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There was Monsieur. Pierre, for friends.
To serve Monsieur was a limited but often delicate affair.
Monsieur le baron had some small pleasures,
just as unexpected as they were unusual.
Try to imagine that his favourite activity was to suffer a thousand small pains
and all manner of humiliations required to make him a happy man.
Then there was Madame.
Ah no, that's me!
Right in the middle of work.
This is Madame.
Her name was Solange.
And of course there was me, the maid: Alice.
There was also this dirty pig Hector, the driver.
See, Miss Alice? I got a nice carrot too!
And a big leek!
Enough to fill your little apricot!
Heh, Miss Alice? Ain't that a nice big carrot?
Oh yes, big carrots are just lovely!
It's good for the complexion!
All in all it was a good house, serious and calm.
But one day ...
Solange.
I'll be home late, I have a business dinner tonight.
- Bye, my angel. - Bye, Pierre.
Monsieur and I won't dine tonight.
We are going on a business trip.
Business? Butt, yes!
Mind your own.
You drive like a klutz.
And you're going too fast! Be careful, you stupid ass!
Just drive faster, imbecile!
Idiot! Asshole!
While Hector and Monsieur continued their little trip,
Madame kept herself busy.
And I, of course, worked.
As always.
Careful with that bend, you piece of shit!
You are a shit driver.
Hector, stop there.
Very well, sir.
Madame, may I be of assistance?
I'd like to make a call. Could you take me to the nearest town?
- I'll be very grateful. - Do get in, Madame.
I place my car at your service.
Allow me to introduce myself: Baron Pierre.
Pleased to meet you. I am Greta.
Hmm, what a lovely name!
But make yourself comfortable. Don't you think the weather is fair for the season?
That's possible.
Have we met before?
No, I don't think so.
Yet your face looks familiar.
I've never seen you before.
What a pity. Life is so mysterious, Greta.
Ah, yet I think ...
A meeting between two people on a road ...
What are you doing, Monsieur?
- Please, stop! - Come on, come on!
Life is so short! Leave it up to me, Greta!
You have such a beautiful pair of legs.
Just relax, like this.
But Monsieur, I only wanted to make a phone-call! Leave me, I beg you!
Oh, those thighs ...
Leave it to me, come on, come on!
Please, Monsieur, no! I do not want this!
- Yes, yes! - No, I don't ....
Oh no, not this!
- Oh no, please! - Of course.
Be reasonable!
- Of course, reasonable ... - You're going too far ...
And your driver? Not in front of him!
- Sieg! - Oh yes, it's good, you know!
I like it, I like it!
Get it all in!
- That's so good! - Yeah, it's in!
You make me wet, you bastard!
Yes, I like that!
Come in, yes!
Come on! What are you waiting for?
- Oh, the bastard! - Look at her!
- Again, again! - I knew you'd like that!
Take this, my Greta!
- Oh yes, come! - Take this! Take it!
I want to feel it!
I'm coming on your rump!
- What's "my rump"? - Nothing, don't worry!
- Take this! - Anyway it's good!
What the fuck is he doing?
Hey, no... He won't ...
What the Hell? Just because you own a big car, that doesn't mean you can do whatever you want!
You asshole! Fucking driver!
I mind my own business and you drive at me like that!
Asshole! Shut up, cuckold!
Who do you think you are?
Bugger! Shut your trap or I'll close it myself!
Sir, you should be ashamed of your driver!
Sodomite! Bugger!
- Asshole! Asshole! - Hey, you reckless driver!
You should be ashamed, stop! Assassin! Prick! Son of a bitch!
While Monsieur was having a very good time ...
Madame was bored, as usual.
And when Madame is bored ...
She bothers me.
Yes, Madame?
- Alice, arrange the flowers. - Yes, Madame.
Alice, turn the radio on.
- Will Madame dine tonight? - Yes, Alice.
Shall I prepare the rognons?
No, keep them for tomorrow.
Ah, we'll need to get some coal in, Madame.
Well then, order ten bags.
Very well, Madame.
Can I take Sunday afternoon off instead of Monday for a change?
- No. - Very well, thank you, Madame.
Turn the radio off when you go out, Alice, please.
Yes, Madame.
- Wait for me here, Hector. - Yeah, yeah.
Coming.
- Who's there? - It's me.
Oh, it's you? Come in then.
What happened?
Oh, I'll explain.
Monsieur Finch, a friend.
Alice, my milk sister.
We were fed by the same wet nurse.
Her father and mine died ...
in the same trench ...
in '14.
Your hand, miss.
Oh no, call her "Alice", Monsieur Finch.
- Don't be fussy. - And this is Dick.
How do you like my fake sister?
You see, Jean, when I dream, it's always about a truck.
Or a young girl like your sister.
- I see, I see. - Always the truck or the girl.
But never both at the same time.
What the Hell is happening?
Some people on the Blvd. St Marcel are looking for Monsieur Finch.
And Monsieur Finch doesn't want to meet them. You see, there are several of them.
They seemed a bit uptight so we need to shelter him for an hour or two.
Enough for the rain to make them leave.
- But it isn't raining. - Who knows? The weather may change.
Are your bosses home?
Monsieur is on a trip,
but if Madame comes down to the kitchen, I'm done for.
Relax. Monsieur Finch is connected.
With his acquaintances, he'll easily find you a job with the Minister or a good dentist.
Right, Monsieur Finch?
Look at her: she could be a model for Poiret.
- Really? You think so? - Absolutely.
Definitely not! Daddy wouldn't want that!
A model for Poiret!
Perfect! Absolutely perfect!
Where did you learn all that?
Monsieur Finch, you do not know Daddy.
Really, tonight you please me more than any other woman.
You ain't so bad yourself, Monsieur Finch.
- I see, I see! - Yeah, well you, right away ...
Nice view of the sea.
Oh, charming.
- Uh, what? - Nothing, Jean, nothing! Eat!
- What's happening? - Nothing, Jean, eat your soup!
- Yeah, eat your soup. Oh, nice! - What?
- Is the soup good, Jean? - Yes, it's onion soup!
- You like onions, Monsieur Finch? - I always loved onions.
Yes, it's a very good one!
- Hm, creamy! - Tasty!
Delicious! Oh, Monsieur Finch, do you like it?
Do you like my soup? It is quite a treat!
- It has quite a taste ... - True, it's good.
But you should taste mommy's ...
Oh, but Alice's isn't bad at all!
Thank you, Monsieur Finch, I am delighted that you like it!
It's good that you like onions!
- Indeed, and onions are cheap lately. - Cheap, cheap maybe, Jean, but ...
An onion of this quality! Oh, it's good, good, good!
That's the onion!
You know, Monsieur Finch is an ex-Poilu from the '14 War.
Oh, it was only self-defense, you know!
Who's there?
It's me, Pierre.
What do you want?
- Let me enter, I beg you! - I have no time to waste!
- Just a moment! Please, Milena! - You poor shit.
Yes, I am a turd, but I beg you! I can't take it anymore at all!
That's good, it's shining. You may enter.
Down on all fours!
Le Chemin des Dames, the Battle of Picardy ... So many deaths, Monsieur Finch.
And to think they used to call them "operating theatres".
Oh yes, operating theatres!
You are against war, right, Monsieur Finch?
I am against war and against religion.
- Oh that's really good, Monsieur Finch! - Yes, that's true!
A man with such ideals!
Yes, but it's so hard!
Yes, it's hard, really hard!
Oh, it's so good!
I don't like war either, Monsieur Finch.
Do you know that Monsieur Finch has a convertible?
Oh yeah? What brand?
Shit!
- Well, that's it then. - I hope I am not disturbing you.
My brother.
Madame.
Monsieur Finch.
Greetings, Madame.
Alice,
how many times have I told you: "No strangers in the house"?
- He's my brother, Madame. - Your brother is a stranger too!
We're leaving, we're leaving. Drop it, Alice.
Where's my accordion? Have you seen my accordion?
I ask you to leave right now!
- Sorry , Madame, I'm looking for my instrument. - Alice!
Allow me, Madame. A little joke to lighten the atmosphere:
Well then, one day a little bird lands on the back of an elephant and tells him:
"I want to fuck you in the ass."
"Well, ok", says the elephant. The little bird gets in position ...
and at that moment a coconut falls on the elephant's head, who then says: "Ouch!"
So the little bird, guiltily asks: "I'm so sorry, did I hurt you?"
- What a beautiful story! - Isn't it?
Now would you be so kind as to escort these two individuals away, never to return?
I will prepare your pay.
- Alice, where is my cane? - Come on, my brother isn't a stranger!
Just drop it.
I've seen others.
Calm down, Madame.
Calm down.
- It's only a bit of soup. - Monsieur Finch, please ...
Have you seen my cane?
Thank you, Monsieur Finch.
Pretty woman.
- Come, Alice, let's go! - Wait!
- What is this lady's name? - Solange.
Well, Solange, let's move to the dining room.
Can I offer these sirs the rognons du jour?
- Monsieur, my husband will be home ... - Come on, let's move!
Don't think about your husband all the time! Come with me! There we go, good!
I saw a woman like you in a movie.
She was in a Minister's office, and she crossed her legs to seduce him.
And lifted her dress up.
- Like this! - What colour are her stockings?
Smoky.
In a book I read, there was a woman like her in a theatre and a man was lifting her dress ever higher.
Yeah, like this. Then he bent over her.
To kiss her thighs.
Well, well. I'm hungry!
Before you serve dinner, Solange will serve us drinks
Right, Solange?
Come on, Solange!
"Solange" contains the word "ange".
Hand me the glasses.
- Do you have a radio here? - Oh, yeah, yeah.
- So we can have some music. - Oh, yeah.
Are you ok, Jean?
Just peachy!
Our French sportsmen prepare themselves for this new turn with great enthusiasm!
And now, for you ladies currently at home, the new disc of the week. Music!
Take a seat, Alice.
Turn the radio off, Solange.
Take a seat, Solange.
Sit down!
No, not there.
Here.
So then, when do we eat? I'm hungry.
- Would Madame agree to buy me a lottery ticket? - My husband will be back soon!
Alice!
Yes, Madame?
Don't say "Yes, Madame", say: "Yes, Solange".
Don't forget: refusing to be a slave will change the world!
Alice! Please, do something!
What's happening? Why aren't we eating yet?
- Don't cry! I'll tell you a story! - I'm not crying, thank you!
Well then? When do we eat?
- Very well, I'm going. - Where are you going?
Tonight, we change roles: Madame will be serving.
I advise you to leave before my husband returns.
I bet that your husband loves the moonlight.
- I bet that your husband is a star-fucker. - Well then, what do we do?
What about me?
Change clothes with Solange.
Here, Jean, play something for us.
Thanks.
Would you like to dance?
- Oh no, no! - Yes, yes.
You should have bought me that lottery ticket!
Good, uh?
Alice, come next to me.
Look at this bitch. Look, Alice. That's how it is with the bourgeoises.
Alice? Alice? Where is Alice?
- Well, Jean, play something! - What do you want me to play?
- Alice! - Anything, just play!
- Play whathever you want. - Ok, ok!
Look at your Solange: she will come just like the others!
Just look at her!
Yes! It's so good!
Before Alice, we had a little maid.
She came from Charente. I got her pregnant. By accident, of course!
And then I asked my wife to get rid of her. Yes.
Yes, I told her: "We have to get rid of that little bitch!"
May I have a glass of water, please?
Thank you.
Yes, I told her: "Give her a month's notice and throw her out!"
I can't stand women with fat bellies, it disgusts me. Actually, I hate everyone.
I only love money. And little girls. I like to fuck them in the ass.
I only did it in the colonies, during my national service, but I miss it.
And only with niggers.
Do you know any little white girls who would let themselves be fucked in the ass?
Thank you!
You cunt!
- To the right! - No! Don't touch me!
To the left!
To the right, Jean, to the right!
Left, left!
Come on, Jean! Come on!
No, don't touch me!
- Go for it! - There you are!
Leave me! I don't want this!
- Remove your hands! - Come on, Jean!
Get some good time, Jean!
Come on, Jean! Don't listen to her!
- Fuck her! - Bitch!
That's good, Jean, very good!
That hurts! He's hurting me!
With his hands!
What good is it to cry?
There's nothing to cry about.
Didn't you like it?
Be silent, Alice, be silent.
What did you like?
Uh? What?
- No one wants to tell me? - Don't cry.
I see nothing, I do nothing! So what?
What if Solange wore an apron? I'm sure you have one.
Of course. In the kitchen.
- When do we eat? - Come!
On your feet!
Come with me.
Do not forget, Alice:
Tonight, you aren't the maid.
Do you know that you have a great body? And I do not say that to make you happy.
No, it's true.
I have never imagined you'd do that, Alice. Never.
Despite her good manners, and her Mona Lisa attitude ...
I've seen Madame get fucked just like me.
Just like her maid, but the difference is that when it happens I'm happy and not ashamed.
Here, put on your apron.
- My dear Finch, I find you very hard with women. - Oh yes?
Yes.
- They made me suffer a lot when I was younger. - Really?
- They gave me dates. - I see.
I thought about it for days.
And once the day came, they didn't.
Never can you tell them "I want you, I need you".
No, you have to tell them you love them.
I understand you, Monsieur Finch.
The more you desire them without having them ...
You see, Jean, you become stupid.
Submissive.
So today I decided that it couldn't go one like this.
When I want a woman, I shall take her.
Monsieur Finch!
Do I salt before or after?
- Salt, salt. - Ah, ok.
Monsieur Finch! Monsieur Finch, my glasses!
Answer!
- Who was it? - Her lover.
He speaks only when Madame answers: "Allo, yes."
- And when she isn't alone, she says only: "Allo." - Well, Solange?
What "Solange"? I've had enough, enough, enough!
Are you completely crazy or what? I've had enough, I can't take it anymore!
Don't you understand? That's enough, you're driving me crazy!
- I don't know you, I've never seen you, go away! - Enough!
It's so beautiful!
It hurts!
It's the same for everything! It's all about getting used to it!
Some kind of break-in.
Same goes for trucks.
At the beginning, when it's new ...
The gearbox makes some noise.
It takes some time to settle down.
Once it does, everything goes smoothly!
- I'm a little cunt who didn't eat his soup! - I'm a little cunt who didn't eat his soup!
I'm a little cunt who loves nothing!
I love cunts, but I'm still a little cunt.
- Oh, Milena! - Milena, what, Milena?
Oh, Milena, you are the asshole of the universe!
I love you.
I love you anyway!
Come on, don't cry!
Promise me that you won't tell anyone.
I promise.
Now, fetch the casserole.
- So, the casserole. - Yes, the casserole.
And where is the casserole?
Use the ladder.
- That's a bit easier. - Ah, yes.
I can't do it!
It's too heavy!
Well well ...
And now, what do you say?
It's more beautiful than the sea!
Oh yes, Milena, it's beautiful! It's Beautiful!
Oh, Milena!
She is so beautiful!
Oh, she's beautiful!
It's too beautiful!
What an estuary! What a bean!
She's beautiful!
What a slit!
What a cloth! What a piggy bank!
What a mussel!
What a flower! What a fruit!
What an apricot! What a praline!
What a candy! What a berlingot!
What a snatch! What a pastry! What a flaming coal!
What a hole! What a beard!
What a slit! What a pussy!
What a fig!
What an eye!
- What a jewel! - What a cunt!
- Here you go. - Thank you, that will do.
Very nice rognons.
Monsieur.
Hm, that's Supreme sauce.
Amazing!
Well, Solange?
I'm sorry, Madame, I couldn't resist. And I can see only with my fingers.
Explain yourself: what happened?
- Nothing. - She's lying!
Well?
- He put his hand on my leg. - And then?
- It surprised me. - Who's "he"?
- Monsieur. - And that's all?
- Yes. - No, that's not all.
What else?
His hand ...
His hand did ...
Why don't you simply say: "His hand caressed my slit?"
His hand caressed my slit.
My hand ...
Caressed her slit!
I'm a bastard, it's a fact, but no worse than any other.
But say something!
Ah, it's so beautiful!
You haven't seen anything yet.
After you taste them this way,
you'll never get enough of them.
Wh-what's happening? Alice?
What's happening?
Alice?
You'll get a taste, Jean. You'll see how good it is.
Relax, Solange. There ...
Yeah, it's very good.
There.
Yes.
There you go, Jean.
Here.
Eat it.
It's good.
Alice, eat some too.
Come closer, Alice.
Inside there's some kind of substance that drives me crazy.
I can't take it anymore!
I'm ashamed because I can't take it anymore.
- Did you see what you did to my brother? - What did I do now?
- Show her. - Never!
I won't watch.
No!
Well then.
If that's how it is.
No, listen ...
No, I don't want my sister to watch!
Don't be ashamed. It's a sign that you are in good health.
Are you ok, Jean? Is it good?
Yeah, I'm ok, I'm ok. I'm ok.
You see, Jean, this woman's mouth isn't only used to utter stupidities.
Alice, come here.
Very good.
Where is Alice?
I don't want her to see.
Be at ease, she can't see a thing.
Here, take this!
Take this, bitch!
Pleasure, Jean, that's what beauty is!
The meeting of the penis and the vagina, Monsieur Finch!
That's life!
I'm like a free balloon!
Journeying towards the stars!
Good, uh? Yes!
Take this!
Yes, Alice!
Busy, Jean! It's busy!
More, more!
Alice. Alice!
Show your tongue.
Yeah, that should do. Clean this.
Come on!
You like it, uh?
Oh, it's good, good, good!
Harder, I can't hear it!
Milena,
I am your slave.
Command me!
Don't command me to command you, because I'm in command!
Alice.
Alice, would you like me to slip this into you?
Spread your thighs.
Leave it to me.
You'll see how good it is,
when it is hard like that.
Do you feel it?
You like it, uh?
Do you feel it inside your little pussy?
Take it.
Take it good.
It feels good. You like it, uh?
Does it turn you on?
Here it is! I give it good!
It turns me on to put it inside of you!
To slip it inside!
Right, bitch?
It's good, Jean, very good.
You flatter me, Monsieur Finch.
No, Jean, you are a great artist.
Have you heard of that new singer?
Maurice Cavalier?
Well. you're just as good.
- It's even more modern. - You exagerate, Monsieur Finch!
- What should I do now? - Come.
And now?
On your knees, imbecile.
Now finish cleaning.
Better than that!
... that the Pope meddles in it.
What about the Pope?
Yes, the Pope. Remember ...
When he commented the Rectum Navarum
No, he certainly did not say that.
He certainly did not say "rectum". "Rectus"!
Ah yes, maybe!
- Oh, it's raining. - That's good!
Yes, I heard they lack water in the �le de R?
Yes but maybe it isn't raining in the �le de R?
Do you know what Brazil uses to power its locomotives?
Ordinarily, coal.
- Coffee. - Really?
They burned 3,5 billions kg during the last years.
What a shame!
You're not sleeping here tonight?
Not tonight. I prefer to go home: Solange is all alone.
The poor thing must be bored.
What an amazing husband! What makes you think women are bored when they are alone?
Solange is ...
An angel. Unfortunately.
Madame.
Ah, Milena. You'll hit me a bit harder next time, right?
- Hector, wake up! - Bah, don't bother me, I'm sleeping!
Take this.
You like it like that, uh? I'll make it last, you'll see.
You too. Yes. I'll do them both together!
- But ... Don't touch that! - Oh, I'm sorry, Monsieur Finch!
- Stop that! - Forgive me!
Completely incredible.
There!
Oh my God it's so good!
What a big cock! What a dick! It's so hard!
It burns me divinely
It burns my pussy!
I feel his huge balls against my butt. Oh, I love this!
Oh my God, if Pierre could hear me!
Yes, I am a bitch, you are right. I will swear: cunt, balls, cock!
It burns! I will feel his love juice!
I'm wet. I'm completely wet!
Hm, it's good! I'm soaking, I'm dripping wet!
How I love to get my nipples sucked. I love when Alice sucks on them!
How I love to lick her pink slit!
I love to see her under my tongue, I love to have her slit in my mouth!
Oh yes, yes, pound me!
Pound me, break me, my lover, break me!
It's so good, pound me!
I want a cock, I want another cock!
I want to suck on it!
I want him to come in my throat!
Yes, push a finger into my ass, like this!
Again, deeper! Your finger feels so good inside my ass!
I'm coming!
Oh I'm coming, I'm coming!
Spill your cum in my belly!
Oh yes, give it all to me! Give me everything, dear!
Yes, give me your cum! Pound me!
It's too much! It's so good!
I love it, you bastard!
Oh yes, again!
Oh, your big cock!
How I love it inside of me!
- I love your balls! I love your cock! - Oh Solange! Solange!
I'll never forget you!
Damn, we just needed that!
- Hector, we got a flat! - Leave me the fuck alone!
They don't make cars like they used to!
We're leaving now.
Goodbye.
Goodbye, Jean.
Goodbye. Goodbye Solange.
Your hand.
Goodbye Solange!
Goodbye, Madame.
Were you sleeping?
- Yes. - Dreaming, maybe?
Yes, maybe.
- I wasn't expecting you tonight. - I wanted to see you, so I drove faster.
I really wanted to see you!
- What's for dinner tonight? - Rognons, Monsieur.
Perfect.
Madeira sauce, Alice.
- Good. Will Madame eat Rognons as well? - Of course.
Very well, Madame.