（都在呻吟）
我要你那么坏。
（用沙哑的声音）哦，你不知道！
天啊！ 天啊！
哦，上帝，就是这样。 我想我再也撑不住了。
坚持下去！
对不起，我会的。
哦，是的，我需要这个。
哦，天哪，米歇尔！ 他妈的，我爱你！
吉姆?
（都气喘吁吁）
纳迪亚？
对不起。 你很忙，是吗？
不，是的。
耶耶耶。
纳迪亚，很高兴见到你。
但是你认为你可以给我们一分钟吗？
三分钟。
好的！ 真好，你们还在一起。
两者：啊！
我看到你在这方面做得更好了。
非常感谢。
那是吉姆？ 他看起来一点也不像我。
（都在呻吟）
你知道，当我在高中的时候，我和一个曲棍球运动员约会过。
事实上，我和他们中的一些人约会过。
可不是嘛。
我一直希望保罗更多地投入体育运动。
但他从来没有那么感兴趣。
你不必粉饰它。
芬奇是个笨蛋。
是的，我猜他是，但他没有从我这里得到。
我是啦啦队长。
如果我从长曲棍球运动员那里学到了什么，那就是我喜欢握棍子
并把这些球抱起来。
（浪漫音乐播放）
我爱你。
你准备好迎接我了吗，斯蒂夫勒？
哦耶！
我们走吧。
（呻吟）哦，米歇尔。
你太棒了！
很多。
哦！
当然。
雷切尔：我们不应该这样做。
是的，我们应该。 （解压）
哦，斯蒂夫勒。
哦，芬奇的妈妈！
叫我Stifmeister！
是的，你是Stifmeister。
（都在呻吟）
男人：熟女？
哦，芬奇的妈妈！
（不热心地）熟女。
熟女。
斯蒂夫勒：告诉我，我是最棒的。
瑞秋：你是最棒的！
熟女。
熟女。 熟女。
两者：熟女！ 熟女！ 熟女！
（欢呼）
雷切尔：是的！ 是的！
别说他了！
（雷切尔尖叫）
好吧，我们的第一次重聚正式在书中。
我不了解你们，但我的夜晚结束得很好。
太棒了。
我玩得很开心。 真是令人难忘。
深夜你发生了什么事，斯蒂夫勒？
你最后和谁在一起了？
绅士从不亲吻和诉说，吉姆。
吉姆：伙计们？
我马上回来，好吗？
卡拉！
嘿。 嘿。
听着，我很抱歉我那天晚上说的话。
不，我是应该道歉的人。
我无法相信我的行为方式。 我很尴尬。
当我和你一样大的时候，我也非常痴迷于性。
我知道。
我看过 YouTube 剪辑。
哦，你当然做到了。
不过，谢谢理解。
我正在考虑它，你是对的。
我真的应该等待一个特别的人。
只是，很难找到一个像你一样优秀的人。
我相信你会的。
这个周末之后，我感觉自己像一个全新的人。
不过，我们不得不离开有点糟糕。
不是我。 我要休假一段时间，和希瑟一起在这里呆一会儿。
好的！
你呢，芬奇？
赛琳娜和我，我们正计划去欧洲短途旅行。
只要确保你打电话给你妈妈。 她想你。
你怎么知道的？
（笑）
估计是这个吧？ 回到现实？
我们不应该等到下一次重聚。
我们应该努力每年聚在一起。
你说什么，直到下一次？
直到下一次。 直到下一次！
什么？
那是什么？
（歌剧音乐播放）
（重重地呼吸）
唔？
这是什么？
哦，不，亲爱的。 不不不。
不亲爱的。 不！ （解压）
哦！
哦...
哦。 哦。 哦。
啊。 哦。 哦。
好家伙。 好家伙！ 好家伙！
我的天啊！ 我的天啊！ 我的天啊！
哦！ 哦！
我的天啊！
啊! （笑）
（SIGHS）
（清嗓子）
好电影。
(SOULFUL R&B MUSIC PLAYING)
(BED SQUEAKING)
ls he asleep yet?
Yeah, I'll go put him to bed.
(SIGHS)
R. Kelly always does the trick.
I think Evan may be developing a rash.
You know, when you rub the Aquaphor on his tush,
you can't just put it on his cheeks,
you have to rub it all over the anus, too.
All over the anus, got it.
I think I'm going to take a bath, okay?
Okay, babe. Go for it.
(WATER RUNNING)
Not this time.
Okay, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on. Okay.
(VOCALIZING SOFTLY)
Yep.
WOMAN: Oh, yeah, you like it nasty, don't you?
Oh, I do. I do, I'm sorry. Guilty as charged. (CHUCKLES)
God, you're so big, it hurts.
I know, I can't help it.
Oh, yeah!
Give it to me, daddy. Oh, yeah.
Give it to me, daddy. Give it to me... Oh, yeah.
EVAN: Daddy?
Evan! What the...
You're opening doors now? How did...
I saw a monster. A what?
WOMAN: Stick your finger in my asshole.
God. (WOMAN MOANS)
Fuck, yeah! Fuck, yeah!
Come on, come on, come on. Fuck, yeah!
I want you to come all over my...
(IN FALSETTO) Oh, my God!
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
Evan, don't touch that!
Don't...
Daddy, boo-boo.
What the...
Oh, my God.
Okay, don't move. Stay here.
Daddy needs a Band-Aid.
(MICHELLE MOANING)
Michelle?
Do you...
Mommy, Daddy, are you okay?
(UPBEAT POP MUSIC PLAYING)
(PHONE RINGING)
Jim Levenstein.
They still haven't gotten you an assistant yet, huh?
Kev, I'm sorry, I've been meaning to call you back.
I've just been... Busy?
I get it.
Look, I'll make this quick, okay?
The reunion, you in?
Hold on, is that really happening?
but, you know, seems like people are actually going.
Mmm. Dinner smells great.
Hey, Ellie.
Ooh, Bachelorette finale later.
And don't forget, we still have to watch Real Housewives.
Yeah, how could I forget?
Hey, Kev, you know who my favorite housewife is?
You.
Very funny.
Look, I love my wife, but I need a weekend with the guys.
Come on, we'll go a few days early. No Stifler this time.
Just you, me, Oz and Finch.
I heard Finch's mom doesn't even know where he is.
And what about Oz?
I mean, do you really think he would come with all he has going on?
And we're back here on Sports View,
with my special guest, Chad Ochocinco.
Chad, which college football powerhouse
is gonna have the most players drafted in this year's draft?
I'm gonna have to go with my alma mater, the Oregon State.
Come on, man! What are you smoking, Ocho?
You think I don't know what I'm talking about?
Do me a favor, take a look at the tape.
Hey, babe, I'm home!
And that wraps it up for my special guest, Chad Ochocinco.
This is Chris Ostreicher reminding you to play on, (IN FALSETTO) playa!
Hey, Mia?
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
Oh, my gosh! So funny. (LAUGHING)
Oh, hey, baby!
I was just watching your show a minute ago.
Oh, yeah?
ls everything okay?
You tell me. You're in the hot tub with another dude.
You are worried about Deshaun?
Aw, that is so cute!
Deshaun's the interior decorator I told you about.
Hey, Christopher!
Strip down! Come join us.
Maybe next time, Deshaun.
I still don't get why we need an interior decorator.
Because the place needs to look perfect for the lnStyle shoot.
Babe, trust me.
Remember how you didn't wanna go on Celebrity Dance Off at first?
Oh! I almost forgot, Mario Lopez is having a Memorial Day party.
I told him we're in.
(CHUCKLES) Actually, I was thinking about going
to my high school reunion that weekend.
Well, if you're going, I'm going, too.
Mia, love, phone call. It's Rumer.
Oh, shit, let me talk to her.
What's with you jacking my style, bitch?
DESHAUN: Anything I can get for you, Christopher?
Uh...
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
Morning, co-workers and cock-jerkers!
Reggie, give me some love.
Looking good, Stifler.
Ladies, better be working hard,
you weren't hired for your looks.
Not you. (WOMAN SCOFFS)
Seriously?
Bob, what are you doing here?
Don't you know they fired your ass?
What? (LAUGHS)
I'm just fucking with you.
(STUTTERS) Hey!
Coffee for the pretty lady?
Sure, thanks.
(GRUNTS)
Hello, you. How are you?
"Oh, I'm good, Stifmeister, 'cause you know what? 'Cause you're the best."
"Oh, I am the best." "Yes, you are the..."
"You know, I love you so much that I'm going to just have some fun down here.
"Oh, yeah, yeah..."
What the hell are you doing? Jesus Christ!
Shit, sorry, Mr. Duraiswamy. It's... I was just...
Huh? That's good, it's all clean.
I told you to print out the morning numbers and put them on my desk,
No, I just thought... (MOCKING) "I just thought..."
I don't pay you to think. You are a temp.
Yeah, about that. I feel like I'm being way underutilized here.
Oh, you do, do you?
Thank you for telling me how you feel.
Do you mind if I tell you how I feel?
I feel the sooner you realize that you're the bitch,
not the boss,
(WHISPERING) the better off you will be.
(WHISPERS) Fucker. What was that?
Nothing!
Nothing, Mr. Duraiswamy.
(LOUDLY) Fucker!
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)
You know, we still haven't discussed the whole
Huh? Oh, that? That's...
That... Don't worry about that.
Well, I mean, you know, obviously,
I would prefer it if I was the one
that made you feel that way, but...
Every time I want to shop online and I start typing "Amazon,"
"amazingcollegesluts.com" pops up.
Amazing what?
Okay, look, obviously
we need to have more fun together.
I promise you, this weekend,
there is going to be plenty of Jim and Michelle time, okay?
Hey!
Hello, sweetheart.
How are you? Oh!
It's so good to see you. JIM: Hey, Dad.
Hello, son! Come here.
LEVENSTEIN: Oh, no! Look who that is!
Look at this big bruiser! Oh, my goodness!
He has grown. LEVENSTEIN: Look at him! Huh?
Someone's got a little poopy diaper.
(PUNK MUSIC BLARING)
(CAR HORN HONKING)
Jim?
I can't believe it's you.
You don't remember me, do you?
Uh... Remember Teletubby Tuesdays?
Kara?
Oh, my God.
What? You're not a kid anymore.
It's been a long time since I needed a babysitter.
I can't believe how much you've grown up.
Thanks!
It's actually my 18th birthday tomorrow.
Eighteen, wow.
You should come to my party.
Oh, uh...
Thank you, no. I... Yeah, that might be difficult.
Please, I want you to come so bad.
Hey, Kara! We gotta go.
Okay, relax.
That's AJ. Don't ask.
Hopefully I will see you tomorrow.
What? AJ: Who the fuck was that?
Hey, sweetie.
Hey.
Who were you talking to?
That was just the kid next door.
(SIGHS)
(CHUCKLES)
(INHALES DEEPLY)
Hello, my old friends.
I thought about throwing them out,
but they just have too much sentimental value.
Oh, Jim, Jim, Jim.
You know, I can remember when you were just a little guy.
And now you've got your own little guy.
I know.
And before you know it, he's gonna be a teenager...
Wow.
And you'll be teaching him about masturbation
and, you know, all the do's and all the don'ts
that have to do with the little guy's weenie.
Hopefully, it'll be more of a bratwurst by the time he's a teenager...
Okay, Dad, I get it. ...but I'm just...
Well, these are things you're gonna have to deal with.
I understand. It's just, you know, he's two.
Well, yeah, maybe you've got time, but...
So, you know, I just, I'd rather not talk about his penis.
How you doing, Dad? I'm good.
Yeah? What are you doing for fun? You seen any movies lately?
Well, you know, your mother and I did go to a lot of movies.
Well...
You know, it has been three years since she passed, Dad.
There's gotta be someone in town you can see a movie with.
I have you now. We'll see a movie tonight, you and me.
(STUTTERING) Tonight?
to meet up with them tonight at the bar... Oh.
But... Yeah, yeah...
But I don't need to do that. I can do that tomorrow.
No. No, no, no, no. This is why you're in town, isn't it?
No, no, no. You go. I'll be fine.
I was just planning on staying in tonight
and, you know, doing a little reading.
Oh, not this. No. No.
Although, I do remember reading a very interesting article
on something Brazilian.
Boy, these pages are all stuck together here.
Kev.
Hey!
What's up, man? Jim.
Hey, guys!
Oz. There he is.
You made it.
Hey, I missed your wedding, I wasn't gonna miss this.
Hey, buddy. What's up, pal?
Good to see you. Yeah, man.
Hey, Kev!
Looking good, look at you!
Oh, stop it. Come on.
(ALL CHUCKLING) (CAR HORN HONKING)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
Gentlemen.
Finch? Finch!
Oh, my God! lt great to see you, James.
Changed at all, Jim.
Good to see you, pal.
I didn't think you were gonna make it.
So, after my troubles in Beijing, I just moved to Dubai,
and then I got all caught up in the world of underground baccarat.
Spent the rest of '09 living with this African tribe.
Oh, they made me an honorary tribesman.
Oh.
Whoa, that looks like it hurt.
lt looks like that because it did hurt, Kevin.
Since then, I've just been biking through South America.
So, basically, you are the most interesting man in the world.
Yeah. Let me guess,
you guys are here for the reunion, huh?
You got it. Class of '99.
Haven't I seen you before?
Yeah, I'm on TV.
No, not you. You.
'Cause, your face, you're just so familiar.
Yeah! Yeah, this is you, right?
(ALL LAUGHING) KEVIN: Oh! Man, Nadia!
More, more, you bad boy!
I swear I had these all taken down. How did you...
Oh, yeah. How many times did you pre-ejaculate again?
Oh, leave him alone.
I bet you were all desperate virgins back then.
Selena Vega.
That's Selena Vega in front of us. Wait, wait, wait, Selena...
Hold on, Michelle's friend from band?
You got it.
Oh, my God. I'm sorry I didn't recognize you.
You look
different.
Well, next round's on me, okay, guys?
Hey, that chick was in band?
This is the first long weekend I have had in a while
so I wanna make it count.
I want the place spotless, and I want it filled with booze.
And I wanna make sure you're not around on Sunday night,
'cause I plan on bringing some ass back from the reunion,
and I wanna tap that without you there. You got it?
You know, first of all, Steven, it's my house.
You're lucky I'm letting you stay here.
Look, you wanted me to get a job, so I got one.
At least let me have the house for the weekend.
My house, my rules.
And as for tonight, if you don't wanna risk coming home
and seeing more of your mother than you'd like,
I suggest you stay out late.
Gross.
(ALL LAUGHING)
That was really...
Hey, bar wench, can I get a Budweiser?
Beer down.
What the fuck are you fuckers doing here?
You made it! Made what?
What are you talking about?
What do you mean? We sent you an e-mail
about getting together a couple of days before the reunion.
You know what? I must have put two F's in "Stifmeister."
JIM: What? KEVIN: I'm sorry.
(LAUGHS)
Two F's? You dumbass!
Hey, Kevin, is that a pussy on your face?
(TRILLING LIPS) Oh, come on!
Nice.
So, Stifler, you're looking sharp.
What are you up to these days?
I work at JBH Global.
Wow! That's a big-time firm.
What do you do over there?
Oh, you know,
People wonder why our financial system's falling apart.
Nice scarf. I see you finally came out of the closet.
How is your mother, Stifler?
You stay away from my mom, shitbreak.
Okay, boys, the past is the past.
We can bury the hatchet here, huh?
Yeah, fuck it.
Hey, short-shorts! A round of Jägerbombs for me and my boys!
How the hell does she know my name?
STIFLER: (CACKLING) Lard Arms?
JIM: Jesus, Stifler.
Talk about an ugly duckling turning into a swan, right?
Let me see that.
Oh! Fingered her, hairy nips, huge boobs.
Oh. (MOANS)
There she is!
The crème de my cock.
Blowjob Lipstein.
Her given name was Loni, Stifler.
She used to call me Big Stiffy.
She was the mouth that got away.
Already? Wait here, guys.
Oh! Man, the Senior Wish List.
Wish List? I don't remember that.
Oh, yeah, man. It's that cheesy page in the yearbook
where we all had to write wishes about our future.
What, did you write something cheesy? Let's see.
"Chris Ostreicher. Hopes to coach his son's lacrosse team."
Oh! Isn't that the sweetest thing?
Well,
I guess I thought I'd have a family by now.
All right, you wanna hear what you wrote, Finch?
"Paul Finch hopes to find le grand amour."
Yes, true love.
Alas, I have yet to find what you would call a real relationship.
Right, because banging Stifler's mom didn't count.
OZ: All right, let's see what you got, Kev.
"Kevin Myers. Hopes to still be living it up
"with the amazing Vicky Lathum."
I am sure your wife would be very happy to read that.
What? I was dating Vicky at the time.
Let me see what I put.
"Jim Levenstein
"hopes to have the sex life of Ricky Martin."
So, I'm assuming you didn't know he was gay back then.
Jim, it's a good thing you found a woman
with the sex drive of a dozen groupies. Hmm?
I mean, you're probably having more sex than any of us.
Probably, you know.
Hope you guys are thirsty. Stifler Claus is here.
Whoa! Stifler, that's a little too much, don't you think?
Dude, find your balls and return them to your sack.
I say we keep this party going.
I say we make this weekend our bitch.
We could party together, do all the same shit that we used to do together.
It'll be just like old times.
Hell yes! That's why I'm here.
No Bachelorette, no Real Housewives.
Thing is, you only get one chance at your 13th reunion.
I was kind of hoping to spend a little time with the wife.
Fuck! Dude!
James? What? Come on!
I mean, I'm in. Of course I'm in. Come on, what?
Then, gentlemen, I hope you're all wearing protection,
because this weekend, we're gonna fuck shit up!
JIM: Cheers! OZ: Yeah! All right!
(DOORBELL RINGING)
(GROANS SOFTLY)
What the fuck?
Holy shit.
(BOTH GIGGLING)
Hey!
What happened?
(STUTTERING) I don't really remember.
I blame you. How much did you let him drink last night?
SELENA: Honestly, not that much.
Well, we gotta clean this up before we go to the lake.
What? The lake?
Yeah, the lake, dude. lt was your idea.
We discussed all this last night.
Oh, the lake! Yes, of course, the...
Hey, Jim, can you hand me those paper towels, please?
Oh, those paper towels? The paper ones.
The paper towels, Jim.
Jim! Yeah...
The paper towels!
(GASPS)
I'm really sorry.
Jim, you do realize that the lid is see-through, right?
Oh, wow.
Good eye.
That's the father of my child.
(WHOOPING)
Oh, come on!
Hey, watch it! Okay, jeez.
Am I wrong, or was this place a lot more fun when we were younger?
No, no. I think it's the same. We're just old now.
But were we just as obnoxious as these kids back in the day?
No.
Us, our generation, we were more mature.
Hey, guys, check it out.
(SCREAMING)
I take that back.
FINCH: Oh, my God.
Fellas, do you gotta stare?
Yes, we do need to stare.
(SCOFFS) Could Jim be any more obvious?
Oh, give him a break.
I mean, it's not every day you get to see a model walking around off the page.
There hasn't been a whole lot of sexy time
Why not?
I don't know. I'm a mom now.
(SCOFFS) Oh, please!
Just because you're a mom doesn't mean
there isn't a whole other side to you. (LAUGHS)
Hey, remember that one time at band camp,
when we licked whipped cream off each other's...
Yes! Yes! I remember.
Let's keep that in the past, though, okay?
JIM: Oh, she's...
Sideboob. There... Sorry. (WHISPERING) Sideboob. Ozzy, look!
Okay! Come on!
You're a lucky man, Oz.
Oh, come on, guys. I think we're all pretty
lucky.
Wait, is that Heather?
(INDISTINCT)
Heather.
Chris!
Hey.
What are you doing here?
I guess we had the same idea, huh?
Chris, this is Ron, my boyfriend.
Chris Ostreicher, Ron Douglas. It's a pleasure to meet you.
Ron's a cardiologist at my hospital.
A cardiologist. Wow.
Yeah. And, hey, listen, my friends call me Doctor Ron, D-Ron or just Dron.
So you feel free.
Hey, fuckface!
Choir chick! Whoa!
Nice to see you, too, Stifler.
Who's this douche?
I'm her boyfriend.
So, you two are banging,
This must be awkward for all of you.
(WOMAN SCREAMING)
That little shit took my top! (LAUGHS)
Um, that's my girlfriend.
What's this? What's this? (WOMEN SCREAMING)
Hey, kid! What do you think you're doing?
Hey! Come on, come on, let's go!
Come on, guys. Not cool!
What're you assholes gonna do about it? (BOYS SNICKERING)
(EXCLAIMING)
Well, that was interesting.
Well, should we do something?
Agreed. There's no need to stoop to their level.
Fuck that!
I know exactly where they're going.
(HEAVY METAL MUSIC BLARING)
(SIGHS)
Guys, this is stupid.
I really can't keep Michelle waiting. Can we just head back?
Hold on. Let Stifler do his thing.
Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of.
Did you guys see the look on their faces?
BO: He is crazy.
I think one of those guys was Kara's babysitter.
Which one?
You know, the one that looked like Adam Sandler.
(BOYS LAUGHING)
JIM: Stifler better not do anything crazy.
All he's gonna do is tell them off.
I thought he was gonna cut their jet skis free.
What happened to pissing in their suntan lotion?
Hold on. He told me he was going to steal their beer.
(SIGHING) Stifler.
KEVIN: Oh, wait. There he is.
OZ: All right.
JIM: Yep, he's taking their beer.
All right, hurry up, Stifler. Come on.
What is he doing?
OZ: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. JIM: Wait.
Oh, God! KEVIN: Oh, my God.
Oh, God.
Yo, so you really think Kara's gonna give it up tonight?
AJ: She was waiting until she turns 18. You do the math.
(GRUNTING)
The only math I know is you've added your penis to her vagina zero times.
(SPLASHING)
(SIGHS)
KYLE: Jennifer's not a skank.
BO: Dude, yes, she is.
I'm gonna throw up.
Oh, my God. That's disgusting.
(MOUTHING)
Hurry up. Come on!
BO: Down it, man! Just chug it! Chug it!
Do it. Do it! Don't puss out.
Don't puss out!
Go, go. Go, go, go, go. Go, go.
You want another?
For sure.
What the...
Hey! Dipshit!
No!
No, no!
(LOUD CRASHING)
Jesus, Stifler, what happened to just stealing their beer?
I know, this is so much better, right?
What? (LAUGHS)
They splashed us.
So...
Come on, guys. That was pretty funny.
Maybe in high school it was funny. Now it's just a felony.
Only if we get caught.
Yeah, you gotta admit, it was nice giving those kids a little payback.
Maybe it was good that they will learn to respect their elders.
Exactly!
Hey, give me a second, I gotta find some toilet paper.
That's gross.
VICKY: What's up, Class of '99-ers?
Hi!
Hey!
Yeah, I flew in from New York last night.
I've been hanging out with my parents.
They were actually just talking about you earlier.
Really? About what?
That time they caught us making out at the Falls.
The Falls. Wow, I haven't been there in forever.
Michelle used to love going to the Falls.
The place is romance incarnate.
Hell, yeah. I got my first rim job at the Falls.
Okay.
Mmm, sweetie pie!
Hello.
So, the guys were all talking about heading over to the Falls.
Well, what about Jim and Michelle time?
I was thinking it could be kind of romantic.
Well, I'd love to, but your dad has been with Ev all day.
Yeah, no, you're right.
Okay. Yeah, we'll just, we'll go home.
Oh, no, no. You go and have fun.
Really? Yeah.
Just, when you get home, you just better be ready.
I'm ready.
Um, Stifler, do you know where you're going?
I know this place like the back of my cock.
(DANCE MUSIC BLARING)
lt looks like a high school party.
With high school chicks.
It's on.
Watch it, Stifler. You know these girls are, like, half your age.
I know.
(CHEERING)
Okay, is it just me, or do girls today seem a bit sluttier?
Definitely.
Teen sex, rainbow parties, sexting nude photos...
I saw it all on Kathie Lee & Hoda.
Jim?
Hey!
Sorry.
Happy birthday.
Mmm-hmm.
You make it sound like I'm a superhero. (CHUCKLES)
Faster than a speeding stroller, more powerful than a mini-van.
(ALL LAUGHING)
I told you he was funny.
(FEIGNING LAUGHTER)
Hey, Jim. Do you wanna introduce me to your friends?
No.
So, how do you know my best friend Jim?
Jim used to be my babysitter.
Hey, I was just gonna do a birthday shot.
Yeah. Oh, yes, yes, yes.
I shouldn't. Yes, we should, yes, we should.
Never have I ever had sex in public.
Oh, come on, Heather. You haven't drank once.
You are such a prude!
Or maybe I've just never had sex in public.
Okay, never have I ever been in an orgy.
They were really nice guys.
Believe it or not, this is my first high school party.
You didn't miss much.
I always preferred staying at home, throwing on a little NPR.
You were so much cooler than me.
I sat around writing X-Files fan fiction.
I translated The Brothers Karamazov into Latin for fun.
That is so sexy.
You know it is.
I've only been working as an architect
for the last few years, and from home.
You've been with the same company for over ten years.
That's awesome, it sounds like everything is working out for you.
Yeah. I mean, everything's good, especially work-wise.
But now that we're back here in the town,
and we see, like, all of our old friends,
and everyone's married and having kids,
it just makes me, you know, think.
(COUGHS)
You okay there, Kev?
Yeah, I just don't normally drink like this.
You're telling me you haven't gotten a little bit tipsy
I see somebody's been stalking my Facebook page.
At least I don't take pictures of my meals.
Who's stalking who now?
Okay, so I've been by your page maybe once or twice.
You were dating someone named Alessandro?
You know, he does know that he can take a picture with his shirt on, right?
Alessandro is long gone.
It's over, huh?
Jim.
There's a smoking hot 18-year-old girl over there that you used to babysit.
And you're not going to do anything about that?
Need I remind you that I am married to Michelle?
Exactly.
Dude, these young chicks, they know some crazy shit in the bedroom.
You could take what you learn from Kara,
bring it home, and apply it to Michelle.
You do care about your marriage, don't you, Jim?
What are you talking about, Stifler?
I'm not gonna cheat on my wife!
I'm a father for Christ's sakes.
Yeah, that's perfect.
Yeah, chicks love a father figure. Keep playing that card, dude.
It's not a card, it's the truth.
Hey. Hi.
What are you guys talking about?
Oh, you know... Just...
Jim was just saying how much fun he had taking care of you.
Hey, ladies, why don't we give them some time to catch up?
Mmm-hmm. Yeah, after you.
No, that's not necessary. We should all hang out together.
Why don't we all... Stifler, just...
Be her daddy.
Stifler? Stifler!
So, sounds like you and Mia have quite an adventurous lifestyle.
Sometimes a little too adventurous.
Wow. Well, Heather's a bit more on the conservative side.
But, uh...
Hey! Hi.
But, I gotta be honest, Chris, I could use a little adventure myself.
I'm just saying that usually I'm not one for swapping,
but the fact that you've been with Heather already, kind of makes it okay.
So, what do you think?
Think they'd be into it?
(LAUGHS)
Seriously, I would never do that!
Unless you guys wanted to.
So you've really been to every country in South America?
No, no, not all of them.
And I don't consider French Guiana a nation.
I remember, I couldn't wait till graduation
so I could leave this town and reinvent myself.
You have certainly reinvented yourself.
I don't know.
There's just a part of me that still wishes that
I could just explore the world, you know?
Be everything I set out to be.
You can be whoever you wanna be. You just gotta be it.
You wanna make out? Yeah.
Are you crazy? I love the Twilight books.
New Moon is my favorite.
Mine, too!
Oh, my God! We have, like, so much in common!
I know! I know!
(ALL LAUGHING)
ln more ways than one.
(WOMAN MOANING ON RINGTONE)
(STIFLED) I don't know who this is, but I'm pretty fucking busy right now.
So sorry to interrupt, Stafler.
Didn't realize the Special Olympics competed at night.
(COUGHING)
What the hell's going on over there?
What, are you choking on your own dick?
Nothing, Mr. Duraiswamy, nothing.
What can I do for you, sir?
Bob from Acquisitions had a heart attack.
Some idiot told him that he was fired.
Listen, I need someone to finish his presentation.
I need you to go in on Sunday and get everything ready. Yes?
Oh, wait, Sunday.
I got my high school reunion.
Oh, wow, how fun!
Yeah, no, I'll just call the chairman,
and I'll get him to reschedule.
Seriously? Hey, that would be awesome!
That was a fucking joke, you moron. Jesus Christ, what am I doing?
You know what, I am gonna handle this myself.
No. No, no, no, listen, Mr. Duraiswamy,
I can do it, okay? I promise, I'll get it done.
Just don't fuck up, Stafler.
It's Stifler. (LINE DISCONNECTS)
Dick! Hey, ladies...
Ladies? They bailed, dude.
Aw, fuck!
Ugh! Um...
Ooh! (LAUGHS)
Hey, Kara, how are you getting home tonight?
AJ was supposed to drive my car back,
but he hasn't even shown up yet.
Some lame excuse about his jet skis.
Can you believe that jerk?
Will you take me?
Uh... Um...
Come on! We're going to the same place.
Besides, it wouldn't be responsible
to let me drive in this condition.
Right?
(POP MUSIC PLAYING ON CAR STEREO)
Okay, Kara.
Hey! Whoa! Careful! Careful. Yeah.
Oh, my God, I love this song.
It's a good one.
Isn't classic rock the best?
Classic rock? This is classic rock now?
Hey, you know, Kara, you should drink some more water.
Where's that bottle I gave you?
Oh, it's right here. Okay.
ln the back.
(HORN HONKS) (TIRES SQUEAL)
Shit. Sorry. Sorry. There was a... (CLEARS THROAT)
There was a little baby squirrel in the road, so...
Whoa! Hey! Whoa! That's not water. Okay.
It's a little too much now.
I love how, after all these years, you're still taking care of me.
Well, you know, a babysitter's job never ends.
(GIGGLING) You knew I always had a crush on you, right?
(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(HESITANTLY) No.
I want you to be my first.
Your first?
Oh, God. Okay. Um...
Kara, listen. Um...
A person's virginity is something sacred, you know?
You should save yourself for someone special.
You're special.
No! Not special.
You think? I really...
What are you doing?
Hey, what are you doing?
Come on. No one will ever find out.
I don't know. I don't think...
I don't think I should do that.
That's... No. I can't. I won't. I won't.
Whoa! Hello! Okay, okay. (GIGGLING)
Kara, Kara, that's kissing. Okay, Kara, you need to stop. Stop. Stop!
You don't think I'm pretty?
Huh? Oh, no! You're very pretty, Kara. You're very, very...
Really? Yes, very pretty.
But I... Very pretty. Thanks.
Oh, my God!
Holy shit! What?
Come on.
I can't think of a better birthday gift.
What about the new iPhone?
Huh? Maybe a little pendant? The new Nicki Minaj album?
No. No? Boobies.
I want you! Whoa, whoa, whoa!
You can't... Don't do that.
That's not good, don't...
Come on, stop. (ENGINE REVVING)
Kara! Kara! Stop it.
(TIRES SCREECHING)
Whoa! (HORN HONKS)
Holy Jesus! Kara?
Kara! Kara! Please wake up, Kara!
Kara, wake up. Kara!
Are you okay?
Oh, Jesus, God!
Oh, my God, are you all right?
Hey, hi.
Jim? Hey!
What? This is crazy!
Are you all right?
Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm okay. I was just... Um...
I was reaching for something.
Everything's okay. Everything's fine.
I don't know if you've heard. Mmm?
Did you hear?
I am in charge of the reunion.
Oh! Yeah, no, that's... Yeah, that's right.
Got a whole '90s theme planned.
Oh. That's...
I booked Chumbawamba.
Yeah. But the pricks cancelled yesterday.
Was a setback, but you know me,
"I get knocked down but I get up again." (CHUCKLES)
(MOANS GROGGILY)
Oh, my God! Okay, I see what's going on.
(MOUTHING)
Yep.
I'll see you later, buddy.
All right then, I'll see you.
Jesus, God. Kara. Kara, wake up.
I just need a nap. What?
Kara, this isn't time for a nap. Kara, wake up.
This isn't napping time. (SNORING)
Kara? Shit.
Oh, God, this is bad. This is very, very bad.
What took you guys so long?
We were looking for Kevin. Couldn't find him.
Plus, that hot piece of ass Oz is banging got wasted, so we had to drop her off.
You brought him?
Of course they brought me.
When you guys were busy jacking off in high school,
I was running this drill every weekend.
Now, let's see what we are dealing with.
Holy shit!
Way to go, Jim.
Shh. Okay, nothing happened, Stifler. Okay? Nothing happened.
Stop that!
I'm sorry.
I don't know.
I can't just leave her here naked, you know?
I mean, if the cops come by and find out I'm involved,
I'm screwed.
We dump the body or we sneak her inside.
Okay, wait a second.
I have been in her house a million times to babysit.
I can totally sneak her in through the back door.
I need you guys to distract her parents.
Do you think you can do that? (SCOFFS)
I'm an expert, Jim. Trust me. I got this shit.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
Good evening, sir.
My friend's car broke down,
and we were just wondering if we could use your phone to call AAA.
You mean to tell me that none of you have cell phones?
(GASPS)
Oh, my God, I know you. You were on Celebrity Dance Off.
Oh, yeah!
Oh, yeah.
Hey, come on in.
That was very smooth, Stifler.
Shut up, shitbreak.
The last time I did this, cell phones didn't exist.
(DOOR SHUTS)
Shit!
Daddy.
Look, Mom, Daddy!
Shit!
(SIGHS)
Oh, fuck!
Kara?
(KARA GIGGLES)
Kara?
KARA: Gonna have to find me.
(RECORDED MESSAGE PLAYING)
Thank you, Sheranda. You've been very helpful.
You get a Triple A-plus in my book.
Oh, you take care, too. Okay, yeah, bye-bye.
So, that was AAA on the phone and they should be here in a jiffy.
Does this song sound familiar?
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
You were such a good dancer. I felt so bad when you got voted off.
Thank you.
But I have to say you're much sexier in person.
Okay. Calm down there, Susan.
Dude, she wants to fuck you big time, dude.
You got to hit that. No fucking way.
Do it for Jim, dude, don't be selfish.
Hey, you know what? I think I have to go to the bathroom.
Kara, this is not funny.
Kara, come on! Kara, come out.
Oh, my God!
Okay, hey, come on.
Okay, one... Okay, all right...
Come on. Okay, good.
You never could find me.
Jim, I don't mean to alarm you but you don't have much time.
I like your scarf. Okay.
I like your breasts. Door.
Would it be okay if I get a picture?
Sure.
I know it's in here somewhere.
(MOUTHING)
Okay, a bottle of hair spray...
You guys all right?
Yeah. Yeah.
You know something?
I really was admiring how clean your toilet was in your bathroom.
Thanks.
You know what? I have to use the restroom, too.
No, you don't.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Let's get in bed. (GIGGLING)
Come on and get in bed with me?
No, I'm not getting in bed...
No, I'm not... Kara, please. Oh, God. Please.
Stifler, what are you doing here?
I just wanted another glimpse. No.
You have to go.
What was that?
That sounded like it came from outside.
No, that came from Kara's room.
KARA'S DAD: Kara?
Oh, my God.
Go, go, go!
Hi, Daddy.
How'd you get back in?
I don't remember.
You don't remember?
What was that sound?
I don't know.
What do you mean, you don't know?
I don't know.
You've been drinking, haven't you?
No.
Kara, I told you these boys try to get you drunk
so they can take advantage of you.
Yeah, well, I don't want to go to jail
for kicking some horny kid's teeth in
but I will, believe me.
(COW MOOING)
(LAUGHING) Oh, that's Mr. Moo!
Will you get him for me, Daddy? Please.
(MOOING)
I can't be mad at my angel.
Happy birthday, princess.
Thanks, Dad.
(DOOR SHUTS)
(EXHALES)
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
(GRUNTING)
What are you doing?
Nothing.
Oh, jeez.
(WHISPERING) Stifler?
Stifler?
I told you I was an expert.
What the hell is going on now?
Hey.
Want to go to a Justin Bieber concert?
Stifler, come on. Come on!
Let's go.
You and you, stay here.
Don't push me.
Whoa! Oh, my God.
AJ: Kara, where the hell are you?
I'm on my way to your place and...
What the...
Fuck!
What the hell is going on?
Oh, God!
(YAWNS)
Hey, stud.
(SNORING)
(FARTS)
(SIGHS)
Oh, shit, shit. We were supposed to...
No, it's fine.
What? No, God, it's not fine.
Shoot! I'm so sorry, Michelle. I really... I wanted to, I just...
I'm going to drop Ev at my grandma's
and I'll be back this afternoon.
No, Michelle, hold on.
What are you worried about?
Just we're like so out of sync.
I don't know how much longer we can go on like this.
I promise you I will do everything I can to make it up to you.
Okay?
Stifler's having a party tonight.
Okay, I know that doesn't sound romantic or anything,
but remember our first time was at a Stifler party.
You made me your bitch.
Yes. Yes, I did.
Tell me when, okay?
What the fuck?
(GASPS)
WOMAN: Mmm.
(MOUTHS)
So, Mia.
She's a free spirit.
She's something else.
Yeah, she is.
Wait a minute, do I sense a little jealousy there?
No. Mmm-mmm. No?
Hey, don't forget, you were the one who broke up with me
before you went to med school.
Hey, you were moving to LA with no return in sight.
You can't blame me for wanting to settle down.
No, I don't.
I just don't want you to settle.
Look who's jealous now.
I wouldn't call being with Ron "settling."
Oh, no, he's gorgeous on paper.
What is that supposed to mean?
Nothing. Um...
I'm sorry. You're right.
I am a bit jealous.
You know, it's funny.
ln some ways, you've completely changed,
and, in other ways, you're exactly the same.
Heather, you can believe this,
nothing's changed.
Oh, my God.
Chris Ostreicher?
Hi, girls.
Sure.
Dad?
Oh, hey, Dad. Hey, Jim.
I'm just going to run out for a sec.
I was just watching your old Bar Mitzvah tape.
(LAUGHING) I got your Jew scarf!
YOUNG JIM: Give it back, Stifler.
(LAUGHS)
I think I'm the happiest man in the world thanks to you.
Yeah, I miss her too, Dad.
(SIGHS) (CLEARS THROAT)
Dad, you've always been there to give me advice.
But if there's anything that you want to talk about,
I'm here for you.
Yeah, I don't think there's anything
I really need to talk about, Jim.
Do you think maybe it's time for you to
meet someone else?
Dad, it's okay.
What you're going through is perfectly natural.
You know, there are services out there...
A happy ending? What's that?
Because I won't go there.
I don't need that... I don't need that kind of massage, Jim.
That's not what I was...
Because, you know what, it's dangerous.
You don't even wanna know what you can pick up.
That's disgusting.
I was talking about (CLEARS THROAT)
online dating services.
(CHUCKLING)
No, Jim.
Yeah, right, at my age? I don't think so.
I've been out of the game for so long.
There wasn't even a game back then.
Dad, don't worry. I'll hook you up.
Here you go.
Wow.
We might need something a little more recent.
Do you think?
Do you have something that's a bit sexier?
Gotcha.
Did you...
(CLEARS THROAT) Favorite music.
Um...
Herman's Hermits.
Oh...
Girls, one at a time, please.
JIM: Interests and hobbies.
Sudoku.
LEVENSTEIN: Are we sure we're not taking off too much?
These caterpillars are kind of my trademark.
(LEVENSTEIN GRUNTS)
Take a look. I'm nervous.
Oh, that's fantastic!
That is a great look for me!
Huh?
Leaner lines. I still have mobility.
Looking good.
Why don't we test this new look out tonight?
The thing is, Stifler is throwing a party tonight.
Oh! Well, another time.
But you could come with us.
I do have to warn you, though,
Stifler's parties can get a little
wild.
(BIG BAND MUSIC PLAYING)
(INDISTINCT)
What the fuck is this?
Who the hell changed the music?
Sorry, we thought this was more baby-friendly.
Didn't we? Yes, we did.
Stifmeister!
(BOTH EXCLAIMING)
(SPITS) Oh!
Bluck!
Chester!
What have you cock-smokers been up to?
What? That's so fucking gay.
Yeah, Stifler, we are gay.
Half the lacrosse team was gay.
You must have known that, right?
Dude, you walked in on Doug and Barry in the shower.
I just thought they were wrestling.
They were.
There just wasn't a loser that night.
Oh.
Are we sure this is Stifler's?
Ooh!
Hors d'oeuvres!
Why don't you give this to our host, son?
Hmm.
Oh, my God! Look who it is.
Sorry for interrupting you guys last night.
Bravo, by the way.
Most wives stop doing that after they get the ring.
What are you talking about? Did you change your hair color?
So, is your buddy, the other MILF guy, here tonight?
I thought you always come to these things together.
Let's just say that friendship is a two-way street.
Excuse me.
Mmm.
Could this party get any lamer?
It's not so bad.
No. Why do you have that?
No one else here probably has any.
Are you sure you don't want one?
Yeah.
No... Yes.
Okay. Fine. More for me, then.
And there they are.
JIM: Finchy.
There you guys are. Look around. Can you believe this shit?
Yeah, man. Nice work.
For you.
That's called wine, Stifler.
No, no, no, no, not at my party.
I'm going to get us some shots.
Hey, Kev.
Can I talk to you guys for a sec?
Yeah, sure. Wait here, I'll be right back.
Right here.
I want to see.
What the... Where did those fuckers go?
Mr. Levenstein. Yes.
You made it.
lt is so great to see all you kids back in town.
Hmm.
And what a terrific soiree you're throwing here tonight.
Just wonderful!
You know what? I'm going to get you fucked up.
Hmm? Have a shot.
I don't think so, Steven. I'm not much of a drinker.
Drink it! Drink it!
(STRAINED) I don't think so.
Look, Kev, you don't know for sure if anything happened.
I woke up next to her in bed, and all our clothes were off.
I mean, whatever happened, I feel guilty.
Kevin, in France,
it's only considered cheating if your wife catches you in the act.
(LAUGHING)
I gotta go.
Wait for it. Wait for it!
Here she comes!
Yeah!
Fuck yeah, Mr. Levenstein!
The name is Noah, motherfucker.
(ALL CHEERING)
Feel the sofa.
It's so smooth.
lt feels like a Smurf's ass.
Okay. Mia, can you...
Hey, guys. Sorry we're late.
Hi.
Hey, I got a treat for everybody. I picked something up.
Celebrity Dance Off, Season Six. My man, Chris Ostreicher.
Oh, my God.
Who wants to see my baby shake his booty?
(ALL CLAMORING IN AGREEMENT)
I know I do.
JDate? You have to be kidding me.
If you want quality vag, you have to go out into the wild.
"Vag"?
What is that, a half a vagina?
You know, in my day we called it a beaver.
And let me tell you something, I snagged a pelt or two.
Dad?
Hey, Jim, your dad is so much cooler than you.
No, he's just trying to get me some vag.
Yeah! Hey, hey.
Let the man make his own decisions.
I want you to dust off that old dick of yours,
go out there, and get some ass.
Oh! Just go out there.
I think I will.
I'm sorry, but you have had a little too much to drink tonight,
No, son, I haven't hardly had one drink.
I do love you, but you need to
(BURPS)
chillax.
Do you see him? Jim! Jim!
Let him go. Let him have some fun.
And now we can have some fun.
Come on.
Excuse me.
ls this a washroom?
because you are so self-centered and...
Can I help you?
Who might you be?
I'm Stifler's mom.
I'm Jim's dad.
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
Oh, my God, this is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen.
(ALL CHEERING)
Everybody, raise the roof for Chris Ostreicher!
You have really been bringing it all season long.
But now it's time, Chris, to see if America thinks you done brought it.
You ready? Let's do it.
Let's see the results.
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIM IN DISAPPOINTMENT)
What? Gilbert Gottfried and not you?
Chris, I'm so sorry, man.
Well, we saw you jam. Now, it's time to scram.
Okay, guys, we can probably end it there.
What? No, are you kidding? I haven't seen this.
I think what I've learned is to be true
to myself,
because that's what dancing is, it's truth.
And maybe,
if we just danced a little bit more,
there would be no more wars.
(SNICKERING)
No more war!
Well, that is a thoughtful take on foreign policy.
HOST: Stick around. Hulk Hogan gets jiggy-friggy, right after this.
You don't want to miss this. Stick around.
Hey.
If you want my opinion, I think you got cheated.
Are you okay?
You know,
when you lose something that's important to you, it doesn't feel very good.
Oz, it's just a show.
I'm not talking about the show.
RON: Hey, Heather, you down there?
Um, coming!
Oh, my God.
Wait here, I'll be right back.
I can't tell you how many times I walked into Steven's room
and I caught him in the middle of sex with some girl.
At least he was with a real, live human girl.
I walked into the kitchen once, and I saw Jim humping a pie.
He turned the damn thing into a crumble in about two seconds.
I can top that.
I once walked into my bedroom
and I caught Steven sticking my hairbrush up his ass.
No, and it wasn't the handle side, either.
Oh!
No, no, no.
A pretty lady like you shouldn't be drinking quite so much.
And neither should I.
How about a joint, then?
We don't have to wait 13 years to see each other again.
And I guess I could come along on one of your adventures.
Am I good sidekick material?
Sidekick?
I think you are a lot more than sidekick material.
ls everything okay?
Okay, wait, wait.
I don't think we're dressed appropriately for the occasion.
Put that on.
Wait, where are you going?
To change. Be back soon.
Dudes!
BOTH: What's up, bro?
WOMAN: Big Stiffy?
Blowjob Lipstein.
Oh, you have to be fucking kidding me!
Excuse me?
Okay.
What the hell are you doing? You just expect me to blow you?
I'm out of here.
Wait. Wait, wait!
You're self-conscious about your body.
Don't worry. I was going to shut the lights off anyway.
You are the same douchebag that you were in high school.
You just expect me to do everything while I get nothing?
(SIGHS)
Let's make a deal.
I'll get you off, you get me off.
What do you say?
But I am putting you to work.
Holy shit.
Chow time!
(GROANS)
(SIGHS) There you are!
I've been looking all over for you.
Listen, we really need to...
What are you doing?
Taking what's mine.
(GROANING)
No, I just wanted to hear the sound of your voice.
Aw, is everything okay? You seem stressed.
Stressed?
There you are!
No, no, no.
I have to go right now, but I'll call you back in a little bit.
Okay. And don't worry, I won't watch Gossip Girl without you.
I miss you, babe.
I miss you, too.
Listen, Vicky, about last night,
that wasn't me.
With what happened...
I don't know. lt might be normal in your world.
What do you think happened?
Well, all our clothes were on the floor.
Yeah, because they were soaking wet
from when you got drunk and fell in the lake.
I took care of you.
So, we didn't have sex?
Of course not.
Oh, thank God!
I'm glad you think so highly of me.
No.
Vicky, wait.
MIA: Oh, yeah! Oh, my God! (MOANING)
Mia, stop.
Oh, my God, yeah!
I'm about to! I'm about to!
(SCREAMING)
Heather.
What the hell?
You have something going on with this skank?
Who are you calling a skank, you fucking bitch?
Whoa! Whoa! (MIA SCREAMING)
Stop it!
Ow! What the fuck?
That's my extension, you bitch!
You motherfucker!
No, Mia! Wait a minute!
By the way, I fucked Mario Lopez!
(BONES CRACKING) (GROANING)
Ooh...
Okay, it's my turn now.
Uh-uh. Not this time.
Now you know how it feels, Big Stiffy.
Gross!
Fuckin' yuck!
You didn't actually think I'd fall asleep again, did you?
Jesus, Kara. What are you doing here?
Your creepy friend invited me and all my girlfriends.
Nice outfit, by the way. Very kinky.
Don't worry. I locked it.
Oh, Jesus.
What the hell kind of freaky shit is going on in here?
AJ, what are you doing here?
I followed you. I had to see it with my own eyes.
First you fuck with my jet ski, then you fuck my girlfriend?
No! God, no! Nothing happened.
You're going down, Sandler.
Jesus Christ!
(SPITS)
AJ: I'm going to kill you!
Jim, what the fuck are you wearing?
Hey, I can explain everything! Jesus!
Come on! Shit!
Come on, I'm not fighting you, okay?
This is silly. I'm an adult.
Because to me you look like a little bitch pussy.
(BOYS LAUGHING)
Look, AJ, just calm down, okay?
What makes you little fuckers think you can crash one of the Stifmeister's parties?
Did you just refer to yourself as "the Stifmeister"?
Because that's the lamest name ever!
I'm going to fucking kill you.
Bring it on.
(CROWD EXCLAIMING)
Where do you think you're going?
Don't mess with the Class of '99, bitch!
Finch!
Don't hurt my friend!
(GROANING)
Get off my husband, you little piece of shit!
(INDISTINCT CHATTER ON POLICE RADIO)
Oh, crap! It's the fuzz!
I need an escape route!
Oh, shit!
Fine! He's all yours.
Come on, man!
Jim, what's going on?
I am so sorry for all of this. I can explain.
She was too drunk to drive, so I drove her home.
And she started taking off her clothes, and touching my...
Okay, I know it doesn't sound good, but nothing happened, okay?
I don't care about her at all!
Thanks a lot.
No, no, Kara, wait. I didn't mean...
It's not what you think, okay?
I swear, I was just trying to do the right thing, and I...
(SIGHS) You have to believe me, Michelle, please.
Whether I believe you or not,
I'm going to stay with my grandmother.
Hey, the fight's over, guys.
We're not here to stop a fight.
We're here about that stolen motorcycle.
Looks like the VIN numbers match up.
You're under arrest.
He won that bike betting on the World Cup in Argentina. You made some sort of mistake.
Paul, what's going on? What is this about?
Paul!
STIFLER: Hey, shitbreak, when you're getting rammed by your cellmate tonight,
think of Kevin.
Michelle, can I just... Please!
Oh!
Ah!
Dad? Ah!
Dad?
You didn't see me! I'm not here!
ls he all right?
I don't know.
What are we going to do about Finch?
Fuck Finch. Let him spend the night in jail.
Some friend you are.
You don't call me, you don't e-mail,
You guys didn't even let me know you were coming back for the reunion.
Because we knew, somehow, you would find a way to screw things up.
Oh, I'm sorry, Jim.
this weekend, like we did in high school.
But we're not in high school anymore.
When are you going to realize that things will never be the way they used to be?
(SCOFFS)
Fine.
Guess the party's over.
Dicks.
(SIGHS)
Well, that was a great party.
I honestly think I had fun.
Well, that makes one of us.
Have you heard from Michelle?
No. She doesn't want to talk to me.
What about the reunion tonight?
She said she may or may not come.
What's going on with you two?
Jim, is there anything you want to talk about?
(CLEARS THROAT)
Okay.
Um...
How often
did you and Mom...
You know?
ls that what this is about?
You and Michelle haven't been...
Not lately, no.
Oh...
ls it
an erectile problem?
Because sometimes you can buy a little time
with a well-placed thumb.
Oh, God. I'm just saying.
I don't think that's it. That's not it?
Oh! That's something to keep in your back pocket, because that's a no-fail.
Okay, let's be done with that.
No, things in that department were fine.
And then Evan was born
and we kind of stopped.
And they haven't really picked up since, you know?
This is not a problem, so do not worry.
Before you were born,
your mother and I, we would do it every day.
Sometimes two or three times a day.
This is back in the '70s. A lot of experimentation was going on.
Your mother favored something she called, "diving for dollars."
Holy shit. I'm sorry, I don't need...
(CLEARS THROAT) That's fine, we can...
I don't have to go on with that.
But my point is, when you have a kid, you become a dad and a mom.
But it's very important not to stop being a husband and a wife.
And if you do that, the sex will come.
That actually makes a lot of sense.
But you can't just wait for the two of you to be alone.
You have to make your own alone time.
Why do you think you went to Hebrew school three times a week?
Sundays, noon to three? Tuesdays, four to seven?
Okay, I get it, Dad.
If you get it, then why the questions?
I'm sorry.
You're going through this, I am sorry. I should be listening.
No, I'm overreacting. I'm sorry.
(SIGHS) Thank you.
Again. Really.
Anytime.
Welcome, you guys.
Listen, find your nametag, find out what table you're sitting at.
Ashley, so good to see you! Oh, my God.
Billy! Oh, my God, you're looking so svelte.
You used to be morbidly obese. I was concerned.
KEVIN: Hey.
Hey, Jim. Oz.
Where is Mia?
Oh. I'm sorry, man.
I am not sure yet.
What happened? I called the police department a thousand times.
I appreciate that, Kevin. But my mom, actually, bailed me out.
Guys, I screwed up.
That bike belongs to my boss.
And I was promised a raise, and I didn't get it, so I
The truth is that my life isn't interesting at all.
I am an assistant manager at a Staples in Bayonne, New Jersey.
I lied to my best friends, and I'm sorry.
You know, Finch, just because you sold out
and got a boring job like most of us,
Yeah, come on, man. None of that shit matters.
What about your arm?
Oh.
I spilled coffee on myself while I was driving.
No. (CHUCKLES)
lt hurt like a bitch, though.
I'll bet. Jesus, Finch.
Oh, hey, check this out, you guys.
OZ: A lot of memories.
"Steve Stifler.
"Hopes to keep the party going with his boys."
(CLICKS TONGUE)
Any sign of him yet?
I don't think he's going to show.
(SIGHS)
Stifler?
How'd you find me?
We asked your mom.
Oh, no. I didn't do anything.
We wanted to apologize for what we said last night.
(SIGHS)
Yeah, you did. I get it, you guys think I'm a dick.
Okay. Well,
maybe you are kind of a dick.
But,
And you're our dick.
Yeah, man. You were one of the biggest reasons that high school was awesome.
Yeah, high school was awesome.
Then we graduated and everybody started getting jobs
and getting married and having kids
and all that other stupid shit.
Now, look at me. I'm the bitch of this place.
Especially mine.
But what do you say we keep this party going, and hit up this reunion together?
What the hell is going on here?
Oh, my God. This is the jackass.
You're not even close to being finished and you're up here
"chilling with your posse"?
Sorry, we can explain.
No, Kevin.
Yeah, Kevin, allow him.
It's Stifler, fucker.
(SCOFFS) Oh, wow. Who the hell do you think you are?
Are you acting tough in front of your girlfriend? Huh?
Because we both know she's only with you for your money.
Definitely not for your dick.
Because anybody that's peed next to you
knows it's the size of a leprechaun's pinkie.
That's not true.
(MOCKINGLY) "That's not true." Oh, yeah, it is.
Look, just because you got a fancy office and I don't even have a desk
doesn't change who we really are.
The truth is, you're still a dork,
and I can still kick your ass.
But I'm not going to.
You know why?
And if you even look at me again,
I will shit in your briefcase.
Dudes?
By the way, I had no clue what I was doing with any of this shit,
so you got a lot of work to do.
(PUNK ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
Of course.
What do you think about the Lions this year? They got a shot?
We'll see if their offensive line can hold.
Are you planning on being on Celebrity Dance Off: All Stars?
I actually haven't thought much about that.
You should think about it.
I'm sorry, guys, you'll have to excuse me.
Can I cut in?
I don't know. Can you promise to keep your shirt on?
Come on, buddy, I'm busting balls. Huh?
Yeah, of course.
I'll get us some drinks.
Okay.
Hey.
Shouldn't you be dancing with your girlfriend?
Uh...
Mia and I are over.
She wanted me to be someone else.
Something that I don't want to be.
What do you want, Chris?
Heather, I want this.
I want us.
What about your career? LA?
Look, I know that it's crazy.
And I don't have all the answers right now, but I see you,
and I just know
I want you.
I love you.
So, I'm skiing down a mountain.
Guy has a heart attack right there.
Saved his life. lt was a big story, you can google it.
Yeah, it was.
I bet.
Holy shit! Excuse me.
Hey, excuse me. What the hell is going on?
Seriously, this guy?
I'm a fucking heart surgeon, this guy's not even on ESPN.
Hey, take it easy, Ron.
What are you going to do? Hit me, Oz? Huh?
Oh, I got an idea. What about a dance-off? Huh?
This isn't a reality show, okay? This is the real world.
You take one swing at me, I will sue you for all you're worth.
(GASPS)
I'm not worth jack shit, Dron.
I'm your dick.
Dropped him!
Listen, we had a blast the other night.
Have you ever thought about being a party planner?
Because we want you to plan our wedding.
Say yes.
Yeah, yeah! I'd love to.
Thanks! This is great, man.
Thank you so much. Thank you, bro.
You're welcome. Thank you.
I have to tell you something.
Look, Paul, I didn't like you because you climbed the Alps,
or killed a camel with your bare hands.
I liked you because you were still the same good guy
that was actually nice to me in high school.
I'm still that guy.
I really am.
You know, the last time I was here was for prom.
I didn't have a date.
Neither did I.
I have to get a drink.
What?
Kev! Hey!
Hey, Jess!
Thanks. I'm kidding.
Let's just get this out of the way. (CLEARS THROAT)
I'm a lesbian now, and this is my girlfriend. This is Ingrid.
Lesbians? (LAUGHING) I knew it!
Why don't you guys make out and prove it.
You must be Stifler. I've heard a lot about you. Ow!
Mostly negative.
Cool, dude. What the fuck?
Jessica, it's good to see you.
What the...
Look, Kev, I think you should go talk to Vicky.
She's really upset over there.
Yeah, thanks.
Nice to meet you.
Be a real man, you have a beard now.
Kevin, don't. I'm fine.
Come on. I was a complete jerk last night.
I was just upset that you would think that I would do that
knowing that you're married.
Honestly, that was more about me being nervous.
Seeing you again, all these old feelings came up, and...
I don't know, I guess I just felt guilty.
But the fact that I still have feelings for you
just means that what we had was special.
Don't get me wrong, all right.
I love Ellie more than anything.
But no matter how much time passes
you'll always be my first love.
Kev. Hey.
You have to try these cupcakes, they're awesome.
Oh, my God! The Vicky? Kevin has told me so much about you.
You're a really lucky girl. He's a great guy.
Come dance with us. No, it's okay.
Yes, come on, this is happening. Come on.
(SLOW ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
Hey.
My name's Jim.
We were in Mr. Lee's English class together.
Really?
Yeah, I... Sorry, I don't remember you.
Okay.
I was the kid who everyone saw on the Internet.
Mmm.
Sorry, you're going to have to be more specific.
I pre-ejaculated twice.
Levenstein. Yeah, Jim Levenstein.
Now I remember. Yeah.
So, how have you been since high school?
Pretty good. Yeah, pretty good. Let's see.
Um...
I married the most wonderful woman in the world.
And we have the cutest kid ever.
lt sounds like things are perfect.
I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make it perfect.
And that means being the sexiest husband possible.
Michelle, you look beautiful.
Oh, thanks.
Would you like to dance?
I'd love to.
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
Whoo!
Stifler.
Sherman? The Sherminator?
What the fuck have you been up to?
And divorced.
Oh! I'm sorry.
But, you know what, at least I got to keep little Furlong.
You named your kid after Eddie Furlong?
Yes, I did. You know why?
Because Terminator 2 is still the greatest film ever made.
Dude, you need to get banged bad.
I'm gonna help you out.
Your cock can thank me later, what do you say?
No, no. See, I'm not gonna fall for that again.
Come on.
I know I was bit of a jerk back in the day,
but I've grown up a lot since then.
Please, let me help you out.
Psyche!
I'm just messing with you.
Get over here, you little rascal.
Hey, let's find you some puss-puss. Let's go.
Okay, we have to get out of here.
It's about time. Yeah.
It's a lost cause.
All these women are either married or came with dates.
WOMAN: Hey, Loni.
Dude, how would you like to have your world blown?
(BEEPING)
Hasta la vista, Stifler.
(SIGHS)
Great, everybody's getting laid but me.
Excuse me.
Hi. Hi.
I'm looking for Paul Finch. Have you seen him anywhere?
What do you want with Finch?
I'm here to pick him up. I'm his mom.
Finch has a mom?
I mean, you're Finch's mom?
Yeah. Are you a friend of his?
Oh, yeah.
Paul is like my best friend.
I love him so much. More now than ever before.
ln fact, I can't believe we haven't met. I'm Steven Stifler.
I'm Rachel.
What? What is it?
I just got this feeling like something really bad is about to happen.
Don't worry. I'll be as quiet as a church mouse.
(CHIMING)
(BOTH MOANING)
I want you so bad.
(IN HUSKY VOICE) Oh, you have no idea!
Oh, God! Oh, God!
Oh, God, there it is. I don't think I can hold it anymore.
Hold it in!
I'm sorry, I will.
Oh, yeah, I need this.
Oh, God, Michelle! Fuck, I love you!
Jim?
(BOTH PANTING)
Nadia?
I'm sorry. You are busy, yes?
No. Yes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Nadia, it's so nice to see you.
But do you think you could give us a minute?
Three minutes.
Okay! So nice you are still together.
BOTH: Aw!
And I see you've gotten much better at this.
Well, thanks.
That's Jim? He looks nothing like me.
(BOTH MOANING)
You know, when I was in high school, I dated a lacrosse player.
ln fact, I dated a few of them.
You don't say.
I always wanted Paul to be more into sports.
But he was never that interested.
You don't have to sugarcoat it.
Finch was a klutz.
Yeah, I guess he was, but he did not get that from me.
I was head cheerleader.
And if there's anything I learned from lacrosse players,
it's that I like to handle a stick
and cradle those balls.
(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)
I love you.
Are you ready for me, Stifler?
Oh, yeah!
Let's go.
(MOANS) Oh, Michelle.
You are amazing!
Much.
Ooh!
Of course.
RACHEL: We shouldn't be doing this.
Yes, we should. (UNZIPPING)
Oh, Stifler.
Oh, Finch's mom!
Call me the Stifmeister!
Yeah, you are the Stifmeister.
(BOTH MOANING)
MAN: MILF?
Oh, Finch's mom!
(UNENTHUSIASTICALLY) MILF.
MILF.
STIFLER: Tell me I'm the best.
RACHEL: You are the best!
MILF.
BOTH: MILF! MILF! MILF!
(CHEERING)
RACHEL: Yes! Yes!
Stop talking about him!
(RACHEL SCREAMING)
Well, our first reunion is officially in the books.
I don't know about you guys, but my night ended pretty well.
lt was great.
I had a blast. lt was unforgettable.
What happened to you at the end of the night, Stifler?
Who did you end up with?
A gentleman never kisses and tells, Jim.
JIM: Guys?
I'll be right back, okay?
Kara!
Hey. Hey.
Look, I'm sorry about what I said the other night.
No, I'm the one who should be apologizing.
I can't believe the way I acted. I'm so embarrassed.
When I was your age I was pretty obsessed with sex, too.
I know.
I've seen the YouTube clip.
Oh, of course you did.
But, thanks for understanding.
I was thinking about it, and you're right.
I should really wait for someone special.
Just, it's going to be tough to find a guy as good as you.
I'm sure you will.
I feel like a whole new man after this weekend.
Kind of sucks we have to leave, though.
Not me. I'm going to take some time off my job
and stick around here with Heather for a while.
Nice!
What about you, Finch?
Selena and I, we're planning a little jaunt to Europe.
Just make sure you call your mom. She misses you.
How would you know?
(CHUCKLES)
I guess this is it, huh? Back to reality?
We shouldn't wait until the next reunion.
We should try to get together every year.
What do you say, until next time?
Until next time. Until next time!
What?
What was that?
(OPERATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(BREATHES HEAVILY)
Hmm?
What's this?
Oh, no, dear. No, no, no.
No, dear. No! (UNZIPPING)
Oh!
Oh...
Oh. Oh. Oh.
Ah. Oh. Oh.
Oh, boy. Oh, boy! Oh, boy!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh! Oh!
Oh, my God!
Ah! (LAUGHING)
(SIGHS)
(CLEARS THROAT)
Great movie.