1
00:00:01,477 --> 00:00:04,421
Okay, this is goin' to be a shock,
2
00:00:04,453 --> 00:00:06,621
but I think it's important that you see it.
3
00:00:06,820 --> 00:00:08,938
Is it going to be you in a Speedo?
4
00:00:09,022 --> 00:00:11,908
'Cause we got it. You lost five pounds.
5
00:00:11,942 --> 00:00:13,860
You look great.
6
00:00:13,944 --> 00:00:15,945
Thank you, but no.
7
00:00:15,996 --> 00:00:17,914
This is something very serious.
8
00:00:19,533 --> 00:00:22,418
Oh, my God. That's Lacey.
9
00:00:22,452 --> 00:00:25,087
Charlie: IndianGirlinaComa.com?
10
00:00:26,790 --> 00:00:29,041
"Click here to donate"?
11
00:00:29,126 --> 00:00:30,126
What the hell happened?
12
00:00:30,177 --> 00:00:31,544
I'll tell you what happened.
13
00:00:31,628 --> 00:00:32,795
She was walking down the street,
14
00:00:32,846 --> 00:00:34,463
and, wham, it hit her out of nowhere.
15
00:00:34,548 --> 00:00:36,389
The fastest way to make
money is a charity scam.
16
00:00:37,968 --> 00:00:39,185
I can't believe Lacey.
17
00:00:39,269 --> 00:00:41,020
How could she set up a Web site like this?
18
00:00:41,104 --> 00:00:42,772
What, you didn't think she'd stoop so low?
19
00:00:42,806 --> 00:00:44,357
Well, of course she would.
20
00:00:44,441 --> 00:00:46,058
It just looks great. I don't know how
21
00:00:46,143 --> 00:00:48,144
she could set up a Web site like this.
22
00:00:48,228 --> 00:00:51,147
Actually, I'm the one who set it up.
23
00:00:51,198 --> 00:00:53,532
So why are you selling her out?
24
00:00:53,617 --> 00:00:56,285
Well, because it's immoral, it's illegal,
25
00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:58,321
and she promised me half of the profits,
26
00:00:58,372 --> 00:01:00,156
and I haven't seen a nickel.
27
00:01:00,240 --> 00:01:02,825
Because there probably aren't any profits.
28
00:01:02,910 --> 00:01:05,294
Like to believe that people are
a little too savvy these days
29
00:01:05,329 --> 00:01:07,663
to send money to a girl
30
00:01:07,714 --> 00:01:09,555
in sexy lingerie who's
supposed to be in a coma.
31
00:01:11,501 --> 00:01:13,970
Sorry I'm late, everybody.
I was out shopping.
32
00:01:15,839 --> 00:01:18,174
So, Lacey,
33
00:01:18,225 --> 00:01:20,259
where'd you get the money?
34
00:01:22,095 --> 00:01:23,980
I found it in my couch.
35
00:01:24,014 --> 00:01:25,598
Oh, really?
36
00:01:25,682 --> 00:01:28,517
Oh, look. It's someone
who looks just like me,
37
00:01:28,602 --> 00:01:31,320
that isn't me on TV.
38
00:01:31,355 --> 00:01:32,655
You told.
39
00:01:32,689 --> 00:01:34,357
You made $5,000,
40
00:01:34,441 --> 00:01:35,858
and you didn't give me my half.
41
00:01:35,943 --> 00:01:38,744
You can't split 5,000 in half.
42
00:01:38,829 --> 00:01:40,162
It's an odd number.
43
00:01:41,615 --> 00:01:45,534
Lacey, of all the selfish, narcissistic,
44
00:01:45,619 --> 00:01:47,503
unethical things you've ever done,
45
00:01:47,537 --> 00:01:49,038
this is easily
46
00:01:49,089 --> 00:01:50,756
the most recent.
47
00:01:50,841 --> 00:01:52,458
Well, your point of view
48
00:01:52,542 --> 00:01:54,760
is very different from the people who wrote,
49
00:01:54,845 --> 00:01:57,713
"#DotTragicButHot."
50
00:01:57,764 --> 00:01:59,265
You've got to stop doing this.
51
00:01:59,349 --> 00:02:01,217
You're taking money from
people under false pretenses.
52
00:02:01,301 --> 00:02:04,136
#DotThislsAFelony.
53
00:02:04,221 --> 00:02:05,771
That's not fair, Charlie.
54
00:02:05,856 --> 00:02:08,307
There's a Pakistani woman
doing the exact same thing.
55
00:02:08,392 --> 00:02:09,692
I have to say, though...
56
00:02:09,726 --> 00:02:11,527
and I don't usually say this...
57
00:02:11,561 --> 00:02:14,647
she's too skinny.
58
00:02:14,731 --> 00:02:16,816
Well, maybe it's easier
for her to get away with it
59
00:02:16,900 --> 00:02:19,452
because she's in a real coma.
60
00:02:19,536 --> 00:02:21,190
( men whistling )
61
00:02:21,355 --> 00:02:24,276
sync and corrections by dreaMaker7
www.addic7ed.com
62
00:02:24,624 --> 00:02:26,709
Hey. Sorry I'm late.
63
00:02:26,743 --> 00:02:29,712
There was a bear on the freeway
64
00:02:29,746 --> 00:02:31,297
chewing on a cop's cellphone.
65
00:02:31,381 --> 00:02:32,748
Nothing I could do.
66
00:02:34,251 --> 00:02:35,718
So, in other words,
67
00:02:35,752 --> 00:02:37,670
you spent all night having
sex with some woman.
68
00:02:37,754 --> 00:02:39,555
How did you know that?
69
00:02:39,589 --> 00:02:41,223
Chewing and cellphone
70
00:02:41,258 --> 00:02:43,225
are fairly obvious as
to what they represent.
71
00:02:44,428 --> 00:02:47,096
Oh, yeah. Look at that.
72
00:02:47,180 --> 00:02:48,848
It's amazing what my subconscious does
73
00:02:48,932 --> 00:02:51,600
all on its own.
74
00:02:51,685 --> 00:02:53,436
Okay, so here's what you missed.
75
00:02:53,520 --> 00:02:55,571
You know the A.P.A.
conference we have coming up?
76
00:02:55,605 --> 00:02:57,907
The theme is successful partnerships,
77
00:02:57,941 --> 00:03:00,242
and they're considering us
for the keynote speakers.
78
00:03:00,277 --> 00:03:02,862
Oh, man. After all the hassles
79
00:03:02,946 --> 00:03:04,780
those morons on the ethics
committee put me through,
80
00:03:04,865 --> 00:03:06,949
they'd hate to have me on that stage.
81
00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:09,752
Whose cellphone do we got
to chew to get this gig?
82
00:03:09,786 --> 00:03:12,788
Well, It's all in the e-mail.
83
00:03:12,839 --> 00:03:15,458
It's from the chairwoman, Susie Haynes.
84
00:03:15,542 --> 00:03:17,293
Uh...
85
00:03:17,377 --> 00:03:18,928
Susie Haynes?
86
00:03:18,962 --> 00:03:21,931
You slept with her, didn't you?
87
00:03:21,965 --> 00:03:24,467
Why do you sleep with everybody?
88
00:03:24,518 --> 00:03:26,469
Let me rephrase that.
89
00:03:26,520 --> 00:03:29,388
Why does everybody sleep with you?
90
00:03:29,473 --> 00:03:31,390
I didn't do anything.
91
00:03:31,475 --> 00:03:33,359
She's a biter.
92
00:03:33,443 --> 00:03:36,145
She bit my Achilles tendon during sex,
93
00:03:36,196 --> 00:03:38,197
and it wasn't a fun little nibble.
94
00:03:38,281 --> 00:03:40,983
It was more like a lion
trying to take down a gazelle.
95
00:03:42,402 --> 00:03:45,488
Why did she bite your ankle during sex?
96
00:03:45,572 --> 00:03:47,456
Because I was trying to run away.
97
00:03:48,708 --> 00:03:50,576
But I can still get this for us.
98
00:03:50,660 --> 00:03:51,994
How?
99
00:03:52,079 --> 00:03:54,246
Well, I'm not going to sleep with her again,
100
00:03:54,331 --> 00:03:56,048
so I got to be honest.
101
00:03:56,133 --> 00:03:57,967
I'm out of ideas for right now.
102
00:03:59,636 --> 00:04:01,554
But I will think of something.
103
00:04:01,638 --> 00:04:05,007
Okay, people, I am here,
and I am ready to file.
104
00:04:05,092 --> 00:04:06,926
Now, I might put everything under "L,"
105
00:04:07,010 --> 00:04:09,261
because I am in love, love, love.
106
00:04:09,346 --> 00:04:11,180
I thought Ray Ray got paroled.
107
00:04:11,264 --> 00:04:13,482
Oh, no, this a new man, a better man,
108
00:04:13,517 --> 00:04:15,434
who I'm also calling Ray Ray.
109
00:04:15,519 --> 00:04:17,603
Last night, he gave me a whole bouquet
110
00:04:17,687 --> 00:04:19,355
of fresh weeds picked from the yard.
111
00:04:19,406 --> 00:04:20,773
It wasn't my birthday or nothing,
112
00:04:20,857 --> 00:04:22,191
just weeds for no reason.
113
00:04:24,361 --> 00:04:27,446
I've never gotten weeds for no reason.
114
00:04:27,531 --> 00:04:30,366
Yeah. How come all the good men are in here?
115
00:04:32,035 --> 00:04:33,586
I'm sorry. I'm just...
116
00:04:33,670 --> 00:04:35,671
I'm having problems with this Sean thing.
117
00:04:35,705 --> 00:04:38,290
I thought that I would be
able to handle hooking up
118
00:04:38,375 --> 00:04:40,543
without a relationship, but I can't.
119
00:04:40,627 --> 00:04:43,462
I think it's easier if I just call it off.
120
00:04:43,547 --> 00:04:45,047
Well, I can't believe you two
121
00:04:45,098 --> 00:04:47,049
even got together in the first place.
122
00:04:47,134 --> 00:04:50,886
You're like oil and
incredibly annoying water.
123
00:04:50,971 --> 00:04:52,638
Yeah, he is a little annoying.
124
00:04:52,722 --> 00:04:54,023
Yeah.
125
00:04:58,562 --> 00:05:00,563
You don't really want to
break up with that boy.
126
00:05:00,647 --> 00:05:01,897
You just don't wanna get hurt.
127
00:05:01,982 --> 00:05:04,200
Now, I felt the same way
128
00:05:04,234 --> 00:05:05,795
when I started getting busy with Ray Ray.
129
00:05:05,819 --> 00:05:08,737
I don't think my relationship with Sean
130
00:05:08,788 --> 00:05:11,657
is the same as your
relationship with Ray Ray.
131
00:05:11,741 --> 00:05:14,326
- Is Sean a man?
- Yeah.
132
00:05:14,411 --> 00:05:16,245
Does he pin you against the shower wall
133
00:05:16,329 --> 00:05:18,547
and take you like you're
the last woman on Earth?
134
00:05:18,582 --> 00:05:20,382
Yeah.
135
00:05:20,417 --> 00:05:22,418
Then it is the same.
136
00:05:24,421 --> 00:05:27,173
Now, if you really want
to be his girlfriend,
137
00:05:27,257 --> 00:05:29,425
stop playing around and tell
him that's what you want.
138
00:05:29,476 --> 00:05:32,344
You're right. I'm going
to text him right now.
139
00:05:32,429 --> 00:05:34,763
No, you got to make
him wait a couple of days,
140
00:05:34,814 --> 00:05:36,315
see how horrible his life is without you.
141
00:05:36,399 --> 00:05:38,651
Oh, and here.
142
00:05:38,735 --> 00:05:41,270
Give him these
143
00:05:41,321 --> 00:05:44,323
Maybe they'll mean as much
to him as they did to me.
144
00:05:44,407 --> 00:05:47,076
Oh, and you might want to
put those in some water.
145
00:05:50,030 --> 00:05:51,780
So, Susie, you really don't like to use
146
00:05:51,865 --> 00:05:53,282
a fork and knife, do you?
147
00:05:53,366 --> 00:05:55,751
On ribs? No, I just like to rip 'em apart.
148
00:05:57,537 --> 00:06:00,456
Yeah. It really brings me back.
149
00:06:02,292 --> 00:06:03,759
So, anyway, about the conference...
150
00:06:03,793 --> 00:06:05,594
Yeah, it's not looking good.
151
00:06:05,629 --> 00:06:06,929
Well, why not?
152
00:06:06,963 --> 00:06:08,380
I'm getting a lot of pressure
153
00:06:08,465 --> 00:06:10,132
from the ethics committee
to choose anyone but you.
154
00:06:10,217 --> 00:06:11,634
Boy, when those guys get a grudge,
155
00:06:11,685 --> 00:06:13,185
they don't let go.
156
00:06:13,270 --> 00:06:14,553
It's like a dog with a bone.
157
00:06:15,805 --> 00:06:17,306
No offense.
158
00:06:17,390 --> 00:06:20,059
Hey, guys, sorry to interrupt.
I'm just taking off.
159
00:06:20,143 --> 00:06:21,894
No, no. No, it's fine. Sean, this is Susie.
160
00:06:21,978 --> 00:06:23,062
Hey, how are you?
161
00:06:23,146 --> 00:06:24,146
( chuckles )
162
00:06:24,197 --> 00:06:25,481
Listen, if you're on the fence
163
00:06:25,532 --> 00:06:28,317
about hooking up with this guy,
I'd go for it.
164
00:06:28,368 --> 00:06:30,653
Word on the street,
always brings his "A" game.
165
00:06:30,704 --> 00:06:32,037
Well, thank you, Sean,
166
00:06:32,122 --> 00:06:33,622
for that unnecessary
167
00:06:33,657 --> 00:06:36,242
and deeply uncomfortable testimonial.
168
00:06:37,827 --> 00:06:39,912
Anytime. What's the deal with Jordan, man?
169
00:06:39,996 --> 00:06:42,464
I haven't gotten a text from her in,
like, two days.
170
00:06:42,499 --> 00:06:44,667
Can we talk about that later?
171
00:06:44,718 --> 00:06:47,670
Oh. Of course. Yeah, yeah. Sorry.
172
00:06:47,721 --> 00:06:49,138
You guys enjoy your date
173
00:06:49,172 --> 00:06:50,673
It's not a date.
174
00:06:50,757 --> 00:06:52,591
And I always bring my "A" game too.
175
00:06:52,676 --> 00:06:55,678
That's good to know.
176
00:06:55,762 --> 00:06:59,014
You have a... you have a
piece of meat on your chest.
177
00:06:59,065 --> 00:07:00,182
( gasps )
178
00:07:00,267 --> 00:07:02,017
Thank you.
179
00:07:05,762 --> 00:07:08,372
- Sorry about that.
- No, that's fine.
180
00:07:09,609 --> 00:07:12,361
Ooh. I'd like to sink my teeth into him.
181
00:07:12,412 --> 00:07:14,029
Is he single?
182
00:07:14,114 --> 00:07:17,199
Yeah, he just stopped seeing someone.
183
00:07:17,250 --> 00:07:20,369
He just doesn't know it yet.
184
00:07:21,705 --> 00:07:23,122
You know, I might be able
185
00:07:23,206 --> 00:07:24,840
to hook you guys up if...
186
00:07:24,874 --> 00:07:27,376
If I help you and your partner
187
00:07:27,427 --> 00:07:28,877
get the keynote speakers' position?
188
00:07:28,962 --> 00:07:30,879
Well, thanks for saying that.
189
00:07:30,930 --> 00:07:33,716
Now I don't have to feel
all dirty about bribing you.
190
00:07:33,767 --> 00:07:36,468
No problem. Oh, by the way,
191
00:07:36,553 --> 00:07:37,970
how's that ankle doing?
192
00:07:38,054 --> 00:07:40,973
I put vitamin E on the scar every day.
193
00:07:41,057 --> 00:07:42,858
It makes me think of you.
194
00:07:50,919 --> 00:07:53,621
Hey. Can you talk now?
195
00:07:53,714 --> 00:07:55,765
Yeah.
196
00:07:55,849 --> 00:07:58,217
Look, I didn't want to say
anything in front of Susie,
197
00:07:58,302 --> 00:08:00,303
but Jordan told me today
198
00:08:00,387 --> 00:08:02,555
that she's going to call it off with you.
199
00:08:02,639 --> 00:08:04,307
Wait, what? Why?
200
00:08:04,391 --> 00:08:06,058
She's Jordan.
201
00:08:06,143 --> 00:08:07,560
She doesn't know what she wants.
202
00:08:07,644 --> 00:08:09,395
I tell you who does know what she wants.
203
00:08:09,479 --> 00:08:12,148
Susie, and she wants you.
204
00:08:12,232 --> 00:08:14,734
Wait a minute.
So Jordan's going to call it off with me,
205
00:08:14,785 --> 00:08:16,369
but she didn't even bother texting me?
206
00:08:16,403 --> 00:08:18,954
You know who always texts back? Susie.
207
00:08:19,039 --> 00:08:21,490
She does this cute little
thing with parenthesis
208
00:08:21,575 --> 00:08:24,410
that makes 'em look like
boobs. It's fantastic.
209
00:08:24,461 --> 00:08:26,879
Listen, no one loves a set of parenthe-boobs
210
00:08:26,913 --> 00:08:28,748
more than I do, but...
211
00:08:28,832 --> 00:08:30,333
I got to be honest, man.
212
00:08:30,417 --> 00:08:32,835
I'm a little hurt about this Jordan thing.
213
00:08:32,919 --> 00:08:34,337
A little hurt?
214
00:08:34,421 --> 00:08:35,971
Who are you?
215
00:08:36,056 --> 00:08:38,474
Is this the same guy who
banged two girls in a bunk bed
216
00:08:38,558 --> 00:08:40,343
unbeknownst to each other?
217
00:08:41,645 --> 00:08:42,928
Believe me, it was beknownst.
218
00:08:44,398 --> 00:08:46,015
Look, you can't let this get to you.
219
00:08:46,099 --> 00:08:48,380
You gotta move on.
When's the last time you heard from her?
220
00:08:48,402 --> 00:08:50,152
( sighs ) Two days ago.
221
00:08:50,237 --> 00:08:51,737
The Sean I know
222
00:08:51,772 --> 00:08:53,739
would have moved on three days ago.
223
00:08:53,774 --> 00:08:55,324
I just... you know what?
224
00:08:55,409 --> 00:08:58,277
I need to hear from her if it's over over.
225
00:08:58,362 --> 00:09:00,913
You mean does she like like you?
226
00:09:00,947 --> 00:09:02,998
When I go to homeroom,
227
00:09:03,083 --> 00:09:04,784
I'll ask Eddie what he's heard from Becky.
228
00:09:08,038 --> 00:09:09,672
You're right. What am I doing?
229
00:09:09,756 --> 00:09:12,124
I'm not the jackass who gets upset
230
00:09:12,209 --> 00:09:13,843
when someone doesn't call.
231
00:09:13,927 --> 00:09:15,928
I'm the jackass who doesn't call.
232
00:09:15,962 --> 00:09:17,463
- Yes, you are.
- Yes.
233
00:09:17,547 --> 00:09:19,014
So what are you going to do?
234
00:09:19,099 --> 00:09:21,350
I'm going to go out with Susie,
and to hell with Jordan.
235
00:09:21,435 --> 00:09:22,802
- Yeah.
- Yeah!
236
00:09:22,886 --> 00:09:24,886
Anybody get the name of the
man that just walked in?
237
00:09:24,938 --> 00:09:26,305
- Sean!
- Louder!
238
00:09:26,356 --> 00:09:27,690
- I'm Sean!
- That's right!
239
00:09:27,774 --> 00:09:29,275
- Wake the neighbors!
- I am your neighbors!
240
00:09:29,309 --> 00:09:31,429
- I meant the Judsons!
- I don't even know the Judsons!
241
00:09:31,478 --> 00:09:32,478
Oh, they're nice people.
242
00:09:32,529 --> 00:09:33,896
Son just went off to college.
243
00:09:33,980 --> 00:09:35,281
Dad works in advertising.
244
00:09:36,483 --> 00:09:38,117
Oh, okay. I'll introduce myself.
245
00:09:38,151 --> 00:09:39,702
- Tell 'em I said hi.
- I will.
246
00:09:41,988 --> 00:09:44,657
Okay, if we're going to shoot
me coming out of a coma,
247
00:09:44,741 --> 00:09:46,158
we're going to do it my way.
248
00:09:46,243 --> 00:09:47,993
I'm going to lie in the bed over here.
249
00:09:48,078 --> 00:09:50,413
Ed, you smell like a hospital,
250
00:09:50,497 --> 00:09:52,415
so you'll play the doctor.
251
00:09:52,499 --> 00:09:54,500
Can I be a rodeo doctor
252
00:09:54,551 --> 00:09:56,419
who's seen too many head injuries
253
00:09:56,503 --> 00:09:58,637
and it's driving him to drink?
254
00:09:58,672 --> 00:10:00,172
You only have two lines,
255
00:10:00,257 --> 00:10:01,557
"Oh, my God," and, "She's awake."
256
00:10:01,641 --> 00:10:05,478
Hmm. How 'bout, "Good Lord,"
257
00:10:05,512 --> 00:10:08,564
and, "She's conscious"?
258
00:10:08,648 --> 00:10:10,316
Why is that better?
259
00:10:10,350 --> 00:10:11,934
Well, it seems more like
260
00:10:12,018 --> 00:10:15,938
what Dr. Cody Bullwhip would say.
261
00:10:16,022 --> 00:10:17,182
Okay, you're a weird old man.
262
00:10:19,409 --> 00:10:22,611
Patrick, I want you to direct.
263
00:10:22,696 --> 00:10:24,113
Really?
264
00:10:24,197 --> 00:10:26,532
So you want to put this face
265
00:10:26,583 --> 00:10:28,834
behind the camera.
266
00:10:28,869 --> 00:10:31,203
That's an interesting choice.
267
00:10:32,372 --> 00:10:33,873
What do you want me to play?
268
00:10:33,924 --> 00:10:35,875
You're going to play the
part of the male nurse
269
00:10:35,959 --> 00:10:37,376
who notices my finger twitching
270
00:10:37,427 --> 00:10:38,928
and calls over the doctor.
271
00:10:39,012 --> 00:10:41,096
What if I give you a
passionate kiss on the lips
272
00:10:41,181 --> 00:10:42,882
that wakes you like "Sleeping Beauty."
273
00:10:42,966 --> 00:10:45,301
- No.
- Okay. Have it your way.
274
00:10:46,436 --> 00:10:47,887
I'll just swing by
275
00:10:47,938 --> 00:10:49,305
and give you a sponge bath.
276
00:10:49,389 --> 00:10:50,973
No. And you know what?
277
00:10:51,057 --> 00:10:52,475
Now you can't be the male nurse.
278
00:10:52,559 --> 00:10:54,443
Now have to be a priest.
279
00:10:54,528 --> 00:10:56,862
Not a horny janitor,
not a perverted orderly,
280
00:10:56,897 --> 00:10:58,614
not a Make-a-Wish kid with a boner,
281
00:10:58,698 --> 00:11:00,065
a priest.
282
00:11:00,150 --> 00:11:01,867
A priest?
283
00:11:01,902 --> 00:11:04,069
Yes, who comes over
284
00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:05,871
to administer my last rites
285
00:11:05,906 --> 00:11:07,573
right before I suddenly wake up.
286
00:11:07,657 --> 00:11:09,241
Okay, okay. I'll be a priest.
287
00:11:09,292 --> 00:11:10,743
But just to let you know,
288
00:11:10,794 --> 00:11:12,294
right before my grandmother died,
289
00:11:12,379 --> 00:11:14,213
the priest tongue-kissed her pretty hard.
290
00:11:16,166 --> 00:11:17,750
I'm just trying to make it real.
291
00:11:20,587 --> 00:11:21,554
Hey.
292
00:11:21,588 --> 00:11:22,888
Hey.
293
00:11:22,923 --> 00:11:24,423
Guess who's going to be the keynote speakers
294
00:11:24,508 --> 00:11:26,308
at the A.P.A. convention.
295
00:11:26,393 --> 00:11:27,393
I don't know. Us?
296
00:11:27,427 --> 00:11:29,261
Close. Us!
297
00:11:30,981 --> 00:11:32,932
- Isn't that fantastic?
- It's great.
298
00:11:33,016 --> 00:11:34,900
Yeah, we'll talk about our partnership,
299
00:11:34,935 --> 00:11:36,652
how I'm an optimistic go-getter,
300
00:11:36,736 --> 00:11:38,376
and you're a giant downer of a wet blanket.
301
00:11:40,273 --> 00:11:42,024
I drove by Sean's house this morning,
302
00:11:42,108 --> 00:11:43,659
and I saw another woman coming out.
303
00:11:43,743 --> 00:11:46,278
I can't believe he would have
sex with someone and not tell me.
304
00:11:46,363 --> 00:11:49,248
Why does that matter?
You said you were going to call it off.
305
00:11:49,282 --> 00:11:51,667
No, I said it would be
easier if I called it off.
306
00:11:51,751 --> 00:11:53,536
That's the same thing as calling it off.
307
00:11:53,620 --> 00:11:55,838
I changed my mind,
so I called off the call-off.
308
00:11:55,922 --> 00:11:57,289
You can't call off the call-off
309
00:11:57,340 --> 00:11:59,091
without telling me you're
calling off the call-off.
310
00:11:59,125 --> 00:12:00,960
Why do I have to tell you?
311
00:12:01,011 --> 00:12:02,428
Because communication is key
312
00:12:02,462 --> 00:12:04,342
if I'm gonna be a part of you guys'
relationship.
313
00:12:04,381 --> 00:12:05,464
You're not.
314
00:12:05,515 --> 00:12:07,299
Well, sure, not after this.
315
00:12:07,384 --> 00:12:10,386
You know what? I am going to go over there,
316
00:12:10,470 --> 00:12:12,471
and I am going to tell him how hurt I am.
317
00:12:12,556 --> 00:12:13,806
No, no, no. No, no, no.
318
00:12:13,857 --> 00:12:15,307
We got to get to the conference.
319
00:12:15,358 --> 00:12:16,725
Besides, you'll just look pathetic.
320
00:12:16,810 --> 00:12:18,143
Tell you what.
321
00:12:18,228 --> 00:12:20,779
I'll go over and tell him
how you feel tomorrow.
322
00:12:20,814 --> 00:12:22,031
Why you?
323
00:12:22,115 --> 00:12:24,483
Because I'm his buddy.
324
00:12:24,534 --> 00:12:26,619
If you go, he'll just feel cornered
325
00:12:26,653 --> 00:12:28,120
and try to blame somebody else.
326
00:12:28,154 --> 00:12:29,955
Who the hell is he going to blame?
327
00:12:29,990 --> 00:12:31,323
I don't know.
328
00:12:31,374 --> 00:12:32,958
Everybody's blaming
everybody for everything.
329
00:12:32,993 --> 00:12:35,044
You're blaming him for
going out with a woman.
330
00:12:35,128 --> 00:12:36,996
You're blaming me for setting
him up with that woman.
331
00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:38,747
I am not blaming you for that.
332
00:12:39,701 --> 00:12:41,083
Oh. Well, good.
333
00:12:41,167 --> 00:12:43,155
Let's keep it that way.
334
00:12:48,591 --> 00:12:51,868
Round up the horses.
Close up the barn.
335
00:12:51,894 --> 00:12:55,847
Dr. Cody Bullwhip is pulling the plug.
336
00:12:59,516 --> 00:13:01,520
Hello?
337
00:13:01,604 --> 00:13:04,022
Where am I?
338
00:13:04,107 --> 00:13:05,941
Yee-hah!
339
00:13:05,975 --> 00:13:08,143
My patient has woken up,
340
00:13:08,227 --> 00:13:10,979
no thanks to Obamacare.
341
00:13:11,923 --> 00:13:14,090
I am so moved, I am giving
up the priesthood
342
00:13:14,175 --> 00:13:16,510
to marry this woman.
343
00:13:16,544 --> 00:13:17,627
Cut!
344
00:13:17,712 --> 00:13:18,929
That's it!
345
00:13:19,013 --> 00:13:20,430
Patrick, from now on,
346
00:13:20,515 --> 00:13:21,882
you're the priest.
347
00:13:21,933 --> 00:13:23,383
Nolan, you're the director.
348
00:13:23,434 --> 00:13:24,885
I'm the director? Excellent.
349
00:13:24,936 --> 00:13:26,386
All right, we're going to need
350
00:13:26,437 --> 00:13:27,971
a green screen for the special effects,
351
00:13:28,055 --> 00:13:29,189
a crane for camera two,
352
00:13:29,223 --> 00:13:30,607
and we should wait for the light
353
00:13:30,691 --> 00:13:31,858
to come in from the north.
354
00:13:31,893 --> 00:13:34,561
Just get over there, and press the button.
355
00:13:34,587 --> 00:13:36,765
Okay, but it's going to suck.
356
00:13:39,700 --> 00:13:41,201
Okay, good. Good.
357
00:13:41,235 --> 00:13:43,119
You're going over the speech.
358
00:13:43,204 --> 00:13:45,405
Don't be nervous. We're going to rock.
359
00:13:45,456 --> 00:13:48,241
Trust me. I am not nervous,
360
00:13:48,326 --> 00:13:50,377
and I am already rocking.
361
00:13:51,712 --> 00:13:53,547
Okay, now, I'm going to start with a joke,
362
00:13:53,581 --> 00:13:55,048
and then you can do the introduction.
363
00:13:55,082 --> 00:13:57,384
Why do you get to do the joke?
364
00:13:57,418 --> 00:13:59,386
Because I'm funny at cocktail parties,
365
00:13:59,420 --> 00:14:01,221
and you're the girl throwing up in the pool
366
00:14:01,255 --> 00:14:02,589
who ruins it for everyone.
367
00:14:03,841 --> 00:14:04,891
( sighs )
368
00:14:04,926 --> 00:14:06,059
You're drunk right now.
369
00:14:06,093 --> 00:14:07,093
( scoffs )
370
00:14:07,144 --> 00:14:09,179
I've only had one,
371
00:14:09,263 --> 00:14:10,764
counting this one
372
00:14:10,815 --> 00:14:13,016
and the one before that
373
00:14:13,100 --> 00:14:15,518
and the big one while I was doing my makeup.
374
00:14:15,603 --> 00:14:17,320
( scoffs )
375
00:14:17,405 --> 00:14:19,522
Now you decide to drink? Now?!
376
00:14:19,607 --> 00:14:20,941
Well, it is not about Sean.
377
00:14:21,025 --> 00:14:22,409
I will tell you that much.
378
00:14:22,443 --> 00:14:24,744
Okay, so it's about Sean.
379
00:14:24,779 --> 00:14:27,447
Charlie, you know me so well.
380
00:14:27,531 --> 00:14:30,033
You are such a good partner.
381
00:14:30,117 --> 00:14:31,785
You could have the joke.
382
00:14:33,170 --> 00:14:35,229
Thanks.
383
00:14:35,790 --> 00:14:37,707
Jordan, I need to talk to you.
384
00:14:37,792 --> 00:14:40,109
Sean, what the hell are you doing here?
385
00:14:40,135 --> 00:14:42,186
She can't talk right now.
We're about to go on.
386
00:14:42,270 --> 00:14:43,687
Did you get my message, you jerk?
387
00:14:43,772 --> 00:14:46,056
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I told you not to talk to him,
388
00:14:46,141 --> 00:14:47,725
and you go ahead and leave a message?
389
00:14:47,809 --> 00:14:50,144
What is up with this
level of deception here?
390
00:14:50,228 --> 00:14:51,729
You know what? I'm confused also,
391
00:14:51,813 --> 00:14:53,731
because you said that you were mad at me
392
00:14:53,815 --> 00:14:55,149
for hooking up with that girl,
393
00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:56,951
but Charlie told me that
you were done with me.
394
00:14:56,985 --> 00:14:58,702
You said what?
395
00:14:58,787 --> 00:15:02,456
I didn't know you were going
to call off the call-off.
396
00:15:04,543 --> 00:15:07,461
I set him up with Susie
397
00:15:07,496 --> 00:15:10,331
because that's the only way
she'd let us do the speech.
398
00:15:10,415 --> 00:15:11,882
So you pimped him out?!
399
00:15:11,967 --> 00:15:13,884
That woman bit me.
400
00:15:15,086 --> 00:15:18,005
Charlie, I had to go to the E.R.
401
00:15:18,089 --> 00:15:20,307
Look, I think we can all agree
402
00:15:20,342 --> 00:15:21,926
that my only crime here
403
00:15:22,010 --> 00:15:24,011
is that I manipulated your relationship
404
00:15:24,095 --> 00:15:26,013
so I could give a speech.
405
00:15:26,064 --> 00:15:27,398
What?
406
00:15:27,482 --> 00:15:29,150
That way, we can share the blame
407
00:15:29,184 --> 00:15:30,518
and all move on.
408
00:15:32,521 --> 00:15:34,021
Excuse me, are you two
409
00:15:34,072 --> 00:15:35,523
delivering the speech on
successful partnerships?
410
00:15:35,607 --> 00:15:37,525
- That's us.
- Good. You're on.
411
00:15:38,827 --> 00:15:40,327
You ready, partner?
412
00:15:40,362 --> 00:15:43,697
I hate you so much right now.
413
00:15:43,782 --> 00:15:45,199
Cool. Let's do this.
414
00:15:57,992 --> 00:15:59,659
Good evening, fellow therapists.
415
00:15:59,743 --> 00:16:01,494
I'm Charlie Goodson.
416
00:16:01,579 --> 00:16:03,279
Think you all know me.
417
00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:05,165
I know the guys in the ethics board do.
418
00:16:05,249 --> 00:16:06,950
Hey, I got my clothes on, and I'm sober,
419
00:16:07,001 --> 00:16:08,835
so I know one of you lost of a bet.
420
00:16:10,788 --> 00:16:13,790
And I am Dr. Jordan Denby,
421
00:16:13,841 --> 00:16:16,259
and we are your keynote speakers
422
00:16:16,293 --> 00:16:18,128
here at this special conference
423
00:16:18,212 --> 00:16:20,630
about working partnerships,
424
00:16:20,681 --> 00:16:22,348
how the good ones work,
425
00:16:22,433 --> 00:16:23,716
and why some of them don't.
426
00:16:26,137 --> 00:16:28,054
Thank you, Dr. Denby.
427
00:16:28,139 --> 00:16:29,305
Ahem.
428
00:16:30,975 --> 00:16:32,392
Masters and Johnson,
429
00:16:32,476 --> 00:16:34,194
Watson and Crick,
430
00:16:34,278 --> 00:16:37,147
Madame and Monsieur Curie,
431
00:16:37,198 --> 00:16:38,481
what is the one thing
432
00:16:38,566 --> 00:16:41,451
that all of these
partnerships have in common?
433
00:16:41,485 --> 00:16:43,620
The word "And." ( laughs )
434
00:16:46,323 --> 00:16:48,491
But they also share something else,
435
00:16:48,576 --> 00:16:50,743
mutual respect,
436
00:16:50,828 --> 00:16:53,630
understanding, and honesty.
437
00:16:53,664 --> 00:16:55,632
Go ahead, Charlie.
438
00:16:55,666 --> 00:16:59,169
Tell these people about honesty.
439
00:16:59,253 --> 00:17:00,637
This'll be fun.
440
00:17:03,340 --> 00:17:05,675
Well, honesty is, of course,
441
00:17:05,759 --> 00:17:08,645
the foundation of any healthy relationship.
442
00:17:08,679 --> 00:17:10,647
However, there are times
443
00:17:10,681 --> 00:17:12,515
when one must finesse the truth
444
00:17:12,566 --> 00:17:14,934
in order to serve the greater good.
445
00:17:15,019 --> 00:17:18,855
Like if you have to completely
screw over your partner
446
00:17:18,939 --> 00:17:22,825
just to get a speaking gig
at a stupid conference.
447
00:17:24,612 --> 00:17:26,663
Is something your partner might say
448
00:17:26,697 --> 00:17:28,865
if they wanted to express themselves freely
449
00:17:28,949 --> 00:17:32,669
or if Jim Beam wanted to
express himself freely.
450
00:17:32,703 --> 00:17:34,871
You are human scum.
451
00:17:34,922 --> 00:17:36,289
Is the type of thing you might
452
00:17:36,373 --> 00:17:37,707
not want to say to your partner,
453
00:17:37,791 --> 00:17:39,959
especially in a public forum.
454
00:17:40,044 --> 00:17:41,211
Screw you.
455
00:17:43,047 --> 00:17:44,380
Well done, Jordan.
456
00:17:45,549 --> 00:17:48,101
So, in conclusion,
457
00:17:48,185 --> 00:17:49,469
partnerships are awesome.
458
00:17:51,639 --> 00:17:54,224
And on a more personal
note to the ethics board,
459
00:17:54,308 --> 00:17:55,692
you still suck.
460
00:17:56,810 --> 00:17:57,810
Whoo!
461
00:17:57,895 --> 00:17:58,978
( chuckles )
462
00:17:59,063 --> 00:18:00,396
My man.
463
00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:05,902
Where am I?
464
00:18:05,986 --> 00:18:08,071
You're in the hospital, Lacey.
465
00:18:08,155 --> 00:18:10,823
You've just come out of a coma.
466
00:18:10,908 --> 00:18:12,492
It's a miracle.
467
00:18:12,576 --> 00:18:13,793
Thank you, Jesus.
468
00:18:16,997 --> 00:18:19,165
Oh, my God.
469
00:18:19,250 --> 00:18:21,884
I went to the other side for a second.
470
00:18:21,919 --> 00:18:24,587
Heaven was amazing.
471
00:18:24,638 --> 00:18:26,923
I had all the clothes I could wear
472
00:18:26,974 --> 00:18:30,009
and an Audi A6.
473
00:18:30,094 --> 00:18:32,645
Everyone else wore Old Navy
474
00:18:32,730 --> 00:18:34,264
and took the bus.
475
00:18:36,934 --> 00:18:38,651
- Hmm.
- I don't understand.
476
00:18:38,736 --> 00:18:40,103
You're out of the coma,
477
00:18:40,154 --> 00:18:41,654
they know you're fine,
478
00:18:41,739 --> 00:18:43,106
but they keep sending money.
479
00:18:43,190 --> 00:18:45,108
Look at these stats.
480
00:18:45,192 --> 00:18:48,528
Since yesterday, you've made over $14,000.
481
00:18:48,612 --> 00:18:49,912
$14,000?
482
00:18:49,947 --> 00:18:52,532
At's, like, two purses and a French bulldog.
483
00:18:53,784 --> 00:18:55,034
It's crazy.
484
00:18:55,119 --> 00:18:57,253
LordBangsALot from Lewisburg, PA,
485
00:18:57,288 --> 00:18:59,756
is offering 3,000 more for
your post-coma virginity.
486
00:18:59,790 --> 00:19:00,790
( gasps )
487
00:19:00,874 --> 00:19:02,208
I'd go for it.
488
00:19:02,293 --> 00:19:03,793
Ever since Princess Bangs A Lot
489
00:19:03,844 --> 00:19:05,685
died in that car wreck,
I hear he's heartbroken.
490
00:19:06,714 --> 00:19:09,632
$3,000 to have sex with someone
491
00:19:09,717 --> 00:19:11,384
who just came out of a coma?
492
00:19:11,468 --> 00:19:13,353
That's disgusting.
493
00:19:13,437 --> 00:19:16,139
I mean, that's got to be
his opening offer, right?
494
00:19:17,608 --> 00:19:19,475
You know what? We can't do this.
495
00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:21,194
I say we give the money
496
00:19:21,278 --> 00:19:23,479
to that Pakistani woman
you stole the idea from.
497
00:19:23,564 --> 00:19:25,508
Bring up the site, Patrick.
498
00:19:31,033 --> 00:19:32,416
There she is.
499
00:19:32,442 --> 00:19:34,157
Ah, look at her,
500
00:19:34,208 --> 00:19:35,575
so peaceful.
501
00:19:35,659 --> 00:19:38,077
Wait. Did she just twitch?
502
00:19:38,162 --> 00:19:40,913
Oh, my God. She's waking up.
503
00:19:40,998 --> 00:19:42,665
She's such a faker.
504
00:19:42,716 --> 00:19:44,083
Look, she's fine. She's dancing.
505
00:19:44,168 --> 00:19:45,468
That's a seizure.
506
00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:48,171
And she's dead.
507
00:19:50,891 --> 00:19:52,225
( sighs )
508
00:19:52,309 --> 00:19:53,926
They should have called Bullwhip.
509
00:19:54,011 --> 00:19:55,561
Bullwhip would have saved her.
510
00:19:58,065 --> 00:20:00,817
So what did the doctor say about the bite?
511
00:20:00,851 --> 00:20:03,152
Oh, that's terrible, Sean.
512
00:20:03,802 --> 00:20:06,022
Of course I'll come over tonight.
513
00:20:06,073 --> 00:20:07,573
Bye, sweetie.
514
00:20:07,658 --> 00:20:10,276
It's infected. Good.
515
00:20:15,416 --> 00:20:17,200
I picked these out especially for you.
516
00:20:17,251 --> 00:20:20,336
You don't need to keep making
peace offerings, Charlie.
517
00:20:20,371 --> 00:20:21,871
I've already forgiven you
518
00:20:21,955 --> 00:20:23,539
as much as I'm going to forgive you.
519
00:20:23,590 --> 00:20:25,341
Now you're just putting pounds on my ass.
520
00:20:25,376 --> 00:20:27,377
So flowers make you sneeze.
521
00:20:27,461 --> 00:20:29,212
Donuts make you fat.
522
00:20:29,296 --> 00:20:31,297
What else can I possibly get you
523
00:20:31,382 --> 00:20:32,715
from Gary's Flowers and Donuts
524
00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:34,350
at the end of my street?
525
00:20:34,385 --> 00:20:37,437
Okay, I forgive you.
526
00:20:37,521 --> 00:20:40,056
Besides, things are going
good between me and Sean.
527
00:20:40,140 --> 00:20:42,692
So you're boyfriend and girlfriend?
528
00:20:42,726 --> 00:20:44,360
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
529
00:20:44,395 --> 00:20:48,231
We have acknowledged that we
have feelings for each other,
530
00:20:48,315 --> 00:20:49,699
and we're going to continue having sex,
531
00:20:49,733 --> 00:20:51,234
but only with each other.
532
00:20:51,285 --> 00:20:52,702
See the difference?
533
00:20:52,736 --> 00:20:54,404
Oh, of course.
534
00:20:54,455 --> 00:20:56,489
It's like night and night.
535
00:20:58,310 --> 00:21:00,243
But tell me,
536
00:21:00,294 --> 00:21:02,879
do you think that Sean and I
537
00:21:02,913 --> 00:21:04,580
could ever make it as a real couple?
538
00:21:04,631 --> 00:21:06,048
Be honest with me.
539
00:21:06,083 --> 00:21:07,800
Really honest?
540
00:21:07,885 --> 00:21:10,219
Yes, about everything.
541
00:21:10,254 --> 00:21:11,804
Okay.
542
00:21:11,889 --> 00:21:13,589
I found those donuts
543
00:21:13,674 --> 00:21:15,725
sitting on a Dumpster behind the building.
544
00:21:19,179 --> 00:21:21,314
You know what?
545
00:21:21,398 --> 00:21:23,599
I'm not even going to
give you the satisfaction.
546
00:21:24,130 --> 00:21:28,294
sync and corrections by dreaMaker7
www.addic7ed.com