沃特，嗨，是乔治 Yeah, Walter. Hi, it's George.
我知道这是星期六第三次打电话给你 I know it's my third call on a Saturday,
但是Lockwise Helping Hand 帐户有点问题 but I'm having a bit of a problem with the Lockwise Helping Hand account.
我知道它是你的命根子，你会纠正它的 Now, I know it's your baby, and I know you'll straighten it out,
我想今天去办公室头一件是就是看能不能解决它 but, well, I'm thinking of heading into the office today to see if I can sort it out.
那么，没问题，星期一见 So, no problems. We'll see you on Monday.
别担心，替我向瑞贝卡问好。再见 Don't worry about it. Give my Iove to Rebecca. Bye-bye.
芭芭拉，别这样 - 不 - Barbara, stop it. - No.
你要吃药 -不，我不吃 - You need this. - No, I will not.
乔治 George!
乔治，对了，乔治在哪儿？ George, yes. Where is George?
我要跟他说 -我不知道 - I would Iike to speak to him. - I don't know.
我甚至不知道你是谁，年轻人 I don't even know who you are, young Iady.
乔治 - 谢天谢地 - George. - Thank God.
乔治，这年轻人是谁 George, who is this young Iady?
给你，亲爱的 - 这... - Here, honey. - That's...
我做不了 I can't do this.
这是我妻子，妈妈 That's my wife, Mom.
不，她太年轻了 No. She's too young.
她多大了 How old is she?
我们九年前结的婚，记得吗？ We were married nine years ago, remember?
她九岁？ She's nine years old?
我们结婚已经九年啦，结婚 Our marriage is nine years old, our marriage.
她是你第二个妻子 She's the second one.
不，我喜欢另一个 No. I adored the other one.
我知道，妈妈，但她试图杀了我 I know, Mom, but, you know, she tried to kill me.
不，她没有，这只是小小的交通事故 No, she didn't. That was just a Iittle hit-and-run.
好吧，可我做了两个月的牵引治疗 Yeah, well, I was in traction for two months.
我不记得了 I don't remember that.
吃药吧 - 我喜欢这个 - Here you go. - I Iike this one.
-这是最受欢迎的- 是的 - Well, that's the most popular one. - Yeah.
顺一顺 There you go.
我们不需要这样做 - 我知道 - We aren't done with this. - Yes, I know. I know.
为什么你星期六要穿衬衫打领带呢? And why are you wearing a shirt and tie on a Saturday?
我要去趟办公室 I have to go into the office.
你要去办公室？ - 是的 - You're going into the office? - Yes.
什么时候 - 现在 - When? - Now.
乔治，难道你忘了吗？ George, aren't you forgetting something?
不，我没有 No, I'm not.
我爱你 I Iove you.
说好的，你儿子 Nice try. Your son.
你答应他你今天会去看他的棒球比赛 You promised him you would take him to his baseball game today.
这次我没有答应，是你答应的 I'm not telling him this time. You do it.
亲爱的，我会准时回来的 - 比赛不是2：00才开始吗 Honey, I'll be back in time. The game doesn't start until 2:00.
1 :00.
我会回来的 I'll be back.
妈妈，爸爸，奶奶不吃东西 Mom, Dad, Grandma isn't eating.
上帝啊，我讨厌老人 God, I hate old people.
注意措词，年轻人 Watch your mouth, young Iady.
为什么？ 她不是不明白我们说什么吗 Why? It's not Iike she understands anything we're saying.
你懂什么？ 我受够你这种态度了 You know what? I've had just about enough of your attitude.
喂？ 你在听吗？ Hello? You Iistening?
iPOD，他们可以忽视继母的存在 iPod. They were made to ignore the stepmother.
乔治 George?
亲爱的，把耳机拿掉，请听你妈妈说话 Honey, would you take those things off, please, and Iisten to your mother?
好的， 她不是我妈妈 Okay, she is not my mother.
她只是个叫妈妈的东西 She's the mother of that thing.
-你是东西 - 你是 - You're the thing. - You're a thing.
你是东西，姐姐 - 别叫我姐姐 - You're a thing, sister. - Don't call me that.
爸爸，今天的比赛我真的很兴奋 Dad, I'm really excited about the game today.
如果你在的话会更棒的 It's gonna be so cool having you there.
杰瑞米的爸爸总是在那儿，但如果我丢球的话，他老是骂我 Jeremy's dad is always there, but he yells at me if I miss the ball.
儿子，今天不会有人骂你了 Well, that's not gonna happen today, son.
现在，我要去办公室 Now, I've got to run to the office,
但我会准时回来带你去参加比赛的 but I'll be back in time to take you to your game.
你答应了？ You promise?
确定以及肯定 Scout's honor.
别忘了 1：00 Don't forget. I:00.
他不会来的 He's not coming.
那是星际迷航的手势 That was the Star Trek sign.
他是星际迷航迷 He's a Trekkie.
我也是 And so am I.
早上好，杰姬 - 你好 - Morning, Jackie. - Hello.
你不希望每天都这么安静吗？ Don't you wish it was this quiet every day?
小心你的愿望 Be careful what you wish for.
Gotta be mine
Gotta be strong
A Iittle while
And you got nothing to be guilty of
你待会儿就唱不出来了 You might not wanna sing that song.
好的，全部销毁 Okay. Shred everything.
我的碎纸机坏了，我需要另一台 My shredder's broken. I need another shredder!
开始吧 - 谁已经有了 - Here we go! - Who's got one?
不要留下任何证据，什么都不要留，明白吗？ Don't Ieave any evidence. Nothing. Okay?
把他们放在箱子里 - 让我过一下，让我过一下 - Put 'em in a box! - Let me through. Let me through.
全部销毁！ 这儿，这儿，就这儿 Shred everything! Here, here. Right here!
所有的箱子 AII the boxes!
好的，拿这两个 - 你在干什么？ AII right. Grab those two! What are you doing?
就放这儿！任何东西 Just get it in here! Anything!
我多了一个 I got one more!
这是最后一季度的吗？ 是的 - Is it the Iast quarter? - Yeah.
所有的都不要了 Dump everything!
乔治，过来。老兄 George, come in here, buddy.
进来，进来，进来 Come in, come in, come in.
沃特，发生什么事了？ Walter, what's going on?
听着，把你的钱从银行取出来吧 Hey, Iisten, pull your money out of the bank,
在星期一上午10：00都投进你的股票和基金吧 cash in all your stocks and bonds by 10:00 a.m. Monday morning.
为什么 Why?
CNN 正在做一个调查报道 Well, CNN is doing one of those investigative reports
关于Lockwise 工业的 about Lockwise Industries.
太好了，这对我们的生意有好处啊 That's fantastic. That'll be great for business.
实际上不是，他们会说我们已经实施庞氏骗局七年了 Not really. They're gonna say we've been running a Ponzi scheme for seven years.
他们不能这么说，沃特，这是诽谤 Well, they can't say that, Walter. That's Iibelous.
我知道，公司已经营运了100多年了 I mean, this firm's been operating successfully for over 100 years.
是的是的，公司关注慈善事业，Helping Hands Yeah, yeah, they're focusing on the charity division, Helping Hands.
Helping Hands在过去八年越做越好了 Helping Hands has been going strong for over eight years.
我知道，我是财务总监 I should know. I'm CFO.
是的是的，你是 Yeah. Yeah, you are.
你能再说一遍吗，关于财务总监那部分 Could you say that again, the part about the CFO?
我是财务总监，我应该知道 I'm CFO. I should know.
好的，很好，很好。谢谢 Right. Perfect, perfect. Thanks.
沃特，他们报道的是我们公司吗 Walter, are they reporting that it's our division?
是的，你们公司 Yeah. Your division.
但我有全部的记录 But I have all the records.
再说一遍 Say that again.
但我有全部的记录 But I have all the records.
很好，现在销毁他们 Perfect. Now shred them.
沃特 - 啊 - Walter. - Yeah.
你说什么 What are you saying?
我说所有的钱 I'm saying that all the monies
进入Lockwise Industries Helping Hands 慈善投资集团 that came into Lockwise Industries' Helping Hands charity investment group
是庞氏骗局的一部分 are part of a big, old Ponzi scheme.
什么 What?
是的，天啊 Yeah. Christ.
够忙一阵子的了 It worked for a while.
我很难过把你推出去当替罪羊 I almost feel bad for hanging you out to dry Iike this.
你应该看看你的脸，哥们 You should see your face, dude.
顺便提一下，这对你可不妙呀 And by the way, this is not gonna be pretty for you.
我感觉糟透了 I feel awful.
真糟糕 Horrible.
什么？ 但是... What? But...
说我吗？ For me?
你曾经只是个低级会计，记得吗 You were a Iowly accountant, remember?
我把你从案头工作中提拔上来做财务总监 And then I pull you out of bookkeeping and make you the CFO.
我知道，你没有经验，根本没有 I mean, you had no experience whatsoever. None. None at all.
我之前在这儿工作了5年，沃特 I had worked here five years prior to that, Walter.
我努力工作，我以为是我挣来的 - 你是很努力工作 - I was working hard. I thought I earned it. - You did work hard.
这儿没有人是挣来的。 我也是用自己的方式才进入高层的。 Nobody earns it around here. I had to bang my way to the top.
而董事会有太多的女强人 And there's a Iot of big women on the Board of Directors here.
这就是努力，努力去站稳脚跟。 And that was hard, and it was hard to stay hard.
所以别跟我谈什么努力 So don't talk to me about "hard."
好吗？ 这就是我们付给你七位数薪水的原因 Okay? You were paid a seven-figure salary for exactly this reason.
什么原因 What reason?
你将要代人受罪，你已经得到报酬了 So you could take the fall. Man, you've been paid to be screwed.
真是嫉妒呀。 哦， 好了 Kind ofjealous. Oh, well.
沃特， 我对此一无所知 Walter, I knew nothing about this.
是的，我知道， 我知道， 对不起 Yeah, I know. I know. Sorry.
你用什么方式去撇清自己 Would have ruined it if you had, kind of.
我就说为什么我不能把这些帐做平的理由 Well, that explains why I couldn't get those accounts to balance.
现在你去想吧 Now you're thinking.
那些慈善机构怎么办？ 沃特，82家慈善机构 What about the charities? Walter, 82 charities.
他们认为他们的钱应该是安全的 They think their monies are safe.
我正要把你交给联邦政府人员 I'm handing you over to the Feds,
而你却在关心那些愚蠢的慈善机构？ and all you care about is the stupid charities?
顺便告诉你，只有12家慈善机构 By the way, there's only 12 charities.
有82家慈善机构 There's 82 charities.
不，只有12家，另外70家是马龙家族的 No, there's 12. The other 70 companies were set up by the Malone family.
真麻烦 Awkward.
黑手党马龙？ The Mafia Malones?
你帮他们洗过钱了，哥们 You've been Iaundering money, dude.
是的，这对你来说真是太糟糕了 Yeah, this is gonna be really awful for you.
嘿，哥们，当你启动汽车的时候小心点 Hey, man, be careful when you start your car.
这不是真的 This is not happening.
庞氏骗局？ 庞氏骗局？ A Ponzi scheme? A Ponzi scheme?
沃特，那些投资者的钱在哪里？ Walter, where are the investors' monies?
沃特？ 沃特！ Walter? Walter!
好的，淡定，淡定... Okay, calm down. Calm, calm, calm. Calm down.
就这样，就这样 That's it. That's it.
冷静下来 Just calm down.
我冷静不了，我冷静不了 I'm not calming. I'm not calming. I'm not calming.
嗨，头，这就是我要找的人 - 有什么？ - Hey, boss, just the person I wanna see. - What do you have?
我们已经在调查马龙家族了，是吗？ So I've been Iooking into the Malone crime family, right?
我找到更多线索 And the more I Iook at them,
我发现他们跟这家公司联系过 I'm finding that they're connected to this company
一家叫Lockwise的慈善基金投资公司 that does a Iot of charity investment work, called Lockwise.
是吗？ Yes?
我认为他们可能通过这家公司洗钱 I think they may be Iaundering money through them.
我们已经跟踪这些家伙很多年了 - 是的 - We've been after these guys for years. - Yeah.
那你去查查看能不能找到些什么，好吗？ Why don't you see what you can find out, okay?
好的 Okay.
谢谢 Thanks a Iot.
乔治 George?
我已经找你很久了 I've been calling you for hours.
是的，我知道，我知道 Yeah, I know. I know.
他怎么了？ How is he?
他只是心烦，一会儿就好 - 很好 - He was upset, but he'll be fine. - That's good.
是真的吗？ Is it true?
什么？ What?
算了，乔治。别跟我玩游戏 Come on, George. Don't play games with me.
所有的人都在谈论今天发生的事 AII the wives were talking about it at the field today.
亲爱的 Honey,
我发誓我真的没想到事情会变成这样 I swear I had no idea this was going on.
是的，没有 Okay? None.
我走进办公室，碰见了沃特，他说 I walked into the office, and there's Walter, and he's saying,
为什么不销毁材料？销毁一切 "Why don't you shred stuff? Shred whatever you have.
放在桌子上的，一切的一切 "Shred what's in your desk. Just shred everything."
我问:发生什么事了 And I'm going, "What's going on?"
他说：你要代人受罪 And he's saying, "You're gonna take the fall for this,
因为这是庞氏骗局，而你是其中的一员 "because it's a Ponzi scheme. It's a Ponzi scheme, and you're the one.
你要完蛋了，因为你是财务总监 "You're going down, 'cause you're the CFO."
你知道吗？他们判了伯尼马多夫200年，亲爱的 You know? I mean, they gave Bernie Madoff 200 years, honey.
你认为他们会怎么对我，他们会怎么做 What do you think they're gonna do to me? What do you think they're gonna do?
孩子们会怎么样，会怎么样啊？ And what's gonna happen with the kids? What's gonna happen?
哈维会害怕的，你知道的. “爸爸。你错过了比赛” Howie's afraid, you know, "Dad, you missed a game."
我会错过38个赛季的 I'm gonna miss 38 seasons.
亲爱的，我有麻烦了 Sweetheart, I'm in trouble.
淡定 - 好的 - Calm down. - Okay.
我们要找个律师 - 律师 - We need to get a Iawyer. - A Iawyer.
然后你去你妈妈那儿 And then you need to go to your mom's
去找找安定片 and go find your mom's Valium.
从我妈妈袋子里拿一片安定 Get a Valium out of my mom's purse.
好的，你能做到吗？ 现在就去。- 好的 - Okay. Can you do that? Like right now. - Okay.
你需要冷静下来 And you need to calm down.
亲爱的 - 我会好起来的 - Honey. - It's gonna be okay.
会的，会的。 - 是的 - It will be. It will be. - Yes.
你知道，最低的生活保障，也不是那么坏 You know, minimum security. It's not that bad.
嘿，马蒂亚 Hey, Madea.
嘿，罗兰妮，最近怎样？ 很高兴见到你 Hey, Lorraine, how you doing? Good to see you.
天啊，月初就这么多人来这儿 Lord, it's a zoo up in there on the first of the month.
对不起，夫人，你需要购物车吗？我不想把它送回去 Excuse me, ma'am. You wanna take this? I don't feel Iike taking it back.
谢谢，这儿人太多了，小心点 Thank you so much. It's crazy up in there. Be careful.
他们不接受刷EBT卡了 They ain't taking that EBT card. They stopped taking that.
我要去找一个能刷卡的地方 I got to go somewhere else that take that.
是的，我要把我的EBT卡烧了 Yeah, I got to go burn up my EBT card.
把钱交出来 Give me your money.
这把枪很可爱，孩子，滚出这辆车 That's a cute Iittle gun you got, boy. Get out this car.
女士，我会伤害你的。把钱交出来 Lady, I will stab and shoot you. Give me your money.
孩子，我只说一遍，OK? Son, I'm gonna tell you this one time, okay?
我要你滚出车去做你该做的事 I want you to get out of this car and go on about your business.
去找份工作 Go get you a job.
你不该从我这样努力工作的人身上偷东西 You ain't supposed to be stealing from nobody working as hard as I...
你到底为什么到这儿来偷穷人的钱 What the hell you got to come over here and steal from the poor for?
滚出去，这是警告，孩子，滚出去，现在，快 Get out the car. This is your warning, son. Get out the car. Now, go on.
那给我钱 Then give me your money!
我工作了很久才拿到社会保障卡，现在，我得到了 I worked for years to get my Social Security. Now, I finally got it.
我没有固定收入 I ain't on no fixed income.
我没有钱，因为我什么都没有 I'm on a broke income, 'cause I'm broke as hell.
现在，我要你滚出去 Now, I want you to get the hell out of this car.
给你个机会，滚出去，孩子，快，去找份工作 This is your chance. Get out of the car, son. Go on, now. Go get you a job.
我再说一遍，老太婆 I'm gonna ask you one more time, old woman.
我也再说一遍 I'm gonna tell you one more time.
听我说，滚出这辆车，去找份工作，你明白吗？ Look here! Get out of this car. Go find you a job. Do you understand me?
全世界的人都在努力工作 They got people all over the world that is working hard,
而你这年轻的坏蛋却想从别人这里拿钱 and y'all young thugs gonna come try to take money from somebody.
我快疯了，现在，你快让我发疯了 That makes me mad. Now, you about to make me mad.
你让我太生气了，现在，滚出这辆车，孩子 You about to piss me off. Now, get on out the car, son.
我数到三 - 好的 - I'm gonna count to three. - Okay.
1，2，3 One, two, three.
4 Four.
5 Five.
我想你已经数到三了，孩子，让我告诉你 I thought you was gonna count to three. Son. Son, son, Iet me tell you something.
滚出这辆车去做你的事吧 Get out the car and go on about your business.
现在，这是你最后的机会，最后一次机会，现在我要走了 Now, this is your Iast chance. This is your Iast chance. Now I got to go.
再一次，1，2，... One more time. One, two...
3 Three!
我们走这里 Let's go this way.
把安全带绑上，你需要椅子吗？ Put your seat belt on. You need a car seat?
来抢我的钱 Come get my money!
抢我辛辛苦苦工作赚来的钱 Trying to take my damn money that I worked this hard for.
女士 Lady!
我没有买保险，女士！ I don't got insurance, Iady!
慢点！开慢点！ Slow down! Slow down!
你尖叫的样子就象个婊子 You're screaming straight up Iike a Iittle biatch!
我要回家！ I want to go home!
你不是要钱吗？你来就是要钱的，我也是要钱的 You want the money? You come get it. I come get the money.
我是个暴徒，我是个暴徒 - 你疯了吗？ - I'm a real thug! I'm a real thug! - You crazy!
哦，天啊 Oh, my God!
杰克！ Jake!
对不起，拿去吧 I'm sorry. Take it.
嘿，有什么消息吗？ Hey, what do you got?
我刚刚跟证券交易委员会通过电话 Well, just got off the phone with the SEC,
Lockwise 慈善机构好像被定义为庞氏骗局 and it seems that this Lockwise charity is definitely a Ponzi scheme.
首席运营官是一个叫沃特彭斯的人 COO, one Walter Burns.
财务总监， 乔治尼德尔曼，从来没听说过这人 CFO, George Needleman. Never heard of him.
把他们两个都抓起来 Let's arrest them both.
但是彭斯已经坐他的私人飞机走了 Well, it turns out that Burns is on a private jet,
根据联邦航空局的记录，去欧洲，飞机已经起飞5小时了 according to the FAA, to Europe. Took off five hours ago.
所以，我确定他不会被引渡回来的，但是，这个人，乔治，现在... So I'm sure he's gonna fight extradition. But our boy, George, now...
乔治男孩？我喜欢乔治男孩 Boy George? I Iove Boy George.
Karma karma karma karma karma chameleon
You come and go You come and go
长官？ Sir?
对不起 Sorry.
乔治尼德尔曼？ 我们的人随时都可以抓他 George Needleman? Our guys should be knocking at his door at any minute.
很好 Great.
如果他能作为污点证人去指控马龙家族岂不更好？ Well, it'd be great if we could get him to testify against the Malones,
但这也许很难办到. but that may be a tall order.
好的，但不许跟他有交易 Okay, but no deal for him.
听着，我已经厌倦这些人的贪得无厌 Look, I'm tired of these people sticking it to the poor.
长官，如果我们不跟他交易的话 Sir, if we don't offer him a deal,
他怎么会提供有力的证词去指控这些匪徒呢 what incentive does he have to testify against the mob?
很简单，布里安 It's very simple, Brian.
如果他作证的话，马龙的人会试图干掉他 If he testifies, the Malones will probably kill him.
如果他不作证的话，他的余生就将在监狱里度过 If he doesn't, he goes to prison for the rest of his Iife.
这是双赢 It's a win-win.
长官，我认为我们应该考虑... Sir, I think we should consider...
不，不需要，我要让他崩溃 No, you don't. I want him fried.
现在，让我们的人在马龙之前抓住他 Now, get our agents there before the Malone family gets to him.
是的，长官 Yes, sir.
嗨，我是乔治尼德尔曼，找杰弗里 Hi, it's George Needleman calling for Jeffrey.
好的，我等他 Yes, I'll hold.
我的车钥匙哪儿去了？ Where are my car keys?
你没有开车了，芭芭拉 You don't drive anymore, Barbara.
我知道 I know that.
爸爸，我希望你今天能在那儿看我比赛 Dad, I wish you could have been there today.
亲爱的，你爸爸很忙 Honey, your dad was very busy.
你这笨蛋. 你应该放弃比赛了 You suck. You should probably just give it up.
不，我没有 No, I don't.
有，你放弃了 Yes, you do.
我刚刚发了微博 And I just tweeted that.
爸！-哈维，别吵了 - Dad! - Howie, stop.
你爸爸在打电话，吃你的晚饭吧 Your dad's on the phone. Eat your dinner.
好的，谢谢 Okay, thank you.
他说什么？ What'd he say?
他秘书说他会推荐一个辩护律师 Well, his secretary said that he would recommend an attorney,
但他不会替我辩护 but that he didn't wanna represent me.
我们跟他认识这么久了 After all those years of business with him?
是的 Yeah.
杰弗里怎么说？ What about Jeffrey?
没人回我电话 Nobody's returning my calls.
有人看到我车钥匙了吗？ Has anyone seen my car keys?
妈妈，你没有开车啦 Mom, you don't drive anymore.
今天是光明节吗？ Is it Hanukkah?
不是光明节 No, it's not Hanukkah.
是光明节。一个帅哥让我把这个包裹给乔治 Yes, it is. That's why that nice young man asked me to deliver this package to George.
要走远路了，所以我要我的车钥匙 And it's a Iong drive, and so I need my car keys.
妈妈，谁给你的包裹 Mom, who gave you this?
在后院 In the backyard,
一个阳光帅哥，穿着黑西装和有着一头闪亮的黑发 this man with a shiny, black suit and black, shiny hair.
乔治，有张字条 George, there's a note.
你从我这儿嗒嗒 "You tock from me."
“拿” ，亲爱的，是“ 拿” "Take," honey. That says "take."
不，我想是“嗒嗒”， 亲爱的，嗒嗒 No, I think that's "tock," honey. T-O-C-K.
读吧 Just read it.
这人应该好好上一下拼音课 Well, the man obviously needs a spelling Iesson,
更不用说他的语法了 not to mention his grammar.
我们可以把礼物打开吗？ Can we open the present now?
妈妈，你知道什么？我们不能打开它 Mom, you know what? Let's not open this.
不，这太可笑了 No, this is ridiculous.
哦，天啊 Oh, my God!
是只死耗子 - 我知道 - It's a dead rat. - I know.
这是什么意思？ What does this mean?
所有的耗子都死了 AII rats die.
哦，天啊。乔治 Oh, my God. George.
别动，待在这儿，好吗？ Don't move. Just stay here, okay?
别动 Don't move.
待在这儿 Stay here.
乔治尼德尔曼？ George Needleman?
是的 Yes.
FBI， 你被捕了 FBI. You're under arrest.
不 No!
我不能相信 I can't believe this.
你不能保释. 你的银行帐户也被冻结了. 乔治 You can't make bail. Your accounts are frozen, George.
事情是这样的 Well, here's the thing.
我没有做错什么，我想回家 I haven't done anything wrong. I just wanna go home.
这不可能 That's not gonna happen.
马龙家族想杀掉你，乔治 The Malone family is trying to kill you, George.
我们准备给你提供证人保护 We've been given orders to keep you protected.
什么意思 What does that mean?
意思是说，你和你的家人要和我们待在一起 It means you and your family are coming with us.
尼德尔曼有麻烦了 We have a problem with Needleman.
怎么回事 What happened?
我想马龙的人知道 I think Malone's boys know
我们要给他机会作为污点证人去指控他们 that we're gonna offer him a chance to testify against them,
所以他们下了必杀令 so they sent their signature.
他没事吧 Is he all right?
是的，我们正把他从那儿弄出来 Yeah, we're getting him out of there now.
很好，我马上给法警打电话 Good, I'll get on the phone with the US Marshals right away...
不，不，他们不能去我们常规的安全屋 No, no. No, no. They can't go into one of our regular safe houses.
马龙以前收买过我们的人 The Malones have penetrated our guys before.
我们现在要把他移到其他安全的地方 We need to move him some place safe, now
好主意，有什么建议吗？ Good idea. What do you suggest?
不知道，但这是明天的头等大事 I don't know, but first thing tomorrow morning,
他们已经在来的飞机上了 they're on a plane headed here.
你安排好后别告诉任何人，包括我 You figure it out and tell no one. Not even me.
长官，我家里小孩在等着我 Sir, I've got kids at my house.
我不知道跟家里要怎么说... I don't know what I would do with a whole family of...
我不知道.你作为检察官已经有一段时间了 I don't know. You've been a prosecutor for over a year.
这对你来说是个大案子. 布里安. 处理好它 This is a big case for you, Brian. Handle it.
杰克 Jake.
你在这儿干嘛？ What you doing here?
你看到了，我在帮你阿姨打扫外面 You know, I'm just helping your auntie out.
你做什么了？ What'd you do?
我试图抢劫她 I tried to rob her.
小子，你到底怎么啦？我以为你已经放弃打打杀杀了 Boy, what is wrong with you? I thought you gave up the gang banging.
到底咋啦？ - 我有麻烦了 - What the hell? - I'm in trouble.
我爸要我负责教堂的按揭支付筹款 My dad put me in charge of the church's mortgage payoff fundraiser.
我把一些钱给弄丢了 I think I may have lost the money.
怎么了？ How?
我投资给一些公司，可现在他们不还我钱 I invested in some company, and now they won't return my calls.
哦，杰克 Jake, come on, man.
我知道，可他会杀了我 I know, and he's gonna kill me!
他只看重如何付教堂的抵押贷款 He just wanted to pay the church's mortgage off
这样他就能平安退休了 so that he could retire in peace.
看我做了什么. 他真是有病 Look what I did. And he's so sick.
我知道那些教堂的人告诉他不要让我管钱 I mean, those people at the church told him not to make me trustee of the money.
但你知道我爸爸怎么说的？“你爸爸是怎么做的，杰克” But you know what my dad did? "What your dad did, Jake?"
我爸爸就告诉他们让我管钱 My dad went up there and told them I was a changed man!
你知道他还说过什么吗？ You know what else he said?
他说：“每个人都应该有二次机会." He said, "Everybody deserves a second chance."
冷静点 - 你知道吗？ 他说"每个人" - Calm down, man. - You know? He said, "Everybody."
杰克，杰克. -他就让我管钱了 - Jake. Jake. - He did that for me.
你知道吗？-嘿，嘿，嘿 - And you know what? - Hey, hey, hey.
在马蒂亚出来踹你之前冷静下来 Calm down before Madea comes out and slaps the hell out of you.
布里安，你要帮我把这些钱从Lockwise那里要回来 Look, Brian, I need you to help me get this money back from Lockwise.
Lockwise 工业？纽约？ Lockwise Industries? New York?
是的 Yeah.
这是个骗局 That is a Ponzi scheme, man.
我不知道怎样才能帮你把那些钱要回来 I don't know how I can help you get any money back from there.
我们正在调查他们 We're investigating them.
很多人被骗了，而这些家伙们却过着奢华的生活 A Iot of people invest in these companies, and those guys live this lavish lifestyle.
他们把钱都花光了，没钱了 They spend all the money, so there is no money.
无论政府怎么找 And whatever the government can find,
也许还给被骗者只有一些小钱罢了 maybe it's pennies on the dollar that they can get back to the investors.
我不知道我能帮你什么 I don't know how I can help you, man.
布里安,我要把这些钱要回来 Brian, I got to get this money back.
多少钱 How much money you talking?
$114,000.
你抢马蒂亚?马蒂亚没有那么多钱.你都干些什么了 You were robbing Madea? Madea doesn't have that kind of money. What were you...
杰克,别告诉我你准备去抢很多老太婆 Jake, don't tell me you were gonna rob a bunch of old women.
你有没有想要抢多少老太婆才能凑够$114,000? How many little old ladies you think you gonna have to rob to get $114,000?
114,000.
小子,滚回家去吧 Boy, get your ass off my porch and go home!
好的,夫人 Yes, ma'am!
帮我把钱要回来 Help me get this money back.
哦,马蒂亚阿姨 Oh, man. Auntie Madea, man.
我在做什么? What am I doing?
嗨,嗨,马蒂亚 Hey, hey, Madea.
嗨,布里安 Hey, Brian. Hey, Brian.
嗨 Hey.
我不知道你为什么去洗手间 I don't know why the hell you go in the bathroom
用完马桶后不盖,梅布尔 and leave the toilet seat up, Mabel.
嗨,爸爸 Hey, Daddy.
我认识你吗? Do I know you?
我已经是成年人了,别再假装不认识我 I'm past 18 now. You can stop pretending like you don't know me,
你不用再付抚养费了 so you don't have to pay child support.
嗨,儿子,近来如何? 我一如既往的爱你,真高兴见到你 Hey, son. How you doing? I Iove you so much. So good to see you.
你要吃点吗? 我正在给乔伊做三明治 You want something to eat? I'm making a sandwich for Joe.
我不想吃,儿子,我一点都不想吃 I wouldn't eat that, son. I wouldn't eat that at all.
我相信她想杀了我,为了我的保险金 I believe she be trying to kill me for my insurance money.
你根本就没有保险金 You ain't got no insurance money.
万一我吃了这三明治,她就得逞了 In that case, I'm gonna eat this sandwich she done made.
我不会为了保险金杀你 I'm not trying to kill you for no insurance money.
我要杀你早杀了 I'm gonna kill you 'cause I want you dead.
我只是要看你彻彻底底地死了 I just want you completely dead.
没有生命迹象,没有呼吸,全身爬满了蛆 Just no Iife in you at all. Just not breathing. Just maggot food.
儿子,帮我尝尝 Here, son, try to taste that for me.
不，我不尝. 谢谢 Hey, I'm not tasting that. Thank you.
孩子，你到这儿来干嘛？想要什么？ What you doing here, son? What you want?
我要跟你谈谈,马蒂亚.我... Well, I wanted to talk to you, Madea. I have...
你要钱还是其他什么东西？我可没有钱 You want some money or something? I ain't got no money.
不要钱你是不会来这儿的 You don't need to be coming over here asking me for no money.
爸爸，我不是来要钱的 Daddy, I didn't ask you for any money.
好，那你给我点钱 Good. Then Ioan me some,
我星期五晚上聚会需要点钱 'cause I need a Iittle change for my Friday night Iights.
你都说些什么呀？ What are you talking about?
我胡言乱语，我胡言乱语 I be running them hoes, dawg. I be running them hoes.
闭嘴，笨蛋 Shut up, fool.
我也没有钱，布里安.你要什么？你到这里来干嘛？ I ain't got no money either, Brian. What you want? What you come by here for?
我来是有事的 Well, I came by with a proposition.
我想，你也许想挣点钱 I just thought, you know, you might wanna make a Iittle extra money.
上次有个人告诉我 You know, the Iast time a man told me
他有个挣钱的机会给我 he had an opportunity for me to make a Iittle money,
结果我在墨西哥跟其他20个女人串在一起 I ended up in Mexico, chained to 20 other women,
沿着街道走，把自己卖了 walking down the street, just selling myself.
你想要钱,不是吗? You do need some money, don't you?
是的,我总是缺钱 Yeah, I could always use a Iittle bit of money.
日子总是过得紧巴巴的 Hell, things been tight around here.
我甚至想过回去干我的老本行 I was even thinking about going back to my old job.
脱衣舞? - 不 - Stripping? - No.
骗? - 不 - Hooking? - No.
抢? - 不 - Robbing? - No.
打人? 不 - Hit man? - No.
勒索? Slinging?
不 No.
虽然我过去做过一些坏事 I did have some hustle back in my day, though.
但我那时只是做事 I was doing a thing. I was doing a thing back then.
我现在变好了 I done got the better now.
很好,你一点都没有变,因为你跳钢管显得太大了.梅布尔 Good those days are over here, 'cause you too big to be on a pole, Mabel.
我现在就告诉你关于这些杆子,你知道,他们是可以换的 I'm gonna tell you right now about that pole. You know, they done switched them.
当你过去跳舞的时候 When you was back there dancing,
他们用的是你荡秋千的电话线杆 they had them telephone poles you used to swing on.
现在,他们已经变成小铜杆了,我见过 Now, they got them Iittle brass poles. I seen them.
你会把它们弄坏的,你会弄弯的 You'd bend or broke one of them. You'll bend it.
你的大屁股会弄坏这些铜杆的 Your big ass'll break that brass.
大屁股和铜杆可别混在一起哦 Big ass and brass don't mix.
乔伊,闭嘴,去死吧.OK? 去死吧 Joe, shut up, please. Just die. Stop breathing. Okay? Stop breathing.
我说的是我要回去老人之家工作,我曾经工作过的地方 I'm talking about going back to work at an old folks' home where I used to work.
不,不, 你不需要这样做. 我有个好主意 No, no, you don't have to do that. I got a great idea.
好的,情况是这样的 AII right, here's the situation.
我有5个人他们遇到些麻烦 I've got five people that are in a Iittle bit of trouble.
其中一个是我案子中的证人 One of them is a witness on a case that I'm working on.
他们是否能在这儿呆一阵子 And I was wondering if they could stay here for a while.
只要呆几个月直到案子结束,可以吗? Just for a couple of months until the trial is over, maybe?
这儿? 不行 Here? No.
你最好闭嘴,又不是没人来过这儿 You better shut that up now. Ain't nobody coming up in here.
去她妈的没有,又不是没人... Hell to the no. Ain't nobody...
你最好闭嘴吧,又不是没人来过 You better hush that up now. Ain't nobody coming up in here.
爸爸 - 什么? - Daddy. - What?
不行,这太疯狂了 No, that's just crazy.
让一些罪犯在这屋子里,听着都疯狂, 还有警察看着... Have some criminal up in this house, looking all crazy, and police looking...
见鬼,这就是梅布尔每天的生活,不是吗? 这就是你的生活 Hell, that's how Mabel live every day, ain't it? That's your Iife.
闭嘴.小菊花 Shut up, rectum.
见鬼去吧 Go to hell.
有人跟着他们吗 Is somebody after them?
是的,夫人 Yes, ma'am.
但是,等一会,我不是要你去做这些 But, wait a minute. I would not ask you to do this.
你是我阿姨,我知道他们在这儿会很安全 You're my aunt. I know they'll be safe here.
没人会知道他们在这儿,这是最安全的地方 Not one person would know they're here. This is the safest place for them.
那是群牛，你要负责这群牛的吃喝 That's some bull. He's trying to sell you a load of bull.
他们做了什么？-我不能告诉你 - What'd they do? - I can't tell you that.
我只能告诉你这些，只能是这些 But I can tell you this. I can tell you this.
你知道，你，你的家，没有人会把它搞乱的 You know, you, you pack. You know? Ain't nobody gonna mess with you.
而这对他们来说是最安全的地方 And this is the safest place for them.
你也许会喜欢他们，马蒂亚 You could be like their witness protector, Madea.
听者，别讨好我 Look here, don't be trying to butter me up and all that stuff.
我知道你在恭维我 I see what you're trying to butter me up.
我正在收拾 Yeah, I know I'm packing.
我知道我能把一些事情揽下来，但我不想有人来打搅 I know I can hold some things down, but, no, I don't want nobody up in here.
对不起，不行 I'm sorry. Absolutely not.
我不同意，你找其他地方吧 I cannot do that. You're gonna have to find somewhere else for them to go.
回答就是不行，我不会改主意的 The answer's a flat-out no, and I am not changing my mind.
说一是一 My no mean "no," my yes mean "yes."
说二是二，对不起 And my "maybe" mean "get the hell out." I'm sorry.
不行就是不行，不可能的事，回去吧.不行 Absolutely not. Flat-out no. Ain't gonna happen. Get on out of here. No.
太糟糕了 Too bad, then.
我得回去告诉老板我们得另外找地方了 I'll just tell my boss we'll have to find somewhere else for them to stay.
猜猜谁是那个能拿一月$4,000的幸运儿 Guess some other lucky person will make that $4,000 a month.
你懂什么？ You know what?
我相信这是一个基督徒应该做的事 I believe it would be the greatest Christianity thing I could do
去帮助那些需要帮助的人 to help somebody in need.
所以我准备先去把床铺好 So I'm gonna go ahead and make up these sheets and clean up.
梅布尔，我准备把床从车库里找出来 Mabel, you know, I believe I'm gonna go drag that cot out of that garage.
我们可以把床放在我的房间 I got a cot back there, and we can put a sheet up in my room.
我们可以共享，确保每个人都能住得下 We could share, make sure we got enough room for everybody up in here.
那就是同意了？ So is that a yes?
床没问题，根本没问题 Ain't nothing wrong with that cot. Ain't nothing wrong with it at all.
只是有点发霉，但是没问题，只要你屏住呼吸... Got a Iittle mold growing in it, but that's all right. As long as you don't breathe...
这是什么鬼地方？ Where the hell are we?
亲爱的，我们在南部 Honey, we are in the South.
是的，夫人 Yes, ma'am.
你会留下美好记忆的 And it brings back pretty fond memories.
什么，克拉姆斯？ Of what, Grams?
一条小船和一个人... A boat and a man, and...
我的，他有一条大狗... My, he had such a big...
小船 Boat.
嗨，乔治？ Hi. George?
是的，我是乔治 Yes, I'm George,
我女儿，辛蒂，我妻子， 凯特， 我儿子，哈维 and this is my daughter, Cindy, and my wife, Kate, and my son, Howie,
我母亲，巴巴拉 - 嗨， 你好 - and my mother, Barbara. - Hi, how are you?
小船上的人 The man in the boat.
别理她 Don't have a clue.
可爱的人 Cute man.
我是布里安西蒙斯 Well, I'm Brian Simmons,
你们会很安全的，知道吗？ and I just want all of you to know you're gonna be in safe hands, okay?
我是联邦检察官 I'm a federal prosecutor,
我们给你们家庭提供了一个非常安全的地方 and we have a very safe place for you and the entire family.
到了，下车吧，孩子们 Well, here we go, kids.
这边，夫人 This way, ma'am.
这地方看上去不好 Place looks haunted.
这社区安全吗？ Is this neighborhood safe?
非常安全 - 好的 - It's very safe. - Okay.
没有比这更安全的地方了，相信我 There's no safer place for you and your family. Trust me.
这不是酒店 This is not a hotel.
OK, 马蒂亚会喜欢这家人的 Okay, Madea's gonna Iove this one.
马蒂亚？ Madea?
马蒂亚，我最爱的阿姨，你好吗？ How's my favorite aunt, Madea?
布里安吗？进来 That Brian? Come on in.
我对你说的那个家庭到了 The family's here that I was telling you about.
你们好 Hello.
布里安，见鬼，这是怎么回事？ Brian, what the hell's going on?
马蒂亚，这就是我对你说过的那个家庭 Madea, this is the family that I was telling you about.
你忘了说一件重要的事 You forgot to mention one little important thing about this family.
什么事? What's that?
别跟我装蒜 Don't play with me.
马蒂亚,这是尼德尔曼和他的家人 Madea, these are the Needlemans,
他们会在你这儿住几个月 and they'll be staying with you for a few months.
什么? 几个月? What? Months?
你再开玩笑吗? 什么,他在开玩笑吗? Are you joking? What, is he joking?
辛蒂 Cindy.
爸爸,我不能住在这儿 Dad, I can't stay here.
什么,我们现在是农民吗? What, are we sharecroppers now?
亲爱的,这样不好 Honey, not nice.
嗨,我是乔治 Hi, I'm George.
我是他母亲,巴巴拉 And I'm his mother, Barbara.
我是他妻子,凯特,他们是我们的孩子,哈维和辛蒂 And I'm his wife, Kate, and these are our kids, Howie and Cindy.
我是他的孩子. 我不是她女儿 I'm his child. I'm not her daughter.
爸爸,我不能住在这儿 Dad, I can't stay here.
我觉得这儿很好 You know, I think it's kind of nice here.
我喜欢这儿 - 是的,你喜欢,你这个白痴 - I like it. - Yeah, you would, you moron.
你们 - 很好,这很好 - Would you... - This is great. Just great.
亲爱的 - "度假",屁 - Honey. - Yeah, "vacation" my ass.
你好,来自地狱的旅行 Hello, trip from hell.
OK,听着 Okay. Look here,
请你们到客厅坐一下 would y'all go on into the living room and have a seat, please?
我要和我侄子私下聊几句 I would like to talk to my nephew in private just a moment.
非常感谢... Thank you so much for...
很高兴你们来这儿 It's gonna be so lovely having all of y'all here.
真是太好了 Yes, just wonderful. Wonderful.
我们来对了 We'll be right in.
你干什么? -你有病啊? - What did you do that for? - What the hell wrong with you?
你带这些人来我这儿,你有没有搞错? You done brought these folks up in this house. What is wrong with you?
马蒂亚,听着,我知道他们不是美国黑人 Madea, Iisten. Okay, I know that they're not African-American.
我才不关心他们的肤色呢 I don't care nothing about the color of their skin.
我就想知道我怎么把5个白人藏起来 I wanna know how in the hell I'm supposed to hide five white folks
在这个连猫和车都没有白色的社区 in a neighborhood where we ain't even got white cats or white cars.
这儿就没什么白色的东西,警察来这儿 Ain't nothing white around here. If the police come in this neighborhood,
他们甚至不开白色的车,他们开黑色的SUV they don't even come in a white car. They send a black SUV.
我明白了.但听着,我知道你可以安排好的 I understand, but listen, listen. I know that you can figure it out.
我知道你会处理好的 I know you'll work it out.
小子,听清楚我跟你说的 Boy, hear me clearly and good when I say this to you.
孩子,我不知道怎么把这些人藏起来 Son, I don't know how to hide these people.
你能做到的. $4000 一个月,$4000 You can do it. $4,000 a month. $4,000.
你没听我说.孩子 You ain't Iistening to me, son.
这些人在这儿太醒目了 These people are gonna stick out around here
就像我出现在共和党大会上 like I would stick out at a Republica Convention.
我看起来像纽特金戈的粉丝吗? 我看起来像喜欢纽特金格里吗? Do I look like I'm a Newt Ginger fan? Do I look like I like Newt Gingery?
马蒂亚,OK, OK,但你要安排好他们,我知道你会安排好的 Madea, okay, okay. But you'll figure it out. I know you'll figure it out.
我们是坐在塑料纸上吗? Are we sitting on plastic?
梅布尔, 我找不到电话簿 Mabel, I can't find the phone book.
我要找人,白页放哪儿去了? I'm trying to find somebody. Where are the White Pages?
我. My.
小船上的人 The man in the boat.
你好 Hello.
嗨 Hey.
梅布里,他们是白人 Mabel, they white folks.
是吗? 我没注意 Really? I didn't notice.
来吧,我给你介绍 Come on. I'll introduce you.
尼德尔曼家庭. 我父亲,乔伊,你们已经见过我阿姨梅蒂亚了 Needleman family, this is my father, Joe. You already met my Aunt Madea.
爸爸,这是哈维,凯特,乔治,辛蒂和巴巴拉 Dad, this is Howie, Kate, George, Cindy, and Barbara.
她看得我心里直发毛 It Iooks Iike she's undressing me with her eyes.
现在,我相信特工已经告诉过你们了,但我还要再重申一遍 Now, I'm sure that the agents told you, but I just want to reiterate.
在这儿,你们不能跟任何人联系 You can't have any contact with anyone from your past as Iong as you're here.
明白吗? Do you understand?
爸爸? Dad?
亲爱的,很抱歉 Honey, I'm sorry.
太疯狂了 This is crazy.
你是烂人 You suck.
她刚才说... 我知道她... Did she just say... I know she...
刚刚那孩子骂她爸爸烂人? Did that child just say she sucked to her daddy?
仁慈的上帝呀,到底怎么啦?你不可以... Lord, have mercy. What generation is this? You can't...
你最好赶快把他们从这儿弄走 You better hurry up and get them the hell out of here.
梅布尔会杀了那个小女孩 Mabel gonna kill that little girl.
但，辛蒂，我们只待到案子结束，是吗？布里安 But, Cindy, this is only until the trial is over. Isn't that right, Brian?
是的，只待到案子结束 Yes, just until the trial is over.
我恨你 I hate you.
那女孩说她恨他，哦上帝呀，帮帮我吧 That girl says she hate him. Oh, Lord, somebody gonna have to help me.
上帝，帮帮我 God, help me. God, help me.
乔治，我知道这些日子你很难. George, I know it's been a rough day for you, so I tell you what.
我明天上午9：00来接你 I'll come by tomorrow morning about 9:00, pick you up.
我们去办公室然后开始工作，好吗？ We'll go to the office and begin working on this case, okay?
马蒂亚，为什么你不带客人去看看他们住的地方？ So, Madea, why don't you show your house guests where they'll be staying?
是的.带他们去看看。梅布尔. 我就不去了 Yeah, go on and show them, Mabel. I ain't trying to go up there with them.
她在那儿，我不喜欢她看我的样子 That one right there, I don't Iike the way she's Iooking at me.
好的，你带我到门口，我坐飞机回去 Well, you can show me to the door. I'm getting back on that plane.
亲爱的 - 打扰了 - Honey. - Excuse us.
你不要这样说，注意措辞 - 你耍我吗? 我是认真的 - You don't talk Iike that. Watch your mouth. - Are you kidding me? Seriously.
你让我背包袱了 Your ass trying to get me a case.
这就是你想做的，让我背包袱 That's what you trying to do. You're trying to get me a case.
我现在告诉你，最好快点结束这个案子 Better get a speedy trial. I'm gonna tell you that right now.
我会快点的 I'll get a speedy trial.
我们怎么啦？ What's happening to us?
凯特，如果我知道 Kate, if I'd known
我们家会变成这样，我... that taking care of my family would lead us to this, I would've...
这跟家庭无关，跟你有关 This wasn't about family. This was about you.
我们有太多的需求 We have way more than we needed.
这是贪婪 This was about greed.
你知道，亲爱的 You know, sweetheart,
当时我得到提升的时候你也很高兴 I seem to recall you were very happy with my promotion, too.
你当时怎么想？ What were you thinking?
我不知道，我也不知道事情会变成这样 I don't know. I wasn't even aware this was going on.
你还不知道现在很多事情都乱套了 You're not aware of a lot of things going on now.
凯特 - 我不想说了 - Kate... - I don't wanna talk about this.
我要整理行李去睡觉了 I'm gonna unpack my bag and go to sleep.
到此为止，不说了 We're done. It's done.
就这样结束了？ It's gonna end just like that?
加油，男子，别让她占上风 Come on, man. Don't let her pimp you.
她要睡觉？打她屁股 She wanna go to sleep? Knock her ass out.
乔伊，闭上鸟嘴，这是他们的私人谈话 Joe, shut the hell up. They're having a private conversation
待在一起却不知道发生什么事情 in a room about not being aware of what's going on.
如果他不知道，这是他们之间的事. If he ain't aware, that is between the two of them.
闭嘴，请让他们私下待一会儿 Shut up. Let them have their private moment, please.
当门关上的时候，你就不应该偷听 When a door is closed, that mean you ain't supposed to be listening.
任由他们自己，闭上鸟嘴 Leave them people alone. Shut the hell up.
梅布尔，你闭嘴 - 不，闭上你的鸟嘴 - Mabel, you shut up. - No, you shut the hell up.
梅布尔，我比你大，想干什么就干什么 Mabel, I'm older than you. I'll do whatever the hell I want to do.
是的，这是我的房子，在这儿你给我闭嘴 Yeah, it's my house. You gonna shut up up in here
不然我会上去把你喉咙割断 or I'm gonna come up and cut your vocal cords out.
让你不能说话，该死的东西 You ain't gonna be able to say a damn thing!
晚安 Good night.
到底是什么？ What the hell?
小子！ Boy! Boy!
是你在放屁吗？孩子 Is that you farting, son?
不是我 It wasn't me.
再放一次，我告诉你 Fart one more time. That's all I'm gonna tell you.
再放一次 Fart one more time.
就象这样放 In here farting like that.
你有什么问题? 小子 . 该死的疯子 What's wrong with you, boy? That's doggone insane.
你好，乔伊 Hello, Joe.
你想试试吗？ You wanna give it a go?
梅布尔 Mabel.
梅布尔，他们想让我 Mabel, they trying to get me.
不不，想让我 No, no, trying to get me
像他们的足球运动员和篮球运动员 Iike they get them football players and them basketball players.
我不这么认为，不不不 I don't think so. No, no, no.
我不会咬你 I won't bite.
上帝... Lord, Lord, Lord.
你盯着我看？ You staring at me?
不不，我没有盯着你看 No, no, I wasn't staring at you.
很好 Okay.
但我在看栖息地里的野羚羊 I was watching the wildebeest in its natural habitat, though.
什么？ Excuse me?
这可不太好 That's not nice.
是的，她的屁股肯定饿了，因为它正在咬她的衣服 Yeah. Her butt must be hungry, 'cause it's chewing that dress alive.
如果你需要任何东西，任何东西 If you need anything, anything at all,
我只是轻声地说 I'm just a whisper away.
你要做的就是耳语 All you got to do is whisper.
好的，我想我做完了 Okay, I think I'm done.
你要去哪里？ Where you rushing off to?
瑜伽做完了 - 好的 - Yoga's over. - Okay.
毛骨悚然 Creepy.
嗨 - 做得怎样？ - Hi. - How you doing?
很好，谢谢 - 我看你在那儿做尤达 - I'm good. Thank you. - I see you was up in there doing that yoda.
瑜伽 It's yoga.
不，宝贝，我没有酸奶，我不吃这玩意儿 No, baby, I don't have no yogurt. I don't eat that.
它会让我的胃很乱，很难受 That mess my stomach up. It's got that abiffidus bacalarus in it.
我不吃这玩意儿，所以你去自己找些想吃的吧 I can't have that. So you go on and get yourself something else.
我冰箱里还有些东西，可我不吃它 I might have some in that fridge there, but I don't eat it.
好的，好像你已经做好饭了 Well, it looks like you've been cooking.
是的，我已经为你们做了第一顿早餐 Yeah, I wanted to feed your family their first day in my house.
我想确保你们能吃好 I wanted to make sure y'all had something really good to eat.
所以我准备了些华夫饼，饼干，煎饼，一些培根 So I got some waffles, some biscuits, I got some pancakes, I got some bacon,
还有火腿，我放了许多黄油在上面 I got ham. I put a Iot of butter on the ham,
很多的盐和胡椒，使它味道很好 a lot of salt and pepper, make it nice and flavorful.
我在炉子上有麦片 I got oatmeal on the stove.
还有香肠 I got sausage,
还放了鸡蛋和玉米片还有其他东西 and I got eggs and grits and everything else.
真是丰盛 Y'all betterjust feast.
看上去很好 It looks so good.
很多碳水化合物，你喜欢碳水化合物吗？ It's a lot of carbs. You like carbs?
许多... - 碳水化合物 - It's a Iot of... - Carbs.
不，宝贝，我不喜欢吃螃蟹，你不能吃螃蟹 No, baby, I don't eat crabs. You can't eat no crabs.
你想吃螃蟹和酸奶？你的胃会很难受的 You gonna have crabs and yogurt? You about to mess your stomach up.
这里没有海鲜，亲爱的，我对海鲜过敏 Ain't no seafood on here, honey. I'm allergic to seafood.
这里可不是吃海鲜的地方 Ain't no seafood here nowhere.
你怎么这么瘦？ Is that how you stay so thin?
不，亲爱的，我可不吃这些东西，你的家人呢？ No, honey, I don't eat that stuff. Where your family?
他们还在睡觉 They're sleeping still.
什么？ 他们该起床了 What? They got to get up.
不，宝贝，你的孩子们该去上学，我得让他们去注册 No, baby, your children got to go to school. I got to get them registered,
乔治应该去布里安的办公室 and George is supposed to see Brian down at the attorney's office.
所以，不不不，你得让他们起床了 So, no, no, no, you got to get them up.
好的，我只是想让...，你知道，他们精疲力尽了 Okay, well, I was just gonna let... You know, they're so exhausted.
不， 我去叫他们起床.给你，你拿着 - 好的 - No, I'll go get them up. Here, you take this. - Okay.
拿着并把它搅拌好 Take this and stir that real good.
搅打它，把它打好，明白吗？-是的 我知道 - Whip it real, real good. You understand? - Yeah, I understand.
好的，你需要戴上围裙... 给你 All right, you need to put something... Here.
给你，穿上它，搅打的时候穿上它 Here, put this on. Put this on while you whip.
你不想让它溅到你身上吧 - 是的 - You don't wanna get that on you. - Okay. No.
穿上它，ok, 搅打它 - 谢谢 - Put that on. Okay, whip it. - Thank you.
把它搅好 - 会的 - Whip it real good. - I will.
乔治，起床了，孩子 George, get up out this bed, son.
凯特 Kate.
我做了个噩梦 I had this horrible dream
我们与 FBI有麻烦了 that we were in trouble with the FBI,
我们和一个老太婆进入一间房子，她长得像... and we moved into this house with an old woman who looked like...
像什么？ Like what?
你 You.
这不是梦，这是事实 It's not a dream. It's really happening.
我睡得这么沉 I'm in so deep.
乔治，你该起床了，布里安在办公室等你呢 George, you need to get up out this bed. Brian is waiting for you down at the office.
他约你今天早上去他那儿 He said he was gonna have you come down there this morning.
现在，起床啦 Now, get up on out this bed.
我的生活完蛋了。我不起床 My Iife is over. I'm not getting out of this bed.
没有起床的理由呀 There's no reason to get out of this bed.
你需要理由？你需要理由？ You need a reason? You need a reason?
你最好快点起来 You better get your ass out this bed.
这理由充分吗？ Is that enough reason for you?
让我告诉你，孩子 Let me tell you something, son.
在我家里我不让别人感到抱歉 I don't allow nobody to feel sorry for themselves in my house.
我不知道你做过什么，也不关心你做过什么 I don't know what you did. I don't care what you did.
你明白吗？ Do you understand?
我要你快点起床下楼去 I need you to get up out this bed, come downstairs,
和你的家人共进早餐，布里安在等你去他的办公室 have breakfast with your family, Brian is waiting on you down at the office
去谈话，无论你要谈什么 to talk about whatever y'all need to talk about.
这不关我的事，我不想知道，但你得起床 It ain't my business. I don't wanna know, but you gonna get up out this bed.
如果我回来的你还在床上的话 If I come back up these stairs, and you still in this bed,
你知道我会做什么吗？ do you have any idea what I'm gonna do?
我会把你光溜溜的从床上拖起来 I'm gonna get completely naked, and get up in there with you and spoon.
我起来 I'm up.
谢谢 Thank you.
我会起来的，你不需要过来了 I am definitely up. You don't have to come back.
我马上就下去，我马上就下去 I'm coming right down. I'm coming right down.
我现在就走 I'm on my way.
起来，孩子 Get up, son.
怎么啦 What's wrong?
你吓到我了 You just scared me.
你太大了，就像一大包的彩虹糖 You're just so huge. Like a giant bag of Skittles.
好的，你赶快起床 All right, you better get the hell up,
当我回来的时候你知道会发生什么事吗？ or when I come back up in here, you know what's gonna happen?
你会尝到彩虹的滋味的 You gonna taste the rainbow.
现在，起床 - 我起来，我起来 - Now, get up. - I'm up. I'm up.
你也许还梦见彩虹糖，可口可乐和百事可乐 Probably dreaming about Skittles and Coca-Cola and Pepsi,
苏打水，激浪和蜂蜜面包 diet soda and Mountain Dew and Honey Buns,
还有KK甜甜圈和其他什么东西 and damn Krispy Kreme and everything else.
你已经起来了啦 So you're up?
你来啦，塞迪，你要熨熨床单了 There you are, Sadie. You must iron the sheets.
如果床单皱巴巴的，尼德尔曼先生会生气的 Mr. Needleman gets very angry if there are any wrinkles.
见鬼塞迪是谁？ Honey, who the hell is Sadie?
别这样跟我说话. Don't you use that kind of language with me.
我会解雇你的. 明白吗？ 'Cause I'll have you fired. Do you understand?
尼德尔曼太太，好的，我明白了 Mrs. Needleman. Okay, I get it.
商场开门了，可没有人去买东西 The mall is open, but there ain't nobody in there shopping.
什么味道？ What's that smell?
是食物的味道，我正在做早餐 It's called food. I'm cooking.
整个房子都充满这种味道 It smells up the whole house. It permeates.
谢谢，你是帮助过我们的人中最出色的 Thank you. You always were the best colored help we could ever find.
好的，布里安给我开了个大玩笑 Okay, Brian playing a joke on me.
我变成朋克了，我变成朋克了. 摄像机在哪？ I'm being Punk'd. I know I'm being Punk'd. Where the camera at?
小姑娘，我要你现在起床，亲爱的 Little girl, I need you to get up, honey.
走开 Go away.
之前没有一个孩子会跟我这么说的，天呀 Never had no child talk to me like this before. Lordy.
亲爱的，我要带你去学校注册，现在，起床 Honey, I got to bring y'all down to school and get you registered. Now, get up.
我说，走开 I said, go away.
她在我家骂我，我不懂她... She just yelled at me in my house. I don't know what she...
小姑娘，我再告诉你一次... Little girl, I'm gonna tell you one more time...
我说，走开！ I said, go away!
我知道她不是... I know she didn't just...
你以为你在跟谁说话？ Who the hell you think you talking to?
哦，上帝！你有什么毛病？ Oh, my God! What is wrong with you?
这是我家 This is my house.
你在我家住就得遵守我的规矩 You live by my rules when you are in my house.
你还太嫩点，小姑娘，你不希望这样吧 You're too young for that, little girl. You don't want none of this.
请为你自己着想，亲爱的，你不想这样吧 Please, do yourself a favor, honey. You do not want none of this.
你在这儿的表现，如果不，你会... Behave while you're here. If not, you will...
女孩，你... Girl, you...
女孩，你不知道... Girl, you just don't know...
我不懂她以为她在跟谁说话 I don't know who she thinks she's talking to.
她是疯的 She's insane.
你好？ Hello?
是你吗？儿子？ Is that you, son?
是的 - 过来这里 - Yes, sir. - Well, come on in here.
你在做什么？爸爸 What are you doing here, Dad?
我感觉很好，很好 Well, I'm feeling better, much better.
不，你应该在家中床上 No, you're not. You're supposed to be at home in bed.
我只是走到这里来看看一切是否很好 I just had to stop by here to make sure everything's all right.
很好 It's all fine.
我决定告诉教堂三星期后我就退休了 I've decided to tell the church the third Sunday I'm retiring.
我以为你打算到夏天的时候才退的 I thought you were gonna wait till summer to do that.
不，不能那样做，儿子，我太累了 No, I can't do that, son. I'm too tired.
这样做我会轻松很多 It'll sure make the burden so much easier
知道这些年我努力的一切都会有人照顾 to know that everything I've worked for all these years is gonna be Iooked after.
我为你骄傲，儿子，真的为你骄傲 I am very proud of you, son. Really proud of you.
别为我骄傲 Don't be proud of me.
开玩笑吗？我告诉你我为你骄傲 Are you kidding me? I have to tell you I'm proud of you.
你知道吗？自从你母亲死后， You know something? After your mother died,
我不确定你会变好 I wasn't sure you were gonna make it.
你曾经在街上游手好闲 You were so far out there in those streets.
赞美耶和华,看看你现在 But, praise the Lord, Iook at you now.
帮我打理教堂,处理我们的按揭贷款支付基金 Helping me run the church, handling our mortgage payment fund.
我为你骄傲,孩子 No, I am very proud of you, son.
你知道,信众有点不放心 You know, the congregation is gonna be a Iittle bit upset
当我告诉他们我要退休的时候,为了缓解不安 when I tell them that I'm retiring, so to ease the pain,
我准备告诉他们我们已经为教堂筹集了资金 I'm going to tell them that we have raised the money to pay off the church.
他们会高兴的 They're gonna rejoice.
干得好,儿子 Well done, son.
是的 Yes, sir.
我没看到她,你们出来吧,快点 I don't see her out here. Y'all come on. Come on. Hurry up.
她总是好管闲事,在那里看着一切 She always nosy as hell, over there Iooking at everything.
赶快 Hurry up.
快点,进车里去 - 马蒂亚 - Come on. Get in the car. - Madea.
马蒂亚 Madea.
嗨,海蒂 Hey, Hattie.
怎么样? How you doing?
很好,宝贝 - 开门 - I'm good, baby. - Open the door.
过来一会儿 - 我现在不能跟你说,亲爱的 - Come here a minute. - I can't talk to you right now, honey.
这是我亲戚,他们一夜之间黑色素不见了 This my cousins, and they done Iost all the pigmentation in their skin overnight.
你亲戚? - 是的 - Your cousins? - Yes.
要我帮忙吗？ Can I help you?
不，我现在要带他们去看医生 No, I got to take them to the doctor right now.
待会见，保重 I'll see you Iater on. Take care.
这就是你所知道的？ And that's all you know?
这就是我所知道的，我发誓 That's all I know. I swear it.
我不相信 I don't believe you.
我说的是事实 I'm telling you the truth.
你要坐很长时间的牢 You're going to jail for a very Iong time.
我不能坐牢，我没有做错什么 I can't go to jail. I didn't do anything wrong.
乔治，冷静，好吗？ George, calm down, okay?
什么是值得做的，我相信你 For what it's worth, I believe you.
哦，有人相信我，不是很好吗？ Oh, boy, somebody believes me. Isn't that wonderful?
开香槟庆祝吧，因为有人相信我 Let's crack open some champagne, because somebody believes me.
哦，上帝，我有麻烦了 Oh, God, I'm in trouble.
我认为他们也会相信你的，但你得帮我让他们相信 I think they can believe you, too, but you have to help me make them believe.
告诉我你要我怎么做 Just tell me what you want me to do.
在这儿我需要做什么？ What do I need to do here?
ok， 这态度很好，乔治，是正确的态度 Okay, that's a good attitude, George. Really good attitude.
这些就是没有销毁的文件，都在这儿 Everything that wasn't shredded or destroyed is in these files.
这就是你获得自由的门票，你是财务总监，我相信你能找出证据的 This is your ticket to freedom. You're the CFO. I'm sure you can find it.
好的 Okay, well,
这就是问题的症结，布里安 this is the crux of the problem here, Brian,
因为这里我似乎找不到可以帮你的任何东西 because I can't seem to find anything in here that will help.
我想帮你，真的 I wanna help you. I really do.
不帮忙对我毫无意义 It doesn't make any sense for me not to wanna help.
现在不是这样吗？ 不不 Now does it? Does it? No. No.
我是说，你不认为我会尽可能帮忙吗？ I mean, don't you think I would help if I could?
你还好吗？ -不，我... - Are you okay? - No, I just...
我感觉...我要打某物 I feel Iike I... I wanna hit something.
打椅子，打某物 Hit the chair. Hit something.
对不起 I'm sorry.
这是个美丽的夜晚 That was a Iovely evening.
现在还不是晚上，女士. 我不认识你 There ain't never been no evening, Iady. I don't know you.
别说了. 这儿没人 Stop it. There's no one around.
看我嘴唇，亲爱的，我不认识你 Read my Iips, honey. I don't know you.
你是那个小船上的人 You're the man in the boat.
我从来没有船 I ain't never had no boat.
我打赌如果我让你看我的纹身，你就会想起来的 I bet if I showed you my tattoo, you might remember.
什么纹身？你准备给我看什么？ What tattoo? What you fixing to show me?
我相信你需要去看医生，亲爱的 I believe you need to see a doctor about that, honey.
不，这是贝蒂娃娃 No, that's Betty Boop.
也许这曾经是贝蒂娃娃，但现在她要掉了 It might have been Betty Boop at one time, but Betty Boop done drooped.
贝蒂娃娃 Betty Boop.
你带我到你的小船上 You brought me over in your Iittle boat.
女士，最后一次，ok? 首先，你侮辱我了 Lady, for the Iast time, okay? First of all, you insulted me.
因为我没有小船 'Cause I wouldn't have a Iittle boat.
我不是那种独木舟的人，你明白吗？ I'm not a canoe kind of man. You understand?
我是游艇，游轮，诺亚方舟 I'm a yacht, a cruise ship, Noah's Ark up in this piece.
我只有一次在船上是在军队的小划艇上 Only time I was ever in a boat was that Iittle rowboat belonged to the Army
那是我多年前在新奥尔良的时候 when I was in New Orleans many years ago.
我把人们从河口渡到酒吧 I'd take people across the water over there from the bayou to the juke joint,
我向他们收取一分钱 and I'd charge them a nickel to get them over there.
他们要搭车或着什么，我给他们换零钱 And they'd all take the ride and everything. I'd give them their change.
那一晚，有人给了我5毛钱的小费 And somebody gave me a 50-cent tip that night.
芭芭拉贝蒂娃娃 You Barbara Betty Boop.
是的，我曾经是B连的护士 Yes, I was a nurse in Company B.
是的，我曾经在那儿的C连 Yeah, I was in Company C over there with the colored troops.
我和我的女伴们跟着你们这些家伙回兵营 Me and a couple of my girlfriends followed you guys all the way to your barracks.
是的，我记得你们四个 Yeah, I remember it was four of you.
布兰奇，罗斯，多萝西和你 It was Blanche, Rose, Dorothy, and you.
我不知道你怎么还记得，亲爱的 I don't even know how you remember that, honey.
这是56，57年前的事了 That was 56, 57 years ago.
53年 Fifty-three.
因为乔治今年52岁 Because George is 52.
这有什么关系吗？ What that got to do with anything?
今天是什么日子？ What day is it?
女士，等等... 你想告诉我什么？ Lady, don't you start... What you trying to tell me?
我在哪儿？ Where am I?
我以为你要告诉我关于乔治的某些事 I think you believe you're trying to tell me something about George.
哦，天啊 - 嗨 - Oh, my goodness. - Hey.
我不知道我在那儿 I don't know where I am.
乔治？ George?
布里安 - 杰克 - Brian. - Jake.
你不能不停地打电话给我 You cannot keep calling me Iike this, man.
我正在调查中，你在做什么？ I'm in the middle of an investigation. What are you doing?
我爸爸要宣布他要在这三周付清教堂的抵押贷款 My dad wants to announce that he's paying the church's mortgage off in three weeks.
我是说，我应该做什么？ I mean, what am I supposed to do?
告诉他真相 Tell him the truth.
那会杀了他的 That will kill him.
你告诉他真相，他会很高兴的 He'll be very happy that you told him the truth.
不行，我不能这么做 I can't. I can't do it.
杰克 Jake.
是他，这就是新闻里的那个人 That's him. That's the dude from the news!
我要杀了你 I ought to kill you!
他是谁？ -我是你的噩梦 - Who is this? - I'm your worst nightmare.
你要... Will you just...
你是我的恶... , 我告诉你.我生活在我的噩梦中，ok? You're my worst... I got news for you. I'm Iiving my worst nightmare, okay?
另外，你做为噩梦还太矮了 And besides, you're a Iittle short to be a nightmare, aren't you?
我矮？他叫我... 他叫我矮子？ I'm short? He called me... He called me short?
我要打烂你的球！ I'm gonna bust your balls!
为什么不去排队来打烂我的球？ Well, why don't you get in Iine and bust my balls?
因为每个人都要打烂我的球 Because everybody else is busting my balls.
我没有球剩了，先生！那又怎样？ I don't have any balls Ieft, mister! How about that?
我要... 下来 I'm gonna... Get off.
冷静，没人在踢球 Calm down. Nobody's kicking balls.
乔治，杰克，我要你们都冷静 George, Jake, I need you both to calm down.
外面没事吧？ Is everything all right out there?
没事 Everything's fine.
继续工作，没关系 Just keep working. It's all good.
乔治，这是杰克 George, this is Jake.
他父亲有个教堂而他们想付他们的按揭 His father has a church, and they were gonna pay off their mortgage,
他们把钱投进了Lockwise，钱没了 and they invested the money in Lockwise, and they Iost it all.
所以他有点烦躁 So he's a Iittle bit upset.
对不起 - 你... - I'm sorry. - You...
这就是你想说的？对不起？ That's all you got to say? Is you sorry?
杰克 - 见鬼... - Jake. - Hell...
是的， ok, 你最好看看你自己 Yeah. Okay, okay. You better watch yourself,
或者我给你... or I'm gonna give you a...
看到了吗？拳头，拳头，你会被他揍的 You see this? Big five. Big five. And you're gonna get it.
如果不是我要去洗手间的话，你会... If I didn't have to go to the bathroom, you'd be in...
洗手间在哪儿？布里安 - 好的 - Where's the bathroom, Brian? - Okay.
左边第三个门 Third door on the Ieft.
左边第三个门 - 是的 - Third door on the Ieft. - Yeah.
拳头？ Big five?
杰克，回家去吧 Jake, go home.
控制自己，好吗？ 告诉他真相 Get a grip, okay? Tell him the truth.
如果有什么进展，我会告诉你的 If anything comes up, I'll call you.
现在回家，电梯在那儿 Can't you just go home? Elevator's right there.
你有多高？孩子 How tall are you, son?
大约6英尺 About 6 feet.
大约6英尺？ - 是的 - About 6 feet? - Yeah.
好的，勾起来 Okay. Check.
你喜欢黑人音乐？ You Iike soul music?
是的，我喜欢黑人音乐 I do. I do. I Iove soul music.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
知道这对我意味着什么吗？ Find out what it mean to me.
不知道，但我最终会知道的 No, I dig it.
你会知道，你会知道？ You dig it. You dig it?
勾起来 Check.
你的头发厚而卷曲 Your hair's really thick and curly.
总是这么厚而卷曲吗？ Always been that thick and curly?
是的 Yeah, it has.
当我还是孩子的时候，我就是一头蓬松的头发 When I was a kid, I had an afro that was,
你知道，很蓬 you know, Iarge.
到这儿，蓬，蓬发 To here. Big, big hair.
你说得对，你有一头蓬松的头发，你没有冒犯我，你有一头蓬松的头发 No, you said it right. You had an afro. You didn't offend me. You had an afro.
你是怎么说的，蓬松的，勾起来 That's what you called it, an afro. Check.
蓬松的 An afro.
你会游泳吗？孩子 Can you swim, son?
不会 No. No.
我学不会游泳 I never got the hang of swimming.
从来没学会。是的，勾起来 Never got the hang of it. Yup. Check.
嘿，我见过你妻子做瑜伽 Hey, I was Iooking at your wife, she was doing that yoda.
她有一个漂亮的小屁股 And she got a nice Iittle butt.
但不是很翘，你知道吗？ But it ain't no booty, you know?
你喜欢小屁股，或者喜欢翘臀？ You Iike a butt, or you Iike a booty?
你喜欢翘臀，那种大的，一把就能抓住的那种？ You Iike a booty, one that's a big, old booty to grab Iike handlebars and use?
让事情朝你想的方向去发展,知道吗? Steer that thing where you want it to go, you know?
老实说 To be honest,
我爱我的妻子 I Iove my wife.
她听不见,她听不见,男人对男人,告诉我 She can't hear you. She can't hear. Man-to-man, go on and tell me.
你喜欢可爱的,有漂亮小屁股的还是喜欢大屁股的 Do you Iike a Iittle cute, nice Iittle butt, or do you Iike a big butt
你能掌控她吗? that you can grab that thing and slap it Iike handlebars?
我再问个问题 Well, I would Iike a Iittle more on the bottom.
哈雷戴维森 Harley-Davidson.
哈雷? -是的 - A Harley? - Yeah.
垃圾在后备箱里 Junk in the trunk.
垃圾在后备箱了,耶,很多垃圾 Some junk in the trunk. Yeah, more junk.
只要你要求 As Iong as you're asking.
最后一个问题,孩子 I got one Iast question for you, son.
你去洗手间站在小便池的时候 When you go to the bathroom and you're at the urinal,
你是这样站的? do you stand there Iike this?
还是这样站的? Or do you just happen to stand there Iike this?
好... Well...
当你尿完的时,你是不是这样做? And when you're finished, do you have to do this?
那一种? 孩子,那一种? Which one is it for you, son? Which one?
第二种更像 Well, more Iike the second part.
没事 Without the thing at the end.
勾起来 Check.
妈的,我是你爸爸 Damn. I'm your daddy.
什么? Excuse me?
你有WI-FI吗? Do you have any Wi-Fi?
如果你客气地问我,我会起来做一些的 Well, if you ask me nice, I'll get up and I'll make you some.
什么? 你怎么做WI-FI? Excuse me. How do you make Wi-Fi?
孩子,你用一些面粉,加些水,再加点糖 Son, you use some flour, put a Iittle water in it, some powdered sugar,
搅拌好,放在平底锅上 you mix it up real good, and you get your skillet,
或者你拿个无绳铁盘 or you get you one of them Wi-Fi irons,
把它放在无绳铁盘里,关上它 and you pour it in the Wi-Fi iron and you close it up.
我这儿有个无绳铁盘 I got a Wi-Fi iron in there.
你说什么呀? What are you talking about?
他说的是wi-fi, 我听成华夫饼. 你要的是wi-fi? 我听成华夫饼 He asked for a Wi-Fi, I got a waffle. You want a Wi-Fi? I got a waffle.
无线上网 Wi-Fi. Internet.
我没有 I don't have none of that.
这儿没有什么高科技,我们生活在黑暗时代 Ain't no technology around here at all. We've been Ieft in the Dark Ages.
有道理 It figures.
哈维 Howie.
亲爱的,你为什么要上网? Honey, why do you need to get on the Internet?
我应该做个报告 I'm supposed to do a report.
我会帮你做报告的,ok,亲爱的 I'll help you with your report. Okay, honey?
这不是什么麻烦,我是说,他会输的 It doesn't really matter. I mean, he's gonna fail.
他跟他妈妈一样苯 - 够了 - He's dumb Iike his mother. - Enough.
去死吧,凯特 Go to hell, Kate.
这孩子刚刚说什么,"去死"? Did that child just say, "Go to hell"?
你还好吧? You all right?
是的. 谢谢 Yeah. Thanks.
来吧,坐下告诉我 Come on, sit down and talk to me.
这孩子在那儿,上帝啊,我真想揍她 That child right there. Lord, that Iittle girl about to make me hurt her.
我知道. 我想搞清楚 I know. I'm trying to be understanding.
搞清楚什么? Of what?
她有问题 She has problems.
亲爱的,我们都有问题 Honey, we all got problems.
那孩子不应该这样跟你说话, 这太疯狂了 That child ain't supposed to be talking to you all Iike that. That is crazy.
那孩子有什么毛病? 她生气什么? What's wrong with that child? What's she so angry about?
我不知道.也许没得去学校吧 I don't know. Just being here and out of school.
也告诉其他人,亲爱的 Tell that to somebody else, honey.
那孩子也生气其他事,很生气,不管是什么 That child is angry about something else, and it's deep, whatever it is.
这跟没学校和其他事无关.比这复杂多了 It ain't about no school and nothing else. This water runs deeper than that.
你怎么知道? How do you know?
聪明呗,我并不是一无所知 Wisdom. I didn't get this old by not knowing nothing.
她认为是我造成她妈妈跟她爸爸离婚的 She thinks I'm the reason that her father divorced her mother.
我很惊讶,她怎么会这样想 I wonder where she'd get that from.
是你吗? Are you?
不,你认为我是什么人 No. What kind of person do you think I am?
女人 A woman.
不,他们的婚姻结束了 No, their marriage was over,
她父亲已经离婚了,但她从见到我时就恨我了 her father filed for divorce already, but she's hated me ever since she met me.
乔治刚才就坐在那儿,什么都没说? And George just sit there, don't say nothing?
他刚才坐那儿一言不发? He just sit there and not say a word?
乔治这些天跟谁都不说话 George doesn't say anything to anyone these days.
仁慈的上帝呀 Lord, have mercy.
我知道,但她需要他 I know. But she needs him.
因为她妈妈,她就这么恶言相向 Because her mother, she is so evil.
她头脑中充斥着这些糟糕的事情 She filled her head with all these horrible things about me and about us.
两年前 And then, two years ago,
自从那次她摔到在门口就没有再亲近过 she dropped her off at our doorstep, hasn't contacted her ever since,
现在她很生气 and now she's angry.
现在她在我家让我很担心 And now she's up in my house and she got me worried.
亲爱的,我只是担心 Honey, I'm just worried.
她会没事的 She'll be fine.
我不是担心她,我是为我担心 I'm not worried about her, I'm worried about me.
因为我感到我不能让她睡觉 'Cause I feel Iike I wanna choke her to sleep.
有时候我真想掐死她 I just wanna grab her till the Iife is out of her sometimes.
她是如此的不正常 She's so flip.
是的,我也这么觉得 Yeah, I get it.
她这么说你的时候,你只是跟她小吵 And when she talk back to you, you just have a Iittle argument with her
你就让她想说什么就说什么? and you just Iet her start her mouth and say whatever she want to say?
别这么做,亲爱的 Don't do that, honey.
你要用她能明白的方式跟她说 You have to talk to her in a Ianguage that she understand.
你知道怎样表达你心里的想法吗 You got to Iearn how to start speaking your damn mind.
我说出我的想法 I speak my mind.
我不这样说:"说出你的想法" 我说 "说出你该死的想法" I didn't say, "Speak your mind," I said, "Speak your damn mind."
如果某人做了你不喜欢的事,你就说 If somebody do something you don't Iike, you say,
"嘿,你他妈的有毛病啊" "Hey, what the hell is wrong with you?
"你最好看紧你的屁股", 这是最直接的方式 "You better get your ass together. This is some straight up bull.
"她妈的,你有毛病吗? 你听我说话了吗? 她妈的 "Hell, what is wrong with you? You heard me? Hell."
有时候你就得这样说 That's what you got to say to them sometime.
-好的,我会的 - 好好想想 - Okay. I will. - Think about that.
这会让你感觉好点,你会有一种解放的感觉 It'll make you feel better. You'll feel so Iiberated.
你在这儿所有的就是做瑜伽,亲爱的,不能只是做瑜伽 You're around here doing all that yoda. Honey, you ain't got to do all that yoda.
你应该做点别的事 You ain't got to do not one more yoda.
我下次试试 I'm gonna try that next time.
很好,我只是给你建议 Good. I just gave you some great advice.
你给了我很好的建议 You gave me some good advice.
我会给你跟好的建议的 I'm gonna give you some better advice.
白人不应该在这里 White folks ain't supposed to be out here
在午夜的门廊,亲爱的 on this porch in the middle of the night, honey.
好的 Okay.
好的,我们回屋吧 Yep. Nope, come on, Iet's go on in the house.
谢谢- 是的,你先进去吧 - Thank you. - Yeah, you go on first.
有事吗? Any luck?
没有 No, none.
乔治 George.
我知道你要说什么,你别指望我会尝试的 Yeah, I know what you're going to say. You don't think I'm trying.
看看这个慈善机构,就这儿 Look at this charity, right here.
ok, 我真的没见过这个 Okay. I don't really have to Iook at it.
认真听我说 Hear me out. Listen to what I'm saying to you.
这些人在非洲挖井 These guys dig wells in Africa.
这个,乳腺癌 This one, breast cancer.
这个,他们解救了当性奴的孩子,ok This one, they stop sex trafficking of children. Okay?
这个,艾滋病研究,这个, 癌症 This one, AIDS research. This one, cancer.
这个无家可归的收容所快要关闭了 This homeless shelter is gonna have to close.
乔治,你要帮帮我,帮帮这些人 George, you got to help me help these people.
布里安, 我还有8年就退休了 Brian, I'm eight years away from retiring,
而现在我却要进监狱 and now I'm facing jail.
这些人被伤害. And all these people were hurt
就因为我没注意 because I wasn't paying attention.
我只是想着退休 And I was Iooking forward to retiring.
陪陪我儿子 Spending time with my son.
慢慢长大,玩游戏之后来个熊抱,你知道吗? Getting great, big bear hugs after a good game of catch, you know?
看着我女儿幸福 Seeing my daughter happy,
满足 content.
我只是要我的家庭永远幸福 I just wanted to Iive happily ever after with my family.
现在,我的家庭土崩瓦解了 And now, my family's falling apart.
也许这是我应得的,ok? So maybe I deserve all of this, okay?
我不能相信这会发生在我身上 'Cause I can't believe what's happening to me.
我怎么就没看到呢? How could I not see this coming?
乔治,你没有发现是因为你没有注意 George, you couldn't see it because you weren't paying attention.
现在你看到了 But now your eyes are wide open.
但这对我没有意义 But none of this makes sense to me.
我说,这儿的财务报表用字母开头 I mean, I see accounts here and they all start with a Ietter of the alphabet.
"A," "P," "U," "J," "K," "R," "I."
我们从不用字母表启动账户,布里安 We never use the alphabet to start accounts, Brian.
我不知道我在这儿找什么,我真的不知道 I don't know what I'm Iooking at here. I really don't.
你不能让人们做无用功 You can't just keep Ietting people walk all over you.
他们给你设局,因为他们认为你是软弱的 You were a mark. They set you up. They thought you were weak.
他们所做的都是在害你 They did this on purpose to you.
而你却不管不顾让这些事发生 Are you just gonna Iay down and Iet that happen,
你想要回到你过去的生活吗 or are you gonna claim your Iife back?
证明他们是错的,击败他们 Prove them wrong. Hit them right between the eyes.
你会变得更强大,你是个战士,乔治 You're stronger than this. There is a fighter in you, George.
让他们看看,让我看看 Show them. Show me.
你能找到的,ok, 不要放弃 You can work this out, okay? Just don't give up.
我们还要继续挖吗? Shall we keep digging?
- Okay. - Okay.
ok - 好的 - Okay. - AII right.
注意脚下 Watch your step.
保重 Take care now.
学校怎样? How was school?
我说就是普通的学校 I mean, you know, it's school.
学校就是学校,耶 School is school, yeah.
你在学校干什么了 What you got there?
打棒球 - 打棒球 - Baseball. - Baseball.
你上场了吗? You play?
是的,但打不好 Yeah, but not very good.
是吗? Really?
让我瞧瞧,孩子,你没有那么差 Well, Iet me see, son. You can't be that bad.
你打什么位置? - 投手 - What position do you play? - Pitcher.
ok,我过去是接球员 Okay. Well, I used to play catcher.
你去那里,我要你把球扔给我 So, you go on over there and I want you to throw it to me.
好的 - 我要你把球扔给我 - AII right. - I want you to throw it to me
用你最大的力气 as hard as you can.
扔给我 - 好的 - Throw it at me. - AII right.
我们开始吧 , Here we go. Put it. Put it right here.
-往中间投 -这儿 - Put it right in the middle. - Right here, right here.
你。。。 Yeah, you... Yeah.
-你这混蛋 -对不起，我。。。 - Yeah, you suck. - Sorry, I...
过来，孩子 Come here, son.
没关系，孩子 That's all right, son.
也许你不是个投手，不是每个人都能成为投手的 Maybe you ain't supposed to be a pitcher. Everybody ain't supposed to be a pitcher.
你应该想想什么位置适合你 You know, you got to get in where you fit in.
我从没有那么想过 You know, I never thought about it that way.
听着，我会帮你的 But Iisten, son. I'm gonna help you.
我会教你怎样投球和接球 I'm gonna teach you how to pitch and to catch,
因为我们是一家人 because we family, we family.
- 一家人 - 是的 - We are? - Yeah.
是的，说来话长 Yeah. It's a Iong story. It's a Iong story.
我过去在黑人联盟打球 I used to be in the Negro League.
- 黑人 - 黑人联盟 - Negro... - The Negro League, son.
孩子，我要告诉你一些传统 Boy, somebody got to teach you about your heritage.
黑人联盟是建立在有色人种不能参加比赛的时候 The Negro Leagues is when colored baseball players couldn't play...
有色人种，象黑人，你和我 Colored, Iike Negro, Iike me and you.
他们不能参加职业棒球比赛，所以建立了自己的联赛 They couldn't play professional baseball, so they came up with their own Ieague.
Satchel Paige and I played.
I was a catcher, so I'm gonna show you how to be a catcher.
- AII right. AII right. - AII right?
Step on back there. I'm gonna show you how to catch this.
- I'm gonna throw it to you one good time. - AII right.
- I want you to concentrate real hard. - AII right.
Almost. AII right, try it. Right here, right here.
There we go. See that?
- I've had it. - I don't care.
Change your attitude.
- Hello, son. - Hi, Mom.
- Your poor father... - My father does not need...
Were you with your brother today? AII day today, again?
No, Mom, I was with Brian.
I don't have a brother, remember?
This is all an act!
Right.
I am not being disrespectful!
You're being so fake! You're not my mom!
- ...your attitude. - You're making it no better.
Get upstairs!
I want to go home. I hate it here.
- Hi. - Hi.
George, I can't do this anymore.
- That daughter is so disrespectful. - I know.
I'm gonna do all I can to help us get our Iife back.
I don't want our Iife back.
I want a new Iife.
One where you're in it. One where we're all happy.
I don't know, afternoon Iunches and sex!
I want sex, George!
Should I be Iistening to this?
- No! - No!
Kate, I'm sorry.
Stop saying sorry and get mad.
- I am mad. - You're not mad.
I'm extremely mad.
Extremely mad, George?
You don't think I'm mad?
I don't think you're mad.
This is getting me so mad, this whole thing.
That's mad.
You're not extremely mad! You need to get damn mad!
What?
I'm just speaking my damn mind, okay?
Hell! This is some straight up bull.
Hell, get your ass together. You heard me?
Hell!
I've got to get us out of here.
Just spill it. We gotta have it all.
Because if you don't, then you're going to jail for the rest of your Iife.
Ever since we got here, I don't care anymore.
Do you know what? I don't care. You...
- Hi, honey. - Hi. What are you doing?
- Good one. Good one, Howie. - Thanks.
You got it.
Amazing Grace...
How was school today?
About the same as when you were raised by Moses.
Where's my dad?
I can't stand you.
I got something to tell you, honey. It's awfully bad news.
Precious Lord...
What?
Your daddy died.
What?
He died.
Them people that were Iooking for him, they came here and they got him.
And they brought him out there to the highway,
and they was painting them stripes on the stone highway, and he tried to run,
and one of them stripe machine put a Iine right down the middle of him.
Then the people that was coming didn't know if it was a passing Iane
or high-occupancy vehicle Iane.
Everybody got confused and they had a wreck,
and they just ran all over...
About 5,700 cars piled up on top of him.
And Kate, she didn't know what to do, so she went to running.
She just started running as fast as she can. Was running Iike Wonder Woman.
But they had a helichopter and that helichopter got closer...
And that was it.
No! Kate, too?
Kate, too. Kate, too.
And that helichopter was spinning and them blades...
Where's Howie? Where's Howie?
Oh, Lord. Poor Howie. You know, he tried to run,
but he always have them candy bars and soda pops in his pockets,
so he kept dropping things and he tripped.
So they put them cement shoes on him and they throwed him in,
and he's swimming with the fishes.
Oh, my God!
My God! I can't believe this is happening.
Why you so upset?
What do you mean?
Well, you always say, "I hate you. You suck. Shut up. I hate you."
I didn't mean anything that I've said before.
It's too Iate now, honey.
It's all right. They gone. Dead. Just done.
They gone.
So, the people at Child Welfare asked me if I would take you,
so I said you can stay here till you're 18, but you...
No! No, no! No!
I got an EBT card, what you worried about?
- Dad! - Honey.
Cindy, what's wrong?
She told me you died.
What?
Madea, why would you tell her that?
Look, this is why I tell her that.
'Cause she's sitting around here mad at everybody and being all nasty and mean.
Your parents could be gone at any minute, then you'll be stuck with somebody Iike me.
Is that what you want? To stay here in this hellhole?
I'm sorry.
Start acting Iike you're sorry, then.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Howie.
It's all right. It's all right, Cindy.
Now, Iook at her, all broke up, acting Iike she's sad and hurt.
Okay, honey. It's okay.
Madea, that was really cruel.
George? Shut the hell up.
It worked, didn't it?
- Dad? - Yeah, son.
There's something I need to tell you.
It'll have to wait till Iater. I got to start the service right now.
Negros.
What the hell did you just say?
- Negros. - Barbara!
Mom,
why don't we step out onto the porch and get some air?
- Negros. - Grams.
I hear Negros from my room.
I believe they're called African-Americans now, Grandma.
Did that child just say "they"?
No, "we."
So beautiful. I hear them from my room.
- Okay. - What's going on?
My baby mama just went Ieft, Mabel. She just went Ieft.
Went Ieft?
I hear...
I hear them from my room. I hear Negros from my room.
Well, I see dead people, but I keep that to myself.
Tell them, Sadie.
Who the hell is Sadie?
Shut up.
Madea, honey. She right, she hear Negros.
It's bad enough that she's slipping.
Please don't encourage her.
No, she do hear Negros.
The whole bunch of them.
She hears a bunch of Negros?
Yes, everybody Iisten. Everybody be quiet.
Spirituals.
That's it. That's what she's trying to say, Negro spirituals.
There's a church down on the corner.
They sing Negro spirituals on Sundays.
Why y'all so uptight?
Son, will you take me to the Negros?
- Take you to the Negro spiritual, honey. - Spiritual.
Right. You can't just say "Negros." Them days has passed.
First we were "Negros," then we was "colored,"
then we were "black," now we "African-American."
Okay? African-Americans. Now singing old Negro spirituals.
- Spirituals. - Negro spirituals.
- Spirituals. Spirituals. Okay. - Yes, Mom. Yes, yes.
Yes, Iet's go.
Let's go down to the church.
Is it safe?
What you mean, "Is it safe," George?
What they gonna do, stone you with a Bible? It's a church.
Pretty good.
Can I get an "amen" for our choir?
Amen!
AII right, well done.
Well done.
Praise the Lord.
Praise the Lord!
Praise the Lord. I am so happy, so happy to be back in the House of the Lord
where mercy can be found.
As most of you know, I have been very sick these past few months.
But by the grace of God, I've recovered. But I have to tell you something.
I've given a Iot of prayer and I feel it's time for me to retire.
Now don't y'all worry, don't worry.
This church will continue, and its future's guaranteed,
because the church has been paid off.
Praise God!
Oh, no.
And I was able to pay the church off because of the investments of my son.
My son.
I'm so proud of him.
Son, come on up here and tell them what you've done.
Let us praise Jesus 'cause we're all precious in His name.
Precious.
Precious?
- To all the congregation here... - Precious.
...there's something I need to tell you.
I did invest the money...
Precious!
Somebody's got the Holy Ghost.
I know!
- You know? - I know!
The same know that I know?
I know!
That man knows!
- You know? - I know!
- How much do you know? - Do you think that he knows now?
- I'm not hot, I just know. - Praise the Lord!
Yes!
AII right, George, you want to try to explain this to me?
Yeah.
There was a woman named Precious Jackson
that Walter always told me about. Okay?
Now I've Iooked at these accounts and they all start with a Ietter.
The Ietters spell out "Precious Jackson."
It's all encrypted, right here.
What the hell are you talking about?
The Ietters spell out...
Okay, I'm a Iittle confused by this, too.
It's the name the account is in.
Okay.
Just follow this, 'cause it took some doing
to follow the money trail from the Cayman Islands and Germany.
But the trail goes cold when the money goes into a Swiss account. Okay?
Now, they were all given a Ietter when they went in and came out.
- Right? - Okay.
But every month on this date,
as the funds go into this Swiss account,
this account in the US sees a deposit.
Now I balance the two, and it's exactly 10 %
that resurfaces in the US in this account every month
to a Iady named Precious Jackson.
What is 10 % gonna do?
Of 600 million?
That's six million!
Jake.
It's 60 million.
- Sixty. - Sixty.
George.
I can get the church's money back.
- Praise God. - Yes, you and all the charities.
- Can this really work? - Yes, it can work.
Why would Walter take this money
and put it in an account with some woman's name who never touches it?
Well, either he didn't tell her about it, or she doesn't exist.
So what I'll do is I'll get a federal warrant,
we'll get the account seized.
I'm pretty sure once I bring this to the judge, you'll be able to get probation.
That's a great job.
But, Brian, we can get this money back to the people it belongs to.
It's sitting right here in this account.
You didn't just say that to me. I'm an officer of the court.
I don't even know what you're thinking. I didn't hear that.
I don't even want to know what you're thinking. No. No, no, no.
- Brian. - Not having this conversation.
- I'm out of here. - Please. Come on.
- I will see you at the office tomorrow... - Brian.
...bright and early, George.
- Thank you so much. - Brian. Please.
Bye.
I've come too close to give up now, okay? I'm not calling it quits.
I'm gonna get that money back to the charities.
Right? I want my Iife back.
And here is where I start to take action.
So you're either with me or you're not, but I'm not giving up without a fight.
So what's it gonna be, Mr. I'm-a-tough-guy-from-the-hood?
Mr. You-going-down-homie?
'Cause I'll tell you, I'm gonna do the damn thing.
So you're with me or what?
I'm with you.
- Gucci! - Yeah.
With you.
You okay?
I will be.
George, what's going on?
I screwed up, that's what's going on.
And now there's a big wrong that I have to right.
And I just have to figure out how I'm gonna do it.
But I'm gonna do it. I am gonna do it.
George, I haven't seen this much fire in you since we got married.
Well, maybe it's Iong overdue, huh?
Do you remember our honeymoon in Florence?
- I remember it rained every day. - It did.
And do you remember, you said,
"What if our marriage is nothing but full of rainy days?"
I might have been joking.
But I remember you still got upset, didn't you?
- I did. - Yeah.
And what did you say?
I said,
"Rain does make things grow."
Exactly.
What if all this happened for a reason?
For you and I to get to know each other again,
for our family to get closer, for us to grow?
What if it did?
Kate, you are amazing.
I swear to you, I'm gonna make things right.
I have no doubt.
Honey, you always do the right thing.
I Iove you so much.
I Iove you, too.
I'm so proud of you, George.
That's good.
I'm closing an account.
Rita, it looks like you'll be withdrawing $4 million from us today.
$4 million?
- Is that correct? - Yes.
Well, how would you like that?
10s and 20s?
Hey, son. We watching Ghost.
She's gonna walk up in a bank and act Iike she somebody else.
Look at that.
You know we require identification and all that.
Rita Miller or Oda Mae Jones, she don't even know what her name is.
Rita Miller. That's my name.
My name. Rita Miller.
My name.
The check.
Here you are.
What the hell you Iooking at me Iike the Iast virgin for?
Now Iet me make sure I got this right.
Y'all want me to get on the aeroplane,
go out to New York City and go in a bank and pretend to be Precious Jackson?
Is that right?
Yes.
Does Brian know anything about this?
- No. - He thinks you both could go to jail.
Well, I could be going to jail anyway.
That's all right. Just don't drop the soap, you'll be fine.
I been up in there. You might have to fight a Iittle bit, kick a Iittle ass.
But you'll be all right.
If you don't kick no ass, they gonna take your ass.
But you'll be all right.
I don't know about this, though. I don't feel good about this.
I just don't... I don't know. I don't know.
Madea, it's easy.
It's just as easy as it was in the movie.
Whoopi Goldberg had a dead white man helping her
all through that whole movie.
I'll help you.
You alive. I said dead!
George, you cannot go to New York.
Honey, I have to.
You can't. They're still after you. Are you crazy?
I'll disguise myself somehow.
They won't know me. Okay? It'll be fine.
- No, I can't do that. - Madea.
Please, I know you can do it.
You say this is for charity?
And for the church? Right, Jake? For the church? It's for the church?
It's for the church, for your daddy get the money back for the church?
AII right. Now my question then becomes,
all these beautiful people that got these charities
and helping all these children and feeding the people around the world,
it's for that, that's wonderful, but I have a question for you.
What the hell in it for me?
Madea, you'll feel a Iot better about yourself.
I always feel good about myself. Hell, I was born 6'2".
237 pounds.
I have always been this big all my Iife. I went to kindergarten this big.
I had to have high self-esteem. I feel good about myself.
Ain't nothing you gonna tell me gonna make me feel good about myself.
You give me some money, that'll make me feel good about myself.
Okay, you know what?
Can we figure that out after this is done?
George, have you ever hired a ho?
No. No.
She want her money first. Do you understand?
I need to get some money first.
Don't perform no services until the money's on the table.
You know what? I'll do it. I will do it.
AII I got to do is go in there
and give them a bunch of accounts to transfer the money to?
- Yes. - 12 accounts?
I just give them the information to do the transfer?
That's it. That's all.
AII right, I'll do it.
Then I will gladly do it. So he just gonna wire the money to the accounts?
- Yes. - Okay, fine.
Come on, Iet's go. Where's my purse? Y'all get my purse.
Joe, where's my purse? We've got to go up to New York.
You know what? If you guys are gonna go,
she can't Iook Iike this, she can't be wearing that.
- Right. - What's wrong with what I got on?
This came from Aretha Franklin. Aretha gave me this.
And y'all know Aretha can dress.
You've seen Aretha, she makes fashion statements.
How about Barbara, Cindy and I give you a makeover?
Introducing Precious Jackson.
Wow.
This might work.
No. I don't know what the hell y'all are thinking.
You Iook Iike a big ass bottle of Pepto-Bismol.
- Can I give you a hand, sir? - Yes. The Iuggage.
The airport.
This bag. This way.
- Here we go? - Yeah.
Okay.
Going to the airport.
- Right this way, ma'am. - AII right, I'll follow you.
You ain't got to rush me, I know where the hell I'm going.
The airport. A Iot of people here.
I'm nervous. I need to relax.
Well, there's nothing to be nervous about.
It's just Iike riding in a car, except you're 30,000 feet higher.
Cars don't crash from 30,000 feet, George.
You need something to calm your nerves, I got that old wee-wee.
Hey, what does that mean, drugs?
- Is that drugs? - I know you ain't got no drugs.
- No drugs. - If you got...
I'm gonna beat your ass if you got them drugs.
You don't bring no drugs up in here.
- They got sniffing dogs up in here. - No drugs.
Y'all go through. I'm not going through with y'all.
I'm not going through. Excuse me, y'all. Excuse me.
- I'm not going through with them at all. - Madame, you are making a scene.
- Watch yourself. Watch yourself, here. - That's a no, no.
Y'all go on. I don't know them. I don't know them.
Hi. Hi. A Iittle scary.
When I'm finished doing, this gonna be the bomb.
- Don't say "bomb." Don't say "bomb." - What is the bomb?
- No, no, no. - Don't say...
Hey, he don't want me saying "bomb."
Okay.
What do I do, just give him the ticket?
And show him my ID?
- Okay. - That's the way.
Okay, that's me, and that's my ticket.
- That is the way. - Okay, thank you so much.
AII right.
Now what y'all doing?
- What y'all doing? - Taking off our shoes.
Take off your personal items and put them in the tray.
What they gonna do with my personal items?
Baby, I can't take off my shoe.
Do you know how hard it is for a woman my size to take off her shoes?
I'm supposed to take off my shoes?
Yes, ma'am.
What the hell do I need to be taking my shoes off for?
Baby, when you're this big, it's hard to take your shoes off.
That's all I'm saying.
Take them off, but I don't know who the hell gonna help me put them back on.
Y'all so serious.
Watch that now.
There you go.
Oh, Lord. And you just push it through there?
- Now what I do? What I do? - Right this way.
Right this way.
Okay. I'm gonna come on through this thing.
- What the hell is that? - Just step over here, please, ma'am.
What was that?
Just step over here through the scanner.
- What'd you want me to do? - Step through here, please.
- Okay, all right. - Right through the scanner.
Now what am I supposed to do? This ain't gonna drop me down?
Just go and put your feet in the footsteps, please.
That's really wide. You want me to put both my feet where these yellow feet?
- Yes, ma'am. - That's really wide.
My Iegs ain't been open that wide since I had my daughter.
George, they want me to spread my Iegs.
Okay, fine.
- Now what? - Put your hands over your head, please.
- Like this? - That's it.
Hands over your head.
Wow, this is really sexual.
Reminds me back of my stripping days.
They used to call me Magnitude.
You see anything?
Can I have you step outside, please?
Step outside.
Right this way. Put your hands down.
- Can I close my Iegs? - Yes, please.
Okay, thank you so much.
- Now what? - Stand right over here, please.
- Yes. - I'm just gonna do a quick pat down.
- On my body? - Yes.
- Go ahead and raise your hands. - Am I under arrest?
- No, ma'am. - Why you patting me down?
- Just standard procedure. - A standard...
- I got to do all this to get on the airplane? - Yes, please.
George, I got to do all this to get on the airplane?
Ma'am, it's just standard procedure. I need you to put your hands up, please.
- Thank you. - Go on, pat me down.
Now, wait a minute.
You gonna find a roadmap to heaven. You better come on from up there now.
Come on up.
Turn around.
Can I put my hands down?
Now wait. Now what the hell you doing?
Boy.
Something back here that you wanna tell me about?
Yes, that's my ass. It's from wall-to-wall in this skirt.
We're clear. Go right ahead.
You need to buy me a cigarette or a drink or something after doing all that to me.
You don't know me.
I ain't felt that many hands all over my body
since I got off that train from Mexico.
Where's my purse and my shoes?
Anybody ever told you you Iook Iike Beyoncé?
No.
Madea, I found my wifey.
Shut the hell up back there. You in coach.
You ain't supposed to talk to nobody in first class.
Didn't you see Titanic?
I'm nervous.
I know. But behave.
What the hell was that? What was that?
There better not be no terrorer on this plane. Is there a terrorer?
Is there terrorer on here? Better not be no terrorer.
Madea, it's a bump. Bump, bump.
What the hell a bump doing in the air? Bumps are on the road.
- That's all. - Bumps ain't in the air. Hell.
This thing just makes me nervous. I don't Iike being on this thing.
I got to pee. I need something to relax me. Calm me down.
What do you want? What do you want?
I want a joint.
- You need that good-good, Madea? - Boy, shut up.
Just get me a drink. Can I get a drink?
Can they get a Iady a drink? Can a colored woman get a drink?
I'll get a flight attendant.
I'll get her. Flight attendant?
Flight attendant? Flight attendant? Flight attendant?
Ma'am, are you okay?
You're making the other passengers just a Iittle bit nervous, okay?
I would Iike something to drink, please.
'Cause I need something to relax me just a Iittle bit.
Okay. What would you Iike?
That depends. How much is it?
You're in first class, it's free.
Okay. Well, bring me every damn thing you got back there.
If it's brown, pour it.
Lord have mercy, I ain't never seen no place Iike this before.
They call it the Big Apple, huh?
I wonder why they call it the Big Apple. I don't see no apples.
- Do you see the apples anywhere? - No.
I wanna see that thing, too, that thing with the torch on it.
The statue. The Statue of Limitations.
Lord, Iook at all these people.
I ain't never seen this many people in one place
unless they be giving away government cheese.
I don't understand why folk would be all on top of each other Iike this.
This is too much. I got to get back to Georgia.
Come on, Iet's go get this business done.
New York!
Yes indeed, y'all. This is nice.
- Yeah, I'm in New York, baby. - How you doing?
Hello, madame. May I take your bags?
- Where you gonna take it? - I'll take it to your room, if you Iike.
- No. No. No, no. - She is world-traveled.
She never think about the Iuggage.
I don't think about no Iuggage.
I don't think about no Iuggage or the garbage or none of that stuff.
- This way. - Okay.
Well, get on out of the way there. Let a Iady pass.
You in the way, George, move. Let them open the door for me.
Thank you. Thank you so much.
This place is Iovely. Hello. Welcome. Thank you. Welcome.
Welcome to me. My first time here.
Hello. Hello.
They take dogs. Well, Oprah Winfrey must stay here. Is she here?
This is Iovely.
Run into me one more time, and I'm gonna knock the hell out of you.
What the hell's wrong with you?
Good afternoon, sir.
A reservation for Jackson.
- Of course. Good afternoon, madam. - Hello.
I have the reservation.
I have your credit card information on file.
And here are your keys.
And if you would be so kind as to sign here at the bottom of this form.
But of course.
- But of course. - Lovely accent.
- Yes. - Yes.
Yes. The reservation is under Precious Jackson.
That is my name. I'm one of the Jackson family.
- Well, really? That's wonderful, madam. - Yes, yes.
Yes. Excellent.
Well, it was La Toya and Rebbie and me. Yeah.
- And Janet. Little Janet. - Wonderful.
- We are so proud to have you here, madam. - Thank you so much.
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Back the hell up. Thank you.
If I have a phone call from Janet or La Toya or Rebbie Jackson...
- Yes, madam? - ...please put them through.
- They're always calling me, all the time. - I see.
'Cause they need makeup tips and advice.
- I'll put them right through to your room. - Yes, thanks.
- I will do that, madam. Yes. - Thank you so much. Thank you.
- Shall we go? - The elevators are to your Ieft.
And I do hope you enjoy your stay.
- Well, yes, we will. Thank you so much. - Yes, wonderful.
- Thank you so much. - Don't fall over.
You hit me with these bags one more time, I will knock the hell out of you.
- What's in here? - Get the hell on the elevator.
You got two midgets in here.
If Randy or Jermaine or Tito call,
tell them I just cannot talk right now, I'm gonna have to call them Iater.
Very good, madam. I have that.
What the hell you pulling me for, George?
I know how to open the door, here. This...
This is nice.
Oh, Lord, this furniture nice.
Ain't got no plastic on it. Can't be too nice, though.
- How you doing? - Good.
- Wonderful. Hello. - Hello.
Your chocolate.
Yes, I know I'm chocolate.
That's a new way of saying "black"? I'm chocolate, yes. African-American.
Forgive madame. She is, how you say, preoccupée.
You gonna stop calling me madame. My name is Madea, not madame.
Zip it.
- For you, monsieur. Thank you. - Thank you. Thank you.
What the hell was he just standing up here for,
just Iooking all scary and weird?
I thought I had checked into the Bates Motel.
He's standing there Iike that.
- What was he waiting for? - A gratuity.
- What is that? - A tip.
Why didn't you just say "tip"? I know what the hell a tip is.
Now, George, how much did you just give that man? You gave him paper money.
- How much was that? - Twenty.
Twenty what?
Dollars. $20.
Have you Iost your mind, George?
Waiter! Excuse me. Excuse me, sir.
Hello, mister. Can I talk to you forjust a second?
Mister? I'm tired as hell.
Here. Hold this for me, baby, and Iet me hold that. That's $20.
Baby, Iisten, if we wanted that for chocolate, we'd go get us a Snickers.
Here's your tip.
Pardon, monsieur, she is...
- Movez-vous. Movez-vous. - Go on. Go on. $20?
Would you get a grip? You've got to play the part.
Trust me. Appearance is everything. Okay?
Now, we need to get some rest
so we can get to the bank early and get out of here.
That's fine. Let's get some rest, then, George.
But you ain't gonna give no $20 to nobody. That's just damn crazy.
Child, if Joe could see me now.
This mattress is nice.
No, can't Iay down flat Iike that.
Yeah. Women who is well-endowed can't Iay flat.
'Cause them breasts will sneak up around your neck
and choke the hell out of you through the night.
Got to throw them over to the side.
This is nice.
Silk.
Okay, here we go. Here we go.
Now remember, you're Precious Jackson,
and you wanna get all the money transferred into the 12 accounts.
You can't keep running this over and over again.
- You're gonna make me forget everything. - Okay. This is it. This is it.
I understand. You gonna make me forget everything.
I can't keep doing this over and over again.
- Just relax. - AII right, I got it.
I'm relaxed, George, I'm relaxed. But you tensing me the hell up.
- Okay. Okay. - Okay.
- Got it? - I got it. I got it.
Madea.
Yes?
Remember, the man you're meeting, his name is Jack Goldenberg.
What the hell you speaking a French accent for, George?
This is me and you talking.
Hell, I know how to speak French, too.
Shut the hell up.
I got it. Jack Goldenberg.
- Thank you. - Okay.
Excuse me while I do my Tyra Banks.
Hello.
Can you help me? I'm here to see Whoopi Goldberg.
Excuse me?
Silly me. I'm sorry. I was just watching The View.
I'm here to see Jack Goldenberg. Jack Goldenberg.
- May I tell him who's here? - Yes...
I'm sorry, I was about to say, "What a mighty God we serve."
Precious Jackson is my name. I'm a part of the Jackson family.
Yes. But, you know, they put me on the outskirts.
- So now, it's just me and Bubbles. - Bubbles.
- Yeah, yeah. - That the monkey?
- Yeah, great Iittle monkey. - Oh, my God.
Yeah. I call him Joe, but everybody else calls him Bubbles.
You certainly do have an appointment.
Precious Jackson to see you.
Hello. Hi. Thank you so much, Magdalene.
- It's so great to see you. - How can I help you?
Jack, I called you.
We spoke about all the transfers that I need to do.
I got that request Iast evening. Let me see.
Jack, can we do this? I'd Iike to add one more account to that.
Because I'm feeling so generous and I've given to so many charities.
Here is the account number. I know that's 12, this'll be the 13th.
- Thirteenth? - Yes.
And, of course, in this economic climate, you're gonna need my identification.
Precious Jackson. Here you are.
- Well, thank you. - Okay.
She's been in there way too Iong.
She's not. She hasn't been, and she's doing a mission.
Very dangerous work she's doing.
You're just... You know what? You're such a...
I'd hate to be cliff-diving with you.
Look, I saw this in a movie once.
You go east, I go west, we meet in the subway.
We'll make it out alive.
I'm not running with you. Okay?
I'm not running down the street Iike some biatch.
Like some biatch, okay?
Wait. What are you talking about, fool?
I'm committed to see this through.
You know what they'll do with you with that mustache in jail?
You better not snitch.
- Please. - You kill me.
- There she is. - Oh, my goodness.
- Jack, you kill me. - Now, our cover.
- Yes, thank you. - She got it.
But if there's anything else you need, you call Jack Goldenberg directly.
I certainly will. I certainly will.
- May I help you?