Previously on
"Vanderpump Rules"...
So you're either in or you're out.
- 50 grand each for 5%.
- We are officially business partners with Ken and Lisa.
Whoo! - Whoo!
- What's your status with, like, Brittany right now?
- We've had sex more since this happened
than I have in three months.
I think she's hate f---ing me.
- Hate f--- is a horrible, horrible feeling.
- No, it's great!
- Are you saying I can come back
and be a hostess at your restaurant?
- Yes, you can.
- I was told yesterday that
you drunkenly made out with a friend of Lala's.
- So apparently I got sloppy drunk
and made out with someone,
which I have no recollection of.
[Dena Deadly's "Raise Your Glass"]
- ♪ You know that it's our time ♪
♪ These are the best days of our lives ♪
♪ Just raise your glasses high ♪
♪ This one's for you tonight ♪
- ♪ N-n-n-no ♪
- I need a beer.
Apparently you have such a good friend over here
that he's trying to take the heat off you.
- Yeah, dude.
- Apparently I got wasted in Santa Monica
and made out with some chick.
- Yeah.
- Both you guys, I would understand
if you guys want to leave 'cause...
- I'm not leaving. - winter's coming.
- Hey.
- Hey, hello. - Hey.
- Hey, guys.
- Hi. - Hello.
- I don't recall requesting your presence here.
So scoot on down the hall.
- You're right, I'll be out of the way. I'm sorry.
- I'll get the door for you.
- Thank you.
- Bye. Oh, my God.
- Bye.
So I had a little impulse purchase.
It's a cooler and it's motorized.
So it gets me from my apartment to Schwartz's apartment
in, like, three seconds.
And it's a quick getaway.
- Hey, guys.
- Schwartz, sit down, please.
Just sit down, because, you know what,
we're all gonna sit here together
and we're gonna get to the bottom of it.
No one gets to light fires and f---ing walk away anymore.
- 'Cause that's f---ing not f---ing fair.
- No one did that. No one lit a fire and walked away.
- No, I don't want to do that. I don't want to be that person.
- This is ridiculous. - I'm gonna go ahead
and say right now, this is the last time
you get away with the whole excuse of, like,
I don't remember because I was wasted.
Guess what, if you want to be married to me,
you're not gonna be wasted again in your life.
- You're never gonna tell me what I'm gonna do,
what I'm not gonna do ever.
I mean, she's not my mom.
I'm an adult.
Even though I made some poor decisions,
I don't think it should cost me my freedom, you know?
- I'm telling you not to f---ing get blackout drunk
so you don't cheat on me again. - Of course. Of course.
- And you're telling me I can't tell you
that you can't do that anymore.
Excuse me.
Tom, your f---ing-- your f---ing vows
that everyone cried over.
- As I stand here today before my dream girl,
my beautiful bride-to-be, I can honestly say
from the bottom of my heart I have never loved you more
than this moment right here.
- Everyone was like, oh, my God,
how sweet, how cute,
how this and that, like, he really f---ing loves you.
And I was like, I know. We've been through hell and back.
All that sh--'s in our past.
It's not, 'cause I let you go and do your thing
and I trust you, and I say, have fun, Bub. Do your thing.
I'm on a mom's trip in New York
and you're at the bungalow making out with chicks.
- Bubba, stop.
I don't know you.
I don't know you, 'cause you're not the person I married.
- ♪ Get outta my way ♪
♪ I ain't got nothing left to say to you ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Get outta my way ♪
♪ There's nothing you can do to stop the truth ♪
♪ Yeah you will see me rise to the top ♪
♪ Rise, rise to the top ♪
♪ Rise to the top ♪
♪ Rise, rise ♪
♪ You're gonna see me rise to the top ♪
♪ Rise, rise to the top ♪
- I'll see you later. - Okay.
What's up, brother?
- Hi, Lolo.
- Good, thanks.
Welcome back.
- It's weird being back.
- Do you remember how this all works?
- I mean, I say that I do and then you'll probably
see me looking very confused and that's when you know that--
- Take you off. - Yeah.
Help me.
- Miss Kent. - Hello, queen.
- You're back.
- Thank you for having me back.
- You've gotta be consistent, though, okay?
- I'm here. - No messing about.
I admire Lisa.
Most people would have written me off
after I burned every bridge in town.
I feel very much indebted to her.
- Now, don't be bloody running away.
- No.
- 'Cause I'm not chasing.
- I know.
- All right.
- Are you guys still doing okay over here?
Yeah? All right, enjoy, guys.
Hi. - Hi.
- One of my tables need a strawberini.
- I was just making that.
- Is that what you're really making?
- I sure was. - You have to make--
put it in a martini glass with the sugar around.
- I know what I'm doing.
I was wondering, are you still
up for...
the housewarming party?
Do you still want to do it?
- I don't want to make anybody, like, super uncomfortable.
- I think it'll be okay.
By having this housewarming party
and having all my friends come over and drink my booze
and eat my food, hopefully it'll be harder for them
to sit around and talk sh-- about me all day.
- I don't want you to be around your friends
and act like you're not really trying to,
like, do this for me.
- Okay.
- Like, you've gotta be a new man.
Okay? - Okay.
- Start with becoming a faster bartender.
I know it's a little weird to have this housewarming party,
but my goal is that for one night
we can just hang out, have fun with our friends,
and all the focus is finally not on my relationship.
♪ ♪
- All right, darling, thank you.
Is Katie here or anybody?
- Mm-hmm.
- All right.
- A few big parties in the garden, so.
- Okay.
- Hey, ladies. - Hi.
- Well, work is crazy. - Mm-hmm.
- Can you break away to chat?
- Yeah. Do you care if I just go real quick?
- I'll hold down the fort, guys.
- I don't know why Lala decided to tell everyone
that Tom had made out with this girl.
- Lala.
- 'Cause it was a friend of hers.
Like, I thought Lala and I were cool finally.
Last weekend when everything was brought to my attention,
and... - Yeah.
- I want to hear from you... - Okay.
- since--since you are the one
that said this to Ariana and Scheana,
and I've just been kind of hearing it...
- Right. - like word of mouth
telephone style, like, why now?
- So I've heard from Scheana
that you were making comments about my relationship again.
- Private jets kind of make me scared.
- Yeah. - A little bit.
Doesn't mean I'll never go on one,
but it'll be because I chartered it
and not someone's sugar daddy.
- I went back into this place of, oh, my gosh,
I feel like my dukes are up again.
- I can't argue with that.
I mean, it didn't really occur to me,
although it should have because Scheana's your friend,
that she would maybe come and repeat that,
but this makes sense why it's being talked about just now.
Why the f--- would Scheana go to Lala
and tell her that I was making comments about her relationship
when they were clearly a joke?
I just feel like Scheana's just picking any opportunity
to throw me under the bus and turn Lala against me.
I apologize for that.
- Thank you.
- I should not have said that.
- Do you want me to tell you what she told me?
- I mean, may--may as well just have all the information
for the sake of moving forward.
- So they were at bungalow and she said,
"Oh, my God, Tom Schwartz is here."
They made out.
She did tell me that through the night
he kept accidentally calling her Bubba.
- Yikes.
That's, like, our name for each other.
He has it tattooed on his ass.
- Tattooed your name on my ass.
- Oh, my God!
- It's a sign of commitment.
- It's making my stomach turn. It's just gross.
Since we got married, it's been like bliss,
and so I'm like, why are you giving me a reason
to maybe not feel secure?
- He needs to make sure you feel safe.
- I just want him to get his sh-- together.
- Right.
- Anything else I can get for you at the moment?
- Do you need another sangria?
Are you still good?
- Gentlemen.
- Can I have half a glass of rosé, please?
- Yes.
♪ ♪
Is that why I'm losing money?
- It's pretty half for me.
- It--it's not half a glass.
All right, I'll see you later. - All right.
- Get busy, why don't you.
Hello. - Hi.
- I'm good.
- Better than the last time you saw me.
- Let's go over here.
We can have a little bit of...
privacy in here.
And so who's told you all the details then, Katie?
Has he told you anything or--
- He said, "I took a lot of shots that day,
and so, yeah, I blacked out. I don't remember."
- Well, that's a pretty sorry state to be in.
Let's be honest. And you know what?
That gives me second thoughts as well.
- And I--and I-- - Honestly,
if I get involved with him as a partner,
that's like a marriage.
And you might put up with his bullsh--, but I'm not going to.
- No.
- I think if Schwartz doesn't really straighten up
and start taking responsibility
for his behavior, then I don't see
any relationship that he has lasting.
- I'm not leaving my husband or divorcing over this dumb sh--,
but my main thing is that I don't want this
to ruin this opportunity he has with you and--
- If I'm going to, pardon the pun,
be "getting into bed" with him,
I can't tolerate that kind of behavior.
That's too dangerous for me.
So I'm gonna talk to him,
and he's got every reason to be scared.
Coming up...
- Wait, no, she said no penises on the aprons.
- Try to be mature here, guys.
♪ ♪
- Nice. Fresh flowers.
Beautiful.
And maybe...
if you turned the petal back,
you know, like this,
it's gonna look more beautiful.
- Yeah. - Thank you.
Okay.
- Hi, Lisa. - Hey, hi.
Oh, just got a ticket.
- And he told me,
well, you kind of stopped but not really,
but you're getting a ticket.
So I guess I'm kind of guilty.
I sound like Tom Schwartz, like, "I kinda did it."
So yeah, good job at Guillermo's party.
You had the emotional content with the book and everything.
- Thank you.
- Which I think he really liked that.
I mean, they're baby steps so far,
but I've got a sh--load of stuff for you to do.
- Okay. - If you still want to do it.
- Yes, I absolutely do.
- And it's puppy's birthday soon, isn't it?
The day we got you, yes.
- Am I going to be planning an event for you, too?
- Stassi did a great job with Guillermo's party,
but Harrison's birthday?
No, she's not there yet.
- He's looking down on me right now.
Like, you know, his nose is turned up to me, like--
- That's because I told him about you.
So Jax invited me
to him and Brittany's housewarming party.
- So they're back together?
- I guess. I don't--
- I cannot begin to understand it.
- I'm, like, trying hard to, like, take it seriously.
- Brittany should be looking for a new apartment,
not warming this one.
I'm already starting to sweat,
Like, I'm feeling uncomfortable about going there.
- Well, you don't have to go.
- Oh, yes, I do. I have to watch.
- Oh, you want to go. - Yes, I want to go.
- God, nothing's changed, has it?
- Tom and I are in the doghouse big-time.
- Hello. This is Mindy, our teacher from last time.
- Hey, Mindy. - Yeah, that's right.
You were here last time. - Nice to see you again.
- Thanks for letting us--
- Nice to see you. - Nice to see you.
All right, friends, we're gonna go ahead and start.
- All right. - We're gonna use our big brush
and we're gonna go ahead and mix some of the brown and white.
- I was thinking we're gonna-- we're gonna paint each other.
Like, I thought it'd be fun if we all do busts of each other.
- A bust
is from like right here up. - Oh, bust up, okay.
- To be honest, you guys, I had this whole vision.
I was gonna take us out to, like, Joshua Tree
or up in, like, the canyons
and, like, we were gonna have like a Hunter S. Thompson day
where we just get utterly f---ed up.
- I just thought this would be
a more mellow version.
- I'm gonna tell you I'm not gonna drink today,
'cause I'm gonna hang out with Katie later
and I don't want to come home slurring and being drunk.
In light of recent circumstances,
we've had to tone it way down.
We're at the Paint & Sip.
We're not gonna paint each other naked,
like we planned initially.
- Hey, guys, before we get started...
- Please tell me you brought alcohol.
- I think we should go ahead... - Of course.
- and stick to the plan here a little bit.
- I can't have a shot, I really can't.
- Just one. - You can have one.
- Okay, I can do one.
What is it?
- This is absinthe.
- Did James tell you what happened
when him and I did absinthe the other night?
- You know, they say this stuff's a hallucinogenic?
- Are you seeing flashing dots?
I just want to run my head into that wall right now,
and I feel like it would feel okay.
- All right, here we go.
- Here we go. - Let's do it.
Shoot it. - Here we go.
♪ ♪
- Ugh!
- It's nice. It's really nice.
Katie said no shots.
However, Tom whips out a bottle of the Green Fairy,
a bottle that I bought him for his birthday.
So I have to oblige. I don't want to be rude.
Are you doing me or Tom?
- I think I'm gonna do more of a background.
- You gotta pick one. - No, I don't.
- Yeah. - All right.
- So I'm drawing you. - Yeah.
- Wait, no, she said no penises on the aprons.
- Just for now, I'll paint over it.
It's got a volcano dick hole, too.
- Try to be mature here, guys.
- Guys, I'm sorry I can't party.
- Is this what guys nights have come to?
- This is just temporary probation.
It's not a life sentence.
- How's that--how's that going, by the way?
- I mean, it's not great.
- I hate to get in your relationship here.
I got my own problems, but-- - It's okay.
Where's she at right now, man?
- I think she's having drinks with the girls right now.
- What are you all drinking?
both: Vodka soda.
- Or you guys want to do a shot first?
- I'll just have a drink. - Yes!
- Here are the beverage lists and here is a wine list.
- Thank you.
- We're gonna start with shots.
- Okay.
- I guess I'm doing a little bit better.
My heart was just--is just wanting to believe
that he could be a better person,
even though my brain is telling me that he can't.
I don't know, I've just been feeling like I love him too much
to where it's not fair if I don't at least try.
- Brittany, you have to arrive at that point
on your own. - On my own, I know.
It just sucks, but-- Thank you so much.
- Can I just have a bottle with a straw?
I know.
Let's do this just so I can take some of the edge off.
- Oh, here we go.
- Cheers, ladies.
- Cheers.
- Are you on any sort of probation or no?
- I gotta put in some time. I got community service.
Community service on her vagina that means.
- Oh, wow.
- That kind of community service.
- I know Tom, he's a fun guy and he likes to let loose
but he takes it too far sometimes.
He's not a teenage college frat boy.
- Yeah, he doesn't have that mentality, I don't--
- It's like the Peter Pan, I don't know, whatever.
- Well, Jax has it too, but--
- Can I ask you something, Tom, with out--
- Yeah. - How do you, like--
how do you not remember that?
- You've never blacked out in your life?
No, I--dude, I would take a--
I told Katie I would take a lie detector test.
I swear on my life I don't remember anything.
- Not even a-- - I feel like--
I feel like this would get over a lot faster
if you just admitted it. - That's a lie.
That's a lie.
- Dude, that looks so good, man.
I love it. I honestly love it.
- Dude, I look good, Tom. I like it.
- It's creepy as hell.
- I like it.
- It's literally just a bunch of colors together.
- So tomorrow night we're gonna have a party.
It was supposed to be like kind of like
how we were gonna have a housewarming party
before all that sh--.
- Yeah.
- I asked you if you were okay if I told Lala to come.
- Yeah.
- The thing is about Lala,
like I honestly don't know her.
- I think it was bullsh-- that Scheana ran to her
and said what I said.
It felt like it was calculated. I think she knew that
would trigger Lala and she knew Lala would blurt it out.
- Well, I hope that's not the case.
- In that case, if Scheana-- maybe shouldn't be so concerned
about my relationship, because guess what?
You and I have more in common than you might think.
Scheana, girl, you're not that much different than me.
I mean, we've all heard about Toca Madera chick.
There's also people telling me that your boyfriend's
making out with people.
So let's just get it all out there.
It was the night of the Vanderpump Dogs opening.
And he went to Toca Madera first,
and then met us at El Carmen after.
- So someone saw him full on
for sure making out with this girl?
- 1 million percent and the whole exchange of,
"Isn't this your girlfriend?"
And he said, "No, not really."
Our friend, Jen Bush, who works at Sur...
- Decided on any appetizers or salads?
- also works at Toca Madera,
and she saw Rob kiss a girl when she was working.
- Should--do you guys want me to say something to her?
- Yeah.
- My gut, and I hope I'm wrong, is he's gonna
f---ing break her heart.
- Coming up...
- You're still like technically married, right?
- Technically. - Technically, but it--
- We can't get married until July.
♪ ♪
- Rob, do you have an ice bucket?
- Yeah. - Would you mind grabbing it,
please?
♪ ♪
Dating Rob, I finally feel like I'm with a man.
He runs a children's charity,
executive produces, and hosts the show.
It's like, wow, this is what it's like
to be with someone who works?
Could we light the one outside, too?
- Mm-hmm.
- Rob lives in this huge house in Beverly Hills.
It's just like our big house.
It's great.
He has the biggest kitchen, great for cooking.
So I'm like, why go out to dinner?
Why not take advantage and have a nice private chef
cook us a nice dinner?
- I'm hungry. - Yeah.
- I'm hungry too.
- Hi.
- Good seeing you. Welcome.
- Brought you some champagne. - Hi.
Thanks for having us.
- Oh, yeah, well, you haven't been here yet, so.
- Yeah, it's nice. - Thank you, thank you.
- Oh, yeah, we've never been here.
- It's my house/office.
- Sweet.
This is almost as nice as our place.
- Just what I said yesterday,
like, I know I was like it's hard because--
oh, I knew that was gonna happen.
This old building.
- Need a window unit somewhere.
- Welcome. - Hey, nice.
both: Hi.
- This looks good.
- It's like polar opposite
from my relationship with Shay.
With Rob, we're having a gorgeous dinner
in Beverly Hills.
With Shay, it was usually more of like
a frozen dinner, dino nugget, TV trays.
I can't wait until we have, like, a house
with, like, a dining room
and a dining room table
and we can eat like normal humans.
#goals.
- Which I loved, but I like this more.
- To living, to loving, to learning
and to fall in love with something new every day.
- That's almost like yours but better.
- Food. - This looks amazing.
- Oh, my gosh, that looks so good.
- I look at Rob and I'm like, he's a good-looking guy.
He's tall, successful.
This dinner's catered tonight.
He smells good.
- I just can't stop smiling.
- Cheers. - Cheers.
- I think he helps my Botox wear off faster.
- Mine, too.
I'm not, like, Rob-sessed or anything,
but I see why Scheana is into him so much.
- You are the only two friends of Scheana's I know
that are literally just nice to each other.
And that's the bottom line.
- I'm glad that-- to be friends with you, Rob.
I don't know who's more in love with Rob,
Scheana or Tom.
Or me. I don't know. The guy seems pretty awesome.
Oh, my God.
- My mouth is-- I'm drooling.
Cheers. - Cheers.
- Dessert and sex are, like, very similar.
- Good thing you're getting both tonight.
- Wow.
- Oh!
- Sorry.
♪ ♪
Put the pieces together.
- Me and Ariana have, like, not been having sex,
like, at all.
Like, dude, it's been like f---ing two months.
Just give it three years.
Enjoy that honeymoon phase while it lasts, Scheana.
- When I reconnected with Scheana,
she was like, let's go-- let's go hang out.
I said, no, you're married. She said, I'm not married anymore.
I was still like, no. I just--
- You're still, like, technically married, right?
- Technically. - Technically, but it--
- We can't get married until July.
I'm joking, obviously.
- Obviously. - Uh-huh.
- Whoa, what kind of dinner is this?
- Yeah, but I'm saying, yes, technically on paper, yes.
I have this countdown app on my phone
that tells me the exact moment my divorce will be finalized.
As of now, I have one month, one day, five hours,
35 minutes, and 5 seconds
until I'm officially divorced.
- Anyway.
- Everybody... Boy...
Hi, boy!
Are you ready?
You're not ready.
- Just turn it around.
- It's Sandoval.
- We're gonna hang it right here.
- No, we're not gonna hang it.
- This is my way of saying sorry for what I've put you through
for the past few days. - Oh, that's--
you should have done a gorgeous portrait of me then.
- Why didn't I think of that actually?
I mean, we all know Tom's my true true love.
- Sometimes I think that maybe, you know,
Schwartz should have just married Sandoval.
Not like in a romantic way,
but like a bromantic way.
- I had a good time. The guys had some absinthe.
- I had one shot, but that's about it.
Bubby, I mean, it was like a sipper.
- I talked to Lala... - Yeah.
- at work.
The new part of the story was that
you were calling this girl Bubba.
- Are they embellishing 'cause I don't remember the story?
- Honestly, Lala, that was like nothing
compared to talking to Lisa.
I mean, Lisa's actually like...
upset about this. - Okay, I know--
- She's really, really pissed at you.
She officiated our wedding.
I understand that. I appreciate it.
- No, Tom, she asked you... - I know.
- to be a partner and she's like,
a partnership is basically like a marriage.
So I'm supposed to go into this with a guy
who gets drunk and can't remember?
- Tom... - I'm just kidding, Bubba.
- Do not joke.
No boys nights.
- I do once in a while. - All right.
- I'm not gonna put myself in bad situations.
I'm not gonna go to clubs and sh--.
- Well, you're being douchey--
- I can go out with the guys and grab a drink
and have dinner, like, come on.
I need my guys nights, and I love my friends.
I don't want to imagine a life
where I can't hang out with them.
- I'm not the one that did this.
- I said I'm sorry. How many more--okay, I'm sorry.
- Just remember I'm your wife. - I know, of course.
- I'm your wife, and when your boys go and get married,
they're gonna give more sh-- about their wife
than you are right now.
We're married for life.
You're not married to your friends,
so you figure that one out.
- That's like the dumbest statement
I've ever heard in my life.
- Coming up...
- So you just give him blowies?
- Uh, no.
- I'm shocked.
♪ I want that new thing
The one that nobody has ♪
♪ I want it first, first ♪
♪ All the old in the trash ♪
♪ I want a sparkly-- ♪
- Oh, no, this is like heaven.
- Let's get some clothes.
- Good.
- Oh, my God, I'm obsessed already.
- I don't even know where to start.
What if I wore this with just nothing?
- I have that, and I wear it with no bra on.
You can totally see my nipples when I wear it.
- Well, yeah, I wear undies.
- I'm so excited to have Lala back at Sur.
I look like I'm gonna be like, pew, pew, pew, pew!
Lala is the kind of person who makes everyone around her
feel like a million bucks.
- Make it clap on 'em. Make it clad on 'em.
- And sometimes I can use that.
- Are you getting the pink jacket?
- Yeah. - Can we wear them tomorrow
together? - Yes.
- Okay. I love that.
- What do you think about tomorrow night, then
at Brittany's? - It's weird to me.
She's a bigger person that I am.
I want every woman to know their f---ing worth.
- Right, he knows, he's like--
he can just show a little bit of progress
and be back in with her.
- But then he sees that that type of behavior
is forgiven. - Right.
Like there--that there's really no actual consequence.
- Oh, that just put a pit in my stomach.
- I know.
- I think it's f---ed up that there's so many men out there
who are in healthy, happy homes
and then they go out and f--- every Tom, Dick, and Harry
and Tom's hairy dick.
Dogs need to be put in the doghouse.
I'm just glad it's someone else's drama.
- Girl, let me tell you.
How are you and Mr. Thomas?
- We're good. I mean, I'm not so much like--
I don't really crave, like, a "P" in the "V" sitch...
- Okay. - pretty much ever.
- Yeah. - It kind of was like
uncomfortable for my vagina.
- So you just give him blowies?
- Uh, no.
- No, I don't want anyone touching my vagina, like,
pretty much ever.
- I'm shocked. - I'm uncomfortable
with my vagina.
- How long has that been, though,
that it's been like that?
- I was in a really, like,
a mentally and emotionally abusive relationship...
- Yeah. - where I was told that
my vagina was disgusting.
- And I had cellulite and "Why do you wear that?"
and "Why aren't you dressed like this?"
and "How come you don't look like those girls?"
Those things don't go away.
I've always had these issues with my self-esteem
with my body, these things from my past.
And when Tom and I first started dating,
I think that the newness of it was just so exciting
I kind of just didn't hear it
in my own head.
And then as the relationship matured and grew,
that real stuff from my past
has just developed into this huge monster
that now takes up a big space in my head.
- Well, I think you're perfect.
And it sounds cheesy,
but I literally do this every morning.
I look in the mirror and I literally talk to
every part of my body, and I'm like,
"I love you."
My mom taught me at a very young age
to be thankful for every single part of your being.
I don't love my feet, but I thank them
because they walk me around.
I thank my hands even though I think they're man hands.
They give great hand jobs.
I thank my little kitty cat
because it takes that "D" like a champ.
So maybe just like getting in that routine
of, like, "I'm a f---ing badass
"and not one thing that someone says to me
is gonna make me think otherwise."
- Thank you.
- You're welcome! Thanks for sharing with me.
I think you're perfection.
- Oh.
♪ ♪
- I think we should have a sign maybe here
that all the proceeds from the merchandise
go to supporting the center.
♪ ♪
How are you?
- Good.
- Gordo and Butter.
Are they gonna have... - Yeah.
- A Vanderpump.
- Can I steal the babies from you guys...
- Yeah.
- I'll bring them. - Schwartz.
- Come on, baby.
- I think it might be a good idea.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Let's not talk here.
- Okay.
Walking up these stairs just, I feel like a dead man walking.
What was my last meal?
A Lean Pocket!
Not even a Hot Pocket, it was a Lean Pocket.
- We're not here to talk about puppies really, are we?
- I mean, first of all, mea culpa.
- I know.
- How's your wife supposed to feel?
- I know.
- How's she supposed to trust you?
- It's embarrassing to say to you.
I know that night I just took it too far.
I blacked out and, like, I--
I don't remember anything. - You remember something
otherwise you wouldn't be saying mea culpa.
- This was a very unfortunate, sloppy accident.
- Divorces are made of sloppy accidents.
- Yes.
- I am invested in your relationship...
- I know, I know. - I also have another reason
to be overly concerned about this situation...
- Totally. - Because a partnership
is like a marriage... - Yeah.
- Where you treat each other with respect.
- Yeah. - Like, when you're my partner
and you've got the keys and you're valet tonight...
- Yeah. - Are you gonna say,
"You know what, Lisa, I blacked out.
"I banged the waitress, I don't know where the money went,
and I lost the keys"... - Yeah.
- "Because I blacked out," is that what you're gonna tell me?
- No, of course not.
- I think it's time to grow the f--- up, I really do.
- I'm so sorry to even put you in this position.
I am taking this very seriously, by the way.
- You should take your relationship
with your wife seriously. - Of course.
I do.
- Go pick up your dogs.
Schwartzy nearly woke up without a wife.
Well, next time it will be without a business partner.
- She's disappointed, you know?
- Same goes for me.
- Yeah.
- Don't you want to be married to me the rest of your life?
- Yeah. - Well, then act like it.
- I'm sorry I hurt your feelings, and I love you.
- Coming up...
- The night of the Vanderpump Dogs opening
Rob kissed some chick.
- This is bullsh--.
- Pick your poison.
- I love it.
- Yeah, I've got all of the alcohol here, mixers there,
and then food's gonna be over there with the plates.
- Okay, I brought these, too, in case you wanted to,
like, label stuff. - Yeah!
I'm gonna put this one by the Gummi Bears
so people know they're drunken.
This party tonight was Jax's idea,
but all my girls are coming.
I know they have my back.
So we're gonna get drunk, we're gonna party,
and most importantly, we have our drunken jelly bears.
- These are too big for me to stick my tongue in.
I don't have a long tongue.
Just a big mouth.
- Mm, those are really good.
- Good.
- We have to talk to you.
- I really do not want to tell you this either.
- I don't think--
- It has to do with Rob.
The night of the Vanderpump Dogs opening...
- Mm-hmm. - When we all went
to El Carmen after that... - Mm-hmm.
- So right before El Carmen, he went to Toca Madera
and he kissed some chick, a hostess.
And the hostess literally pulled up--
- No.
I already know this is bullsh--.
- I know for a fact that it actually happened.
She showed him a photo of the two of you
and she goes, "Oh, well, isn't this your girlfriend?"
And he was like, "Well, I mean,
I don't know if she's my girlfriend."
- I just wanted you to hear about it
before other people started trying to talk about it.
- It's just funny timing. Jax cheats, Schwartz cheats,
and now it's like, "Oh, Rob kissed a girl."
It's f---ing bullsh--.
I honestly don't believe any of this.
The funny part of this is him and I
don't even kiss a lot because he isn't a kisser.
- Yeah. - He's just not.
He's very affectionate in every other way,
but we don't kiss a lot.
So for him to walk in and kiss someone is, like, laughable.
Rob cheating is not in my brain.
Oh, my God, what do I do?
I'm melting down. Aah!
- Katie felt attacked yesterday,
this is why she brought this up to me.
Because you went to Lala
to gossip about Katie talking sh--
about her "boyfriend" or relationship or whatever.
- Oh, my God, I wasn't gossiping.
First of all, Katie said something about him...
- They were f---ing kidding. - And that's when I was like,
okay, well, now I have an obligation as Lala's friend
to tell her that this is being said about her boyfriend.
I don't even think there are words to describe
the rage I'm feeling for Katie doing this right now.
I don't think there's a word worse than
to describe her.
- You're doing that thing.
You're doing that fake thing right now.
You're doing the thing, you're fidgeting with your nails
and you're going, "Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm."
- I just think it's very convenient timing
for a rumor about my amazing boyfriend to start.
I've known him for almost 11 years...
- I know that you have. - and I know that
he would never do that at that stage in our relationship.
- All I want you to understand is that
we were just trying to have your back!
- I appreciate that and thank you and we dropped it.
We're talking about cake pops now.
- ♪ Dancing on the rooftop ♪
♪ Get high till your heart stops ♪
♪ Take all your clothes off ♪
♪ ♪
- Welcome. Nice. I like that shirt.
- Thanks, man. - Sexual.
- Oh, yay, we got the pictures!
We'll hide those in the man cave,
because you have nothing hanging in there.
Hi.
It's like the best gift ever!
- Welcome.
- Hi! I'm glad you came!
- Thanks for inviting me.
- Everybody's wearing, like, the jackets.
- I made you a cake.
We're gonna make a toilet paper cake.
- because Jax is a piece of sh--.
- Pretty much.
- This is your gift. - Thank you.
- We got this just for you.
- You guys are like the pink ladies.
- We're on girls tour.
- We're like, well, let's rep the ladies just a little bit.
So I'm just like we'll just be girl squad.
It's about power of the pussy.
Let's start taking shots out of the bottle
and just celebrate being women
who keep our men in check.
- Hi.
- Oh!
- Peter!
- Hey oh! - Hey!
- Peter! - Hi!
- Cheers, everybody. Thanks for coming over.
- Cheers! - Thanks for coming.
The only rule in my house is that everybody has to be drunk.
- Wait, you gotta face them all forwards.
- Bubby, I don't even know how to do my hair anymore.
Maybe I need a more grown-up haircut.
Yeah?
- To go with your new grown
- Yeah.
One that says, I used to black out,
but I'm reformed now.
But I still like to get drunk.
- Tom, no more jokes.
Are you almost ready?
- Me and shots, we love each other,
and we'll probably always be together,
but right now, we're on a break...
for the sake of our relationship.
- We'll come back in a little bit.
- I'll come check in a little bit, buddy.
Don't be sad. Aw, he looks sad.
♪ ♪
- Hello!
- To new beginnings.
- You know, I can't do Jaymo. I'm done with Jaymo.
I'm done with Jaymo.
♪ ♪
- Let's bring it back!
- Whoa! - Oh, my God.
- This, my friends, is called adult spin the bottle.
- Can I just have the beer?
- No, you have to spin.
- It's the beer!
- I just chugged the whole thing.
- Oh.
together: Chug it! Chug it! Chug it!
- One! Two!
- Ooh, I could eat this whole thing right here.
No, you're not. You can do shots. You're at home, dude.
- Schwartz is staying out of trouble
and just taking it easy tonight.
He does look like a sad little kid at home
with the chicken pox and he's watching
all of his friends play outside
and, you know, but he can still have fun.
- Dude. Jax, you look so sweet.
As if you didn't party and rage and make horrible decisions
for 15 years. - Yeah.
Make it crooked so it's actually better.
It makes sense if it's crooked because that's just my life.
- Yeah.
- You're like Suzy Homemaker. I love this.
- Thanks.
- Whoa! Sh--!
- I know how to dance, that's right.
- I got that one from Jax.
♪ ♪
- Everybody drink these drunken jelly bears.
- Scheana's been in the damn corner
on her f---ing cell phone all night.
How many selfie Snapchats do you need to take in one day?
I don't know if Rob made out with this girl or what,
but Scheana's so self-involved, always on her phone,
always texting, I think the only way she would notice,
if he was in the background of one of her selfies.
It's disrespectful. It's disrespectful.
- I'm texting with Rob about this whole Toca Madera thing
and we're both laughing crying emoji-ing
back and forth
because it's complete bullsh--.
- Hey, I love you guys. Say good-bye, my brother.
- You're right, you're so right.
Oh, my God, this is the best present I've gotten all night.
- I hand-cut it, but listen,
I also took in mind that we both, you know,
we like to sh-- at the door opening.
We have a lot in common, my friend.
- I know we do. I know.
- I don't think any of our advice worked.
Now, here we are at the housewarming f---ing party.
She hasn't even given it a shot to see, like,
how awesome her f---ing life could be without him.
- It takes a really long time to get there.
- Well, yeah, it took me seven years.
When Shay moved out, the first month was really hard
and it was really sad,
but now I'm like I can't wait for, like,
Rob and I to get a house one day.
- Scheana's acting like we're close friends
and she's telling me all this
as if I actually give a f---.
But this is exactly the reason why we're not close friends,
because nothing she says is ever truthful or real.
Well...
- But for now, I'm like we have his place with his dog,
and then when we're at mine, we have my place and my cats,
and it's like, I love that.
- I want to make another cocktail.
- Coming up...
- I put my belief in you.
- The Oscar goes to Brittany.
- Congratulations!
Can I?
- No, no!
We're not allowed to do that!
- I kissed him! I kissed Schwartz!
- I do, look!
- Wait, wait, go like this.
- Here's to happy relationships.
One, two...
- Dude, Farrah Fawcett called.
She wants her hair back. - She can't have it.
. - She can't have it.
- ♪ Things that are clear even when they're not ♪
- ♪ Then you realize ♪
♪ Stepping out the box, yeah ♪
♪ I'm-a do me they can do them ♪
♪ Then you meet one that's a perfect gem ♪
- I'm not trying to argue with Brittany now.
You know, .
- You're in a bad place.
- Yeah, of course. - Yeah.
Do you love Brittany?
- I love Brittany. I love her to death.
And I want to fix this and I'm gonna fix this.
- I understand...
- Yeah. - But it's deep-rooted.
If a f---ing squirrel looked at me with a f---ing pussy,
I would have f---ed it.
I wanted the attention.
- I'm talking to Carter.
I'm actually talking to him about
why I've done what I done, about going to therapy.
- Then why don't you talk to me about it?
- I can't talk to you about it. - Talk to me, too!
Jax, you have treated me like sh--. Talk to me.
- I know that. You just walked in here--
- I don't f---ing care if I walked in here.
I put my belief in-- in you.
I literally just--I wish we could work things out...
- I know that. - because I love you.
- Oscar goes to Brittany.
- Congratulations!
Can I?
- I'll kill him.
- I'm fed the f--- up with him.
- Am I doing anything wrong right now?
- Oh!
Okay, it's not you, okay.
- It's not about what you're doing wrong now.
- Man, f--- that! - It's all about...
- Y'all do whatever the f--- you want.
F--- y'all.
Let's do a shot.
F--- this sh--.
- Hi, honey!
- I can hear Jax and Brittany--
- Okay, Kristen just said something to me.
She was like, "I feel like I can hear Jax yelling
about something." - He's yelling at her right now.
Not only did he f---ing do what he did with Faith,
but there's f---ing audio on that phone...
of him saying that he's never gonna marry her
that they--they never-- - It's a--it's a--
- It's disgusting. It's despicable.
- Faith sent me the recording and I sent it to Lala.
Honestly, it does put me in an awkward situation
because I'm friends with Faith and I am friends with Jax now,
and Brittany's such a sweet girl.
It's a mess.
- And then look at her.
She's f---ing perfect and gorgeous.
She walks out like there's nothing wrong.
together: Take a shot like a bad bitch, get in there,
and get that motherf---ing shot in your hand, take a shot.
Jax is just a despicable human being.
He doesn't deserve to have any woman
at all,
especially a woman like Brittany.
I just--uhh! - It's like
I just don't know what to do. - I'm gonna get her.
Do you care if I get her? Do you care if I go grab her?
- I just don't want to ruin her night, but--
- Would you rather ruin her night or ruin her life
by not telling her?
- F---! Oh, my God.
- Brittany.
Can you come outside with me and Ariana real quick?
- Oh, Lord.
- Oh, my God, I love you so much.
- I love you.
- I love you so much.
- All right, can we talk for a sec, baby?
- I'm really sorry.
What is it
- I don't want to force you to hear something
you don't want to hear.
- Just tell me, please.
- There's audio of Jax
after he had sex with Faith.
- Let me hear.
- I just feel really f---ing f---ed up.
- F---. All right, all right, let's do it.
- Blackout party, aah!
- Hey, hey, don't yell. - Shh.
- Finish your beer, man!
- This is for-- this is for--
- No, it's not, dude!
You're a token drinker beer!
- That didn't make sense.
- Are you f---ing kidding me?
Everyone, everyone, guess what.
You're a piece of sh--. You're a piece of f---ing sh--.
I've heard the recordings. You deserve to rot in hell.
- Oh, my God. - F--- you.
Get the f--- out of here, you piece of sh--.
You deserve to rot in hell.
- Next time on "Vanderpump Rules"...
- James Kennedy's back, baby.
We're gonna keep the party going on all night.
Make some noise!
together: Whoo!
- Yeah!
- It's kind of gone from bad to worse, has it?
- Mm-hmm. - So you want him gone.
- Yeah.
- Lala and Ariana were the ones that brought up the recording.
- Is that your judgment, Ariana?
- Just say no!
- It's not on my phone!
Keep having Jax's back, you f---ing dick!
- All I'm saying in take f---ing responsibility
for your f---ing actions!
- I think we should just break the f--- up.
- To see more of "Vanderpump Rules,"
go to bravotv.com.