为什么这本书不是讲科技圈的 Why isn't this book about tech?
我没有写科技圈是因为科技圈毁灭了许多世界 I didn't write about tech because tech destroys worlds.
而我 我想创造它们 And I, I wanted to create--
能给我个使用洗手间的代币吗 May I have a token for the restroom, please?
硅谷 前情回顾
所以为了开展在夏威夷的测试 So, you guys are planning to build
你们准备自己建造外部天线吗 your own external antennas to deploy for the Hawaii test?
还不如派发互利手机用来测验 Why not just give away Hooli phones for the test?
我和你们一样不想用互利的垃圾 I don't wanna use Hooli shit any more than you guys,
但这下我们就能拿下夏威夷了 but this will get us to Hawaii.
MSNBC电视台想采访你作为一名 MSNBC wanted to interview you about being
"反科技鼓吹者"的感受 an "anti-tech evangelist."
《出版人周刊》对我的书怎么看 What did Publishers Weekly say about my book?
《出版人周刊》这个杂志 Publishers Weekly is a...
烂得很 先生 terrible magazine, sir.
给玛多回电话吧 Call Maddow.
是格瓦特的 It's from Gwart.
"我要解散公司 接受了别家公司的职位" "I'm dissolving my company and taking a job elsewhere."
我自由了 可以回来为理查德工作了 I'm free to return to work with Richard.
你的职位已经给别人了 Your position's been filled.
不 还没有 No, it hasn't.
饥荒
种族主义
消极
饥饿
战争
气候变化
罗斯节
爽爆了 对不对 Fuck yeah, right?
看到种族主义车上的妞了吗 You see the chick in the racism car?
我在饥荒车上干了她 I banged her in the famine truck.
抱歉 这是什么 I-I'm sorry. What is this?
这是我的节庆预告片 罗斯节 It's the trailer for my festival, RussFest.
连续三天派对舔操不停 Three days of partying, sucking, and fucking on a plot of land
地点比内华达州还偏远 so far out even Nevada barely wants it.
仅对三个逗号的人开放 I'll be serving Tres Commas exclusively.
就像火人节一样 It's gonna be like Burning Man,
只不过这次能赚一大笔钱 except I'll make a fuckton of money.
变成赚钱节 So, Earning Man?
我真爱你 你太诡异了 参加吗 I literally love you, you spooky fuck. So, we in?
-参加什么 -罗斯节 -In what? -RussFest.
沙漠正中央没有网 理查德 There's no internet in the middle of the desert, Richard.
也许这就是那儿没人住的原因 Maybe that's why no one lives out there.
我不知道 我也不是考古学家 I don't know, I'm not an archaeologist.
我只知道他们说要在那里 All I know is they're telling me it's gonna cost
搭基建的话要花一大笔钱 a fucking fortune to get the infrastructure out there.
不过要是你们免费做的话 Unless you guys do it for free.
-我们为什么要免费做 -因为够酷 -Why would we do it for free? -Because it's cool.
这对你们品牌形象有好处 It's good for your brand.
罗斯 我们很感谢你的邀请 Well, Russ, we appreciate the interest--
我喜欢听到这句话 I like where this is going.
-但是 -草 -But--Fuck!
我们现在想要在夏威夷做试点 Uh, right now, we are trying to launch a huge pilot program in Hawaii.
迪尼希明天一早就会过去 Dinesh is actually heading out there first thing tomorrow morning,
我也要和 and I am about to sit down
AT&T的网络运营总裁沟通 with the network operations president of AT&T,
把这个大单子谈下来 trying to close this massive deal,
但还是得先把夏威夷那边搞定 but that all depends on getting Hawaii right.
我们现在没法两个都做 There's just no way we could do both.
你们宁愿做夏威夷 也不来罗斯节 And you would rather do Hawaii than RussFest?
我宁愿 I would rather
上我母亲 也不去罗斯节 do my own mother than RussFest.
为什么每次你们要做什么事 How come whenever you guys wanna do some shit,
我总是 好诶没问题 I'm always like, "fuck yeah!"
但每次我想做点酷的事情 But whenever I wanna do some cool shit,
你们都泼冷水 还给我 you guys piss all over it! You know what? Gimme this.
你们几个老爷们拿夏威夷菠萝互相日去吧 Have fun shoving pineapples up each other's dick holes!
还有老娘们 And pussy holes.
你个诡异的人 You creepy fuck.
第
六
季
第
五
集
硅
谷
我怎么跟你说的 劳伦斯 What have I been telling you, Lawrence?
很好 非常好 Impressive. Very impressive.
期待再和你沟通 Looking forward to talking a lot more.
一言为定 Yeah, definitely.
理查德 Richard!
-抱歉 进展如何 -没事 -Sorry. Um, how did it go? -Cool.
我想低调点 不过 Well, I wanna keep it on the down-low, but, uh...
草 Fuck.
你是开心吗 Is that joy?
不能更顺利了 It could not have gone better.
他们发现让我们帮他们简化5G试运行 When they found out how much money they could save
能省多少钱的时候 by using us to help simplify their 5G rollout,
差点吓尿了 they practically shit themselves.
规模可能比我们想象的要大 This could be bigger than we thought.
莫妮卡 我们也许能扩大到1亿手机用户 Monica, we could be on 100 million phones.
天哪 Holy shit.
专注在夏威夷上 确保我们拿下项目 You know, focus on Hawaii, make sure we land the plane.
真奇怪 事情进展太顺利了 It's weird. I actually don't know what to do
我都不知道该做什么 这不正常 when things are going well. It is not natural.
好了 Okay.
硅谷新晋最火热的应用是什么 What's the newest killer app coming out of Silicon Valley?
湾区好日子
你相信道德吗 Would you believe ethics?
这都要感谢我们的第一位嘉宾 It's all thanks to our first guest,
一家科技巨头公司的前任CEO a former big-tech CEO
转身成为负责人的科技布道者 turned responsible tech evangelist...
你知道吗 You know what?
就连这个狗屎也没法破坏我的心情 Not even this turd is gonna bring me down right now.
小心谨慎 富有责任感 谢谢你来 caution and accountability. Thanks for being here.
我很乐意上节目 盖比 Well, I always find time for you, Gabby.
拜托 没人会听你鬼扯 盖文 Please. No one is buying your bullshit, Gavin.
我带来的消息鼓舞人心 My message invigorates me.
大型科技公司一直在 For too long, these large tech companies
享受我们的数据 窥探我们的隐私 have harvested our data, they have violated our privacy,
他们掌握了我们的一言一行 they have tracked our every move.
就是你自己 虚伪 They is you, you hypocrite.
是你做的 是他做的 You did that. He did that!
从今天起 我会请 Starting today, I will be asking
科技界的每位知名人士 prominent members of the tech community
在此签名 to sign their name onto this.
由我发起的行为准则 A code of conduct, authored by me,
让他们宣誓遵守普世道德 that pledges them to a universal ethos,
我自创的 称之科技道德 which I created, that I call, "tech ethics,"
简单点说 叫技德 or, "tethics" for short.
技德 真聪明 Tethics. Clever.
不 不聪明 No. No, it isn't.
去他的 说真的 去他的 Fuck that guy. Honestly, fuck that guy.
理查德 我把你的茶端来了 Richard, I have your tea.
湾区没有人会签 No one in town is ever gonna sign this
这个伪君子的虚伪垃圾 hypocrite's hypocritical garbage.
你说服了我 Well, I'm sold.
-我能签吗 -你得先是个CEO -Can I sign? -Well, you have to lead a corporation.
好的 在家里的你又如何呢 Okay. And how about you at home?
你符合技德吗 上推特@早安湾区 Are you tethical? Tweet us @GoodDayTheBay
告诉我们你的想法 and let us know where you stand.
当然 好的 听听我的想法吧 Sure, yes, I will. Get ready for some opinions.
霍尔登 Holden?
为什么电视在播新闻 Why is the television on the news?
贾里德 我不需要听你指手画脚 Jared, I don't need you telling me my job, okay?
霍尔登 Holden, um,
我知道我们俩不大对付 I know things have been a bit antagonistic between us.
我们就像唐雅·哈丁和南希·科里根一样 We've been like, uh, Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan.
后者是前者进美国女子花滑国家队的竞争对手 详见电影《我，花样女王》
但我最近在想 你为理查德工作 But, I've been thinking about it, and you work for Richard,
我只希望他好 and I want what's best for him
因为我希望他开心 所以从现在起 'cause I want him to be happy, so from now on...
你就是我朋友了 you're my friend.
你是我最好的朋友 You're my best friend.
尽管你会时不时出错 Even if you make the occasional oopsie.
你在逗我吗 Are you fucking with me?
我为什么要逗我最好的朋友呢 Why would I do that to my best friend?
你就像亲兄弟一样 Love you like a brother. Uh...
绝对不行 Absolutely not.
我们还没跟你说是什么事情 We haven't told you what we want yet.
-反正不行 -坐下 -Irrelevant. -Sit down.
谢谢 Thank you.
我想谈谈你们的魔笛职脉分数 I'd like to talk to you about your Piper-Pulse numbers.
我喜欢这个 翠西 I'd like that, Tracy,
因为我他妈的都不知道那是什么玩意 because I have no idea what the fuck that is.
你当然知道 那是翠西用来 Of course you do. It's the system that Tracy created
让员工给高级管理层提供反馈的系统 for employees to give feedback on senior management.
重点是 我正好认识一些AT&T的人 The point is, I happen to know a lot of folks over at AT&T,
而且我认为暗中使用一些 and I think it might help us
我收集的信息可以对我们有所帮助 if I back-channel some of the information I've gathered.
在那之前 我想告诉你们各自的表现 But before I do, I'd like to tell you how you're doing.
我知道我的表现 I know how I'm doing.
我他妈的棒呆了 I'm fucking killing it.
我搭造的都是最厉害的 I'm building great shit out there.
是的 你的敏锐分数非常棒 Yes. Your acumen scores are excellent.
在满分为10的系统里 你的得分是9.9 On a scale of one to 10, you're at a 9.9.
所以 除了迪尼希 大家都打了10分 So, all 10's and... Dinesh.
但是 我想讨论一下你的人际分数 But, it's your interpersonal rating I'd like to drill down on.
只有1.5分 It's at 1.5.
你的同事们认为你难以接近 Your coworkers find you unapproachable,
粗暴 而且会用令人不安的眼神伤害别人 rude, and capable of great hurt with an unsettling stare.
好吧 Okay.
我们想让AT&T看到一个有活力的公司 We want AT&T to see a thriving company.
如果你真心在人际关系和 If you really make a concerted effort
团队建设上共同努力 at outreach and team building,
你就能提高这个数字 you could get your numbers up.
翠西 我感谢你愿意加入 Tracy. I appreciate you wanting to participate
这个数字的世界 in the world of numbers.
我觉得你的努力很可爱 I find it endearing.
但你的这些数字都是狗屁 But yours are horseshit.
它们毫无意义 They measure nothing.
如果我想 我可以在周末前全部得满分 If I wanted to, I could have all 10's by the end of the week.
吉尔弗约尔 魔笛职脉是一种 Gilfoyle, metrics like Piper-Pulse
被广泛接受的 are a widely accepted measure
计算同事感受的计分系统 of how your peers feel about you.
说到这个 莫妮卡 你的人际分数是2分 Speaking of, Monica, your interpersonal is at a 2.
什么 What?
不 那只是因为朴雅卡和她那... No, that's just because Priyanka and her little...
代号F的一帮小巫婆们把数字拉低了 witch's nest over at Foxhole are bringing my numbers down.
不 你的大多数低分 No. Most of your lower scores
来自工程师们 他们有84%都是男性 are coming from engineers, who are 84% male.
也许你应该试试扩展一下 Maybe you should try some of that outreach.
不管我做什么 我确信我至少比你强 Whatever I do, I'm sure I could do it better than you.
两天 Two days.
全部10分 All 10's.
说定了 Deal.
你好 你也好 Aloha. Aloha to you.
你好 你... Aloha. Alo--
-迪尼希 -什么鬼 -Oh, hey, Dinesh. -What the fuck.
我喜欢你的胡子 I like your beard.
你怎么在这里 AJ呢 Um, why are you here? Where's AJ?
AJ来不了了 Oh, AJ can't come.
你想让他在出发前考个潜水证 对吗 You wanted him to become a certified scuba before the trip, right?
没错 我们好... Yeah, so we could...
他妈的一起潜水 盖布 fucking scuba, Gabe.
他昨晚完成了全部潜水考试 Well, he finished all his check dives last night,
但潜完要等24小时才能坐飞机 but you have to wait 24 hours before you fly,
所以我们决定换位置 so we decided to trade places.
-换一天 -不 -For the day? -Uh, no.
从头到尾... F-for-for all of it.
-为什么 -因为... -Why? -Because it...
-这样容易点 -不 -it-it'd be easier? -No.
而且你怎么坐在头等舱 And what are you doing in first class?
飞行员是巴基斯坦人 So, the pilot is from Pakistan.
我说 "我认识一个巴基斯坦人 I said, "Hey, I know a guy from Pakistan.
是我同事" I work with him."
然后他说 "不如你坐在 And then he said, "Hey, why don't you
前面的大座位上来吧" come to the front and sit in the big chairs."
但...但那个巴基斯坦人是我 B-but that's me. I'm the guy from Pakistan.
我告诉他了 然后他把我安排在这里了 I told him that, and then he--and then he put me here.
好吧 但我这个巴基斯坦人 Okay, but I, the guy from Pakistan...
-没错 -却要坐在经济舱 -Right. -...am back in economy.
先生 你需要坐到你的座位上 Sir? You're gonna need to take your seat.
巴希尔机长想让你尝尝 And Captain Bashir wanted you to have
他母亲亲手做的咖喱角 these samosas his mother made.
不用了 谢谢 Oh. No, thank you.
技德
这他妈是逗我呢吗 You gotta be fucking kidding me.
丹尼 不好意思 Hey, Danny? Excuse me?
-你穿的是什么 -一件衬衫 -What are you wearing? -A shirt.
-天哪 -我觉得盖文的很多话都很有道理 -Oh my God. -I think a lot of what Gavin is saying makes sense.
当然有道理了 我说了很多年了 Yeah, of course it does. I've been saying it for years.
-所以你认同他的说法 -不 他是胡扯 -So, you agree with him? -Well, no. He is full of shit.
但你说的同样的话 就不是胡说八道 But, you aren't, even though you're saying the same things?
没错 因为我是认真的 而且我先说的 Yeah, because I mean it! And I said it first!
听起来有点小气和私人恩怨 That feels petty and personal,
这是有违盖文的技德准则的 which is against Gavin's code of tethics.
那到底是什么意思 What does that even mean?
理查德 你会签盖文的宣誓书吗 Hey, Richard, are you signing Gavin's pledge?
什么 Ah, what?
因为由于我在一个没有技德的公司工作 Because I'm getting a lot of heat from my friends
我很多在脸书的朋友都对我很有意见 over at Facebook for working at an untethical company.
好吧 脸书说我们没有技德 Okay, cool. So, Facebook is calling us untethical.
是的 因为他们签了宣誓书 Yeah, because they signed the pledge.
-还有谷歌 亚马逊和推特 -我不关心 -So did Google and Amazon and Twitter. -Don't care.
说到这个 即使我们不签 Speaking of, even if you don't sign,
你能不能至少不在推特上发表评论 could you at least stop tweeting about it?
"任何签这个什么技德的人都是印蛋" "Anyone who signs this Tethics thing is a thumbass"?
-这都讲不通 -当然能讲通 -That doesn't even make sense. -Yes, it does.
按手印的蠢蛋 It's dumbass but with thumb.
印蛋 简直完美的造字 Thumbass. It's basically perfect.
技德是技术道德 那手印那部分是什么 Tethics is tech ethics. What's the thumb part?
而且你为什么用你自己的推特账号 And why are you tweeting that from your personal account?
《边缘》杂志说你是"著名技德反对者 The Verge referred to you as "notable tethics holdout
和业余讽刺喜剧演员理查德·亨德里克斯" and amateur insult comedian Richard Hendricks."
安迪?包洛维兹称你为 Andy Borowitz wrote a pointed piece about you
"多疑的理查德" called "Doubting Richard."
看到了吧 这才叫讲不通 Ah, see? That doesn't really make any sense.
双关在哪里 这有什么意思 I mean, what's the pun? What am I supposed to be enjoying there?
现在你在嘲讽包洛维兹吗 Now, you're harshing on Borowitz?
没错 这些妙语是他想出来的 Well yeah, if he's coming up with those zingers.
如果你那么喜欢安迪?包洛维兹 If you like Andy Borowitz so much,
为什么不嫁给他 why don't you marry him?
竟然被你这拖了三个月孩子抚养费的人说出来 Says the guy who's three months behind in child support.
狗不是孩子 A dog is not a child!
AT&T的迈克尔·艾森柏格来电话了 Uh... Michael Eisenberg from AT&T is on the phone.
-他说是急事儿 -太好了 -He says it's urgent. -Ah, great.
迈克尔 怎么了 Hey, Michael, what's up?
-你当众侮辱了我老板吗 -什么 没啊 -Did you just publicly insult my boss? -What? No.
"签这个技德什么玩意的都是印蛋" "Anyone who signs this Tethics thing is a thumbass."
[签这个技德什么玩意的都是印蛋 #技德]
我领导刚签了盖文·贝尔森的宣誓书 Well, my boss just signed Gavin Belson's pledge.
他签了 为什么 He did? Why?
因为你这个大嘴巴当着国会的面 Because loudmouths like you got up in front of Congress
抱怨多么需要有人站出来 and whined about how somebody needed to do
对大科技公司有所作为 something about big tech.
好吧 我就说过一次... Okay, I did that one time--
现在 盖文打算把自己塑造成那个人 And now, Gavin has managed to paint himself as that guy.
我们都得认可他 不然就是公关噩梦 And we all have to fall in line, or we'll be in PR hell.
甚至更糟 会面临政府监管 Or worse! We'll face government regulation.
你看过他的宣誓书了吗 Look, have you read his pledge?
当然没有 那就是坨垃圾 No, of course not. It's trash.
第一行写着 "我们所有在下面签名的公司 The first line says, "We, the undersigned,
保证做出最大的努力..." 省略一万字 promise to make best efforts to," blah, blah, blah.
最大的努力 理查德 非常假大空 Best efforts, Richard. It's totally toothless.
没错 迈克尔 我就这意思 Yes. Exactly, Michael. That's entirely my point.
这玩意全是废话 毫无意义 It's all empty bullshit. It means nothing.
那谁他妈的在乎啊 理查德 Then who the fuck cares, Richard?
别因为一个没意义的道德准则搞砸了一切 Do not fuck this all up over a pointless moral stand!
-好吧 -把宣誓书签了 -Okay. -Sign the fucking pledge!
别再在网上发什么拇指冲着屁股蛋的了 Oh, and stop tweeting about thumbs up people's asses.
这是个文字梗 Oh. No, th-that's wordplay.
迈克尔 Michael?
多么幸运的杯子 霍尔登 亲爱的朋友 That is one lucky mug, Holden, my friend.
-你别这样了 -别哪样 -Please stop. -Stop what?
-你就想把我恶心到受不了辞职 -什么 -You're just trying to creep me out so that I'll quit. -What?
怎么会有人对你不友善呢 I mean, why wouldn't somebody be nice to you?
你是个烂人吗 Are you a piece of shit?
-迪尼希 -盖布 听着 -Oh hey, Dinesh. -Okay, listen, Gabe.
我整个航程都在简化我们的安装程序 I spent the entire flight streamlining our setup procedure,
我要开着租的车走过每一个信号塔 so I am gonna take the rental convertible and drive tower to tower,
检查信号覆盖情况 大多在未开发海滩 most of which are on pristine beaches or scenic volcanoes
或是绝美的火山 你就自己在办公室呆着吧 to check coverage while you sit at the office by yourself.
-欢迎... -不不 让我来 -Welcome---Oh! No! No! I get it.
给我戴上 Put it on me.
我不要塑料的 I-I don't want the plastic one.
请问您是头等... Are you one of the first cla--
给我戴上 给我戴上 给我... Put it on me. Put it on me. Put it--
你好呀 Aloha.
理查德 打电话有何贵干呢 Richard. To what do I owe the pleasure?
就是想... 你知道的 Just calling to, you know.
想干嘛 理查德 To what, Richard?
-签你那个玩意 -玩意 签我那个玩意 -Sign your thing. -My thing? To sign my thing?
我感觉你很缺乏诚意啊 理查德 I sense a certain lack of commitment, Richard.
我怀疑你肯将自己的名字 I mean, if I suspected the only reason
加入我的事业的唯一理由 you wanted to lend your name to my cause
是由于你那出了名的老顽固 was because of the enormous pressure you're probably facing
可能给你带来了巨大的压力 as a notable holdout, well,
我怎么能允许 how could I allow you
你的名字出现在我的技德宣誓书上呢 to add your name to my tethics pledge?
这太不...技德了 That would be... untethical.
盖文 拜托 赶紧把这事儿了结吧 Gavin, come on. Just... can we get this over with?
不过呢 一想到你公开献身我的事业 Then again, the idea of you publicly committing to the cause,
让我很快乐 that gives me joy.
理查德 我很高兴成为你的道德导师 So yes, Richard, I'd be happy to be your moral mentor.
我们仪式上见 I guess I'll see you at the ceremony.
什么仪式 What ceremony?
协会启动仪式 The groundbreaking for the Institute.
什么他妈的协会 What fucking institute?
贝尔森技德协会 我们的网站上全是 The Belson Institute of Tethics. It's all on our website.
你和其他人都会在场 You and the others will all be there
公开向宣誓书作出承诺 to publicly commit to the pledge.
另外 我还要请你再说几句话 Also, I'm gonna be asking you to say a few words.
大概就是你对我有多崇拜 Just a bit about how much of a fan you are,
要致力于我的事业 可以先讲个段子暖场 dedicated to the cause, my cause, maybe lead with a joke.
贝尔森技德协会
很高兴你能去 理查德 Be good to have you there, Richard.
在我身边保护我的遗产 Securing my legacy with you at my wing.
贝尔森技德协会
准备好跪舔吧 Wear pants you can kneel in.
内森 Hey, Nathan!
我在研读你的履历 然后... I was, uh, perusing your file, and I just...
-什么 -抱歉 我... -What? -Sorry. I just, um,
我在粗略研读你的履历... I was quickly perusing your file--
研读不是这个意思 That's not what peruse means.
研读是认真仔细地阅读 Peruse means to read thoroughly and carefully.
这真是...真是...非常有用 Wow. That... that's... super helpful.
感谢你的提示 Thank you for that tip.
总之吧 Um, anyway, yeah,
我只是好奇 在罗得岛长大 I was just curious to know, like, what's it like...
是怎样一种体验 growing up in Rhode Island?
或许下次当你在认真做事的时候 Well, maybe some time when you're working on something,
我会过去打断你 I can come interrupt your flow
用错字病句讲给你听 and use words incorrectly to tell you about it.
明白了 Got it.
你有一辆丰田普锐斯吗 Oh, you own a Prius?
热门车型啊 回见 丹尼尔 Popular choice. Later, Daniel.
搞毛啊 What?
你赢了 Well, you win.
这是我见过最严重的 That is the worst case of contact dermatitis
接触性皮炎 I have ever seen.
-简直痒疯了 -没错 -The itching is so insane! -Right.
-仿佛体内万蚁穿行 -沃伦 -It's like from the inside! -Warren!
过来 我有东西给你看 Come here, I want you to see something.
这位是沃伦 实习医生 This is Warren, our resident.
这是他实习第一周 This is his first week.
沃伦 我希望你注意到 Warren, I want you to notice
病人由夏威夷花环 the violent allergic reaction
上面的鸡蛋花引发的严重过敏反应 to the plumeria flowers used in the patient's lei,
这非常奇怪 which is weird.
一般他们只提供塑料的 Normally, they just hand out plastic ones.
快想办法治好我啊 Just make it stop!
好消息是 注射一剂抗组胺药 Well, the good news is a strong anti-histamine shot
应该马上就能见效 oughta take care of it in no time.
太好了 注射 赶紧注射 Great! Yeah! The shot! Just-just gimme the shot!
注射前 我要提醒你 Now, before we proceed, I should warn you the shot,
这个药劲儿很大 it works like gangbusters,
但是可能会引起 but it does tend to cause
对太阳光强烈敏感 acute sensitivity to sunlight,
所以你要待在室内 so you're gonna wanna stay indoors
-四到六周 -什么 -for four to six weeks. -What?!
沃伦 不 Warren, no!
我们要等我解释完 We wait until after I've explained
所有可能的并发症 all the possible complications,
只有到那时 and only then,
我们才能注射 do we administer the injection.
-你刚说四到六周 -正是 -Did you say four to six weeks? -Yep.
否则你的情况会比之前更严重 Otherwise, you're gonna be back here for something a lot worse.
反正都已经这样了 All right, well...
很有教育意义的一刻吧 that was a teachable moment, huh?
-是吧 -确实 -Yeah. -Yeah. Sure.
下一个是我 你们可得小心点 I got next. And, uh, better watch out
因为我可是爆破彗星女王 'cause I am the queen of Asteroids.
-你这是要插队吗 -你不用投币 -Are you trying to cut in line? -You don't need a quarter.
这是免费游戏 傻啊 It's on free play, duh.
我懂了 你是比我们赚得多 We get it. You make more money than us.
好吧 就这么着吧 Okay, you know what?
-吉尔弗约尔 你真棒 -卡尔 -Gilfoyle, you're awesome. -Carl.
干得不错 You're doin' it.
什么鬼 What the fuck?
好兄弟 My man.
诚信 我们坚守正确的路线 "Integrity. We do the right thing.
我们致力于体现最高的道德准则 We are committed to the highest ethical standards."
全都是些老套 自说自话的陈词滥调 It's all such banal, self-righteous, hacky bullshit.
-而我还必须支持它 -是的 -And I have to endorse it? -Yeah.
即便是以盖文的标准 也确实是空话连篇 It is particularly pedestrian pablum, even for Gavin.
责任 "Responsibility.
我们为所有我们服务的人倾尽一切 We contribute to the growth, joy, and enrichment
只为了他们的成长 快乐与幸福 of all the lives we touch.
-勇气 -等等 -Courage--" -Wait, uh,
-你刚说的那句是什么 -责任 -what was that last one? -Responsibility?
我们为所有我们服务的人倾尽一切 Uh, "We contribute to the growth,
只为了他们的成长 快乐与幸福 joy, and enrichment of all the lives we touch."
霍尔登 Holden!
你能把菜单集拿来吗 Can you bring the menu book in here, please?
你好啊兄弟 Hi, guy!
-来了 -谢谢 -Here you go. -Thanks.
好样的 真是乖孩子 Yes. You are a good boy.
您饿不饿 Are you hungry?
我饿 霍尔登 I am. Holden.
霍尔登 Holden.
霍尔登 Holden...
好 '苹果蜂'[连锁餐厅] 我们 Ah, good. Applebee's. We were...
有天晚上从这家订餐 ordering from here the other night,
都在开这个的玩笑 找到了 看 and we were all joking about this, uh--Yes, look.
他们的使命宣言 Uh, so, their mission statement
就写在墨西哥玉米片旁边 我们还说 is right near their nachos, and we were saying
这是莫有米使命宣言 that this is not-cho mission statement.
等等 抱歉 Wait, I'm sorry.
这是个笑话吗 Was that a joke?
这是双关语 That. It's... it's a pun.
-对 -就好比印蛋 -Right. -It's just like thumbass, you know.
属于同一类 It's in the same genre.
-好比什么 -印蛋 我最近一直在说 -Like what? -Thumbass? I've been saying it a lot.
你读下 读读看 Read it, read it.
"在苹果蜂 我们的使命 "At Applebee's, our mission
我们为所有我们服务的人倾尽一切 is to contribute to the growth, joy...
只为了他们的成长 快乐与幸福" 等下 and enrichment of all the lives we touch." Wait...
这跟盖文宣誓书里的一字不差 That's word for word what's in Gavin's pledge.
没错 Yes, it is.
-你不会觉得 -我就是这么觉得 -You don't think... -That's exactly what I think.
再给我念一句盖文假大空的话 Read me another one of Gavin's frilly sentences.
在发展的同时 我们会坚持品质始终如一 "Maintaining our uncompromising principles while we grow."
是星巴克 That's Starbucks.
再来一句 Okay, again.
提高所有年龄段的生活质量 "Enhance the quality of life for all ages."
-是美国退休者协会 -对 -That's the AARP. -Yes!
我最好的朋友格洛丽亚在过世前曾担任了 My best friend Gloria was a charter member for 35 years
-三十五年的宪章成员 -问题是 -before she passed. -The question is...
如果这个傻逼基金会的行为准则 if Gavin stole his entire code of conduct
全是盖文抄来的 for this stupid fucking foundation,
他还抄过什么 what else has he been stealing?
好吧 我放弃 All right, I give up.
连这个傻冒发型都不起作用 Even this stupid hair didn't work.
你是怎么让这帮人喜欢你的 How are you getting these people to like you?
我没有让任何人喜欢我 I'm not getting anyone to like me.
扯淡 我看到你是怎么跟大家互动的 Bullshit. I've seen you out there.
仿佛你有一个人模人样的双胞胎 太诡异了 It's like you have a non-evil twin. It's very weird.
莫妮卡 Monica...
得到一个人的信任很简单 gaining someone's confidence is easy.
通过模仿他们的肢体语言 Appear open and interested
并重复他们说的话 by mimicking their body language
就能让他们感到你愿意交流并且对他们有兴趣 and repeating what they say back to them.
所以你只是重复他们的话 So, you just repeat what they say?
我只是重复他们的话 I just repeat what they say.
我在对他们进行社会工程改造 I was social engineering them.
一旦建立了信任 Once trust is established,
社会工程师只需提供一点信息 the social engineer simply offers up information,
工程对象就会给他反馈 比如宠物名 and the subject will reciprocate: Pets names,
孩子的名字 生日 kids names, birthdays.
然后把这些信息输入到 Then, that information is entered
密码字典生成器里 into a word list generator.
再把他们的散列加载到'开膛手约翰'[密码解码器]里 Pop it with their hash into John The Ripper,
不到几分钟 and within minutes,
就能破解他们的密码 you have their passwords.
所以你只要把你所有的分数都改成十分就行了 So, you're just gonna change all your scores to 10's?
没错 Yep.
你能不能把我的也改一下 Can you do mine, too?
我其实根本不需要他们喜欢我 I don't actually want them to like me.
我讨厌他们 他们让我恶心透了 I hate them. I really fucking hate them.
我只是不想得二分 I just don't like having 2's.
你知道 You know,
我可以把我们俩的分数都提高 I could raise both of our scores
继续糊弄 或者 and continue this charade. Or...
我也能降低某人的分数 I could lower someone else's,
一劳永逸地终结这些把戏 and put an end to these shenanigans once and for all.
好主意 I like it.
谢谢大家 Thank you.
这场面很大吧 It's quite an event, eh?
看到下面的人了吗 脸书 谷歌 See down there? It's Facebook, Google,
就连他妈贝索斯也派人来了 even fucking Bezos sent someone.
大家都来全力支持事业 我的事业 All here to support the cause. My cause.
你知道还有谁出席了吗 You know who else showed up?
星巴克 Starbucks.
非常好的公司 Very good company.
都是聪明人 并且大胆敢干 Filled with smart people with bold ideas.
-我想是的 -还有 -I suppose. -Also,
安索尔加[痔疮膏][痔疮膏] Anusol Plus.
你有痔疮吗 盖文 Do you have hemorrhoids, Gavin?
现在没有 Not currently.
强生出品 也是一家好公司 Made by Johnson & Johnson, also a good company.
你知道他们的使命是什么吗 Do you know what they do?
致力于解决问题 They spark solutions
建设一个更好 更健康的世界 that create a better, healthier world.
和你一模一样 Just like you.
还记得你写过这句话吗 You remember writing that?
我忙得很 理查德 I'm a busy man, Richard.
我的生活丰富多彩 I've lived an incredible life.
我曾看到过雪怪 I saw a yeti one time,
都给忘了 好几年没想起来 and forgot for a couple years.
成吧 Well,
我把你的宣誓书 I ran your little pledge
在检测抄袭的API里跑了一下 through a plagiarism detection API.
你到底想说什么 理查德 What are you implying, Richard?
我还读了下你过去的 Well, I also looked at transcripts of
采访和演讲文稿 your interviews and speeches.
比如你在自由大学毕业典礼上的演讲 Your commencement speech at Liberty University.
抄的 抄了某个不知名的阿富汗哲学家 Stolen, from an obscure Afghan philosopher.
另外 你看到没 And also, do you see
那边那个男的 that guy right there?
那是罗德·摩根斯坦 That is Rod Morgenstern,
《梦之鹦鹉螺》的作者 the author of "The Nautilus of Dreams,"
这本电子书被你公然抄袭 改叫 the eBook you blatantly plagiarized and turned into
《冷冰淇淋和热吻》 "Cold Ice Cream and Hot Kisses."
你知道就因为我真的在乎道德准则 Do you know how much harder my life has been
-我的日子难过了多少吗 -科德 -because I cared about ethics? -Tethics.
这一路来我多次差点丢了自己的企业 I could've lost my company a dozen different times
就因为我不愿意在道德上 because I couldn't compromise
-让步妥协 你现在却想把 -科德 -on my ethics, and now you're turning ethics... -Tethics.
-科德 -道德搞成什么面子工程 -Tethics. -...into some kind of fucking vanity project.
-科德 理查德 叫科德 -够了 -Tethics, Richard. Tethics. -Stop it.
这词可是我独立原创的 Something I came up with on my own.
是吗 听着可真他妈蠢 Well, it sounds fuckin' dumb.
你想怎么办 What do you want?
自从我拒绝了你那一千万美元 Ever since I turned down your $10 million,
唯一的诉求就是求你别烦我了 all I ever wanted was for you to just go away.
但你和'互利'却 But, you and Hooli have tried
非要一直变着法子折腾我 to fuck me over a thousand different ways.
你都是亿万富翁了 干点什么不行啊 You're a billionaire. You can do anything you want.
去竞选个总统 去买只篮球队 You can run for president or buy a fuckin' basketball team,
但你别来跟我谈道德 but you can't do this.
我不会让你得逞的 And I'm gonna make sure of it.
不说了 不好意思 我得 So, if you'll excuse me, I have to...
复习我的演讲了 look over my speech.
你们之前对魔笛职脉有些意见 So, you guys raised some issues with Piper-Pulse,
我就仔细研究了一下 so I really started looking into it,
发现的确有点 and it turns out, there are some...
问题 作为衡量体系有失可靠性 real problems with its reliability as a metric.
我决定停止使用了 So, I'm shutting it down.
但评分都来自我们的同事 But the scores are derived from our coworkers,
那可是反映职业表现最可靠的指示项 the most reliable indicator of job performance.
是啊 也许我们能帮忙 Yeah, maybe we could help. You know,
-如果我们仔细研究一下后台 -不用了 -I'm sure if we took a look under the hood---No!
系统不好 没什么用 Bad system. Didn't work.
谢谢 Thank you.
好了 到我了 Oh, I guess I'm up.
谢谢 Thank you.
感谢红魂长老 Thank you, Elder Red Spirit,
分享的深邃 for those profound...
观点 sentiments.
不好意思 I'm sorry.
我 I, uh...
我不能继续了 I can't do this.
大家坐在这里 As humbling as it is
向我致敬 真是蓬荜生辉 to have all of you sitting here, paying tribute to me,
但我得说实话 I have to be honest.
我做尽了不道德的事 I have been anything but ethical.
事实上 我是个抄袭者 骗子 In truth, I am a plagiarist, and a liar,
还是个盗贼 and a thief.
讽刺的是 我请求大家 Ironically, the very...
一起遵守一套道德准则 而这套准则本身 code of virtue I've asked you all to abide by was,
都是抄来的 in itself, stolen.
也许日后的某天 And perhaps, some day,
会有某人 someone may
创建一个同样的基金会 erect a foundation the likes of this.
但这人不会是我 也不该 But it will not be, and should not,
是我 be me.
既然开诚布公 我不妨承认 And in the interest of being truly honest,
这不是我第一次这样做了 this is not new behavior.
我多年来 I have, for years and years,
奉行着掠夺性资本主义路线 疯狂吸血 practiced a parasitic and cynical brand of
冷漠自私 做派没有一丝一毫值得敬佩 predatory capitalism that leaves nothing to be admired.
道德不道德 对我都是小事 Ethics? Not a priority.
其实我的所作所为 In fact, my behavior
可能近乎是在犯罪了 may have bordered on criminal.
对那些我因此而辜负的人 And to those I have wronged by this,
我表示抱歉 I apologize.
但道歉说来轻巧 是不是 But apologies are cheap, aren't they?
必须清算后果 There must be a reckoning.
所以今日 Which is why today,
借着这个公开平台 here in this public forum,
我请求加利福尼亚州的 I call for the attorney general
州检察长立即启动审查 of the state of California to launch an immediate investigation
调查我作为'互利'CEO期间的行为 of my conduct as CEO of Hooli...
不要放过任何信息 ...leaving no stone unturned.
真相终将大白于天下 The truth must finally be revealed.
我很抱歉 I apologize
因我而让大家经历这些 尤其是 for putting you all through this, especially...
那些真正一生都在坚守 those of you who actually lead lives of...
高尚品行的人 real virtue.
盖文 Hey, Gavin.
难为你了 I know that wasn't easy.
是吗 Sure about that?
你当初就该收下我那一千万 理查德 Should've taken the $10 million, Richard.
你等着禁止令吧 印蛋 Enjoy the injunction, thumbass.
什么 What?
好的 唐尼 你也是 Okay, Donny. Yeah, you, too,
多谢了 and I appreciate it, by the way.
好了 回头聊 All right, I'll catch you on the flip side.
好吧 这是来真的了 Okay, so, this is real.
州检察长刚告诉我 他们要启动审查了 The AG just told me they're launching an investigation
调查盖文在'互利'期间的价格垄断 into Gavin's price fixing and anti-competitive behavior
和反竞争行为 while he was at Hooli,
而且这是盖文自招的 所以 and Gavin called it. So, obviously,
显然他们首先就得下禁止令 the first move is to file an injunction against
禁止'互利'和'魔笛手'进一步合并 any further merging between Hooli and Pied Piper.
这个 这个禁止令是什么 Okay. W-what does injunction mean?
-意味着什么 -意味着 -What does that mean? -It means
直至此次审查结束 until this investigation concludes,
你不能把互利老干妈 you are prohibited from mixing any more
抹在魔笛手的馒头上 Hooli chocolate with the Pied Piper peanut butter.
我们代码库的融合都进行到一半了 Well, we're in the middle of merging our codebases.
-那就再拆开 -这不可能 -Yeah, unmerge them. -Well, that's impossible.
老天 我们要用互利手机进行夏威夷的测试 I mean, Christ, we're using HooliPhones in our Hawaii test.
他申请对自己的行为 So, by calling for an investigation
进行调查 就能整死我们 into his own behaviors, he can kill us?
操他妈的盖文·贝尔森 Fuckin' Gavin Belson.
这很好玩吗 抱歉 你是在崇拜他吗 Is this fun? I'm sorry. Are-are you admiring him?
艺术品和艺术家是两码事 You gotta separate the artist from the art,
理科 我是说这招 Rico. I mean, this is...
很高明 知道吗 这招太巧妙了 elegant, you know? This is, this is graceful.
这有点像 This is kinda like, uh...
那个...那个跳芭蕾的哥们 What's the, uh, what's the name of that...
-叫什么来着 -巴雷什尼科夫 -...ballerina dude? -Baryshnikov.
-不是 -努里耶夫 -No. -Nureyev?
-不对 -这他妈重要吗罗恩 谁在乎啊 -No... -Does it fucking matter, Ron? Who cares?
我们公司瘫痪了 会破产的 We're paralyzed! We're gonna be broke!
该死 对啊 而且 Shit, yeah. And,
现在盖文就有机会不用花几个钱 now Gavin's gonna be able to buy Pied Piper
就能买下魔笛手 for pennies on the dollar.
他正接受调查对吧 He is under investigation, right?
所以他也有可能被查出问题的 So, something bad can happen to him.
最坏情况就是查出他欺诈 Worst case, they find he acted in bad faith,
这样互利就得交一大笔罚金 and then Hooli's gotta pay a big fine or something.
但互利是你的 所以 But you own Hooli, so...
这笔罚金就得你出 you'd have to pay that fine.
真他妈厉害 Fucking ninja!
我们死定了 We're dead.
格里高利·海因斯 Gregory Hines!
那个跳舞的哥们 可谓是美国的宝藏 Dancer guy. He's an American treasure.
魔笛手
理查德·亨得里克斯 Richard Hendricks!
你好啊 What's up?
饥饿
怎么样 怎么样 Right? Right?
看看 懂了没 Read it. Get it?
死
-那说出来 -罗斯 -Now say it. -Look, Russ,
我现在真的没时间跟你唠 I don't really have time for you right now.
也没空参加你的节日 Or your festival,
如果你是为这个来的话 if that's why you're here.
加州州检察长 The Attorney General of California
刚刚签署了我们的死刑判决书 just signed our fuckin' death warrant.
我听说贝尔森今天把你干惨了 Yeah, I heard Belson gaped your asshole today
-还不是让你爽的那种 -是 -and not in that fun way. -Cool.
好极了 Great. Well,
我得进去告诉大家了 所以... I've gotta go inside and tell everyone, so...
用不着 你个幸运的混蛋 No, you don't, you lucky fuck.
幸运小混蛋 理查德 Lucky fucky. Richard,
加州州检察长唐·德拉伦特 Don Delarenta, the AG of California,
我他妈叫他干什么他就得干什么 is gonna do whatever the fuck I tell him to do.
-为什么 -因为我有他的黑料 -Why? -'Cause I have dirt on him.
两年前 他办了一件结果显而易见的案子 Two years ago, he had an open-and-shut case
那个人犯下了很严重的罪行 against a guy who committed terrible crimes,
但他没有起诉他 but he didn't prosecute him
因为那个人贿赂了他 而我可以证明 'cause that guy bribed him and I can prove it.
你觉得州检察长会愿意让公众看到 You think the fuckin' AG is gonna wanna let the public see
他没有起诉干了这种事的人吗 that he didn't prosecute a guy who did this?
-我的天 该死 -还有这个 -Oh, my God! Holy fuck! -Or this?
-还有这个 天啊你快看 -我操 -Or this? Jesus, look at that. -Fuck me!
等等 这是你吗 Hold on, wait--Is that you?
对 这个也是 这也是 这是人像模式 Yeah. So is this. This. Here's portrait mode.
-我这儿还有张全景图 -我懂了 罗斯 -There's a panoramic in here somewhere. -I get it, Russ.
犯下严重罪行的人是不是就是你 Are you the one that committed the terrible crimes?
对 而那个无耻之徒放过了我 Yeah. And that dirtbag let me off
因为我为他的选举捐了五十万 because I contributed half a mil to his campaign.
我告诉他我把照片都删了 Now I had told him I'd delete the photos,
但那个白痴没料到 我忘了删了 but what that moron didn't count on is that I'd forget.
所以理查德 问题来了 So, Richard. Question.
我要不要打这个电话呢 Should I make the call?
你准备好放弃夏威夷项目 You ready to dump Hawaii,
加入罗斯节了吗 and join RussFest?
你真的没留给我什么选择的余地 You're not really giving me much of a choice.
请接唐·德拉伦特 Don Delarenta, please.
告诉他罗斯·汉纳曼找他 Tell him it's Russ Hanneman.
他知道什么事 He'll know.
迪尼希 Dinesh?
你好 迪尼希 Oh hey, Dinesh.
理查德 怎么了 Hey, Richard, what's up?
你想让我回去 You want me to come home?
让我离开夏威夷 Like, leave Hawaii?
不 No!
等会 为什么 Wait, for what?
混蛋们 你们觉得怎么样 So, bitches, what do you think?
很漂亮 It's beautiful.
三逗号 Tres Commas!
嘭 Boom!
吉尔弗约尔 我一直在考虑你的AI Hey, Gilfoyle. So, I've been thinking about your AI
和它的许多不足之处 and its many deficits...
你的问题应该是没安全感 Your issue may be insecurity,
用虚张声势和中性古龙水来掩盖 masked by false bravado and unisex cologne.
这才不是中性 It's not unisex.
硅谷预告
理查德 罗斯节 Richard! Russ Fest!
你告诉过AT&T我的全息影像是可互动的 对吧 You told AT&T that the hologram would be interactive, right?
对 Yes.
听见没 傻逼 See, asshole?!
我的全息影像可以隔空干翻所有参加节日的人 My hologram can 100 percent dry hump festival goers
后入式哦 from behind.
如果他们要求的话 加标签"觉醒" If they ask for it. Hashtag-woke.
采购看来很稳定 Well, the purchasing seems stable.
一切都棒极了 Everything is amazing.
怎么回事 What's it doing?
一切本来好好的 Everything was fine,
结果网络就开始恶化 and then the network started deteriorating.
还有 他的拖车里全是蚂蚁 Also, his trailer was filled with ants.
距离
完结
还剩两集
我们做了什么 What did we do?
我要去坐牢了吗 Am I going to jail?
我可以提前训练你 Hey. I can train you.