if you crave news WCT our west coast
talk radio the most boring show with a
brand-new host entertaining America with
Lazlo
welcome to entertaining America on w CTR
with me Lazlo so the media you may hate
us but I'm gonna tell you we hate
ourselves more and stop accusing us of
being liberal what a load of crap this
station is owned by ammunation I mean
have you ever heard anyone complain
about guns on the station hosts are
getting shot by them all the time and it
just gets glossed over but now some
insight and now have a job if you're
afraid of your mortality and never want
to die here's the solution it's a man
who's got all of America talking with
his unique approach to spiritual matters
he's helped thousands or so the press
pack tells me Chris for Maj founder of
the epsilon program is here hello Chris
chief Lum brother brother what does that
mean man so epsilon ISM is it a load of
crap or is it the future well what do
you think Lazlo I don't know well I mean
I I grow my own religion shit before I
don't know as I'm kind of spaced out
anybody
you guys weren't around chanting lip
balm its chief um well whatever
both sound addictive to me you know only
popular people are addicted to either
let's go to the phones hey Chris Epsilon
sounds awesome
but if you read the fossil records
hunter-gatherer dudes had it made I mean
who wouldn't want to drag their women
around by their hair they smoked
anything they could find that's like so
freakin cool then all the men would like
disappear for days at a time and you'd
only hear beast shrieking in the
distance you know I went to a museum
once that guy's got a point
points are irrelevant Lazlo let me ask
you something do you want to be happy as
long what kind of question is that
yes obviously then why do you mock the
happiness of others well I mean this is
Vinewood we're all supposed to be like
psychotic and dog-eat-dog and you know
bang your best friend's wife I mean I'm
with that last guy we all have a
primitive side there Chris I mean you
should have heard the music I used to
like the eighties it was famous teracle
what's hysterical about being descended
from a sponge and
knowing it what's funny about being told
that the world is millions of years old
when in fact it's only a hundred and
fifty-seven years old
fact and it's age does not change
there's nothing funny about that it's
just weird you know that voice of yours
man oh shit I can't believe anything you
say my time has come Laszlo and so has
yours if if you let it
um are you not that sounds good to me
hey wait are you gonna try to sign me up
for the military that happened once
before
I mean I'm into killing people and I can
say yeah I'll grow it on don't go and
then listen my friend you can mock but I
know the truth about you I can see past
your jokes into that scared little boy
beneath you you my friend like a lot of
other people are being lied to
I totally agree with you finally
inversion therapy I owe my mom a huge
apology uh-huh listen pick a new set of
Lies mine are better let me ask you
something when did you last get laid
Laszlo speaking allies wait look I'm not
an egg I got laid this morning by twins
well they each laid an egg and I formed
out of them what are you talking about
it great
a horny cult leader with a breakfast
fixation I love it you know I'm thinking
of a cult centered around grits
I'll wait uh sorry there already is one
and it's called the South but for the
last time this is not a cult Laszlo it's
a fellowship of like-minded adults who
tithe money in exchange for salvation
and merit badges every single thing we
do is voluntary including the swinging
and making things up why is this whole
town obsessed with swinging oh let's go
to the phones el as lo loved the show
man I really love to make out with hot
chicks in church perfect join us we've
put a price on salvation and it's a
price worth paying believe me look if
you crave sexual conquest family
betrayal class warfare and really
feeling like you are a part of something
then just do it just do it it's so easy
join the epsilon group Chris stop trying
to recruit people I mean even say you
just make this stuff up
let's go to the phones Darius Fontaine
look I told you to leave me alone
happened to your mother but I was quite
clear grandmother not mother it's your
fault it doesn't work I nearly went to
prison man what you told me to do is
illegal in most states look Chris Wragge
is a liar and a cheat he made it up it
doesn't help anyone apart from him the
fact is people need to face their fears
remember I always say that face your
fears
don't run away Darius Fontaine can kiss
my ass Oh you'd you like that would you
like that I don't think so and I'll tell
you why because you are the devil people
aren't really afraid you know yet you
make them kill their family
yours has to be faced that's what I
always say just ask Laszlo hey don't
bring me into this ruckus Darius this is
between YouTube wackos I mean and you
stay away from me Darius I've got a
restraining order dude Laszlo the only
way that you can really communicate with
your ancestors is to pay someone like me
just a second I want you to try
something touch my cane
this whole town man I think you've seen
too many movies dude you can be happy
listen join us be famous find your true
self have a breasts no surgery whatever
you want ly with nine new partners a
week it explains everything if there are
no women make them from sand from
garbage out of thin air the rich cry to
Laszlo well that's an interesting theory
that sounds like it was formulated with
pharmaceuticals but you know I would
like to find about being rich and crying
yes right now just poor and crying but
this is the west coast you know I've
only no lesbians man it's destiny
Vinewood only lets you down in the
epsilon program there are no series
finale
it goes on and on and on we don't
abandon you uh well we're gonna have to
Bandhan this show great my first show
and I do nearly killed me now I'm being
harassed by a former sociology professor
and an alcoholic turned self deifying
coldest please I gotta get back to these
coasts this has been entertaining
America with Lazlo on WCT are culturally
this country is flatlining now you know
why the most boring show with a
brand-new host entertaining America with
Lazlo
welcome to entertaining America this is
Lazlo I gotta say it pardon me but uh
don't call it a comeback I've been here
for years just unemployed but I'm back
running the media god I love this West
Coast vibe everybody here's the
laid-back and lazy I'm here with a man
who gets paid to talk for a living it's
incredible what a concept
um he's called a rapper ma Glock how are
you
ah block is OD nope oh geez oh yeah I'm
a player yes of course
I hear you you're only a few feet away
man listen I'm a big fan I love rap I
think I mean singing songs about
yourself that's awesome
how you livin straight really are you
really straight what you gonna question
me dude it's cool if somebody passes it
to me I don't ask questions it's
probably not laced anyway so who out
there wants to talk to a G Lok caller
you're on entertaining America I love
the way you rap about the way beyond a
person straight you know the French so
Louis Louisiana so we would have a place
to show our kids my point exactly
yeah yeah we need more naked Liberty
exactly look I'm no rapper even though I
dressed like one but I think I could
really get into you know getting
hammered singing about setting things on
fire shooting up funerals bah bah bah
bah
you know striking poses smoking a lid
exactly you see the Constitution was
written on reefer by Jews we win teeth
you see my clothing company lowdown
homebody G says this I love reefer it's
the rule if you're a rapper well sound
like some great rules you know you get a
lot of flack in the media these days a
recent press conference your manager
came to your defense
people say gangsta rap is misogynistic
posturing by fake-ass idiots who spend
more time in drama school than they ever
did pimping or hustling dope I assure
you
Oh Gino is the real thing he's hated
women all his life he's so drugs to
schoolchildren he's murdered innocent
people just for kicks but he rhymes like
an angel and I assure you it's all in a
good cause so either way you can feel
good about yourself listening to this
music I was very informative Big Smoke
is doing a lot for the community or two
it sounds like a great guy so I want to
get in on this rap thing do I have to
breakdance you know do the windmill hey
can you body pop come on lass no you
know OJ no Playboy I ain't down with
that shit it ain't gangster I walked the
walk you know what I'm saying
fresh yo I'm down I'm into walking too
but I was thinking maybe we could have a
break off you know I could spin on my
back you're being funny I'm trying to be
watch it fool I want you I got the
streets I got a rep me and my man smoke
we took over
I've been gang banging cuz I was three
ice-cold killer excuse me gang banging I
never understood that I mean other guys
in the room while you're I'm ice cold
bitch don't let me dump on you G I'm the
streets man I am gangster I'm taking rap
and a whole new direction but now it's
about making words rhyme and I'm doing
toe to toe with you in a minute
why do you rappers get so worked up
you're rich you've won stop shooting at
each other you know and you keep saying
home from the streets we know what dude
everyone has a street in front of their
house that doesn't make you cool oh we
got a comedian huh
you got scraps come on bitch you damn
you walk ass bitch punk the trick bus
though fool I don't I don't know what
you said but uh if this ought to call me
down I brought you some malt liquor use
Oh buster fool lucky I'll hang you off
the window or turn you out because I'm
also a pimp includin dues out pimply
anything you hear me oh dude I hear you
loud and clear man you will pimp
anything listen how many hot women need
a man cuz I mean it's kind of been a
dream of mine to sleep with housewives
oh you
this is my old bitch no no no no dude
you're hos are bitches you're hos are
bitches you all bust up
what are you I'm a buster I'm a Buster
well whatever that is if you dude put
put the gun away don't diss my strap I
love your strap you're a great guy
look I'm just coming down off the 80s a
but please don't shoot me homie relax
fool
no one's getting dumped on I'm a warrior
poet I tell a cautionary tale about life
on the streets you know only too well
that was oh jee loke
hey man it's been a real pleasure
straight yeah good luck with the music
hope you can make a killing we'll see
you next time maybe I'll get to take
some callers like I want if W CTR wasn't
holding me back man this has been
entertaining America with lazlow peace
and chicken grease so that's how you're
going to be entertained on the next
entertaining America here the new host
Lazlo as he conducts a hard-hitting
interview with top Vinewood starlet
Jenna Forbes hey Jenna thanks for being
on the show
you know I've spent a lot of time with
your work especially the last magazine
your NM I gotta ask are they real what
nothing I'm sorry that was awful me I'm
do you do you want to sleep with me no
now you're sure about that yeah now I'm
on the radio how does it matter
wow that sounds entertaining don't miss
the next entertaining America with
lazlow talk is cheap especially on this
station featuring more rich angry people
complaining WCT are
the tight end zone is next brought to
you by lager beer and redwood cigarettes
a game just isn't a game if you're not
drunken coughing you're down the tight
end zone if someone's playing with a
ball or two we're there to talk about it
I'm your host Eric today on the big show
clearing out more housing projects for
golf courses haha
girls in skirts and we revisit the
rivalry the rivalry that never dies
Liberty City cocks and beavers going at
it again love it load it by the jersey
eat the junk food : a plan X I'm Derrick
Thackery grab your balls and run cuz
someone's gonna pin you to the ground
and give it up the you-know-where winner
takes all goodie the gentle warts who's
on the line nah why don't you boys ever
talk about the real issue in sports
today the loss of tradition I wore a
leather helmet playing football the left
side of my face is paralyzed but it was
worth it we won the game I mean my boy
goes to high school right and he's
actually given a choice of different
sports to play there's only one sport I
know it's ruining this country's
traditions and history I mean I want him
to be a big sports star so I don't have
to work no more and he can afford all
the drugs and hookers he wants and he's
only gone started playing lacrosse oh
look at me I'm carrying my bag on a
stick and wearing a skirt might as well
teach my boy to husk butterflies okay I
guess you're right go wrong
it all depends how you look at things
any race fans out there
hey any football fans soccer fans go
home we don't want you here
your game is terrible and we don't win
at it
next caller hi there my name is Cole and
I'm a big racing fan I tell you that
where I'm from there's nothing more sad
than getting shit-faced and going deaf
and 110 degree heat and watching cars go
on a circle for several hours yeah yeah
hey I think that's what it's all about
that and putting a lot of stickers on
your car buddy yeah that really gets on
my nerves I mean I'm a bald man my wife
left me because of it and half the cars
are sponsored by baldness remedy casted
on team racing yeah what in the name of
my mother's cat is that all about I mean
racing team should be sponsored by
things that are family-friendly like
hard liquor or cigarettes not the reason
my wife ran off with that cop what hey
screw your wife pal probably a lot of
guys did this ain't lonely hearts I mean
let's stop showering each other in
golden sports drink and get this ball
back and play hello
color Derrick that callers talking about
the biathlon it's sick I tell you Anna
natural this town is never been the same
since they had the Olympics here eight
years ago kids playing at javelins like
ancient Greeks people running with
burning torches throwing hammers
what kind of man wakes up in the morning
it says I'm gonna go throw hammers for a
living who the long jump look at me I
can jump really high great I have a gun
wanna fight aah it's distracting us from
our primal urge to paint your face with
war paint whip yourself into a sweaty
psychotic Friday and then go annihilate
and hospitalized complete strangers then
you bang a bimbo
from the sideline ha ha bang bang bang
look I love highschool football and I
love gymnastics hey Jack from Idol wood
in loose toes yeah how come you don't
talk about the best sport of all horse
racing I mean tiny angry people on
horses how can you go on hey I don't
write anything bigger than me you know
what I'm saying I mean that's why I
never got in a rodeo man I mean first
off why would you ride a bull go find a
big girl
they they they could use the attention
and and that's all we have time for okay
hey I'm Derek Zachary till next time
play safe people go baby go Dean you're
listening to w CTR or maybe you aren't
maybe you became so offended that the
tight end zone has no female callers
that you change stations I know I would
in half I'm not here anymore
now it's the couple who each thinks the
other is screwing America I say you say
is next with the
Phillips I'm dr. Phillips and I'm a
liberal get to a 10-step program and
12-step yeah you only deserve ten
I'm also dr. Phillips and I'm
conservative today on the show is it
okay to talk to people we were at war
with once and the skyrocketing price of
buying off a politician and we talked to
people without health care who are
genuinely happy not to be burdened with
it it's political debate and discussion
from the right and the wrong side of the
tracks let's go to the phones before
right-wing anger engulfs my wife whose
online high I have an eating disorder so
I like move to the west coast no that's
so sad
maybe we're a support group with some
caring friends yeah maybe you should
keep your finger out of your throat need
a doughnut ninety-nine percent of the
world wake up each day and eat dirt and
queen puke alot here can't keep a meal
down boohoo what do you expect sympathy
this is Los Santos people would give
their right arm and left leg to live
hair it's paradise but you have to
suffer to belong you can't take the heat
get out of the nuclear reactor next
caller yeah I agree with that caller
about the nuclear plant next to the
projects you know nature has a way of
taking care of poor people tornadoes
don't like poor people right like I
don't do laundry I'm liberated
independent and I have three maids all
of them on less than minimum wage I mean
poor people are so happy to work for me
especially when I help them unionized do
you have a question sort of hey you know
I got the same name as you know Peyton
oh well it's a family they know Mary
I was called Bruce by my parents but I
prefer Mary it's much more feminine no
biblical which like okay I'm an atheist
but I love the Bible I have a hundred
that I took from hotel rooms what's your
question well as a mother and a fireman
I was wondering what you guys thought
about diversity in America it makes me
very nervous
well you see I'm heavily into diversity
I'm like a man with a womb lactating yes
I think you're a little confused no
you're the one that's confused I'm the
one who eats Alaskan salmon and children
from Alabama I speak English I II German
food I practice French adultery and I
weigh as much as Vatican City I'm an
American okay you're a nut
get off our show Mary would you please
stop eyeing the producer I already slept
with him so lie Oh
Brian's on the line hello Brian hi my
name's Brian I work at Caligula's casino
in las aventuras excellent you take
stupid people's money I love it
very capitalist hey Brian what's your
concern I did really well in the 80s but
the 90s are proven to be a real drag the
music is terrible the recession is
kicking my ass everyone I know is given
up recreational drug use and the
president is doing my head in the 80s
were really a materialistic time I know
I'm a shallow person drown me look we
need a movie star to be President it
works they're the best liars they do it
professionally no so do all politicians
next caller yeah I was about
deforestation yes that is a shame what
they're doing to the thick beautiful
redwoods north of San Fierro I was
talking about women but you're right Sam
Piero is half the problem it ain't
natural and it's an American look
infatuation and disillusionment is the
American Way but it works just look at
places without professional wrestling
and porno porno is the exploitation of
women some people want to be exploited
like factory workers others want to be
degraded I mean really really degraded
like a liberal having his way with you
god it makes me feel so dirty talk more
slowly please do moving swiftly on from
my wife you're on I say you say and
what's your question yeah this is Brad
I'm really into pleasuring myself good
grace well that's my business but I feel
discriminated against not only can I not
practice my hobby in the privacy of my
own garden or car but my movies are
rated as pornographic I mean let me ask
you a question three films right well
that's where our problem started yes a
producer well right I ran a movie with
two chicks and a dude and it's called a
porno people look at me like I'm some
sort of creep but it's natural but I
rent a movie with two to two and a chick
it's all in French probably wins Awards
called an arthouse love triangle but
it's revolting no you're revolting get
off the airwaves and into therapy buddy
oh that's the problem with men your
imbecile and yet you married me ah don't
rub it in I did I was desperate that's
what we have time for luckily this show
has headed down
when you take the worst qualities of an
elephant in a donkey you get a lot of
shit we'll see you next time on I say
you say you said you like me in that
donkeys jackass I say you say is hurt
only on WCT are be thankful look at that
the Hendersons are getting a new fence
ah who cares they're swingers I want a
new fence we just got one two years ago
after your parents were killed I want a
new fence that's it we're never having
sex again need a home loan fast at the
American Bank of Los Santos we'll help
you get the debt you need to make life
easier we'll show you how to look richer
and be poor your home is your equity
what exactly are you saving it for you
need to impress people fast not in 20
years it's only a risk if you get into
money troubles or the economy changes
which doesn't seem likely
we know living in the suburbs is a
constant competition where you're
defined by your lawn and your siding
call American Bank of Los Santos when
you need to add a rec room addition with
a jungle swing or a Jacuzzi for eight
now that the kids have moved out and
have drug problems of their own maybe
it's time to install a luxury marble wet
bar so you can get drunk and private
American Bank of Los Santos dreams take
money why worry about tomorrow if you
look an adequate today let's go find out
what's really happening in the world
news I'm LeeAnn 4jw CTR news we distort
you can't retort breaking news is
skateboarding turning your son gay also
san fierro has been hit by 1/10 scale
chaos recently following a series of
many terrorist attacks
tiny techno terrorists are suspected
more on that story as it comes in a
district attorney is facing a long jail
sentence after he was arrested outside
the van Gogh hotel trying to escape with
well over a ton of marijuana police are
currently investigating claims it was
for personal use staying with pot police
are celebrating the destruction of a
major hall of marijuana in Flint County
recently unfortunately the huge fire
caused problems for local wildlife much
of which was found eating chocolate
listening to the same band over and over
and buying fractal artwork Richard burns
is on the scene
oh man I have wicked baked a man in the
movie you got shot but you look great
baby
who's the guy with the antler oh shit no
dude dude I was just checking shit she
was in heat
no it's coal dude she's your dough don't
be cool all right inhabitants of bone
County reported further inexplicable
lights over the desert yeah government
officials blame the water supply and
more positive news came from Street good
guy Big Smoke who today unveiled his new
orphanage in a ceremony in Los Santos
yes thank you I just like to say this is
a great day for the impoverished and
disadvantaged of Los Santos and it's a
real honor that I am as generous as I am
I remember when I was a little boy my
dear mother would ask me what I wanted
to be when I grew up and I said mom I
wanna be a savior it's a great
opportunity the Big Smoke
orphanage teaches kids important skills
I was an orphan I stopped I saw friends
make mistakes again poor from the path
of righteousness but now thanks to the
generosity of a great man like me cares
is gonna be same Big Smoke baby remember
the name in crime news Asian gang
trouble in San Fierro is on the rise
with problems developing between Chinese
triad gangs and Vietnamese gangs a
government official released this
statement hey if they want to kill each
other it's great it means your taxes go
down I'm LeeAnn 4jw CTR news stay
indoors
need to meet someone very special Lonely
Hearts is next
welcome to lonely hearts the place where
we make dreams come true where we bring
people together and we remind you about
what really matters in matters of the
heart great abs and a fat wallet hi
lonely hearts on the phone speak hello
my name is zero I'm a first-time caller
and to the show I used the telephone
before but I am having real trouble with
women I don't know any yeah I don't know
any well we all go through Lane spells
you know after a drought you'll sell for
anything that drops out of the sky
especially illegal immigrants stowed
away in the landing gear so exotic no no
I I do write I masturbate quite often if
that's what you're implying I'm just
saying this is quite a lean spell lady
well that's too bad
still after winter comes spring and
after the rain the trees blossom and
drop leaves and shit all over my yard
well this is quite a winter do you
understand what I'm saying try to try a
nuclear winter I've never even been near
a woman close enough to grab you know
what to say
well that's odd considering you give
advice I don't think I can help look I'm
just being honest here I wouldn't even
subject you to a hooker please lady I
don't want to be celibate there's a lot
of people out there with a vow of
celibacy and look at all the joy they
bring to the world I'd love to help but
it sounds serious and I like to keep
things strictly trivial who's on the
phone how's your heart I saw a
documentary about the serial killer and
fell in love with him he's been turned
down for parole for eating a guard
poor baby I can't get gotta go visit
that's so terrifying maniac love doesn't
have to be a crime like when you would
rhyme like when you would write your
name over and over maniacally in a
spiral bound notebook in class just
wishing he'd turn around during algebra
class and say do you want to study
tonight and then he's so overwhelmed
with passion when he sees your
polynomials and then um Oh a my lonely
heart um yes you are
oh I couldn't tell I was on hold forever
and I heard some pathetic woman weeping
about her I school algebra fantasy don't
you remember how unexperienced you were
school it was over in three seconds I
could never hold my own oh yeah maybe
for you do you have a question I just
can't meet the right person I want to
meet someone special Oh who's that your
sister no that's just my wife look I
need to meet someone really special
ideally once a week in a motel wearing
leather speaking German Shh
no that's great next caller hello oh god
not you again look it was a mistake we
all get drunk at funerals okay the heart
can only take so much until it explodes
or gets clogged with tar from post
passion redwoods talk to you soon
remember if you're going to smoke in bed
love is like an ashtray
butts one after another you feel like
shit afterwards and you wake up with
someone else's lighter we'll see you
next time on lonely hearts no wonder
these people are alone that was lonely
hearts at home at work or in rehab
listen to WCT are next up its
sensational is propaganda I mean the
news
i'm leanne 4jw CTR news here's what you
should think matters breaking news
strange lights spotted over the desert
here's an eyewitness report i see some
strange lights over the desert yep
or did currently we have no more
information in other news residents are
upset at taxes funding the los santos
Museum of Natural History this
fascination with the past is ridiculous
I mean I've been to Pangea it was
disgusting our ancestors were idiot my
grandmother can barely talk she's so
stupid also organ theft how to know if
you're going to wake up in a bathtub of
ice more gang violence we go to the
streets of Los Santos with Richard Birds
that's right LeeAnn I'm Richard burns
and I am in a terrible part of town a
town under siege by hoodlums gang and
drug wars are plaguing the city what a
huge sudden upsurge in cocaine sales
have been reported the street wars
between gangs of Bhalla and Grove Street
hoodlums came to a head recently when
several senior Grove Street gang members
were killed while others were
incarcerated the police described that
as and I'm quoting excellent news back
to you Lee Ann hey is this been cut
bridges linking red county and flint
county finally reopened recently after
long delays following the earthquake the
governor congratulated himself
extensively in entertainment news first
it was the budgies then it was a love
fist now the British Invasion starts up
again
this time from the Scottish village of
Madchester new band the gurning chimps
are tipped for stardom we caught up with
the lead singer Macker when he landed in
los santos Airport the kitty chips are
coming to a maker man we're gonna take
all what my my words and white my
fucking ass
lock up your doors and get
Susi's Manchester's in the area Lianne
4jw CTR news keep it locked on it's
getting worse out there in darkness you
only have your nocturnal instincts to
rely on ultimate disk in the dark the
electric stimulating new game that's
sweeping san fierro
it's a non-contact contact sport where
you throw a flying disc in the dark it's
a new competitive sport for the
uncompetitive an aggressive
action-packed game for those who love
nature and living on the edge
it's harder than football it's faster
than rugby it's about throwing a plastic
disc and catching it pitch then catch
run to the goal and score ultimate disc
in the dark just like a real sport only
we made it up and it has a great social
side oh my god what see how on I'm on
the other team me too ah take that silly
but if you catch it you gotta know what
to do with it
some will struggle some will submit
everyone is laughing when it's your
quest to come out on top this is a great
excuse for some serious fun and a way to
meet people like you and never see them
again at family games begin at sunset
every night in san fierro civic park or
start your own game and because of
tonight it's not too embarrassing to
play a strip version come and play
turn over in case you learn something
the news is next
Liane 4jw CTR news unfair and skewed for
you in the top stories everyone is
trying to kill you but at least you're
not in prison yet disgraced movie star
jack howitzer broke his silence recently
following his on-air murder of radio
host Billy Dexter facing trial and a
possible death sentence how occurs spoke
to Richard W CTR we'd like to be clear
we did pay for this interviews that's
right Lee Anne I am Richard burns here
in Los Santos prison as we all know
since politicians stopped musicians from
coming here to sing songs about shooting
a woman on drugs everyone is now
questioning their sexuality jack
howitzer you're facing a death sentence
how do you feel about that I broke out
of a pee owk in Korea right so I'll be
honest ooh
correct me if I'm wrong but I believe
that was a movie and it wasn't real
oh no it was real I'm a veteran of over
40 films but I've got a different Oh
Gina say hello to the newsman Hootie um
hello you want me to kill you like the
last Ho Chi say it like an Asian girl
uh-oh
oh wow Jack howitzer that is a fine
prison bitch where can I get one of
those Richard burns WCT our news the
trial of allegedly disgraced police
officers Frank Tenpenny and Eddie
Pulaski began yesterday although mr.
Pulaski was not a court personally
prosecutors maintain both are guilty of
murder racketeering drug running and
sexual offenses defense maintained
officers were just doing their job
government officials are denying any
knowledge of black helicopters that were
recently seen flying over the state
black helicopters what black helicopters
that clears it up a loss of insurance
institution Caligula's forced to admit
that it was recently robbed it's the
first major heist carried out on a
venture as casino in 30 years government
officials are not ruling out foul play
meanwhile no explanation has been
forthcoming as to why the Sherman dam
stopped generating electricity for a few
hours recently one bystander blamed
aliens who drink electricity before
deflowering virgins
I'm Leanne 4jw CTR news
it's going to get worse trust me up next
on W CTR it's the man coaches hate it's
Derek Thackery in the tight end zone
brought to you by aris pump up shoes
because women love a winner and winners
wear shoes should we start with the
national anthem yeah yeah screwed yeah i
got i got too drunk last night just to
play the opening music welcome back to
the titans oh now it's time for
something really important fat men
talking about games they don't really
understand played by people they don't
know I'm your host Erick that curry what
a crazy year has been let's recap drug
scandals involving preschool soccer moms
whoo and the national finals rich and
popular people are fighting it out pay
attention the country is in mourning and
most importantly sports where we talk to
a fitness expert about the crucial role
of endorsed clothing and who could
forget we visit the greatest moments
here he comes he's in the shadows there
he is is he gonna make it
yes he did ladies and gentlemen what you
have just witnessed is the biggest ball
in world history
who cares about a Declaration of
Independence or discovery of penicillin
you have just seen one man score a point
when the rest of the world discovers TV
he'll be able to see this Wow
isn't that amazing he did what he was
paid to do we love sports more than you
love it or loathe it let's talk about it
stay in the pipe and
let's go to the phones ah yeah the walls
hey Derek my name is Jason and I'm a
wolf's fan
first-time caller I don't fold I can't
be bothered but I will kick your ass if
you disrespect my sports team okay the
wolves that's a team playing sports as
if they cared yeah the walls I don't
care who's sleeping with you on the team
yeah I'm with you buddy okay hey let's
take another call who's on the phone
hello caller you're on with a tight end
of radio hey I'm a big Olympics fan
always have been since day one Bend
everyone me too I love the games
especially the luge yeah I'm married so
uh sliding down an icy tunnel of doom
at high speed makes sense yeah I know
about frigid action myself I mean they
got to be kidding me
since when is running been an Olympic
sport running ain't a sport
don't make me puke anyone can run my
ex-wife made me an athlete I ran my ass
off when the Red Baron flew into town I
tell you when I was a kid there were
only three sports that mattered football
baseball and killing communists and I
had a great childhood really great even
if my uncle did come into my room that
late at night drunken oh it was way late
who's on the line we got a Caledonians
fan on the line tough times huh hey your
whole life revolving around Richmond
playing poorly man I totally identify
with shallow heroes who I don't know
personally god I love a dude with a big
pituitary gland
I love the Kali's man but you know this
year I'm telling you they're gonna need
to score some points and get some
yardage and win the game yeah if they
don't win men will be beating their
wives with good reason hey they got to
start playing to win trying to score
some on the other team I wish I had a
wife so she could beat me here's what I
say man if you want to be number one you
gotta go for first place I know I know
hey I mean you know it's great stating
the obvious but once you get paid for it
things get really complicated and I was
at their training camp this spring and
the mood in the locker room dude
guys were getting chained
man I mean they were really getting
prepared shoes were going on feet shirts
were going on the shirt part of their
body serious faces on them and you could
tell that they were going to play this
game bottom line is if they don't score
more points than the other team they
can't win yeah man God you have some
spooky insights into sports dude I love
your show man uh I love you yeah yeah
great talking to you Mme hey that's
really perceptive stuff you know we've
been petitioning stadiums to install a
urinal trough in front of each row of
seats now it's so inconvenient having to
leave your seat make everyone stand up
get up get up you know to let you by
then go stand in line for the bathroom I
mean half the time we can barely walk
anyway all right so we'll be handed our
petitions that say support the team
don't leave the game pee at your seat
going to the phones I'm a big fight fan
love a bit of a punch up since my wife
and children are taken into a shelter my
friend said Chuck you obviously love a
hidden thing so I've gotten into boxes
how about that fight between Gonzales
and Jack well there's one thing about
boxing I always remember you know one
man wins the other goes home a loser
cousin boxing unlike most sports gravity
works downward so you gotta be hitting
me hey Derek Thackery don't shit on no
one but I do like to piss on my seat and
at my seat dude not really on it so stay
out of the way kill me the fire game
that ain't weed is it
of course not hey how could anything
professional be fake
hey there's too much money at stake for
one thing I mean these guys got too much
to lose I mean why is a guy gonna take a
die for a few extra million when he
could earn that over a number of years
getting his brain turned to pulp be
serious for a minute the clock is
counting down again it's time for dirt
to his locker room and celebrate in the
shower we'll see you next time bring a
cooler full of beers
and get ready to riot this has been the
tight end zone oh and this is w CTR
proving that radio is better than TV
that's the show men with large guts love
the news and all the other things that
really matter to you
like sensationalist bullshit if you're
into exploring exotic places and
forbidden fruit stay tuned it's the wild
traveler next support for the wild
traveler is brought to you by the
ultimate disc in the dark Association of
America who encourages you to get out
and play hard hello I'm James batiste
and world traveler and this is the wild
traveler we're discussing the world and
all of its many pleasures let me put it
like this why I have a hot dog from an
uncaring vendor by the bathroom when you
can attend a beer-guzzling marathon in
Germany with enormous men and tastes and
wonderful Germans boost the world is
full of pink edible things and you can
discover them for yourself come along
I'll take you there
it was dusk and the sun bled red of the
city in Thailand as Chen brought me a
sparkling water
a delicate handsome lovely young boy a
world of possibilities but war is folly
and we can only unite by visiting these
epochs of culture where a man can be
himself smoke cigarettes dress in
Gladiator clothing if he likes we
mustn't force our way and culture up on
other people's rather breathe it in
become part of it maybe Hemingway was
right about love
maybe fraud was we're all fighting
inside let a wild creature mate in the
rain I travel therefore I am this is a
show that embraces culture from around
the world let's take our first caller
hello yeah I totally agree with you
about Australia and you're right the
moon is shit also stink of the visit in
Colombia you have any recommendations
oh yes fantastic forms of recreation to
be had in Colombia it's a blizzard of
excitement and cheap the rails are great
and long Bolivia is not bad either or
Peru you'll be surprised to find out how
the party never stops how to vote well a
lighter is the most you need to cook up
food but there's scarcely time to eat my
boy you'll meet fascinating people feel
so comfortable to rip your clothes off
and oh four days next color yeah hi my
name is Geraldine calling from Casa city
this is such a great country why would
you go anywhere else it's unpatriotic to
travel I mean I got war famine
depression and pollution right here on
my doorstep and parents don't sweat kids
you're a rail after college they'll come
back with ludicrous misconceptions about
health care charity and civilization
Europe is not the real world
this is well I love to slum about in a
dirty youth hostel with communal showers
as much as the next man sometimes more
but I have to agree
Europe is overrated Eastern Europe was
good for a few years after the wall came
down but even there the police are too
strict you just can't let your hair down
there are far more unexplored pleasures
to be had in the Far East next caller
you're on
wild remember listening to go on and on
about traveling do you know how
expensive it is to fly to Asia Russia
saw the light they're all coming here to
set up crime families and run numbers
South America everyone went extinct
there they have less culture there than
the content of my toilet bowl rainforest
schmayman forest and Mexico if I wanted
to be that close to my ancient ancestors
I'd be banging my mother-in-law instead
of my wife's best friends look we can
fight like beasts or agree to disagree
I'm sure the summit of your aspirations
in life is a cheerleader with fake guns
but some of us think a little more
exotically than this next : Ramos buenos
dias and not chase if you don't smile I
won't deep harder sorry got lost for a
second speak hey I love this show I'm a
huge fan I visit all the places he
recommended and in a lot of them they're
still talking about you I even saw
posters of you in the customs booth at
the airport in the Philippines who rocks
I no doubt I love Manila had a great
time but that show you did last week
what was the name of that spiritual
center in Bangkok
the wild dragons happy ending very
spiritual you will find inner peace
awesome I can't wait thank man yes we
all love to travel get away from it all
get away from the people with computers
in their databases the police harrassing
you for doing nothing
I just hate showing up to some place to
enjoy myself and people are being forced
from their homes by war or famine or
whatever life is great stop ruining it
next caller
hey the FBI wants to talk to me about a
perfectly innocent collection of
vacation photographs overseas that I had
no idea were being taken I mean any
ignorant fool can misinterpret I was
teaching them how to swim I have a lot
of experience with this I wanted to stop
for a moment and let me read from my
travel journal I think everyone should
keep a journal paste pictures notes
sometimes people object to you taking
their picture but a few pennies of their
local currency and they will fawn over
you some people think this is
patronizing but I think it is fair
enough they need the money and I need
company besides which it is the oldest
profession
what Oh time for me to head south again
I'm James Battiston and this has been
the wild traveler
this is WCT are committed to bringing
you shows like the wild traveler the
show that takes you around the world and
abandoned you at the airport
hello yeah how you doing bitch how do
you like that house we built together ah
you are kiss likewise you that bald
bastard it was but kiss you in the
morning they want their real father Lita
when you just can't be there in person
san andreas telephone for those
difficult conversations
it's a favorite show with serial killers
and stalkers Lonely Hearts is next alter
the sultry anonymity of night and some
of the day you're on lonely hearts and
WCT our West Coast talk radio are as I
like to call it we can't talk right I
love you all
I'm your host Christie McEntire let's go
to the phones
hi Chrissy my wife and I love your show
really help oh thanks
do you want to tell us about it but no
okay Jenny on the line from Santa Maria
hi Jenny
how's your heart broken like my arm and
two of my ribs what happened
I married my childhood sweetheart it all
went wrong he's become a drunk and he
has a substance problem too and now he
beat me every day
stay with him honey after all you're
only lonely when you're alone but he
keeps threatening to kill me Jenny do
you know the meaning of the phrase
homewrecker
no what about selfish bitch I want to
bring people together not break them
apart who's on the phones it's a big
lonely stay down there careful mom Mary
I'm watching you right now in the shower
notice how many lonely hearts are
lunatics
you wonder why or perhaps not Ryan from
Las Venturas
hey dude my name's Brian I'm calling for
life insurance I want to talk about my
heart why do men just repeat back what
you say and never listen are you
brain-dead Brian Oh actually it's ironic
that you say that because my wife been
brain dead for years now oh so sorry
I seemed all insensitive for a second
bare possibly ruining my career wait
help if I slept with you uh-huh
probably not dude though she wouldn't
even notice they mean I get away with it
all the time though even after I did it
with her sister actually our
relationship is better than ever if the
passion is amazing it's like I'm a new
person each time if she was back to the
way she was before the accident Wow I
put her in a coma myself I hit fifth a
fix that's very informative you know
last night I wondered what it would be
like to be brain dead then I watched my
five uncles
god I'd love to live in that house
remember a heart can mend but a divorce
lasts forever unless he makes you a
widow hello I was just calling up
because I was listening now figured out
you know that I can help ask some of
your clients you know this is none other
than Jessie the proprietor of The
Pleasure Dome
if anybody's out there lonely first of
all with all the people on this planet
walking around there's no reason for
anybody to be low yes there that's why
I'm in the business of keeping people
with coming you know I'm saying
people who got low self esteem and they
need to pick me up they need to come
down to the Pleasure Dome hang out with
me Jesse
and my girls you know I'm saying they
gonna keep your company have you feeling
good and this goes for everybody I don't
care who you are how old you are so come
on down and hang out with me if you're
lonely and I will tell you something you
won't be lonely from the moment you walk
in the door cuz somebody's gonna grab
your head and it's gonna be all about to
get there from there good grief that's
not the way Lonely Hearts works at all
is anyone here suffering
I want pain misery desolation all the
important things hi this is camera I'm a
stalker
oh that's really beautiful tell everyone
about it my man
well I call it that even though he's
broken off all contact and is married to
someone else
I killed the Gazelle and sent its heart
to him in an envelope he liked it so
much he told the police and even the
newspapers then I burned down his place
of business and now I have a special
surprise for him you have a great week
isn't that really beautiful that's all
we have time for
if your heart is lonely listen to other
losers and you won't be lonely anymore
you'll want to spend the rest of your
life in isolation away from people which
is progress after all until next time I
hope you enjoyed lonely hearts it's
always fun to laugh at other people's
misery isn't it
have you heard the number one gardening
show in San Andreas if not here's what
you're missing pesticides exploring damp
gopher holes my new walk-in closet
what's on your mind about gardening
Thurber's and and we're vegetables how
God not you again is it okay to cut the
eyes out of potato and eat it well why
don't I come over and cut your eyes out
and eat you what a silly question
if you purchase the gardening with
Marie's calendar it's in the August
section next to the picture of the fire
fights and the cute Pomeranian puppy
yeah I bought that calendar but on every
page you're naked and in a different
garden and the guys at work make fun of
me well let's
if you're ashamed of your human body
then keep your clothes on I am
blossoming in those pictures and I
wanted to capture it on film but I
happen to be proud of my human body as
much as I am proud of my flowers when
they are blossoming I like to take
pictures of them when I'm blossoming I
like to take pictures of it next caller
hi I live here in bone County and I
can't get nothing to grow have you had
any children
I sure do I got seven kids and some of
them's got the same daddy well look
you've grown something little miniature
idiots that look like you move out of
the desert you moron I guess you're
right
well thanks Maury I am right and I'm
Maurice on gardening with Murray's
gardening with Maurice only on WCT are
coming up next it's time for the man who
can grow anything big and strong
it's gardening with Maurice broadcasting
live from his garden
howdy doodles this is gardening with
Murray's and I am rvs ever since man was
kicked out of the garden
he's been striving to get back in I
believe all of life's answers can be
found in something as simple as a flower
its stamen its pistol its pollen just
like me and you we're going to the
phones hello you're on gardening with
Murray's Imre go ahead caller
uh yes thanks for having me on I'm a big
fan as a question my melons aren't big
enough I thought they're gonna keep
growing but they just stopped my
next-door neighbor has huge melons and
everyone just spawns over them
oh that he's so sweet Oh like a friend
there what do I do
oh I would love to see your melons look
gardening is a spiritual light journey
where you become one with nature
however sometimes nature needs some
chemicals to you know kind of kick
things into action there's a fantastic
fertilizer I use called pit - a Terezin
e needs to be injected with a needle so
be very very careful and inject that
right into your melons and they will
grow enormous thanks so much Maurice
you're the best yes I know I know that
I've been at one with nature for so long
now I can't remember what it's like to
sleep inside next call God I was on hold
forever
I've heard that facials are great really
make you look younger
oh yes listen honey I should know when
you look like a train wreck you need a
little make-up or somesuch
you sound like a lonely spinster with
two pussies cats
it's the menopause Maurice I'm having
hot flashes okay taking a pause from man
hi you know I should try that for your
face try nature's cosmetic camouflage
Cleopatra took milk baths with cereal
each morning try to mate owes to the
acid is great it makes your face just
peel right off
hey thanks Maurice that's me fertilizing
mine's enough of you boy airs out there
and your vicarious gardening I want you
to join in on the
on when you stick your hands in the
mystery of nature and you pull out a
worm or a tuber
god I love tubers so plump and juicy
hello Mike from pickle pine in Las
Venturas hey Maurice first-time caller
my name is Mike I work on my line of
garden all weekend long because I got
this raging Oedipus complex and I like
drinking beer and riding around on the
lawn mower too because you know the
vibrations are kind of cool but what
really killing me is I can't seem to get
these weeds out of the driveway
I tried napalm I tried gasoline of
course it sucks that's a little is I
listen I want you to listen to me are
you listening to me mark it's Mike okay
good that was the test okay I know what
your name is I know it's Mark now listen
up listen closely I want you to pave
over your entire yard okay I want you to
just pave it over with cement or asphalt
or whatever listen I have the more--the
mansion completely covered in astroturf
inside and outside which by the by is
particularly handy when some big
football players come over and we have a
little midnight match of ultimate disc
in the yard now when your lawn is
beautiful and green all year long you
can focus on the important matters if
you get my drift
you see gardening with Maurice is
sponsored by the happy farmer yay if
you're afraid someone will steal your
tomatoes why not grow tomatoes in your
closet indoors like me the happy farmer
hydroponics and more next door to blah
toes hi Maurice until next time dig a
hole and plant yourself
that was the show that generates more
phone calls than any other on WCT our
gardening with Maurice all the news the
government wants you to hear w CTR and
now the number-one show for vegetables
on the radio gardening with Maurice
okay we are back in the garden I'm
Maurice and we must answer nature's call
going to the phones
greetings garden lover what's your name
hi my name is Trish okay is that short
for Patricia uh yeah Oh then what I
asked is what your name was not the
nickname your skinhead boot wearing
friends call you at the rallies maybe
you should do less drugs and learn to
try a bit harder next caller hi my name
is Colleen and my husband has a topiary
problem oh this sounds serious
well he started our small-scale just
recreational usage you know doing horses
and cattles we had unicorn but it's kind
of gotten out of control how so he just
can't stop I mean people think it's all
fun and games but what happens when the
party sucks
what happened bad okay just just hold
the phone hold the phone and get a grip
okay at my house when the party stops we
pay The Gimp get rid of the sailors and
15 minutes start crying in unison well
that's your business
my husband's reach bottom is terrible
giraffes lions elephants rhinos all of
them carved out of hedges penguins dogs
velociraptors you name it he's vain Oh
easy version what could be more natural
than a man trimming a hedge into the
shape of an animal very therapeutic
makes a man feel like a God when you can
twist nature to your own perverse
entertainment then you know we've won
eat me
Darwin but now he's trimming bushes into
a spaceship a rocket and a lance he runs
around with a hedge clippers and screens
to remember I did our neighbours even
fashion is Rob into a kangaroo with a
pouch and he sleeps inside it some
nights
oh he's freaking out on bush he needs
help please you gotta help me
I hate hedges well the Romans love
topiary and look at their contributions
to society but as they say if the grass
is greener in the other fellas yard then
you bang is college son when the dad
out of town okay next caller whoops hold
on a second I'm blossoming there we go
all done my name is Henry I want you
blossoming I I guess I am I've really
come into my own in the past few months
since I joined a cult and began tithing
money in exchange for spiritual
happiness and letting everyone take
turns on my wife anyway I have a lovely
garden
mostly carnivorous plants a Venus
flytrap reminds me of my mother
she's in prison now anyway it's so
fascinating how it catches animals and
eats them I started relies and now mine
can swallow a whole squirrel or a small
horse if I chop it in half first have
you tried any experiments on human
beings yeah I've been working on that
good man good man see the secret of
nature is once something is at the
height of beauty and potential it is
time for it to wither and die a bit like
the British Empire just look at that
whole place withering and dying right
before it's run by a queen and if she
had a pistol she'd be the king luckily
in this country we don't know the
meaning of the word hubris but he'll I'm
all over the place here it's so easy to
get out of control when you're doing
something that comes natural line to
your on gardening with Murray's yeah my
name is Perrin can I call you telly
Wally uh sure I guess
I'm going flowers but sometimes I get
really angry and fly off the handle
commits herbicide I don't mean to I say
I didn't mean it baby you'll be all
right
then I cry and wear a diaper for two
days a flower is nothing more than an
educated weed and like all weeds all
living things need to be extinguished
like a life-support machine or our a
cigarette which I won't be able to smoke
anymore if the fascists in the state
government have anything to say about it
with that damn proposition 421 tobacco
is a plant people and if it comes out of
the ground we should be able to smoke it
like coal and opium next caller yeah I
got a question
why is everybody on the radio name or
wreath god I pray to the great Gardner
in the sky that you've been fixed
I hope they sniffed your nuts
off because spreading your seed could be
a disaster do you have a question a
question God so many vegetables on this
show tards yeah that guy was talking
about bugs and plants that eat them I
got a better solution put pesticide in
the sprinklers my kids love it I mean
the ones that live Oh lovely you're a
lovely human being you fucking imbecile
you morons in this town are spreading
like weeds like little bastard
dandelions I wish I could just pop every
one of your goddamn heads off
hello line eight you're on gardening
with Maurice yeah I heard what you said
about bonsai trees do you know what you
can stick that green thumb right up your
ass
oh yes another man who grows miniature
plants so he can feel like a giant a
real man loves enormous trees that he
can have his way with chopping them down
and using the wood to fashion rocking
horses and and suggestive whirligigs
okay we're running out of time literally
but again like a seed sown in a
hurricane or a mushroom spawn outer
space the garden goes on I'm Maurice
until next time
dig a hole and plan to yourself
that was the show that generates more
phone calls than any other on WCT our
gardening with Maurice let's head over
to the newsroom lien for JW CTR news
reporting with the morning memo tells us
- pornography in preschool a sickening
shortage and shiny compact discs turning
your children into killers
plus the epsilon tract a psychotic
underground power-hungry cult running
the government and Vinewood or an idea
whose time has come
the WCT our teen spoke to one member
whenever I'm in trouble I talked to my
invisible friends when I was a kid my
mother told me to be good or visible
people would kill me I'm passing that
terrifying living along to my children
like a virus also police are
investigating the murder of Liberty City
crime family the sindaccos his bodies
were found in a meat factory in Las
Venturas
could this be the start of a mafia war
or was it a same gone hideously wrong
either way America's beef producers say
it will all blow over Los Santos Police
Officers Frank Tenpenny and Eddie
Pulaski are being sought by government
officials in order to stand trial for
the murder of officer Ralph Pendlebury
the pair whom prosecutors claimed have
masterminded a huge criminal
organization have disappeared LSPD
spokespeople said they were undercover
las aventuras was recently celebrating
the opening of the four Dragons casino a
huge new pleasure palace with a Chinese
feel setting a new level of optimistic
debauchery for the country Richard
reports from venturous where the four
Dragons hosted the child-actor
convention fuck to get a free drink in
this place
how do you stay 14 when the dealer's
showing 12 get more on yeah hit me
Richard Lian as you know actors are a
shallow and insecure lot often
uncomfortable with their sexuality but
what's worse are child actors especially
when they get together shimmy from the
cancelled sitcom just the five of us was
dragged out by police earlier today
bullshit hey don't arrest my bitches I
am a star it's just flour / honey I'm
Richard burns WCT our news what do you
think of my five uncles the show that
replaced yours
what do you think dumbass that show
sucks my ass and why do you still look
like a kid I'm 51 years old I just look
like a kid I'm gonna cock punch you oh
oh how do you like that you liberal
media bastard Richard burns WCG our news
back to you Lee Anne I'm Lee Anne 4jw
CTR news I wouldn't sleep if I were you
what is a gentleman he is kind polite
and stands by his word he is
well-dressed and treats a lady with
respect now a club for fine gentleman
has come to lacet Insurance want to be a
gentleman pay a woman doll to me
compliment by 7 20s in her panties at
the crazy guy tonight and every night
your luck is in town at the crazy cock
where the ladies are beautiful oh so
very friendly
come on boys I'm waiting for a gentleman
like you that's right candy wants to
fake fragrance all for money and make
you feel exactly what you're not a lady
killer
it's the gentleman's choice and a lady
always loves to be noticed whoo Dennis
what could be more gentlemanly than
spirit silicone breast why my wife is
playing slot machines hmm come here for
a conference what about my colleagues
I'll make you all feel special one after
the other just give me money yes bring
your clients after all once they see how
drunk and horny you get over a pair of
thick bazookas they're sure to take your
professional input seriously what
gentleman wouldn't
learn how a lady likes to be treated
only for crazy it's your duty as a judge
is the world ending we hope so
we need the ratings the news is next
Leanne 4jw CTR news news with the bottom
line in mind top news stories was Moses
really from Ohio chairs the silent
killer in your home now W CTR traffic
and transit after months all bridges
have been reopened bone county chiara
rubato and less venturous county are now
linked up with the rest of the state
locals celebrated by mass outbreaks of
xenophobia and inbreeding also police
are celebrating the removal of a major
crack cocaine ring by undercover police
that has virtually stopped the flow of
drugs into los santos richard spoke to a
man on the scene that's right Lee Anne
it's another victory for prohibition
police are really celebrating after this
one what officer told me his amazing
true life story of how he infiltrated a
drug ring and how cool it was to get
paid to get high yeah I was on the cover
smoking crack every day you know just to
be one of them
I even took my wife on the cover made
her crack whore say hello to the newsman
bitch hey don't I know you the rusty
trombone right I doubt it tramp you're
crazy
back to you Lee Anne police are
struggling to solve the mystery of a
container ship found deserted and full
of bodies the FBI is investigating and
government officials denied the
existence of an area of bone County that
isn't on the map someone who was
unprepared to be named said the
so-called place that isn't called
anything doesn't exist and if it did
we'd name it something and where is mad
dog wonder record execs the rapper has
battled alcoholism and ego mania for
many years and recently missed a concert
in Las Venturas staying in venturous it
used to be a patch of desert then it was
a mob town now it's the corporate
headquarters of America Richard explains
from the streets that's right we have it
used to be a patch of desert then it was
a mob town now it is the corporate
headquarters of America back to you in
the studio in foreign news we have war
pestilence and a lot of envy aimed at
our way of life stay at home it's better
that way
I'm LeeAnn 4jw CTR news stay alert
they're after us this is well-known
philanthropist bitch nope and you're
listening to w CTR make a difference to
your community keep our city's drug free
look I'm doing my bit
how are you help lonely it's about to
get much worse Lonely Hearts is next I'm
Christy McIntyre and this is lonely
hearts you know and we get dumped or mom
dies it's really a good thing because
really I want you to listen to me over I
said pull over life is not a game life
in love first color yes remember I told
you leave me alone sometimes the art is
confusing lady so is the brain you talk
too much if you look out the window do I
notice your car is on fire
Fernando is back women know nothing
about love I am sorry nada this is why I
am here Fernando gross tire of hearing
women on the radio with bad advice
because if you close your eyes you can
be lowing anyone especially when you are
alone on an airplane bathroom and people
are knocking on the door and you keep
flushing and flushing hmm let's take a
caller whose heart is on the line
love is finally in the air hi I love the
show I'm in a great mood
my mistress just got her period I love
that day anyway I love my wife I've 18
children and why you have so many
children are you a man with a fire in
his mines and a holding his Johnny well
I can't really talk about that I'm
passing on a tradition raising little
soldiers Schiphol do sound like you
enjoy a fetal position and sucking your
thumb
Wow how'd you know I always know it's
fine
Fernando loves to suck his thumb too
it's so hot and sexy people love
yourself first and then focus on others
you're number one your spouse is number
two and in the ultimate scenario they're
number three and number two comes from
Las Ventas phonebook after you see
Fernando's ad in the classified maybe we
leave that for now amigos line eight
Pacey you're on the new-and-improved
lonely hearts go me go Fernando Martinez
speaking of number two I totally love my
boyfriend but like the skid marks I
don't know what to do yes cars and bands
have a lot in common
a real man leaves his mark like a
stallion but I mean I smell it I don't
say anything and he just rolls down the
window and acts like it's all cool well
it's not cool why don't men have a
problem Fernanda learned this years ago
while playing emotional music inside
every great man is a wounded little boy
for a fire fire from his ass climbing
trees blowing up frogs beating up slow
classmates sleeping with your friends
all in the day's work it is life it is
love it is better than warts I think
undermined of life or is a guy who calls
himself carpenter Chris hell yeah I'm a
carpenter I drink all day and they'll
two-by-fours oh yes little people need
love more
anyone I have one client who calls me
all the time the girls complain he's
stuck in the 70s let's take another call
Fernando is in charge
riding the phone like a cheap floozy
nine six hi I'm a very extensive
pornography collection it takes up the
whole house
what is that say about me it says what
somebody should say maybe I say listen
to Fernando there is nothing like the
real thing it is so silly to spend
hundreds of dollars on videotapes of
people making passion when you can make
the tapes yourself and sell them and
make money
let's Fernando heal you like a
chiropractor but not as creepy and
addictive hello
Frank from foster Valley I wish my dog
and talk and cuddle me all night
Jule stay away from animals it's not
legal not even for me it is not moral
maybe some day I set up a petting zoo
for people like you when you want to
understand the connection that keeps us
on this planet since the dinosaurs when
the passion burns like a nasty itch when
fate cost you to leave a town after an
incident or the risk of a father shotgun
is fate an incident is a five-alarm fire
and incident I come to Las Pintas a city
with more love than it can handle
love is realizing your calling I say
this I once play music that brings
passion but I realize you can have even
more passion with a credit card people
enjoy I probably care about that machine
yes maybe did you pull the handle and
when the backdoor passion is different
with every woman some women need the
soft touch because they have been
traumatized others have already been
traumatized so you treat them like a
truck driver and steal a six-pack on
your way out what are you talking about
I am talking about passion I am talking
about romance I think you had a talking
just a second you'll be quiet diet a
goodbye ladies and gentlemen it is so
good to teach you about love san andreas
you in your car touch yourself I love
you all Christi I will be out in five
wears something slinky but sophisticated
and trashy your heart is no longer
lonely fernando has been
here this was Lonelyhearts yet hi are
you creeped oh my god is that Boosh
Cologne you're wearing Jess
that is Boosh Cologne do you like that
and do you like this ah this is
Fernando's signature move
Fernando fashion is amazing Oh Angela oh
let me see that
I love taco let me see alko plz that was
Lonelyhearts
only on W CTR Oh Oh give me this is a
supermarket you two need to get a room
no we don't renegade oh god you smell
incredible
maybe I'll join in renegade cologne for
the man who wants to reek of masculinity
nobody tells a renegade what to do sir
that trees not a bathroom oh really
oh not my shoes renegade the renegade
man goes where he wants for the smell of
an individual its renegade
or instead of renegade try sweat the
Cologne for the animal inside uh it's
real sweat because nothing attracts
women like a sweaty man opinions are
free which is why we're here it's news
and tough that our sponsors agree on w
CTR if you love to hear liberals whine
and conservatives lecture then stay
tuned for I say you say the future of
America threatened again this time we
mean it I'm dr. Philip and I'm also dr.
Philips today on the show two cave
paintings in museums make us violent the
anti beef movement both Hitler and
Mussolini were vegetarian and we take on
the highly-charged debate about
test-tube babies and actually talk to
one is flashbacks and go to hysterics in
science class you know what it's like
growing up in a peeker that's all today
on I say you say we share last names but
that's about it I'm Peyton that's my
wife Mary and this is I say you say
we're left is right and right is wrong
or where east meets west and the West
always wins
that wall came down darling yes
unfortunately it did I don't know if you
saw today's news so who is in the right
in this great dialectical disaster is it
as I think a case of share and sure like
love your fellow man and all wear
matching jumpsuits while working on the
collective hydroponic farm growing
potatoes or kill or be killed
crush the weak and starve the poor as my
wonderful wife thanks you decide or let
us decide for you give us a call and let
my wife a professor in social darwinism
or me a lecturer in pointless
anthropology work things out that's the
problem with liberals they don't know
when to shut up and enjoy freedom let's
go to the phones yeah hi here's the deal
I'm really funny but nobody wants to
hire somebody funny I mean how is that
fair I mean I'm a white middle class
very erudite you know whatever that
means but people just respond badly to
me I don't understand it are you related
to my husband haha
hmm I don't think so I hope not have you
got a question about politics yeah sure
I know a lot about politics hey can I do
your job you know I used to be on the
radio back in the day even my husband
can't do his job be a strange pathetic
little sapling let's have a real caller
please hi my name is Michelle I'm a
first-time caller to the show I wanted
to know what you guys thought about the
proposition to ban smoking well this is
a simple issue smoking democracy at work
again in our state seems like a good
thing when you first look at it but
democracy only works when you agree with
it then it's best to favor a
totalitarian state I'm not sure about
this one
I think smoking is an invasion of my
body and I've always wanted to shoot
people I'm right behind the proposition
me too thanks Michelle I also wanted to
say hi to my step-brother Phil who's
been undergoing a hair transplant today
hey Phil if you're listening I hope it's
6:00 this time I won't tell anyone
you've got plugs honey I'm really proud
of you that's great honey but if you
want shoutouts called a rap station
that's offensive and I'm really offended
by what you're saying
I'm a smoker this used to be a free
country when ha good point ollie god
you're good yes good point but remember
our founding fathers grew tobacco it
relaxed them between stressful stints of
genocide and which burning and you're so
against raising taxes smokers pay more
taxes than anyone my grandfather smoked
his whole life and he lived until he was
32 so what I'm saying is why can't we
encourage more smoking and use the money
to pay for better health care and some
cultural programs bringing expressive
dance and Sun worship back to the inner
cities worrying about the inner city has
ruined your academic career and this
woolly thinking is gonna ruin your
chances of getting anywhere with me
tonight Rose the thing is smoking is
good because it lets people make a lot
of money but so is selectively calling
the population so what I'm proposing is
a change in the proposition let people
smoke but make cigarettes much cheaper
and force everyone to smoke that way we
weed out the weak make a lot of money in
tax and keep our national heritage
intact line to your on I say you say ah
I listen every time to your show it
really made me think about the world the
whole new way I moved out of the city
because it sucked
now I live in a compound surrounded by
barbed wire and shoot and kill anyone I
don't recognize all my land just want to
say thank you that's from quality
broadcasting yeah thanks ed makes me
feel a lot better about myself have you
got a question yeah I got corpses from
15 illegal immigrants in my yard I
killed them all myself with my bare hand
can I get a tax break for all this
unpaid work good question I would
certainly hope so
ask your accountant if you can register
them as dependents then hide most of
your net worth offshore at a complex
money laundering system designed to
support the drugs trade then you can pay
virtually no taxes and complain about
how awful you think the whole country is
knowing you're doing as little as
possible to help cool thanks that's good
advice I'm appalled at you Mary Phillips
oh why because that man has a garden
full of corpses and you're talking about
money laundering yes it's a great
opportunity for some profit centric
thinking you missed a wonderful
opportunity to talk about recycling and
organ donation Oh God give me strength
I married a fool I married a fee you
know when we first met hatin I thought
you were so glamorous with your long
hair and big ideas you were studying for
a PhD in cultural ceramic history are
you cross-cultural underwear or
something and I was very young very
foolish now I see you for what you are
and what's that exactly an intellectual
cesspit a middle class disaster a guilt
trip wrapped in neuroses and completely
unable to function in this society no
wonder I've begun to sleep around and on
that note we have to go visit our
marriage therapist there was a conniving
bitch and won't write me anymore
prescriptions for painkillers remember
when the left wing and the right wing
come together the country can really get
going straight off a cliff we'll see you
next time
boy I can't imagine what those guys are
like in the bedroom but I'm sure it's a
bit like the Bay of Pigs that was I say
you say want to be too scared to go
outside the news is next man
you see our state control news crab duck
breaking news is skateboarding making
your son impotent and how to find out
today's top stories
why hatred is good for you foreigners
worse than we thought and our top story
concerns the death of recently cleared
police officer Frank Tenpenny his body
was found in the aftermath of the recent
riots set off by his acquittal coroner's
took several days to identify the body
which had been mutilated and stripped by
the homeless war on the riot of the
century how do we keep it from happening
again
Richard is on the streets with rescue
workers ah I don't know if you ever
covered a riot but the scene here is
amazing rescue workers are opening up a
car with the jaws of life right here it
is so cool hey shut up bitch
interviewing I'm put you're ruining my
report shut up hey hey rescue guys come
here come here
Richard Burge WCT our news how's it
going you dumbass I'm trying to save
this woman get out of here
big chain seeds roots too thick kill us
if I give you any beers from my news
truck you overpaid prick we in this town
is gonna need some healing back to you
hey why don't you use the jaws of life
on your fat wife dude
did you hear me ranking though I'm so
glad you're okay Richard baby
are we off the air i looted some great
stuff for our apartment a fat bearskin
rug a new blender a double ender
currently we have no more information
and in entertainment news the comeback
of the year disgraced drunkard Mad Dog
who was recently saved from jumping to
his death by a mystery assistant is on
top of the charts with a new album and a
sellout tour planned yes people the wait
is over Mad Dog is back on the top where
I belong they they're number one now I
want to set the record straight at this
point I've been hearing all kinds of
shit like I was drunk and I was on some
drugs and I had a breakdown of some shit
I was never in a hotel and lost interest
that's bullshit they just hating on the
playin man
they didn't hating on me since I was in
baby shoes I was in the studio yeah took
a little time off I watch y'all rappers
get out there and try to do your thing
but now I'm ready to drop this dog shit
on your wack ass rappers I got a new
manager his name is Carl Johnson and we
go take this rap game to a new level by
storm
for the second time yeah bitches sign up
right now to get in my whole roster it's
gonna be big yeah get take a number ho
take a number I'm Lee Ann 4jw CTR news
this is the end and a new beginning
prepare to be scared the news is next
this is Leanne 4jw CTR news pop
sensation crow threatens to stop singing
America celebrates and movies are they
true Plus children was Freud right do
they want us all dead now a WCT our
exclusive with Richard burns that's
right Lee Ann I'm Richard burns crime in
Los Santos has skyrocketed with
officials saying carjacking murder
robbery and gang activity is all on the
rise police described it as and I'm
quoting here nothing to worry about
I met up with a real-life carjacker
earlier who showed me the ropes I call
it the three G's you just grab get in
and go oh shut up bitch yeah you'll be
quiet bitch there's a news story
oh cool this is great this is quality
journalism back to you Lee Ann hey let's
get blunted and grab some clucking fell
I have got mad munchies sounds good to
me
fire it out dude you got any papers
youth counselors in Los Santos are
heading to the streets and meeting
one-on-one with members of the community
one citizen told WCT are the real
problem with drugs they always say
there's too many trucks in Hood homie
that's bullshit playing bullshit I mean
way I see it is it ain't enough trucks
and hood ain't nothing like enough and
that's the real problem for people
police still have no leads in the tragic
murder of officer Ralph Pendlebury whose
body was found recently Pendlebury
worked for internal affairs it was
believed he was close to uncovering a
huge corruption ring within the LSPD a
police spokesman denied the story a san
fierro man is suing the Renaissance Fair
for selling him replica weaponry which
he blames for a string of murders
Richard caught up with him I purchased a
working catapult at the Renaissance
Faire and after a fight with my
insurance salesman over my DWI I began
lobbing balls of fire at his house and
burnt down an entire neighborhood it's
an excuse of
the manufacturers will pay give me some
money come on give me some money it's
their fault what kind of a person sells
a catapult they're putting a very clear
warning on the side I don't want to work
very hard so I've hired a lawyer I'm
gonna be rich seems fair enough to me
i'm leanne 4j that was the news be safe
out there coming up next the most
mind-numbing thing since the lobotomy
entertaining America this week on
entertaining America
Richard Goblin one man's triumphant
returns Hickok the Sherman octuplets a
venturous man says he slept with them
all plus noise speed danger cursing and
patriotism finally come together this
weekend at the all America drunk driving
cup high from fine wood you're on
entertaining America with me
Billy Dexter bringing you everything
that is important in culture and
entertainment if there is a difference
between the two from the heart of
entertainment in America Vinewood san
andreas you with me the Dex wanted to
call the show stack the decks but not
yet kill um anyway great big show for
you this week
controversy they'll be giving me a
Pulitzer anyway today we've got some
great guests first up we speak to
troubled action hero Jack howitzer then
we have a live phone leaked up with a
very special guest modern-day Lazarus a
man back from the grave now making it as
an extra in major motion pictures then I
will explain the secrets of the universe
to everyone but first up stack the decks
in which I Billy Dexter meet the
entertainers in the news kill um Jack
howitzer once the biggest star in
America but the last three years have
been unkind people describe him as a
dinosaur an action hero relic from the
80s a muscle-bound Neanderthal in my
favorite the most stupid gorilla in the
jungle Jack welcome to the show kid well
good to be here Dex pleasure yeah so
your movies exploder and Annihilator got
America through some tough times and I
was also a huge fan of of zero seconds
to death thank you thank you but many
say your new film has gone too far
no this is a
men in comedy with drama it's good
action it's got a heart that's what's
most important I think okay well let's
take a listen to the trailer
all right let's rule that she was a man
at war which himself fighting a war that
someone else lost it's over Tim the
war's over millions of Cambodians an
exploder now Jack howitzer is Tim in his
most challenging role yet Ram here
Tim Humphrey school for slow children
you are the new teacher Tim special
needs come it's the story of a psychotic
ex-marine showing tough love to special
ed kids
what are you towards has been running
Peruvian flake through the special ed
school and I'm gonna find it
no juice and cookies but soon he becomes
one of them wheezes that's teachers gun
you want to see it cool are you gonna
shot yourself why ago he was finally
beginning to live a normal life dan
hell breaks loose Tim they're so stupid
you count with your fingers party with
me my country this film cannot be rated
wow that's terrible no wonder our
studios are surrounded by protests could
anybody find that offense not jack it's
appalling you're insensitive portrayal
of disabled people makes me physically
sick and the idea of you calling someone
slow-wittedness
frankly let on hold on drugs are a
problem throughout all of society and I
fight them by any means necessary but
you use drugs don't know I'd rather die
than use drugs
are you steroids and some recreational
blow but I got the funds for it you know
I got the money yeah don't you think
you're just a little out of touch whoa
whoa whoa whoa yeah I'm rich and I work
in Vinewood okay I'm not out of touch
action weightlifting and killing
foreigners that never goes out of style
Dex my last film ok loincloth about
arrest lows dropped into Thailand and I
saved the world by tea bagging the bad
guys that's a spiritual picture that's
love tea bagging let's stuff ain't out
of style things are more sensitive now I
was affected all right when Ho Chi got
hurt and exploder I mean I thought it
was time to do something a film that
made a difference about Ho Chi was a
character exploder was a movie right
right and I was there and I should have
killed them all
don't push me Dex I'll give you a war
you won't believe that look in your eye
right here right now okay
oh yeah I'm jacked out all I'm saying is
you launching missiles from a special
wheelchair and killing innocent
civilians is somewhat insensitive
there's never any innocent civilians in
life if the Reds roll down the street
right now what are you gonna do they're
Reds lost man it's it's over you can
come home I'll shoot those basses with
this the family killer yeah yeah put
that away please what this is a
submachine gun come on it's not serious
oh but you're Billy Dexter who put you
up to this Gorbachev no no you should
come down I heard what you said about me
you thinks they're right shrank my
genitals
Oh zero put the gun down bullies I'm
sure you have huge was Roy stop come on
they haven't shrunk touch them feel
though come on so no do something
awesome touch him or die they're still
big oh god they're huge yeah yeah mom
hey don't grab him like that oh boy I
was kidding
what are you a boyfriend of - Upton Hey
it had me scared there for a minute
IIIi crapped myself take it easy it's
not even loaded
Oh Oh Dex oh shit oh well I guess it was
Oh okay Billy don't get around get up
boy get up come on damn it his brain is
leaking help oh there's only one thing
to do I got a defend freedom no time to
cry only time to die welcome to the land
of freedom bitches
that was entertaining America showing
you why America is so respected
culturally across the world deal with
your ignorance in one minute flat
complex issues in 60 seconds
w CTR if only the world was less like
this I could use a smoke hey put that
out and more like this I could use a
smoke
yo murderer I might have children one
day smoking kills
unless you kill first if you're around a
smoker you will die smokers may look
relaxed and like they're having fun
don't believe it
vote YES on Proposition 421 let's outlaw
smoking everywhere even in people's
homes and allow honest citizens to
legally kill anyone who smokes let's
live in a world without smokers
prohibition works let's prove it let's
move up the food chain it's time to
smoke the smokers vote YES on
Proposition 421 next up on WCT are the
news we try to make it interesting and
not depressing this is Lee Anne 4jw CTR
news foreigners are coming who are they
and why should we care
the FDA warns shampoo is killing your
unborn child
Plus protests continue outside the zebra
bar candy company now for traffic and
transit with Richard burns that's right
Lee Anne I'm Richard burns the aftermath
of the devastating earthquake continues
Travel is still severely restricted
statewide officials say there are still
no reported casualties which is truly
unfortunate as it makes for incredibly
boring news the federal government is
still refusing aid to help rebuild
bridges and everyone is blaming each
other the governor is threatening to
bomb Australia despite scientific proof
it wasn't their fault Richard burns w
CTR police say gang trouble is on the
rise again especially in Los Santos
sources believe in his link to the
rising drugs trade while others blame
the fascist pigs also in gang news
customs officials report a huge influx
of Russian mobsters and cheap weapons
since the fall of the wall the
governor's office said everything is
okay in Vinewood news rapper Mad Dog was
celebrating the launch of his new
clothing line
Richard caught up with him
think about mad dog ears I'm thinking
about becoming a superstar I mean you
know I've done everything I could do in
a rap game
I want shit hands down nobody can handle
me
you know lifetime champ no shit I say
shit oh hey man it's cool that's cool
okay no shit I got clothes I got labels
coming out and I'm sad I'm doing drinks
I got shoes tires rims thinking you know
next days being full of superstars nah
get to wear tight suit and nail a lot of
tail you take you know what I do in real
life
gotta get me a drink go right now cuz
thirsty you know what a troubled man
sounds like he should lay off the sauce
also today a Tourette's theater group
banned from the park unless they take up
mine and finally in foreign news a
suspected US agent was caught in Panama
selling weaponry to right-wing guerillas
causing a major incident but we planned
mostly to gloss over the implications
and hope you enjoy some sporting
activity tonight the State Department is
advising against foreign travel this was
LeAnn 4jw CTR news let's be careful out
there
next up the reason you're afraid the
news Leeanne 4jw CTR news reporting what
makes the administration happy today's
top stories do trees cause baldness is
noise the new silent enemy of your
family and a special report on France
one nations obsession with stand up
toilets breaking WCT our news Navy
officials are denying that a hydroplane
was stolen from a marine amphibious
assault ship recently despite eyewitness
reports to the contrary taxpayers on the
scene are not happy I pay my kak that
jet is both be bombing school and the
FBI is investigating possible links
between the massacre of forelli family
members and the slaying of the syndicate
a Malay unconfirmed reports suggest a
similar style of
was used in both hits an official
commented it could be a wormhole in
space only and forshay WCT our news
don't turn it off
trust me up next its area 53 and Marvin
trill broadcasting live from his trailer
in the desert a new planet found in
space is it really a planet or a decoy
put up to confuse us and ghosts time
travel and a flushing toilet which way
did Newton's toilet spiral and finally
our women made from sand we explore
deeper and get to the truth I'm Marvin
trill this is area 53 hello you're on
the line yeah hi I'm a truck driver and
listened to your show all the time I see
a lot of unexplained phenomena out there
especially in restrooms I am clearly
about the moon we never landed on the
moon it's such a good fake remember the
Russians our archenemy still I might add
them and the Australians and some
species of dog they'd be us into space
the only thing the Russians are shooting
at a space are hot dogs and monkeys kind
of annoys our fast food carnival as my
bed I could make up the space station in
them intriguing I'd like to meet her on
the conspiracy line caller you're an
area 53 do not use fluoride it's evil it
made me kill my doctor why would we
worry about a chemical that the
government puts into the water animals
can now be trained to fly including
several species of Berg think about the
military applications hello caller hi my
name is Emanuel I'm really worried about
hackers sending a nuclear bomb after me
you know through the phones do you think
they could pinpoint my location look
it's good for the economy to live in
constant fear I mean the phone company
they have your name on the bill they
know your number how do you feel about
that I knew it hello Julie from Liberty
City you're on the line a cowboy ghost
has been haunting my house I want you to
take off your blouse stand at the window
stand there for hours each night lure
him in trapping rogue spirits is
dangerous work especially topless take
lots of photographs all right who's got
a theory for me next
the show but what are you guys gonna
start seeing the bigger picture we've
been lied to man and guys like you don't
help much you know you're virtually one
of them soon you know what I'm talking
about
if people could please just attempt to
make sense that's all I'm asking last
night as I was laying in my pod
meditating and it occurred to me why are
you even listening to me turn off all
electrical devices including your radio
Hector in San Garcia why are you still
listening because I was hoping you could
explain these noises what noises God
Matthew - now think about the things we
talked about today think seriously think
can it be real can it be false we'll see
you next time an area 5353 we're sorry
the news and all the other things that
really matter to you like people dying
lady on my body everywhere an explosion
is hanging from the tree this accident
is really cool what would your CT our
area 53 is next don't say we didn't warn
you get the government recruit school
children to beat you up in school or
communist spies I'm Marvin trill this is
area 53 I'm broadcasting live from my
mobile hole in the desert I am telling
you it's hot like alien balls in here
going to the conspiracy lines hi my
name's Adam first I've been doing some
much-needed surveillance in the desert
while hang gliding I've noticed a
peculiar trailer compound where a man is
running around in a spacesuit conducting
weird rituals with domesticus what well
he probably wants you to leave him alone
get a real hobby like pretending to be
someone on TV but next caller it's vegan
you come on man tell the people about
the desert how come there's something
missing huh a map with things missing
ate a real map and that's what they feed
us
Aladdin female hormones and a water
supply yeah I hear you on that one I'll
call back when I got proof you better be
tracing this call
I don't trace calls everything in life
should be anonymous I tell my various
partners that all the time Rick from
blueberry Acres what do you think if
Lomb
I couldn't have said it better myself
clanks truth is wisdom brother and
brother wisdom works that's why we made
it up huh you and I had a lot in common
Vivian is calling in from Carson City
and wants to talk about crop circles oh
wow I never thought I'd actually make it
on the show is that because you have a
girl's name here's a conspiracy your mom
hates you holy shit how'd you know that
next caller my name is Neil I got a lot
of demonstrations to pick up religious
pamphlets let them say anything about
the aliens try reading between the lines
and if that doesn't work do some then
you'll understand all about the aliens
and just where you were planted Mike on
line ten man I think my dentist is
attracted to me she knocks me
unconscious and has her way with me and
it's unlikely but it could be true my
teeth feel great but I feel icky all
dirty and used like a sex object huh
I'll tell you what makes me feel icky
the fact I haven't washed in two months
whatever you do trust nobody next caller
I am a domme Esteban my name is six
three two three six nine four three nine
that's not a very original name I didn't
know robots listen to this show
you know what you are doing to my
domestic odd brothers and sister and
enough of that little guy sounds like
he's been programmed for evil alright
let's get to the real meat and potatoes
news men lying to our face of on weather
balloons historians ignoring my proof
that ww2 didn't happen
the FDA infiltrated by the very device
they're supposed to regulate the plug
mind-control devices but we'll have to
leave that for now you are leaving area
53 you've been abducted until next time
stay alert
they're after you you're leaving area 53
check your rectum have you heard the
number-one gardening show in San Andreas
if not here's what you're missing well
why don't you just go buy your
vegetables at the grocery store then
you're sycophant god I just don't
understand people you go to hell well
screw you too mom
see if you're ever on the show again
next caller hello yeah what's that plan
that blooms every 12 years is it behind
smells like hell I want to plant one on
my ex-wife lon it's called
Amorphophallus titanium god I love to
say that Amorphophallus titanium than
the sound of it gives me a redwood in my
khakis if I come back as a superhero I
want to be called that
it's a Martha phallus titanium the rare
botanical wonder see his eight-foot
protrusion as he pollinates on everyone
but why does it stink so bad
it's about marking your territory my man
you don't work your territory do you you
should try it
pee on the front door of your office
just see if anybody thinks of coming
near you okay I would try that thank you
so much for the advice Maurice oh I'm
here to help sailor gardening with
Maurice only on WC TR if you're into
exploring exotic places and forbidden
fruit stay tuned it's the wild traveler
next hello I'm James batiste and world
traveler and this is the wild
traveler from Peru to San Andreas in a
dazed by balloon often while lounging
around garden parties we forget the
brave workers worldwide who toiled day
and night for the products we consume
some are even so dedicated to our
happiness they carry products in
balloons shoved inside themselves to be
a balloon floating mesmerizing we go to
the phones yes we do I can't believe you
actually recommended we go to Barbados
on our honeymoon it was revolting there
were poor people
I live in fine wait to be away from poor
people Barbados is lovely look I want to
be very clear I'm not racist just
careful okay I like all-inclusive
resorts where you can drink as much as
you want be around other people from San
Andreas and the only interaction you
have with the locals is if you need a
cocktail
or some spice in the bedroom with your
husband well that sounds lovely with
people like you it's no wonder we don't
bother curing cancer next caller you're
on the wild traveller yeah yeah it's
funny you go on and on about other
countries but you live here America
rules you call me eat me well we've been
trying Tom you're on the line I'm so
sick of England whoo let's go to the pub
there are alcoholics at least we drink a
24-pack in private instead I hang around
some social setting making a fool of
ourselves people say it so civilised in
Europe bigger thousands of years of
history I saw a movie about Europe once
and I was disgusted many people still
defecate in their living rooms and cover
it up with dirt like a cat you can't
find a decent toilet anywhere or a good
chicken wing and a strippers overcharged
good lord you're Phyllis time you should
stay out of England I hear there is a
casino in venturers that is just like
the rest of the world only with better
toilets and full of morons like you do
you want culture do you want safety
it's your choice personally I want
irrigation of the colonic variety but
that's a whole different story and it is
early let's go to the phones who's on
the phones No
come on call up anyone it wouldn't be
like this in Peru I can tell you now I
once made a phone call with 30 boys
sitting on my lap not because I paint
them they wanted to be there or in Mali
when nobody knows what a phone is and a
lot of people have never even heard of
plastic surgery or the glory hole theme
park there the glory holes aren't theme
parks I can tell you it's violent and
bloody and authentic why are you scared
of you wimps give me a call someone
please hello you're on wild traveller
where are you I'm on Eclair how romantic
I want a jump I know to mean jump into
the unknown how could it be a sin if it
feels good anyway what's your question
why am I here I don't know why are you
there
where are you qinger no I'm in verdant
blood loathe someplace I'd jump if I
were you I want to go to hell me too bye
refrigerator magnet when you get there
on with the show any coolers no okay
maybe I should hit the travel log again
this is for my diary and Sri Lanka put a
few rupees a day I have employed the
services of a young man who has been my
guide in pleasure as well as travel
there is something very exotic about him
I've Linda he could be a boy but like
many locals in certain lights he looks
just like a little girl
here's a real minx who knows exactly
what he is doing to it Oh wrong page
give her
I've render took me deep into jungle and
there we took part in an ancient rite of
passage for adolescence on the cusp of
adulthood we hunted each other in game
very similar to the ancient games of
kiss chase I used to play no wrong page
a bringer has left me I'm broken I
thought I meant something but it seems
he would rather become a fisherman than
than follow me in an exotic life for
degeneracy and not cot X as my house boy
I hate myself why does this keep
happening to me hell wrong bit again
where's the page about watching the
elephants mate and it been really
disturbing and making me
slightly jealous for both parties hey
has someone been stealing pages out of
my journal my producer is jealous he
keeps stealing my stuff and lending it
to people just last week I heard him
saying government agents wanted to look
at it what a load of trash ah we have a
call finally I just want to tell people
about a great holiday
you mean vacation we call it vacation
what is it
searching for a Yeti in the Himalayas
learning to play an alpine horn hunting
for pythons in Africa no Canada but what
about a young man to peel grapes
what about fine local herbs hey it's
cheap and it's plentiful apart from the
rent boy what about the food poisoning
what about the starving beggars what
about the political instability and the
chance to eat insects I don't want
foreign have you seen the news lately
Phyllis time well if you want exotic go
to Hawaii
they still trade in beads there and ride
planks rather than motor boats time for
me to head south again on the next show
will be discussing Amsterdam Paradise
Regained
Morocco squidgy smoke until next time
travel safe Ciao Bella
I'm James Batista and this has been the
wild traveler
this is WCT are committed to bringing
you shows like the wild traveler even if
we received a cease-and-desist breaking
WCT our news we go to Richard in Los
Santos
shit paste luan lasat doses and flames
this riot is spectacular man I mean I
can't even describe it
storefronts are being smashed everywhere
there it's a great stuff to be add there
is free beer for everybody dude I've
been loading up this is capitalism as it
was meant to be baby hey hey get away
from my news van yeah that's right I'm
packing
haha I'm Richard Byrd bitch police
advise the state of martial law has been
declared you should stay in your home
senators are burning the constitution
Bab lab bleepity property blab blab be
black I'm Richard Byrd's WCT our news
Jimmy Jimmy get me some more beer out of
the back of the van and clear out some
space we're gonna get ourselves a
big-screen we'll keep you posted now
back to regular programming enjoy
listening to mental patients area 53 is
next is your child really an alien as
the future already happened somewhere
else and finally is cheese the latest
weapon in a battle against communism we
explore deeper much deeper I'm Marvin
trill this is area 53 prepare to be
appalled hello I get hello I would like
to talk about a conspiracy okay
it starts with food and our toxic
culture these chemicals and our bodies
you must flush them out Marvin first
start by masticating did you say
masturbating listen again Marvin am i
listing here masticating vigorously to
really cleanse you're gonna have to do
some yoga the cleansing properties of
doing yoga with a garden hose up your
ass cannot be exaggerated Marvin it's
time for your down dog to really have a
tail I was wondering when my career
would hit bottom and now it's here right
before my eyes
Stuart is on the line I think everyone
out there will agree that the Russians
are in charge now
foreigners are behind that X or Bo
handheld gaming device to decrease our
productivity and make our thumbs useless
so our kids can't fire machine guns I
hear what you're saying
video games people are dying every day
of malaria and it's all because of the
messages planted in our minds from that
degenerate Ron in the 80s 9:18 hello
okay man
I warned you I've been over to the other
side what are you talking about buddy
I've been inside inside everything
seeing everything remember the first
time you did mushrooms there are aliens
living in the state heal Ian's and I've
held them in my own hand everybody go to
the desert beg their forgiveness how do
you know all this I went to the can't
believe what you want to believe but ask
yourself why should I make this up the
only thing I want to ask myself is how I
can keep you off future shows Oh God
Kevin hello you're on the air all the
missiles are under my control not the
government's control why do you think
they put me in solitary confinement for
eight months because I could launch
nuclear missiles by just whistling into
a phone really great could you wipe out
all the other radio stations in town for
me hey I don't do that anymore I only
use my powers for good look this isn't a
cartoon or TV show let's get real for a
second the problem with people like you
who have superpowers is that you really
don't use them for good if I had
superpowers
everyone would be naked and women
signing autographs at conventions
couldn't resist me all right going to
the conspiracy line yeah this is Montag
okay my name is Montag oh yes yes I got
that hey have you ever leveled the house
with a tall copter no that'd be really
cool I thought you were a DJ you should
talk more about killing people with
helicopters
I prefer electric cable tightly wound
around people's throats watching them go
blue in the face we have a lot of
aerospace fans and plenty of murderers
who like the show inside I feel like
it's time to close the pod bay door and
the rest until next time reset your
memory chip I don't believe what they
tell you this is Marvin trill you're
leaving area 53 she flung be careful
that was area 53 where reality is an
alien concept next up we've got the news
this time some of it's true
who are we kidding I'm Leanne 4jw CTR
news here's everything that matters in
simple terms so you can understand a
dire warning from America's gun
manufacturers and the Louisiana Purchase
beads for women plus wallpaper something
big is happening in home furnishings
don't be left behind our top story
Alan Crawford manager of the rapper Mad
Dog murdered Mad Dog recently launched a
clothing label and compared himself
favorably to Jesus and Gandhi while
sniffing a lot the brutal murder remains
unsolved police suspect foul play
richard bruins is at the scene uh no
actually and that story wasn't very
interesting so I rode with San Fierro
police detective Turk Martin who is
assigned to curtail a little street
racing activities in the countryside
surrounding los santos and san fierro no
it's really cool you have to chase these
slimeballs really fast you have to hit
someone alright discover your fault
oh listen so cool you'll get to eat
while you work
Lucy I Hey stop now bitches we'll shoot
out your tires put that down dude don't
be a dick let me shoot out his tires I'm
joy 110 well slow right now okay in
foreign news a heavily discredited
former dictator in Latin America is
claiming a US government agency sold him
weapons in exchange for drugs that are
now being sold on the streets of our
cities government officials strongly
deny the claim why would we do something
so crazy
we don't need drugs we have good hookups
already besides which do you know how
much cocaine is needed to buy a
helicopter
it's more than I can snort leann 4 j w
CTR nudes stay worry now thing in the
game of checkers in life sometimes you
make the wrong move and get jumped if
you made the wrong move and need money
fast
we're here to capitalize on that some
people are destined to make the wrong
move over and over again it's okay it's
alright what a possessions and life
structures if you can't catch a man
during his self-imposed crisis and a
bigger brokerage and pawn will secure
the funds you need for any collateral
items you can get your hands on just
bring in your stock jewelry electronics
munitions dust automobiles power tools
all movies children exercise equipment
bats coin collection or a spleen liver a
kidney will give your cash on the spot
after all some habits are expensive we
don't need proof of ownership we're
about the most basic exchange goods for
money we buy anything including your
dignity a big o brokerage in pawn deal
with your ignorance in 1 minute left
complex issues in 60 seconds W CTR