♪ ♪
>> START THE CLOCK.
♪ ♪
>> Bill: RIGHT HERE, WITH ME.
♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
SET YOURSELVES DOWN, THANK YOU
VERY MUCH.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I KNOW, I KNOW.
I KNOW WHY YOU'RE HAPPY -- HAPPY
TO SEE ME.
I'M A GUY ON TV NOT STANDING IN
THE RAIN.
[LAUGHTER]
THESE FOOLS IN THE RAIN.
AREN'T THEY FOOLS, TELLING YOU
HOW DANGEROUS THE STORM IS,
WHILE THEY'RE STANDING IN THE
MIDDLE OF IT?
IT'S ONE OF THE OTHER.
[APPLAUSE]
MILLIONS COULD BE WITHOUT POWER!
YEAH, THEY ARE CALLED DEMOCRATS.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
PEOPLE IN THE CAROLINAS ARE
FREAKING OUT OVER FLORENCE, NOT
THE HURRICANE, EIGHT TRANS WOMAN
WHO IS USING THE WRONG BATHROOM.
WE WISH THE BEST.
THEY CAN'T HEAR ME, THEY HAVE NO
POWER.
THE PRESIDENT IS ON IT, HE WANTS
YOU TO KNOW THE GOVERNMENT IS
READY, HE IS MONITORING THE
STORM FROM THE COMMAND CENTER IN
HIS BED.
HE HAS STOCKPILED TWEETS.
AND HE IS PREPARED TO GIVE
HIMSELF AN A+.
ON HOW HE HANDLES IT AND TO
DISPUTE HOW MANY DIED IN THE
WHAT HE DID ALL WEEK, OBSESSING
ON THE ONE A YEAR AGO THAT HE
FUCKED UP.
IT WAS LESS THAN 3,000, THE ONES
THAT DID DIE, IT WASN'T FOR THE
LACK OF PAPER TOWELS, I TELL YOU
THAT!
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
TRUMP IS SAYING THE DEMOCRATS
INFLATED THE NUMBERS "TO MAKE ME
LOOK BAD."
IF THERE IS ONE THING
DONALD TRUMP HATES, IT'S
SOMEBODY WHO FALSELY INFLATES
NUMBERS.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
3 MILLION ILLEGALS VOTED -- YES
OKAY.
DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO BE ABOUT
HIM?
WHEN HE USES A CONDOM, HE WEARS
IT INSIDE OUT SO THAT IT'S
RIBBED IT FOR HIS PLEASURE.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
I'M JOKING, HE'S NEVER WORN A
CONDOM.
REALLY, CLINTON WAS THE I FEEL
YOUR PAIN PRESIDENT, HE IS THE I
AM YOUR PAIN PRESIDENT.
I HONESTLY THINK HE DIDN'T EVEN
KNOW UNTIL A FEW DAYS AGO THAT
3,000 PEOPLE DIED IN
PUERTO RICO.
I THINK THE STAFF IS ALWAYS
HIDING THE BAD NEWS FROM HIM,
LIKE WHEN YOU TELL YOUR TODDLER
WHEN YOU HAVE TO PUT THE DOG
DOWN THAT HE'S LIVING ON A FARM.
IT'S LIKE THAT WITH TRUMP.
WHERE'S MICHAEL: LATELY?
HE'S LIVING ON A FARM,
MR. PRESIDENT
.
SPEAKING OF THAT, THE WEATHER.
THE BIG NEWS.
PAUL MANAFORT SLIPPED ON FAT
DONNIE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THAT'S RIGHT, FAT DONNIE GOT
FLIPPED ON BY HIS FORMER
CONSIGLIO RATE, THE CAMPAIGN
MANAGER PAUL MANAFORT.
HE IS NOW COOPERATING WITH THE
MUELLER TEAM AS PART OF A PLEA
DEAL, HE'S GOTTEN PLEA DEALS NOW
FROM PAUL MANAFORT, FLYNN,
GATES, PAPADOPOULOS, THE
"NATIONAL ENQUIRER" DUDE, THE
LONGTIME LAWYER, MICHAEL COHEN.
I DON'T WANT TO SAY MUELLER IS
GETTING COCKY BUT HE SHOWED UP
IN COURT WEARING AN OSTRICH
JACKET.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
TRUMP'S PARANOIA LEVEL IS OFF
THE CHARTS.
IS THERE ANYONE WHO WOULDN'T RAT
HIM OUT?
TODAY, WHEN HE WAS GROPING
IVANKA IT WAS TO SEE IF SHE WAS
WEARING A WIRE.
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW, S.E.
CUPP, RICHARD CLARKE, AND MARK
LEIBOVICH ARE HERE AND A LITTLE
LATER WE'LL BE SPEAKING WITH
FOUNDER OF USA-FACTS: STEVE
BALLMER.
BUT FIRST, HE WAS A WAR HERO, AN
ACTIVIST, A SENATOR, A SECRETARY
OF STATE AND THE 2004 DEMOCRATIC
NOMINEE FOR PRESIDENT WHOSE NEW
MEMOIR IS "EVERY DAY IS EXTRA":
JOHN KERRY.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
YOU NOTICE WHEN THEY WERE GIVING
YOU THE STANDING OVATION I STOOD
NEXT TO YOU BASKING IN IT, SOME
OF THEM IS GETTING ON ME.
>> ACTUALLY I NOTICED YOU SET
DOWN VERY QUICKLY.
>> Bill: IT'S ALWAYS AN HONOR,
TO HAVE YOU, TALK TO YOU, I MUST
SAY I READ TRUMP'S TWEET ABOUT
YOU TODAY AND APPARENTLY YOU'RE
BAD.
VERY, VERY, BAD WITH BIG
LETTERS.
BAD!
WHAT DID YOU DO, JOHN KERRY,
THAT WAS BAD?
>> I THINK I TOLD THE TRUTH.
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: THAT'S WHY HE'S MAD
AT YOU.
>> HE IS THE FIRST PRESIDENT
THAT I KNOW OF WHO SPENDS MORE
TIME READING HIS TWITTER LIKES
THEN HIS BRIEFING BOOKS OR THE
CONSTITUTION OF THE
UNITED STATES.
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: HE'S SAYING THAT
YOU'RE A BAD PERSON BECAUSE YOU
MET WITH -- YOUR OUT OF OFFICE,
AND YOU MET OR TALKED WITH THE
IRANI AND --
>> I DID.
EVERYBODY DOES.
HENRY KISSINGER FOR 40 YEARS HAD
BEEN TRAVELING TO RUSSIA AND
CHINA AND TALKS WITH THE LEADERS
LEADERS.
THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING
UNUSUAL ABOUT IT.
THE CONVERSATION I THINK HE
OUGHT TO BE WORRYING ABOUT IS
PAUL MANAFORT WITH MUELLER.
IT REALLY IS GIANT AND SOON
WE'LL BE HEARING HIM SAY THAT'S
THE WORST DEAL THAT'S EVER BEEN
MADE.
[LAUGHTER]
WHEN YOU STOP AND THINK ABOUT
IT, HE IS GONE FROM THE ART OF
THE DEAL, TO THE ART OF THE
SQUEAL.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I'VE HONESTLY NEVER SEEN
ANYTHING QUITE LIKE IT IN THE
ANONYMOUS OP-ED, THE WOODWARD
BOOK, THE CHRONOLOGY OF
EVERYTHING THAT'S BEEN HAPPENING
HAPPENING.
AND IT'S TOUGH, WE'VE ALWAYS
RELIED ON OUR DEMOCRACY GETTING
BETTER, BEING STRONGER WHEN
PEOPLE TELL THE TRUTH AND WE ARE
BASED ON THE TRUTH.
DEMOCRACY IS BASED ON THE TRUTH.
UNFORTUNATELY WE HAVE A
PRESIDENT, LITERALLY, FOR WHOM
THE TRUTH AND NOTHING BUT THE
TRUTH, THE WHOLE TRUTH, IS THREE
DIFFERENT THINGS.
YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THEY
ARE.
I DON'T WANT TO GET INTO A REAL
RIFF ON THIS BUT I TELL YOU --
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
HE IS THE RARE COMBINATION OF OF
AN 8-YEAR-OLD BOY AND HE'S GOT
THE MATURITY OF AN 8-YEAR-OLD
BOY WITH THE INSECURITY OF A
TEENAGE GIRL.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: A VERY MEAN GIRL.
WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT TRUTH, IT'S
SO INTERESTING, YOU'RE A TRUTH
TELLER.
YOU TALK ABOUT THE GLOWING TERMS
ABOUT THE TRUTH, THEY DON'T LIKE
TRUTH TELLERS.
THESE PEOPLE LIKE ME BUT NOT
EVEN ALWAYS THEM.
WHEN YOU TELL THE TRUTH LIKE YOU
DID ABOUT VIETNAM, THAT'S WHEN
THEY REALLY HATED YOU.
IN 2004 WHICH WAS THE BEGINNING
OF "FAKE NEWS," THE CAMPAIGN
THEY RAN AGAINST YOU.
A TRUE WAR HERO AND KARL ROVE
SAID BY THE END OF THE
SELECTION, THEY WON'T KNOW WHICH
SIDE HE WAS ON.
I'M SURE YOU REMEMBER THAT.
>> I REMEMBER IT.
>> Bill: YOU TOLD THE TRUTH
WHEN YOU GOT BACK FROM VIETNAM,
WHICH WAS NEVER APPRECIATED IN
ITS OWN TIME.
>> SOMETIMES CHOICES YOU MAKE
ARE NOT APPRECIATED IN THEIR OWN
TIME BUT I AM VERY COMFORTABLE
THAT I NOT ONLY TOLD THE TRUTH,
I BELIEVE ALL THOSE VETERANS WHO
CAME BACK FROM VIETNAM, MANY OF
THEM HAD A VERY DIFFICULT TIME.
THEY JOINED IN TELLING THE TRUTH
TRUTH.
I AM CONVINCED THAT WE BROUGHT
THE WAR TO A CLOSE SOONER, WE
SAVED THE LIVES BY TELLING THE
TRUTH AND ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS
LOOK AND SEE KEN BURNS RECENT
FILM, THAT DOCUMENTS HOW EARLY
THE LYING BEGAN.
JOHN McCAIN AND I WERE ABLE TO
COME TOGETHER, HE EXHIBITED A
KIND OF LARGE PERSONALITY THAT
COULD FORGIVE AND MOVE ON AND
KNEW THE IMPORTANCE OF WORKING
BIPARTISAN FASHION.
JOHN AND I TOGETHER DECIDED WE
WERE GOING TO END THE WAR AT
HOME AND ABROAD AND WE SPENT TEN
YEARS AND WE MADE PEACE WITH
VIETNAM AND FOR THE BETTER
PART -- NOT EVERYBODY -- FOR THE
MOST PART, BY BRINGING 700
REMAINS OF SERVICEMAN HOME SO
FAMILIES COULD HAVE CLOSURE, I
THINK WE WANT A LONG WAY TO
MAKING PEACE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: SEEMS A LONG TIME
AGO, YOUR BOOK IS A MEMOIR.
IT MUST BE BITTERSWEET, I'M
PROBABLY APPROACHING THE MEMOIR
WHITE IN YEARS.
>> I WAS REMINDED, YOU'VE BEEN
HERE FOR 16 YEARS.
BY THE WAY, I WAS WITH YOUR
PRODUCER JUST BEFORE I CAME OUT
AND I STOPPED IN MIDSENTENCE AND
I SAID YOU WANT TO KNOW THE
STUPIDEST THING THAT'S ON TV
TODAY?
AND I POINTED TO THE TV AND
THERE WAS A WEATHER GUY OUT
THERE GETTING SOAKED WITH WIND
BLOWING.
[LAUGHTER]
>> Bill: I'M SO GLAD YOU SAID
THAT.
IT'S A LOCAL WEATHER STORY.
IT WAS A CATEGORY FIVE AT THE
BEGINNING OF THE WEEK WHICH THEY
WERE THRILLED ABOUT BECAUSE THEY
LOVE THAT.
AMERICANS LOVE TO WATCH A
PALM TREE SWAYING.
YOU COULD SHOW THE FOOTAGE FROM
ANY YEAR.
WHEN IT GOT DOWNGRADED, THEY
DIDN'T DOWNGRADE THE COVERAGE!
THERE'S SO MUCH CONSEQUENTIAL
THINGS GOING ON.
>> THEY MADE THE COMMITMENT,
THEY HAD EVERYBODY OUT THERE.
>> Bill: IF I WROTE A BOOK
ABOUT CABLE NEWS, IT WOULD BE
CALLED "FOOL IN THE RAIN."
[LAUGHTER]
YOU WERE IN VIETNAM, THEN 9/11
AND WE'VE BEEN DOING THAT EVER
SINCE, NOW WE'RE BACK TO THE
RUSSIANS.
IT SEEMS LIKE WERE ALWAYS MIXING
IT UP WITH SOMEBODY.
IS IT US, IS IT JUST BEING THE
BIGGEST, BADDEST --
>> WE LIVE IN A COMPLICATED
WORLD TODAY.
IT'S A WORLD IN WHICH WE PLAY I
THINK THE ESSENTIAL ROLE,
NORMALLY.
THIS IS NOT NORMAL.
WHAT I LEARNED AT SECRETARY OF
STATE, I KNEW IT BUT I LEARNED
IT IN A PERSONAL, TACTILE WAY
WAS THE DEGREE TO WHICH PEOPLE
LOOK TO US TO HELP LEAD.
WERE ON THE BRINK OF HELPING THE
FIRST GENERATION OF CHILDREN
BORN AIDES FREE IN AFRICA.
WE DID THAT.
WE FACED EBOLA, I REMEMBER
SITTING IN THE SITUATION ROOM IN
THE WHITE HOUSE, WE WERE TOLD A
MILLION PEOPLE ARE GOING TO DIE
IN THE NEXT FOUR MONTHS.
PRESIDENT OBAMA SAID NO.
WERE GOING TO SEND 3,000
AMERICAN TROOPS OVER THERE WHICH
HAD ITS OWN RISKS.
WE WORKED WITH THE FRENCH AND
THE BRITISH AND EACH TOOK A
COUNTRY IN WEST AFRICA, WE
STOPPED EBOLA IN ITS TRACKS.
YOU CAN RUN AROUND THE WORLD, I
BELIEVE WE DEALT WITH MORE
CRISES SIMULTANEOUSLY THAN AT
ANY TIME IN HISTORY FROM THE
SOUTH CHINA SEA TO WHAT'S
HAPPENING IN CENTRAL ASIA,
AFGHANISTAN, PAKISTAN, WHAT'S
HAPPENING IN SYRIA -- IT DIDN'T
ALL HAVE THE OUTCOMES WE WANTED
TO ACHIEVE.
I WRITE IN MY BOOK, SYRIA
REMAINS THE OPEN WOUND, IT'S A
FAILURE OF THE ENTIRE
INTERNATIONAL COMMUNITY TO MAKE
THE PIECE.
WE TRIED, WE CARED.
I ALWAYS SAID TO MY FOLKS IN THE
DEPARTMENT, DON'T BE SCARED TO
GET CAUGHT TRYING.
THE TRYING SAVE THE LIVES, WE'VE
GOT THE CEASE-FIRE HERE, A
CEASE-FIRE THERE.
FOR THOSE PEOPLE IN THAT
CEASE-FIRE FOR THREE WEEKS IN A
MONTH OR TWO MONTHS, THEY ARE
ALIVE TODAY IN THEY WOULDN'T
HAVE BEEN IF WE HADN'T DONE
THAT.
I'VE ALWAYS ARGUED WE NEEDED
SOME WAY OF HOLDING US MORE
ACCOUNTABLE.
>> Bill: WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN
YOU ONLY HAVE TWO PARTIES AND
ONLY ONE SIDE PLACE DECENTLY?
YOU LOST A VERY CLOSE ELECTION.
>> ONE STATE, 65,000 VOTES.
>> Bill: YOU COULD HAVE
CONTESTED IT.
AL GORE COULD HAVE WENT A LOT
FURTHER WITH HIS PROTEST.
>> HE WAS ELECTED PRESIDENT OF
THE UNITED STATES, IT JUST
WASN'T COUNTED.
>> Bill: RIGHT.
WHAT I'M SAYING IS IT'S SORT OF
A HOBSON'S CHOICE.
YOU DON'T WANT TO ACT LIKE THEM
BUT WE SEEM TO BE GETTING OUR
ASS KICKED.
AL GORE GAVE THAT DEBATE BOOK
BACK, REMEMBER?
DO YOU THINK IF IN 2020 HE'S
RUNNING AGAIN, AND FINDS OUT
THAT VLADIMIR PUTIN HELPED
HIM -- SHE'S PROBABLY ASKING FOR
HIS HELP -- DO YOU THINK HE
WOULD REPORTED?
OF COURSE NOT.
WHAT DO YOU THINK WOULD ONLY ONE
SIDE PLEASE MY RULES?
>> IF YOU BELIEVE IN AMERICA AND
YOU BELIEVE IN THE DECENCY OF
OUR DEMOCRACY AND OUR SYSTEM, I
DON'T THINK -- I THINK
RICHARD NIXON PROVED THIS I
THINK OTHER PRESIDENTS HAVE
PROVED IT HISTORICALLY --
POLITICS, LEGS PROVES IT.
IF YOU SLEEP WITH DOGS, YOU COME
UP WITH FLEAS.
>> Bill: BUT THEY GET ON ALL
OF US.
>> WE CAN WIN BY OFFERING
AMERICANS A BETTER AND REAL
AGENDA THAT IMPROVES THE LIVES,
NOT OF THE BILLIONAIRES BUT OF
ALL AMERICANS.
IF WE DO THAT, WE GO OUT AND
SHOW THE WAYS IN WHICH THEY ARE
ATTACKING DEMOCRACY, I'VE ALWAYS
BELIEVED IN THE TRUTH, I BELIEVE
IN IT NOW AND I THINK THAT IF
YOU HOLD PEOPLE UP TO ACCOUNT
PUBLICLY -- THAT INCLUDES
PRESIDENT PUTIN, OR LITTLE GREEN
MEN RUNNING AROUND IN UKRAINE,
SHED LIGHT ON IT.
PUSH IT AND ALL THE FORA THAT
ARE AVAILABLE TO YOU.
YOU'VE GOT TO HONOR THE RULE OF
LAW BECAUSE IF YOU GO OUTSIDE IT
IT WON'T HAVE MEANING ANYMORE
WHEN IT NEEDS TO.
>> Bill: I HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT
ABOUT THAT.
JOHN KERRY, GOOD LUCK WITH THE
BOOK.
IT'S A TERRIFIC READ, YOU'RE A
TERRIFIC GUY.
JOHN KERRY EVERYBODY.
LET'S MEET OUR PANEL!
♪ ♪
HERE THEY ARE.
HE WAS OUR NATIONAL COORDINATOR
FOR SECURITY AND
COUNTERTERRORISM UNDER
PRESIDENTS CLINTON AND BUSH WHO
HOSTS THE NEW PODCAST "FUTURE
STATE": RICHARD CLARKE.
BACK WITH US.
HE'S THE CHIEF NATIONAL
CORRESPONDENT FOR THE NEW YORK
TIMES MAGAZINE WHOSE LATEST BOOK
IS "THE BIG GAME: THE NFL IN
DANGEROUS TIMES": MARK
LEIBOVICH.
SHE'S THE HOST OF CNN'S "S.E.
CUPP UNFILTERED" -- WHO ELSE?
S.E. CUPP.
IT WAS A BAD WEEK FOR TRUMP,
MANAFORT FLIPPED AND HIS
SUPREME COURT NOMINEE WAS
ACCUSED OF SEXUAL ASSAULT, HE
DENIED 3,000 PEOPLE DIED -- IT
WAS A BAD WEEK, BAD MONTH, BED
SIMILAR.
HELSINKI, THE JOHN McCAIN
FUNERAL, THIS THING WITH MARIA,
THE BOB WOODWARD BOOK.
I FEEL BETTER.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
I FEEL A LITTLE LIGHTER THAN I
HAVE BEEN A VERY LONG TIME.
THE POLLS FOR HIM ARE GOING DOWN
DOWN.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THE LOOKS ON THE FACES OF PEOPLE
AT HIS RALLIES, I THINK THE
MAGIC IS GONE.
THEY ARE BORED, HE HASN'T
WRITTEN NEW MATERIAL.
THEY HAVE A LOOK LIKE "MAN, IT'S
A LOT ABOUT YOU."
I THINK CONMEN TRADITIONALLY
SKIPPED TOWN, HE IS WORKING THE
SAME TOWN.
EVENTUALLY, EVEN HIS PEOPLE
CATCH UP.
AND MY TWO OPTIMISTIC?
>> YES.
>> Bill: REALLY?
I'M NEVER THE ONE WHO'S TOO
OPTIMISTIC.
>> THE LAST NUMBERS I SAW ON THE
HOUSE RACES, 206 DEMOCRATIC
WINS, 125 REPUBLICAN WINS, 24
JUMP BALL.
IT'S STILL CLOSE.
THERE IS NO INEVITABILITY ABOUT
A BLUE WAVE.
>> Bill: GIVE ME A MINUTE OF
BEING HAPPY.
>> PEOPLE HAVE TO GET OUT AND
VOTE.
>> DEMOCRATIC OVERCONFIDENCE IS
A PROBLEM EVERY TWO, FOUR YEARS.
DEMOCRATS HAVE PERFORMED
ABYSMALLY IN MIDTERMS,
OVERCONFIDENCE WAS A PROBLEM IN
2016.
DEMOCRATS FORGET AT THEIR PERIL
THE INCREDIBLE HOLE THEY FOUND
THEMSELVES IN A YEAR AND A HALF
AGO AND STILL ARE IN.
>> I THINK THAT'S ALL RIGHT AND
FAIR, LET ME JOIN YOU
MOMENTARILY IN YOUR OPTIMISM
WHICH IS UNBECOMING.
>> Bill: IT REALLY IS NOT
TYPICAL BUT I FELT LIKE THIS
WEEK WAS DIFFERENT.
>> THE ONLY THING THAT WOULD
HAVE ME THINK REPUBLICANS SHOULD
BE A LITTLE ALARMED IS THAT HIS
POLL NUMBERS ARE NOW WHERE Ws
WERE IN 2006.
WE ALL KNOW WHAT HAPPENED IN
2006, IT WAS A BLOODBATH FOR
REPUBLICANS.
>> PEOPLE LIED TO POLLSTERS
ABOUT THIS GUY.
>> Bill: SAYING THEY LIKE THEM
OR THEY DON'T LIKE THEM?
>> THEY ARE ASHAMED TO SAY THEY
LIKE HIM.
YOU WONDER WHY.
>> WHAT'S NOT TO LIKE?
[LAUGHTER]
>> Bill: THEY WANTED AND
ASSHOLE.
BUT NOT AN ASSHOLE WHO WAS AND
ASSHOLE ABOUT 9/11 OR
JOHN McCAIN.
>> OR 3,000 DEAD AMERICANS IN
PUERTO RICO.
>> Bill: HOW MANY STRAWS CAN
YOU PUT ON THE CAMEL'S BACK?
>> THERE ARE A LOT FEWER
REPUBLICANS NOW THAN THERE WERE
IN 2006, THERE ARE FEWER
REPUBLICANS THAN THERE WERE
AFTER DONALD TRUMP WAS ELECTED
IN 2016.
THEY ARE SHIFTING AROUND.
>> Bill: THERE ALWAYS HAVE
BEEN THAT, THEY USED TO CALL
THEMSELVES BIRTHER'S AND TEA
BAGGERS --
[LAUGHTER]
THEY SWITCH NAMES BUT IT'S THE
SAME PEOPLE.
>> DO YOU THINK HE IS GOING
VOLUNTARILY LEAVE?
>> Bill: THAT'S WHY I WAS A
LITTLE HAPPY TODAY.
I THINK FOR THE FIRST TIME WITH
THE MANAFORT THING, IT'S BIG,
RIGHT?
>> IT'S A BIG FUCKING DEAL.
>> Bill: BIG FUCKING DEAL THAT
MEN AFFORD FLIPPED ON FAT DONNY.
I THINK FOR THE FIRST TIME TRUMP
MIGHT BE WILLING --
>> I DON'T THINK HE'S GOING TO
RESIGN.
I THINK THAT ASSUMES A LEVEL OF
PSYCHIC NORMALCY, SHAME LEVEL,
SOMEONE WHO PLAYS BY THE USUAL
RULES OF HONOR.
>> Bill: NOT FEAR OF JAIL?
>> HE WOULD BE MORE LIKELY TO GO
TO JAIL AS A NONPRESIDENT.
>> HE WOULD DO A DEAL WITH PENCE
PENCE.
I'LL QUIT IF YOU PARDON ME.
>> Bill: OF COURSE PENS WOULD
GO FOR THAT, HE HAS NO MORALS.
>> A LOT OF HIS EXPOSURE IS
PARDON PROOF.
THERE ARE STATE COURT THINGS
THAT COULD GET HIM OUT IN
NEW YORK.
>> I THINK HE'S GOING TO END UP
LIKE MILTON AND OFFICE SPACE,
JUST MOVING AROUND THE BUILDING.
HILLS
HE'LL THINK HE STILL WORKE
AND PENCE WILL BRING HIM
WHITE HOUSE STATIONERY TO DOODLE
ON.
>> Bill: WHAT DO YOU THINK
ABOUT THIS BRETT KAVANAUGH THING
WHERE SUDDENLY RIGHT BEFORE HE'S
GOING TO GET THE VOTE -- AND
HE'S AN ULTIMATE SUCK UP AND
DICK, BRETT KAVANAUGH.
HE'S ONLY THERE BECAUSE HE'S
GOING TO VOTE WITH PARDONING
TRUMP LETTING THEM OFF THE HOOK.
NOW THEY ARE COMING AT HIM WITH
THIS ACCUSATION WITH SOMEONE
ANONYMOUS THAT HE WAS AT A
PARTY, WHICH I FIND HARD TO
BELIEVE --
[LAUGHTER]
IN HIGH SCHOOL.
>> AND DRUNK.
>> Bill: IT DOESN'T EXCUSE IT
BUT SEXUAL ASSAULT IN
HIGH SCHOOL FROM AN ANONYMOUS
SOURCE?
I THINK IT MAKES US LOOK BAD.
>> IS NOT GOING TO STOP HIM.
HE'LL GET IN.
IT'S SAD BUT HE WILL GET IN.
>> Bill: IS THIS SOMETHING --
>> WE NEED TO ALL PRAY FOR RUTH
BADER GINSBURG.
>> Bill: LET ME MOVE ON TO
MACRO FOREIGN AFFAIRS, LET'S
TALK ABOUT THE LEGACY WHICH IS
THE WAR IN AFGHANISTAN WHICH IS
STILL GOING ON ALTHOUGH I DON'T
KNOW HOW MUCH WE ARE STILL
FIGHTING THE WAR.
WE HAVE 14,000 TROOPS THERE.
I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN AGAINST
AMERICA HAVING AN EMPIRE, BUT
DOESN'T 14,000 TROOPS IN A
COUNTRY NEXT TO PAKISTAN WHICH
HAS NUCLEAR WEAPONS MAKE MORE
SENSE THEN WAY MORE TROOPS IN
GERMANY?
>> WE'VE HAD TROOPS IN KOREA FOR
70 YEARS, WE'VE HAD TROOPS IN
GERMANY FOR 50 YEARS.
I MADE A PROMISE AFTER 9/11 THAT
WE WOULD NEVER AGAIN ALLOW A
COUNTRY TO BE A SANCTUARY FOR
TERRORISTS.
IF WE LEAVE, AS MUCH AS WE WOULD
LIKE TO LEAVE, I CAME HERE
TONIGHT WITH A MARINE WHO FOUGHT
IN AFGHANISTAN AND I ASKED HIM
THIS VERY QUESTION.
IF WE LEAVE IT GOES BACK TO
BEING A TERRORIST SANCTUARY.
>> Bill: PAKISTAN.
OBAMA WAS ONCE PRESSED ON WHAT
KEEPS YOU UP AT NIGHT?
HE SAID EVERYTHING THAT COMES AT
MY DESK IS ALREADY -- THE GUY
PRESSED HIM AND HE SAID PAKISTAN
PAKISTAN.
WHICH IS WHAT ALL THE PRESIDENTS
SAY BECAUSE THEY HAVE NUCLEAR
WEAPONS AND THEY HAVE A LARGE
SEGMENT OF THE POPULATION AND
THEY HAVE ISLAMIC TERRORISTS.
>> TRUMP MAY HAVE DONE ONE THING
AND THAT IS CUT OFF THE AID TO
PAKISTAN.
THEY HAVE BEEN SERVING AS A
SANCTUARY, PEOPLE WHO ARE IN
PAKISTAN COME ACROSS THE BORDER
KILL AMERICAN TROOPS AND THEN GO
BACK AND THE PAKISTANIS LET THEM
DO IT.
FUCK THE PAKISTANIS.
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: YOUR HAIR IS STILL ON
FIRE.
>> WHAT'S LEFT OF IT.
>> Bill: YOU'RE THE GUY WHO
SAID YOUR HAIR WAS ON FIRE
TRYING TO GET PEOPLE TO
UNDERSTAND THE DANGER BEFORE
9/11 -- DO YOU THINK THE
PUBLIC'S HAIR IS ENOUGH ON FIRE
NOW?
DO THINK THE MEDIA'S HAIR IS
ENOUGH ON FIRE?
>> I TAUGHT A CLASS LAST WEEK AT
HARVARD, GRADUATE SCHOOL CLASS.
THESE PEOPLE ARE 25 YEARS OLD.
THEY WERE IN LIKE SEVENTH GRADE
WHEN 9/11 HAPPENED.
AND I ASSUME THEY KNOW ALL ABOUT
IT.
THEY DON'T, BECAUSE IT'S A
GRADUATE SCHOOL.
PEOPLE NEED TO BE REMINDED.
>> Bill: THEY NEED TO GET OFF
THEIR PHONE!
[APPLAUSE]
THAT'S WHY THEY DON'T READ.
>> TRUMP THIS WEEK, WERE
THINKING ABOUT TRUMP AND 9/11,
SOMEONE REMEMBERED WHAT HE SAID
AFTER 9/11.
IT SHOWS HIS DEEP EMPATHY.
HE SAID "THE TWO TOWERS HAVE
FALLEN, NOW I OWN THE TALLEST
BUILDING IN MANHATTAN."
IT'S MALIGNANT NARCISSISM.
>> Bill: I KNOW.
I WANT TO SAY TO HIS SUPPORTERS,
THAT'S YOUR GUY?
THAT'S THE PERSON YOU WANT TO
STAND WITH?
THAT'S YOUR GUY?
LET'S NOT GET OFF ON THAT.
AFGHANISTAN, IT DOES SEEM LIKE
WE ARE ALWAYS FIGHTING THE LAST
WAR.
HERE'S TRUMP WHEN HE WAS TALKING
ABOUT AFGHANISTAN IN THE BOB
WOODWARD'S BOOK, HE SAYS "WHEN
ARE WE GOING TO START WINNING
SOME WARS?"
HE'S TALKING TO THE COMMANDER IN
AFGHANISTAN.
I DON'T THINK HE KNOWS HOW TO
WIN, I DON'T THINK HE'S A
WINNER, THERE IS NO VICTORIES.
YOU SHOULD BE KILLING GUYS, YOU
DON'T NEED A STRATEGY TO KILL
PEOPLE.
RICHARD CLARKE, YOU'RE AN
EXPERT.
DO YOU NEED A STRATEGY TO KILL
PEOPLE?
>> IF YOU HAVE A STRATEGY YOU
DON'T HAVE TO KILL PEOPLE IF YOU
DO IT RIGHT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: THAT IS THE KIND OF
WAR WE ARE FIGHTING AND WERE
ALWAYS BEEFING UP THE PENTAGON
WITH STUPID WEAPONS PROGRAMS
THAT WE DON'T NEED AND DON'T USE
AND MEANWHILE, HOW ARE THE
RUSSIANS, THE REAL ENEMY NOW
GETTING IN?
FACEBOOK.
>> AND THEY'RE STILL DOING IT.
THEY'RE STILL TWEETING, USING
THE SAME TWITTER IDENTITIES,
STILL PRETENDING TO BE
AFRICAN-AMERICANS, STILL
PRETENDING TO BE GREEN PARTY
ACTIVISTS, STILL OUT THERE
TRYING TO STIR UP THE POT,
TRYING TO MAKE AMERICANS HATE
EACH OTHER.
>> AFGHANISTAN HAS BEEN THE LAST
WAR FOR LIKE 25 YEARS, NOT JUST
THE LAST OBAMA WAR.
IT WAS THE BUSH WAR, THE SOVIETS
WERE.
YOU THINK SOMEONE WOULD'VE
THOUGHT OF THIS OVER A CENTURY,
IF YOU JUST KILL PEOPLE PROPERLY
YOU CAN END THE WAR IN
AFGHANISTAN.
DONALD TRUMP SPACE IS IN A
KNEE-JERK ISOLATION CAMP WHERE
WE BRING EVERYONE HOME.
A LOT OF THEM DON'T THINK
THROUGH THE LARGE GEOPOLITICAL
CONSEQUENCES, SAFE HAVENS OR ANY
HISTORICAL THINGS.
I THINK POLITICALLY HE WOULD
LOVE TO JUST GET OUT.
>> IS ALSO WORTH POINTING OUT
RUSSIA AND THE CYBER WARFARE, WE
ARE WOEFULLY UNPREPARED FOR AND
THERE IS ALSO ELECTRONIC WARFARE
ON THE BATTLEFIELD.
I TALKED TO CONGRESSMAN WHO
WERE -- RUSSIAN FORCES ARE
JAMMING COMMUNICATIONS DEVICES
ON THE BATTLEFIELD IN SYRIA.
>> Bill: THEY GAVE OUR EMBASSY
PEOPLE BRAIN PROBLEMS BECAUSE
THEY MICROWAVE THEM.
>> WE ARE NOT PREPARED FOR THAT.
>> Bill: WHERE'S THE OUTRAGE
THERE, WHERE IS THE RESPONSE
FROM THE WHITE HOUSE?
THAT'S NOT AN ATTACK?
>> TALK ABOUT HAIR ON FIRE.
WE HAD LAST MONTH THE HEAD OF
U.S. INTELLIGENCE SAY THAT
RUSSIANS HAVE HACKED INTO THE
CONTROL SYSTEMS FOR OUR POWER
GRID.
HE USED THE 9/11 PHRASE.
HE SAID THE RED LIGHTS ARE
BLINKING.
NOTICE ANY RESPONSE?
THE RUSSIANS ARE IN OUR POWER
GRID.
OKAY, GIVE ME THE TWITTER
VERSION.
>> Bill: I HAVE TO INTERRUPT
THIS FANTASTIC CONVERSATION TO
DO ONE OF OUR FAVORITE BITS
WHICH IS CALLED I DON'T KNOW
WHAT FOR A FACT, I JUST KNOW
IT'S TRUE.
THE STORIES COME ABOUT AS I GO
THROUGH MY WEEK AND I'M READING
PEOPLE AND LISTENING TO PEOPLE,
I'M ALWAYS THINKING I DON'T KNOW
THIS FOR A FACT, I JUST KNOW
IT'S TRUE.
HERE ARE SOME THAT WE GATHERED
FOR THIS.
I DON'T KNOW FOR FOR A FACT.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT FOR A FACT
THAT LACROIX IS FRENCH FOR TAP
WATER, I JUST KNOW IT'S TRUE.
I DON'T KNOW FOR A FACT THAT
WHEN SERENA WILLIAMS WAS YELLING
AT THAT UMPIRE HE PEED A LITTLE.
CAN'T PROVE IT.
I DON'T KNOW FOR A FACT THAT
BETSY DEVOS THINKS RONAN FARROW
IS A JEWISH HOLIDAY.
I DON'T KNOW FOR A FACT THAT "I
HAVE A PODCAST" ISN'T NEARLY THE
PICKUP LINE IT USED TO BE.
I DON'T KNOW FOR A FACT THAT
STEVE BANNON HAS SEX WITH HIS
SHIRTS ON.
I DON'T KNOW FOR A FACT THAT
STEVEN MILLER HAS A DOLLHOUSE
WITH A FLOOR MADE FROM THE TEETH
OF DEAD TEENAGERS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
SCREAMING FOR THAT.
I DON'T KNOW FOR A FACT THAT TED
CRUZ'S DAUGHTER HAS A GIANT
POSTER OF BETO O'ROURKE IN HER
BEDROOM.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I DON'T KNOW FOR A FACT THAT
LINDSEY GRAHAM HAS A GIANT
POSTER OF BETO O'ROURKE IN HIS
BEDROOM.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I DON'T KNOW FOR A FACT THAT
TRUMP GETS HIS BLOND HAIR FROM
THE DRAIN IN KELLYANNE'S SHOWER.
HE'S THE FORMER CEO OF MICROSOFT
WHO IS NOW THE FOUNDER OF
USA-FACTS AND THE CHAIRMAN OF
THE L.A.
THE L.A. CLIPPERS: STEVE
BALLMER.
YOU BOUNDED OUT HERE JUST THE
WAY I THOUGHT YOU WOULD.
>> WITH A LITTLE ENERGY?
>> Bill: YOU ARE A BALL OF
ENERGY, WHERE DO YOU GET THIS
ENERGY?
WHAT ARE YOU SMOKING?
>> I HAVEN'T GOTTEN OFF THAT
CAFFEINE STOPPED, I'M ALL
LACROIX ALL THE TIME.
>> Bill: I LOVE WHAT YOU'RE
DOING, THIS USA FACTS THING.
TELL THE PEOPLE WHAT IT IS.
IT'S SORT OF INHERENTLY
ANTI-TRUMP BECAUSE IT'S ABOUT
FACTS.
>> I STARTED ABOUT FOUR YEARS
AGO, I'D RETIRED AND IT WAS TIME
TO GET INVOLVED PHILANTHROPIC
LEAVE STOMACH.
ALL WE NEED TO DO IS PAY OUR
TAXES AND SHE SAID COME ON.
WE CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT.
IT GOT ME TO SAY WHERE DO TAX
DOLLARS COME FROM AND WHERE DO
THEY GO?
JUST THE FACTS.
>> Bill: PEOPLE WILL SCROLL
THROUGH 100 YELP REVIEWS TO FIND
A TACO STAND.
BUT THEY HAVE NO IDEA WHERE
THEIR TAX DOLLARS GO.
YOU DID A DEEP DIVE LIKE A
BUSINESSMAN.
YOU ARE THE HEAD OF MICROSOFT,
YOU'RE A BUSINESSMAN.
>> I SAID I AT LEAST OUGHT TO
READ STUFF THAT SAYS GOOD AS YOU
CAN READ.
>> Bill: YOU FIND OUT WHERE
THE MONEY IS GOING, WHAT IT'S
DOING, WHAT THE OUTCOME IS.
GIVE US SOME EXAMPLES LIKE
HEALTH CARE.
>> HEALTH CARE.
SINCE 1980, HEALTH CARE PER
PERSON, INFLATION-ADJUSTED IS UP
2125%.
I JUST LOOK AT THE AVERAGE AGE
AT WHICH PEOPLE DIE.
>> Bill: YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO
DIE, NOTHING CAN KILL THIS.
>> IN THE LAST 20 YEARS THE
AVERAGE PEOPLE IN WHICH PEOPLE
DIE HAS GONE FROM 72.3 TO 72.9.
FOR ALL THE MONEY WE ARE
HEMORRHAGING INTO HEALTH CARE,
YOU THINK WOULD BE BUYING PEOPLE
EXTRA LIFE.
OBESITY IS UP, ARE WE SPENDING
OUR HEALTH CARE DOLLARS WELL?
I'LL LEAVE IT TO YOU TO DECIDE.
>> Bill: WE NEED HEALTH CARE A
LOT BECAUSE WE EAT SHIT AND
DIPRETE SHIT.
IF WE HAD A HEALTHIER
ENVIRONMENT TO LIVE IN THE
HEALTH CARE BILL WOULD GO WAY
DOWN.
YOU'VE ALSO STARTED THE
ENVIRONMENT.
THE AMOUNT OF DISASTERS THAT
WERE SEEING IN ANOTHER STORM
THIS WEEK, ISN'T THAT THEY
JUMPED?
>> NATURAL DISASTER DECLARATIONS
OVER THE LAST TEN YEARS HAVE
JUMPED AND IT'S INTERESTING.
YOU CAN'T ACTUALLY SAY WHAT HAS
CAUSED IT BUT YOU CAN SEE THINGS
THAT ARE GOING ON, YOU CAN LOOK
AT THE CLIMATE DATA, I'M KIND OF
A SCIENCE ORIENTED GUY, I'LL
TELL YOU THAT.
AT USA FACTS WE ARE NOT PARTISAN
ON THE ISSUES, WERE NOT.
WE JUST GIVE YOU THE DATA.
>> Bill: THE SECOND YOU TAKE
ASIDE, PEOPLE ARE GOING TO THEM
IN THIS TRIBAL ATMOSPHERE SAY I
DON'T BELIEVE IT EVEN THOUGH
IT'S A FACT.
THAT'S GREAT YOU'RE JUST PUTTING
IT OUT THERE.
>> WILL TAKE GOVERNMENT NUMBERS,
SHOW YOU WHAT THEY ARE.
TAKE A LOOK AT THE BORDER THING.
BORDER AGENTS ARE UP,
APPREHENSIONS ARE DOWN,
UNDOCUMENTED IMMIGRAT ESTIMATES
ARE FLAT.
YOU HAVE TO DECIDE HOW YOU THINK
ABOUT IT, WE CAN'T TELL YOU WILL
JUST GIVE YOU THE NUMBERS.
>> Bill: WHAT ABOUT EDUCATION,
ARE OUR CHILDREN READING GOODER?
[LAUGHTER]
>> YOU GOT ME THERE.
LOOK AT THAT NUMBER, EDUCATION
SPENT PER STUDENT HAS DOUBLED --
AGAIN, INFLATION-ADJUSTED OVER
THE LAST 30 YEARS OR SO.
ABOUT DOUBLED.
STILL ONLY ABOUT A THIRD OF OUR
KIDS, THIRD GRADE LEVEL CAN READ
AT GRADE LEVEL.
ARE PROFICIENT IN THIRD GRADE
READING.
ONE-THIRD OF KIDS BUT YET WE
HAVE DOUBLED SPENDING.
>> Bill: I READ THE OTHER DAY
THAT YOU ARE WORTH $43 BILLION.
>> IS THAT THE NUMBER?
>> Bill: WHEN YOU HAVE THAT
MUCH, YOU'RE NOT GETTING THE
CHECKBOOK AT THE END OF THE
MONTH.
>> I CAN'T READ IT ON USA FACTS
SO IT MUST NOT BE TRUE!
[LAUGHS]
>> Bill: I THINK CHRIS FARLEY
DIED AND WENT INTO YOU.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
DOES ANYONE NEED $40 BILLION?
>> NOT TO LIVE ON.
>> Bill: SHOULD ANYONE HAVE
$40 BILLION?
FDR WANTED TO PROPOSE NOT JUST A
MINIMUM WAGE BUT A MAXIMUM WAGE.
>> IT'S AN INTERESTING THING,
SHOULD ANYBODY HAVE IT?
NO.
IN OUR CASE WILL BE HABIT?
NO.
WE ARE TRYING TO GIVE AWAY THE
MONEY, FOCUSING ON KIDS IN
POVERTY.
GIVE AWAY AS MUCH AS WE SENSIBLY
CAN.
>> Bill: YOU CAN LIVE ON
1 BILLION.
>> YEAH, YOU CAN.
PLUS THE CLIPPERS, YOU GET TO
KEEP THE CLIPPERS.
>> Bill: I ALWAYS BASED MONEY
ON WHAT PERCENTAGE OF YOUR
MONEY?
WHEN I STARTED, I WOULD DO ANY
JOB FOR $30.
I TOLD JOKES AND BARS WITH NO
STAGE, AND SAWDUST ON THE FLOOR.
NOW THEY CAN OFFER ME -- NOT
YOUR KIND OF MONEY -- AND I
WON'T DO IT BECAUSE IT'S A DAY
OF MY LIFE.
I DON'T WANT TO GO SOMEPLACE AND
TALK TO CORPORATE ASSHOLES.
I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH YOU PAY ME
YOU CAN'T BUY A DAY AT THE AGE
OF 62.
WHAT I'M SAYING, STEVE --
[LAUGHS]
I JUST GAVE A MILLION DOLLARS TO
THE DEMOCRATS, FOR ME THAT'S A
LOT OF MONEY.
BECAUSE I THINK THE MOST
IMPORTANT THING TO DO IN THE
WORLD'S GET RID OF DONALD TRUMP
OR AT LEAST CHECK HIM.
BUT IT SEEMS TO ME, BECAUSE EVEN
THOUGH THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY, IT
WOULD CHANGE MY LIFE.
I WOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE HUBER,
I DON'T HAVE EXPENSIVE HOBBIES
I'M NOT ONE OF THOSE DOMESTIC
CELEBRITIES WHO HAS FUCKING --
LET'S NOT GO INTO IT.
IT SEEMS LIKE YOU COULD WIN THIS
ELECTION BY YOURSELF.
AND NOT FEEL IT.
>> ME PERSONALLY, I WOULD THINK
THAT'S ABOUT THE MOST UNETHICAL
THING YOU COULD POSSIBLY DO COME
UP FOR YOURSELF?
>> Bill: YOU DON'T THINK
TURNING AN ELECTION IS AN
ETHICAL THING TO DO WHEN THE
PERSON YOU'RE RUNNING AGAINST
HIS TRUMP?
>> THEN YOU GET INTO THE
QUESTION OF HOW YOU THINK ABOUT
THINGS?
NO.
FOR MY MORALS, I'M NOT BUYING
ELECTIONS.
I'M NOT DOING IT.
>> Bill: OKAY, I TRIED.
YOU KNOW WHO WAS BACK OUT ON THE
CAMPAIGN TRAIL IS GEORGE W. BUSH
GEORGE W. BUSH.
I WAS JUST STARTING TO NOT HATE
HIM.
THIS IS THE GUY AND HE'S
CAMPAIGNING FOR REPUBLICANS AND
HE SAID YOU'RE EITHER WITH US OR
AGAINST US.
YOU THINK OF ALL PEOPLE YOU
WOULD UNDERSTAND IF YOU'RE
CAMPAIGNING FOR REPUBLICANS, YOU
ARE HELPING DONALD TRUMP.
YOU ARE GETTING PEOPLE WHO ARE
GOING TO ENABLE DONALD TRUMP AND
VOTE WITH HIM.
>> NEWS FLASH, HE IS A PARTISAN
REPUBLICAN, HE GOVERNED AS ONE
AND JUST BECAUSE WE HAVE THIS
GAUZY NOSTALGIA OVER ANYTHING
PRETRUMP DOESN'T MEAN THAT
EVERYTHING IS GOING TO FALL INTO
LINE INTO SOMETHING THAT COULD
CONCEIVABLY HELP OR HURT
DONALD TRUMP.
GEORGE W. BUSH PRESUMABLY
BELIEVES IN THESE PEOPLE AND
WHAT THEY STAND FOR.
>> Bill: WHAT WAS THAT SITE
THROUGH YOUR NOSE?
>> I LOVE GEORGE BUSH, I ALWAYS
HAVE, I STILL DO.
I CAN COUNT ON ONE HAND THE
REPUBLICANS I WOULD GO CAMPAIGN
FOR RIGHT NOW.
I JUST THINK YOU HAVE TO EARN
THAT AND THE JOB OF CONGRESS
ISN'T JUST TO PASS LAWS, IT'S TO
PERFORM A BASIC CHECK ON THE
EXECUTIVE OFFICE.
THEY HAVE SHIRKED THAT
RESPONSIBILITY, THEY SHOULD NOT
GET THE BENEFIT OF THESE KINDS
OF ENDORSEMENTS.
AS A FORMER PRESIDENT, I THINK
YOU SHOULD CARE ABOUT THOSE
BASIC CHECKS AND WHETHER THESE
PEOPLE ARE DOING THE JOB THEY
ARE ELECTED TO DO.
[APPLAUSE]
>> IF HE IN GOOD CONSCIENCE
REALLY BELIEVES THAT THESE ARE
GOOD PEOPLE AND WILL DO THE
RIGHT THING >> THEY WON'T DO THE
RIGHT THING
THING.
NO REPUBLICAN MEMBER OF CONGRESS
HAS DONE THE RIGHT THING SO FAR.
>> I DON'T THINK THAT'S TRUE.
>> THERE ARE ALL KINDS OF CRAZY
STUFF RIGHT NOW IN THE WORLD.
I'M GOING TO GO WITH THAT.
THERE'S A LOT OF PEOPLE,
"ALTERNATIVE FACTS," FAKE NEWS,
ON THE OTHER HAND THAT DOESN'T
MAKE EVERYBODY INVOLVED IN THE
SYSTEM NOT HAVE GOOD VALUES,
GOOD MORALS.
THERE MAY BE SOME.
SOME GUYS WHO DON'T USE THE
FACTS AT ALL OUT THERE.
>> THERE ARE GOOD PEOPLE BUT
THEY HAVE HAD AN OPPORTUNITY TO
BE THAT CHECK ON POWER, TO BE
GOOD STEWARDS OF THIS CONGRESS.
>> Bill: THEN THEY'RE NOT GOOD
PEOPLE.
YOU CAN'T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS.
[APPLAUSE]
YOU ARE WHAT YOU DO.
MY OLDEST MODEL.
IF YOU DO BAD THINGS YOU ARE NOT
GOOD.
>> A VOTE FOR ANY REPUBLICAN
MEMBER OF THE HOUSE OR SENATE,
IS A BOAT FOR DONALD TRUMP.
>> Bill: THAT'S ALL I'M
SAYING.
BUSH WAS A NEVER TRUMP OR --
BUT JUST KNOW YOU'RE NOW A TRUMP
ENABLER.
>> HAVING HIM CAMPAIGN FOR YOU
PROBABLY WON'T HELP.
>> Bill: HE'S ACTUALLY VERY
POPULAR NOW.
HIS POPULARITY HAS DOUBLED SINCE
HE WAS IN OFFICE, THAT'S WHAT A
SHORT MEMORY AMERICANS HAVE.
>> THAT'S A LOT OF TRUMP, RIGHT?
PEOPLE LIKE MITT ROMNEY AND
GEORGE W. BUSH, JOHN McCAIN,
I'LL NOW SEEM GREAT TO A LOT OF
DEMOCRATS.
>> Bill: THE ULTIMATE SOFT
BIGOTRY OF LOW EXPECTATIONS.
IS IT YOU'RE THAN DONALD TRUMP.
I WANT TO TALK ABOUT FOOTBALL,
ABOUT YOUR BOOK, YOUR TEAM OWNER
IN BASKETBALL YOU UNDERSTAND THE
GAME.
THEIR OWNERS.
>> THEY'RE ALL BILLIONAIRES.
>> Bill: CAN I GET TO IT?
THANK YOU.
I SAW ON MY FRIEND BRENT
GUMBEL'S FANTASTIC SPORTS SHOW,
ALWAYS BEEN THE BEST SPORTS
SHOW, THEY DID A THING ON
CHEERLEADERS.
THEY WERE THE FIRST ONES FIVE
YEARS AGO DID A THING ABOUT HOW
CHEERLEADERS ARE NOT PAID.
NOW THEY ARE SAYING WE SHOULD
TAKE AWAY THE CHEERLEADERS,
MAYBE THEIR TIME HAS COME.
THEY TAKE AWAY THE BATHING
SUITS, WHATEVER.
I'M LIKE WHY DON'T THEY JUST
TAKE AWAY THE MILITARISM?
I KIND OF LIKE THE CHEERLEADERS.
MAYBE THAT MAKES ME A SEXIST.
WHY DO WE HAVE TO MIX FOOTBALL
COME OF THE SEASON STARTED WITH
SO MUCH OF THIS PATRIOTIC
BULLSHIT.
THE FLYOVERS IN THE FLAG ON THE
FIELD.
THE SINGING -- BASEBALL HAS TWO
SONGS NOW.
THEY SING THE NATIONAL ANTHEM AT
THE BEGINNING, LIKE I FORGOT
WHAT COUNTRY I'M IN IN SIX
INNINGS.
[LAUGHS]
>> IT STILL TAKES ME A WHILE TO
NOT START SINGING TAKE ME OUT TO
THE BALL GAME.
>> AND I LOVE BASEBALL, BASEBALL
IS THE BEST SPORTS.
>> THIS COUNTRY IS GREAT BECAUSE
ALLOWED US TO HIS CRITICIZE ALL
THE TIME.
CAN WE NOT TAKE A MINUTE TO
EXPRESS SOME GRATITUDE TO THE
PEOPLE WHO SERVE?
IS IT THAT HARD?
>> YOU WOULD SAY: CAP HER
MANYE
HAVE SAID TO QUOTE THE PRESIDENT
THAT KAEPERNICK SHOULDN'T BE
PROTESTING THE ANTHEM BECAUSE WE
SHOULD TAKE POLITICS OUT OF
SPORTS.
THE OWNER OF THE ARIZONA
CARDINALS RECENTLY CAME OUT IN
FULL THROATED SUPPORT OF BRETT
KAVANAUGH.
THEY'RE SAYING NO POLITICS IN
SPORTS UNLESS THE OWNERS --
DON'T YOU THINK?
>> I CAN'T SPEAK FOR THE NFL.
I CAN SPEAK FOR THE NBA.
WE BELIEVE OUR PLAYERS SHOULD
EXPRESS THEMSELVES.
WE ARE PLEASED TO SEE OUR
PLAYERS EXPRESS THEMSELVES.
OUR PLAYERS HAVE FOUND A VERY
CONSTRUCTIVE WAYS TO EXPRESS
THEMSELVES, OUR PLAYERS ARE
FREE -- OUR PLAYERS, USE YOUR
PLATFORM.
SPEAK.
>> Bill: LET'S NOT FORGET HOW
YOU GOT THE TEAM.
THE GUY EXPRESSED HIMSELF IN HIS
LIVING ROOM AND LOST THAT.
[LAUGHTER]
>> HE WAS A HORSES ASS, I
BENEFITED MY HAPPY ABOUT IT.
>> Bill: CAN I GET THOSE
EARPLUGS?
[LAUGHTER]
TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION, THE
GOVERNMENT PAYS FOR THIS.
$4.000000 IN TAXPAYER DOLLARS,
WAS PAID TO 14 NFL TEAMS TO PUT
ON THIS RECRUITING SHOW.
>> FOR A MANDATORY DRAFT?
>> Bill: KNOW, BUT YOU SAY
WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT?
IT'S LIKE SAYING WHAT'S WRONG
WITH PRAYER IN SCHOOL.
WERE AT A FOOTBALL GAME TO WATCH
FOOTBALL JUST LIKE WERE ALL IN
SCHOOL TO LEARN.
WE ARE NOT THERE TO PRAY AND
WERE NOT THERE TO PRAY TO THE
AIR FORCE.
>> EVERY VETERAN KNOWS THAT'S
CRAP.
>> WHO'S MAKING YOU?
>> OF THE STADIUM SAYS THANK YOU
FOR YOUR SERVICE EVERYBODY
STANDS.
>> YOU'RE FREE TO SIT DOWN.
WHO'S GOING TO ARREST YOU FOR
NOT STANDING, THAT'S ABSURD.
>> Bill: I LEARNED THIS IN
YOUR BOOK, FOOTBALL IS THE MOST
CONSERVATIVE SPORT.
THAT'S WHY I'M INTO BASEBALL.
>> IT'S ABOUT 75%
AFRICAN-AMERICAN WORKFORCE,
EVERY SINGLE OWNER EXCEPT FOR
ONE WHO WAS BORN IN PAKISTAN IS
WHITE AND THE FAN SURVEYS HAVE
60-70% ARE REPUBLICANS, THE BEST
MAJORITY OF OWNERS ARE
REPUBLICANS, IT'S THE MOST
REPUBLICAN OF SPORTS.
>> IT LOOKS VERY DIFFERENT FROM
OUR SPORT.
THE FAN BASE IS MUCH MORE
DIVERSE, OUR PLAYER BASE IS AT
LEAST AS HEAVY A PERCENTAGE OF
AFRICAN-AMERICANS, AND
EUROPEANS -- TO BE FAIR WE HAVE
BOTH IN THE LEAGUE.
AND WE HAVE A YOUNGER AUDIENCE.
WE APPEAL TO WHAT'S GOING ON
GOING FORWARD.
I'M HAPPY PEOPLE STAND, WE DO
THE NATIONAL ANTHEM, I THINK
IT'S RIGHT TO HONOR OUR COUNTRY,
THAT HONORS EVERYBODY IN OUR
COUNTRY.
PEOPLE WHO SERVED AND DID WELL
BY THIS COUNTRY AND OTHER
AMERICANS WHO ARE TRYING TO DO
WELL EVERY DAY.
I THINK THAT'S FINE.
>> Bill: SO HOW COME YOU LET
THE LAKERS GET LeBRON?
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
NOW IT'S TIME FOR NEW RULES!
NEW RULE: WHEN I OFFER YOU CAKE,
DON'T SAY, "JUST A TINY, TINY
PIECE."
WE GET IT, GANDHI.
YOU'RE BETTER THAN EVERYONE
ELSE.
WELL, I'M TAKING AN EVEN TINIER
PIECE.
WHO'S A FAT-FACED CAKE HOG NOW?
OH, AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GRANDMA.
[LAUGHTER]
NEW RULE: ADS ON YOUTUBE LONGER
THAN FIVE SECONDS MUST REALIZE
THEY'RE KIDDING THEMSELVES.
I WATCH THE "SKIP AD" BUTTON
WITH MY FINGER READY TO POUNCE
LIKE A GAME SHOW CONTESTANT
WAITING TO HIT THE BUZZER.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
MY TIME IS PRECIOUS.
THE LESS TIME I WATCH ADS THE
MORE TIME I CAN WATCH CATS
LICK A PIZZA ON TV.
NEW RULE: WOMEN HAVE TO ADMIT
THE CUCUMBER ON THE EYES THING
IS BULLSHIT.
THAT'S JUST SOMETHING LONELY
MOMS MADE UP WHEN THEY LOCK
THEMSELVES IN THE BATHROOM.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE,
MOM?"
"GETTING RID OF SOME STRESS."
"WHAT'S THE CUCUMBER FOR?"
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
"MY EYES."
NOW GO AWAY!
NEW RULE: NOW THAT THIS SAUDI
MAN HAS COVERED HIMSELF IN BEES
FROM HEAD TO TOE WITH ONLY HIS
EYES SHOWING.
HIS WIFE GETS TO SAY "HOW'S IT
FEEL, ASSHOLE?"
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
NEW RULE: NOW THAT PAUL
McCARTNEY HAS ADMITTED THAT HE
ONCE MASTURBATED WITH JOHN
LENNON, HE HAS TO TELL US.
IS THAT WHEN YOU GUYS WROTE
"COME TOGETHER"?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
AND FINALLY NEW RULE.
SOMEONE HAS TO TELL ME WHY ALL
THE BEST VOICES SPEAKING OUT
AGAINST REPUBLICANS ARE
REPUBLICANS.
NICOLE WALLACE, STEVE SCHMIDT,
RICK WILSON, GEORGE WILL, BRET
STEPHENS, JOE SCARBOROUGH,
RICHARD PAINTER, MICHAEL STEELE,
JENNIFER RUBIN, DAVID JOLLY, ANA
NAVARRO, MAX BOOT, DAVID FRUM --
THEY'RE THE ONES WHO ARE OUT
THERE WITH THE GLOVES OFF
LANDING HEAD PUNCHES.
EVEN TRUMP'S OWN PEOPLE TEAR HIM
DOWN BETTER THAN ANY DEMOCRAT:
McMASTER CALLED HIM A DOPE.
MATUS, A FIFTH GRADER.
STEVE MNUCHIN.
IDIOT.
REINCE PRIEBUS.
IDIOT.
JOHN KELLY.
FUCKING IDIOT.
REX TILLERSON.
FUCKING MORON.
GARY COHN.
DUMB AS SHIT.
WHERE ARE OUR POTTY MOUTHS?
THE MIDTERMS ARE 52 DAYS AWAY
AND WE KNOW WHAT THE REPUBLICANS
ARE RUNNING ON: SOCIALISM.
YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR DEMOCRATS
BECAUSE THEY'RE SOCIALISTS, AND
SOCIALISM IS A WORK CAMP IN
SIBERIA.
AND ONE THING REPUBLICANS ARE
REALLY GOOD AT IS, THEY GET IN A
ROOM TOGETHER, THEY COME UP WITH
A LINE OF BULLSHIT, AND THEY ALL
REPEAT IT OVER AND OVER AND OVER
UNTIL EVEN TOMI LAHREN CAN DO
IT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THIS YEAR THEY EVEN TAUGHT IT TO
TRUMP.
>> THEY WANT TO RAID MEDICARE TO
PAY FOR SOCIALISM.
[LAUGHTER]
>> Bill: HE REALLY PUTS THE
MORON IN OXYMORON, DOESN'T HE?
REMEMBER BACK IN 2009, THE TEA
BAGGER AT THE TOWN HALL WHO
SHOUTED, "KEEP YOUR GOVERNMENT
HANDS OFF MY MEDICARE"?
WELL, NOW THAT IDIOT IS
PRESIDENT.
AND I STILL DON'T HEAR DEMOCRATS
EXPLAINING THAT MEDICARE IS
SOCIALISM, AND SO ARE THE OTHER
SUPER- POPULAR PROGRAMS LIKE
SOCIAL SECURITY AND THE BAN ON
DENYING COVERAGE FOR PREEXISTING
CONDITIONS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
TRUMP JUST GAVE FARMERS A 12
BILLION DOLLAR BAILOUT TO MAKE
UP FOR HIS STUPID TARIFFS.
WE TOOK TAX MONEY FROM SOME
PEOPLE -- MOSTLY IN NEW YORK AND
CALIFORNIA -- AND GAVE IT TO
FUCKING FARMERS.
I MEAN, FARMERS.
THAT'S SOCIALISM.
SOCIALISM IS THE REASON YOU
DON'T HAVE TO BRING YOUR OWN
HIGHWAY WHEN YOU WANT TO DRIVE
SOMEWHERE.
[APPLAUSE]
IT'S WHY THERE'S A FIRE
DEPARTMENT TO SHOW UP WHEN YOUR
BURNING NIKES SPREAD TO THE
HOUSE.
THE U.S. MILITARY DOES MORE
SOCIALISM BY 9 A.M.
THAN VENEZUELA DOES ALL DAY.
WE BUILD WEAPONS THAT EVEN THE
PENTAGON SAYS IT DOESN'T WANT --
THAT'S A JOBS PROGRAM.
SOCIALISM: YOU'RE SOAKING IN IT.
EVEN TRUMP VOTERS LIKE THEIR
GOVERNMENT GOODIES.
SO WHY CAN'T DEMOCRATS ALL GET
IN A ROOM AND COME OUT WITH A
SINGLE, SUCCINCT ANSWER TO THE
"SCARY SOCIALISM" CHARGE.
THIS IS THE ATTACK ON US, AND
DEMOCRATS' RESPONSE IS.
I'D SAY CRICKETS, BUT CRICKETS
MAKE SOME NOISE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
MY GOD, THERE'S A WHOLLY
COMPROMISED RUSSIAN ASSET IN THE
WHITE HOUSE, YOU CAN'T MAKE A
LITTLE POLITICAL HAY OUT OF
THAT?
HE'S NOT ON OUR SIDE.
IS THAT SO HARD?
HE'S NOT ON OUR SIDE, LIKE
LITERALLY.
WHEN STUFF COMES UP WHERE HE HAS
TO SIDE WITH EITHER OUR FBI AND
INTELLIGENCE AGENCIES -- YOU
KNOW, FROM AMERICA -- OR WHAT
RUSSIA SAYS -- HE GOES WITH
THEM.
NOTHING?
NOTHING TO MAKE OUT OF THAT?
EVEN THOUGH HE'S CONSTANTLY
CONFESSING IT?
TRUMP'S TWITTER PAGE IS LIKE
THAT SCENE IN EVERY BOND MOVIE
WHERE THE VILLAIN TELLS BOND HIS
EVIL PLAN.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
HE'S THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN
SHOWER.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
HERE'S STEVE SCHMIDT AFTER THE
SUMMIT IN HELSINKI:
IT'S THE MUSINGS OF AN IMBECILE.
VLADIMIR PUTIN LOOKS ACROSS TO
THE OTHER PODIUM AND WHAT HE
SEES STANDING THERE IS A FOOL.
WHO'S DOING VLADIMIR PUTIN'S
BIDDING.
TRUMP IS WHAT THE RUSSIANS CALL
A USEFUL IDIOT.
SOMEONE IN SERVICE TO THE
RUSSIAN FEDERATION, EITHER
UNWITTING OR WITTINGLY.
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: CONTRAST THAT WITH
DIANNE FEINSTEIN WHO SAID LAST
YEAR.
LOOK, THIS MAN IS GOING TO BE
PRESIDENT, MOST LIKELY FOR THE
REST OF HIS TERM.
I JUST HOPE HE HAS THE ABILITY
TO LEARN, AND TO CHANGE.
AND IF HE DOES, HE CAN BE A GOOD
PRESIDENT.
NO, HE CAN'T DO ANY OF THOSE
THINGS, AND DEMOCRATS' RHETORIC
DOES NOT NEARLY MATCH THE LEVEL
OF THAT CRISIS.
THE DEMOCRATS, AS USUAL, ARE
MAKING A MOLEHILL OUT OF A
MOUNTAIN.
THE FBI, THE CIA, THE DEPARTMENT
OF JUSTICE -- ESPECIALLY ON 9/11
WEEK, LET'S REMEMBER THESE ARE
THE THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS OF
AMERICA'S MOST DEDICATED PUBLIC
SERVANTS, THE STRAIGHT ARROWS
[APPLAUSE]
WHO PROTECT US.
HE ATTACKS THEM.
HE'S NOT ON OUR SIDE.
HOW ABOUT THIS FOR A SLOGAN:
WE'RE NOT SOCIALISTS -- YOU'RE
TRAITORS.
OKAY, THAT'S OUR SHOW.
I'LL BE AT THE OVENS IN
CHARLOTTE NC, SEPTEMBER 22ND, AT
THE DURHAM PERFORMING ARTS
CENTER IN DURHAM NC, SEPTEMBER
23RD, AND AT THE CROUSE-HINDS
THEATRE IN SYRACUSE NY, OCTOBER
7TH.
I WANT TO THANK MY GUESTS,
RICHARD CLARKE, MARK LEIBOVICH,
S.E. CUPP, STEVE BALLMER AND
JOHN KERRY.
JOIN US NOW FOR OVERTIME ON
YOUTUBE.
THANK YOU.
♪ ♪