- Da, da-da, da!
[Slow instrumental music]
♪ ♪
- [Sniffling]
- One minute, people.
- I still have to do touch-ups \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hon Sylvia.
- What are you telling me for?
Where the hell is Sylvia?
\h\h\h\h- hi, Iowa. How now, brown cow.
- Hey, Dale?
\h\h\h\h- yeah, yeah. How's it going, Josh?
- It's okay. \hit's okay.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\hlook, Dale, Sylvia seems to be M.I.A.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- well, that's not very professional.
- No, no, it's not.
- Damn unprofessional, \h\h\h\hif you ask me.
- And I agree.
Any idea where she may be?
- Now, how would I know that, \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hjosh, hmm?
I'm not my weather girl's \h\h\h\h\h\hkeeper, right?
Right?
\h\h\h\h- yeah, it's just that we're on in about 25 seconds,
\h\h\h\h\h\hand I know you and she are close.
So if you have any idea \h\hwhere she may be...
- Josh, my personal life \h\h\h\his my business.
Are we clear on that?
[Chuckles]
Are we?
- Sure.
Mary!
- I'm going now.
[Sighs]
Ms. Miller?
\h\hum, Ms. Miller, everybody's waiting,
and we're on in 20 seconds.
She's not answering.
I don't really--
I got her.
[Indistinct conversation]
- Jesus Christ, Sylvia.
- Not cool, syl.
Not cool.
- All right, we got her.
- All right, ten seconds.
- Rolling at her.
[Theme music]
- This is Seattle morning
with Dale waters, \h\hsherry Warren,
and sassy weather girl \h\h\h\hsylvia Miller.
- Count it off.
- Five, four...
- Three, two...
- [Laughs]
- [Giggles]
- Oh, what a great morning.
- Oh, not too shabby, \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hdale.
- Good morning, Seattle.
And good morning to you, \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hsherry.
- Good morning to you, Dale.
- You look great this morning, \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hsherry.
- Oh, stop it.
You're making me blush.
- No, seriously. \h\h\h\h\h- oh.
- You look great, seriously.
Doesn't she look great?
- Come on, you.
\h\h\h\h- let's say hello to our sassy weather girl.
- Mmm.
- Good morning, Sylvia.
- [Laughs sarcastically]
- Did we lose Sylvia? \h\h\h\h\h\h\h- what?
\h\hwhat's going on? - She's not talking.
\h\h\h\h\h\h- the rain is sure coming down out there, Sylvia.
How long is it gonna \h\hgo on like this?
- Forever, Dale.
This is Seattle.
In case you haven't noticed,
the weather here sucks.
- [Chuckles]
\h\h- well, I think it's romantic, Dale.
- Go to camera three, please.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- ...A stroll in the rain with your sweetheart.
- Oh, god, shut up.
\h\h\h\hshut up, shut up, you squeaky little bitch.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
We don't call her
"our sassy weather girl" \h\hfor nothing, folks.
Let's go to a commercial. \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- okay.
- You know what, Dale?
Before we do that,
\h\h\h\hthere is something that I would like to share
with our viewing audience.
- Well, I don't think that's \hsuch a great idea, Sylvia.
- I don't care what you think, \h\h\h\h\hyou arrogant prick.
In fact, why don't you just \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hsit there
and look stupid.
- [Laughs]
- Whatever you do, \h\h\hdo not cut.
Do not cut.
- So this is a little segment \h\h\h\h\hthat I like to call
\h"behind the scenes of Seattle morning."
- Oh, my god.
- Many of you may not know,
\h\h\h\hbut from the moment that I started working here,
our seemingly charming cohost \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hdale waters
has been all over me \hlike a cheap suit.
Day after day,
as I stood in front \hof this stupid map
\h\hrepeatedly trying to find new adjectives
to describe the word "rain"...
- What do I do?
- I've been fighting off \h\h\h\h\hthe infantile
and often offensive advances \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hof that guy.
That's right, ladies. \h\h\h\h\hhe's grabby.
- Go to Dale.
\h\h\h\h\h- but you know, for a plethora of reasons,
not the least of which being \h\h\h\h\h\hi am 35, single,
\h\h\hand, um, yeah, occasionally lonely,
I gave in to his advances.
And we had several, you know,
what could only be described as disappointing encounters.
Sorry.
But despite the amateurish sex,
I somehow developed \h\h\han attachment
to the walking haircut sitting in that chair.
We moved in together
and began to share a boring, stagnant, passionless life.
- What the hell is she doing?
George, help me.
Cut the lighting! - No, no, no, no.
Do not cut anything. \h\hthis is good TV.
- She has lost her mind.
- That is, until this morning,
when after Dale had already \h\h\h\hleft for the studio,
I found these.
They're not mine.
- You go, Sylvia.
There's our Emmy. \h\h\hthis is it.
\h- now, these are a pair of panties
that I've unfortunately \h\h\h\h\h\h\hwitnessed
my exhibitionist cohost wearing \h\h\h\h\hon several occasions.
\h\hhow long have you been sleeping with him, Sherry?
- All right, number four \h\h\hto Sherry, please.
- Ah, well put, Sherry.
\h\h\h\hwell, I am now leaving this stupid, meaningless job,
but before I go,
\h\h\hi just want to say to all of you out there,
for the love of god, \hread a newspaper.
This is not news.
This is fluff.
This is tidbits for dumb people.
- [Chuckles]
- [Sighs]
\h\h\hon that note, I will say good-bye
to Seattle morning,
and I will see you all in hell.
- What has she done?
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- wow. Let's do a commercial.
- Go to commercial.
- [Sighs]
That was great.
[Thunder crashes]
[Knock at door]
- [Sobbing]
- Hmm.
- Hey.
- I know you, right?
Wait, I know.
Aren't you that weather girl
who committed career suicide \h\hin a very unsightly way
before an audience of thousands \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hthis morning?
- Oh, god.
\h- oh, shit. Okay, come on.
Come on in. \hit's okay.
\h\h\hcome on. - Oh, oh, god.
What did you do in here? \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hit's--
- you want me to kick his ass?
\h\h- yes. - Really?
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- no, it's-- please, no, don't kick his ass.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- all right, I don't think I could anyway.
You want a drink?
- It's 9:00 in the morning.
Yes.
Oh.
\h\h\h\h\h\hgod, oh, wait, can I have a bloody Mary?
- Yeah, let me whip that up \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hfor you.
I'm going to enjoy an apple Martini.
You look like shit.
Oh, that's good.
- Thank you.
- No, I'm serious.
You--you look like shit.
\h\h\h\h\h\hthis is, like, you look really, really--
this is, like, the worst I've ever seen you look.
- Okay, is this supposed \h\h\hto be helping me?
\h\h\h\h- syl, I'm your brother, and I'm really very fond of you,
but I cannot be okay
\h\h\hwith you being this much of a wreck
\hover that douche bag from the morning show.
- Hey, can I have, like, \h\h\hfive minutes here?
I'm kind of upset.
- I'm trying to help.
- Well, you can help \h\hby shutting up.
What's happening here?
- Okay, you know what?
If you want to get all upset \h\h\hover some stupid dude
who I never liked, \h\hthen go nuts.
\h\h\h\h\h- I am well aware of your opinion, thank you.
- Oh, well, then I guess \h\hi don't have to say,
"I told you so"
because I already did, \h\h\hlike, 50 times.
I mean, this guy's an idiot,
and my big sister's a wreck \h\h\h\h\h\hbecause of him.
It's embarrassing.
- God, you are such an idiot.
Okay, it's not just him.
It's everything.
Two years, we were together.
Okay, two years.
We--we lived together.
We bought furniture together.
We talked about kids' names.
And where am I now?
I--
I'm 35 years old.
I have no job, no insurance,
no apartment,
$1,500 in a savings account,
\h\ha car that I couldn't afford payments on when I was employed,
and, um, what else don't I have?
Oh, you know what else \h\h\h\hi don't have?
I don't have a boyfriend.
\h\h\h- tell me about this savings account.
- I don't know what I'm doing.
What I'm going to do?
It's like I'm starting \h\h\hall over again.
Oh, my god.
I have to start all over again.
\h\h\h\h\hoh, god, I'm such an idiot.
Why didn't I stick around?
I could have hung around \h\h\h\hand gotten a job
or looked for an apartment \h\h\h\h\h\hor something.
- Yeah, that's a great idea.
Just hang out and pretend \h\h\hthat you don't know
Dale's doing his cohost, \ha much better option.
- I'm just trying \hto be rational.
- God, you're so full of shit.
Let me just share with you \h\hone of your qualities.
All right?
You couldn't be rational
at the cost of your pride \h\h\h\h\h\hfor anything.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\hyou did just what you should have done
and also conveniently \h\hwhat you had to do
because of your love \h\h\h\hof conflict.
- I don't love conflict.
- It's your crack.
Now, shut up.
You're going to stay here.
You're going to get a job,
\h\h\h\hand everything's going to be okay, okay?
- You think so?
- Yeah, why not?
- Okay.
- Well, I think we should \h\h\h\hcut his balls off.
- Can you say that \h\h\hany louder?
- Oh, I'm sorry.
Am I embarrassing you?
I was trying to be supportive \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hof my friend.
- Are you saying I'm not?
- I'm saying that maybe
making passive-aggressive \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hcomments
and trying to undermine me \h\h\h\hlike you always do
is not the best way \h\hto help Sylvia.
- I undermine you?
When have I ever undermine--
- I don't know why I'm here.
\h\h\h\h\h\hi don't feel like being out tonight.
Why did I go out tonight?
I should be at home.
\hi should be at home, sitting on the couch,
eating ice cream, and watching \h\h\hold movies or something.
- What you need is a cocktail \h\h\h\hand your girlfriends.
- Yes.
- Hey, weather girl. \h\h\h\h\h\h\h- hi.
- Dale is such an asshole.
You go, girl.
- Who says, "you go, girl"?
\h\h- okay, yeah, no, I need another drink.
- Honey, let me tell you \h\h\h\h\h\h\hsomething.
\h\h\h\hi am so proud of what you did today.
- Yeah, me too.
\h\h\h- you did exactly what I would have done.
- Me too.
\h\h\h- gave it to him in front of everyone.
\h- and the bitch. - The mousy bitch.
- There is no way that frail little bitch is good in bed.
No way.
- Well, thanks, you guys.
You know, I didn't plan it.
It just sort of-- \hblah, happened.
\h\h- so what are you going to do now, love?
- Uh, send out my resume, \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hi guess.
- Oh, a weather girl resume?
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hwhat? She's a weather girl.
- I'm a broadcast journalist, \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hjane.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- Jesus, Jane, she's a broadcast journalist.
What is wrong with you?
- I made a mistake.
- Look, there are four other \h\h\h\hlocal news stations
with morning, afternoon,
and nighttime news programs, \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hright?
So there's got to be something \h\h\h\h\hout there, I think.
\h\h- mm. - Mm-hmm.
- Oh, incoming.
- Hi. - Hi.
- Excuse me for interrupting.
My friends and I over there, \h\h\h\h\h\h\hwe had a bet.
Are you that chick
that totally lost her shit \h\h\h\hon that news guy?
[Bottle fizzes]
- [Gasps]
Jesus Christ.
- No, Byron, actually.
- Who are you?
- I'm Byron.
- And why are you here?
- I'm a friend of Walt's.
- What?
Wha-wha-what is that?
- Oh, that's you, actually.
- What am I...
What am I doing on the computer?
- Uh, you're freaking out.
Here, it's actually \hmy favorite part.
\h\h\h- but despite the amateurish sex,
I somehow developed \h\h\han attachment
to the walking haircut sitting in that chair.
- [Chuckles]
I'm sorry.
I love it when you call him \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\ha haircut.
I don't know why.
- Why--why am I on there?
- You're everywhere.
You're on a bunch \h\hof film sites.
I mean, just alone today
I've gotten ten emails \h\h\h\h\hfrom people,
and only one of them \h\h\hwas from Walt.
- Wait, Walt sent this to you?
- Yeah, Walt and others.
[Door clicks open]
Hey, Walt.
- Hey.
- Hey, Walt.
- Hey.
What?
I didn't do anything.
Hey! Ow!
What--
- get in there.
- What are you--why are you \h\h\h\h\h\h\htugging on me?
- I am on the Internet.
- Well, yeah.
It was a pretty funny breakdown.
People like seeing others \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hlose it.
- I did not lose it.
- Okay.
- And who is this person?
- Byron.
- Byron, okay, well,
\hi don't think that Byron should be here right now.
I'm kind of in a delicate state.
[Knocking at door]
Oh, my god. \h\h\h- yo.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hhey, uh, you brought the beer in here?
- Oh, shit, sorry.
Look, I don't get it.
\h\hyou just went out with all your friends.
Now you're all too distraught \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hfor visitors?
- Excuse me.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\hhi, we are kind of in the middle of something here.
A little private, so...
\h\h\h\h\h- did you really sleep with that Dale guy?
\h\h\h\h\h\h\hi mean, why would you do that?
- I know, right?
- You're way too hot for him.
- Who is this person?
- Byron. What...?
- Byron.
It's just an opinion.
Um, do you guys want \hthis door closed?
\h\h\hokay. - Thank you.
- Yeah--
- really?
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- okay, look, I know you've had a rough day.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hI'm sorry, but stop being a bitch, okay?
\h\hthis is my place, and that's my friend,
and we're going to hang out \h\h\h\hand play some music.
You want to hang out? \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hrad.
You don't, there's a coffee shop \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hdown the street.
My house, my rules, missy.
\h\h\h\h- I cannot believe how callous you're being.
- [Sighs]
Yes, you can.
Oh.
There it is.
[Guitar twanging]
Good.
- Oh, listen to that one.
Ooh.
Both: [Wailing]
- High "c." \hhigh "c!"
High "c."
\h\hmiddle "c" - middle "c."
- High "c."
[Laughter]
- Walt, shut up!
My god.
[Boys singing]
- Whoa.
[Zipper whirs]
- Whoa!
God.
- God, it's late! \h\h\h\h\h- Jesus!
- Turn that light off.
- You scared the shit out of me.
What are you doing?
- I'm trying to sleep.
- No, I'm sleeping in here.
You're sleeping on the couch.
- Are you out of your mind?
This is my bed.
- Well, I'm not sleeping \h\h\hin here with you.
- Why not?
- Because it's gross.
Because you're my brother.
And I don't want you \hrolling over here
in the middle of the night \h\h\h\h\hand touching me.
It's disturbing.
\h\h- oh, well, I'm sorry you find me so repulsive.
There's a sleeping bag \h\h\h\hin the closet.
- Listen to me.
\h\h\hI've had a really, really shitty day, okay?
And I haven't been sleeping \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hat all
because you and creepy \h\hhave been playing
in your little band--
- jamming!
- Oh, my god, okay. \h\h\h\h\h\hjamming.
\h\h\h\h\h- whoa, no, don't--don't--don't--
don't condescend to me, syl.
Don't call it "a little band."
- Why are you being \h\h\h\hsuch a dick?
I just want to get some sleep.
- Oh, my god, I'm not sleeping \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hon the couch
'cause you don't want to share \h\h\h\h\h\h\hthe bed with me.
\h- fine, I'm gonna sleep on the couch.
- Fine by me.
- Fine.
- Oh, what? \h\hno, no.
Not cool.
No.
Ah, you asshole.
- I'll take that.
- Ow!
[Car horns honking]
- Oh, god.
Oh!
God!
[Groans]
- Wow. - Ooh?
- You couldn't do that again \h\h\h\hin a million years.
- Ow, ow, ow.
- Ouch, ow.
\h\h\hyeah, that smarts when you hit your knee like that.
- Don't you have a home?
- Yeah, I live across the hall.
- Don't you sleep?
- Not much.
- Okay, why are you here?
- I build websites.
My computer is busted.
\hso I told Walt that if he let me use his,
I'll give him a cut \h\hof the profits.
\h\h\h\hit's kind of a win-win situation.
Brought you a coffee.
- Well, do you have to be here \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hall the time?
- Yeah, I have a strong \h\h\h\h\h\hwork ethic.
It's a vanilla latte.
\h\hyou strike me like a vanilla latte type.
- Aren't you insightful.
Thank you.
- So do you want to go out \h\h\h\hwith me sometime?
- [Coughs] \h\hsorry.
- Too soon?
- Um, yes.
Um, yeah, I've been single \h\h\h\h\h\hfor 26 hours.
So it's a little bit too soon.
- Well, the offer \his on the table.
- Okay.
- So what's next for you?
- What do you mean?
- What do I mean?
I mean, are you gonna get \h\h\h\h\h\h\hanother job?
You know, a TV job or something else,
and what about a place?
\h\h\h\h\hi mean, are you gonna find your own place eventually?
'Cause let's face it.
\h\h\hyour brother's great, but he's a little bit messy.
\h\h\hhow long can you live with him, right?
And then, what about your stuff?
\h\h\h\hyou got all that stuff at your ex-boyfriend's place.
\h\h\hthe haircut, I mean, you gonna let him keep it?
What are you gonna do with it?
You gonna move it into storage,
or are you gonna move it in here?
Although, I have no idea \h\hwhere you'd put it.
It's pretty crammed.
And then you've got \h\h\hyour wardrobe,
got these power suit weather girl things.
You're gonna need to probably \h\hdo something about that--
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- okay, you have to stop talking.
You're making my head hurt.
- You haven't thought about \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hthis stuff.
- No, I haven't thought about \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hthis stuff.
So I don't need you talking \h\h\h\habout all the things
that I haven't thought about
\h\h\hbecause I haven't thought about them yet.
- I'm sorry.
- I just woke up here. \h\h\h\h\h\h- I know.
- And you're freaking me out.
- Didn't mean to.
- Well, you did.
\h\h\h\h\h\h- you know, you're really attractive
when you get all riled up.
\h- will you stop flirting with me?
- Okay, but you might want \h\hto put some pants on,
\h\h\h\hbecause I can't be held responsible for what I'm saying
when you're not wearing \h\h\h\h\h\h\hany pants.
It's just distracting.
- God.
- The kneesocks, though, \h\h\h\h\h\h\hi love it.
- Okay.
Situation: Not good.
You need to fix this \h\h\h\himmediately.
You are a smart, capable woman.
\h\h\h\hand what you need-- oh, you know what you need?
You need to make a list.
\h\hyou need to make a list of priorities
on how to get your life \h\h\h\h\h\h\htogether.
You can do this.
You are strong.
You need something \h\h\hto write on.
Okay, I need some post-it notes.
What?
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hwhat? What are you looking at?
Do I have something \h\h\h\hon my face?
\h\h- sis, are you familiar with a device called a dvr?
- This isn't a good idea.
- What do you mean, \h\h\h\hlike, TiVo?
- TiVo.
- I would back off. \h\h\hshe's fragile.
- We can digitally record \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\ha program
\hand then watch it at our convenience.
\hnow, I've done exactly that with today's Seattle morning.
\h\h- why? - Fallout.
- We thought there might \h\h\h\hbe some fallout.
- Yeah, I know.
- You may want to sit down here.
- Oh, my god. \h\h\h- Byron.
\h\h\h- no, no-no-no. I don't want to do it.
- You must.
- Go, Byron, go.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- and now I feel we owe our viewers an apology.
- Well, I think you're right, \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hdale.
\h\h- yesterday, one of our Seattle morning team members
had a bit of a, well,
I guess you could call it \h\h\h\h\h\h\han episode.
- An episode. \h\h\hshe did.
- Oh, I don't like her at all.
- She made a spectacle \h\h\h\h\hof herself.
She talked about things
that are a bit of a no-no \h\hon morning television,
and she used some terrible language.
- Well, we have kids watching.
- It's a morning show.
Families watch us.
They trust us.
We let them down.
- We sure did.
- Oh, stop it. \h\h\h- sorry.
- She also made some pretty \h\h\h\hterrible accusations
against you, Dale.
- Ah, yeah, she did. \h\h\h\h\h\hshe did.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hit's true, but I can take care of myself.
Those kids out there,
they can't take care \hof themselves yet,
and that's where we \h\h\h\hfailed them.
- Oh, my god.
- I'm not going to sit here \h\h\h\h\hand defend myself,
\h\h\h\h\hmy manhood, against someone who...
- And here he goes.
- To say the least, is frankly unstable.
- I would say that. \hi would say that.
Well, you know what?
\h\h\hi think that I speak for all of Seattle morning
\h\h\h\hwhen I say, good for you, Dale.
Good for you.
- Thanks, Sherry.
You out there, \hour friends,
our neighbors,
we're sorry, Seattle.
We hope that we haven't \h\h\h\hlost your trust.
- Oh, Seattle.
- The end.
[Jazzy percussive music]
♪ ♪
- Think he's home?
- Oh, I know he's home.
\h\h\hit's time for his after-show nap.
- Okay, your sister \h\h\h\h\his so hot.
- Dude.
This place is gay.
Up and at 'em, dickhead.
- Oh, my god!
- Whoa, whoa, Sylvia.
What are you doing here?
- What is she doing here?
- Oh, you guys are already \h\h\h\hnapping together.
That is so precious.
- Hi, asshole.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- wow, this is a great apartment.
- Oh, it's not an apartment.
It's a condo.
\h\h\h\h- oh, my god. They're gonna kill us.
- Yeah, that's right.
\h\h\h\hwe're all part of an elite hit squad.
\h\h\h- I'm Walt, Sylvia's brother.
Remember me?
We've met maybe ten times.
- Yeah, I do.
\hhi, Walt. How are you?
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- huh. - I want my things, Dale.
And I'm gonna take them.
- You can take your clothes, \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hsylvia,
\h\h\h\h\hbut I won't be taken advantage of.
- Oh. - Hmm.
- What did you say?
- That probably wasn't \h\hvery smart, Dale.
- You're not gonna be \htaken advantage of?
- Badly worded, really. \h\h\h\h\h\h\h- exactly.
- You son of a bitch.
- Oh, shit! - [Screams]
- Taken advantage of?
- She's crazy!
- Stop interrupting, Sherry.
\h\h\h\h\h\hstop talking. I don't want to hurt you.
How long have you been sleeping \h\haround behind my back, Dale?
- That's pretty cool, actually.
\h\h- how much of a fool did I look like for you?
You think that I'm fucking \h\h\h\htaking advantage?
- Hands off the anchorpeople.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\hbe nice. Play nice. Play nice.
- What's up?
- I am taking everything I ever spent a penny on
out of this apartment.
If you try to stop me,
\h\h\h\h\hi swear to god, I will claw your eyes out.
Do you understand me?
Every single thing.
\h\h- what? This is it?
- This is all your stuff.
- I thought I had more stuff.
- It's kind of a hollow victory, \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hisn't it?
- Okay, shut up, Walt, \h\h\h\h\h\hall right?
Can we go, please?
- Sylvia.
Can I talk to you \h\hfor a second?
You just tried to kill me \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hin there.
\h\h\hthe least you could do is talk to me for a minute.
- Go ahead, you guys.
Go.
- All right.
[Grunts]
On the knees.
- What?
- This is not all my fault.
- Oh, please.
- No, "oh, please" you, \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hsylvia.
"Oh, please" you.
Okay.
\h\h\hi made love to another woman.
I broke the rules.
Sorry.
But you pushed me to it.
- I pushed you to it?
\h\h\h\hhow did-- how did I do that?
- You never loved me.
You never let me in.
You never respected me.
I was okay for a time,
but you never stooped so low
as to really allow yourself \h\hto have feelings for me.
I'm flesh and blood, Sylvia.
I want someone to want me \has much as I want them.
You're cold,
Sylvia.
You are cold.
And that's why I did \h\h\h\hwhat I did.
- Said he only slept with her \h\hbecause I didn't love him,
and he said that \h\hi was cold.
Can you believe that?
Guys?
I mean, isn't that the craziest \h\h\h\hthing you've ever heard?
That I'm cold?
- Well...
- Oh, my god.
\h\h- you do sometimes have a little trouble
letting people in.
\h\h- I never thought you really loved him.
- Oh, my god. \hme neither.
\h\h- I don't think she's been in love since I've known her.
- What about the lawyer?
- You mean the one she just \h\h\h\h\h\hstopped calling?
- Oh, right.
\h- that guy was the most boring guy on the planet.
- But he was a lawyer.
You could have given him \h\h\h\h\h\h\ha chance.
- I don't believe this.
Are you telling me \h\hthat I'm cold?
- No. - No.
\h\h- honey, no. You--you just--
- maybe it's just difficult
\hfor you to think of loving someone.
- You've got walls. \h\h\h\h\h- you do.
\h\hoh, oh, my god. Brainstorm. Charles.
Both: Charles.
\h- oh, my god. That's so crazy.
It just might work.
- Sylvia, he is perfect for you, \h\h\h\h\h\hpractically perfect.
He is very nice.
\h- yeah, I don't think that I'm ready to date.
- He works out at our gym.
- Yeah, he used to date Maureen. \h\h\h\h\h\h- you know Maureen.
- Loud and stupid. \h\h\h- big girl.
- Yeah, but they're so done now.
- Yeah.
- You guys are crazy.
I just broke up with Dale, \h\h\h\h\hlike, yesterday.
- Okay, perhaps you think you have nothing but time.
- You don't.
- You don't, Sylvia.
You're in your late 30s. \h\h\h\h\h\h\h- mid 30s.
- You have a tiny window \h\h\h\h\h\h\hremaining.
- Charles is an accountant.
He's stable.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\hhe's not gay, and he's not not attractive.
- Not not attractive.
- This is your future \hyou're playing with.
- Yes, also a perfect \h\h\h\h\hopportunity
to warm up that cold shoulder.
- It wouldn't hurt if Dale \h\hheard you were dating.
- No, wouldn't hurt at all.
Look, if you want to spend your few remaining moments
as an attractive middle-aged woman being picky, go ahead.
- Middle-aged?
We are the same age.
- Yeah, and I'm married,
\h\hand Jane's in a serious relationship with a future.
And we both have careers \h\h\h\hand ira accounts
and our own apartments.
- And I'm actually only 34.
- Okay, look, all I'm saying is that we're in the major leagues,
and you just got knocked back \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hto the minors.
- Is that a sports reference?
\h\h\h\h\h- I know, right? I just came up with that.
- Look at that.
- Oh, shit, I got to go \h\h\h\hpick up my kids.
\h\h- oh, oh, god. I've got pilates.
- Um, I will call Charles and give him the rundown.
- I will email him your picture.
Sylvia, he is gonna love you, \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hreally.
- Did you valet? \h\h\h- totally.
- Bye, syl. \h\h- okay.
\h- bye. - Okay.
- Be strong, baby, yeah?
Bye, honey.
Wait a sec. Wait a sec.
[Car horns honking]
- So as you can see \h\hfrom my resume,
I've been working in television \h\h\hsince graduating college.
\hand you know, I've done a little bit of everything
from reporting to color stories, \h\h\h\h\h\hyou know, whatever.
Why--why--why are you looking \h\h\h\h\h\h\hat me like that?
\h\h\h- you really lost it on that morning show, didn't you?
I mean, you freaked out.
My staff loves it.
We watch it all the time.
Dale waters, what an asshole.
\h\h\h\h\h- everybody in Seattle television
knows Dale's an asshole.
Hell, I slept with him once
\hafter some local journalist dinner.
You were certainly right about his disappointing performance.
Real high school stuff.
- ♪ Argue about the things ♪
♪ I should have left behind ♪
- Hmm.
- Hey, yeah, Tracy,
what was it that sassy weather \h\h\hgirl called Dale waters?
- Oh, grabby.
- Grabby.
I bet he is.
What an asshole.
- ♪ Dream up muddy river ♪
♪ underneath the drowsy moon ♪
\h\h\h- so you blew the television gig,
\hand now you want to get into radio?
- Well, I have an open mind.
- Ah, isn't that big of you.
- ♪ Past grocery stores ♪
\h\h- I love that you ripped that guy apart.
I really do.
Dale waters is just south \h\h\h\h\h\h\hof retarded.
Here's the problem.
My anchors are assholes too,
\hand what's to keep you from ripping them apart?
- Yeah.
- Look, I feel for you.
But I don't know \hwhat I can do.
You're a joke.
If I put you on my staff, \h\hthat makes me a joke.
Hey, bill.
And I'm no joke.
Okay, give me the numbers.
- Ah, okay. Well, we...
[Dog barking]
[Siren blares]
- [Sniffling]
[Truck beeping]
[Jackhammer buzzing]
- Oh, Walt, stop it.
You're hurting my neck.
- Say you suck. \h\h\h\hsay it!
- You suck!
No!
- Hey, kids.
What's going on?
- Look, look what she did.
She moved my bed out here.
She's taking my room.
\h\h\h- yeah, I know. I helped her move it.
- You--you--you helped her move?
Why does she get the room?
- Walt, she's a girl.
- [Muffled] I'm a girl.
- You brought my best friend \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hinto this?
You suck. You best--
- you're such an idiot.
I gave you back your bed.
- I live here, okay?
\h\h\h\hyou can't just move all my shit around in my apartment.
- This is a temporary situation.
- It doesn't matter, okay?
I'm not a little kid anymore.
You can't push me around.
- This is a much better \h\h\harrangement, Walt.
- Says you.
I have got a system here, \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hyou know?
- God, we have to live together.
- Okay, this is a temporary \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hsituation.
\h\hyou should be out getting a fucking job,
not rearranging my furniture.
- I have been looking \h\h\h\hall week long.
\h- oh, yeah. How did it go?
What?
- Well, it was awful, Byron, \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hactually.
Every single person who looks \h\h\hat me sees weather girl.
Everybody's calling me sassy,
\h\h\h\hand I swear to god, if one more person does it,
I'm gonna fucking lose it.
\h\h\hi-i-lookit. I am trying, okay?
I don't like crowding your life \h\h\h\h\hany more than you do.
- Well, you got to try harder.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- really? Oh, okay, thank you, Walt.
- Lower your standards.
It's a tough job market.
- That's true.
It is.
- I have a college education.
- Join the club.
- I've had a coveted television \h\h\hjob in a class ii market.
- And you lost it.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- oh, my god. Why are you being such a dick?
- 'Cause you're acting like \h\h\h\h\h\ha spoiled brat.
I went to college too, syl.
You know, I'm a temp.
Byron here went to grad school,
and he's renting my computer \h\h\h\h\hto build websites.
- Philosophy major.
- Just grow up, syl. \h\h\h\h\h\hgrow up.
This is the world.
We don't always get to do \h\h\hwhat we want to do.
- [Scoffs]
\h\h- oh, yeah, just go and hang out in my room.
[Acoustic guitar music]
♪ ♪
- So you don't have \h\hmuch experience.
- Well, in college...
\h\h\h\h\h\h- yeah, well, that was a long time ago.
\h\h\h\h\h\h- it--yeah, it's like riding a bike.
- No, it's not.
All right, Sally.
I'm gonna take a chance on you.
Don't make me regret it.
- It's--Sylvia.
- What?
- My name is Sylvia.
\h\h\h\h- yeah, well, we do the name tag thing tomorrow
before your shift, okay?
There's an order to things.
- [Mouthing words]
- Got a process here.
All right.
This is your apron.
What are you doing?
This is your responsibility.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\hif you lose it, you have to buy the next one.
And they're not cheap.
Take it.
- Oh, right.
- Okay, show up tomorrow \h\h\h\hwith a wine key
and no less than five pens.
I do a staff check first thing, \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hall right?
And I shit you negative.
\h\h\h\h\hyou show up without that wine key
and less than five pens,
and I will send you home.
Of this you can be sure.
Simpatico?
- Yes.
- Atta girl.
- Hmm.
- You get me some more coffee.
- Hey.
She here?
- Bathroom.
Listen, can I be a dick?
Kind of get into your business \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hfor a second?
- You don't know anything about \h\hbrothers and sisters, Byron.
- Okay, yes, granted, \hi am an only child.
I know nothing.
- Exactly.
- But as an only child,
I've always kind of envied \hthis whole sibling thing
that you have going on, \h\h\h\h\h\h\hyou know?
This whole sister thing's \h\h\h\h\h\hkind of cool.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hshe-- it's this whole other person
\h\hthat kind of knows everything about you.
She's been there for all of these
really important moments \h\h\h\h\hin your life,
these rearing moments.
And you know, I think that it's a pretty important relationship
that--
- Byron.
- Okay, listen,
I'm not questioning your love
for your sister here at all, \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hokay?
I'm in absolute reverence of it,
but the fact is, she's a girl.
\h\h\h\h\h\hno, she's a girl that just got dumped, okay?
Maybe cut her a little slack.
- Shut up, dude.
- Fair enough.
- I think Byron's got \h\h\ha thing for you.
- Yeah, I know.
He told me.
- What are you, uh,
what are you all done up for?
- Well, I have a date.
I got a job today,
\h\h\h\h\h\h\hand you know, I thought I'd treat myself.
- Treat yourself?
\h\h\hwho are you going to treat yourself with?
- You're gonna make Byron \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hjealous.
[Knocking at door]
- Go.
- Byron!
- Right now. \hright now.
- Oh, I got her.
- Oh, god, Walt!
Ow!
- Yes?
- Uh, is Sylvia here?
- Sylvia? \h\h\hhmm.
And who can I tell her \h\h\h\h\his calling?
\h\h- Charles. - Ow. Ow. Ow.
- Charles, you sure?
- Get off of me.
- Sylvia, Charles is here.
- Charles is here! \h\h\h\h\hcharles!
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hi am Walt, Sylvia's brother and guardian.
I have heard so much \h\h\h\h\habout you.
- She just raves on and on.
- We hear you are \hquite the lover.
- Top drawer, old man. \h\h\h\h\htop drawer.
- Stop it.
Hi, Charles, sorry.
\h\h\hI'm Sylvia. Nice to meet you.
Pay no attention to the morons \h\h\h\h\h\h\hin the doorway.
[Sighing]
- It's, uh, nice to meet you \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\htoo, Sylvia.
Wow, you are just as beautiful \h\h\h\h\h\has you are on TV.
- Mm, isn't she just?
- Just an image of loveliness.
- Let's go.
- Hey, don't you get fresh \h\h\h\h\h\hwith her, now.
No means no, suit man.
- Who was that guy?
- Hmm.
Fire escape?
- Fire escape.
- I'm so sorry about them \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hup there.
- Oh, that's okay.
Men like to bust each others' \h\h\h\h\h\hballs on occasion,
\h\h\h\h\h\hbut you know, I can dish it out myself.
- Oh, I bet.
- So this is me.
She's a beauty, isn't she?
- Charles, can I just say \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hnice ride?
Classy yet understated.
- What's the gas mileage on something like that?
I'm just curious because you know
that we do have a responsibility \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hto the planet.
- You know what? \hyou know what?
Cut him some slack, Byron.
That thing's a pussy magnet, \h\h\h\h\h\ham I right, huh?
- Can we go, please?
- Charles, buddy, \h\h\ham I right?
Those seats have seen \h\h\ha little action.
- He's being coy. \h\h\h\h\hcome on.
- Oh, there it is. \h\h\h- all right.
- Who let the dog out?
- "Who let the dog out"?
\h- so is it weird to be a celebrity?
- Oh, I'm not really \h\h\h\ha celebrity.
- You totally are.
I mean, look, it's like everyone \h\h\h\h\hhere is staring at us.
We're just, you know...
Gives me goose pimples.
- Okay.
- So what would you like \h\h\h\h\h\hto do next?
Talk show?
Talk show.
I bet you would be \h\hgreat in that.
\h\hum, uh, like the, uh, like the--the Sally jessy
but--but you know, hot.
[Laughter]
- I don't know.
You know, I'm sort of exploring \hmy options right now, I guess.
- Can I be honest with you \h\h\h\h\habout something?
- Sure.
- Emily told me about \h\h\h\h\hyour walls.
- M-M-My walls? \h\h\h\h\hwhat?
- The walls built around this.
Right here.
Well, well, guess what?
Guess what, kid?
I've got them too.
\h\h\h\h\h\hand they are tall and, you know, made of stone.
But, uh, since I met you, \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hsylvia,
you have torn down my walls.
\h\h- oh. [Stammers]
I didn't mean to.
- You know, and I think
\h\h\hi see that yours are tumbling as well.
Am I right?
Okay, okay, okay.
Let's just--let's just get down \h\h\h\h\h\hto business, Sylvia.
I want to fast-track this thing.
I want a family:
A wife, two kids, a boy and a girl,
Lucius and Ariel.
I want to sell my townhouse \h\h\h\hand get a real home,
a home with a woman's touch.
- Okay, now you're just \h\h\h\h\h\hscaring me.
\h\h\h\h- yeah, that's-- that's what I'm saying.
I'm saying, you know, \hthe future is scary.
But not if you've got \h\h\hsomeone to hold.
\h\h\h\h\hokay, what I need is someone to complement me.
I want my friends to look at my girl
and say, "whoa, look at that hot babe with the 'c' man."
Yeah, you know?
\h- yeah, yeah, yeah, you know,
\hi think we might be looking for different things, Charles.
- [Chuckles]
Let's not be coy here.
Neither one of us are kids.
\h\h\h\h\hi know what I want, and I'm putting it out there.
Do you know what you want?
- Hey.
- [Gasps]
Jesus.
Again?
- Sorry.
Good date?
- [Sighs]
Well, yeah, he did propose.
He's also probably the creepiest \h\hperson on the planet, so...
- That's so weird.
\h\h\h\h\hi mean, it seemed like you guys were such a good match.
So did the two of you do it?
- [Giggles]
No.
All right, I am going to bed.
- I don't get it.
- Get what?
- I mean, I just don't get \h\h\hhow you could go out
on some dumb date with some dumb guy
\h\h\h\h\hwhen it's so clear that I have a thing for you.
I mean, if you want to, \h\h\h\h\h\h\hyou know,
get married or move in \h\h\h\h\hwith someone
\h\h\hthen you're probably barking up the wrong tree,
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hbut I do think I'm a pretty good rebound guy.
- Mm, and you are offering \h\h\hyour services to me.
\h\h\h\h\h\h- yeah, something like that.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hbut I just think that I am exactly what you need
at this crossroads \h\hin your life.
- Do you?
\h\h\h\h\h\hwow, you're really fond of yourself, aren't you?
\h- oh, come on. Give me a break.
You're in love with yourself.
You think you might be,
like, the most awesome \h\h\h\h\hperson ever.
- Okay, how old are you?
- 30.
Next year.
- Hmm, okay, well,
let me tell you something, \h\h\h\h\h\h30 next year.
You don't know me.
You don't know anything \h\h\h\h\h\h\habout me,
and you certainly don't know \h\hwhat I need in my life.
- Mm-hmm.
You know what I like \h\habout you best?
- I don't care.
- You're difficult.
- Oh.
- And you're very sexy
but in this foreign film \h\h\h\h\h\hkind of way
\hwith the angles and the attitude.
I dig it.
- [Sighs]
Go home, Byron.
[Door clatters open]
You know, you don't \hnot have a point.
- Everybody needs a rebound guy.
- I mean, you know, \h\h\hwhy do I need
\h\h\h\h\hto audition men for it when I know exactly what I need?
- That is exactly my point.
- Somebody who's uncomplicated, \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hconvenient,
\h\h\h\htotally wrong for me, and somebody who I could never
\hin, like, a million years have any real feelings for.
- Except for the ravenous \h\h\h\hanimal attraction.
- No obligations. No complications.
No expectations.
- That's pretty much how I live my life.
So...
\h\h\h\h\h- okay, um, raise your right hand.
- Raise?
Okay.
- Okay, repeat after me.
I, Byron...
- Oh, wow, you don't even \h\h\h\hknow my last name?
Okay, that's great.
- I, Byron, promise to never \hfall in love with Sylvia,
no matter how awesome \h\h\h\h\hshe may be.
\h\h\h- I, Byron, promise that if one of us breaks this deal,
it's not gonna be me.
- Oh, it's not gonna be me.
\h- yes, it is. - No, it's not.
- Yep.
- Okay, you gonna kiss me, \hor you gonna be clever?
- I'm going to kiss you.
- Okay, soon, you think?
- I'm just building \h\h\hthe tension--
- oh, my god.
- ♪ Let's have some fun ♪
\h♪ you can make, make, make, make ♪
[Metal crashes]
- Wow, okay.
[Objects crashing]
Wait, hold on, okay.
[Loud crashing]
[Sighing]
Okay, there's-- \h\h\hwhoa, uh.
- Oh. - Hmm.
- Oh, no.
- That looks really \h\h\huncomfortable.
- We can go back in there. \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- okay.
- Let me take this off.
[Cabinet thuds]
[Objects clattering]
When did I start wanting you?
- My guess is that you probably \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\halways wanted me
and that you just forgot.
- I don't really think so.
- It's just at theory, really.
Yeah, there.
Unbutton, unbutton.
- I can't. \hhelp me.
- There.
\h\h\h- oh, wait. Wait, wait, wait.
- Wait, what?
- Don't tell Walt, okay?
- What?
\h\h\h\h\h- oh, seriously, that's another condition.
You can't tell Walt.
- What are you talking about?
You want me to lie to my best friend?
I can't, no, come on.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- what? No, I'm lying to my brother.
\h\h\h\h- totally, totally not the same thing at all.
No, no, I'm sorry.
I can't do that.
I'm sorry.
- Okay.
- What?
- Okay.
That's a shame.
- Yeah.
This could have been fun.
- Could have.
- Probably would have been.
- I think so, yeah.
- [Sighs]
\h\hwell, uh, I hope things don't get weird after this.
- Well, nothing happened, \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hso...
- Yeah, I'm sure.
Yeah, except that, \h\hbut whatever.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, sweet dreams.
- Okay.
\h\h\h- not telling him isn't necessarily lying.
- It's like an omission.
- Totally different thing. \h\h\h- totally different.
- Come here.
- ♪ Dit, dit, ditty \hnow hit and run ♪
♪ you can dit, dit, ditty \h\h\h\h\huntil I'm done ♪
♪ come along dit, ditty ♪
♪ till the boy's a broken thing ♪
- Oh, my god.
Okay, you two ready?
- Yeah.
- I think I'll have the--
- it's you.
Arthur, it's her.
- Her who?
- Her, sassy weather girl, \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hright?
It's you, isn't it?
Sylvia, what is it? \h\h\h\h\hvelasquez?
\h\h\h\h- uh, no. My name is margot.
- Ah.
Name tag says, "Sylvia."
[Laughter]
- You are so busted.
- Sorry.
\h\h\hoh, this is what you're doing now, huh?
That is really sad.
- So what can I get you folks?
- You couldn't get a job \h\h\h\h\hanywhere else?
- Well, it's not like there \h\haren't a million people
who can read the weather section
and then ramble on about it \h\h\hon some morning show.
\h\h\h\h- Arthur. - I mean, come on.
It's not exactly hard-hitting \h\h\hjournalism or anything.
- Well...sorry.
- Damn it.
- I am so sorry.
- You did that on purpose.
\h\h\h\h\h\h- oh, no, I did not do that on--
I am hurt by that accusation.
- No, you're sassy.
Duh, everybody says so,
and that was a very sassy thing \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hfor you to do.
- You know, why don't I just get \h\h\h\h\hyou guys a new server?
- Yeah, why don't you?
- Great, sassy.
Unbelievable.
- Oh, smoking.
\h\h\h\h\h- oh. - Oh, whatever.
Do over. Do over.
- Advantage, Byron.
\h\h\h\h\h\h- it's just-- it's a flick of the wrist.
- Down in front.
- It's a flick of the wrist, \h\h\h\h\h\hand it's just--
- oh, it's a save.
\h\h\h\h\h- see that's-- and that's what happens.
- You know what?
\h- that's what happens when you don't practice.
\h\hthat's what happens when you don't practice.
- Point.
\h\h- serve. - Serve it.
- Oh, just lob it up there \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hfor me.
- Just shove it down \h\h\h\hyour throat.
- A little side...
\hum, hey, i'm-- I'm just gonna--
I'm gonna be right back.
Keep working on it, though.
- Yeah, knock yourself out.
Service.
[Video game chimes]
Point.
[Dishes clattering]
- Excuse me.
Okay, what do we have here?
Okay, guys, wait, \h\h\h\htable 21.
We still need the soup.
- Yeah, bonita.
Te amo.
- Sylvia, quiero hacerte \h\hel amor todo El dia.
- No, hombre, necesita \h\hun hombre como yo.
- Para eso me tiene a mi. \h\h\h\h\h¿verdad, mi amor?
Va a ser mio ese culi--
- okay, give me my soup.
- Ay, quiere su sopa... \h\h\h\hcremosa, cremosa.
- Oh, my god.
[Laughter]
The kitchen staff hates me.
- Of course they do.
- I'm sure they don't hate you.
- They probably do.
- They talk dirty to me \h\h\h\h\h\hin Spanish.
- Oh, yeah? \his it hot?
Wait, no.
I don't want to know.
- But don't you speak Spanish?
- I don't want them \h\h\hto know that.
- Why not?
- 'Cause then they'll want \h\hto talk all the time.
- No.
Yeah.
- Snob.
- I am a snob.
- No.
You're a work in progress.
- Think I can be a secret agent?
Both: No.
- Yeah.
- Sorry.
Hey, guys, table 12's still \hwaiting on their chicken.
- Aqui tengo tu pollo, guerita.
- Okay.
¿Donde diablos esta mi pollo?
[Laughter]
A semester in college.
- Habla español, la guerita.
- It's not bad, right?
- It's okay.
- Hey.
- Hi.
We got to hurry up.
Walt's coming home \hin a half hour.
- [Scoffs]
\h\h\h\h\hhave you noticed how much sex we're having?
- Is that a problem?
- No, of course not.
I love sex.
I'm glad that you love sex \h\has much as I love sex
because I, certainly, I do.
I love sex.
- Well, let's look at it \h\h\h\h\h\hobjectively.
I have a shitty job.
Mooch off my brother.
I have no place to call my own.
Pretty much, my life sucks.
\hso sex is the only thing I have to look forward to.
It's pretty much the only thing \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hgood in my life.
\h\h\h\h- wow. - Yeah, right?
\h\h\h\h\htoo bad it's with an emotionally unavailable,
financially devoid, Peter Pan syndrome,
rock star wannabe \h\h\h12-year-old.
- Ouch.
- Yeah, but the sex \h\his really good.
- That is true.
[Keys jingling]
- Oh, what the fuck!
[Screams] Oh, fuck!
What? \hoh!
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hfuck! That's my sister, man!
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hcome on, what the hell are you--
oh, oh, come on.
That's my--I'm fucking blind.
I'm fucking--I'm just-- \h\h\h\h\h\h\hI'm blind.
I'm blind.
\h\hI'm gonna have that image burned into my brain for life.
\h\h\h\h\hwhat are you-- this is my living room!
I live in this room!
What's--ah. \h\hwe--oh!
Fuck!
So how long has this \h\h\hbeen going on?
\h- a while. - Not long.
- I see.
\h\hand you didn't feel this was pertinent information to share?
\h\h- what I do is none of your business, Walt.
- Interesting.
\h\h\hbecause that was my bed that you were fornicating on,
\h\h\h\h\hand that was my friend with which you were fornicating.
Huh.
- Look, Walt.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hi am sorry that I didn't tell you, man.
I'm sorry.
\h- I am so not even talking to you yet.
Look, Byron's my friend,
and now the only reason \h\h\hhe comes over here
is to see you.
- That is not true.
- Hey, the big kids are talking.
I don't know if you've noticed,
but I don't really have an abundance of friends.
All right, so if you fuck up \h\h\h\hmy only friendship,
I'm going to be pissed.
- No friendships are getting \h\h\h\h\h\h\hruined, okay?
It's not like that.
- And you, what exactly are your \h\hintentions toward my sister?
'Cause if you haven't noticed,
\h\h\h\hshe's kind of in a vulnerable place.
- Oh, my god, Walt.
- Okay, my intentions \h\h\h\hare honorable.
- There are no intentions.
We're just messing around.
There is no commitment, \h\h\h\h\h\hno emotions.
\h\hwe're just two friends who are sleeping together.
- [Clears throat]
Right.
- Yeah, that always works.
Good luck with that.
- Paul.
Juan.
Ah, Sylvia.
- Putos impuestos.
La pinche miseria que me pagas, \h¿y luego me quitas la mitad?
Vayanse al pinche diablo.
- What did he say?
- Uh, he's just upset \h\h\habout the taxes.
\h\h\h\h\h- yeah, well, that's the price you pay
for living in the best damn country in the world, amigo.
- Eres una rata sucia, \hhija de la chingada.
\h\h\h\h\h- what? What is he saying?
- Son of a bitch. \h\h\h\h\h\hwhat?
I can't live off of this.
- Well, maybe you should pick up
a couple more shifts, \h\h\h\hprincess, huh?
You got a one top out there.
- Wait, no, we're closed.
\hj.d., Juan already shut down the grill.
\h\h\h\h\h- we are open till I say we're closed.
Okay, and we are still open.
Get your one top.
- La odio.
- Esa, esa no tiene madre.
- Yes, that's exactly \h\h\h\h\hwhat it is.
[Romantic piano music]
♪ ♪
- Hey.
What are you doing here?
- Well, first of all...
- Flower for me.
- Yeah, I picked them myself.
- From the vase on the table.
- No idea what you're \h\h\h\htalking about.
So listen, you want to go \h\h\h\hon a date with me?
- A date with you.
- A date with me.
- Well, you know, I still have to do my side work and stuff,
and I'm kind of tired.
- Oh, yeah, no.
I'm sorry.
Side work, of course.
Okay, in that case,
then I'm going to start with the cheese sticks.
\h\hi hear they're really great here.
\h\h\hand then maybe just a filet mignon, no onions,
well-done.
\h\hyou know, I really like to slow cook it, the juice.
And then for dessert, \h\h\h\h\h\hyou know,
I'm gonna hold off on dessert.
See how I feel afterwards.
Probably gonna be a brulee, \h\h\h\h\hbut I don't know.
It might be a baked Alaska \h\h\h\h\h\hat this point.
Suzette, wow, I don't know.
We'll figure that out after.
\h\hor you could just go on a date with me.
- Yeah, let's do that.
- Okay. - Okay.
- I'll wait here.
- Okay.
[Acoustic guitar music]
- Yeah, but what I love to do
\h\h\h\h\h\h\his imagine the two of you as kids.
- Oh, yeah?
And how does that work out?
- Well, it's pretty funny \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hactually,
\h\hbecause, you know, you, you're very cute,
but you've got this vicious \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hmean streak.
- Mean streak?
- Oh, yeah, totally mean.
Yeah, messing with the toys.
You got the--you're still cute.
You got the pigtails.
- What about Walt?
He's the mean one.
- No, Walt I have trouble \h\h\himagining as a kid.
- Okay, he was really, \h\h\h\h\hreally ugly,
and he had this huge head.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hit was like-- he looked like a Walt puppet.
- Well, I mean, he still has \h\h\h\h\ha pretty big head.
You're going to need to show me \h\h\hpictures of that, though.
- No, no pictures.
- Oh, come on.
You can't tease me with the big head
and then not give me \h\h\hany evidence.
You call your mom right now,
\h\h\hand you tell her to send pictures down.
\hi need evidence of big head stat.
- Okay, so, uh...
\h\hthis is one of those things where I'm going to say something
and you're going to feel \h\h\h\hlike an asshole,
but don't feel like an asshole, \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hokay?
- Okay.
No promises.
- My mom's dead.
- I am an asshole.
- No, you're not.
Well, you know, \hit was cancer.
I was 14.
- Listen, I am so sorry.
- No, that's okay.
I've had a lot of time \h\hto get used to it.
It's fine.
- Wait, so your dad \h\h\h\hraised you?
- No, no.
My dad was a son of a bitch.
He didn't raise anybody.
He just sort of sat around \h\hon the couch drinking
and cashing unemployment checks.
No, so Walt and I pretty much \h\h\h\h\h\hraised ourselves.
- Huh.
- Yeah, weird, huh?
So what, is that the,
\h\h\h\h"huh, now I know why she's so screwed up?
"Deadbeat dad, \hdead mother.
\hit explains why she's such a nut."
- No.
That's the, "huh, I'm wondering \h\h\h\h\h\h\hwhy my best friend
\h\h\hnever told me any of this stuff."
\h\h\h- well, you know, we don't really talk about it that much.
- Well, just for the record,
\h\hyou're really not that screwed up, like, at all.
Sorry.
- Well, maybe you're not seeing \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hthat clearly.
- Maybe.
\h- you know, I could draw a picture of the big head.
\h\hprobably wouldn't do it justice, though.
- No, a drawing, \h\hthat's good.
Yeah, have that on my desk \h\h\h\h\hby the morning.
- Okay.
[Romantic guitar music]
♪ ♪
- I feel it is my duty
\h\h\h\h\hto inform you that it is not raining.
- I did take note of that.
- I thought you might.
You are a professional, \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hafter--
you were a professional.
- No, I still am.
- Sylvia?
- Shit.
\h\hhey, guy-- hey, you guys.
- Hi.
\h- what are you doing on this side of town?
- Oh, having dinner.
So who's your friend?
\h- Byron. - I know.
- I'm Byron.
- Yes, uh, these are my friends \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hemily and Jane.
- Hi, Emily and Jane.
- Hi. - Hi.
- Nice to meet you, Byron.
- Nice to meet you.
- So are you who Sylvia's been \hspending all her time with?
\h\h- she's practically fallen off this planet.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- yeah. - I've been working a lot.
\h\h\h\h\h- oh, yeah, how's the restaurant?
- Uh...
It's fine, you know.
It's fine.
- Do you work at the restaurant \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\htoo, Byron?
- No, no.
- No, he's a friend of Walt's.
- Walt.
- Walt, my-my brother, Walt.
- Her brother.
- Oh, oh, right, of course.
Sorry. Walt.
- So how old are you, Byron?
- Emily.
- Is that a weird question?
- 25?
- Or, like, 24?
- 23?
- 29.
It's actually--
\h- oh. - Yeah.
- Great, higher than--
- older than--right.
- We were saying.
- Yeah.
I'm not that young, \h\h\h\h\h\hi guess.
- We thought you were...
- Well, this is kind of \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hawkward.
- Oh, no, my gosh. \h\h\h\h\h- what?
\h\h\h- no, mm-mm. - I don't think--
- no, I'm okay.
- Just me, I guess.
- [Sighs]
[Chuckling]
\h\h\h- all right, well, it was great seeing you.
- Oh, so good.
- It was good.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hI'm glad that we ran into you here of all places.
- So okay, it was great.
W-What are you doing?
- Nothing.
\h- okay, well, it certainly looks like something to me.
- All right.
- Okay, great.
- Okay, we'll see you guys soon.
\h\h- yeah. - Okay, bye.
- Bye-bye, Byron.
Oh, god, that sounds silly.
"Bye-bye, Byron."
Oh, it's funny, right?
- Yeah, it does.
Okay, walk away now.
- Oh, yeah, okay. \h\h\h\h\h\h\hbye.
- Bye-bye.
- Bye.
So those were my friends.
- Yeah, that sucks.
[Thunder crashes]
And it's raining.
- Yeah.
- So, Sylvia,
how's it going?
- I am living the dream, Irving.
- Yeah, so we've worked together \h\h\h\h\hfor quite a while now.
- Five fun-filled weeks.
- I think it's time we stop playing these little games.
- What games are we playing, \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hirving?
- The one where you pretend \h\h\h\hyou're not into me.
I pretend not to notice your lust-filled gazes.
- Oh.
- I mean, we're both, you know, \h\h\h\h\hmature, sexual beings.
I say it's time we stop \h\htorturing ourselves
and you know, give into \h\h\hour animal nature.
- Yeah, I'm on my break, \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hirving.
- I mean, sure, you're--
you're a little bit older \hthan anybody else here,
\h\h\hbut you know, I'm cool with that.
I'm down with that.
I mean, you could--
- [gagging]
- You could probably teach me \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hsome shit.
- God, I am on my break.
- [Coughing]
- Okay, here we go. \h\h\h\h\h\hcome on.
\hit's okay. Here we go.
- The guy is choking. \h\h\h\h\hoh, my god.
- [Splutters]
- There you go.
Oh!
Sorry.
[Applause]
- Here it is.
"Sassy weather girl \h\hsaves the day."
- Move it.
\h\h- I really hate that "sassy" thing.
- Look, you're sassy. \h\h\hjust accept it.
- So sassy.
- Wait, do I look fat in that?
I think I look fat in that.
- No, you look great. \h\h\h\h\hlook at you.
- Hello, yeah.
Hey, fat girl.
Go back to that part where she drops him.
That's my favorite.
- Um, what? At the end?
- Shit.
\h\h- what? - I knew it.
You like her.
I knew this was going to happen.
- Come on, man, I told you.
I don't like her.
This is a casual thing.
- Whatever, man.
You gonna tell her?
- Tell her what?
- Look, you better tell her,
'cause she's rolled up \h\h\h\h\hthe window.
- The window?
What are you even \h\htalking about?
- The window is up.
And you're on that side of it.
Look, I know her, man.
You can't break through \h\h\h\h\h\hthe window.
That shit's bulletproof.
She has to roll it down.
\h\h\h\h\hthe only way she's going to do that
is if you tell her \h\h\hyou dig her.
- Bulletproof, huh?
- Of course, the problem is, if you tell her you dig her
and she doesn't want to roll \h\h\h\h\h\hdown the window,
she'll cut off the sex.
Having a casual relationship
with someone who has emotions \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\his messy, man.
- Stop, all right? I don't like her.
I don't want her to roll down \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hher window.
I don't even want to get into \hher metaphorical car, okay?
Leave it alone.
- Yeah, that's it, good.
That's good.
Throw a little fit there. \h\h\h\h\h\hgood for you.
You know that's exactly what \h\h\h\h\hshe wants to avoid
by rolling up the window \h\hin the first place.
Way to fall into her trap.
- You--
[door clicks open]
\h\h\h\h\h- what? What's the matter?
- First off, Sylvia,
\h\hi just want to thank you for coming in this morning.
I know it must be a bit awkward.
\h\h\h\h- well, yeah, but, uh, couldn't stay away, you know?
Curiosity and all that.
- Right, right, right, right.
So let's get down \hto brass tacks.
We have rerun your last show \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hfour times
\hin the six weeks you've been gone.
\h\h\hand the ratings have gotten better every time.
It is all over the Internet
and so is that video of you, \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hby the way,
saving the man from choking.
Everybody seems to know the sassy weather girl.
- God, you've got to be \h\h\h\h\h\hkidding me.
- No, no, no, we get letters, \hphone calls applauding you,
and--hey, Josh!
Shut that off.
\hour viewers love you more than ever before.
They say you've got verve.
Let me hear you say it.
- Verve.
- Say it louder. \h\h- ver--okay.
- That's what you got, babe.
\hand that's what they want to see.
\hwell, and we're going into sweeps.
- So what?
You want me to come back \h\h\h\h\hto my old job?
\h\h\h\h- no, no, not your old job.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\hno, your old job, you popped in every 15 minutes.
No, mmm, we want you \h\h\h\hto coanchor.
- Coanchor?
- You and Dale.
- Oh, no, no. \h\hi can't--
- yes, yes, come.
Yes, yes, no, see?
That's--that's the hook, babe.
That's what everybody \h\h\h\hwants to see:
You two going back and forth \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hgoing at it.
\hand you can say anything you want.
In fact, we want you to.
- What about the mousy bitch?
- Who?
- Mousy bitch.
- Mm, mm.
That mousy bitch.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hwell, since she and Dale broke up,
she's become increasingly \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hdifficult.
\h\h\hif you ask me, between you and me,
I think the heifer's drinking.
- Really? \h\h- mm.
Really.
- Huh.
- Are you coming back?
- Does that idea scare you?
- No, actually, I suggested it.
- Really?
- Yeah, yeah, I miss you.
I know it sounds corny, \h\h\h\h\h\h\hbut I do.
- Well, I haven't given Fitz \h\h\h\h\h\h\hmy answer yet,
but somehow it doesn't seem \h\hlike the best idea ever.
- Well, maybe we could \h\h\h\hget together.
We could talk.
Maybe we could have dinner.
Maybe I could calm some fears.
- Are you asking me \h\h\h\h\hon a date?
- If you want it to be.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hif not, a dinner between colleagues,
a business dinner.
- Dale?
Daley?
Oh, oh, lookee here.
\h\htwo lovebirds reu-fucking-nited.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- Sherry, go back in your dressing room.
\h\h\h- oh, sorry, first you dump me,
\h\h\h\h\hand now you think you can tell me what to do?
Well, I got news for you, \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hasshole.
You're not the boss of me.
I'm going to what I want to do \h\h\h\h\hand when I want it.
Hi, Sylvia.
- Hey, Sherry.
- I guess you think this is Karma, huh?
\h\h- no, I didn't-- I didn't think that.
- The mousy bitch gets hers \h\hin the end, am I right?
"Oh, no."
Makes perfect sense to me.
Hey, Dale, you want to see \hmy impression of Sylvia?
"Hi, I'm Sylvia.
"I have a psychotic episode \h\h\h\hon live television.
"I used some terrible, \h\h\h\hfoul language,
"and I described a sex act \h\hon a morning TV show.
"I'm very, very mean \hto stupid Sherry,
\h\h"and I call her really hurtful names
\h"that just might remind her of some stuff from childhood,
"and then when sweeps \h\h\h\hcomes around,
I take her job."
Oh, and this is my favorite one.
"The man I emasculated in front \h\h\hof millions of seattleites
starts wanting me back."
How the fuck does that happen?
I mean, that doesn't \h\hmake any sense.
Unless I'm being punished \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hby a god.
Oh, you guys think \hgod's mad at me?
- No, I doubt it.
- Oh, shut up!
\h\h\hbullshit! You don't know!
So you guys are getting \h\hback together, huh?
That's...
[Screams]
[Head thunks]
My face hurts.
- We'll take care of you, ma'am.
- I love you.
\h\hcan you grab my water bottle?
- No, ma'am.
- But it's right there.
- No.
- W-W-Why?
But it's important for me \h\h\h\hto stay hydrated.
- Well, I would just like \h\h\hto congratulate you
on another dramatic ending
to another romantic \h\h\hrelationship.
- Who's your manager?
- Well, at least this time
she didn't want to kill me.
She wanted to kill you.
- Details.
- I need it!
\h- you never responded to my dinner invitation.
- You're doing what?
- Stop saying that.
- I'm sorry.
I'm just having a hard time \h\h\h\hwith the logic here.
- They are offering me a raise, \h\h\h\h\hand I get to coanchor.
You know what that means, Walt?
It means I get to deliver \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hthe news.
Real news, not just the weather.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\hi mean, you know, I still have to do the weather,
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hbut I get to do other stuff too now.
\h\h\h\h\h- all of that for the rock-bottom price of your soul.
- Would you stop being \h\h\h\h\hso dramatic?
- Will you stop being \h\h\hsuch a sellout?
- Walt.
- Sylvia, they fired you \h\h\h\hwith prejudice.
- They did not fire me.
I quit. \h- oh.
- Look, this is a real job,
one where I never have to touch
dirty dishes or leftover food \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hagain.
\h\h\hand if I take it, there's a signing bonus,
which means I get to find \hmy own place immediately
\h\h\h\hand pay you back all the money I owe you.
- I don't want your dirty money.
I want you to have some \hgoddamn self-respect.
- God, you are so \hself-important.
- Think about what you're doing.
- I want a life, Walt, okay?
I am a 35-year-old woman,
\h\h\h\h\hand I'm living like a college freshman.
I have no money.
I am waiting tables.
I have a roommate.
\hand I am sleeping with the guy across the hall.
\h\h\hdon't you talk to me about self-respect, Walt.
\h\h\h\h\h\hI'm doing this because I deserve better.
\h\h- oh, is that why you're going on a date
with the guy who cheated on you \h\h\h\h\hand broke your heart?
- It is not a date.
It is a business dinner \h\h\hwith a colleague.
- Shut up!
- And I think "broke your heart"
is overdoing it a bit, \h\h\hdon't you think?
- You know what?
I'm just going to say this, \h\h\hand then I'm walking.
- Oh, I highly doubt that.
- Oh, I'm walking
just as soon as I say \h\h\hthis one thing.
You ready? \h- what?
- You ready? \h\h- what?
- Mom would be really \hdisappointed in you.
That's right.
I invoked mom.
- Mom would be really \hdisappointed in me?
Is that what you said?
- Yeah, that's what I said.
- Oh.
Well, that's interesting, Walt,
\h\hconsidering that mom worked
until she could barely stand up \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hfrom the pain
\h\h\h\hwhile our father sat on the couch all day
\h\h\hdoing nothing but pass judgments.
Wait a minute.
Who else does that, Walt?
Let me think--uh-oh.
You know who else does that? \h\h\h\h\hyou do that, Walt.
\h\h\hso while I may be a huge disappointment to our mother,
I take solace in the fact
\h\h\h\h\hthat wherever that son of a bitch is,
he is probably really proud
of the fine young man \h\h\h\hyou've become.
- [Scoffs]
Okay.
You do whatever you want to do, \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hsylvia.
[Glass shatters]
- Shit.
- Hey.
- I just talked to Walt.
Are you okay?
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- yeah. No, I'm fine, thanks.
It's just, you know.
\hyou know me and Walt. We're always bickering.
- Yeah, that didn't sound \h\h\h\h\hlike bickering.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- um, well, I'm kind of running late, so...
- Right, so you're going back \h\h\h\h\hto the morning show?
- Considering it.
- And the guy?
You're, uh, you're gonna \h\h\h\hgo out with him?
- Mm-hmm.
- The haircut?
- Yeah, i--can we talk about \h\h\h\hthis later, please?
\h\h- yeah, well, you will have already gone out with him later,
so that talk will be moot.
- Byron, don't act like this, \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hokay?
- Act like this?
Act like what?
I'm not acting. \hyou're acting.
I'm just reacting here.
- We had a deal, \h\h\hremember?
We--no emotions.
No commitment, right?
\h\h\h\h\hwe're just-- we've been having fun.
- Yeah, I remember the deal.
You don't have to tell me \h\h\h\h\hwhat the deal is
'cause I remember it, so...
- So what's the problem?
- It's not a problem.
The problem is that
that deal was made, \hlike, forever ago.
Right?
I mean, this was before \h\h\hwe knew each other
\h\hand before we spent all this time together,
\h\h\hand--and--and we liked each other, and we had fun,
and--and it was before
I picked you that stupid flower \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hoff the table.
Hey, hey.
We have a good thing here.
I like you.
\h\hi don't want you to see anybody else.
I just--i thought that we had \hkind of moved past the deal.
- Well, um...
\hi haven't felt that-- I haven't felt that way.
- Oh, uh, well...
That's different.
- Look, Byron, listen, I...
\h\h\h- no, um, I was mistaken.
[Laughs]
Um, god, I just--
I feel so not cool \h\h\h\hright now.
I should go.
- Listen to me.
\hbyron, i--look, I like you a lot.
\hi do. I just--
we're too different, \h\h\h\h\hyou know?
And I need to be with a grown-up.
- Right.
Somebody not me.
That's okay.
\h\h\h\h\h\hbut I think that we should stop talking now.
Good luck on your date, though.
- Sylvia?
- Yeah?
- Oh, god, hi, sorry.
Yes, please.
[Wine splashes]
Thank you.
- Where are you?
- I'm here.
\h\h\hi just, you know, I have a lot on my mind.
That's all.
- Yeah, I'll bet.
I'll bet you're overwhelmed.
I know certainly am.
- Is that right?
\h- feel like I've been given a second chance at happiness.
- Wow, forgive me if I don't swoon.
- [Chuckles]
I'm serious.
I'm very serious.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hsherry-- Sherry taught me something.
She brought perspective.
\h\hsherry's, um, she's just a girl.
You're a woman.
And you're the one for me.
- Well, I'm glad dating
a psychotic, obsessive, self-loathing alcoholic
made you appreciate \h\h\h\hwhat we had.
- Listen, I know this, okay?
I'm a fool.
But I'm trying to make it right.
- Wait, no.
Oh, god, what am I doing?
- You're right.
You're right.
Let's take it slow.
\h\h\hI'll be here when you're ready.
I'm not going to screw it up \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hthis time.
- She took the job.
Got a big bonus. \hnew apartment.
- Okay.
[Acoustic guitar music]
♪ ♪
- Sorry, man.
\h- ♪ never seen you at your wit's end ♪
♪ but I forced you there ♪
\h\h♪ and then hoped you'd find your way back to me ♪
♪ promises were made to you ♪
♪ I never meant to lie ♪
♪ I just never made them true ♪
♪ ♪
♪ this heart loves you ♪
♪ this heart breaks for you ♪
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h♪ my heart hates what it has put yours through ♪
♪ by beating only \hwhen it has to ♪
♪ it's just not enough, \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hi know ♪
\h\h♪ but I've loved you more than I could show ♪
♪ ♪
- Finally got paid.
- Yeah?
Oh, this is too much.
- No, it's right.
- Shit, cool.
You okay?
- [Groans]
I'm kind of hooked on her, man.
- Yeah, I know.
- I just don't get it.
I mean, this has never happened to me before.
Girls usually like me.
- So what are you gonna do \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\habout it?
- Well, I've started drinking \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hheavily.
What, man?
What do you want me to do?
\ham I supposed to go out and run out into the rain
and declare my undying love \h\h\h\h\h\h\hand devotion?
\hyeah, why don't I make it just a little more awkward?
You know what?
She knows.
What am I supposed to say?
You know, "hey, Sylvia, um,
I'm into you."
And then she'll say,
\h"um, Byron, I thought we already talked about this.
\h\h\h\hi told you that I'm not that into you."
And then I'll be, like, \h\h"no, no, no, no, no,
"you don't get it.
I'm really, really into you."
And then she'll be, like, \h\h\h\h\h\h\h"oh, my god.
"I-I totally didn't even realize \h\hwhat you were saying before.
\h"I was so confused, but now, now I get it
"because now that you've told me
"that you're really, \h\hreally into me,
\h\h\h"now that I have that little piece of information,
"everything changes.
"I have all these feelings \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hfor you,
"and all of a sudden,
\hi am so totally really, really into you too, wow."
- Whatever.
- No, "whatever" you, dude.
What am I supposed to do?
She chose the tool, okay?
That's what she wants.
You know what?
She wants the money \h\hand the security
and the grown-upness,
and I don't have any of it, \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hall right?
And you know that.
And I wish you would stop \h\h\h\hpushing me into it
just so you could watch me \h\h\h\hgo down in flames.
- You know what?
\hif you don't take it as far as you can go,
you don't deserve her.
All right?
Do you love her?
\h- what difference does that make, man?
- Do you love her?
Don't be a pussy, \h\hjust tell me.
Do you love her?
[Romantic music]
♪ ♪
[Knocking at door]
- Knock, knock.
- Another flower.
- Oh, you look amazing.
- Thanks.
I don't feel it.
- Yeah, just nerves.
You get like this before every show.
You know that, \halways have.
- Yeah, no, I know.
You're right.
- I know I'm right.
I'm not always right.
One thing I do know is you.
I know you.
I'm so glad you're back \h\hin my life, Sylvia.
I love you.
You know that.
- Well, isn't this cute?
- I'll see you out there, kid.
Hey, Walt.
- Dickhead.
- Nice, Walt. Really classy.
- Oh, I'm supposed to be nice \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hto him now?
I mean, just 'cause you're \h\h\h\ha complete idiot,
I don't know why I have to be.
- Great, my brother's trying \h\hto pick a fight with me
\h\h\h\h\hmoments before I go on live television.
\h- goddamn right; Your brother dragged his ass up at 5:00 A.M.
\h\hso he could come tell you what an asshole you're being.
- Walt, don't start.
- I'm started, all right?
What are you doing here, huh? \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hwhat?
Why did you take this job back?
\h\h\hwhy are you letting the guy who cheated on you
kiss your head?
- God, stop it.
\h\h\hdon't even try to be the moral authority with me, Walt.
\h\h\hi know you. - And I know you.
- Sylvia, you're on \h\hin two minutes.
- Okay.
- Look, you know, if you really \h\h\h\hwanted Dale the asshole,
you wouldn't be feeling so gross about all this.
- God, this is my life here, \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hwalt.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- come on. That's why I'm here, syl.
- Sylvia, I'm sorry.
We really need you.
- You know what?
Just mind your business, \h\h\h\h\h\h\hall right?
Look, I love you,
\h\h\hand I'm trying to stop you from making a huge mistake here.
You're not this girl, okay?
You don't get bought off \h\h\hto return to a job
that you never liked.
You don't go back with the guy \h\h\h\h\hwho cheated on you,
and you don't let the one guy \hyou ever really cared about
get away because he's not \h\h\h\h\h\h\hrich enough.
That's not you.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hthat's-- that's sassy weather girl.
\h\h\h\hi hate her, and--and so do you.
And hey, i'm--
I'm sorry I said that thing \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\habout mom.
You know, it's-- \hit's not true.
- No, I know.
And you're not like dad \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hat all.
\h\h\h\hi don't-- it was just mean.
Sorry.
- Thanks.
[Mellow music]
♪ ♪
- I got her.
- Okay.
- Cutting it a little close, \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\haren't we?
\h- makeup, clear. Get out of there.
Clear frame. She's fine.
Come on.
- Here we go. - Here we go.
- Rolling header.
- Welcome to the all-new \h\h\h\h\hSeattle morning
with your hosts, \h\hdale waters
and sassy Sylvia Miller.
Rise and shine
\h\h\h\hand get ready for the sparks to fly.
- All cameras ready?
- Getting ready to do countdown.
- Four, three--
\h\h\h- remember, don't step on me.
[Laughs]
Good morning, Seattle.
I am so glad you tuned in today,
because we have a very, \h\h\hvery special show.
Today we welcome back
\h\h\h\h\h\h\ha member of our Seattle morning family
and someone very special to me.
And even though I'm probably \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hin for it,
\h\h\h\h\h\hwe are so glad to have you back, Sylvia.
Go ahead, Sylvia.
Come on.
\h\h\h\hhit me with that acidic tongue of yours.
I can take it.
What?
Cat got your tongue?
[Meows]
Boy, that's a first.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\hokay, look, why don't we take a break.
We'll go to commercial, \h\h\h\hcome right back,
and we'll be right here--
- you know, Dale, returning to \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hSeattle morning
is rather bittersweet.
- Really?
- Really, Dale.
I mean, on the one hand,
\hi get to return to a demeaning position
where my job is to giggle \h\h\hand look attractive
and trivialize the day's news.
On the other hand,
\hi get to sit next to a self-important prick
\h\h\hwho believes himself to be god's gift to women.
I'm referring to you, Dale.
- I figured.
- Okay, I just want to be clear.
So let me just set you \h\h\hand the station
\hand our viewing audience straight on a few things.
First of all, my title, \h"sassy weather girl,"
is inaccurate.
I am not a girl.
I am a woman.
\h\h\h\h\hand I really hate the word "sassy."
It's stupid.
- Uh, go in tight on Dale.
\h\h\h- I mean, yes, I have an attitude,
but wouldn't you,
\h\hif you had to listen to Dale waters all day?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
We have a real responsibility \h\hto deliver the news here--
- shut up, Dale.
I am not finished.
You know, there was a time \h\h\h\h\hnot too long ago
\h\hwhere you sat here and apologized for me
and my behavior.
And now it's my turn.
- Go in tighter.
- I am sorry,
\h\hnot for freaking out then and not for freaking out now,
\hbut for selling out, for coming back here,
\hfor even considering dating this horribly inadequate man.
When i--when I got the offer \h\h\h\h\hto come back here,
I compromised all of my ideals,
and I left behind the only \hpeople who stood by me.
\h\h\hthese friends were honest with me
and wanted what I should have:
To be better than I was.
\h\h\h\h\h\hthey saw me as more than just a sassy weather girl,
and I blew them off,
and I rationalized it all,
and I am ashamed of myself,
and I'm sorry.
Dale, you were right.
I never loved you.
I mean, I loved the idea of you,
\h\h\h\hbut the truth is, we have nothing in common.
- Well, that was subtle.
- Well, that's how I roll.
- Some would describe it \h\h\h\h\h\h\has sassy.
- Okay, no, it's-- \h\h\h\h\h\h\hno.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- like, i'm-- I'm proud of you, you know?
- Thank you.
\h\h\h- and you can crash with me again,
you know, now that you're \h\h\h\hunemployed again.
- Yes, that would be good.
I have a huge signing bonus \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hto repay.
I could use a place to stay \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hfor a while.
- Great.
You know, you couldn't possibly \h\h\h\h\h\hruin my social life
any more than you already have, \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hso...
- You're a good brother.
- I'm just trying to stop you from ruining the family name.
- Could you have one \h\hserious moment?
- No.
- Okay.
- Hey.
Um, hi.
Hey, Walt.
- Hey, Byron.
- Okay, uh, Sylvia,
I really need to talk to you,
and it's kind of important
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hand potentially very embarrassing for me, so...
\h\h- hey, I'll just wait outside, then.
\h- good. Thank you.
- Cool.
- Hi.
- Hi, um...
I've been thinking a lot, \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hokay?
I've been thinking a lot \h\h\habout you and me,
\hand I'm thinking that I just need to come out and tell you
how I feel about--
- I'm sorry.
I was such an idiot.
Look, the truth is,
I really, really, \hreally like you.
I didn't mean to, \h\h\h\hbut I do.
And you mean more to me \h\h\h\hthan a rich guy
\h\hor a grown-up guy or a guy with a job--
- I have a job.
- No, I know you do.
And that's not--
the point is, i--
\h\h\hyou mean more to me than all of those things.
I think that, um...
No, I do.
I love you, okay?
I love you.
What do you think?
- You--you fully just \h\h\hstole my moment.
\h\h\h\h\h- what? - No, I'm serious.
I was ready to come down here
\hand throw all my chips on the table, you know?
Prepare to go down \h\h\h\hin flames,
\h\h\h\hand then you go ahead, and you steal the whole thing.
You make that cool-- cool little speech,
and then I'm left standing here \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hlike an asshole.
- Well, you could make a speech \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hif you want.
- And follow that?
That was a great speech.
I can't follow that.
- Sorry.
- It's okay.
- So what do you think?
- I kind of feel the, um--
I love you too.
- You do?
- You know I do.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\hnow, look, I am going to grab you,
and I am going to kiss you.
- Okay. - Okay?
And I am going to take the lead,
and you are gonna let me.
Here it comes.
All right.
- You can do that now. \h\h\h\h\h\h\h- okay.
- In all, 15 peoples died \hin that horrible crash.
And I'm sure everyone here \h\h\h\h\h\hthinks that--
that that is terrible.
I mean, I'll keep a thought \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hin my heart
for, uh, those poor people-- \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hfamily.
- What a prick.
Go to commercial.
Captioning by captionmax \h\h\h\hwww.Captionmax.Com
[rock music]
♪ ♪
- ♪ It's true ♪
♪ what they say ♪
♪ the only way to live right \h\h\h\his with your life ♪
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h♪ holding on just prolongs the bad times ♪
♪ and oh, you deserve \h\h\hthe good fight ♪
♪ and oh, it could be tonight ♪
♪ hey ♪
♪ arms open wide ♪
♪ and you could have it all ♪
\h\h♪ but your back's up against the wall ♪
\h\h\h\h\h♪ even as king there is compromising ♪
♪ ♪
♪ You, you said ♪
\h♪ the dreams she had never see the future ♪
♪ self-defeating actions \h\hmake you want her ♪
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h♪ and oh, the party can't be over ♪
♪ and oh, you gotta deliver, \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hdeliver ♪
♪ hey ♪
♪ arms open wide ♪
♪ and you could have it all ♪
\h\h♪ but your back's up against the wall ♪
\h\h\h\h\h♪ even as king there is compromising ♪
♪ hey ♪
♪ arms open wide ♪
♪ and you could have it all ♪
\h\h♪ but your back's up against the wall ♪
\h\h\h\h\h♪ even as king there is compromising ♪
[Scatting]