Subtitles by explosiveskull
Dr. Harrison, stop.
You can't run forever.
There's no escape, Doctor.
You're coming with us.
Don't use your dart gun. We got him cornered.
Argh! We were so close...
Daddy.
- Hmm? - Daddy.
Adam Harrison!
Huh? Oh, yes, sir?
No sleeping in detention.
Use this time for something productive.
What?
What's going on back there?
That's disgusting!
Adam, what's the problem?
It looks like someone stuck six packs of gum in my hair.
I didn't see nothing.
Tony,
go to the office.
Not again!
Ow!
You're dead, snitch!
Ow. Ow!
Holy crap, what's happening to me?
Oh!
Look at his shoes!
Huh? What... What?
Spaz alert.
He used to be in my History class.
That's why I changed classes.
He's got like no friends.
Hey, Adam. Are you okay?
Don't run, I don't bite.
Well, look who it is.
How ya doing, snitch?
Leave me alone.
Hey there, mop-top, whatcha doin'?
Are you on your way to the janitor's closet?
'Cause you look like a mop!
Good one!
Seriously, that counts as a good one?
Give me a break!
Good one!
That's a good one.
Get off me!
What? You gonna rat me out again?
Hard to say. It depends on the circumstances.
Wrong answer, snitch!
Stop!
Okay, you've had enough.
Here, let me help you.
Look at his shoes! What a freak!
Oh, hey, you forgot your backpack!
Cha-ching! Two points!
Jerks...
It was those boys again wasn't it?
No, I told you. I was playing soccer
with my friends and the ball hit me in the face.
Oh, yeah? What friends of yours play soccer?
Uh... The British ones...
My mates. But they call soccer "football."
Oh, do they? And how did this happen?
Soccer can be a dangerous sport.
Adam, quit messing around.
What are we going to do about this?
Either we chop it out, or we chew it out.
I vote chew.
Ugh. I vote chop.
Turn around.
You had such nice, long hair.
At least they can't make fun of my hair anymore.
Holy crap!
Adam, You're gonna be late!
I'll be down in a minute!
Adam...
That's not gonna work.
What's taking so long?
Are you all right?
I'm fine!
I guess your meatloaf didn't agree with me.
I thought you loved my meatloaf.
Love is a strong word. I like it.
No, like's too strong.
Hey, I hate your meatloaf.
What?
Listen, my meatloaf is...
Oh, Adam.
- What? - That hat...
What about it?
That was your father's.
Oh, sorry.
Why are you sorry?
I dunno.
He died. I didn't mean to make you sad.
He was a great man.
I wish I knew him.
I did a sloppy job on your hair.
I must have been more tired than I thought.
Here, let's put this back on.
It looks good on you.
Now hurry up, you're going to be late for school.
I can't believe you don't like my meatloaf.
I'll let you in on a secret, Mom.
Nobody likes your meatloaf.
Okay. Well, enjoy your lunch.
It's meatloaf, isn't it?
Mmm. Could be.
All powerful men have one thing in common.
Great hair.
HairCo toupees have been worn in secret
by some of the greatest men in history.
But you're not here to be a part of our past,
you're here to be part of the future.
Make no mistake, gentlemen, hair is a growth business.
I'm afraid we'll need to ask you for your cameras.
Huh?
Mr. Kobayashi, I must insist.
Oh.
Ooh.
This is where the magic happens.
The future isn't toupees, no, no, no.
The future lies in growing real hair.
We're not talking about embarrassing hair plugs,
useless scalp massagers, or fancy shampoo.
We're talking about genetic engineering.
State of the art DNA manipulation.
We're on the verge of a major breakthrough
that will change the lives of hundreds of millions of people...
And make us a fortune in the process.
Dr. Billingsley is our head of experimental research and development.
Ah, here comes one of our eager young interns.
Uh, Dr. Billingsley?
I'm getting college cedit for this, right?
Of course.
Oh, okay. I'll just need you to sign my work experience time sheet.
Stand on the "X."
Hold on, you're not going to shoot me with...
Ow!
Ouch!
Oh.
Whoa.
Oh!
Ooh.
Now, you may experience a slight burning sensation.
But don't worry about it.
Help me!
As you can see,
we're still perfecting the formula.
Once we do, people will pay anything for it.
The real money is in big hair.
Hmm. Reduce fluoroantimonic acid by five percent.
We have a no fighting policy at this school,
zero tolerance.
You fight, you're suspended!
You're suspended!
Do you hear me? Suspended!
You're so funny.
Hey, you better watch your back, snitch.
Adam Harrison.
I believe this belongs to you.
Nametag was on the inside.
Oh, thank you, sir!
Don't be throwing it into basketball hoops anymore.
What? Why would I throw my own bag into a basketball hoop?
Who knows why you kids do anything?
Adam, you are what we call a...
Mildred.
Uh, what are we saying instead of spazoid these days?
Uh, normally challenged, sir.
Oh, and, uh...
How would I say "friendless loser"?
Mid-level acquaintance deficiency.
Adam, you have mid-level acquaintance deficiency.
Do they make a pill for that?
No, sir.
Apparently, there's nothing we can do for you.
This acting out needs to stop.
But, sir...
We have a no fighting policy at this school.
Zero tolerance. You fight, you're suspended.
Getting beat up counts as fighting?
A fist can't punch without a face to receive it.
No fighting means no fighting.
Oh, and, Adam?
Yes, sir?
We have zero tolerance on hats.
No hats in school.
And get a haircut.
What...
Hmm?
Hey, Harrison, you got me suspended!
You should be happy. You hate school.
My dad's going to kill me.
He's got a 10 strikes policy,
and this is strike 10.
Come on, guys, you heard Principal Jones. He said no fighting.
He said no fighting on school property.
How do I look?
You look like stupid Adam.
This hat sucks.
Stop!
That's it, you're dead!
Come on, let's get him!
Come on, get him!
Don't let him get away.
Okay, guys, come on. You've had your fun.
Don't you know how this works?
We got him, boys!
This is the fun part.
Get off me!
What the...
Oh, oh...
Come on!
What is happening to me?
Oh, no...
You gotta come out sometime.
Yeah, and when you do, we'll be waiting.
It's Friday. He could be in there all weekend.
Are we really gonna wait here for three days?
Nah. Forget him.
Let's go bug the goats at the petting zoo.
- Were you ever going to tell me? - Oh!
Adam! You startled me.
You said Dad was dead!
- Adam... - If he's dead, why is he writing letters to you?
This one is from two weeks ago!
"Dear Shelly, I'm sorry to hear
"Adam is having a hard time at school."
- Really? - It's not what you think.
You didn't think I'd want to meet him?
You thought you could keep him to yourself?
Adam, your dad is alive.
That's all I can tell you.
- Are you kidding me? - I know it's hard,
but you've got to trust me.
Trust you! You're a liar!
You've been lying to me every day of my whole life!
Adam, please...
I thought you were the one person I could trust,
but you're just like everybody else.
Hmm.
I hate you!
Adam, no, please...
Hey, kid. You okay?
Just trying to get home.
Ain't you a little young to be hitchhiking?
I'm a little young to be stranded at the side of the road,
catching a cold in the pouring rain.
Yeah. I guess so. How far you goin'?
Uh, Route 89.
What? Are you kidding? That's 100 miles from here.
So can you take me?
It's getting awfully cold out here.
I don't know...
Thanks, I really appreciate it.
Hey, I don't remember sayin' I'd take you.
Oh, come on. You'd hate yourself
if I died of pneumonia and it was all your fault.
All right! Close the door.
Adam? Adam, are you awake?
Can we talk about this?
Adam?
Oh, no, no, no!
Well, you don't see many forests like this anymore.
Huh. You walk two weeks in any direction, and all you'd see is trees.
I'm telling you, you wouldn't want to get turned around out here, kid.
No, you wouldn't.
Well, it looks like...
Yes, it's here! This is it!
This is it?
I didn't know people actually lived out here.
Yep, uh, home sweet home.
Home sweet home? Where's your house?
My House... My house is over there... Back a ways.
Hmm.
Anyway, thanks. See ya.
Okay. Take care of yourself, kid.
Hello?
Where'd you go? Little squirrel dude?
Hey, wait! Come back!
That's not fair!
Walk two weeks in any direction and all you'll see is trees.
Wow.
Hello?
Whoo!
Hello? Somebody there?
This isn't funny. Who's there?
Whoa.
♪♪ She took my dog, my house
♪♪ My pickup truck
♪♪ But no matter what she say
♪♪ Can't take my cowboy boots away ♪♪
Whoa!
Holy cow! What in the heck was that?
Huh? Well, I'll be...
No service? Come on, you piece of junk!
Stupid smartphone!
911, what's your emergency?
My emergency is I done saw a bigfoot!
I got the whole thing on my dashboard cam.
Bigfoot? Sir, this line is for emergencies, not for prank calls.
Hello?
Dang blame it, somebody's got to believe me.
National Enquirer, how can I help you?
Don't hang up. You gotta believe me.
I'm calling 'cause I saw a real bigfoot.
Please hold, and I'll put you through
to Hairy Monsters, Swampthings, and UFOs.
Bigfoot?
Yes. Bigfoot.
It's a dead end. We gave up the search for Bigfoot 10 years ago.
With all due respect, if this thing is real, we have to have it.
It's the genetic bridge we've been looking for.
Oh, no, no. I'm not wasting a fortune on another wild goose chase.
Think of the hair growth potential locked in that DNA.
No more sprays. No more toupees.
Just real hair.
Come on, Billingsley. You're a scientist.
What makes you so sure this isn't just another hoax?
Looking at the kid in this photo,
could there be any other conclusion?
Hmm.
Is that who I think it is?
We think so.
Then I only have one more question...
Who took this photo?
So, sugar, you say you saw Bigfoot?
- Yes, ma'am. - And it's going to be in the paper?
- That's what they said. - Ooh! You going to be famous.
It's so exciting. Nothing ever happens up here.
This is going to be good for business.
Huh? Oh, what's that?
What did I tell you?
- Teddy! - What?
Raise the prices!
It happened right here.
Check out them skids.
I hit the brakes so hard, I almost flipped my rig!
Sir...
We got something.
Mmm.
Hello?
Mrs. Harrison?
Check the house.
I think we got something.
Car's gone. No sign of the mother.
Stay away from me! Help!
Don't come any closer!
What... What are you?
Well, I'm, uh...
I'm not sure how to break this to you...
But I'm your dad.
Dad? No, you're not!
Where is he? What did you do with him? Did you eat him?
No, I promise, Adam. I'm your dad.
Stop saying that! And back off!
Ooh, easy, killer. Don't twig me to death.
Calm down, you have nothing to fear.
Where did you get these?
Your mother sent them to me.
I hate this picture.
- That's you? - Yep.
It's you, me, and your mom.
You were six months old.
Oh, man...
My dad is Bigfoot?
- Yep. - Could my life get any worse?
"Hey, Adam, your dad's famous, but not like a rock star,
"more like a hideous beast that hides in the forest."
Hideous? That's a bit strong.
Are you kidding? You're a monster.
I can see why you ran away.
Whoa. I didn't leave because I'm a bigfoot.
I left because I was being hunted.
- Hunted? - You see,
a pharmaceutical company wanted to turn me into a lab rat.
I left to protect you and your mother.
We didn't tell you for your own safety.
What do you mean, a lab rat?
Does your mom know you're out here?
Yeah. She gave me the address.
She told me to come out here...
Alone.
Adam, you're lying to me.
You and mom have been lying to me my entire life.
We had no choice.
You have no idea how hard it was on both of us.
What about me?
It broke my heart that I couldn't be there when you needed me.
Adam, this is serious.
Tell me how you found me.
I found your letters.
You took a big risk coming here.
Your mom must be worried sick.
Hmm?
- What's going on? - Just a routine check.
Routine? It doesn't look that way to me.
Are you Shelly Harrison?
What? Are you a police officer?
I'm going to have to ask you to turn off your engine and step out of the vehicle.
Hmm. Okay.
Ma'am, it's futile.
I suggest you get out of the car.
She sent me everything.
I couldn't get enough of it. She's so proud of you.
I always thought Mom threw these out.
Not a single one of them.
So what about me?
Am I gonna be... Like you?
No. You've got nothing to worry about.
You're already 13...
- So what? - Well...
You'd have symptoms by now.
Oh, you mean like hair that grows a foot overnight?
Feet that blow through the ends of my shoes?
That kind of thing?
I'm going to be a monster?
It's not so bad.
How is it not so bad?
Spending the rest of my life hiding in the forest like an animal?
Slow down. What else do you have?
The hair thing, the feet. What about your ears?
When your adrenaline's up, does your hearing change?
Sometimes it gets super loud.
Like a migraine or something.
When's the last time you shaved your hands?
What? Ew! Never!
But you shave your back?
No. I don't shave anything.
This is amazing. My hands and back are where it started.
By the time I was 12, I was waxing my back every weekend with duct tape.
But you're different.
It's like you've got all the good stuff, but none of the fur.
How is any of this "good stuff"?
There's a lot of good things about being a bigfoot.
You're standing on that leg, aren't you?
You... You fixed my leg.
How is that possible?
The healing touch, fast growing hair, big feet...
It all goes with the territory.
Holy moly. What are you?
Some kind of hairy wizard?
Ha. Nothing that exciting.
We've got to find out what else you can do.
Hang on to this.
What's it do?
Whoo-hoo!
Whoa!
What's going on? It hurts!
Just relax...
That was so irresponsible! You could've killed me!
It's the adrenaline.
Calm down.
Take a deep breath.
That's it. And listen.
Whoa. It's a woodpecker.
Focus over there.
That's a... What do you call it?
- A geyser. - It's like I can see it.
The sound makes a picture in your head.
Dolphins and bats have something similar called echolocation.
Pretty cool, Huh?
I guess. Well, Batman's cool...
Dolphinman, not so much.
And your feet... Tell me you've tried them?
Ditch the shoes, buddy.
- Ah! - What?
It's cold.
- Try to keep up. - Huh?
- Whoo-hoo! - Wait!
Whoo-hoo!
This is amazing!
Feels good, doesn't it?
Yeah! It's the greatest feeling in the...
Whoo-hoo!
Whoo!
Whoo-hoo! Oh!
Whoo...
Ouch, buddy. Oh.
I'm so sorry. I should've warned you.
You've gotta avoid smashing head first into the trees.
I think I'm done with bigfoot lessons for the day.
There's one more thing.
Does it involve smashing head first into anything?
Nope. I can talk to animals.
Are you kidding?
Just watch.
Hey, Steve, come over here.
So what did you say to her?
I love it.
I just hear chirps. I guess I don't have that one.
Give it a shot. The secret here is to slow things down.
Nice to finally meet you, Adam.
You look better in real life than in your photo.
- No way. - Yes way.
It works!
It... Is... Nice... To... Meet... You!
You don't need to talk like that.
They understand you just fine.
What am I? Chopped liver?
Sheesh. He doesn't even introduce me!
The trees talk too?
This place is like a Disney movie!
Hello... Oh!
Trees don't talk, you stupid idiot.
That's just Trapper.
Enchante. Ow!
Oh, yeah. This is my lovely wife, Weecha.
She's also enchanted.
Oh. Hello.
Nice to finally meet you, Adam.
Your dad talks about you all the time.
Every real man has a son.
I got kids on the way myself.
All boys.
We don't know that.
I can tell.
How you doin', fellas? Gettin' big and strong in there? Good.
I have to say...
- The kid doesn't look like a bigfoot. - Trapper!
What? I'm just calling it like it is.
You've all got eyes. This is a bigfoot.
This is a boy. It's Humans 101.
Don't listen to Trapper. Nobody here does.
Are you kidding? I'm like the boss around here!
Everybody in this forest hangs off my every word.
Is he always like that?
What a place.
I'm starting to like it here.
Don't run and don't turn your back to him.
Oh, no. He's a big one!
Careful, Dad! Don't...
Nice performance, Wilbur. 10 out of 10!
Well, thanks. I've been practicing.
You jerk! I almost had a heart attack.
Nothing to be afraid of.
This is just Wilbur.
He's a big teddy bear, sweeter than a pot of honey.
I am not!
Okay, maybe I am.
This is my son, Adam.
Pleased to meet you, kid.
Over the hill...
Oh, hello.
- Two of 'em... - Wow, slow down, Tina.
Breathe through your nose.
I ain't got time to breathe through my nose!
I'm talkin' about rednecks with guns!
Hoo-hoo, hunters!
Hunters? Should we hide?
That won't be necessary.
I, my friend, am a connoisseur
and when it comes to hamburgers,
this is a tasty piece of beef.
I thought you got the fried chicken.
My point is, whatever it is, it's delicious.
We haven't had hunters in three seasons!
Blue 32. Green 180. Hut!
Yee-haw!
You think that'd be cruelty to animals, but she loves it.
My point is,
we're smarter than them animals,
so they deserve to die.
That's the sign.
It's a dog-eat-dog world, my friend,
but I ain't eatin' no dog.
Which brings me back to my hamburger.
That would be a chicken burger.
Whatever burger.
Oh!
I got it!
I saw it first!
We got him, my friend!
I told you dousing ourselves in that bear urine
would make us in-detectable.
Like the Invisible Man.
Ooh, you were right about that one, buddy.
All we gotta do before we mount it on the wall is make sure it's dead.
Let's take a look.
Yup. He's a goner.
I love destroying nature's most majestic creatures!
Come on, get your butt in here. Selfie time!
I'm gonna post that up on Facebook,
and watch the likes come rollin' in.
Oh, don't you be tagging me!
My wife thinks I'm down at the community college studyin' to be an...
Zombie bear!
He's undead!
I did poke it!
And stay out!
Nice shot, honey.
They won't be coming back for a while.
That was the best thing I've ever seen!
At least you guys know how to have a good time.
We make the most of it.
It's nice to finally have a dad.
Well, then, son, we've got to make up for lost time.
All right. Where do we start?
I don't know.
Okay, so what's the best father-son thing you can think of?
Hmm... Uh... Want to play baseball?
- Sure, why not? You got a ball? - Hmm.
Whoa, I would have picked a different activity
if I'd known you had to whittle a ball from scratch.
That's how things work around here.
You have to rely on yourself.
Yeah. I guess you can't just order it off the Internet.
What's the Internet?
You've never heard of the Internet? Are you kidding me?
Adam, I'm joking.
I know what the Internet is. Come on!
I have tons of friends on MySpace.
Things have changed a little bit.
You'll see when you come back.
Oh, Adam, I told you. I can't.
I'm sorry, I know how you feel.
Come on, son, show me what you got.
Okay, Pops.
Huh?
Whoa, maybe we should try something else.
Hmm.
Whoo-hoo!
Whoo!
Whoa, that felt great.
Ah, come on out, I'll race you back.
All right, old man, bring it on.
Give me a second.
What's wrong, gettin' tired?
You wish.
Whoo-hoo!
Hey, no fair!
You totally cheated!
We'll call it a tie.
Whoa! Did you make this?
Sure did. So do you play?
Oh, yeah. I love guitar!
Yeah, uh,
try not squeezing so tight.
Yeah, leave a little space... Yeah, yeah. Oh. Okay.
I think it's out of tune or something.
Do you play or is it just to look cool?
Well, you'll be the judge.
Holy crap!
Well, I've had lots of time to practice.
Can you teach me how to do that?
Well, maybe a little bit more rock and roll.
Of course, I'd be happy to.
You have to come home with me.
Oh, Adam, I wish I could, but it's not safe.
We can keep you a secret. No one will ever know.
They don't even know you're alive!
HairCo will find out.
I'm sure they've been monitoring you and your mom.
They're relentless. I've seen it firsthand.
When I was in medical school,
I started studying my hair growth,
desperately trying to make sense of what was happening to me.
I discovered a rare DNA mutation in my blood
was triggering a resurgence of Neanderthal features.
Every day I was becoming more of a bigfoot.
HairCo found out about my experiments.
At first they tried to hire me
but when I declined, my lab was ransacked,
and all my research stolen.
That's when things got really out of control.
They threatened your mother.
We couldn't go anywhere without being followed.
I knew the only way to keep you safe was to disappear.
Why didn't they come after me? Don't we have the same, uh...
DNA. Yes, we do, but when you were younger,
the genetic mutation hadn't activated yet.
I'm sure they found some of your genetic material when they ransacked the house.
But back then, you'd have seemed totally normal.
That must be why they left us alone.
And it's the reason I can't come back.
It's too dangerous. If they even suspect I'm alive,
they'll stop at nothing to get what they want.
You.
What are you doing here?
All day breakfast, of course.
I jest. Please sit, Mrs. Harrison,
so that we might solve the problem of your missing boy.
He hates that photo.
You expect me to believe you're here because of my son?
Oh, you got me.
I don't care about your son,
but if we find him, we find your husband.
My husband?
He died a long time ago. You know that.
Yes, well... No.
Some new evidence has come to my attention. Please read the headline.
"Baby born in a pumpkin."
The other headline.
Bigfoot? Really?
Before he disappeared, your husband was working on strange experiments.
Studying hair growth. Hair like we've never seen.
Hair like that of say, a bigfoot.
Quite a coincidence, wouldn't you say?
Your son happens to show up at the first Bigfoot sighting in 10 years?
I don't think your husband was studying Bigfoot.
I think he is Bigfoot.
Ta-da! And you said I don't wine and dine you anymore.
Something isn't right.
I thought you might say that.
Perfect-issimo.
A beautiful meal for my beautiful wife,
and my soon-to-be-born sons.
Eat up boys, no runts in this litter!
Shh, I'm serious. What are all these black cars doing here?
Oh, no.
I know. He hates that photo.
That's Bigfoot's wife.
We're not leaving until we find him.
Tear the forest down if you have to.
Yuck. Looks way too healthy.
Well, it is. And tastes good too.
Ooh, don't you have any meat?
I'm afraid not.
You kind of have to be a vegetarian out here.
You eat one of those guys and everyone starts asking questions.
Oh, no, who ate Trapper?
Where's Trapper? Have you seen Trapper?
You can try to reason with them,
but nobody cares that he's delicious.
I am trying to tell them, you know,
a little salt and pepper on the old Trapper,
it's so good. They don't want to hear it.
Oh, I see how that could be awkward.
Whoa, hot.
Hot but good, right?
No... Just hot.
You have to admit,
it's better than Mom's meatloaf.
I'll give you that. What is in that stuff anyway?
Car tires, wet cardboard boxes and lots of ketchup.
We got a big problem.
What's this?
We saw Adam's mom. They got her locked in a trailer.
- Shelly? - Mom?
Hold on, it gets worse.
There are a bazillion dudes in suits heading this way.
I'm sorry... I...
You led them right to us.
And what's worse, you put your mother in danger!
- I... - Adam, what have you done?
I didn't mean to.
Actions have consequences.
You should never have come here.
Well, you better do something.
If they find Bigfoot, the jig is up!
I can fix this!
What are you doing?
I'll tell them I'm okay. It'll be fine.
No, Adam, you don't know who you're dealing with...
Please be safe.
Over here, you found me!
Adam Harrison, the missing boy.
Everything's fine. We can all go home. Oh!
Mom!
Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.
I'm sorry, Mom. I shouldn't have run away.
And I should've told you the truth.
There's a hundred agents in the forest looking for Dad.
Adam, shh, watch what you say.
Don't worry, they'll never find him.
He's hiding in the tunnels near the base of the waterfall.
Hmm.
This is an all-call.
All agents re-route to sector G16.
I repeat, the prize is in G16. I'm on my way.
You heard the man, turn it around. Double time.
The bigfoot is hiding down there.
What are you waiting for? Get down there!
I hear something.
What is it?
Someone push you in the pool?
Adam! Don't hurt him! Please!
Take her home. The boy rides with me.
Where are you taking him?
Don't worry, we'll be right behind you.
We're going to have a little chat.
One last chance. Where is your father?
So you can lock him in a cage?
Your father's DNA can help millions of people.
People who just want a full head of healthy hair.
So you just take some DNA and let him go?
Not exactly. We'll be partners.
Your dad will work exclusively for us.
Give me a break.
Adam, listen to me...
He's not a lab rat. He's my dad!
It's becoming clear to me that you have no interest in negotiating.
Light it up, boys.
Are you crazy?
Crazy is such an ugly word. I prefer "motivated."
You'll never catch him. There's too much forest out there.
Oh, my boy, the fire's not for him. It's for you.
Nice doing business with you.
No!
Oh.
Help! Help me!
Dad!
Hang on!
No!
So predictable.
Dad. Come on. Please.
Dad!
Mission accomplished. So long!
Wake up, Adam.
Wake up.
Dad?
He's awake. Are you okay?
I... I think so.
All right, then. Take care of yourself, kid.
Wait, where are you going?
To find a new place to start over.
You're just going to leave?
Well, not much left here for us, is there?
Way to go, man.
Hey! Wait.
Stop.
Hey, I said stop!
Huh?
If you're going to bite my head off, do it.
Otherwise, I've got something to say.
I've got a plan but I need your help.
It's your problem, not ours.
This isn't about me, it's about my dad.
I made the mistake, he shouldn't have to pay for it.
So you want us to bail you out now? Nice.
I didn't mean for this to happen.
I just came out here to find my family. I'm sorry.
Sorry isn't going to unburn down our forest!
If I could take it back, I would. But I can't.
Please, guys, I need your help.
When animals go up against humans,
humans always win.
I'm not gonna end up a bearskin rug.
What would Bigfoot do if you were in trouble?
Would he just walk away?
Sometimes doing the right thing is hard.
I'm not going to tell you it won't be dangerous.
But the only way we stand a chance is if we work together.
Please, Bigfoot needs your help.
The kid's right. Bigfoot needs us.
I agree with them, I'm in.
All right then, we're in.
Whoa, wait, we're not even going to discuss it?
Uh, I was going to say "in" too, you just said it first.
What do you say, Wilbur?
Hmm, okay.
Let's do it for Bigfoot.
I could watch that all day.
It's incredible.
The structure of the hair is different at the molecular level.
Oh. Oh! It's awake.
Ah, good morning, my dear beast.
Or should I say... Doctor Harrison?
Let me go!
Ah, ah, ah. Calm down.
Or not.
Get back!
Oh, no, no, no. There's no need for that.
Do you have any idea what that thing costs?
I'm sure we've got another one.
Ah, the benefits of being rich.
This thing here, I have no idea what it is.
But we'll replace it too.
The only thing of value here is our new friend.
You'll never get what you want from me.
I'll fight you every step of the way.
No, you won't.
You want to know how I know?
Your family is still out there.
Leave them out of this.
Happily. I have no use for them.
But if you make life hard for us,
we can make life very hard for them.
That said, if you cooperate...
I promise to take good care of your family.
So, Mr. Bigfoot, what will it be?
Well, guys, it looks like we're going to have to hitch a ride.
Got it.
- What? - More of a covert ride.
Got it.
Okay, we'll wait for the last trailer in the convoy. Everyone ready?
I was born ready.
Actually, I was born a few weeks early.
I needed a lot of help to get started...
- Shut up. - Will you shut up?
- Shut up. - Yeah.
What?
Okay, guys, it's now or never.
Are you sure about this?
Now.
This is nuts. Whoa!
Whoa!
Wait! Hold on!
Wilbur! Run!
What do you think I'm doing?
Whoa, what was that?
Why you don't y'all go check it out?
Aw, why do I have to go? I'm covered in latte!
You're drinking a latte?
What's wrong with that?
Fine. Let's both go.
Hmm.
All right, let's roll.
Hang on tight, guys. This is going to be a long ride.
Check out Steve. He's loving it.
This is amazing.
He probably got tired of pecking for a living.
I've extracted the bigfoot DNA
and spliced it into the sequence.
So what are you waiting for?
This needs to be tested immediately.
Send in the intern.
Uh, Dr. Billingsley? Hi.
I... I don't mean to bother you,
but I really need you to sign my time sheet...
No, not again!
Ouch! I need to really call my academic adviser.
Hmm.
Oh. Oh! What's going on?
My hair, it's growing.
Incredible!
It will be, but I'm still fine-tuning the genetic sequence.
We're close, but I need more time with Bigfoot.
We're closer than we've ever been.
I want you working around the clock.
Nobody rests and nobody goes home until we've cracked this thing.
Sir?
Greg. Gerry. What's new with you guys?
This guy drinks lattes.
Oh, come on. You promised to let it go.
Well, lah-di-dah.
Ah! Are you kidding me?
How are we going to find him? This place is gigantic!
Shh. Let me concentrate.
How much time do you need to finish sequencing his DNA?
The ongoing mutations are...
I can't see him. We've got to get closer.
Steve, take out those security cameras.
I'm on it.
Everyone else, come with me.
Piece of junk!
Hmm.
Sir?
Yeah, tech support? There's something wrong with the system here.
All the monitors are on the fritz.
Have you checked if they are all plugged in?
Of course they're plugged in!
What do you say we smash it down?
Stealth all the way.
Step aside, kid. Let a professional show you how it's done.
Where'd you get that mask?
Girl, there's a lot you don't know about me.
Lick, stick, and cut.
Oh, shoot.
We've got a perimeter breach!
The wrong thing to do here would be to start pointing fingers.
Careful... Careful... There's broken glass everywhere.
This is standard troubleshooting procedure.
Ninety percent of the time, something is unplugged.
Like I said, everything is plugged in!
Help! Tech support! Get down here right now!
I'm so sorry, sir, I am in India. There is nothing I can do.
Have I been helpful for you today?
Would you be willing to take a short survey?
There he is.
We'll have to go through that door.
Watch out, Wilbur, they're coming in!
Don't worry. I got it.
What are we gonna do? How do we get out of here?
Check the lockers for anything we can use.
Take whatever you can carry.
I need more men. Get them down here now!
Jackpot! Does it make me look cool?
Hey, no fair! I want the flare gun! Me, me, me me, me!
Fine, take it.
What?
Maybe we should try something else.
Yeah, that's more like it!
Ow! Watch where you're swinging that thing!
On three.
Okay, guys. It's now or never.
Okay.
One...
Two...
Three!
Fire. Fire!
Keep firing! Keep... Oh!
Gotcha, you little weasel.
Why don't you pick on somebody your own size?
Bring it on, suckers!
Ha!
Oh...
No!
Get your hands off him.
What now?
I'll deal with them. You go find your dad. Go, Adam, go.
Over there.
Come on, Captain!
Over there!
Huh?
Whoa, get off me.
Hey, Wilbur, get me up there!
My pleasure. Whoa!
Yee haw!
Whoo-hoo!
- Don't move! - What?
You're under arrest.
Y'all got to read me my rights.
That is one tough bear.
Oh!
Dad!
Adam, how did you get in here?
Long story, but don't worry, I am here to get you out.
It's going to be okay, Adam.
What are you doing?
Everything I did was to keep you safe.
Not a day went by that I didn't wish I was in your life.
We've got to hurry. Come on!
I need you to believe that.
You've been a naughty, naughty boy, Adam.
It's very lucky your father is a friend of mine,
and friends forgive and forget.
You're going to have to catch us first.
Come on, Dad. Let's run!
I'm not going with you.
What?
I'm staying here. You and your mother are going to be safe.
It's better this way.
What did you do to him?
He's sick. You're killing him!
He's here under his own free will. He can leave at any time.
I'll be fine. Just go, Adam.
Don't look so surprised,
we're partners, your dad and I.
- I told you we would be. - Go on, now.
No! I'm not leaving without you.
You promised not to hurt him!
Hmm. Treat our young guest gently.
It's time for Daddy to get back to work.
Take care of your mother.
Hmm.
I had the most beautiful dream.
I could take the rings off my tail
and link them together like a fancy magician.
I could be your assistant.
You could saw me in half, quarters, pennies,
whatever spare change you like...
Whoa, how many darts did you guys have?
Let's just say that I was over my limit.
You'll never have to worry about anything again.
Take it from me, you're going to love being rich.
Oh, man, the kid sold us out. He took the money and ran.
Just think of it like he's away on a business trip,
working hard to provide for you.
Except he never comes home from this business trip.
Oh, your father is a busy man. You know how it is.
Well, business is business, I guess.
That a boy.
Huh?
Stop him! Get the boy.
Business is business!
Huh?
- Don't let it get wet! - My beautiful hair!
Ah! My toupee!
Security! Security! Shut down the fire alarm in sector 4 and open the doors!
Security, shut down the fire alarm in sector 4.
What?
A... A fire? Oh, no.
Evacuate! Evacuate!
Please proceed to your nearest exit in an orderly manner.
What's wrong with that guy?
Security, security. Switch off the alarm right away!
Evacuate. Evacuate.
Stop it, stop it, this is a false alarm.
This is not a drill.
Please exit the facility at once.
What are you doing?
Standard procedure, sir.
Let me... Argh! ...go!
Oh, look who's back. Mister sellout moneybags.
Did you really think I'd leave you here?
Hmm.
Get these cages open now. Everybody out.
Yeah.
Feel free to start with me.
I can't believe you're unlocking all these randoms before me!
Thank you, my dear.
Mmm. Hello there, cowboy.
What are you in for?
Murder.
Just joking. I eat carrots.
You're funny.
Tina! Get me out of here!
This is not the time for fraternizing with inmates!
Adam, what are you doing?
Come on, Dad, I'm breaking you out.
I told you, I can't go. They'll always be after me. We'll always be hiding.
I don't care, as long as we're together.
No, I won't do that to you. I'm not leaving.
If you don't come with me, I'll tell them I'm a bigfoot too.
You can't.
I've got your genes, I've got your crazy hair. I've got everything they need.
Adam, no.
Either we both stay, or we both go.
It's up to you.
But I need my dad, and I'm not leaving here without you.
You are one stubborn kid.
I guess I take after my old man.
Where's Adam? You said he was right behind us.
What have you done with my son?
Calm down, he's on the way.
As soon as he gets home, we'll be out of your hair.
As soon as you leave, I'm calling the cops.
What are you gonna say?
"Hello, police? My husband is Bigfoot,
"and he's been captured in an evil conspiracy."
Sounds pretty crazy to me.
You know, someone with a story like that
probably isn't fit to raise a kid.
How dare you. You should be ashamed of yourself.
Listen, lady, we're just doing our jobs.
Now where's the can? You got a bathroom in this place?
No, we go in the bushes outside.
It's upstairs.
Simpson! Come into the bathroom, right now!
Uh... That's okay, I'll wait until you're done.
Would you get in here?
What's going on?
Sir, we're at the house.
The boy's a bigfoot. We've got the hair to prove it.
What? Fantastic! Change of plan, then.
Roger that.
That's not very nice. Do you treat all your guests like this?
Just the ones that kidnap my son.
Evacuate, evacuate.
Time to get your butts in gear.
Evacuate! Evacuate!
Follow me, buddy.
No more hiding. We're shutting this place down for good.
Oh, no! Come on. Hurry!
What now?
There's got to be another way out.
Dad, up there.
Let's check it out... Follow me.
Adam, watch where you step. Stay close.
Keep on going, I'm right behind you.
Up there.
There's no way down. We're trapped.
No, Dad. Look.
- Zipline! - Zipline!
Aah!
Oh, shoot.
One way in, one way out.
We're going home.
Let me go, you big oaf.
So what'll it be?
Shall we end this little charade and return you to your cell?
He's never going back there.
Dad!
You silly beast. You lied to me.
You're not so special. The boy has everything we need.
No, please. Leave him alone. You promised.
It's too late now.
I would've kept you both, but I only need one.
No, please!
I'm sorry, son.
No!
No.
Argh! You animal!
Really, it's you who is the animal.
I hate to break it to you,
but that's only a flare gun.
It won't do you any good. Now get back inside,
we've got work to do.
No, you're out of business.
No!
Don't just stand there, pull me up!
No!
Ooh, that must hurt.
Dad!
Oh, oh...
Please, don't leave me.
The healing touch, it all goes with the territory.
Look at that! He really is a bigfoot.
You see, you never listen to me. I told you so!
Are you kidding?
Adam?
Dad?
For the better or for the worse,
it looks like you're stuck with me now.
You know, Dad, I'm glad to be a bigfoot.
Me too.
I don't know how you did it, but that was amazing!
I got to say it, kid, you're the real deal!
I guess I am. Whoa, watch out guys!
You... You should have kept your end of the bargain.
It did not have to end this way.
Nobody messes with my family.
Huh, my kinda woman.
- Mom. - Honey.
Hi, sweetheart. It's great to see you.
- No more hiding. - No more hiding.
Look what I found.
Yo, dudes, metal! Tada da da da da da, yeah!
My research.
My lab!
My time sheet.
Ah, ah. Hey! That hurts.
Don't you have a snooze button?
You're gonna be late for school. Now get up!
Yeah!
Good mornin'! Allow me.
Oops. Sorry.
Good to go.
Ew, gross.
Mmm.
How about a bearskin rug!
Mmm, he's so soft.
Hello, everyone.
Whoa, Trapper, that's going to give me nightmares!
Girls, don't listen to Uncle Adam,
he's just jealous of how pretty you made me look. Now who's doing my nails?
And you thought you were going to have boys.
I never said that.
That raccoon will never change.
I could get used to this.
I could definitely get used to this.
Well, get used to it. We've got a lot of breakfasts to make up for.
Ooh, gotta go.
See you guys tonight.
Don't forget your lunch.
Let me guess, meatloaf?
But of course.
New house rule. From now on, Dad does all the cooking.
You got a deal.
I, uh... I'm not so sure...
Well, well, well. What do we have here?
Hey, Tony, what are you doing here all by yourself?
Where are your bros?
Calling in the cavalry. I guess some things never change.
Where have you been, mop-top?
You know what? I like my hair.
Good for you.
I'm serious, leave me alone.
We don't need to fight. You're better than this.
No, we're not.
Okay, you asked for it.
What are you're going to do, whistle us to death?
Just calling in the troops.
Remember, I gave you a chance to walk away.
Oh.
Look what we have here. We're terrified!
Thanks, Wilbur.
Just doing my part.
Girls, Daddy is very proud of you.
What are you smiling about?
No. You didn't. Let's check them out.
Whoa. Don't mess with these girls.
They take after their old man.
Now you better get back inside
before somebody reports a giant bear terrorizing kids in the city.
Hi, Adam.
Hi, there.
What was that all about?
Well, uh...
Do you want to walk to school with me?
I'll tell you on the way.
I'd love to. I thought you'd never ask.
Oh. Cool.
Oh, no, not again.
Whoa, what's with the feet?
You're really different. I like that.
Maybe it'd be better if I switch to sandals.
We better hurry, we're going to be late.
Slow down, we've got plenty of time.
I really do want to hear your story.
Well, where do I start?
Subtitles by explosiveskull