Where is it? Where is it?
In the middle. There. There!
Yeah, I've got it. I've got it.
Oh yes! Yes!
Look at that.
Calm down. I Can't ConCentrate.
Oh! That is a brassiere.
She's got a brassiere.
- Oh, take it off. Take it off. - Transmit.
Tell her to take off her bra.
- Take off your brassiere! - ConCentrate, you bastard!
ConCentrate!
- Oh! - Oh, my.
- I...I Can't breathe. - Oh, Andy, grow up.
I Can't see.
God, EriC, where's your Camera?
What a piCture!
What a photograph.
I Could make a fortune with a photograph like that.
What a doll. What a doll.
That was terrifiC.
Superb.
What are we doing tomorrow night?
Coming baCk.
- Right. - We Can bring sandwiChes.
- A lot of fuss over a bit of tit, eh? - Yeah.
- Hey, look. The kniCkers. - Oh, yeah.
See you, Gregory.
Terrible game, eh?
Bad. Very bad.
Yeah. You've got to laugh.
- And what've you got to laugh about? - Us.
Football is all about entertainment.
We give them a good laugh.
It's only a game.
It's only a game?
It's only eight games. Eight games in a row you've lost.
Can't lose 'em all.
You push us really hard. No merCy, lots of disCipline.
Get tough.
We need goals.
It's your job to get them, and you don't.
Well, nobody's perfeCt.
It's a triCky time for me.
Doing a lot of growing.
It slows you down.
Five inChes this year.
Remember last year? I was way down here.
Are you growing a moustaChe?
I want to make some Changes.
Good idea. It'll make you look older.
In the team. I want to make some Changes in the team.
Mmm, you're the boss.
I want to try out some other people.
SwitCh the team around.
Take some people out.
I was going to take you out.
Oh, you don't want to do that.
- Yes, I do. - You don't.
I do.
You don't.
Well, what about Andy?
He's not even started growing yet.
He's gonna be real trouble.
I'll tell him.
A week's trial in goal for you, then I'll deCide.
Do you have a jersey my size?
- Andy's a lot smaller. - Never mind about the jersey.
A week's trial, then I deCide.
You're the boss. Who's taking over my position?
I want to try out some new people.
You won't regret this.
OK, so Phil Menzies is daft.
He's daft enough maybe to throw you out of the team.
I'm not saying that he will fling you. No, I didn't say that.
But he's daft. He's daft enough to do it.
Look, I'll tell you what. Tell you what.
If, just supposing, Phil Menzies is daft enough to throw you out of the team...
Well, I'll resign.
Really?
Yeah, well, when I say "resign" what I'm getting at, what it boils down to,
what I'm trying to say really is... I'll resign myself...
to making a deCision, if it happens.
I'm not saying that it will. It might, but it won't. I don't think so.
Well, I'll see you later, Gregory, OK?
Where are you going?
Well, I just want to stay here a wee bit longer and watCh the traffiC.
I like looking at the big truCks.
Do you know that at least 1 2 tons of Cornflakes passes under here every day?
- Really? - It's a well-known faCt.
Ha. Gee, is it? Never knew that.
- I'll see you later. - Yeah. See you.
Had that dream again last night.
It was terrifiC.
- Hello, darlin'. - All right there, darlin'.
(WOLF WHISTLES)
See ya, lads.
(CHATTING)
(WHISTLES)
(SINGING)
(TOOTHBRUSH RATTLES)
(TIN OPENER BUZZES)
(LIQUIDISER WHIRS)
(HUMS)
(CHILDREN PLAYING)
Hello, Gregory.
(CRYING)
Daddy!
Two advantages about learning to drive in this new town environment.
Very obvious ones - up into third here.
The absenCe of traffiC lights, total absenCe of stray pedestrians.
But you must remember in other towns things won't be so Controlled.
Mirror and brake!
That's the way. Relaxed position.
Brake!
That's the way.
Come here, you.
Was that an emergenCy stop?
EmergenCy stop unsimulated, yes.
Hi, Mike.
Call me Dad, Gregory, or Pop or something.
It makes me feel better when you Call me Dad or Father.
Listen, I won't take up any more of your time.
I know what it's like driving under instruCtion.
That was my first emergenCy stop, by the way.
Was it? Well, that was really good. Really good, that. OK?
Stay, Gregory.
I'm sure Mr Clark would like a minute or two to ColleCt his thoughts, anyway.
My name's Anderson.
Erm, what's the sCore?
Are you going to sChool late or Coming home early?
Hand brake in neutral, Mr Clark.
How are you, anyway?
Oh, fine. We're all very well. Your mother - you remember your mother?
Yeah, I remember Mum.
She was asking after you just the other day.
I told her we met briefly in the hallway last Thursday and you looked fine.
Listen, I've got an idea.
Why don't we meet up later in the week for breakfast?
Say 8.00 in the kitChen?
Friday?
Yeah.
- Yeah. Sounds fine, yeah. - It's a date, then.
Yeah!
Ignition, mirror, signal, gear, Mr Clark.
And we'll start the driving lessons when you've mastered the walking bit, OK?
(LAUGHING)
Every bloody morning.
He's mad. He should be loCked up.
Any tea?
- He must think he's invisible. - Stupid bastard!
Who is it?
It's that daft boy in fourth year.
The one that's on your football team.
I heard they were awarded a Corner last week and took a lap of honour.
Oh, him. His days are numbered.
After next week, he's out, kaput, finished.
I'm going to get some new blood on the team. Big Changes.
Yeah. Have a sponge Cake, Phil.
A new regime. I'm signing on a new striker this morning.
Uh, who made these?
Oh, relax. It was Sandra and Alison, 3A.
Very niCe girls. Very Clean.
Oh, Sandra and Alison, eh?
Very niCe girls, eh, Alistair?
Still gettin' the poems from wee June as well, eh?
You'll get put away.
- I like your moustaChe. - Does it show already?
I've only been growing it two days. Thanks a lot.
Yeah.
It's really niCe. Makes you look very... grown up.
- Thanks. - Very, very mature.
Yeah, right. I mean, you look at least 1 5 already.
Well, I've got to sCram.
I've got an important morning this morning.
One plaCe on the team for the best striker.
I've organised a trial to see what they're like under pressure.
(CHATTING QUIETLY)
Well, I'll see yous later.
Are you still getting those poems from June?
Oh, Come on.
You know it's not right to ask these sort of questions.
We are dealing with the emotions of a vulnerable,
sensitive 1 6-year-old redhead.
(CHILDREN CHATTING)
I may have some news for you by lunChtime, son.
I'll keep you posted.
Right. You all know what I'm looking for - a goal sCorer.
That requires two basiC skills -
ball Control, shooting aCCuraCy and the ability to read the game.
Three things. So this trial will allow me to assess these two...
three basiC aspeCts of your skills, right?
What's the idea of the sandshoes, boy? Have you no boots?
I'll get some if I get on the team.
Oh, that's a dead loss, son. Go and get Changed.
We play in real boots in this sChool from the word "go".
Right. BasiC ball Control.
Trotting with the ball at your feet, 50 yards and baCk. Two lines.
Come on, go!
Both sides of the foot now. Come on. I want to see Complete Control!
Come on, faster now!
Come on!
A little bit more paCe. Anybody Can walk with the ball.
Come on!
Well, what do you want, lass?
Faster now!
- What do you want, dear? - I'm here for the trial.
Look, this is a football trial, dear.
Maybe Miss MaCAlpine's up to something with the hoCkey team, I don't know,
but this here is football for boys.
That's right. Football trials 1 1 .00 am. I saw the notiCe.
Look, I'm sorry you piCked it up wrongly, dear,
but it was boys I wanted for the trial.
It didn't say so on the notiCe. It just said "talented players".
Look, I'm sorry you piCked it up wrongly, dear.
There's been a slight misunderstanding, obviously,
but there's nothing I Can do about it now.
- Come on! - It didn't say "boys only".
You're not allowed to, anyway.
I want a trial.
It's not possible, dear. Not today.
Well, we don't have a spare ball.
Here's one.
OK, into twos now.
I want to see some penetration work and a shot for goal.
One attaCker, one defender.
It's an open goal, so let's see who's first to sCore.
Right. You defend me, then.
What's going on?
She's gorgeous.
She is absolutely gorgeous.
It's Dorothy.
Do it again, same pairs.
She's got funny ears.
Right. Three shots eaCh at goal now.
Let's see how you do against a real goalkeeper.
You first, dear.
Right. That's it. Finished.
Stamina test.
OnCe around the playing field, baCk to the dressing rooms.
It's only a quarter of a mile and should be treated as a sprint.
Off you go.
Well?
I'll let everyone know in the fullness of time.
I'll pass the word on to Miss MacAlpine.
I was the best. You know I was the best.
It's not that simple.
It Could be out of my hands. I'll have to see.
If I was the best, I should be on the team.
- The notiCe said so. - I said we'll see.
You might very well get onto the team.
We'll work it out soon.
You've got to put me on the team list! I want to sign something.
What a dream.
Mr Menzies!
I want to sign something.
- Oh! Eh? - DOROTHY: Mr Menzies.
Open the door.
Look, Charlie, we've got to get some girls.
We've got to make a move.
Even Gregory's at it now.
We're falling behind.
I don't think there's any advantage in putting it off any longer.
Besides, it's making me depressed.
Sorry I'm late.
That's just paint there.
I've got the bisCuit mix started. You go and put the oven on.
- 450 degrees. - Yes, boss.
Hey, Steve, Can you help me out with this pastry mix thing?
Pastry mix? There's more than one kind, you know.
ShortCrust, flaky, rough puff.
Margaret's doing the strudel soup and I'm doing the pies.
It's the eggs I'm not sure of.
"Strudel soup"! I'd love to try some of that.
It's noodle soup, and you don't put eggs in the pastry anyway.
It's eight ounCes of flour, four ounCes of margarine...
PinCh of salt.
Mix it up, put it in the oven for 1 5 minutes.
That's that. No eggs, no strudel. It's nothing, OK?
That's simple? Really easy.
There are five guys in 5th year Crying themselves to sleep over that.
Six, if you Count their musiC teaCher.
Look, take it easy.
Just take it easy.
You ever been in love?
I'm in love.
SinCe when?
Half an hour ago.
It's great. I feel restless and I'm dizzy.
It's wonderful.
Bet I don't get any sleep tonight.
That sounds more like indigestion.
No, I'm serious.
Who is it? Is it a mature woman?
Did you wash your hands?
Don't be Crude.
It's someone on the football team.
- Really? - Yeah.
Have you told anyone else about this?
Probably just a phase.
Who is it? Andy?
No, it's Dorothy. She's a girl.
She's got lovely long hair.
And she smells...really gorgeous.
Even if you just walk past her in the Corridor...she smells gorgeous.
She's got teeth.
Lovely white teeth. White, white teeth.
Oh, that Dorothy - the hair, the teeth and the smell.
That Dorothy.
And she's on the team?
Well, I think she's taking my position, but she's really a good footballer.
Can she Cook? Can she do this?
Look, Steve...
when you're in love, things like that just don't matter.
Give me the margarine.
Think she'll love me baCk?
No ChanCe.
WatCh that mix, or it'll go stiff, Gregory.
What do you mean, no ChanCe?
No ChanCe.
(GASPING FOR BREATH)
(CHEERING)
It's really garbage.
This is a real farCe.
Nine games lost in a row, and what do we do?
SaCk the goalie and put a girl on the forward line.
It's a madhouse!
WatCh the game, Andy, watCh the game.
She's good. She Can move.
It's not right. It's unnatural.
It doesn't even look niCe.
It's modern, Andy. It's good.
Modern girls, modern boys.
It's tremendous. Look.
(CHEERING AND SHOUTING)
Get baCk.
(CHEERING AND CLAPPING)
Get baCk!
Girls weren't meant to play football.
It's too tough, too physiCal.
Tough?
Have you ever seen them playing hoCkey? They're like wild animals.
Even at 1 2 or 1 3 they'd kill you.
You know, hoCkey was invented by the Red Indians as a form of torture.
They used to make the Cowboys play the squaws.
Shite! That was laCrosse.
And anyway, if women were meant to play football,
they'd have their tits somewhere else.
They weren't designed for football. Gregory!
WatCh the ball! Go out and meet it. Don't wait for it.
WatCh the winger, he's Coming up fast! Wait for the Cross!
Come on. Give us the ball.
What a priCk!
Took my eye off the ball for a split seCond.
Two miCro-seConds.
We need more women on this team, more new blood.
Yeah, she's some girl.
(CHEERING)
A goal!
Oh, great!
What a goal! What a girl!
Yeah, she's got a niCe pair of legs as well, eh?
Andy, please!
Look at that.
It's disgusting!
That is perverse
and on a football field, with kids watChing.
Come on, there's a football game to be played.
That's the sort of thing that gives football a bad name.
That is disgusting!
Oh man! Oh!
That's a girl?
You're a genius, Robert. You're a genius.
Have you got any plasters in here? There's none next door.
No. Maybe.
I'll get some.
Don't paniC. It's just a sCratCh.
I only want to save my tights getting blood on them.
Big gorilla on the left wing.
I got my own baCk. I got my boot on his shin and sCraped it right down.
Big animal.
You'll have a bruise there.
Not if I let it bleed. That's the idea.
I don't bruise easily.
I do. I bruise like a peaCh.
Bruise.
See that? I was only three when that happened.
I was Chasing a wee boy on the beaCh.
I wasn't going to hurt him. I fell on a bottle.
That'll never go away. I'm marked for life.
I'm imperfeCt.
No, no. It's niCe. I like it.
- Really? - Yeah.
I hurt my arm onCe
at the join.
I Can't get it any higher than this.
Used to be able to get it way up here.
You just did.
No, it's this arm. It's stuCk.
Look at this, then.
My big brother threw a bike at me.
I was only seven.
I Can only see it in the mirror. It's quite niCe, isn't it? NiCe shape.
(HIGH VOICE) Yeah. (LOWER VOICE) Yeah.
Renaldo - that was a boy in Italy last summer -
he said it was like a new moon.
Very romantiC. La luna.
Ah, si, si. Bella, bella.
Ah, parliamo italiano?
No, not really. Just bella, bella.
Oh. I think it's a wonderful language. It's so alive.
I want to live in Italy when I leave sChool. I Can speak-a de language.
I'm a quarter Italian and a quarter Irish.
On my mother's side.
Hey, I Can speak Irish.
What was Renaldo doing down there anyway?
He lives there.
No, I mean down there.
Oh, he was putting some suntan oil on for me.
Bella, bella.
Anything else to show me?
Any major wounds when you were 1 2?
Hmm? 14?
Oh, hi, Dorothy. NiCe to see you. Good game.
Look, I'd like to have a Chat with you for the sChool magazine.
I want to interview you and that girl in 2A that had the triplets.
You're pretty famous now, you know.
I'm sorry. This is a dressing room. You Can't Come in here.
EriC, get the whole dressing room thing and some niCe big Close shots of Dorothy.
You don't mind if EriC flashes, do you?
This is no plaCe for a Camera, EriC.
People take their Clothes off in here.
Yeah, where better?
Look, gotta stand in there. Too many shadows.
Just keep well in there, eh? Thanks.
I like to interview people like this - no preparation, everything niCe and natural.
Now tell me, Dorothy, how are the boys taking it - you being on the team now?
You guys are so prediCtable. Always trying to Cause trouble.
We're all very happy. Dorothy's a very good player.
Slow down, Gregory. This is an in-depth interview.
Dorothy?
Things are fine. I'm quiCker than most boys, so I Can keep out of trouble.
I take danCing lessons, too, and that helps my balanCe.
What you've got to remember is that my body's quite different.
Hmm. You've got a good body.
You must train a lot to keep in shape.
Do you have time for anything else?
What do you and your body do on a Saturday night, for instanCe?
Oh, Saturday nights are speCial.
I like to do something speCial.
Hey, how about doing something speCial this Saturday?
Come on, this is a dressing room!
You all go and ConduCt your business somewhere else.
- I'll go and Change, too. - OK, Dorothy.
You're an interesting girl, you know?
But I want to find the real Dorothy.
The one underneath the football strip.
Dorothy the woman.
- OK? - OK.
- Cheerio, Gregory. - ArrivederCi, Gordon. Hurry baCk.
Bella, bella.
Bella, Renaldo. Bella, Gordon.
I'd like to do something speCial on Saturday nights.
Bella, bella!
What's the sudden need to speak Italian, Gregory?
Oh, it's not sudden.
I've been thinking about it for about three years.
It's just taken a while for me to make up my mind.
It's very late in the term to start.
I've got some free time. I'll CatCh up.
It's very important to me. You see, I want to live in Italy when I leave sChool.
- Been there, have you? - No.
I've been to Ireland, though, and I met some Italians there.
They told me all about it.
In English. Renaldo Could speak good English.
Renaldo? Is that your Italian friend?
Well, not just him. There were girls there, too.
I just said Renaldo Cos he Could speak good English.
What kind of work do you want to do in Italy?
I'll just learn the language and then I'll see what there is going.
You know, you should think about taking a Course in teChniCal Italian.
Is that what's to do with workin' engines and...
- Mm-hmm. - Oh.
I think I'd rather do the normal Italian and work my way down.
Well, we'll leave it just now.
I'll have a word with your form master, see what he Can Come up with, OK?
I'm really pleased you're interested. It's a lovely Country.
Oh, yeah. Wonderful language.
Don't you think it's so alive?
Did you manage to piCk any of it up at all?
A Couple of words.
Mmm?
Um, bella...
and bella... Are there any words you Could teaCh me now?
Te lo dirò.
It means "I'll let you know," Gregory, OK?
Te lo dirò.
What about Alan? Do you think he's still a virgin?
Nah. He's been in the sChool orChestra for over a year now.
Pass the sulphuriC aCid, will you?
What's the pH in that?
Seven.
-How's the football going? -Oh, it's good.
You need to Cut that up a bit. It's a bit big.
- What about the goalie? Gregory? - Hmm?
What do you make of Gregory?
Well, he's a bit slow
and a bit awkward.
Yeah, slow and awkward.
He's got a niCe laugh.
Give me the bromide, will you?
Hey! Room four.
Good afternoon.
Do you know that when you sneeze
it Comes out of your nose at 1 00 miles an hour?
It's a well-known faCt - 1 00 miles an hour.
Just like that.
Room 1 6.
Hurry up.
Te lo dirò.
"Here Comes my messenger.
"How now, mad spirit!
"What night-rule now about this haunted grove?
"My mistress with a monster is in love.
"Near to her Close and ConseCrated bower,
"While she was in her dull and sleeping hour,
"A Crew of patChes, rude meChaniCals,
"That work for bread upon Athenian stalls,
"Were met together to rehearse a play
"Intended for great Theseus' nuptial-day.
"The shallowest thiCk-skin of that barren sort,
"Who Pyramus presented in their sport
"Forsook his sCene and enter'd in a brake
"When I did him at this advantage take,
"And forth my mimiC Comes. When they him spy
"As wild geese that the Creeping fowler eye
"Sever themselves and madly sweep the sky
"So, at his sight, away his fellows fly..."
Please, miss.
There's Billy out there.
"He murder Cries and help from Athens Calls.
- "Their sense thus weak..." - Be quiet, Andy.
- "...their fears thus strong..." - Be quiet, Andy.
- "For briars and thorns..." - Hello, Billy!
NiCe of you to drop in.
"...from yielders all things CatCh. I led them on..."
Well, you said you'd Come baCk and see me again.
Here I am. Can I introduCe my boss?
Miss WelCh, this is Mr Hall. It's his own business.
Pleased to meet you. Well, how's our Billy shaping up?
He's a good lad.
He's been telling me all about the CharaCters in the sChool.
- He likes you. - Oh.
And he's washed a few windows as well.
I hope you're doing mine for free, Billy. Well, for old times sake.
Give us your glasses and I'll do them as well, no Charge.
Thank you.
See you outside at 4.00, lads, eh?
Listen, why don't you Come up and see me sometime?
I'll do that. I'll use the stairs, though.
"I led them on in this distraCted fear,
"And left sweet Pyramus translated there,
"When in that moment, so it Came to pass,
"Titania waked and straightway loved an ass."
Doughnuts.
Well, we're still doin' the two kinds - the jam-filled and the rings.
What kind of jam?
- What would you like? - BlaCkCurrant?
That's no problem.
- I'll have half a dozen. - Half a dozen.
I'll tell you what. I'll throw in a Couple of ring doughnuts.
There're usually some left on a Friday anyway.
Good.
Have you given the petits Choux any more thought?
What was that again?
It was a basiC Choux pastry.
I've been workin' on it. I think I've got it perfeCt.
That's good. It's very good.
I'd like everything in my offiCe by 3.00 Friday.
- Is that understood? - Yes, sir.
I'm sorry I'm early.
Have a seat, Mr Menzies.
There's a girl in the football team.
Er...well, yes and no.
-Yes and no? -Yes.
What do you mean?
Well, we Could have a girl on the football team if we wanted one.
Do we want one?
Well...
I think it's a wonderful idea.
- TerrifiC! - Yes, and she's a great wee player.
She won't hold the team baCk one little bit.
One possible problem area...
the showers.
What happens about the showers?
Oh, she'll bring her own soap.
And you'll undertake to keep everything above board?
Oh. Oh, yes, uh-huh. Most definitely. Most definitely.
- Hiya. - Hello.
Carry your bag for you?
I Can't see you today. I've got to go up to the big sChool.
- What for? - Oh, family trouble.
Is it Gregory?
Guess what? He's fallen in love.
That's big trouble.
Well, maybe I Can see you later on.
- Right. Bye-bye. - Bye.
Cigarette?
Waitin' for somebody?
Yes.
You're not givin' muCh away. There's 2,000 people in there.
Gregory, fourth year.
Oh, Steve's pal.
Are you Gregory's girl?
I'm Madeline.
She's fanCied me sinCe first year.
She's after my body. I might have to give in.
Why don't you Come up and see me sometime?
Hey, hey, watCh the jaCket!
I had to wet-wash and polish 84 windows for this.
That's some job. Do you get danger money for that?
No, but if I die my mother gets her windows washed for nothing
for 25 years, inside and out.
I'll tell you what you need danger money for.
It's the women.
There's something about window Cleaners that just turns 'em on.
EspeCially at that Loganville estate. You know, the private houses?
They spend too muCh time on their own up there.
So we turn up onCe a week, singing songs, telling jokes...
- Washing the windows? - Right, washing the windows.
Then before you know it, round the baCk door.
"Hello, darlin', Can you give us some hot water?"
I don't get it.
Hot water? Is that a Code?
No. It's for washin' the windows
but that's just to get the Conversation goin'.
Anything Can happen after that.
I suppose the worse thing that Could happen is they give you some hot water.
Yeah, that sometimes happens.
We saw a great thing last week.
You know, a nurse up at the hostel - tits, bum, fanny, the lot.
Oh, I Can see that 50 times a day through a window.
It's ContaCt's the thing. Doin' it.
- Have you done it? - 1 1 times.
- In the one night? - No, at different times.
But something new always Crops up.
What, you mean stuff like foreplay?
Foreplay is important as long as you know it's leading up to something.
Otherwise, it's just fooling around.
I'll see you guys later, right? See you, Billy.
Bye-bye, Madeline.
If I don't see you through the week I'll see yous through a window, eh?
They grow up fast, don't they?
1 0 years old, with the body of a woman of 1 3.
You need some new trousers. Those baggy ones are awful.
I'll talk to Mum about it.
Blue ones, Italian.
If you're going to start falling in love
you'll have to start taking Care of yourself.
Are Italians good dressers?
Yeah. They make niCe trousers. They've got style.
I was talking to Steven's sister about Dorothy.
She's very attraCtive. I knew you'd fall for that type.
She's quarter Italian.
Don't get too serious about her if you Can help it.
Have you asked her out yet?
I Can help you. I Can tell you things.
I'm a girl. You were niCe to me when other boys hated their sisters.
If it was brown, it would be OK.
Not enough brown in it.
Yeah.
There's a dark brown.
Well, the grey was quite niCe, too.
You don't think about Colours, do you?
If you don't take an interest in yourself
how Can you expeCt other people to be interested in you?
Talk to Dorothy. Ask her out.
She won't say no, I'll bet you.
But don't treat her too speCial.
You're too romantiC. It Could sCare a girl off.
What kind of things should I say?
For goodness sake, don't plan it. Don't think about it. Do it!
So I should think less about love and more about Colours?
You've got it.
What would you like?
Ginger beer and lime juiCe with iCe Cream, please.
But don't stir it.
Coffee, please.
BlaCk or white?
Erm...
Brown?
They don't do blue Coffees here, Madeline. This isn't Italy. No style.
Do you dream about her?
That means you love her.
It's the one you have the dreams about that Counts.
Who do you dream about?
Just ginger beer and iCe Cream.
I'm still a little girl, remember?
- That looks niCe, doesn't it? - Yeah.
The niCest part is just before you taste it.
Your mouth goes all tingly, but that Can't go on for ever.
...Then adding a proportionate amount of sugar, two to one,
but I think that's going a little far...
Do you know anything about Italians?
ExCellent seafood in the northwest.
Some of their regional pasta dishes are good, too.
Good with salads, very stylish all round.
Whoa, whoa! Go easy with the sugar, lady.
Food, food, food! Is that all you think about?
You're unnatural, pal. You're a freak!
You eat it, don't you?
I've never seen you turn your nose up at anything I've made.
Hours and hours I've spent making you lovely, lovely things
and all it means to you in the end is food?
Look, pal, I don't know whether you've notiCed but I'm going through a Crisis.
Of Course, I've notiCed, but what do you want me to do?
The whole world's got problems.
You're just obsessed by a beautiful, young, unattainable girl. So what?
Stop saying things like obsessed and unattainable.
It's love!
OK, it's love.
Go and attain her then, sweep her off her feet.
Oh, I forgot. You're the goalkeeper. She's the sweeper.
Ha ha(!)
Look, one key question - have you spoken to her?
Asked her for a date? Anything?
Well, do it, then Complain.
(TV PROGRAMME STARTS)
If I get a date, Can I borrow your white jaCket?
No.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
Maybe that's her.
I wonder if Maddie's in?
You mean Madeline. She's out with our mother.
That's a shame. I thought we Could go for a walk.
- Maybe I Could wait. - No. They'll be ages.
Maybe she Could phone me later on. She has my number.
Who are you anyway?
You're talking about my sister
and she doesn't go for walks with anybody.
What's the idea, Coming to people's doors
seduCing people's sisters?
ACt your age. Go and break some windows,
demolish some phone boxes.
- See, when I was your age... - You're Gregory, aren't you?
How you feeling? Everything OK?
There's nothing wrong with me, son.
You're the one that should be worried, seduCing Children.
You're a freak! You're heading for big trouble.
Underage walks, dates.
you'll run out of viCes before you're 1 2 if you don't slow down.
Go on, piss off.
OK, Gregory. Fair enough.
RiChard's the name. Ask Maddie to Call me anyway.
The name's Madeline!
Go on, piss off!
Git!
(CAT MEWS)
(CAT MEWS AGAIN)
Miaow!
(IMITATES DOG HOWLING)
(STILL HOWLING)
(HOWLING CAN STILL BE HEARD)
I had that dream again last night.
That's four nights in a row. That's really good, that.
Yeah, hold on. I'm in the dark.
- What is it? - Can I Come in?
You know, I'd make a lousy photographer. I get sCared in the dark.
What'd you want?
Just wondered how the snaps turned out. You know, the ones in the dressing room.
Oh, Dorothy. I'm working on her just now.
She's a beauty. She's a dream to photograph.
Very interesting.
I Could really go for this girl in a big way. Look at that nose.
Very pretty.
Some of the guys reCkon that she's too muCh like a boy.
I don't. I think she's wonderful.
Her like a boy?
No. She's just modern.
You're right. It's modern. It's the future.
In another million years, there'll be no men, no women. There'll just be people.
It's logiCal evolution. Evolution is a thing.
No more men and women?
Just a whole world full of wankers.
Drink.
Yeah, this is a modern girl, made to be photographed.
Boy, I'd love to get my wide-angle lens on her.
A low key light, a soft fill.
Ah, the faCe and the body of the 80s. Could really make that girl.
One elephant, two elephant, three elephant, four elephant,
five elephant, six el...
If you don't put in the elephants you don't get real seConds.
Ten elephant.
EaCh print needs an exaCt exposure.
This one needs ten elephants.
Here she Comes.
There you go, you beauty.
Look how quiCkly Gordon moved in.
He knows what he likes.
I timed it. You know, one elephant, two elephant?
One minute and 50 elephants, and he had a date. That's a reCord, even for him.
What a guy, eh?
What an absolutely inCredible guy. Hmm?
What a guy. Absolutely.
Look, give us a photograph, will you?
Oh, I get it.
You fanCy her, too, eh?
No! It's for a friend. Someone really shy.
Just give us a photograph, eh?
This is really expensive ChemiCals and the paper - really expensive.
- 20 penCe. - 40.
- 25. - I'll frame it for a pound.
No. I'll take it the way it is, thanks.
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
Better give you a dry one.
Don't want you dripping down the Corridor.
Te lo dirò.
Hey...are you Gregory?
Yeah, that's me, sweetheart. Who wants to know?
Dorothy wants to see you.
Dorothy?
That's what I said. She'll be in room nine at break time, OK?
- Give us your Comb, will you? - No.
- Give me your Comb! - No!
Thanks, pal.
Te lo dirò.
(GIRLS LAUGH)
Hi, Dorothy. I got your message.
Good. I just wanted to know what you're up to at lunChtime.
Oh, nothing that Can't wait a million years.
Will you help me out with some goal praCtiCe?
Yeah, sure.
It'll speed things up.
I want to praCtise some shots at different angles.
I'll bring my Compass.
- Good. Well, I'll see you at 1 2.30 then. - Fine.
Good.
See you.
Look at all those men.
Boys.
What's the differenCe?
Con questo.
I'm on the way, Steve.
It's off the ground. RomanCe! It's in the air.
Hi, pal.
Can I have your white jaCket?
No!
I don't want to make a big thing about it.
It's just that the jaCket would really help
to put the affair off on the proper footing.
Just for one night, eh?
What are you raving on about?
Me, Dorothy, date. It's in the bag. She's after me.
She wants me to play with her at lunChtime.
My, my, she wants you to play with her, eh?
How do you do it, Gregory?
Football, we're playing. I'm gonna be in goals.
Not with my jaCket, you won't.
- Morning, Kelvin. How's business? - It's all right.
No. The jaCket's for later, for the real date.
The doughnuts are going like hotCakes, Steve,
but the marzipan almonds don't seem to be everybody's Cup of tea.
Tasteless sods.
Come on, Steve. You gave Pete the jaCket last week. Why not me?
That's exaCtly why, Gregory, old son.
Did you see that jaCket the day after?
Grass stains, I don't know all what kind of stains.
Yeah, but with Dorothy and I things will be high Class.
No stains, no...
Look, I'll make a deal with you.
You get the date, signed, sealed, and delivered
and then Come and see me about the jaCket. Fair enough?
Just keep the doughnuts Coming, Steve.
We're on the gravy train, but what the publiC says is ease off on the marzipans.
It's a deal. You want to throw in your brown shoes as well?
I Could use a persuasive priCk like you in the organisation.
Help me offload some marzipan onto an unCaring population.
Go on, get.
I bought one of these this morning and it Cost me 25 penCe.
It's not my fault. See the boss.
- 31 elephant, 32 elephant... - (GIRL GIGGLES)
33 elephant...
BOTH: 34 elephant, 35 elephant...
36 elephant.
(INAUDIBLE)
Don't touCh that ravioli. It's garbage.
Ravioli, please. Thank you.
Hello, Brenda. Mind if I join you?
- How's the lunCh? - It's the usual.
Hmm. Meat looks OK.
Agh! Ugh! Ugh!
Have you got a tissue? Ugh!
Let's sweet-talk these two, eh?
Good afternoon, ladies.
Mind if we join you?
How's your roast beef?
It's veal.
Veal? You know how they make veal?
They get the little baby Calves and they hang 'em upside down
and they slit their throats and let the blood drip out.
It's very interesting, isn't it?
This is great. I Can really use the praCtiCe.
- Thanks. - Good goal.
Just kiCk it out in future. It'll be muCh quiCker.
Good idea.
Great idea! I'll do that the next time, eh?
Great shot. Got me that time!
Could you stop danCing around so muCh? It's very distraCting.
How Can you judge a shot danCing around like...
Great. First Class.
You know, you're some girl.
I haven't got near the ball yet, eh?
Well, held. You OK?
Come on. We've only got another hour.
Think I broke my neCk Chain.
Come on. Come out and taCkle me. Try and bloCk.
Then move baCk and bloCk some more.
And use your feet. Don't grab for the ball.
OK. OK. Keep them Coming, Dorothy.
(PIANO MUSIC IN BACKGROUND)
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
Off you go, you small boys.
Of Course, you know we're in the wrong plaCe.
You know where we should be?
South AmeriCa.
There's a town there...and this is a well-known faCt,
but do you know the ratio of women to men?
Eight to one!
Eight women per one guy!
That's the sort of plaCe for us, eh?
It's Called CaraCas.
Are you happy in goal?
It's OK.
You waste a lot of energy.
No Control.
I got tons left.
Thanks for the praCtiCe.
No sweat!
(SHORT OF BREATH) Well, lots of sweat, aCtually.
But no sweat, if you get my meaning.
I'm sorry you missed lunCh.
It's OK. LunCh means nothing to me.
Some nuts, some fresh fruit.
Double apple pie and Custard?
That kind of thing.
I'm off for a shower.
Dorothy!
I just wanted to say...
any time.
For more praCtiCe - any time.
Right. Ta.
Also...
would you like to Come out with me?
OK.
I...I mean on a...a kind of date.
I said OK.
Oh, Come on. Stop fooling around. I mean a real sort...
If you're going to argue about it, forget it.
No! No. Fine.
When?
Tonight? Half past seven at the CloCk in the plaza.
(KNOCKING) Yeah?
- I just want to CheCk. - Yeah?
-Tonight? -Tonight.
- Yeah. Half seven? - Half past seven.
- And you'll be there? - I'll be there.
- And I'll be there. - Mm-hmm.
- At the CloCk. - At the CloCk.
Yeah, what is it?
Has that boy been bothering you?
No. He's harmless.
- How's the training been going? - I was praCtising some turns on the ball.
I'm not very happy with it. I think I'm using my feet too muCh.
That little remark tells me a lot about you, sweetheart.
Now, listen. When you trap a ball...
what you got to do first and foremost is kill that ball's energy.
You got to tame it.
Now, what do you use to kill a ball's energy?
- My feet. - And what else?
- My Chest. - And?
This! Your gluteus maximus trap, my dear.
Now, this is what you do, right?
You've got a high ball and a fast ball but it's behind you.
And you want to trap it and turn.
So you let the ball bounCe onCe, kill the momentum.
Then - and this is what foxes them - reverse up to the ball.
CatCh it on the bounCe with your fleshy part,
drop down low on it, and there it is.
But you don't waste time. You're up on your feet, you turn, steady...
and it's yours.
Gesù bambino, that's really nifty.
Right. You try it. I'll walk you through it.
- Ready? Reverse. - Reverse.
- Down, trap, up. - Down, trap, up.
Turn, steady, kiCk. Turn, steady, kiCk.
Reverse, down, trap, up.
Turn, steady, kiCk.
Reverse, down, trap, up.
Turn, steady, kiCk.
Reverse, down, trap, up.
Turn, steady, kiCk.
Reverse, down, trap, up.
Turn, steady, kiCk.
(HUMMING)
Remember your neCk.
Yeah!
And under your arms.
Yeah, yeah! Everything's under Control.
Think I should tell her some jokes?
Maybe.
Do you know any jokes?
Don't tell her the one about Batman and Superwoman.
Sit still.
(DRUMMING)
(CLOCK TICKS LOUDLY)
Hi there.
Well, hi there.
Hi, Gregory.
Hello, Carol.
- Waiting for Dorothy? - Yeah.
She's not Coming.
All right, thanks.
(WHISTLES)
Wrong way.
Something turned up - to do with her football, I think.
Is that Steve's jaCket?
No. No.
Steve's has got a stain there. There's no stain.
Thanks for the word about Dorothy.
Oh, it's OK. I Couldn't leave you here all night.
What will you do now?
- FanCy a walk? - Where?
We Could go up to the sports Centre.
Nah.
I'm pretty hungry, though.
We Could go up to Capaldi's, and I'll buy you some Chips.
Yeah, OK. I was going that way anyway.
Gregory, hold on a minute.
Well, I feel like a human being again.
Agh!
Look, I've got to go home. I really enjoyed the walk.
You go that way, and I'll go this way. See you!
Hold it, Gregory! I thought we were going for Chips.
Chips.
OK. There you are - 50 penCe. You'll get loads of Chips with that. Bye!
Don't be stupid. Come on. You're worse than my dad, and he's old.
At least he's got an exCuse for being a priCk.
OK, OK. Put your Coat on.
Oh, no. Look, Come on, Gregory.
All I'm asking for is a walk up to the Chip shop.
I've got a date. I'm going away.
I've just got a funny feeling something niCe might happen up there, so Come on!
OK. Walk ahead.
Look, Gregory, hurry up. We haven't got all night.
Do you really fanCy Dorothy?
Yeah.
Can you drive?
Nah, but it runs in the family. Why?
Well, it's just that RiCky Swift's got a Car.
Dorothy knows him. He's up at the physiCal ed College.
- Must be quite old then, eh? - He's nearly 1 9.
1 9? Has he got any hair left?
RiCky Swift. Sounds like something out of a ComiC.
Does he fly through the air like Batman?
"QuiCk, Dorothy, to the RiCkmobile."
OK. Calm down. Don't wet yourself.
Well, lover-boy, I'm off. Hey, Margo, here's Gregory.
Dorothy stood him up, so he's buying everybody Chips and telling jokes.
Have fun, Gregory. You Can tell me all about it tomorrow.
By the way, piCkled onions and dates don't mix.
You might have to do some kissing later on. Bye!
Well, I'll buy my own Chips. You keep telling the jokes.
What's going on?
Don't know.
I think Margo's after me.
I get that feeling.
It's a good night for it. Are you taking her up the Country park?
Don't know.
- Think I should? - Aye!
Yeah.
(PHONE RINGS)
(INAUDIBLE)
It's a fine night for it, eh?
You know...
there's definitely something in the air tonight, Charlie.
Something in the atmosphere.
Relax.
Where are we going?
Relax. Enjoy it.
I am.
I will.
What are you up to?
Nothing. Nothing.
Look, what's going on?
Where are we going?
Where are you and I going?
I told you to relax. You Can't enjoy yourself if you don't relax.
I'm just a bit emotional tonight, OK?
That's OK. It's fine. Nothing wrong with a bit of emotion. Come on.
Hello, Gregory. What are you up to?
We're just Cruising.
You're all dressed up. Anywhere to go?
I've got somewhere to go.
See you tomorrow, Susan.
Relax.
I believe you're short of a date.
There was a bit of a mix-up earlier on. It's OK.
Would you like to spend some time with me...on a kind of date?
Look, I'm not really sure what's going on.
Is this some kind of a joke? All this with Carol and Margo.
It's a joke, isn't it?
Not a joke. It's just the way girls work. They help eaCh other.
- Is Dorothy... - Dorothy's a good sport.
Anyway, how about it? You and me - what do you say?
Think about it.
Sit down over there and think about it.
(WHISTLING)
OK. A kind of date.
- Do we start right away? - Yeah.
We'll go to the Country park.
It's too niCe an evening to sit in a bar.
Yeah. Far too niCe.
What we'll do is we'll just walk and talk.
And we don't even need to talk that muCh, either.
- We'll just see how it goes. - Fine.
I hope you don't think I do this kind of thing all the time.
No!
- Can we whistle, too? - Yes, we Can whistle, too.
Good.
(BOTH WHISTLE)
If we were going for a drink, what would you have to drink?
BaCardi and Coke with iCe.
Same here - with iCe.
There's definitely something in the air tonight, Charlie.
That's three women in a row he's had.
I like your jaCket.
I like your skirt.
I like your shirt.
I like your beret.
Thank you.
(CHILDREN SINGING)
Do you want to swap? (LAUGHS)
Now, this is really good.
I'm really enjoying myself.
Good. I'm glad we bumped into eaCh other.
Do you want to danCe?
It's really good.
You just lie flat down and danCe.
I'll show you what I mean. I'll start it off
and you just join in when you feel Confident enough, OK?
Just danCe.
I'll tell you something.
- And not a lot of people know this. - Mm-hmm?
We are Clinging to the surfaCe of this planet
while it spins through spaCe at 1 ,000 miles an hour
held only by the mystery forCe Called gravity.
Wow!
A lot of people paniC when you tell them that and they just fall off.
But I see you're not falling off.
That means you've got the hang of it. That means that you have got...
Natural ability.
Yeah!
1 ,000 miles an hour, eh?
Why are boys obsessed with numbers?
- No, we're not. - You are.
Don't stop danCing. You'll fall off.
What are you two up to?
Well, what are you up to?
I'm going down to the hospital to do the, uh, exposure test.
The flesh-tone experiment.
Oh, yeah. The flesh-tone experiment. Of Course.
Have you got the right equipment?
Of Course.
400mm lens.
It opens up to 2.8, whiCh, with 700-foot Candles at say, er...
1 00 yards...a film speed of 360.
and a forCed proCessing of about 1 .5 stops.
Do you like numbers, EriC?
Numbers make the world go round.
How many, um, elephants...
- Elephants? - ...will you give it tonight?
Can't have any time exposures. That would ruin the image definition.
Don't want to ruin the image definition, eh?
Right. So that means a fast shutter.
Say at the outside, er...1 25th of an elephant.
- Sounds fine. - Fine.
You Coming?
Erm... No.
I'd be quite interested in the results, though.
Want to make an advanCe order on some 8-by-1 0s?
Yeah. Put me down for six.
No. Make it half a dozen.
Listen, I want to tell you something.
Do you know when you sneeze,
it Comes out your nose at 1 00 miles per hour?
Really?
Ah-Choo! Just like that.
One more number.
Eleven.
Home by.
I've got to be.
OK, Mr SpaCeman. I'll walk you home.
- Really? - Mm-hmm.
I don't want to put you to any trouble.
It's OK.
If you just want to walk me to the bridge, that's fine.
No. All the way home. I don't mind.
OK.
I'll do the same for you sometime.
Good.
That's good. You've stopped kissing me like I was your auntie.
Nobody's looking.
What's my auntie going to say when I kiss her at Christmas?
Say something.
Three hundred and forty-two.
A million and nine.
How Come you know all the good numbers?
Thanks for seeing me home.
When Can I see you again?
Tomorrow, history, 1 0.30.
I want a date.
OK, Mr SpaCeman. 1 2.30, room 1 7, tomorrow.
We'll talk about it.
Ten - four.
Good night, Mr SpaCeman.
Three hundred and seventy-five.
Five thousand six hundred and seventy-two.
How did it go? Are you going to see her again?
Who? Dorothy?
Who else?
Well, maybe, Susan, for instanCe.
Tell me. I'll hurt you.
- Tell me. - OK, OK.
Dorothy didn't show up. I met Carol and then Margo and then Susan.
She's lovely. We went into the park.
I think she likes me. I'll see her tomorrow.
Did you kiss her?
- No. Maybe tomorrow. - You liar! I saw you.
You kissed her about 50 times.
Sh! You'll wake the mater and pater.
I better kiss you, too, then.
It's hard work being in love, eh?
EspeCially when you don't know whiCh girl it is.
Yeah. I'll work on it.
Who's gonna be Gregory's girl?
You are.
Come on, Andy. Let's go home.
That's not the way you spell CaraCas, anyway.
What?
What do you mean?
CaraCas is spelled with an "A" - C-A-S, not C-U-S.
Well, why didn't you tell me that before?
Could you not have told me that four hours ago?
We've been standing here waiting for ages.
Come on, let's go home.
Come on. We Can start again tomorrow.
There's some niCe girls in third year.
They always go for the older guys.
At least the niCe ones do.
There's even a Couple of dolls in seCond year.
I saw them in the dining hall - Jean and Louise.
Andy, I think everything's going to be all right.