此时此刻 我能忍受点毒性 At this point, I could stand to be a little perverted.
我想多吃点毒 Yeah, I wanna be a lot perverted.
硅谷 前情提要
我们会开始盈利 并在三年内利润涨五倍 We'll be profitable and up 5X inside three years.
收益底线的五年预测 前路阳光灿烂 保赚不赔
给你三个月时间 You've got three months.
-这是什么 -我的辞职信 -What is this? -My resignation letter.
劳里 你怎么在这里 Laurie, what are you doing here?
我自己成为了姚网络的首席执行官 I've made myself the CEO of the YaoNet.
你就为了这种人离开我 This is who you're walking away for?
-这个死鱼眼 -别 别 别 -This googly‐eyed... -No, no, no. No!
-我的天 -你自找的 理查德 -Oh my god! -You did this, Richard!
敬我们日后的共同事业 Cheers to our future endeavors together.
我们不会挖掘用户数据 We will not mine user data.
我之前说得很清楚 I was very clear about that.
你要是不收我的钱 理查德 If you do not take my money, Richard...
你可不会有什么好下场 It will be very bad for you. ‐
-十亿 -是的 -A billion dollars? -Yes.
有人开价十亿 A man offered us a billion dollars,
你却拒绝了 and you said no?
他是坏人 他会把我们塑造成 A very bad man, and he would've turned us
我们最可怕的样子 into the worst possible version of ourselves.
道德是无价的 I mean, you can't put a price on ethics.
但你貌似刚刚标了价 But it seems you just did.
十亿 One billion dollars.
莫妮卡 你都不在乎吗 Monica... you were okay with this?
什么 Y‐Yes?
理查德 Richard,
还记得你拒绝盖文·贝尔森 do you remember when you turned down
开的一千万吗 $10 million from Gavin Belson?
你是上瘾了吗 Did that start some sick addiction to turning down money?
你就完全跟着感觉走了吗 上瘾的傻逼 Are you just chasing that dragon, you sick junkie fuck?!
迪尼希 听我说 如果当初我拿了一千万 Now, Dinesh, look, if I'd taken that 10 million,
那我们现在这个公司 you wouldn't own two and a half percent
就没有你的2.5%股权了 of everything we've built here!
十个亿的2.5%是2500万呢 Two and a half percent of a billion dollars is $25 million!
是啊 但严格来说 Yes, but, actually, the billion dollars
他用十亿买了10%的股份 was to own ten percent of the company.
我不是吹毛求疵 但严格来说 你的身价 So, not to split hairs, you would, uh, technically,
应该是2.5个亿 be worth... 250 million.
操 Fuck!
假设利率是3.65% At an interest rate of 3.65 percent,
十个亿放银行能有 leaving a billion dollars in the bank would get you
每年3650万 $36.5 million a year.
每天就是10万 也就是 That's a hundred grand a day. That's...
-每分钟69美元 -每分钟69美元 -Sixty‐nine dollars a minute. -Sixty‐nine dollars a minute!
那么大一笔钱 Think about all the gold chain
你得买多少金链子 you could've bought with that money.
我觉得利率 I actually don't think...
应该没那么高 that interest rate is accurate because...
-30年国库券的利率 -也就2.9% -Even a 30‐year T‐bill is only‐--Two‐point‐nine percent.
-2.9 -你刚那些废话 -Two‐point‐nine. -All your blathering
又让我们少赚了2.32美元 just now would've made us $2.32.
我觉得数字不太对 Again, I‐I don't think that's right because,
假设年利率是3个点 那刚才少赚的都不到2美元 assuming an APR of three, I cost us well under two dollars,
算不上... So it's not even...
不好意思 Um, sorry, uh...
-喂 -理查德 -Hello? -Richard!
我是马克西莫 It's Maximo.
我们在打电话哎 你还好吗 We are on the phone. How are you?
我知道 挺好的 Yeah, I know. I'm fine.
刚还聊你了呢 我和科林 We were just talking about you, myself and Colin.
-科林 -对啊 -Colin? -Oh, yes.
科林来了 Colin is here.
他对你摆了个V字手势 He is making the peace sign to you.
你还记得之前是怎么拒绝我投资的吗 Now, you remember how you refused to take my money?
科林可是没拒绝 Well, Colin, he did take my money.
他现在要离开你们公司 So, now he is leaving your network.
等会 去哪 Wait, to go where?
去一位新朋友的公司 劳里·布里姆 Oh, to the network run by new friend, Laurie Bream.
你还记得我说过 你要是拒绝我投资 Now, you remember when I said if you did not take my money,
后果很严重吗 it would be very bad for you?
我来告诉你后果是什么吧 Well, let me tell you what is going to happen to you next.
对她来说太多了 Which was too, too, too much for her,
她就去51街找X医生 so she went down 51st Street to see Dr. X,
就是给了她8片药的人 这样她就 who gave her eight pills, which left her...
没胸了 Boobless.
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第
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-科林走了 -对 -So, Colin's out. -Yes.
我们啥也没拿到 So, our profits are... zero.
比那还严重 It's worse than that.
马克西莫把劳里在魔笛手的股份都买了 Maximo has bought all of Laurie's Pied Piper shares,
还有大头他爹的股份 as well as all the shares of Big Head's dad.
他现在有公司30%的股份 He now owns 30 percent of the company.
所以 要想筹资活下去 So, the only way we can raise money to stay alive
只能卖股份 但只要想卖 is by selling shares, but the second we do that...
马克西莫就会买走 Maximo buys them.
对 而他一旦拿到股权 Yeah, and when he gets a majority stake,
就能为所欲为了 he can do whatever he wants.
关门 把我们所有人开了 Shut us down, fire all of us,
把我们的IP用到劳里的网络上 Take our IP to Laurie to use on her network.
他要饿死咱们 He's starving us out.
我们还能撑多久 How long can we survive?
坎迪亚之围持续了二十一年 Well, the Siege of Candia lasted 21 years.
有点东西哦 Well, that's something.
1669年才结束 It ended in 1669,
因为奥斯曼帝国的士兵 when the Ottoman soldiers were infected with plague
被死者的脾脏和腹股沟腺炎的液体感染 after being attacked with the liquid
得了瘟疫 from the spleens and buboes of the dead.
腹股沟腺炎是啥 What's a bubo?
瘟疫感染的淋巴结 Plague‐infested lymph nodes.
那他们是 把它们掏出来扔给了对方吗 So, they would, like, scoop them out and throw them at people?
妈的 妈的 Fuck! Fuck.
理查德 你刚刚是不是企图锤墙但没锤中 Richard, did you just try to punch the wall and miss?
不 我就碰一下 我做到了 Nope. I clipped it. I got it.
就像这样 Sort of like that.
明白了 所以 I see. So,
理查德·亨德里克斯报案之前 until a Richard Hendricks reports an assault,
我按理说是不能自首了 I‐I technically can't turn myself in for it?
没错 That is correct.
那限制令怎么样 And what about a restraining order?
我能代表他给我自己搞一个吗 Can I‐I take one out against myself on his behalf?
不行 No.
那要是我滋事挑衅呢 听听这个 What if I threaten you guys? Just hear me out...
蠢猪 我祝您被骗去加班 Fucking pigs. I‐I hope that you get cheated out of your overtime.
白痴 这个怎么样 How about that, dickless?
你不如直接给那货打个电话 Maybe you could just try calling the guy?
你为什么在跟警察讲话 Why were you talking to the police?
就一点私事 Oh, it was just a personal issue.
你不该把他们引过来 You should not bring them here.
去他妈的警察 Fuck the police.
杨建 你没在干什么违法的事吧 Jian‐Yang, you're not doing anything illegal here, are you?
我在干 Yes.
大家都去哪了 Where is everyone?
贾里德为这里制造了混乱 Jared is bringing chaos to the house,
而混乱不利于我们的生意 and chaos is bad for our business.
嗯 我们啥生意 Yeah. What is our business?
我告诉过你 你不知道对咱俩都好 I told you, it's a better for both of us if you do not know.
哦对 好吧 Oh, right. Yeah.
我们得甩掉格瓦特 We need to get rid of Gwart.
只有这样才能甩掉贾里德 It's the only way to get rid of Jared.
格瓦特 Gwart.
是的 Yes.
理查德 Richard?
-盖文 -你看起来糟透了 -Gavin. -You look like shit.
你也是 So do you.
你的手怎么了 What happened to your hand?
我锤墙来着 I punched a wall.
好的 Cool.
来一杯吗 Want a drink?
你不觉得有点早 Don't you think it's a little early‐‐
是康普茶 有人参和柠檬草 理查德 It's kombucha with ginseng and lemongrass, Richard.
我可他妈不是流浪汉 I'm not a fucking hobo.
我只是想做个金灿灿的百万富翁 All I wanted to do was be a golden millionaire.
这要求很过分吗 Is that too much to ask?
一个被尿淋过的百万富翁 A millionaire that gets peed on?
我看你已经实现了一半 I could see you making half that happen.
不 我是说在你这个年纪有几百万 No, you have as many millions as your age.
硅谷里的每个人都富得流油 I mean, everyone in the Valley is swimming in money.
我为什么不可以呢 Why not me?
我相信你们对此是有一种说法的 I believe your people have a concept for it.
-因果报应 -首先 -Karma. -Firstly,
我是来自巴基斯坦的穆斯林 你他妈的种族主义者 I am Muslim from Pakistan, you fucking racist.
其次 因果报应并不存在 Secondly, karma does not exist.
不然 我总是不走运 Otherwise, it would mean that bad things
就只能因为我是个坏人 happen to me because I'm a bad person.
这两件事都是真的 Check... and check.
我是个坏人 Oh, I'm a bad person?
居然从一个撒旦崇拜者嘴里说出来 Says the guy who literally worships Satan.
我是个很好的人 I am a great guy.
在我年轻的时候 我会认为生命只是 In my youth, I would've argued that life is just
一系列的偶然 没有任何意义 a series of random events, devoid of any meaning.
但作为一个数据科学家 我必须认识到 But as a data scientist, I have to recognize
有时候 还是有规律可循的 that sometimes, patterns emerge.
毋庸置疑的规律 Undeniable patterns.
向宇宙屈服吧 Get right with the universe.
迪尼希 Dinesh?
你好吧 堂兄 What is up, my cousin?
吉尔弗约尔 Hey, uh, Gilfoyle,
-你还刻我堂弟瓦基德吗 -记得 -You remember my cousin, Wajeed? -Yes.
哥们 我本想给你打电话来着 Coz, I have been meaning to call you.
记得去年你要把我给你的 Remember last year when you wanted to sell
所有"哥们儿"股份出售吗 all those shares of Bro that I gave you?
我当时就想说 不要卖啊 And I was like, don't sell those shares!
而你却说 "我需要钱 And you were like, "I need the money
给我的特斯拉买脚垫 "to buy floor mats for my Tesla, so I can make a guy
好让公司里的丹尼不开心" named Danny in the office feel bad."
记性不错 Good memory. Um,
但是 "哥们"基本上停止运作了 but, you know, Bro was basically out of business.
曾经是 It was.
但命运太疯狂了 But so wild!
你卖掉股份后 我把"哥们" After you sold those shares, I sold Bro to MoveShack
廉价卖给了动感屋 而就在昨天 for basically nothing, and yesterday,
动感屋被快拍收购了 MoveShack got "Acquired"
我们赚翻了 by Snapchat, and, uh... we crushed it!
-你赚了多少钱 -你不会相信的 -How much did you make? -Oh, you won't believe this‐‐
不不不 别告诉他 他会不舒服的 别说了
六千万 Sixty million dollars?
没错 六千万 Yes, 60 million dollars!
我是个千万富翁 I'm a golden millionaire!
六个千万富翁 Times two!
所以 迪尼希先卖掉了他的股份 So, Dinesh sold his shares,
然后你们就咸鱼翻身了 对吗 and then your fortunes turned around. Is that right?
很奇怪 但就是这么巧合 Weird. It's just like that time.
你还记得你 我 还有阿里在河边玩... Remember, you, me, and Ali, we went down to play by the river...
-无聊的故事 -然后 迪尼希... -Oh... Boring story. -...and then, and then Dinesh,
你偷偷回家了 you snuck home so that you could get Ali's jump rope
自己去玩阿里的跳绳 and play with it by yourself,
而没有告诉他 without telling him,
然后阿里跟我就找到了 and then Ali and I found a giant...
一大盒英式糖果 giant box of British candy.
你喜欢糖果 You love candy.
简直棒极了 Oh, it was the best.
不管怎样 我是千万富翁 Anyway, I'm a golden millionaire.
喝的我请吧 How about I buy drinks, yeah?
-报应是混... -你才是混蛋 -Karma's a‐--You're a bitch.
反正 他妈的美国政府 Anyway, the fucking US government
把全部交易都否决了 你能相信吗 blocked the entire thing. Can you believe that?
我是有交税的 I pay taxes.
-其实不怎么交 但是... -没错 -I mean, I don't, but... -Yeah.
但你看 我觉得 But look, I mean, I think
我们比你更惨 we're even more fucked than you are.
我们真是同病相怜啊 We're quite a pair, aren't we?
敬我们 敬角斗场中人 To us. To the men in the arena,
在凯撒的注视下 生死由命 living or dying under the watchful gaze of Caesar.
您满意吗 Are you not entertained?
嗨 能聊聊吗
是贾里德·邓恩发的 你还记得他吗 It's, uh, from Jared Dunn. Do you remember him?
当然 他现在怎么样 Of course. How's he doing?
其实 说来好笑 Actually, uh, funny enough,
他刚甩了我去服侍 he just bailed on me to go work for some...
一家在我之前那个孵化器里的创业公司 sexy new startup back at my old hacker hostel.
真讽刺 他就是这么甩了我去找你的 Ironic. Exactly the same way he left me, for you.
贾里德总能慧眼识人 Jared always had an eye for talent.
或许我该说谢谢 Thanks, I guess.
你的案子有被CIFIUS So, what was the munition
抓到什么实锤吗 that CIFIUS got on your case for?
是一些 Some kind of...
-非法黑客工具 -还有更糟的 -Illegal hacking tool? -You wanna hear the worst part?
是一个名为代号F的交友软件 It's a fucking dating app called Foxhole.
-一个软件 -是 -An app? -Yep!
我不能关闭 因为我的投资人会受损失 I can't shut it down because my investors will lose their shit,
也卖不了 谁会想要一个 and I can't sell it because who the fuck wants something
-有诸多限制的应用 -是啊 -With all those restrictions on it? -Right.
总之 Anyway...
这杯敬我们 Here's to us,
猎鹰号海上巡逻机 the Shackletons,
-被自然最残忍地背叛 -等等 -Betrayed by nature's cruelest whims... -Wait.
-她渴望 -抱歉 等下 -...her wants‐--Sorry, just‐‐
如果我拥有代号F If I owned Foxhole,
是不是就能阻止那位仁兄 wouldn't that prevent this Chilean guy
继续买入我的股份 from buying more of my shares?
还有呢 其实 Actually, it would go even further.
他还得卖掉所有他手头上的股份 He'd have to sell all the shares he already owns.
好 那么 Okay, so, um,
如果你把代号F卖给我 就能 if you sell me Foxhole, I mean, that would
救我于水火 当然了 certainly save my ass, obviously,
但也能救你一把 but it would also save yours
这样你想把公司搬到哪都可以 because then you could move your operations wherever you wanted.
完美 是不是 I mean, it's kind of perfect, right?
对我们双方同样有益 It would benefit us both, equally.
-天哪 -是吧 -Holy shit. -Yeah.
盖文 我知道我们互相看不惯 Um, look, Gavin, I know we always haven't seen eye‐to‐eye,
我们不是什么好朋友 但是 we're not the best of friends, but...
这也许真是个能 this may be a chance to actually
互相帮助的机会 对吧 help each other out, right?
你说呢 What do you say?
我觉得 这不是明摆着的吗 I mean... isn't it obvious?
我说 不 I say... no!
-什么 -不 -What? -No!
去你妈的 理查德 Fuck no, Richard!
我不能做对你有益的事 I can't make a move that would benefit you.
你是我竞争对手 不能帮助敌人 You're my competition. Help no rival.
这是生意基本准则之一 It's one of the basic principles of business.
我们刚刚可是花了一个小时 We just spent the last hour bonding about
聊这一行有多残忍和不择手段 how this business is comprised of backstabbers and cutthroats.
没错啊 这一行就这样 Yes, exactly! That's what this is.
有点怪是吧 你不懂 It's a little weird you don't get it.
我能帮你啊 盖文 I could help you, Gavin.
你已经帮了 理查德 You already have, Richard!
我刚一直坐在这 深感无力 I mean, I was sitting up here feeling totally just impotent,
然后你就来了 吐露心肠 and then you came along and exposed your underbelly,
甚至求我插你一刀 and practically begged me to plunge the knife in!
虽然我自己还是得处理一大摊子问题 I mean, I still have a deep hole to crawl out of,
但是这个头儿起的不错 but this is a fucking great start.
看哪 Look at that.
我都不觉得难受了 It barely hurts anymore.
恕我失陪了 Well, if you'll excuse me,
我要去练习我的铁人三项 I have a triathlon to train for,
我突然觉得充满无限力量 and I'm suddenly feeling a wellspring of energy.
听着 理奇 Look, Richie,
你几乎没有选择了 you're basically outta options.
你的意思是... So, what are you saying? That...
我只能躺下等死吗 I just lay down and die?
我不觉得这是你所谓的死路 兄弟 I take issue with your definition of die, my dude.
我可以马上打给那个 I can get that Chilean
智利贱人 让他给你钱 cat on the phone right now and get you paid.
这没什么丢脸的 There's no shame in it.
马斯克卖掉了他创造的贝宝 Musk built PayPal and sold.
霍夫曼卖掉了他创造的领英 Hoffman built LinkedIn and sold.
你最近见到过这些人吗 You seen those guys lately?
我不在乎钱 不是因为钱 I don't care about the money, that's not why I got into this.
理奇 我能对你说一次实话吗 Richie, can I be honest with you for once?
一次 你是我的律师 For once? You're my attorney.
你记得赛尔玛和路易丝的结局吗 You remember the end of Thelma and Louise?
[来自电影《末路狂花》]
她们开着车摔下悬崖 How they drove that car off the cliff?
为什么 那是一辆66年产的全新福特雷鸟 Why? That was a mint '66 T‐Bird.
她们不用开车也能跳崖 They didn't need that car to get over the cliff.
为什么要搭上一辆车 Why'd that car have to die?
我觉得这里面涉及了... I‐I think it had something to do with, um,
-女权什么的 -十分重要 -Women's rights or something? -Important stuff.
但是...抱歉 你想说什么 But... sorry, what's your point?
我想说 理奇 My point, Richie,
你想跳崖 赛尔玛 随便你 is you wanna go over the cliff, Thelma, that's fine.
好吧 你做你想做的 All right? You do you.
但是你要记得还有五百多人 But you gotta remember there are 500 other people
会和你一起丧命 in the trunk that are gonna burst into flames with you.
为了什么 And for what?
电脑吗 Computers?
是贾里德 他给我打了一天电话了 That's Jared. He's been calling me all day.
我一会儿回给你行吗 我在忙 Uh, hey, can I call you back? I'm in the middle of something.
你和盖文·贝尔森提到了格瓦特的公司 Did you talk to Gavin Belson about Gwart's company,
还说她性感吗 and call her sexy?
什么 没有 Uh, what? No.
算是吧 我就一带而过 I mean, yes, but I barely mentioned it.
你说她性感了没有 有还是没有 Did you call her sexy? Yes or no?
我想我更多提到的是她的技术 I think I was more talking about her tech.
就是说 你告诉盖文·贝尔森 So, you told Gavin Belson,
那只沉睡的雄狮 a lion in repose,
格瓦特是一个潜在的威胁 that Gwart was a potential threat,
现在杨建把我们贱卖给了他 and now Jian‐Yang is selling us to him for pocket change.
-杨建可以这样做吗 -是的 ‐Jian‐Yang can do that? ‐Yeah.
他拥有公司六成股份 他可以为所欲为 He owns 60 percent of the company. He can do whatever he wants.
盖文要关闭我们公司 理查德 Gavin is shutting us down, Richard.
格瓦特非常生气 都不肯看我 Gwart is so mad, she won't even look at me.
-该死 -你想报复我 -Aah, fuck. -You know, if you want revenge on me,
没关系 that's fine.
但是你针对格瓦特 But to go after Gwart?
她没有 She doesn't have
你的小聪明和冷酷无情 理查德 your savvy or your ruthlessness, Richard.
她去远足都要带耳塞 Hell, she has to wear earplugs on hikes
因为森林太吵了 because the forest is too loud.
我和盖文聊这些只是为了拯救魔笛手 Look, I was only talking to Gavin to save Pied Piper.
我完全不知道他是... I‐I had no idea he was ‐‐
一个魔鬼 你当然知道 A monster? Of course you did!
这是你这些年一直在念叨的 That's all you talked about for years!
"盖文是一个魔鬼 "Gavin is a monster.
可怜的魔笛手 我是理查德·亨德里克斯" Poor Pied Piper. I'm Richard Hendricks."
我觉得我的声音没有那么低 I don't think my voice is that deep.
现在谁是坑兄弟的狗逼 I mean, who is the buddy‐fucker now?
你是坑兄弟的狗逼 You are the buddy‐fucker.
我们是要拯救那辆雷鸟 So, we gonna save that T‐Bird,
还是想继续开着跳崖 or are we gonna take her right over the cliff?
所以 So, uh,
我知道这比十亿少很多 look, I‐I know it's not a billion dollars,
但 基于我们现在的处境 but, um, given the situation...
这个报价其实不低 it's actually a very good deal.
你想把公司卖了吗 Do you want to sell the company?
不 我不想 No, I don't.
迪尼希 我不想 但是 Dinesh, I don't, but...
罗恩说得对 Ron is right.
马克西莫无论如何也会拿到我们公司 Maximo is getting it no matter what.
不如就此放手吧 Why just give it away?
对 也是 Right. Yeah.
听着 无论如何 你们都 Look, anyway, you guys have done...
做了该做的一切 这是你们应得的 everything I've asked for, so, uh, you all deserve this.
我们可以既拿钱也当好人 对不对 Well, we can take the money and still be good people, right?
再说了 理查德是首席执行官 Plus, Richard is the CEO,
我必须服从他的领导 so I have to follow his orders.
没人因为服从领导 I mean, no one's ever been a bad person
而变成了坏人 对吧 'cause they followed orders, right?
各位 没有别的出路了 You guys, there's really no other option.
-还有 -什么 不 -Yes, there is. -What? No.
如果互利不愿意卖代号F Okay, if Hooli won't sell us Foxhole...
我们直接买下互利就行了 We could just buy Hooli.
是啊 Right. Yeah.
就像我们能买下全美国一样 The same way we can buy America and everything in it.
不 我是认真的 我们刚知道了 No, I'm serious. We just found out
互利的估值 how much Hooli's worth,
真的不高 and it's not that much.
等下 我们怎么知道互利的估值的 Sorry, how do we know how much Hooli's worth?
盖文用互利的股票买下了格瓦特的公司 Gavin bought Gwart's company using Hooli stock?
于是他暴露他的底牌 And when he did, he tipped his hand.
他真的把公司拖垮了 He really ran it into the ground.
而马克西莫的报价太高 Yeah, and Maximo's offer's so strong
让我们的价格飙升 that our price just shot up.
天呐 我们比互利值钱了 Holy shit. We're worth more than Hooli.
贾里德 Uh, hey Jared, uh,
-谢谢你 -省省吧 -Thank you for… -Save it.
我不是为了你 是为了格瓦特 I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing it for Gwart.
你一买下互利 The second you own Hooli, you release us
就让放我们自由 没得商量 to become independent, nonnegotiable.
当然 没问题 Of course. Sure, yeah.
如果你希望如此 没问题 If that's what you want. Cool.
各位 So, guys...
我们要这么做吗 Are we really doing this?
去他的 做 Fuck it. Yeah.
我觉得我们必须要做 I think we have to.
我们得想一晚上 We have to sleep on it.
行 Okay.
我们要买下互利了 We're gonna buy Hooli.
关键问题 Big question,
我们要怎么买互利 How do we buy Hooli?
要想拿到现金 我们得把自己的股份 Well, in order to get the cash, we have to sell a chunk
卖给马克西莫以外的人 of our shares to someone other than Maximo,
而且 那个人一定会亏一大笔 and, I mean, whoever we rope into that is gonna lose a fortune.
-为什么 -我们是以 -Because...? -Well, we'd be selling to them
目前的高价卖给他 at our current high price.
等我们买下互利和代号F And when we acquire Hooli and Foxhole,
CIFIUS会要求马克西莫抛售他的股份 CIFIUS will force Maximo to dump all his shares,
我们的估值就会大跌 and our valuation will plummet.
我没法对别人做这样的事 And I couldn't do that to anyone.
是吗 你居然做不出 Oh? Couldn't you?
我觉得我也做不到 Yeah, I'm not sure I could do it either.
行了 那就没法买了 对不对 Okay! Deal breaker then, right?
因为我也想不出可以忽悠的人 'Cause there's no one I could do that to either.
真的没有吗 Oh, isn't there...
兄弟 bro?
该死 Oh, God damn it.
你想让我投资你的公司 You want me to be an investor in your company?
是的 I do.
听起来好棒 That...that is so cool.
我不知道为什么我这么惊讶 But I don't know why I'm surprised because
因为你真的是我认识的最伟大的人 you're literally the greatest guy that I know.
什么 What?
就在上周 法鲁克打给我说 Yeah! I mean, literally last week, Farooq was calling me, and he was like,
你知道谁是个好人吗 "Hey, you know who's a good guy?"
我当时就说那当然是我堂兄迪尼希了 And I was like, "My cousin Dinesh!"
他就说是啊是啊你的堂兄 And he was like, "Yes. Yes, your cousin,
-迪尼希 -那就是我 -Dinesh." -That's me.
我不太好意思说这个 It's hard for me to say,
但我觉得我们应该多聚聚 but I think we should hang out more, okay?
是我不好 等我和我朋友回来后 And that's my fault, and I promise that I will call you
我一定会马上打给你 as soon as me and my friends get back.
你们要去哪 Where you guys going?
我们要去North Shore Oh, we're just gonna go down to the North Shore
因为 because...
我在夏威夷买了80英亩地 老兄 ...I bought 80 acres in Hawaii, bro!
那个沙滩特别的私密 And the beach is, like, pretty private or whatever,
但那里有超模在拍时尚大片 but there's, like, fashion shoots and supermodels?
快签吧 Just sign it.
HooliCares 三项全能
谢谢你们这些三项全能运动员今天来到这里 Thank you, triathletes, for being here today
支持这项美好的事业 HooliCares to support a wonderful cause, HooliCares.
互利在关怀 Hooli cares.
你们呢 Do you?
各就各位 Take your marks.
他下水了 He's in the water.
你确定吗 You sure?
我黑进了盖文的HooliWatch I cracked into Gavin's HooliWatch.
别问我是怎么做到的 Don't ask me how I did it.
盖文的互利表 盖文的随从
我能获取他的实时定位 I've got real time GPS location,
血压体温和脉搏 blood pressure, body temperature, heart rate.
我都能知道他现在正处于哪个月经周期 I can even see where he is in his menstrual cycle.
正是操翻他的好机会 Looks like a good day to fuck him.
我想我们是要这样聊上一整天了 So, I guess we're gonna talk all damn day?
-这就是我们的计划吗 -不 不是的 -That the play? -Uh, no. No.
我们现在打给他 We're calling him, okay? So...
-我们开始吧 -好 因为这看起来像是 -Let's do this. -Okay. 'Cause it just seemed like...
莱克斯·斯凯尔顿吗 我是理查德·亨德里克斯 Lex Skelton. Hey, uh, it's, um, Richard Hendricks.
我希望你能召集 I'd like to ask for you to call
一次互利董事会的紧急会议 an emergency meeting of the Hooli board of directors.
从侧翼包夹那个戴黑帽子的混蛋 Flank that little fucker in the black cap!
我们试着联系盖文·贝尔森 Uh, we've tried to, uh, contact Gavin Belson,
但他没有回应 but, uh, he hasn't responded.
但我们的确达到了法定人数 We do, however, have a quorum.
我们继续吧 Let's proceed.
太好了 我想向你们 Great. Well, I would like to present you
提供一份报价 鉴于互利现在的状况 with an offer, and, uh, judging by the current state of Hooli,
我觉得你们会很感兴趣 I think you'll find it very interesting.
根据公司的章程 All right, according to the company charter,
盖文·贝尔森有两个小时的时间来正式反对 Gavin Belson does have two hours to formally object.
是的 两小时 Right. Yeah, two hours,
盖文的互利表 盖文的随从
那么 so...
没有问题 That's no problem at all.
你们也看到我的报价了 You've seen my offer,
除非每个人都同意卖掉 but unless everyone agrees to sell,
那我才会收购 因为我需要 there's no deal because I need
对公司完全的掌控 有谁同意 total control of the company. So, who's in?
理查德 我们很多人都进退两难 Richard,I expect a lot of us are on the fence here.
就我个人而言 我和盖文共事了很多年了 Personally, I've been with Gavin for a lot of years,
所有人都同意吗 Everyone?
好吧 那我不会从中阻挠的 All right. I suppose I won't stand in the way then.
好 Okay!
那好 我一会儿把整个文件 Good, yeah. I'll just email you
发给你 你签个电子签名 the long form, and you can just eSign--
电子签名 不 ESign? No!
我们不认这套 We don't do that.
-什么 -之前不认 之后也不会认 -WHat? -Never have, never will.
你要是想完成交易 You want this deal to close,
就带着文件来找我们 让所有人亲手签名 you bring us the forms, get everyone's hard signature,
然后再带过来给我会签 and then bring them to me to countersign.
有什么问题吗 Is that a problem?
没 No.
使劲推 使劲推 使劲推 More push, more push, more push!
他刚刚加速了 Whoa, he just sped up!
信号有点延迟 不过我觉得他是在骑车 There's been some lag, but I think he's on the bike.
盖文的互利表 盖文的随从
-我们得抓紧了 各位 -我知道 -Okay, we gotta hustle, guys. -I'm aware.
好了 大家都知道自己该去干嘛吗 All right, everybody know where they're going?
你们去找他们签名 You go, you get the signatures,
-然后我们莱克斯的办公室见好吗 -好 -We meet at Lex's offices, yeah? -Yeah.
那好 抓紧抓紧 Okay. Quick, quick.
动作快点 快点 快 Come on, come on, come on!
走走走 Go, go, go!
一个搞定 One down.
下一位在市场路 The next one's up on Market.
沿这条街直走然后右转就好 Just up this block and take a right.
定位告诉你这么走的吗 Is that what the GPS says?
-不是 我... -要不你来开 -No, I---OKay, do you wanna drive?
不 贾里德 听着... No, Jared. Look--
-我是特里·格罗斯 -我们是不是该谈谈 -I'm Terry Gross. -Look, should we maybe talk about
我的嘉宾是一位医学生物伦理学家 My guest is a medical bioethicist who
曾亲身体会过大麻成瘾的痛苦 learned about opioid dependence the hard way.
在做出这么重大的财务决策之前 You know, I really ought to consult with my wife
我真的必须跟我妻子商量一下 before I make such a big financial decision.
你真要让一个女人告诉你该怎么做吗 You're really gonna let a woman tell you what to do?
这边 Over here!
谢谢 Oh, thank you.
我这儿就快完事了 Almost done here.
盖文刚开始跑步 Gavin's just starting the run.
他的血氧含量简直一团糟 His blood O2 is dog shit.
血氧含量低
-J计划吗 先生 -J计划 -Plan J, sir? -Plan J!
Jay Jay!
你来当我的替身 You are my spitting image.
我跟你在离终点400米处碰头 I'll meet you a quarter mile from the finish line.
快 快 快 快跑 Go, go, go, go, go!
我宝刀未老 胡佛 I still got it, Hoover.
那是自然 先生 I know you do, sir.
只要杰不出岔子 As long as Jay doesn't fuck up,
我就能破了自己的记录 I'm gonna beat my personal record.
我看看 我们是十点开始的 Let's see, we started at 10:00,
现在是... and now it's...
我把手表给杰了 I gave Jay my watch.
搞什么鬼 The fuck?!
掉头 掉头 胡佛 Turn around! Turn around, Hoover!
操他妈的 Mother fuck!
-你找他们所有人都签好字了是吗 -对 -So, you've got them all signed, have you? -Yeah.
你只要把所有文件会签就好了 And you can just, uh, countersign all that, and-and,
需要你签字的文件在最后 your form to sign is at the end there.
签完我们就在你眼前消失 Do that, and we'll be out of your way.
弗莱斯卡 Fresca.
让我来好好看看 Let's have a look-see, huh?
"致有关... "To whom it may...
人员" concern."
其实 需要你签字的那一页... Okay, and actually, the signature page--
-我又不是没干过 -好 -I've done these things before! -Yep.
是是 我知道 不好意思 No, I know. I know.
什么叫不能打扰 What do you mean not to be disturbed?
我这里几百万条短信说他 I just got a million texts that he's about
马上要签字放弃我整个公司了 to sign away my whole fucking company!
我是盖文·贝尔森 妈的你个废话篓子 It's Gavin fucking Belson, you clattering magpie!
喂 Hello?
妈的 Fuck!
赶紧去莱克斯那儿 快点 We need to get to Lex's. Now!
好了 看完七页 All right. Seven down,
还剩最后一页 One to go!
是 签好这个文件我们就能 Yep. Yeah, just finish signing that form there, and we will‐‐
别 莱克斯 住手 Stop! Lex, stop!
盖文 Gavin?
-什么 -我还以为他还在比赛 -Huh? -I thought he was in the race.
-盖文 -是 还在比赛 -Gavin. -Yeah, he is.
看起来他在离终点一英里处等着 Looks like he's waiting about a mile from the finish line.
你还真能偷偷摸摸的来两下子 理查德 You are a sneaky little gladiator, aren't you, Richard?
但'互利'章程可是我写的 But the Hooli charter, which I wrote,
按里面的规定 我有权终止此次交易 gives me the right to block this transaction.
其实 并没有 Uh, no. It doesn't.
她说得没错 你 Yeah, that's right. You, uh,
你在两小时内有否决权 而那两小时 you had two hours, which lapsed—
七分钟前就过去了 Seven minutes ago.
不好意思 还真是 I'm afraid they're right.
该死 Shit.
好吧 我不能一票否决交易 Okay, fine! I can't block it!
但拜托 莱克斯 我们也是交情深厚了 But come on, Lex! We have a history together!
'互利'收到的第一张支票就是你给开的 You wrote the very first check to Hooli.
我们在一起赚钱都有30年了 You're not gonna turn your back on 30 years
你不会想就这么抛下我走人了吧 of making money together, are you?
我知道 我们现在状况不是很好 I know we're not in the strongest position right now,
但我会打拼回去的 这我最擅长 but I will fight my way back, that's what I do.
我不介意拳打脚踢 手段下流 I kick and I scrap and I play dirty.
为了获胜不择手段 我本可以帮 Anything to win! I--could've
理查德脱离困境 但我没有 我阴了他 bailed Richard out, but I didn't! I fucked him!
之后我还阴了这位 And then, I fucked over...
看着跟要打世界扑克巡回赛似的这位 "World poker tour" there!
完全出于恶意 反正我想整他就能整 Just for the spite of it, just because I could!
听着 别管那些什么废话 Look, forget all the bullshit about
创建更美好的未来 什么的 making the world a better place.
硅谷现在最值钱的公司 The most valuable companies in this valley
还不都是由那些野蛮的人创建运营的 were built and run by-by savages,
而是肯为取胜去作弊的人 扎克伯格乔布斯 who cheat to win. Zuckerberg, and Jobs,
和我本人 盖文·贝尔森 and me, Gavin Belson.
所以求你了 莱克斯 放下笔 So please, Lex, put the pen down.
留下 别动你的投资 Leave your money where it is.
如果这比赛是要比谁做人更混蛋 If this is a competition to find out who the shittier person is,
我也没什么好说的了 I'm not sure it's something that I can add to.
我有 I can.
-迪尼希 -这话我得说 -Dinesh? -This must be said.
盖文 你觉得你是全城最恶劣的人 Gavin, you think you're the most spiteful guy in town,
其实你都不是这屋里最恶劣的人 but you're not even the most spiteful guy in this room.
事实是 The truth is...
我不是个好人 I'm a bad person.
你以为我们怎么拿到谈这笔买卖的钱的 How do you think we got the money for this deal?
我睁着眼睛撒谎 骗了我堂弟 I lied to my cousin's face.
他最后会损失四千万美金 多多少少 He is going to lose $40 million, give or take,
还会失去他夏威夷的地产 我希望 plus his estate in Hawaii... I hope.
看吧 我就是个混蛋 See?! I suck!
你们知道我本该跟个我有点怕的女生分手 Did you know that instead of breaking up with a girl that scared me,
结果我向FBI举报把她送进了监狱吗 I called the FBI and sent her to prison?
-还有特斯拉 -哦对 -The Teslas. -Right.
我还曾经胁迫我的直接下属 I pressured my direct reports
去买她们负担不起的特斯拉 to buy Teslas that they could not afford
就因为我想跟一个叫丹尼的家伙比谁车好 because I wanted better wheels than a guy named Danny.
我还在八岁的时候 And when I was eight years old,
我偷了我朋友阿里的跳绳 I stole my friend Ali's jump rope
把它绑在了一辆马上开走的卡车后面 and tied it to the back of a truck that drove away,
然后告诉他我也不知道跳绳哪里去了 and then I told him I had no idea what happened to it.
在他晚上哭着睡着之后 And when he cried himself to sleep,
我偷吃掉他的英国糖果 还告诉他 I ate his British candy and told him
是神拿走了糖果因为神讨厌他 God took it because he hated him.
-老天 -所以如果这决定是要看 -Jesus! -So, if this decision is going to come down
谁做人最混蛋的话 那请容我说一句 to who is the most spiteful, then, respectfully, sir...
-住口 停 -那我要说 -Stop! Stop! -I would argue...
你闭嘴吧 Just stop talking!
我不想跟你们任何一个人做生意 I don't wanna be in business with any of you people.
我都不想跟你们共处一室 I don't even wanna be in the same room with you!
我要签了这文件把我的钱拿回来 I'm gonna sign this and take my money out.
我要错过班车了 Oop! Gonna miss my bus.
让一下 借过 Excuse me. Excuse me.
借过 Excuse me.
你觉得你赢了 Think you won?
操你妈 理查德·亨德里克斯 Fuck you, Richard Hendricks.
硅谷圈很小而人生路还长 The Valley is small and the road is long.
夹紧尾巴好好做人吧 Just keep looking over your shoulder.
先生们 Gentlemen.
还有女士 And lady.
胡佛 来扶我 Hoover! Help!
伙计们 Guys...
我们是不是 Did we...
刚刚买下了'互利' Just buy Hooli?
没错 Yeah, we did.
我操 Holy shit.
感觉棒极了 Feels pretty good!
瓦吉德要恨死我了 Wajeed is gonna be so pissed at me.
我妈妈会杀了我 And mom's gonna kill me.
看来每个人都各得其所 So, I guess, uh, everyone got what they want.
实际上 贾里德 Well, actually, uh, Jared.
我只是想说 I just wanna say, like...
我真的很抱歉 I'm really sorry about everything,
还有 and, uh, well,
我当然愿意 of course, I'd be happy
把你们的公司还给你跟格瓦特 to give you and Gwart your company back.
绝对没问题 还有如果你们 需要办公室 That's obvious. And also, if you... needed office space,
我们很愿意你们到我们这来 we'd be happy to have you. Um...
我不知道该说什么 我只是 我很想你 I guess, I don't know, I just... I miss you, man.
随便你 我不在乎 Whatever, I don't care.
老天 Jesus.
是啊 他就是这种人 Yeah, it's sort of his thing.
好了 所有人都集合在那边 All right, well, everybody's gathered out there,
-所以你得讲两句 -好吧 -So you should probably say something. -Okay.
说得友善一点 但别抱太大期望 Be gracious and don't expect too much.
这是什么意思 What are you talking about?
他们为什么不高兴 I mean, won't they be happy?
我把他们从盖文那解救出来了 I freed them from Gavin.
这么说也行 I mean, that's one way of looking at it.
也可以说你的公司刚吞并了他们 Or, your company just swallowed theirs,
你还解雇了他们的创始人和CEO and you fired their founder and CEO.
他们可能有点不知所措 They're probably a little freaked out.
他们想知道他们能不能保住自己的工作 They wanna know that they're gonna keep their jobs.
但我们不确定会不会留下他们 But we don't know if they will.
-也是 -对 -Right. -Yeah.
你会想到该说什么的 就做你自 Well, you'll think of something. Just be yours...
-就简短说两句 别多说 -好 -Keep it short. Keep it short. -Yeah.
好 好吧 Okay... Okay.
这个视频叫放大男人味 This is a video called Maximizing Alphaness.
放大男人味
你只要下意识地接受就好 You just gotta subconsciously absorb it.
这是我看过最蠢的东西 This is the dumbest thing I've ever seen.
棒呆 Fuck yeah.
我的亲生父母还活着 It turns out my real parents are alive.
硅谷预告
你们把我送走就为了让飞机头等舱出行更顺利 So you gave me up to simplify your first class air travel?
分区都很明显的 ABCD区 That's a clear row across. A, B, C, and D.
我们觉得理查德这张照片很好笑吗 Do we think this photo of Richard is funny?
他表现得好像他是你老板一样 你得宣告主权 He was acting like your boss. You need to assert dominance.
这很复杂 你是唯一受伤了的人 It's complicated. You're the only one who got hurt.