Hello
this is Stephen R Covey
I can hardly believe that it has been 20 years since we first published the Seven Habits of Highly Affected People
Since the book first hit stores in 1989
the Seven Habits book is sold
more than 20 million copies
has been translated into 38 different languages
and was named as the number one most influential business book of the 20th century
Our little consulting company called Covey Leadership has now grown from a handful of associates to become Franklin Covey
the global leader in effectiveness training for organizations
teamsand individuals in 123 countries around the world
The success that we have been blessed with is all based on aligning ourselves and our organization with foundational principles of effectiveness
We have learned by centering our lives on timeless
unchanging principles
we create fundamental paradigms or ways of thinking that helps us live our lives more effectively
Principles are the center that put all other areas of life in perspective
While we are free to choose our actions
we are not free to choose the consequences of those actions
Principles Do This video program will teach you what I call the foundational principles
which the 7 habits of highly effective people are built upon
In this program
you will see me teaching each of these foundational principles to various groups we have worked with over the past 20 years
While my hairstyle and looks may have changed these past 20 years
the principles of effectiveness have not changed
nor will they throughout all of man's existence
I hope you will pay close attention
take notes
and teach your loved ones what you will be learning
If you will learn and apply these principles in your life and the lives of your family
friendsand business associates
you too will experience the power of proven principles
In conclusion
just remember this
Everyone chooses one of two roads in life
whether they're young or old
rich or poor
men and women alike
One road is the broad
well traveled road to mediocrity
the other the road to greatness and meaning
the range of possibilities that exists within each of these two destinations is as wide as the diversity of gifts and personalities in the human family
but the contrast between the two destinations is as the night is to the day
I'm delighted to welcome each of you to the 7 Habits of Highly effective people
I believe that your involvement with this material can be one of the most exciting learning experiences of your life
The essential purpose of the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People is to learn how to lead your life in a truly effective way
To describe what the Seven Habits material is
let me share with you what it is not
It is not a quick fix program
It is not a program of the month
it is a process of personal and interpersonal growth and development that will require not only your continuing best efforts but also your patience as we all know
real growth and development can not take place overnight
You must pay the price over an extended period of time to reap the benefits of these habit
Implementing the 7 habits will be an upward personal climb
like a journey up a steep mountain
It won't be easy
It will be a challenge as you ascend the mountain
so to speak
with the Seven Habits material
you'll become acutely aware of the loose gravel
you know
the loose rocks in your life
You may slip occasionally
maybe even fall back a time or 2
You will feel the gravity pull of old habits working against you
But I'll assure you
as you continue in your climb and endure in your efforts
you will begin to feel a level of exhilaration and of attaining entirely new heights in your life
higher and higher levels of effectiveness
By applying this effort
you can expect to increase your capacity to achieve your personal and professional goals and to develop better working relationships with your associates and all of your loved ones
In short
you can expect to become more effective
Let me suggest that the best way to get the most out of the 7 habits is to be very open minded
to be open to self discovery
participatereally get involved
look for ways to apply and to implement these habits in your life
You see
our habits form our character
You may have heard the quote
sow a thought
reap an action
sow an action
reap a habit
sow a habit
reap a character
sow a character
reap a destiny
For our purposes
we will define a habit as the intersection of knowledge
skilland desire
You see
knowledge is the theoretical component that is the what to do and the why to do it
Skill is the practical side of how to do it
and desire is the motivation side
the want to do it in order to make something a habit in our lives
we literally must have all three components
Habits are powerful factors in our lives
They constantly express our character
they determine the level of our effectiveness
this or our ineffectiveness
In the words of an English poet
we first make our habits
then our habits make us
The 7 habits are simply common sense
common sense organized
but remember what is common sense is not always common practice
So I encourage you to make the investment
put forth the time and effort
focus on the kinds of changes you can make consistently and over time to develop these habits
The development of the seven Habits began with a study I completed in 1976
I wanted to study the success idea in America and how it evolved
So I got into the popular success literature going back for 200 years
This included many
many books
magazine articles
annotated bibliographies
summariesreviews
I literally tapped into thousands and thousands of sources
either directly or indirectly
As I worked
I started to sense a pattern
As soon as I sense this pattern
I looked for evidence of it
and the evidence was everywhere
The basic finding was this
for the first 150 years
almost the entire focus of the literature was on character
on principles
on what we might call the character ethic
Attributes such as integrity
fidelitycourage
compassioncontribution
responsibilityjustice
These feigns became the basis for writing the 7 habits of highly effective people
And then
because of many
many societal forces
the emphasis gradually shifted in the early 19 hundreds
particularly in the 20s and the 30s
away from the character ethic to what we might call the personality ethic
which focused more on techniques then on principles
You are probably familiar with many books that illustrate the literature of the personality ethic
They basically deal with how to take care of yourself
how to look good
how to dress in particular ways
how to create the right image in other words
the personality ethic
focuses on how to appear to be rather than on how to actually be
Many of these techniques have real merit
howeverif they don't have their roots in the character ethic
if they don't have their roots and principles
they won't have the power to create enduring effectiveness
For example
what if people learn techniques of influencing others
but they're fundamentally duplicitous or deceitful in their character
What if they really wanted to use people to build their own economic success
They might develop smoothness in their relationships so that they can have their own personal ends achieved
Moneyfame
glorywhatever
They really couldn't care less about contribution or service purpose
adding value
helping others
How much trust would you have in them
How willing would you be to follow them or to rely upon them when things get tough
You know
one time I had a student come to me and say
how am I doing in your class
I looked him in the eye and said
you really know how you're doing
don't you
A lot bett​‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌​​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌er than I do
how are you doing
And he kind of looked down squeamishly
Wellnot too good
I guess
I just had kind of a rough time lately
Maybe I haven't applied myself as much as I should have
You really came to find out how well you'd psyched me out
how well you'd psyched out the system int that
rightwhen in fact
you kind of know in your heart how you're doing
Wellhow am I doing
He said
how are you doing
Let's focus on what's really happening
not on what's appearing to happen
You see this whole personality ethic with its technique
focus is like the tip of an iceberg
the tip or that part which is seen on the surface by others
it's above the water
The character ethic is like the great mass of the iceberg under the water
People often do no work in the foundation where the great masses
where the greatest long term impact is
too many people give all their energy and focus to the tip of the iceberg
that is to learning techniques that others can see
You see this even in organizations
not just individuals
You see programs change
practices change
principles do not change
If we help individuals and organizations to internalize principles
they will know how to adapt the practices to address specific situations
Let me emphasize that techniques have their place
they're very important
I really mean that
I mean
you want good human relations techniques
public relations techniques
communication techniques
management techniques
But when we use techniques to cover our own lack of character
they become manipulative
They undermine trust and confidence
You see
what we really need is the character ethic
and that's essentially what the Seven Habits is about
This material is based on an inside out approach
meaning we give our first energies to our own character development before we focus on techniques or how to be more effective with others
Gandhi beautifully demonstrated this principle
Once a mother came to him and said
would you help my child reduce the amount of sugar he is eating
Gandhi paused
thought and answered well
talk to me in a week
A week later the mother asked him again and he talked to the boy and the boy agreed
And the mother said
why didn't you talk with him last week
Gandhi smiled and said
you don't understand
Last week I too was eating sugar
Unless we work on our character
we will not develop trustworthiness
And trustworthiness is built by the combination of both character and competency
We could have all of the ability in the world
but if we don't have the basic character to be reliable
to take responsibility
others will soon learn to distrust us
They're fearing that we are just trying to meet our own ends
perhaps at their expense
In my opinion
unless we return to the character ethic
we won't have the basic foundation of trustworthiness
That's what leads to trust
which is needed to build effective interpersonal relationships
In the final analysis
what we are communicates far more eloquently than anything we say or do
I love the quote of Henry David Thoreau
For every thousand hacking at the leaves of evil
there is one striking at the root
In other words
let's work primarily on the roots to begin with and build a foundation of trustworthiness
This is one of the key areas of focus in the Seven Habits
to build character and competence and to restore trustworthiness and trust in our lives
in the lives of our families
our organizations
Trust and trustworthiness really are the basis of personally and interpersonal leadership
It's the foundation of all true effectiveness
Now
before I go into the habits
I would like to stand back and look at the basic structure
the basic framework of the 7 habits as a whole
You see
they're organized in a particular way for a reason
They're all interrelated
In fact
the relationships and the sequence among the habits are the key to their overall power
To help us visualize the sequential and progressive nature of the 7 habits I'd like to use a simple diagram I call the maturity continuum
Maturity refers to a process leading to growth and development
and continuum refers to the continuous
incremental nature of growth and progression
If you were to see a maturity continuum line from low maturity to high maturity
there would be three basic levels to it
The first level is dependence
the second level is independence
and the third and the highest level is interdependence
Let me define these three terms very briefly
Dependence basically means you need others to get what you want
You see
all of us began life as an infant dependent on others for nurturing and sustenance
I may be intellectually dependent on other people's thinking
I may be emotionally dependent on other people's affirmation and validation of me
Dependence is the attitude of you take care of me
you come through for me
or you don't come through
I blame you for the results
Independence basically means you are pretty much free from the external influence
the control and the support of others
You think you act for yourself
you're validated from within
you're inner-directed
you're self reliant
you get what you want through your own effort
Like dependence
it is possible to be independent in various areas
physicallyfinancially
intellectuallyemotionally
while not being independent in other areas
Independence is the attitude of I can do it
I am responsible
I am self reliant
I can choose
True independence of character empowers us to act rather than to be acted upon
It freezes from our dependence on circumstances and other people
It is the avowed goal of many individuals and also many social movements to enthrone independence as the highest level of achievement
but it is not the ultimate goal in effective living
There is a far more mature
more advanced level
the third and highest level in the maturity continuum is interdependence
If people were interdependent
what would they be
They would be very much like a marriage
a family
an executive team
where they need to cooperate together in order to accomplish what I want
what you want
what we want together
In fact
we live in an interdependent reality
Interdependence is essential for good leaders
good teen players
for success in marriage
for family life and organizations
Interdependence is the attitude of we can cooperate
we can be a team
we can combine our talents
our abilities
our best efforts to achieve our highest success
Now
here is the basic insight
Think on this
Until you and I are independent
we can not be interdependent
Let me say that again
Until you and I are independent
we can not be interdependent
In other words
we can't do calculus before we understand algebra
we can't run before we learn to walk
We neither can learn to work cooperatively with other people if we don't have internal self mastery
That's why the first three habits be proactive
Begin with the end in mind and put first things first
Deal with self mastery
self control
self and dominion
They form the deepest part of our character
They constitute what I call the private victory
the victory over self
You see
private victories must precede public victories
To lead others effectively
we first must be able to lead ourselves effectively
For example
when I make a commitment to get up early and exercise and I literally carry it out
I feel better
I feel better about myself
I have greater emotional strength
I have better physical energy
You see what that means
a private victory
As a result
I do better in all my relationships with others
that's the public victory
Howeverhave you ever noticed a tendency to be irritable with others after failing to keep a commitment to yourself
I know speaking for myself
I can usually trace my weaknesses
my failures in dealing with others to some flaw
some failure to win my own private victory
These first three habits lead us from independence to independence
Thenonce people have control over themselves and have a measure of independence
they're ready to deal with the next three habits
Think win
winseek first to understand
then to be understood and synergize
all of which helps us in our relationships with others
enabling us to be successful with people
Habits 4
5and 6 develop what I call the public victory effectiveness with others
It's based on teamwork
on cooperation and communication habits
Four5
and 6 utilize our personality
They're more skill based on
and they lead us from independence
pendence to interdependence
That is the attitude of we
where we cooperate to accomplish desired results
Then habit 7
sharpen the saw is the habit of renewal
of regular
balanced renewal in all of the dimensions of our life
It surrounds and encompasses all of the other habits
It is the habit of continuous improvement that creates an upward spiral of growth and development
Now
interdependence is a choice that only independent people can make
For instance
let's say you're my supervisor and I'm very dependent upon your opinion of me
I'm also dependent financially and intellectually upon you
but let's say you have some blind spots in your performance and you really need feedback
I am aware of your blind spots
I also have enough skill to give you feedback
but would I do it
I wouldn't
I'm too dependent upon you
I'm too angry at you
I am mad because those blind spots hurt me
I have what's often called a love hate relationship
you see
the person you're dependent upon also controls you
If you don't get what you want
it makes you mad
So I wouldn't possibly give you honest feedback
I don't want to rupture my relationship with you
So what do I do
I talk to others and then they share their experiences and they validate me and we badmouth you
We're simply not interdependent
If I were truly interdependent
that means if I'm first of all
independentI could go to you and I could say
could we have a visit
I would like to share some of my concerns
But if you were dependent yourself and used to borrowing strength from your position power
you might try to intimidate me
You might say
wellwhat is it
Stephenlet's get to it right now
What are your concerns
On the other hand
if I'm emotionally and intellectually independent from you
I could be courageous and kind at the same time
I'm patient
I don't give up
but I don't give in
I could say we need a little more time where we're not going to be interrupted
let's do it at our mutual convenience
You would sense that you're dealing with a person of integrity
of power
of strength
of courage
You would also know from my professional development opportunities and the way I have exercised them
I've got about 10 other jobs I could go to at any time
You probably also know I'm the only one in your crew that isn't bad mouthing you
I have no need to bad mouth
I have no energy around your weaknesses
I don't want to do something to hurt you
I'm want to do something to help you
to overcome your weaknesses or perhaps help you compensate for the deficiency in some way
So I'm most positive person on your entire team
I'm almost
almost indispensable to you
Nowthe first three habits develop that kind of strength
courageand capacity
The next 3 habits help me know how to work effectively with you so that my strength does not intimidate you
I can empathize with you
I can read the needs of the situation and figure out the best way to make the presentation so that the two of us can cooperate together and solve the problem
You would see me as the best source of problem solving on your entire team
Interdependence is where real freedom is
that's where excitement is
that's where adventure is
Their very best comes to the fore
that's the maturity continuum
the adventure of building powerful
interdependent relationships
interdependent teams
I'm going to attempt to give a brief overview of each of the habits
It's like getting a kind of airplane view of the whole mountain range before we go down to explore the detail
Habit 1
be proactive basically means that your life is a product of your values
not your feelings that your life or the organization's life is a product of your decisions
not your conditions
The opposite of being proactive is to be reactive
which basically means that your life is a function of your feelings
your moods
your impulses
other people's treatment
the underlying principle of habit
One
be proactive
he has to take responsibility
The concept is you
and I have the capacity to choose our response
Habit two
begin with the end in mind basically means that all things are created twice
and habit 2 is the first creation
Habit two
begin with the end in mind means that you get a mental image
a picture of where you want to end up in this meeting
in this relationship this year
in your life
to a company
It is the vision it has of its future
It is the creation of that vision
Habit 2 is based on the principle of vision
of purpose
of meaning
of mission
Habit 3
to put first things first
is the second creation
To put first things first means you decided what the first things were in habit two
now you have the discipline and the commitment to keep them first
The opposite of putting first things first is to put second or third or fourth things first
That's why many people really deeply value their family relationships
their health
their personal integrity
but they get caught up in the powerful social value systems
timetablesand agendas of their culture never question it so that the first creation has already been done for them
done to them in the form of programs
scripts that they never question
Then they get on this ladder of success and they arrive at the top rung only then to realize the ladder is leaning against the wrong wall
They come to realize that no one on their deathbed
ever wished they spent more time at the office As Goethe put it
things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least
Habit for think
winWin is the habit of mutual benefit
The underlying paradigm or principle is abundance
There is plenty out there and to spare
so you don't have to be threatened by the strengths of other people
You can nurture competency around you higher than your own
doesn't threaten you
You can share knowledge
you can share recognition
gain profit
The opposite is scarcity
not abundant
it's like a piece of pie
There's only so much if you get the recognition
I may not get it if I share gain or profit with you
Iwe will have less habit for to think win winance comes from the principle of abundance
not scarcity
meaning the pie gets larger and larger and larger
Habit 5
seek first to understand
then to be understood is the habit of empathic communication
meaning you always seek to understand first
The teacher diagnoses preace says before teaching the doctor diagnosis before prescribing the attorney
does discovery
before developing his or her own case or brief
understand first before you seek to be understood
before you seek to contribute
before you take action
before you have the basis for judgment
have it sick
synergize
It is the habit of creative cooperation
seeking to understand we create something that was not there before that takes high levels of cooperation
The principle behind habit 6 is the principle that one plus one can equal 3
41020
1000
The principle of putting two boards together that are stronger in total
then adding the sum of the boards separate
It's the principle of valuing differences
not tolerating differences
not accepting differences
celebrating differences
Habit 7 is called sharpen the saw
It is the principle of renewal
the principle of continuous learning
continuous improvement
getting better constantly
It's based on the principle that we have the capability of charging our own battery
The opposite of Have seven Sharpen the saw is to just let the blade get dull
to let the mind atrophy
to let the body lose its tone and its vitality through junk food and no exercise and trying to live a life of hedonism
pleasureseek rather than one of contribution and service
It renews each of the other 6 habits
Now
simply the three person process
Is this the best way to learn something
Used to teach it
How many have learned that
When you really teach is when you really learn
In five minutes
you will be teaching what I'm teaching you in the next five minutes
See yourself now as a teacher
I'm going to briefly describe the three person process and the four benefits that come from the three person process
Now
notice your behavior right now
Seeyou don't see yourself as a kind of passive learner
You see yourself as an active teacher
You're just preparing to teach
and that significantly increases your learning
That is the first benefit
The first person teaches
the second person first captures
understandsthen he evaluates to see if it makes sense
thinks about application
and then teaches the third person
Then that person teaches another person
This way you can take material and cascade it through an entire organization
Second benefit
When you teach
you significantly increase the likelihood of application
For instance
if you're teaching people to be better listeners
isn't it probable that you try to be a better listener yourself
Seethe real most foundational learning comes from doing
Teaching may give you more intellectual understanding
but the internalization of the ideas comes in the application of those ideas
That's even a higher level of learning
Third benefit
when you teach
you significantly improve communication
Notice the three person process there
Why do you think communication would be significantly improved
Notice the first person teaches
what does the second person do first captures or understands before evaluating what is the number one obstacle in the field of communication
People do not listen
They do not capture accurately
they evaluate
wellthey're listening
But if people are trained to capture accurately
completely before they judge
you can listen for purpose
Main points
how each point is proven or validated
how each point is illustrated or applied
and value the fourth benefit when these things happen I'm talking about
it is very bonding to the relationship
The relationship gets deeper and stronger
why there's so much authenticity
There's so much sincerity
there is so much empathy and creativity being manifested in the communication processes
When you do this with your children
you will learn better the next time you send somebody to a convention to some training activity
to some association meeting before they go
what do you say to them
When you return
you will have the privilege of distilling the essence of what you learned to the assembled staff for half an hour
You'll find they'll attend the meeting sober
They'll take notes from the moment you give that assignment
they will be in Sweat City
Seriouslythey did to work
All eight cylinders were to work
It's the single most powerful thing I have ever learned in the field of education
Use the three person process and you will double
quadruple the impact and you will see those four benefits happen
It's the essence of the process that we use
the three person process
When we get into the Seven Habits material
we have to realize that it is all based upon principles
upon natural laws
That is why we are presenting this foundational material
Firstwe need to understand the concept of a principle and the concept of a paradigm
and also how to define effectiveness
Then we'll look at the 7 habits
I suggest that principles are not only natural laws
objectivefactual
external to ourself
I suggest they are also self evident
How would we know that
We have found that if you can get enough people interacting freely and synergistically who are informed
all the value systems are the same
We find that regardless of one's background
religionculture
nationalityrace
genderregardless of the level in the organization
regardless of the industry or the profession
same underlying values are universal
They represent what we could call principles
There is consensus that surrounds them
such as integrity
servicecontribution
the growth and development of people
kindnesshow you treat people
dignityfairness
These are universals
Every one of the habits represents a principle
a fundamental natural law that is self evident
Now
let me just give an illustration of the difference between a social value principles
It was a dark and stormy night
Captaincaptain
captainwake up
What is it
sorry to awaken you
sirbut we have a serious problem and we've tried to solve it and can't
what's the problem
There's a ship in our ceiling about 20 miles away that refuses to move
What do you mean there
If you just tell them to move
We have
sirthat's the problem
They won't respond
I tell them the signal goes out
move starboard 20 degrees
the signal comes back
move starboard 20 degrees yourself what arrogance
who is this guy
He doesn't know who I am
let him know a captain is giving the command
the scene goes out
this is Captain Horatio Hornblower
the 16th move
starboard 20 degrees at once
the Cindy comes back
this is seman Carl Jones Iii
move starboard 20 degrees at once yourself
This is a command
a seaman commanding me
a captain
I can't believe this
what is going on
Let him know who we're a battleship
we could just blow them out
the sign goes out
this is the mighty Missouri flagship of the 7th Fleet
signal r​‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌​​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌eturns
this is the lighthouse
You see
lighthouses are like principles
We don't break them
we break ourselves against them
This is why humility is the mother of all other virtues
opennessteachability
and humility
awareness of external realities
If you can cultivate that and apply it with other people
you'll change the whole nature of the culture
It'll become a principle centered culture
not one driven by social values
I had a friend of mine who said our company is value driven
I said every company is value driven
Hitler was value driven
The question is
are the values in alignment with principles
That is a humbling question
or are my values and my habits in alignment with principles with natural laws
Nowwhen principles and values are aligned
then you could use the words interchangeably
You could call it values or principles that would make no difference
So you don't want to get hung up semantically on the difference
If they are not aligned
then it's better to see what the principle is and what the established value is
and then work here to align it
It is constantly an effort to understand principles
the law of gravi​‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌​​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌ty
Gradually the whole world has come to accept that the apple falling out of a tree and hitting the scientist's head
Simple observation
The law of gravity governs
What if you had a legislature trying to repeal the law of gravity
A principle is the actual reality
Like the law of gravity
the way things are
How many here
when you were in school
did a lot of cramming
Be honest now
how many got really good at it
How many here have ever worked on a farm
Ever cram on the farm
I don't mean just work hard at the end to bring in the harvest
I mean forget the plant in the spring
flaked off all summer
and then really work hard in the end to bring in the harvest
Wellit's patently foolish
we know that
why
Because a farm is a natural system and it is governed by what principles or social values principles
What about the development of our mind
What would you say
social values or principles
The development of the mind
not the getting of a degree
you can't fake it
The development of the minds based on principles
the law
the harvest
not on social values
however popular
Wha​‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌​​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌t about the body
What would you say
Social values or principles
Our health
physicalmental
spiritualemotional is governed by the law of the harvest
by principles
not by social values
Now let's have a little fun for a second
You look strong and healthy
and I'm sure he'll pass the test
You know
what we want are 20 straight back pushups
You get into the push up position
pleaseokay
All right
we're going to cheer you on
We're going to count for you
too
Guys
Those people are keeping the peace
Okaylet's go ahead and start
We'll count and cheer you on
Just 20 straight back
all the way down
1314
No purpose
just a little fun
I sat next to him at lunch and we looked at this cheesecake out in front
You ate it
told you you'd live with the consequences
Everything that I've been talking about is not easily achievable
It takes continuous effort
You can't fake
for instance
the ability to do 20 push-ups
You can't fake it
You have to pay the price
Next time I come back
he literally I'm convinced go to 25
even 50
but he'd have to pay a price to do it
It stirs up an awareness that we're dealing with realities out there
particularly principles that ultimately will govern
We are not in control
Seethe traditional concept is get in control
We are not in control
principles control
we control our actions
but the consequences that flow from those actions are controlled by principles
As Abraham Lincoln once put it
people will pass away
but principles never will they endure
This is why we believe so much in the Eastern statement
Give a man a fish
You feed him for the day
Teach him how to fish
you feed him for a lifetime
Seeeven though you may teach someone to practices us
always try to teach the principle which underlies it
because the situation may change and the practice no longer applies
but the principle will be constant
Principles are universal
natural laws
self evident
self validating
they govern
Ultimatelyvalues don't govern
principles ultimately govern
A paradigm comes from the Greek root paradigma
It basically means a pattern
a model
a representation
something that stands for something else
It comes from the mental image you have in your mind of the way things are are out there
and the images we carry in our heads of the way things are of reality come basically from our own backgrounds
our own experiences
All of us think we see the world as it is
In fact
we see the world as we are
We project onto the outside world
our environment
the people we associate with
including how we see ourselves
we project out of our own conditioning
experiencesour background
a certain representation
a certain model
a certain set of expectations
a certain assumption on that reality out there
And we think that's the way it is
I might describe myself or you or a situation as if I am describing it as it is
In fact
I am describing myself
my perceptions
my frame of reference
my worldview
my value system
my autobiography
and I'm projecting it upon the outside
Now let me get a very simple layman's way of looking at a paradigm
It is a map
like a map of this hotel or a map
let's say
of Portland
I'll ask this gentleman
What would you do if you came here to Portland and you have no information at all about this place and you were given a map where you rented the car and it was a map of Seattle
but on the top it said Portland
what would you do
So you don't know otherwise
you never been here
You have no other source of information
I would hopefully ask for a little bit more direction other than just what's on that map
maybe have them start me out
The person at the desk said
so​‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌​​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌rrysir
that's all we have
and it's late at night
good luck to you
Here's the keys to your car
it's right across the street
It's in number 14
And if you're this map
you'll be able to find this hotel that you want to get to
OkayI just assume that you call your buddy here up on the phone and he knows that you've got that map and he says to you
what's your first name
Keith
try harder
you're tired
So now you double your speed
What's going to happen
I'm going to get nowhere twice as fast
You call him back in a state of total despair and discouragement
and you say to him
I have never been so confused and so lost in my life
And I am following this map to the hilt and I have doubled my speed
I'm lost twice as fast
he sensed
as you're discouraged
You read it down
You're almost ready to give up
It's despairing
And he says to you
think positively
He gets you just jazzed right out of your gourd
I mean
he says you do this thing
rise to the occasion
do it
I do it
that'll do it
Now you don't even carry
You're right
that's right
I'm a happy boss
That's what a paradigm is
You see
a paradigm is the map you have in your mind
Once you have an accurate map
then your behavior and your attitude matter
Seewhat we call maps are usually assumptions
assumptions of the way things are
Assumptions of the way things are represent just that's what reality is
You don't question that
I remember I was giving a speech a little while back
there was someone on the front row just constantly talking to another person
and my mother was two rows behind
and she was so upset that here her precious son was being so ignored
so blatantly
so openly
constantlyand would not end from the very moment I began to the end of my speech is constant talking and it just totally discombobulated her own listening
And she felt like taking her purse and reaching two rows ahead
Anywayshe went up afterwards to the person that was running the conference
Did you see that
Did you see what was happening
Can you believe that
Right there on the front row of it
I know she's Korean
that's her translator
I was on a subway
veryvery large metropolitan city Sunday morning
quietsedate
A bunch of young kids running into the subway
Father follows
He sits near me
The kids just go crazy on that subway
running up and down
turning people's papers aside
just raucous and rude
I'm sitting there
I can't believe this
he does nothing
I look at my attitudes
see attitude and try to control
But look what I could see
After a few minutes
Attitude went into behavior
Sirdo you think you could control your children a little
they're very upsetting to people
Oh yeah
he lifted his head as if to come to an awareness of what was happening
I don't know
I just guess I should
We just left the hospital
Their mother died just about an hour ago
I guess they don't know how to take it
and frankly
I don't either
Imagine the paradigm shift that took place there
Imagine now what the attitude and the behavior would be based upon that paradigm
Can you see why paradigms are deeper than attitude or behavior
Andyou know
even though we're talking here in personal and interpersonal ways
the same thing takes place throughout our whole society
Thomas Kuhn in his brilliant book The Structure of Scientific Revolutions
points out so powerfully and consistently all the significant breakthroughs we break with old ways of thinking
Einsteinwho rewrote physics
he made this brilliant statement
These significant problems we face can not be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them
You see
it causes us to be reflective and introspective
to explore our own paradigms
Most people focus upon behavior and upon attitude
and both of those are
of course
very important
but far more fundamental then either behavior or attitude
It's a paradigm
How many of you here have ever been to the crazy mirror room in the carnival
Wellwhat if that was the only source of information you had on your body
T​‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌​​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌his weird caricature
I mean
it showed me without any hair
if you can believe it
Seemost people's self maps are a function of the social mirror
They live out of the social mirror and their memory
A mother the other day said to me
I can not leave my child
All of a sudden she turns 17 and she's like a different person
I have never seen anyone so uncooperative
so rebellious
so angry
so unwilling to do anything to help us at home or to even be open to influence at all
Now
what is happening
The map or the paradigm in her head
And what do you do when you have that
You act upon it
That is the image that you have in your head of this person
it's the map you have of this person
Nowsomeone could say to you
just as I did here
try harder
try to be more positive
But as long as a person carries that map
that image of this other person in their head
they're going to treat them that way
As soon as they treat them that way
the tendency is for people to respond accordingly
It's called the self Fulton Ning prophecy
People live up to the social mirror that surrounds them
Now
I said to this mother
Notice how you see your daughter
Wellit's not how I see her
It's the way she is
potentially
Is she capable of so much more
Ohyes
I know that
Why don't you see her in terms of her potential
Is not her potential part of the reality of her life
Isn't it really the larger part where the present manifestation
as she goes through
saythe emotional ups and downs of her teenage
so called identity crisis you could live out of your imagination and out of a map
a paradigm
a view based upon her potential
which you deeply really believe in
Yeah
but what do I do with all this behavior and the totally unwillingness to cooperate to do her part
Observe your paradigm
observe the map
You have her
I remember I was in a situation like that
one of our teenage sons
just between the grade school and junior high was just not performing
It wasn't adequate in any area athletically
people would fall apart with laughter
watchingyou know
almost swinging the bat before the ball was pitched
Academicallynot only wouldn't do well on tests
couldn't even begin to take them socially
sometimes very embarrassing
Now
looklook at the evidence we have
And Sandra and I
my wife
would talk about this
Wellmaybe every family deserves their one
But we cared about this boy
and we were very worried
And I remember one time talking about the same subject in Armonk New York
And I was talking about a study which opened up the whole field of what's called the self fulfilling prophecy
where a computer in England called the Bright Group dumb
Essentially
Here's the teachers
It's the bright group over here
You've got 120130 IQ
I love education
they love learning
you'll really enjoy them
This group here
you can kind of tell when you just look at their faces
This group
they're very fine people too
but they don't have the same candle power
You have to respect that
Now notice what's happening
I'm talking as if I'm describing reality
right
This is the way they are and they buy it and they act on it for a period of several months
In other words
it becomes their view
their paradigm
But you know what
several months later
they discovered there was a computer mistake of some kind and the two groups were switched
They immediately tested without telling anything to anybody
This group here went up something like 18 points
this group went down 14 points
the self Fulton Ning prophecy or self maps or self paradigms
so much a function of the social mirror
a reversal based upon expectancy paradigms
the mental representation
the maps held by these people
that is the significance of paradigms
And you notice how behavior and attitude flow out of how you see
Wellanyway
I was literally teaching this like I'm teaching you right now and in my mind I was thinking of my boy
Is it possible that the problem is in my paradigm
That the problem is with me
not my boy
WellI talked with my wife when I returned home from that trip and I said
you know I'm just wondering
the social mirror from you and I are not major contributors to these difficulties and these problems
this lack of ability to cope
We found that we were
to some degree
trying to get social mileage out of our kids
good behavior
Seethat was part of our motive of what people thought of us
about our children
We liked the way they would speak well of us because of the performance of our children
We worried what happened if they didn't live up to it
We see what we seek
So we explored our motives and said this is not what we seek
We began to see him differently as a person precious in his own right
not to be compared with anyone else
not to get into the social mirror of comparison against timetable
social agenda
He could easily be a late boomer with tremendous potentialities that does not test out well in some areas
We don't know
It's just a whole big area potential
And we were trained to put labels upon it
You see
what I mean by the tendency is to project out of our own experiences
Like a whole movie
to project it on someone else and to label
But we never explored our own motive
We never became reflective and introspective
Things were going well with the others
but all of a sudden something threw us out of our standard operating procedure
and we couldn't just easily gloss over by psyching him up with PMA stuff
Come on
think positively
You know
keep your eye on the ball when it comes now
All right
now then you swing
That's okay
sondon't worry about it
get off his back
you know
you made mistakes
okay
You're all fine
sonand privately we talk with each other
sayoh
what have we got here
Duplicitousunprincipled
as if he had no intrinsic merit and worth
That was the hardest part of the therapy
was dealing with self
exploring our own paradigms
loosening them up
But when you try to have people to possess them
to own them
and to have their performance reflect on your reputation
your basic motive structure drives the paradigm of how you see that person
because you'll see them through this social
mere frame of reference
And then you get into the self fulfilling prophecy
Hopefully our humility
our willingness to surface the assumptions we make about life and to challenge them has been stirred up
particularly when it comes to our maps of ourself
of our loved ones
of our bos​‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌​​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌s
of our work associates
of other people
And then out of that humility to say to the other person
how do you see it
What is your view
What is your perspective
what is your frame of reference
what is your opinion
And you constantly get a better
better sense of the way things are
you get a better and better paradigm
The 7 habits of highly effective people
Highly effective
not mediocre effectiveness
not low level effectiveness
high effectiveness
quantum leaps in effectiveness
What do we mean by effectiveness
What is effectiveness
We could use the word success
you know
but that word carries so much of the old social value connotation of having it all
That's why we use the word effectiveness
Seven habits of highly effective people
You know about essop and his famous tales about this poor farmer
you know
really down on his luck
And the farmer visits his favorite goose and he notices one day there is a large egg
a golden egg by the side of that goose
He thinks someone has tricked him
so he throws it away
Second thought
he decides to test it and finds out indeed
it is pure gold
Pure gold
And he's been so poor for so long
And the next day another one
and the next day another one
Every day there's another golden egg
He becomes so wealthy
so fabulously wealthy
but he also becomes very impatient and very greedy
He wants them all
he wants them all now
So he kills that goose
reaches inside to get them all
and of course
finds none
Now
in that little fable is the essence of the definition of effectiveness
It's made up basically of two things
getting what you want
and second
getting what you want in a way that enables you to get what you want again and again and again
We call it the PPC balance
P stands for production of desired results
PC stands for production capability
in other words
the capability of the asset to continue to produce the results
You can apply this to any field of human endeavor
any field
How many here have had a PPC imbalance with regard to the way you take care of your physical assets
your car
your lawnmower
how many sometimes just run that over and over and not properly maintained
how many you have had that experience
why it takes time to give attention
time and money to attend to PC production capability and people who are in a rush and who want what they want now they'll go ahead and just run that machine or that car with no thought to its maintenance
really no PC attention at all eventually no more golden eggs
the goose dies
Let me ask you what you would do if you were in a situation inside a company
you're in charge of this machine
the machine is producing well
and you want to really impress those people upstairs with the way you can produce and there's very quick upward mobility
so you're really only interested short term production results
what would you do with that machine gear high gear
Run it all the time
No PC
no maintenance
why
That's downtime
that's costs
Just keep that baby running constantly
More and more and more golden eggs
Now you're promoted because there is such quick upward mobility
the growth is just enormous in that organization
Then the next new manager of the machine comes on the scene
By this time
the machine is broken down because of no PC
So he's got to do PC work
maintenance work
repair work
So his cost go like this and his production goes like this
My cost went like this and my production went like that
I wrote black ink
he wrote red ink
So what do we say about my successor
What a loser
really
I mean
why you were there profitable as soon as you left unprofitable
What about our bodies
How many here have the regular practice of a good exercise program
How many know you should
Wellultimately
what will happen
immune system could be weakened
make you vulnerable to all kinds of other diseases
What about the mind
What about the development of the mind
Constant learning
You can become so obsolete so fast if you don't pay the price on a daily basis to stay abreast of your own field and at least some working conceptual knowledge of how that relates to the other fields out there
Can you see why effectiveness with oneself
with body
mindspirit is a PC balance with any physical assets
with even financial assets
How many have gone for the golden eggs from time to time in your life where you started to spend the principle instead of the interest
How many of you ever done that
That is
you want to live a little higher on the hog
So you dip into the principle
the fund
the investment
rather than living on the interest so that you can have more of what you want
Nowthe whole idea of denying yourself
of subordinating it
of the discipline it takes to say before you spend instead of to spend and then be forced to say
and that can then be a seed bed to other human interaction problems or to in the law problems or any other tender
sensitive areas
That's when you start to realize the goose has died or is dying
It's sick
Same thing in a marriage relationship
You may have a situation like I saw a while back with a young president's organization and their families
very successful person
went from nothing to worth hundreds of millions of dollars and had a totally bankrupt family
And the question was asked
was this person truly successful
Use our language
effective
Wellin the business sense
maybe you'd say yes
but in the total sense
in terms of what really matters on one's deathbed
you'd probably say no PC production capability was utterly neglected in the marriage
You're in the family
Can you see why effectiveness at home is a PPC balance
What about business
What happens when you neglect the PC of business
saywith a customer think
Lose that customer
okay
That customer
that customer is going to tell others
and then you're going to lose everyone that she or he has influence over is is why you cannot afford to lose a customer without any question
The most powerful advertising is word of mouth
People just accept it like that
That doesn't mean that you just give the customer everything
It means that you try to create a win win situation so that on balance
what the customer wants and your capacity to keep producing for that customer
your PC is an alignment and their balance together
I remember a clam chatter house that literally was so popular that you could hardly get near the place from about 11 o'clock in the morning till 2 o'clock
People would not only buy it for their lunch
they would buy a big bucket of it for their dinner and take it home
It was so good
it was just so popular
New management came in
No one knew about the change of management
same name and everything else
but they watered down the clam chowder
Now the bottom line
guess what happened
For a month or so
it just zoom like this
Why they save all that cost of that expense and the quality put into the clam chatter
but eventually it liquidated the loyalty of their customer base
liquidated it little by little
the goose died
they tried to recover
but by that time there was a violation that had taken place with the public
Many would not even go back
they didn't trust him anymore
they wouldn't even believe those who said it was the same clam chatter as before
they felt violated
It's so often the case in human organizations that you can liquidate human resources by practices that focus on desired results
production of desired results
but neglects production capability
What about the employee who serves the customer
How can you neglect the PC with that person
Cut out training
cut out institutional advertising
cut out research and development
any form of people development
I mean
you can just about double quadruple the bottom line of any organization you want by cutting out PC and for a quarter or two
what's it going to look like
Look at the golden egg just absolutely raking in
Always treat your people exactly as you want them to treat your finest customers
and they will
in most cases they will
It's a fundamental principle of PC and business
focus on every stakeholder and ask how well is the relationship with this stakeholder sustaining the capacity to produce what we want from that stakeholder
whether it be a supplier
the community
the environment out there
distributorsdealers
as well as the obvious stakeholders of customers
ownersand employees
You really have to ask that question
The ultimate PPC balance is to fight to increase the economic well-being and quality of life of all stakeholders
You neglect one stakeholder who will have a negative domino effect upon all the rest
That's why this PPC balance is so foundational
Now I'd like to introduce you to a concept called the emotional bank account
You know what a financial bank account is
If you were my banker and I were to make many
many deposits into this bank account
it would gradually get larger and larger
I could even take withdrawals from it
But I have great reserve capacity
An emotional bank account is like that as well
You could make many
many deposits over a period of time
which would build my reserve capacity with you if I make a mistake
That is a small withdrawal and the trust is so high
I still have a huge reserve capacity
If I make a huge mistake
that violates in the deepest sense
our agr​‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌​​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌‌​​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌eement
it may cause the emotional bank account to be overdrawn all at one time
See
the concept of the emotional bank account is the production capability side of human relationships
of human interaction
Nowany metaphor
if pushed far enough
will tend to break down
including this one
You don't make deposits in order to take withdrawals
Neverthelessif you have a high emotional bank account
if the quality of that relationship is so good and the trust is so high
you can in fact make mistakes
You can take withdrawals not on purpose
but often unwittingly
unknowinglybecause of insensitivity or whatever
But people understand
just illustrate how many have a high emotional bank account with somebody
a trusted relationship with someone
Think of that person that it is so high you can communicate with them almost without words
Can you think of people
how many have such a high emotional bank account that you can even make mistakes in your communication and they'll still get your meaning
Why
They know your heart
they know what you represent
Now the opposite
how many have a relationship with someone
It is really strained where the trust isn't there
where the emotional bank account is overdrawn
how many have had that in your life or now have one of those in your life
Now
what happens when you communicate
What happens when you are very clear in your communication
It won't take
They're always looking for the hidden agendas
they're reading between the lines
what's going on here really
and if you make a small mistake
boythat thing can be blown all out of proportion
Talk about drowning in a puddle
Talk about exacerbating some small little weakness into a major character flaw or something like that
What originally began as just simple misunderstandings are exacerbated until they become major communication breakdowns
Some people even call them personality conflicts
I was doing a seminar one time on the Oregon coastline
It was so beautiful that we actually held our meetings outside
People just wanted to be immersed in this nature
A lovely day
it was warm
One man came up to me afterwards and said
ohboy
I wish I could enjoy these things
I just can't
what's the problem
Well
I don't know
my wife just grills me like you can't believe
I mean
she just doesn't trust me
She constantly
you know
examines every part of my life
Where have you been
what did you do
who did you go with
what did you do tonight
who'd you go to dinner with
and who can I call to check up on all this
And then we talked a little while
and then he said
of course
I guess she has good reason for all these misgivings
I mean
I met her when I was on one of these trips when I was married to someone else
And I remember saying to him
you can not talk yourself out of problems you behave yourself into
There is no shortcut
There is no quick fix
The law
the harvest governs
Let me share with you a few examples of deposits and withdrawals into the emotional bank account
The first and most important deposit
kindness and courtesy
The opposite
of course
would be unkind and discourtesy
A second deposit
make and keep promises
The opposite of that is don't make promises or make them and break them to make and keep a promise
essentially letsgo other person know you can be counted upon
you're dependable
you will come through
There is no ability like dependability
You gave your word
you kept it
the circumstances changed
you kept it
the mood changed
you kept it
you come through
If the circumstances change to the point that it would be unwise to keep that promise
you immediately communicate and get them to understand those new circumstances so that they will relieve you of the promise
Be very careful before you ever make a promise
particularly if it's about a promise dealing with something that's terribly important to another that is of jugular importance
Be very careful
The withdrawal is not to make any promises at all
thoughbecause you create no hope
That is a withdrawal as well
Not as big
thoughas making one in order to placate someone
to kind of have them be satisfied right now and then to break it downstream because your mood has changed or the circumstances have altered or you just don't want to keep it and you just made it because you wanted to please them at the time
Insecure people make promises freely and quickly all of the time
Another very powerful deposit is the way that you manage expectations
You want to make sure that expectations are clear and unambiguous
Some people
particularly if they're rather immature and insecure will read an expectation as a promise
so you have to be very explicit to manage expectations
If you sense that people implicitly are projecting expectations upon you
sometimes you have to say
let me clarify the expectations so that people
they are at peace
The withdrawal is to have unclear expectations
unidentified expectations
ambiguous expectations
unacknowledged by expectations that lie implicit inside people
Our frustrations are a product of our expectations
and we control our expectations
therefore we indirectly control our frustration or our satisfaction
Another extremely powerful deposit strikes at such a deep tendency that many of us have having to do with being a judge
I call this deposit loyalty to the absent
The withdrawal
of course
would disloyalty and duplicity always be loyal to those who are not present
speak about them as if they were present If you're critical
the Spirit is one of constructive criticism
one of helpfulness or understanding
You see
the moment the two of us sit in bad mouth
our supervisor here
what do you know I'm doing when there's a strain on our relationship
what am I doing
what do you think I'm doing
Wellif there's a strain in our relationship and I'm talking to him about you
what am I doing
Doing the same thing exactly that he and I did about him
YouIt is not principle centered
He knows it
He knows my tendency so that when we speak about the one who is absent in a way that would show respect for him
even if we're critical of him
but in a constructive
positive way
what does he know I'm saying when visiting with him
who is critical of him
that I would do the same thing
In other words
if you want to retain those who are present
be loyal to those who are absent
Now
when the sun is shining and you sit and kind of badmouth somebody
it kind of unites you
doesn't it kind of cement your relationship to see you have a common enemy
as it were
or someone that you both agree on and you can tear into
seekind of unite you
and you look for evidence
then you have breaks and talk about the person and maybe even have lunch over that person's sins and share each other's stories
Make your mind up
And if you're into team building
if you're into culture building
if you're into family building
make a commitment
everybody
If there's any difficulty with another person
what do you do
Go directly to the person
You don't talk behind their back
Failing this
one time
complaining to the university president of a university that I was a visiting professor at about his housing director who had given us such a bad housing situation
contrary to our agreement and expectation
And I was really cutting into the guy his competency
And the president said
Stephen I'm so sorry to hear about this housing situation you're in
The housing directors is such a fine
competent person
Why don't we have in
come on over here and we'll solve the problem together
Oh
nono
no
I don't want to be involved
SeeI didn't say that because that would be obviously so irresponsible
Butoh
that's how I felt inside
I don't want to talk to him
I want to talk about him
This president
he just was matter of fact
And pleasant as the gentleman was coming across campus to the President's Office
I was going through this internal dialogue
What have I got myself into now
I'm probably responsible for part of the miscommunication
Maybe we got what was agreed
I don't know what the situation is
but honestly
I was so humbled by the time he arrived there
You know
how are you
Good to see you
the president could see my duplicity
I mean
10 minutes before what incompetence
there's just no carry through with the original commitment
how are you
A double minded person is unstable in all his ways
Duplicityanother major deposit
If you blow any of the above
learn to apologize
The withdrawal is pride
Learned to apologize
I was wrong
that was unkind
I saw my son the other day cutting into his little sister for cleaning up his desk
he had it all organized to do this project took him a long time
She came in intending to help her brother and organizes it and cleans it up for him
He thought that was a deposit
Seeto him it was withdrawal
Really laying into her
And in the middle of his criticism
he caught himself
oh
I shouldn't take my frustrations out on you
I'm sorry
I know you meant well
And I watched that
and I thought that takes real presents
that takes real maturity
real respect
a lot of personal security
He can
in the middle of his anger
take control over it
the ability to apologize
to forgive and forgive
to let go of resentment
One of the most liberating and freeing things possible
But it's also an enormous deposit to another person
Let me share with you a few thoughts and challenges to encourage you in the process of developing these habits
One of the most important things you can do is to share these ideas with others
with your family
with your friends and associates
Don't just re what you've learned
but talk about the insights you've acquired
And the idea is that you want to implement because that's where the real learning takes place
It is in the teaching and in the sharing
Get with a coach or someone who is also working on these habits
Set a specific time to get together and keep that date
Share insights into what has worked for you and what is not
Discover together how you can overcome the challenges you face in developing all of these habits
Set goals to improve in specific areas
Focus on a single habit
look over your materials
read and reflect on how you can improve in this habit
Revisit the commitments you've made to yourself throughout the course
Don't try to change everything all at once
Listen with your heart
Determine those things that are most important for you to work on right now
Rememberdon't give up
be patient
A strong character is not developed overnight
Choose to live your life based upon correct principles
All of the 7 habits are based on universal principles which have endured throughout the ages
Live the habits
work within your circle of influence and become a transition figure in your work
your community
in your family
Set aside time to go to a quiet place to really think about your mission
What is it you stand for
What is your purpose
what are your values
Keep working through your mission statement until it inspires you
then live by your mission
Choose to put first things first
search for a win
win in every situation
Learn to stop and listen to others first
Listen with your heart value differences
Look at differences as the springboard finding the third alternative
Finallyremember to always sharpen the saw to renew yourself in a very balanced way
The power of these habits is in the doing
in the living
in the continuous day by day improvements
it's a constant effort
We need to make these habits and these principles a part of our very life
We must pay the price by actually living them rather than just understanding them intellectually
I love the quote from TS Eliot
think about this
he once said we must never cease from exploring and the end of our exploring will be to arrive where we began and know the place for the first time
Youin a very real sense
you already know these habits in your heart
The exciting thing is to embark on a lifelong adventure
an exciting time of literally internalizing them and living them and experiencing the magnificent fruits that come in the totality of our lives
I hope you've enjoyed watching and learning more about foundational principles of the Seven Habits
I recommend that you go back and watch this video several more times because real learning is spaced repetition
I highly recommend that you taste this material to your work associates and to your loved ones so that you will better live these principles
This is what I call the inside out approach
So if you want to have a happy marriage
be the kind of person who generates positive energy and sidesteps negative energy rather than empowering it
In short
be a light
not a judge
a model
not a critic
If you want to have a more pleasant
cooperative teenager
be a more understanding
empathicconsistent
loving parent
If you want to have more freedom
more latitude in your job
be more responsible
be more helpful
a more contributing employee
if you want to be trusted
be trustworthy
If you want the secondary greatness of recognized talent
focus first on the primary greatness of character
Hencecharacter and principles are the keys to success
effectivenessand happiness in life
Principles are the guidelines for human conduct that are proven to have enduring permanent value
One way to quickly grasp the self evident nature of principles is to simply consider the absurdity of attempting to live an effective life based on their opposites
I mean
I doubt that any one would seriously consider unfairness
deceitbaseness
uselessnessmediocrity
or degeneration to be a solid foundation for lasting happiness and success
Being effective is learning to do that which produces the desired result if you want to be extremely successful in business or very happy in life
or to achieve some large goal
then being effective is consistently doing the things that will bring about the results you are after
In conclusion
if you'd like to learn more about the Seven Habits
may I invite you to visit me at my website
Stephen covey dot com or our company FranklinCovey dot com dot
I wish each of you all the best on your journey