- Previously on
"Vanderpump Rules"...
- How ----ing dare you! Shut the (BLEEP) up!
- Lala is very fragile.
- I think I handled myself quite nicely.
Get the (BLEEP) out of my face, ho!
- I thought that we had an understanding that
if I start having a freak-out, you'd be like,
"I'll go down on you."
- One, two, three!
Whoo! Welcome to TomTom!
- Now that it's open, maybe you'll have some...
- I want to do some romantic sh-- in Mexico.
- Okay.
- Bubba. - How are you guys up here?
- They just gave us a new ticket.
- Back of the plane!
- At some point, I want it to cross his mind, like,
"Oh yeah, my wife."
- You guys, look out the window!
- Whoo! - Oh, my gosh.
- I've been so patient, I've been so understanding.
I'm not asking questions about TomTom.
- I can't believe I'm having to deal with this
'cause you had to sit in a random seat.
- Stop talking and listen, Tom!
All I need you to do is just ----ing listen to me sometimes.
- Problem is I don't like the sound of your voice.
- ♪ You know that it's our time ♪
♪ These are the best days of our lives ♪
♪ Just raise your glasses high ♪
♪ This one's for you tonight ♪
- ♪ You drive me crazy ♪
- So much for vacation sex.
- You sound like a ----ing douchebag.
- Try being with a sh---y ----ing wife for seven years.
- There he is. - Disaster of a human being.
Yeah! You know how much-- - The man I married.
- I've been to hell and back with you.
- Oh, you're so beautiful!
- I'm, like, massively turned off.
- It sounds like some vintage Schwartz and Katie.
- Oh!
God damn it.
Look...
if you feel neglected, then why don't you just talk to me?
Can't you just be like, "I'm upset" and talk to me?
- I don't want to have to tell you!
- Why do you have to do your whole shtick?
I'm sorry. I love you so much, but you're naturally, uh,
kind of a contentious person. - That's where I'm tapping out.
The only time you listen is when I yell, that's why I yell.
- Ugh, why do I need this right now?
Bubba, the only thing I'm saying is, yes,
you haven't been getting all the love you deserve
and you do deserve a lot of love.
- I just have been feeling a little left out of your life.
- See? That's understandable. - It doesn't make me feel good.
- I wish you would've just said this before.
- I'm trying to! I said it already a billion times.
- Well, in about the most roundabout,
passive aggressive way.
- Because you don't get it. - Bubba!
- Stop! - Bub, I don't give a sh--
about first class, which I could care less about.
- I don't care either, Tom.
I just thought that maybe that quick three-hour flight
could've been time for us.
- Bubba! Aww. Oh, Bubba.
I get it. I get it. It makes sense.
It wasn't about the first class seat or deal.
It was about our relationship.
If I've learned anything from this little ordeal,
it's, uh, you know, don't take the upgrade.
You haven't been getting enough love?
Prepare to get, you know,
injected with love?
I don't know. Didn't sound romantic.
- It's okay. I'm sorry too.
- Of course you are, Bubba. You're important to me.
Yeah.
- Hey. - How are you?
- Doing the plants for TomTom.
I just wanted, like, some quiet time.
Over there, it's crazy.
- And how's the food over there?
- It's great, it's just totally different to here.
There's more, like, kind of bar food.
A lot of vegan stuff down there as well.
- All right, thanks, Joe. - Okay.
Hello? Yes?
- A lot of things are up.
How are you guys doing?
You guys have a laugh,
have fun because when you come back,
the hard work is going to start.
Trust me on that one.
- By the way, can you make sure to leave, like,
honey, lemon, and lime juice?
Plenty of buzz buttons, tons of little red Corvettes,
you got plenty of those.
- Okay, I'll bear that in mind
but don't worry, I've got this.
It's my 30-something-- I can't even remember.
I appreciate the fact that Sandoval has got
the interest of TomTom almost in his mind.
- The opening was a huge success,
but I just hope it just stays going, you know?
- But he just needs to relax for a days.
Let me fine-tune everything. I've got this.
Can you just take one of Kristen's chill pills
and--and just kind of let me get on with my life?
- She doesn't?
- Okay, well, I thought when she was away,
she normally has anxiety.
Look, I have to go. - Yeah.
- I will text you every hour. How about that?
- How about seven minutes? That works.
- Okay. Good-bye!
This is going to be a freak-out free vaycay.
I love you much.
♪ I love you much, it's so much fun ♪
And I honestly think rooming alone might be the key.
I get a king bed all to myself.
Hells yes.
- It's like a fancier dinner.
So wear something cute.
- Seduction.
Stop!
Stop trying to hump me!
- You know like this is the first trip
that I've ever had a boyfriend
that wanted to come on a real trip with me
in, like, seven years.
Which totally, like, says something about me.
- Are you wearing that long dress?
- Yeah.
I think I'm going to be cute tonight, baby.
- Are you gonna drink on this trip?
- I mean, why not? Mama hasn't been lit in awhile
and I'm definitely not sober
because if I wanted to go out and have some wine,
or smoking weed...
I have not been drinking lately
because I was a hot mess with losing my dad,
but my mind is just in a positive space.
So I feel like I can have a few drinks.
I just wanna celebrate with these guys.
- You just gotta do you, Boo.
- That's exactly right.
- Careful, it's sandy right here.
- Hi! - Hello!
- We eating on the beach?
- Oh, we at the beach!
- We should probably take our heels off.
- Oh, I'm so on your wavelength.
- Oh, I'm getting down in there deep.
It's cold!
- I went barefoot in West Hollywood.
- Eww. Grocery store feet.
- Welcome to La Palapa.
and we're taking care of you tonight.
- Can we get a round of shots? - Is it just tequila shots?
I--I can only take some of it straight.
- How's your tummy? - I feel fine.
- Are you sure? - Yeah.
- Brittany's stomach issues
have been going on since I've met her.
So technically she's not supposed to be drinking at all.
- I think it's an ulcer. - Okay.
- You've gotta stop the alcohol for the time being
because things are raw, it's going to get irritated.
- No! I--I want you to have fun too.
That has nothing to do with it. I want you to be healthy.
I don't want her to drink,
but I'm not gonna tell her not to drink.
she's a big girl. I'll get you some medication.
You know, it's frustrating. Is it really worth it
to have that one shot? Is it worth it?
- I'm taking it easy. Y'all know me.
I would've taken, like, five more shots by this point.
- And would've made us all do them with her.
- We have to have, like, a girls skinny dipping night.
Tonight! - I'm down!
- I'd like to make a toast.
You know, it's great having you guys here.
You know, with everything with TomTom,
I appreciate all the support leading up to the opening.
As far as tomorrow goes, I arranged to have these ATVs.
Probably end up at, like, a little nice waterfall.
- Thanks, Dad! - Cheers!
- Cheers. Can you guys hear me?
Hi! Do you have tiny eardrums too?
- You're not gonna throw a drink on someone, are you?
- I'm not gonna throw a drink on anyone.
Go (BLEEP) yourself!
- What the (BLEEP) are you doing?
- Are you ----ing kidding me?
- No, I just wanted to say I think the best thing to do
is, like, I'm drinking.
I'm just not, like, getting shammered.
- Nice speech.
- But if it's, like, you don't get hammered,
then you don't fight with people, typically.
So let's not do that this weekend!
- Kristen giving a speech on how to drink in moderation
is kind of like--
Who are you texting right now? - Adam.
- Scheana hosting a seminar
on how to be single and not need a man.
- So as a group,
this is your second time coming to Mexico.
- Going to Mexico. - Three. I wanna say three.
- Cabo. - Jax and ten girls.
- So I guess this is it.
- One of those shanks is gonna steal my purse.
I need to go get it.
Then last year.
- Yeah, in Playa del Carmen because of the--
- Pillowgate. - Pillowgate!
Which you, I feel like, started.
- The pillows are oddly arranged.
- They banging out? - Why else?
at 8:00 in the morning in a hot tub?
- They said that you and James hooked up.
- That did not happen!
- I'm sorry.
I'm, still to this day, I still believe what I said.
- Wait, hold on. That is, like, a very serious thing to say.
- The pillows were wedged in there!
- Because somebody wanted to sit there,
not because they wanted to have sex.
- Yeah, but that's your-- that's your opinion!
- Hey guys, I can't hear anything
any of y'all are saying.
- Dude, you've got to get your eardrums checked.
- I have small ear canals!
- If Kristen heard the things
that Jax was saying about her right now,
she would probably jump over the table,
break his nose for a fourth time,
and then toss him into the ocean.
- There's no way in hell you believe that.
- On my father.
- Excuse me. - Thank you!
- That looks so five star.
- Oh, snap! - Yes!
- Ooh! - Let me try that, Bubba.
- Wait, so are you guys good?
We were sitting in the hammock earlier and we heard--
we heard a little--
- I ----ing told you, dude!
- May I ask what the outcome was?
- I'll give you the CliffsNotes.
It's just she felt a little neglected, understandably.
I've been a little checked out of the relationship,
but I wished you would've just came to me and told me
instead of doing the passive aggressive shtick
where she gets mad all day--
- I was--I tried to do, like-- I tried to say the thing.
- The thing is that you can't change the way a person is.
I'm never going to be able to be like,
"I'm upset because of this."
No, you feel the rage and then you're like, "(BLEEP) you!
I'm gonna drown you, mother----er!
- I think I'm going to go to the bar and grab a drink.
Do you wanna grab a drink with me at the bar?
- Yeah, I'll go with you.
- Over the last couple of months,
I've seen Lala really lashing out
with the passing of her dad.
- Hola!
- As much as I can understand where she's coming from,
it's not okay to hurt other people
just because you're hurt.
- This is one of the first trips we've taken
as a group that I feel pretty Zen.
- That's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about
because I feel like the last time I saw you was brunch
at Sur, and that's obviously very not Zen.
- Be quiet! - You don't want me
to go to Mexico, you don't want me to do this.
- No, I don't want you around me at all!
Not only are you boring to speak to,
you're boring to look at too. - Really?
- I worry for you that it's going to reflect poorly on you
when customers see that and maybe you might lose your job.
- I--it makes sense what you're saying,
but Ariana, I can't have people saying
she can't use her father's death as an excuse
without me seeing red.
- But when I hear that you're telling Billie
that she's boring to look at.
When I know that Billie has been through
some really ----ed up sh--.
- But Ariana, you can't be a (BLEEP)
and expect me not to be a (BLEEP) back!
I know that the way that I'm talking
and the way that I'm acting, it's rude.
But guess what? I'm not sorry.
- Coming up...
- If someone were to say the things they're saying
about you and James, about me and James,
I would flip my sh--.
It's not okay.
- ♪ Check yourself in
back in line, you've been ♪
♪ Messing with the best ♪
♪ And you know it ♪
- Guess what?
I'm not sorry.
I would think Ariana would understand the most
about what I'm going through.
Like, I have a family that has one less family member,
and we liked that family member.
A lot.
You have an issue with the way I'm speaking to people
and the thing is, Ariana, is I need to know--
- Sometimes the thing that you're saying
are really, like, low blows.
- But they've low blowed me!
- I'm gonna be--I'm gonna be real honest with you.
The year that my dad passed away was when
Kristina was trying to say I was sleeping with Tom Sandoval
when I wasn't. They tried to destroy my life.
- I don't want you working here anymore.
You hooked up with my boyfriend!
I hope she gets hit by a bus or plane or a train.
- It's just been really sh---y and you know I don't cry.
To have people call me things
like homewrecker and all that sh--.
- That's ----ed up. That's a low blow.
- The summer of 2014...
I ----ing held my sh-- together so hard.
- Ariana, that is not fine.
When people come for me like that
and you expect me to not rip your ----ing head off,
you're out of your mind.
And if I would've been your friend back then,
I would've ripped all their heads off for you.
There is no right way or wrong way to grieve.
Grieve however you ----ing need to grieve.
- But, like, one thing I wanna ask for you going forward,
is that if you start seeing red...
if I'm in the room, come find me.
- Okay, I can do that. I can do that.
- I'm not so sure that Lala will actually follow through
on seeking me out
when she's feeling these things happening,
but I guess I'm cautiously optimistic.
Yes, baby. - I love you.
- Let's do a shot and let's go party!
- This is ----ing jet fuel.
- Let's go! - Are we out of here?
- Let's go!
- Okay, wait, hold on!
Who is actually going to the beach?
- All right, yeah.
- I'm going to the beach, but I'm not in the mood to--
- Whoever's not going to the beach,
just come back to my room.
- ♪ I think I love your spell ♪
♪ Come on, come join the party ♪
- Hey! - The party has arrived!
- Welcome to the room. - Dude, this is unnecessary.
You don't need these. - Yes, I do.
- Dude, these are $500. - Wait, can I just say
we're not doing this without Stassi?
- Where is Stassi? - Where is Stassi?
- She's not coming. - She says she's not coming.
- I'm texting her right now.
- I don't get to be tired.
- Being tired was so three hours ago.
- I don't want to go skinny dipping anymore.
I wanna actually just get back into bed.
- I wanna have a shot. - It means you have FOMO.
That's what we're saying. - Yes! We're on vacation!
- All right, cool. All right? I never had FOMO.
- Babe, babe, it's 1:30 here time
which means in two hours we're in L.A. time
and you're supposed to wait and hang out with the girls
to go skinny dipping, to have fun.
I'm going to go hang out with the guys and have fun.
- I'm never gonna have FOMO.
Even though this was my idea,
now I want to skip skinny dipping
and just go to bed.
But of course, Mr. FOMO wanted to stay out and party.
We're literally having the same fight that we did before.
I'm going to bed.
- You have legitimately been ignoring me.
This is bullsh--.
- You're supposed to go and have fun with the girls.
And I'm--and I'm gonna go-- - Exactly. I'm going right now.
- I'm calling her. - Yeah, (BLEEP) that sh--.
It was her idea.
- She's puked but hasn't rallied.
all chanting: Puke and rally.
Puke, puke, and rally.
- Hey.
all chanting: Puke and rally.
- She says puke, puke, and rally!
- I'm waiting by the elevator!
- You wanted to skinny dip! You wanted--
- Oh, she's in the elevator! She's in the elevator.
- Oh, all right, never mind. We love you.
- I thought you weren't going to show up
and I was, like, this is not happening.
- Do you wanna borrow my leg knife?
- I think I'll be okay.
- No brat kiss back? No brat kiss back?
I love you.
- Oh. What happened? Are you okay?
- Why were you guys so late? Everything all right?
- She's just drunk and she's being a brat
and then she was yelling at me.
She's like, "You just wanna go and have fun,"
I'm like, "We're on vacation." - Yeah!
- I've already gotten in a huge fight--
You don't even know about it. - Did you?
Oh, sh--, really?
- I tell you what, Stassi broke up with me.
You know what she told me? She told me she was the devil.
She's like, "It was your choice
to sleep on the couch last night."
- It was. - Because I'm gonna
get in the bed with the devil.
- I am the devil, and don't you forget it.
- Could you imagine?
I mean, I can imagine 'cause I lived it but...
You know what? I've been there with her.
I've dated her when she was like this.
When she just needs to have control
and if she feels out of control, she goes crazy.
- And you don't ever do anything.
- Uh, I have FOMO. - I get FOMO hardcore.
- Massive FOMO.
- I've suffered from FOMO for a long time.
- It's a sickness. - Yeah, it's sad.
- It is a disease.
When you have a severe case of FOMO,
it can cause an insatiable longing to be everywhere
with everyone having all the fun.
You going skinny dipping?
- No, but I am gonna go down to the beach.
- Will you tell me what it's like?
- Alienation, disappointment, anxiety,
the fear of missing out.
- Tequila can help.
Tequila is a medication used to treat FOMO
and ease symptoms.
- However, tequila is not for everyone.
Tequila side effects may include memory loss,
broken cell phones, stumbling, crying,
getting horrible tattoos, embarrassing dance moves,
regretful make outs, blacking out, and full blown meltdowns.
Ask your bartender is tequila is right for you.
FOMO hurts, but tequila can help.
Beau, I wanna toast to you for surviving--
- Day one. - With the crew.
- Boom.
- You guys, come over here.
Okay, here's the deal. None of us can separate.
Who's getting in tonight? - I'm not.
- Everyone needs a partner. Hold hands.
- I'm down with being naked and I'm down with the ocean,
but I am not down with being naked in the ocean.
You don't know what kind of, like, weird fish
is going to swim up in some unprotected crevice.
- Who was that?
- Kristen. - Kristen, of course.
- I am clumsy all the time.
I am a baby giraffe on ice skates.
Like inanimate objects that don't move make me fall.
- Oh, (BLEEP)! I'm out of here!
- Waves move.
- That was rough.
- Wait, there's one thing I did want to tell you guys.
- Eww, dude, you're wearing white pants!
- You--oh, God!
- Who's got a match?
- Eww, it went in my mouth. It went in my mouth!
- There's--it tastes like meat and potatoes.
Meat and potatoes.
- If the girls saw this sh--, they wouldn't--
they would totally let us do
whatever the (BLEEP) we wanted to do.
You're farting on each other. Go!
- Beau, that's a good point.
- Coming up...
- I have something to tell you.
- What?
- I just want you to know I-- I still have feelings for you.
- ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Come a little closer, baby ♪
♪ Put your body on mine ♪
♪ We got the place to ourselves ♪
♪ Put your body on mine ♪
♪ Our own heaven and hell ♪
- ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ I'll let you go a little crazy ♪
- You remember last night?
- I'm not mad at you.
I always get frustrated with you when we get drunk.
- I don't know why it happens, but there are some nights
that I've been drinking just way too much
and all of a sudden, I just turn.
And I'm not self-aware enough to pull myself out of it.
It's like I'm trapped in the Upside down.
I want to go to sleep with you.
- You act like a drunken brat.
- Dude, this is, like, the least drunken bratness ever.
both: Progress.
- I love you.
- Hi. Hola.
- Hi! This looks so fun!
- Yes, amigos! Que pasa? Como estas?
Trust me, you guys are going to love it.
Okay, make sure you guys skip it in a single run.
- I'm excited. I got my gear, I got my leg knife,
I got my goggles.
I'm like the "Mad Max" of Mexico.
- Yeah.
- I'm just gonna have to sit up.
- Put your seatbelt on. - Don't (BLEEP) this up.
I really love my life.
- Let's go, amigos! Vámonos!
- Orale! Here we go!
- Whoo!
- Oh, my God! This is so fun!
- Feel that? - Whoo!
- Y'all, we're about to head into Jurassic Park.
- Oh, I'm so excited. I have my T-rex earrings on.
- Whoo! Jurassic Park, baby!
- Oh, look at that sh--.
This is Jurassic Park!
Holy sh--! Look at that!
The fact that Katie and I are sitting next to each other
on this adventure up into the mountains
with no lingering resentment is refreshing.
My adrenaline is pumping.
I think vacation sex is back on.
- All right! Welcome to Rancho Las Pilas!
This way, por favor.
Watch your head over here!
- I like it. - It's a beautiful place!
- Whoa!
- Look at this! - This is a beautiful place!
Oh, my God.
- Very, very nice place to jump over here.
- I'm not jumping.
- Welcome to Puerto Vallarta!
- Will you take a photo, please?
I was planning on a sending Adam
a photo of my ass at some point in Mexico.
It was Sandoval's idea to do a Lara Croft thing
and add his knife, like you know what?
like this photo or I will cut you.
Oh, my God! Why wasn't that my photo?
- Is this Elliot?
- Cheers. This is so much fun.
- I know. I'm such a good international traveler!
I haven't got into a fight with anyone.
- I know.
- You and Tom were terrorists yesterday.
Stassi was a terrorist yesterday,
I--I don't forecast any meltdowns from me happening.
I'm like all the beautiful butterflies.
- Take it easy. - We say butterfly instead.
Whatever that word is, if it's pretty sounding,
that's going to be my alter ego.
I am a butterfly.
- Soy una mariposa.
- Hell yes!
Soy una mariposa.
Look at those muscles, Dad Bod!
Whoo!
- No, I'm taking it all in.
What's going on?
- Actually...
- What?
- I just want you to know I--I still have feelings for you.
- You're so ----ing lame. - And--
- It's so ----ing lame.
- I know, it's--I can't even get to it. I'm sorry.
No, seriously. Are you done yelling at Beau?
- No. We're not--
- On a serious note. All joking aside.
- Listen, you've got to keep your boyfriends down.
You've got to keep him-- keep him right here.
- Not Beau. Beau is a good one, man.
- So they respect you. - You got a gem there.
- You're giving me advice right now.
Just ----ing hysterical.
- We've dated some sh--heads in your life.
- I'm very much aware.
- I did go to Vegas
and have relations with somebody else.
- Do you think I like driving Miss Daisy
around over here?
- I still think you have a good ass.
- Listen, I'm just saying cut the guy some slack.
Patrick deserves that, Frank deserves that,
I deserve that, but Beau does not deserve that.
I don't think Stassi realizes how lucky she is to have Beau.
He's probably one of the nicest guys I've ever met.
Honestly, I have a little bit of a man crush on him.
I don't know if it's obvious or not,
I told Brittany already.
- I'm diving! My manhood is still intact!
- It's kind of the same situation where they say Jax--
if he (BLEEPS) breaks up with Brittany,
we're going to X you out.
The same thing goes with Beau.
So just loosen up a little bit, be nice.
Be nice. - Okay.
- Pick and choose your battles.
That's the best thing I can ever tell you.
- Okay, pick and choose your battles
is the best advice that you've given me.
- You know what? Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Sometimes it's nice to let your man go out and do this thing.
- After ten years of Jax acting like a caveman on Spring Break,
now he's waxing poetic?
And, I hate saying this, but he's not wrong.
- That's some free advice from Jax Taylor.
- Coming up...
- I'm gonna black out!
- We don't want any, ho! Go away!
- Yeah, you do. - Hi, baby!
- You sure want some of this.
- Okay, we have baby bottles...
- Oh yeah, Kristen, I got you one.
- Yours is the giraffe. We're putting--yes.
- Scheana!
I am like a giraffe.
- Soy como una jirafa.
- Oh, this is the Boba life.
- Soy coo--soy como una jirafa.
- It's odd with a carbonated beverage?
- Dude, I'm gonna get DSLs from this.
DSLs are what I get lip injections
to try to gain.
- Where's my mascara?
So last night at dinner, Kristen,
Jax brought up last year
and he said that he's still, to this day,
believes that something happened between you and James.
Like that you guys hooked up,
and he was like, "I dunno, it's just what I feel.
Like the pillows, the pillows, the pillows--"
I'm like, "Oh my, God, Jax."
- What an asshole. Thank you for telling me.
- Yeah.
- 'Cause he says very differently to my face,
so that's very interesting.
- I meant to tell you that last night then I forgot.
Part of being friends with the girls again
is knowing what they like.
Kristen likes to know
when people are gossiping behind her back.
However, you have to know the right time and place
to tell Kristen this information
otherwise she'll freak the (BLEEP) out.
- If someone were to say the things that they're saying
about you and James, about me and James,
I would flip my sh--.
- James makes me flip my sh--
and so I like to not talk about him.
- You're doing much better on this trip
than you've done on trips in the past.
- I'm gonna knock his ----ing ass out.
- Let's not be impulsive.
- I'm tired of James getting chances upon chances.
- What are you talking about? - They're talking about James.
- I'm just gonna have to commit murder.
This vacation is wonderful because there's no speaking
of this terrible person
who continues to do terrible, terrible things.
- Clearly, there's something being said
and that's not okay.
- Okay, I just wanna run it through.
All right, so let's put some sun dried tomatoes in
and then use that as a good base.
- As a sauce, yes. - Yeah, exactly.
And you know what? It tastes very much like a Bolognese
but obviously without the meat.
When we're doing a project,
the vision has to come from your passion,
especially the menu.
If I've got to cook it and show them how to do it,
I'll put on the apron.
If flowers need arranging, I'm there.
If there's something needed on the construction site,
I'll put a hard hat on.
If there's a toilet that needs to be cleaned,
I get Tom Schwartz to do it.
- Maybe this will be my sole duty at TomTom.
- It really is delicious.
So right now, for the first week,
add that as a special and let's see how it goes.
Maybe we can take it up a notch with the chili plate.
- Okay, cool. Thank you. - All right, bye.
- Thank you, Lisa.
- Everyone do your sexiest walk you've ever done.
- Yay!
I'm about to have the best time ever!
- Like, uh, 20?
- We're going big! We're business owners now!
- Lala does not have regrets.
I commit. I either don't drink at all or we getting drunk.
and tonight I'm getting ♪ ----ed up ♪
- Double it! No, no! Double it!
- I need to squash this sh-- with Jax right now.
Because if I keep drinking and this is all inside me,
I'm going to lose my sh-- on everyone
and it'll all be Jax's fault.
I don't wanna keep us out here for a long time
but, like, I'm bummed, dude.
I'm bummed with you. - What?
- Scheana told me that you were talking sh-- about me.
- Oh, God. Who cares? - I care!
- If the roles were reversed and if you didn't believe me,
I would be okay with that
because of all the sh-- that I've done.
- But I haven't done all that sh--.
I made a couple of sh---y mistakes.
Everyone gives you second chances!
I have given you a million,
but I'm gonna keep suffering, why?
Oh, 'cause it's Kristen, it's believable?
- Suffering? Who's suffering?
- The guys in our group have, like,
----ed up more than anyone has.
Jax got a ----ing girl pregnant.
- I actually did, like, make out with that girl.
- We had sex. - No, we did not!
- You did have sex with her? - Yes, it's true.
- Rot in hell.
- But somehow, these guys get more sympathy
or him-pathy.
Everyone's like it's okay, they're just, like, guys.
They'll grow up one day.
To me what it says is that you don't think
that I'm any different than I was five years ago
- I thought maybe you were in a bad place.
- That I was capable of cheating on Carter.
- Yes, abso--yes. Yeah!
Which maybe you weren't happy in the relationship.
I wasn't happy in mine, that's what I did.
Does that make sense?
- I'm gonna go back inside.
- I don't know why-- - I just...
I am so tired of everyone just looking at me
as "Crazy Kristen."
When is the hard work, the change, going to be enough
to make me just Kristen?
- Coming up...
- I don't wanna be with somebody
that at 3:00 in the morning
wants to ----ing go still party.
- I, like, sent him a cute picture earlier
and then he, like, didn't say anything
and I was like, "You good?"
Oh, I'm annoyed as (BLEEP) that he's not responding
'cause I look hot in that photo.
Acknowledge it. Fire emoji.
Double tap heart, not that hard.
I'm not gonna send you photos if you don't tell me I'm hot.
- Yeah.
- I have a song called "Boy"...
Last year, when we went to Mexico,
James was at the DJ booth playing all his sh--.
- Mexico, put your hands up!
- But now, he's not here,
and it's time for people to hear some good music.
- Stassi! Stassi!
- Stassi!
♪ I ain't with you, boy ♪
- It's Lala's song! - Why don't you go up there?
- ♪ Turn the music up, play it loud like this ♪
♪ Turn the music up, play it loud like this ♪
- We're in Mexico to have fun.
Don't just sit there.
This is like the whole point of the vacation.
- Everything is great, and then
literally, boom--whoosh. It's 180.
- How is everything? - Oh, it's so good.
- These are really good as well.
These have been a hit. Yeah, yeah.
- It's crazy! - Yes.
It is crazy busy out there.
People are lining up past Mother Lode.
Oh, my God, I have a picture.
- Wow, this is fantastic. Can you send that to me?
- Okay, sure. - I'll send it to the Toms.
- Yeah. Sending it to you right now.
Sent. - Okay, good.
All right, I'm gonna send it to them.
- Hey, I'll show you the text.
Huge line to get in.
The line was down past Mother Lode.
Yo!
- We're a success! We built it,
and they have come!
And...we're not even there to see it.
Dah!
- There's a line all the way past Mother Lode!
TomTom has been open
for a few days now, and it's been going really well.
But tonight, the restaurant's not just doing well.
It's a hit! Here's to TomTom!
Let's ----ing party.
- I'm gonna black out!
- Lala has my purse and my phone.
- What the heck? - Hey.
There's no snow--you can't make snow angels, dumplin'.
- There's snow! - I'm so proud of you
for drinking so much.
- I'm a ----ing ham sandwich right now.
- I'm on the phone with the cute police.
Ariana, they're about to arrest you.
- Tonight was a blur.
I remember bits and pieces.
I remember lots of tequila shots.
I had a dance-off with a gorilla.
Lala's ass was everywhere.
And I mean everywhere.
Was Jax riding a ----ing donkey?
- Oh, we gotta go. Nice bar.
- There was kissing.
Lots of kissing.
I'm pretty sure I kissed Kristen.
But I definitely kissed Stassi.
And I honestly don't remember much after that.
Somehow, I made it back to the hotel,
and I have no idea how I got here.
- I just brushed my teeth. I have to take out my contacts.
- What?
- I said I feel like I need a hangover patch.
- Oh, I thought you said-- - Why are you being so moody?
- I said I feel like a-- - I didn't hear you.
I didn't hear you. - Okay, but everything
about your energy right now is not okay.
I know Beau.
I know that he'd rather be out drinking with the guys.
But no, he's here in bed, but he doesn't want to be,
like he's my freaking prisoner.
I want him to want to be my prisoner.
Why are you acting so miserable?
- I just--I--I can't. (BLEEP).
Oh, my God, I can't!
- What do you mean, you can't?
- You can't just talk to me this way.
You wanted me to be with you.
I--I ----ing--
I--You want me to put my heart with your friends
and your job and the stuff-- I did it.
Sh--!
It drives me crazy.
I feel battered.
- How do you feel battered?
Have you felt battered for a while?
Or do you feel like that tonight?
- I felt it last night too.
Every time that I'm with your friends,
you wanna do stuff. - But don't be "every time"
like this is every ----ing-- - It is every time.
- No, it-- That is so unfair.
- You have this thought that all I wanna do
is go out and not be with you.
It's like this abandoned child thing.
When have I abandoned you?
So it's like, "Do you wanna go up to the room?"
"No, I'm ----ing-- I'm drunk."
- There. - There what?
- 3:00 a.m. in the morning,
you wanted to go up to the ----ing room,
and I don't want to be with somebody
that, at 3:00 in the morning,
wants to ----ing go still party.
This is bullsh--.
Like, normal, well-adjusted boyfriends
I feel like don't stay out until 5:00 in the morning
getting sh--faced.
I don't wanna have to be that woman
who's wanting to go home to her dogs or her babies
and then feeling like I'm making you do things
that you don't wanna do.
We have everything-- everything going for us,
everything-- but this thing where--
this little thing that could be explosive
where we're so different.
And it's scary.
- It scares me too. - It is so ----ing scary.
And I ca--I'm not-- I'm not gonna---
I'm not gonna go to sleep alone.
I'm not. I don't want to.
- ♪ Got me questioning,
second guessing it ♪
♪ Is it really worth it? ♪
- I am sorry,
but for the first time in my ----ing relationship life,
I know--I know with all my ----ing heart
and all my effort that the way I am to you,
I am so ----ing solid gold.
We keep having the same fight,
the same thing over and over and over again.
It's massively frustrating to have your girlfriend
treat you like you're gonna cheat on her
when you've done nothing for that to even happen.
I ----ing worship you.
You are my ----ing heart. You are my future.
Don't treat me like this. I'm not ----ing Jax.
I'm not that Patrick dude or one of those ----ing people.
(BLEEP), Stass.
- Yo. - Hey!
- I was wondering where y'all were.
- Lala, you feel better?
- Much better. - We all have those moments.
- I've struggled with anxiety my entire life,
and on the van ride home,
I...had a full-on panic attack.
- Lala, breathe.
- Lala, what song is like happy feelings for you?
- Brittney Spears. - "Kissed By a Rose," Seal.
"Kissed By a Rose." women: No!
- But once we got back to the hotel,
we were like home and good.
And also, there was more alcohol, so that helped.
- Sorry. I left the bottle of vodka outside.
- All right, well, I'm gonna leave my (BLEEP) outside.
- I'll come with you. - For most of us,
I feel like having a panic attack
would have ruined their night, but I'm impressed.
Looks like Lala just went back,
puked it out, and now she's rallying.
- Can you bring out... - What you want, Mama?
- Yeah, we'll get that. - Whatever you guys want.
- Bring us something good. - All right, we will.
- There are...
billions of people in this world
who are...going through
whatever they're going through...
- Hey, dude.
- Sorry about that.
- Oh! I thought I was the problem.
- Wait--
- Wait, wait, wait. Let me take care of that.
God, such a rookie mistake.
- I expect more from you. - That's gonna go down
in history as the worst ----ing timing.
- We have to let those people go through their journey.
- Seriously, though...
- I so rarely get to see this side of Ariana.
- Listen to me for a second.
- But I gotta say, it's a pleasure to watch.
- It could be yellow robe Smith.
It could be yellow robe Smith.
- I have no idea what she's talking about.
- Each person has their own timeline.
Sometimes you're like, "That's not fair,"
like, God bless that we're 100 years old.
- It's almost like she's invented
her own drunken language.
- Wait. Can I take my pants off?
- It's weird how desensitized I am to boobs.
I'm like, "Oh, yeah, there's a pair of boobs."
- Oh, those are nice ones.
- Besides just having ex-boyfriends that are awful,
my dad's been divorced three times.
My mom's been divorced three times.
I've seen all this go down.
Everyone...sucks. - Same.
- Everyone ----ed each other over.
- Same. - And I--I can't...handle it.
- So you-- - I can't--I cannot handle
being ----ed over again.
I can't. - But have I shown you--
- I can't! I'm like, legit, I can't!
- Hey, hey. - I can't!
- Have I showed you anything?
- It's not about that. It's about, like,
watching, like, warning signs.
With all my ex-boyfriends, there were warning signs.
With Patrick, I saw him like once a week.
With Jax, he was constantly DMing chicks.
So if I would have been aware of this,
maybe I would have saved myself from getting hurt so much.
- You have some dark sh--
that you need to get out,
but you're putting it on me, and I don't deserve it.
- Just because you're with somebody
who you know in your brain and your heart
is not gonna hurt you, it doesn't mean
that all of the past things that have happened
don't count anymore.
- You need to figure out your sh--.
How are we gonna have a future
if you don't ----ing trust me?
- Next time on "Vanderpump Rules"...
- What the hell is this?
- It's romance.
- Squeeze the (BLEEP) out of my hand.
- Are you okay? - Lala, grab my hand.
Hold my hand. Put it on my face.
- It's just--it's torture.
- He's having a puppy shower.
- What is a puppy shower?
- It's like a baby shower. - Okay, are you serious?
- I don't understand why they don't wanna come
to my puppy party. They're now uninvited.
- I do have to ask if James can DJ.
- You know what? I don't know about that.
- I'm gonna go freak because I'm ----ing pissed off.
- Don't you use language like that.
I want you to have some manners,
and I want you to be smart...Billie.
Billie.
To see more of "Vanderpump Rules"
go to bravotv.com.