So kind of wrapping up here.
How can he be more influential with others so I want to give you a few strategies and techniques I can't
do a whole course because that would be a whole course and how we can work specifically with others.
We also see some of these are pretty good for yourself too because these are basically tools of influence.
I love this little kind of cartoon thing that I made up here with the different texts and things how
to be more influential.
This is Lily the gun to the head technique.
So the cat's holding the gun to the ducks head and yelling ducks trying to you know encourage him to
go along with it so there's a little bit of peer pressure going on there of different kinds of leverage.
So you've got a must there right.
We recognize that you get the peer support we recognize that.
Yeah.
These these are this this section is gonna be about tools of influence.
I've actually got an entire course about tools for friends influence another shameless plug.
But again if you're going to be effective both influencing yourself to make change and influencing other
people to make changes.
This is great for sales.
This is great on selling yourself on the idea of getting better.
This is great on the idea of a song your kids on doing better in life.
If you're a parent your salesman need tools of influence you've got to sell people on these little kids
like we talked about on wearing their clothes brushing their teeth going to bed getting good grades
you got a Selma and everything.
If you don't have these tools of influence I swear I swear you are unarmed and you don't even know it.
It's amazing you've made us as well as you have and that you even survived without these tools.
I don't know how anybody gets bail out these tools it just shocks me.
It's that analogy again there they're going through life with the brakes on they don't know it because
they don't have the simplest basic tools of how to influence themselves and others.
That's insane.
I don't know how we get through school even high school or even grammar school without having learned
these but somehow we do.
So driving on let's learn some these specific things like ability I'm a therapist and I'll take a car
cough did a study back in the 80s I believe it was and I said 75 percent of why a client or patient
gets better is because they like their therapist they will do things for their therapist that they won't
even do for themselves.
I would be working with addicts they had like just gotten out of jail or they're trying to stay out
of jail.
They're on probation and I say hey you got to get to an AA meeting.
You know it's part of your probation they're gonna throw your button jail and or even worse you might
get drunk and hop in your car and kill somebody.
You know if you got a car if you still can drive and you're like Yeah yeah I might get to a meeting
blah blah blah blah but you know I really don't think so.
And they usually don't unless what unless they liked me if I said you know I'm going to feel like I'm
a horrible therapist if you don't go you know I remember one time I had a patient and they didn't go
to a meeting and they got in their car and they drove and they died I cried about that I'm worried you're
gonna be the next patient that I shed a tear over and if they like yeah and they don't want you to feel
bad they'll go if they want to make you proud they will go if they just don't want to disappoint you
they will go.
Some people will go just using you as an excuse.
They don't.
When clients come in sometimes they don't like themselves enough to do things for themselves.
I mean we said this is likability.
When I would have you know clients and mental patients come in and addicts they didn't like themselves
enough to do anything.
That's part of why they were constantly screwing themselves.
They hated themselves.
What do you do to people you hate you screw them and you don't do anything nice for them but going to
a meeting getting their life back and money and finances and their kids back and getting off probation
and having a nice job and driving a nice car they didn't feel like they deserve that yet but they would
do these things that were going to leave there for me.
So likability is huge if you want to be influential with somebody.
I mean give me the three things they got to know you like yeah and trust you know you like you like
you is the big one likability is huge.
So you got to like yourself enough to do things and people have to like you if you're going to influence
them it's two fer similar traits.
We like people who are like us we're always more comfortable with people that are like us and that can
be a lot of different similar traits see same or similar height same or similar weight same or similar
dress.
You can see this guy's dressing you know five different ways.
He probably likes the guy in the vest better than he likes the guy in the button down shirt better and
he likes the guy in the wife beater shirt T-shirt.
OK.
Why more similar.
You know he'd fall in love with some guy where he walks in with a nice suit he's got all three pieces
but it can be a lot of things people that talk at the same pace that we do similar intellectual level
a lot of different things
so we all have similar interests are another big thing.
So people that like to do the same things talk about the same things go the same places either the same
places like the same kinds of food all these types of things.
I remember I had a boss once and it was kind of hard to get close to him and he was always busy and
he was a little standoffish but the people that got close to him were a couple other counselors and
they were his golf and buddy.
So they would always be going on golf trips or you know talking about golf in the hallways or kidding
each other about golf and you know they give each other you you know funny little golf things or golf
calendars you know for Christmas and stuff like that.
And I felt like I don't play golf and you know golf looks like it might be a fun game but I don't really
play it.
Of course I'm too cheap to spend the money.
So how am I going to get it on the air.
I can't say oh yeah I'll go golfing too because I don't know how to play.
And I thought about it for me and I said don't people like a sensor contribution don't they like to
feel superior to other people.
I said I'll let them feel superior as well.
I'll be the idiot they can train me.
They can mentor me.
They can bring me along in an on a golf trip and I'll be the fun guy.
I'll be the mascot that they get to show off how good they are.
This they'll finally feel really good about their golf game because if you didn't before after you see
me play you'll feel fantastic.
So even though I wasn't similar to them we had nothing really in common that I could find I made something
in common by using that one little strategy.
So that's why I always kind of bring this up and use this technique similar beliefs in our belief system
is very important so some people be friends and you'll say why one skinny one's fat one's tall one short
and one's funny and one's quiet.
Why did they come together.
Paul said it was about similarity.
Well it can be but it's also about similar beliefs.
They like the same things they believe the same things they are the same.
You know maybe spiritual values political values they think alike.
They believe the same things the same things are important to them.
They like to focus on the same things.
Again we like people who are like us great great tool of influence.
And remember you can use those beliefs to what influenced them.
Remember the biggest influence tool is getting someone coordinated with you that they know you like
you trust you.
After that you come up with your own techniques for adding influence people and we've given you quite
a few here because motivating somebody is what you influence them.
You got to do something.
When we said it was change what is influence.
It's a certain way now.
I want to influence it to be a different way.
That's change.
So you know the strategies.
Now you just have to have what they call rapport
matching and mirroring what's kind of our last piece here.
You can coordinate with somebody be more like them just by shifting the way that you do things a little
bit.
You don't want to be matching and mirroring in terms of monkey see monkey do.
I love this slide don't you with the cow on the top.
That's awesome.
Doing similar things and mirroring each other.
You can do it in certain areas.
So if a person sits a certain way like they like to sit there and you know they lean to one side and
they got their hand on their chin I won't do the exact same thing you know but I'll do something similar
maybe I put my hand on my face you know they fall their arms I cross my arms it's it's an approximation
I'm listening for their speech if I talk a little faster and they talk a little slower I'm not gonna
be artificial I'm not going to go all the way down to their speed but I'll kick it down a notch I can
slow it down a little bit if I'm talking a little higher I could talk a little deeper just little adjustments
trying to meet in the middle a little bit so you can do it mannerisms you can do with Pace I tend to
be more fast paced but when I was slower people I do it a bit slower and this is a natural thing this
isn't an artificial thing I just want you to think about it and as you think about it first it'll be
a technique later it'll be second nature and you know what kinda already is people that are good friends
will start to average out each other if one talks a little faster and one talks a little slower the
slower one will actually start talking a little faster the faster talking one will tend to start talking
a little slower happens over and over and over again the research it's rare that it doesn't happen that's
why they become in sync they'll say couples old married couples start looking like each other why because
they start doing this do you know there was a study if you put two clocks together you'll get a sympathetic
harmony because they'll actually start swinging together in rhythm even though they weren't before you
pluck one piano key or one guitar string the one's around it will start sympathetically coming in tune
with it and vibrating at the same frequency.
Even though they're not making a sound they had women that were roommates and they did a study and they
said their periods will sync up even though they didn't know when the other person's period was synchronicity
is just a weird thing.
It's not a it's it's an actual science to it.
We're still trying to figure out exactly why it works and I'm not going to get into that but people
sync up with each other.
It's a natural thing so don't think this is an unnatural technique.
Okay.
Big finish.
Final strategy
another shameless plug.
Go to my training at persuasion strategies it's awesome.
We talked about that earlier to get anywhere in life you will persuade yourself persuade other people
and feel good about doing it.
Moving everybody towards the positive.
If I couldn't persuade people I wouldn't be able to teach you I wouldn't be able to get you to use these
strategies and I would be completely useless as a therapist as a martial arts instructor as a son as
a brother as a friend and as a husband we have to have good persuasion.
I want to thank you guys it's been an actual actual honor and a pleasure to be working with you here
today.
You guys have been fantastic.
My company has advanced ideas Inc.
That's me and my buddy J.J. there.
I do have additional free information you have to go to my advanced ideas dot com there's some page
stuff there but you know like 90 percent of it's all free stuff so grab it for free.
There's some extra tools and techniques there that you might find helpful.
I have a ton of videos there and all kinds of different stuff.
So if you like this area and you can learn a little bit more I'll have some additional stuff on motivation
there some additional handouts and things like that will also be there.
I'm in the actually in the middle of developing that site so I may take a little while.
But hopefully you're listening to this later on and there's a ton of stuff there by now which is fantastic.
Please leave a comment for me and please leave me a positive rating that would be awesome.
I will thank you and J.J. Well thank you.
Appreciate you taking this course helps put a little kibble in the bowl for JJ if you have any questions
for me go ahead and message me and I'll certainly respond back as quickly as I can.
Thanks so much and I'll see you in the next course.