I feel that after 10 years, I am ready because I am tired.
I’m tired of hiding, of living a lie.
Wonderland Pictures Presenta
You’ve taught me that being a son of a bitch like you
is not who I want to be.
I didn’t tell anyone.
I was very ashamed.
I really felt like garbage.
Like a piece of worthless gum on the floor.
I don’t know, I think that’s why my relationships have never worked out.
Un Viaje en Taxi
Ciudad de México
When it comes to love, I haven’t had much luck.
My longest relationship lasted eight months.
He cheated on me and all so it was awful.
I imagine that you have similar stories.
I was in long-term relationships so they were more like…
I don’t know, it’s different.
I mean, I’ve also had romances that were fleeting, right?
But without a doubt, it’s different with you.
I hope so. I do…
But why do you think you haven't had much luck?
I think it has to do with my temper.
I’m short-tempered. I like things my way.
Anyway I’ve already told you that
I like your eyes very much and your smile.
You seem nice.
You don’t seem like a bad person, honestly.
I’m not bad. I’m short-tempered but I’m not a bad person.
I want to be with you.
I don’t know what’s going to happen
but the truth is I don’t want to be a disappointment.
You don’t want to be a disappointment and I know you won't be.
That’s why I’m telling you to take things slow
so that we can get to know each other.
To figure out what it is about me that bothers you and vice versa.
So you can see that I’m not like some men who are always nice.
That’s right.
They’re going to say that we are like brothers who dress alike.
Do you want me to wear something else?
Do you feel uncomfortable wearing the same outfit as me?
I don’t know, I've never done it. It feels weird.
I’ll take it off then. Do you want me to change?
I don’t know, if you prefer to.
I’m asking you.
Whatever.
I can change and put this one on.
I don’t know. What do you prefer?
You decide, baby, I’m not the one feeling uncomfortable.
There look.
Four.
Double.
We just needed to turn it on.
Yes because the peel is done already.
But we don’t eat the peel.
Well we’re just missing the thing that goes with…
Hey…
What?
What do you think?
Oh… So cute.
Really?
Very helpful.
He looks different in the photos.
Not really, he looks the same.
He seems to get on very well with us.
As if we have known each other for a long time.
Yeah, he’s really sweet. That’s what I like most about him.
When we started going out,
I couldn’t believe that we had so much chemistry.
Exactly and he’s the one that looks after you.
Lots.
He's really sweet. I’ll remember that he likes Selena Gomez.
I can’t forgive him for that.
I’ll consider that if he wants to join the family.
I’m going to teach him about good music.
It’s impossible. Once he was listening to my playlist
and asked me, “Can I play some Lady Gaga?”
What did your mum say?
That she was anxious.
I don’t have anything for your mum. Now I’m worried.
My mum is going to say, “As long as you take care of my angel.”
Did you prepare what to say to my mum when you first met her?
No, I was really nervous.
I have to confess something.
When I arrived at your cafe,
I didn’t see you there.
I just saw whom I thought was your mum.
So I walked past your place and called you to say that
I’d missed it so that you would come outside.
Great. So it has been lies, nothing but lies from the beginning.
I know we have not been dating long but I really like him.
Now this is the part where he gets awkward about it.
But I wanted you to meet him because I like him a lot.
And you know how long it has been since I met someone.
Erick is really unique.
He is very responsible and he’s a good person.
His family is very sweet and they have good values.
He is very educated and hardworking.
He’s a fighter and he loves me.
Well yes.
I didn’t know you but I’d already started to like you.
Because Rodolfo had told me about you and what you're like.
And it was as if I already knew you.
The main thing is that if my son accepts you,
then he sees your qualities and who you are.
So I’ve accepted you too.
Thank you very much. How kind of you.
Thanks for loving my son.
Thank you very much. You are really very sweet.
I'm more relaxed and happier.
Even more so now that I've met you.
I feel better now that I know he has someone.
Thank you very much.
Yes, we will do our best and I’ll take care of him.
Thank you very much. And you take care of him as well.
Of course.
Listen to your mother and take care of me!
And look, if he misbehaves…
I will call you.
I grant you permission to do whatever.
Ok, yes, yes.
Many people say that you have to be strong, because you are a man.
You have to deal with it. You shouldn’t cry, you shouldn’t say anything.
And when you do,
when you show the defenseless side of you,
or you show vulnerability, people don’t know what to do.
Many take advantage of you, many get scared and say, “No, I can’t.”
Erick is home, isn’t he?
He went out with Rodolfo but he would rather not speak with us.
Nothing at all.
Well it's just the way he is.
Sometimes you have to understand.
Well yes but he gets home and that's it.
We get back home and he goes to bed.
Then he wakes up sleepy the next day and doesn’t talk either.
And at night, they are tired and annoyed.
You know how it is, very tiresome.
Well I know Erick obviously doesn’t open up very much with you all
and talk about his feelings or how he feels, right?
But do you think that he has this attitude
because perhaps there’s something missing for him
or that he is not entirely happy?
He has always been the same.
I tried talking to him but…
Yeah it’s hard when people have a strong personality.
And even more so when it’s someone in your family right?
I’ve stopped paying attention to him.
We are working here all day, all day long we are like this.
But it doesn't last.
The money doesn't last.
Think about it. We are here all day, every day
just to get a little bit of cash.
It’s better if we do something else and earn more.
Well yes, I used to do better at the beauty salon.
Now I don't have any money, nothing at all.
Remember when I used to be able to celebrate your birthdays,
Christmas and all.
Now I can’t.
We have to do something, sell something else or…
I’m thinking of sandwiches.
Well yes but we can't sell sandwiches all day long.
Well no, it has to be early.
We also can’t force people to buy four sandwiches each.
No, but we get here too late.
That would be because of you all.
I’m up and get ready right away.
No, not me.
Saul then.
I’m the first one up.
Ready Rodri?
Yes mum.
How was your day?
Good.
Nice and Pollo?
He stayed there a little longer.
See you tomorrow.
That’s a solid colour anyway, look.
I’m not making you take it, right?
Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.
My brother is a very, very complicated person.
He has a fucking horrible personality.
From what I remember, he was a normal child.
He wanted to play and he used to love acting.
We went out to play on the streets.
We played video games like normal kids.
But in recent years, our relationship has changed completely.
As time went on, he became a very angry person.
I feel that he bears a lot of resentment and hatred.
In his head and in his body.
I don’t know towards what or whom exactly
but he manifests those feelings towards everyone.
We tell him, let’s go eat and he goes away.
He is not close to us, so I feel really bad.
I pray a lot.
I am taking courses to learn how to handle the situation.
Because there are times when I want to just leave him there to work alone.
But I can’t leave him alone because there is a lot of work.
But yes, it can be really infuriating.
The thing I remember the most is Erick and Saul fighting.
Erick was so angry that while arguing
that he went to the kitchen, grabbed a knife and told him,
“I’m going to kill you,” with tears in his eyes.
I’m Erick, Ricardo. I’m your son.
And I’m here to tell you everything I like about you
but especially what I don’t like about you.
I have anger, resentment, and a lot of hatred towards you.
For what you have done to us.
For turning your back when we needed you most.
Because you see us as enemies and not as your children.
You are always defensive, always angry.
You always fight and we’re scared of talking to you.
Scared to tell you anything or to approach you.
I feel bad because you’re my father and you've taught me many things.
You’ve taught me that being a son of a bitch like you
is not who I want to be.
I am angry about how you treated my mum, that you hit her.
That you hit her once in front of us, in front of me.
I am angry that you kicked us out of your house.
That you left us with nothing.
It’s over.
Okay.
It’s intense, right?
And can you forgive him?
No, I can’t forgive you.
Hello.
Because of the way I am, I'm very demanding of myself.
Maybe I am too tough on myself sometimes.
When my father judges my paintings, he is very harsh.
Very harsh. He would tell me, "I don’t like that.”
I did not have a relationship with my father.
We stopped living with him when I was eight years old.
More recently, like five years ago,
I saw him again after years of not having seen him.
And now he judges my work, those that he likes.
And that surprises me a lot, right?
Well, on Thursday…
Yeah, I am very excited.
The expectation is high.
I feel very supported by those who modelled for me, by all of you.
Like I’ve told you before, I am flattered by you.
And it is an honour to be a part of this.
The fact that you chose me and gave me a voice.
No one has posed for me in that way before.
It was very brave, very brave that your body was exposed,
because you had no clothes on.
And it was very eloquent the way that you’ve decided to work your picture.
Because you had our country’s flag in your hands which were tied up right?
And although you can’t see it on the invitation, your eyes were blindfolded.
Because this society is being abused.
And I ask myself how many people aren't going through something similar?
We all go through some form of abuse.
I also experienced an abuse.
But I was a child.
And I also had the courage to talk about it,
after a long time, after decades.
Because when I reported it right before my father’s eyes and ears,
what he did was hit me.
He hit me because it was his brother.
So he said that I was lying and
I felt guilty for a long time, almost my entire life, because of what happened.
And I have taken that with me.
And it has been very liberating and healing
to be able to express it through art.
What is amazing about this event is that
the people who posed for the collection are also here.
So they can tell you the stories behind each piece.
I have my own version and it's definitely one full of meanings.
But there’s nothing like talking about the other side of the coin,
with the person who is exposing himself on the canvas.
So thank you very much to each one of you for coming
and I hope that you enjoy this exhibition deeply.
A person saw this and told me,
“Did you know that this is the symbol of fulfilled sexuality?”
So this is great because you keep finding more and more interpretations.
Something that really scarred him,
I imagine, and it has something to do with
both his hands being tied and his eyes covered.
I feel that he was trapped
and he hasn’t been able to free himself 100 percent from it.
It’s cool right?
Very nice, very natural.
I don’t know a lot about art and can't explain it but I like it.
It's a creation of the artist.
We’re really lazy today.
Why?
We barely speak.
Other times we can’t stop.
That’s what I was saying about resting too much.
You’ve never told me.
You’ve never told me how you feel around me.
What you like about being with me.
That’s why I’ll say it again.
The most important thing, besides trust,
is that we can always say anything to each other.
That’s why I always ask you to tell me everything.
And to never keep anything inside.
You know that when I get angry at my mum or my siblings,
I would rather keep quiet.
I’m left with my anger and I think about stuff till it passes.
But at that moment, I don’t want to talk, to hug anyone or to say anything
because I’m too mad.
And maybe it’s my way of getting through it.
They are your family and there are some things that you don’t want to
or that you don’t feel ready to tell them about.
I feel that after 10 years, I'm ready because I'm tired.
I am tired of hiding things, of living a lie.
Give me, give me.
Look, this is how it’s going to be.
Who?
On Saturday, we were at our cafe.
We were closing up early.
A guy arrived and said, “Good afternoon.”
He came towards me from the door with his hoodie up like this
and he took the gun out.
And he came in and said, “You know what to do.
Give me your mobile phones and money.
I saw you earlier so I know what you have. Give me everything."
So I stood up and gave mine to him right away,
and went behind the counter because she was there alone and...
The phone that you just bought?
Yes, the day before.
He saw that mum had a bracelet and said, "Give me your bracelet."
He took the bracelet and the money,
went outside, shut the door and left us there.
So I was going to chase after him but mum told me not to.
No, it would be more risky.
It’s just that… What if he shoots him?
He had a gun like this and it was very thick… grey.
I’ve also gone through bad stuff and people are evil, really.
You can’t trust anyone easily.
He said that he got up in the morning
and went to the door to open it.
So he looked out the window…
David?
Yeah, he saw that the car looked sunken.
When he looked down, he realised that there were no tyres.
There was a jack on one side and on the other,
there was only a rock and there was even a...
They left the jack there?
Yeah, I mean, the one from the car.
Oh what sons of bitches.
Yeah, sons of bitches.
They left it there on the ground.
And how is David?
In the afternoon he seemed weird, a bit sad…
Worried, angry.
Well yeah, he said that he doesn’t have any money
and the car is not completely paid for.
David for me is a father, my paternal figure.
Because since we were little,
he has always looked after us, always supported us.
He has been more of a father than my biological one.
Everything's very tense in my family.
My mum is angry.
I am mad and I fight with my mum.
My brothers are worried.
I think that so many complications happen for a reason.
That maybe I don’t have to tell them or maybe I've to wait longer.
Or I need a better plan to do it.
Oh no.
He is doing a pinky promise.
Wait, let’s take a photo of the pinky promise.
Take it from there.
I am skinny but… I run.
Don’t move your legs.
Come here duck.
He is giving us a nasty look.
Come here duck.
Look, it is on that rock now.
Right.
I love you baby.
Huh, what’s happening? Are they fighting?
I told you to go home.
Oh, well…
Well I’ve wanted to tell you something for a long time now.
I've never liked my birthday because it falls on the October 27th
around Halloween.
So I have never liked people coming to my birthday
dressed up as dead people right?
I'd parties at home where nobody came or they showed up in costumes.
So I stopped doing parties.
10 years ago, on my birthday, when I turned 17,
I went to Zona Rosa.
I went and told my friends that I was going to be in Zona Rosa.
No one came obviously and I was there for a while.
And afterwards, l took a taxi to return home
around two in the morning, one in the morning.
The taxi picked me up and we took off.
He stopped at the first traffic light because somebody stopped the car.
He said, “It’s my friend and I’m going to pick him up over there.”
I said, “No but you’ve already stopped for me.
If you were thinking of taking him, you shouldn't have taken me.
No problem, let me get off here and I’ll take another taxi."
So when I was trying to get out, the man was above me.
He stood outside the door and wouldn’t let me out.
And the driver did this.
So he hit me in the face.
I fell backwards because I was almost knocked out.
I wasn’t expecting the blow.
So the other man got into the taxi.
He got in and the car took off.
And they stopped further up for another person to get in.
And they put a bag over my head.
And I thought that they were going to assault me or something.
So I said, “Well the thing is, I don’t have any money.
I have my mobile phone and 300 pesos, that’s all I have.”
He said, “No, we don’t want your money.”
So they kept driving, and driving while they were hitting me.
I was desperate and I didn’t know what to do.
I don’t like my birthday also because it always rains.
So what little that I managed to see through the bag
was the glass and the little drops of rain.
I saw the little drops and car lights.
But I didn’t recognise where I was.
So they kept driving and driving.
After hitting me and saying a bunch of stuff for some time,
they stopped the car along a street and took me to another car.
They laid me down on the back seat.
"We know that you like men and now you’re going to get fucked."
They took off my pants.
They then tied up my hands and my feet
and they raped me.
They didn’t leave me and again and again,
one after the other, after the other, after the other.
In the end, I didn’t even feel anything.
I was desperate and hurting.
I remember just closing my eyes and saying to myself,
“I want to die, I want to die, I don’t want to be here.”
Until I think they got tired, I don’t know, and left me there.
I got home and my mum was very angry because I wasn't home earlier.
I didn’t tell her where I was and she had been calling me.
So I did this, like in the movies.
I locked myself in the bathroom and I got into the shower…
Scrubbing myself and scrubbing myself.
Because I could smell them, I felt, I don’t know…
I think this is why I’m so particular with smells.
And I’ve never said anything to anyone.
I felt like I wasn’t worth anything, that I didn’t deserve anything.
I felt responsible for many years.
Because, maybe I had gone looking for it.
It’s always been about hiding, lying, always like this.
And with you I don’t want that to happen.
Because I feel differently with you.
Oh my love, it’s okay.
After many years, I feel good.
I feel happy with someone.
I haven’t had sex with you because of this.
I want you to know most of all that I’m here for you, Erick.
I can’t even imagine it as it has never happened to me.
To me, you are still the same person that I first met.
And someone more valuable now because you had the courage to tell me.
I’ve never asked or pushed you for sex.
And I’m not thinking of doing that, Erick.
This will be your decision and you will know when.
The only thing I ask of you is that
we never hide anything from each other, even if it hurts.
There was darkness in my eyes
and there was darkness in my mind.
The only image I saw was of my mum crying.
I was lost in my thoughts, lost in pain.
I got disconnected and lost track of time, of the place,
of the space, of myself.
My mother is a very selfless person who is very dedicated to us.
But I feel that she has devoted so much to us
that she lost time for herself.
Because she needed to be strong, she left her feelings behind.
She has left herself behind.
I would like to see her happy, see her with somebody, see her content.
What?
I remember that I liked a photo and his name was tagged.
And I decided to check out who he was.
I sent him a friend request and he replied.
He speaks English so we barely understand each other.
Somehow after a while, I understood that he was divorced.
And he was born in 1980 I think.
He works in the army, in the army of Pakistan.
We have spent four years like this and it has stayed the same.
We write each other every day.
He says that he likes me and I tell him that I like him.
But he is on the other side of the world and I am here.
But he writes me and that’s enough for me.
I’m happy now?
I am very happy now that we can meet in person very soon.
Karachi with a K.
What is your relationship? Friend.
Purpose of travel?
Well… He’s just visiting Mexico.
Where’s he staying?
I don’t know, maybe here or at a hotel. I don’t really know.
This guy has been telling her for years that he will come.
Maybe it is an old lady behind a computer or a phone.
And she is simply sending images of a young guy
in order to keep chatting, I don’t know.
I don’t know if he is real or not.
But I don’t like it.
It is very tight.
Well not really, look.
Pull your pants up.
I have it all the way here. It’s like this.
No, like this. Until we can see your balls.
So I went to Ricardo to leave my bag and stuff.
And then I told him, “I’m going to get the suit."
So that he could give me the money.
So he started telling me that it’s only when we need money.
You know, same old same old, that only when we needed money.
That there he was, stupidly giving us money.
So I told him, “Pa, I am only asking you to lend it to me
because mum isn’t around.”
Then he replied and started to shout.
He said, “You guys are always talking about me?”
Because it’s hard for him to let go of money
as if money is everything.
It’s his responsibility but he doesn't see it this way.
Did you not tell him that mum pays for your school?
Well I was going to tell him but I didn’t get the chance.
But don’t you think that he knows that?
When I got divorced about 12 years ago,
they were really young so it was really hard to take care of them.
Homework, laundry, food, work.
He didn’t support them.
My father obviously won't lend me money.
But let me see if I can get the money from somebody else.
I'm also worried that the doctor may leave town without me knowing.
He is away sometimes.
The thing is to make an appointment so that he can tell us when there is...
A date.
A piglet, because it has to be five days old.
It is very small and he’ll show it to you.
You only hear the squeal and that's it.
They bring the gland out of a little box, still all bloody…
They show it to you and he quickly implants it.
He has put it in right away within five minutes of removing it from the piglet.
So that it is still alive.
From my experience, it has been very helpful for my thyroid.
What did she say?
It went up by 500 pesos so it’s 6,500.
And when I want it, I can call her so that she can make the appointment…
because they have to look for...
The piglet.
I say it’s time to go.
Well yeah but we have to gather the money…
and I have to pay for the credit card so I won't have the money.
But this is urgent too.
They raped me many times, one after the other.
I really don’t remember if I ejaculated.
I really don’t know if I did.
If I did it for them.
And if I did, I did it so that they could leave me alone.
There are times that I don’t know...
I am with somebody sexually and things come into my mind
and I don’t feel good.
I pretend. I pretend to enjoy and everything
but other things are on my mind.
In my head, there are some sensations, memories…
I just can’t get any satisfaction.
Sometimes after I finish, when the act is over,
it’s like I feel guilty.
Maribel told me she couldn’t see me today
Oh no?
Well yes, she is afraid because of what happened.
Yes.
I think she moved in with her mother-in-law.
Oh my…
The husband was kidnapped right?
Yeah, he has to get over it. Can you imagine?
It must be traumatising.
If a hold-up is horrible, imagine that type of situation.
Pa, how are you?
Where is grandfather, pa?
Did it get complicated?
Is he very ill?
Ok bye pa.
He was crying.
He’s not doing so well.
I think his liver is having complications.
It didn’t feel good.
But I was glad to see him suffering.
So when he told me about his father being sick
and that his mum isn’t okay either,
it was like, “That is going to happen to you.”
What do you think about my grandfather?
He's very skinny, very skinny.
He was lying there and this part looked sunken.
And this other part was protruding out.
If you want to cry, cry.
It's not good for you if you hadn’t cried enough earlier.
Really, keeping things inside affects your health.
It’s not good to keep it inside, sweety.
Now that you’re saying this, I think I need to tell you something.
Well, like what we talked about the last time...
Well, after the rape, I became infected.
Infected with HIV.
And you have seen me taking pills.
The ones that I said were for headaches or stomachaches
are for my HIV treatment, which I've been taking for four years.
I’m on medication and I’m okay.
Every six months, I go for checkups and everything is fine.
And everything is okay but I don’t know…
I was scared to tell you because I didn’t know how...
To begin with, I didn’t know how to say it.
How you would react and if you would support me.
I found out a long time ago, Erick.
When you told me about going to the doctor and about breathing problems.
You know that? I knew it long ago.
That day, when you went to the doctor,
I checked your bag, Erick.
I’m sorry but I was worried thinking about what you could have had.
When I saw you taking your pills and how you were hiding them,
I was worried that you had something serious.
To be honest, I saw your papers, your notes and your medical reports.
Everything that was there.
We need to start talking about this sweety.
If we’re going to be together forever,
this is something that we both have to do.
Yes, I told you that I go to the doctor and I’m okay.
The viral load in my blood is undetectable.
Yes sweety but if I get infected,
and I don’t get a checkup,
and I'm not with you doing checkups and taking care of ourselves…
If I get infected, I can reinfect you.
That would be really bad for you, Erick.
Am I clear? We have to do this together sweety.
Yes, you’re right.
Does your family know?
No they don’t.
Well my mum knows some stuff, but not all of it.
But not my brothers.
I found out the first month we met.
And it didn’t change a thing.
But I was worried that you wouldn’t tell me.
Because as time passes by,
it would break my heart if I had to tell you
that I couldn’t be with you because you didn't trust me.
He couldn’t talk to me and that made me really mad,
that he knew about it, put on a show and didn’t say a thing.
I stopped trusting him and all of that trust became rage, resentment.
I think I’m responsible
because I was hiding things before…
Well starting a relationship and not revealing things since the beginning.
At the end, I found out
that he started checking my phone.
So I was very angry.
We fought and those things started hurting the relationship.
He was preparing dinner and the Skype on his computer was ringing.
So I opened it and it was this dude from Germany.
So I read the past conversation and it was like,
“I like you a lot. You are very sexy. I like your tattoos.”
And there were nude pictures.
“You are super hot. What a nice cock.”
I mean if that happened at the beginning…
You were reading the messages from this German guy or whatever…
Why didn’t you just grab your things and leave?
Why did you spend the night there?
Well I was like, maybe…
Maybe he will change, maybe he will change.
That's a joke, a lie.
I asked him at night if we were getting back together...
You said that after reading all that?
Why aren’t you confident about yourself?
What’s the point of telling me he is going to change, time and time again?
Yes, it was my mistake accepting it but when you love somebody...
Why hold on to the idea of finding a brilliant partner
and having a movie love story?
I mean, no.
If you are alone, you have to live your moment alone.
Feel, enjoy, travel alone, read for yourself, eat for yourself.
I mean, get to know new places by yourself.
But I feel that you're scared of being alone, being by yourself.
Because you don’t know how to be with yourself, to be alone.
Look.
What?
A spider, a spider, a spider.
A spider?
A spider. Let me see.
It's on your head.
I have asked you to come because I need your attention.
If we can put aside our phones and put them on silent mode.
It all started very long ago,
when it was about to be my birthday.
It was Halloween and no one would show up at my party.
So one day, I decided to go out for my party.
I told my friends about going to a club in Zona Rosa
and that whoever wanted to go, could go.
No one showed up, just one person and then he left right away.
Look we can’t even be serious.
There were times when I thought that it would be better to kill myself.
It’s awful and you feel worthless.
I’ve been depressed for a very long time.
And I believe that I experienced anorexia, bulimia.
I have never wanted to go to the police, or to a psychologist
because it’s something awful and shameful.
And more so being a guy.
I mean if girls are embarrassed,
a guy is even more so because we’re supposed to be tough.
We're supposed to be hard and be able to defend ourselves.
They said that I would be in trouble
because they had my papers, school ID and everything.
They said that they knew where I lived and would locate my family.
So I should never make a report.
Going to the doctors, getting tested...
And when the news hit you, it’s horrible.
Because at first, you think that you’re going to die.
What did the doctor say? What are the doctors saying?
Nothing, I mean I’m fine.
You can live a normal life with HIV.
So if you don’t take your medicine,
any illnesses, even diarrhea or flu can kill you.
So I have to take pills every day to keep my immune system strong.
I didn't want to say anything because I don’t want your pity or your worries.
Mum knows something but she doesn't know how it happened.
But she knew that I was infected when I was dating this guy.
Now that mum knows, she’s like,
“Take your pills. You need to eat. You need to sleep.”
Just what I didn’t want happen.
I know, I’m almost 30 already.
I know how to take care of myself.
And I told her that I didn’t want to tell her for this very reason.
I’ve never said anything about the pills, don’t lie.
It’s not like she wants to bother you.
It’s because she loves you, needs you and wants to see you doing well.
That’s what you’ve got to understand.
Your head is full of bullshit now.
Now that he is talking about his pills, for example…
I’ve never mentioned his pills.
It’s not true. He’s crazy and defensive.
For example, right now, he hasn’t eaten anything
and that’s not okay but he doesn’t take care of himself.
You’re the one who feels that way and we can’t see it, Erick.
It’s not like we view you as an ill person, come on…
Believe me, it’s even less…
Today, I understand a fucking lot about you, Erick.
Accept yourself.
Don’t wait for anyone to accept you.
I used to think like that when my uncle did the same thing.
I used to feel awful thinking I was the only one going through that.
That’s why I understand that you can’t let go of something horrible like that.
And the fact that my father didn’t believe me,
I felt horrible as well.
Thinking that no one would accept me.
that’s why I have never told anyone.
I thought that my friends would laugh.
Or that people wouldn’t want to be around me if they knew.
No one in my family knows apart from my mum and my grandparents.
I feel awful sometimes because my dad’s brother
is around his nieces and I feel bad because I think,
“What if he has done something to them. What if I had said something?
Maybe he has already done something to them and it's my fault."
It’s horrible and I feel tormented sometimes.
When I see them, I think, “When I was their age, he did that to me.”
I see Jenny and I’m scared
whenever she’s with her dad because I think,
“If I’m not there and his uncle does something to her…”
It scares me all the time.
But I’ve learned that you can’t keep torturing yourself everyday.
Or feel guilty, or feel like you are the only one.
Well you shouldn’t feel judged
because we’re going to love you no matter what.
I don’t get scared because of that and I’ll always love you.
For me this doesn’t mean…
Exactly and it wasn’t our fault. It wasn't our fault.
What happened to you wasn’t because you’re gay. It wasn't that.
It happened because you’re a faggot.
No.
It wasn’t your choice.
People come this way, genetically speaking.
I’ve heard you’ve got an extra female gene and that’s not wrong.
It’s nature.
Accept yourself and if you're okay then nothing matters.
I remember that you’ve always been like this since you were Ken's age.
You were already different.
Poor kid.
You already had that delicacy.
I remember that a lot because pa used to tell you,
“Walk straight, speak well” and stuff like that.
That I should play soccer.
Yeah, things you didn’t like.
And he was like, “Why? He’s more fancy than us.”
What did he tell you?
Fucking kid.
You already had it, you were like that.
I clearly remember when we still lived in Tecamac,
that I came home from school and you were watching a movie,
“The Spiderwick Chronicles.”
And you asked me to watch it with you.
It was the only time that we sat and watched a movie together.
Whose fault is it if you’re going to limit your life
and stop showing affection towards your family
or look for love in other ways and not from your family?
Like with a partner or whatever. You take refuge in that.
You’ve been through a hundred guys.
And tell me, which one is here? Which one is worried about you?
Rodolfo is the only one, Erick.
It’s not fair for the guy because he cares a lot about you, Erick.
He’s always, always, always, there for you.
You've to value him.
Don’t look for someone to love. Look for someone who loves you.
I don’t know, it’s something…
I mean what you said the other day, it’s something like…
So I want to… I want to apologise for all of those times
that I judged you without knowing what was going on, right?
You are our brother and that’s what matters, right?
We are always going to be here, in good times and bad times,
supporting you right here.
And that’s something I want you to know.
If you need any of us, I don’t know, a piece of advice?
As dumb as we may be, you should still ask.
Even if you want, I don’t know, a moment with us
or go watch a movie together, to be like a family,
you can do that, no problem.
And again, I want to apologise for all those times when I was rude to you.
Yeah no…. You don’t have to apologise
because you didn’t know what I was going through.
Not Saul, not David, not mum. But I appreciate it.
Don’t worry about it. And the same goes for you.
When you need anything, to talk about something, you can count on me.
I don’t express myself much with you all
because that’s not me but here I am.
You know I love you even though we fight and get mad at each other.
I am here for you.
It has been too long since I have given you a hug. Can I do it now?
Yes, of course.
I love you, fucker.
It’s blood and blood hurts.
You fucking love me, or “I love you fucker?”
You don’t imagine something like that
happening to somebody in your family.
It's hard to understand how a man can be raped, right?
Don't cry.
It’s Jenny’s turn.
It’s my turn.
I did it, I did it, I did it.
I feel powerless because I don’t know who’s guilty.
It is something that is part of society
but there is no fucking support, nothing.
I can’t believe that the two families here
have lived through the same situation.
In the case of my wife, "Why didn’t your father believe you?
Why didn’t your father do anything?
I mean, what did he think? That you were playing? That you made it up?"
No, we can’t leave it like this.
I was very young. I think I was around 11.
So I was very young but I did tell my mum.
Now that I have my children and realise that
not only women are at risk, but men as well.
It is stressful because I think, no…
How do I take care of them? How do I avoid anything?
Maybe Erick was with strangers but with me, it was a family member.
So who do you trust?
Not anymore, you can’t.
It’s something that's on my mind always.
I failed and it was my fault because I let him go out, for example.
And because he did not feel confident enough to tell me.
Even though I was hurting, at the same time,
I felt liberated because I know what he was going through.
Because that was something that I was carrying as well.
The worry, asking what’s wrong and why he is this way.
How I have failed him. What we should do.
I carry a lot of anger towards his father.
I’m just saying that you always get what you deserve.
You reap what you sow.
It’s your family, you are up.
About what?
Have you told them already?
I won’t take care of your little one ok?
Hello. My sister-in-law is pregnant, yes.
These are the mornings that King David sang about.
Because it’s your saint’s day today, we’re here to sing to you.
I want to wish you a wonderful day and a happy birthday.
May God fill you with blessings and grant you health. I love you.
I love you son and I'm very proud of everything that you've accomplished.
And I wish you more success ahead. I love you son. Kisses.
Fucker.
Say it like this, fucker.
Fucker.
Marvellous things, marvellous things, marvellous things.
Screening of "One Taxi Ride". Register here.
Well now I’m going to open up the floor
for any questions, thoughts or comments.
Hello, good night. My name is Darma.
I am very infuriated by this.
There are two feelings that I feel…
fear and guilt.
My question is, are the guilt and fear still there?
Hello, goodnight.
First of all, I want to thank you for being here
and for taking the time to come.
It is still there and I think that it’ll always be
because it was something very harsh that left a mark on me.
It's changing me and it’s going to be with me my entire life.
It doesn’t mean that it can’t happen to us just because we’re not gay right?
And just because it happened to my brother
doesn’t mean that it can’t happen to me.
Let’s hope that it doesn’t but it can happen to anyone here.
I am also a rape survivor.
And I'm truly grateful for the silence to be broken.
Seeing the whole family here supporting you is very important to me.
The same thing happened to me because I'm gay or lesbian or whatever.
A few months ago, a neighbour tried to kiss me.
I was really upset and didn’t know what to do.
I told my mum and my brother who is two years older than me.
They trivialised what I have gone through.
"Nothing happened right? What did he do? He only wanted to kiss you."
So the fact that there wasn’t a support system at that moment
for you to let it out and be able to receive support
is also a way how the society becomes an accomplice.
How can you take care of yourself when you are 17, right?
When I was 15 years old, I had a relationship with a man that was 31.
And I didn’t think that it was a situation of abuse until I was around 30.
I also know someone who went through that and completely ignores it.
Unfortunately, we live in a country where there is a lot of ignorance.
We are unfamiliar with the issue of HIV, myself included.
I did not know that you can live with it.
I identify with you because I was also abused by my cousin.
In my case, unfortunately, there was no support.
And when my mum found us, she hit me.
So how do you deal with this situation? Especially being a woman?
Now we are dealing with an abuse case involving a guy who is deaf.
I mean he brought up a big problem for us.
Because we can talk, there is a way to talk about it.
Right.
But what if somebody can’t?
That was so brave. You're going to be the voice of many.
Yes, thank you very much.
Thank you. It’s a pleasure. I wish you well.
We will keep in touch.
Of course.
You are very pretty.
You are very young too. Take good care.
We need to talk.
This can’t be hidden anymore.
A lot of shit is happening.
And we can’t be separated so thank you so much really.
You're setting an example of what it's like to be a mum in this case right?
And giving your support which is very important.
So I appreciate it a lot.
Hello, I wanted to ask you something…
Tell me.
And I couldn’t because my family was here.
I went through something similar and I wanted to know...
You can do it.
How do you deal with all of the people after so long?
Oh come here. It’s very hard, very hard.
I am about to come out to my family
and I didn’t want to speak about this, right?
But I think so...
What’s wrong dear? What is it?
Well nothing, I saw a lot of things right?
You said it was 10 years.
I’ve been trying to find a way for 20 years
to talk about it
because I am a trans man.
So it's really hard and I decided that I'm talking to them this year.
Seeing all the support that you have helps me open up a little bit more.
Of course.
Actually, I was raped as well and it happened multiple times
by several people and not just by one person.
I feel very proud of him and we want to help people.
I think that is what I am interested in now,
that boys and girls talk to their mum.
If you don’t have anyone at all, you have me.
I’ve tried to remember what they look like.
I would like them to recognise me so that they could see that yes,
they did a lot of harm.
But here I am, fine and strong,
I’m fighting and I'm here to speak up.
To say that they did this to me.
It's a very difficult situation.
A lot of years have passed and it hurts.
But I think that I have done my part.
Now on this day, well in the last few years, I feel different
because I have helped them.
I see how my work has been reflected.
I see Erick happier and closer to us.
It has been hard but I’ve seen the light.
That is all I can say.
Well I forgot to thank my brother
for everything that he has done for us over the years.
He taught us how to shave, he taught us how to wash the car,
everything that my dad has not done.
And I’m going to say this, thank you mum.
Because without you, we wouldn’t be who we are now.
We are four men educated by one mother, ok?
I don’t really know why but we’ve all had problems
at different stages in our lives.
We have all fallen and risen again.
I don’t have to surrender because even if a situation is hard,
there will always be a solution.
Because at the end, this is why we come here right?
To be happy.
If I hadn’t gone out that night to celebrate my birthday,
if I had stayed home,
if my friends had gone to my party,
if I hadn’t taken that taxi,
if I had stayed at someone’s house...
I think a lot about how if I had done things differently,
that wouldn’t have happened.
Here in Mexico, we say, “El hubiera no existe.”
It’s a saying about not thinking about what could’ve happened.
It happened. And that’s it.